Overcoming Comparisonitis + Showing Up Authentically with Mindset Expert Melissa Ambrosini | EP 59

What so many people do is they let their inner critic run, ruin, and dictate every move they make in their business and in their life. Their inner critic is in the driver's seat of their life and their true self is in the back.
But we need to switch that around. This constantly comparing ourselves to other people or thinking that we should be further along.
I definitely had had that play out a lot in my twenties and thirts. Comparing myself to others was an unconscious way to motivate me to do better, but it was actually paralyzing me.
I think what the difference with some people is, is they let that voice run and dictate their life, make a mess in their house, drive their car. And some people are just like, no, you were in the boot.
You are not going to take over my life and you are not going to make the moves.

I, my true self, my higher self is going to make the moves.

The average person lives till 79 years.

And when you take away work, sleep, emails, eating, all the things that we commonly do

on a day-to-day basis, you were left with 1.2 years of your life to do what you love. 1.2 years of your life, babe.
We were like, whoa, whoa, whoa. We have got this all wrong.
Welcome to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're going to talk about how to overcome negative self-talk as well as comparisonitis and give you strategies to be more efficient with time management. I'm joined by my friend, Melissa Ambrosini, who is an author, a speaker, an entrepreneur, and we're going to share some of the behind the scenes of our businesses and our challenges, as well as actionable tools to shift your mindset and integrate more authentic ways to live your life and lead your business.
Let's dive in. Melissa, I'm so happy to have you on the podcast.
I know that we have dropped into so many different deep conversations and I thought it would be beautiful to share with people some of the behind the scenes of our lessons and learnings along the way as friends, as businesswomen, as people that are just interested in health and wellness. And I know one of the most crippling things that people confront, especially as they're saying yes to their dreams is comparison and the inner critic.
And I know you talk about the inner critic as the mean girl, which I love because not only then do you not identify with a voice in your head, it's just a narrative. It's not who you

are, but also then you don't necessarily let it hold you back from following your dreams. And so,

you know, just to give people context, it's like we have upper and lower limits.

And anytime that like, sometimes a voice comes up and holds us back from sharing our gifts.

And then other times, once we take that courageous leap, it, that critic gets really loud to

Thank you. And any time that, like sometimes a voice comes up and holds us back from sharing our gifts.
And then other times, once we take that courageous leap, that critic gets really loud to bring us back down to that comfort zone because it doesn't want us to grow beyond it because there's some fear. So I just want to normalize this for people.
And I know you are like a wealth of information around this. You have a book around this.
Talk to us about what are some of the most powerful techniques or practices that you found overcome negative self-talk? Yeah. So my first book was called Mastering Your Mean Girl.
And that was all about exactly what you said, mastering that voice inside your head. And I created this little process.
It's a four-step process called the cast process. And this process helps you cast aside your inner critic so that

your true self can shine through. Because what so many people do is they let their inner critic

run, ruin, and dictate every move they make in their business and in their life. Their inner

critic is in the driver's seat of their life and their true self is in the back. But we need to switch that around.
We need our true self to be in the driver's seat, the inner critic in the boot. You know, it's always going to be there.
That voice of that egoic fear-based voice is always going to be there, but we don't have to let it in the driver's seat of our life. So I actually did my TED talk on this and I taught everyone in the audience and in my book, how to cast aside the inner critic.
So cast is an acronym and I'm going to talk you through it. And this is what I discovered for myself.
And then I taught my clients and then people would just say to me, you need to write a book about this. You need to do a TED talk on this because it was so powerful.
And truly like everything that I teach is just stuff that has helped me along my journey and supported me and my clients. And so the first letter C stands for character.
What I have found to be really powerful is creating a little character for that voice. So I want everybody to visualize like when that voice comes up that says, I'm not good enough.
I'm not smart enough. No one's going to buy my offer.
Who do you think you are writing a book or starting a podcast? You'll never get out of debt. You'll never meet the guy.
Everyone knows that voice. So what I want everyone to do is to create a little character for that voice.
So mine is like a little version of me that sits on my right shoulder and she's wearing a little red devil outfit with like a pitchfork. Now, when I was a professional dancer, we did a dance called Dance with the Devil and we wore this exact outfit.
And so I've got this visual in my head of like me, little version, just sitting there. And she's the one that's like, who do you think you are writing a book or who do you think you are starting a podcast? And so when we create this fun little character for this voice, and it doesn't have to be you.
It could be

someone else. It could be a man.
Scar from Lion King, you know, like some other,

like a Disney character. Yeah.
Exactly. It doesn't matter.
Just whatever first comes to you,

that is perfect. What this does is it helps us separate that voice from the truth of who we are,

which is unconditional, pure consciousness love. Like that is the truth of who we are.
And so when we create this little character, we can kind of see that it's not us. It's not our true self that is saying those things to us all the time.
So that is the first step. Create a character.
Give it a name. You know, I just call mine my inner mean girl, but you might call yours Simba.
You might call yours whatever. Like it literally does not matter.
Just create some sort of character. So that's the first step.
The second step in the cast process, A, stands for awareness. You know this, babe.
Like awareness is key to transformation. If you aren't aware of the

dialogue that is going on, you can't change it. It's like once light has been shone on something

that was once dark, we can then change it. So I love writing them down.
You know, I love writing

down things and saying my inner mean girl is telling me that my podcast is going to fail,

or no one's going to listen, or no one's going to join SheLaunch or whatever it is. And I write them down because then I have taken them out of the dark and they are visible.
I can see what she is saying. Then I can move forward.
Then we go to the S in the cast process, and that stands for shut the door. So instead of inviting that inner critic in to your home to sleep over, to wear your clothes, to eat all your food and to hang out, we just shut the door and we say, thank you, but I'm not interested.
I am not interested in that narrative that you're playing out.

And then the fourth step, T, stands for truth.

We come back to the truth of who we are, which is unconditional love.

We get out of our head, we slide back into our heart space,

and we come back to the truth.

And women have between 60,000 and 80,000 thoughts a day. Men have around 40,000.
I know that's crazy, right? Crazy. So we might be doing a lot more mastering of our inner mean girl than men, but we have to, it's, it's a muscle.
And the more we do it, the quicker we're going to get at it, the faster we'll be able to

come back to our truth.

And the thing is, it's a daily practice, hun.

It is a daily practice.

And it's a conscious decision to come out of our head back into our heart.

So literally, whenever my inner mean girl pops up to try and tell me something that

is not my truth, I take myself through that process and I come back to my heart and it always works. I love that.
I love that there's so many different ways to navigate our inner world. And yet those principles are similar.
You know, I, I remember this is going to date me, but back in the day before I started learning mindset work, I had such a fierce inner critic. It was so loud.
And I knew it wasn't who I was most of the time at this point that I started, but I would have to drown it out. I didn't have any tools.
So I would listen to audio CDs, like books on CD in my car, just so that I didn't hear it on long drives. And like you're saying, it has muscle memory.
So if you keep shifting it, that inner voice can change. It can change radio stations from like criticism to compassion as a set point.
And I didn't know that was possible. And part of the work that I discovered around it, in case this also supports, is sometimes I think that the critic has a bad rap and that there's wisdom inside of it.
And if we don't just judge it, most of the time I find that for me that it's trying to tell me something and maybe it's not an effective or an efficient way to get there. It's trying to protect me.
So it's like, it tells me how bad I did as a way to make sure I do better so that then I'm accepted. And if I'm accepted, then I'm safe, for example.
But parts of us and other people defend to the degree that we feel accepted. And so thanking that part of me being like, okay, sweetheart, you're the part of me that wants to make sure I'm safe, that wants to make sure I'm protected, kind of settles it.
And then we have compassion, like you were saying, coming back to the truth of us, not identifying. Same principle, right? Where it's like, oh, I can be compassionate with the critic.
Because if I'm criticizing the critic, it's another layer of criticism and further perpetuates that pattern. So I love that there are very similar principles and ways to work with it so that we can wake up beyond that and come back, like you're saying, to the truth of our being.
It's so powerful. It's so beautiful.
Absolutely. It's not about like beating yourself up.
It's about, you know, loving, loving that voice, loving that inner mean girl, having compassion. Like you said, she's just trying to protect us.
Like she's just doing what she thinks is right. And so we just, we don't beat ourselves up for even having those thoughts.
We just go,

Oh, I see. It's all comes back to awareness.
Yeah. Yeah.
And like you said, it gets to be

allowed in the car, but just not old enough to drive. So it's like the truth of you gets to

take the seat. Yeah.
And like, this is most of us kind of get it in the mind at first,

and then we have to have an experience to start feeling it to be true. And then we keep learning

it until it's an integrated way of being. So, you know, it doesn't matter how many times you fall

off the horse, like the moment you get back on, you come back to your heart, like that's what matters most. So I'm just curious kind of to ground this, is there a time in your life where overcoming your inner critic supported you and opening opportunities to step into your full potential or open opportunities in your business and life because you didn't let yourself be held back by that, that limitation.
Oh my goodness. So many in my business and so many times in my personal life, like all the time.
I mean, if I had have listened to that voice, I would never have done any of those things. I wouldn't have launched SheLaunch.
I wouldn't have written five bestselling books. I wouldn't have started my podcast.
I wouldn't have done a TED Talk. Like I wouldn't have done any of those things if I let that voice drown out my truth and overtake and get in the driver's seat.
I would never have done those things. And same in my personal life.
I would never have taken risks that I've taken in my personal life. Like for example, having a home birth with my daughter, like, you know, my inner critic went crazy when I'd made that decision.
And I was like, no, like, this is what I want. This is my truth.
And I made it happen. So I think what the difference with some people is, is they let that voice run and dictate their life.
Like I said, they let that voice come over, sleep over, eat all the food, make a mess in their house, drive their car. And some people are just like, no, you were in the boot.
You are not going to take over my life and you are not going to make the moves. I, my true self, my higher self is going to make the moves.
And that's love too. And that's love that's fierce.
And that's love with boundaries. It's to say, I hear that you're trying to support me and you're good.
And get in the back of the seat. You're in the back of the car, the boot, like you say, and let me come back to what my truth is and really stand in that.
The another thing that you talk about that I love is comparisonitis, which is such a cute term, you know, just this constantly comparing ourselves to other people or thinking that we should be further along. I know this, I definitely had had that play out a lot in my twenties and thirties.
And it was essentially thinking that it was trying to support me when my own investigation, comparing myself to others was an unconscious way to motivate me to do better, but it was actually paralyzing me. So it was trying to help me, but it was actually stunting my growth.
And so again, just a compassionate lens around it. But I found that, you know, when I've coached people to set goals, they get really cringy around setting goals.
They feel the pressure that they have to hit the goal or maybe that they're now a victim to the goal happening. But I just want to be clear that when you become aware of what your goal is or you start moving towards it, it's not the goal that hurts.
It's the attachment to the goal. And when it happens, that hurts.
I just want to bring some light to this so that people can find a different way to move forward with their goals without some of the contraction and old ways of leadership. But I'm curious, what would you say to people that are constantly feeling like they're falling short? They're not hitting their goals.
What would you say to them? Check in, check in and like, make sure that that goal is actually something that you want. And it's not something that you think you should have or that you're comparing and you're like, oh, Alyssa's doing this and she's making this much and she's launching this and like actually check in and make sure that that goal is something that you truly want.
Because often that could be the case why we've not hit it is because it's actually not our truth. And that's sometimes hard to swallow.
I speak a lot about getting really clear on what your dream life looks like for you. What is your dream business? How much do you want to work Like what feels good for you? And I think with social media, it's so easy to compare.
So my book comparisonitis, how to stop comparing yourself to others and be genuinely happy that came out three years ago. And it's still a number one bestseller because so many people struggle with this.
And I think it's, it's sad hun, because, you know, young girls, really young girls are experiencing, you know, self-harm and eating disorders younger than ever. And suicide rates have gone up since Instagram launched.
And it's really sad. So we need to remember that Instagram is the highlight reel.
It is the highlight reel. And even though people say that often, we forget when we're looking at it.
Like you kind of get into like this zombie-like state where you forget that this is just a snippet of Alyssa's life. This is not the totality of her life.
She's not broadcasting live every single minute of her day. We don't know what's going on.
And so therefore, it is not a fair comparison because it is not the totality of someone's life. It is a snippet.
It is the highlight. We have to remember that.
And so if you aren't achieving some goals, I want to ask you, like, was that even your truth? Was it your truth to achieve this or whatever it is? Because often I see that with my clients inside SheLaunch as well. I see they set these big goals, but I'm like, hang on, like, is that actually what you want? Or are you just doing that because someone else did that? Or, you know, what feels right for you? And I think knowing what our core values are and knowing what success looks like for us in our business and our life is so important.
Like for this season of my life, I only want to work a couple of hours a day. I have a three and a half year old.

I have another one on the way.

I don't want to work more.

I don't want to put her in daycare.

I don't want to do that.

Like I want that time with her.

So it looks really differently for me than it did pre-children.

And it's going to shift again when my second baby is here. And so I think the more we can take some time to get really clear on what are our core values

Thank you. And it's going to shift again when my second baby is here.
And so I think the more we can take some time to get really clear on what are our core values,

what does success look like for us in business and in life.

And then we just put our blinders on and we stay in our own lane.

And we just set about achieving that.

Hire coaches, of course, to support you if that is something that you want to do. I'm a big believer in getting support.
But yeah, that would probably be the biggest thing I see is like, you know, they're not hitting those goals because maybe they're not even true for them. Yeah.
And I love what you said about defining what success looks like for you and at this era, this stage of your life, because I think if we don't consciously do that, society will do it for us. And then we get entranced with this bigger, better, faster, more.
And that's not our truth. I had a woman in my mastermind and she had two young kids and we were, she had most of her goals in the first two months.
And then the third month we were about to do a challenge where we accelerate for 30 day sprint. And she's like, wait, I hit my goals.
I don't want to sprint. And part of the work was just about empowering her to claim that she didn't need to move because that was an invitation in the group.
And like to really claim that, I love what you're saying because it takes our power back from what society or our unconscious narratives of what success is. Are you a new or seasoned coach, therapist, or healer ready to step into your next level of competence and share your gifts in the world while having a thriving purpose-filled business? If so, then I'm glad you're here because my ICF accredited coach certification program is designed to help you do just that.
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Another thing that I've seen hold people back is if they feel like they have failed in the past, they'll be hesitant to move forward in the future. So anything we haven't forgiven from the past, we sometimes can project into the future.
And so really doing the inner work, like you're saying, also supports us in taking our power back. I think you and I are both on the same page, like doing the work from the inside out, not the outside in.
And with social media, yes, comparison can get kicked up. And maybe there's a period of time where we delete social, or if we have an addiction, we are removing ourselves from the bar or what it might be.
But the ultimate work will be going from the root. Because if we have that comparative mindset and we no longer have social, that's just going to be still projected onto every other area of our life because that's the lens from which we're looking.
And so doing some of the mindset work, I know you are a big fan of so that you can wake up beyond the comparative mind because anything really that contracts us can free us if we use it that way. And so I'm just curious about any of the inner work that you suggest people doing to start waking up out of that comparative mindset.
So especially at this time where it is easy to get caught up in that highlight

reel on social. Yeah.
The mindset piece is so huge. Like 80% of success in business is mindset.

20% is strategies and tools. And inside, inside she launched, that's what I teach.
I'm like, I'll give you

all the strategies and the tools. I'll give you all that.
But 80% of it is mindset. And I can't

get into your mind and reprogram for you. You have to do that.
It takes daily work. And so

definitely the cast process that I shared before will help you shift out of that comparison and

come back to your truth. So definitely use that.
But I've also found internal family systems to be really supportive in digging deep into where the stories came from and then releasing them, loving that part of you and releasing them. So that's been really powerful.
I actually had, um, Richard Schwartz, the creator of internal family systems on my podcast. And yeah, it was just amazing.
So that's been really powerful for me. And then also meditation, hun, like meditation has been such a transformational tool for me when it comes to my mindset.
I used to have a very, very loud inner mean girl. And when I started meditating in 2010, it's like it literally changed everything because it forces you to stop, to slow down, to sit, to get quiet, to get still.
Like at the start, I had so much noise in there,

like you were saying when you were driving and it was very confronting. But now it's something

that I just love and look forward to. So I think if you want to really upgrade your mindset,

then having some sort of meditation practice is going to be so beneficial for you in your business

and in your personal life. What's your practice like now? I'm just curious because I know it ebbs and flows.
We've been doing the work for a while. What does your current practice look like? Well, it looks different having a toddler.
So pre-Bambi, I would meditate 20 minutes twice a day, every single day. I never missed a day.
I did Vedic meditation, which is where you get given a mantra, and I would sit 20 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the afternoon every day. I was so dedicated, and I cannot tell you how transformational that was for me and how good I felt.
I, I just, the stress that it releases, it's the equivalent of four hours sleep. This meditation that I do Vedic meditation, it is the equivalent of four hours of sleep.
So is it transcendental meditation? Yes. Yes.
And not only are you getting deep, deep rest, you're getting such deep rest. Like it is just so profound for your nervous system, for everything.
Like I think back to like when I was literally so dedicated and how good I felt. And since my daughter has come along, I don't always get the second one.
I always do my first meditation in the morning. Hold up.
Wow.

Wow. That you had a commitment to twice a day.
And with now a toddler, you're still getting the 20 minutes in that I'm, I'm impressed. Yeah.
Thanks babe. But let me tell you, it still doesn't, it doesn't feel the same as having two, because you're not like that second one unlocks and releases a level of fatigue in your body that I can't quite explain.
And so what I do is the first thing I do when I wake up is I sit up in bed and I meditate and I do it straight away because toddlers are unpredictable. I don't know when she's going to wake up and I want to do it before she wakes up.
So I always get that one in. And then not always the second one.
I definitely try. It's not every day.
I do my very best. And if I don't get it in the afternoon, like sometimes Nick and I will tag team.
I will. So I lay with I lay next to her bed and when she goes to sleep and sometimes I will just sit next to her bed and do it while she's falling asleep.
So I sit there and meditate next to her. And I've always meditated while I've breastfed her.
And it's such a beautiful thing to do. Like, you know, all that beautiful, calm energy, you know, while she's breastfeeding.
And then while I'm sitting next to her, like, and you know, so many of my friends, they just comment on how calm she is and how well regulated she is. And she's just such a beautiful person.
And, you know, I, and someone said to me, well, you meditated all while you're pregnant. You meditated the entire time while you're breastfeeding her.
And now you still meditate beside her bed. I'm like, no wonder she's really chill.
And don't get me wrong. Like she still has her toddler moments, but like generally she is a very well-regulated, very well-balanced toddler.
Yeah. I'm excited about this next generation of humans with so much personal development getting popular and us learning about nervous system regulation work.
Like I'm excited about where we're going. I know there's more challenges coming up.
I also just had Emily Fletcher on the podcast. We were talking about meditation.
So this is inspiring me to get back into it, hearing about the benefits that you feel and that you also see in your daughter and in your family. And I know we were talking about social media and the challenges with it and what's helpful to move beyond it.
But I also want to recognize that we met on social media. So there's gifts in it.
So I reached out to you because you were the only person in our space, online coaching space that I saw that had a stepchild. And I was really looking to normalize my experience, to connect with someone else that was having my experience.
So I also want to just highlight the beauty when you follow somebody that is where you want to be and you're inspired by them, right? Because anytime you're jealous, it just is feedback that you want what they have. So question that you can't.
So you can normalize maybe a challenge or a unique situation that you're in because there's so much variety online. And so I love, I reached out to you and then we became friends.
I don't know how many years ago. And I came on your podcast to talk about being a step-mom.
And so it's like, there's also gifts in it as well, where you can use it to get free. But I'm curious if there's a time where you shared yourself really authentically online and it opened up opportunities for you or deeper connections.
Yeah. I feel like I share a lot.
I share a lot about my personal life, about my business, and it definitely has opened up deeper connections, deeper relationships with my audience and with people like you. Yes I'm yes and Instagram has brought in some of my closest girlfriends which is just absolutely beautiful so yes there is that side of it which is amazing but yes definitely the more we can share our stories the more we can be as authentic as we possibly can be like that's just going to make lean in.
It's going to make people connect with you. Like, you know, sharing my business journey and how I've created what I've created and how I've gotten there and what I've moved through, like that allows people to see themselves in me and they go, wow, okay, well, she's moved through that and she's created this and she's used these strategies.
So, you know, I want to work with her or whatever it is. So definitely it's been super beneficial.
And that's what I teach too. Like people connect with stories.
They want to hear stories. They don't want to just be sold to all the time.
They want to, yeah, they want, they want to hear your stories and how you've moved through this and how you've created that. And that's what connects us and makes people lean in.
It sounds to me that some of it is just an intentional choice not to share everything, that there are certain things that are sacred. And I think we have to find our way with that each individually.
But I'm curious, given that stories connect and you lead with so much vulnerability. And I know mental health is really important to both of us.
I'm curious if there was a time just to help normalize like a challenge and a lesson you got from it that you have shared online that you can share here. Maybe it was a time that you were questioning everything, your work or your worth.
What were some of the wisdom or what was the nugget in that? I think with almost every single book I've written the night before, um, the night that I've handed the final manuscript in, like I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm like, did I really share that story? I'll wake my husband up and I'm like, did I really share that story on my note? Did I, did I? And he's like, yes, babe, you shared it. And I'm like, is it too late? He's like, it's too late to pull it out.
But that was a really powerful story and it's going to help your audience and, you know, things like that. So there's, I've had vulnerability hangovers with every book and you'll know why when you read them, because they're very honest.
They're very honest. They're very open.
They're very authentic. So I think if you feel that, like I always ask myself, is this going to support the reader? Is this going to support the client? Is this going to support them? And if it is, and I feel okay with sharing it, then I share.
So that's kind of like a little barometer that like a little check-in that I ask myself first. And, you know, I always come back to like, it has to feel good for me.
Like it has to feel good for me. So, you know, especially in the early stages of, you know, writing all of my books that happened, but yeah, I don't really, I haven't felt like that for a while now.
And I think now because I just can check in and go, do I want to share this? And if, if yes, does it support the audience? Yeah. I hear it gets easier over time and you've got a kind of a formula around, is this something I want to share? And is this of service to others? I know in your latest book, Time Magic, you dive into how to make the most of our time so that we're really optimized, especially as you're becoming a parent or you're getting busier at work.
And I'm curious, what are some hacks you can support people with with breaking free from those addictions or those things that maybe even social, like for example, I'll share one, cause I'm, I'm in my certification program. We're talking about detoxing cause they're getting into a 30 day sprint.
I'm like, what do you need to let go of? What are you saying? No to so that you can say yes to something else. And on a practical level, I usually do a lot of the inner work.
Cause like you said, it's 80% of the game doing the somatic, the mental, emotional. And one of the things on the behavioral level is Emilio, my husband, he gets sucked into things a little bit more than I do.
But so he found an app before he goes on social media, it makes him do five conscious breaths so that it can support him in breaking the unconscious addiction to social media. Or obviously you can do screen time, right? You can track how many hours are you on social, but are there other things that are a big waste of time or maybe it's social media and hacks that you can support people in transitioning out of so that they are more in alignment with how they want to be spending their life force energy? Absolutely.
That's why we wrote, you know, one of the reasons we wrote Time Magic. The subtitle is Reclaim Your Time, Reclaim Your Life.
Now, when we wrote this book, we worked with a statistician and we were looking at the average person lives till 79 years. And when you take away work, sleep, emails, eating, you know, all the things that we commonly do, showering, all the things that we commonly do on a day-to-day basis, you were left with 1.2 years of your life to do what you love.
1.2 years of your life, babe. And when Nick and I read that, we were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we have got this all wrong.
Like we are spending massive chunks of our life working and doing things that aren't fulfilling us like years on social media, years in our email inbox and 1.2 years doing what we love. And so we, in the book, we're like, why not take that big piece of the pie, you know, those 13 years of your life doing social media or email or whatever, and turn it into something that is really fulfilling for you, like doing work that you love, that you, that lights you up or whatever it is.
So firstly, you know, like Nick and I are massive biohackers And we're like, well, firstly, we're not living to 79. We are going way beyond that, way beyond.
And like, it comes back to kind of what we were talking about at the start about the cast process awareness. You need to look at where you are flushing time down the toilet.
where are you wasting precious time? We only get one

life. And according to the stats, 79 years.
So however old you are now, subtract that from 79,

and that's what you've got left, apparently. So for us, it was just like, no, that's not how we

want to live our life. That is not what we want.
And so at the start of the book is kind of like a bit of a slap in the face. Like this is the pie chart and we break it into a pie chart and we get, you know, we show you all the different years that you're spending where, and then we help you reclaim that with different like productivity and time magic, habit stacking and things like that.
So awareness is the absolute first place you have to look and go, where am I spending my time? And then you ask yourself the question, am I okay with this? Am I okay spending 10 years in my inbox? Am I okay with that? And usually the answer It'll be absolutely not. So what do you do to fix it?

Life is so precious. Like it is so precious.
And it comes back to what we were talking about before, about what are your core values and what is your definition of success in your business and in your personal life? And getting really clear on that, doing this life audit, where are you spending your time? And then you implement some of the things that we talk about in the book to help you reclaim that time. We, we give you so many different tips, tricks, habits, you know, biohacking things to, that you can implement to help you reclaim that time in every area of your life.
But one of the biggest ones, obviously, is our devices, is our phones. And so we really have to set some healthy boundaries around that for ourselves.
And like you said, you can do things like looking at screen time, getting the app to lock you out afterwards, after a certain amount of time, you know, putting, putting these healthy boundaries around these things for yourself to set yourself up for success. And this is when it's like, you have to set yourself up for success.
Your future self will thank you for it when you do. And every time, you know, like we have no phone zones in our home.
And this becomes even more important when you have children because they are watching everything that you do. Our phones stay on our desk in our office.
That's where they charge. We charge them.
They do not come into the bedroom. Sometimes we'll bring them into the kitchen to play music whilst we're like in the kitchen and eating, but they're up high on one bench and they stay in that little pocket.
So, you know, Nick and I just, it's so great that we're both aligned on this because we don't want our daughter to be addicted to this thing. And she's modeling by watching what we're doing.
So healthy boundaries are so important. And setting yourself up for success is so important when it comes to your precious time.
And I love that you start the book with some shocking facts as motivation to then be like, wow, is this my default setting if I'm not conscious about it? And I love that you and Nick are as a family creating new systems, because I think it's easier when you do it as a community, whoever you live with. I know our daughter charges her phone downstairs.
I think she's healthier with it than I am. And so I'm listening to you right now.
And I don't really get sucked into social as much. And I really mainly use it for work, but I think there's some other boundaries I could set up with work.
I think I could look at that a little bit more closely. And I like those external boundaries while we support ourselves with the internal boundaries and doing the inner work.
Yes. And I'm curious, what are some surprising or uncommon productivity hacks that you guys have discovered? We talk about in the book about time magic habit stacking, which is where you kind of, yeah, you stack a couple of things on top of each other.
Um, and you, a lot of people are probably unconsciously doing this anyway. So like whilst you're working, you're walking on a treadmill desk, uh, you are got some red light therapy going at the same time, and you're breathing in ozone, like the ozone machine, like that's usually mine, I'm walking, I have red light therapy, and I've got the my hydrogen breathing machine happening at the same time.
So and then, you know, just things like that. So like we're stacking things.
So maybe having infrared sauna whilst you are, you know, you dry body brush in there, you're listening to a podcast or you're listening to a book or you're doing something. So like, how can you habit stack? Like this is, I think, especially as like a working mama, like you've got to get creative.
Like you really do just have to get creative. How can you kind of habit stack a couple of things? We call them time magic habit stacking.
How can we do that to support ourselves to getting, you know, those things in that we want to get in. So like whether you're working out and listening to an inspiring podcast or an inspiring book or something like that, just think about how could I habit stack this? Like when I'm driving with my daughter, I'm doing breath work.
Like I'm often just breathing deeply, like doing five in like box breathing, holding, and then five out, you know, just little things like that. I think that's a really great productivity hack, um, that has helped us so much.
And also on the flip side, it's also really nice to just do one thing at a time too. So mix it up.
Don't always be trying to do a couple of things at once. But I think as a working mama, sometimes I just got to get it in.
And if this is my only time to get it in, I'm just going to do it. Yeah.
And I love that in some ways you're making a ritual out of it. And so then they become habits.
And also I know that in terms of dopamine and happiness, really focusing on one thing at a

time also supports us. So the yes and I'm very intentional with my time.
So intentional that

sometimes I need to lighten that where I'm like, let's just see what happens just to balance out

me being structured in terms of how I'm optimizing my time as a three in the Enneagram as an achiever. What human design are you? I'm a generator.
Yeah, me too. Oh, you are.
Okay. I just wanted to ask just in closing, if there were ever a piece of advice that changed you that you feel like would serve to share? Some piece of advice that really supported you on your journey that you're like, I could offer this as a nugget for people.
This one came early on in my journey. I had my spiritual awakening in October, 2010.
So 14 years ago now, and I've been on this journey since then, you know, I've been on my spiritual path. I've been on this entrepreneurial journey since then.
And something that I read changed my life. And so it wasn't something someone said to me, it was something that I read.
And it was like, you are worthy of living the life of your dreams.

You are worthy of that.

And no one is more special than anybody else.

Like we're all equal.

We're all one.

And we're all here for a reason.

We all have magical gifts within us.

And we're all worthy of unlocking those and expressing them to the world in our own creative way and sharing that. So that was really big for me.
Like up until that moment, I didn't know like what my gifts were or that I didn't feel worthy of sharing them. Like I didn't feel like it was my birthright, but it is our birthright to be the fullest expression of ourselves and to share that with the world.
So that's the biggest one that happened to me very early on in my spiritual waking. And then later on, I can't remember when this one dropped in, but it was more not something someone said to me, but a realization that dropped in.
It was like, it was a spiritual voice that came through intuition, whatever you want to call it. And it was that if she can do it, so can I.
And so I looked at this very successful female entrepreneur online and online coaching space. And I got this download that was, if she can do it, so can you.
And then I have applied that since to every area of my life. I watched home birthing videos and I was like, if she can home birth, so can I.
And that's how I had my dream home birth. I was like, if she can launch a successful coaching business, so can I.
If she can find the love of her life, so can I. If she can heal from this, so can I.
And so that's always stayed with me. Like if, if, you know, it's very easy to look at other people.
And I think you and I are really similar with this. Like we, like, I don't feel jealousy or envy.
I look at them and I go, well, if they can do it, so can I. And I use it as inspiration and as fuel.
Like I see them as expanders for me, but I know with social media, it's very easy to look at other people. And so many people, they compare, they feel jealous, they feel envious, and then they don't do anything about it where I look and I go, well, if she can do that, so can I.
And then I just set about on making it happen. I put into, I put into practice and I put the steps in place to make that happen if that's really what I want.
So that would be the second piece. That's beautiful.
I wish my journey were that clean and easy. I definitely have, you know, in the past, it was definitely like, oh, I want that.
I don't think I could have that. I felt like this cloak of unworthiness that I really had to work through.
And then I used the envy or jealousy as motivation. But you're right.
Questioning that I can't was what unlocked it from jealousy to inspiration. And I think some of the biggest things that hold people back is it's not possible and it's not possible for me.
So your wisdom that if they can do it, so can I is so empowering and it feels good. And then you still move forward.
You honor that calling in your heart that's asking you to evolve by, I think there's a divine design within desire. And so as you say yes to what your dreams are, you get to grow and evolve in the process.
And then who you become is as important as what you've created. And so what a gift you are in my life.
I'm so happy to share you with my audience. And I know people are going to want to stay connected.
Tell them where they can stay connected and hear what you're up to. I'm at Melissa Ambrosini on Instagram.
I hang out there mainly, which is so fun. My website, Melissa Ambrosini and my podcast, The Melissa Ambrosini Show.
And on my website, you can see all of my books and all of my work there. But thank you so much for having me.
It's been such a delight and I loved you on my podcast. That was amazing.
That was so much fun having you on. Yeah, that was beautiful.
Yeah. We talked about our journey of being stepmoms.
So if that would serve anyone, definitely check it out. I love you so much, sister.
Thanks for coming on. Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world, starting with yourself.
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