Episode 268: Develop THESE Traits To Be Perceived As More Charismatic

Hi, guys, it's Tony Robbins.

You're listening to Habits and Hustle, Greg.

Let's talk about charisma.

Let's.

Let's do it.

Okay.

When you think of somebody who has charisma, what do you envision?

Like, what makes someone charismatic, in your opinion?

Someone who makes me want to continue listening to them and continue being around them because of the mannerisms in which they're speaking.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Like if I am drawn to that person because of the way in which they present themselves, like how they're talking, how they use their hands, what their facial expressions are like, what their body language is like, to me, that is someone that exudes charisma.

That is someone I want to pay attention to for longer.

Don't, okay.

I mean,

there's like a test you can take on

12 traits that you can master to have to be charismatic.

Oh my God, wait, what?

Yeah.

And it's a combination of things like self-awareness, warmth, competence,

playfulness.

You could also be someone who is humble.

Like, I think that's like, and you can see like where you are on that, on that list.

When I think of someone who's

charismatic, I think of somebody who is

very

confident, but at the same time, self-deprecating, humble,

really good with like emotional EQ, able to like read a room, make eye contact, a sense of humor.

Like I think it really is a balance between a lot of like very positive character traits.

And it's like you can't have too much of one

and you can't have too little either.

It's like somebody who knows they have like a very good balance of all of it together.

Well, I like that.

That's a good definition.

I feel like that covers, because if you're just really funny, you're just a comedian, right?

You might not necessarily be charismatic.

You might be kind of an ass, you might be, there's kids around, but you might be, you know, someone who's not nice, right?

And that makes you, therefore, not charismatic, but you could be really funny.

You're just a comedian.

But you can take your comedic ability and then become charismatic.

That's how you deal with people, engage with people, interact with people.

Like a lot of it, I feel is I think if you have a really high EQ

and understand like

human dynamics and reading the not just the room, but the other person around you and and then making them feel comfortable.

That really makes you more charismatic.

Yes.

Oh my God.

Making someone feel comfortable.

That's actually a really good point.

Making someone feel at ease.

And I think playful ties into that.

Something that I've always really

held true is like having a really serious conversation with someone who can't exit the seriousness is really daunting for me because then I feel like I'm stuck in that serious mode the entire time and there's no reprieve.

There's no lightness, you know?

So I love that they added playful.

And I think playful also encourages welcoming.

But it's interesting what you said, you have to have like a bit of all of that.

You have to be balanced.

Yeah, because at some point, like you have to, I think people who are very charismatic also have like, I say playfulness, but I also say there could be a little bit of like flirtatiousness.

Like you're not, but not in a, it doesn't have to be in a, in a creepy way.

Right.

But I mean someone who like is playfully flirty both.

Guy, it could be for a guy and a girl, like, you know, smiling a lot.

But again, you can't be having this like stupid grit.

You can't have a stupid grin on on your face the whole time, or else you look a kook.

Right?

It's like making a cake, making some kind of like being a chef, right?

Like you put too much salt in something, it ruins the entire dish, right?

But like every

dish, every cake needs flour, eggs, butter.

But if you put too much eggs or too much butter or too much flour, then it's just a delicious cake.

Then

when the balance is off, it ruins the entire

cake.

Absolutely.

So it's a real balance between a lot of different qualities.

That's what I think.

I like it.

It's a much deeper definition than what I gave.

I think it ties it in.

It's like who the person is, I mean, I agree.

I just think it's, I think charisma is so important too, especially depending on the field that you're in.

I think charisma, I believe that charisma is essential for success.

I think in every kind of success, right?

That's how you draw people in.

If you're not a charismatic person, it's hard to draw people in.

So there's so many, like, that's why like taking a charismatic, like, taking a test on it, like, there's like, again, there's all these brothers and sisters, right?

Like, you can't just be charismatic and have nothing to fall back on.

So, like, I believe there is a big piece of competence that has to go with charismatic to be charismatic, or you just become, it like loses its like thing after a while, right?

Like, to have like sustainable charisma, you have to be competent, you have to be warm, you have to be playful, slightly flirtatious, but in a playful, platonic way.

Right.

And

competent, to back it up.

Yeah, but like humble confidence.

Right.

But then, like, sorry, competent confidence.

Confidence.

Yeah, yeah.

But what I was going to say is, there's a lot of like brothers and sisters.

Like, I think being likable is a sister to being charismatic.

You can also have, you got to be bold, right?

In order to, but even when you're bold, like, people always ask me.

I missed that word.

You know, we haven't talked enough in a while.

It's not in a while.

But it's, but I always go back, but it always comes back because, you know, I really believe you have to be bold to be successful.

However, people always ask me about it, and I always say, like, you can't just be like a bull in a China shop, right?

Like, if you're just bold, but don't build any other character traits or qualities that enhance everything together, you're just a bull in a China shop, and you're really not, you're going to turn off a lot of people and it's not going to go to your advantage.

But you have to be bold, but you also have to learn how to be likable, how to have charisma, how to read a room.

Reading a room, an EQ, like having a high EQ, emotional intelligence to me is the most important quality of all.

It like trumps everything because without having a high EQ or a good EQ, it doesn't matter if you're charismatic, bold.

You're not any of them.

You're not charismatic if you don't have a high EQ.

You're not likable because you don't know how to interact and put yourself in situations with people, social situations, and you end up more likely than not actually being a huge turnoff.

So learning like emotional intelligence or ways to be more emotionally intelligent, I think is key.

And when you do that, you become much more charismatic.

How can you take this test?

How do people take this quiz?

They can just Google it.

Like, I don't think it's like, I mean, at this point, you can Google anything.

Google.

But is there like, is there one company that you like or it's just like any company?

I just Google something here.

Yeah, I just Google like.

because that's super cool.

I mean, self-awareness is where it all starts, right?

So well, but in order to be self-aware, you need to have you that's it starts with being self-aware to know what you know what you don't know and know what you're good at, know what you don't, what you're not good at, and and have the

interest and desire to better your emotional intelligence.

Because self-awareness plus a higher EQ equals all the other character traits that you need in order to be successful.

Again, I can't even stress this enough.

It's not just, again, I don't want this always to come back.

I hate using that word.

I feel like it's an overused word, success, success, success.

But the truth is, like, I talk about success in lots of different gamuts of life.

It's not just being financially successful, professionally successful.

I'm talking about being personally successful, having good relationships, friendships, having a life that you feel success in.

You know, it's not like a one, one-dimensional, one one thing.

If you only have success in one area, you're actually not successful.

You're actually, you should reevaluate your life because if you're, if you're so dominant in one side, likely is that you're, you're really missing out or you're flailing in other areas.

And so maybe to balance that out, you have to work on those other areas for like a real holistic success, I guess you would call it, right?

It's interesting.

The theme of this podcast accidentally became balance, right?

Like balance between all the different features you need to be charismatic, balance between all the different areas of success in life.

Like, I think that it's, yeah, it's fascinating.

But in order to get that self-awareness as to whether or not you are charismatic, you should go take that test.

I'm so curious.

Drop your results in any comment section for this podcast.

I will say, though, I don't believe in balance in real life, though.

I think balance is something that does not exist.

But I think in order to have something fundamentally like a trait, like charismatic or whatever, like that one, you need to be able to balance a lot of qualities that doesn't make you off-putting to somebody else.

Because at the end of the day, we're all beings that have to relate with other people for our success, in personal, in professional.

And so to know how to like, to ride the wave of like human dynamics and interaction, so important.

Okay, so I have a question for you as a parent.

How much do you feel like the parental role plays in how likable a child is?

I'm always so curious about that.

Like, is there a big factor there?

I think so.

Well, I think that, like, I do believe that it all starts at the home first.

And I think teaching your children what is appropriate behavior, inappropriate behavior, what is likable qualities that people like want to be around versus not.

Like, it's about teaching.

And parenting is not just talking, it's about showing and acting.

To me, like, kids are way more, they learn more by your actions than what you say anyway.

So, if they see you being kind, likable to others, having a lot of friends, being social, working hard, being productive, they pick up on those things in an indirect way that then will affect them.

That's what I think.

Yeah, it's so interesting.

Jordan Peterson, I went to like a talk of his once years ago, and he said, stop raising unlikable kids.

Like if you don't want to hang out with your kids, that's a problem.

That's a problem.

Oh, I think I actually heard him talk about it.

Interesting.

Yeah.

I heard that before.

So, yeah.

So,

but I am a big believer that, you know, you are what you do, not what you say you do or what you want to do.

It's about what you actually do.

And other people around you, especially kids around you, that's how they become who they are.

So be careful.

Yes.

You know, that's what I say.

And if you want to be, learn how to be more charismatic, Google it and take a test.

And

also just remember, everything, it's about balancing, not being too overwhelming.

It's like salt or sugar or flour in a cake.

If you just a little bit too much, one way or the other can ruin it.

So you got to be very careful.

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