Smile Dog | CreepCast

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Welcome back to Creamcast!

We are energy you okay, go ahead.

We're reading

some classics today.

One being an all-time,

some would say maybe not the babe Ruth of Creampostas.

One of the guys that like the Barry Bonds.

Who's one that got kicked out for like steroids?

Barry Bonds has been pretty heavy.

The Jason Giambi.

Sure.

Armstrong, the Mark Maguire.

Sure, man.

Lance Armstrong?

The Lance Armstrong of baseball.

He was the best cyclist of all time.

And I just want to say that I think a little steroids didn't hurt anybody.

We're reading Smile Dog, along with some other stuff.

Maybe the Beatles, a little clockwork action.

I don't fucking know.

But we're definitely reading Smile Dog.

Oof!

Actually,

if you think that Smile Dog would have a.

What does a Smile Dog's bark sound like?

It would be more like a borf.

What's a scary bark?

Bar.

That's a scary

sounds like a man at school getting sick.

Barf.

Barf.

Barf.

I just threw up.

Yeah, so we're going to be reading some of the OGs today.

We've gone through a lot of the big ones.

Small dogs, of course, the big one.

There's a couple other more niche ones that were remembered for one reason or another.

It should be an enjoyable episode.

I think Hunter's going to have a terrible time, which means I'm going to have a great one.

So I'm looking forward to it.

I'm going to have a good time.

What are you doing over there?

I'm doodling a man with his face melting.

That's what that would sound like.

Dude, you're going to slip that under here.

But a bean.

Now it's gone.

Smile dog.

Did you ever like?

Yeah, it doesn't.

Your mom was telling me yesterday when I was talking to her about that when you were a kid, someone at a church you all went to recommended that you see a psychiatrist.

That is true.

That is true.

That was the last time I went to that church.

They literally were like, we actually don't want him coming back to the congregation.

And I think

I see some of the.

Like, hey, draw a guy with eyes moving.

Well, it's just the fact that, like, that's, it wasn't being talked about or anything, but that's just where your brain trails off to draw stuff like that.

Okay.

Has anyone ever recommended you go on medication or anything like that?

I was empiculated.

All right, good.

Smile dog.

Getting into Smile Dog here.

I just want to thank everyone who is on Spotify and Apple Podcasts to give us those beautiful ratings.

It really does help us.

Also, our patrons.

Hey,

I love you.

I miss you.

Welcome back.

Right?

We have merch.

We got merch.

Do you need some clothes for your beautiful body?

Yep.

Why cover it?

Let it hang out.

It'll be free.

Some hats, shirts, backpack.

Actually, I'm saying don't buy it.

You're saying don't buy it?

No.

Where are you saying don't buy it?

No.

Never mind.

Why?

The link is there, but no, don't do it.

Why shouldn't we buy it?

I'm nagging.

I'm trying to, because they're going to be like, dad says to not buy it, therefore I want it.

Right?

It's like if you tell your kid, don't smoke pot.

What's he going to do?

He wants to go smoke pot.

Don't go get the merch.

You would look real silly.

What are you looking at?

You keep looking over here.

I hope you don't go get it.

Thank you all.

Turn the phones off while recording.

recording.

God, dude.

That was my alarm I set last night to wake up in the morning, but I put it to p.m.

instead.

I just like,

there is no way we're ever going to actually get ahead.

There's no way.

We are.

It is Sisyphus.

It is Sisyphus rolling the ball up the hill.

Nice hanging for them.

The P and the A look kind of.

It's also, mind you, his alarm to wake up was going to be 9.30 a.m.

I've seen him wake up before and it's haunting it's like a it's like a war vet waking up literally he like he sits there he's either completely dead or then when he decides to wake up he does like

so i just imagine this morning some kind of internal like demon was in his brain that fucking woke him up on time luckily what time are you going to bed Oh, I mean, last night I went to bed at three, and then I woke up at 7:20 to get to the airport.

I was like, why'd you do that?

I could have drove him to the airport.

I didn't want you to be mad at.

Are you is that

a legitimate thing?

Yeah.

Wait.

Every time you gotta take him to the airport.

But because, do you know why?

Because he comes in at 3 a.m.

Okay, well, yes.

But then whenever I go out, I've gotten him every time he comes in at like midnight.

I'm like, okay, that's fine, I guess.

He's like, well, the tickets are $30 cheaper.

Okay.

Right?

Right.

Whatever.

And then when I go to his neck of the woods, he's like, nah, it's too much of a drive.

And I'm like, fair.

That's fair.

Right.

So it's bullshit.

Okay.

Well, can I just say, can I just say that when I landed here yesterday,

I was in a goop suit.

Yeah, and you didn't tell me about any of that.

I land here.

I'm like, hey, I'm going to be there Thursday at three.

Hunter's like, Thursday at three?

Got it.

Thursday at three.

I get it.

a week.

Thursday at three.

I'm like, hey, man.

Nothing.

That is rare, though.

15 minutes later.

That's an ongoing thing.

15 minutes later, I call Hunter.

Nothing.

I was in a goop suit.

I text in the group chat.

Harry's like, are you here?

Yes.

Yes, I am.

And Harry's like, do you need a ride?

And I'm like, well, I guess not.

I guess not.

I was in a goop suit.

It's been a stressful week.

I Uber over here, and there's 40 40 people here

and i just like we had we had lights and cameras on the group here's the thing about hunter he never tells you anything he's just that can't possibly be true

he's just like what are you pointing him for yeah they know because they work with you i know they know hunter's like i feel like i feel like i'm overbearing i feel like i tell them too much no no maybe them specifically but other people it's like hey you like you want to do something and i'm like yeah and he goes cool and then i'll get there and there will be like 18 things happening at once.

And he was like, yeah.

So, like, just know.

To be fair,

to be completely transparent, the shoot day got pushed back and it slipped my mind.

Okay.

So this was not supposed to be even going on.

That's true.

So, okay.

Is that true?

Sure.

That is true.

Sure.

But me and you talked about me coming in Tuesday.

So that means while you were on the shoot, you were like,

he doesn't need to know.

He'll figure it out.

Thursday of the shoot got pushed.

Got it.

The shoot got pushed, and it slipped my mind.

It is, it is a lot of facts that during the shoot, we were just excited about me.

Can I just say I never brought it up?

Or what is the ARF?

Smile dog.

No, no, no, you're not getting out of this one.

You got to get to the you walking up the hill with your little.

Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.

Yeah, thank you, Harry.

Thank you.

I get here.

I get it.

So I have to Uber over to my friend's house, right?

The driver's like, oh, is this like a buddy of yours?

And I'm like, allegedly.

We get up to the house.

We pull up to the fence.

And he's like, you want me to drive you up?

And I'm like, to be honest, Hunter didn't give me any, or sorry, my friend didn't give me any directions.

I don't know if, you know, what door he's in, what room he's in.

I don't even know if he wants you to come in, so we'll just stay here.

He's like, are you sure it's raining?

I'm like, yeah,

I'm sure.

So I get out in the rain and I have my little roly backpack and I just start walking up Hunter's Driveway.

And then I look to the house and I'm like, well, if my friend was in there, I guess he'd probably be looking for me.

So he must not be there.

Come to find out, Allison was just watching me the whole time.

Just didn't wave, did it like he's over there.

Just looked from the house.

Watched me in the rain.

I walk all the way up the hill.

I get to the top and Harry comes outside because he cares.

Harry comes outside.

And he was like, Hey, Isaiah.

I'm like, Oh, hi.

Are you guys in there?

No concept of different people being here.

Anything going on?

He was like, Yeah, you can set your stuff in here.

I'll show you the new building.

I'm like, Oh, wow, there's a new building.

I set my stuff in one door.

Go to this new building.

I open a door.

There are, I kid you not, 35 people

standing around on a movie set

doing things.

And I'm just like,

what?

What is this?

Oh,

I'll be the bigger man and admit that I was wrong.

I should have been more intentive.

But I will say, can I have two words?

Can I have two?

Can I have two words?

Goop suit.

If I didn't have the goop suit on, this whole thing would have been a completely, it would have been fine.

So two things would have been fine, actually.

Either, hey, you're you're going to walk onto a movie set.

But to be good, I didn't think that that would be a thing.

And you know what?

It wasn't a big deal.

It wasn't a big deal.

I'm saying with that information, I would have said, oh, I can Uber.

That's true.

Or even.

I'll be the bigger man and admit that's true.

Or even then, just say, hey, can you Uber over?

I will concede to be the bigger man.

I will.

And then decide.

How do I pay you back?

I reached this decision point when I got to the Kansas City airport, like the end of it, where I'm like, well, I could leave security and go outside, but I don't know if he's coming.

So I guess I'll sit here.

And that's a bit overdramatic.

And then I ate a Cinnabon, and then I just sat there for a while.

That was more of a terrorist act than anything.

It was.

It was.

To not even leave the airport and being like, well, I guess one Cinnabon wouldn't hurt.

I was in the wind.

Also, why didn't you text Harry sooner?

I did.

I did text him.

You know what?

I responded right when you texted group chat, but you didn't.

Look at the time code.

That's what I'm doing right now.

Reference the time code.

Harry, you do the same.

Okay.

Okay, hold on.

Okay, Harry can verify what I'm saying.

This is also a horror story podcast, by the way.

I landed early at

2.46.

That's not my fault.

That's the point.

I landed at 2.46.

Actually, I said landed when we got to the gate.

So I landed like earlier.

That's the pilot's fault.

It's not my fault.

I said landed 15 minutes early.

Nothing.

I'm like, okay.

I walk all the way to the front right before I'm about to make the decision where I can't come back into the airport.

I call Hunter at

3:11.

So I was, so that's 14.

That's 25 minutes.

I call Hunter.

Hunter doesn't say anything.

I then go to the group chat.

It has nothing to do with me yet.

And I say, at 3:12, I'm going to build a tent in the airport

and then that was at 3:12.

Five minutes later,

Carrie

fights me.

Yeah, if you're already been waiting 25 minutes,

what 30 minutes to a half hour now

in front of Cinnabal.

To be fair, you were early, so technically, break it even about 10 minutes

to win your swizzle in.

That's not our fault.

He says, What happened?

I said nothing.

I'm just giving, I'm just giving.

What happened in such a funny age?

What happened?

I thought to myself, does he even know I'm coming?

Does he even know that I'm

you're here?

Question mark.

I thought you got like delayed or something.

No.

It was three.

It was when the plane would be here.

I said, okay, so I said, I'm going to pitch a tenth.

And Harry says, what happened?

I said, nothing.

I'm just giving Hunter a hard time.

Says I was going to have a boner.

And then Hunter showed up.

And I said,

and then I said, I got a big old boner at the airport.

No one's picking me up.

Don't make this one of your bits.

Don't make this one.

No one's picking me up, so I guess I'm getting hard.

Don't, no, no.

I said,

I said, nothing.

I'm here in Kansas.

I'm an Indian.

And I got a teepee in between my legs.

And Harry says,

the audacity, by the way.

Harry says, do you need a ride?

One minute later.

And then, 60 seconds.

And then he says, Hunter is covered in goo and slime.

Doop shoot.

Again, I have no concept of a film or anything.

So I think that would be confusing.

I think

I'll be the bigger man here, and I will admit that would be confusing.

I thought you were shooting a pop-up meat video and like there was some bit where you have Nickelodeon slime on you or something.

I'm like, oh, okay, whatever.

So I said, LMAO, I can Uber.

So I do that.

And once again, I walk.

Oh, yeah.

Here's me walking up the driveway at 3.58 p.m.

After I got

over an hour later,

I'm walking in.

And I say, are y'all in the studio?

Once again, no one gives me any heads up.

And Harry says, are you outside?

I'll come get you.

And then once again, walk into a room and I'm just, I'm surrounded.

You know what?

And my fault.

And then he steps away from the set,

walks over to me,

and the first thing he says to me

is: look who decided to show off.

I forgot about that.

You know what?

That was rude.

That's what that was.

That was rude.

And obviously, there has to be some kind of payback.

And you know what I'll do?

Whenever I go out to visit you next time, I'm not going to ask for a ride.

And I'll tell you what I'll do, too.

I will literally film myself sitting in an airport for an hour.

I will do that for you.

Thank you.

I will do that.

And then I'll say, we're even.

And then I'll take an Uber wherever I need to go.

But it has, well, it can't be the next trip.

It has to be range of land.

One trip, you're going to land, and I'm just not going to say anything.

And

I'll take it.

That'll be a thing.

I'll do it.

I see it.

That's not fair, though, because you never respond to the text, anyways.

How many times have I texted you, sir?

No, no, no.

That's completely different.

Okay.

That's different because.

Well, how would I know?

That's because you text me out of the blue.

And whenever I'm working during the day,

no, no, no.

My point is, I set my phone away so I don't get distracted.

I'm real bad about my phone.

Oh, so you'll say, because you know that I'm showing up, that you'll be looking at it.

Exactly.

Okay.

Yes.

I see it.

Because once again, I had said two days prior, Thursday at 3 p.m.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

No, I was in the wrong.

I'll be the big man.

I'll take the high road.

I'll admit I'm wrong.

I was wrong.

I was a bad boy.

I should have been in the goop suit.

Should have reconsidered this.

Could have even probably pushed this a week.

Probably.

I don't know.

I don't know what your schedule.

I want you to put, look, this all would have been mediated with a, hey, can you Uber?

Absolutely.

Shouldn't have had the hands-on.

Shouldn't have had the goop on me.

No.

I was in a goop suit.

All that was great.

All that was fine.

Just make me unlove when I'm on the phone.

Because when I was talking to you, texting, you were in another goop suit

two days prior on Tuesday when I'm like.

To be fair, though, I didn't have my arms on, though.

Couldn't have used my phone.

My point is.

Look, once it happened, once I was there at 3 p.m., you were in the goop suit.

What's done was done.

Exactly.

Well, I'll tell you what, it's already passed.

Life goes.

We're here now.

Right.

Aren't we?

We lived.

And we're about to read Smile Dog, which is arguably one of the best creepyposes of all time.

That's not what I said, but okay.

All right.

Smile dog.

All right.

So the original Smile Dog was uploaded in 2010.

So it's like a dinosaur compared to all the others, right?

And it was an image that started to float around the internet, and the story accompanied it.

So let me look up the Smile Dog image.

I think it's on the story.

My page isn't loading for some reason.

There's so many pop-up ads.

Creepyposses.

Oh, yeah.

So

this this image is so fucking stupid is this is this the actual image of like the husky that's like this yeah that's the classic smile dog so this is this was like if people float around in chain emails yeah and it was like share this with 10 people or else or you die yeah yeah one of those things yeah and there's a story attached to it on the link in the chat it's just ads for travago

i will say creepypasta.com i don't know what we have to do to get these ads a little more manageable because right now, I have an all-Spanish, it says soy marciela,

mama, ya activistia, ylanada, mi dante.

My page is all white, but the ads are loading, so it's half of Superman Space.

Seguir

Biriando.

And now it's a coach ad.

I got hotels.com right now.

Well, they're probably supposed to be good fucking money if they're getting these ads.

Good lord.

All right.

Also, anonymously written, right?

No, we don't know who the author is.

No, there's an author.

I literally can't open the page.

Hold on.

Give me a second.

I think it's good.

While this is happening, I'm going to, for audio listeners at home, I'm drawing Smile Dog.

There we go.

At the moment, while Isaiah loads his iPad.

Dude, I opened Safari on here.

The last thing that was opened on Safari was Barosca Part 5 on this.

Could I get a slight replay of what Baroska, the reaction to that was?

Welcome back.

I don't think it'll be as that bad.

Will it?

Have you read Smile Dog before?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so you're familiar.

Is this like 20 years old by now?

Came out in 2010.

That's like 20 years old.

Is this thing like 100 years old?

This is like a.

Did Charlie Chaplin write this story?

I didn't hear the 2010 part.

I was just asking.

No reason to jump on the little guy.

I don't get

the story.

Can I say, can I at least ask this question?

Yeah.

Is Smile Dog?

If you had to say cut or uncut, what would you say?

I'm not answering.

He's definitely uncut.

Don't encourage him.

What are you going to say?

Not whatever he wants me to.

Who would cut Smile Dog?

I

happy.

Hold on, lift it up.

No wonder he's smiling.

I'm there.

Smile dog with him apena.

It's nothing but pedigree.

You've got to censor that.

Oh, yeah.

It's going to be pixelated.

That's going to be pixelated.

Yeah, absolutely.

I'm actually going to tuck it on there, too.

Yikes.

Okay, well, work on my phone.

Hold on.

What are you looking up?

I'm trying to find the story, but just ask.

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We are now back to the episode.

There it is.

Look, no, no, that's the other one.

This is.

Wait, hold on.

Did it work when I did that?

It's a hold it sideways.

What the?

What is that about?

The website only appears in the left.

We have not read one word

from the story yet.

It's already longer than it takes to read the story.

The story, yeah, the story is shorter than what we've been talking about.

All right, now I'm in.

Smile, dog, creepypasta.

From the top.

Yeah, from the top.

Hold on, I locked the iPad.

Okay, I'm good now.

Alright.

Rough, rough.

Let's begin.

I first met in person with Mary E.

in the summer of 2007.

I had arranged with her husband of 15 years, Terrence, to see her for an interview.

Mary had initially agreed, since I was not a newsman, but rather an amateur writer gathering information for a few early college assignments and, if all went according to plan, some pieces of fiction.

We scheduled the interview for a particular weekend when I was in Chicago on unrelated business.

But at the last moment, Mary changed her mind, locked herself in the couple's bedroom, refusing to meet with me.

For an half an hour, I sat with Terrence as we camped outside the bedroom door, I listening and taking notes while he attempted fruitlessly to calm his wife.

The things Mary said made little sense, but fit with the pattern I was expecting.

Though I could not see her, I could tell from her voice that she was crying, and more often than not, Her objections to speaking with me centered around an incoherent diatribe on her dreams, her

Parents apologized profusely when we ceased the exercise, and I did my best to take it in stride.

Recall that I wasn't a reporter in search of a story, but merely a curious young man in search of information.

Besides, I thought at the time I could perhaps find another similar case if I put my mind and resources to it.

Mary E was the psyop for psyop.

Not the psyop.

SYSOP is YSOP.

I mean, it looks like SIOP, but it says SISOP.

Is there a word?

Is SISOP a word?

I don't think so.

No.

S-Y-S-O-P?

S-Y.

Oh, is that a company?

No, it says Mary E was the SysOp for a small Chicago-based bulletin board system.

Oh, system op.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Mary E was the SysOp.

Was that just the last straw?

I just it's just so much.

Being berated and having having him chime in.

Oh!

System operator.

It's too late in the day.

It's too late.

For people that don't know, we're recording this at two in the morning.

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Mary E

was a siss off

for a small Chicago-based bulletin board system in 1992 when she first encountered Smile.jpg and her life changed forever.

Smile.jpg.

My life is forever ruined.

I should not have opened that compressed image.

Okay, sorry.

She and Terrence have been married for only five months.

Mary was one of an estimated 400 people who saw the image when it was posted as a hyperlink on the BBS, though she is the only one who has spoken openly about the experience.

The rest have remained anonymous or are perhaps dead.

In 2005, when I was only in 10th grade, Smile.jpg was first brought to my attention by my burgeoning interest in web-based phenomena.

Mary was the most often cited victim of what is sometimes referred to as Smile.dog.

The being, Smile.jpg, is reputed to display.

What caught my interest, other than the obvious macabre elements of the cyber legend and my proclivity towards such things, was the sheer lack of information, usually to the point that people don't believe it even exists other than as a rumor or hoax.

It's unique because, though the entire phenomenon centers on a picture file, the file is nowhere to be found on the internet.

Certainly many photo-manipulated simulacra litter the web, showing up with the most frequency on sites such as the image board 4chan, particularly the X-focused paranormal subboard.

It is suspected these are fakes because they do not have the effect the true smile.jpeg is believed to have, namely sudden onset, temporal lobe, epilepsy, and acute anxiety.

What the fuck is even happening?

Okay, so it's...

Is this a doctor's report?

What the fuck are we reading?

Okay, so it's someone who's like done research, tried to track down the true smile dog.

But whatever this image is, this smile dog or smile JPEG?

Smile.jpg is the name of the file.

Right.

That got passed around.

And that's what he's looking for.

That's what he's looking for.

And then this woman was corrupted by it.

She's the only one who's talked about it.

That he can find

it.

Right.

Yeah.

And she has anxiety.

So he says the smile dog images are people recreating it from rumors.

But the real image, when you look at it, causes epilepsy, nausea, like an intense mental reaction to it.

That's what he's saying.

And all the images that float around are just like fakes of the real thing.

Right.

The purported reaction in the viewer is one of the reasons the phantom-like smile.jpg is regarded with such disdain, since it is patently absurd, though depending on whom you ask, the reluctance to acknowledge smile.jpg's existence might be just as much out of fear as it is out of disbelief.

Neither smile.jpg nor smile.dog is mentioned anywhere on Wikipedia, though the website features articles on such other, perhaps more scandalous shock sites as Hello.jpg or Two Girls One Cup.

Any attempt to create a page pertaining to smile.jpg is summarily deleted by any of the encyclopedia's mini admins.

Encounters of smile.jpg are the stuff of internet legend.

Mary E's story is not unique.

There are unverified rumors of smile.jpg showing up in the early days of Usenet, and even one persistent tale that in 2002, a hacker flooded the forums of humor and satire website Something Awful with a deluge of smile.dog pictures, rendering almost half of the forum's users at the time epileptic.

It's also said that in the mid to late 90s, smile.jpg circulated on Usenet and as an attachment of a chain email with the subject line, Smile, God Loves You.

Yet despite the huge exposure these stunts would generate, there are very few people who admit to having experienced any of them.

No trace of the file or any link has ever been discovered.

Those who claim to have seen Smile.jpg often weekly joke that they were far too busy to save a copy of the picture to their hard drive.

However, all alleged victims offered the same description of the photo.

A dog-like creature, usually described as appearing similar to a Siberian husky, illuminated by the flash of the camera, sits in a dim room, the only background detail that is visible being a human hand extending from the darkness near the left side of the frame.

Hands empty, but is usually described as beckoning.

Of course, most attention is given to the dog, or dog creature, as some victims are more certain than others about what they claim to have seen.

The muzzle of the beast is reputedly split in a wide grin, revealing two rows, very white, very straight, very sharp, very human-looking teeth.

Is that funny, Hunter?

It's like veneer dog.

Scary.

This is, of course, not a description given immediately after viewing the picture, but rather a recollection of the victims who claim to have seen the picture endlessly repeated in their mind's eye during the time they are, in reality, having epileptic fits.

These fits are reported to continue indeterminably, often while the victim's asleep, resulting in very vivid and disturbing nightmares.

These may be treated with medication, though in some, it's more effective than others.

Mary E., I assumed, was not on effective medication.

That was why after my visit to her apartment in 2007, I sent out feelers to several folklore and urban legend-oriented news groups, websites, mailing lists, hoping to find the the name of a supposed victim of Smile.jpeg who felt more interested in talking about his experiences.

For a time, nothing happened, and at length I forgot completely about my pursuits since I had begun my freshman year of college and was quite busy.

Mary contacted me via email, however, near the beginning of March 2008.

This is added by Moose Juice

to jml at redacted.com

from MaryE at redacted.net.

Subject, last summer's interview.

Description.

Dear Mr.

L,

I am incredibly sorry about my behavior last summer when you came to interview me.

I hope you understand that

it was no fault of yours, but rather my own problems that led me to act out as I did.

I realized that I could have handled the situation more decorously.

However, I hope you will forgive me.

At the time, I was afraid.

You see, for fifteen years I have been haunted by Smile.jpeg.

Smile.dog.

Comes to me in my sleep every night.

Did you like that?

Did you get a kick out of that one?

Every night?

Motherfuckers speak around the corner, like

big goofy ass smile.

At one point, it's just not scary anymore.

It's a Siberian husky that's smiling at you.

Big fucking chompers.

I'm just

be like, close the door.

All right.

I know that sounds silly, but it is true.

There's an ineffable quality about my dreams, my nightmares that makes them completely unlike any real dreams I've ever had.

I do not move and do not speak.

I simply look ahead, and the only thing ahead of me is the scene from that horrible picture.

I see the beckoning hand, and I see smile.dog.

It talks to me.

It is not a dog, of course, though I'm not quite sure what it really is.

It tells me it will leave me alone if I do as it asks.

All I must do, it says, is spread the word.

That is how it phrases its demands.

I know exactly what it means.

It wants me to show it to someone else.

And I could.

The week after my incident, I received the mail, a manila envelope with no return address.

Inside was only a three and a half inch floppy disc head.

Without having to check, I knew precisely what was on it.

I thought for a long time about my options.

I could show it to a stranger, a co-worker, I could even show it to Terrence.

As much as the idea disgusted me.

And what would happen to then?

Well, a smile.dog kept its word.

I could sleep.

Yet if it lied, what would I do?

And who was to say something worse would not come for me if I did what the creature asked?

So, I did nothing for 15 years.

Though I kept the diskette hidden amongst many things.

Amongst my things.

Every night for 15 years, smiled dog has come to me in my sleep and demanded that i spread the word for 15 years i have stood strong

this is serious honor every 15 every night

for 15 years thousands of times

literally imagine also can you explain to me i don't not to derail this email what the fuck does a beckoning hand look like Is it just this?

Yeah, yeah.

Like an inviting.

So you're saying it's that every night he's doing this, he's just like, spread the word.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Behind Smile Dog is a beckoning hand off-scene.

Spread the word.

Like, there's a hand behind Smile Dog.

And that's just what he's done every night.

I mean, if anything, you can admire his tenacity, his persistence.

But if you just don't spread the word, I mean, there's no repercussions beside him just showing up and being like, seriously,

would you just fucking spread this word already?

Spread the word.

You're pissing me off.

Yeah.

And she's been able to sleep every night, by the way.

Well, at some, like you said, at some point, it's like, I don't know.

I don't know what the fuck am I going to do.

Okay.

For 15 years, I have stood strong.

Though there have been hard times, many of my fellow victims on the BBS board, where I first encountered some of the JPEGs, stopped posting.

I heard some of them committed suicide, committed unaliving.

Others remain completely silent, simply despairing off the face of the web.

They're the ones I worry about the most.

I sincerely hope you'll forgive me, Mr.

L.

But last summer when you contacted me and my husband about an interview, I was near the breaking point.

I decided I was going to give you the floppy deciette.

I did not care if smile.dog was lying or not.

I wanted it to end.

You were a stranger, someone I had no connection with, and I thought I would not feel sorrow when you took the deciette as part of your research and sealed your fate.

Before you arrived, I realized what I was doing, plotting to ruin your life.

I could not stand the thought, and in fact, I still cannot.

I am ashamed.

Mr.

Ellen, I hope that this warning will dissuade you from further investigation of Smile.jpeg.

You may, uh, in time, encounter someone who is, if not weaker than I, then wholly more depraved, someone who will not hesitate to follow Smile.dog's orders.

Stop while you are still whole.

Sincerely, Mary E.

Terrence contacted me later that month with the news that his wife had killed herself.

Oh no.

That's a good comedic timing beat.

Just after all of that.

And then pretty much she totally blew her brains out.

She's been doing this this for 15 years and now that's the breakdown.

Where left is the email.

Goodbye.

I spread the word.

Thanks, Hunter.

I'm glad that's funny.

It got me good.

Okay.

While cleaning up the various things she'd left behind, closing email accounts and the like, He happened upon the above message.

He was a man in shambles.

He wept as he told me to listen to his wife's advice.

He found the diskette.

He revealed and burned it until it was nothing but a stinking pile of blackened plastic.

The part that most disturbed him, however, was how the diskette had hissed as it melted.

Some sort of animal, he said.

I will admit that I was a little uncertain about how to respond to this.

At first, I thought, perhaps, it was a joke.

with the couple belatedly playing with the situation in order to get a rise out of me.

A quick check on several Chicago newspapers online, obituaries, however, proved that Mary E.

was indeed dead.

There was, of course, no mention of suicide in the article.

I decided that, for a time at least, I would not further pursue the subject of Smile.jpeg, especially since I had finals coming up at the end of May.

But the world has odd ways of testing us.

Almost a full year after I returned from my disastrous interview with Mary E,

I received another email

to jml at redacted.com from

elza82 at redacted.com subject

smile

hello

i found your email address through bagless your profile said you're interested in smilebar

i've saw it it is not as bad as everyone says i've sent it to you here to spread the word smiley face

the final line chilled me to the bone

According to my email client, there was one file attached called, naturally, smile.jpg.

I considered downloading it for some time.

It was most likely a fake, I imagined, and even if it weren't, I was never wholly convinced of small.jpg's peculiar powers.

Mary E's accounted shaking me, yes, but she was probably mentally unbalanced anyway.

After all, how could a simple image do what small.jpg was said to accomplish?

What sort of creature was it that could break one's mind with only the power of the eye?

And if such things were patently absurd, then why did the legend exist at all?

If I downloaded the image, if I looked at it, and if Mary turned out to be correct, if Smile.jpeg came to me in my dreams demanding I spread the word, what would I do?

Would I live my life as Mary had, fighting against the urge to give in until I died?

Or would I simply spread the word, eager to be put to rest?

If I chose the latter route, how could I do it?

And would I burden in turn?

If I went through with my earlier intention to write a short article about Smile.jpeg, I decided, I could attach it as evidence.

And anyone who read the article, anyone who took interest, would be affected.

And even assuming the small.jpg attached to the email was genuine, would I be capricious enough to save myself in that manner?

Could I spread the word?

Yes.

Yes, I could.

Then bottom of the image, anywhere, any way it appeared online at the very bottom of the image was a

bloody thumbprint with the picture.

So,

author starts to track this, goes insane, and then eventually looks at the photo, which compels him to share it with the internet.

The uh, I like the idea of at the end of no matter what at the end of the story, you get kind of hit by it.

Yeah, yeah, also, this was very well written for an early

time.

Well, yeah, very good.

It was well written.

It was not, and also, the context around the image is just so the image.

The image is goofy.

Also, where's the beckoning hand off to the left, look in the bottom left?

See the hand reaching up

oh once again those glasses

oh i didn't notice that until right now what the fuck

the hand reaching up so does it look like someone's dying is that someone's on the ground like to the side like reaching up yeah yeah

so the intention is that smile dog's like some entity like a demon or ghost that has like like a shapeshifter almost it's a dog but it has human teeth like it's a weird in-between thing And the context for this story is: this image had already started floating online, if I remember correctly.

Maybe they were around the same time.

But people would get email chains that would say, spread the word, and it would be that picture, right?

It's like, what, what's that about?

But then you see this story attached that it drives people mad.

They have to spread it.

Very much like a Ringu.

Yes, very similar.

Reminds me of Ringu.

This is a fun time in the early 2000s where technology, people were finding ways of like you're sharing media and it's cursed and everything.

I did have a couple thoughts, though.

The veneers made me think of turkey teeth or turkey hair when people go to Turkey to get a hair transplant, or the veneers.

What if, when you got a hair transplant from Turkey or veneers, you had what if it was just a Turkish man that was smiling that visited you every night?

And then the thing is, you had to have someone else go to Turkey and get their hair until he left you alone.

Smile.turkey.

Smile.turkey.

Smile.turkey or turkey.jpg.

Also, I want to do an editing.

Turkey is in a files.

This is not a compression.

This is a file.

Yeah,

I do love a file type just being.turkey.

It's pretty good.

Would a turkey be T-R-K-Y?

Dot turkey.

So I do want to say about this story.

I read this when I was in middle school, I think, for the 10.

I was probably 11 or 12 when I came across it.

And I remember this story freaked me me out because you got to understand i was a kid i saw the email picture floating around it's like what's this picture

it's like a bloody merry kind of thing same thing yeah so i thought it'd be cool and after i realized it's story i'm like oh this is cool i'm gonna send it to my friends they'll be funny so i started an email chain where i said like spread the word and put the email on and then the next day at school every guy was like that was the dumbest thing i've ever seen in my entire life don't you ever and they immediately just like no just no, it's scary, right, guys?

I know it's scary, guys.

Honestly, you know, my birthdays this weekend were at a pool party with water balloon fight and stuff.

You're not coming.

I remember being like,

yeah, I thought it was lame.

That's why I shared it.

I said it was a joke.

You didn't.

I thought it was stupid.

The party's awesome.

It's ice cream cake.

That's really dumb, right?

You know, some people just came.

There's water balloons that look like grenades.

It's going to be awesome.

Oh, those were so cool, dude.

Well, you're not coming because of that one email.

No, I thought it was.

I would love to sit there, open it up, look at my subject line.

What is this?

Whatever.

Scroll down.

Oh, an image.

Okay, I'll download it.

You know, scroll down.

Click.

The Beatles cartoon.

Lost episode.

Yeah.

Who's your favorite Beetle?

Um,

Ringo.

Because he was just the goofiest about stuff.

Like, the song Maxwell's Silver Hammer.

All of them hated it.

And when they asked Ringo, he was like, I thought it was kind of nice.

I enjoyed it.

My face that it was actually kind of a good diddle.

No, not Ringo.

What was the fourth one?

Not Paul or John.

George?

George.

George's the one I'm thinking of.

Yeah.

George is a George.

It's cool.

Just

no one likes Ringo the most.

Yeah, yeah.

George.

George was like the one that was just unsung hero.

George, the main man.

Yeah, what's in there with the Beatles?

Who's your least favorite Beatle?

John.

John.

Of course.

Easy.

Yep.

John.

I like the little fucking beaver tooth bastard Paul McCartney quite a bit.

Me wants to hold your hand.

Me wants to hold your hand.

She was a good counter to John, to my understanding, because John was like, no, we've got to change the world.

We've got to be different.

And then Paul would be like, no,

that's a dumb idea.

I don't like that idea.

You know, the Beatles, it's one of those things when people are like, the Beatles are lame.

It's like,

it's impossible to not like at least one.

I mean,

it's like like anything else like being like oh Elvis Was he didn't do anything or like he was lame.

It's like I really like that one that new editor that keeps saying the meme where it's like songs you didn't know realize Elvis wrote and it's like jump out the house jump all the house and he goes well It's rickin' morty time

song Have you seen that?

Yeah,

it's a good idea There was one night Where Caitlin and I were driving home and I was really tired and she was just flipping through songs and that Elvis song came on.

I can't even remember which one, what the title of it is, but in the beginning, like I heard the music, and I go, Is this the song where he says,'I'm caught in a trap?' And as soon as I got done saying that,

he goes,'Caught in a trap.' Yeah, I can't walk out

because I love you too much, baby.

So, why can't you see?

Ooh,

what are you doing to me?

And you don't believe a word I say.

say

we can go on together with suspicious minds

and we can real our dreams with suspicious love

to my old friend I know

you watch what I like

we're lost in a cloud with too much rain

We're trapped in a world that's struggled with pain

And as long as a man has a strength to dream, he can redeem his soul and fly.

Go ahead, Finn.

Deep in my heart, there's such

trembling

women,

but I am sure that the answer, answer is going to come somehow out there in the dark.

There's a beckoning candle.

Oh, yeah.

And while I can think, while I can talk,

while I can stand,

while I can walk, while I can dream,

so please let my dream

come true

right now.

he wrote that because

they discontinued

Yoohoo

Just kidding, it was Martin Luther King died.

So that's why I wrote that one.

Probably shouldn't put that in there.

The Beanles

were all right.

Yeah.

Okay.

Beatles lost cartoon episode.

Oh,

I don't think I've ever read this one.

I don't know when it came out.

That's my understanding.

Is it one of those like OG ones?

Is this an old one, Harry?

I don't know how old it is, but I heard it's classic.

The Beatles cartoon lost episode does not feel like a classic creepypasta to me.

Well, it was back when like Dead Bart or like Squidward Suicide.

That all seems fine because that's like new rate.

Like Dead Squidward, I'm like, at the the time, that's people were probably young and obsessed with.

It'd be like nowadays, it'd be like

creepy possibly about like Hasbin Hotel or some shit.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, I'm sure that's out there now that you can see it.

100%.

That's for me.

Yeah.

But we have to find it wherever it's at.

All right.

Just want to start off by saying that if you want an answer at the end, prepare to be disappointed.

There isn't one.

I'd like to start this off by affirming that I am a huge Beatles fan, as well as being 14 years old.

You know, you rarely see that level of honesty.

I love that.

I got to say, there is a shocking amount of truth in all this.

I just want to say, I like the Beatles like 90% of the world.

I'm also 14.

Also, I have no idea what's going on.

I have no idea what's going on.

You'll be disappointed by

the end of this, you are going to be like, that was not worth my time.

Yeah.

Of course.

I'm also an avid collector of Beatles stuff.

I was even there at their first concert.

How old is this person?

I don't, 14, so no, you weren't.

They have great music and great talent.

They have their albums, t-shirts, and other assorted items.

I even enjoyed the old cartoon of the Beatles that was made in the 60s.

But it wasn't long before I found out there was a morbid secret to the cartoon.

I was at a local collector's shop where they had a section about the Beatles.

I was looking for some Beatles mugs and pins.

Bought two Beatles mugs and four Beatles pins, and I was just about to leave the section.

Something caught my eye.

It was a videotape called The Lost Beatles cartoon.

Or at least that's what I assumed.

Being what was scribbled on it with what appeared to be Black Sharpie, I really wanted to get it so I told my disjointed mother that I wanted to buy it.

When we went to purchase the tape, the counter worker said I couldn't have it.

He told me that it's watched it and had nightmares.

I was surprised he could say that about the tape because it was just the Beatles.

How can a cartoon about a band possibly be that scary?

But he said, never mind, you're just gonna have nightmares anyway,

and gave me the tape.

What?

Never mind.

It's too late.

Take it.

Who gives a shit?

Just take it, kid.

You're fucked anyways.

I like the Beatles.

Look at these pins I got.

Yeah.

Take it

while I was walking away, I thought I saw him folding his hands like he was praying.

For some odd reason, I was starting to feel like something was wrong with the tape.

Really?

When I got home, I immediately went downstairs to watch this mysterious video.

When the tape started to play, something weird happened in the beginning.

Do we try to do, is there photorealistic blood in the story?

You want to do a little bingo card?

Yes.

I think that's a good thing.

Photorealistic blood.

Hyperrealistic eyes.

Hyper-realistic eyes.

Okay.

So are we calling that?

I think I'll call those.

And does one of the Beatles or do they all kill themselves?

They're going to be dead.

Are they already dead?

Or do you think is Paul going to shoot John?

It's going to start as a normal one, but then they're going to be like, it's going to come to their eyes like black or ripped out.

And then they're going to be, there's going to be sounds screaming, like they're all screaming.

Then they're going to be dead.

Yeah, yeah.

And John will be like, I don't feel good, or something like that.

Yeah, I've got blisters on me fingers.

Yeah, definitely a scene like that.

Some loud noise effect, something like that.

It was the sounds of someone screaming in complete agony.

All right, well, immediately.

There you go.

That's another point for me.

Which, while that was normal for the Beatles cartoon,

why was that normal for the Beatles cartoon?

Hold on, people usually scream in anguish at the Beatles cartoon.

This is

an actual cartoon, right?

I don't know.

Okay, hold on.

What happened?

Okay, here's how the intro starts:

no one's screaming.

Well, we're not in yet.

Okay, that's anguish.

Okay,

that's got to be what they're talking about.

That's kind of a creepy intro, a little bit.

Yeah, all right, I see.

I see.

All right, I'm tracking.

Sounds of someone screaming in complete agony.

Which, while that was normal for the Beatles cartoon, there's usually a title card accompanying it.

I was scared until the title card, thankfully, faded in a few seconds later.

The episode was called Because,

and assumed it was referring to the Abbey Road song, Because.

First scene faded in from black, but something was off.

It was slightly different than the original style.

It looked almost similar to the original, but looked darker, more detailed.

Then, the episode showed all four Beatles and their trademark grotesque original designs.

John, Paul, George, and Ringo.

Despite the past oddity, I relaxed hearing the trademark Paul Freeze and Lance Percival voicing the Fab 4.

They were talking about some kind of CD they found outside the recording studio and about listening to it.

This was strange, as CDs weren't invented until 1976.

Shows produced in the late 60s.

So, then the scene suddenly transitioned to the Beatles in their recording studio.

Shots showed John casually putting the headphones on until the thing happened.

John, all of a sudden, just looked like he just blacked out.

Then Paul worriedly asked, Sean,

are you

Then the screen zoomed up to John, who had started drooling.

All of a sudden John's eyes turned into what I can only really describe with my limited vocabulary as LSD acid trip image with weird colors.

After 10 seconds of John's acid-tripping face, something appeared.

I grabbed the clicker and went backwards to see what it was.

What I saw was a morbid, grotesque picture.

It was a real photo of a man with the ventriloquist dummy.

The scary part of the picture was that the man with the dummy had no mouth.

Instead, there was blood on his face where his mouth was supposed to be.

The dummy had fire in his eyes and an insane smile.

I had to choke back some vomit after watching it.

It's just kind of funny.

They always do that.

Like, do you remember Squidward Suicide where they keep throwing up over it?

I was so sick.

Like, I had to throw up Osum Gross down.

But all they described was:

There is a man with no mouth.

With a ventriloquist dummy.

With the dummy's eyes are on fire.

He's like,

I'm gonna roll!

And an insane smile.

Don't forget the insane smile.

Of course.

Then the screen went back to an equally as vomit-inducing sight: John's face.

Are you alright?

asked Ringo.

Sing's not believing.

Sing is killing john said in dull a dull monotone as though he was in some sort of trance john soon snapped back to reality oh there goes gravity

shaking his head and replied yes yes i am what time is it george it's one thirteen george answered nonchalantly then the screen went black and blood started to rain down but this blood looked much more realistic

ding ding than anything else that i had seen in any other episode.

It looked so real that if I touched the screen, I would somehow get blood on my fingers.

The blood rain soon disappeared, and another scene soon faded in, showing the beetles walking to a lake.

Crowd of girls soon started chasing the guys for almost a minute, when all of a sudden a picture of a girl with no eyes.

Ding ding.

Black eyes.

Yep, with no eyes appeared on the screen.

It was an actual black and white picture of a person with just her eye sockets dripping with blood.

She had no teeth and more blood was pouring out of the mouth.

I jumped back on my couch after seeing it.

Then the scream went to John's face and all of a sudden, the screaming of the fans stopped.

And when all four of them turned around to check, all of the fans were on the ground, burning to a crisp.

Paul, clearly petrified, asked, What?

What happened?

So wait, hold on.

The screen cuts back.

And everyone's dead.

Burning.

Okay, yeah.

Then the scene showed Ringo vomiting out red vomit with chunks of brown meat.

Something caught my eye.

I paused and looked closely at the vomit, and there was the face of Hitler.

Jarvis free.

Jarvis pause and hands.

Mine Fura.

In the

Wait, pause that?

Rewind.

Enhance.

Enhance.

Oh

my

God.

I was somewhat shocked that a man who killed millions of people and soldiers was in a cartoon about the Beatle.

I was like, he's still going to wrap his head around this meet like a why would they make this?

Where are they giving that guy a free press?

I've heard the Beatles like Hitler being a mania with Nazi stuff.

I never knew that.

That's weird.

Head did in the vomit the whole time.

Just forget about it, John sharply shouted back.

But what about offense?

Oh, don't give a fuck!

They censored it in the story, too.

Because they're 14 and their mom would get mad if they tied it out.

It's F star star K, mom.

You can't get mad.

It's F star star K.

Dude, the next sentence.

I was shocked that this episode involves John saying the F word.

But I decided to continue on.

The next scene showed a building that was about to be demolished.

The Beatles were walking down a street.

I legitimately thought I was going to go to the Twin Towers right there.

I legitimately was like, there's no way.

Okay.

I would have, dude, we'll see.

We'll see.

We'll see.

Hitler has been in throw.

Hitler and CDs have been brought in.

I like how that was the first thing.

It goes from like,

that's where the compact disc was made until 76.

And immediately it's like, Hitler.

In the volume.

The next scene showed a building that was about to be demolished.

The Beatles were walking down a street when

a wrecking ball hit the building.

A piece of rubble went flying in the air.

He was about to miss a person when John did something despicable.

In typical John fashion,

he proceeded to push the man back to where the piece of rubble was about to fall.

In typical John fashion, he killed somebody.

Classic John!

In a second, the piece of solid marble crushed the guy to death.

Blood and brain matter flew everywhere.

Even though the brain matter and blood still looked cartoonish, it was still pretty horrible.

Though it was drawn, I was still kind of freaked out.

I was still really scared by all this.

A crowd of people quickly surrounded the scene, and the scene zoomed up to John with an evil smirk on his face.

The next scene only showed just a black screen.

Only thing that could be heard was a gunshot.

Then there was smoke that I assumed represented the fired gun.

Then the screen faded into a shot of the recording studio.

The studio had no lights on, causing the screen to be too dark to make anything out.

But there was quiet mumbling, and I listened closely to hear someone dully whispering.

I shouldn't have done that.

The garden didn't know we shouldn't.

Then one light went on.

There was a shadow outside the door.

It was the form of John.

It wasn't long until the light was reflecting to the sound manager in the recording booth, dead.

I quickly put two and two together and figured that the man was shot by John,

really, who had a gun for whatever reason.

The camera zoomed up to the ground outside the room.

A Model 1887

fell to the ground with blood splattered on it and with bits of smoke still coming out of the barrel.

The next scene suddenly showed Paul, George, and Ringo knocking on John's room door.

Then Ringo proceeded to bust down the door with his trademark strong sexy insect.

What am I reading?

ringo proceeded to bust down the door with his trademark strong sexy insect legs and there was a humongous safe that was the size of an scv what am i reading

there's no telling i feel like i'm being waterboarded

just like

please make it stop They didn't know what the combination was, but for some reason, it wasn't locked up all the way.

They They opened it up and they found out John's secret.

He was a Satanist.

There was a dead body of a woman on a pentagram drawn in her blood, and her with her eyes gorged out.

There were dead animals, a fan-made necronomicon, and goat skull on a pentagram.

That is fucking scary.

I'm so scared right now.

That is fucking freaky, man.

Not the Beatles.

Not John, no.

In fear, George fell to the ground.

Paul had to choke back a vomit.

Ringo ran over to the corpse and yelled out, Kitty!

My fiancé, no!

He then slumped to the ground, closing his eyes.

Then Ringo started crying in a sad way.

I was like,

I said, That's him crying.

He's like, Well, he looked more sad, didn't he?

The crying from Ringo didn't sound like normal cartoon crying, it sounded as real as day.

And in shock, I found out that the dead woman was Ringo's fiancé, Jenny.

What was his first clue?

Well, yeah, didn't he scream out?

Screamed, my fiancé.

Who's that woman?

who could that be who's a stranger i didn't know that ringo had a fiancé but i decided to continue on suddenly some distorted screams of a girl started to play in the background i started to suspect that's supposed to be the screams of jenny scream went black then the screen showed the view of the sun setting from john's legs screen immediately went to john's face that he had a mad expression and rapid moving mouth he had red in his left iris his dick looked like

his dick looked like it was ripped by a rabid raccoon.

He had a noose around his neck.

He was about to commit suicide.

He shut his eyes and jumped.

Hold on.

I just want to say that this man was murdered in real life.

Yeah, this is a guy.

This is a guy that got shot.

Yeah.

This is a man who was actually murdered in real life in broad daylight.

And they're like, his dick was ripped off by a rabid raccoon and he hung himself.

yeah and he's a fucking satanist

i like they're just like besmirching this man's name yeah wouldn't that be creepy wouldn't that be creepy if you just did that the camera showed john's feet still swinging the camera zoomed out to show john's lifeless body hanging on the small cliff on the lake that the beatles were going to in the beginning of the episode The screen went black and Paul appeared in a sad expression.

Then the screen went black again.

And then the scary part begins

without warning paul's face appeared with hyper realistic eyes

three for three hyper realistic eyes to the word yes let's go

There were so many camera views of Paul's face like a zoom out of him in the corner.

Then pictures appeared.

I remember seeing a picture of a hand with a gun in it and the gun was pointed to a little boy's head, but the gun was already fired.

Another picture flashed on the screen of a garfish in the river.

The next picture was a burnt,

just a little wildlife picture in the middle of it.

A little kid's head fucking exploding.

The next one's just like, oh, ski fish.

That's a goldfish.

It's a pretty cool little scene.

Next picture was a burnt town.

People were on the ground dead.

Quickly, I discovered that the town was destroyed during an attack.

It was destroyed because of the Vietnam War.

How did he discover that in the middle of the picture?

The next picture picture was three Undertakers with seven coffins with little children no younger than six.

And behind the left Undertaker was a coffin with a hand coming out of it, and the hand was moving.

After more pictures, it shows Paul with the same expression that he had before the scary slideshow.

Then suddenly I heard a loud booming voice of a low, low, quiet voice saying, Do it!

Then a 1911 colt pistol appeared in Paul's hand.

He puts it in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

Realistic blood and brain matter went everywhere, like on the grass and the cliff.

Then the camera zoomed up to the capsule of the bullet that shot Paul and the capsule said your life was already over, Paul.

In a mysterious Russian accent.

Your life was already over, Paul.

Wait, the bullet says it.

The camera zooms up, so it's written on there, but it's written in a Russian accent.

Or is the bullet saying in a Russian accent?

Your life was already over, Paul.

That should be the background.

Or no, it should be the smile dog in the background.

I was saying it'd be funny if the whole time it was a bullet capsule that had that.

Your life was already over in Russian.

The next scene showed George on a cliff from the same lake John committed suicide.

He was about to commit suicide, too.

I thought he was going to jump off the cliff, but instead, he pulled out a gun and shot himself.

I'm surprised.

A lot of restraint to not say the specific model of gun as he has done twice.

Yeah, I was going to say, I like how the specific gun is extremely important.

Well, what's funny about it is the way they ride it M1911 and 1887 is the same way those guns are written in Call of Duty.

Are they really?

Yeah, no one says M1911, they just say 1911 unless you play COD Zombies, where it says M1911.

It's military terms, you don't get it.

I love Black Ops, I love Black Ops so much.

My dad's a truck driver

Feels pretty irrelevant.

Yeah,

he doesn't talk to me that much.

He's on the road a lot.

He's not home a lot.

But instead, he pulled out a gun and shot himself.

Very anticlimactic.

Yeah.

Boring.

Boring.

I'm born.

At the end of the scene, the camera zoomed into the gun, and the gun was the same one Paul used to commit suicide.

And on the side, it said, It takes two bullets to kill two Peters.

That scared me a little bit.

It sends chills down my spine.

I mean guns can't talk.

I mean,

let's be real here.

I mean, think about it.

Guns can't talk.

This is fucking shit.

Hitler, Satan.

How do you get behind?

Hitler was in the vomit.

All of a sudden, guns are speaking.

This is psyche.

The way it's framed.

I'm fucking over for it.

I mean, guns, man.

I mean, for fuck's sake, people, think of it.

I'm bleeding with you.

Someone fucking just take a second to think about this.

This is creepy fucking stuff here.

I challenge you, think of one instance in your life.

I don't think of one time you've ever talked to a gun.

Not even.

Yeah, I'll tell you,

no times.

The next scene showed Ringo in the hospital, dying of an unknown disease.

He gives Ringo cancer.

A little kid being like, and Ringo has total AID cancer.

And his gun talks to him.

I mean, think about that.

So now that he opened, he's like, I'm 14.

I think he aged himself up.

Yeah.

And the author's like 10, 11.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It definitely feels like this is like a 12-year-old.

He's like, for sure.

So trust me, I'm 14.

Yeah.

So you can respect what I have to say.

My teacher said I'm at a 14-year-old reading level.

Yeah.

He took the picture of him and his fiancé and the engagement ring he gave her, and then he died.

Then the scene faded while the ending music played.

After about a minute, another shot faded in.

It appeared to be in a dark hall.

Wait, didn't...

Didn't Ringo actually die of a disease?

No, Ringo's still alive.

Which one got stabbed in his house and then died?

That had to be George then.

No, I think...

One that died of cancer.

George died of cancer.

Yeah.

And then John Lennon got shot.

Yeah, well, the whole thing was...

The whole thing was George was like, he was doing okay, but then someone broke into his house and stabbed him one night in the lung.

Oh, man.

And it caused like super damaged lungs, and then he died after.

So they think maybe if that didn't happen, he could have recovered and lived longer or whatever.

I thought for a second he was saying that like, and Ringo just died of cancer, like in real life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Then Then the scene faded while the ending music played.

After about a minute, another shot faded in.

It appeared to be in a dark hall.

All I hear was screams, whistles, yelling, and gunshots.

I soon found out that the hall was in a prison.

The scary part was that every time the lamp swings in the hall, a black-hooded figure appeared.

It wasn't long until...

I found out it was John with gray skin and red iris.

For a brief second, I thought he resembled trademark webcomic character Carcat Vontis.

There's no way.

Trademark webcomic character?

I am immediately looking up who Carcat Vontis is.

This is like in that one story where it's like, if you play Destiny, you would know.

Hold on.

Are you fucking kidding me?

This is what Carcass Vontis is.

It's a homestead character.

Carcass Vontas looks like this.

Dude, no, no.

Do you know Homestuck?

No.

That was a huge Tumblr series where it's like everyone wrote their own characters and OCs and like it was this big fan fiction where they talked to each other.

That explains so much about what I'm reading right now.

Corcat Vantas, huh?

Dude,

straight up, this being written by like a homestuck person makes so much sense.

And that's also the author's depiction of like the devil.

Like, that's what the Grim Reaper looks like, big and scary.

He shouted, I hope you enjoyed your life, because my life is over, including my friends, all because of me,

John Lennon.

All because of me, John Lennon of the Beatles.

The infamous John Lennon of Beatles from Liverpool.

Imagine.

Yeah.

Imagine all the carcass.

Right behind him.

You know, you know, our, because I know those seven sisters, like our audience, there's some weird, some weird people out there.

And I know a bunch of them were familiar with Homestuck.

When I said car cat vantage, that had to be

like a sleeper cell activity.

Exactly.

They're going to try to fucking kill somebody.

Like grab a gun.

Surge of women.

I just kill the prime minister.

Surge of women murderers across the United States.

Click, click, click.

Right behind him was a crowd of guards and prisoners.

It seems that some of them had bullet holes in their heads and blood all over their bodies.

In the crowd, I could make out several people in grotesque Beatles cartoon designs.

John F.

Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, and Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

Literally everyone who has been assassinated.

Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria.

Literally everyone who has been shot.

Yep.

By the way.

What are the chances that Mark David Chapman comes up?

The guy that killed John Lennon.

What are the chances?

It has to.

It has to, right?

It has to.

The really weird part was that the prisoner that was right next to John was Martin!

You are inside his brain.

Oh, yes.

I hit three for three on the stereo.

Is this one of your stories that you wrote when you were younger?

No.

No.

Okay.

Because that was a poll.

No.

That was a bear trap and a half.

Well, I mean, it's everyone getting assassinated.

And earlier when they were dying, I'm like, he's the guy that shot John has to be in John.

He has to be in here somewhere.

He has to.

Sure enough.

Oh, man.

The really weird part was the prisoner next to John was Mark David Chapman.

It scared me how the guy who killed the actual John Lennon was right behind the evil cartoon John.

For 30 seconds, Mark David Chapman and the crowd of prisoners and guards started walking straight like if they were walking towards me.

The more they kept walking, the more blood they seemed to got on themselves.

The Kramer slippers.

Then the episode finally ended.

I went backwards and kept rewinding the opening credits to believe how stupid I was to believe there could ever be a nice episode of the Beatles cartoon.

It wasn't long until something caught my eye.

I looked closely at the bottom of the word because,

and I paused to see that the episode was actually called

the Beatles cartoon because of John they're dead

I

was about to take the tape out until the VCR caught on fire

imagine

I immediately got my grieving mom and a fire.

Why was mom grieving?

Well, so I don't know if you remember earlier.

He said, like, yeah, I convinced my like disheveled mom

to give me the tape.

So it's like, why is this woman excuse me?

Did you just mention that like his dad just died?

I don't know.

Maybe.

I got my grieving mom and a fire extinguisher.

We put out the fire and discovered.

That somehow the VCR was still okay because we put in more tapes in and they managed to work.

But the only thing that was destroyed the fire was the tape, and it was the tape that started the fire.

Why do you need the PCR to work?

Why write that at all?

My disappointed mother and I went back to the collector.

What's with his mom?

She's like, this is why it's just going through it, though.

Good lord.

Get those one slappy pills for the love of God.

Maybe the author is just so used to a disappointed mother who doesn't know how else to write her.

Listen, Bob, you're gonna be disappointed.

Okay,

my disappointed mother.

And I went back to the collector's shop and brought the tape back.

The counter worker for the store asked, What happened to the tape?

It was set on fire when the tape ended.

He roughly grabbed the tape out of my little hands and violently chucked it in the trash bin.

All I can

all I can say is

goodbye and see you later.

This was golden.

This was awesome.

This had, this is exactly what I want, what I wanted from every episode.

So they made a graphic.

They made a graphic for the episode, but the words of John, their dead, are just as large as because

implying that he didn't even look at anything.

Oh my gosh.

I love the innocence of like children writing

something they perceive to be super scary.

There's something so oddly wholesome and funny about just like it's every benchmark of like what's evil.

Hitler.

Satanist.

Yes.

Assassination.

It's all there.

And then it even had the photorealistic eyes.

I mean, come on.

Come on.

That was a home run.

That's an all-timer.

That has has to be in the greats.

That is in the greats.

I don't know why I didn't hear about that one because that one doesn't get talked about in any regard compared to like Sonic.

Do you think just oversaturation?

Also,

it might have come later.

It might have come later.

And also, it's probably because it's the fucking Beatles.

If this one came out in the 60s, maybe it would have come later.

Yeah, so Brown Suicide was like the one.

That in like MickeyMouse.avi.

Yeah, well, it's just the names.

You have all the classic.

I know that character.

I like it.

Yeah, the Beatles card.

Do you think kids give a fuck about the Beatles in 2007?

Yeah, right.

Well, I know that story came out like a month ago.

That would be awesome.

The Beatles.

Hitler.

All right, we got one more up here.

12 years ago.

This is another old.

This has to be a golden era classic.

It is called, Does Anyone Know a Good Plumber?

I did one.

I did one of those stupid rituals, and now my shower is leaking, and there's a faceless guy in my kitchen.

I've never heard of this one before.

Okay, I just want to say that is a

lengthy,

lengthy title.

The top comment is cringe.

I just want to repeat the name.

Does anyone know a good plumber?

I did one of those stupid rituals and now my shower's leaking.

There's a faceless guy in my kitchen.

Do you think that you're supposed to say that with like the Jim Helpert?

Yeah, absolutely.

100%.

Give us a read with that.

Yeah, hit us with the Jim Helpert read.

Does anyone know a good plumber?

I did one of those stupid rituals and now my shower's leaking.

And there's a faceless guy in my kitchen.

That's what you're supposed to read.

Absolutely.

All right.

Does anyone know a good plumber?

I screwed up one of those stupid ritual things that everyone's doing, and now my shower is leaking.

And also, there's some faceless guy in my kitchen.

My landlord comes tomorrow, and he's going to kill me, especially because I also have a cat, and I'm not even supposed to have pets.

It all started when I was drunk messaging a girl on Tinder, and she said that the only way we would meet up is if I did this weird ritual thing where I summon a ghost or some shit.

I think she called it Maya Culpa or something.

Actually, her exact message was this.

Yeah, she was a weird chick.

At least, I think she was a girl.

I couldn't really really see her face.

Her picture was just a black background with two shiny dots that kind of looked like eyeballs.

You could sort of see some features, but it looked like her face was gray, and I couldn't really see her mouth.

But she had really good skin.

I was about to rally for a pizza face.

I just want to say this deal of a millennial cringe lord trying to get some pussy is...

It's hooking me already.

This guy's kind of my hero right now.

Honestly, didn't really go fuck what her face looked like because she had clear skin, and I kind of like that a lot.

Yeah, do you relate to this?

A millennial cringe lord trying to get laid.

Is that you?

That was kind of probably me back in the day.

I'd assume so.

Well, I'm more of a boomer, cringe lord.

What generation are you?

You're Gen X.

No, you're millennial.

You're millennials.

Are you?

I'm the beginning of X.

No, you have to be the end.

Because, like, my mom's Gen X.

Yeah.

How old is your mom?

59?

I mean, I'm 43, so you're not 43.

I don't know what you are, but if you tell me a number, it's not that number.

All right.

So anyway, I weighed the pros and cons of spooky rituals versus trampoline booty as best I could on five shots of Patron.

I mean, I'm an all-star.

So I weighed the pros and cons of spooky rituals versus trampoline booty.

What is trampoline?

As best as I could on five shots of Patron.

Is this guy my fucking spirit animal?

Did you write this?

I kind of fucking wish I What is trampoline?

And then

hit him with the next line here.

It was totally worth it.

My boy was clapping.

But it's trampoline.

Does that mean you can bounce on it?

Is that the yeah?

Okay, I see.

All right.

I set my cell phone to 3.26 a.m.

But since my phone is a 2005 Motorola Razor.

I know.

Can this guy is this?

It might be the coolest fucking guy of all.

He's rocking a 2005 Motorola Razor, and he's getting some pussy on the side.

Are you kidding me?

And he's like, fucking five shots of Patron.

This guy rules.

Holy shit.

That's awesome.

I like how the story up with me.

Like, I shouldn't just scare me dog pissing my friends.

And now it's ending for you.

Yeah, this is, I'm so stoked.

But since my phone's an 05 Motorola Razor that was dropped in the toilet several times, it went off at 4 a.m.

Fuck.

I I decided to go through with the ritual anyway.

I was also supposed to have a friend during this thing, but my bestie recently got incarcerated for selling heroin on the corner of Patterson Park and Eastern Avenue.

Shout out to my main man, Roscoe.

I'm not even joking.

You had a buddy named Roscoe.

No, no, no.

This guy fucking rules.

This guy,

like that, I would get fucked up with this guy so quick.

The corner of Patterson Park and Eastern Avenue.

that is some real dude that's sick

i'm glad this is such a this is awesome home run for you i sat up and turned off my alarm but the moment i turned it off i drunkenly passed out again woke up 20 minutes later and actually got out of bed this time stumbling around the room in the dark because apparently you're not supposed to turn on the lights because if you do a ghost will pop out oh

i was supposed to find a camera oh it sounds like he's playing um the midnight game or like something similar.

Like you light the candle.

Yeah, yeah, I forgot about that.

Yeah.

Yeah, set the alarm for four.

I was supposed to find a candle and light it, but my hangover just made me trip over one of the several candles I placed on my floor.

Eventually, I gave up and flipped the lights on, grabbing a candle from my desk.

Completely,

completely disregarding what you said earlier in this paragraph.

He's like, ah, fuck it.

the candle.

He's awesome, dude.

This would be.

Also, getting drunk on Patron the night you're trying to get some ghost pussy is insane.

I feel like in an alternate world where we didn't do YouTube, if we still met, like, I'd try to convince you to do like some creepy ritual thing, and this would be

it.

Yeah.

I squinted out my window to see that my ghetto Baltimore neighborhood looked like at 4.20 a.m.

The street was empty except for some rando wearing a black robe and a giant pointy black hat.

He was staring up at me through the window.

I couldn't really see his face.

You know, Baltimore has gone to the dogs.

First Gang Wars, now an updated KKK for God's sake.

Has gone to the fucking dogs.

He's such a clutch line.

He seems like the devil in like a Klansman's robe.

And he's like, what will they think of next?

God damn, the birds have gone to the dogs.

I lit the candle and looked at my phone.

I was supposed to knock on my bedroom door 66 times.

The 66th knock timed on the 406, but since I had screwed everything else up, I just did a shave and haircut knock and then walked into my hallway.

What's a shave and a haircut knock?

I don't fucking know.

I bet you anything, there isn't, that's not even a reference to anything.

Just came up.

I should just be like yeah that's what I call it yeah with the old shaman haircut so I was like huh he's like anyways my bedroom door is opposite the stairs and looking down the dark stairwell was pretty spooky I thought I saw something move on one of the lower steps for the next step I was supposed to close my eyes and walk forward while chanting Mia culpa mia culpa mia culpa which is italian for my culpa which is probably some kind of shitty italian car try to close my eyes and walk forward while talking about about Italian cars, but my cat, Fish Sticks, ran under my feet and I ended up tripping over him and falling down the flight of stairs.

He tripped over his cat, whose name is Fish Sticks.

He just rolled.

Also, too, completely unfazed.

He's like, I think I'll see something moving down there.

Mia Culpa, me a culpa.

He goes,

At some point, the stupid candle went out as I flailed down the stairs, but I was too concussed to care.

I rolled up from the ground, groaning, and decided that I would just continue to go through the motions, which meant hiding in a closet and waiting for the ghost to play hide and seek with me.

I chose the kitchen pantry because I had some open potato chips in there, so I made my way back.

As I stumbled, I heard several soft whispers behind me.

I spun around, hoping that I was right about fish sticks knowing how to talk, but there was no one there.

Except for the figure standing in the door.

I stopped, blinked, and it was gone.

I really needed to lay off the patron.

As I honed in on the closet, the alcohol and concussion finally caught up with me and I stumbled to a stop, doubling over and vomiting watery patron all over the kitchen floor.

Fuck!

My ass was landlord grass.

The hellish combination of alcohol, concussion, post-vomit, and a looming eviction notice caused my emotions to go haywire, and I unleashed a violent sob, mucus and tears riveting down my face.

I heard a noise outside the kitchen.

My eyes fell on the kitchen window, and I spied that stupid gang member/slash KKK dude in my backyard, still staring at me.

I must have looked like an idiot weeping in front of my kitchen pantry.

Too ashamed to confront him, I just crawled into the pantry and shut the door.

It was so cold in there, it damn froze my man titties off.

My air conditioner was probably broken.

I definitely needed to call the landlord, but that would mean sedating fish sticks and stuffing him in a suitcase under my bed.

At this point, I realized that I needed to reevaluate my life.

Maybe I shouldn't drink as much.

Maybe I should get fish sticks to a good home.

Maybe I should find women with intellect and poise.

Maybe I should move out of my shit neighborhood where KKK people run around at 4 4 a.m.

After going through an entire existential crisis in my pantry, I decided to say screw it and end the stupid ritual.

That Tinder girl wasn't even that hot anyway.

And besides, I still had like 70 more ritual things to complete, which included lighting eight more candles, stabbing a Japanese doll, and spinning around in a circle while screaming, you're it!

You're it!

This was all supposed to culminate in me going to my basement, sitting in front of a mirror, and looking into the mirror, but not actually looking into it, which made absolutely no sense.

That's a different one.

I can't remember which one.

He's just doing all of them at once.

As I got to open the pantry door, I heard a low moan coming from behind the door.

I froze.

I prayed to God it wasn't my landlord.

Cracked open the door to see the gang member/slash/KKK guy standing in the kitchen, staring at me.

Finally, I got a good look at him.

He definitely didn't have a face.

Just checklist, guys.

No face for sure.

I guess getting your face taken away is part of a gang ritual now.

He didn't react to my presence.

He just stared.

I didn't know how the hell to deal with gang members or faceless KKK members, so I just stared back.

We did this for about five minutes before I slowly inched out of the kitchen and back upstairs.

He turned to watch me as I went, but didn't move.

So...

After that, I went up to my bathroom to take a shower, and now my shower head is leaking, which I blame on the stupid ritual.

So if you know any good plumbers in the baltimore area i would really appreciate it yeah

that was enjoyable that was good that was a fun one to end on the top comment that says cringe has no life

doesn't know excellence when he sees it

for like a comedy creepypasta thing i'll take that any day of the week they actually so they posted a few so the author's name of that last one was narrative of the life and they post an r slash no sleep a lot one of them is called does anyone know where to to Buy a Mermaid for Appuccino?

So I imagine this is a recurring

thing.

There's a lot good.

Out of all these little classics,

what a fun day of reads.

What a fucking

fever dream.

So like that last one was good.

That last one was good, but the Beatles were.

Yeah, yeah.

That was an earnest, like that.

I love a nice, youthful, earnest, like, try of trying to scare somebody is beautiful.

Love it.

An altimer.

Very good.

Very good.

Loved it.

Definitely the Beatles one is my my favorite, too.

Guys, thank you so much if you're listening on audio platforms right now, like Spotify, Apple Podcast.

We appreciate you.

Thanks for giving us a nice little rating there, too.

It does help us out.

Thank you to all of our beautiful patrons and consider buying some merch or don't.

Actually, don't do it.

The link's right there.

Don't even click it.

I don't want you to.

Don't do it.

But until then, we will see you next time.

Buy merch if Hunter left me in the airport.