Overcoming Comparisonitis + Showing Up Authentically with Mindset Expert Melissa Ambrosini | EP 59

Speaker 1 What so many people do is they let their inner critic run, ruin, and dictate every move they make in their business and in their life.

Speaker 1 Their inner critic is in the driver's seat of their life, and their true self is in the back. But we need to switch that around.

Speaker 2 This constantly comparing ourselves to other people or thinking that we should be further along. I definitely had had that play out a lot in my 20s and 30s.

Speaker 2 Comparing myself to others was an unconscious way to motivate me to do better, but it was actually paralyzing me.

Speaker 1 I think what the difference with some people is they let that voice run and dictate their life, make a mess in their house, drive their car. And some people are just like, no, you are in the boot.

Speaker 1 You are not going to take over my life and you are not going to make the moves. I, my true self, my higher self, is going to make the moves.
The average person lives till 79 years.

Speaker 1 And when you take away work, sleep, emails, eating, all the things that we commonly do on a day-to-day basis, you were left with 1.2 years of your life to do what you love.

Speaker 1 1.2 years of your life, babe. We were like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
We have got this all wrong.

Speaker 2 Welcome to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're going to talk about how to overcome negative self-talk as well as comparisonitis and give you strategies to be more efficient with time management.

Speaker 2 I'm joined by my friend Melissa Ambrosini, who is an author, a speaker, an entrepreneur.

Speaker 2 And we're gonna share some of the behind the scenes of our businesses and our challenges, as well as actionable tools to shift your mindset and integrate more authentic ways to live your life and lead your business.

Speaker 2 Let's dive in.

Speaker 2 Melissa, I'm so happy to have you on the podcast.

Speaker 2 I know that we have dropped into so many different deep conversations, and I thought it would be beautiful to share with people some of the behind the scenes of our lessons and learnings along the way as friends, as businesswomen, as people that are just interested in health and wellness.

Speaker 2 And I know one of the most crippling things that people confront, especially as they're saying yes to their dreams, is comparison and the inner critic.

Speaker 2 And I know you talk about the inner critic as the mean girl, which I love, because not only then do you not identify with a voice in your head, it's just a narrative, it's not who you are, but also then you don't necessarily let it hold you back from following your dreams.

Speaker 2 And so, you know, just to give people context, it's like we have upper and lower limits. And any time that, like, sometimes a voice comes up and holds us back from sharing our gifts.

Speaker 2 And then other times, once we take that courageous leap, it that critic gets really loud to bring us back down to that comfort zone because it doesn't want us to grow beyond it.

Speaker 2 because there's some fear. So I just want to normalize this for people.
And I know you are like a wealth wealth of information around this. You have a book around this.

Speaker 2 Talk to us about what are some of the most powerful techniques or practices that you found to overcome negative self-talk.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So my first book was called Mastering Your Ming Girl.

Speaker 1 And that was all about exactly what you said, mastering that voice inside your head. And I created this little process.
It's a four-step process called the cast process.

Speaker 1 And this process helps you cast aside your inner critic so that your true self can shine through.

Speaker 1 Because what so many people do is they let their inner critic run, ruin, and dictate every move they make in their business and in their life.

Speaker 1 Their inner critic is in the driver's seat of their life, and their true self is in the back. But we need to switch that around.

Speaker 1 We need our true self to be in the driver's seat, the inner critic in the boot. You know, it's always going to be there.

Speaker 1 That voice of that egoic, fear-based voice is always going to be there but we don't have to let it in the driver's seat of our life so i actually did my ted talk on this and i taught everyone in the audience and in my book how to cast aside the inner critic so cast is an acronym and i'm going to talk you through it and this is what i discovered for myself and then i taught my clients and then people would just say to me you need to write a book about this you need to do a ted talk on this because it was so powerful and truly like everything that i teach is just stuff that has helped me along my journey and and supported me and my clients and so the first letter c stands for character what i have found to be really powerful is creating a little character for that voice so i want everybody to visualize like when that voice comes up that says i'm not good enough i'm not smart enough no one's gonna buy my offer who do you think you are writing a book or starting a podcast?

Speaker 1 You'll never get out of debt. You'll never meet the guy.
Everyone knows that voice. So, what I want everyone to do is to create a little character for that voice.

Speaker 1 So, mine is like a little version of me that sits on my right shoulder, and she's wearing a little red devil outfit with like a pitchfork.

Speaker 1 Now, when I was a professional dancer, we did a dance called Dance with the Devil, and we wore this exact outfit.

Speaker 1 And so, I've got this visual in my head of like me, little version, just sitting there. And she's the one that's like, who do you think you are writing a book?

Speaker 1 Or who do you think you are starting a podcast? And so when we create this fun little character for this voice, and it doesn't have to be you, it could be someone else. It could be a man.

Speaker 2 From Lion King, you know, like some other

Speaker 2 Disney character. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Exactly. It doesn't matter.
Just whatever first comes to you, that is perfect.

Speaker 1 What What this does is it helps us separate that voice from the truth of who we are, which is unconditional pure consciousness love. Like that is the truth of who we are.

Speaker 1 And so, when we create this little character, we can kind of see that it's not us, it's not our true self that is saying those things to us all the time. So, that is the first step.

Speaker 1 Create a character, give it a name. You know, I just call mine my inner mingle, but you might call yours Simba, you might call yours whatever.
Like, it literally does not matter.

Speaker 1 Just create some sort of character. So, that's the first step.
The second step in the cast process, A, stands for awareness. You know this, babe, like awareness is key to transformation.

Speaker 1 If you aren't aware of the dialogue that is going on, you can't change it. It's like once light has been shone on something that was once dark, we can then change it.
So, I love writing them down.

Speaker 1 You know, I love writing down things and saying my inner mean girl is telling me that my podcast is going to fail or no one's going to listen or no one's going to join she launch or whatever it is and I write them down because then I have taken them out of the dark and they are visible I can see what she is saying then I can move forward then we go to the S in the cast process and that stands for shut the door.

Speaker 1 So instead of inviting that inner critic in to your home to sleep over, to wear your clothes, to eat all your food, and to hang out, we just shut the door and we say, thank you, but I'm not interested.

Speaker 1 I am not interested in that narrative that you're playing out. And then the fourth step, T, stands for truth.
We come back to the truth of who we are, which is unconditional love.

Speaker 1 We get out of our head, we slide back into our heart space, and we come back to the truth. And women have between 60 and 80,000 thoughts a day.
Men have around 40,000. So we might be, I know,

Speaker 1 that's crazy, right? Crazy.

Speaker 1 So we might be doing a lot more mastering of our inner mingle than men, but we have to,

Speaker 1 it's a muscle. And the more we do it, the quicker we're going to get at it, the faster we'll be able to come back to our truth.
And the thing is, it's a daily practice, hon. It is a daily practice.

Speaker 1 And it's a conscious decision to come out of our head, back into our heart.

Speaker 1 So literally, whenever my inner mean girl pops up to try and tell me something that is not my truth, I take myself through that process and I come back to my heart. And it always works.

Speaker 2 I love that. I love that there are so many different ways to navigate our inner world.
And yet, this principles are similar. You You know,

Speaker 2 I remember, this is going to date me, but back in the day before I started learning mindset work, I had such a fierce inner critic.

Speaker 2 It was so loud, and I knew it wasn't who I was most of the time at this point that I started, but I would have to drown it out. I didn't have any tools.

Speaker 2 So I would listen to audio CDs, like books on CD in my car, just so that I didn't hear it on long drives. And like you're saying, it has muscle memory.

Speaker 2 So if you keep shifting it, that inner voice can change. It can change radio stations from like criticism to compassion as a set point.
And I didn't know that was possible.

Speaker 2 And part of the work that I've discovered around it, in case this also supports, is sometimes I think that the critic has a bad rap and that there's wisdom inside of it.

Speaker 2 And if we don't just judge it, most of the time I find that for me, that it's trying to tell me something. And maybe it's not an effective or an efficient way to get there.
It's trying to protect me.

Speaker 2 So it's like, it tells me how bad I did as a way to make sure I do better so that then I'm accepted. And if I'm accepted, then I'm safe, for example.

Speaker 2 But, you know, parts of us and other people defend to the degree that we feel accepted.

Speaker 2 And so thanking that part of me, being like, okay, sweetheart, you're the part of me that wants to make sure I'm safe, that wants to make sure I'm protected, kind of settles it.

Speaker 2 And then it's, we have compassion, like you were saying, coming back to the truth of us, not identifying. Same principle, right? Where it's like, oh, I can be compassionate with the critic.

Speaker 2 Because if I'm criticizing the critic, it's another layer of criticism and further perpetuates that pattern.

Speaker 2 So I love that there, they're very similar principles and ways to work with it so that we can wake up beyond that and come back, like you're saying, to the truth of our being. It's so powerful.

Speaker 2 It's so beautiful.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. It's not about like beating yourself up.
It's about, you know, loving, loving that voice, loving that inner mean girl, having compassion. Like you said, she's just trying to protect us.

Speaker 1 Like she's just doing what she thinks is right.

Speaker 1 And so we just, we don't beat ourselves up for even having those thoughts. We just go, oh, I see.
It all comes back to awareness. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And like you said, it gets to be allowed in the car, but just not old enough to drive.
So it's like the truth of you gets to take the seat. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And like, this is most of us kind of get it in the mind at first. And then we have to have an experience to start feeling it to be true.

Speaker 2 And then we keep learning it until it's an integrated way of being.

Speaker 2 So, you know, it doesn't matter how many times you fall off the the horse like the moment you get back on you come back to your heart like that's what matters most so i'm just curious kind of to ground this is there a time in your life where overcoming your inner critic supported you and opening opportunities to step into your full potential or opened opportunities in your business and life because you didn't let yourself be held back by that that limitation?

Speaker 1 Oh my goodness, so many in my business and so many times in my personal life, like all the time. I mean, if I had listened to that voice, I would never have done any of those things.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't have launched She Launch. I wouldn't have written five best-selling books.
I wouldn't have started my podcast. I wouldn't have done a TED talk.

Speaker 1 Like, I wouldn't have done any of those things if I let that voice drown out my truth and overtake and get in the driver's seat. I would never have done those things.

Speaker 1 And in the same in my personal life, I would never have taken risks that I've taken in my personal life.

Speaker 1 Like, for example, having a home birth with my daughter, like, you know my inner critic went crazy when i'd made that decision and i was like no like this is what i want this is my truth and i made it happen so i think what the difference with some people is is they let that voice run and dictate their life like i said they let that voice come over sleep over eat all the food make a mess in their house drive their car and some people are just like no you are in the boot you are not going to take over my life and you are not going to make the moves i my true self, my higher self, is going to make the moves.

Speaker 2 And that's love too. And that's love that's fierce and that's love with boundaries.
It's to say, I hear that you're trying to support me and you're good.

Speaker 2 Get in the back of the seat, you're in the back of the car, the boots, like you say, and let me come back to what my truth is and really stand in that.

Speaker 2 The another thing that you talk about that I love is comparisonitis, which is such a cute term.

Speaker 2 You know, just this constantly comparing ourselves to other people or thinking that we should be further along. I know this, I definitely had had that play out a lot in my 20s and 30s.

Speaker 2 And it was essentially thinking that it was trying to support me when my own investigation.

Speaker 2 Comparing myself to others was an unconscious way to motivate me to do better, but it was actually paralyzing me. So it was trying to help me, but it was actually stunting my growth.

Speaker 2 And so again, just a compassionate lens around it. But I found that, you know, when I've coached people to set goals, they get really cringy around setting goals.

Speaker 2 They feel the pressure that they have to hit the goal or maybe that they're now a victim to the goal happening.

Speaker 2 But I just want to be clear that when you become aware of what your goal is or you start moving towards it, it's not the goal that hurts, it's the attachment to the goal.

Speaker 2 And when it happens, that hurts.

Speaker 2 I just want to bring some light to this so that people can find a different way to move forward with their goals without some some of the contraction and old ways of leadership.

Speaker 2 But I'm curious, what would you say to people that are constantly feeling like they're falling short? They're not hitting their goals. What would you say to them?

Speaker 1 Check in.

Speaker 1 Check in and like make sure that that goal is actually something that you want and it's not something that you think you should have or that you're comparing and you're like, oh, Alyssa's doing this and she's making this much and she's launching this.

Speaker 1 And like actually check in and make sure that that goal is something that you truly want because often that could be the case why we've not hit it is because it's actually not our truth and that's that's sometimes hard to swallow i speak a lot about getting really clear on like what

Speaker 1 your dream life looks like for you. Like what is your dream business? How much do you want to work? Like what feels good for you? And I think with social media, it's so easy to compare.

Speaker 1 So my book, Comparisonitis, How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Be Genuinely Happy, that came out three years ago, and it's still a number one bestseller because so many people struggle with this.

Speaker 1 And I think it's sad, hun, because you know, young girls, really young girls, are experiencing

Speaker 1 you know, self-harm and eating disorders younger than ever. And

Speaker 1 suicide rates have gone up since Instagram launched,

Speaker 1 and it's really sad. So, we need to remember that Instagram is the highlight reel.
It is the highlight reel.

Speaker 1 And even though people say that often, we forget when we're looking at it. Like, you kind of get into like this zombie-like state where you forget that this is just a snippet of Alyssa's life.

Speaker 1 This is not the totality of her life. She's not broadcasting live every single minute of her day.
We don't know what's going on.

Speaker 1 And so it's there, therefore, it is not a fair comparison because it is not the totality of someone's life. It is a snippet.
It is the highlight. We have to remember that.

Speaker 1 And so if you aren't achieving some goals, I want to ask you, like, was that even your truth? Was it your truth?

Speaker 1 to achieve this or whatever it is um because often i see that with my clients inside she launch as well I see they set these big goals, but I'm like, hang on, like, is that actually what you want?

Speaker 1 Or are you just doing that because someone else did that? Or, you know, what feels right for you?

Speaker 1 And I think knowing what our core values are and knowing what success looks like for us in our business and our life is so important.

Speaker 1 Like for this season of my life, I only want to work a couple of hours a day. I have a three and a half year old.
I have another one on the way. I don't want to work more.

Speaker 1 I don't want to put put her in daycare i don't want to do that like i want i want that time with her so it looks really differently for me than it did pre-children and it's going to shift again when my second baby is here and so i think the more we can take some time to get really clear on what are our core values what does success look like for us in business and in life and then we just put our blinders on and we stay in our own lane and we just set about achieving that hire coaches of course to support you if that is uh something that you want to do i'm a big believer in getting support but yeah that would probably be the biggest thing i i see is like you know they're not hitting those goals because maybe they're not even true for them yeah and i love what you said about defining what success looks like for you and at this era this stage of your life because i think if we don't consciously do that society will do it for us and then we get entranced with this bigger better faster more and that's not our truth.

Speaker 2 I had a woman in my mastermind and she had two young kids. And we were, she hit most of her goals in the first two months.

Speaker 2 And then the third month, we were about to do a challenge where we accelerate for 30-day sprint. And she's like, wait, I hit my goals.
I don't want to sprint.

Speaker 2 And part of the work was just about empowering her to claim that she didn't need to move because that was an invitation in the group.

Speaker 2 And like to really claim that, I love what you're saying because it takes our power back from what society or our unconscious narratives of what success is.

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Speaker 2 I would be honored to support you. Another thing that I've seen hold people back is if they feel like they have failed in the past, they'll be hesitant to move forward in the future.

Speaker 2 So anything we haven't forgiven from the past, we sometimes can project into the future. And so really doing the inner work, like you're saying, also supports us in taking our power back.

Speaker 2 I think you and I are both on the same page, like doing the work from the inside out, not the outside in. And with social media, yes, comparison can get kicked up.

Speaker 2 And maybe there's a period of time where we delete social, or if we have an addiction, we're removing ourselves from the bar or what it might be. But the ultimate work will be going from the root.

Speaker 2 Because if we have that comparative mindset, we no longer have social, that's just going to be still projected onto every other area of our life because that's the lens from which we're looking.

Speaker 2 And so doing some of the mindset work I know you are a big fan of so that you can wake up beyond the comparative mind because anything really that contracts us can free us if we use it that way.

Speaker 2 And so I'm just curious about any of the inner work that you suggest people doing to start waking up out of that comparative mindset.

Speaker 2 So especially at this time where it is easy to get caught up in that highlight reel on social.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the mindset piece is so huge. Like 80% of success in business is mindset.
20% is strategies and tools. I know, like,

Speaker 1 an inside, inside she launch, that's what I teach. I'm like, I'll give you all the strategies and the tools.
I'll give you all that. But 80% of it is mindset.

Speaker 1 And I can't get into your mind and reprogram for you. You have to do that.
It takes daily work.

Speaker 1 And so, definitely, the cast process that I shared before will help you shift out of that comparison and come back to your truth. So, definitely use that.
But I've also found internal family

Speaker 1 to be really supportive

Speaker 1 in

Speaker 1 digging deep into

Speaker 1 where the stories came from and then releasing them, loving that part of you and releasing them. So that's been really powerful.

Speaker 1 I actually had Richard Schwartz, the creator of internal family systems on my podcast. And yeah, it was just amazing.
So That's been really powerful for me.

Speaker 1 And then also meditation, hun, like meditation has been such a transformational tool for me when it comes to my mindset. I used to have a very, very loud inner mean girl.

Speaker 1 And when I started meditating in 2010, it's like it literally changed everything because it forces you to stop, to slow down, to sit, to get quiet, to get still.

Speaker 1 Like at the start, I had so much noise in there, like you, like you were saying when you were driving, and it was very confronting. But now it's something that I just love and look forward to.

Speaker 1 So, I think if you want to really upgrade your mindset, then having some sort of meditation practice is going to be so beneficial for you in your business and in your personal life.

Speaker 2 What's your practice like now? I'm just curious because I know it ebbs and flows. We've been doing the work for a while.

Speaker 2 What does your current practice look like?

Speaker 1 Well, it looks different having having a toddler.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 pre-bambi, I would meditate 20 minutes twice a day, every single day. I never missed a day.
I did Vedic meditation, which is where you get given a mantra.

Speaker 1 And I would sit 20 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the afternoon, every day. I was so dedicated.
And I cannot tell you how...

Speaker 1 transformational that was for me and how good I felt.

Speaker 1 I just, the stress that it releases, it's the equivalent of four hours' sleep. This meditation that I do, Vedic meditation, it is the equivalent of four hours of sleep.

Speaker 2 Was it transcendental meditation?

Speaker 1 Yes, transcendental. Yes.
And not only are you getting deep, deep rest, you're getting such deep rest, like it is just so profound for your nervous system, for everything. Like,

Speaker 1 I think back to like when I was literally so dedicated and how good I felt. And since my daughter has come along, I don't always get the second one.
I always do my first meditation in the morning.

Speaker 1 Hold up. And I do it.
Hold up. Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow, that you had a commitment to twice a day. And with now a toddler, you're still getting the 20 minutes in.

Speaker 2 I'm impressed.

Speaker 1 Yo, thanks, babe.

Speaker 1 But let me tell you, it still doesn't, it doesn't feel the same as having two because you're not like that second one unlocks and releases a level of fatigue in your body that I can't quite explain.

Speaker 1 And so,

Speaker 1 what I do is the first thing I do when I wake up is I sit up in bed and I meditate. And I do it straight away because toddlers are unpredictable.

Speaker 1 I don't know when she's going to wake up, and I want to do it before she wakes up. So, I always get that one in.

Speaker 1 And then, not always the second one. I definitely try.
It's not every day. I do my very best.
And if I don't get it in in the afternoon, like sometimes Nick and I will tag team.

Speaker 1 I will, so I lay with, I lay next to her bed and when she goes to sleep and sometimes I will just sit next to her bed and do it while she's falling asleep so I sit there and meditate next to her and I've always meditated while I've breastfed her and it's such a beautiful thing to do like you know all that beautiful calm energy you know while she's breastfeeding and then while I'm sitting next to her like and you know So many of my friends, they just comment on how calm she is and how well regulated she is.

Speaker 1 And she's just such a beautiful person and you know I and someone said to me well you meditated all while you're pregnant you meditated the entire time while you're breastfeeding her and now you still meditate beside her bed I'm like no wonder she's really chill and don't get me wrong like she still has her toddler moments but like generally she is a very well regulated

Speaker 1 very well-balanced toddler.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm excited about this next generation of humans with so much personal development getting popular and and us learning about nervous system regulation work.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm excited about where we're going. I know there's more challenges coming up.
I also just had Emily Fletcher on the podcast. We were talking about meditation.

Speaker 2 So this is inspiring me to get back into it, hearing about the benefits that you feel and that you also see in your daughter and in your family.

Speaker 2 And I know we were talking about social media and like the challenges with it and what's helpful to move beyond it. But I also want to recognize that we met on social media.

Speaker 2 So like there's gifts in it. So I reached out to you because you were the only person in our space, online coaching space that I saw that had a stepchild.

Speaker 2 And I was really looking for to normalize my experience, to connect with someone else that was having my experience.

Speaker 2 So, I also want to just highlight the beauty when you follow somebody that is where you want to be and you're inspired by them, right?

Speaker 2 Because anytime you're jealous, it just is feedback that you want what they have. So, question that you can't.

Speaker 2 So, it can you can normalize maybe a challenge or a unique situation that you're in because there's so many, there's so much variety online.

Speaker 2 And so I love, I reached out to you and then we became friends. I don't know however many years ago, and I came on your podcast to talk about being a stepmom.

Speaker 2 And so it's like there's also gifts in it as well, where you can use it, you know, to get to get free.

Speaker 2 But I'm curious if there's a time where you shared yourself really authentically online and it opened up opportunities for you or deeper connections.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel like I'm, I am, I share a lot. I share a lot about my personal life, about my business, and it definitely has

Speaker 1 opened up deeper connections, deeper relationships with my audience and with people like you.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, I'm, yes, and Instagram has brought in some of my closest girlfriends, which is just absolutely beautiful. So, yes, there is that side of it, which is amazing.

Speaker 1 But, yes, definitely, the more we can share our stories, the more we can be as authentic as we possibly can be like that's just going to make people lean in it's going to make people connect with you like you know sharing my business journey and how i've created what i've created and how that i've gotten there and what i've moved through like that allows people to see themselves in me and they go wow okay well she's moved through that and she's created this and she's used these strategies so you know i want to work with her or whatever it is so definitely it's been super beneficial and that's what I teach too like people connect with stories they want to hear stories they don't want to just be sold to all the time they want to yeah they want they want to hear your stories and how you've moved through this and how you've created that and that's what connects us and makes people lean in It sounds to me that some of it is just an intentional choice not to share everything, that there are certain things that are sacred.

Speaker 2 And I think we have to find our way with with that, each individually.

Speaker 2 But I'm curious, given that stories connect and you lead with so much vulnerability, and I know mental health is really important to both of us.

Speaker 2 I'm curious if there was a time just to help normalize like a challenge and a lesson you got from it that you have shared online that you can share here.

Speaker 2 Maybe it was a time that you were questioning everything, your work or your worth. What were some of the wisdom or what was the nugget in that?

Speaker 1 I think with almost every single book I've written, the night before,

Speaker 1 the night that I've handed the final manuscript in, like I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm like, did I really share that story?

Speaker 1 I'll wake my husband up and I'm like, did I really share that story? Oh my no, did I, did I? And he's like, yes, babe, you shared it. And I'm like, is it too late?

Speaker 1 He's like, it's too late to pull it out. But

Speaker 1 that was a really powerful story and it's going to help your audience and, you know, things like that. So there's, I've had vulnerability hangovers with every book.

Speaker 1 And you'll know why when you read them, because they're very honest, they're very honest, they're very open, they're very authentic. So, I think if you feel that, like, I always ask myself,

Speaker 1 Is this going to support the reader? Is this going to support the client? Is this going to support them? And if it is, and I feel okay with sharing it, then I share.

Speaker 1 So, that's kind of like a little barometer that, like a little check-in that I ask myself first.

Speaker 1 and you know I always come back to like it has to feel good for me like it has to feel good for me so you know especially in the early stages of you know writing all of my books that happened but yeah I don't really I haven't felt like that for a while now

Speaker 1 and I think now because I just can check in and go do I want to share this

Speaker 1 and if if yes does it support the audience?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I hear it gets easier over time. And you've got a kind of a formula around, is this something I want to share? And is this of service to others? I know in

Speaker 2 your latest book, Thai Magic, you dive into how to make the most of our time so that we're really optimized, especially like as you're becoming a parent or you're getting busier at work.

Speaker 2 And I'm curious, what are some hacks you can support people with with breaking free from those addictions or those things that maybe even social?

Speaker 2 Like, for example, I'll share one because I'm, I'm, in my certification program, we're talking about detoxing because they're getting into a 30-day spread. I'm like, what do you need to let go of?

Speaker 2 What are you saying no to so that you can say yes to something else?

Speaker 2 And on a practical level, I usually do a lot of the inner work because, like you said, it's 80% of the game doing the somatic, the mental, emotional.

Speaker 2 And one of the things on the behavioral level is Emilio, my husband, he gets sucked into things a little bit more than I do.

Speaker 2 But so he found an app that before he goes on social media, it makes him do five conscious breaths so that it it can support him in breaking the unconscious addiction to social media or obviously you can do screen time right you can track how many hours are you on social but are there other things that are a big waste of time or maybe it's social media and hacks that you can support people in transitioning out of so that they are more in alignment with how they want to be spending their life force energy Absolutely.

Speaker 1 That's why we wrote, you know, one of the reasons we wrote Time Magic. The subtitle is Reclaim Your Time, Reclaim Your Life.

Speaker 1 Now, when we wrote this book, we worked with a statistician and we were looking at the average person lives till 79 years.

Speaker 1 And when you take away work, sleep,

Speaker 1 emails, eating, you know, all the things that we commonly do, showering, all the things that we commonly do on a day-to-day basis,

Speaker 1 you were left with 1.2 years of your life to do what you love.

Speaker 1 1.2 years of your life, babe. And when Nick and I read that, we were like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
We have got this all wrong.

Speaker 1 Like we are spending massive chunks of our life working and doing things that aren't fulfilling us, like years on social media, years in our email inbox, and 1.2 years doing what we love.

Speaker 1 And so we, in the book, we're like, why not take that big piece of the pie, you know, those 13 years of your life doing social media or email or whatever, and turn it into something that is really fulfilling for you, like doing work that you love,

Speaker 1 that lights you up or whatever it is. So firstly, you know, like Nick and I are massive buyer hackers and we're like, well, firstly, we're not living to 79.
We are going way beyond that, way beyond.

Speaker 1 And like, it comes back to kind of what we were talking about at the start about the cast process, awareness.

Speaker 1 You need to look at where you are flushing time down the toilet where are you wasting precious time we only get one life and according to the stats 79 years so however old you are now subtract that from 79 and that's what you've got left apparently so for us it was just like no that's not how we want to live our life that is not what we want and so at the start of the book is kind of like a bit of a slap in the face like this is the pie chart and we break it into a pie chart And we get, you know, we show you all the different years that you're spending where.

Speaker 1 And then we help you reclaim that with different like productivity and time magic habit stacking and things like that.

Speaker 1 So awareness is the absolute first place you have to look and go, where am I spending my time?

Speaker 1 And then you ask yourself the question, Am I okay with this? Am I okay

Speaker 1 spending 10 years in my inbox? Am I okay with that? And usually the answer will be: absolutely not.

Speaker 1 So, what do you do to fix it? Life is so precious. Like, it is so precious.

Speaker 1 And it comes back to what we were talking about before: about what are your core values and what is your definition of success in your business and in your personal life?

Speaker 1 And getting really clear on that, doing this life audit, where are you spending your time? And then you implement some of the things that we talk about in the book to help you reclaim that time.

Speaker 1 We give you so many different tips, tricks, habits,

Speaker 1 you know, biohacking things

Speaker 1 that you can implement to help you reclaim that time in every area of your life. But

Speaker 1 one of the biggest ones, obviously, is our devices, is our phones. And so we really have to set some healthy boundaries around that for ourselves.

Speaker 1 And like you said, you can do things like looking at screen time,

Speaker 1 getting the app to lock you out afterwards, after a certain amount of time, you know, putting these healthy boundaries around these things for yourself to set yourself up for success.

Speaker 1 And this is the thing. It's like...
you have to set yourself up for success. Your future self will thank you for it when you do.
And every time, you know, like we have no phone zones in our home.

Speaker 1 And this becomes even more important when you have children because because they are watching everything that you do. Our phones stay on our desk in our office, that's where they charge.

Speaker 1 We charge them, they do not come into the bedroom.

Speaker 1 Sometimes we'll bring them into the kitchen to play music whilst we're like in the kitchen and eating.

Speaker 1 But they're up high on one bench and they stay in that little pocket.

Speaker 1 So, you know, Nick and I just, it's so great that we're both aligned on this because we don't want our daughter to be addicted to this thing. And she's modeling by watching what we're doing.

Speaker 1 So healthy boundaries are so important. And setting yourself up for success is so important

Speaker 1 when it comes to your precious time.

Speaker 2 And I love that you start the book with some shocking facts as motivation to then be like, wow, is this my default setting if I'm not conscious about it?

Speaker 2 And I love that you and Nick are as a family creating new systems because I think it's easier when you do it as a community, whoever you live with. I know our daughter charges her phone downstairs.

Speaker 2 I think she's healthier with it than I am. And so I'm listening to you right now.
And I don't really get sucked into social as much.

Speaker 2 And I really mainly use it for work, but I think there's some other boundaries I could set up with work. I think I could look at that a little bit more closely.

Speaker 2 And I like those external boundaries while we support ourselves with the internal boundaries and doing the inner work.

Speaker 2 Yes, and I'm curious, what are some surprising or uncommon productivity hacks that you guys have discovered?

Speaker 1 We talk about in the book about time magic habit stacking, which is where you kind of, yeah, you stack a couple of things on top of each other.

Speaker 1 And you, a lot of people are probably unconsciously doing this anyway. So, like, whilst you're working, you're walking on a treadmill desk,

Speaker 1 you are got some red light therapy going at the same time, and you're breathing in ozone machine, like the ozone machine.

Speaker 1 Like, that's usually mine I'm walking I have red light therapy and I've got the my hydrogen breathing machine happening at the same time so and then you know just things like that so like we're stacking things so maybe having infrared sauna whilst you are you know you dry body brush in there you're listening to a podcast or you're listening to a book or you're doing something so like how can you habit stack like this is i think especially as like a working mama like you got to get creative like you really do just have to get creative.

Speaker 1 How can you kind of habit stack a couple of things? We call them time magic habit stacking. How can we do that to support ourselves to getting,

Speaker 1 you know, those things in that we want to get in? So like whether you're working out and listening to an inspiring podcast or an inspiring book or something like that.

Speaker 1 Just think about how could I habit stack this. Like when I'm driving with my daughter, I'm doing breath work.

Speaker 1 Like I'm often just breathing deeply, like doing five in, like box breathing, holding, and then five out, you know, just little things like that. I think that's a really great productivity hack

Speaker 1 that has helped us so much. And also on the flip side, it's also really nice to just do one thing at a time too.
So mix it up. Like don't always like be trying to do a couple of things at once.

Speaker 1 But I think as a working mama, like sometimes I just got to get it in. And if this is my only time to get it in, I'm just going to do it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And I love that in some ways you're making a ritual out of it.
And so then they become habits. And

Speaker 2 also, I know that in terms of dopamine and happiness, really focusing on one thing at a time also supports us. So that the yes and I'm very intentional with my time.

Speaker 2 So intentional that sometimes I need to lighten that where I'm like, let's just see what happens just to balance out me being structured in terms of how I'm optimizing my time as a three in the Enneagram as an achiever.

Speaker 1 What human design are you?

Speaker 2 I am a generator.

Speaker 1 Yeah, me too. Me too.

Speaker 2 Oh, you are. Okay.

Speaker 2 I just wanted to ask, just in closing, if there were ever a piece of advice that changed you that you feel like would serve to share, some piece of advice that really supported you on your journey that you're like, I could offer this as a nugget for people.

Speaker 1 This one came early on in my journey. I had my spiritual awakening in October 2010, so 14 years ago now, and I've been on this journey since then.

Speaker 1 You know, I've been on my spiritual path, I've been on this entrepreneurial journey since then.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 something

Speaker 1 that I read

Speaker 1 changed my life. And so, it wasn't something someone said to me, it was something that I read.
And it was like, you are worthy of living the life of your dreams. You are worthy of that.

Speaker 1 And no one is more special than anybody else like we're all equal we're all one and we're all here for a reason we all have magical gifts within us and we're all worthy of unlocking those and expressing them to the world in our own creative way and sharing that so that was really big for me like Up until that moment, I didn't know like what my gifts were or that I didn't feel worthy of sharing them.

Speaker 1 Like I didn't feel like it was my birthright, but it is our birthright to be the fullest expression of ourselves and to share that with the world.

Speaker 1 So that's the biggest one that happened to me very early on in my spiritual awaking.

Speaker 1 And then later on, I can't remember when this one dropped in, but it was more not something someone said to me, but a realization that dropped in.

Speaker 1 It was like it was a spiritual voice that came through, intuition, whatever you want to call it. And it was that if she can do it, so can I.

Speaker 1 And so I looked at this very successful female entrepreneur online in the online coaching space. And I got this download that was, if she can do it, so can you.

Speaker 1 And then I have applied that since to every area of my life. I watched home birthing videos and I was like, if she can home birth, so can I.
And that's how I had my dream home birth.

Speaker 1 I was like, if she can launch a successful coaching business, so can I.

Speaker 1 If she can find the love of her her life so can I if she can heal from this so can I and so that that's always stayed with me like if if you know it's very easy to look at other people and I think you and I are really similar with this like we like I don't feel jealousy or envy I look at them and I go well if they can do it so can I And I use it as inspiration and as fuel.

Speaker 1 Like I see them as expanders for me. But I know with social media, it's very easy to look at other people.

Speaker 1 And so many people, they compare, they feel jealous, they feel envious, and then they don't do anything about it. Where I look and I go, well, if she can do that, so can I.

Speaker 1 And then I just set about on making it happen.

Speaker 1 I put into practice and I put the steps in place to make that happen if that's really what I want. So that would be the second piece.

Speaker 2 That's beautiful. I wish my journey were that clean and easy.
I definitely have, you know, in the past, it was definitely like, oh, I want that. I don't think I could have that.

Speaker 2 I felt like this cloak cloak of unworthiness that I really had to work through. And then I used the envy or jealousy as motivation.

Speaker 2 But you're right, questioning that I can't was what unlocked it from jealousy to inspiration.

Speaker 2 And I think some of the biggest things that hold people back is it's not possible and it's not possible for me. So your wisdom that if they can do it, so can I is so empowering and it feels good.

Speaker 2 And then you still move forward.

Speaker 2 You honor that calling in your heart that's asking you to evolve by I think there's a divine design within desire and so as you say yes to what your dreams are you get to grow and evolve in the process and then who you become is as important as what you've created and so what a gift you are in my life i'm so happy to share you with my audience and i know people are going to want to stay connected tell them where they can stay connected and hear what you're up to i'm at melissa ambrosini on instagram i hang out there mainly which is so fun.

Speaker 1 My website, Melissa Ambrosini, and my podcast, The Melissa Ambrosini Show. And on my website, you can see all of my books and all of my work there.
But thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1 It's been such a delight. And I loved you on my podcast.
That was amazing. That was so much fun having you on.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That was beautiful.
Yeah, we talked about our journey of being stepmoms. So if that would serve anyone, definitely check it out.
I love you so much, sister. Thanks for coming on.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much for for doing this work that changes the world, starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference.

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Speaker 2 And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic, I can't wait to share with you.

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Speaker 2 Thank you again for being here. I cannot wait to share more with you.