Zarna Garg

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Hi, everyone.

Welcome to another episode of Good Hang.

Very excited to talk to my guest, Zarna Garg.

Zarna is a stand-up comedian, producer, writer, actress.

I met Zarna when she came on tour with me and Tina Fey as we toured the country, and I got to know her and her work.

And Zarna is

just

so funny and sharp and honest.

And

she's going to talk about a lot of great things today.

We're going to talk about her immigration story.

We're going to talk about her very complicated feelings about romantic love.

And we're going to talk about the fact that it's never too late to change your career and do what makes you happy.

And we're going to start this interview like we always do by talking to somebody who knows our guest and who gives me a question to ask them.

And who better to talk about Zarna than her eldest daughter, the apple of her eye, the successful, beautiful, wonderful Stanford senior Zoya?

Zoya Garg is joining us and she is every mother's dream.

So let's see what Zoya has to say today.

Hi, Zoya.

Can you hear me?

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Wait, Zoya, you look so cute.

Oh, thank you.

I was so excited to be a part of this.

Thanks so much for inviting me.

Now, Zoya, you are Zarna's daughter

and the oldest daughter.

Congratulations from one eldest daughter to another.

I know that it is a hard job to be the eldest.

Yeah, eldest daughter is really challenging.

And

I know your mom would want me to brag for you.

What dorm room are you in?

At what college are you attending?

I go to Stanford and

well, as she likes me to tell other people, I am studying computer science, but I did get to do a double major in classics, which is for me.

And by the way, I don't really know what classics classics are.

What is classics?

Classics is any class from ancient Rome, Latin, completely impractical stuff.

You know, like it's like she likes to say, I take her tuition money and I light it on fire.

But you know, it's for the arts, it's for my enrichment.

Zoya, I'm going to talk to your mom about her amazing book and us touring together, but

I think a lot of people should be reminded of

how

important

you were to her early

success and how you motivated her.

Can you just tell people how you nudged your mom into the work that she's doing now?

When I was growing up, my mom had given up her career as a lawyer to raise me and my younger brothers.

And my dad was the primary breadwinner.

But when I was growing older, I noticed that she more and more really wanted to earn her own money.

She was starting all these businesses, like a tomato sauce company and a toothpaste business and matchmaking, which failed miserably.

Everything was just not working, essentially.

And these were businesses that she bought the LLC for, made websites for, tried to learn on the internet how to sell services for.

And I just noticed that the only reason anyone would buy her terrible chili was because she would make them laugh.

I mean, she would stand in front of them and she would make them laugh.

And I remember one day I had been watching, you know, like some Seinfeld clip and had grown up watching comedy and said, mom, you should be a stand-up comedian.

And she looked at me and said, that's not a job.

And everyone says, no, in America, people get paid to make other people laugh.

And she was so confused because to her, the jobs available were to be an engineer, a lawyer, or a doctor.

And so I ended up making her this birthday gift where I got all these notes from her friends and family asking them them to say one thing about her.

And I hadn't prompted them, but I knew that everyone was going to comment on her personality, on her warmth, on her ability to connect with people.

And so she got the gift.

She started reading all the notes, handpicking them out, and she started to really believe in herself.

And she was like, fine, I will give it a shot.

We ended up going to the worst comedy club in New York City.

I don't even think that there's a name for it.

I mean, it was awful.

There was barely a stage.

There was like a broken microphone.

and she just stood up there in front of two or three random people and ranted about me, about her mother-in-law, about America, about STEM, everything that she had just been kind of pent up.

She just ranted about everything and then ultimately made the whole audience of like five people fall off their chairs with laughter.

And it was just the most amazing experience.

And ever since then, she's been the funny brown mom that just won't stop ranting about everything and anything.

How many years ago was that?

That was four years ago.

It's amazing how far Zarna has come in four years.

And I just have to point out, it's also amazing that you as a 16-year-old, number one, wanted to be around your mom, thought your mom was funny, and wanted your mom to be funny.

Those things don't always

the way she talks about her family, I mean, to me,

why

it's so uh relaxing to watch Zarna talk about you all is no matter what what she says, how she jokes around about her husband or her kids, there's so much love there.

You are a very tight family.

Yeah, we're, we're really close.

I mean, I didn't actually know what a family business was.

Everybody kept saying, oh, you guys are family business, you're family business.

And I just, I still don't even know what that is because I think Indian people love to work really hard.

And then our life kind of becomes our work.

But then if you're working together on like social media skits and you're working together and selling a book and doing all these different ways to help one another, it just kind of turned into a family business without us realizing it.

And I think the only reason it worked was because we're so close and we trust each other.

You know, you know your mother probably better than anyone else.

What question do you have for your mom today?

Anything you think I should ask her that

our listeners would be interested in hearing about?

I have been so excited about this.

Now, she talks all the time about how she doesn't say, I love you to my dad.

But I have caught her going on a walk with him every day.

And she says that she only wants everybody to study STEM and math and science, but she is a professional writer.

And so I think what you should ask her is, do you think you're a hypocrite?

That's such an older daughter question.

That's amazing.

I want to see her react to that because I feel very confused by this propaganda she's constantly spreading that she does not subscribe to herself.

And I think it's a worthwhile question to get to the bottom of.

So you're saying that when they go for their walks, do you think she's secretly saying, I love you?

I think that the walks are an expression of, I love you.

Of course.

She refuses to say it out of like undying commitment to the lack of the word love.

I do think that she loves him.

So when I talk to people like you, I feel really good about our future.

You're so smart and poised and funny.

And

I just,

you know, I think sometimes you can tell a lot about a person by

their children and how they relate to their children.

And it's really, really cool to see the relationship you have with your mom.

It's, it's really, really special.

Well, we're going full time together, actually, which is really exciting.

What do you mean?

What's happening?

So I acted as the pre-order campaign manager of her book, which we made it to the New York Times bestseller list.

I sold 10,000 pre-orders, which was very stressful.

If you think it's stressful having Zarna as a mom, it's even more stressful to have Zarna as a boss.

My God, for feedback.

It's not feedback.

It's just, you're going to get fired if you don't do it.

So wow, it was very intense, but we made it through.

It was such a good experience.

So I'm going full time and we're going to be building the ZG family media empire.

So

that's what we're going to be doing.

I'm sure she'll have lots of thoughts about,

you know, employing your child

and what that looks like.

Are you getting paid?

You know, paid is a strong word.

Oh, my mom's texting me.

What questions you do?

Tell her.

I'm like,

she just texted me.

I only have my notifications on for her because God forbid she texts me.

I'm dying.

Tell her Amy said to mind your own business.

What did Amy say?

Question mark, question mark.

Tell me right now.

She's incredible.

She's actually not real.

She's like, are you on?

Did you forget?

I'm like, what is wrong?

Zoya, I love you.

I'm always under threat.

I'm always under threat.

Somebody, I hope there's a therapist watching this podcast episode thinking, I will sign this client on for free.

Zoya, when you crack and break and you rebel and you

do your first thing wrong, I'm so ready for it.

And Auntie Amy is here to take care of you.

You can come live with me.

When you're ready, when you're ready to just you know go full tilt um come come live with me but then you're also going to be under threat you don't want to be on her hit list right like if you side with her zarna doesn't scare me she doesn't scare me my god that is wrong

okay i'm wrong i'm wrong she does scare me

i'm very scared you know what tell her everything's going great tell her your question

Thank you so much.

You're so great.

Zoy.

It's so good to see you.

Thank you so much.

Okay, honey.

Take care.

Bye.

Thanks for your time.

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I'm so happy you're here.

I'm so happy to be here.

Serna, I was thinking the other day about new friends because I think, you know, we're the same age.

It's never too late to make new friends.

You are a new friend.

We've met a couple years ago.

Yes.

And like, I just like the idea that you just are never too old to make new friends.

No, and you know what?

The beauty of making friends at this age is you're really united on your actual interests.

Yeah.

It's not your kids' friends, mom.

It's not your husband's whatever, whatever.

And it's not somebody you were related.

It's really like the two of you love doing this thing together.

Yeah.

And then that becomes the thing that unites you.

For people that don't know, Zarna is a stand-up comedian joining us today, an actress, a writer, a producer.

We're going to talk about your book, This American Woman, the hit best-selling New York Times bestseller.

We're going to talk about your news special.

And

I want to talk about how we started working together because that's going to be really, yeah.

And we learned, I feel like we learned a lot about each other by being on tour together.

Yeah.

And we learned that we do not like to party.

No.

That's been the best part of touring with you guys.

Everybody's happy to to get in their pajamas and go home.

We have like no interesting tour stories at all.

But I did, if it's okay, I don't usually like to like, this is your life version of these things.

But this, this, your book, which I had the pleasure to read and loved and told you, and it really was moving, is it okay if we start with little Zarna first?

I mean, yeah, whatever you, I, I'm really not going to get emotional.

I've decided.

Oh, I'm going to make you cry.

That's not a hard thing to do.

Because I'm like, it's right there.

The fact that Amy Poehler has read my book.

Come on.

No.

And you were like texting me in real time as you were reading it.

I was.

You know, you ask, part of writing the book is getting the blurbs from your famous friends and it's a thing and you chase your famous friends.

Anybody you ever had lunch with or ran into at the grocery store or crossed pads with in Grand Central Station, you're like, remember me?

And then you beg and plead them.

And then you and Tina just got in.

They're like, yeah, we'll do it.

And even then, you don't expect them to actually read the thing.

Like, be honest.

You know what I mean?

You're like, they're going to have an assistant run it through Chat GPT and give us a good line.

And that's also a good idea.

No, that is like, you know,

people do that.

And that's why, but you read every word.

You were texting me.

through

with like, did this happen?

And then that happened.

And then I was dying.

I couldn't believe that Amy Poehler has read my book.

Look, I've read a lot of autobiographies and blurbed a lot.

And this reads like a page turner.

This is your life is really, really fascinating, extreme, hopeful, at times dangerous, very like a lot has happened in your life.

You've had a very

like adventurous life and it just continues.

In fact, I was talking to Zoya,

your beautiful daughter, who has a good question for you.

And she was saying, you say you want to have a big life.

You wanted to have a big life.

You have had a big life, Zarna.

So let's start with little Zarna.

Okay.

Take me back to little teeny tiny Zarna in India.

What were you like as a 10-year-old girl?

I was always getting in trouble.

Always.

This big mouth has always gotten me in trouble.

In fact, that's why the book is titled This American Woman, because I had a habit of questioning people.

I had a habit of being like, this doesn't make sense.

And, you know, even the most obvious things that don't make sense back where I come from, you're not allowed to say it.

But I would just be like, has anybody considered the alternative?

And everywhere I went, people would be like, oh, she thinks she's American.

Because, you know, any woman with an opinion must have come from there, that bad place.

And you were in Mumbai at that point.

I was born and raised in Mumbai in affluence, in extreme affluence.

I grew up as like the 1% of Mumbai back in the day.

So I had everything.

I had access to everything.

I had access to Hollywood.

I had access to TV shows in America, comic books, books.

And I mean, the access backfired on my parents.

Wait, what do you mean?

But because I saw and read so much, I started questioning, like, why are we living like this when we could be living like that?

What did you see back then, like, you know, from American culture that you remember, that you identified with that was at times maybe threatening to your parents?

I mean, the first thing was like not an obsession with marriage.

I remember reading comic books and things like

books I read in India were all about young girls and who they were going to marry and how those husbands were going to be so nice and let them finish college.

And like, that's a thing.

Yeah.

In an arranged setting, you will have the boy's mother say, no, no, we're very modern.

She should finish her degree

and then stay home.

Right.

And you, from a very early age, there was something inside you where you were thinking this is not the right path for me.

Well, I'm just curious.

I know now.

I'm curious about everything.

I am even now.

Like, if I have five, like recently, I was in an airplane.

We traveled so much for our work, right?

And the airplane was like late, as it happens.

And I just started YouTubing, like, how to fly an airplane.

I was like, it can't be that hard.

And I was very serious that like, I should look.

So for hours, I was like, how do people start?

You know, the curiosity has always been.

But, but you say, you're saying something very deep, actually, because

I think the reason why your life has taken its, it's like has traveled this way is because of just that.

As you looked at things and you thought,

it can't be that hard.

It can't be that hard.

Yeah.

Okay.

So, you're watching, what do you, what kind of stuff were you watching and listening to in India?

Back then was Three's Company.

Love.

Come and knock on my door.

Come and knock on my door.

Yeah.

I was like, yes, that's my life.

I want the door.

How funny is John?

John Ritter and that's all of them, though.

But Janet and Suzanne Somers and the landlady and the whole thing.

I was like, this is why am I stuck with this situation here?

You know, my life was very much.

So you watched a lot of 70s sitcoms.

Family ties, growing pains, you name it.

I was obsessed with all of them.

Yeah.

And we got bootleg copies.

How did you watch that?

Somebody in America, some relative of some distant friend relative would record it playing on their TV.

No, that's how we all watched it.

And people charged rent.

If you wanted to watch that recording, you had to pay rent for it.

So any dollar, any rupee I had back then, I spent on like anything American I could get my hands on.

Were there, during that time, who were famous Indian actors and actresses that had kind of crossed over?

There probably wasn't a lot.

No, none.

Crossed over to Hollywood?

Yeah.

Zero.

Zero.

No, that was not even a thing.

And there's probably just tons of racist portrayals at the time.

Yeah, I mean, but if you watched how Americans were portrayed back home, it was equally bad.

How were they?

Every American person was like a villain.

There was not one well-intentioned American in TV.

This seems to make a lot of sense.

This makes a lot of sense to me.

There would be like a woman who would show up and be like, you know, you don't have to get married to that old man.

And then the whole country was like, oh, she's so bad.

She's trying to save this little girl.

Like, she doesn't know.

This man is going to leave behind 10 goats when he dies.

The deal has been made.

You know, growing up, we're the same age, like as a kid of the 70s, there was just so much stereotypical Indian representation in the U.S.

That was how we knew Indian culture.

It was just, especially in comedies that we watched and tons of non-Indian actors and actresses playing those parts.

Like it was, yeah, we didn't, we had no sense of the other side of the world.

And you wouldn't, because also we didn't encourage our kids to be actors or writers.

So how would they play those parts?

Yeah.

Like, you know, right now, this is a raging debate in Hollywood.

That's representation and all of that.

But we act like we've been doing it for 50 years.

We have it.

This is a recent thing.

So we are growing our pathways.

We are growing our channels, our stories.

I mean, I still, I do this.

My kids aren't allowed to do this.

Absolutely not.

I'm not going to let my kids become artists and writers.

Zoya has, my daughter has an article published in the New York Times that is widely considered one of the best essays of all time.

And her English teacher at her college tried to convince her to be a writer.

And I was like, that evil woman.

I was so upset.

She was like, that American woman.

Yes.

Like, oh, these American women, my dad was right.

Okay, so 10-year-old Darna is feeling pretty like emboldened and,

you know, talking about what she believes in and like, you know, challenging left and right and looking at things that, you know, she wants to change.

And then you lose your mom at 14.

Yeah.

And that is a huge blow.

And you write about it so beautifully in your book.

And your mom

was such an important person in your life as moms are.

But can you tell us a little bit about what what your relationship like was her what was like with her so when she was alive i thought i was like her least favorite child because she was actually very close to my sister my whole life i was the youngest of four and but my mom was you know she was a very

Even though she was a very Indian stay-at-home mom, what you would call a stay-at-home mom housewife here, that was her life.

But she too must have been curious.

And I've pieced this together in hindsight because I didn't know then.

Because since her death, so many people have come up to me and said, you know, your mom helped us get started in this business or in this endeavor or this career or whatever.

We had no idea.

See, that's a very American thing.

Here, when people do charity or they give, they talk about it.

That's the thing.

Like, when I first came to America, I was shocked.

They were like, this is my foundation.

Like, this is a thing.

We give so many millions of dollars.

In India, my mom probably gave a lot, but she was so scared of my dad finding out that if he found out that he would put an end to it, that it was whispered.

Like the women who gave had like a little secret network and they would like whisper to each other, but it was never openly mentioned.

So we, even her kids, had no idea that she was doing any of this.

But she must have been like a curious person.

She must have been like an entrepreneurial person, like living out her kind of dream through

these secret things.

Because I know now that she helped countless people launch their businesses with what little money she could squirrel away from my dad.

I mean, I, as when people lose their parents young, you know, you kind of have this frozen idea of them.

And it is really amazing to have more knowledge come in so you can fully see her as a woman rather than just a mom.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So she maybe had a little bit of a hustler energy like you.

Hustler, and she was adventurous.

She loved to go swim in India.

That's not a thing back then for women her age.

And your dad then became,

it feels like during that time, you kind of have two traumas very close together, which is you've got this,

the loss of your mom, and then your dad really being eager

for you to get married at a young age.

I mean,

eager, yeah.

There was an ultimatum.

It wasn't even like his suggestion.

It was like, you're doing it.

Yeah.

Because I think I was the youngest of four.

He was himself broken.

At the time, I'll be honest, it did not feel that traumatic to me because I thought he's going to come around.

Yeah.

See, sometimes I was like, let me be mature

and understand

that he's shocked and that this is a moment and that we are all going to just come back together.

It's going to take a few days or a day or two.

Your 14-year-old brain was trying to make this.

Yeah, because it was so out of left field.

Like, this is not something we were thinking about or talking about ever.

Like, in my family, it was widely accepted that I was the curious one, I was the academic one.

There was even a hint of pride at the idea that I got good grades.

I really thought that in a matter of a day or two, or a few days, this would all resolve.

But what happened instead?

He was very determined.

I learned the hard way that he, that

dad's back home, they're not messing around.

When they say something, they mean it.

And he was very much like, no, you're either getting married or you're not living here.

And because he himself had come up through really hard circumstances,

he had no mercy, none.

You know, sometimes people are like, but how could your dad be so harsh?

Because they can't imagine it.

But that's the world we come from.

That's the world he came.

He watched his siblings die in front of his eyes.

That's the world he had.

taken himself out of.

So to him, we were the most pampered brats.

They're like, you have air conditioning in a car.

Like, shut up already.

Yeah.

I mean, that's what I loved about your book is you take really deep dives into everybody in your family and you really try to um understand them you really try especially your dad i never held it against him i've never thought of him as a villain in my life i understood it was more a clash of like two very strong willed people

and and it's unfortunate because he forced me to learn english

I was like, this could have all been avoided if you hadn't hired ten English tutors when I was little who taught me to read all these books and watch all these movies.

Those things used to be my homework because all these English tutors would show up.

My dad would line them up, be like, she will learn this language of success.

And then at some point, they would run out of worksheets.

So they would be like, watch an episode of Growing Pains.

So you have this risk-taker, generous mom.

You have a dad who

has strict boundaries and cares about success.

and it gets smushed into you, and you're 14, and then you're kind of on your own in a very interesting way.

What happens between like 14 and 17 for you?

So, I left my house when my dad said you have to get married.

I was like, I'm not doing this.

And I took off with literally nothing, thinking I'll go to my best friend's house.

And my best friend was very happy to have me for two days.

And the second day, her mom was like, we think you should go home.

And that's when it hit me.

Like, oh no.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit!

Like, where am I gonna go?

And then, even then, I'm like, oh, I have this other best friend, you know, the spare best friend.

Yeah, she's not your real best friend, but like, you've kind of kept her in the orbit.

And suddenly, she's looking really good.

She's like,

suddenly, I'm like, oh my god, let me call her right now.

Declare my love for her.

Yeah.

So I did that for a few days.

And then, like, and every day I was like, any minute now, he's going to come and get me.

Any minute, he's going to send the driver.

And like, nothing.

And then slowly, the friends stopped taking me in because my dad got wind of where I was going.

And he was a very scary figure.

He was very successful and scary at that time.

What was he?

What did he find his success in?

So he built, he himself was a lawyer in India, educated himself through very difficult circumstances, but built a business selling textile machines to Europe and America.

So when he made a call to them and said, you're not going to take her in, it got real.

You know, then they were like, oh, you know, she really needs to make up.

Also, most people didn't see a problem with what he was suggesting.

Right.

Most people thought I was the problem.

Right.

The parents of my friends were all like,

what is her problem?

Like, he's going to find a good guy.

Like, he's not.

So in their eyes, the solution was find a good educated guy who's going to let her finish school.

And then what's the issue?

We're all getting married anyway.

So their parents were kind of leaning towards anytime I showed up, it was like I could see them calling my dad and saying, she's here.

So those options started drying up very quickly.

So

what happened once they dried up?

Where did you go?

I got really lucky in that my mom, all the people that she had helped, really poor people,

people with no means, like, you know, vegetable sellers and like people with the most humble means started taking me in because they saw me wandering around on the streets, and they knew that something was wrong because they had seen how I was and how I had become.

I mean, those were like, I,

it's crazy to talk about it was a tough time, you know, like I couldn't wash my clothes for days on end.

That was one of the biggest things when you're homeless that you struggle with.

Like,

when I was at a friend's house, I could take a shower, but I never knew what to do about the clothes

because you know, how do I suddenly explain to them that there's no, you know, but it was Very complicated.

But the people that she had helped started saying, Do you want something to eat?

And even then, do you know what's crazy?

In India, a lot of street food is served, is sold, folded in newspapers.

I was more interested in the newspaper.

Even in those moments, I was like, I'll take whatever, because I knew I would get another page.

Like, I was so, that was the one thing that killed me so hard that I lost my access to what was happening in the world.

That they would give me food and I would take all their papers from them.

I'd be like, Whatever you have left over, I'll take all of it.

They started taking me in, then my sisters, in-laws, I started reaching out, fanning out into distant relatives, like whoever, anywhere.

Yeah, I had a couple of teachers in my school that were very kind.

They would be like, you know, this weekend, we're not home.

If you want to stay at our house, so it was really like a whole quilt work of solutions.

And during that time, did you ever think, you know what, I'm just going to, I'm going to fold.

I'm going to go back.

I'm going to say, fine, I'm going to meet somebody and have an arranged marriage.

Like, what stopped you from doing that?

I really thought he would come around.

I hadn't given up yet.

But towards the end, I did, like a year plus into it, I was like, it's not going to happen.

So I did fold.

In the end, I did go crawling back to my dad.

And he was very happy.

And I was welcomed back.

I'll never forget with a bottle of Coke.

He was like, how's how's your American adventure been?

Wow.

And he was gleeful.

Like he was saving that bottle for me because he knew there was no exit.

So I remember, you know,

and he ordered pizza, which is like only bad people ate pizza back then.

Nobody good ate pizza.

So I already knew how I was like, it was going to be icy.

So then in that moment, what happens between then and when you go to your sister's house in the States?

So he had found and kept a guy that he, in his estimation, was the right match for me, the glass parent of India.

This guy's family controlled the entire glass industry in India.

And he was looking for a girl who was like 10-ish years younger than him.

So that's the appropriate math in the arrangement.

It still remains.

It still remains.

Listen, this is a real way of life.

Like it sounds crazy here, but this is how people live in

big, big countries on the other side of the world.

So, he didn't think, he was like, have you, he couldn't understand.

He's like, have you seen who I'm matching you up with?

Right.

Wait till you see his house.

Right.

Like, in his mind, he couldn't comprehend what the issue was.

And I couldn't understand why he couldn't understand that.

that none of it was appealing, you know.

But I did, I went and we had a whole, you know, arranged style like meeting

the opposite of meet cute.

You're right.

There's no bumping into each other.

Oh my God.

Do not touch each other.

Police line.

Do not cross.

Yeah, it is just, it feels like a job interview.

His family is 10 people on that side.

Our family is 10 people.

There's a broker in the middle who's like moving around with the questions.

Because people know what arranged marriages are.

You heard that phrase.

You don't know how arranged marriages are made.

In India, it's a very open system.

Everything is openly discussed.

Like here, for example, you're not allowed to say that you want the most beautiful woman you can find.

Or the woman's not allowed to say, I want the richest guy I can find.

Even though that's what she may want, you don't say it, right?

But in India, you just say that.

You tell the broker, what's the best deal you can get?

They say things like, he's wearing glasses, but she's losing her hair.

And the broker will sit there in front of your face and be like, she's five foot tall, but like, honestly, your son, like, there's another brother and that brother will inherit half of this.

Right.

So, he's not all that.

It's interesting because there's this transactional nature of it that I think then

here, there's this pressure for everything to feel very romantic.

Yeah.

And I want to talk to you about that because you and I talk about it a lot.

Is that there is this pressure that if something doesn't feel really organic and romantic, then it's not real.

Real, right?

And all that pressure and that, the

not able to talk about it, I believe only hurts women in America.

That's my statement.

Because, for example, in that transactional world, both sides have access to information for better or for worse.

Here, what I find is that the guy can still see what a woman looks like.

But God forbid you ask if the guy has a real job or like he's making something up.

I'm like,

I would like to see a tax return.

I do want to get into this because

Zarna's tried to set me up a couple times and she's only tried to set me up with billionaires.

Yes,

yes, because I told you, Amy, that is the step up.

Nothing else to me has made.

Zarna's only shown me pictures of billionaires.

Yes.

And also.

Often ones who have heart disease, but that's ideal.

That has to be the move for you.

That is the move for you.

And you would say things like, you need someone who makes a billion dollars.

And I would say, it's very hard to meet someone who ethically made a billion dollars.

And you would see, you'd roll your eyes just like you did it.

You'd be like, what does this have to do with anything?

Listen, we can fix the ethics.

Sometimes you're rich enough that then you whitewash.

You start a foundation.

Come on.

Can you tell everyone about it?

Good hang foundation.

And it just came up with it.

Okay, so then that the meetup doesn't work.

You push against it.

You disappoint your father.

Father actually didn't.

I thought that was going to happen.

So I was like, okay, you know, and I got five whopping bopping minutes with this guy alone because I asked for it.

He didn't even care.

Could you imagine?

He didn't even care to like, can she speak?

Nothing.

I'm sitting there like a mute.

And he's like, okay.

But I was like, can I like talk to him?

Because I now have.

I'm thinking this is going to happen.

Right.

So when I met him for the five, was like, what do you want to do with your life?

Like, I was like, do you really?

There was a lot of glass in that house.

A lot.

Talk about living in a glass.

Really?

I was like, but it felt a little like, wow, this is a lot of glass.

It could get boring.

Yeah.

So I wanted to talk to him and whatever.

And he was very like, you know, in that circumstance, he's the child of a very wealthy.

He's got control of everything.

He was very much appeasing me, like, she has all these dumb woman questions.

Let me just give her something.

Yeah.

So I had really fully.

capitulated in my heart, but then my U.S.

visa came through that I had been fighting for for two years.

So interesting timing, bro.

The timing, I'm telling you, it was that the next morning I got a telegram.

I grabbed my stuff and I ran.

I ran out of that house so fast.

I didn't say a word to anybody.

I was too scared.

If my dad found out that he would like find ways to hold me back.

It's such an incredible moment.

Like your entire life hinged on the timing of that.

Yeah.

Do you think you would have come to America if you had been married?

No, then it would have been over.

I mean, I could have betrayed my dad, and I did.

I did.

But I don't think I could have done it to a guy and his whole family.

Like, you know, like, he's done nothing wrong.

Yeah.

That guy did nothing wrong by me.

Right.

So I would not, I don't know if I would have been able to do that to him.

And when you left, you really did leave like kind of without telling anyone you were going?

I was so scared.

Not a word.

Sarah.

So proud of you.

I only said bye to my brother, my older brother.

Sure.

Yeah.

Shuresh.

Yeah.

Yeah, you have a very close relationship.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so you say a painful goodbye to him and you head to Ohio.

Yeah.

And your sister is living there.

Yeah.

Akron, Ohio.

How old are you when you arrive?

17, just under.

You just immediately get to work and you study.

And what happens next?

So I got to Ohio because the University of Akron, where I got my degree, agreed to take me in as a foreign student.

And that back then, foreign students were not the rage that they are today.

They were so rare.

But they, my sister reached out to them and said, This, my sister really loves to study.

How can we make this happen?

And they worked it out.

And my brother-in-law, my sister's husband, himself is a doctor, has been practicing for decades in America.

Very, extremely

cerebral, extremely like, you know, academic.

So he appreciated that quality of me so much that he was like, if you can come here, just study as much as you want.

Like, he saw the merits of it.

Even though he himself didn't come from a family, he's the only one in his family who got out of his life the way he did.

But he saw it and saw it so deeply that the two of them, it was unbelievable.

They were like, study as much as you want.

What do you need?

How many books?

I was like, from a world of like hiding and reading every newspaper to like,

like the libraries in America are the size of like,

I mean, you can't even dream that big in India.

Like our library in India was like a little hole in the wall.

If you had 20 books, you were doing well.

But you would go, I would go here to the Akron Library and I would be like, oh my God, I could spend days.

And you, and you loved, what else when you came to America in 17 did you like immediately love?

And what were some things that you were like, what, what is this?

What's going on?

I loved that nobody was telling me what to do.

Yeah.

That was just not at the including college.

Like

school and college in India is very like the teacher will, when the teacher walks in, you stand up, you show respect, and then the teacher will be like, open this page and like put your foot down.

And there's so many rules.

Here, I would go to college and people are eating and drinking and their feet are up on the chair.

And I was like, what is happening?

And of course, back then, there were all these language.

I remember the first time I asked a guy for a rubber.

Like, you know, in India, an eraser is called a rubber.

Yeah.

And, you know, right?

Like, you're laughing, but that was a real thing.

And then when I came in 1992, I believe,

the big person in the news was Jeffrey Dahmer.

Oh, yeah.

Who is from Akron?

That's not a good time to go to Ohio.

From Akron.

So I remember thinking, never go to anybody's house ever.

And that still is a good thing, actually.

Keep in mind.

That is a good thing.

But also the freedom, my God.

Like, I would go for the first time, a a college professor would be like, what do you think?

I remember the time somebody asked me, what do you think?

And I was like, nobody's ever asked me that.

Never.

Even in our classes back home, you only asked the boys what they thought.

The girls just sat there.

You know, and then we would, then you not only had to hear whatever the stupid boy thought, but you had to applaud and be like, deep.

Amazing.

Like, I mean, you and I have talked about this a lot on tour, which is that, I mean, in fact,

you wrote a really nice thing at the end of your book about me and Tina.

And I just want to read one part that I love so much because it's exactly what we talked about a lot, which is you say,

you were saying what Tina and I helped taught you, which is very nice, which is like, you know, you can mix business with pleasure.

You can work with your friends.

And you say,

aren't women amazing to live and work this way?

And in 500 years, men are going to discover that you can mix mix your work life and personal life without ruining your family and then call it a whole renaissance.

Because you know that's what's going to happen.

You guys are doing it.

That's actually been one of the most bittersweet thing of touring with you guys.

It's so much fun to see how you guys work up close to have that front row seat.

But inside my heart, I have so much pain about it too.

Like, what could I have done if I had had that Tina tina or amy in my life you know because it's and and this idea you guys shattered this whole notion of business and whatever don't mix men do whatever they want they start companies with but the women have been told don't mix business with pleasure yes so dumb well and you're still a babyserner you're only five years into this

five years five yeah

Five.

And you're and you're and you are where you are.

But I know you're impatient and

in all the right ways and ambitious.

But I just want to, you know,

you're just getting started in this business, even though you're already a vet and a pro.

I mean,

I don't know any other way to do things.

Because I remember somebody told me every comic's dream is to have a sitcom.

And I was like, oh, that's just telling family stories.

I can do that now.

Yeah.

And I just started building my little world with it.

Like, why am I going to wait?

Before you did that, though, you became a lawyer.

Oh, my God.

Don't, we can't talk about that.

We don't even need to talk about it.

I I mean,

there's some joke: like, the only

thing that lawyers have in common is that no one wants to be a lawyer.

Yes, but you were a lawyer, and you were, what kind of lawyer were you?

I was personal injury.

Yeah, and I was actually like, I loved it.

I was like, that dog should have been chained.

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Okay, so then while you're being a lawyer and you're like, okay, maybe I should try to meet somebody.

And I want to segue into how you met your husband.

And I think the best way to do it is to have you read this ad.

So in your book.

Oh my God.

I love this ad.

I'm going to never live down.

Zarna.

Yes.

So in the summer of 1977, when you were 22.

1997.

Excuse me.

Yeah,

you made me nervous for a minute.

I'm sorry.

In the summer of 1997, when Zarna was 22, she put a personal ad on an Indian singles website.

Will you read it, Zarna?

It's so funny and so good.

It's like a beautiful poem.

Yeah.

Well,

to some.

All right, here's the ad.

To some, I am too short or too plump, too dark or too argumentative.

But enough about me.

This is what I need from you.

A husband and a partner, somebody who is ambitious but not ruthless, confident but not arrogant, and humble but not timid.

Most of all, he is honest.

I am on a mission to build a very successful life, and you must be ready to go with me.

Only contact me if you want to get married.

No friends

in all caps.

Kindly include your most recent tax returns and medical records.

Sorna,

I thought it made sense, people.

In my defense, it made sense in the way I came from.

You know, and also, it's so funny.

It's so funny.

I know it's serious, but it's also so funny.

It's you in a nutshell, which is it's direct, it's clear, it has a point of view, and it's really funny.

And anyone reading that would, I think, be drawn to

the wit of it.

I mean, I don't want to brag, but hundreds of people did respond.

They did.

And back then, I was the only woman speaking for myself on the internet.

So it was like, a lot of people just responded because they were so excited not to have to speak to somebody's cousin and uncle and auntie and whatever.

But I do think, I mean,

dating in America and marriage is like, Do I love this person?

Do I, is he going to make me happy?

You know, these are are the things you think about, right?

Like, I was like, happiness is not happening.

Let's just be okay with that.

It was more like, who's going to win this war against the world that I'm fighting?

Who's going to be my best recruit?

Who's going to be my best soldier and partner?

And I think a lot of immigrants see life like that.

We see life like we're in war and we're building a team and an army.

You know, and I do that now.

I remind my kids every day.

Like, you do not have the luxury.

You do not.

You are in it.

You know, sometimes my kids get scared and nervous of all the things that I throw them into, which I do have a habit of throwing them into.

Yeah, I mean, you entered your daughter into a beauty pageant.

I did.

I did.

I did.

That was more like a philosophical take because she's five foot tall.

And I didn't want her to think that she's not beautiful just because she's short.

Yeah.

Because we always assume beauty queens have to be tall.

Sure.

So I remember calling the pageant people, I was like, what is your height requirement?

And they're like, we don't have one.

I said, you don't?

Like, I assumed there must be a minimum and they're like no yeah i said so can my daughter who's five foot apply and then i was like correction can i apply for her

okay sorry but i but i stopped you because you're right i we we here believe that um you're you're building a team and that ad is i want you on my team

yeah and that and zero what i love about that ad is when you say what is it when you say i'm i'm gonna live i'm gonna have a very big life i'm gonna build a successful life and you have to be ready to go with me.

Yeah.

I mean, I didn't want to lie to somebody.

I think you should cast a narrow net and be like, this is what I'm doing.

Why talk to the 20 other people who are going to be like, let's have fun?

Like, I don't want to have fun.

Well, you know, you were one of the few people when I was single who I could actually talk to about

dating and being single because there's just so much weird stuff that people project on you.

And like, you know, talking to married people are the absolute worst.

And all all they do is try to set you up with people they want to be with.

They're like, what about so-and-so?

And it's like, I think you want to be with so-and-so.

But you were so

when we were touring, you were so fun and funny to talk to about it because you did.

You have, because I find this ad, you're going to think I'm crazy, but I find that ad very romantic.

Oh,

I know.

See, I know exactly.

Here's why I find it romantic because you're advocating for yourself.

You're really saying, like,

I'm a catch

and I know myself.

Do you want to come with me on this journey?

But also, you're talking about like

what's ahead.

You're like, I see good things ahead.

You're 22 when you make that ad.

21, actually.

21.

So you are not a successful touring comedian with her own sitcom.

Oh, okay.

And you're not a comedian at all.

You're studying to be a lawyer.

There's just a lot of like,

like, trust me that life is going to be grand with me.

Like, that's very romantic, even though it seems very nuts and bolts.

So, I love that part of you: you have this forward-thinking, big, ambitious dreams for yourself and the people that you love because you're a big-time dreamer, but you're a realist at the same time.

Those two things are going to be a little bit more.

I mean, I do the work.

I do do the work.

I mean, when I wrote a screenplay, my screenplay that ended up winning, I didn't just write a screenplay, I was going to write a trilogy.

And I was like, I'm going to call Bob Iger.

I had no business, I just saw his name somewhere I was like I should call him he should make my trilogy why not

but that's kind of how I got up with you and Tina I remember when I saw in the news that Tina Faye and Abipolar touring instantly I called all my agents I don't know I have so many agents they never have the foresight I don't know why but well on our side

Burke Mike Berkowitz a great agent at WME who helped book our tour he told us about you Yeah.

So you probably poked and then we heard and then we watched your stuff.

I probably was in the air at the time.

I'm guessing.

And you were doing a lot of work at the time.

I was, of course, and I still do.

I'm working every night.

I'm on a stage.

But so I do do the work.

The dream cannot just be the dream.

Yeah.

You have to put in the work.

But I actually like, I've now fully embraced that I'm a very serious type of person.

And so, but just quickly, then you met your husband.

Yeah.

And tell us about your husband.

So he is also a very boring, serious type.

And we live a very boring, serious life together.

And we like what we do.

He's a very nice guy.

He understood.

I think he himself came from complicated circumstances.

So there was some kinship there.

So I can't say, like, I can't be like, it was hot and heavy.

And I don't even know what any of that means.

Like, there's no making out and all that.

Okay, maybe a little bit.

But there was a little making out.

There was a little, I know.

And my kids read the book after it was written.

God,

my kids were like, mom,

picturing your parents.

I know.

They're like,

little warning, mom.

Yes.

I was like, you see how I feel when I walk in and you have your little boyfriend hanging around?

Yeah.

You think I want to see that?

You're no kidding.

You'll see, Amy, your kids are a little young, but it's coming.

I can't even see you.

Suddenly, there's a girl in these short shorts and she's like making pancakes for your son and you're like what is happening so intense it's so intense and your son in front of you is gonna be like her pancakes are better okay so it reminds me of a question that zoya had for you okay so zoya we talked to your wonderful uh eldest daughter and as the eldest you're a baby it's the babies

The babies, well, in your case, Zarna, you did not have it easy, but babies can sometimes have it easy.

No, I did in many ways have it easy.

Yeah, because they did protect me.

Well, it is interesting.

Yeah,

when the baby comes, there's just been another kid in the house.

Yeah.

When you're the first pancake, speaking of pancakes,

everything gets tested out on you.

Anyway, and Zoya is like, I mean,

your kids are so great.

Your kids are so successful, mature.

Those are Instagram lies.

Amy, oh my god, let's do another episode.

I will bring all their flaws.

We will lay them out.

They're so crazy.

Are you kidding me?

Zoya has a million meltdowns every day.

It's a disaster.

She's at Stanford.

I told her she should party, and I told her.

No, my God.

And I told her.

She should fail.

No.

She doesn't have to.

Who cares?

Polish doesn't even matter anymore.

I wrote the tuition checks.

I care deeply.

I told her she should rebel, and when she does, she should come up with Auntie Amy.

Oh, my God.

I mean, I think she should study the classics.

No, no, stop.

I knew there was an agenda over here.

Like, Stanford sponsoring this episode.

I mean, it was like,

like,

your kids are so great.

And she's such a good girl.

Anyway, her question for you was, you know, you talk about how you never say I love you to her dad, your husband.

No, I would never.

Why not?

Why wouldn't you?

Why wouldn't you?

It just is so wrong on so many levels.

It is, it is, would doom our marriage.

He would be sure I was dying.

Like, there's no other circumstance if I.

But she said you walk together every day.

Yeah, we do.

So she's like, are you a hypocrite?

Because that is in a way how you say I love you.

Okay, I knew she was going to ask some question like this.

She's like that.

Like she is very like, mom, you don't really mean it.

She doesn't know that when we walk, they see us walking and think it's a romantic walk.

It is not a romantic walk.

We are going through every bill that is outstanding.

We are going through every tag statement that we didn't pay attention, things he did, his mother's visiting, now I'm yelling at him and he's trying to make the peace and he's like, can she stay for two weeks?

And we're negotiating that down.

It is not a romantic walk.

We are best friends.

Her dad and I.

I believe that we have a really good friendship.

And I actually think that the friendship has stood the test of time.

It has.

I think had we been the romantic I love you, like because we don't buy into that full romantic notion of it and are more like talking to a friend, it would be like if something happened and you wanted to clear the air with Tina, you would, right?

Yeah.

But with a spouse, you're actually more afraid.

I know.

It's, I mean, that's what I mean about your frankness and

is very,

it's very,

I think we agree here.

Clarity is kindness.

I agree.

When you're clear about yourself or what you need, I think that's a kind act.

And people think that being direct

can be like overwhelming or even rude when, in fact, if you do it without trying to hurt somebody, you're actually just expressing what you need.

But we have a very like sideways way of going about that.

And I've heard you give advice to people who are looking for love.

And it's, and it's, I mean, you kind of consider yourself a matchmaker.

You even wanted to be one at one point.

I was one.

Oh, you were?

I was.

It was the worst business.

I should not be in that business.

That whole business is telling women it's not too late when it's actually too late.

It's just too.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

No.

No, because they come with these unrealistic.

You will have a 45-year-old woman who's like, I want a 28-year-old Harti who's also a surgeon and who's also going to inherit a billion dollars.

I had to be there and be like, okay, you get to pick one thing.

Right.

You can't like,

I don't start both.

I don't think that that's the case with most women.

I think most women are very realistic.

I think men are very unrealistic.

Well,

the men don't go to matchmakers because they don't feel any sense of urgency.

Right.

It's the women who are like, why am I not married?

You'll meet a 60-year-old dude and he's like, I'm thinking about it.

What are you thinking?

To them, I'm like, you're going to die.

You're going to die.

I have to tell them.

Like, I will even tell them.

Like, if you guys are like, by the time you're done thinking, like, already a lot of your body parts are not working.

I can see it.

As a broker, it was my job to be honest.

And like anybody who's evaluating, like, you're not making enough money to cover up for all this.

So what are we going to fix here?

But it's an interesting time more than ever because women don't really need partners.

They really don't need partners.

They don't.

And they shouldn't.

And honestly, can I have a really hot take here

that I've never had and my daughter's going to get shocked?

I almost believe that get married young once and get divorced.

Get married, get it out of your system.

Why don't you even have to get married?

No, because get it out of your system.

The women who are not married at all sometimes romanticize it to a point, but like married women look at them and you're like, oh my God, it is not like.

Wait, you know that

married women live shorter lives than unmarried women.

Yes.

And married men live longer.

Well, they're taking our lives.

They're taking our lives.

They're literally like sucking it out of our bodies.

Like literally.

So I now think my daughter, if she actually, you know, I would be like, listen, get married once, a few months, a year or two, get it out of your system.

Yeah.

Because the women I find who have it the hardest are the ones who never married and who are imagining, literally imagining Prince Charming.

I'm like, he farts.

It smells bad.

His mother is that bad.

It's not a story.

But get that romance out of it and then focus on your life and build your thing.

Worry about building your own life.

It's so true.

I mean, but it's quite revolutionary the way you talk about motherhood specifically as well as marriage because,

you know, motherhood is a grind and it is.

No one talks about how tiring it is and how boring it is and how difficult it can be.

And we're all supposed to pretend like we're having the best time in our lives and our children are our biggest gifts and miracles.

And they are.

They're wonderful, wonderful miracles.

And I'm so happy to have them.

But, but it's just like from one woman to another, one mother to another, one married woman to another, one divorced woman to another.

When you start telling the truth on stage and you hear it from other people, it's a huge relief.

You feel really seen.

And that's your comedy.

Your comedy is really, really good jokes, but you're telling the truth about life in real time.

It's why people really respond to you.

I mean, I think so.

I make jokes about it.

And I, you know, I talk about how 16 years of being a stay-at-home mom, I learned that I'm not into my kids

and

and I like the kids but it's the job of mothering that's like horrible yeah and I just say it now I mean there's no point that's the thing if you're gonna do the comedy do the comedy yeah

I do four open mics a night here I can't do that you still do four a night absolutely I'll stop in at any club because I'm building material constantly I'm building I am I'm working on my third hour I'm working on my second book.

Okay, and so we should talk about that because you have a special coming out in July.

Tell us, it's called Practical People Win.

Why beat it around the bush?

Such a good title.

Practical People Win.

You had a huge special on Amazon.

One in a billion.

One in a billion.

And you did a movie.

What's the name of the movie?

A Nice Indian Boy.

A Nice Indian Boy.

And you worked with Jonathan Gross.

Yes.

Tell us about him.

He's my son-in-law in the movie.

Yes, yes.

Oh, my God.

He's unbelievable.

He's so talented.

He's so gorgeous.

I am like, why are you doing this?

We hang out all the time.

And I'm like, why are you an actor and you're singing?

And like, you should be in med school, John.

This is a weekend job.

I tell him all the time.

And even he's like, but you know, my plays do well.

He's like, I'm doing okay.

The poor guy has to feel like he has to justify to me because I had such an overbearing mom character in that movie that we kind of all became the character.

We were together for a month, and every day we were, you know, my director.

So, just so you know, our director in that movie is not only a movie director, but is also a cancer surgeon.

He's an Indian guy whose mom won't let him.

Wait, wait, wait.

He's a director and a cancer surgeon.

Yes, and his mom won't let him quit the medicine for the Hollywood thing.

Wow.

So, three months of the year, he's in Boston at Harvard practicing cancer medicine.

Wow.

Because his mom won't let him quit.

She's like, I don't trust these Hollywood people.

She's right.

The business is terrible right now.

So it's a real thing.

So I used to tell Jonathan, I'm like, look at him.

See, he's doing it.

Jonathan should do both.

Jonathan, you can go to med school while you're on Broadway.

Would you imagine if you're dying and Jonathan Groff walks in?

That could give you life right there.

That would extend your life by a few weeks right there.

Yeah, and he just, as he's, as he's in, you know, giving you a shot, he's just singing a lullaby to you at the same time.

Sounds great.

Right?

And I want to ask you about, because I loved this story and I don't think you've told it.

We were texting.

We've, like I said before, we've been on the road a lot.

What have you learned about being on the road in the Antina?

Oh, my God.

Like, I mean, we just really,

we've had a lot of fun on the road, and it's because we don't like having fun on the road.

Exactly.

Because the pressure is not on.

That's right.

We're not trying to be cool.

No.

We're

actively not trying to be cool.

We're not trying to find the hot spots.

We're not trying to collaborate with the cool people in town.

So, you guys have famous guests all the time in your shows.

And I don't see any like, I hope we get to see.

You're more like, all right,

what do we have to meet everybody?

But I appreciate that because you're there for the business that you're there for.

I appreciate that you take your audience very seriously.

As do you show, yeah.

That's the one thing we have in common.

I agree.

And I think as women working, that is the bar.

Yeah.

You have to perform up here if you're going to have a career.

And you know that, Tina knows that.

And I love that.

And then as soon as it's done, it's done.

Yeah.

We unwind.

Sometimes we text each other from our rooms.

And we're like,

totally.

We're like, how fast did you get in your pajamas tonight?

But you told me a story about a show you did in Dubai.

Yeah.

And I think that that was an amazing travel story.

Could you

tell me that crazy?

Because you were traveling during that giant flood or storm.

What happened then?

First of all, I didn't want to do the show, but Dubai Comedy Festival, I did it because.

Back home, those women don't see this version of any woman back then.

Like I am one of one in this whole world who does what I do.

Very homestyle brown people comedy, take on your mother-in-law, and all.

And these people had been like requesting for so long.

They're like, please come, the women would love to see you.

And I was like very torn because, you know, I wasn't sure how the comedy and it's

not America.

People don't understand what America is.

You get up on stage, you trash your president, it's fine.

You go on stage, you do that somewhere else, you're going to to end up in jail.

Like you really, like it's no joke, you really will not leave the country.

So I was very, I had mixed feelings, but I agreed to do it.

And

this huge, humongous, once-in-a-lifetime flood while I'm in the air.

20 minutes before we're landing in Dubai, the flight gets diverted to Oman Musket.

And we land in Musket and we're stranded at the airport for three days because all these airplanes landed in Musket because there was no safe place to land.

And you stayed at the airport.

At the airport, there was no place to go.

And you know what?

Like, people knew who I was, a lot of people, and word spread.

So they were like, Tell her to tweet.

Tell her to tweet that we're frustrated.

Tell her to tweet that the airlines are getting.

And I don't do any of that.

My page is a very positive page.

I'm not one like, oh, you, this restaurant sucks.

That's not my wife.

So I kept being like, guys, I don't do that.

And please, because they would shove a phone in my face and be like, make a video.

So

I did think that that storm was brought on by my mother-in-law

because she does have a history of trying to destroy my career in many ways i mean my my uh comedy special on amazon has thousands of perfect reviews and then 12 one stars from the same region in india you know it's her you know it's her

she takes people's phones and she presses it

But I was there for three days and it was, and I remember texting you.

Yes, and because you were like worried for me because you knew how stressed out I was.

Oh, it was so stressed out.

And I remember at one point, you were like, Oh, so it sounds like you've moved to Dubai.

And I'm like, What?

Because at the time, I was so hopeless that I was like, Am I ever gonna leave?

After two days, you start thinking, Is this ever gonna resolve?

But your text came in, like, oh, it sounds like you've moved there now.

It was nice knowing you.

And Zarn, I love the end.

You write about it, and you write about it in your book.

But you get on stage, you have an incredible show.

Yeah.

Right?

Like you make it with hours to go or something.

Minutes.

Minutes.

It's one of the only shows that went on last year.

I think three shows went on.

Mine was the only one.

And your brother joins you on stage.

Yeah.

And that was a really powerful moment.

Yeah.

My brother actually joined me in Mumbai.

After Dubai, I went to Mumbai, which was very

Mumbai.

I was very scared of my Mumbai show.

I don't like doing comedy in India.

I have such, you know, it's like, I have such a negative association with how people perceive me that I'm not comfortable.

But I agreed to do one show.

And my brother and all his friends and everybody was in the audience.

And I just couldn't, I called him up on stage at the end because it's my hometown.

Yeah.

You realize what home is when you're gone and you come back and you're like, oh my God, I know every street.

Yeah.

I know every store.

I know every building.

Even 30 years later, so I called him up and,

oh my god, it was water.

I couldn't even control myself.

I started crying.

He started, he couldn't, he started crying because he was like, what is this whole thinkings, feelings thing happening?

And I think it hit a chord with everybody in the audience because they all had,

everybody has that somebody that they miss.

Whether it's they lost them to life or death or distance or whatever.

And that ending of that show became that moment of like, you know,

I told people in India, so here we talk about immigrants in America, right?

People who come here.

Indian people are used to talking about people who leave

and why they leave.

And the perception back home very much is that everybody leaves for the money.

That you get a good job in America, you earn in American dollars, and that's why you leave.

And I remember like telling them, I I was like, you know, in India, I'm referred to as an NRI.

That's a non-resident Indian.

And I said, you know, not every non-resident Indian is an asshole.

Like, we didn't all just see the money and escape.

Some of us

actually were just trying to survive.

Like, we left such, I remember weeping through the entire flight to Ohio.

And some of us can't believe that we're not here yet.

And I think that that's the first time they had heard that from somebody who is considered successful in America.

They are much more used to American Indians coming back to India and telling them everything that's wrong with India.

You need to fix these potholes.

You need to be more democratic.

Give women more rights.

They go back and they like sermonize because they're so successful, they feel like they've seen a better life.

And I'm the opposite.

I have so much love for India.

I have so much pain in my heart for leaving.

Not just my brother.

Like I went and I visited all those old fruit sellers and I mean, they are all gone, but I met my driver.

My driver who's a character in my book, also the guy who drove me around so I could sit in air conditioning and read in peace.

That was a thing in my childhood.

So I remember having making that speech and like the whole audience was in tears.

We were like, we are all much more one

than

than we think.

Whether you live there or you live here or whatever your story is, at the end of the day, the human emotions are the same.

Like, I didn't want to come here.

I really thought I was going to live in India and make my life.

I thought I would, my mom would be, would be swimming with me till I was 50 years old, you know, and I met my mom's best friend.

Oh, my God, that was the most painful.

My mom's best friend

came to the show.

Wow.

Amy, I was gutted.

I was like, you got 40 more years of life.

Yeah.

You know, and

she was like, if she, if your mom was alive, she would be so proud.

And I was like, oh, my God, I'm not sure about that, actually.

I'm not.

I was like, oh,

because I remember when my horoscope, my astrologer, told my mom that this girl is going to talk and talk and talk at my birth, my mom was terrified for me.

But my mom's best friend was in the show too.

And she was like, I was very, very, oh, my God.

I can't.

I want to share that you gave me this bracelet.

And also, people should know it's an expensive bracelet.

Oh,

Zarna loves expensive things.

You're always telling me to go buy fancy things.

You're kind of a pusher when it comes to shopping.

Well, we have reasons.

Like,

I'll have a bad day and I'll be like, Amy, this was a Gucci tote level bad day.

Yeah.

She'll be like, and you understand.

And I say, I think that that makes it

sense.

Why do we work so hard if we can't do that?

But you gave me a beautiful bracelet and you told me that it had.

Yeah.

Can you So in India, we have a day, a religious day that is

traditionally celebrated between brothers and sisters called Rakshabandhan, where the sister ties a bracelet around the brother's wrist and promises to

love him, and he in turn promises to protect her.

That's how that tradition started.

In the modern iteration of it, sisters tied to each other a bracelet.

It's usually a modest red thread, but like we don't play that way.

We don't roll with the modest red thread situation.

And I feel so grateful to have you.

And

okay, it's Amy's podcast.

So like I don't feel as grateful about Tina.

Yeah, just let's focus on me.

Yeah, let's just focus.

Tina doesn't have a podcast.

Does she have a podcast?

No.

She doesn't have a podcast.

It's Amy's number one.

Yeah.

I feel so grateful.

You guys kind of took me under your wing, and I wanted to express the promise that we take very seriously back home.

It's this thread that we tie, and we really, that's a commitment.

It's not just a threat.

We, like, I'm living that commitment with my siblings.

I lived with my sister for years.

Could you imagine having to take in a sibling for years?

And I was outspoken even in Ohio.

Like, I had my moments with my siblings everywhere.

Of course.

I still love my brother dearly.

And it's something like I know if anything goes sideways in my life, he will be there on day one.

So I gave you this bracelet.

And also, I love giving.

I do.

I know.

You are a giver.

You're very generous, Arnold.

No, but I love giving is so much more fun than getting.

Getting.

Yeah.

Well, I could talk to you forever, and I have, but I want to end with

a good segue, that, which is.

We both took this like Enneagram test and we found out we were the same number.

For the people who care, we are both, Zarna and I are both Enneagram eights, which is kind of rare for women.

But very quickly, what that means is like we're challengers.

Like if someone says, you know, this way, you have to walk this way, Zarna and I are like, what about this way?

You know, we, we, we like to question authority, basically.

And you've talked about it a lot, like how you kept saying, well, maybe I could do it this way.

Well, what about this way?

Like, and we, you know, I never have to guess how you feel.

And I love that.

That relaxes me.

Yeah.

Some people are different.

But before we go, I wanted to read to you, if anyone who cares about this kind of fun, like personality stuff, I wanted to read to you

things that annoy an Enneagram 8 and see if you agree.

Yeah.

Okay.

Because these really made me laugh.

Okay.

People who talk just to talk.

Oh, annoyed.

The worst.

Yeah.

The worst.

Please don't.

You know, like people that are like, you're on a conference call and they're like, I just also think it's just like, no, no, please don't think.

Please don't think.

Like when they start that, it's like, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fake people

can't stand.

Yeah.

Just say it.

We don't have to agree, but I still appreciate the honesty.

Totally agree.

I love, I don't even, I don't have to agree with anybody.

I like conflict.

It makes me feel kind of alive.

You do like conflict.

You do like conflict.

A little bit.

A little bit.

Indecisiveness.

No.

Can't.

No, just make a plan.

Please leave the chat now.

Yeah.

If you're going to add 10 more layers of, should we go here?

Should we not?

Should go here.

I will be like, you're out.

Me too.

I'm starting another chat.

And I bet you're like, me too, when people, when the bill comes and everyone wants to pay.

It's like, please, someone just say it.

Someone just pays.

It's not that deep.

It's an egg salad.

Relax.

People who need constant praise.

Oh, my God.

I know.

I love you.

Cannot

understand it.

Cannot.

Like, right?

Like, what gross.

To me, if you're doing a good job.

And I love to tell people they're doing a good job.

And so do you.

But to me, no news is good news.

Good news.

And don't wait for it.

Don't be fishing for it.

The worst are the fishers.

The ones that are like, I just, I guess I just was kind of sad that I didn't hear that.

And you're like, oh, that you did a good job.

Great job.

Now, first of all, you did the job you were paid to do.

So let's just say that.

Because we're in a generation now, you got to pay these people and like constantly mother them and reassure them.

They do a good job.

I'm like, you know, I don't pay people to do a bad job.

Like,

if you didn't do a good job tomorrow, you're not gonna be here yeah but you gotta tell them yeah you do and then the last one which i love is asserting power in a situation where they have none

that one really struck me when others you know pretend that they have power when they don't oh that's so lame like what comes up for me and i mean a lot of stuff comes up for me at airports is tsa yeah

Yeah, but they, you got to play the game a little bit.

Of course.

You kind of have to.

But here's how I play the game.

Yeah.

I'm completely prepared.

Yeah.

I would never go through TSA with any.

I would, if, if my, if the alarm goes off, I'm fully shamed for a day.

If I get like, if I forget to take my water bottle out, I don't, I should, I don't deserve to fly.

But when someone asserts power, I mean, that's actually not really true now that I think about it because they do have power.

But when someone pretends they have power and they don't,

that makes me nuts.

But they do it all the time.

These are petty petty games.

It drives me nuts, but I play it.

Of course.

You know, like doctor's office, they'll be like, we don't have an appointment.

We have an appointment.

We don't have an appointment.

I'm like, let's play this game for five minutes and then give me the appointment.

Well, what are you?

How are you like with doctors?

Because I'm very challenging with doctors.

Very, I was going to say very bad.

And now Chad GPT has made it worse.

I'm always like, who made you, the boss?

And they're like,

a school.

I went to school.

But as soon as they come in, I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no.

And you're that way too.

The worst.

And I have so many questions for them.

Yeah.

And the last thing I'll ask you is, what are you listening to right now that's making you laugh?

What are you watching?

Where do you do?

What do you do to laugh?

I mean, your job is comedy.

The Good Hang Podcast.

Rachel Dratch.

You can't talk that moment.

I'm sorry.

I'm so glad you were talking about it.

The dog, the doorbell, the Uber draft.

We were all so fragile.

We were like, what is happening?

I know.

I was like, is this, is she creating it?

For a minute, I was like, did she plan this?

But she couldn't have.

No, Rachel Dratch continues to be such a wonderful, not only friend and comedian, but for me, she helps my mental health.

Because I used to watch Debbie Downer when I needed to just laugh.

And now she's yet again provided a moment for me that I like, I go back to and watch.

It's going to be one for the ages.

I go back to it too.

But do you watch?

Do you watch comedy?

Yeah, all comedy.

You do.

I watch all the stand-up comics.

I don't enjoy comedy.

Yeah, I mean, I'll move through it.

And I also see them in real life a lot.

But we do it for our job.

So sometimes I just really don't want to watch it.

Because if it's good, I'm a little bit like, oh, damn, that's good.

And if it's bad, it's just like, what am I doing?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you do, you watch all of it.

I watch all of it.

Yeah.

But like right now, who are you loving to watch?

I mean, so many great women comics.

Oh my God, Hannah Berner.

I know.

Hannah and I, you know, we have our own little thing too.

And I know you have your thing.

She's amazing.

Yeah.

And it's

stand-up comedy, but it's like adjacent.

It's got this social media angle to it, which is my space.

So I love seeing the moms who are like creating all this

weird things around stand-up comedy.

Because for so long, it was dominated only by men and they did it their way, which is like the minimum effort.

Right, 25%.

Right.

Just put your shirt on, not even, don't even iron it, show it.

But the women, like.

Brick wall, literal brick wall.

and look at this no plants no fake food

nothing but the women are doing like jessica kearson who's like a you know a friend of mine like she's she's lesbian she's a mom of four it's like so much interesting stuff happening in that space that that those are my favorites to watch awesome sarna i could talk to you forever i i really do feel like You're such a great example of your just, it's never, it's never too late to meet, you know?

it's never too late it's never too late i like to say that if you win the day before you die you still won

i love that zarna and it's about winning it's big things coming big things coming always why did i marry this guy i told him big things yeah big things are coming always and big things are here thank you zarna thank you thank you baby polar

Well, Zarna, thank you so much.

You're amazing.

Your book, This American Woman, check it out.

And, you know, I'm going to take this time for this polar plunge to just plug Zarna's stuff because Zarna would want me to do that.

And

all of her stuff is so great.

So check out her old special, One in a Billion on Amazon.

Check out her new special that just came out, Practical People Win.

Check out any of the dates where she's touring.

And she's so great.

It is a great night out.

And of course, This American Woman, her New York bestseller, Zarna Garg, everywhere

taking over this business as she should.

So thank you for joining us, Arna.

Thank you for listening to Good Hang, and we'll see you soon.

Bye.

You've been listening to Good Hang.

The executive producers for this show are Bill Simmons, Jenna Weiss Berman, and me, Amy Poehler.

The show is produced by The Ringer and Paperkite.

For The Ringer, production by Jack Wilson, Kat Spilane, Kaya McMullen, and Aalaya Zanaires.

For Paperkite, production by Sam Green, Joel Lovell, and Jenna Weiss-Berman.

Original music by Amy Miles.