Project 57

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Hello and welcome to Citation Needed, a podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts.

Because this is the internet, and that's how it works now.

I'm Heath, and I'll be hosting this internet radio activity.

I'm joined by my favorite isotopes, Cecil, Noah, Tom.

I carry all those extra neutrons right in my midsection, they just bulk up right there.

Right?

Feel right in my elevator.

I'd have a better joke, but I'm extra dense.

Eli, do you have a thing about radioactivity?

I hate being the neutron neutron guy.

There you go.

All right.

Noah, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event are we going to be talking about today?

We said we didn't always have to do a joke at the start of the day.

And you know who said that?

It was heathen.

Heath, it was.

You just said him.

That is what you did.

It's a trap.

And by the way, listener, it's not a coincidence that the last time I did an essay, I was talking about how football season was about to start.

And this week, when I do an essay, I sound like this.

We're going to be talking about Project 57, Heath.

Okay.

And what belabored preamble stands between us and knowing what we were talking about?

I'm stealing that, Heath.

Thank you.

Are we anti-belabored preamble on that show?

This can't be an official position.

I don't.

No.

And this is not a...

I just don't like it when we run long.

Listener, as you may be aware, you're still listening to last week's episode that Eli did about a monkey.

So, all right.

As you all probably know, know, between 1945 and 1962, the U.S.

went fucking nuts testing nuclear bombs in every place you could possibly get one.

We nuked the ground, we nuked the air, we nuked underwater to see if you could get a real-life Godzilla.

Hell, in 1962, we even nuked space in an operation called Starfish Prime that knocked out a third of all operational satellites, including the world's first TV communications satellite.

At one point, they cut like an aluminum can in half and stuck a nuke in the center and detonated just to see how high you get the top part.

Like a teenage U.S.

military giggling and running away from a mushroom cloud in the mailbox, like, oh, mom's going to be so mad, right?

Oh, it was just like that, too, except mom was a fucking nuclear watchdog agency that was impotent at the time.

So, okay, so in the aftermath of Starfish Prime, we did start to dial back our nuke fest.

In 1963, the U.S.

and the USSR signed the limited test ban treaty, which officially moved all nuclear testing underground.

In fact, the disastrous results of Starfish Prime led directly to the Outer Space Treaty of 1967, which designated outer space for peaceful use only.

That is a distinction that would remain until literally anybody could think of any effective way to weaponize it.

In fact, the OST is technically still in effect, even as we establish a literal branch of the military dedicated entirely to pilot having.

It feels like it's not.

I don't know, Noah.

I don't think we can call the Space Space Force a branch of the military unless we can call Bleach and Sunlight a new field of military.

It's separate,

Eli.

It's separate, but equal.

Remember, the only way to stop a bad guy with a Death Star is with a good guy with a Death Star.

Thank you.

That's true.

A concealed Death Star.

Right.

Well, I don't.

You just carry your Death Star on the CTA.

But of course, today's essay isn't about the forward-thinking commitment to peace and human flourishing that characterizes the militaries of today.

For Project 57, we have to go back to the sense of nuclear ah fucketism that defined the 1950s.

Because coincidentally, the project took place in 1957.

The name had nothing to do with the year.

It was just the 57th in a series of nuclear tests.

Or actually, there were more than that because some of the tests in the series just got names, right?

So Project 57 was preceded by Project 56, but it was followed by Project Plum Bob, which was followed by Project 58,

right?

Which was followed by Project 58A.

So we had a kind of a fucking fast and the furious approach to sequel naming on these things.

Yeah, Fast and the Furious, Plum Bob was followed by Fast and the Furious, Measure Twice, Cut Once.

Yeah, Fission, the original Big Dad energy.

Seriously?

Dad's last words to me?

Flush and plum, son.

I bet.

I bet.

Flush and plum.

So anyway, so I didn't keep it plum once.

I got in such big fucking trouble.

Oh, my God.

It was flush.

I had it flush, but it wasn't plum.

I got in such trouble.

It wasn't plum.

plum.

Doesn't matter.

You don't get half fucking credit here.

This isn't horseshoes.

This isn't hand grenades.

So anyway, so of all the nuclear tests that the U.S.

decided to do in this period, you could make a pretty solid argument that Project 57 was the most careless.

Remember I said one of these was in space, right?

But I am actually going to make that argument.

That's the whole point of the fucking essay because the question that Project 57 was trying to answer was about incidental disbursement of radioactive material.

Specifically, what would happen if a nuclear bomb was ripped open during an airplane crash and spilled its radioactive guts all over the countryside?

Sad?

Are we dying?

Well,

in order to answer that question, Heath, you actually have to do that.

Okay.

I did not know about this, but Idaho is making a lot more sense

on the continent.

Now, to be clear, they didn't actually crash a plane with a wide open nuclear weapon in it, but not because that was too dangerous.

They did the dangerous parts of that.

They just didn't do that because it was too expensive.

Plus, you don't need to crash a plane and you don't need to split open a perfectly good nuke.

All you need was radioactive waste being spread over a large area.

So that's the part they did.

Okay, but New Jersey already existed in 1957.

All right, guys, just spitballing here.

You know how farmers they like spread out a bag of seed, like loose handfuls.

I've got this friend at Monsanto who does Miracle Grow.

All right, so let's talk for a second second about plutonium because most of the time when we talk about radioactive substances with our science communicator hats on, it's to calm people down and tell them how dangerous shit isn't, right?

Like people hear that such and such a radioactive substance is used in the manufacture of whatever.

And our job is to go out there and tell people, yeah, but you get a higher dose of radiation when you eat a banana or something like that, right?

So to be clear, That is not the case when we're talking about plutonium.

Plutonium, if inhaled, is right up there with the deadliest substances known to science.

One microgram of plutonium, that's one millionth of a gram, is enough to kill a person if it gets in their lungs.

And the half-life of plutonium is over 20,000 years.

So that is the stuff the U.S.

government decided to launch over a wide area to, you know, see what happened.

There's someone right now on TikTok that would sell people ingestible plutonium and that the half-life is 20,000 years means you live for 40,000 years according to that.

Oh my God.

Okay, Cecil,

but it's alkaline plutonium.

I don't think it is.

I don't know what's

that either.

Yeah.

So, so as you may be aware, we have a term for launching radioactive material over a wide area.

We call that a dirty bomb.

And it's one of the most terrifying scenarios in the world of nuclear disaster management.

Now, to be fair, pretty much all the scenarios in nuclear disaster management are one of the most terrifying.

So it's not saying much, but it's certainly terrifying enough that you don't want the government doing it for science project purposes, but they did.

Yeah.

The nerds are always like, oh, we need to fund science.

We need to fund science.

But it's worth remembering that this is what they did when we gave them money.

No, that's fair.

Now, so the they in this situation is important because I don't want to just say the U.S.

government did it.

That spreads the culpability too broadly.

The Defense Department did this, and they actively hid what they were doing from other parts of the government.

There were watchdog organizations that were supposed to oversee nuclear testing and provide at least enough oversight that the DOD didn't go fucking exploding plutonium-coated bombs on American soil.

But those organizations were designed to be ineffective, and the DOD had a long playbook of ways to skirt any type of regulation.

Now, General, when you testified, and I quote, We are affirmatively and unequivocally not

dropping nuclear waste from airplanes where you're

fingers crossed behind your back at that time.

And remember, you don't not have to answer the question.

I

not

blink.

What?

So, okay, so the first thing they needed was a place to conduct their test.

And it couldn't just be any oldware because it needed to be a place that you could theoretically rope off for the next 20,000 fucking years.

Now, the natural answer here is the nuclear proving grounds in Nevada, which was a favorite site for nuclear test detonations when they weren't trying to nuke Godzilla awake or scare off aliens.

And thus, it was the kind of place you didn't have to worry so much about contaminating.

That being said, tests that exploded there were subject to scrutiny by all those pesky watchdog organizations.

So instead, they chose Area 51.

Okay.

So people who worked at Area 50, they must get mad all five times trying to explain what was going on.

But I mean,

in this instance, they didn't get the nuke, but yeah, most of the time, you didn't get the alien either.

Regular science, whatever.

So, Area 51 will no doubt get its own citation-needed episode at some point in the future.

In fact, I was actually researching for that exact episode when I came across this story.

So, I don't want to go into too many details on it.

Suffice to say that it was pretty much existed entirely to keep watchdog organizations in the dark.

It was technically outside of the officially designated Nevada test site and, at least at the time, was not officially designated as government property.

The U.S.

government wouldn't actually officially admit to operations in Area 51 until 2013.

So there would be no official record of anything that happened there and no need to account for it to like congressional committees or anything like that.

Okay, bold statement, but I think we probably shouldn't have places like that.

No.

Nope.

Sure shouldn't.

Nope.

Got it.

Nope.

Wink.

No, of course.

Not.

In 19.

Yeah, right.

I'm doing the eyeball.

Yeah.

No, of course, in 1957, Area 51 was not the fully operational airbase it is today.

They'd used it to test the U-2 spy plane, but that, and of course, reverse engineering that UFO from Roswell, was pretty much all they had done there to that point.

And the U-2 testing was over.

Now, a few years later, the CIA would start testing Oxcart, which was designated as the U-2's successor.

But in 1957, it was just this top-secret military facility that had essentially been mothballed until it was needed again.

So, at least in the minds of the folks at the Armed Forces special weapons project it was the perfect place to set off their dirty bomb going back i assume the u2 spy plane is how they got that album onto everyone's ipod frame

and we're gonna get that done with or without you so so

now

i want this way

So I want to do something that I normally wouldn't too.

I want to read you the Wikipedia article about Project 57 in its entirety.

Now, don't worry, it's not very long, but I want to emphasize here just how anodyne this project sounds when you're only relying on like the official sources.

Here it is, quote.

Project 57 was an open-air nuclear test conducted by the United States at the Nellis Air Force Range in 1957 following Operation Red Wing and preceding Operation Plum Bomb.

The test area, also known as Area 13, was a 10-mile, 16-kilometer, by 16-mile, 26-kilometer, block of land abutting the northeast boundary of the Nevada National Security Site.

Project 57 was a combination safety test.

The high explosives of a nuclear weapon were detonated asymmetrically to simulate an accidental detonation.

The purpose of the test was to verify that no yield would result, as well as to study the extent of plutonium contamination.

The contaminated area was initially fenced off and contaminated equipment buried in place.

In 1981, the U.S.

Department of Energy decontaminated and decommissioned the site.

Hundreds of thousands of cubic yards of soil and debris were removed from Area 13 and disposed of in a waste facility at the Nevada test site.

End quote.

Don't worry, guys.

We

put up a fence.

Yep.

That's the job done, guys.

Dust your hands.

Yep.

Yeah, that'll hold them up.

Yes.

No, and that's it.

That's the whole article.

They got some like numbers below that in a chart.

That's the way the U.S.

government officially describes We set off a dirty bomb 90 miles north of Vegas.

Yeah, you don't put up the little thingy.

It says says caution wet floor asterisk.

It's cool.

It's cool.

It's really fun.

So yeah, we'll see how it goes first.

We'll off nothing.

All right, gentlemen, thank you for coming to this meeting of the weird committee of science people who did bizarre and bad shit until people noticed in the early 90s.

Anyone got an update for me?

Yes, sir.

We just wanted to check in and say that Project MK Ultra is going really well.

Really?

Okay, so then you discovered the psychic powers then?

Oh, no, no.

We tortured people and then we documented it extensively so that pretty much any asshole who doesn't trust the government can cite it as proof of their delusions just, you know, forever.

Excellent, excellent.

And Yorgi,

we launched Dog into Space.

Okay,

Sure.

Yeah.

Did you learn anything from that?

Dog die?

I feel like you knew the dog was going to die without launching it into space.

So, no?

Huh?

Huh?

Great.

Sure.

Yeah.

And Chris.

Right.

Yeah.

Chris from Nukes Stuff.

So y'all know that we launched nukes as a weapon of war five or six years ago for the first time.

And we just kind of, you know, we weren't sure how that would affect the planet.

There was like a very real concern that it would set the atmosphere on fire.

Yeah, yeah, I remember that, of course.

Go on, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we just did that like

hundreds more times.

Sure, yeah.

And what have you learned?

Oh,

boom, you know, like huge.

All right.

Huge.

Yes.

Well, gentlemen.

Obviously, that's great work.

Everyone, get out of there and complain about climate change.

Like we had no idea it was coming until Al Gore made a movie about it.

Amazing.

Fantastic.

Hell yeah.

Oh, we also did monkey.

Yeah, I got that, man.

Thanks a lot.

Monkey also died.

You knew that going in.

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And we're back.

When we left off, DOD was planning to spread plutonium all over Nevada like fucking peanut butter with a giant knife

for safety.

Cool.

So what's next?

Okay, so as careless and insane as this planned test was, there still was a lot of valuable data to be gleaned from it.

Scientists had no fucking idea what would happen if you disperse plutonium over a wide area.

We knew it would be deadly, of course, but that's all we knew.

And since we were carrying large amounts of plutonium around on vehicles that had a tendency to explode their way out of the sky It was information that the world needed hey, maybe put the plutonium in the fucking black box or something or like

figure out how you know not exploding out of the sky might happen

well that's kind of what they were trying to do here right so so there were probably better ways to obtain that information than actually exploding plutonium all over the fucking place but those ways took longer they were more expensive and they were all nerdy shit that didn't let you blow shit up.

So, we went with the dirty bomb.

So, this test, Project 57, was originally conceived by the aforementioned Armed Forces Special Weapons Project.

And to be fair, as soon as you gave something that name, you had to know they were going to explode plutonium all over Nevada, right?

You just, you don't have an armed forces special weapons project if you don't want to contaminate at least some of your desert escape.

But eventually, they would rope in the Air Force, the Atomic Energy Commission, and the defense contractor and plausible deniability buffer, EGNG.

And their job was to simulate what would happen if an Air Force plane carrying an XW-25 nuclear warhead crashed, dispersing radioactive chemicals all the way down.

Okay, fine.

We'll do your plane blows up and spews a radioactive payload everywhere to see what happens.

But next week, we're going to see what happens when you swing a hammer and a nail and smack yourself in the balls, okay?

I want to see what happens.

We're doing wiffle ball bat.

Yeah.

Now, I mentioned earlier that the project rejected the existing nuclear testing site to keep its project off the watchdog radar, but that's not the only reason.

One of the main questions they were trying to answer was how radioactive an area would be if you spilled plutonium all over it.

And to answer that question, you needed to start with a place that wasn't already radioactive as all fuck.

And I should also note that the excessive amount of secrecy wasn't just to hide the fact that they were setting off a dirty bomb.

The Atomic Energy Commission also didn't want anybody to know that they had no fucking idea what would happen if an airplane carrying a nuke crashed.

Guys, I want to figure out what would happen to the earth if the sun blew up.

Does anyone know how to blow up the sun so I can gather that data or

it's for science?

Yeah, hey guys, remember, we don't want to tip anyone off on this.

This will be a secret apocalypse.

Hush, hush, yeah.

How does that look like twice apocalypse?

So some guy was like, hey, so, you know, crashing a flying apocalypse tube, apparently it's got a hard cap of zero, like a bunch of red tape.

Do we have any wiggler in there?

And somebody's like, yes, actually we can do it.

I figured out.

Yeah.

So, all right.

Don't slide plutonium across the table.

So they found their ideal location just a few miles northwest of Area 51.

It was a relatively flat area with no existing structures on it, no previous radioactive contamination, and far enough in the middle of nowhere that there was like no chance of curious eyes asking what the fuck they were doing.

Now, to the extent that it was designated at all it was called a safety test because that was technically true and and they put a doctor in charge of it to make it sound like they were trying to answer some kind of medical question or something which again is true in a sort of technical how dead will this make a person sense i guess okay but that does explain why the official results of this experiment were take a z-pack and don't listen to women that makes no sense i was wondering where that came from yeah doctor uh my face seems to be melting off.

My last period was three weeks ago, but I really don't see how losing weight is going to fix this, though.

Yeah.

Say, this was 1957.

It was worse then.

Less plates equals dates, right?

Right.

I'm a terrible doctor.

So in preparation for the test, workers set out 4,000 steel pans coated with sticky resin over the 10 by 16 mile area.

They call this technique the bachelor's dishwashing staging area.

Yeah, right, right.

You got to let them stop.

So these were meant to capture plutonium particles so they could measure the disbursement.

And at the same time, they set up 68 air sampling stations all over this 70 square mile area.

They also wanted to test how plutonium would interact with various urban surfaces.

So they built a bunch of mock-ups of sidewalks, curbs, and random chunks of pavement in the fucking 120-degree desert.

They also parked a bunch of cars and trucks in the contamination area to see how they would hold up.

And in what must have been the most visually disjointed aspect of all of this, they had a bunch of air sampling balloons tethered at different heights.

But these were all like from like five feet to a thousand feet off the ground, just all over the fucking place.

And just in case this wasn't horrible enough for you yet, They also wanted to see what the effects would be of this dirty bomb on live animals.

So included in this random smattering of targets were nine burrows, 109 beagles, 10 sheep, and 31 albino rats.

Yeah, no indication anywhere in the sources of how they wound up on that mix of species and amounts.

The amounts, dude, what the fuck happened there?

Yeah, at some point, they had 108 beagles.

And somebody was like,

I don't know if we're going to get enough science out of this.

And why did the rats have albinism?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a great question.

Okay, so I know this story is about the government carelessly throwing plutonium around 90 minutes from one of the busiest cities in the world, and that part is sad, but the part I'm definitely going to be maddest about is the beagles.

I'm just calling you right now.

I'm maddest about

that's the one part where I was almost like, I should leave this detail out, but yeah, no, it's it.

That's the sad part.

I've been to Vegas twice this year, and both times I was like, eh, you can put a little plutonium here.

So, okay, so originally the test was scheduled to take place on April 3rd.

Domingo Hotel, a little bit of plutonium.

Yeah,

put a little plutonium here.

So originally, the test was scheduled to take place on April 3rd in 1957, but weather wasn't cooperative.

High winds shut the test down because you don't want to set your dirty bomb off unsafely, right?

And then a series of delays ensued, keeping the operation in a holding pattern for three more weeks.

But finally, on April 24th at 6:27 a.m., a small nuclear warhead coated in plutonium was detonated to simulate the crashing plane.

Because again, the DOD never passed on a chance to detonate a nuke back then.

The radioactive cloud spread north as expected over an 895-acre area.

They waited for the right weather for the accidental plane explosion for simulation.

Yeah, they want to do it safely.

Now, so do you get to know what the weather is when that happens?

Well, no, no, but you don't want the winds going towards Vegas, right?

Like, you want to make sure that you're going to.

Yeah, that would have been on safe.

Yeah, exactly.

Right.

So here's the most fucked up part of the test.

And we've already been through 109 beagles here, so that's saying something.

The one possible justification for doing something this dangerous and stupid would be to test the various methods for cleaning up a contaminated area after a nuclear disaster.

They did not do that.

Of course.

This test wasn't about the cleanup.

It was about the aftermath.

So they spent about a year collecting data in the area, dissecting all the animals that they nuked and analyzing the shit that they left in the path of the the bomb.

And then they just wrapped up.

The area was fenced off with nothing more impenetrable than barbed fucking wire.

The various trucks and shit that they used, they were just buried in the desert with stickers on them that said contaminated material on the fucking front and back.

And then some of the closing, clothing worn by the researchers in the aftermath of the test was found to be contaminated as well.

So that was also buried in the fenced off area as well.

Okay.

I have a lot of notes for them.

I have a lot of notes for them.

One, I needed it to not be stickers.

Sure.

You said stickers.

Nothing in the plan from the nuclear test people can have the word stickers in it.

I feel like that needed to be placards.

Also, they only did two stickers.

They did front and back.

You can't get like eight stickers to surround that shit.

No, you can't even do that.

Why not do top?

You're burying it.

You know, start with top.

Like you get all the way down to the sticker and you're like, oh, fuck.

You got to invent like a video game hologram thing that pops out and everybody can see it spinning.

Like if you got a spade and you're digging through like, you know, feet and feet of plutonium soaked soil to get you earned whatever's down there.

Whatever's down there, that's your fault.

Yeah, you should.

Yeah.

It's your fault for ignoring the fence.

You get to a sticker, you're not like, oh,

there's a sticker on it.

Yeah.

You're doing like scratching.

Oh, this is why I've been vomiting out my fucking intestines for so long.

This makes, this makes my bowel movements make a lot more sense, guys.

The good news is I'm probably from Nevada, so this is not a pass.

Put a sticker on me.

So, okay, so here you've got an area over 100 square miles that's contaminated as all hell from one of the most deadly inhalants known to humanity.

It's going to be contaminated for conservatively 24,000 years.

That's just a half-life, right?

And the only thing preventing free travel through it is barbed wire fences with keep out by the order of the U.S.

Air Force signs on them.

And, hey, fun fact, desert critters tend not to recognize the authority of the U.S.

Air Force, even when they're on American soil.

Which is why we have to let Greg Abbott hunt them for sport.

That's where you're going with this right now.

Yep.

So

hunting Greg Abbott for sport is probablyn't where I was going before, but hey, we'll take a diversion.

And again, consider that we're talking about a substance where even a microgram of it getting in your lungs is deadly.

So the minuscule amount that might be carried on, say, the foot of a kangaroo mouse could be problematic, right?

Now, the kangaroo mouse that wanders into this area probably is just going to die, but there will necessarily be a liminal area where the plutonium levels aren't enough to automatically kill anything that wanders in, but are high enough to be carried out.

Plus, plutonium that gets into your system stays there forever.

So if like up or 20,000 years anyway, so if a bird was to eat the dead kangaroo mouse, that would put the plutonium into the food chain.

Turns out what happens 90 miles north of Vegas does not stay 90 miles north of Vegas.

I know this isn't the point, but I am very excited that I just learned there's an animal called kangaroo.

Did you Google it?

Did you Google it?

I'm Googling it right now.

I don't want to ruin what's in my head, though.

In my head,

it's cuter in than in.

They jump so high and they box.

All right, I'm checking it out.

All right.

Kangaroo.

So

if you're clinging to the hope that the tiny amount of plutonium.

So if you're clinging to the hope that the tiny amount of plutonium that could be carried out on those kind of animals is negligible, I should point out that earthworms move soil by the ton.

Right.

So the doctor they put in charge of the project pointed out as much in a classified report that was issued in 1958.

Quote, Charles Darwin studied an acre of garden in which he claimed 53,000 hardworking earthworms moved 18 tons of soil.

Wow.

Translocation of soil, earthworms ingestion of plutonium could turn out to be a significant influence, intentional or unintentional, in the rehabilitation of weapon accident environment.

End quote.

Now, again, I want to say that, like, this whole, hey, man, worms are eating this shit and moving it all over the place.

That observation came a year after the test.

To be fair, he wrote the report right away, but it took a year to get a second appointment.

Otherwise, they would have

right, right?

Now, eventually, the government did come through and do some like at least slightly more intense cleanup of the area, but that happened in 1981.

So for 24 fucking years, there was just a blanket of finely dispersed plutonium blowing around the Nevada desert.

And when they did cleanup, they basically just dig up all the plutonium contaminated soil and moved it to another spot where presumably they still, yeah, right, because they still haven't figured out how to make fucking earthworm barbed wire or whatever.

So yeah, it's still just there.

All right.

If you to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be?

I probably just quit smoking for nothing, really.

And are you ready for the quiz?

Yeah, just do it quick.

All right, Noah.

What's a great name for this movie adaptation?

A

Windy the Plue, Tonium.

B,

nuclear, nuclear, nuclear, and present danger.

It's hard to say.

It's hard to say.

C, 10 things I hate about uranium or D

Goner with the wind.

Oh, dude, Gonner with the wind is excellent.

Absolutely.

Goner with the wind.

It is D.

All right, Noah, if we've learned anything from this essay, it's that science, aka systemized knowing things, is bad and dangerous.

A,

that's why I don't do it.

B.

The answer is B.

Damn it, it is.

Something else.

Dang it.

B.

All right, Noah.

The dirty bomb sounds like a great name for a cocktail, which I need after hearing this essay.

So which of the below is not a real name for a cocktail you can order while in Vegas?

A.

Ass juice, a delightfully classy beverage served in a miniature toilet.

Fuck, I feel like that's real.

B, the Area One apropos alien secretion, which is melon liqueur, rum, pineapple juice, and a migraine aura.

C,

brain hemorrhage shots, that is peach schnapps curdled baileys and grenadine

shut the fuck up what the dirty bomb see

an actual real cocktail which is absinthe with a red bull mixer no and so

go lay down go lay down no

and served with far too little plutonium to wipe out the monsters that would order this.

Good lord.

Why would you do that to your body?

Or eat.

There is actually no combination of words that can be conjured that has not already been used as a liquid regret moniker.

Oh, it's definitely secret answer F, all of the above.

God damn.

Ass juice is a real drink in vain.

Curdled Bailey.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I don't know which rope sounds the worst.

Ass juice.

Wow.

There's actually a shot in the TGI Friday's recipe book called The Test Tube Baby.

And it's in like, it's in like other bartender manuals too.

And it's got, instead of the, the red, it's got like cream to look exactly like a little test tube baby.

It's oh, God.

It's a weird one.

It's a weird one.

Noah, you have one, though.

You got all.

Well, but now I know all this shit.

So have I

everyone listening?

I want Tom to have to do a fucking essay telling me about this curdled Bailey's drink.

That sounds so fucking nasty.

All right.

Well, for Tom, Noah, Cecil, and Eli, I'm Heath, thanking you for hanging out with us.

We'll be back next week, and Tom will be an expert on something else.

Between now and then, you can listen to cognitive dissonance, lawful assembly, talking ship, but you might be on a quick break, dear old dads, god awful movies, the skating atheist, the skepticrat, and DD Minus.

And if you'd like to join the ranks of our beloved patreons, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com/slash citationpod.

And if you'd like to get in touch with us, listen to past episodes, connect us on social media, or take a look at the show notes, check out CitationPod.com.

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