S6E1 - Troy: The Wedding, The Apple, and The Shepherd

The stories featured in Greaking Out are original adaptations of classic Greek myths.

This week's story features an emotional mess, judging women by the way they look, wedding crashers, tests that are really traps, and unfaithful shepherds who are really princes.

Greaking Out the greatest stories in history were told in Greek mythology.

Greaking out gods and heroes, amazing feats.

Listen, and you'll see it's Greaking

Out.

We're back with season six.

Yes.

Now, normally here on Greaking Out, each episode tells the tale of a famous Greek myth.

But this season, we're doing things a little differently.

This season is all about

the Trojan War.

Yeah, like how I said that.

The Trojan War.

The Trojan War is a famous, possibly mythical, conflict between the Greeks and the Trojans.

The events of the war have been told through many epics of Greek literature, including Homer's Iliad.

Yep, so it's safe to say that this is a long and complicated tale, one that we plan to spend pretty much the entire season exploring.

Each week, we'll tell you a new story about some of the heroes or villains of the Trojan War, with a couple of stories from other places thrown in.

We won't cover everything, for we are but a humble podcast, but we will get to some good stuff.

You'll learn about brave warriors and some not so brave warriors, kings with questionable morals, and maybe even meet a few new heroes along the way.

Like Achilles, who, some say, is the greatest warrior of all time.

Exactly.

So there are some things you should know before we get started.

First of all, the version of the Iliad we have today isn't the only way this story has been told.

It's more accurate to think of this story as one that everyone knew and told and retold for generations and generations.

Some scholars say that parts of this story could be as much as 4,000 years old.

But Homer, who may or may not have been a real person, by the way, just happened to have written this story down somewhere between 2,700 and 2,800 years ago.

In fact, the earliest fragments we have ever found of this story were rolled up under the heads of mummified Greek Egyptians over 500 years after Homer wrote it down.

The oldest, complete version of the Iliad was found in a library in Venice, Italy.

It dates back to 900 CE.

That's over 1,000 years ago.

Wow, so it's really old.

Super, duper old.

That's like four Americas ago.

That is correct.

Well then, we shouldn't wait any longer to get into it.

Let's set the scene.

We begin with a wedding.

It was a special union between Thetis, the sea nymph, and Peleus, a famous mortal hero.

Peleus was also the king of Theia, an ancient region of Greece.

Yes, and normally when we talk about a wedding, the focus is on the bride and the groom.

It's their special day, after all, but that's a story for another episode.

Also, we talk about Thetis and Peleus' son.

Oracle, I know you weren't about to spoil the story for our listeners, were you?

Okay, we remember we talked about spoilers?

Considering it has been told for possibly 4,000 years, I'd say it's unrealistic to worry about spoilers.

Oracle.

But I know you don't like spoilers, so I will keep this information.

to myself.

Thank you, Oracle.

I know that's difficult for you, but I appreciate it.

Now,

where were we?

Oh, right, the wedding.

So, while the bride and groom are important, the real highlight of the wedding happened during the reception, which come to think of it as often the highlight of any wedding, but I digress.

Now, keep in mind that this wedding was the social event of the season.

After all, if we know anything about the gods, it's that they love a good party, and all of them were invited.

Well,

almost all of them.

You see, Eris was the only goddess not to receive an invitation to the wedding.

Eris was the goddess of strife and discord.

She delighted in causing conflict wherever she went.

Right, and that's exactly why she wasn't invited.

I mean, you can't have ruining everything as your main personality trait and still expect people to invite you to their parties.

And as it turns out, Eris had some ruining to do that day.

You see, Eris wasn't exactly thrilled with not getting an invite to the wedding of the century.

She was so mad, in fact, that she decided to just go ahead and crash the party anyway.

In some ancient Greek weddings, they threw small, dried fruits and nuts at the bride when she arrived at the groom's house.

Okay, but what Eris had in mind for crashing this particular wedding was much worse than stealing some snacks and rocking out on the dance floor.

She wasn't just going to slip in quietly and act like she had been there the whole time.

She wanted revenge.

Now, say what you will about Eris, but she was one smart cookie.

She knew she couldn't just pop up at a wedding with some of the greatest warrior gods and goddesses of all time.

I mean, she was related to these folks after all, and start making threats and demands.

She knew she had to be sneaky.

So, when the reception was in full swing, Eris appeared out of thin air in the middle of the dance floor.

Attention, please.

I want to congratulate the bride and groom on their beautiful union.

I only wish I had been invited to see it.

It's so much fun to have parties.

I always come with little games.

In fact, here's one now.

She stretches out her arm to the crowd, and in her hand, she has a beautiful golden apple.

Longtime listeners will remember the golden apples of Hesperides from the 11th labor of Heracles and in the tale of Atalanta.

See this apple here?

It's a gift for the most beautiful goddess in the room.

Eris watched as heads perked up with interest.

That's the thing about gods and goddesses.

They all assume they are the best.

Would the most beautiful goddess please come forward and collect your prize?

She asked.

Actually, am I looking at time?

I better get going.

Some people actually want me at their parties, you know.

Anyway, catch!

And then she disappeared, flinging the apple into the crowd.

The apple flew through the air as if in slow motion.

Almost every goddess reached up to grab it as it sailed over their heads.

Everyone felt that the apple and the title of most beautiful must surely be for them.

But even as there was a mad scramble, the apple sailed gracefully above the crowd and fell right into Zeus's lap.

And before he could think better of it, he picked it up up to read out loud the inscription on it.

For the most beautiful.

Father, Athena said, stretching out her hand, give me my apple.

It's obvious Eris was going to give it to me.

She was staring right at me.

How dare you, said Hera.

Husband, surely you will be giving that to your most beloved wife and queen.

Excuse me, said Aphrodite, but I'm literally the goddess of beauty over here.

It's in the title.

You know the apple belongs to me, right?

Things were starting to get heated, and Zeus was right there, literally in the middle of it, with the apple in his hand.

I agree with Aphrodite.

She is the official goddess of love and beauty.

She was the obvious choice.

Well, maybe, but it wasn't so easy.

Hera and Athena were beautiful and strong in their own right, and making a goddess angry never helped anyone.

I mean, remember when Hera blinded that dude and then threw her own child off a mountain?

And what about Athena?

She defended Mount Olympus almost single-handedly against Typhon that one time.

It was not a good idea to make her angry.

You have a point.

Now, as we've already discussed, Zeus likes a mess.

Emotional mess.

Right, but he liked other people's messes.

This situation was very emotionally messy for him, and he didn't like it, not one bit.

so his mind was going a mile a minute you see there was no clear way to win this but there were many ways to lose this game of heiresses so he did what any reasonable person would do in this situation he passed the buck passing the buck is a phrase originally used in card games In this instance, it means to dump the responsibility on someone else.

Right.

I couldn't possibly decide, considering I am partial to all of you.

You need a judge who will be fair and impartial.

The three goddesses reluctantly nodded, their eyes narrowing in suspicion.

Great, Zeus said, clapping his hands.

I'm glad that's settled.

Yes, but who is this mystery judge going to be?

Aphrodite demanded.

Oh,

yeah.

Zeus looked around the room in a panic.

He had no idea who to pick.

He looked out the closest window and his eyes fell upon a humble shepherd sitting with his sheep on the next hill over.

Zeus smiled and spoke quickly to his son Hermes.

Hermes, as messenger of the gods, often had to talk to mortals on Zeus's behalf.

So without warning, Hermes suddenly appeared before the young man with Zeus's thunder shaking the very earth around him.

You there, Hermes said, making his voice sound as godlike as possible.

Yes, you, young shepherd.

You look like a fair and impartial sort.

You have just been marked out for a great honor, Hermes told the man solemnly.

Now, Zeus thought finding this shepherd was a stroke of good luck, but as fate would have it, this wasn't just your average shepherd chilling on a hilltop with his sheep.

No, the man he pointed to, was none other than Paris, the long-lost prince of Troy.

Now, we're going to pause the story here for a second while we do a quick deep dive on our new friend Paris.

Let's take a break, regroup, and we'll be back in just a couple of seconds.

Have you ever wondered who the Mary was from Bloody Mary?

If the Loch Ness monster was real, or if Ouija boards actually worked?

On each episode of the family-friendly Unspookable, we look at the histories and mysteries behind your favorite scary stories, myths, and urban legends to get the real stories behind the scares.

Want to solve your next mystery?

Find and follow Unspookable Now wherever you get your podcasts.

Okay, back to the story.

Paris didn't know it at this point, but his parents were actually King Priam and Queen Hecuba, who ruled over Troy.

Troy is located in the northwest corner of modern-day Turkey.

Yes, and Troy was a very powerful and rich city.

The king and queen were respected and beloved by everyone, but when Queen Hecuba was pregnant with Paris, they received troubling news.

There was a prophecy that the future child, Paris, would bring about the destruction of the city of Troy.

Specifically, the prophecy said that Paris, Prince of Troy, was a firebrand that would burn the city down around them.

Which, you know, isn't great as far as prophecies go.

So obviously, this was a bit of a bummer.

Priam and Hecuba had already started loving their future son, but they loved their city too.

They couldn't fathom that this innocent being would one day be the downfall of their beloved Troy.

But Priam had sworn an oath to protect Troy at all costs.

He had to keep his people safe first and foremost.

He could not let this prophecy come true, even if it meant sacrificing his own child.

But when the time came to get rid of Paris, when he was a newborn baby swaddled in cloth and all cute, Priam just couldn't find it in his heart to do it.

Instead, he asked his servant to take care of it.

Agileus, he ordered, take this child to the mountains and get rid of him.

He cannot live.

Do you understand me?

Agileus was shocked, but he was devoted to King Priam and agreed to take the child.

So Agileus took Paris to the countryside the next morning.

He tried his best to follow the king's orders, but he simply couldn't do it.

I mean, little Paris was just a baby and he was so cute and surely it was wrong to kill such a sweet little baby.

Prophecies play a big role in the story of the Trojan War.

The people who listen to prophecies end up winning over those who don't.

Oracle, what did I say about spoilers?

Come on.

Anyway, Agileus decided to raise Paris as his own son.

He moved to the countryside and taught Paris to become a shepherd.

They were never rich or powerful, but they had a good life.

Paris grew from a delightful child into what seemed to be a good man.

Paris was even planning to marry a beautiful nymph named Oinone.

Paris was a good shepherd and a happy person.

Agileus never once regretted his choice to save his life and raise him as his own son, but he felt like he owed it to Paris to disclose his true identity.

Eventually.

But not on this day.

Okay, now

back to the wedding.

Where were we?

Zeus and Hermes were going to make Paris decide who deserved the golden apple.

Oh, right, the goddess beauty contest.

So when Hermes pointed to Paris, he was stunned.

Me?

Stammered Paris.

Yeah, you.

What's your name, buddy?

Paris?

As Paris told Hermes his name, three of the most dazzling beings he'd ever seen appeared in front of him.

Well, Paris, Hermes said, you've just been awarded the honor of a lifetime.

You get to decide which among these three women is the most beautiful of them all.

This is absolutely not a draft in any way.

Good luck.

And before anyone could notice, Hermes left, and Zeus himself quickly zapped back to Mount Olympus, well out of the blast range of any goddesses.

Paris, meanwhile, was horrified.

How could he possibly decide who was the most beautiful?

I mean, he was no dummy.

He knew these were powerful goddesses before him and not just ordinary women.

They shone so brightly, it was really kind of hard to look directly at them.

The clear winner is Aphrodite.

She is the goddess of beauty.

This is not a hard decision.

It's the only logical answer.

But you have to understand, this wasn't about logic.

It wasn't even about beauty.

Paris couldn't really handle looking at the brilliant goddesses for too long.

He had only a vague idea of what they looked like.

And probably the goddesses knew that because they immediately began to cheat.

I am the goddess of war strategy, Paris.

Athena whispered into Paris's mind as he sat staring at the goddesses.

I don't mean to hold that over your head or anything, but it's definitely something to consider when making your decision.

I could win a war for you before it even starts.

Though Paris was a son of Troy, he didn't know it yet.

And while gaining glory in battle was something he wouldn't turn down, Paris didn't see how many wars that he, as a shepherd, would have the occasion to engage in.

Not to be outdone, Hera was next.

I am the queen of the gods, Paris, she said I can make you king of all the known world you could rule over everyone just pick me and I can make it happen

that was pretty enticing to Paris he liked being a shepherd but he'd probably like being a king even more

and then came Aphrodite

Paris this contest is silly she said I am the goddess of love and beauty.

That in and of itself makes me the clear winner.

That is what I have been saying this entire time.

But in case you need help deciding, just know that I have the power to make people fall in love.

You could marry the most beautiful mortal in the world.

But I have Oinone.

We're going to be married, Paris protested.

And why would you settle for a backwater nymph when you could have her?

And Aphrodite gave Paris a vision of a woman who had almost indescribable beauty.

She had the kind of beauty he would have thought belonged to an immortal goddess, but he could look at her without hurting or being blinded.

Paris felt his heart stop when he gazed into her eyes.

And

you can do this for me?

He asked, his voice soft as he contemplated the beautiful woman's face.

You can make the most beautiful woman in the world marry me?

I don't see why not, Aphrodite said.

You just have to be reasonable and make the right choice.

You're a reasonable man, aren't you, Paris?

So it was decided.

Paris apparently wasn't above bribery and wasn't above breaking any promises he made to Oinone, and Aphrodite was declared the winner.

The three goddesses disappeared, leaving Paris on the hilltop with his sheep while they went back to the wedding.

And, as Zeus predicted, chaos ensued.

Athena may or may not have thrown a chair.

Paris was suddenly alone, wondering if what he just experienced was some sort of fever dream brought on by too much sun.

But as we will find out, Paris was headed for an adventure he'd never dreamed of and was about to meet the most beautiful mortal in the world.

Apparently, she lived in Sparta.

That's because she was Helen, queen of Sparta.

Oracle, come on, man.

That was supposed to be the dramatic ending.

We have to work on this before the next episode, okay?

No, promises.

You can't just like blurt out Helen, okay?

You just supposed to be some drama here.

Greaking out.

That's it for the first episode of season six of Greaking Out.

Keep an eye out on the feed for nine more episodes in the next nine weeks.

Listen, and you'll see it's Greaking

Out.

National Geographic Kids Greaking Out is written by Kenny Curtis and Jillian Hughes and hosted by Kenny Curtis with Tori Kerr as the Oracle of Wi-Fi, audio production and sound design by Scotty Beam, and our theme song was composed by Perry Gripp.

Dr.

Lillian Doherty is our subject matter expert and Emily Everhart is our producer.