A Guide to Doing Less + Making More with Kate Northup | EP 40

When we create from a dysregulated nervous system, when our solutions come from dysregulation and exhaustion, the things that we do create more dysregulation and exhaustion. So if what you're wanting is abundance, there has to be a sense of having created from wholeness.
It's really important to understand that we can show up for the assignment from a place of rest and getting replete without running ourselves ragged while still showing up for our responsibilities. You actually can do both at the same time.
And it has to do with how you're doing things as opposed to just what are you doing. Welcome, I'm Alyssa Nobrega, your host of the Healing and Human Potential podcast, a place for you to discover the multidimensionality of what it means to be human.
Over the past 20 years, I've trained thousands of coaches in my methodology, leveraging my experience as a former psychotherapist, and I'm here to share with you all the wisdom and insights

that i've learned along the way each week i'll share with you life-changing tools to support you in awakening and manifesting your dream life from the inside out we'll be exploring the intersection between ancient wisdom and modern everyday life really diving deep into the art of human potential through the lens of psychology, spirituality, and coaching. Let's let the magic unfold.
Have you ever wondered why reaching your goals can feel so hard when you're doing the quote unquote right things? If you've ever found yourself in this situation, then you are in luck because in this episode, we're going to explain why that is and how you can start achieving your goals more easily with just one shift. And so today I have the pleasure of sitting down with a dear friend of mine, Kate Northrup, who is a bestselling author.
She's an entrepreneur. She's been featured on Oprah daily, the today show women's health, the New York times, all while being a super mom.
And we lift the hood on why it's actually more productive to do less and how to shift your relationship with money through the nervous system. So you can start making the income that you know that you're capable of.
Kate also shares three questions that can help you upgrade your efficiency game and really take you to the next level. And so I'm honored to share this conversation with you.
I do hope it supports you and reaching new heights better than you've ever thought possible. I am so happy that you're here.
There's just such an important conversation that we're having. And I was just sharing with you how much my audience wants this conversation.
I know that money can bring up a lot of people's trauma, both personally and collectively. And so doing our own work to be able to heal our relationship with money, so that especially if we're service providers, coaches, therapists, anyone that's pricing their own services, we're not getting mixed in if our clients triggers come up or trauma comes up so that we can hold that clear and compassionate space is even more important.
Obviously, money is a big part of everyone's existence. But as a professional, we need to be able to do that work

so that we can hold that safe and compassionate space. What is some of the work that you do with clients to empower them around the relationship with money? Well, it starts with looking back at what is underneath the surface because the vast majority of our behavior, of course, I don't need to tell you this, is determined by our unconscious.
And our unconscious patterns, what so many people in my world, like the personal finance world, miss is the unconscious patterning. So they're like, oh, you just need to learn to budget.
Just spend less than you make. Just invest.
And it's like, if it were that easy, everyone would have money figured out. And so I start with people and their deep patterning.
What we know is that our money results come from our actions and our actions actually come from our thoughts and beliefs and our thoughts and beliefs come from our emotions. I used to think it was the opposite, but actually what I've learned is that our emotions cause our thoughts and beliefs, not the other way around, which is really interesting.
And our nervous system is what causes our emotions. That's obviously super simplified, but that's the general trajectory.
And so what's actually causing our money behavior and our money reality is deep unconscious nervous system patterns. So I work with people.
We start with the nervous system. And then eventually, of course, once we get to having a solid money plan, making more money, manifesting, getting your money working for you, pricing strategies, all of that stuff, then you're just firing on all cylinders and you're just like there.
Exactly. It's like most people miss that.
They used to think that it was awareness and then behavior, but really it's the middle stuff that is most important. What is the unconscious programming? We've learned about what, like one question I'll ask people is, what did you learn money is from your mom or dad or whoever raised you, your caretakers? And sometimes they'll say that, you know, if they just let themselves unconsciously express money is freedom money is from your mom or dad or whoever raised you, your caretakers.
And sometimes they'll say that if they just let themselves unconsciously express, money is freedom, money is safety, money's for other people, money's gross. It just comes up so that then we can see it with more awareness, transform it.
And then the action's a lot easier. But most people don't do that work, right? To even just become aware of what's in the unconscious.
I remember for me when I was, and I don't know if it's your experience, but I had to, I had to do work around spending money, but also receiving money. Like I, there was work that was a little bit different around both.
And for you, were you more of a, I'm just curious. Yeah.
It wasn't clean either way. Yeah.
Were you more of a limited spender? Did you have trouble spending? Yes. So I learned, my dad's a financial advisor, so I learned to save and that's a fantastic skill.
I've always done that, but I unconsciously programmed that spending was bad if I didn't need to. So then there was no spending on pleasure.
So try to be an entrepreneur, grow a business. And so then I first was like, okay, it's okay for business.
And then it was like, but if I don't need it, quote unquote, then it was harder for me to spend. And so it's usually not ever about money.
It's about something deeper that's operating inside of us. And so for me, some of the work that I started to do is just become, I took an inventory of

what's my subconscious beliefs around money.

So for one week, I just took a work that I started to do is just become, I took an inventory of what's my

subconscious beliefs around money. So for one week, I just took a journal and I started writing down both giving and receiving what my, the stories were, but I had to slow down that week to pay attention.
And during that week I had to take my car in for an oil change. And I went into this mechanic and he calls me, he says, I can take care of the oil change, but you also need some other things for your car.
It's $1,600. And I heard inside myself, he's taking my money.
And I, because I was doing this inquiry for one week of tracking my stories about money, I said, let me call you back because I just want to pay attention to what's happening. So I sat, I just gave myself some space and I'm like, he's taking my money.
Is he really taking my money? No, he's actually going above and beyond to tell me what else he could offer. He's not telling me he is going to do that, but he could do for me.
So he's going above and beyond. And when I saw that, I realized I heard it from someone else that mechanics rip you off.
And so I was inheriting somebody else's belief that I was unconsciously playing out. And I was empowered to either take my car in and get serviced or shop it around to somebody else.
It was 100% mine. But I wouldn't have seen that if I was just trying to move through my day quickly without doing some of this work.
And I think that's one of the most important things that's practical and actionable, that people can just start with identifying what is your relationship with money, both giving and receiving, and have compassion for the stories that we inherited from our family. Because even with a great story of you should save money became extreme in the way I interpreted it was like, I can't spend for pleasure.
Right. Anything when we are constricted around spending, when we're constricted around receiving, when we're overspending, we can create constriction patterns in any way, shape, or form.
And those will be a reflection of what's going on inside and fundamentally whether or not we feel safe and resourced. That's right.
Which ultimately, yes, money is an amazing tool, but there will never be a day when we will feel safe and resourced after we have a certain financial scenario. That feeling has to be coming from inside.
And the only way we will continue to feel that way and not take the wild ride of the economy or what the government is doing or what's going on with our clients or any of it. It has to be sourced from within.
That's really the originating point of our prosperity. That's beautiful.
Yes. And then it's taking, that's the way that you help your clients take back their power because it's not about money.
Well, and if we give money our power, then we're giving away our power to money. I mean, we make it way too important in our culture.
It says someone who runs an entire business on money. But it's like, it's not even, it's not actually about that.
When we focus so much on it, we are giving our power to money and we need to, take it back. Yeah.
Yeah. And even just hearing, I'm just thinking of certain client situations where if we're selling and we're inviting, we're providing our services to somebody else, their money stories can be like, for example, I had a woman say, I can't afford it.
And I slowed it down because I had experienced so much freedom in the beginning. I don't know how many years ago this was, but I just wanted to offer it to other people.
Once they started waking up to owning my power, I was like, I'll hold space for you to really get what this, because sometimes people genuinely can't afford it. But a lot of the times it's usually a mask for something else.
And that something else could be, I don't feel like I deserve it. I can easily spend money on my kids going to a fancy school, but I don't feel like I can invest for myself or I don't think I can do it.
I have a fear of failure, right? Or my conditioning, which was like, you can't spend for things that are pleasurable. So a lot of it, I even realized at one point there was a mastermind and I asked my husband, do you think I should do this? And I'm like, why am I asking my husband? So like getting back my own power as a woman with money that I've made to really let myself source that was part of my journey and something that I think is important for everyone to do.
But as soon as we start outsourcing our safety and okayness on money, we'll also do it on relationship and on these other topics. And so kind of combing through where we give our power to something else, because safety is never found in the future.
It's never found in something outside of ourselves. And so I really hear you saying, come back to your own nervous system and regulate yourself to feel safety here and now.
And I think that makes sense because I'm just making these connections. People have, you know, they can win the lottery or they can be in debt and their nervous system can be not representative of what we would think that they should have based on how much they have in their bank account.
Absolutely. So I was blessed to be raised with parents who have vastly different financial backgrounds.
My dad actually comes from money. My mom's family is more of a, she's the only one who finished college, self-made scenario.
And what I witnessed with my dad's family was several generations of generational wealth, because the money was not passed down along with understanding the mechanics of how to create value in the world, there's tremendous scarcity inheritance in that lineage. Yes.
And not because there wasn't enough money. Yeah.
But the feeling was that there wasn't enough. And the feeling was I've been given this but not with the actual skills to create for myself.
And I'm not, I'm not like, this is not a smackdown on generational wealth. I think it's a beautiful thing.
And, you know, by the time it got to me and my sister, it was like a different story. So that's not my story.
And quite frankly, I'm so grateful because when I was a teenager, I was like, I want to figure out how this money thing works because I could see. And then my mom was like, oh, you know, just the angels kind of take care of it.
Like she was like, my dad was so hardcore in the 3D and my mom was so hardcore in the 5D. I was like, wow, I wonder how to make both of these things work at the same time.
So I began to learn and I began to understand that money is a game, number one. It's a completely made up system that we just are participating in, but we have to really get that it is pretend.
The economy is pretend. The stock market is pretend.
The Federal Reserve is pretend. The whole freaking thing is made up.
And it's real in that we need to pay mortgages and rent and buy groceries and feed our kids. All of that stuff is real.
I do all of those things. However, we can add so much vibrancy and levity and flow to our financial lives when we really get that we are playing a game.
Yes. And there are rules to the game.
Yeah. And you can learn them.
Yeah. And anyone can learn them.
Okay, great. I'd love to hear the rules.
I know it doesn't always feel like a game, but it's helpful to know that it's a game so we play it like a game and we can let go of some of the made up stories around it. Yes.
Do you love immersive in-person retreats that support both your personal growth and help you up level in business? If this sounds like you, then I'm excited to invite you to my exclusive soulful sales retreat. So this is a rare opportunity to learn how to more easily create clients, whether you're at entry level fees or you're offering $100,000 packages and receive hands-on support from me to support you in embodying your confidence and scaling your business.
This isn't just a training. This is a full-on in-person deep dive in my home where you're going to learn my signature sales framework and strategies, get personalized feedback from me, from my mentors and other conscious coaches, as well as see me demonstrate real-time sales throughout the entire week.

So I don't just tell you and support you and give you feedback, but you also watch me.

And so you're going to have the chance to connect and collaborate with other inspiring coaches and entrepreneurs.

You could possibly get a one-to-one coaching session with me because I'm going to be doing so many of them throughout the week.

And imagine what's possible when you really embody your confidence, doing the inner work to clear any of the fears and misunderstandings, but also learn the strategy. So energy and strategy.
Imagine the growth that's possible for you during a four-day immersive experience, not just to help you create more clients now, but utilize these skills for the rest of your career. Plus, if you join me by the end of June, you're going to get my early Limited Time discount.
This event is more than just a retreat, it's a unique experience that's gonna help you go deeper with your coaching. Again, collaborate and network with other coaches who are going to their next level.
But tickets are really limited because we are doing it in my home and I wanna ensure your personal and impactful experience so that everyone walks away with deep transformation. We have other ways to support your integration for six months after as well.
So if you want me to coach you and you're ready to expand, take advantage of this opportunity before space is filled. Just go to alistinabriga.com forward slash sales retreat to save your space.
So the first rule of the game is to really get that because money is pretend, because money is made up, we created it as humans several thousands of years ago to trade value for value. So back in the day, if you had a cow and I had two sheep, we would just trade them if, you know, you wanted my sheep and I wanted your cow.
But then at some point along the line, people were like, what if I want to trade my cow, but I don't want your sheep? What do What do we do then? So we came up with currency. Yeah.
It's a value system, essentially. It's a value system.
And so what the rule is, is that we earn money in exchange for the value we provide. Now, many people are like, oh, it's just business.
It's not emotional.

Take all the emotions out of it.

But here's the problem.

Here's the problem with like the very linear, it's just business, you know, just use all

of your logic and rational thinking.

All of our decisions are made by our emotional brain.

What we value has to do with our heart. What matters to us has to do with our deep humanity, which is guided really by our emotions.
And so actually I recommend bringing emotions to the table, not to make you irrational, not to make you make bad decisions, but to really like infuse your relationship with money in terms of what really fills me up? What fills other people up? What is this value game? And then also beginning to look at the world through the eyes of how are people creating value? How could I create more value? Because people don't pay. We've been so conditioned to trade hours for dollars that the more, you know, you want to make more money, you got to, you got to put in more hours.
You want to make more money, you got to work harder. That is actually not what people are paying for.
People are paying for a result. People are paying for their problem to be solved.
When you went into your mechanic, you were paying for your oil change. You were not paying for the amount of time it took the mechanic to change your oil and then whatever other $1,600 worth.
You didn't care. In fact, as a consumer, because I know you have a lot of coaches who listen to your work, and as a consumer, we would prefer that the solution came in less time.
Yes. And so then we're out here all cockamamie, pricing our stuff backwards, being like, well, they're going to get 18 hours of video content and the retreat is going to be, you know, 35 hours.
No. Yeah.
So second rule of the game, take time out of it. Like,'s break down the time-money continuum and free those two things from each other because you can have an abundance of money and an abundance of time at the same time.
And people are not paying you for how long it takes to get the result that they're after. Right.
And this is partly why I love mastery. So like think of Picasso.
I know there's this story of Picasso for 30 seconds drew something and somebody And he said, how much is that? And he's like, I don't know, 30 million. He's like, it took you 30 seconds.
He's like, it took me 30 years to get to 30 seconds. So yes, focusing on the value that we provide not only feels good, but that's what it's really about.
So that's, you said number two? Kind of. Okay.
I mean, in full honesty, it's not like I have like, you know, seven rules of money in my mind. But those are two really important ones.
The money game is about creating more value. If you want to make more money, you add more value.
And you can add more value by giving a more specialized solution, by getting the solution to a more specialized customer, by getting the solution to somebody who needs a special. Like, there's so much saving people time,

speeding up a process, making it more luxurious,

making it more convenient.

I mean, a million different things

to add in layers of added value

with fundamentally the same solution.

Yeah, beautiful.

I love that because then I think we're focused

on the right thing.

It's about how do I serve someone and what's the value that they're perceiving. And we all perceive it differently.
And I remember when I invested $10,000 when I owned 16. It was a huge jump for me to move into hiring support for business.
I literally became a therapist because I was like, then I don't have to deal with business. Then I realized after getting licensed, I'm like, oh, actually I still am.
And I'm still an entrepreneur. No,

no one taught me one class in school about entrepreneurship. So I hustled and figured

it out. Then I learned, okay, I can use my gifts in healing and transformational work and bring

it into business and bring it into clearing and healing my relationship with money. And it's so

important that we do that work so that we're not just unconsciously programmed from our past.

We'll be right back. and bring it into business, and bring it into clearing and healing my relationship with money.
And it's so important that we do that work so that we're not just unconsciously programmed from our past. We're not projecting our trauma into future generations.
We can hold that safe and compassion safe for our clients, but we also feel more empowered. We're not just living on autopilot.
And so I love that you do this work. I know one of your books is Money, a Love Story.
And it's helpful for people to start really, especially around taboo topics that people don't talk about. There's shame around.
The more we don't talk about it, the more it builds up sexuality and money, right? Like, are they both from the second chakra? I think so. So it's like, how do we integrate and heal that even on a body, somatic, nervous system level? What are some of the things that you share with people to take their power back i love that you brought up shame because there are two topics as you said that we all want more of these things but we're not supposed to talk about them which is money and sex and then somehow we're supposed to be good at both of them with no education all the unconscious don't talk about it.
And yet you're watching your parents or whoever like either, you know, have shame about it themselves, have ignorance and not really feel empowered. So we're still being taught without it being spoken.
It is. It is being modeled, not to mention what is passed down ancestrally through epigenetics in our nervous systems, the patterning around sex and around money, around safety in general and all sorts of things.
But what do we do about that? Okay, so I had huge financial shame when I was in my early 20s. And I want to share what I did about it because it really changed my life.
I got myself into a lot of credit card debt. I was a chronic overspender.
I was a chronic avoider. I just sort of thought that like, if I just followed the spiritual principles of acting as if that somehow my credit card debt would go away.
You went more towards your mom's way. Absolutely.
And that did not work. Spoiler alert.
Wait, I wonder why. You cannot just like wait for your credit card debt to magically disappear.
But what I learned is this African proverb that says, as you pray, move your feet. And I was missing the move your feet part.
I was actually really good at making money, but it was the keeping it. And so I was avoiding, I wasn't totaling up my bills.
I was getting calls from creditors. It was very embarrassing.
I mean, it was like a highly educated, quite smart. I was like, what is wrong with me? And I was presenting on the outside this facade of financial success.
I was actually, I was growing a successful business, but behind the scenes, things were a mess. And I was so embarrassed and I really didn't want anyone to find out.
So what I did, what we know from Brene Brown's work is that shame cannot exist in the light. And our shame just balloons and gets worse and worse and worse when we keep it to ourselves.
And so I found a safe person. Her name was Janice.
And Janice helped me. I remember it was back in the day when we still had landlines and I had my cordless phone and I had it on speaker on the rug of my little studio apartment in New York City.
And I had Janice on speaker and I had all my paperwork spread out over the floor. And she helped me just total everything up while providing a safe anchor.
What I know now is that I was actually

able to co-regulate with Janice. Janice felt safe with money.
So she was teaching my body

how to feel safe. And then I will tell you the truth about my situation was worse than I thought.

Because you were ignoring.

Yeah, I was ignoring. I was avoiding.
So anyone who's listening, who's like not actually looking at their money because they're afraid that it's worse than they thought, I just want you to know it was worse for me than I thought. But what was actually amazing is that I felt liberated by knowing the truth and letting my shame be seen by someone who is safe and nonjudgmental.
And all of a sudden, it was like my GPS had been searching for the signal, searching for the signal. And all of a sudden, it had my current location set.
So now I could get the directions to where I wanted to go. And that's what I really recommend people do is start by getting to know their current financial location.
And there are people at all income levels. So this is not remedial, right? This is like I know plenty of people who make tons of money who have no idea what is coming and what is going.
And money is what we have brought in in exchange for the value we've created, at least if we're business owners. I know there's like many ways for money to come into your life and they're all valid.
But in that scenario, in exchange for the value you've provided, and then we ignore it, which is really symbolic of us not loving ourselves. It's like a way to play small.
Yeah. And money is also a mirror for what we're holding in our consciousness.
So if we've got an avoidance pattern with money, we're also going to play that avoidance pattern in other areas. And I also just want to speak to the shame, just like you were saying with your dad's side, even if they had a lot of money, they didn't feel, at least in the generation, they didn't feel empowered with it.
So there can be shame to feel, you know, I would imagine for them to have money, but not feel empowered and have shame about that. I've seen it a lot.
Or have shame if somebody in our family system said rich people are gross or a jerk, then if they inherited a lot of money, they may have shame about having money. So shame is not necessarily about how much you have or your life circumstance.
It's more about what you're holding in your mind. And are you willing to actually start, I love what you said, being honest, taking a look and opening to those feelings, having a safe person to help regulate your nervous system and co-regulate, I think is a powerful thing.
If our parents didn't offer that to ourselves, it becomes our responsibility to do for ourselves now, especially as business owners. And then we can pay that forward to our kids.
Yeah. And to our clients.
I mean, I love what you said about not cross mingling our money strip with our clients. And like when you're in a discovery call, like people can feel that, you know, or something I see that's really common, I bet you see it too, is when we are so stuck in our own money stories that we rob our clients from making their own informed spending decision.
We rob them of the dignity of making their own decision. We predetermine, oh, they can't afford that.
Or, oh, I should lower my price. And it's like, that is literally taking someone's power from them also.
There's so much I teach on this and I could go down a rabbit hole because I love sales and truly sales only feels gross when we're focused on what we can get rather than what we can give. And so coming from a clean place and learning that there's a way that's heart centered, that feels good.
I mean, I've supported somebody saying no and they were like, thank you so much. Now I want to work with you.
And that was never my intention, but they were two in the Enneagram, a helper. And they were like, I want to offer that to my clients.
And, and so, you know, and I'll have other coaches who, if you know, they, they'll offer their services and then there'll be a little bit of hesitancy in the lower their fee, but then the client still didn't sign because it wasn't about the fee. It was about something else that was coming up and they didn't have the capacity to hold because they were so uncomfortable with their own money and, or thinking that their power was in, or their financial wellbeing was in this other client or this other person.
The same way they're projecting it onto money, they think that the client, the next client is going to give them everything that they need. And then, or the partner will give them everything they need.
And so starting to insource what I call insourcing our safety, insourcing our power, taking it away from money, the way we were conditioned, learning to regulate our nervous systems, questioning the misunderstandings from our lineage helps us be more present, be more productive, be more open-hearted and feel more empowered. And I don't, I know it's like one of the, I love personal development work and I love that it never ends.
Like there's still, yes, in the spiritual, it, there, it, you know, there's a, there's perfection in all of it. And in the personal, the psychological, there's more healing that gets to happen.
And for me, it's a goal I never want to end. Like I love continuing to feel more free and to look deeper at other areas I haven't investigated, sexuality or, you know, just health and things that every few years I focus on something different.
So I would highly encourage if people don't feel empowered around money, take nine months. I don't know.
It feels like a one year just to really dive deep into healing your relationship with money because it will change

everything else in your life. And so I love that you're a stand for it.
I'm sure you have a story around supporting a client in navigating their nervous system or shifting their life. Is there a client situation that you can share with us about what some of this work looks like in real life? Yeah.
So, I mean, there's so many, so many, but there is one client that I can think of who, you know, our relationship with money and our relationship with work is quite intermingled because both of them point to where scarcity patterns run in our bodies, where there's this clinging or a sense of there's not enough. There's not going to be enough.
I'm not enough. So I remember this one client, she had closed down her business like abruptly, abruptly.
So she was all of a sudden in a completely different scenario income wise. and the pattern that was running in her was, I need to figure out what's next immediately.
I need to, like, from this place of she had been running for, like, 30 years, just running, running, running, running energetically. And so there was this same, like, hyped up up.
And I remember sitting with her and just being like, you know, you've been going for a long time. Yeah.
Like, I wonder what would just happen if you were to pause, if you were to let your sweet body rest and see what might come out of more fertile soil. When we look at farming, when we look at regenerative farming specifically, we know that what's really important is the nutrients of the soil, the health of the soil.
I think of our bodies as our soil, as the place where our dreams are planted, as the place where our creations come from. And many, many, many of us are running our lives, our businesses from depleted soil.
And so our creations are not as nutrient dense as they could be. And so she was wanting to like launch a new thing.
And I just kept encouraging her to like really go in, heal her nervous system, tend to the soil, and then see what would emerge. And what emerged was a season of deep healing followed by an absolutely incredible creation of her own work that could not have

come if she had turned around and just upstarted something. Because when we create from a

dysregulated nervous system, when our solutions come from dysregulation and exhaustion,

the things that we do create more dysregulation and exhaustion as within, so without. It

Thank you. from dysregulation and exhaustion, the things that we do create more dysregulation and exhaustion.
As within, so without. It cannot be another way.
It cannot be another way. So if what you're wanting is abundance, there has to be a sense of having created from wholeness.
Now listen, I have had little babies while I had a sick husband and all kinds of stuff going on. I'm not saying that we're all lying around doing face masks, eating bonbons, deep in meditation.
I have been running my business. Our business is our income source.
Like, it's really important to understand that we can show up for the assignment from a place of rest and getting replete without running ourselves ragged while still showing up for our responsibilities. You actually can do both at the same time.
And it has to do with how you're doing things as opposed to just what are you doing. And one of the distinctions I think is important is what you made about her being dysregulated and in this frantic, hypervigilant state, that's so taxing on the body.
And yes, anything where we're creating from is the energy that then gets created in the world. And so help, but most people are so scared to pause because they would be confronted with everything they've been running from.
I don't know if you've heard this analogy. I think it's in Buddhism, which I love.
There's a stick on someone's head. There's a carrot and a bag of shit, essentially.
This is a modified version of it. But they're chasing this carrot, this proverbial carrot, and running away from their fears.
And the courage to stop, to let that bag of shit hit the head and actually use it as fertilizer. Yes.
Ironically, and this is just part of the work I think I'm here to do in the world, is to help people see that that thing that they're running from actually is fertilizer. Yes.
And it offers you the very thing that you deeply desire, but it's hidden within the thing that you don't want to see. And so in having the courage and the guidance, having somebody that can guide you through, so you're not just trying to figure it out on your own, facing our fears, for me, it shows us everything we've been wanting.
So for me, not feeling good enough, and I was chasing the next thing of success and, you know, wanting to hustle my way into worthiness, the courage to just stop and actually be with the sensation of unworthiness transformed it. And I felt my wholeness, ironically.
So it's like, if we want freedom, well, it's like, can I stop and actually be free enough to feel the present moment experience, to feel stuck opens me to my freedom. And so I want to plug that because it's not part of the mainstream society narrative.
And yet that is the fertilizer then that you're speaking of that you can actually create from. And your nervous system in slowing down feels the safety because if you're speeding up, you're not conscious enough to actually tune in and be present and presence is safety.
Yes. Now, like you said, we don't slow down because we don't want to feel.
Because we were taught that feeling is a problem. Because we were taught that our feelings are problems instead of what they actually are, which is fertilizer.
Yeah. Or that we would, I remember when I was a therapist, like some people were like, if I feel that, I'm never going to get out of it.
Exactly. Or if I feel that I'm going to throw up and I would just give them a trash can.
I'm like, let's go. Because there's a way to feel where you're not indulging and you're not avoiding.
You're just allowing it to move up and out. Exactly.
And what we know is that if we're really with a feeling, not with a thought about the feeling, but really with a feeling, it will shift in about 90 seconds. You think you're going to die, but 90 seconds later, you actually feel something new because the energy moved.
And what's so cool about the combination of emotion and our nervous system, our nervous system holds our history. Our nervous system holds our memory.
Our nervous system holds our memory of emotionally activating events. And what we know is that burnout is actually caused by, certainly it is caused by doing too much.
However, it's actually, well, why are you doing too much? But there are some people who are burned out who are not technically doing too much. And it is because they have so many open emotional stress loops that have been going for decades because they just haven't felt.
And so what's so cool is every time we feel an emotion all the way in and all the way through, like let it run through our bodies, not through our minds, let it run through our bodies, it actually is deeply regulating to the nervous system. And it allows us to shift our thermostat.
We have a nervous system thermostat set point for how good we can stand it. And every time, we know this, like having a good cry, actually you feel really good on the other side.
It's the game opposite. Yes, it feels actually, I mean, it like hurts so good.
And it changes our ability to have a more expanded ability to be with the wholeness and the beauty of our lives when we're not all fragged up and all caught in the past and all like jacked up in our nervous system. And so emotional metabolism actually does set us free and changes our thermostat.
And if somebody is hearing this and they're like, okay, I have 90 seconds because we all have 90 seconds, but you're feeling it more than 90 seconds. Sometimes I will watch a client, they'll start to feel it and then they'll go harder into feeling it.
I'm like, you just created a thought that created more suffering. So I want to distinguish suffering versus just pain and allowing and presencing the pain because it's often the feelings don't hurt.
It's the resistance to the feelings that hurt. And so if you end up feeling something longer than 90 seconds, it means that you're looping in a story that's creating more indulging patterns.
So don't avoid, don't indulge, just fully allow. And I love that you talk about this set point because that can also be a financial set point.
It's very much a financial set point. Well, there's happiness set point, weight set point.
We have them all. Yeah.
And so talk to us. I mean, to some of the work around becoming aware of what, because we have this safety zone, right? We think, and there's upper and lower limits around what we perceive as safe.
And it's different depending on your, the narratives in your mind essentially, but that can be influenced by culture, your story around money, who your, your community is if we're too low, it will activate our nervous system and we don't feel safe. It's all in comparison, right? Because we could be in whatever country and if we have more than our neighbors or less than our neighbors, right? Or our friends.
But we also have upper limits if I go beyond that and it comes back to safety. So what is some of the work that you do around supporting people and becoming aware or moving beyond some of those upper limits? We need to understand where our thermostat comes from to begin with financially.
And so our thermostat comes from, our set point comes from not how much money we had growing up, not how much money we didn't have, but the feeling of how much money we had or didn't have. What do I mean by that? It is the stories, but really the emotional nature, the energetic nature of the vibe in our home or in our upbringing when it came to money.
So you could actually have grown up with a lot of money technically in the bank. But if there was chaos and conflict and a constant sense of scarcity, your set point will actually be for an experience of scarcity, not abundance.
So it's not about how much money there was. It's about the story being told by the bodies who were raising you about the money.
And that's really important to really think about. As you're listening to this right now, think about what was the vibe in my childhood around money? What was kind of like, how would you describe the energy in your household, in your family? I know for me, money led to conflict because my parents were on totally different pages.
There was a lot of stress around it, a lot of pressure around working. There was just like a lot of like, like, it was not this feeling of like, woo, you know? And so I've worked to really shift my thermostat through expanding my capacity to feel safe

with greater and greater levels of what is unfamiliar.

So do you want me to dive into that?

I love it.

Because now I'm like on the thing.

No, I love it.

Yeah.

So the nervous system, according to the nervous system, that which is unfamiliar registers as unsafe. The tricky thing about that is everything we want, all of our goals and desires are generally things we have not experienced before and often things that no one in our lineage has ever experienced.
And so our entire survival brain and our unconscious, you know, those are kind of the same thing, but there's like a lot in there, are working to make sure that we stay in that narrow band of what we determine is safe, aka familiar. So what we can do is so cool.
This is why you said like you just love personal development because there's literally no limit to how much we can expand. And we do it by coming up against an edge of like, this is new.
This feels scary. And then we, instead of thinking a thought that feels better, even though that's helpful,

we actually need to learn to signal to our bodies that we are safe. Because what our body feels when something unfamiliar is happening is, I'm being chased by a predator.
There's a saber-toothed tiger. I'm in danger.
You're actually like at a cocktail party alone. You are not in danger, but maybe you're expanding your capacity to spend time with a new group of people, perhaps.
That's what the scary thing is. And so we can learn to signal to our body like, hey, sweet girl, you are safe.
And this is not, I know I'm saying that verbally, that's not what signaling to our body is safe means. But talking to yourself can really help.
And then there are so many beautiful regulating practices. I just did one while I was waiting to begin.
I went outside, I took off my shoes, I put my bare feet in your beautiful grass out back. Connecting with nature is always a regulating process because what you are doing is you are signaling

to your body energetically, not verbally, though the words can help, but energetically, there is no saber-toothed tiger. We are safe right now.
And then all of these incredible physiological things come on board. You get more cerebrospinal fluid to your brain.
You get more oxygenation. You get all this

yummy blood flow into your central organs. You get more connection between your left and right hemispheres.
Your peripheral vision opens up. Your ability to have creative thought opens up.
Your intuition, your logic, like everything comes on board. And then you're suddenly like, oh, here I am.
And look at me. I am meeting new people in an uncomfortable situation.
But now I know I'm safe. So now I'm doing it.
And then the more you do that, the more you signal safety up at the edge of your financial discomfort or expansion discomfort, you then are shifting your thermostat. Because literally in your brain and nervous system, you are re-patterning.
And there's a, there's a coding on our, on our neurons called myelin. And the myelination is actually like deepening and thickening.
So those patternings become permanent. The more you practice, it's just like rewiring a house.
It's beautiful. And, and I also really like tapping as one way to just, especially before speaking or, you know, for a quick fix, I think there's deeper somatic practices for, um, going to some of the core stuff, but just for something quick, you know, people can Google tapping.
And so when you're, and also I use visualization with clients because right, the body doesn't know the difference between fantasy and reality. So if you're visualizing, seeing specifically your goals happening, this is why a lot of professional athletes will use it.
It does give a green light to your subconscious. So then you do start feeling safe and it, it, everything you were saying, it's like you more, you're present, but you're innovative.
You'd, and I think it's even more important for entrepreneurs to be doing this work because there's not a quote unquote, like secure paycheck from, you know, there never is right. Cause, and, but I think even more so entrepreneurs need to do it because there's, uh, especially as you're building your own sense of wealth in the world, because it can be a rollercoaster as you're first starting.
And to know that, and for me also, when I first knew that I could create money for myself, doing what I loved, coming back to your dad's side of the generation, your family lineage, it was like when I knew that I could do what I love, making an impact in the world, and taking care of myself financially that was priceless. Like that was something better than any amount of money could ever give me.
And I also, you know, I remember the first time I did a workshop with a friend of mine, I don't think I even got paid for it. I think like I got paid $300.
We were doing a low income workshop for single moms and I flew to Colorado to do it. And no amount of money could have touched what I felt inside.
I was like, this is what I'm here to do in the world. And I knew that money would just continue to be a reflection of the value, but also my nervous system.
I was tuned in and just connected to my heart and connected to what I want to share in the world. And so more than money, I think people learning about how they can take care of themselves financially, but also in source that safety at times where we forget or our old conditioning comes up is so powerful and important.
But I love some of the things that you're sharing around doing the somatic practices to take dominion over these unconscious patterns. Yeah, because our body is unbelievably powerful, right? We know that the electromagnetic field of the heart is like a bajillion times bigger than the electromagnetic field of our brain, right? And so when we are with people, and we're just coming back to that sales conversation,

right? When we are with people, when we are working on our magnetism, on our visibility

in our businesses or for love or anything else, right? Friendship, whatever. People are literally

syncing up with each other. And in groups, there are thermometers and there are thermostats.

And for us as leaders, it's really important that we do this work so we can become the thermostat in the group. That's why, you know, your programs are powerful.
That's, I mean, there's many reasons, but like, that's one of the reasons. One of the reasons that I know people get value is like, yes, the strategies are spot on that I teach.
Yes. Like all of those things.
I mean, you know, I've been doing this for decades and I am holding a frequency of absolutely unadulterated, unshakable knowing that they are safe and whole and connected to source with a capital S. And getting around that energy over months or years, let's say it's nine months, it changes you.
Yeah. It changes you to be around thermostats because our bodies do not, A, they have no sense of time, which is so beautiful.
That's another made up construct.

Right, totally.

And B, they don't believe the lie of separation. And so our mirror neurons are always playing and working together, which is why environment

will always overcome your will.

So that's why we need to be, you know, listening to this podcast, doing this stuff, showing

up at the places where there's like a great thermostat setting.

Thank you. will.
So that's why we need to be listening to this podcast, doing this stuff, showing up at the places where there's like a great thermostat setting. And it's like a tuning fork because when you're operating in that and you're holding that frequency, other people can tune into the truth within themselves that also knows this to be true.
So it's of service and deeply impactful energetically as well to just hold in that presence. And I think one thing that people, whether they're doing this work for themselves or they're facilitating as coaches, therapists, or healers, I think one of the things that they miss is when they're just talking to their clients and they miss out on actually having them check in with their bodies, what's actually the conversation happening.
I want to just make sure that we tune in when we're doing this work again, whether for ourselves or with our clients, because if we're talking in our conscious mind, which is only 5%, there's a whole other conversation happening. And if you just place your hand on your heart and you just take a moment to drop in, you might discover some other deeper conversation that's looking to be present or a part of you that doesn't feel safe or needs the mic or to go deeper into reprogramming the subconscious.
And so I want to highly recommend that people take time to listen to their bodies to slow down and also use it as a, as a way to optimize their goals and really accelerate things. because I know sometimes people will come to me and they want to make more money.
And I'll ask them, what do you fear would happen if you made more money? And sometimes they're like, well, I'll have to, they'll think that if they want to double their income, they have to work twice as hard, like we were talking about before. And it's like, well, that, and so they have this sabotaging pattern that they're like, well, I don't want to do that.
And I, my health is important or my relationships or my happiness. And I'm not willing to do that.
So if there's ever somebody that is trying to hit a goal, they know how to do it, but they're not doing it. It's because they have an unconscious fear that action will lead to pain.
And so helping people understand that you don't have to push harder. It's about getting out of your own way and really listening to, you know, with this client, I helped her understand that she thought making more money was paired with unhappiness.
So of course she wasn't going to do that. She hadn't thought of more self-honoring ways to hit her financial goals.
And she also didn't have that modeled. And so I think also for our subconscious, it's helpful to have examples of other people doing it to be like, okay, they did it, I can do it.
And if they have a limiting belief that they can do it, they can question that and then they'll be inspired by them. So I just slowing down to look at how it's paired inside of us again, unconsciously can help us accelerate our goals by doing the deeper work.
I know we were talking about before, a lot of people think it's awareness and then behavior change and it's not. And by doing the inner work, it can accelerate change because the action and the aligned strategy is not that hard, but I'd say it's 20% of the game, 80% of the game is the inner work and learning to understand what's actually in there.
And then how do we do the work to unravel it? Everything that we're sharing here. So I love that you're bringing this perspective to people and specifically focusing on money.
I'm curious. I know that you have your book, Do Less.
Tell us a little bit more about things that people can do. If there was like one thing that people could do less of to accomplish more, what would that be? I'm like, efficiency.
Looking outside themselves for what they're supposed to be doing or what it's supposed to look like. We waste years of our lives playing somebody else's game, following someone else's rules.
And if you've read Bronnie Ware's book, The Five Biggest Regrets of the Dying, we know that the biggest regrets are, I wish I had been truer to myself. I wish I had let myself enjoy life.
I wish that I hadn't worked so hard. I don't remember the other two, but those are good.
Those three are salient enough. No one, no one is getting to the end of their life and being like, damn, I just wish I had gotten to the end of my to-do list.
Like we just need to know we're never going to get it all done. And the best way that we can accelerate our results while having more ease and more flow is to insource.
As you said, it is the same freaking thing. When we feel whole, when we are connecting with source with a capital S inside, when money is not our source, when our achievements are not our source, when our spouse is not our source, when our kids are not our source, when any of those things are not our source and we are connecting with source source, all of a sudden it becomes really obvious what to focus on and what to not focus on.
I, of course, teach Pareto's principle, the 80-20 rule. I live and die by it to really look at, okay, what are the 20% of actions that are getting me 80% of the results? If you're a business owner, really easy thing you can just do a quick run on is what are the 20% of my marketing efforts that are bringing in 80% of my results? Who are the 20% of my customers who have brought in 80% of the revenue? What do they all have in common? How can I just find more of them and stop bringing in those 80% that are bringing in 20% of the revenue? But you can't do that.
Your mind will not let you do that. Your nervous system will not let you do those calculations if you are fundamentally having your nervous system run the show in a sympathetic state where you are just scared.
Yeah. Right? Like at the end of the day, anything we have going on that's sidetracking us is just our sweet bodies being like, I'm scared.
That's all that's happening. And so when we can come back to safety and source from within, then we're just going to like nail that 80-20 role.
And it's just going to be like, oh, I can't believe I was doing this thing for a decade that just got no results or whatever, whatever. It just becomes really obvious and aligned action becomes obvious and inspired action becomes obvious.
Yeah. It's almost like we're not getting caught up in the busy work to then say, I'm checking things off my list so that I feel enough.
Right. I think this is, and I want to really highlight because I think a lot of people lose this, but the core wound for 98% of humans is inadequacy.
I am not good enough. Something is wrong with me.
We have variations of that story. And from there, we may look for a partner, more money, a body so that we feel enough.
And there are different coping strategies to get there. But it comes back to safety because when we feel safe, we also feel whole.
And when we feel whole, it's because we've allowed and said yes to all parts of ourselves, not pushing them away, not even identifying with the one that feels frantic or scared. It's just a part of you.
It's a conditioned pattern. It's not who you are.
It's not the capital S, but it's welcome at the boardroom. It's welcome to be there, but it doesn't get to lead the meeting.
It's not an adult. It's like bring your kid to work day.
It can hang out, but it can't actually be driving and leading your life and your business. And making the decisions about where the money is going to go.
Having brought my daughters to work, I can tell you that they do get to be there and be adorable, but they don't get to make the ultimate decision. And that makes, I will just say as a parent, that makes my kids feel safe and that makes our parts feel safe as well to know that there's an adult in charge.
That's right. And I can even hear, you know, when somebody's signing up for a program or looking to invest in something like I was, asking someone else, again, outsourcing.
And I do this, so I get it. But I'll ask the person that I know will help me co-regulate and create safety towards the thing I want, but I'm just scared.
And so I, even in sales conversations, the way that I train and teach coaches is yes, first do your own healing work around money so that you can hold that clear and compassionate space. But then also you don't sell to somebody when they're in a disempowered state.
When, and you, when sometimes people collapse in their body and I help them notice what just happened in your body. So they don't go unconscious into it.
You don't invite them from that place because they're collapsed. It's not them.
You presence that energy, the collapse. You help them come back to their center and then make a decision from that place, from their power.
And if they're asking somebody else, they're just looking for co-regulation. We already know what we want.
And if we have the support and the safety to move through the trauma or the fears that would have us go against what we want, that's a gift. And sometimes when coaches are really clean, they can hold that space.
And we get to also have in with a friend or a therapist or a lover that can also hold that space for us. Because ultimately we want to feel empowered around what choices we make, whether it's a yes or no, or whether we invest in a fancy vacation or a program, whatever it may be.
Yeah, absolutely. I've heard you talk about the three questions to ask yourself before creating a to-do list.
Can you please share with us what these are and how to utilize them? So these actually were inspired by three questions in Al-Anon. Okay.
And one of them is, does this need to be done? So in Al-Anon, it's does this need to be said? Does it need to be said by me? And does it need to be said right now? And as a recovering codependent, it is very helpful for me to ask me those questions, myself those questions. But I feel like I was kind of codependent with my to-do list.
Okay. I get that.
Yeah. Because you just said like this idea of like if I check off enough things, then I'll be enough.
And there's like a dopamine hit by checking and feeling productive. Exactly.
Making our well-being dependent on anything external, whether it's another human and their feelings or a to-do list or a bank account, same problem. So I started asking myself, does this need to be done? Because we are out here chasing the carrot, avoiding the bag of shit, right? So we are staying busy to not feel.
Like, let's be clear. If folks think that they are too busy to slow down, we really need to look at the patterning and to say, am I actually staying busy because I have too much to do? Or am I staying busy because I'm avoiding feeling and being with myself? Two different things.
And also looking at once you've done the inner work, then look at the strategy of the 80-20. The 100%.
What really needs my attention and how, what can I outsource or let go of. But just like know that much, much, much busyness is caused by dysregulation.
Okay. So does this need to be done? Does this need to be done by me? Like, is it possible that I don't need to be the martyr and possibly there are 35 other people around here in my life who could also lean in, right? Very common with women, very common with moms, this idea of like, if it's, or, and entrepreneurs as well, if it's going to be done right, I've got to do it, right? That is a lie.
There is no freaking way that you listening are the only person on earth equipped to do this task well. It's impossible.
I know. Eight billion people on the planet.
You cannot be the only one. That overinflated, you know, ego, which is just covering up, I'm scared.
Okay. And then the third thing is, does it need to be done right now? So I recommend when you make your to-do list, when you look at your week, if things are feeling full, if it's feeling like there's pressure around your time, really asking, does this need to be done? Does it need to be done by me? Does it need to be done right now? Could you move out a deadline? Could you ask someone else to do it? Could you just not do it at all? It's very liberating.
That is scary and liberating. And for the people pleasers, the ones that are really like, oh no, I have to do this.
I was literally talking with a girlfriend who's a very high achiever last night, who is like, I'm the one that's going to grow the brand. I'm the one that's going to do it.
And I can also see that in myself being like, oh, if it's going to be at a hundred percent, I'll have to do it. How do we break this patterning so that we can delegate and allow us to receive more support? Well, it's the same thing, which is the lie of scarcity running the show.
The idea that if it's going to be, it's up to me is just our scarcity patterning. So it comes back to the same thing of like, how could I connect with the sense of wholeness and infinity inside myself? How could I connect with that sense of possibility that anything could happen? That it is possible that God made another human who would care about my brand as much or even more than I do.
We recently hired somebody who has, she has a bigger vision than I do for our company. It is blowing my mind.
And I know that I was ready for her because of the deep work I've done to connect with source inside so that I'm not under this illusion that any amount of achievement is my source, any of that. Like I'm feeling safer and safer and more whole.
So obviously there she was just like Mary Poppins, just blew right in on the North wind. And I really want to highlight and underscore that because life is a mirror.
And so that she is a reflection of what, of you. And so, and I know a lot of people, they say they want to grow their business, but they're afraid of being seen or they want to fall in love again, but they're afraid of being hurt.
So they've got this push pull dynamic. And yet when we can resolve those parts inside of us, then everything on the strategic, the behavioral is so much easier.
Like people, opportunities are magnetized and brought into our awareness that weren't even available, or we didn't recognize them because we couldn't see it. Yeah, because we weren't a match.
Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
I love you so much. And I am so grateful for the work that you're doing in the world.
And it is so important. Tell us what you're up to.
How can people stay connected? Yeah. I mean, I'm so happy to be here.
This was so much fun. The best place to connect with me is on Instagram at Kate Northrup.
That's where I hang out online the most. If you've loved the money conversation and you want to dive deeper into it, you can just send me a DM with only the word wisdom and I'll send you a free money breakthrough guide with a mini training that I created with my favorite nervous system healing practice.
So just DM me the word wisdom on Instagram. And then of course my website, Kate Northrup, and I have a podcast called plenty, which I hope you will come be a guest on soon.
Absolutely. I love you.
Thank you for being here. Thank you.
Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world, starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference.
And if you're finding value in this podcast, a cost free way to support us is leaving an up to five-star review. It does mean the world to us.
And as a thank you gift, we're going to send you one of the most powerful tools that you will ever discover. You're going to get behind the scenes access, showing you how to live into your full potential without letting fear hold you back from stepping into your dreams.
Just head over to Apple podcast or Spotify and leave a review now. You can take a screenshot before hitting submit and then go to alistanobriga.com forward slash podcast to upload it.
And make sure to have your automatic downloads turned on wherever you listen so you don't miss any of the upcoming episodes. I have so much magic I can't wait to share with you.
And you can find all this information in the show notes below. But lastly, if you're on Instagram, I love connecting and hearing from you.
So come on over and say hello.