516: Leap: A Tale of the Last Days

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Kids, I know it's scary out there.

I know we're all afraid to lose our jobs to AI.

And if you'd like to be a little less afraid, go ahead and listen to some of this music.

Oh my God.

We are enjoying a summertime.

Summertime friendship.

Friendship, summertime.

It's like when a place

South Africans are really having a hard time.

What

God awful

movie

movies

welcome to the Gamcast live from Cleveland, Ohio.

Thank you, Cleveland!

The friendliest big city in America, at least as far as I can tell.

This is, of course, the podcast where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema because if we do that long enough, it earns you a trip to Cleveland, Ohio.

I'm not sure what we're gonna have to set a new goal for ourselves.

I don't know what that will be, but to help me figure it out, please welcome to the stage my good friend, Heath Enright.

Look, Leland.

Yes, everybody who voted against JD Vance is here.

I love it.

Well done.

Got all of them.

Beautiful.

Excellent.

And since you got those hands warmed up, let's keep that applause going.

I got one more co-host to introduce, and that would be my bad friend Eli Fosnick.

Oh, my God.

Wow, man.

So

rock and roll, baby.

Rock and roll.

So

what's up, Rock City?

No, it's not.

Hey, Eli,

do you want to wave to your extended family that's in the audience here?

With your hands, Eli, with your hand.

All right.

I don't want to bring you all into the meta bit too much, but you have to understand that I am the SoundCloud rapper of my family.

This is the weirdest experience they've ever had.

They're like, we thought he was lying.

I thought he was still selling drugs.

I'm so much less proud.

Should I go change it?

Yeah, if you don't mind, if you don't mind.

Just for the record, when Eli was in the hall right before he came in, he got ready to do what you just saw, and then one stranger walked down the hallway

and was like, what the fuck is happening in there?

And here we are.

Yeah.

Just a fun story for them.

Real quickly, while we've Eli is getting ready, I want to tell you guys a fun story about Platinum Night.

Last night, our friend Stormy brought the most amazing board game I've ever seen in my life.

Yeah, everybody who was at Platinum Night knows because we had to keep standing up and singing hymns and whatnot.

The name of the game was the Salvation Challenge.

And I shit you not, the way you won that game is by being the first player to give all your money to the church.

Honestly,

between all the stories and the puns that you send us and that game, you are so close to being our favorite listener.

You just have to, right, you just have to defeat April in single combat,

which you will not do.

So I'm not going to put you.

April is scrappy.

Yeah, yeah.

So

she wields that Walker like a shield.

It's not just a shield.

No.

It's an offensive weapon as well.

Okay.

So, without further ado, tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today?

We watched Leap 3.

10 fucking years we waited.

A tale of the last taste.

How many people actually watched this thing?

Oh,

truly a delight.

Truly a delight.

It's the story, for those who haven't seen it yet, of a Christian parkour movie going very badly.

That'd be leap one.

And then a sequel going pretty badly too.

And then a podcast was mean about it, is what I heard.

And then a director spent 15 years angrily typing like fucking this.

And now we have this movie for his big revenge.

He got a little too meta, I think, with this one.

Yes.

In part three, it jumps right up its own ass so hard.

It congs up its own ass Dante style.

Tressurs.

Jumps up its own ass.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's parkour a Boris, the movie.

Yeah.

Well done.

Holy shit.

And Eli,

how bad was this movie?

Well, if you loved Leap One and Two, but you wish he'd cut out all those fanciest somersaults and get to his real important

spiritual message,

you will love this movie.

The weirdest thing about watching this movie is that Chris Temple's like, I've grown up.

It's time to take my beliefs seriously.

All this jumping around trash cans is below me.

Well, not all.

In act two, it's below me.

Yes.

So okay, so for those of you who don't remember the earlier films, I should probably take a few seconds to catch everybody up.

It doesn't fucking matter.

No, it does not.

Literally does not fuck it.

This movie completely ignores the other two movies, except in the silliest, dumbest way possible.

Pin and that.

But knowing what the other movies were about will slow you down in approaching this movie, so we're not even going to bother with that.

Instead, we'll just go ahead and skip to the best words.

So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

Okay.

Best, best.

I found the director's personal YouTube channel.

Yo.

Heath has like a page of fun figures, okay?

It is delightful, but I mean, like, I don't know if delight, it's delightful for me.

Like, you've read Sound and the Fury, maybe.

You're familiar with Hamlet.

This is tragic beyond belief.

It's so sad, but it's amazing.

There's a video about how the release on Amazon got delayed.

He explains how Amazon used to have a system where they'd let anybody upload their movie, but that led to a whole bunch of lower quality rubbish.

But it also accidentally blocked him from

his amazing O-Tour cinema.

For that, right, family?

You're taking up the space.

Yes, seriously.

That was like an eight-minute video about the red tape.

Also, we got season one, episode one of his rebooted commentary show about the new movie.

And he said, if I get 1,000 views, I'll keep making these.

I watched it twice.

He has 45 views.

And he did not, in fact, keep making these.

So, man of his word.

Okay.

But the best one was another.

This was like a three-minute video.

It's about him getting a new computer and like moving to a shitty new apartment or something like that.

He almost deleted his entire movie by accident while he was moving his tower of his computer, whatever.

If only.

The point is, in the...

Yeah, exactly.

The point is, in the background, he's like spinning around and showing all the stuff around his little new office room.

Jesus.

It's like he was intent.

It's exactly what, as a joke, you would put there to make fun of a 50-year-old Christian cinematic parkour

person in Montana.

If we were allowed to dress the set, these are the items we would have.

Short of a noose just hangs off screen.

Eli, don't spoil it.

There's

strength.

I'm not sure that part of this wasn't that.

Anyway,

I'll give you a couple examples.

He had a guitar, of course, on a stand, of course, with a capo.

He's got to have a capo.

Obviously.

He had a deputy sheriff badge.

Yep, he'd been deputized.

He'd clearly been deputized.

It was on the chain to go around his neck.

Back the blue.

Yeah,

for sure.

By which I mean myself.

He had a Megazord action figure.

That's fair for me.

Okay, that was awesome.

That was awesome.

I was like, I know my audience here, right?

Okay.

I enjoyed this movie, too.

You might not be able to shout fire in this room, but you can definitely shout It's Morphing Time.

Okay.

Wait, what else did he have, Pete?

He has

a

bright red karate gi.

Of course he did.

Oh, fucking hat.

Of course he did.

Hanging in the dead center of a closet that obviously would be closed, but he's opened it up in this bright red karate gi.

Letting us know who we're messing with.

Yeah.

And there is a literal black belt hung over a door with this Japanese writing facing out so you can see it.

It might also be the thing Eli said.

We're not sure.

Which is all the more amazing because according to his bio on IMDb that I definitely checked out, his black belt is in American Kenpo.

Why the fuck is it written in Japanese then?

The black belt?

I don't...

He might have just scribbled shit.

Fair.

All right.

So this movie shares no actors with the original film.

But for my best words, I wanted to go with Best Worst stage name.

Now, you may want to take your fucking phone out because you are not going to believe me when I say this.

You might want to look this up on IMDb.

It's hard to find.

The guy who plays the main character in this film, his stage name is

Roman Nutbrock.

Roman fucking Nutbrock.

I did not make that up.

I bet Chris was talking to people and he came to him and he's like, hey, Roman, you don't mind being made fun of, do you?

And Roman was like, I may have some personal experience.

My middle school may have been a difficult time.

Let's make this thing.

I'm going to go with best, worst, personal growth.

Just quick show of hands.

How many of y'all watched this movie?

Okay, so that's 90% of the people who will end up watching this movie.

I'm glad to see it.

Yeah, yeah.

How many of y'all had watched the previous leap movies?

A few, okay.

Here's the thing.

Here's an unavoidable fact that we must all wrestle with together.

Chris Temple got better at making movies in the last 15 years.

But not better at thinking about the world, right?

Right.

He learned After Effects and an AI music program.

And he's still the same.

It's still the same fucking bullshit.

Like, he's still onto the same.

Imagine.

15 years ago in your life, what animated you.

Imagine if that's still the only fucking thing you cared about now, right?

That's where this man is.

All right, well, I'll tell you what, El Director, he calls himself Christopher Temple now, but we still remember when he called himself El Director

in his first movie.

So, El Director kept us waiting for a decade for this.

So, we're going to keep the break brief.

When we come back, we'll dive into all the diving into that is

Leap, a Tale of the Last Days.

Okay, how about pizza?

Are there vegetables on the pizza?

We can order one with no vegetables.

Not in the same building, we can't.

Hey, guys, what you doing?

Oh, hey, Heath.

I'm just trying to figure out a place where we can all eat after this live show in Cleveland, but Noah is not making it easy.

You tried to bring us for dirt pizza.

It's true.

You did.

But yeah, I'm good.

Thanks.

Really?

I haven't seen you eat the whole time we're here.

Are you keto again?

Wasn't ever keto.

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All righty, thanks.

So, you know any places we can eat without vegetables?

In Ohio?

Yeah, we're going to be fine.

Nice.

all right, everyone.

Welcome to the first Writer's Room meeting for Leap, a Tale of Last Days.

Now, it's obviously been a while since the last movie, so I think we can pick up with all new characters for this one.

Smart, yeah, nobody will get lost, exactly, right?

But don't worry, I haven't forgotten the other films because in this movie, Leap

was a movie.

Uh, sorry, in leap three,

leap, a tale of the last days, sorry yeah in leap a tale of the last days that we're doing right now the first two leap movies are movies yes in that yep

oh you mean like on a shelf is a fun easter egg no

no the characters will watch the movies um do they

like them uh

kind of i mean they'll they'll have some criticism to to send its way They

they do?

Yes, but they'll also point out that those movies got millions of views with a budget of only $200.

So, you know, it's like you know, it might not be perfect, but like a lot of people saw it.

Cool.

Hey, um, are we making a third movie as a direct response to a podcast episode?

No.

Oh,

okay, because I was

also, it's also in response to YouTube comments.

Got it.

God-awful newbies, we're like,

bunch of noobs.

And we're back.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you so much, Cleveland.

All right.

So we need to jump into this shit.

Now, I want, before we even jump into the breakdown, I want to let you know that this is a little more risque than the stuff you might be used to from El Director.

This one is rated 16 plus.

Yeah.

El Director ain't afraid to throw in an F-bomb F-bomb in this one, y'all.

So we get our opening Bible verse, which is Matthew 15, 9.

But in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.

They're talking about Catholics there, I do believe.

Yeah, it means stop being Jewish and

also Catholic because they're Seventh-day Adventists in this movie.

Yeah.

So they don't like anybody else.

Yeah.

The meaning of that verse, the Pharisees were like, Jesus, just have your, have them wash their hands before it's gross.

No.

And right,

that's the verse.

That's the whole verse.

Yeah.

And Jesus was like, globalist bankers.

Yeah.

Well, and then we get...

Working with Jeffrey Epstein motherfuckers.

And then we get another quote he gives, because I guess he's like, oh, not convinced.

Well, God said another one, too.

We get 2 Thessalonians 2, 11, and 12.

That's too long for me to transcribe, but that also means that the Ethelk case are the Ebel Day.

And then we get a third, because everything is too goddamn much.

Then we get a third Bible quote right now.

Oh, sorry, we also get suspenseful music continuing.

Yes.

It told me that that was continuing.

So go ahead.

The closed captioning was so much fun on that.

It had that, and then it said love.

Sorry, I was continuing that.

It says light whooshes at one point, which was fantastic.

It's like me DMing D and D minus.

Yes.

And then he says, then the narrator comes on.

This is the character Blake.

This is Roman Buttcrack or whatever.

It's funnier than that.

I'm sorry.

His name is Nutrock.

It is.

It is.

Yeah, you're right.

I can't improve on it.

I spent spent every night praying to be named Roman Buttcrack.

Lying in his bed in his rainbow pajamas, just being like, please, God,

change my name to Buttcrack.

But God didn't answer

him, celebrating Sabbath on Saturday school.

He's trying to guide his friends to Buttcrack, and they're like, no,

no.

You're Nutbrock.

But Nutbrock shows up and he goes, this isn't the story you're expecting.

Because you're expecting the sequel to Leap 2, goddammit.

Now, here's the thing.

So if you, just very quickly, Leap Two had a cliffhanger ending, right?

They all go up to the mountain and they're like, you know, oh, are the fire-breathing Jews atop the mountain?

I know this is really fucking weird for those of you who didn't see that one, but they're like, oh, are the fire-breathing Jews atop the mountain?

He goes, no, they're not.

I've been to the top of the mountain.

And they're like, where do we go from here?

End to be continued.

Right?

That's the movie.

That's how the movie ended.

In this one, they're like, nah, fuck that.

We're just going to

reboot.

Reboot.

So, and then we get our title.

He goes, you know, this is not the story you're expecting.

We see the earth from backed off, but the oceans are red because it's blood now.

Right?

Yeah.

And then he goes, Leap, a tale of the last days.

Then we see Blake tearing up a little ass playground with his badass parkour.

Okay.

Look.

We made fun of Leap 2 for the parkour not being related to the movie.

Little did we know.

Yes.

The Taibo infomercial that would be the parkour in this movie.

Okay, and so when we did the first leap movie, I said then, there is no parkour that they do in either of those first two movies that I could not do with a drink in my hand.

I stand by that.

I stand by that.

I'm going to make a fucking TikTok or whatever where I prove that or something.

But that's not, I'm not bragging.

The average person could do everything they do on the first try.

Fred, you would nail this.

You would would nail this.

You would tear this course up.

There's a moment where the guys try to do pull-ups, but he gets two, and then he goes for the third one.

There's no fucking way.

He just gets about this far.

And then they just cut it.

This is the kind of, what we watch on camera here is the kind of thing I do to remind myself I'm almost 40.

Right?

Right.

I'm at the playground with my son, and I'm like, you know, maybe I could still, ooh, oh, no, oh, no.

Oh.

That's my back for the next eight months.

Okay.

Sorry, buddy.

You're going to have to get in the car by yourself.

Daddy's going to lie very still.

He tries to do the, they've got a net where you know you do the tire run thing or whatever.

He tries to do that.

He gets like they have two seconds of footage and he fucks up three times.

It's just amazing.

I like that they didn't learn their lesson from two movies worth of parkour where they were like trying to work into a plot.

Parkour for the good.

It doesn't work because just go around in reality.

Right.

There's not very many tunnels where you're on like a little thing and then there's obstacles and you would need to defeat a scorpion horse locust with a Kong jump or whatever past a cargo net.

Right, well, look, consider like the best that's kind of ever been done in movies is the beginning of that James Bond movie, right, where they did the parkour.

And they had to invent all of these ridiculous situations to get like that two minutes of footage, right?

This guy is nowhere near that good.

So instead, we get a montage that is, I shit you not, 46 seconds long and repeats moves.

It has to show it.

He does that.

He runs out of shit to do about 40 seconds in and they're like, man, we've got six more seconds in this fucking montage, man.

You better.

So, and also, okay, so he gets done with that.

We get a title card that says seven months remaining.

And then he comes home to look.

Now, this actor is like 36, but he's supposed to be like 21 or whatever in the movie.

He's second year of college.

Oh, is his second year?

Yeah.

So, okay.

They were like, after your first year, I really thought you would get it together.

And he's like, I thought I'd get it together at my 50th birthday, dad.

When it became hard to pee at night.

But he gets home.

He's so old that this actor being his mom, I was like, I first started writing his wife.

Right?

But then I had to see, I'm like, then she's maybe eight.

But then the even older guy walked in and we were like, oh.

He's supposed to be young.

Gotcha.

So, yeah, but he goes home.

He starts bragging to his mom about how much he tore up the parkour course.

Now, we should point out, too, that this parkour course, because they're going to go back to it like three times.

It's a fucking children's playground, right?

Like,

he's moved a child out of the way.

He's like 200%.

He's scared, children.

There's parents with rules about this play.

They're like, when the guy with the sex predator mustache is

not allowed to go on the playground.

All right, Timmy, you remember what do we do when we say Chris Tembo?

That's right.

We run.

We run and scream.

We run and scream and railer.

I don't know you.

I need an adult.

I don't know you.

I need an adult.

El Director will come for you.

You sure you don't want to finish those carrots?

I heard Chris Temple's working on another movie.

Here he comes.

Speed laddering his way up the stairs towards your bedroom.

All right, so now him and his parents, they're having dinner Christianly.

And we have this just ridiculous spoon feed us some exposition that we don't need kind of moment, right, where the parents are like, well, first explain how you're doing academically and then we'll move on to your love life, right?

Say everything about you and your life now.

Yeah.

But this is also where we learn that the audio for this film will not be in sync with the lips of this film.

No.

Not once.

Godzilla movies from the 1940s would be like, all right, guys, take another crack at it.

It's fucking...

Not just that, but the audio is out of sync with the lips.

The lips is out of sync with the closed captioning.

Yes.

So it's like, it's like, you had all the clues, Mr.

Policeman.

Stop me while you still can from making the movie.

No, this stage is not meant for a fat man to fake speed ladder on.

No, no, I noticed that.

I just got my second warning.

There's a lot less physicality in the rest of the day.

It was like, ooh.

So,

yeah, so they're sitting there having their.

J.D.

Vance trying to start running.

So good.

I don't think I was that silly.

How much did you shit?

Beyond this.

Yeah, right, right, yeah.

So similar,

but not as much as JD.

Okay,

so

they're talking about his backstory.

They're like, what about that girlfriend you used to have, Liz?

Is she gonna show up in the next scene?

He's like, Yeah, probably because we mentioned her in this scene.

Just do your movie,

meet Liz.

Go,

you don't have to be prepared for that.

It's like they're trying to talk me into watching the movie.

I'm all right, just go.

Fucking go.

Mom says, Well, how's your love life going?

She's like, I got my love life under control.

And I'm like, That mustache says otherwise, kid.

But then they're like, being covered up by Pam Bondi right now, that mustache.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Cover up.

See?

They get it.

Oh, yeah.

Is that the side we're on?

So, yeah, so I've been keeping track.

So then they're like, they finish this scene up by mom going, so where's the next scene going to take place?

And they're like, oh, we're going to go fishing.

So now it's time to make his drone tax deductible.

Yeah.

Right?

What did Chris spend 15 years doing?

Drone shots and After Effects.

Yes.

Yes.

Drone shots.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry, wait.

Before we get to the fishing scene, there's the scene where the mom and dad are laying in bed.

So first we see an Aurora over their house because that actually, if you buy six effects, the seventh one is free.

And so we see that, and then we see mom and dad laying in bed.

Now, this scene, actually, almost nothing happens in this scene, but it's the first time we see this director try to film in the dark.

And it's just the dark.

Right?

Where there's a vague outline of two human beings in there somewhere.

Which is crazy because he will later color correct a river into blood.

Yeah.

So his priorities for this film were way out of whack.

He was like, if this water doesn't look like blood, this movie doesn't see air.

If it's nighttime, you will not see the characters.

It's nothing.

So mom and dad are starting.

Now, keep in mind, we just had like a five-minute spoon-feed exposition scene.

So now mom and dad are talking about his backstory, right?

So they're talking about how he doesn't want to come to Mass anymore.

He's not coming to their Catholic church the way he should be.

And the whole time she's playing with rosaries because they said that like having her go Catholic, Catholic, Catholic was a little bit too on the nose.

Okay.

But the best part is they're not Catholic.

Like they're Seventh Mountain Advent, whatever crazy cult they are.

Yeah.

But they know that you move the rosary beans.

So she's just kind of like.

There's a great moment you see she gets to the end of the beads and she's like, what do they fucking do when they get to the end?

Oh, it's a circle.

It's a zircle.

Good one, Satan.

I like your prop work.

So, yeah, so, but yeah, mom's got her rosaries.

The son is not Catholic enough.

And then we get our fishing montage.

We get our drone shots.

Now, I want to point out that the fishing montage, which will include no catching of fish, right?

It's just them standing by the water casting lines.

It is twice as long as the parkour montage.

I wanted to see some parkour here from fish.

Like, if you're not going to catch fish, have fish jump out and like cong off his head.

Yeah, you know, right, right.

Run along the line.

Exactly.

Do that kick jump through his open hand.

Perfect.

Fuck yeah.

Charcour.

Talk to us, Chris.

We will fund leapfort.

So they get done fishing.

We get done with that shot.

And then they go to get in the truck to leave.

Dad drinks a little alcohol before he drives because, you know.

But also, like, because this scene, again, this is an entirely skippable scene, except for this one bizarre fucking detail, which is that dad has a holstered gun on his hip.

What the fuck is he doing?

Hey, Ohio, is that a thing

that you just bring your gun fishing?

Well, in case you catch one that you can't handle, in case he tries to fucking parkour.

He tries to parkour around and make you look stupid.

I kept waiting for the gun.

It's Chekhov's not gun.

It is.

Yeah, right, because it's never fired.

We never see it again.

In fact, dad will fire a fucking gun later, and it's not

that gun.

It's a differenter gun.

Yes.

So fucking dumb.

But yeah, but dad drinks some alcohol, has a firearm, and tells him he needs to go to church more.

Right?

He says, mom is worried that college is corrupting his faith.

And if he wants to live in their house over the summer, then he will go to mass.

God damn it.

So, okay.

So now

we're back home, and dad is going to set a record for the laziest and dumbest way anything has ever been introduced to a movie.

The newspaper?

Yes.

Yes.

He looks up from a newspaper and he goes, and this is a direct fucking quote from the movie.

He goes, hey, honey, a bunch of old people and kids are dying and nobody knows why.

And they never address this again.

Come on, he says it while chuckling, and he's like,

Classic old people and kids, honey.

I don't even, whatever, I'm gonna do the wordle, but like that's great, right?

We're never gonna talk about it, and it's not the rapture.

I thought it was the rapture when I was watching the movie, but the rapture happens at the end of the movie.

Yes, so he's just Andrew Cuomoing.

He's just like, Yeah, I guess old people are dying.

So, okay, so dad says that.

Then we go.

This is Sunday morning, right?

So Blake gets up and they're like, hey, you got to go to church today.

He's like, I'm going to go to church.

I just got to do some parkour first golf.

So he goes out for a pre-church run.

And

they want to do some parkour, but like, parkour is urban running, and he's in the suburbs.

So he's in.

Big Fork, Montana.

Right, the suburbs of Big Fork, Montana.

So he just starts jumping over these tiny little trash cans.

They're not even full-size trash cans, right?

He jumps and he does like a Kong jump over an air conditioner and that's it, right?

People put out their waste paper baskets for their offices.

So, but while he's out doing his parkour run, he sees a cute girl and he trips over the trash cans as he sees her, right?

Because he's so distracted.

And it turns out, why, this is Liz, the chick that we shoehorned into the story early.

Why, if it isn't the only character with a a name that has been mentioned so far.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He shows her that he's got a scrape on his elbow.

He's like, look at my boo-boo.

And

she goes, wow, that looks pretty bad.

And I'm like, you mean the makeup?

Yes.

Yeah, sure does.

But they explain that he tells her he's back for spring break, which is crazy because they said summer like two scenes ago.

It's just, I don't know, season.

It was a long conversation.

Yeah, right.

But she works

at the fucking coffee shop and he should come see her sometime.

And he walks her to work.

And damn it if that doesn't make him late for church, right?

That's this scene.

Okay, tiny detail.

Yep.

The coffee shop has a sign over the door that says entrance only

on the outside.

Think about that.

Do the math.

Also, why does your coffee shop have a one-way door?

Once you enter the bean, no one exits without one of our delicious scones

i'm just kidding it's a safety risk because the door's close to the kitchen oh okay so also also why is the fucking coffee shop in like a log cabin warehouse what the fuck is happening This is a Montana thing.

I don't know.

Revitalization project in Big Four.

Well, like when I first saw it, I was like, do they not have coffee shop that she can walk near money?

But apparently that's a real coffee shop.

This is what they look like there.

So, okay, so now we get Blake.

He gets home, and he's too late to go to church, right?

he sees the time he's like oh no and he runs away he does no fucking parkour on the way back right and then so he gets home he's like oh god i missed church and then we cut to him just chilling on his bunk bed which is he's 32 years old so it's

silly as shit and mom and dad come home they chew his ass out for missing uh mass right but he tells them that he ran into liz and uh that they like to you know that they hit it off or whatever.

Dad tells him to get his shit together.

He tells him to go to his room.

But dad's pretending, right?

Because dad earlier was like, just pretend you're like, like, doesn't care.

Yeah.

And so he comes into her and he's like, get your fucking head in the game.

And you watch Blake be like, okay, whatever.

And then mom says, I'm going to say my favorite line in the movie.

Yes, yes, uh-huh.

She says, Are you even right with God?

To which he says, I don't even know what that means.

I love it.

Same.

Same.

Valid.

And you might as well pull out the script.

It's in the script.

It's what I say at this point in the movie.

The point of it was insane, though.

It was like, are you even right with God?

Is like step one of this complicated thing.

But like, did you even do right with God yet before you learn the more advanced Kantian

categories or something?

I don't know.

It was like, do you even go here?

That was

right, right.

So then he's.

Do you even know American Kenpo at a black belt level?

No.

So then, but so dad's like, go to your room.

And he's like, no, I'm 32.

And he storms out.

And then as he's storming out, he's like, he's like, what does he say?

He's like, I'll be back later.

He says, I'll be back in a bit.

Which is a very hard phrase to slam a door to.

Right.

Because you hear that.

He's like, I'll be back in a scooch.

Slam.

What was that?

No, no, that wasn't it.

See you later, alligator.

Slam.

After a while, you know what?

I've ruined the moment.

I destroyed it.

Not if I see you first.

Damn.

Stupid.

I said, okay, toodles, chow.

Shit.

T-T-Y-L.

Suck.

That's a text.

So

then

he goes to the coffee shop where Liz works.

He tells her that he got into a fight with his parents.

He hasn't seen this girl in 10 fucking years or whatever it's supposed to be.

And immediately she's like, mom's been rubbish to me.

I yelled toodles at the end of it, sadly.

We got in a big fight about me taking my dad's lipitor.

I could really use your support right now.

Do you have the silliest possible beverage you could serve me?

You have hot chocolate?

We don't want to offend the Mormons.

Here's some hot chocolate.

She says, Think about this.

Think about if this happened in your life, how quickly you would call 911.

She goes, I know just the thing, and then hands him a styrofoam cup of her special hot cocoa.

That's what she says, yeah.

The fact that he did not lose consciousness during this conversation is a mystery to me.

So

he goes, he goes, like, you know, they get to talking and he's like, you know, I was raised Catholic, but I always felt like something was missing.

Like, you know, like they were the Antichrist or something like that.

I don't know.

I couldn't put my finger on it.

And she's already with him.

She's helping him out.

She's already red-pilling him, starting out.

Yeah.

And she's like, no, you're just an intellectual maverick, underappreciated in your time,

like certain movie makers.

I don't know.

L directors, in fact.

Speaking of which, I have to show you an awesome.

Okay.

Okay.

She goes.

The actual line, when he explains this, she goes, yeah, no, you're an independent thinker is what I think of you is the line that this guy wrote for me to say about him.

Theological dark web.

That's right.

Yeah, right, right.

So then she's like, you know, why don't you come over to my house for a movie night?

And then she takes the styrofoam cup that he's drinking from and starts writing on it.

I thought it was going to be like HTTP

forward slash forward slash

World Wide Web.

Is it World Wide Web?

World Wide Web.

YouTube.

No, it's her name, phone number, whatever.

Yeah, no, it's her phone number and address, which is weird because because he was at her house when he tripped over the trash cans earlier.

Also, by the way, so every time he goes to drink his, this is such a small note, but as a mesophonic, I have to say this.

Every time he goes to drink his cocoa, they play this absolutely disgusting.

And I swear that he just did that on purpose.

It's just, it's the worst fucking thing.

And I think he did that to me.

Right?

He was like, I heard what you fucking said on episode 47, you asshole.

Listen to this.

So, okay.

What you said on episode 46 was valid.

The first one was really bad.

That's true.

But I learned it on you.

How dare you?

Well, wait, okay.

It's in the movie.

That's exactly where we're literally going with this, right?

So she goes over, he goes over to her house for fucking movie night, and they watch leap two.

Now, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

They watch the movie.

So good.

How do you fit your head inside?

You're doing the parkour, Boris.

Careful.

They watch leap two

and they don't like it.

No

No.

He goes then she says, what do you think?

And he goes, nah, could have some more parkour in it, I guess.

Hey, Chris, I don't know what anti-bullying book you read for tweens

that you thought you would like get us by being like, I'm going to make fun of my movie so that when the fat Jewish kid makes fun of my movie.

No, Chris.

No.

Don't wear the shoes that I made fun of yesterday to school today.

Bury them in the backyard, Chris.

So

she's like, so what do you think of my Catholicism is the Antichrist parkour movie?

And he's like, yeah, you know, I guess he could have been better.

And she's like, yeah, right.

But what do you think about the part where it says that your religion is the Antichrist?

And he's like, well, you know,

that's interesting, I guess.

She says, anti-Coast.

He's like, where'd you find that?

He's like, well, she says, I found it online.

It had over a million views.

Which is mostly y'all, I think.

A good two-thirds of it.

But yeah, she explains that she was doing Bible study, and that's how she came across it.

She says, you know, there was a bunch of,

she says, you know, it's like a lot of with COVID and all the wars and the politics and the earthquakes.

I just wanted to know.

I I wanted to figure out more about why that was happening.

So I watched Leap.

Leap Two.

Leap Two.

Leap Two.

Because she says, he goes, whoa, was there a prequel?

Was there a first one?

She goes, don't watch the first one.

It's not fun.

They literally say that.

He's like,

she's like, well, you know, the director, he made it on a $200 budget.

That's probably

the best anybody could have done with $200.

I'm very good.

Because Oevra was really being established.

I think we could all agree.

Director does not look like mashed potatoes were allergic to butter.

Doesn't even make sense.

Who said that?

But what we learn here is that the Catholics are making us celebrate the Sabbath on the wrong day.

Now, if you watch the first two movies, you will know that is entirely the plot of the first two movies, right?

Is that Catholicism is the Antichrist because they're trying to make everybody worship God on the wrong day and cancel out God's contract or whatever, so they'll all go to hell.

And that worshiping God on the wrong day is the mark of the beast.

Yes.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

Uh-oh, Eli had a stroke halfway through that sentence.

I did not.

I did not.

I will spare you the 19 and a half sentences we got on it in leap one and two, but all you have to know is that the number,

that thing?

That's going to church on Sundays, according to Chris Temple.

Yes.

Which is why you should eat your vegetables.

Like, it's so fun to watch this movie, and then you remember that Chris is in full psychosis the entire time he's making it.

So, okay.

So, but she explains that she celebrates the Sabbath on Saturday like God intended.

She quit her job, her old job over because they wouldn't give her Saturdays off.

That's why she works at the coffee shop.

As she's explaining this, she's sitting on this incredibly squeaky chair, which is amazing.

I wrote in my notes at at this point.

I'm with you, L director.

Lighting is for sissies.

And then, like, so they're Christian, right?

So the relationship, they're supposed to be entirely platonic at this point in their relationship.

Blake wants it a little bit more.

Yeah, but right now, yeah.

But it plays like she wants to fuck, and he just can't take the hint, right?

Because she invites him over for the movie, and she's like, so, you know, if you're kind of into that, and he's like, well, I guess I should go.

And she's like, oh, okay.

Do you want to, before you go, you go, you go, no, you showed me leap two.

I'm going to get out.

I don't think I'll be erect ever again, actually.

I think they should give this to sex predators to keep civilization safe.

This sucks.

Alan Turing, come in and watch Leap Two.

Hey, don't, hey, don't be mad at me being mad at 1940s, Brenton, okay?

You know what you did, 1940s, Brenton.

Yep.

So, okay.

So then, I'm going to cut to the next scene a little bit too late.

So then we get a quick scene where Blake goes to a thrift store to buy himself a Bible.

And there's this great moment where the guy's like, do you have any Bibles?

She's like, yes, right next to us.

Just the one.

And then he goes, Blake looks through it and he goes, do you have anything more modern?

And I'm like, yes, every other book.

The fuck are you talking about more modern?

I'm looking for a Bible that's a little more skibbity, Ohio, if you know what I mean.

I guess.

Well, you have to listen to the Bible on the original vinyl.

That sounds a much warmer sound.

But yeah, so he says, I'll give you the Bible for free, but you need to promise to read it all the way through.

And I'm like, that's a much higher price than the nine bucks Books a Million would charge you.

My God.

I would be like, no, I would like to pay, please.

I've read Thessalonians.

I would like to pay you $8.99.

So he walks out of the thrift shop with his Bible in hand.

And damn it if Liz isn't getting off of work right that minute.

And he's like, oh, Liz, what are you doing here?

I'm like, you know where she fucking works, man.

You're stalking her.

She's like, I worked.

I was in the building.

I walked out of the street.

Yes, right.

You know what time I get off.

So she's like, oh, I see you've got a Bible.

And he's like, yeah, I'm trying to get in your pants.

And she's like, what?

He's like, I wonder what book I should start with.

She says, oh, start with the book of Matthew.

Don't start at the beginning.

And look, I'm sorry, look, you know, I'm a fan of the Disc World books.

I always tell people, don't start at the beginning, right?

So that's logical, except for I don't think Terry Pratchett is God, right?

I am not trying to tell you, people, that he is divine and perfect, right?

So they're like, start with Matthew and then stop.

Just, that's enough.

Enough, you read that and a little bit of Revelation, and then John 3:16, and you're done.

So it's like sequestering witnesses.

They have to take the four gospels and be like, get them in different rooms.

Don't let them see each other.

Luke's like that nice friend who downplays it how mad you are to someone.

We're not listening to him this week, okay?

So, okay, so then we then we get a little taste of how good Chris Temple has gotten at After Effects, right?

Because now it's time for the earthquake.

And mostly the earthquake is created by Chris Temple shaking the camera around while the actors go,

hey, I know this is physically impossible, but I think those actors might never have fallen down before.

They're like, uh-oh, there's an earthquake.

Oh my God.

That's where the bottom of your body stays perfectly still,

but the top of your body's a circle in there.

At one point, Blake Buttnoggin does a Spider-Man pose, and he's like, too cool.

Too awesome.

And of course, but as they're doing that,

it's not just that.

Okay, there's some special effects, too.

Chris said to his mom

as he explained that he needed to live in her basement for another 12 months.

So they have this little like effects image of the ground collapsing below them.

So the road collapses below them.

And they're like, wow, that's a very realistic earthquake.

Yeah, it wasn't very realistic.

So then they go back to her place, and

she goes, you want anything to drink?

He's like, I'll take a water.

So she hands him a can of liquid death.

Awesome.

Do you think when they dropped sponsorship with us because we talked about Jeffrey Epstein not killing himself on one of their ads?

They picked up an ad spot with Chris Temple for the spike?

That was a hard phone call that we had with them where they were like, we didn't mean that.

They're like, you remember when we told you guys to be edgy?

We apologize for ever saying that.

So they get back to her house and she goes, well, you know, the answer to our earthquake problem might be in here.

She picks up the Bible.

She opens it to Revelations.

And he goes,

he's reading through and he goes, wow, earthquakes and wars.

Earthquakes?

How could they have known?

He literally says that.

He literally says, how could they have known?

Yeah, that there would be earthquakes ever.

Yeah.

This is the first time.

And wars.

First time there's an earthquake, countries have fought and there have been sick people.

Yes, all at once.

Yeah.

And he goes, you know, she starts telling him about the tribulation and everything.

He goes, wow, you know, in Catholic church, they didn't tell me about that.

And she's like, well, think about it.

If leap two is true.

I'm going to stop you right there.

There's no way out.

Nope.

She says, if leap two is true and the Catholics are the beast, then why would they teach you the rapture stuff?

This is the part of the Bible they don't want.

Yes.

Weird that they keep giving them to you then.

They just printed like 5 billion copies.

I didn't mean to do that necessarily.

Yeah.

So So then he starts reading through the Revelation and everything, what's supposed to happen.

He says, I shit you not.

This is a real line.

He says, I keep seeing the word then.

It makes for a pretty clear roadmap.

Keeping causality.

Direction of time straight.

Yes, yes.

It's good for me.

But this is where they bring up a part of the Bible I was not familiar with, which is that Jesus calls a timeout on Revelation on the Sabbath.

Yeah, he says you're not allowed to run from the rapture on the Sabbath.

And I want to watch that rapture movie.

Right?

Right?

Just getting chased by a horse locust and the sun dips below the horizon.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

What?

Timeout.

I have to take a timeout?

Everyone has to take a timeout.

I'm a scorpion locust.

I didn't make the rules.

You're Boston.

You want some blood?

That's kind of all we got.

Do you have liquid death?

He explains.

It makes a lot more sense now, the name that everything's blood.

All right.

Well, it's starting to feel pretty damn tribulatory up in here.

So I think we're going to take another break while the suspense is high.

But we'll be back in a minute with even more of Leap, a tale of the last days.

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Okay, no mech suit, but the senator said you can help.

I can.

Who's the senator?

It's Susan Collins.

Yeah, I'm in.

Okay.

Quick, we'll be safe in here.

What is that thing?

They're harbingers of the end time.

Horse-sized locusts with the head of women wearing crowns.

Oh, no, it's broke through.

Looks like this is it.

Oh, it's the Sabbath.

Sorry, the what?

The Sabbath.

Jesus said not to flee from the apocalypse on the Sabbath.

So, you know, so.

Timeout.

Okay.

Are you doing a timeout?

Rat.

Locus guy?

Rat.

Oh, okay.

For how long?

Oh, wow.

The whole Sabbath.

Yep.

Right.

Yeah.

Hey, so how is it being

a horse locust?

Sure.

Yeah.

You really got Larry, though.

We liked Larry.

No,

I mean, you're doing your job.

Work is mysterious and important.

Severance?

Severance.

Have you not watched Severance?

Oh, you have to.

It's so good.

Like every second, it's just, it's fantastic.

No, I get it.

I get it.

Can I be honest, though?

I feel like people are wildly unfair to Lost.

Yeah, look, I know it's not popular to say, but I think Lost told a very coherent story.

And while I understand not everybody got it, like, watch a fucking lore video, you know, it was all there.

Hey, did the shark get explained?

No, the shark, that's still stupid.

I haven't seen it.

Oh, no, I'll check it out.

I'll check it out.

And we're back.

Thank you.

Thank you, Cleveland.

And we're going to rejoin the action here.

So, the last time, of course, that we saw our heroes that were surviving this mysterious earthquake, this rapture earthquake.

So, now we get Blake, he's getting home to his parents who have been worried sick, right, the whole time.

Dad explains to him, and I quote,

there was a giant flash of light over St.

Peter's Basilica, and Jesus appeared.

That's what caused the earthquake.

It's the actual line in the fucking movie.

And so, and honestly, the delivery that he did was even worse.

It was fucking amazing.

But Blake looks at the TV where they're saying that Jesus is returned, and he goes, that's not the real Jesus.

That guy looks like a surfer.

Right.

If you've seen Leap 2, you know that what he's thinking is, obviously, the Antichrist is controlling the Vatican, and then they did a deep fake hologram with the space lasers in coordination with the Jewish lizard aliens or something like that.

It is assumed that you will figure that out on your own.

Okay.

Yeah.

The movie never tells you that.

But yes, it's supposed to be a deep fake Jesus that the evil Catholics have like

made up.

And I think it's supposed to be the devil too, isn't it?

It's supposed to be Satan disguised as Jesus.

That was my confusion.

I feel like their plan wasn't clear.

Like you ever make a plan with a friend and someone misunderstands?

You're like, what do you mean you're at the bar already?

We said we were meeting.

Because what we we are to now believe is that Antichrist has been the Pope for 2,000 years.

And then his dad shows up

as fake Jesus.

And he's like, what do you do?

We had a whole plan.

I have all these.

I've been fucking a bunch of kids.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

What, they're not?

If there's any room that you'd agree they are, you know what?

This This is why I gave it up to J-Dog in the break.

So then, and he goes, also, Jesus wouldn't be white.

He would be an Arab.

Okay.

Right, right, yeah.

I mean, lost a lot of their audience there.

Right.

But

they're watching like Fox News.

The coverage on Fox fucking news would be way different.

In fairness, if it was an Arab-looking Jesus who hovered above the Vatican, Fox would be showing us like a Patriot miscellaneous price and like pieces of a guy.

He goes, Mom, when he says that, he goes, Mom goes, No, that's actually a good point.

That's not what Jesus would look like at all.

And he goes, That's the work of Satan, and he storms out.

So that night, mom prays some more.

She prays that Blake will be Catholic more.

And then we cut to Blake praying that mom will be Catholic less.

Counterspell.

Yeah, counterspell.

She has to roll a saving throw that's equivalent to the level

of his prayer.

She gotta do.

He goes, he's doing his prayer.

He goes, like, Father, I've only been Christian for like eight seconds, but I'm already convinced that I know more than everybody else.

And I'm like, well, then you're doing it right.

You're fucking nailing it.

But yeah, and then we see him like taking notes on his Bible and he's making like charts and shit.

Hey, here's the thing.

These charts are amazing.

If you were actually studying the Bible, there are so many super duper smart people who have studied the Bible.

The idea that you and your composition notebook are going to crack the code is buckwild to me.

That's like if I pulled down Shakespeare's first folio and I was like, all right, let's see what this motherfucker is really about.

All right.

To be or not to be.

Stupid question.

Nailed it.

Obviously, to be golfed.

I don't know what Dan McClellan's talking about.

I just do this on my own.

But he's got like the timeline, like the Seventh-day Adventist timeline.

They have like the 2,300 years.

They decided that in the Bible, if they're doing a prophecy,

Day equals year so that the math sort of lines up better for their shit.

Right.

Right.

And he's got like a timeline and a thing.

To be clear, the Seventh-day Adventists thought the world would end in 1843 they were fucking basically yeah they had a party they had it all ready and then it didn't and they were like time out we're doing the math one we're checking the math

they went in the back checked math they were like it's 1844 we're good set up another party world doesn't end everybody they go they got so sad they call this the great disappointment

and then they started a religion based on it yeah ever since then they're like it's pregame, I don't know, just fucking

parkour with the guy with the movie.

So now it's early the next morning.

He's chatting with his folks again.

Now, I want to point out that in this scene, we can see into the backyard and there's a trampoline there.

And I know that that is Christopher Temple's fucking trampoline.

Oh, it is.

I saw it in one of the videos I was talking about.

Which means there's been a very real moment in Chris's life where he's been bouncing with our podcast in his headphones,

Tears streaming down his face.

Blacks are there going up

in moving rivulets.

I'll show them.

I'm going to learn After Effects.

I'm going to pay for 26 credits on Suno, the song AI.

I'm going to tell them that I got over a million views.

Even though 950,000 of them were from their podcast.

And then I'm going to move out of my mom's basement and she's going to ask to live with me

for bouncing

to grow up.

I wanted to interrupt with somebody, but he has nobody.

I was going to call from the, there's nobody there.

What's that?

Was someone stopping me for bouncing and crying?

Okay, anyways, this.

That's when the sun will turn red.

You want to see?

How often do you think Chris Temple is talking to himself the way you, right?

You're walking and you're like, I got to get the laundry done.

But Chris Temple's walking and he's like, and then the blood will turn red, and the sun and the moon will crash together, and the giant locusts will, of course, appear out of it.

And that's when they'll start to rape scorpions.

And someone's just like, yeah, I'm calling the cops on this guy at the laundry, man.

I don't know.

So he's talking.

We have to point out this amazing prop, too.

So while he's talking to his parents, there's a newspaper that says Messiah Returns as the headline.

Yeah, that wasn't the only thing above the fold, though.

Yep, yep.

There's another headline besides Messiah returns on the front page above.

Oh, you also have to get the local news.

Yeah, local news.

I wrote it down.

It says,

they were so proud of this.

City council to run downtown banner policy

up the flagpole.

Okay, but so but so he's here's what happened is that that was the actual fucking headline in the newspaper that they just slapped their bullshit, like, taped goddamn Messiah returns thing over.

That's what's so amazing about it.

Or they put so much effort into that sickness.

Not a chance.

Chris Temple, in his whole life, has not had that much creativity.

So

he says, so he's arguing with his dad.

His dad's like, no, Jesus returned.

He goes, like, hey, hey, if that's the Messiah, then why aren't we in heaven?

And mom's like, oh, that's a pretty good point.

And dad's like, probably because you haven't...

Cleaned your fucking room like I told you to.

Yeah.

Maybe Jesus doesn't like your tone.

Yeah, that's probably why.

To be clear, dad's theory now and for the rest of the movie will be that God is pouting

because his son in particular

is the wrong religion.

Celebrates.

It's the weekend wrong.

Right.

I was like, Dad, I got some terrible news about Saudi Arabia for you.

If you think Saturday is ticking Jesus off.

No.

So yeah, so Blake storms off again.

No toodles this time.

He's pissed this time.

So mom goes, like, why were you so hard on him?

And we were all like, was he hard on him?

I guess he's not very good at acting.

So we can tell.

So then we're going to meet.

I honestly think that the star of this fucking movie is the news on Whippets lady.

Yes.

Yeah, you can tell who fucking watched the movie, right?

Woo!

You forget that the number one fear among most people is speaking in public until you see an actor like this.

Hey, Chris, welcome to the news.

I threw up backstage, but there's still some in there.

Keep doing it.

I'll fucking kill you.

She's doing a gentle rock.

The gentle rock, the soothing, the thing.

It's just like when I was in the womb.

They can't see me and I can't see them.

And now, why did they put her in Chris's sports jacket?

I don't know.

She's in this 19XL sports.

She's drowning in it.

And she already looks like a meth head to begin with.

Yeah.

They wouldn't give her fucking meth back until she recorded this or whatever.

just in a pant like this woman was like like a POW in a newsroom at Verdun or something it's not going well and they're like forcing her she raises her hand up her fingers are crossed around the microphone

she tells us that Congress is debating the blue bills

and but those she says and I quote the bill is making its way to the president's desk and is expected to pass later this afternoon the halves of that sentence are in a fight

Doesn't make sense from the time to mention.

And then she goes,

the bulk of the bill is still unknown.

But the key to it, the known parts are that nobody will be able to work on Sundays anymore.

Nobody.

The rest is a secret.

Yes.

It's like the Big Beautiful Bill, by the way.

Yeah, yeah, right.

No, that's true.

That's true.

This part was a lot more funny before the Big Beautiful Bill.

Yeah, no, it was.

Honestly, if you had read that the Big Beautiful Bill had had a no one's allowed to work on Sundays, you'd be like, that's like the fourth best part of it.

Actually, yeah.

So yeah, so Liz and Blake, of course, are watching this from home, you know, telling everybody telling them like the UN or whatever is deciding when the Sabbath is.

And she's like, well, there's got to be something that we can do.

And he points out the problem with every fucking rapture movie.

He's like, well, it's divine prophecy.

No.

No,

the devil wins.

I mean,

this is how it fucking goes.

There was a moment where you thought they were going to quit the movie, right?

Where he was like, it's prophecy.

And she was like, oh, yeah.

What the fuck are we doing?

She wants some smart pop?

I don't know.

He's just sitting around.

So then we get this great bit.

It's the next morning.

Blake's going and coming out of the house.

Mom's like, hey, there's a letter for you.

And he goes, oh, what does it say?

And I'm like, how the fuck would she know?

But no, she's already opened it and read it.

College is over.

Yes.

Yes.

College is over.

24 hours, less than 24 hours ago, Jesus appeared allegedly above the Vatican.

Within that time, this university was like, we're not doing universities anymore.

Why would we bother university?

And we need to send out overnight mail to everybody.

Yes.

Right.

To tell them there's no more university.

She goes except for Oberlin.

Oberlin's still going.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Listen to those PFAs clapping their hands.

It's beautiful.

I bet you all make a delicious latte, don't you?

Can you get a little sprinkle of cinnamon?

Oh, it's the best milk for steaming.

So

she says, and I quote, with everything going on, some of the kids didn't want to come back, so they shut down the school.

Yeah, that's probably how it would work.

She says, but don't worry, your dad says you can stay here as long as you get a job.

And I'm like, well, I feel like the college is going to be refunding a fuck ton of money.

He's probably going to be good on that for at least a little while.

Imagine, I wrote a joke and then I realized I was living it, which is imagine getting a job during the end times.

But we are and we do, right?

Yes, yeah.

That's what we're doing right now.

Watching the horse locust go by outside of your subway.

Okay, well, I can't give you double meat unless you pay for double meat.

Now the

sweet teriyaki sauce has not turned to blood yet.

Are you going to complain?

Because it's going to, when I squirt it out of the bottle, it's going to turn to sweet teriyaki blood sauce.

It's a bottle-based effect, apparently.

There's a great moment here, too, because she explains all that to him, and then he goes like, oh, wow.

And she goes, what's with you, Blake?

Are you not good at God?

Yes.

Why are you so bad at acting?

Yeah.

Okay, so now he goes to the gas station to get a job.

There's great, like, what boomers think getting a job is like, right?

Anyone under the age of 40 here trying to enter the job market really feel this scene with every description your dad's made?

Look, Kyrdo, what you gotta do is you just go down to a business and start stacking crates, and you work there now.

If you work extra hard, you can have a free house.

That's what they give you.

Your Christmas bonus is a nine-bedroom house your mother and I moved into when we were 17.

Yeah, right.

He goes, well, I was looking for a job, job, and the guy goes, well, here's a broom.

You're hired.

And he goes, don't we have to do paperwork?

He goes, ah.

Why get the Jews involved?

So now it's time for more parkour, god damn it.

So now Blake and Liz, they go to their old high school track, and I guess that's where they put this new parkour course.

So she's like, wow, this is incredible.

And then she goes, catch me if you can, and she goes to run off.

But she gets up on this little, like, this beam that she can't.

She's just like, she goes,

it's literally this.

It's catch me if you can.

And of course, he immediately fucking catches her.

Yeah.

And let me say something.

Look,

we've grown on this show.

So we don't make fun of the things we used to.

But Blake can catch Liz.

Liz can get a pretty good head start.

And Blake, you know how Heath can catch me?

Blake can catch Liz.

And there was very clearly a moment, you can see it in Liz's eyes.

There was a moment where he was like, all right, El El Director please don't call me Chris

you're gonna do like a fun running playful thing and she was like come on Chris

my mom goes to your church and she said after the attempt I had to do this but don't

oh no

you

you didn't tell me I was gonna have to do high knees Chris

So there's a great moment too, because there's one of the elements on the Sparkour course.

It's just like

a ladder.

Stole my fucking water.

You weren't drinking it.

They could see us.

You weren't drinking it.

You haven't even known this thing.

You and Dr.

Pepper.

So, hey, everybody, if you ever need to sum up our work dynamic in an emergency, you just did it.

Give me your water.

No, that's mine.

Scotch is fine.

So just one more art bag neat, whatever.

Oh, yeah.

So one of the elements on this course, though, is like a...

Thank you, Anne.

I love you.

So, one of the elements on this course is that it's like a ladder thing that you can go up and then do a thing over the top of it or whatever.

But

you can.

Well, right, right.

Liz cannot.

So what they've done now is that they filmed her going up one side, and then it cuts, and they film her coming down the other side.

In a different outfit.

Yeah, right, right.

She's got her hair's shorter.

So she pulled the kid from Jurassic Park, right?

She got up to the top, and then she's just, I can't fucking do it.

And so they'd use that shot.

There's a great moment where like she's got to like, you know, because it's supposed to be like he's showing her how to do parkour.

So at one point he has to do something that's really difficult that she can't do, but he can't do anything that's difficult that she can't do.

Right?

So she has to be all infomercial about, oh, one foot and then the other fuck.

And this is, of course, all accompanied by Chris Temple's AI music.

Yes.

And hey.

Kids, I know it's scary out there.

I know we're all afraid to lose our jobs to AI.

And if you'd like to be a little less afraid, go ahead and listen to some of this music.

Oh, my God.

We are enjoying a summertime.

Summertime friendship.

Friendship summertime.

It's like when a brand news.

Bad South Africans are really having a hard time.

What?

You only get that lyric if you use Grok.

Smekah Hitler.

Squin him.

Are we cutting that?

No.

So we we watched them parkour for a bit.

And I wrote in my notes at this point.

The only way to exaggerate how unimpressive this parkour was would be to tell you that they stood still the whole time.

That's how good it is.

And then we...

So,

sorry, we get this.

Wait, where are we?

Oh, yeah, okay.

Ohio.

I get it.

Right, right.

Why?

What's he good for stealing my water?

Eventually, this.

That's the one I put the GHP in before we started.

Why the fuck do you think I stole it?

I like a little lean with my public performance in front of 300 people.

So, yeah, so, but he tells her about how the school shut down.

She has a bizarre lack of follow-up questions, and then he asks her out on a date.

And then we cut to four, the title card says four months remaining.

We're like, of what?

And it's like, fuck you.

And this is, I guess we go back to the this weekend meth news updates.

She's blinking out her location in Morris Road at this point.

It felt, it was like a Maria Bamford, but like an accidental Maria Bamford.

It was almost an amazing performance at that level.

Right, yeah.

No, I don't think she's having a good time.

But she's explaining that the new law in the United States, where everybody is off on Sundays, is working out really well.

No emergencies on those days, luckily.

And so now the UN is going to adopt it worldwide.

I'm sure it'll go great in Saudi Arabia

and China and almost everywhere else.

It also makes you wonder, like, what is fake Jesus doing for these three months, right?

Is he just catching up on old movies?

He's playing Death Stranding 2.

Okay, yep, yep.

He's like, you know, this is a lot more fun than the first game.

It's really much more gamey.

So, but yeah, but the news lady explains that fake Jesus says that the earthquakes will continue until morale improves, right?

She's like, he's like, until everybody is worshiping on Sunday, like we said, there will still be earthquakes and diseases and shit.

Can I grind us to a halt for a second with a terrible question?

Thank you.

His voice said, but his eyes said no.

Hey, Eli, whenever I look at you, my eyes are saying no.

That's true.

That's true.

You did say that in my Christmas card this year, I remember.

Give the GHP a second.

Okay.

Let the cat kick in and see if he's more open.

So are we to believe that God is doing the earthquakes and Satan is lying about them?

Or Satan is doing the earthquakes?

Okay.

Yeah, so what's supposed to have happened here is that at the beginning of the tribulation, God withdrew himself from the earth, right?

So God's no longer like...

There,

and so Satan can get away with whatever the fuck he wants now.

So Satan's supposed to be making the earthquakes.

I didn't make this shit off.

Were you guys even paying attention during leaps one and two?

Jesus fucking Christ.

I didn't have to pay attention.

I was funny back then.

Wait, God just withdrew himself while the horribleness is happening?

Why the horribleness is happening?

He quit the podcast.

Yeah.

He's just like a non-voter in the general exact fuck off.

He's sending a message

with his theology.

So we cut to Blake getting fired from the gas station for having the wrong Sabbath.

Which, like, again, just yet another movie where the hypothetical at the heart of the movie is, like, man, if we were persecuted, we would sure be persecuted.

Right?

And we've seen a lot of persecution narratives, but not for a cult this crazy.

So it's really funny for him to be like, yeah, turn in your badge and gun.

You think that the goosemonger only comes out of the moons at midnight.

Yeah.

So I want to point out that when he gets fired, he's holding a milk crate or whatever, and he gives the milk crate like angrily to his boss.

And every one of us wrote, he turns in his badge and his milk crate, some variation of that.

I'm too old for this shit.

Here, take my dad's fishing gun.

But yeah,

I won't need this anymore.

But this is a persecution fantasy narrative.

Yeah.

Like first day came for the seventh-day Adventists.

And And then a guy had to trade shifts at a gas.

Gas station?

What the fuck?

None of this matters.

The post office was really hard to run that weekend.

He ended up with a close open on Tuesday, Wednesday.

It was really hard to wake up on the Wednesday part.

So Blake goes home and he's got to tell his mom that he's fired for being too right.

And I'm like, wow, that's L-Director bringing his life into his script, isn't it?

Chipotle.

just because I gave out some literature and a movie flyer or two

in exchange for double meat.

Download leap two and I'll just keep spooning these beans on.

That's what I'm saying.

You can have black and pinto.

Let me just see you click the link on YouTube.

Maybe a thumbs up.

Maybe a thumbs up.

I'll give you

more.

So yeah, so

him and his parents fight again about which is the correct Sabbath.

This is also where he says, and I quote, he's explaining how they're wrong about what the Bible means.

He's like, the Sabbath day is supposed to be Saturday.

I have a printout from the internet that proves it.

How many times do you think MathQuest directions to salvation?

Yeah.

How many times has Chris yelled that exact sentence while in handcuffs?

It's more than 10,

and he doesn't get to go to Panera anymore.

Just holding the paper in the handcuffs.

Just reach into my back pocket, officer.

You'll learn something very important.

Not that side.

Don't look at what I drew on that side.

That's my gum.

He says I printed.

He printed citations, was the actual.

So he printed a bibliography, and he has it ready.

You got to click the link on the paper I brought with me.

Officer, do you have a facts to your web browser?

You got to believe me.

So, okay, and then we get this little tiny scene, and it's just, it's, it's, you're going to think it doesn't matter.

I'm going to bring it back in the end, and it's going to be the most glorious thing ever.

We watch mom pray again in the dark, and she's like, God, I don't know what to do because I know that Blake is right.

And that Saturday is the correct Sabbath, but I'm also a woman and I'm not allowed to think.

So I have to do what my husband says.

I really don't know what to do because your commandments are in conflict.

An American Kempo is a really good, important.

So keep that in mind, right?

Keep that in mind.

We see her praying and going like, yep, yep, the Saturday, Sabbath.

I just don't know what to do with that information.

Pin in that.

Yeah, pin in that.

It's going to stay there for a while, but don't worry.

When it comes out, the whole goddamn dam opens up, right?

So then the title cards informs us now that it's only three months remaining to whatever.

To mentally watching through this movie.

Fucking exhausting.

Oh, my God.

So we got Blake and Liz, they're going for a walk.

It felt like years were days or whatever.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

They promised this movie was going to end in 1840.

That's the great disappointment.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So yeah, so they're walking together by the water.

The waves are lapping so fucking loud.

And this this is where he proposes to Liz.

You know, he asks her if she'll marry him.

She says yes.

And he lifts her up to spin her around.

And the actress is like, short dress, short dress.

Jesus, stop it.

They celebrate their engagement with a side hug.

It's ultimately, you know, hey, buddy, can't wait to marry you.

Yum.

Okay.

Don't touch.

Don't touch me.

We're both not gay anymore.

All right.

So,

all better.

I just love volleyball.

So he goes to give her a kiss for the engagement, and his phone rings.

And she says, shouldn't you get that?

So he answers his phone, mid-engagement.

And he takes the call.

He does.

They're on the dock still, like spinning.

It's fine.

Yep.

His phone rings.

He answers.

He's like, oh, it's my dad.

And he's like, oh, my mom's been in an accident.

We should run to go see her.

And he's like,

he's going to do any parkour on the way?

This was such a great opportunity.

You find out that, like, oh, somebody's in the hospital.

We're on a duck.

That's a tunnel.

You could have weird obstacles.

Sure.

You would have to hit it.

Liz would dive off the side and just swim.

These children were setting up barrels behind us for some reason.

Yeah, right.

So, okay, so

they run to the hospital that they definitely didn't have permission to shoot in.

Right?

Because we got this camera angle.

Yeah.

So

the doctor comes out and tells them, mom didn't make it.

but the best part is they show this segment in slow motion

Which means

which means in regular motion this is what happened.

Hey, your mom's dead

Like they just got caught on the kiss cam.

Yeah, yeah, so they

so

but the other thing I want to point out about this scene is that Roman butt crack, when when he does it, like his immediate thing is he buries his head right into Liz's boobs.

He goes, oh, no.

You see Liz mouthing like, Chris, he's doing it again, but in slow motion.

Breaking off a cato, he's doing it again.

The TikTokers got that one.

What's up, youths?

It's pretty skibbity Ohio over on this side of the

dais.

So now, okay, we're going to cut now to mom's funeral.

And there's this moment.

There's this moment at the funeral scene where you have to ask yourself, like,

did Chris Temple just wait for somebody to die?

And then they ran in real quick while they were still like in between using the

casket.

Hey, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Can I put this extremely fucky picture of my two actors in each other's arms on top of your grandma's coffin?

It's a fucking picture.

It's truly, they are at a cold play concert level picture.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh my God.

You walk into your house and like, oh, you're in an open marriage.

I see from the photo that you're.

And also they've got like seven people that they've managed.

They've managed to get seven extras for the funeral scene.

Most of them are not in black.

So they're like, I'll stand behind the fucking thing.

I ain't going to change my jacket, though.

So and then so we get that, and then we get Blake sitting sadly on the ground after the funeral.

Liz comes over to try to comfort him.

And she goes, Well, you know, or sorry, before she can comfort him,

she says,

You know, well, you know, I think she's, you know, looking down on him.

She's like, No, she celebrated the Sabbath on the wrong day.

She's looking up at us, if anything.

He's in a lake of fire.

That's just that's

like Cleveland.

Oh,

no.

It was a river.

And it only happened a couple of times.

We were busy being Rock City and not changing our baseball mascot.

How many of y'all feel great about baseball?

You just, oh, the generals or whatever we are.

Should have been the fucking spiders.

Right?

I mean, so much fucking cooler.

I think you should have picked a different slur

just to keep the rest of the country on their toes.

The Cleveland Irish.

What?

Come on!

We'll get around to it in 100 years.

Is Irish a slur?

So here's the thing.

I had to.

Hey, I'm so glad you had a.

Hey, Heath.

Heath, don't encourage him to use real slurs.

Yes.

First of all,

we discussed that before the show.

Don't encourage me to use real slurs.

Two, I was doing the math in front of my face lady to be like, what's the funniest slur?

What's the funniest slur?

What's the funniest slur?

Find something white.

Find something white.

Find something white, right?

I couldn't remember.

Irish.

And so I was like, Irish people.

Because sinners said they were still okay.

We got three more years because of sinners.

They were like, get them.

And I was like, all right, sinners.

You don't want people to make fun of Irish people.

You take that up with Michael B.

Jordan.

There you go.

So, okay.

So he's all sad about mom, and then dad comes in, all drunk, and he's like, it's your fault that she died.

And he's like, in what fucking way?

And how do you even get this?

Dad has a brown bag of liquor at the funeral,

but he wasn't drunk during the funeral, which meant he was like, all right, going to my wife's funeral.

Let's see.

Fucky picture that we took during the boudoir shoot.

Check.

Brown bag of liquor for a little celebration afterwards.

Check.

Gun that I won't be shooting later.

Check.

Gotta have my funeral gun.

It's black.

It's not the silver one.

It's nice and appropriate.

He's got a magnum of wine in that brown bag, too.

Yep.

Like, that's when they think Christian movies, they're trying to figure it out.

And they're like,

what do drinky people?

What are they?

What are the Irish drink funerals?

Magnums of yellow tail chiras.

Yeah, obviously.

Obviously.

Magnums of yellow tail chiras.

Your biggest bottle of alcohol, please.

Liquor store next to the grocery store I go to most often.

Nothing over $8.

Alcohol, thank you.

So, okay, so dad storms up.

He goes, don't come back to the house anymore.

It's your fault.

Mom died.

And then he tries to dramatically.

angrily speed away in his truck that cannot go more than five miles an hour.

And doesn't get traction right away.

Yeah.

So he's just like, slam the door.

So he's like,

you can't stay here anymore.

Let me assign him.

I'm going to drink more.

Y'all tell, hold on.

So slowly.

So Liz is like, you can stay at my place.

And he goes, yeah, I guess we are engaged.

She says, on the couch.

And he goes, oh, I guess on the couch is going to be the best idea.

They get to her house and she goes, he goes, you know what's the worst part of my mom's death?

And I'm like, I bet you get this answer wrong.

And he goes, she never even knew we were engaged.

I'm like, you arrogant fuck.

That's the worst thing about your mom dying that now you just got all this good news that you can't share with her?

I just wish I could have been there right before that truck ran over her skull

to tell her that we were going to go past third base next week.

I know it's what she would have wanted.

And then in second place is not getting her head squooshed by that truck,

but it's like a far second.

He goes, I really, I sure hope God doesn't burn her in hell for eternity over his scheduling fuck up.

And she goes,

pin in that.

But

but that ends with, like, all right, bud, enjoy the couch.

Tap, tap.

And she just walks away.

Yes.

Couch does not pull out.

Nope, sorry.

That's banned in the Bible.

Enjoy.

All right.

Well, characters are dying and shit, which must mean we're reaching the finale, so it's time for me to give Act Three the hard sell.

Will God burn mom in hell for eternity for getting his very special day wrong?

Would that be the most fucked up possible way to end the movie?

Does it get even more fucked up when you realize that she's an analog for Christopher Temple's mother?

Yes, yes, and fuck yes.

So stick around for the entirely parkourless conclusion of LEAP, a tale of the last days.

Hiding, are we?

That's not very...

Ice.

Dude, stop.

Guys, guys, what are you doing?

Eli's Mr.

Freeze for some reason.

Yeah!

Okay, Eli, Eli, why are you Mr.

Freeze right now?

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What?

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Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got my eyes on Heath.

You already did an ice one.

He's done nothing but ice ones.

Wasn't even a good one.

Lulu Lu, doing fake Jesus stuff.

Think Jesus stuff is my favorite stuff.

Lucifer.

Lucifer, it is I, God.

Oh, hey, God.

How's it going?

You returned to man, disguised as my son, to blaspheme against my holy name.

Sure have.

And man, did they buy it?

It took like three magic tricks.

I'm not kidding.

Like three.

Did you...

Did you do the one where the rings link?

Do you mean the linking rings?

Yeah, no, that.

Yeah, that one.

No, I didn't do that one.

Okay, whatever.

Yeah, you know what?

It doesn't matter.

They shall not fall for your tricks.

Oh, they fell for them.

Especially when you gave them all boils.

Wait, what?

What?

Why?

Well, because I told them I was mad at the Sabbath keepers, and that's why I gave them boils.

Okay, but why would I give the people doing the right thing boils?

I mean, why would you turn everybody's water to blood?

Well, because I'm mad at them.

You see?

You see what I'm going for here?

No.

No, you don't.

It doesn't matter.

Hey, did you need anything?

Did you need something?

Well, yes, I want you to know I'm taking the Holy Spirit with me and abandoning you alone on the earth.

Got it.

So just to clarify, because you're mad at me for corrupting humanity, you're going to leave them and their loyal followers alone with me on earth to torture them.

Well, yeah, just for a couple of months.

Right.

Got it.

Sure.

Should I not do that?

No, no, are you kidding?

That's gonna that'll show me.

Wait, I'm really, or are you just saying that?

Oh, yeah, yeah,

okay, all right, good.

Show you,

and we're back.

Thank

Thank you.

Now, I will tell you right up front here: 90% of the good shit in this movie is yet to come.

All right.

This movie was backloaded.

All the good shits coming up.

Starting with the very first scene where Dad wakes up covered in devil boils.

And these are some Halloween adventure dumb boys.

Oh,

yeah.

He wakes up covered in ketchup.

And then we cut over to Blake waking up.

He turns on the TV and

it's the meth lady again.

She's also covered in devil boils.

But that was from the meth.

She's having her greatest fear with her face bleeding.

Yeah.

And it's

even worse.

So she's like, yes, starting this morning, most people have woken up with painful skin ulcers.

Mostly people who celebrate the Sabbath Sabbath on the Sunday, as it turns out.

Fuck.

And then you have to stop it for a second and back away from the movie long enough to think, this is Christopher Temple's power fantasy, right?

That one of these days, you guys are going to all wake up with fucking lesions on your face for not telling me I was right enough.

Those podcasters are going to be all covered with boils.

I liked the previous name of the Cleveland baseball team.

She goes, History, not hate.

So Liz comes out and he goes, hey Liz, do you have devil boils all over your body?

And she says,

she says, no.

She says, I have a few bruises from our training.

But otherwise, I'm fine.

He goes, hey, where's your Bible?

And she says, immediately in front of us, like always.

I feel like lots of regular Christian people take Saturday off too though right yeah they wouldn't have boils like most people wouldn't have boils at this point right are they everyone is coming in boils except for public school teachers

and bakers the right direction of Christian

all the public school teachers hated that joke they were like I actually do a lot of work on Saturdays right right yeah

dear god awful movies It's funny how Invisible Labor has missed it once again.

You didn't work through that plague.

You didn't.

No, you didn't.

No.

That was your fault, teachers.

I don't know where I landed.

I landed on Teachers Did COVID.

That was their fault.

Yeah, I think so.

I think so.

So, okay, so she reads from Revelation, and damn it if it doesn't talk.

My mom is so mad at me.

So she reads from Revelation,

and damn it if it doesn't talk about sores,

right?

And she goes, he goes, well, what happens after the sores?

And she goes, blood, water, sun scorches the earth.

And she says, well, apparently the problem is that people won't repent.

She goes, and I just don't understand why they wouldn't repent.

And he goes, maybe they can't repent because God has withdrawn his love from the earth.

God has quit the podcast.

Yeah, exactly.

I thought maybe he's trapped in a coma off of a jersey boardwalk or something like that.

Maybe that happened.

I hear that happens to him from time to time.

And Chris is like, or Blake is like, well, you know, things are going to get really bad when the scorpion horse locusts show up any minute now.

Maybe we should go up.

My family has a cabin out in the woods that we could film.

I mean, that we could stay at.

And her first reaction is, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We're not married.

Yes.

I'm not going to live with you until we're married.

I know that old move, the old, why don't we go to my parents' cabin to avoid the horse locust women bodies?

I'm not that kind of girl.

Well, and then he goes, like, well, according to the Bible, we can just, we don't need witnesses or this date.

We can just say that we're married and we're married and it totally counts.

And I'm like, wow, El Direct Torah has given that speech before.

Sounds like Heath trying to get out of last month.

Just a construct.

I'm just saying

now we have twice as many spaces for activities

Can I just do like rock paper scissors for the couch at the cabin though?

Really?

Honestly, no, no, good people would talk

so you know who had a pullout couch JD Vance

No, he didn't.

He finished.

He finished.

So, okay.

So then they drive out to the mountains, which means that, yes, we are now taking our parkour movie, our urban running movie, to the fucking woods where we will stay for the remainder of the film.

So they have their witness list marriage during which, okay, we all wrote this part of the vows down.

Every one of us has this sentence

in our notes.

Part of her vows to him are: quote,

you have the heart of a warrior.

Ann, I don't like to ask our audience questions during the live show, but I can't help but notice you didn't say that Heath has the heart of a warrior in your vows.

And I want to know if that was because you were embarrassed to tell your family or because you don't think Heath has the heart of a warrior.

Or is it because of my LDL count?

That's fair.

That would also be fair.

But she tells him he has the heart of a warrior.

They kiss.

Boy, did the actor want to do that more than the actress?

I mean,

she's like backing away as he's doing.

Sorry.

Women's rugby final.

Women's rugby final.

Women's rugby final.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

You promised you would wear perfume today, bonk.

You promised.

I gave you exactly the one from the magazine to rub on your face.

I don't know.

It's not a big

God.

I love volleyball.

When they were marrying themselves, though, I wanted.

So they're trying, it's a technicality, right?

They can't go into the cabin.

Yeah,

until they're married, so then they would be allowed to be in the same building together.

I guess, yeah.

Whatever.

Mike Pence dives through the window in between them.

Not on my watch.

Kim Davis walks in, not so.

Yeah, right, right.

I'm button over there.

I'm going to get my riddle to get across my bridge.

Not now, Kim Davis.

I didn't notice the boy else.

I know, Kim.

So he picks her up.

So he picks her up.

We see that from the drone shot from above.

He picks her up, carries her over the threshold.

And then the title card comes up and says the final week.

And you never know more that the title cards are a fucking afterthought than you do in this moment, right?

Because it says the final week, week, which means that like two and a half months now have passed that they've been in this cabin, but all the dialogue is very clearly the first day that they're in the cabin dialogue, right?

Where he's going, like, well, I believe there's some fruit trees around here somewhere.

We'll have to look for them.

And I'm like, what are you guys just fucking for two and a half weeks?

That's what they were doing.

For months?

I guess that makes sense.

They're like,

they're in their 30s, yeah.

Couldn't get enough of each other, this couple.

Yes.

Yummers, sex.

They're like, you know, we're doing fine off the grid.

And I'm like, well, you have electricity and running water.

That's the fucking grid, man.

Fucking glamping in the apocalypse.

Let's hang out in the ice castle at the apocalypse.

Boo!

You don't mean it.

She's going, well, these are the last of the eggs.

Getting really fucking expensive now, I guess.

And so they sit down to their plate of eggs.

He says, Grace.

And then she says, this actual fucking glorious line.

She says,

Are you worried about marauders?

I laughed so hard

when they used the word marauder.

Honey, I've been meaning to talk to you about japery.

I'm worried there may be a snickel, Fritz, and I don't know how to

hold it back any longer.

Why would there be marauder?

It's just been like, like people got like a couple boils and put Neosporin on it, and then they were fucking fine.

Yeah.

Just like, hey, it's getting a little itchy.

Do you guys want to maraud?

When do you start marauding?

I thought you'd never ask.

When do you start marauding during an apocalypse?

Feels like a weird thing.

I would maraud too soon.

I know I would.

You're going way too soon.

I'm already marauding.

That's how you do.

You do maraude and all that.

I'll just put on a ski mask and start smashing my neighbor's windows if the power goes.

God damn it, Eli.

Stop marauding.

Give me your influence.

The marauders would need to go upstate, too.

So it would be like, yeah, all right, let's maraud.

And you're screaming already.

You've got the skim ass.

And they have to stop and be like, we got to drive.

It's like vacation, right?

Like when you're poor, your parents are like, you want to go on vacation?

We're going to drive for five hours.

Yeah.

So, yeah, so, but he's like, yeah, sure, I'm worried about my dad.

And she's like, man, you should probably get over it.

And he's like, yeah, I should.

So they go to do the dishes.

They turn on the tap, and blood comes out.

Yeah.

Chris was so proud.

Oh.

Oh, no, the one he was really proud of was the next scene where the sprinklers kick in and there's blood coming out of the sprinklers.

But I want to talk about the blood in the faucet.

Because the blood comes out of the faucet, but because he's a good Christian, when he goes to drink it, it turns back into water.

Yes.

But my problem is he goes to drink it.

It's blood.

He fills up a glass of blood and we watch him be like,

sure hope this turns into water because I'm a Christian.

Which means there's like three takes in this movie where he's like, oh, nope, stained blood.

Stained blood.

Oh, it tastes like pennies.

It is such a weird instinct.

He goes, he takes it.

He goes, That's pretty fucking good, actually, isn't it?

Here's the thing.

And let me say this.

Let me say something brave.

Let me hit you with a hot tank.

If blood turned into water, I still wouldn't drink it.

I'd be like,

no.

Yes.

I know this was blood until very recently.

I like that when it switched to blood from the tap, the water begins to have a pulse.

Yes.

All blood has to have a pulse.

So here's why the blood had a pulse, which makes me so happy.

He's using the blood squirt after effects effect, and it only comes in turn turns sideways.

Oh my god, you're right.

So it's meant for your right

to get stamped and then it goes blip blip.

Oh my god, that's Chris is like take this god-awful movies rotate rotate rotate squirt squirt squirt squirt perfect Chris you nailed it on your first try

Jesus, that's so sad.

That's definitely what happens now to play some more music with an AI that sounds like an android singing to its child while it dies.

The water is blood now.

So then

we cut to dad's kitchen.

It's bathed in red.

Apparently it's raining blood out.

I don't know.

And mom, who's dead, her spirit is in the room.

And she's like, hey, you know, God made an exception to the no coming back rule.

And he's like, no, that makes sense.

That makes sense.

And she's like, and he's told me that he wanted me to come back to make sure that you knew that you needed to murder our son.

And he's like, yeah, that sounds like a kind of, because murdering sons, God's into that.

He does that all the fucking time.

So that's a good thing.

And dad's not like, so he sent you back in your 40s.

Because.

No, no, I liked it.

I liked it.

I thought it was fine.

I thought it was good.

It was a good time.

I just thought it was good.

But it's just that we had that fucking picture at the funeral, and I was thinking maybe that was trying to send him a hint.

Did God know you were 22 once?

No big deal.

I'll go kill our son.

I'll go kill our son.

She says, Yeah, God needs you to kill Blake.

And I'm like, I feel like God could handle that on his own, but okay.

So then we cut to the dad hanging out with the boss, the gas station boss, right?

It opens with this amazing thing because he's like, the boss, Hank, is the name of the character that was the boss at the gas station.

He's like trying to cheer the dad up.

He's like, oh, you know, the water's blood, but the beer is still good, right?

Good thing there's no water in beer.

This would be all blood.

Which, flash cut to heaven, that means that, like, fucking Moroni or whoever is like, all right, God, we turned all the water to blood because you're giving them the silent treatment, so they'll all know it's the apocalypse.

Do you want us to do the other liquids they drink?

And God was like,

no.

Okay, but what about like really water-heavy stuff?

Anything grapefruit juice or thicker?

Not blood.

It makes you wonder what he did with like flavored water or something like that.

Still blood.

If it's a circle bottle, blood.

If they put it in the bottle, it can say whatever.

Okay, all right, all right.

Good to know.

It's got to be rules, damn it.

And we're leaving mineral water what it was because that's worse than blood.

Sure, sure.

But after a little while of trying to cheer him up, Hank turns to him and goes, come on, Trevor, what's wrong?

I'm like, it's the fucking apocalypse.

You're covered in boils.

The water has turned to blood.

What's wrong?

The fuck are you talking about?

He goes, like, you know,

I think the problem, the reason that God's punishing him so much is that I haven't killed my son.

And Hang's like, right, because he's the wrong religion.

I bet, hey, hey.

Should we maraude right?

I know what would cheer you up.

You want to go marauding?

Huh?

He goes, you know, I wasn't a Christian Christian until all this started happening, but who can argue with their own eyes?

I wrote, I bet Tim Robertson probably does that.

The fuck are you thinking, eyes?

He goes, he says, hey, you know what?

Maybe because your son is this filthy sabbatarian, that's what they're calling him now.

He says, this filthy sabbatarian, maybe if we kill him, God will give us bonus points, you know, and make up for some of the sinful shit we did.

Which the movie wants us to think like God would never do that, but God has totally done that.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of bonuses for marauding, as it turns out.

Yeah.

So, okay.

So then we finally get one of those long moments of blackness that El Director is known for.

So what's supposed to be happening in this scene is that the dad and the gas station boss are supposed to be showing up at the cabin.

And Blake and Liz are supposed to hear them, right?

Hear them like coming

But the fucking screen is entirely black throughout all of this.

So all we're just getting some sounds and we're getting some subtitles trying to tell us what those sounds were meant to be.

So all my notes are like process of elimination, what must have happened here.

So it's like literally more than a minute of full darkness.

And then after the full minute of darkness, Blake like checks outside in the near total darkness, right?

You might as well say like really great parkour things are happening.

You can't see it.

it.

Chris Temple just did a triple backflip.

What?

In real life?

So they escape through the upstairs window.

Dad's outside watching them through his night vision scope.

Okay.

So night vision binoculars were owned.

I was shocked I hadn't seen those in Chris Temple's early days.

Yeah, I think he just used the night vision filter.

I don't think he actually had those, you know.

He's just holding Snapchat up in front of his movie camera.

And then

this is the second best special effects in this movie.

So then dad goes to shoot him, not with the gun that he had, but instead with a shotgun, he takes a long time aiming that shotgun too.

Like, to the point where I think it's a real shotgun.

And he was really shooting in the direction that that actor just ran.

So he had to wait until it was long enough for that guy to get way the fuck off to the right before he fired.

But he shoots the shotgun and he misses.

And his boss and his friend, the gas station guy's like, The fuck are you doing missing with a goddamn shotgun?

Are you kidding me?

So we get Blake and Liz, they run off, no parkour.

And she goes, Hey, was that your dad?

And he's like, Yeah.

She's like, Why did your dad try to kill us?

And he goes, Well, actually, Satan controls everybody now because God withdrew.

I don't, were you even paying attention during leap two?

Fuck.

Jesus fucking Christ.

And leap three.

We're in leap three.

Pay attention.

She goes, wow, that's tough.

He goes, no, Liz, we'll be fine.

And I'm like, that doesn't comport with the earlier statement that you made about Satan controlling everybody, bro.

But then, okay, then they have to get away.

There's this great moment where they have to get away, and dad and the gas station guy are like coming after him.

So he has to do the, like, throw a thing to make a noise to distract him and make him go this way.

Except for he picks the thing up very noisily, and then he throws it, and then the two of them noisily run away.

It doesn't count, man.

Luckily, dad used to be a Metal Gear Solid three guards.

Oh, right, right.

That makes a ton of sense.

So they run off.

Now it's time to walk in the, we got a walking in the woods montage to some more of Elle Director's sweet AI tunes.

Walking in the woods.

Walking with my girlfriend who I'm married to now.

She let me do it.

So yeah, so they wander off into the woods.

He explains that they're going to have to just trust God for food.

That always works out well.

I wanted them to accidentally come across some long John Silvers and they're like,

let's see what else God has to offer, huh?

He picks up a stick and he carves a notch into it.

She goes, what's that for?

He's like, so that we'll know which day the Sabbath is.

Priorities, motherfucker.

How are we going to eat?

Oh, I'm sure God will get that.

But how will we know what day it is?

Important shit.

We got that end times podcast with make sure we don't work on Saturday while escaping the hurt.

Well, you don't want to pick up sticks.

You know, you get killed for that shit.

So he's like, he goes, Lord, which way should we go?

And Lord's like, left.

And he goes, oh, it's this way.

So God shows shows them a path, and they find an actual path.

She's like, Should we follow it?

I'm like, Should we fucking follow it?

Of course, you should fucking follow it.

God just sent you there, you fucking idiot.

So,

they walk down the path and they come across the CGI'd bloodstream.

Yeah!

After effects plus color correction,

15 years well spent.

Yes, right, right.

What did you do, Eli?

Gain 100 pounds and get sadder?

Chris learned After Effects and AI music

prompted the show you might as well do clap push-ups over the credits just

he's tap dance

he can't do fucking clap push-ups too far

hey Christopher Temple I know you're listening I challenge you to a clap push-up contest god damn it

That's right.

I'm gonna make this fucking shit happen.

Okay, so

they get to this fucking river, this blood river, and then they have to cross it as though it was lava, right?

Now, we know that if they get, because they're good Christians, if they get close to the blood, it turns back to water.

So they're just trying not to get wet for this scene, right?

Like, oh, my socks are going to be, oh, it's going to be so unpleasant to walk through.

And then, of course, the actors have decided that if they really want to sell the blood river, they have to keep looking back at it a lot.

So the whole time after they get by, they keep going,

sure is red.

Yep.

Definitely blood.

Obviously, it looks like that in real life, too.

And so they get past that.

And then

Blake says, we're here.

And she goes, where?

And he goes, this is where Jesus will return.

Really?

This clearing in Montana.

Do you have to take a shit?

You can just take a shit.

Spoilers.

Spoilers, that's not what happens, but I really wish it was.

Yeah.

If the last 20 minutes of this movie had just been Jesus being like, oh, okay.

Woo!

Where is everybody?

I probably should have asked you guys to rent an ATV or something.

We got a walkout, huh?

Do you have any pigs I can throw a demon into?

My skill set is really not woods.

Oh, watch this.

Fuck you, tree.

That was fun, Roll.

Hey, guys, I can totally get us over that river, though, man.

You won't have to get the stepping stones now.

So, yeah, so then we cut back to you.

Do you guys know any hookers we can hang out with?

You seem lame.

So, meanwhile, so dad and the gas station boss, they're all yelling at each other for their failure to murder Blake when they had a chance.

And so they push each other like back and forth.

And then he's like, the dad is like, I've got an idea how we can get him.

And he's like, how's that?

He says, I have a plane.

He's like,

a fucking airplane?

And he goes, yes, fucking, what other kind of plane?

He's like, it just seems weird that you'd introduce that at this point in the movie.

No.

I'm immune to snake

and laser sharks.

He says, but also, like, how would a plane help?

Right?

Like, we're going to find him in the woods, and then what?

You're going to parachute out?

What the fuck are we going to do with that plane?

We'll shoot him from the plane.

I'll look down.

Fire at him.

He's like, shut up, man.

He has a plane crash effect from After Effects, and he wanted to use it.

He bought the whole humble bundle.

So, okay, so now we're out in the woods.

Blake and Liz wake up, and a fucking crow has brought them bread.

She goes,

she goes, it's like Elijah.

And he goes, who's Elijah?

Hey, hey, man, the Bible's like your whole thing now.

Your whole thing.

I need you to make it all the way through.

Like, at least, I mean, you don't even have, think about how quickly Elijah shows up in the fucking Bible.

You're not even like a third of the way through.

Sorry, babe, I got really bored at that genealogy part after Genesis that I just sort of tuned out.

Yeah, well, you shouldn't have told me to start at Matthew, goddammit.

So yeah, so are there any other low-budget parkour films that you could sort of fill in?

Let them flesh out.

Fill my knowledge gap.

Maybe Punisher Warzone.

So yeah, so they go to eat their fucking bread that they found on the forest floor, but they pray first.

They thank God for it.

Okay, the bird that they used to drop off the bread took one extra bite before it flew off, and I laughed laughed so hard.

Like a dad on a road trip, poison check.

I'm just kidding.

There's your sandwich.

Hang on.

Well, have a sandwich.

I'm going to keep it.

I'm driving with my knees while I hand you a sandwich

because your mother's asleep because she took six weed gummies before we left.

Snatch this from my hand while buckled into your car seat.

It's the 80s.

Shughay.

We've all been on that trip.

Everyone over the age of 20 is like, you had a car seat?

Ooh, fancy.

April's like, sometimes they would pop the trunk so I could get fresh air.

No, that's how she got her puff.

But only if I done said my prayers

and did my written and my writing

and my arithmetic.

Yeah.

So, okay, so now they come across another blood river because he nailed that effect.

I'm just picturing April's shotgun blast out of the track.

Damn it, April, we told you to knock when you got dizzy.

So,

all right, so then they come across another blood river.

And as they're getting a drink, because, you know, of course, when they go to drink out of it, it turns to water.

So they go to get a drink drink out of it, and they look up and they see a plane.

And they're like, well, should we worry?

Is that something that we have to worry about?

And he's like, well, I don't know.

And I'm like, you don't recognize your own fucking dad's plane?

But he looks up and he's like, oh, we do have to worry.

That's my dad.

And I'm like, what the fuck is he going to do?

But just then,

God slaps the plane out of the sky.

Flash cut to an angel caught in the propellers of the plane.

The airplane bathroom of dad's airplane opens up.

Sully steps out.

I know what to do.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is halfway on the windshield.

You got me.

They've also just said Jesus was coming back.

So my first assumption was that Jesus had gotten caught.

Like he was.

Behold, my children, I have a

oh fuck, they vaporized Jesus.

Oh man.

This is going to take a lot more than three days this time, guys.

There are a lot of...

There's a lot of pieces.

Oh, God's going to be so man.

Oh, there'll be so many holes this time.

Has anyone...

Has anyone seen the sword that was in his mouth that went, father,

every time this guy gets down here,

fuck!

So

we're going to hide that black box.

Not now, Sarah.

So now, so, so Blake and Liz, Blake has just watched his father die in a fiery plane crash.

He's like, well, let's want to go back to camp, I guess?

Go back to camp?

Cook some food.

So they go back to the camp.

And we hear, so Blake is like sharpening the stick when suddenly we hear his dad groaning in pain.

So his dad is now walking through the woods like this.

He's got

a stick that he's using as like a crutch and he's going, ow,

ow,

ow,

ow.

And Blake is like, that's my dad yelling, ow, ow, ow, for sure.

Either no illusions attempted a stunt.

Stop fucking doing it.

Either no illusions attempted a stunt at a live show, or that's my dad.

Hey, in Portland, I nailed that show.

You nailed up YouTube.

I was in Portland, right?

Yes.

Thank you.

And you almost bled out in Seattle.

Yeah.

That cancels out.

I'm back to zero.

It does.

It's back to zero.

All right, so now we're back again.

We hear dad yelling, yell-limping his way through the woods.

And then we get Hank, the gas station boss, yell-limping from the other direction.

All survivors from that surgery.

Yeah, so God let them survive.

Yeah, right, right.

It was a plane down.

It was a warning plane crash.

Yeah.

Jesus stands up into the aisle immediately.

Michael, what are you going to do?

You have a cash.

God damn it.

Sorry, I learned in Newark.

So, yeah.

So, so the gas station boss and the dad, they run into each other, and the one says to the user, hey, you left me for dead back there.

He goes, I thought you were dead.

And I'm like, Yes, that is what that means.

And so, and so Hank, the gas station boss, shoots dad to death with a shotgun because he's so mad.

Blake and Liz, who have went and witnessed this whole thing,

they're like, fuck are we intervening too late?

They run out.

They grab Dad as he's he's dying and they demand an explanation from Hank, from the gas station boss.

And he goes, and Hank goes, God, this moment is so good.

This may be the greatest moment in God of Moments.

It's definitely top five, right?

Because Hank goes, I don't answer to you.

I don't answer to anybody.

And he looks up and he goes, especially you.

And then, big mistake.

With the greatest comic timing that you could possibly imagine,

God kills him with a lightning strike.

He strikes him with lightning and he explodes.

Yes.

Look,

I would argue to you that you can make a movie where someone gets struck by lightning and it's not funny.

But there's no universe where Chris was like, you know, it'll really dramatically punctuate the movie?

Oh, I got a crank in my mouth.

I've never seen a loony tune before because those are some serious shit.

We've watched Salman Rushdie's head get chopped off by a flying laser Quran.

I believe it was a laser Quran, yep.

This was clunky.

This moment was like Salman Rushdie's disembodied head was like, God, you got to learn.

No, you don't know.

Let's clean this up.

A little better.

And that thing with the blood spurt going, come on.

Okay, well, and then, so we get this amazing comic timing on the lightning bolt.

And then El Director uses the rest of the effects that he'd paid for, right?

Because he has the whole humble bundle.

We get 27 different effects at the same time.

Disco ball, meatboy goes jumping across the surface.

Yes, right, right, yeah.

The screensaver fish swim across.

Porgy Pig tells us that's all, folks.

Yeah.

So then, again,

Blake and Liz are lifted up to heaven.

We watch them floating through the air.

That's one of the effects he had.

And then Blake comes up over the, as a voiceover, and he goes, Then the wicked were destroyed.

Satan took over the planet for a thousand years, but there's nobody there.

So

he was probably didn't have much to do, I guess.

Satan just kicking around the planet.

God, they did a lot of carbon polluting.

That's crazy.

Should put it all in one corner.

Got a thousand years, am I right?

It's not as much fun without everyone else here.

Bitchfork.

Sorry, Chris.

I just, I don't know.

I was really psyched to do it to a person, and you were there.

You want to go on the trampoline?

You guys.

You guys want to watch from?

It's good.

So, and then he goes in the voiceover.

He says, But this part where Satan has the plan to do himself for a thousand years, that's what hell is.

Everybody else was wrong about that, too.

Now, you think the movie's over?

You hope the movie's over.

No, no, because the greatest goddamn, I know I just told you, top five moments in GAM history in that instant scene.

I'm talking about the top five one-second moments, but this is possibly the greatest scene ever.

It's certainly the greatest ending ever.

So, you think to yourself, okay, surely that ending is unimprovable.

But then a title card informs us that it's now been a thousand years later.

And mom is coming too.

And mom's guardian angel.

Have you ever seen Star Man?

Okay, so

the light, the ball of light.

So that's the guardian angel.

Voicing the guardian angel is...

Chris motherfucking temple.

Yes.

Yes.

And you know there was a meeting where he was like, hey guys, I guess all that's left is shooting that guardian angel scene.

Who should do the voice?

So

keep in mind that what this voice is about to do is to tell the character based on Christopher Temple's mom that she's going to burn in hell forever.

And he's like, I want to do it.

Me,

me.

So the angel voice is like, yes, I'm your guardian angel.

And

shit, well, first of all, sorry about the fucking car accident.

Yeah, you got to hit it.

You hit me with a car.

I did.

I was, you know, because like I was on my 15, and like, honestly, I was supposed to be back.

I had just gotten Blue Prince.

Have you played Blue Prince?

It's so addictive.

You're like, one more run.

I just need to get the right tools.

And anyways, you got smooshed.

So

he says, first of all, sorry about that.

But secondly,

you picked the wrong religion.

This is hell where you will spend eternity.

And she's like, oh, you got to be fucking kidding me.

I was a good person.

He's like, yeah, that doesn't matter.

It's crazy to say that it actually doesn't matter at all.

You got the weekend wrong.

We don't care at all.

Tough break.

She's funny.

You were off by like half a time zone.

He's like, yeah, it's not even.

We weren't even doing the, we were doing Eastern Mountain Time.

So you were just on the road.

And she goes, but I didn't know any better.

And he's like, did you even watch Leap Two?

It had over a million views.

And

I want to emphasize here that the last we saw of mom,

she was telling God that she agreed with her son that Saturday was the correct day, right?

And then God killed her the next day.

So this is a real dick move.

Okay, the movie's over.

It's done.

Chris Temple still had grievances, and he was like, hold on.

Just for the fucking record, my mom also goes to hell.

Yes, she was totally on board.

She didn't learn about my parkour stuff, and I hate her.

And she didn't read my printed citations.

I had a bunch printed out.

She came into my room, which we all agreed was my private area to do the laundry.

And she said, yeah, well, Friday is laundry day.

And I said, we agreed that you would knock.

And only when I answered would you come downstairs.

So yeah, she's in hell for a thousand years.

Yes, so now, you know.

So anyway, so and then it ends like, but basically it's like, you know, the question is simple.

Do you agree with me or do you want to burn in hell forever?

And then we get these classic gam credits where there's like 11 names, but 114 different positions that they've put those same 11 names in.

Best boy Chris Temple.

Oh my god.

Even better boy Chris Temple.

Yes.

Assistant director Chris Temple.

So okay, so seriously, I counted, right?

So would you guys like to guess how many times the name Christopher Temple shows up in those credits?

21.

You read it in my notes, notes, you fucking asshole.

Oh, I damn it!

Damn it!

So, no, seriously, here, I'll do the list.

21 times, angel voice, background reporter, director of photography, drone pilot, glide cam operator, special effects makeup, property master, editor, clips of leap two provided by

visual aspects supervisor, good job,

Fole.

Look, dude, I checked the microphone.

American Kencho Black Belt.

Put it in there.

Foley Walker.

Wrist grip.

I have wrist control.

Post-production sound mixer.

And then, oh, original score composed by, and then seven different credits for all the music where it says prompted by.

Now do a happy song while they do parkour.

He gave himself credit for typing into the AI.

Yes, Yes, for private.

But here's the thing.

Here's the thing.

Did you guys notice that nowhere in there did I ever say director?

L director forgot to give himself a director.

Oh, God.

I hope

the best part of this God did.

Unfortunately, we don't get to see it.

But the funniest moment in this entire goddamn episode, right, that we're recording is when Christopher Temple hears me say that at the end, and he's like, Fuck!

Fuck!

Oh!

No!

You're here watching this show on Saturday.

We have Chris Temple's time of death.

We know exactly however long it takes him to get the gun from the bedroom, and then

the show comes out at 7-8.

So 7-8 on the trampoline

with the news.

Yeah.

Make his cellmate leave.

So, okay.

So, but that's the movie.

I have to ask:

where does this rank for you guys in the leap trilogy?

Number one.

So, I'm going to go the other way.

So, I honestly think they've gotten worse as he's gone, right?

Because at least in the first one, the parkour actually had something to do with the fucking movie and it ended with like a big parkour scene.

And the other two, he just forgets about it halfway through.

His knees hurt.

This movie definitely has a no-my knees hurt feel to it throughout.

Yeah.

I get it, Chris.

All right, well, we have a kind of a moment of sympathy with Chris.

We're not going to get another one of those, so I think we're going to have to end it there.

So that's going to do it for a review of Leap, A Tale of the Last Days, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to do this shit when we get home too.

Eli, tell us what's on deck.

Well, gentlemen, I'll be damned if I settle for just one week of Mormon movie month.

Yeah.

That's right.

That's right.

Statistically insignificant percentage of our audience that likes Mormon movie month

will be returning for Sons of Provo.

Oh,

nice.

All right.

All right, well, with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 516 to a merciful close.

But before we do, I need to thank one more time the inimitable Tim Robertson for all the work that he did putting the show together.

Big round of applause for Tim.

One more thanks to Lucinda and Ann for all their help with the merch table and platinum night last night.

Sorry, you know what?

I wrote this.

I wrote in my notes.

I wrote Lucinda and Ann.

I forgot to thank Kai.

Kai, thank you so much.

How's it going, but not a ton?

All the way, step kid, no kind of sort of here.

Thanks, my child.

A huge thanks to the folks from Encore that have done the sound for us today.

Guys, thank thank you so much.

You know,

a lot of people can do sound.

Not everybody can do sound and agree to look at Eli the way he was dressed coming in.

So it's been hazard pay has been earned here by you.

Until you've seen me do this next to your soundboard while you check levels.

And of course, the biggest thanks of all to all of you for coming out.

Thank you, Cleveland, Ohio.

Thank you.

And on that note, we'll leave you with the American graffiti close.

Customers also watched.

Oh, oh!

Walt's Disenchanted Kingdom.

Wait, wait.

The truth about 5G.

And

Hillock Haunting by the Right Family.

Oh, you're kidding me.

We are controlling the algorithm.

We are gods.

Take that shit, Brock.

You got nothing on us, Grok.

News reporter lady was released to her family the day after the rap party for a $6,000 ransom.

Christopher Temple earned even more special effects for his next film, Leap Four.

No, I won't agree to disagree, even at Christmas.

Thank you so much, Cleveland.

Ice Blaster Gun Sound.

You got one of those in the hopper?

You got one of those, Mo Mo.

You got a button for that.

This content is can-credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm at their hotline at 617-249-4255 or on their website at creatoraccountability network.org.

The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in the Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2025, all rights reserved.

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