Confidence Classic: Choose Faith Over Fear & Success Will Follow with Heather!

Getting fired means you are in good company.

Mark Cuban was fired, Oprah Winfrey fired, J.K.

Rowling fired, Steve Jobs fired, Heather Monaghan fired.

You are rolling with the top, the best of the best.

Choose to see this as your jump-off point.

Did you really love it?

Was it your purpose in life to be there?

Probably not.

Peel back that onion and say, Wait a minute, I didn't even really like work here.

Why am I sitting here crying?

Wait a minute, I'm just afraid of the uncertainty.

But here's the thing about uncertainty, guys.

When When everything is uncertain, anything is possible.

Come on this journey with me.

Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow.

Last or no scared.

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I hope you love this one as much as I do.

Hi, and welcome back.

I'm so glad you're back here with me this week.

I hope you are doing well.

All right, I want to talk a little bit today about the importance of finding your purpose.

And I know that sounds, gosh, that sounds so big, right?

It sounds such a, like such a big deal.

And depending on where you are in your life and your journey, it might sound overwhelming or crazy, or maybe you've already found it and you're thinking, oh yeah, it's so important to find your purpose.

Okay, I'm going to give you a little background into

how I found or how I'm finding mine, I guess is a better way to say it, because it's always evolving in some ways.

So

for me, I remember I was back in corporate America, D D D D D back in the day, and I was not very fulfilled.

I don't know if you're very fulfilled at work.

If you're not, just keep looking and open your eyes and pick your head up and start wondering, start asking yourself questions, right?

I did that.

You know, I wasn't very fulfilled.

I picked my head up.

I talked to people that I trusted and say, what am I missing?

And I remember that led me to charity work, right?

I wanted to do more giving back.

I wanted to do more good.

I just felt like for a long time, my job was to make wealthy people wealthier, right?

Make my job was to drive shareholder price and drive the stock up.

So I did that.

I did really well at it.

I made a lot of rich people richer and

it didn't feel so great, right?

It just kind of felt empty.

And so I would work so hard during the week, work hard to get time to spend with my son, do the things that I wanted to do.

There was never enough time.

Anyways, bottom line is I started doing charity work because I thought maybe if I can give back and impact more people in a positive way, I'll feel better.

Check, check, and check.

It worked, but then there's less time, right?

So it was a crazy time for me before I got fired because I was searching and I wasn't sure what I was searching for.

I didn't even know what it looked like.

And then I'll never forget, this is probably a year before I got fired.

I was taking this huge stage out in Houston, Texas for National Association of Broadcasters event.

And I was one of the MCs and You know, I spoke at events all the time.

I did not know back then that people got paid for speaking.

I didn't know it was a business.

I didn't know it was ever anything I could actually do.

I just looked at my life as so linear in that I was on this path in corporate America.

I was a chief revenue officer.

The next move is CEO.

Would I stay at the same company?

Would I pitch myself to another company?

Would I get investors and start my own company?

I just, that was the only way I thought.

Oh, gosh, thinking in a linear way is totally self-destructive, by the way.

Do not think linear.

Pick your head up, look around, talk to people outside your industry, ask yourself questions.

Okay, so I took the stage that night, and it was just flipping magic.

It was crazy.

It was such an incredible, well, for the most part, then there was a really awful thing that happened after.

I should tell you about that.

That was terrible.

I write about it.

Actually, it's a chapter in my first book, Conference Creator.

Oh my gosh, it was not nice what happened after.

But during the event was incredible.

And I remember everyone was going crazy.

And

I got off the stage and so many people rushed to me and they were like, oh my gosh, you need your own show.

You should be speaking all the time, blah, blah, blah.

Whatever.

And that night, I remember saying, saying, I feel like magic getting off that stage.

It's incredible.

Like, this is what I'm born to do.

And then I laughed because I thought, too bad that you can't get paid to do this.

Too bad this isn't a job.

I need to go back to real life Monday morning and go back to my regular job.

So here's my clue number one.

If you ever get that feeling doing something and you're like, oh my gosh, this is magic.

This is incredible.

Stop.

Stop everything you're doing.

That is a sign from God, from the universe, however you choose to see it, that this is the path that you're destined for.

I think so often we tune that out because we don't see the way.

We don't see how it would happen.

We don't see how it's possible.

It's so outside of what we do see as possible that we shut down the possibility.

I definitely did that, right?

I didn't see, okay, I feel like magic when I'm doing this thing, speaking on the stage.

I feel like this is part of why I'm here, but I don't know how to make it work.

Okay, forget about it.

That's what I did, right?

I just forgot forgot about it, but I couldn't forget about it.

I remember flying home.

It's all I could think about.

It was consuming me.

Like, how could I, I want to feel like magic every day.

I want to do good every day.

I remember I came home, went back to work, went back to regular linear life, right?

Which I thought was the only path for me.

P.S.

Whatever thought you have like that, trash it.

It is not real.

There are limitless paths available for you, right?

So, so get rid of that crazy idea that I had.

It's not true.

So I came home, I'm back to work, and I I couldn't shake the idea of the magic.

It wouldn't go away.

Literally for a year, I think it would just kept resurfacing, resurfacing.

And that was the time that I started getting involved in charity work.

And then ironically enough, right, the more you go to do good and give back and give to others.

goodness will come to you.

It's just fact.

It happens.

Suddenly in the charity world, they started asking, hey, Heather, could you ever MC this?

Could you speak at this?

Could you keynote this?

Could you host this?

And I started thinking, huh, that's funny.

You You know, because I had been speaking for 20-something years in corporate America.

It was not, I didn't think it was a business, I didn't think it was a thing.

I just thought it was part of my job, but I loved doing it.

It was this magic in my life.

So suddenly, all these opportunities started coming to me.

I wasn't going looking for them, which is so crazy.

But that all goes back to asking yourself the question around, wow, this magic thing.

How could I get more of this in my life?

What does this look like?

What does this mean?

Just keep asking yourself the questions around it.

Like, keep thinking about it.

If you sit in the question long enough, the answer will find you.

So, I sat in the question for a long time.

I was speaking more and more, loving it more and more, yet becoming more and more unhappy at work during the day, still not having a clue what was about to transpire of my life.

I had no idea.

Although now that I look back, I think I manifested it all because I loathed working with this woman that I worked with that hated me.

Anyhow, so I would complain about it all the time, say I couldn't take it anymore.

And I guess ideally I was manifesting my way out of there.

So what ends up happening, you already know the story, I get fired unexpectedly, having no clue what I'm going to do.

I post online.

I've just been fired.

If I've ever helped you in any way, I need to hear from you now.

As you know, that post went viral, got millions of views, and landed me on the Elvis Durant show.

Halfway through that show, Elvis looked at me and said, well, Heather, obviously you're writing a book, but I wasn't writing writing a book right i was not a literary major i was never anointed someone who should be an author i didn't even understand if you could do could you anoint yourself an author like could you just decide to do that do you need to take a course like what does that look like so i remember he spoke such a truth passion and a conviction into me which I always want you to remember this, your words matter.

Your words are a wand that can literally imprint magic on someone else.

And he did that to me in that moment, right?

So don't hold back your beautiful words when you have a truth to speak into someone.

You might change the trajectory of their life, like Elvis Durand did for me that day.

So I jumped on the plane.

I googled how do you write a book?

And it said, basically, you have to be disciplined and write.

And I had just been fired.

So I thought, okay, no problem.

I've got some free time.

Let's make the best of it.

And we'll write a book.

You know, but I had to grapple with this story that I had hung on to for a long time in my life, which was that I was the quote unquote social one, and my sister was the quote unquote smart one.

She had a perfect score in her SATs.

Obama was one of her professors at U Chicago.

She has a doctorate, right?

She's the smart one on paper.

I'm the go make it happen person in real life.

And so I had to decide that I was willing to drop those labels, drop that story and say, okay, I might not be deemed the smart one, but who says I can't be an author, right?

Who says I can't blow up all the lanes out there and just live my life lanelessly, being me and going where I want and trying different things.

I had never thought that was a possibility for me before.

And so I wrote that book, Confidence Creator.

You already know, the first week it came out, it went to number one on Amazon, trumped Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal for number one on the business biography list and crushed it, right?

Book is fire to this day.

I love that book.

Yes, it has three mistakes in it.

And yes, I'm so proud.

Done will always be better than perfect.

So I had to Google, okay, how do you sell books?

Because I had no idea, right?

I've been in sales my whole life, but I didn't know how to sell books.

There's always, you know, a strategy or some different ways that people would advise.

You want to learn from those that have done it before you.

So I did some research and I saw that speaking was one of the ways that you could sell books.

And I thought, oh my gosh, great.

I'm a great speaker.

I love speaking.

I'll start cold calling companies and speaking for them if they buy my books.

And that's what I did until one day I called a company and they said, what's your speaker fee?

And I googled speaker fees and I saw Gary Vaynerchuk was making 300K for a 60-minute keynote.

I pumped the brakes and I said, I am moving into the speaking business stat.

And I did.

And my speaking business blew up.

I gave my TEDx talk.

I got promoted to TED.

I interviewed Sarah Blakely live on stage in front of thousands of people.

I was getting booked left and right.

Boom, pandemic.

You know the rest.

Okay, so I'm sharing all this with you to show you like what a messy journey it was was to get where I am today.

I'm actually, I'm flying to Dallas this week to give a keynote for a company.

And it's so funny when I stop and think how different my life is now.

Not even, it hasn't even been five years yet since all this stuff happened.

And it's been so incredibly messy, so many turns and challenges to really find out what I'm meant to be doing.

I will say today, I have 100% clarity on my purpose in life and what I'm meant to be doing.

And a lot of that, just so you know, comes from you.

I hear from you.

You send me DMs.

You leave reviews on my podcast, on this show right here.

You leave reviews on my books.

You give me feedback after my speeches, you know.

And I get this affirmation that I'm exactly where I'm meant to be.

I truly believe my purpose in life, my divine timing is that I'm here to make the world a better place.

I'm here to help people heal through their challenges and open their eyes to their possibility, to the greatness within you, right?

I truly believe that's my life's work.

Now, oh my gosh, if five years ago someone had told me that when I was still in corporate America, I would have fallen on the ground laughing because it sounds so beautiful, but it was so far from my reality, right?

So just wherever you are today, I hope this message finds you.

If you're unhappy, if you're not fulfilled, that's okay.

I've been there too, right?

And I'm not saying it's just some magic, easy way that you're going to fall into it, but maybe for you it will be.

Right.

We don't know that.

I have no idea.

That's, you know, turn that over to the higher power and let that way be shown.

That isn't really the way I went about it at first.

I definitely stumbled, made tons and tons of mistakes, but I kept listening to my intuition.

I kept opening my ideas to the possibility and allowing for things to rise up.

and show that, reveal themselves to me, right?

And looking at things in a very different way.

So, wherever you are in your journey to find your purpose, to find your divine timing in life, just start asking yourself the questions.

When you sit in that question long enough, that answer will find you.

Don't get frustrated.

It's annoying.

By the way, I'm not a patient person at all, so I totally get it.

It can be super frustrating and annoying, but I'm grateful that I didn't give up on it, right?

There were plenty of times over the last four years that I thought maybe I should just go back to corporate America, especially during the pandemic, right?

Like I was thinking, oh my gosh, this is, who am I kidding?

What am I doing?

But I'm so grateful sitting here today that I didn't, right?

So everyone wants to give up sometimes, but as long as you're true with yourself, as long as you're being honest with yourself and that intention that you have is good, I believe those right doors are going to open for you.

You just have to keep believing.

You have to have that faith, faith over fear.

And the funny thing is, like anything, you can sit here, like let's use the example I just shared with you.

You know, on day one of getting fired, I could have sat there and for four years, sat every day just being scared and saying, this isn't going to work.

Or I could have stepped forward with faith and tried different things and put the post up and got flew to New York and did the Elvis show and wrote the book, right?

None of that stuff wasn't scary to me.

But here's what I've learned is that.

It's your choice.

It's up to you if you choose to move forward with the faith or you choose to hold yourself back with the fear.

And the more you hold yourself back, the more you limit yourself, right?

And I always talk about about fear is a green light that means go.

But I also want you to know it's sort of nonsensical, right?

Like when we fill our heads with all this doubt, here's what I mean by that.

Had I just sat in doubt and done nothing, that would have been a self-fulfilling prophecy, right?

Nothing would have happened.

But if I had had the faith and stepped forward with the possibility and positivity of what could come, That's when the doors start opening for you.

So could it be just as likely that one thing could work out or not?

Yeah, right.

Like, we can't see into the future.

We're not clairvoyant.

And if you are, please call me.

Tell me about my future.

Can't wait to hear because it's going to be big.

I'm so excited.

But when you think about that, you think about, okay, I'm sitting here fearful.

I'm sitting here doubtful and I'm projecting that onto my future.

Hmm, doesn't sound like a good recipe for success.

Or I'm going to sit here with faith.

I'm going to sit here and think about other times in my life where things have gone well and worked out.

And I'm going to move forward with that same energy and attitude into the possibility of what could be right like that other option is so much better and really why isn't it just as likely as things could go great as they could go terrible why isn't it just as likely as you could manifest a miracle it is you just have to start believing you have to open your mind to that possibility so I hope that you can do that

Today I was at church with my son and the message was so incredibly powerful.

I'm big into believing in signs.

I don't know if you are, but I ask God for signs all of the time.

I always want to know, am I on the right path?

Right.

And again, I go back to you when I get your feedback, when I get your reviews, when I get the notes from you, that steers me on the path.

So thank you for that.

And please keep them coming.

I love your reviews.

I love your feedback.

It means the world to me.

And it tells me to stay on the path that I'm on.

So I keep looking for these signs everywhere.

And I was given a huge sign at church today.

It was so crazy.

This is surreal.

But I started thinking this week about a new book that I want to write and it's totally out of character for me.

But I wrote down the title.

Like anything, you have to start somewhere, right?

Like people think that you have this whole big plan and strategy.

I don't have that.

Like a little seed of a thought will come to me and then I plant it in the ground, pour water on it, pay attention to it and see what happens, right?

So I was kind of doing that this week, writing some things down on paper.

And I wrote down the title of this book.

Oh my gosh, this is so crazy.

All I'm going to tell you is when I got to church today, they had these cards they were passing out.

It's like this new online journaling thing that they have for people who attend this church.

And the cover art on the paper is the same name that I had written down for this book that I, that came to me this week.

If that isn't a flipping sign, it's crazy and it's completely out of character for me.

And I walk into church and it's on a piece of paper.

So to me, you know, look for those signs.

Be open to receiving those signs out there.

And if you think I'm being wooed, that's fine, but at least open your mind to it could be possible and start asking the question, right?

Wouldn't you want that gift to be handed to you?

Wouldn't you want that way to be shown?

I'm so, when I look back and reflect on my life when I was younger and I was living in this really linear, closed way, I didn't look for signs.

I didn't ask for signs.

I didn't ask for what I wanted, right?

I didn't even know that was a thing.

And I've spent the last few months, like this has been the most incredible year for me because I've really spent the last few months asking for what I want.

I've been asking God, you know, for what I want, praying to God.

Maybe you're saying, Heather, don't talk about God.

This is not a religious show.

Then for you, you could say, I'm going to ask the universe.

I'm going to ask the higher good.

I'm going to ask a higher power, right?

There's something obviously much greater than all of us out there.

Whatever you want to label it, that's up to you.

I'm not here to judge you, condemn anyone, right?

I don't want to be judged.

I don't want to be condemned.

I just think that we all need to treat each other better and nicer and find commonalities instead of arguments.

So to that point, start asking for what you want.

Start putting it out to the universe.

Be really mindful of your words and realize you're speaking things into existence.

You truly are.

I know I am.

I wish you could see this card and then see it sitting next to the paper with what I wrote on it just days ago.

It's incredible.

And I'm so excited.

And it just shows me that God's working in my life.

Something greater is working in my life and I'm on the right path.

So I'm so grateful.

Always get back to gratitude, right?

That's such a great way to center yourself.

Such a great way, and especially in this crazy time that we're living in, so many people fighting online right now and so much upset in the world.

Any way that we can lead with gratitude, lead with joy, lead with kindness, even in those difficult moments, or more importantly, definitely in those challenging moments.

The more good we do.

in the world, the more good is going to come back to us.

So that's what I'm wishing for you is I'm wishing good and joy for you.

And, you know, that's what life's all about, right?

Finding joy and every day and finding your purpose and your passion, I believe, is a big part of that because you're not going to really be fulfilled or

allow your greatness to shine through if you haven't found that calling.

So, if you haven't found it, start seeking for it.

If you found it, I'm so happy for you.

Spend more time there, seek those possibilities and find ways to do more good because it is so incredibly powerful.

Confidence query.

Confidence query.

I asked you to try to find your passion.

I got a few DMs that I need to dig into with you because they really caught my attention and I promised I would give them a response.

One came from a woman, of course, no names here, but it says, Heather, as you know, I'm a huge fan, but I need your help.

I have listened to your books and your podcast.

In fact, every day on my drive to work, I listen to an episode of your podcast, yo,

as I find them motivating and inspiring.

Thank you.

In fact, because of you, I've learned that I have worth far beyond what a company is willing to pay me.

And yes, you do, by the way.

And so do you, right?

We all have worth beyond just what we're being paid at work.

A paycheck is just, you know, money is an exchange of value in any moment, and valuations change, right?

Our excellence, our expertise changes and grows and evolves.

You know, there's so many factors that, no, we are much more than just a paycheck at any given time, people.

And you are too.

Okay, I've also faced my fears and I've made some big moves going to a new employer and making some leaps of faith in my life.

Good for you.

Growth.

I love it.

I love it.

Living in that uncertainty is all about stepping into fear, growing, taking risks.

Yes, yes, and yes.

Okay.

However, at this new company, someone who's supposed to be my equal and supposed to be showing me the ropes has been condescending and bullying to me.

So,

this sadly is life, right?

There are villains in our lives.

We are going to encounter villains, and we have to decide how we are going to handle it and not allow it to go on.

So, she goes on to say that, you know, she's almost at her wit's end at this point.

Why is she even putting up with this?

Maybe she should just quit.

She said, I thought about it and I realized I need to face my villain.

Yes, yes.

In fact, I think she is probably intimidated by me.

Bingo.

When you are a threat, you will always be the target.

Okay, that's something that I learned.

So 99% of the time, if someone's bullying you, it's because they're jealous of you or they are threatened by you.

Facts, straight up facts.

Doesn't make it okay, but it is very true.

Okay, nevertheless, could you help me figure out how to say what I need to say, which is, I don't like the way you are speaking to me.

I want to sound assertive, but I don't want to be too aggressive.

Super smart.

You are right.

Okay, so I want to address this in the best way possible.

Yes, it's important to be assertive and not aggressive.

And I want everyone to know this.

You don't have to yell at someone to make a point.

You don't have to beat your fists on the table to be heard.

In fact, the most powerful people are typically the ones that sit in silence, own their thoughts, thoughts, and then respond when they're ready, right?

The people that lose in all these situations are the ones that react, right?

So my whole message on this podcast today and in this specific situation is don't react, respond.

Now, this is something that's taken me 47 years to learn, right?

And I'm still a work in progress like we all are, but I'm getting a lot better.

My amazing moment that I'm so proud of, I have to share it with you because I'm super proud of it.

I was almost going to say, I can't believe I did it, but no, I totally believe I did it.

It's, it's so, oh my gosh, it's so good.

Okay, so here's what happened.

You know that back at the end of 2017, I was fired unexpectedly when the CEO I had worked for for 14 years became ill and he elevated his daughter to replace him.

My villain, my number one villain.

And she fired me.

So anyways, here's how it went down.

She had her assistant send me an email.

That was yet again another power play that she would try to implement to make me nervous or frightened or feel fearful of her, like these tactics to be, you know, a toxic boss or whatever.

Oh my gosh, it's so far in my rear view mirror now that it's just comical.

But at the time, it wasn't, right?

Like when you're in it, it's horrible.

I remember I was losing my hair.

I was crying when I would get home from work.

I was so stressed out all the time.

My jaw was cracked.

It was bad, really bad.

So for anyone who's in a situation like this, number one, there is life outside of it and it's going to be a lot better when you're away from these negative situations, these negative people and negative environments.

But I do want you guys to know, I'm empathetic.

I get it.

I struggled for so long with that woman and it really took a toll on me physically, mentally.

But when you get that space, when you fire that villain, when you put yourself first and do what's right for you.

That's when you set yourself up to take off and take on the world and find your purpose and find your right people, right?

It just, it's incredible.

And now that I'm on the other side of it, I'm not saying it's it's easy right i wasn't handed a special little box that i opened the day after i got fired and all my answers were inside uh hardly no that really was not the case but you know i did learn so much about myself along the way i made so many mistakes right and then the pandemic really wiped me out and there's been a lot of challenges we'll leave it at that the last couple years but in the end sitting here today with you i'm just i'm so clear that it wasn't easy but it was so worth it, right?

And that's what I want everyone to know: putting yourself first, not allowing someone to bully you, leaving a negative situation and trying to fix it, attempting to fix it and address it first before you leave, because it is the right thing to do.

Because you do need to stand up for yourself and you need to let someone know when they're not treating you the way that you want to be treated.

Few reasons for that is that they might not know that they're treating you in a poor way.

Maybe they're going through a horrible time in their life.

Maybe they have health issues.

Maybe they just lost a family member.

We don't know what's going on with someone.

And maybe they're lashing out at everyone and they just need someone to tell them, hey, I don't appreciate the way that you're speaking to me.

It doesn't feel good when you and I sit down and talk.

I feel like you're upset or angry with me.

Is there something that you want to tell me?

Because this doesn't seem to be working the way that it had in the past or, you know, the same way that I typically work with other people.

I really want to give you a chance to let me know what's going on.

If I did something wrong, please inform me.

Otherwise, I want to talk about how we can move forward in a better fashion.

I digress.

So I had tried those things with my villain before she fired me.

You know, I tried a couple different sit-downs saying, Hey, is there something that you want to talk to me about?

I just feel like you're not happy with me.

You know, I went from this place of curiosity.

You know, I'm a big fan of it, and I'm sure you've heard me say this before.

Hang on, I'm confused.

Anytime I'm in a difficult conversation in a business environment, I always go to that one.

I'm confused because it's not attacking, it's not aggressive, it's not argumentative, but it's going to get that other person to empty their glass, which is always my goal.

I want to know what is the other person thinking, what are their challenges, what's their objective here, and is there a way for us to work together on this and find a solution, right?

From a comm standpoint, I had tried all these things with this woman, my villain, and it was a game to her.

It was so obviously a game.

My opinion is she was very, very threatened by me, which I don't blame her.

I definitely should have been CEO, not her, but that's okay.

Now I'm CEO of my own company.

All right, moving on.

We're going to take that rejection actually as a redirection to something better, which it was.

Okay,

so I believe she was threatened by me.

She would never respond in a positive way to my conversations when I tried to empathize with her, when I tried to come from a place of curiosity and find out what the problem was.

She would always say, I don't know what you're talking about.

Right.

So when someone acts like that, there's really, there's nowhere to go from there.

You have to have two parties willing to find some common ground, some form of compromise when you're in a bullying, toxic kind of a situation, right?

So she was not interested in that.

And that's how I ended up in her office on that final day with her, you know, about to tell me she was going to fire me.

When you walk into any meeting, any presentation, any discussion, there are dynamics that go on.

There are power dynamics, right?

Who sits at what seat at the table?

Who's standing versus who's sitting?

Who's smiling versus who has a face with no emotion?

If someone's enraged, they're red in the face, right?

There's just so many dynamics you can look at when you're walking into a situation in business and life where you want to be aware.

Nothing huge, but just notice.

So one thing I noticed, you know, she had had her assistant call me over for a meeting, did not disclose what it was for.

I did not think I was getting fired.

Mic drop, I was.

But, you know, I walked in very uncertain about what I was walking into.

She was standing up, which she never did.

She always sat down, right?

Typically, if I would walk into a meeting to see her, she would have her glasses on, her calculator out, her notes out, and she'd be working on something when I would walk in.

Well, on this day, when I walked in, she was standing,

huge smile, which was not her typical disposition, right?

She was more of an introvert, not someone that would be standing up with her hands on her hips, smiling, right?

That'd be something more like I would do.

Typically, like I'd be running around, you know, super high energy, standing, not because I'm trying to make a power play on someone, but because...

I just do crazy things like that.

I prefer to be standing up.

You know, that's more my norm and always smiling.

So when I walked in and saw that, I noticed, pay attention, right?

Be aware when you walk into these situations just to notice.

And I thought to myself, hmm, this is weird.

Why would she be standing all smiles and hands on our hips?

And that's when I knew something was about to go down.

And she

really was owning all the power in the room, right?

Because I kind of sat quietly into the chair.

I was a little concerned at this point.

You know, I wasn't smiling.

I knew something bad was about to happen because she looked so happy looking at me.

She never looked happy when she looked at me, right?

This lady hated me.

It was clear.

So I knew something not great for me was about to happen, or I thought so, right?

I was just really paying attention to her power dynamics.

She was trying to, you know, bring to this meeting.

And she was, right?

So she's the one speaking.

She's taking up all the air in the room.

And she's, and I'm saying nothing.

I'm just sitting there.

I've been called there.

And she says, well, as you know, I've been named CEO.

And so, therefore, I no longer need a chief revenue officer.

And therefore, I don't need you.

That was basically it.

The whole conversation was like a minute or two minutes.

You know, maybe I paraphrase a word or two, but that's pretty much the gist of it, right?

It was not, there was not a lot of small talk that day.

Not there ever was with her.

Okay, so, you know, and this is after a couple years of this woman bullying me.

I'm kind of noticing, I'm noticing her.

I'm noticing how happy she is.

And I'm thinking to myself, this lady has bullied me for far too long.

This is just, this has gone on far too long.

The fact that she's smiling in my face right now and getting joy out of this, mm-mm.

No, this isn't sitting right with me.

And thankfully, I had been working on my confidence.

I had been really intentionally trying to show up as the most powerful, real version of myself and really get my confidence back the way I'd had it years prior.

And I'd been working on that for a little over a month before this, this random meeting popped out of nowhere, popped out of nowhere.

She was named the official CEO and had me brought in immediately, not nowhere.

Okay.

So in that minute or two minutes, I'm noticing all these power dynamics she's playing.

I'm really a little confused.

But then it's like one of those seconds where all of a sudden the dam breaks, right?

Like there's just that one, that last pin that drops that puts everything over the edge, right?

The whole thing comes down.

I just snapped in some way.

I just remember thinking, no more, like, no more, lady, am I going to sit silently and let you treat me crappy and smile in my face as you're about to fire me after I gave 14 years of my life to this company and I did an incredible job?

Incredible, right?

The results speak for themselves.

I had just one most influential woman in radio.

Like I was,

I was it.

I was killing it at work.

And she was just so happy to be firing me that that was the moment.

That was my final straw.

And I knew, because I've worked with myself a lot on this.

Don't react, respond.

And here's why.

When you react, you're allowing someone to puppeteer you.

You're allowing someone else to control you.

I don't like that idea.

I don't know about you.

I hope you don't like that idea.

When you give yourself a moment to take a breath and think and then respond in a very calm manner, you take all the power out of the room.

You control the table and you are in control of yourself, most importantly.

Meet a different guest each week.

Confidence

So she's, you know, knocks it out, says, hey, no more chief revenue officer, therefore no more you.

I've got two memos for you to look at.

She passed them both in front of me, all smiles, still standing.

And the first memo said, Heather's been fired.

That was it.

After 14 years, that was the memo she was going to send out to the company.

The second memo was this beautiful love letter.

You know, Heather Monaghan, amazing employee, accomplished so much in 14 years, more than doubling the company's revenue, blah, blah, blah.

Going on and on about how amazing I am.

And then in closing, it says, Heather has made the decision to go on and do something new and pursue new opportunities.

We are cheering her on.

Please join us in cheering her on as well.

Basically, here's what this all means.

And I've seen the movie before.

I had been at the company 14 years.

I knew once she said I was being fired, I knew what the game would be.

She always did this.

You

basically bully the person to say, I'm going to send a memo to everyone saying you've been fired.

And that's it, which is, you know, many of us will feel shameful or embarrassed or just crappy, like disregarded, kind of tossed away.

It's just a crappy feeling, right?

Not something that you're planning or hoping for.

The second option is to write the beautiful memo, which really gives you the out, right?

I'm not going to be at the company anymore, regardless, right?

She's giving me this beautiful out to go out on top.

But in order to get that memo, you have to sign this really lengthy, convoluted, non-disparaging agreement.

And what that is for anyone who hasn't had to deal with something like this, basically it's a gag clause.

And so it says, if you sign this paper, you are going to get a very big check, a parting gift, we'll call it.

And you're going to get the beautiful memo too.

But you can never, ever again speak of anything that had happened in or around this company, in or around these 14 years you worked here, in or around any of the executives in the company, any of the trade secrets you have, the list goes on and on.

I mean, it's so one-sided, it's ridiculous.

So I knew basically I'd be setting myself up for a lawsuit, right?

Because if I said anything, this lady is going to come after me because she'd have this gag order.

And I didn't want that.

But more important than I didn't want that, of course I wanted the big check.

Hello, who wouldn't want the big check, right?

You work somewhere for so long, you set yourself up to be.

in a place of you know financial stability to all of a sudden no i'm not going to have a job which i always have worked my whole life.

And then no, the other thing I didn't mention, I had an 18-month non-compete.

In order to get the CRO job, I had to sign that.

So for 18 months, I would not be able to go back and work in the industry that I had expertise in.

I had a massive network in.

I mean, I had so many people, I could get any job I wanted in that industry.

But because I had signed that non-compete, for 18 months, I could not.

compete against the company that was firing me.

And so knowing all this, and literally, this is all happening in my head in like 30 seconds as I'm realizing it because I hadn't planned for any of this.

I didn't think she was firing me that day.

As I'm thinking about it, all I could focus on was this lady standing there and smiling.

And that was it.

I remember thinking, she's not going to be controlling me.

No, I'm not going to react.

And you know what?

My response is going to take all the power out of this room.

So I sat quietly for a minute.

I kept looking at the papers and looking at her and her smile didn't fade, right?

It was this giant megawatt smile and it was so yuck gross.

I remember thinking, not today, Satan, not today.

And I smiled and I said, I didn't write either one of these memos, so I won't be signing either one of them.

And if you have nothing else to say, I'm out of here.

And I stood up and I took all of the air and all of the power out of that meeting, out of that room.

And that woman's face turned beat red and her giant megawatt smile went into a frown.

And she had no words.

And it was incredible.

And that whole meeting was around this concept of don't react, don't let her control me respond.

Of course, I wanted to start crying.

Are you kidding?

Of course, I wanted to cry.

I mean, I fought back tears, but I did it, right?

I just remember, stay calm, stay calm.

Heather breathed, like, just stay calm.

I didn't know what I was going to do, but I'm so flipping proud.

And I think that, I should say, I think that I know that the reason why I was able to do this is because that was after years of her treating me badly for so long and me turning a blind eye to that bad behavior.

P.S.

So, this power move that I played was incredible, so proud of it.

It wasn't about banging my fist on the table, screaming at her, How dare you do this to me after I built this company?

That would have been one option, right?

I could have yelled at her.

I could have told her she's a terrible person and that she's impacting me and my son in a horrible way, and that this is so crappy and that she's going to fail, right?

All these like things you think of in your mind, right?

Of freaking out and blowing a gasket on someone.

Of course, I thought thought all those things, but because I had worked on this personally for myself for a while, I was able to do the right thing, which I'm so grateful for, super grateful.

I didn't cry.

I kept it together and I really stood in my power.

And I will never forget how I handled it, or I will never forget how I took all the power out of that situation and brought it right with me to my car.

Then I cried for three hours on the ride home.

Okay, keeping it real.

Just got to tell you.

But it doesn't matter.

I'm fine with that because that was normal, right?

I was, I was really devastated in that moment, but when it counted, I didn't react.

I responded.

And so this is for my amazing person who sent this note in today.

Okay, we got you.

You're in a situation.

You haven't been treated with respect.

You've been bullied.

It's probably passive aggressive.

This lady is probably intimidated by you.

Agree to all of it, right?

So here's the thing.

And we've already talked about this, is that.

You want to respond, not react.

You want to remain calm.

I'd practice at home, right?

Like you really want to be thoughtful and intentional about how you're going to handle this and think about the outcome that you're looking for, right?

I want a solution, whatever that may be.

It doesn't have to be perfect, but the fact that you're showing up for yourself, the fact that you're speaking your mind, the fact that you're not allowing someone to disrespect you any longer, that's going to create confidence within you.

That's going to help you feel better about who you are.

And that's going to start you down a better path moving forward.

Whether you stay at that company or not, right?

Whether that lady stays or not, it doesn't matter.

It's about you choosing you.

and i'm proud of you for doing that so respond don't react stay calm practice this at home and i would you know send an email and just ask for a quick meeting i'd say hey is there any chance i can get on your calendar for a 15-minute meeting this week you don't need to say why you know you know she says what's it about just some communication issues that i want to address with you I feel like it can be very, you know, basic.

And then I get really calm.

I'd go into the meeting and I would explain, listen, I'm making it up.

Listen, Jen, when I came here, I was told to work with you and that you would help show me the ropes.

However, I have to be open with you that I feel like there's tension between us, or I don't know if it's resentment.

I'm not sure what it is that I'm feeling.

I wanted to ask you, did I do something wrong?

Did I upset you?

Or is there something?

Do you feel this too?

Or, or is this in my head?

Right.

I mean, I'd ask the question in some way that's not offensive, but coming from a place of curiosity, knowing that you don't feel good about the situation, you want to be honest about it, but you're here trying to find a solution.

Again, we don't know what's going on in in this lady's life.

She might think you're there to take her job and she's getting fired the next day and she's panicking.

We don't know.

And you can't answer those questions until she tells you how she feels, right?

So I open up the communication.

That's the first step.

This lady could empty her glass and be like, I'm at the worst time of my life.

I'm so sorry that you feel that way.

That was not intentional, right?

We don't know how she's going to respond.

She might be the same way my old villain was and say, don't know what you're talking about.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

When that happens, okay, that's not a red flag.

That's a deal breaker, right?

And that means, okay, well, I guess this discussion's over then.

I do want you to know that I will be respected here at our place of employment.

I will respect you, but you will respect me as well.

I guess there's nothing else for us to discuss.

Thank you.

Have a good day.

And walk out, right?

Just very calm.

Own your power.

And then what I would do after that is I'd reach out to the HR director.

I would reach out to your manager, whoever it is, but I'd ask for help.

I'd say, hey, listen, I've been having some challenges in regards to communication with Jen.

I decided to address them one-on-one.

The meeting didn't go well.

She didn't see any issue.

However, I know in our handbook, respect in the workplace is really important.

Communication is important.

How can we best handle the situation as she and I working together doesn't seem to be working?

What would you suggest we do from here?

Right?

So I'd ask for help.

So those are the steps that I would initially take and see how it unfolds, right?

We can't predict.

We can't project.

We have to...

put it into motion, take action and put it into motion.

So best of luck.

I'm super proud of you for sticking up for yourself.

I'm super proud of you for not letting this villain to continue her bad behavior.

Never turn a blind eye to bad behavior.

And you are not, which means you are creating confidence in you.

So I get a message from a gentleman and it says, and this is on LinkedIn.

Hey, Heather, I've read your story.

I know that you got fired.

I just want you to know what's happening to me right now.

I am struggling and trying to hold my head up.

However, it's not easy.

Okay, I totally get it because I felt the same way when I was in the moment when it was all happening.

But here's what I know now.

Wait a minute.

No, getting fired means you are in good company.

Mark Cuban was fired.

Oprah Winfrey fired.

J.K.

Rowling fired.

Steve Jobs fired.

Heather Monaghan fired.

You are rolling with the top, the best of the best.

Choose to see this as your jump-off point.

Did you really love, was it your purpose in life to be there?

Probably not.

Peel back that.

onion and say, wait a minute, I didn't even really like work here.

Why am I sitting here crying?

Wait a minute, I'm just afraid of the uncertainty.

But here's the thing about uncertainty, guys.

When everything is uncertain, anything is possible.

Stepping into that uncertainty, embracing it and saying, I'm excited.

I have no idea what's about to happen next.

That means it's going to be different than this groundhog day run that I've been on for a year or two years or 20 years.

Who knows?

This is exciting.

I'm taking my unique skills and talents somewhere new.

I have no idea what that's going to look like.

And that's why I am jumping up and down to walk out the door of my house every morning, embracing this opportunity.

This is like once in a lifetime rebirth.

Here we go.

This is my jump-off point, right?

So that's kind of how I see it versus how he's seeing it right now.

And I said to him, You need to read my books.

You need to listen to my podcast, ASAP,

because it's important in those moments when you're really challenged, really down, like getting fired or breakup or whatever it is, you're doubting and questioning yourself.

It's critical who you surround yourself with, not only the people in your life, but the podcast, the books, you know, the content you consume, the media.

really, you've got to curate this.

I talk so much about this in my new book, Overcome Your Villains.

It's the three-step process to overcome any adversity, beliefs, action, and knowledge.

So I'm talking right now about this knowledge piece for him that, you know, who are you letting into your world?

And this is like, I see you critical time right now, right?

Intensive care.

You're in it.

So be that protective of you that you're not letting anyone into your circle, into your head, unless it's someone who is cheering you on, supporting and encouraging you, someone who's light years ahead of you that's showing you the way.

Those are the people you want to surround yourself with.

Fire all of the villains.

And I promise you, if you were fired from that company, it's because you weren't the right fit anymore.

It doesn't mean anything bad about you.

It has nothing to do about you.

When that woman fired me, she should have fired me.

She was threatened by me.

You don't want to be working side by side with someone you think is going to take your job.

She should fire me.

Then I'm not the right fit for her.

And here I am, you know, four years later outside of it.

And I'm saying, what a gift.

She was right.

I shouldn't have been working there side by side.

I was diminishing myself trying to make her feel comfortable.

And that is the wrong answer.

So stop shrinking the fit in the places you've already outgrown.

The only reason you're freaking out is because you don't know what's on that other side.

But I'm here to tell you, for me, there was my first book, Confidence Creator, and my speaking career, and interviewing Sarah Blakely live on stage at a sales conference, and my TEDx talk getting promoted to TED and me launching my podcast back in 2019 and me signing with HarperCollins leadership and me taking these massive stages all around the country, right?

Helping so many people.

There's been so many blessings that have happened and they all started with that one domino falling that day.

The one domino that fell was that old life went away when I got fired.

The old must fall away in order for the new to arise.

Don't see it as an end.

This is just the beginning.

Until next week, I'll be creating my confidence, and I know you will too.

I decided to change that dynamic.

I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear.

Start learning and growing.

Inevitably, something will happen.

No one succeeds alone.

You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Come on this journey with me.