Confidence Classic: Why Fear Means You’re Exactly Where You Need to Be with Heather!

When you're sitting at a table surrounded with people that don't actually want you there, there's nothing wrong with you.

You're in the wrong room.

Get up from that table, leave that room, and go find a room where people want you at the table.

And that's exactly what happened for me during COVID: I found that table and those people love me and they cheer me on when I walk in the door.

And it's just so funny to, I'm finally with the right people.

And that's what I want for you.

Come on this journey with me.

Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow

i'm ready for my process

tell me have you been enjoying these new bonus confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week we've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to so these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed i hope you love this one as much as i do hi and welcome back i'm so glad you're back here with me today so a lot going on this week and something I'm sure everybody saw the Will Smith Oscars thing, right?

And so not to beat a dead horse because it's all anyone's been talking about recently, but I did want to share, I have a different perspective than most people on it.

I have a different perspective than my son, that's for sure.

And here's why.

Everybody sees situations and experiences through the lens of their life, right?

Through the lens of what's happened in their life and how they feel about circumstances because of the good or the bad or the challenges that they faced.

Makes sense, right?

So, someone who is, you know, has had a wonderful life their whole life and a lot of encouragement, positivity, sees something like that, they're probably thinking, this person's crazy.

Conversely, if somebody's been in situations where they face tons of adversity, you know, fighting, backlash, challenges, they're probably thinking, okay, I kind of get it, right?

You feel differently based upon the lens you see see things through.

So to give a little context, if you've read my books, Confidence Creator and Overcome Your Villains, you already know I've faced tremendous amount of adversity, sexual harassment, being roasted at work.

I mean, awful things, abuse, bad, bad things, right?

So again, that shapes a person.

I'm different because of it.

I think in many ways, I'm incredibly stronger than most people because of the challenges I faced along the way.

So in a lot of ways, it's worked out almost advantageous to me because there's nothing that's going to keep me down, right?

So, the next time you're facing adversity, choose to see it as this is my strength training moment that's going to help springboard me to that next level.

That's how I choose to see it for sure.

However, when a situation like the Will Smith, Chris Rock situation goes down, I sit back, you know, and this is going to be different than you.

Please don't judge me for it.

And I'll explain why I see it differently.

When I saw it, I almost started crying.

I was almost crying because I felt for Jada Pinkett Smith so happy for her that someone was defending her so fearlessly and aggressively.

Because in my life, again, it relates back to the person, I really haven't felt that way, right?

I haven't felt like people were, you know, fighting to protect me and stick up for me and have my back.

In fact, so many times it was the opposite.

People would say quietly to me, I'm your champion.

I'm with with you.

I'm so behind you.

But in the moments when the spotlight was on and everybody was watching and something really crappy happened to me, they'd shrink back into a corner in the darkness.

And so when I saw him just leap up and defend her, I thought, oh my gosh, I wish I had had people.

I'm not for hitting, by the way, I'm not anti-violence for sure.

And I don't agree with how it was all handled, but it was just the idea that he had her back, right?

And I want you to be with people who have your back.

I want to be with people people who have my back.

And it's funny, for a long time in my life, whether it was personal relationships or at work, I was allowing myself to be with people who truly didn't have my back.

They were in my circle.

They would say the right things, but they weren't really ride or die in my corner, right?

And I grew accustomed to that being normal.

I saw it as normal, like it was okay.

So when I have these moments of clarity, like when I watch the Oscars replay, I want to be with people who don't hit people, but who jump up to defend me immediately, who don't shrink back into the darkness and just want to disappear because they know there could be backlash if you stand up for someone else.

I want to be with someone who really has my back.

I want to be around people who really have my back and I want that for you.

Okay.

So when I saw the whole thing, I told my son, I said, you know what?

I know it was awful that he hit Chris Rock.

That's, you know, terrible and crazy.

However, I really love that he took up for his wife, that he defended her publicly, knowing there would be backlash, but not caring, saying, You're my person.

I am with you, and I will not let people disrespect you.

I love that.

And that's for a specific reason in my life, a situation that occurred many years ago.

This is what came to my mind, was when I was roasted back in corporate America.

It's actually a chapter in my book, Confidence Creator, which was my first book.

It's chapter 16.

I'm going to read it to you right now.

It's really short, but you might understand why I felt the way that I did when you hear this.

Chapter 16, Karma.

In the the end, I believe that people get what they deserve.

It may not seem like it sometimes, and you don't wanna sit around and wait for others to fight your battles for you, but sometimes the universe has a weird way of working itself out.

I had just been named the VP of sales at a radio company, so I was riding high and feeling proud about my recent accomplishments going into the company's annual awards night.

Part of the event was a roast.

That was my first year at the company awards night, so I had no idea what I was in for, but I was warned about an employee named Tommy who would roast other employees.

By the way, I changed his name.

I didn't know Tommy, and I couldn't imagine why he would attack me, so I didn't think much of it.

Being the youngest member of the leadership team, I was both excited and a little nervous about the event, but I showed up smiling.

Then, Tommy took aim at me.

During his routine, he called me the new VP of cleavage.

I thought the comment was beyond inappropriate.

I was crushed and mortified.

People were laughing, and I did my best to muster a laugh because I thought that was the best way to handle the situation.

Boy, was I wrong.

I was not throwing a bucket of water on my villain.

I let the water get thrown on me.

My confidence hit rock bottom.

I struggled not to cry, and I had to excuse myself from the table.

I went to the ladies' room where I broke down.

Afterward, I called my old boss, who was one of my biggest supporters.

I told him what had happened.

He encouraged me.

He went so far as to say I should sue Tommy.

He told me to quit and that we'd figure something else out.

More importantly, he had my back.

The following week, I let my then boss know that I had a problem with what happened, and I didn't want to be involved in a roast like that again.

It wasn't supportive.

It was hurtful and I deserved better.

That was something I needed to do.

Speaking our truths and standing up for ourselves allows that confidence muscle to grow again.

My boss listened to me and Tommy never took aim at me again.

What goes around comes around.

A few years later, I found myself sitting through another awards meeting, complete with another roast.

Tommy got up and did his thing, but he made sure to avoid saying anything about me because he had been told I was off limits.

Tommy never considered that at one point someone might roast him.

That night, we had invited a guest performer looking to break into radio to service our entertainment.

That performer turned out to be a young Taylor Swift.

She was sitting at my table with her mother.

A couple of minutes into the roast, she leaned over to me and said, Are you kidding me?

This guy gets away with trashing everyone else?

She was horrified.

Before I could respond, she jumped up and ran out the door.

I thought she left because she didn't want to listen anymore, but she returned 10 minutes later after speaking with a few other employees and getting dirt on Tommy.

She used that as ammo to roast him through a song she performed live on stage.

Taylor Swift won my heart that day, and she definitely threw that bucket of water on Tommy that I never did.

We are all in control of our own destiny and responsible for our own success.

But if we stay the course and do the right thing, every once in a while, karma will have our back.

So here's the thing.

I

wished in that moment when he was roasting me,

that I had raised my hand and said, this isn't appropriate.

I'd really like you to stop, right?

I wish that just because nobody else was standing up for me, I wished I had stood up for myself.

That's number one.

I didn't.

I smiled and tried to pretend it was funny, even though it was so painful for me to sit there.

And then when I removed myself from the situation, I thought there were all these people that are supposedly my champions in there.

Not one of them stood up for me.

Not one of them said, all right, enough.

She's new.

Don't get into how she looks.

Like, that's crazy.

Not one.

People will reveal themselves to you.

Red flags are not red flags.

Those are deal breakers.

And when I look back at that situation and look back at those people that all faded into the dark that night that weren't my champions, I saw the red flags, but I looked beyond it.

I should have seen it was a deal breaker.

So if you're around people who are showing you, that's kind of a red flag that no one spoke up or really didn't have my back or allows toxic situations to go on, I'm here to tell you, listen to yourself.

You are right, and find yourself a different and a better situation because there are places out there that you will find champions, that people will have your back.

And while you might not see the Will Smith situation similar to the way that I see it, I hope that you can open your mind to that idea that we all see things through our own past experiences.

And that really shapes the way how we feel and view current situations.

I'm trying to keep my mind open too, and that there was a lot that was so wrong with that.

And I do get the other perspective and the other side on it, but I can't deny that because of my past experiences, I also saw it in a nice way to see somebody supported publicly.

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I ask you to try to find your passion.

So, for those of you who don't know me, I was reminded of this the other day on social media and I did a post about it.

So, I'm going to actually share it with you.

There's new people coming into the show and listening to the show all the time.

So, I just want to share a little bit of background for anyone that might not know the story.

And for those of you that do, I'll add some new things to it so that you can get some new value, hopefully.

But, you know, my whole background was really in growing up in Worcester, Massachusetts, and starting working when I was like 10 years old, I had a paper root, and then busing tables, and then working in fast food restaurants, and then waitressing restaurants, and then bartending.

and ultimately developing all these skills that helped me to excel in sales, right?

Dealing with people, which was great.

And going to college and graduating, I got right into sales.

I went to work for the Gala Winery.

I was the youngest brand manager in the country.

And then I got sexually harassed by my boss, who was a real jerk, by the way.

And back then, you know, people didn't really talk about sexual harassment.

And, you know, it was, I was embarrassed that it happened to me.

I remember I had kept a journal.

P.S.

If you're not keeping a journal, start now.

It's so helpful and powerful and insightful into who you are and helped me in this way.

I had kept a journal.

And when it came time for me to quit, I called a meeting with the owner.

I wanted him to know and I gave him my journal because I so wanted that man fired because he was such a bad guy and hurt me.

I was in my, I was like 21 years old, right?

Or 22 years old or something so ridiculous and had no idea.

And he treated me horrible.

And I had documented everything.

And I didn't want to sue them or because I was afraid it would leave the stigma with me that I'm like a lawsuit happy person or a problem employee.

And so sadly, you know, I didn't have the courage or confidence to stand up for myself.

I gave my journal to the owner because I wanted him to know this guy's a bad, bad guy.

Fire him so it doesn't happen to someone else.

He didn't, by the way.

And years later, he ended up firing him for other reasons.

I'm sure that's because that tiger or leopard didn't change his spots.

Anyhow, so I left there and I went to work for a radio company, a local radio company in Worcester, Massachusetts.

Had no idea what I was doing, right?

It's funny selling radio advertisements because you can't touch it.

You can't feel it.

You can't see it.

It's a tough sell, right?

So, it might as well jump into sales with something completely not tangible.

And I started figuring it out and I started doing really, really well.

And I got really close to the owner.

He's such a good guy and not a dirtbag, a great human being and supporter of mine.

And he was coaching me and training me.

And I was making him a ton of money.

And then my boyfriend cheated on me.

That was a bummer moment.

And I lost my mind.

I was like coming off the rails.

I thought I was going to marry him.

I lived with him for years.

And so I went to work, a disaster, and my boss looked at me and said, what the heck happened to you?

And I explained everything to him.

And he said, okay, I want you to get on a plane with me, but I want you to get on this plane for one reason and one reason only, to make a lot, a lot of money and make you a really successful young lady on your own, on your merit.

on who you are and develop a name for yourself and a massive bank account.

What do you think?

And I said, Yes.

He wouldn't tell me where we were going, but all I knew, it's so funny now when I look back at this because these dark moments have these silver linings.

I would have never taken that opportunity if that man hadn't cheated on me, right?

So, all these awful things had to happen to propel me to say, I'm willing to make the leap.

I want something different.

I want to move away.

I would have never done that.

Well, doing that was crazy.

He dropped me off in Saginaw, Michigan, which is literally in the middle of nowhere.

but I was so focused on my goal, which was we bought a company for $25 million.

I was his equity partner, and my job was to accelerate revenues as fast as I could so we could sell it as quickly as possible.

Well, clearly, I wanted to get out of Saginaw, Michigan.

I had no reason to be there other than to make us money.

I worked seven days a week, 20 hours a day.

I mean, literally, I probably slept a couple of hours a night because I wanted to sell that thing so fast.

And in under three years, we sold that thing for $55 million, a $30 million profit, making me a lot of money, clearly not as much as my partner, but at that age, you know, it was more money than I ever thought I was going to make.

And really landed me on the map of this revenue generator in media.

People heard about what I had done and, and I had this.

credibility all of a sudden.

So I just hope you notice that, right?

I came from nothing and I taught myself sales from hustling and paper roots and bartending.

And then that landed me in a really really bad opportunity which then landed me in radio which then when my boyfriend cheated on me gave me the opportunity we'll call it to jump on a plane and go for something more and so sometimes in your life you could be going through a really low moment hard time you might not see it yet because you can't see the dots connect until you look back but right now it could be your moment that you could be jumping on that plane right you could be opening that door to that massive opportunity You've just got to be willing to go for it.

So I'm so glad I did.

And then from there, you know, I'll never forget my old boss said to me, Well, what are you going to do?

Are you going to take like a year off and go to Europe?

And I said, What are you crazy?

No, I'm going to go back to work.

I need to work.

I never thought back then, the idea of like vacation and take it easy.

I thought climb the ladder, like push yourself, go while you can.

You're young, you know, things are working, you're killing it, go, go.

I was so driven, which is so funny.

Right now, if I had done a huge deal and and netted my partners and myself millions of dollars, I'd be like, heck yeah, I'm taking a year off.

Let's vacation.

It's so different being 47 versus 27.

Okay, so from there, I jumped on a plane.

I flew to Florida, Naples, and I pitched myself to this big, much bigger company, a publicly traded company, a job that didn't exist, which was VP of sales of their company.

And they said, you know what, why don't we give you a job here locally first as a director of sales?

So basically, I took a much smaller job than what I had just been doing for my old partner and I did it because I knew I needed to build trust and credibility within the organization.

And I knew I could do that quickly because I could get results, right?

So you need to develop that rapport, develop that trust.

And so really quickly, within a few months, I accelerated revenues in the small market I was in.

Remember, I took a big step back in pay, a big step back in title to do this.

But I knew if I could get their trust, that I could, you know, leapfrog everyone and go to the next level quick.

And I was right.

So anyway, so then I met with the president of the company and I said, listen, here's the thing.

You've got a huge missed opportunity.

I put myself in his shoes.

I'm like, I can make this company blow up from a revenue standpoint by a couple of different tactics that I can deploy that I just did in Saginaw Mission.

I can do it here for the company.

I've got a proven track record of success.

You've seen what I can do in your small market in a very short window of time, extrapolate that across the entire organization.

We're talking hundreds of millions of dollars.

I can make you look like a rock star.

It won't take any further work from you.

You know how much I respect you.

We'll communicate with you and support you.

There's nothing here but rainbows and lollipops.

Like, let's, let's do it.

He said, no, turns out he needed his father's permission, which I did not know.

And I didn't find that out until I went to resign to him, right?

Because back then I didn't have kids and I hadn't bought a home there yet.

I was just renting.

And I thought, if these people aren't going to give me this opportunity, they're crazy.

I'll go find a bigger job somewhere else.

So I did.

And I called him to meet him for lunch.

And I just said, listen, if you're not going to give me that role, I just want to let you know I'm accepting a big job in Boston.

And that's when he ran out, called his dad, got the approval for me to take on VP of sales.

And that's when I learned.

Never ask someone who can only give you a no, never ask them for a yes because you'll be in a really bad situation.

So I was asking someone to give me a yes, but he never had the high sign to do it, right?

The right person for me to ask would have been his father, but I was asking the wrong person and I was completely unaware.

And I never want that for you.

So always qualify if somebody actually can sign off on something or if they need somebody else's permission before you ask, because I was basically wasting my time.

Okay, so he gets his dad on board.

His dad says yes.

They give me the position or promote me to this new title, VP of sales.

I get promoted three more times, become the chief revenue officer.

During my tenure there, we were billing a hundred million annually the year I took over.

And then, whatever it was, a decade later, we were doing hundreds of millions annually.

You know, we were killing it.

Our stock had jumped up huge.

I was named one of the most influential women in radio.

And then three weeks later, the CEO I'd worked for for 14 years became ill and he elevated his daughter to replace him.

And she was my arch nemesis, my enemy number one.

And she fired me immediately.

You know, and that whole moment was so earth-shattering.

I look back now, it's, you know, a little over four years ago, and I can see it so differently.

Cause, like with anything, any hard moment you're going to have in your life, yeah, it sucks in the moment.

No one likes it.

I didn't like getting fired.

It was awful.

But when I look back at it, I see why it had to happen.

I had outgrown.

the position in the company I was in.

And when you're shrinking yourself to fit in somewhere you've already outgrown, you're not living to your potential.

You're not living your best life.

And you're not making the world a better place to the way and level that you could.

And so that day sucked, but I look back and I know it was a complete and total gift that set me on a totally different trajectory and path that has led me to figure out my purpose, my bigger picture mission in life, and really start stepping into my potential in ways I never considered doing before.

Here's a great example of that.

If you haven't found your purpose or mission yet, this is so for you because years ago I was speaking, I was headlining at a National Association of Broadcasters event.

Thousands of people were in attendance and I was speaking.

Part of my job back then was on behalf of the company.

I would travel a lot of different places, client events, association events, my own company events, and I would give keynote speeches.

It was part of my job.

I didn't get paid for it.

It was just expected as executive of the company.

You need to do this.

And so I didn't know about the speaking business.

I just was a good speaker because I spoke all of the time for 20-something years.

And I knew what I was talking about.

And I had put the reps in, right?

I had done a lot of speeches.

So I gave the speech at the National Association of Broadcasters in Texas.

I think it was Austin, Texas.

This is probably, gosh, I don't know, eight years ago.

And this is back when I was still in corporate.

And people went wild.

They were screaming, going crazy.

When I got off the stage, everyone was rushing me.

And I remember that moment, I felt like magic.

I remember thinking, like, gosh, I wish this could be my job every day.

This is pure magic.

It's so fun.

And I'm really good at it.

And so, if you ever have that moment in your life that just feels like magic, but then you shake your head and say, well, there's no money here and I can't pay my bills with this.

This is crazy.

Don't do that.

That's what I did.

For years, I walked away from that idea of this magic and I went back to work.

And that's not the answer.

The answer was what I should have done.

I should have started Googling speaking business.

Is there a speaking business?

Can anyone, how could I ever make money speaking?

I should have started talking to people and trying to figure out and really like put it out to the universe that this is what I want to do.

Don't know how it can work, but I need to start asking questions and having conversations and opening doors.

And I didn't do that.

However, I should probably know by now, you know, I get fired.

I put a post up on social media and it said, I've just been fired.

If I've ever helped you in any way, I need to hear from you now.

And people told me to take that post down.

They said I looked so pathetic.

And I listened to the one voice and opinion that matters, and that is your own.

And my voice was telling me, my opinion was telling me, I don't look pathetic.

I didn't do anything bad.

That lady just didn't like me.

I don't feel embarrassed about it.

And then I googled, has anyone successful ever been fired?

Turns out, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, J.K.

Rowling, Mark Cuban.

The list goes on and on.

Heather Modahan, yes, in good company.

I decided to reframe it.

I have not been rejected.

I have been redirected to something so much bigger and so much better for me.

So I rocked that post and that post landed me on the Elvis Duran show.

And halfway through that interview, he says to me, well, obviously you're writing a book, but I wasn't.

I had always thought of myself as the social one, you know, the sales one, and that you have to stay in that sales lane.

And it was that moment that man spoke a belief and a truth and a conviction into me that I decided to grab that truth and conviction and run with it.

So, if you ever have something to say to someone, if you ever have a feeling or calling that you want to say something, speak that truth into them.

You can truly change the trajectory of their lives.

And he did that day for me.

I'm so grateful for that.

I jumped on a plane.

I googled how do you write a book.

Said, just start writing.

So I started writing.

And within a few months, I said, I've got to go bigger.

I need to find someone who has done this before.

I hired an editor.

I invested in myself.

And we brought that book, Confidence Creator, to life in May of 2018, only months after I had been fired.

And that book went number one on Amazon and trumped Donald Trump, who was then president, for number one on the business biography list.

And yes, I have the screenshot to prove that one.

Super proud.

Okay, so from there, I googled how do you sell books?

And it said speak.

I thought, oh my gosh, great.

I'm so good at speaking.

And then I went down the rabbit hole of cold calling companies and saying, hey, I'll come and speak if you buy my books.

And then one day someone said, what's your speaker fee?

And I Googled speaker fees.

And I realized Gary Vaynerchuk was getting $350,000 a speech back then in 2018.

And that's when I said, wait a minute, there is a speaker business.

How did I not know this?

And I just went all in on speaking and I got hired to interview Sarah Blakely live on stage at a sales and marketing conference in Boston in 2019.

And I gave my TEDx talk and my speaking business took off until the pandemic hit.

And then it disappeared overnight.

And again, it's like one of those things in the moment, it sucks.

Everything sucks when the hard times come.

But when you look back, I see, even though I hate to say it, it was actually a blessing in disguise, right?

Getting thrown into that pandemic and losing my speaking business forced me to launch a consulting and coaching business, which landed me on the board of directors of HealthLink.

I wouldn't have my board seat if it wasn't for my consulting and coaching program.

So one of the people that hired me was the CFO of Healthlink and we developed a rapport and relationship over the pandemic.

And he believed in me so much that he pulled the CEO in to meet me and said, she's got to join our board.

She's amazing.

And I have been pitching myself for a board for over a decade at the company that fired me.

And here's what I've learned.

When you're sitting at a table surrounded with people that don't actually want you there, there's nothing wrong with you.

You're in the wrong room.

Get up from that table, leave that room and go find a room where people want you at the table.

And that's exactly what happened for me during COVID is I found found that table and those people love me and they cheer me on when I walk in the door.

And our last board meeting, I had to do virtually my son was on spring break and they were so bummed out I wasn't there.

Right.

And it's just so funny to, I'm finally with the right people.

And that's what I want for you.

Meet a different guest each week.

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Confidence clearly,

I ask you to try to find your passion and issue something.

As you know, I love to answer your questions.

And I have a really interesting question that showed up this week.

So, here it goes.

This came through to me on LinkedIn.

Hey, Heather, my question is: when writing a book that includes information about your personal life and experiences you've had with other people, how do you protect yourself from potential lawsuits?

While one could say a solution could be just leave that part out, it's important to include in the book to build the story, credibility, and message.

Just like you, Heather, wrote about the woman that fired you.

How did you protect yourself from any lawsuits, any advice on how to word this in a book?

Obviously not naming the people.

Also, would it be different if these are personal relationships versus a professional relationship?

Okay, here's why this is interesting.

And hang with me on this this because I think you'll like this answer.

No, I know you'll like this answer.

So there's a funny backstory that I haven't told on this.

I'm going to tell you now because you're here in the fam.

And I want you to know, it's interesting because a good friend of mine who I hadn't seen since before the pandemic and I had the opportunity to spend the day with the other day, she asked me the exact same question around, how come you never got sued by that lady?

And, you know, by the way, what happened?

Did she come after you?

Did you cover it up?

Like, what's give us the real dirt.

So, I just had a good friend ask me this, and then I got this note.

So, number one, first and foremost, I am not an attorney, right?

Now, probably this might confuse you a little bit, and I hope it doesn't.

But here, just to set it straight, I'm not an attorney, so I'm not someone to give legal advice.

I can explain my situation.

That doesn't mean I'm advising you on yours, right?

I am not equipped to give legal advice.

I will share with you what happened in my situation, and I'll share with you the advice that I got and what I decided to do, but you need to make your own decisions.

I highly recommend anyone that has a legal question, reach out to a lawyer, right?

I mean, that's just the smart thing to do.

I always talk about this: never take direction from someone who hasn't been where you're going.

You know, yes, I've been in this situation, so you can hear what I have to say, but I'm not the authority on it.

I'm not an attorney.

So, I'm going to share it with you, take it or leave it, but definitely speak to an attorney and find out what they think because I have no idea.

I never pretend to be an attorney.

Now, here's what's interesting: Back in 2018 is when I wrote and self-published my first book, Confidence Creator.

And this is really what she's referencing, right?

Because this is the first book.

This is right out.

I had just gotten fired.

I got fired at the end of 2017, actually coming up on five years, which is so crazy.

So I just gotten fired and then I was writing and self-publishing this book.

I was petrified, by the way, if anyone doesn't remember this, petrified, literally like hiding under my bed, scared that this lady was going to come after me.

And here's why.

She was now the CEO of this company, making hundreds of millions of dollars.

I'm this single mom who just been cast out, had no job, could not go back to the industry I was an expert in because they had me sign an 18-month non-compete, non-solicit, which meant I could not compete in the industry.

I had expertise, knowledge.

I mean, I could have crushed it if I could have gone back.

I truly believe now that happens for a reason.

That was the way to push me out of that industry and and to get myself to do, take this leap of faith and go to work for myself, which seriously is a leap of faith.

It is not easy.

It's not for the faint of heart, but I would have never done it if I could have just gone across the street and competed against them, right?

So here's the thing.

I was so scared back then.

And I remember when I first finished Confidence Creator, my first book, I sent it to my family members.

My sister is an attorney.

She called me immediately and said, hey, here's the thing.

You can't publish this.

She's She's an attorney, mind you.

And she said, You can't publish this.

You're going to get sued.

You're going to get sued by the lady that you call out.

You're going to get sued by anyone and everyone you call out.

And you're even going to get sued by Jen Cincero, the author of You Are a Badass because your book is similar and she's going to sue you.

And so, this was legal expert advice, right?

So, I hung up with her, made a smart decision.

I called my editor.

He'd written 19 books.

And I told him, I said, My sister is an attorney.

She said, I can't do this.

I'm going to get sued.

And he said, heather how many books have i written i said 19.

he said you don't think that anyone ever told me i was going to get sued i said i don't know and he said no plenty of people told me i was but i just went for it anyways and guess what i never got sued and that made me think back to my time in corporate america you know over 20 years i was leading teams and working for publicly traded companies in high-profile positions.

I was sued many times right in that environment.

However, you have legal and the general counsel and the company's funds to protect you.

So it wasn't something I worried about.

I dealt with it, you know, going to court, depositions, all this kind of stuff.

But so I'm familiar with the process.

I don't like it at all.

It's painful waste of time.

But in most cases, you know, it's not true.

And so you're just wasting your time defending that it's not true.

So in the end, you know, either the company pays them to go away or you prove that it wasn't true and it's over and just frustrating.

So anyhow, so back to, you know, all this is going on.

My editor says just do it anyways.

I'm so scared because it's like that David and Goliath story, right?

I'm this one individual person and she's the CEO of this massive company, hundreds of millions of dollars, a general counsel, full-time working for her.

I don't have that, right?

So I remember thinking all these things.

My sister said I was going to get sued, right?

So there was just all this general fear around, oh my God, fear.

Oh my gosh, here we are again talking about fear.

Fear is a green light that means go and go faster, remember?

So I was really clinging to this fear.

Now cut to today, I was thinking about this and I remember thinking, okay, have I ever talked about this prior to now?

And I remembered I had.

So here's the thing.

In 2018, a good friend of mine was a producer on the James Alticher podcast, which is a huge podcast in New York City.

He used to film it live out of his comedy nightclub.

And I had the opportunity to go on, be his guest.

He's incredible.

Now he's a friend of mine.

I'm a big fan of James Altscher.

Check the podcast out.

It's so good.

Check out this episode.

He actually has it up on YouTube and it's hilarious.

And here's why.

James is a brilliant man, super successful, written many books, right?

He's light years ahead of me as an entrepreneur.

He has his own challenges with confidence, which was really interesting for us to get into on the conversation.

But what's cool about this, and and I'm going to, I actually went to his website to search it up and I found a blog he wrote about this.

It's so spot on.

So you're going to love it.

I'm going to read it to you right now.

Again, check out the whole episode.

It's so cool.

But he interviewed me about the book, Confidence Creator.

This was the week before it was coming out.

And

we get into right at the end when we're about to get off the show, we get into this whole legal question.

And he really helped me break it down and push me through.

So number one, asking my editor for for advice and direction was a really smart choice.

And then ending up in front of James, who had, who's an author who had done this many times and getting advice from him, really propelled me through.

I mean, this is how I did it.

Again, I do not give legal advice.

Hire an attorney if you want legal advice.

Okay, here we go.

So this is up on the James Altiter blog, and it's about this conversation James and I had after he interviewed me on creating confidence.

Here we go.

The mic was off.

Thanks for coming, I said.

That was great.

And everyone in the room agreed.

When does the book come out again?

Tuesday.

I'm freaking out, she said.

That's me, by the way.

Wait, why?

I was confused.

We just did an hour-long podcast about confidence.

What are you afraid of?

I asked.

And then I looked at my engineer.

Jay, make sure you're rolling.

Okay, stop for a second.

So I had no idea James was going to do this.

We were like off air having a personal conversation.

And he says, no, hit record.

Let's put this on.

Rolling, we're on.

The podcast was back on.

I was talking to Heather Monaghan, author of Confidence Creator, which just came out this week.

I thought we had a great conversation.

I learned a lot, but more on that later.

I wanted to know what she was afraid of.

It's her first book.

And to me, that means one thing, opportunity.

I think I'm going to get sued, she said.

I'm so scared of that.

Why are you afraid you're going to be sued?

James said.

She told me some of her fears.

I started to tackle each one.

That'll never happen because they need to prove X.

And no, you don't have to even think about that because of Y.

And my friend, Bill Betreat, he's a lawyer, turned comedian.

He was in the room and he agreed with everything.

So then I asked her, what else are you afraid of?

And she said, missing my flight.

I checked the time and she left.

I just spent the last hour playing devil's advocate with her.

She was the positive one telling me how to create confidence.

And I was the challenger because she made it sound easy.

Confidence isn't easy.

I know this because I don't have any.

These were the questions I asked, and I learned a lot.

I learned that I think I'll be a little more confident if I just take a few steps in the right direction.

Number one, I said, it's hard to just start, particularly if you've gone deeper into the no confidence zone.

So how can someone start, Heather?

She told me about her alone moments, getting fired as a chief revenue officer because someone else didn't like her personality, getting divorced and questioning herself, her choices, and questioning who she she was as a person.

It's not about hard or easy, she said.

This is a choice.

If confidence was easy, everyone would have it.

It's a discipline and a choice.

And she's right.

The reason she bounced back from those low moments was because she decided to.

You don't just bounce back by mistake.

So when I asked her to walk me through step one, she made it clear.

Decide.

Decide if confidence is something you're willing to work on.

Get clear on it.

Number two, how do you make the leap?

If you just got fired, divorced, went broke, how do you say, okay, I'm going to make myself priority number one?

So in any moment, you're either going to be building your confidence or chipping away at it, Heather said.

So she said, after step one of deciding, you need step two, build reminders for yourself.

One of the ways she does that is with a 30-day plan.

What does that look like?

I asked.

She told me about her son who broke his leg playing basketball.

It was cool, she said.

Not that he broke his leg, that was horrible.

And for him, it was devastating because he was 10 and loves basketball.

How do he break his leg?

A basketball game.

He was devastated because he'd have to be out of the game for a while, but instead of allowing it to be some unknown amount of time, Heather helped him create a 30-day plan.

I like to give myself that sense of, okay, I can get through today.

I can cross this day off.

They showed themselves that they could make it back and they had a bigger focus and goal of getting back on the court, getting back to the parts of life that they really enjoy.

One of these days, Heather's son even wrote on his shoes, I can do all things.

Heather also did a 30-day plan trick when she got fired from her job.

She made a priorities list each day.

She asked herself, what do I want to focus on?

Keyword, want, not need.

That's so important.

Because if she only did what she needed to do, she'd still be suffering.

Staying sad for more than 30 days, that was never an option for me, she said.

I had that map for the first 30 days.

I was allowing myself to feel what I needed to feel, but honestly, within the first 10 days, I wasn't feeling that sad anymore.

Doing what she wanted, making a list of it and checking it off each day helped her get out of her sadness and into her confidence.

Number three, how long should you allow yourself to feel sad?

I like that she didn't push it away.

This is actually the first tip she gives in her book, Confidence Creator.

She said, it's okay to feel sad and to reach out and talk to people about it, but she also didn't let herself get trapped in it.

So when I asked her how long someone can be sad for, she talked about vision.

Beyond 30 days for me, I saw more for my future and my vision for where I wanted to go.

So the first 30 days after getting fired, getting divorced and so on, Heather dedicates to just getting through the day.

She set her priorities and goes down the list.

But after that, she makes a new plan.

And it doesn't have to be exact.

She didn't know the name of her book or what she was going to write about.

She even made a mock-up book one day just to push herself a little closer to the direction she wanted to achieve.

It looked terrible, she said, but it helped me realize this is what I'm working towards.

I think the reason so many people feel like their confidence is static is because we forget to move past the 30 days.

Something bad happens.

We either bounce back or we don't.

And wherever we land usually ends up being our new status quo.

But Heather showed me it doesn't have to be.

I can make a new plan any day, and I don't even have to believe in it.

I can just fake it until it comes true.

Heather even bought Cheryl Sandberg's book, Option B, for in case things didn't work out.

Her son walked by it, saw it one day, and said, you don't need a plan B, mom.

Let's throw this book away, which she did.

Okay, so I'm going to stop there.

This article goes on and on, right?

So that he's kind of recapping the whole show.

Check it out, James Alticher podcast.

Just type in James Alticher, Heather Monaghan.

It comes up on YouTube.

You can read this blog, or you can go check out his podcast and listen to the the whole episode.

So a lot of the back end of the episode is about the legal part.

So ultimately, James advised me, do not

feel fearful about getting sued.

It's not going to happen.

Anyone can sue you for anything.

It's completely irrelevant and that should not stop you from creating or moving forward with your plans, right?

So his advice as an author and entrepreneur was just go for it.

It's not going to happen.

My sister's advice, who's a successful attorney, was don't do it.

You're going to get sued, right?

So everyone comes at things from their own life perspective, their own experience, which is great.

My editor, who had written 19 books, came at it from his experience.

He said, Go for it, you're not going to get sued.

So, here we are today, cut to you know, the behind the scenes.

Here we are today, almost, well, now, I guess, four years later from book launch, and I never got sued.

And so, of course, were there times I was so petrified when I would hear, you have an official note at the desk, Heather, in my building.

I'd think, oh my gosh, that it's here.

I'm so dead.

I'm going to get sued.

and I'm going to lose two years of my life in court and I'm going to have no money.

Of course, I thought those things, right?

I was super, super nervous.

However, I needed a little bit of information to understand some things.

James and my editor gave me the push forward that I needed in that moment of time.

I'm grateful for them.

I'm grateful I listened to them.

Doesn't mean you should listen to them, but.

you know, consult with an attorney and see what your truth is.

For me, that was my truth.

I needed that push they gave me and it worked out.

Cut two, I signed with HarperCollins leadership in the end of 2020.

And one of the things that happens when you sign with a big publishing house is they have a huge legal team.

Yet again, it was like being back at a big company in corporate America.

Now I had a legal team at my disposal to use to help me.

So I had, now this is my second book, Overcome Your Villains.

And so I get on a call the first time with one of the attorneys on my team and he had read my new book, Overcome Your Villains.

And he said, okay, let's get into some of the legal situations.

Obviously, I don't want to use these people's real names, blah, blah, blah.

Is everything that you're saying true?

Yes.

Okay.

He said, so here's the thing, Heather.

He said, your first book, Confidence Creator, he said, I'm going to be honest with you.

I'm surprised you didn't get sued for that.

I said, really?

You're kidding.

He said, he said, but you didn't.

And here's the great news.

Because she didn't sue you for that, her statue of limitations has expired.

I had no idea what that was, but apparently, I think it's a two-year statute of limitations.

So he said, if I was going to get sued, it would have had to have been in 2018 with Confidence Creator or in 2019 with my TED Talk, which I addressed her bullying me at work.

He said, so it had to have been one of those two things.

He said, I'm here to give you some really good news.

She didn't do it.

She didn't pull the trigger while she had the chance.

And so.

She can't anymore.

He said, so we're pretty much in the clear with overcome your villains because you're not basically, I'm not releasing some whole new hidden thing that I've never talked about before.

I might get into more detail on some things and overcome your villains, but I've already addressed them and the bigger picture earlier on.

So he explained to me as my attorney that there's nothing she can do anymore, which is so crazy that, you know, had he not told me that, I'd still have a little bit of fear around it, right?

I mean, it's kind of a weird thing when it's the unknown.

You just don't know what to expect.

Okay, so that was great news.

And then, so I was talking to my girlfriend last week about it and she's saying, are you shocked that she didn't see you or, or are you not shocked?

Here's what I know.

I'm sure she got legal advice, right?

But here's what I think she got for advice that maybe she regrets now.

Maybe she doesn't.

I don't know.

It doesn't really matter, right?

It's irrelevant.

But I have a feeling that someone said this to her, that, you know, you suing her, Heather will blow it up on social media.

She'll expose it and she'll leverage it and use it to her advantage, which of course I would, right?

I would definitely bring you into the story on it and I would definitely let people know.

And here's the thing, you know, Heather was telling the truth with what happened.

So really for you to make a case that she's defaming you or, you know, saying something that isn't true, how are you going to do that?

Right.

You're going to be pouring gasoline on a fire that doesn't need to be amped up.

Just give it some time.

Heather will, you know, go away or Heather will go back to corporate America, take another job, and no one will ever talk about this again.

In my mind, I have a feeling she probably thought, yeah, that's, you know, listen, there's really nothing to sue her about because she's telling the truth.

And to make this a big deal and try to shut her down, it's going to be really hard to do that.

And we'd just be amping up her voice, amplifying her voice even more.

So they probably decided, okay, just, you know, let Heather go away.

The weird thing is, and I shared this on my social a couple weeks ago.

When I left that company, we were trading at, I think it was $11, the share price was, right?

And that was at the end of 2017.

In 2018, that stock started going down.

It's gone down consistently for the last five years.

It's trading at a dollar the last time I checked, a dollar and 30 cents, I believe it was.

So what's weird is I mentioned the David and Goliath concept, right?

Like this huge company and then this little me.

And so, I mean, I'm still not some huge company, but the trajectory has changed.

And the reason why I share that with you is things don't always go the way you think they will, right?

Like I was so sure I was going to get sued.

I didn't get sued.

And then I found out from my attorney now i can't get sued by her like it's over the ship has sailed i didn't know any of that was going to happen i was worrying about something that never even transpired i was wasting my energy on things that never came to fruition what are you wasting your energy on today so thank you so much as always if you could share the show Share it with just one person or post it on social media.

I'll always repost.

And when you do, tag me.

You got a chance to win Overcome Your Villains audiobook or Confidence Creator audiobook.

I narrate both of them.

You will love them.

And on the Overcome Your Villains audiobook, I give off script at the end of every chapter.

I just go raw and break it all down for you.

So different.

I definitely took it from the David Goggins book.

I loved how he did it and went off script on this one.

So I think you'll really dig the audiobook.

And if you haven't, you're going to love the Confidence Creator audiobook too.

So until next week, keep creating your confidence.

You know, I will be.

I decided to change that dynamic.

I couldn't be more excited for what you're going to hear.

Start learning and growing.

Inevitably, something will happen.

No one succeeds alone.

You don't stop and look around once in a while.

You could miss it.

Come on this journey with me.