Episode 208: Instagram Vs Reality

I didn't even tell you about this, but I want to ask your opinion, and I want to ask everybody's opinion about this.

So, I thought this, I think this is very, very ironic because I want to talk about authenticity, especially for social media and just for overall how it's like such a popular hashtag and such a big, it's such a big topic now.

Like, everyone wants everybody wants like real people who are authentic and this and that.

And I think I am, to be honest.

I think that's pretty much like you can hate me or love me or not care one way or the other.

But I think, if anything, at least I think I'm authentic.

But anyway, that wasn't my point at all.

I'm nervous with the question.

No, no.

So anyway,

I'm going to lead with a story here.

So I was, you know, during this whole book tour, I've been doing tons of different like press and podcasts.

And

I was talking to this person about, I'm not going to use anybody's name, about

Real and about this whole topic of authenticity.

And I joined her podcast, but I was wearing my headset.

Okay.

You know, like I wear these

because that's just what I do.

I don't really, again, I'm wearing a sweatshirt.

I don't get very dressed up.

I don't wear tons of makeup.

I'm super, like, I'm not very girly, let's say.

And I know that I'm not really technically savvy.

Let's just say that, too.

So anyway, so I'm wearing these very, very low-tech headset

to do the podcast.

I show up and I do it all the time.

Like, if I'm not doing it in person, anything I do virtual, I have these silly things.

And she was like super offended.

She was like, no, you can't wear those.

Those are like so, like, like, they're so like not, they're passe or they're like, so

like, they're so low, low brow, amateur type of thing.

I'm like, well, that's all I have.

And so she went on and on, how I could, she didn't want me to even do the podcast because I was like taking away from the brand and the the image of what the whole look should be

for her podcast.

And actually, maybe you do know because I had to call you to ask you if I had another mic at my house.

And I'm like running around my house.

I'm like, okay, maybe I have another mic hidden somewhere.

Anyway, which was the funny part of the whole story is then...

we go right into like authenticity and being like who you are, asking me all these questions about who I am.

And I'm like, isn't this ironic, right?

Like everybody wants people who are real, but yet, and they talk about it at nauseum.

And yet, when you are a person who's real and you do things how you would normally do it, like A, wearing these, you know, low-tech Apple eye pod, you know, headsets, it's like, it's like kind of not cool and it's like passe and it's amateur and it's not the right look.

It's not the right vibe.

It's like, it's not aesthetically pleasing.

But isn't that kind of contrary to what being authentic and who you really are is?

Right.

So I found that to be quite a conundrum.

Like,

I got caught up in a very funny conundrum, I guess, with that.

But what do you think?

Do you think wearing these for a podcast is so, is it so cheesy and like uncool?

Well, for one, this was like when you said you had a question for me, this is completely out of left field.

That was not expected at all.

But no, I, I, okay, so we always talk about this, how integrity, like the public image never matching the private image is so frustrating to me.

Exactly.

And I don't think that that's uncool.

I have been a producer for like 10 years now, and plenty of guests don't have the tech or the mic, or they don't want to set it up.

You know, they might have a full-on studio at their house, but they're not going to go and do your podcast from their studio.

Well, I just think certain things don't matter to me.

Certain, certain, I guess, like for everybody, there are people who like care about their things.

To me, you know, what kind of headset and mic I use, or to like, that to me is not

really that important.

I don't value things.

I don't value material things.

I don't.

And so therefore I don't put, I don't pay much attention to it.

I guess to her, maybe, maybe to, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe it was also about the sound quality, not just the aesthetics of it.

But at the same time, you know, and she was very into the aesthetic part.

She was into the aesthetic part too.

I just don't, I guess like, if when you're,

I think what when I talk and when I think about authenticity, what I think about is people showing up how they really are, who they really are.

That's like with all the good and the bad.

Like exactly, you know, like I said,

I may not be like all like primed up to look like a, like I'm going to a prom or to like, you know, to the Academy Awards, but that's just, I don't dress like that.

What are you wearing, Jonathan?

What are you, who are you wearing?

Who are you wearing right now?

Which is funny because I've been, first of all, I'm a right now, I don't know why I'm into this whole Playboy vibe.

I've been wearing Playboy sweatshirts for like five months.

I know, and I'm not, this is not, I'm not, this is not an ad for Playboy.

I'm not a Playboy person, but they do have really nice sweatshirts and nice, you know, this is not an ad, but this is what I wear.

I was comfortable.

This is what I like to wear.

Where, where I focus my attention, and this is what actually I talk about, this is my book.

I talk about putting certain things on autopilot that are not important to you because it then it leaves you room in your brain to focus on things that are way more important.

For me, what's important is

quality of food that I eat, moving my body and exercising, my children schedule.

To me, that's where my attention and focus goes to.

My podcast, friends and family.

I don't really care about what design or labels I'm wearing or like what clothes I'm wearing, if my hair is properly like done or if my makeup's on.

I barely, and you know this, I don't know how to put on makeup.

And it's actually quite embarrassing at my age.

But nevertheless.

Because you're just so hot without it.

So why does it matter?

Yes, well, that's a whole other thing, right?

Um, but the point is, it's like you have to allot your attention to things that are important to you and that you care about and let the other things kind of go and put other things on autopilot.

So, with that, right?

So, that's why I always wear a black tank top and jeans when that's my dress-up outfit.

When I'm getting dressed up, when I go show up somewhere, I'm wearing a black tank top and jeans, and people know that I've arrived in my, in my very

dressed-up formal wear.

Yeah, absolutely.

You can't spend your mental capacity on things that are irrelevant.

And to say as well, with production and stuff, I would never stress a guest out about their audio if it was like right before the episode and they had this like headphones.

As long as it sounds all right, I don't love headphones sometimes because they will

drag along clothes and things like that, which can be a little annoying.

So I might have them just not use headphones at all, which is totally fine by me.

Or but this is not about that because I get it.

When you do a podcast, you want to have the sound to be a certain way.

I get that.

My issue is more about the

aesthetics of it,

especially when you're telling, you know, the whole idea now is about we want to be real and show up as you are and talk about things that are like when things become too contrived and then That's where I don't like it.

Like it's like I have everything has to look a certain way and be a certain way and you have to show up a certain way and then you preach authenticity, which is totally like the oxymoron so how do you deal with that because in the influencer space and you you're mingling with so many people that have that disconnect between like their image and who they actually are as people how do you handle that it's super annoying and i think this is where this is why that it took this is a long drawn out way of talking about know know who you are following and who you're listening to because the truth of the matter is it's actually very disappointing and i talk about this with a lot of my my true friends is that you know like when you actually meet people in person and you think they're going to be a certain way way and you're, and they're not, it's like, it's always a letdown.

Almost always, it's a letdown when you meet people and you put them on a pedestal.

The truth is everybody is human, but at the same time, it's like, it is like Instagram versus reality.

It's not, it's very different.

Instagram and reality, very different.

So

again, like what I guess why I want to even talk about this further is I think that a lot of people get really down on themselves and think that they're not,

again, the pretty enough, talent enough, all these enough enoughs, and that their life is so shitty in comparison to who they're following.

But remember, like Instagram is a, is basically a highlight reel.

And that's the point is that like these things are not reality.

It's like watching a nice movie or or a show.

And really, like what if you peel back a lot of the layers of what really happens in real life, in real time, it's very, very different than what you see.

So like, I want people to be very cognizant and aware of that because I think it can really play like a lot of mind tricks on people.

And it can take people down a really, really bad rabbit hole, a black hole of depression and feeling unworthy and not good enough.

And I think that to me is a real dream killer, right?

Comparing yourself to others in general is a dream killer.

It's like a brain killer and a confidence killer.

So if you can, if you can not, if that's happening to you because you're scrolling TikTok or Instagram especially, I think Instagram is worse than TikTok

because it's much more about the visual piece.

Well, it's just way more filtered.

It's more, and it's more filtered, but it's more about people showing their lives off.

TikTok's more like funny memes a lot of times.

There's less makeup on TikTok too.

It's less like done up.

It's like people dancing in their pajamas and stuff.

I think it's right.

So I think like Instagram is where it really becomes very much an issue that like you have to kind of keep on reminding yourself that this is not reality it is only instagram i mean to be frank with you i'm not exactly posting all the the the the shitty negative stuff that happens to me you know what i mean like when i post on instagram it's not intentional but i post like oh yeah my kids dancing i love this dance or yes this this message or that message but like again that's a such a small snapshot of what really happens in the 24-hour day of what happens in my life, your life, whoever you're following.

So be mindful.

And if that is happening to you, which is my point, stop following those people.

Because if they're making you feel bad about your life, then that's not the right thing that you should be following or looking at.

And really curate your,

you know, your algorithm because you can do that.

I've had a lot of friends, not a lot.

I've had a couple of friends of mine,

actually who are very well known and quite famous, take themselves

like very much recently take themselves off, and this is true, off of Instagram.

And one of them just hired somebody to just do all of their social media that they have to do.

Because even with all of their achievements and accomplishments and everything that they've done, it's made them extremely self,

self-doubting, depressed, and constantly thinking that they're not good enough.

It's really bad.

It's really bad.

And these are people I'm talking about who have accomplished things that, like, in your wildest dreams, like one of the things that they've accomplished would have been like amazing.

And like, it was like backstacked, back to back, amazing stuff.

And it still made them feel that way.

So you're not alone.

And that's my, but that's one of the points.

And, you know, if it's not working for you, you have to change it because this is not a place, like it's not, if it's, if it's doing harm,

you should rethink it.

Yeah.

Educated scrolling is what I like to say.

Like, and if you can't scroll, if you can't scroll with that perspective that's not making you depressed, then remove that from your, from your feed.

It's like, I used to feel bad on following people, but then I got to the point where I'm thinking, well, if this is making me feel sad, you know, why?

Why should I feel bad?

You know what?

100%.

Like, I know in the fitness and health space, right?

Like, you follow all these like fitness girls, right?

Like, girls follow.

By the way, girls are following more girls than guys.

You know what I mean?

Like, in terms of, it's like the people who are following the girls are not just all guys.

It's like girls who are like, or aspirate, like these aspirational girls, we all want to look like, have their butt, we want to have their abs.

To me, that is so, that to me is so detrimental.

Because for what, what I remember, I would, I would be doing it.

I'd be looking at somebody and then I would be like, oh my God, why don't I have that?

Like, why would I work out that much?

I'm not looking like that.

Why is this?

And you forget that like so much of this is, so much of this is filters,

lighting.

And the other bad thing now is

everything.

And so people don't even know.

Like, even though we know.

We know intellectually what's happening, our brains play such tricks on us.

It's unbelievable.

Yeah.

I only follow people, fitness people.

I only follow fitness people if it's like for form, if they have good educational content.

Yeah, like techniques.

Yes, yes.

If it's just photos,

that's not what you do me anyway.

You're the rarity.

I mean, there's not one person I know.

Like how many, I mean, mostly my girls are like, oh my God, you follow so-and-so?

And like, I'm like, no, I don't.

And then I start following them.

I'm like, I know now why I'm not following so-and-so.

You know what I mean?

Because again, I don't want to have, it's like natural to be doing that whole like, why can't I?

But again, comparison, like comparing and comparison is like the root of all evil.

It's seriously the root of all evil.

Women also, like, it's so unrealistic to compare yourself to some of these fitness people.

I I hate following guys where they have, like, if I see a guy's transformation video of like three months in the gym, I, and it's like my transformation video of like four years in the gym is nowhere near theirs.

And I'm just like, oh, because men put on muscles so much easier than women.

Totally.

What happened?

They have more muscle masks.

Yeah.

And it's just, it's different for them.

So you can't, there's so many reasons why you should not compare yourself to a number of different people ever.

Well, besides just the lighting and the filters, you know what else it is?

Just because someone is touting and promoting that they're doing, I do this, this, and this every day,

do you?

I mean, so much of the stuff is actually not true.

I mean, like, they may be doing that, but they can also be doing a lot of other things involved that they're not promoting, right?

Yes.

So, I mean, there's a lot of stuff out there.

So, authenticity is sometimes not so authentic.

So, I, but I do believe the people who truly are authentic, I think really

need a shout out out here because they're very few and far between.

And for you people who are listening, if you are still listening or if you're watching,

you have to shine your light.

You got to be who you are.

And like I said, don't compare yourself.

Don't worry about what otherbody, what anybody else is doing, what's cool, what's trendy.

Do you, be you, and you'll live a much happier, much more fulfilling, a much more rich life.

That's it.

I love that.

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