Confidence Classic: Believe in Your Worth FIRST With Heather!

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Hi and welcome back.

I'm so glad you're back with me today.

Okay, so I have a few different stories to share with you that have occurred in the last week that I feel like when I'm hit with a message, it's my job to share it with you that somebody listening needs to hear it.

So I've got a couple different messages, a couple different stories.

I don't know that they necessarily tie it together, but I'm hoping that you get something out of them.

It was sort of a couple of these situations were eye-openers for me.

So I hope they help you.

All right, first of all, I was in a meeting the other day and someone on my team lost their cool.

This very rarely happens, right?

I mean, how often are you in a meeting and someone starts kind of bullying and raising their voice and basically throwing a temper tantrum?

Not often if you're in a healthy environment, right?

So this was very out of character for the person.

I was shocked.

I mean, I had no poker face.

I was making the weirdest face.

I was in shock.

And it hit me as so strange for a few different reasons.

One, I used to be in a very toxic environment when I was back in corporate America, as you know, with a woman who hated me, who was always trying to sabotage me, but she was very sneaky.

She was very quiet.

She would never bang on the tables, but she would do things behind your back in a real sneaky fashion.

I literally trained myself back then not to react.

I trained myself never to throw a tantrum, never to raise my voice, never to stomp my fists.

Even though I'm an outgoing, extroverted, loud person, I really trained myself not not to react, but to be very thoughtful and respond tactfully.

And it was so interesting for me because it was a man that was the one who really just lost his control and got very angry.

And I thought, wow, that's so awful, right?

You want to be able to be in control of your thoughts, your emotions, and present yourself in the best way possible.

So the reason I wanted to bring that up was what I've seen since that meeting occurred is such a long tail fallout.

It really shocked me.

There been so many side conversations behind this person's back since this happened, right?

So I guess my point is: don't lose your cool in a meeting or otherwise, because there's such a different fallout that you might not even be aware of.

And it affects people from a trust level, from a team standpoint.

It's just, it shocked me.

One, that the person did it because it was out of character for them.

And listen, we all make mistakes, right?

And we can grow and learn, but it just, it had a much broader, deeper on everybody that was there at the meeting.

And I don't think this person realized the ramifications of, you know, what could happen.

So before the next time, you know, you find yourself in a situation, maybe somebody's delivering you information you don't like, you're not happy to hear, believe me, that's happened to me countless times in my life and in business.

really finding the grace to take a deep breath, be thoughtful,

be respectful, give yourself grace.

And if you feel that you are boiling over and you're going to lose it, excuse yourself from the meeting.

That's the best advice.

I wish I could have told this person that before they lost it that day.

Hey, why don't you go for a walk?

Or hey, why don't we step outside and talk individually?

You can vent to me, but not to do it in a public forum because you just have no idea the impact that scene or tantrum could have longer term.

And it could really harm you, harm your relationships on the team.

And it's tough to come back from those, from those situations.

Not impossible, but you're making things tougher on yourself than you need to.

Always take the high road.

You can circle back on things later.

If you are feeling like you're losing control, excuse yourself from the meeting, from the situation, and let everybody know that you need a break and that you'll be back when you can.

You know, that's showing up with a lot of grace and a lot of class.

And to me, that's who I want to embody, right, when I'm in a situation like that.

And I've been in many situations where I've wanted to lose my cool, but it's like a practice or a discipline.

And I think about with children, right?

They want to just jump on the floor and scream and throw tantrums if they can't get something.

But over time, they learn you're not rewarded for bad behavior.

You don't get the thing you want when you have bad behavior.

So it's just applicable still as adults.

I just wanted to share that because it was really, it was surprising.

And it just reminded me of this lesson that I had learned back in corporate America: to really separate from emotion in business because it doesn't behoove you to to get really angry in a meeting.

It will never turn out the way that you hoped it would.

Okay, that was one lesson that I wanted to share.

Now, this is such a crazy thing that's been going on.

If you've been listening to the show for a while, you know that I think it was back in April, maybe my neighbor who I didn't talk to very much.

She was super nice, but I just never saw her.

came up to me and said, hey, you need to sell your condo.

We just sold ours.

We made a killing.

And Heather, I just, I'm telling you, you need to, right now, call my realtor right now.

There's buyers for your condo.

I had not even thought about selling my condo because I bought an 05, which was at the height of the market.

I never thought I'd be able to get out and make any money on it.

However, I drive my son an hour to school each way every day.

He and I lose so much time every day.

It's ridiculous.

His school is so far.

So the problem is.

500,000 people have moved to Miami since COVID, and the traffic is just horrible now.

And it wasn't anywhere near like this back, you know, in 2019.

So, anyhow, my eyes popped out of my head.

I was so excited when she told me this because for me to be able to move closer to my son's school, to be able to get out from under a situation that I thought, I thought I'd have to own my condo forever and just rent it because I wouldn't be able to sell it.

So, it was just this amazing moment that came out of nowhere.

What a blessing and miracle that this woman handed me.

And funny enough, the next day I hadn't circled back with her, she left a post-it note on my door, which I truly believe this is like with a hand from God.

She left a post-it note on my door.

Please call my realtor today.

I'm not kidding, Heather.

This is important.

She put the phone number.

I text him immediately.

By that afternoon, the realtor had come over to my house and they were listing my condo.

So things were happening so quickly.

Well, what is so bizarre is that we put it up, we were moving fast, breaking things, making things happen, and then a deal fell through.

And then we went under contract again and another deal fell through.

And then we went under contract again and another deal fell through.

All the while during this time, the marketplace was starting to change and slow down.

So we had to drop the price, drop the price.

Anyways, to make a long story longer, we ended up getting the condo sold.

We're now under contract.

We're only a few weeks away from closing.

All is well.

But it's been a long process and one that did not turn out anything like I thought it would.

However, when I look back at the beginning, I was so so stressed about when would we close and what would the dollar amount be?

And I truly believe when you're putting energy out there like that, you're just harming yourself, right?

I wasn't thinking, let go, turn it over, everything is going to go seamless and work out in the right timing with the right buyer.

I have nothing to fear.

Instead, I was sitting in fear and what could go wrong and how much money would I make?

And I really was not approaching it correctly.

This much I know for sure.

So what ends up happening is during all of this, I had started looking for a place for us to move because we had been under contract.

The first deal we did was back in May, right?

So I started looking for a condo for my son and I to lease for a year until I could find out what we wanted to do and see what happens with the real estate market.

Well, I found the most incredible penthouse.

It was two stories and ideal location.

I fell in love with it.

Yes, it was very expensive.

You know, maybe not the smartest decision for me, but I loved it.

I was like, you know what?

I'm going all in.

This is going to be an adventure.

I can't wait.

And so once a week, I would drive by the location.

I loved it so much.

I would speak it into existence.

I'm going to be living here.

Super excited.

Yes, I really do things like this.

Okay, so.

Wouldn't you know now that my new contract is hard and it's time to find a place to live, my realtors took me out and I said, I want to go get the penthouse.

And they said, oh my gosh, we hate to tell you this.

It just sold two weeks ago.

It's off the market.

Somebody already moved in.

I was devastated.

I thought for sure that's where I was supposed to live.

But these are the moments I truly believe you have to turn it over to God, turn it over to higher power, turn it over to the universe, whoever it is for you, and say, please, you know, I turn it over to you, whatever is meant to be that is, you know, in the best interest for me and my son and where we're going to live.

I have all the faith in the world that it's going to work out.

And I did that.

Now, I say that I did that, but I have my low moments where I forget.

And thankfully, I have a child that reminds me.

So here's how it went.

I basically had that conversation, even though I was disappointed about the penthouse.

I'm not going to lie, I was.

It was incredible.

I said, okay, let's go all in.

Let's start looking for some new places.

Something amazing will pop up.

And the first couple of places I saw, I just didn't really like.

You know, I wasn't, I just wasn't excited.

You know, you just, you know, when you walk in somewhere, you know, if this is the place or not.

And I was not finding anything that was really making me so happy.

Well, anyways, I end up finding, surprisingly, a townhouse, which I did not think I would like.

I liked it.

I didn't love the neighborhood, right?

It wasn't like, oh, I love this place the way that I had felt about the previous one.

But I thought, you know what?

Let's just be open-minded, give it a shot.

And I made an offer.

Well, I get home and my son's home and we were actually sitting on the couch after dinner.

And he can see that I'm so frustrated texting with this woman because she's kind of being a bully, like, hey, you need to up that ask and you need to make another offer.

And if you need to do it by eight o'clock, and I've got two other offers and you're going to lose this place.

really being pushy and not very nice and so my son saw my face he saw I was irritated and he said to me mom I just want to remind you that if God's hand is on this deal things will move forward with ease and grace and it won't be hard and it'll work out for the best for us doesn't seem to me like this is the deal and when he reminded me of that I said you are 100% right.

I'm going to hand this over.

I'm turning it over.

There's a bigger plan out there than mine and I'm letting this go.

But of course you wonder, oh gosh i hope i'm making the right decision right so i did that and the next day we get the call somebody else got the townhouse okay fine i'm just a few weeks away from having to be out of my home i have no idea where i'm going the place i loved is gone now my second rate place that i thought was okay is gone turn it over let's start looking for some more options so the next day i go out with the realtors and we see a few different properties and we get to this one property was huge and really beautiful but it was more money than i wanted to spend and i said you know what?

How much room do we have to negotiate here?

You know, let's put our cards on the table.

I don't want to waste my time.

I don't want to waste your time.

Let's just talk very directly.

Where are you at with the price?

And the guy says to me, Oh, we're not budging at all, which is ridiculous because the marketplace right now is on a downward decline.

So I said, Well, then we're not interested.

We're leaving.

And I was pissed because I really liked it.

And of course, you don't know what else you're going to find out in the market.

We leave and I said, you know what?

That's just, it's too much money.

I'm not paying that.

It's ridiculous.

Let's go to the next one.

We go to the next one.

I walk into this building.

I fell in love immediately.

I had never seen this building, didn't even know it existed.

Miracles happen.

I am telling you right now, you don't know what is ahead for you.

It's so exciting.

Sometimes that moment of uncertainty can seem so scary.

And I promise you, I felt like that.

Oh my gosh, where are we going to live?

What if I can't find anything good?

And I walked into this building and I just immediately felt at home, immediately felt so peaceful, immediately felt safe, immediately felt happy, excited, great energy.

The woman showing the unit to us was amazing.

And it just, the whole thing was incredible.

And I never even knew that building existed.

So I truly see it as a miracle.

And we got up into the unit.

I was saying to the woman, I'm like, I love this place.

I need to live here.

This will be such an exciting adventure for a year.

It's incredible.

And the other funny thing is, I live on the ocean facing Star Island in Miami Miami Beach currently.

And I literally have probably the most beautiful view of anyone in Miami.

It's incredible.

You can't beat it.

It's just unbelievable.

And so I'd already said to my son, we've got to say goodbye to our beautiful view.

It's not going to be easy, but we lived here for 17 years.

We can be grateful for what we have and just embrace that there's change.

And that was one really special thing about where we lived.

Wouldn't you know this new place that we are moving to has an incredible view?

So it was funny.

I had decided I was going to lose that, but I actually didn't.

I have a different view, but it's equally as incredible or close to as incredible.

So I'm so excited about that.

Okay, so we make an offer that day when we pull out.

And I'm waiting, waiting.

We don't hear anything back.

The next day, I said, well, I guess I should probably start looking at other places.

However, I have a good feeling that I'm getting this.

And so I went with another friend of mine who's a realtor.

We went to look at another place, did not like it at all.

I said, no, I just, I have a feeling this other place is going to come together.

And about an hour later, I got the text that I got the condo unit I wanted in this amazing place, in this amazing building, with this amazing view.

And it all turned out incredibly.

And it wouldn't have happened had my son not reminded me that night before when I was making the offer and getting frustrated with that woman that when God has his hand on a deal, something's meant for you, right?

If it's part of his plan for you, it's not going to be so hard.

So sometimes, I know for me, I've wanted to force things and white white knuckle things sometimes the real answer is about letting go and getting out of the way of what could be out there for you i love that meme i don't know if you've ever seen it where a little kid's holding a small stuffed animal behind his back and then god's standing across from him with this humongous stuffed animal behind his back and he's saying just turn it over to me you know god's plan meaning god's plan is always going to be so much bigger than yours god's plan is always going to be so much more incredible you won't even be able to imagine what it is it's going to hold miracles for you, literally, like what has just happened for me this week.

It's just so exciting to be seeing it, believing it, knowing this is a truth and this is available for you as well.

You've got to believe in order to receive.

And I was reminded of that yet again today at church.

You've got to believe first in order to receive and move forward in faith.

And that's what we've been doing.

I can tell you.

you this the outcome has been incredible i'm so grateful and i'm constantly going to remind myself of this because it is easy to forget.

And that's where I'm glad I have my son to remind me.

So make sure you have good people around you to remind you.

Make sure you leave yourself reminders.

Be really thoughtful about the content you're consuming, who you're surrounding yourself with, who you're asking for help and asking for advice from.

You know, all of these things are opportunities to either prop you up and strengthen your faith or start to tear you down.

And I want to make sure that you're strengthening your faith.

You're seeing these things as opportunities to strengthen your faith, to step into that unknown, that possibility, and move towards miracles that are truly waiting for you.

If you're willing to believe, then you will receive.

So, it's been an incredible week.

I'm super excited.

I can't wait for this new adventure.

It's, you know, doing something new, letting go of something old, a place I've lived for 17 years that I do love and I'm so grateful for, and embracing something new and totally unknown is just incredibly exciting.

And I want that same excitement for you.

Of course, I do.

Okay, so that was that was a really incredible thing that happened.

And then on a different note, you know, in the past week, I made a decision that I needed to ask first for my needs to be met in a personal situation, which for some reason, I don't know how you are with this, in some scenarios or in some personal situations, I'll feel a little uncomfortable, you know, asking for what I need or what I want or feeling like I can be demanding, right?

Like there's a fine line between, of course, you want to stand up for yourself and ask for your needs, but at the same time, you don't want to be a pain or driving people crazy.

And I had this realization that people don't know what I want if I don't extend my arm, raise my hand and say, hey, I need something.

They're not able to read my mind.

And I can't assume.

I mean, I think they should be able to.

I mean, wouldn't that be nice?

But they can't.

And so making that decision to be vulnerable and say, hey, this isn't easy to talk about, but my needs aren't being met.

And here's what I need.

I don't know how you feel about that, but I thought it made sense for us to have the conversation.

And so that was a big deal for me because in the past in my life, what I would do instead is maybe just not say anything.

And then over time, I'd get a little bit distant, right?

Because you just don't feel the same because your needs aren't being met, but you didn't have the courage to raise your hand and explain that.

And yeah, doing new things is uncomfortable.

Doing new things like having a conversation like that felt intimidating and scary.

And I still don't know what the outcome is yet, but I'm so proud of myself for doing it, right?

Because I know that was the right decision.

And when we make decisions based on what's the right thing for us, who we are, who we want to be, who that best version is of who we are, it really doesn't matter the outcome because that's when we just turn it over and lead and move forward with this blind faith, knowing that the right road will reveal itself.

A way will be made to what is meant for us.

We don't need to force it, pretend to be a different way, to show up as that real best version of ourselves, even if it feels a little bit uncomfortable because we are growing, but knowing we're making that right decision for us and allowing the rest to unfold as it's meant to be.

And so that's where I am right now.

I'm in living in so much uncertainty, whether it be from selling my condo that I've lived in for 17 years to moving somewhere I never even knew existed and I have no idea about that area with people I don't know, or showing up as the best version of myself in a relationship when that can be intimidating too.

So, living in all this uncertainty can feel overwhelming, but I want you to know if you're living in it, I am so proud of you because I'm really proud of me too right now.

It feels uncomfortable.

It's all about, you know, taking that first step, even though you might not see the staircase or the step or anything for that matter.

It's moving forward with a belief and a faith that it's all going to work out, that you're going to be okay.

And you absolutely are, because the best is yet to come.

And that is one thing I am completely sure of.

Meet a different guest each week.

So there has been a lot going on.

in my life lately, which is sort of interesting.

I'm operating on very little sleep.

I have, if you've been riding with me for a while, you know, I recently moved and I have no blackout blinds currently.

And apparently it takes weeks to get blackout blinds and first world problems.

I mean, whatever.

I'm just up.

I'm up usually really early every morning, anyways, but I have friends in town this weekend and I would have loved to have been able to sleep a little bit extra.

That's not happening, not in the cars right now.

But I just wanted to remind you, none of us are at our best when we have not slept.

That is for sure.

And so I've definitely been feeling this lack of sleep catching up with me the last few days, partially because there's an emotional roller coaster I'll explain, but just wanted to give some perspective on, you know, when we're tough on ourselves and frustrated, things aren't going great.

A lot of times it's because of the basics, right?

We're not taking time for ourselves.

We're not sleeping enough.

Maybe we're not doing the things that we need to do to take care of ourselves.

So please give yourself some grace today and take care of yourself.

Do the things that are important for you.

The best version of you is someone who takes care of themselves, puts themselves first, because once you do that, you feel amazing and you can take care of everyone and anything outside of you.

So often, we just try to take care of everybody else.

Okay, so interesting thing, my son's going through this really

different time being 15.

And at his age, a lot of the kids, you know, they're changing and they're becoming young adults and they want to spend time together and they want to be more independent.

And right there's, it's so cool to watch young adults transform and grow and just reminds me of all of that change that's always available to all of us all the time, anytime.

You don't just have to be 15 to be evolving and changing.

You can do it at any point in time.

Some of the change is good and some of the change in the moment seems really bad, but it ends up being great lessons.

And that's sort of what I've been seeing with my son over the last week.

So a lot of these kids have parties.

They have people over their house.

And my son had been wanting to have his birthday party held until we moved so that we had a bigger place that he could have friends over.

So we did that this weekend.

And of course, I was home for the whole party.

Of course, my decision, you know, not judging anybody else, but I just, I don't want alcohol for kids that are underage.

And so I just let it be known there would be water, pizzas, you know, whatever, but no alcohol.

And I would be home for the whole party.

But one thing I didn't take into consideration is that the kids wanted all the lights off and a strobe light on, which so you could see people, but you can't, you can't really see crystal clear.

And unfortunately, I didn't stop to think, oh, you know, make sure everybody takes their shoes off or this or that.

Anyways, the bottom line is this.

Hours later, it ends up that I put all the lights on when I get everybody out and there's dark marks all over

my

entire home.

I mean, I was so upset.

I couldn't believe that just by having the lights off and the strobe light on, I wouldn't be able to notice, you know, what was going on.

Epic fail, epic mom fail.

And like I said to my son, you know, these people that are being messy and aren't attentive to things that are important to you in your home and your space, those aren't really the closest closest of your friends.

Your close friends are the ones that hang back and help you clean up at the end of the party, which one of them did, and that was amazing, right?

But there's all these opportunities to notice how someone values your friendship, how they value you, and to really make a mental note of that, right?

That people who disregard your space and your things probably aren't the right people for you.

Overcome your villains, fire your villains, and get rid of them.

Hang tight with the ones that hang back and help you clean up.

Okay,

so I was so, so upset.

I was upset with myself, number one.

I was upset with my son for not having noticed or paid attention or been responsible for this.

And then, of course, I was disappointed in some of these friends that had not, had been careless, right?

So I went to bed very upset that night.

And the next day, I woke up and it was even worse than what I remembered.

And so.

you know, I went to work out to give myself some space, do something that I love to take care of me and clear my head.

But I was really upset.

I mean, I just felt like, you know, I had worked so hard to get us into this new home and it's so nice and neat and clean and new.

And I just wanted to take care of it in this really nice regard.

And here I was disappointed in how I had allowed this to occur.

And now, how do I fix it?

Right.

That's the next thing.

And while I was in this downward spiral and just in the worst mood, exhausted and really frustrated, I called one of my friends and I basically said, Here's my situation.

I don't know what to do.

Basically, what I did was ask for her help, emotional support, right?

But what was interesting is, and I hope that this impacts you in a powerful way because I keep thinking about it and it's impacting me in such a big way.

She says, Heather, you need the magic eraser.

And I said, Well, what's that?

Like the easy button?

I'm always looking for the easy button.

What do you mean?

And she said, No, it's a real thing.

Magic eraser.

She said, Go to CVS or Walgreens or Publix or whatever and go buy it.

And then anywhere you see a mark, go through your home and it will come right off.

I had never heard of this.

I don't even know how it's possible that I had never heard of this before, but I hadn't, right?

And it just goes to show we know so little about what is available to us.

Everything is always changing.

There's always new possibilities, new products, new solutions that we just might not be aware of yet.

So that's why it's so important to listen to different podcasts, read different books, call on your friends, ask for help, research, you know, Google different things, because you never know how close you are to that solution that you desperately want.

And when I tell you Saturday morning, I desperately wanted a solution and I had no idea what that solution was going to be.

And in that one phone call to one of my very good friends, she enlightened me by telling me about a product that would literally change my mental state.

I went immediately to the store.

I got this magic eraser, which I never even knew existed.

And again, I mean, I cleaned my house the entire day and then my, obviously my son did as well.

But this magic eraser worked miracles.

It literally was my easy button.

So I just...

challenge you, the next time you're facing some big issue or problem and you don't know how to solve it, realize, no, there is a solution there.

We just haven't found it yet.

And allow that to motivate you to keep seeking and searching to find it because it will reveal itself.

And thankfully for me, that magic eraser was incredible.

My house looks great right now.

And I'm so pleased.

I literally, you know, 24 hours ago was in an awful situation where I thought I didn't know how to fix a problem.

And suddenly a light switch went on.

I got the magic eraser and the problem was solved.

So I don't know what your magic eraser is.

I don't know where that solution is for you, but I do know it's there.

Just keep looking and be open to that possibility that there is a solution for you.

You just haven't found it yet.

So that was, you know, an interesting challenge that we face this weekend.

However, on the back end of it, my son definitely reflected and, you know, let me know that he agreed that some of these people probably shouldn't have been invited to his home because he wasn't close enough friends with them.

He's reassessing, you know, the people that he wants wants to spend time with based upon some of their actions.

So I think in the end, it was a good experience.

However, albeit a tough one in the moment, but again, lessons can be learned and we can move on, forgive ourselves, give ourselves some grace and learn from these difficult moments.

In other news, today my son is taking his first ever driver's lesson.

And so we were talking about him getting ready for it.

And he's actually on it right now.

He has his permit, and I'm not with him.

His father's not with him.

He's by himself with the instructor and driving.

And so he was saying to me, Mom, you know, I don't know how I'm going to do it.

I don't really want to go on a highway.

You know, he was like qualifying all of these things.

And I, I said to him, listen, don't you remember when you drive the jet ski?

Because he's driven a jet ski a number of times.

And when we go on a jet ski together, he and I, I always sit in the back and let him drive because he's super, super confident.

And I just reminded him, I said, I want to give you this analogy that when when you're driving the jet ski, you're so confident and you're not questioning things and you're not hesitating and second guessing yourself.

Apply that same reasoning and same way of thinking to this and it will be exactly the same.

You'll be such a strong driver.

You need to trust yourself.

You need to believe in yourself and you need to approach it with confidence.

And again, that doesn't mean acting like you're cocky.

Oh, I'm good at A.

So of course I'm going to be good at B.

No, it's saying, hey, I was good at this, which leads me to believe I'll be really good at this too.

Why wouldn't I?

And I'm going to approach it in a really smart fashion.

I'm going to pay attention.

I'm not going to do the things I'm not supposed to do, touch my phone, you know, fiddle around, whatever.

I'm going to focus.

I'm going to listen to the direction and I'm going to trust myself.

And it all goes back to that confidence and self-belief.

And I'm so excited for he's not going to be home for another hour, but I can't wait to hear how it went because I already know how it went because I know that giving him that story and that analogy of his own life and when he has driven a jet ski before and how well he did at it, that that will set him up for future success like driving the car today.

So fingers crossed, I'm putting it out there.

I am really hopeful that it goes well.

And I trust him driving the car.

So hopefully me believing in him and me trusting in him will help him trust himself even more.

That's why it's so important that not only that we trust ourselves, not only that we continuously work on our confidence and work on picking ourselves back up with resiliency, but it's so important, the people that we allow in our circles, right?

Because yes, I am my son's champion, but at the same time, my son got grounded this weekend because I was very upset about what happened at the party and the disregard for our home.

So, you know, I'm not.

only a cheerleader for my child.

I definitely, you know, have boundaries and we have discipline and it's not all roses and rainbows.

Wish it was, but it's not, right?

So again, people don't have to just be your cheerleader.

They can be firm with you.

They can have boundaries.

But at the end of the day, they need to really want what's good for you and be that champion on the inside.

And sometimes that means calling you out for bad behavior, right?

That's okay.

But there's a big difference between someone like that that's going to hold you accountable, it's going to challenge you to grow and cheer you on versus someone who's a fake friend or someone who disregards your home and doesn't care if they have muddy feet and, you know don't clean it up and don't apologize it's important that you find people that are your true champions and that you overcome the villains that might be in the way and for me working side by side with someone who always wanted to give me disparaging looks put me down stab me in the back that took such a toll on me and my confidence and I didn't see it on day one I remember trying to ignore it for a long time and that was the wrong answer so I just want to remind you today if you have someone like that in your life, in your circle, at work, wherever,

overcome those villains to create space for positive people to start showing up, especially yourself, right?

You're going to be the best version of yourself when you've gotten rid of those negative people that are surrounding you.

So, just a little reminder how important it is to overcome the villains, fire the villains, and make sure you've got people propping you up for success, challenging you to grow and be the best version of you possible.

So I had shared with you last week that I had my first in-person speaking engagement for Northwestern Mutual, which it's so funny.

Some things in my life come to fruition overnight or in moments.

And it's a miracle.

Truly, it's just, it's like such a blessing that these things just magically happen.

But then there's other things I work really hard for that never come to fruition, like my partnership with Perialis and our product line we were launching, which we ended up canceling after nine months of work.

And it was a lot of work, right?

But looking at the situation with Northwestern Mutual, a year and a half ago, I believe was the first time I did a call with this company to talk about me potentially speaking for them.

And when I tell you, I've been on countless calls with a variety of different people within that company over the last year and a half.

That is fact, right?

So there was a lot of time and effort put into this.

And ultimately, it came to fruition last week.

It was an amazing event.

And I wanted to mention the woman that put it all together.

It was just an idea of hers that she felt there should be a regional women's event for the company to support women within the workplace, bring women together to encourage and champion one another, which they hadn't done before on the regional level.

They had done it on a national level.

And she brought that thought, brought that idea, pitched her leadership team, told them why she thought it was so important, and circled back with them and circled back with them and circled back and didn't give up on this concept or idea.

And she ended up getting it funded and she ended up, you know, getting a team of people to work alongside with her to bring this to life.

And it was such a beautiful event.

And really, the sentiment that I got from the women that attended this event, they were just so excited to, number one, be together in person, you know, because for two years, so many people were just operating virtually.

But number two, this idea that we are worthy, that you know, this company's in, and these people are investing us because they see our worth, they're encouraging us, and they're making it real and tangible.

And that's such a beautiful, powerful thing because of course we want to be able to see our own worth ourselves, but it is nice when you know you're working with people that see it as well and are willing to make the investment in you, to take the time.

And then for this woman that put the event together, it also reaffirms to her that her ideas are valuable and it reaffirms to her that so much more possibility is out there for her because if this was just a thought that she just randomly had, well, what's that next thought going to be?

Because she can bring that forward and create something from that as well, because she did it this first time.

So for you, just realize that a closed mouth never gets fed.

You're going to have ideas, but you've got to act on them.

You've got to ask for the help and the support.

And you've got to know that you might not always get a yes, but you can change your pitch.

You can change who you're asking.

You can change your approach or you can change the idea.

There's so much possibility out there.

But seeing this whole event come to fruition, knowing it started when I met this woman, she randomly heard me at a speaking engagement a year ago, and that's how she came into my life, sending me a message at my website about my speech and my book, and you know, just being such a champion for me and telling me that she wanted me so badly to speak for her company.

And not only did she make that happen, but I actually was speaking to her today.

She's become a friend, and she was saying, Now we're onward to the next bigger national events, Heather.

And this is where we're going to go together.

And it's just, it's so exciting to see what momentum does for people.

And it's so exciting to see when you have good people brought into your life that a year ago, you didn't even know, right?

So, who knows who that next amazing person is going to be that's going to show up in your life?

Who knows what amazing person you can help next, you know, based off of coming up with ideas, believing in your ideas, seeing them through, taking action, and going for what is possible for you.

And it is always changing, constantly changing.

So I'm super proud of the event that we had last week.

I'm super proud of this woman for coming up with the idea, seeing it through and making it happen.

And the feedback was incredible.

Now, it was funny.

The night before I'm speaking at an event, I typically will go through all of my notes, you know, what my goal is, how I want to lead people feeling.

I qualify all these things up front ahead of time with my clients.

And then, you know, I revisit everything and prepare and prep.

But this was a little different.

I wanted to try something different, different, which, if you don't test and try different ideas, you're never going to know if there's a better way to do it for you, right?

So I decided the night before I was going to give this talk that I've prepped enough.

I've done so many speeches and I felt really confident going into the event and venue.

But you know what I started thinking to myself?

I started thinking to really go to that next level, to guarantee that you're landing the biggest stages in the country, right?

That to really push yourself beyond, you need to become, this is what I was thinking, you know, challenging myself to get to that next level in the speaking business.

And I started thinking, okay, to get to the highest level, I mean, first of all, I can access anyone's content on my TV, you know, through Google, through YouTube, whatever, and find out what the number one best speakers in the world have to say.

So I think to myself, Oprah Winfrey gets paid over a million dollars a keynote, right?

Hello, coming for you, Oprah.

Love to get there too, heading for you.

So I'm thinking, if I want to be at her level, I need to dive into some of her content and see see what, what does she say?

You know, so if you want to be the best, start listening to the best to gain their insights and apply where it makes sense.

You know, let the information go if it doesn't resonate with you, but where it does, you know, take those tips and tricks and implement it in your life and test and try it.

So that's what I decided to do the night before was I thought, okay, I'm going to access some of Oprah's content to see what is it that she says about, you know, why is she such an incredible speaker?

What is it that makes her so different and at such a so far ahead of so many female speakers and so i googled her and youtube came up and i was watching some of her videos and it was incredible to me to see that the majority of the messaging that i got or i was served was all around her and her spiritual journey and the art of surrendering to god which I don't know why.

I haven't, you know, the Oprah Winfrey show hasn't been on TV in a long time.

I used to watch it years and years ago.

And, you know, she's a huge icon and creates content on social media, has magazines and whatnot.

So she pops up on my TV, computer, whatever, my phone.

And I see some of her stuff, but I haven't really immersed myself in it.

And never do I remember seeing a lot from her around spiritual guidance, or maybe I wasn't receiving it at the time.

You know, sometimes you have to be willing and ready to receive the information.

So maybe I wasn't looking at her content or this type of content, but for whatever reason, the night before my speech, everything that I was looking at that she was creating on YouTube was all about the spiritual journey, all about surrender, all about turning it over.

Even so much so, one of the videos that I watched where she was talking about why she believes she's so successful, she completely attributed to that she never had the vision to be as big as she is, but that she turned it over to God and allowed for God's plan and received God's plan and guidance, not knowing what this potential vision could be, life could be for her.

And I found that to be so interesting because I guess part of me thought, you know, if you reached that level of success, that somewhere along the way when you were younger, you had this drive, this ambition, this vision, you know, of massive success for your future.

And she never really had that.

She surrendered to God and received it, which was a very different way of looking at it.

So it opened my mind to the possibility that it didn't just have to be this one way I thought it had to be, but instead I could surrender and hand it over to God and do it differently, allowing God to lead me.

Confidence query.

Confidence query.

I ask you to try to find your passion and make sure.

So that was how I approached this speech.

And I'll tell you, it was definitely, you know, I speak at a lot of different events.

Some are very serious.

Some are much more business.

Some are much more rowdy, right?

Different contexts, different environments, different groups of people.

And this was, you know, a super fun, just positive, uplifting one where it wasn't so much about business strategy.

It was more about motivating, elevating, and allowing women to know that they're encouraged.

So I knew it was going to be fun and a little bit different.

And I really wanted to turn it over and surrender to the idea that I I could do it differently.

And so I approached it very differently.

And it was received incredibly well.

So for me, this is not how I typically show up.

I typically prep, prep, and prep for hours and hours, especially the night before, going through exactly what I'm going to say, exactly how I'm going to do it.

But instead, this time, I let it go.

I let God, I turned it over.

And I thought, similar to how Oprah had, that I don't have to have this vision for exactly how it's going to go.

I have to trust in this process.

I have to surrender to something so much bigger than me and allow for it to occur, grow and happen.

And I was super happy with the end result, right?

I just, I felt, I felt so blessed.

And then it was so funny.

After the talk, I was signing books.

The company graciously bought my book for everyone in attendance and I was signing the books for everyone, which is such a cool experience when you get to hear what someone, you know, thinks about or how you impacted them.

It's just, it's such a blessing to know you're living a purpose-driven life, that you're trying to

encourage and impact people in a positive way.

And in those moments, you can just feel it all come together.

It's literally like magic.

It's incredible.

And I was so grateful for those moments and for those women and the feedback that they gave me and just being so real and fantastic.

So it was this amazing experience.

And then suddenly these two women basically came out of nowhere and started telling me how

God is such a big part of their life and how much they trust God and how they are being guided by angels.

And when I tell, this is at a business event, right?

It just came out of left field.

And to me, it was just this validation that I'm on the right path and this validation that it doesn't have to be this.

quote unquote way I thought it had to be.

Things don't have to happen in this linear fashion, this way that I used to always live.

In fact, I can lean into my faith.

I can let go of this way that it has to be.

I can stop struggling with that, let go, let God.

And like Oprah said, his plan is greater than ours, allow it to unfold, receive it, be willing to receive it and move forward in faith.

So that is where I am today.

And today, I actually, I was in church today.

And our pastor was talking a lot about pressure and the pressures in life, whether it be financial pressure, relationship pressure, health pressures, social pressures, there's always going to be so much pressure.

But the key is to move forward, not with sight, but with faith, and to see the pressures as the opportunity to strengthen your faith.

And it was such a great message.

I definitely received it so well.

And it's also so interesting as you open up your mind to things, as you continually see these same things and themes popping up in your life.

It's an incredible, magical feeling that I so want for you.

I hope that you're open to it.

I hope, and again, you don't have to be on a spiritual journey.

I'm not, you know, I'm not here to judge anyone.

I'm not here to tell people what to do.

I guess I'm here is to maybe share some different ideas and things that have been working for me to see if maybe some of it can benefit you.

So you are the only one that knows what journey you're on.

You are the only one that knows what's going to work for you, what resonates with you, what makes sense for you.

I'm just hoping you give some of it a try.

Okay, so I've gotten a lot of questions lately around specifics.

Heather, I need to grow my confidence and I'm struggling in different areas.

What's some of the advice you can give me?

All right, so I'm opening up Confidence Creator.

Incredible book.

Incredible.

I love it.

Oh, did I mention I wrote it?

Yes, I did.

Okay, this is my favorite.

No, I can't say my favorite book because I have two books.

So this is one of my two favorite books.

And this book actually has three errors in it.

And I am so proud of that because done will always be better than perfect.

Okay, so there's a really good chapter, chapter 30, in my first book, Confidence Creator, and it's called Five Phrases I Fired.

These are really tactical changes you can implement in your life that will 100% elevate your confidence.

Okay, so here we go.

Finding your voice is about learning how and when to speak up, but it's also about learning when and what not to say.

That was another lesson I learned the hard way.

Here is a list of words and phrases that I have cut out of my vocabulary vocabulary to empower myself, and hopefully, you will too.

Number one, yes.

Whenever asked to do anything at work, my answer would be yes, or no problem.

It didn't matter if I had the time or the ability to complete the task because I feared it would leave a negative impression if I declined something.

I developed a mindset where I would take on the added responsibility when nobody else would.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was setting a dangerous precedent because people will treat you the way that you teach them to and allow them to.

Once I was able to identify that behavior, I made it a point not to be a dumping ground for tasks that nobody else wanted.

Today, I consider my own priorities before I accept any new tasks.

I am more mindful of my time and how extra responsibility will affect me.

Even if my manager acknowledges the added burden, I make sure to have a conversation with that person.

I ask questions and try to identify the best solution for everyone involved.

If you find yourself with free time on your hands, it's a great idea to volunteer for a project.

But if you're accepting added work only out of fear, then you need to work on your self-confidence first.

This is true in our personal lives as well.

If you are the one always saying yes to doing the errands, the laundry, and not having a say in plans, it will leave you feeling less than important.

And that's not going to work.

Number two, this isn't fair.

If yes is the cause, then this isn't fair is the effect.

Not Not speaking up and not creating boundaries at work can lead to your becoming overwhelmed with too much responsibility or being taken advantage of.

This inevitably leads to massive frustration.

When I used to get upset that others didn't take on the same workload and challenges that I did, I would often complain to my boss.

I may have been right, but what I didn't realize at the time was that I also had the power to change things.

By creating boundaries and respecting my time and commitments, I was able to more accurately assess what I could realistically take on.

This forced management to lean on others at times when they would typically turn to me.

Remember that we can change how people treat us by changing how we treat ourselves.

That is so true.

Number three, I don't agree, but I'll make it work.

Oh my gosh.

When I began working for a kind person after years of working for unpleasant employers, I found myself wanting to keep him happy.

That often meant doing whatever he said.

Even if I had a better solution, I often kept my mouth shut and took the path of least resistance.

One day, I realized that by keeping my mouth shut, not only was I hurting myself, but in some cases, I was hurting the company.

Keeping others happy at work was never in my job description.

So I made the decision to respectfully make my opinion known when I disagreed.

I now spend time trying to convince others why my idea will work.

When I can't successfully convince management to change their decision, I make my disagreement known.

So it's on record that I did everything in my power to improve the situation.

This also forces the person in question to truly consider your position, and it might leave them thinking twice about moving forward their way.

When you know you have the best solution, speak from a place of strength and confidence.

Try saying this.

I don't agree, but luckily, I have another solution.

Magic Eraser.

Okay, best solution ever.

Number four, I feel.

Beginning a statement by saying, I feel

immediately takes the power away from you by making the statement more emotional than factual.

For example, would it be stronger to say, I feel that choosing to pass on this candidate is the right decision, or passing on this candidate is the right decision.

Obviously, it's the second one.

If you want to be taken seriously at work and in life, have your voice heard and drop I feel from your vocabulary.

Number five, like.

This one was a difficult habit to break.

Do you say a word so often that you don't even realize you're saying it?

That's how I was with the word like.

Thankfully, I had a few friends that let me know in private, using that word like made me sound uneducated.

Even they noticed how I was using the word to fill in the gaps during a conversation.

Since learning this, I have nixed the word from my vocabulary and I try to help others do the same.

It's hard enough when you're perceived a certain way because of your exterior.

Couple that with using words that don't add value and you're making things tougher than they need to be.

86 the like.

Okay, hopefully that helped.

Hopefully you can implement some of those changes this week.

And hopefully you are working on showing up as the most confident version of you possible.

Until next week, keep creating your confidence.

You know, I will be journey with me.

I decided to change that dynamic.

No one succeeds alone.

You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Come on this journey with me.