#483: The Secret to Attracting ABUNDANCE in your Life with Cathy Heller, Podcast Host, Abundance Coach, Author, & Speaker

We all have this both and.

It's like the soul version of us and then the somebody suit we're wearing. And the somebody suit wants to prepare and overthink and over deliver.
And the soul in us just wants to show up in the moment and see what's the most loving, open-hearted way to live in this moment. And that part doesn't have imposter syndrome.
Truly the most impressive person in a room is not the one who went to the fanciest college. It's the person who's the kindest.
I'm on this journey with me each week. When you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow.
I'm ready for my closeup. Hi, and welcome back.
I am so excited. First of all, you know, I very rarely have somebody on the show multiple times, but today I'm so hyped because I'm so excited.
If you haven't met Kathy Heller before, you are in for a freaking treat. I'm going to read her incredible bio because she's such a freaking force of nature, such an incredible human, best energy of all time.
I just freaking love her. Okay.
Kathy is a renowned teacher, podcaster, understatement and author. She hosts one of the top spiritual podcasts, Abundant Ever After, which has been downloaded 45 million times.
It's incredible. So proud of you.
She's a practitioner of the law of reception, which I need in my life, and has a deep understanding of the universal principles of manifestation. I need this in my life, and so do you.
Kathy guides individuals on transformative journey towards unlocking their highest potential. Drawing from the wisdom of Jewish mysticism and ancient teachings, Kathy illuminates the path to spiritual growth and abundance.
Through her unique approach, she empowers students to embrace their innate ability to receive and manifest their desires effortlessly with a focus on meditation and mindfulness practices. With her new book out now.
I mean, we are getting into all of the things, all of the manifestation, all the receptivity and all the love, Kathy. Thank you.
Abundant ever after. Thank you so much for being here.
Everyone who's listening already knows what I'm about to say, but your energy is so, it's like a laser. I feel like it's so bold and so coherent.
There's nothing about it

that's like diluted. It's just like you speak from the deepest part of yourself.
And it's so

fun to hear a woman tapped into her power like that. I just love listening to you talk.
And then

you happen to be talking about me, which is extremely kind, but it's really just what's in

you that's so embodied, which is really fun to listen to that energy. So thank you for that.
And thank you for having me here. And let's dive in to all the things.
I'm so, so, so hype. All right.
I want to get into the book. I want to get into, first of all, I want to address Judaism right now and what is happening in the world.
And I'm not making this political at all, but i'm just from a point of like empathy and this is like your life and i didn't even acknowledge that when we first got on i'm just so sorry with like everything that's happening oh my gosh this is a very ancient thing when we zoom out in history throughout humanity you know since the time of Abraham, Abraham was the first Jewish person. Jews have had tremendous hatred.
They were hated in Egypt, in Spain during the Inquisition, in Germany during the Holocaust, in Russia during the pogroms, in Babylon. They were kicked out of every single place they've ever lived, including their home in Judea, right? Like Jesus of Nazareth, you know, who was Jewish, who was a rabbi, like, and then they were kicked out of Syria and Iraq.
And there's no end to it. When that's your history, I mean, that's part of it.
So it doesn't come as a surprise or it doesn't feel any different than my grandparents''s story or their grandparent's story. It's just kind of more of the same.
But on that note, I think part of the reason I was really, really excited about writing this book is because there is a lot of talk for thousands of years about antisemitism. And I wanted people to have an experience of pro-Semitism.
Like, I understand that we can talk about this one particular kind of hatred in the world, which is people hating Jews. Like, I get that.
There's a lot of, boy, is there a lot that's been said about it for good reason. But why are people Jews? Like, what is it about Judaism that makes it special? And it is fascinating when you think about how in the 8 billion people in the world, 8 billion, there's, you know, 2 billion that are in some version of Christianity.
There's about 2 billion that are in some version of Islam. There's about a billion-ish that are, you know, either Hindu or Buddhist or whatever that is.
And there's only 15 million Jews globally. That's it.
know that. Yeah.
And so if you really sit back and go, so what is it about this tiny, teeny,

tiny group of people? What do they even stand for? Like, what are the ideas or what is it that makes it interesting at all? Why is Judaism even something that has stuck around so long? And to me, that was what was way more interesting is to share some of those ideas. And so let me just share a couple of things with you right now.
You know, the biggest thing is that the mic drop of Abraham, people say, oh, well, he started this idea of monotheism. But actually, it's so much bigger than that, right? Because the central prayer in Judaism is not that there is one God, which there is, but that God is one, which means God is infinite.
So there's nowhere God isn't, which means we are all connected to that oneness, which is why there are so few Jews, because Judaism does not have the belief that people should convert to be Jewish because you're already connected to God. You don't need to be Jewish to be connected

to what you already are. Like really let that sink in.
And so such a progressive, radical,

inclusive idea that people can't even comprehend it. But in Judaism, there's never, ever, ever,

ever been. It would be against the religion to make someone convert to Judaism.
We've never had

it. We've never done it.
In fact, if someone wants to convert to Judaism, the rabbi is supposed

Thank you. would be against the religion to make someone convert to Judaism.
We've never had it. We've never done it.
In fact, if someone wants to convert to Judaism, the rabbi is supposed to say three times why you're already connected to God. You don't need to be Jewish because Judaism is an ethnicity.
It shows up on your DNA. In fact, when my husband and I got married, since we're both Jewish, we were told we are carriers of Tay-Sachs.
We had to get tested and we had to do fertility treatments so that our children, we could pick the embryos that didn't, right?

Because we have that now.

There's certain diseases and things that are genetically assigned to us because that is

just like Italians are Italian.

Jews are from Judea, right?

So even Ashkenazi Jews, if you go to 23andMe, it says that Ashkenazi Jewish DNA doesn't look like European DNA. It looks like Semitic DNA because it's Semitic, right? It's a people.
So why do you need to be in other people? You don't. Unless that other people make you think that in order to be connected to God, you would need to convert.
No, you're already connected to God. So the idea of Judaism is that you are someone because you're some of the one.
You're already a masterpiece because you're a piece of the master that every one of us has a soul. And that soul is an extension of the divine light.
That's it. And then what we get to do as humans is we get to be a vehicle for God's light.
And we do get to choose between darkness and light, but that's the soul's journey, right? And the soul goes through that process, but it's all, even the darkness, God created 12 hours of daylight, 12 hours of dark, right? Like even the contrast helps us to find our way to our alignment. The contrast is what helps you know what you want, what you prefer, what you appreciate, what you are, what you're not.
So we are all part of this godly divine light. That's number one.
And also when I first went to Israel after college, I thought I would be there for three weeks and I stayed for three years. And the reason I stayed is because the very first teaching I ever learned is that the word for the Sabbath, which is Shabbat, it means to meditate.
And the first time it's used in the Bible is when Abraham is meditating and it says, and Abraham sat, and it uses this word for Shabbat, and God appeared. And so the rabbi said, that is available to all of us.
When we get quiet, we will hear the wisdom from the divine. It's a breath away.
And I thought, oh my gosh, that is so beautiful. I want to know more because growing up, I really didn't know much at all about Judaism.
I was very secular. And so I stayed for three years and I wound up meeting my greatest teacher, Rabbi David Aaron.
And I'll just give you this one teaching and then we can go into manifestation because this is kind of the bridge. So it was in the early 2000s that I was living in Jerusalem and the law of attraction became like a super hip thing.
And he said to me, have you heard of it? I'm like, yeah, I have heard of it. And he said, well, just so you know, Jewish wisdom would say it's not the law of attraction.
It's a law of reception. And he said, and that is based upon the fact that the word Kabbalah literally means likabal, Kabbalah means to receive.
A lot of people don't know a lot about a lot of traditions. For instance, yoga is something that we think means exercise on a mat, but yoga in Buddhist tradition is mostly deep wisdom tradition that has eight branches.
And one of the eight branches is the exercise part of yoga. But most people who really know yoga in the Southeastern Asian religions, they're not talking about getting on a mat and doing down dog.
Like that's only one part of what yoga is, right? If you ask Deepak Chopra to explain yoga, he would talk to you about the yoga sutras. And one of those sutras is physical.
So, so too in Judaism, people think Kabbalah is a separate thing. Kabbalah is just something that's essential to, it's the mysticism of Jewish wisdom.
So it's part of the Torah. It's part of the Talmud.
It's just woven into the whole thing. And there's a separate book called the Zohar that really codifies the Kabbalah, but it's

all just part.

Like if Jesus was walking today, who was a religious rabbi in Jerusalem, he could tell

you all of these Kabbalah secrets because it's all part of the same thing.

Okay.

So the word Kabbalah means to receive.

So what that means is, Rabbi Aaron said, if you took a radio and you put a radio in this

room and you turned it on, you would hear music.

And then the means is, Rabbi Aaron said, if you took a radio and you put a radio in this room and you turned it on, you would hear music. And then the question is, where was the music before you turned on the radio? And the answer is only that it was hidden in plain sight.
It was here, but you couldn't perceive it because you didn't have the capacity to tune into that. But if you have a receiver and we turn it on and it can, it can receive that frequency.
Now you can hear the music. And so manifestation is understanding that every single potential, since God is infinite, every possibility exists.
And the reality that you believe you're experiencing, you're actually choosing that based on what your radio is tuned to. So when you turn on a radio, not only do you turn it on or turn it off, but once you've turned it on, you can listen to hip hop music, classical music, oldies music.
You're turning it on. You're deciding.
And so if you are in alignment with your soul, if you've turned on and tapped into the highest frequency of your soul, everything comes to you and everything feels like love in your life and abundance because that's what the soul is. The soul is abundant.
The soul is unbelievably whole. And so it allows for everything to come straight out of escrow.
That's all loving. That's all a match for you vibrationally.
And so when I learned that, I started to understand, you know, how to really teach the law of manifestation through what is the frequency that we are tuned to and how can we tune our frequency is a whole other conversation. But that's essentially how we 3D print our life.
You know, DNA is energy that is like coiled. Right.
We've all seen pictures of it. But what it really is, is an energy code.
And then we are each the 3D printout of that software coding, which is energy. So energy creates matter.
So the vibration that we are is the energy code in which we are creating everything that's the 3D version of our life. So every single thing in our life, our relationships, our health, our wealth,

everything in our life is whatever is the three-dimensional printout of our energetic love your book and just, I love this energy, this conversation because still, even though I am a student of this work for many years, I do not have this thing unlocked the way that you do. That is for sure.
And just even hearing you talk right there about health, wealth, relationships, right? Why is it like, my health is killer. Like I can run a marathon, like I have great shape.
But then my, well, I was talking to you before, I still haven't been able to find, you know, that special relationship in my life. Why is it that some things could be elusive to somebody that feels like you are a great

manifester and you are coming from a place of love and kindness?

Like, why are some things elusive?

Yeah, first of all, it's a great question.

And second of all, this is what I would say, because I've spent so much time thinking about

it, studying it, living it, testing it.

Here's what I believe to be true.

We create what we are. So there is what is known as the law of resonance in music.
If I walk into a store and I want to buy a guitar and I pull a guitar off the wall and there's a row of 50 guitars on the wall and I take one guitar and pluck the G string on the guitar, all the other guitars will vibrate, but only the G string. That's literally

science. Like the G string of every guitar will vibrate because I vibrated this one.
I plucked this one G string. It will match it.
So everything in our life is a reflection of what is already, which means that when we feel that we need something in order to be whole in some area of our life, we will not manifest it because we're not whole with that yet. If you go on a date and you really want to fill up a part that feels lack around, let's say love, it won't work out well on the date.
But if you feel whole, like deep wholeness and deep love, let's say you have tea every morning with yourself and you invite the brilliant parts of you, the terrified parts of you, the parts of you that are fearless, the parts of you that are a straight up liar. You invite your entire self and you have equanimity and grace and compassion.
there's like a deep wholeness that sinks in.

And if you think about like a movie version of this,

like you think about Zooey Deschanel

and the part that she plays in a lot of movies,

that character is a girl who RSVP'd to her own party.

And then wherever she goes,

she just attracts people that wanna be at the party

because she's good with it.

It's the same thing with money.

If you feel so abundant, because abundance really is the lightness of your own being and flow state and creative, like nonstop creative ideas, that feels really abundant, right? You'll be a magnet for all kinds of abundance because you're just so awake and alive and in flow. But if you don't feel that way, if you feel kind of there's like a lack and you really keep feeling like your life feels limited and you feel limited, then you'll really, really want the deal.
And if you show up trying to get the deal, trying to get the job and you really need it, it won't be great. But if you show up in your wholeness and you're selling something, pitching something or interviewing for something, then what you will have communicated is you're really not attached to the outcome.
It's really whatever is the highest and best because you're really good where you are. And anything else, if it's meant to be, it'll be also good, but you don't need it.
And so then you'll probably most likely get offered the job. So we create wholeness from wholeness.
We don't create wholeness from lack. So wherever there is like deep wholeness, there's just more of that deep wholeness.
And here's the thing is that we know when we're in lack, when we think that there will be some big dopamine, some big overwhelming happiness when this thing arrives.

Because that deep happiness

should be something you feel right now.

And the truth is that when people are good manifestors

and things show up in their life,

like love, a relationship, a child, a whole bunch of money,

what they don't experience is, oh my God, oh my God,

it's here. Oh my God, it happened.
Oh my God, oh my God. They don't have that.

It's more like equanimity. It's more like, wow, what a beautiful sunset.
It doesn't feel like

this giant rush because they didn't really feel they were lacking it. You know, when you're really,

really thirsty and you hike up a hill, you're like, oh my God. But if you're not really thirsty and somebody says, here, taste this green juice or have a glass of water, you'd be like, oh, lovely.
But the truth is if you're in a relationship with something that you really, really, really needed, you might wind up being codependent with the thing. So the truth is when something comes in our life, it's actually really pretty nice.
If you don't feel this huge rush, when you get it, it's more just like beautiful. I want to appreciate this now.
I'm so grateful that this is here. Like when I had each of my daughters, I wasn't like, Oh my God, finally, thank God.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
It's going to do everything. It's going to be everything.
It was more like, wow, I could really be a good mom to you because I'm so appreciative that you came in my life. What an amazing blessing, but not like, okay, you will be my happiness and you're finally here.
And I was missing it. Now it's here and you're it.
And now like that would destroy my daughter. When we manifest things, they're the things we don't need.

When we manifest things, they're the things that are a mirror, a match to the wholeness

that already is.

So then the question is, what we have to understand is typically when I say to people, what do

you want to manifest?

They usually make me a list and they'll say $5 million, a great relationship, a great

house, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I'll say, those are amazing things.

And every single one of those things is outside of you.

Thank you. And then I'll say, can I try another list? Tell me if you would like to manifest this list.
How about you would like to manifest feeling connected to the mystical, feeling like your life just moves in synchronicity, having inner peace, feeling the lightness of your own being, having creative downloads, feeling impact and meaning, feeling deep inner stillness. And they're like, ah, yes.
I'm like, right. Well, all of those things you actually can tap into right now.
And then what people typically realize is why would you wait for something to happen to make you feel that good when you could feel that good right now? And then what's even more interesting is people will say, wait, you're saying the way for me to get what I want is to feel good now. Tell me something to do other than that.
I don't want to do that. Think about it.
Esther Hicks will say to people, feel good. And they'll be like, no, it's too hard.
I need something outside of me to happen. Then I'll feel good.
And she says, oh, you'll just keep pushing it further away. Because nobody ever felt good because something outside of them made them feel good and sustained it that way.
Because happiness is an inside job. And the people with the deepest happiness are the people that know that the higher love within them is all that they wanted and more.
And then everything else around them is just this like beautiful gift that they get to love. And it's actually our job to love the things around us, not to need them to love us.
So that's why there are certain ways in which you are whole. You feel whole inside your health.
So you'll just keep manifesting it. You feel whole inside your business.
You feel like your business is flow state. It's play.
It's an extension of you. It'll just keep getting bigger and bigger.
But there's something that you unconsciously have that there's something in a relationship that will complete something in you. And there's some need for it and some feeling of lack around it.
So then it won't come in. But when you really come to peace and completion inside of yourself with whatever that is, he'll just pop right into your field.
You just made me realize, and I've never had this realization before. This is wild.
It sounds so ridiculous, but this is such a big deal for me. When you were talking about, we don't need to get things from outside of us.
We just need to focus on the inside. I never learned that as a child.
Like I'm just being totally candid, right? I never heard that, was taught that. In fact, to the contrary, I was taught if you want to get love, if you want to be, you know, appreciated, loved, encouraged, you need to go get the award.
Go be the one that gets the gold medal. Get the title of top sales person, get that.
So when you were talking, I was just realizing I was completely taught the reverse, not out of anyone with bad intent, but it was just what I learned. Is that insane? No.
I mean, first of all, it's not insane. I think that it's incredible.
You can have that awareness because I think that's what everybody who had good parents who want to protect you and want you to do well, most people, that's what they were taught, is that the more you accomplish on the outside, the more you'll feel on the inside. And the truth is that what we all really, really, really want is to find our own authentic power, which comes from feeling the full peace, which is sitting beside ourself and knowing that in every moment, there's so much peace to take in.
And, you know, you look at nature, there's nothing in nature that's rushing to accomplish anything. There's no trees that are rushing.
There's no eagles that are rushing. There's just a beauty of being with what is, you know, in the blue zones, these people live longer than everybody else because they're actually enjoying and savoring their lives.
And their lives are not about how many piles of things they have, how many followers, how many bank accounts. No, they actually want to cash in right now this thing called enjoying their moment.
And, you know, I look at my cat who's over there right now in my room, like my cat is not proving its existence. It just exists.
You know, the fascinating thing about it is it makes everybody in the house calm. And so if we keep setting the goalpost that once we accomplish something, we'll feel good, we'll keep missing out on the good that there is to feel by really coming to know ourselves deeply and truly appreciate it for who we are.
And then also really savoring and taking in, filling our bellies with the 19 shades of green outside the window, our feet on the floor, how they feel when they walk across the floor and the taste of coffee and the smells of things. And the, you know, there's just, we're missing that because we think that there's somewhere in the future that will feel better if we're always in that place and we always want to be accomplishing something in the future.
So we're never where we are. And it creates a lot of cortisol and exhaustion and stress.
And we don't do well like that. After I left Israel and I moved to Los Angeles, I started studying meditation, which was like a total fluke because Jim Henson's daughter, Lisa Henson brought me to a retreat, a meditation retreat.
And because it was her, I wanted to get up and leave like two hours in. And I was like, this is so embarrassing because she'll see me get up and leave.
So I was stuck. So I was like, okay, I don't want to embarrass myself.
So I'm going to sit here on my mat, but I was dying, dying. I walked outside, but then I went back in.
And then I heard the teacher say something. She was looking right at me.
And she said, meditation is not about not thinking just like your heartbeats. Your mind will always race.
That's what minds do. Meditation is about witnessing your thoughts rather than being stuck in your thoughts.
I realized that that's why it had been hard. I was thinking, why am I thinking? Oh my God, I'm thinking even more.
I can't stop thinking. Right.
It's not possible. And then Martha Beck was on my podcast and told me such a beauty.
I want to give her credit because she's the one who said this. She said, if you were looking at a snowstorm, it's like the most beautiful thing standing in the living room, looking out at a snowstorm.
But she said, if your car broke down and you were walking in a snowstorm, it's so miserable. And so she said, when we have the compassion and curiosity and nonjudgmental awareness to watch our thoughts, they're kind of beautiful.
But when we are not observing our thoughts and we are just unconsciously being run by them, it's awful. And so I say that because the more we can cultivate our capacity to witness the way our mind works, it's like, wow, look at my mind.
She's scared again. She's overcomplicating it again.
She's in the future again. Oh, that's interesting.
And then I'm aware that I'm the one witnessing the thought. So then if I'm the witness to the thought, who am I? Oh, I'm like the deep consciousness of my soul.
And the part of me that is that conscious actually is always okay. The part of me that's witnessing my mind is like, wow, there's like deep equanimity in me all the time.
Like there's a way for me to be at peace with whatever it is. Isn't it amazing how no matter how our mind races, we all like found a way to live through the pandemic and we find a way to live through the people we love.
When we go to their funeral, we find a way to be with it because the soul has this amazing capacity to be with things as they are. And the mind is constantly trying to fight it.
And the soul also has this incredible capacity to feel connected to wisdom and love and compassion. And it has a capacity to have creative downloads and insights.
But none of that comes from the mind. And I say that because the more we witness it, the more we do feel whole.
It's the mind that doesn't feel at peace. It's the mind that feels it needs to accomplish more, but who we really are doesn't feel that way.
It sounds so simple. However, I think we both know, and this is why your book is so important.
It's not right. Like we get caught up in the day-to-day, like you said, we get caught up in just the thoughts and not pausing and not meditating and not doing the right things.
Where do you think people should start? Like where can people who are just in the rat race start? I mean, I say things like in the morning, the same way you select your clothes for the day, like, Ooh, this shirt is going to make me feel sexy, or this shirt's going to make me feel accomplished, or everything has like an energy. And you select your clothes, you usually take a second and think, how do I want to, you know, sort of come across today.
I think the same way you do that, you can select how you want to think for the day, understand that your mind runs on autopilot, and it's going to play a whole bunch of perpetuating limiting beliefs. And your mind loves you so much that it just wants to create a lot of fear because it believes that fear will keep you safe and fear turns into control.
And so if you stop every morning and play a game with your life and say, I'm going to choose how I want to feel today. And then you close your eyes and you say, what would surrender feel like? What would joy feel like? What would play feel like? You'll have a way better day, even if you just think that for a whole minute, a whole minute.
I think that's a really good way to start. What would surrender feel like today? Can you answer that question? Because surrender is elusive to me.
I find surrender hard. Well, it doesn't have to be surrender.
It could be whatever word just feels like relief for you. Like whatever word feels like you getting off the hamster wheel and coming back to center, use that word, like ease, joy.
Joy. I definitely align with that.
Yeah. It's like, what would joy feel like today? Okay.
Like very often if I'm working on something with my team and we feel a little heavy, I'll say, let's stop and ask ourselves, what would be the most fun way we could do this? And then we'll say, well, the most fun way would be if instead of renting a theater for 2000 people, we'll just rent a theater for 500 people. Great.
Let's do that. Or the most fun way we could do this is if we, you know, I don't know, like have a confetti moment and give everybody who walks in a little confetti popper and just give everybody that initial moment of like, celebrate yourself for coming and but when we're like, great, let's do that.

Like, whatever you need to add into your day, select it, select it from the buffet.

And then also throughout your day, your body is such an incredible litmus test.

Like put your hand on your heart once during the middle of the day and ask yourself,

how's my body doing?

Because your body is either regulated or dysregulated.

You can either feel that you're stressed

and your heart's like a little racing,

or you just feel really at ease.

And if you don't feel at ease,

you have betrayed yourself somehow.

You're either betraying yourself or you're not.

And betraying yourself might look like,

I just said yes when I meant no.

Or I'm still sitting here working on this thing and I really need a break. I need to go take a walk.
Check in with your body. Are you abandoning yourself or not? Because it's your life.
Nobody gets the award for most depleted. You get to live your life.
So I think body check-in and choosing your thoughts, that's a nice place to start. A little bit about the art of receiving, because that's another thing that I definitely, you know, becoming more self-aware, I would see myself as someone who wanted to give, give, give, and help others and set other people up for success.
But I had a very hard time accepting or receiving gifts, praise, anything from other people. First of all, I love that question.
And so I love when things happen in real life that are just really good examples, because I think that words don't teach, but experiences really can teach us lessons. So the example I gave for this in the book was such a fun one over COVID.
I really wanted to give my kids like the best, most amazing Christmas because everything was so shut down. Right.
And they were in the house so often. And so I was like, let's make it really special.
And so I hired this guy to string every box of lights I could get at home Depot. We got the buddy, the elf blow up and we got Rudolph and all the, and it was just really exciting.
And my husband said to me, you're not going to be able to string all those lights. And I thought he's like such a downer.
Like he needs to like, you know, move on. Like we're doing this.
So we spend thousands of dollars to like, make it like Clark Griswold, like Christmas vacation, like crazy. And we go to turn on the lights after this guy has spent three days stringing these lights.
Not only did the lights not work, they went on for like a few seconds and then they all went out. But everything in my house went out like it blew a fuse.
So my refrigerator wasn't working. And I'm like, what's going on? So I keep trying it, keeps blowing, blowing the fuse.
So my husband comes outside and the guy is there who strung the lights. And we all go to the breaker to look at the circuit breaker in the garage.
And I had just never done this math before. I had never done this.
But when we added up all the boxes of lights times the amount of watts that each of them took and all the little blow ups, we came up with a number for how much power we needed, right? Wattage wise. And then we looked at the breaker and we saw that we didn't have enough in the breaker to hold the electricity.
And so my husband said, that's what I meant. He's like, I was saying with all that light, you would have needed ahead of time to call the electrician and added more to the breaker that could hold the light.
And so what we don't realize is in order for us to receive more, more love, more blessing, we have to have the capacity to receive it. And what's really interesting is that each of us has a certain amount of lived experience and the body is really interesting.
If something is new, your brain will receive it as a threat. So if somebody you meet, my husband and I were dating, and we got engaged, and he offered to buy me a car.
And I was like, absolutely not. We're engaged.
Why would you buy me a car? My lease is up on my car. I'm gonna get myself my own car.
And so we went to the dealership and then he went in to talk to the guy and he's like, oh, let me just see if I can get a better price and negotiate. And then he literally comes out with the key.
And I was actually devastated that he bought me the car devastated because my dad had never bought me a car. My parents got divorced.
He left before I could drive. I bought myself my first car.
I paid my way through college and my brain registered that as this isn't safe. Like what would I now be obligated to do? Or what is this going to cost me? Or what do I have to sacrifice now? What do I owe you? So I was demanding that he undo it, but he couldn't undo it.
And so it's interesting. I quickly started to make a lot of money in my business after that, because I realized that being married could potentially mean that my husband was someone I wound up really needing.
And it wasn't safe to need my father because he left, he left us. So I started to

become a total type A like workaholic so that I could have my own money until I realized I've hit my capacity, my breaker. I didn't have the neural pathways to tell me it's totally safe to receive, just say thank you because it was new.
And that's literally how the nervous system is. we manifest as my friend, Tracy lit says, we manifest at the speed of safety.
So as we continue to have true feelings of safety in the body, we'll let ourself, like you go to dinner with a friend, let me pay for it. And you'll just say, sure.
Thank you. You'll feel safe to receive, or you start in your business, you start asking for what you want to be paid and you feel unsafe.
After a while you say it's safe to exchange my value for this amount. I can do it now.
It's safe. I'm safe to be abundant.
I'm safe to let myself receive a compliment. Someone tells me I'm pretty.
I don't have to say, Oh my God, you're totally crazy. I look like crap.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
I receive that. So we're literally just like the Christmas lights.
We're having to put more on the circuitry to expand, to stretch past what we're used to because a lot of people growing up in their houses, love was not actually love. It just looked a little bit like love, but it was actually business.
It was earned. You had to earn it.

And so in their life, it's hard to receive blessing because they then feel like the more I receive, the more obligation, the more I have to sacrifice.

And so they receive a little less so they don't have to feel that they have to earn

more.

But really, blessing comes from God and it's just straight grace.

It doesn't have to be earned.

And that's what we have to learn. It's basically unlearning everything that we've been taught.
Yeah. In a lot of ways, it really is.

I mean, it just leaves me scratching my head that I'm just so grateful that your book is out there. I'm so grateful this conversation is happening.
And I just wish I'm so happy for our kids. I'm sad for us.
I mean, at least we're finally getting this information now, but it is wild. Don't you think of that, how differently you're raising your daughters? A hundred percent is so crazy.
And I'm sure that they will lovingly find faults in other things that, you know, they pick up that I'm still processing and haven't figured out. I'm sure.
I do think there are so many things that I have sort of gone through the looking glass with and they no longer have to hold that stuff. Like this morning, my daughter goes before she left her school, she goes, she's in sixth grade.
Mom, you need to sign my test because I did really badly on it. You know, I got a D minus, you know, I put my hand on her shoulder and then I looked at her.
So she turns her head and looks at me and I go, and you know what I think about that. And she goes, yeah, you just think I tried my best and I didn't do badly.
I'm like, of course, like do your best. Like she's a great kid.
You know, she's such a nice person. And I said to her, and you know, that you might find that you actually can do better.
And you also might find that like math is not your thing. And you're going to do well in life because you're just a really kind person, which is like the best thing to be.
And she's like, I know you always say that. And so I sign it.
It's like, in many ways, they have learned that they

don't have to do anything to be loved, because that's ridiculous. So powerful.
So good. Just unbelievable to have this realization right now.
It's really, really powerful. So thank you for that.
Talk to me a little bit about imposter syndrome, because I know a lot of the people listening right now struggle with it. I know me starting out as an entrepreneur, I struggled with it so, so much.
How do you help people deal with imposter syndrome? Well, I think first of all, I spoke at an event this weekend. It was Dr.
Edith Eager's event. She's so amazing.
She's a Holocaust survivor. She's 97.
She wrote these two bestselling books, The Gift and The Choice, which became super famous. And she said, there are four Ps that we have to get rid of.
And the first P she said, creates the next three. She's a psychologist as well.
But she said, the first P is perfectionism. And it creates, she said, procrastination, which then creates paranoia.
You're like paranoid that what you create might not be great. So you procrastinate and then it creates paralysis.
So I think all of that is imposter syndrome. I think imposter syndrome is, I don't have the courage to make something not perfect because I could get rejected and I won't belong to others if I'm not perfect.
So I'd rather not do anything. Who am I to do this is really, what if it's not great? What if people don't like it? And the truth is that there's no straight lines in nature, not a thing.
And the truth is that there's no one in the world who's ever been given a permission slip by God. Like, oh yeah, you're ready now to have an opinion or to do this work.
Like who's anyone to do anything? Like who was Oprah to tell herself that she's worthy of like starting the Oprah show? She did. Who is anyone to do anything? I heard Ed Sheeran say that when he used to go skiing, he'd go into the mountains and they'd go to a cabin and they turn on the water.
And because no one had been there for a few weeks, the water would come out like brown and then they'd let the water keep running and it would be clear again, like within like five seconds. He said when he was songwriting, he experienced the same thing where like, when you're first writing a song, you have to kind of let the water run a little bit through the sludgy water.
And as you keep writing, just it gets better and better. And so he said, most people judge themselves on the brown sludgy water because they just didn't give themselves a chance to like get into flow state, but like, it takes a minute.
I think if we have the courage to make something mediocre and we keep going, we won't be able to help making something brilliant after a while. And we'll find the thing that we're meant to make.
Like we're not all meant to be great at cooking or basketball, but there's certain things that when we just start where we are, we'll be kind of led to what's brilliant and kind of flow state will take over and it'll direct us where the river wants us to be. And I think we all start out with that, like, who am I to do this? Because the mind wants you to be safe.
So it wants to control and predict the outcome. But the soul knows that you've been preparing to be you in every moment you're in your whole life.
And you don't need to prepare. You just need to trust yourself in the moment and be with the moment.
And the most brilliant thing will be created. And I think the imposter is the mind because we all have this both.
And it's like the soul version of us. And then the somebody suit we're wearing and the somebody suit wants to prepare and overthink and over deliver.
And the soul in us just wants to show up in the moment and see what's the most loving, open-hearted way to live in this moment. And that part doesn't have imposter syndrome.
Truly the most impressive person in a room is not the one who went to the fanciest college. It's the person who's the kindest.
The most impressive person in the room, it doesn't matter what they're wearing or what they drove to the party it matters how people feel around them so the thing is that's so interesting is we have this imposter syndrome like i don't have a phd or you know i'm just starting a podcast i don't have any downloads when really the most impressive thing to anyone is not how many downloads it's not where you went to college it's how authentic are How real are you? How kind are you? How willing to be humble are you? And if that is the most impressive thing, which we all know that it is when we hear that, we're completely overqualified to be authentic and real. Like how often on my podcast do I say things like, I don't know the answers to this.
I want to find them out. Let's do it together.
You know, on my podcast, I often say, it's not look at me. It's come with me.
Let's figure it out. I don't know.
I don't claim to know it all. I'm just kind of like coming up with what I think is like the best possible way that I could add value in a moment.
But I think that that is the antithesis of imposter syndrome is the small part of you, the mind in you thinks you have to know everything and your soul just wants to be curious. Like let's just ask better questions and be here moment by moment, being the most authentic person that we can.
And that becomes really powerful. Tell us where can everybody get abundant ever after people need to get this book.
You can get anywhere you can get it Barnes and Noble or Target or Amazon and then we created a bunch of bonuses which it's just really fun when you write a book to create extra value and I do think that we came up with things that people would love like a morning journal and affirmation cards and a book companion guide that gives you like takeaways for every chapter and journal prompts and you can can get all of those bonuses at kathyheller.com book. And you can buy the book wherever you want.
And it's so generous of you to be so humble and just like you give so much space to your guests and you learn from everyone. You're such a lifelong learner and it's such a beautiful quality because you have so much to share.
And I really feel that from you. And I feel how just generousness about you.
I just really appreciate it. It's just such a beautiful gift.
You're going to make me cry. Oh my gosh.
You're the best right back at you. I have such a special connection to you.
You're such an amazing human. I'm so grateful for all the work you do.
I'm so grateful for your podcast. I'm so grateful for this book and super grateful for you.
And I can't wait to see you in LA soon, my friend. Thank you.
All right. Go to

kathyheller.com slash book, get the bonuses. You're going to want them.
Get ready to change

your life and get ready to start living your most abundant ever after until next week. Keep

creating your confidence. You know, I will be.
See you then. I'm on this journey with me.