S5E5 - Hephaestus and Dionysus

The stories featured in Greaking Out are original adaptations of classic Greek myths.

Today's story features abandoned children, elaborate revenge plots, the god of wine and fun times, good craftsmanship, and bonding through mutual enemies.

Hey, Hey, Oracle, you're supposed to be all-knowing.

I got a question for you.

As usual, continue.

What do all good stories have in common?

There are many elements of storytelling that contribute to the success of the story, including, but not limited to, plot, theme, dialogue, and character.

Character, exactly.

And do you know what kind of character everyone loves to root for?

Is this a rhetorical question?

You know how I feel about those.

The underdog.

Whether it's a drama or a sports saga or a fairy tale, everyone loves a good underdog.

And today's story is all about one of Greek mythology's most famous underdogs, Hephaestus.

Now, you might know Hephaestus as the blacksmith to the gods or one of the 12 Olympians.

And while Hephaestus grows up to be a ferocious dude, his story starts off pretty bumpy, though he should have had every advantage because he was born to the goddess Hera, wife of Zeus.

Now, longtime listeners will remember Hera.

Hera is featured in several episodes, most notably season 3, episode 1, involving Heracles.

Yeah, and if you recall, she's not exactly the nicest goddess on Mount Olympus.

She's a little bit...

How should I put this?

Vain.

Conceited.

Short-tempered.

Cruel.

Well, okay, yeah, yeah, I guess she is all of those things.

And the story we're about to tell you pretty much lines up with the version of Hera you've just described.

Because after she gave birth to baby Hephestus, she was personally offended by how, and these are her words, ugly he was.

This cannot possibly be my child, Hera said, despite having just given birth to him moments ago.

He is hideous.

Nothing this ugly could possibly be related to me, the queen of the gods.

Now, this was horribly cruel and most likely wrong.

I mean, it's not like we have pictures to go back and examine, but I think it's safe to say that by nature, all babies are cute.

False.

Oh, come on, Oracle.

Have you ever met an ugly baby?

Most babies are ugly, especially directly following birth.

Misshapen heads, puffy, swollen eyes, and abrasions are common among newborns.

Okay, okay, okay, but all babies are cute.

I mean, even the ugly ones are cute.

They're like, I don't know, French bulldogs or something.

Opinions are subjective, of course, but I believe your perception to be incorrect.

There are definitely ugly babies and French bulldogs.

Okay, you know what?

You know what?

You know what?

Let's just get back on topic here.

Hera was so distraught by her quote-unquote ugly baby that she decided to abandon him in a mortal town far away from Mount Olympus.

Hephaestus grew up on the island of Lemnos, located in the northern part of the Aegean Sea.

And while we don't exactly know much about Hephaestus' childhood, we do know that it was there on the island of Lemnos that he discovered his true passion.

Metallurgy.

Metallurgy?

What is that?

Metallurgy is the science or technology of metals.

Oh, so do you use metallurgy when you're a blacksmith?

Blacksmithing is a component of metallurgy, along with metal casting, machining, and welding.

It also includes combining metals to make other, stronger metals, like bronze.

Well then, yes, it's safe to say that Hephaestus discovered his passion for metal metal blacksmithing.

He worked hard as a blacksmith and was soon creating some of the best pieces on the island.

But unbeknownst to those around him, he was also working on something else.

Revenge.

You see, it didn't take long before Hephaestus realized that he had been abandoned by the gods.

The whole immortality thing kind of gave it away.

He knew he was a god.

He knew he was special.

And he knew that he had been discarded by Hera, his mother.

He wasn't exactly sure why she hadn't wanted him as a child, but the fact that she abandoned him was reason enough for him to seek revenge.

So Hephaestus decided to form a plan.

He used his blacksmith skills to make a magical golden throne fit for the queen of Mount Olympus.

The throne was beautiful.

It was elegant and majestic, totally something Hera would love.

When it was delivered to her on Mount Olympus, she squealed with joy.

Oh my goodness, what an unbelievable throne.

It's pure perfection, she said as she went to take a seat.

But the minute she did, metal chains shot out out from the arms of the chair and wrapped around Hera tightly.

She was trapped.

What is happening?

She yelled.

Get me off of this thing.

While her servants tried to help her, they could not break Hephaestus's chains.

Soon, they found a small note attached to the bottom of the chair.

For my mother, who has always loved the throne more than me.

When Hera read the note, she knew instantly that this trap was Hephaestus' doing.

For weeks, Hera demanded help from all of the gods and goddesses on Mount Olympus.

They all tried, but nothing could be done.

No one could break the chains.

This is ridiculous, Hera cried.

If none of you so-called gods can break these chains, then Hephaestus must come up here and break them himself.

He will not come willingly, Zeus replied.

Then send someone to fetch him.

You are gods.

Tell me you can handle this.

But no one was exactly jumping to help Hera, because as we've discussed, she has a bit of a reputation for being vain, conceited, short-tempered, cruel.

Exactly.

Even Zeus, her husband, wasn't all that concerned about freeing her from Hephaestus' chair.

But it didn't take long before someone tried to use Hera's position to their advantage.

A few days later, a young god named Dionysus approached Hera's bewitched throne.

Now let's take a second to talk about Dionysus' backstory.

Dionysus was the son of Zeus and a mortal woman named Semele.

Yes, and when Hera heard about Zeus' new baby, she was outraged.

So she paid Semele and her young child a visit.

Foolish human, she said to Semele, you cannot handle the power of a god.

Especially a god such as Zeus.

I can.

I love him, Semele retorted.

If you love love him, as you say, ask him to show you what he really looks like, his true form.

See if you can handle it.

And with that, Hera was gone.

So when Zeus visited Semele the next day, she first made him promise to give her a gift, which Zeus, of course, readily agreed to.

Then, she demanded that the gift be a peek at his true self.

just as Hera had said.

Zeus tried to dissuade her from demanding the gift because he was pretty sure that since she was immortal, the true form of a god might damage her permanently, but Semele insisted.

And Zeus, who had already agreed to give her the gift, had to give her what she wanted.

And of course, as soon as Zeus changed into his godly form, Semele burst into flames.

Zeus was heartbroken.

but he managed to save Dionysus from Hera's rage.

The boy had a safe but lonely childhood.

He was raised by mortals in Nisa, what is now known as Pakistan.

Dionysus had not been allowed to live on Mount Olympus and he had been forced to entertain mortals on the earth below.

But now that Hera was a captive audience, shall we say, he was ready to approach her with a proposition.

Hello, Hera, he said.

I'm not sure if you remember me.

Dionysus, of course.

So sorry to hear about your mother, Hera replied.

Dionysus burned with anger, but managed to keep his composure.

Believe it or not, I want to help you, Hera.

And how exactly do you plan to do that?

I will bring Hephaestus to you.

I believe I can convince him to come of his own accord.

I have my ways.

Dionysus was the god of wine and ecstasy.

and was known to be very convincing.

And you'll do this out of the kindness of your own heart?

I have some conditions.

I'd like to live here with the rest of the gods on Mount Olympus.

Hera stared at him for a long while.

She did not want to grant his wish, but she needed his help to bring Hephaestus back.

What choice did she have?

Fine.

Bring me Hephaestus, and I will see to it that you take your place here with us.

And so it was that Dionysus began his quest.

It didn't take long for Dionysus to find Hephaestus.

He was where he always was, working in his blacksmith shop.

Now you have to keep in mind that Hephaestus and Dionysus were about two different types of guys as you could get.

Hephaestus was big.

He was a buff blacksmith type of guy with a serious attitude and a no-nonsense demeanor that didn't exactly earn him many friends.

While Dionysus, well, he was the god of wine and fun times.

So so he didn't really have much trouble in the friend department at all.

He had an outgoing personality and loved to make everyone laugh.

It was basically a walking party.

He used humor as a way to connect with others and also as a way to keep the spotlight off himself.

The two made an odd pair, but as the saying goes, opposites attract.

Kind of like us, huh, Oracle?

A rhetorical question is a question that does not need to be answered because it is asked to create a dramatic effect or to make a point.

Yes.

Thank you, Oracle.

So, when Hephaestus saw Dionysus enter his shop that day, he immediately suspected trouble.

What are you doing here?

What do you want?

He barked.

Down, boy, Dionysus replied.

Do you even know who I am?

You're that son of Zeus who's always having parties.

You're always up to no good.

And I can't imagine you've had a change of heart now that you're in my shop.

Seems like you got me pegged.

My name is Dionysus.

Glad to make your acquaintance.

You see, I was just wondering if you wanted to come out to a party with me tonight.

Everyone's heard all about the amazing things you've been building and they want to have a toast in your honor.

No.

Dionysus was thrown off.

I mean, he knew this guy was antisocial, but geez, who doesn't like to be celebrated?

So he tried a different tactic.

Well, actually, I really do think you should come.

I have a message for you from your mother.

Hephaestus stopped.

This was the first time Hera had ever reached out to him.

Maybe the throne had left an impression after all.

What is it?

I really do think it's best if you hear this over a drink.

Come out with me later and I'll tell you.

And with that, Dionysus left the shop, leaving Hephaestus with no alternative but to come to the party later that evening.

Symposium.

Excuse me.

Parties in ancient Greece were referred to as symposiums.

A symposium occurs after a banquet and is the colloquial term for drinking party.

Well, whatever you want to call it, Hephaestus had no choice but to attend.

You know, I'm feeling a commercial break right now.

I think this is a good place to take a moment.

We'll get a break.

We'll come back with more greaking out in just a little bit.

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So by the time he got to the party,

by the time he got to the symposium, everyone was having a great time.

He found Dionysus talking with a group in the corner and motioned for him to come over.

Dionysus just yelled to him from across the room.

I'll be right there.

Help yourself to a drink.

In my professional opinion, the wine is delicious.

And although he wasn't a big drinker, Hephaestus did sample some of the wine just to be polite.

Finally, the two had a chance to talk.

How do you like the wine?

Dionysus asked.

I have to admit, you do your job well, Hephaestus said as he finished a glass.

As if by magic, another one appeared in its place.

As do you.

Your mother is stuck in that throne of yours.

She can't get out.

Yes, that was the idea.

Hephaestus chuckled.

But the thing is, I need you to come with me and get her out.

Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen, Hephaestus said.

Oh, I think it is.

And why is that?

Because you're drinking the wine.

And just like that, Hephaestus felt his eyelids grow heavy and his body relax.

He was falling asleep.

He desperately wanted to stay awake, but it was no use.

He was a goner.

When he woke up the next morning, Hephaestus was shocked to find himself strapped to the back of a donkey that that was climbing up what appeared to be a very large mountain.

Good morning, sunshine, Dionysus said when he saw that Hephaestus was finally awake.

Where am I?

Hephaestus growled.

Where are you taking me?

And what was in that wine?

Never mind about the wine.

What's important right now is that we're headed to Mount Olympus to see your mother.

What mother?

I don't have a mother.

And if you're talking about Hera, I have no intention of freeing her from that chair.

Listen, Hephaestus, I have no interest in freeing Hera.

I hate her almost as much as you do.

I highly doubt that.

But then, Dionysus began to explain his story to Hephaestus.

He talked about his mother, what little he could remember of her, and how happy he was when he was a child, and how sad he felt when Hera tricked his mother.

She's dead because of Hera, he said.

From that moment on, life as I knew it was never the same.

Hephaestus listened to Dionysus' story.

He had never thought about the fact that Hera had hurt other people.

Both Hephaestus and Dionysus had suffered because of her.

She had interfered with their lives like they were nothing.

And in a way, that bonded them together.

I know she hurt you, Hephaestus began, but I don't want to free her from that throne.

Don't you think she's better off this way, trapped and unable to hurt anyone else?

Look.

I agree with you, Dionysus answered.

But I made a deal with Hera.

I promised her that I would bring you to Mount Olympus if and only if she agreed to let me stay and make me an official Olympian.

I figured it was the least she could do.

But I didn't make any promises about you getting her out of that chair.

Only that you'd show up and speak with her.

You think you could do that?

Hephaestus considered.

In spite of everything, he actually liked Dionysus.

He really really did.

He was friendly and dramatic and always had something fun up his sleeve.

And he had been hurt by Hera, which meant he could use a hand.

No one knew that better than Hephaestus.

Maybe it's time to introduce myself to my mother after all, he said.

But I can tell you right now, I'm not getting her out of that throne.

She better make herself comfortable.

So the two spent the rest of the day traveling to Mount Olympus.

Dionysus liked Hephaestus' seriousness, the way he took his time to come up with an answer, and Hephaestus enjoyed Dionysus' lightness.

He had never met another soul who made him laugh quite as much.

When they arrived on Mount Olympus, Dionysus took him to see Hera.

It's best to rip off the bandage right away, he said.

But on their way to Hera's chambers, Hephaestus caught a glimpse of the most beautiful goddess on Mount Olympus, Aphrodite.

Aphrodite is the Greek goddess of love, beauty, and fertility.

Hephaestus felt his jaw hit the floor.

He had never seen anything nearly as beautiful as Aphrodite.

He was still staring at her as Dionysus led him to a set of doors.

They had arrived at Hera's chambers.

And Hephaestus, thanks for doing this.

I know you didn't want to, he said.

Hephaestus nodded slowly to Dionysus and then walked through the door.

On the other side, his mother was waiting.

Hera took one look at her long-lost son and bared her teeth.

Where have you been?

She spat.

Do you think it's funny, this little trap you've created?

Are you amused by your cleverness?

Hephaestus just smiled.

He would not let Hera get into his head.

It's time you showed me some respect and break these chains, she demanded.

I don't think you've earned earned any respect, he said.

Bringing you into this world isn't worthy of respect.

But more need I do.

What selfish son have I created?

I was right to toss you aside.

You are not worthy of my love or affection.

These words dug into Hephaestus' heart.

As tough as he wanted to be, he was still affected by Hera's abandonment.

He was about to leave to storm off in a rage when he looked over and saw Dionysus staring at him through the other side of an open window.

He was saying something, but Hephaestus couldn't quite make it out.

Lip reading is a method of interpreting speech by visually studying the movements of the lips, face, and tongue.

Finally, it clicked.

Dionysus was telling him to ask for what he wanted.

It made sense.

Dionysus knew that he would never get back what Hera had taken from him.

The only thing he could do was to take advantage of the situation.

He was reminding Hephaestus to do the same.

He'd never have a good relationship with Hera, that much was clear.

But he was in a position of power and she had no choice but to meet his demands.

But what did Hephaestus want?

What did he really and truly desire that only Hera had the right to give?

Hephaestus was a simple man.

He had a job he liked, a home he enjoyed, and now he even had a friend, Dionysus.

But But there was one thing he was missing, a wife.

I will free you under one condition, he said to Hera.

I want to marry Aphrodite.

Hera looked at him blankly.

You?

You of all people want to marry Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty?

Don't you think highly of yourself?

Hephaestus did not take the bait.

He had always wanted love.

He had always desired a wife to live out his days with, but he was quiet and timid by nature, and he knew nothing of the ways of women.

He would never know how to approach a woman, least of all a woman as beautiful and intimidating as Aphrodite.

This was the perfect solution.

He'd free his mother in exchange for a wife.

Marriage was a common way to secure an alliance between gods and mortals in Greek mythology.

Arranged marriages happened frequently.

Girls often had little to say in their marriage arrangements.

Right.

And since Hera was the goddess of marriage, she didn't necessarily have to ask Aphrodite if she was on board with this.

You heard my demands.

Let Dionysus know what you decide.

I have said all I need to say.

And with that, Hephaestus left the room.

A dramatic Dionysus move, for sure.

When the door shut behind him, Dionysus was skipping by his side.

Oh, that was awesome!

Aphrodite?

Oh, man, she's gorgeous.

Well played, my friend.

Hephaestus was beaming.

He had done it.

He had just stood up to his mother and asked for what he wanted, for who he wanted.

Now, he just had to wait to see if Hera would agree to his terms.

It didn't take long before Dionysus was summoned to Hera's chambers.

A few minutes later, he returned.

I guess that chair is really uncomfortable.

She has agreed to a marriage to Aphrodite as soon as you set her free.

Hephaestus brought his tools to Hera's chambers.

Slowly, he began to disassemble the enchanted throne.

Hera felt the chains begin to loosen.

She was free.

Finally, she said with a huff.

I have agreed to your marriage to Aphrodite.

You two deserve each other.

And with that, she left without another word.

Although she'd always be wary of chairs in the future.

That very afternoon, Dionysus got what he wanted as well and took his place among the Olympians.

And Hephaestus?

Well, he went on to marry Aphrodite.

And although their union wasn't exactly a smashing success, that's a story for a different episode.

He went on to have a successful career as the blacksmith to the gods.

Plus, he had a friend for life in Dionysus.

Not a bad deal for a baby who had been rejected by the gods.

That's all we have for this episode.

Tune in next time for coffin shenanigans and the original pyramid scheme.

National Geographic Kids Greaking Out is written by Kenny Curtis and Jillian Hughes and hosted by Kenny Curtis with Tori Kerr as the oracle of Wi-Fi, audio production and sound design by Scotty Beam, and our theme song was composed by Perry Gripp.

Dr.

Diane Klein is our subject matter expert and Emily Everhart is our producer.

This episode is dedicated to Dionysus Danny Kosvol, who was always the life of the party.