Don't Mind | Cruxmont | Ep. 8

Hello, I'm K.A.

Stats, the writer and creator.

And I'm Travis Dengroff, the producer and director, and together we are Fool and Scholar Productions.

Thank you for joining us on this mysterious adventure into Cruxmont.

Thanks to you, our listeners, Don't Mind Cruxmont has been featured on several Apple podcasts' top charts across multiple countries in the last week.

In the drama category, we've hit number 10 in the US, number 8 in the UK, number 3 in Sweden, and number 11 in Germany.

And we've made it to number 3 in Canada for fiction.

These charts show just how far we've come since our launch.

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And enjoy this episode of Don't Mind Cruxmont.

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Previously on Don't Mind Cruxmont, Dr.

Kingston dove into a local pond in an attempt to save a drowning girl.

But sadly, Millie Birch succeeded in purposefully ending her life.

Brought in for questioning about the event, Gwen was told yet again to leave Cruxmont and was reunited with Neil, who had been apprehended attempting to unlawfully enter the local church.

As they promised the constable that they would depart, Gwen and Neil packed up and left Cruxmont.

When out of sight of Cruxmont, they parked and walked back to avoid drawing attention.

After a heartfelt conversation and upon cresting a hill overlooking the Ald Hill Orchard, they noticed a bonfire being assembled and an effigy hoisted up, waiting for the lick of flame.

Don't mind Cruxmont.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Gwen, can I speak with you for a minute and break room?

Alone?

Yeah, of course.

Uh, what's wrong?

Everything okay?

Everything's fine now.

But we had a slight problem, and I wanted to talk to you in private.

It was another one of those problems.

Oh, no, Taylor, I'm sorry.

What did I forget this time?

Oh, is someone hurt?

No, no, no, no.

Like I said, it's fine now.

But

yesterday, near the end of your shift, you were speaking with Miss McDole about her medication and after-surgery care.

Uh, yes.

Uh, she had surgery and

oh

no, what happened?

Nothing, thankfully.

A member of the nursing team caught the issue before anything could come of it, but you prescribed additional blood thinners that, if not caught by a senior member of the nursing staff, could have seriously harmed Miss McDowell.

God.

The lull must certainly be a root cause analysis into the near miss, and it's the kind of medicine error and oversight.

I know, I know.

Even more so with her antidepressants.

Oh, Taylor, I am so sorry.

I don't know how I missed this.

I don't.

I would never make these mistakes.

Gwen, that is what I'm worried about.

It's not the kind of mistake you would have made before, but it's the kind that keeps happening now.

And I'm worried about you.

As time goes on, these kinds of errors are becoming more and more common, and if they continue,

eventually you'll have to make a choice before one is forced on you.

Before you hurt someone.

Ugh.

My work is all I have left.

If I leave medicine, I'll have nothing.

A time will come when I have no future and no past, and I can't let that happen.

Not now.

It's too soon.

But you can't keep making these mistakes, or you'll end up hurting patients, hurting people.

They deserve safe, reliable treatment.

They trust us.

So help me.

I am helping you.

You're a great doctor, and your patients love you, but at some point, you'll have to admit that what makes you great, what makes you connect so well with them, is the same thing that will take you away from them, from us, your work, and yourself.

Is it really that bad already?

Am I missing more than I think?

No, but you know the reality of your situation better than most in your position.

You've only got a year or so left, at most a year and a half if you're lucky, before it's better and safer for you to retire.

Before you make a mistake that gets you struck off the medical register, please, Gwen, at least move away from a patient-facing role.

I know.

I'm not ready, Taylor.

I know, Gwen.

We'll work on it and we'll keep it together as long as we can, okay?

Safely.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Don't thank me.

I feel terrible about it.

Do you see that?

What's that in the festival field?

Huh.

More booths?

It looks like a...

a bonfire.

With a person on it?

An effigy?

Is this part of the festival?

Why do you have to burn a fake person to celebrate some plums?

I have no idea.

Burning effigies is not uncommon.

Or at least not abnormal in country celebrations across the UK and Europe.

Bonfires themselves are really popular.

You know Bonfire Night, right?

Not sure I know that one.

I mean, we like to burn stuff in the US, maybe too much, but we don't tend to put scarecrows or human figures on top of all of the old wood and shipping pallets.

This just looks creepy.

Oh, really?

Well, I suppose Guy Fawkes attempting to blow up the houses of Parliament doesn't translate across the pond.

Regardless, in Crooksmont, old photos of the Plum Festival show a bonfire like this one.

But it's usually already up in flames for the photo, so

I never saw an effigy.

What's it supposed to mean?

Uh,

bonfires tend to represent the end of the old and the beginning of the new, I guess.

So, as it's paired with the Plum Festival, maybe it represents the end of the old season, or it's because it's just tradition, like Guy Fox.

That too.

I want to check it out before they light it up.

I'll head in to look around the festival and the orchard.

I think you're right.

I'll blend in more among the crowd.

A lot of tourists.

But I'll be honest.

I have no idea what I'm looking for anymore.

Colin's here, I know he is.

But how am I supposed to find him?

Maybe Jeff knows more, or someone else was around that night.

If you look hard enough, something will stand out.

You know your brother, Neil.

What would he have done?

I know he wouldn't give up, so I won't.

I'll keep looking.

That's all I can do.

And you, if you find anything at the church about Colin, you'll come and find me, right?

Of course.

Good luck, Neil.

Hope you find him.

Thanks.

Be safe at the church.

Look Look out for roaming constables.

I don't think I'll be making it in through the window.

God.

How can I help you?

Reverend.

Seems I can't stop scaring people lately.

Wait, I remember you from earlier.

You were interested in the gravestones.

Do you need something else?

A referend.

I was

wondering if I could speak with you, but I'm afraid it may be a bit frustrating.

In what way?

Well, I may not be very forthcoming.

Many of my parishioners aren't.

How can I help you?

I

have fallen in love with a man from Crooksmont and...

Well, I'm very lucky because he loves me too, but

after a recent conversation, I'm growing worried.

More than a little, really.

Love and Crooksmont, a blessing and a curse.

It's understandable to be worried, choosing a life here,

choosing to live well.

The love must feel greater than any you've ever felt before.

The priorities of life change.

Yes, but but is it true, really, that I can't leave?

If you're in love, why would you want to?

And if you must ask, there may be still more for your love to show you.

It's a small village, who is it you've been seeing?

And we're always open for weddings, though many of our villagers prefer to be married under the plum trees.

Oh,

for now.

We want our relationship to stay private, given the the situation.

So that is what you meant by being hesitant?

Uh, yes, I'm afraid so.

Why are you even back here, Reverend, if the church is closed?

I'm picking up some banners from the storage closet for the festival.

I could use your help if you have the time.

Absolutely, I can lend a hand.

Great, wait here a moment.

Come on in.

Oh, oh, it's beautiful in here.

Yes, every day I'm blessed to have the most beautiful office in the hall of Croxmont.

These frescoes?

Or when were they painted?

Is it the crucifix?

It's particularly ornate.

Yes, do you know much about Christian art?

Oh, no, not at all.

Is this special in some way?

Interestingly enough, it is, for some at least.

It's a rare remaining depiction of an early Renaissance lily crucifix.

Uh, scurry?

Here, the depiction of Christ has him crucified upon the outstretched foliage of the lily, a symbol of not only his sacrifice of crucifixion, but that most holy day when Mary received the news of her blessing from the angel Gabriel.

Early Renaissance.

That old.

Much of the pigment has faded over the years, but yes, that old.

What remains to be seen here was painted in the 15th century.

It was protected with an overlayer of carved plumwood panelling during Reformation and saved from the crusade against idolatry.

In 1845, the panelling was removed and the lily crucifix rediscovered yet again.

Hmm.

Are you sure it's lilies?

They're not like any lilies I've ever seen.

You are quite right.

We believe there was a depiction beneath it as well, painted over with the lily crucifix, and that the design of the lilies had to be modified to cover the painting beneath.

Huh.

Now they appear a bit more like faded purple bluebells.

What did it cover?

We don't know, though I'm sure it would have been spectacular in in its day.

The tempera paint was applied in layers directly over the previous mural, and I'm afraid it's lost.

How old is the church?

St.

Dorothea of the Hills has been standing in some form or another since the 11th century, as early as 1100, if village oral history is to be believed.

It has been burned and rebuilt, sacked and reinforced, robbed and restored again and again.

Thankfully, it doesn't burn very well, and as a village home to generations of valuable orchards, well, we have a very efficient village fire brigade.

So is anything remaining from the eleventh century?

I'm sure a few of the rocks and stones, but nothing, no structure of that original house of worship still stands.

And this mural, the trees and hills, is it Crooksmont?

Yes.

And up on that hill there between the trees, though it's hard to see now from the many years of wear, is a cross.

We are Crooksmont, cross upon the mountain, though our hills are hardly mountains.

Thankfully, this mural was also protected by the boards during Reformation and hidden from destruction.

But the um the bottom sections are missing all around the church.

So so what was here?

The mural extended downward, much of the same style and content, we believe.

One of the fires that burned out the floorboards and pews took the lowermost sections with it.

Back in 1720 or so, I forget the date, but we have kept it safe since.

And St.

Dorothea looks over our hills and orchards as she has done for generations.

And the Great Fox, too.

Yes, the Great Fox, too.

Does anything remain of the 11th century structure?

We already discussed this.

I'm sure a few of the stones and rocks used to build the current structure come from the original build back in the 12th century, but nothing of significance remains.

Nothing worth seeing.

Yes, yes, yes, sorry.

The murals are very distracting.

Yeah, and here.

Well, it looks like this part survived.

Mushrooms?

Yes, I believe so.

We celebrate everything and give thanks for all of God's creations.

But this weekend, we give thanks to the orchard and the plums.

Now, if you still don't mind lending me a hand, the banners are right here.

Excuse me.

Oh, sorry.

Uh, no problem.

All the way from America, huh?

Nope.

You?

Shit.

Excuse me.

Hey, Slowdown, you should have left your Yankee shape bag.

If I did that, who'd stop your sorry ass?

Fuck sick.

Are you defending little old ladies now?

Yes, of course.

Those are the kinds of people that you're supposed to defend, you little sociopath.

Why are you out here pickbocking tourists?

After everything that's happened, after yesterday?

What do you care about, Millie?

A teenage girl killing herself is a sad, terrible thing, Jeff.

Anyone doing that is a sad and terrible thing.

I don't need to have known her to be upset about it.

Sure.

So what do you want now?

What's the effigy for?

What?

If you just want festival info, pick up a pamphlet and and leave me alone.

What's the effigy for?

I don't know, it's tradition.

It's just like every other stupid thing in this place.

It's made of old farm clothes filled with rotten plums and dried plum sticks and shit.

Represents getting rid of the bad from last season.

People like the fire, gives them something to gather around.

You got bad thoughts you want to get rid of?

Pick up some rotten plums if you can find them and toss them on the fire.

Try and hit the thing.

That's it.

It's just a scarecrow.

Hey, Jeff.

Hey, Jeff, you in here?

Oh, it's you, Neil.

Hey!

Hey, just caught your friend picking wallets out of tourists' bags.

Are you serious, Jeff?

During the festival?

After Millie?

After everything?

You silly shit, honestly.

Are you drunk?

Not yet.

No?

Look, Jeff.

You want the stuff back?

Or the stolen brandy?

Goody, good Yank.

What?

I'm not even from New England.

England.

Just shut up long enough for me to talk.

Good.

I want to know what made Millie so upset.

I overheard Mike and Amy talking about the survey, and you said it was just about being stuck here.

But you didn't mean you just have limited life choices.

You mean you are really stuck here.

Why?

How?

What happened on the survey?

Mike, stop.

You're gonna get sick.

Really?

You're not gonna tell me.

What about my brother?

Was anyone else out that night?

What does the constable know?

Take the purses.

Money's still in them.

Transfer them over to Lost and Found, or take the cash.

Just leave us alone.

I didn't ask for the money.

I asked about the survey.

Or why you can't leave.

Or anything about Colin.

But you do need to return these.

Keep yourself together.

What about the constable?

He moved to town, right?

He's not from here.

Can he leave?

If the survey's just a walk around town, why did it upset Millie enough to kill herself?

She seemed like a really smart girl.

She was.

So much better than us.

So what happened?

It was just the teenagers, right?

We're shown around town.

We just see the buildings and shit.

And we learn the history.

History of us.

And of old Croxmont.

We meet it and the elders.

And we're never gonna leave.

Shut it, Mike.

No, don't shut it, Mike.

What's old Croxmon?

Where is that?

So many.

How can that be what happens?

And so many, Jeff.

So many choose to die.

Shut it, Mike.

Like.

Like, is Millie right, Jeff?

No, no, Mike.

Hey, whatever it is, we can find some way to fix it.

Right?

So, Millie's gone, and that's not something that can be fixed.

But that's not the right choice.

Get away from him.

Ah, shit!

What the hell, man?

I'm trying to help.

No, you're trying to help yourself and your brother.

You don't care about this village, but here's the thing: Cruxmont doesn't care about you either.

I have to help myself and my friends.

I couldn't help Millie, and fuck!

I know I can't help myself either in the end.

But you're joking if you think anyone here cares about you in any other way than getting you the hell out of Crooksmont.

But if you really think your brother has been here since I saw him that night, then tough shit.

You can't help him.

Just like you can't help us.

The festival is starting.

We've got places to be.

Look, don't stick around.

The festival's just a bunch of people getting too excited about fruit and booze.

And you've already been warned to go.

At some point, no one can help you but yourself.

He's not

dead, though.

What?

Let's go, Mike.

If he's here, if

then

you know

he's not dead, someone like oh, someone like Millie, you

have that, right?

Oh,

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Come on.

They can't leave

if Colin's here, he's alive.

It's more than I had before.

Need any help down there?

No, no, what I need is to better organize.

I keep putting off.

And every time I come in this closet, I make an even larger mess of things.

Help me lay this across the pews.

I'll tidy up before we go.

Yep, of course.

Okay.

Thank you.

I'll be right with you.

Then we'll get to the festival.

We might miss the start of the singing, but we'll make it in time for the opening speech.

Opening speech?

Sounds very official.

Our own personal Olympics.

Well, at least for the kids, though that's tomorrow.

Right.

So,

are you from

out of town as well, like the Constable?

Or did you attend training nearby?

Well, given our small village and circumstances, I didn't attend a traditional theological educational institution.

Ah, how so?

Isn't the church part of the great system?

I don't know too much about it.

I'm not overly religious, though.

I have my beliefs.

But aren't you assigned by the bishop, or Similar?

In most cases, you would be correct.

But we are Crooksmont, and our villagers are, of course, understanding.

But isn't there a registry?

Saint Dorothea of the Hills is technically a private proprietary chapel operated at the expense of the All Hills for hundreds of years.

My parishioners do at times like to visit other churches and services in the area to experience other sermons or because they're out of town for a few days.

But here we are our own little world under God, and though our little chapel is technically private, I never turn any away from the door.

As for the registry, the chapel of St Dorothea of the Hills is not in the books per se, and given our delicate ecosystem, we prefer to keep it as such.

And your training?

it's all here.

Rather like an apprenticeship, yes.

Children grow up as part of our community, and during the survey, any who are interested in ordination speak with me.

If they wish to commit to this path, they can choose to study here at St Dorothea's under my tutelage.

After four years of study, they take on a curacy under the current Reverend, now myself, before taking over in years to come.

But uh

it is such a self-contained system that the church is too large to notice our little chapel tucked away in an orchard on private land.

But I have to say there are now so many new online courses.

I've been taking them myself.

Oh, and YouTube.

Once you weed through the crazies, there are some truly inspirational and thoughtful people on there.

I also hope to integrate some classes from the University of Edinburgh into a future syllabus if a student were to choose the church.

But the price is a bit more than the village or the allhills would most likely accept.

But, um,

and excuse me if I don't understand, but this doesn't seem like something the church would permit.

As I said, the church is too large to notice our little chapel.

I guess so.

What about your town doctor?

If you don't leave for training, do they?

Listen to that.

It's later than I thought.

Grab the side of that banner and let's get it over to the festival field.

I'll have Myrtle give me the stink eye all night if I'm any later.

Well, it's probably too late for that as it is, but it's certainly time to head over.

Ready?

Ready?

Yes!

Yep, ready.

Great.

Right,

let's set it down there beside the door so I can lock up.

Keep the handle on it, it'll be harder to pick up once it's down on the grass.

Yes, yes, yep.

Here we go.

So what do you do?

I'm a doctor.

I primarily work with the elderly.

You will find no short supply of work here then, should you choose love above the rest.

What banner is this?

A welcome banner.

Welcome to Crookspont, hand-painted by the village children 20 years ago.

ago.

Still in great condition.

We hang it beside the more official one every year.

Though I wish they'd used something lighter than this thick canvas, it certainly would have been easier to store.

Thank you for your help.

You're so welcome.

It's no trouble.

What is the song?

It starts off every festival.

Long ago it was a song for the orchard workers.

They would sing while picking fruit, trimming boughs or cleaning the orchards.

Now the whole town learns it in school from a young age and we hear it annually here.

Sung by us all.

Feels a bit like Christmas, doesn't it?

With thine soul, come and pray.

With thine soul, come and pray.

Wonderful.

And just in time, here.

Put the banner down here and I'll go and fetch the others to put it where they wish.

Thank you again.

Thank you.

You've been lovely.

Now, have a nice festival.

Welcome, one and all.

I am Roger Allhill, and I am pleased today to extend the annual tradition of the opening of our beautiful and bountiful Plum Festival.

Today, with our song and our joy, we open one of our precious orchards to visitors and family alike, bringing together the interested and the hungry to taste the bounty and sweet treats that the Orhill Orchard has blessed us with this season.

With this weekend, we are called together to celebrate and show gratitude for the many joys of life.

We celebrate our small village, our workers, our trees, our family, and our history.

And not that those great gifts are not to be celebrated all year.

For our visitors, welcome.

Respect our precious orchards that provide you the treats and drinks.

Respect our traditions and revel in the joy and glee of our fires and fruits.

Respect your time and know that come Sunday the orchard will close and that your time here is all the sweeter for its brevity.

Before we begin with our festivities, thank you.

Thank you for coming and thank you all the more for supporting our village.

The people you meet today at each store and display have grown up learning their craft from their parents and forefathers.

Now, no more of my blabber.

Let the festival commence.

Don't Mind Cruxmont.

Written and created by K.A.

Stats.

Produced and directed with sound design by Travis Vengroff.

Edited with sound design mixing and mastering by Dane Leonardson.

Dialogue editing by Austin Beach.

And with script and casting consulting by Gemma Amore.

Starring Ajua Ando, Daniel Demerin, Heather McClellan, Marcus Bentley, Jack Waterman, Drew Johnson, Dan Pye, and David Ault.

Featuring the voicemail choir.

With executive producers Dennis Greenhill, Michael Viegas, Carol Vengroff, and AJ Punkin.

With music by Stephen Malin and Travis Vengroff.

This episode would not be possible without the support of our listeners on Patreon.

So please consider supporting us there at patreon.com/slash foolandscholar, or by sharing this show with a friend.

This episode is copyrighted 2022 by Fool and Scholar Productions.

Thank you for listening.

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