The Sinking of the Whaleship Essex

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Subject to change.

Hello and welcome to Cetation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts.

Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now.

I'm Noah, and I'm going to be leading this flotilla, but serving under me today.

Aleante.

Well, he's the guy who only volunteered to be navigator because he thought it was a kind of crocodile, a dude who's at least 1/16th short of a quartermaster, and the rearest of rear admirals, Tom, Cecil, and Eli.

Yeah, when they handed me maps instead of just throwing chicken into my mouth, that was a sad day of realization.

We can do both.

Well, you didn't.

No, we didn't.

No, that's fair.

I am a rear admiral of admiring rears.

Yeah.

Oh, maybe.

Oh, yeah.

And Eli's here.

Also, Eli is here.

We said we didn't know I have to do it.

You guys keep lying.

The jokes are good.

I get to be quiet when the jokes are good.

Keep waiting for you guys to do this with the multiple choice questions at the end.

Hey.

And of course, since Heath isn't here to stop us, I want to take a minute before we get going to thank our patrons.

Patrons, if it weren't for you, this show would have sunk a long time ago.

If you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, by the way, you can stick around to the end of the show.

And with that out of the way, tell us, Cecil, what person, place, think, concept, phenomenon, or event will we be talking about today?

Today, we're going to be talking about the sinking of the whale ship Essex.

All right.

Well, you know, with a name like that, you have already piqued Tom's in my interest.

Are you ready?

I was so excited when I saw that that was the name of your fucking essay.

God.

Are you ready to

start stealing from me i somehow and i don't know how but it feels like it it's like tom has intellectual property on all sinking ships i just yeah right i've been on one my whole life oh yeah all right no it is about to get real that's a fishing job fishing oh nice nice yeah so how how real are we talking all right so no seriously though trigger warning at the start of the show We're going to be talking about animals and people dying and more importantly, people getting eaten.

So I'm going to not going to spend a lot of time talking about the details of this, but I do want to mention that it happens.

So that's unpleasant for you.

Maybe skip this one.

Well, now, Cecil, it depends.

Who did the people who get eaten vote for?

Because folks might love this episode, Cecil.

Almost certainly voted for lower taxes.

So, okay, so to be clear, Heath is not off.

Because he couldn't handle this story or because we had to eat him.

Neither of those things are happening.

Neither of those things happen, we promise.

All right.

In 1986, commercial whaling was banned.

One year before I was born.

Coincidence?

Yes.

It's estimated that in the 20th century alone, humans killed 3 million whales worldwide.

Scientific American says it might have been the largest cull of any animal in terms of biomass in human history.

Okay,

why would we measure it by biomass?

Because we want whales to be at the top of the list.

I guess, yeah.

When I die, I want to be measured that way, though.

I've been working on that.

All right, no, that's fair.

That's fair.

It could be because they really wanted a good trivial pursuit question that they could put in on one of the pie pieces.

Okay.

Oh, in biomass.

You got to answer with your teeth closed.

You're like, oh, in biomass.

All right.

Sard says biomass.

It's sad how long we've been able to draw out this like fucking whale genocide joke that we're doing here, isn't it?

Not as long as the whaling industry, though.

So that's true.

That's you, 1986.

What are you...

Jesus, I didn't know it was that recent.

Sperm whales have been reduced by one-third their pre-whaling population and blue whales about 10% of their previous numbers.

Some countries and indigenous people around the world still hunt whales, although the numbers are supposed to be strictly regulated.

I mentioned this to show that not only did we do a lot of this in the 20th century, we also did this throughout a lot of civilized human history.

I was surprised to find out that whaling could go back as far as 6000 BCE.

The earliest depictions of whaling are prehistoric engravings in Korea.

Archaeological evidence for whaling was found in indigenous American cultures dating back to 1000 BCE.

It started commercially in the 1500s in Newfoundland.

The whaling industry grew to be a worldwide business from there, and it really took off in the Americas, both in the North and in the South.

Whales have a thick layer of blubber, and that fat is rendered down into whale oil, which is used for lubrication of machines to make soap, used in oil lamps.

This was a time before we had the ability to refine crude oil, so it was very valuable.

I'm sorry, Cecil, but how in the fuck does a Stone Age crew of hunters even get a dead whale back to the shore?

Yes.

Like, is there like a Stone Age RFK Jr.

to strap it to the the canoe

right because because because whales sink right because like my first thought was like well maybe you just you know paddle the whale you just bring your oars over to the whale you strap your canoe to that but that they would that wouldn't work

you gotta if they did float you'd have to get those spiky shoes and roll them like a log all the way back

that's how you do it

Stone Age people just like drop a rock in the blow hole.

What the fuck?

How do they hunt it?

That's how you do it.

You got one guy breathing in the blowhole the whole time.

time.

You got a bellows in there.

Both those for your bed.

If you aren't familiar with whale hunting, it's actually pretty straightforward.

I bet it's if you are familiar with it.

What the fuck is wrong?

What are you doing in here?

What do you want?

Whales are spotted from larger vessels, and then sailors would lower smaller rowboats into the water.

And I'm not kidding, they do this because they want to sneak up on the whales.

The whales have good hearing, so sailors would have to be quiet.

I'm hunting whales.

The sailors would have to not roll so quickly, and they would have to be quiet when they rowed.

A small whale boat would have a platform in the front for the harpooner who would spear the whale.

Now, this was not to kill the whale.

It was to attach the boat to the whale.

And then the whale would...

often smash the boat with their tail or dive down with the boat attached to it but in an ideal scenario it was for the whale boat to get pulled along the top of the water like a water skier in what they called a Nantucket sleigh ride.

This would tire the whale out, and then it could be killed and processed on the larger ship.

Uh, Cecil, the extreme fishing episode was just for patrons, so I don't know why we're trying to read it.

Yeah, all right, but hey, boom, there you go.

You know, everything that you would get from reading Moby Dick.

Cecil just saved you 750 pages of TD.

I feel like I need a chapter on whiteness if I'm gonna really

understand it.

So let's introduce the Essex and its crew.

The Essex was a 240-ton whaling ship.

It was a little under 90 feet long or 26.7 meters to be exact.

The Essex had four smaller whale boats that it would lower into the water during the hunt.

These were about 20 to 30 feet long or six to nine meters long.

They also had one spare whale boat because as we learned, these sometimes joyfully got fucking explodinated or dragged to the bottom of the ocean.

The ship had a 21-man crew and was considered a lucky vessel as its first whaling trips were profitable.

I feel like if your boat has a reputation for bad luck, it's not a boat anymore, though.

Probably.

The boat's chain of command started with the captain, Captain George Pollard.

Then there was his first mate, Owen Chase, and the second mate, Matthew Joy.

Oh, I bet his surname gets ironic.

Spoilers, yeah.

The boat left Nantucket on August 12th, 1819, and it had planned a two-and-a-half-year journey.

The plan was to sail around Cape Horn, which is the southernmost tip of South America where the Pacific and the Atlantic meet, and then hunt whales on the western coast of South Africa.

Two and a half years.

Good news.

We have a lot of whale meat, guy.

Bad news, we have a lot of very old whale meat.

yeah dude we've got a lot of whale jerky i'm trying to like i

which is

i imagine them dragging a i don't know a bouquet of 27 whales behind the boater but i just can't see it in my mind it didn't start out great in the first few days the essex hit a sudden storm and was quote knocked on her beam ends end quote now this means that the ship itself almost capsized And there's some pretty significant damage to the vessel.

They lost part of their sails in two whale boats.

The captain wanted to turn around and refit the ship with new equipment and repair it, but the first and second mate convinced him to head to the Azores to repair it and buy new replacement whale boat there.

To the fucking, okay, so if you're going from Massachusetts to South America by way of the Azores, I just, I can see why you need two and a half years.

What are they flying southwest?

When they finally made it past Cape Horn and to the whaling grounds, they found that the grounds were depleted.

They didn't have much luck, so they decided to travel north off the coast to Peru to hunt.

They killed enough whales to get 450 barrels of oil.

This was still slim pickings, and it seems the captain decided to resupply and head to the water west to another less depleted whaling grounds to hunt.

It wasn't just a little west, though.

It wasn't doing a little hop.

It was 2,000 plus miles out into the sea from the coast.

Yeah, I get it, though.

I once drove an extra three hours out of my way on a road trip to get an original Philly cheesesteaks.

Come to think of it, years-old whale meat would have been a lot better.

Oh, gosh.

Well, and I've flown southwest, which is both the same in the way that it sends you to bullshit that's out of the way and in its inferiority to years-old whale meat.

Yeah, I get it.

While they resupplied at the Galapagos Islands, they captured 360 tortoises to supplement the food stores out at sea.

Now, these tortoises, they weighed between 100 and 800 pounds or 45 to 306 kilograms each.

The sailors would just let some of them roaming the ship, and they, quote, believed the tortoises were capable of living a year without eating or drinking water.

That doesn't seem true.

In fact, the tortoises slowly starved, end quote.

Yeah.

That's more true.

More bit, so that you aren't sad later for these dudes.

On Charles Island in the Galapagos, a boat steerer named Thomas Chappell, he lit a fire as like a hilarious prank.

This was during the dry season on the island.

So he basically lit the entire island on fire.

They had to flee the island.

And even after a full day of sailing, they could still see the visible fire on the horizon.

Jesus Christ.

The fucking humanity experiment has taken a lot longer to sputter out than any of us had a right to expect.

Yeah.

You know,

well, we require, we record this in advance we don't know that's true that's true we're close after they reached the new grounds they had a run-in with one whale but it wound up damaging one of the whale boats and they didn't catch it a few days later 204 years ago today in fact they spotted whales the first mate chase his boat was struck by the tail of a whale and it had that it had harpooned and it had to head back to the ship for repairs.

I'm sorry, Chase got out of the chase.

Next thing you're going to tell me, Bob Saint.

What the fuck?

The captain and the second mate had more luck.

They harpooned a whale and they were dragged off toward the horizon away from the ship.

Weird definition of more luck, Bercy.

It's a whaling definition.

I got one.

I'm going to fucking die soon.

While Chase was on board repairing the whale boat, the crew spotted a whale on the surface of the water, started toward the boat, diving in and out of the water to gain speed.

And this was a large bull sperm whale.

It was about as long as the ship.

So it rams the boat and the boat rocks quite a bit.

I bet.

The whale just sort of lays there stunned in the water next to the boat.

So Chase decides to harpoon it.

But then he realizes that the whale is in a position in a way that it could easily destroy the ship's rudder with its tail.

So instead of trying to kill it, he just does nothing.

This, of course, gives the whale a few moments to recover, does its standing eight count, and then it swims out a few hundred meters from the ship, turns around, and then starts coming right back at the bow.

Listener, the last time I was rooting for a whale this hard, a child molester was singing a theme song in the background.

So podcast listener, I really hope that's a free willie reference, but I can't make any promises.

also i love the idea that this fucking this whale rams into the ship and everybody turns to chase and goes oh yeah i wouldn't want him to get the rudder you know so oh no

chase said that the whale was going around 24 knots or 44 kilometers per hour

uh

it quote appeared with tenfold fury and vengeance in his aspect the surf flew in all directions about him with continual violent thrashing of his tail end quote yeah get him.

The whale connected again with the ship, hitting the bow, Adrian, and then

driving the boat backwards.

And the whale hits it so hard with its head, it's stuck in the front of the ship and then has to thrash itself around a bit to get out of there and then dusts its shoulder off and casually swims away.

Fuck yeah,

it does in slow motion.

Yeah, no, the whale just lit a match and tossed it over its whale's shoulder or whatever as it swims away in slow-mo.

So consider that island and those turtles avenged, I guess.

But apparently, there's still more to the story, and we'll tell you all about that after a little apropos of nothing.

And so I said to her, Wee!

No way.

What did she say?

Dude, you know, the usual.

Oh, typical, typical.

Right?

Whaleman, am I right?

Hey, pose.

How's it going?

Chris, you got humans on you, man.

I know.

I know.

I don't want to talk about it.

Dude, you got to ram them like we talked.

I know, but they're just...

They're so cute.

Oh, please tell me you're not one of those whales.

Oh, dude, but look, they're so little.

They're unethical.

Unethical, man.

They're not unethical.

Relax.

You really should ram them.

They get like harpoons and stuff.

Okay, you know what?

There are four free willy movies, man.

How many movies have you made about how much you love humans?

I don't know, man.

How close was I to making humans go extinct?

Not all humans are the same, Greg.

You know what?

Fine.

There.

Okay, they're gone.

You happy?

Yes.

And for the record, it would be whoa whales, not whalemen.

Wouldn't it be whalemen?

No.

I think it would be whalemen.

So what do this animal

and this animal

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There's a statewide special election November 4th.

Active registered voters will receive a vote-by-mail ballot that can be returned at a drop-off location in person or by mail.

Rest assured, your vote is secure.

You can even sign up to track your ballot.

Your vote is your voice.

Use it.

Don't delay.

Vote right away.

Get more information or check check your voter status at sos.ca.gov.

A message from the California Secretary of State.

And we're back when we last left off.

The starving turtles were going finally, motherfucker.

So

what happens from there?

Just nipping their fingers off as they swim in the water.

So the ship is fucked.

The bow of the ship is shattered timbers and it's starting to sink and list to the side.

There's one spare whaleboat left.

So the crew climbs in and one of the stewards, William Bond, has enough sense to run below decks and grab some navigation equipment and maps.

The other two whale boats that had harpooned a whale had cut their rope and they had rowed back to the now sinking ship.

The crew would spend the next two days at the wreck salvaging whatever they could.

Turtles are just circling the boats.

Slow now, motherfucker.

I would only be mildly surprised if these fuckers hollowed out the turtles and paddled them around the ocean and still insisted they were fine.

So they made makeshift masts out of boards and they salvaged some of the sails.

They did their best to build onto the sides of the boats to make the edge of the hull taller.

They managed to get two sets of navigational equipment and two maps from the captain's quarters before the boat sank.

So the captain, George Pollard, got one set of these for his boat.

The first mate, Owen Chase, got a set of these for his boat.

And the third and final boat, with the second mate, Matthew Joy, at the helm, got to make sure one of those boats with a map of navigational equipment was in sight at all times.

Oh, the sharing a textbook of maritime navigation.

I feel like keeping the other boats in sight at all times would have the same effect.

But, you know, if you want to check Chris's math, I guess.

Ship went down 2,300 miles west of the coast of Central America.

According to their maps, they had a couple of options.

Follow the prevailing winds west to the Marquesas Islands, about 1,200 miles away, or they could head south to the Society Islands, 2,000 miles away, or they could head back to the coast.

They ruled out the islands because they were afraid they would encounter cannibals.

So they headed back to the coast, which was the longest trip because they were afraid they were going to get eaten heavy spoilers.

Cecil, I'm not going to pretend to be a seafaring type, but I feel like an extra 800 miles to travel in a dinky fucking rowboat or whatever is at least as dangerous as an island that might have boogeyman.

Hard agree, bro.

Heart agree.

Right.

Yeah.

No, last reason to be okay with them getting what they clearly have coming, they avoided a perfectly good island because it might have brown people on it.

The boats themselves were in disrepair and they had to constantly fix leaks and other structural problems along the way.

The vessels were not made for long distances.

At one point, part of the hull of a boat broke and people on the boat had to lean over to the side to get that part out of the water and hold it there until another boat could come alongside it and nail a plank over that broken area.

Basically bailing these ships out was a full-time job and it was done around the clock.

And Jim, stop screaming.

We're fine.

All you got to do is hold back the ocean until the guy with the hammer floats by.

Talking bitch about a rainbow.

He's fucking nailing a fucking turtle shell to the outside of everything.

Bring me another Koopa Trupa.

We got to get back to the Marches.

I'll give it back to him in a year when he needs it.

As you can imagine, food and water was rationed from the beginning of the trip.

There's mention of them killing and eating one of the turtles, but I can't imagine getting a bunch of those hundred-pound tortoises onto the smaller boats.

Well, plus they've got to be all shell at that point, right?

You're not having fun anything.

Yeah, but like if Donkey Kong goes by on his cart, that'll be useful.

Where the fuck else are you going going to go?

The bread they salvage was soaked with sea water and they ate it anyway, even if it increased their thirst.

When I get back to Wynne, I'm going to sell this bread and I'm going to call it Chicago Street.

That joke's not funny.

It's like not even remotely funny.

I think it's funny.

They're going to sell it as fucking vegan ribeye asshole.

How's that?

Maybe that would be delicious.

One month after the attack, the ships landed on an uninhabited Henderson island.

They believed that they were on a different island, probably because they couldn't concentrate and totally needed a Snickers.

If they had landed on the island 120 miles to the southwest, they might have actually gotten some help from the descendants of the survivors of the HMS Bounty, who still lived on that island.

So mutiny on the bounty could have been penetrated by Moby Dick.

Hey, guys, in case you're wondering, there were a total of nine mutineers and 18 Tahitians that made up that original breeding stock of the island.

So the whole place is like a cousin fucking porn chute directed by me, I guess is what I'm saying.

Yeah.

Henderson Island was quickly scavenged of all birds, eggs, crab, fish, and edible grains.

They eventually found a spring on the island, but like in a single week, they basically ate everything not nailed down and the island was pretty barren.

Six days later, The day after Christmas, the crew set sail again.

However, three of the crew, William Wright, Seth Weeks, and Thomas Chappell, decided to take their chances on the island, and the captain said he would send someone once they made it to civilization.

Oh, yeah, you got it, guys.

I'm going to tell them to look for that island that is somewhere.

I am totally going to be back, guys.

But sorry, sorry, isn't take our chances on this island with no food just another way of saying, I'm pretty sure I won't be the first one to starve?

Yeah, these two two have to sleep sometime.

Yeah, I think that's what it's, yeah, I think that's what he's saying.

There were, so then there were some

shockwatch.

They had out this time thinking that they might try to reach Easter Island.

But there, eight days later, they just suspected that they drifted too far and they had to make it for an island off the coast of Chile.

The same day, they had basically finished eating anything that was fresh and had scavenged off Henderson Island.

and they were back to the bread and water diet.

Six days later, on January 10th, the second mate, Matthew Joy, died.

Shipmates gave him a burial at sea, but they probably didn't pour any of their drink out for their fallen comrade.

The man named Hendrix took over the third boat.

After a squall on the 20th, Chase, the first mate, his boat was separated from the group.

One of the crew members of his boat died and was dropped into the sea as well.

I hope the whale that fucked up their boat has been following this whole time and then starts using the corpses and like a little puppet show for the remaining groups.

You know?

I thought I would catch a whale.

Or I didn't catch any whales, did I?

No, I did.

That's so sad.

Oh, yeah.

I just, I have to be clear here.

If we're all marooned on a boat together with no food except salty bread, there's no way we're dropping the guy who died first overboard.

Okay.

We're just that.

I want you guys to know that about our relationship.

We're eating a person so fast.

I don't trust us to go out on one of those paddle boats on a lake.

That's how feminine.

i don't trust us to get to an escape room without eating that brother

i need at least two of you on a disney cruise

so the other two i would

tear myself if we were on a disney cruise man

i would throw myself between you and a buffet to save the buffet

The other two boats led by Pollard and Hendrix were about 100 miles north and they were still together, but they were out of food.

So when one of their crew died, they did not get wasteful.

They instead decided to eat the body.

Two days later, another crew member died.

They ate him.

Another few days go by and two more die and two more wind up on their dinner table.

Jesus.

All right, not for nothing, but I think we're down to about a dozen guys left.

So

at least the portions are getting good.

All right.

So it turned out the island did have cannibals and they were white.

My bad.

I'm sorry.

White people steal everybody's culture.

It's ridiculous.

That's cannibal appropriate.

Is there a cannibal truck that gets really popular?

Come on!

At this point, the two boats that were together, well, they get separated.

Hendrix is leading one of the boats, but as you remember, he doesn't have any of the navigational equipment.

Why is he the leader then?

Well, they only had three boats.

They only had two different things.

And that boat got separated from the one it was supposed to be paying attention to all the time.

And so now they don't have anything to, they don't have any way to navigate.

And Wikipedia, this is the best part of this story.

Wikipedia has a table of members of the crew, and it appears that he was on a boat with two other guys, William Bond and Joseph West.

Now, this table lists these sailors as

quote presumed dead.

Now, Wikipedia, I just want to point this out, they are 100% fucking dead.

Yeah, it was 204 years, Susan.

They're fucking dead.

Intermittent fasting is proven to extend the human life, man.

Well, this isn't even intermittent.

This is the next step above intermittent.

They're like breathe Aryans at that point.

This is also an amazing part of the story.

They say,

quote, months later, a whale boat with four skeletons in it washed up on Ducey Island, And it was suggested that the boat in the boat was Hendrix.

But here's the thing: like, where did all the other skeletons come from?

There was three people.

Did they just have it with them?

Was it like takeout?

What happened?

Well, except by the end of it, it was all takeout.

They were all but one of them, right?

No, I get it.

My wife leaves up the Halloween decorations forever, too, and they were just keeping it vested.

The best way to do that, Eli, is just to put a Christmas hat on this.

That's what she does.

She puts a Christmas hat on the little ghost.

When someone asks asks why, she says it's the Holy Spirit.

It's fun.

It's fun.

Our male carrier didn't appreciate my wife's genius.

She should have.

So now it's the first week of February, and Pollard's boat still has survivors.

Hungry, hungry survivors.

Patel hated that pitch, everybody.

Hated it.

They decided that they were so hungry that they didn't want to wait.

So they drew straws.

Coincidentally, the guy that drew the short straw was named Owen Coffin, and he was shot and eaten.

Five days later, another person died on Pollard's boat, and they were eaten as well.

Meanwhile, the other boat with people alive had to resort to eating the dead, too.

Okay, I feel like if you have a guy five days away from death, he's the one you shoot, right?

You don't need a lottery.

There's some guys in the boat doing burpees and shit, just trying to out-alive everybody else.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Quit smoking this week.

I don't know if you know this.

Chase, even though really calorie deficient, was actually on target for that island off Chile.

He was picked up, literally, by a British ship a few days later after they landed on that island.

And I say literally picked up because he and his companions could not actually climb on to the other vessel because they were so weak and they had to be carried aboard.

That's a really nice boat.

So, you guys got any sailor meat laying around?

I got a hanker.

Hanker.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The other boat.

Mantimich.

Nicely done.

The other ship, captained by Pollard, was at sea for 93 days.

And eventually they were spotted by another Nantucket whaling ship.

And here's a quote that's just going to stay with you for a while.

Quote, Pollard and Ramsdale were close to starvation.

sucking on the bones of their dead shipmates and drifting in and out of consciousness when they were taking up taken aboard, end quote.

They were eventually reunited with the rest of the crew when the ship reached port.

Feels awkward to share a ship with those guys for the rest of the trip, no?

And I heard when they pulled him up, they were still sucking on the bone.

Terrible.

Oh, and human.

Ah,

Captain Pollard.

You're up.

I uh

feeling better, I hope a bit.

Yes, may I join you?

Of course, sir.

Dinner?

Yes, it's a stew.

May I?

Of course, of course, yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, my goodness, that is good.

But it's nothing.

No?

No, seriously, what is that spice in there?

Uh,

the black pepper.

No, no, it tastes like some.

I've definitely had this before.

I don't know.

It's like a rich, meaty.

It's human!

Because it sounds like you're talking about the taste of human flesh.

No.

No, it was human.

Yeah,

there's a little cumin in there.

Yeah.

Yeah, cumin.

Right, right.

So did you eat their dicks?

Yop!

They told their rescuers about the guys they left on that island.

They said it was Ducey Island, and that's because they were actually mistaken.

So a ship went there and they couldn't find anyone.

But someone on the crew thought perhaps they were thinking of Henderson Island instead, and so they sailed there.

And when they arrived, they found Chapel, Weeks, and Wright, the three men to tap out of the hole float around in the ocean to eat your friends tour, and rescued them on April 9th.

Oh man, I can't wait to tell those guys who sailed out how hard it was on this island.

It got so hot here, you guys.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And some days we didn't have enough drawn butter for our lobsters.

We had a lot, though.

When Chase returned to Nantucket, he found that he had a 14-month-old daughter.

So he ate her.

Pretty tender at that.

She's like a veal.

So he decided to settle down for a bit and write his culinary adventure book.

This is the title of the book, A Narrative of the Most Extraordinary and Distressing Shipwreck of the Whale Ship Essex.

Now, this book could later be used by Herman Melville as an inspiration for his book, Moby Dick.

I'm not sure if Escafier looked it over when he was making his cookbooks.

The captain of this book.

What version of those books do you have, man?

Jesus.

The one bound in skin, Noah.

The captain of the ship, George Pollard, was given another boat when he recovered.

The ship that he was transferred to when he was rescued, actually, the two brothers, he promptly wrecked that boat on the shoals of Sandwich Islands, and the crew had to pile in two whale boats and wait two days to get rescued.

He's like, well, this would be a much more ironic island to starve to death on Noah.

I just got very excited.

Someone said, Sandwich off the port pow, and it's kind of a language for me, Mal.

Good punch on the citation needed episode.

This is a

podcast.

I'm going to love this.

It's going to be 204 years.

It's going to be be eventually.

He didn't get another ship after that.

He was considered a doom captain or what they called a Jonah.

He eventually became a night watchman in Nantucket.

And every year on November 20th, the anniversary of the sinking of the Essex, he would lock himself in a room and observe a fast for 24 hours.

All right.

So if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be?

The real treasure.

is about the friends we kill and ate along the way.

And are you ready for the quiz?

Let's do it.

All right, Cecil, Cecil, drawing straws to see who gets shot and eaten sort of assumes what?

A,

that you're not holding the gun.

Yeah.

Or closest to it.

B, seriously, if I have the gun, I definitely do not have the short straw.

C,

even if I have the short straw, or D, Because I have the gun.

If there's three, at least I know I don't have the second short straw if If Tom has the gun.

I'm going to say secret answer E, all of the above.

All of the above.

You got it again.

Yes.

All right.

I got one for you.

What's the best name for a fast food restaurant that serves dead whalers?

Okay.

God.

A, Kentucky Fried Shipman.

Not at all.

B, Domino's, because they would not,

but without the apostrophe.

Or D,

jack in the box.

Honestly, if you think about it.

You know, it's got to be A because the way you read it makes that joke amazing.

To A, Kentucky Friday.

It actually is A.

Yeah.

You know that.

All right, Cecil.

What's the best way to prepare your fallen crewmates?

A,

lone super.

I'll allow it.

I'll allow it.

They get worse.

Yo, ho, and broil the man below.

That's pretty good.

Or C

wailed.

C was really good.

I liked them all.

I think they're all growners, but they're amazing.

So I'm going to say secret answer D, all the above.

That is

correct.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

All right.

Well, when neither Cecil nor Heath are doing puns, Eli can be the winner at puns, I guess.

So congratulations, Eli.

Who would you like to do the next essay?

I would would like Tom to do an essay next week.

Awesome.

Well, for Cecil, Eli, and Tom, I'm Noah.

Thank you for hanging out with us today.

We're going to be back next week, and by then, Tom, I'll be an expert on something else.

Between now and then, you can hear more from Tom and Cecil on cognitive dissonance, more from Eli and me on god-awful movies, and more from Heath on his new podcast.

I thought they were going to make it all the way through an episode I wasn't in without a Heath is off because he ripped his penis off joke, but they didn't.

And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash citation pod or leave a five-star review everywhere everywhere you can and if you'd like to get in touch with us check out past episodes connect with us on social media or check the show notes be sure to check out citationpod.com

so like

dicks first or dicks last the first time

last

and after that

first

bamboox yeah that tracks

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