Somatic Practices to Heal In Relationship | EP 36

This is a big part of my journey where when I was dating myself, I was with this beautiful tantric man and in his presence I didn't eat, I didn't sleep much, I was just high, like vibrationally high and I kind of got addicted to that and I felt intuitively something was off. He was kind of hanging out in the absolute and not fully embodied in his humanity and he was also showing up in ways in a practical human way that wasn't working for me.
And so I chose to leave that relationship. And that took a lot for me to do because I felt so in love in his presence.
And I realized I was laying on the couch one night and I had this story of him. I thought of him and I watched my body like, like get all tingly and excited.
And the next thought, because I was so present and mindful, the next thought I watched, I said, he's not here. And then I deflated.
And I got curious. I was like, well, before the thought that he's not here, I just felt everything I feel in his presence without him.
That helped me to see and start waking up to that I'm the source of love. That he also evoked it within me, but he didn't give it to me.
It is what I am. Welcome.
I'm Alyssa Nobrega, your host of the Healing and Human Potential podcast, a place for you to discover the multidimensionality of what it means to be human. Over the past 20 years, I've trained thousands of coaches in my methodology, leveraging my experience as a former psychotherapist, and I'm here to share with you

all the wisdom and insights that I've learned along the way. Each week, I'll share with you

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I have a very special podcast for you today. So I was interviewed on the Deja Blue podcast, and I heard from so many of you how powerful what I revealed there was, that I wanted to make sure I shared it with you.
And so I dive into what my methodology is and how you can apply it to your own life. I share behind the scenes of my dating life and how you can uplevel your relationship with your emotions to help you step into your full potential.
We're also going to unpack the beauty that lies within our challenges, how you can use it for your superpowers, and then just share really powerful stories and insights, as well as guiding you through a somatic practice live. And so sit back, open your heart, and get ready to take in all the goodness of what we cover in today's episode.
Such a gift to be here, Blue. What a gift you are.
And I love that you wore blue today. It makes me happy.
All in representing the blue beans yeah so i um so really i want to just for my answer selfish purposes to like continue to chip away what it has taken for you to get to this place of understanding and it's not just understanding of psychology of understanding trauma of understanding how to coach people into seeing their blind spots and from that place of a deep level of compassion ask the necessary questions that help the the realization be activated within their own being but the understanding of what it's taken for you to get to this place of being able to see the unspoken because that's really what it is that you bring right we can place labels on what it is that you bring however there is a is an uns is a an essence of being able to taste sense or smell that that is creating the suffering in one person's life. And through a series of questions, being able to guide them for their own realization and recognizing I don't need you to access this.
However, with your guidance, you've allowed me to access this within myself. And so that's my experience.
So I'm just just to introduce you to my audience. How have you been able to get to this place, I would say mastery of emotional intelligence? And what has your journey looked like to be able to get from, I would say that probably, and this would be an assumption, turning a challenge into a superpower? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I would say that it's through walking my own path first. So all of the things that I was undiagnosed with a thyroid disorder, you know, difficult childhood with my parents relationship.
And so through my own life experience, being willing to lead with my own suffering and find out where's their freedom inside of it. And am I willing to go to the places that I am scared to go in service to my own freedom and liberation, knowing the truth of my being is untouched through all of it and bringing presence to the parts of myself that I have been scared to actually meet is what transforms all of it.
And in that I have, you know, it's, we were speaking of, there's something that's embodied and felt with all of us. And when we're willing to face our own shadow, it opens us to the greatest light.
And so my core story growing up was that I wasn't good enough. And so, and I think this is a big one for humanity and lots of different ways.
I'm not special enough. I'm not successful enough.
I'm not perfect enough. All the different ways that the psyche can create that story that of not enoughness, of inadequacy.
Ironically, through being willing to meet that sense of not good enough as a sensation in the body directly, rather than trying to outrun it, opened me to my wholeness. So it's the paradox of transformation, I call it.
It's the very thing that you're not willing to face that opens the key to the greatest doorway. And so if we want to feel connection, ironically, it's through loneliness.
If we want to feel freedom, ironically, it's through embracing feeling stuck. If we want to feel whole, it's through embracing feeling unworthy.
And so the willingness to go there with presence, if we're going there from ego on ego, there's no transformative agent. There needs to be a higher level of presence, the truth of your being, the ground of your being that is awake to meet these parts of ourselves, that we are the presence that liberates it, it sets it free.
And so in the willingness to let our essence embrace our ego, it transforms instantly. Within 90 seconds, neuroscientists have found it's only 90 seconds to feel an emotion before it moves through the body.
Now that means if you're feeling an emotion longer than 90 seconds, you're in a story about what the emotion is. And the story creates more loops.
And sometimes people can loop in their story. This is why I think a lot of people don't feel their feelings because they think it's never going to end, but they haven't learned how to surf the wave.
They haven't realized that once the story activates the sensation, bringing presence to that energy in the body starts to transform it. And it really does take 90 seconds.
And I love that

people are willing to test this rather than just believe it. But it takes the presence as the backdrop, the background.
So you're not completely lost in egoic identification. Otherwise, there's no transformation.
There's no love. There's no healing agency in that.
So creating the environment having walked my own path and knowing that I can see somebody's wholeness from the depth of my own wholeness and truth, whether they're telling a story that they're not good enough, or this should have happened, holding in presence, holding in love is like a tuning fork to help them wake up, whether they're conscious of it or not, to that which they already are. And those parts of us that have been looking for love, attention, safety, approval in the world start to integrate in our nervous system and we relax.
We feel that sense of safety. And from there, it's just an awakening.
It's just about, and it's like, that's where the ego really aligns with our essence. So it's bringing our fullness to our full human experience that helps it integrate, that helps us wake up.
And I love this frame from Ken Wilber. He says it's about growing up and waking up because we can have really – we can be awake but have a completely distorted egoic sense of self.
Or we can have a really beautiful prison of a perfect life

and have no idea of a higher truth.

And so it's yes and.

For me, I love using everyday life triggers in support of freedom,

in support of awakening.

In this earth school, we can use everything to get free

rather than it happening to us.

It's like, how do I use this?

Where is life presenting me with situations that show me where I'm stuck

Thank you. this earth school, we can use everything to get free rather than it happening to us.
It's like, how do I use this? Where's life presenting me with situations that show me where I'm stuck, where I'm identified and how do I use that to get free? That to me is everything. So that I think is the key ingredient for your quantum leaping is that you see everything that's presented in the earth school as curriculum and an opportunity to grow that's right however when the ego is the one that's actually in the driving seat yeah knowingly or unknowingly yeah then would the would you say that the ego within convince us that it's not curriculum and that's somebody else's fault and therefore not being able to integrate the lesson it can try to use blame but once blame is seen through that you're actually never going to it's's like, if I'm trying to control and manipulate life so that I'm okay, based on an outside in approach, I'm never, I'm actually just locking myself in a room, throwing away the key.
I have no control. So when we really inquire into blame, if it worked great, I'd be all for it.
It just doesn't work. It's like, well, what's the other option? So rather than saying you made me feel this way, it's like, no, people knock on the door and then it activated a trigger that was already living inside my house.
They didn't make me feel this way. And it's the truth for both love and pain.
And so once I see, oh, that's in me and I want to proactively live my life so that people don't knock on the door, situations or people, and I continuously play that pattern out with others. I'm going to actually go in the house to work through that on different levels.
I talk about five different levels in my methodology so that it is integrated and then other people and patterns don't continue to play out in the future. Like why not work it out the route now and live more open-hearted and freer in my life so will you take us through your methodology because i got to receive that methodology yeah and it was in a moment like i said in the intro it was a moment where i was suffering because there was a loop belief system again like inherent like either a fear of rejection, which is ultimately stemming from an unworthiness and and therefore there's got to be some sort of belief system in place or story that has been created that is creating this like closed circuit loop that's going wait this is really not working and i'm gonna need somebody who knows what they're gonna be doing to like reflect back to me how I can take ownership because that is the blanket experience from my, the way that I perceive the world is like a deep level of ownership.
However, when the ownership is presented with the blind spot on the closed circuit loop, then it almost can kind of feed the unworthiness because it's like, well, I created this, but it's still here. How could I do this? I am just disappearing into the bottomless well.

And my golem is like.

And so then you came into my experience. And then just in the most loving, compassionate way, guided me through your methodology,

which allowed me to meet myself of how I was even creating this experience in the first place,

which is ultimately very empowering.

And then it shifts.

Like if it's just one degree shift from that experience, you follow degree out for 10 years now you have a significantly different person and so i can't put enough emphasis on educated studied yes ability to listen beyond the words but the frequency where the words are coming from and with a methodology allowed to guide us in a way that can meet the route therefore be be able to open the closed circuit loop into a new narrative. So would you mind guiding us a little bit about what it is that you're holding? So yes, I love, and so starting with doing our own work first, leading our own lives by being an integrity to use anything that life is presenting us to help us get free because the unconscious, we can't see it.
So we have to project it onto relationships or business or something outside so that we do see it. So knowing that we can lead with our own life versus great.
And so having an integrative framework and a methodology helps us understand because people need different things. Some people are very heady and they're unconsciously trying to avoid feeling something by analyzing it, right? Or other people are very emotional and they get lost in their emotions.

It's like being on spin cycle and they don't know that thoughts are creating that emotion

and that they can question their thoughts.

So people need different medicines.

Some need fire, some people need water, right?

And so it's being able to have a framework that's integrative to meet people where they need to be met.

And so the way that I work with people and I train my coaches to do this is first awareness. Awareness is key, but then bringing, so it's like having that spacious awareness, understanding, aware of who and what you are, presence first, and then having insight about what are the themes that are tripping me up? Oh, it's this fear of abandonment or it's this fear of,, you know, one level, and then it goes deeper into I'm not good enough, essentially, a lot of people, not everybody, but a lot of people.
And there's a divine design within that, not good enough, because we're not good enough when we are identified as an egoic self. So there's a, there's a potency in using that to wake up, which we can talk about.
So understanding, having awareness of ourselves and awareness over these themes. Then going into the heart to transmute it and into the body.
So I talk about five levels of transformation, somatically, emotionally, mentally, behaviorally, and unconsciously. Now, again, people need different stuff.
So being able to transmute it through the energy of love and acceptance, ironically, is what sets us free. And not acceptance as complacency, but acceptance as it's not intelligent to argue with what's already happened.
It is what it is. And how do I use it to transmute whatever is at the root within me that I'm playing out in this physical world.
So moving into that deeper level of acceptance and then comes aligned action. How do I show up differently in my life as a result? So I used to be a licensed psychotherapist and I love and have so much respect for that work, but a real healing is a change of behavior.
So I wanted to help people not only wake up, transmute it in their heart, but really change their lives in a very practical, grounded way. So the spiritual and practical, yes, and.
I think most of us and probably most of your listeners are not just here to meditate in a cave. It's about how do you live a deeper truth in an everyday, modern day world? How do you keep your heart open and invite people into a deeper experience of themselves? And so yes, doing the work, yes, having an integrative framework to understand like this is actually getting caught somatically in my body.
How do I bring presence to these sensations? And even if we just experiment with it right now, find a contraction in your body, wherever it is, where do you feel it right now? And as people are listening, they can also do this. Oh, I'm real fresh right now.
Because there's like this thing that's like creating a fire in my belly and like a what the fuck in my heart. So that's just perfectly timed.
Okay, perfect. And most of the times people feel it in their throat, in their heart, and in their gut.
And the gut is usually the deeper core stuff. So if you feel the sensation in your gut right now and wherever people are feeling it, just follow along just for a moment, just to try this.
So feel that sensation in your gut. And if you drop your presence into your belly, not looking above your head down on it, but just dropping back into it and meeting it with compassion, with warmth, breathing into it, knowing that we're not trying to change it.
We're just saying hello to it somatically, allowing it to be here, just letting the breath move through and around it, knowing that it's welcome to be here exactly as it wants, seeing this as a child that's just looking for your own love and attention.

No story, all sensation, breathing in.

And letting go.

What do you start to notice as you meet it?

Say that again.

What do you start to notice in your belly as you start to meet it?

As you start to allow it to be here as it is?

So originally there's like a a well that's just existing but like i'm over here uh-huh and then just even through your words it was that's existing and now i'm here yeah and then in the softness and the compassion um it allowed um as opposed to it being like my awareness and the the sensation being two different things my awareness and sensation merged yes and then from the softening it just allowed it to be without the judgment of it and what is the experience of that um the experience of that it's still there yes but it's okay it's softer yeah it's softer and it's like um it's like a breathing with it and it's just and it almost has like wings and it's kind and it's like a breathing with it.

And it almost has like wings and it's kind of like a fluttering. And the fluttering became a little bit less frantic when the awareness then was placed inside of it.
Beautiful. Yeah, so then you've let go of some of the additional drama of being separate from it.
And as you get intimate with the direct experience of it, it starts to soften. And so as when we don't judge a sensation, a thought, an identity, a block, a pattern, it starts to reveal itself to us.
And then there's the wisdom inside of it when we're not judging it. And that's where then it, once it feels seen and met, and we start to embrace that part of you, you open to the wisdom that it was here to teach you.
And so sometimes even feeling it somatically, you may have an insight of, or a memory and image of when you were younger and, or unconscious programming about it, whatever the theme is for you. And then once you reveal that you see that you thank it for getting your attention, you upgrade your insight.
Now what's true for you as an adult, and then you no longer unconsciously play it out. Yeah.
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forward slash tools, or you can find us at alissanobriga.com forward slash apply now to see all the details and apply today it's um rachel and i talk about like every single podcast that we do is particularly on time for whatever is most alive and so we're always like so curious around like what is going to be the topic of conversation where's it going to go you know ultimately we're in that which is needed and right now of course it's like low hanging fruit perfectly on time um and the the identification with this piece that that i'm speaking into is that there has been a narrative for a very long time and i know that we've touched upon this in when we did a session one um it was there is a mask that is the good girl that is the conscious one um and that rage only creates destruction and destruction is what we avoid and i'm four planets in scorpio i thought it was five but apparently it's four um i'm four planets in Scorpio. There's like this like very deep shamanic, like it's the fire of transformation and transmutation of that, that there's not an integrity.
And it is this like, the removal of the mask of the nice girl and the one that keeps the peace. And when I removed the mask mask what i realized actually was there is a volcano in there that is like ready to erupt yes now she kind of erupted last night and i was in this like because once the lid was taken off it was like all of the years of suppression right like it has to come out in like a sideways kind of distorted way if it's not fully allowed to be felt and so once the lid was taken off there was two people i communicated with and needed to clear it with them today because there was like this like that and then i was like oh i had a conversation with the two individuals and they were like super loving and supportive and and so i'm just curious um around if that has been suppressed suppressed on a somatic level for example my example which i'm sure most people could probably relate to it some degree of going like oh i've played this role that i have to be the conscious one or the one that keeps the peace or the harmony or the balance.
However, when it's A, been identified, B, then the label or whatever it is is actually taken off. Therefore, the lid of the emotion is removed.
Then all of a sudden there has been however many years, X amount of years that it hasn't been boiling. Volcano waiting to erupt.
So then it comes out sideways. What would you say to learn to navigate rage or anger or frustration or where the fuck is the justice in this experience there's so much unpacking what you're saying so the so sometimes people learn that anger is bad but anger is a feeling it's part of being human it just means it's feedback that a boundary has been crossed and so if we play the mask of the nice girl and then we suppress it yes there will be will be a volcano at some point or it's like, you know, kicks out the sideways way.
And maybe in your household or in other people's households, they were raised with, anger is bad. But violence is a behavior.
Violence is what is not appropriate. Whereas anger, healthy ways to express anger as a human is important to learn and to take the feedback.
So there's parts and protectors. There's these defense mechanisms that we have that are trying to avoid the vulnerability underneath.
And so when we have the mask of the nice girl, we're trying to avoid feeling something that we would think is unacceptable because we want to feel safe. We want to belong.
And so we conform and create these masks. Now, oftentimes when we, when we operate from the defense mechanism, it creates the opposite of what we really desired.
So let's just take relationship. For example, if I were to say from the defense, if I really long for connection with my partner, but I'm scared to be vulnerable from the defense, I may not have learned anger was okay.
And I learned to complain because it's a little bit more appropriate. And that's the sideways way that the energy is leaking.
Then I complained to my partner and I say, you're always working. Now my partner is going to be defensive, right? And I don't create the connection was what I deeply desire, but the way to create the connection is through my vulnerability.
And so I can say, if I'm vulnerable, if I'm willing to do that in that relationship to say, I miss you and I'm scared I'm going to lose you. I'm scared we're not spending time together and that we're not going to be together as a result.
That actually creates the connection that we deeply desired, but it takes courage to go there, right? So ironically, the defense mechanisms that we create hold us back from arriving at the deeper desire of connection that we want or whatever, you know, love or approval. Um, so realizing first off the defense mechanisms pull us further away from what we desire.
And it's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Exactly.
And the way through is through that vulnerability when we feel safe in that relationship to do that. So with, with the anger, you know, part of your full expression and you feeling your full potential is knowing that you, the anger is appropriate to feel in certain circumstances and there's gifts in anger and there's feedback in anger.
So once you realize that instead of like, think of a teapot, you're taking some of the steam out intentionally rather than it just going haywire and getting really loud and overflowing. Mom, the kettle exploded in the kitchen and shit everywhere.
Exactly. And then you clean up in those relationships where you're like, I'm sorry, that was an unconscious part of me that just played out.
And in conscious community, there's a lot of acceptance. You take personal responsibility.
This was mine. And here's where I learned it.
And here's where I'm cleaning that up. Sorry that you were my mirror.
And that's partly how we learn in being each other's mirrors. And so there's space for that.
And as long as we take personal responsibility, it's easy for people to say, it's okay. You know, if I'm sure it was okay for them.
So it's about understanding, oh, that's mine. And this is here to teach me about my anger being sacred, that there's gifts in this.
When I'm not judging it, when I'm not identifying as myself as angry, it's just looking for the full permission, the full spectrum of my human experience. And as we learn to say yes to our full experience, we feel free, right?

My meditation teacher talks about freedom from versus freedom to. And this is a big part of my methodology where it's freedom to life is to say yes to the full fucking experience, to say yes to the anger, to the sadness, to the joy, all of it, knowing you're not defined by any of it.
and then freedom from is like escapism. I have to create a very manipulated life or live in Bali only, or, you know, not have these people in my world so that I'm free.
And I can hear people, there's a point where having space from people is important. And it doesn't mean that you're a doormat and you can have boundaries, but you're avoidance.
It's not avoidance. Right.
And there's a deeper capacity to be with the range of your human experience and know that you're centered in the truth of your being and that you're free as a result of that. And it doesn't mean that you won't still not invite people to dinner or connect with them because there's no more juice for you there.
That's totally fine. so then how would you say to navigate in because this all feels like there's a space for the rage when you're in a conscious connection yes however this is a two-way street if you have one individual that is hell-bent on blaming yes then how does one navigate that situation for example if you're in the same community yeah now this isn't just affecting the two individuals but this is also breathing into the experience of the community at large you know it's always what is what is the opportunity for me what is my soul assisting me in learning through this because we can't control other people and so the clearer we are with it that will affect the community but eventually but essentially everybody is responsible for their own inner experience regardless.
And so there always needs to be some level of presence on the line to be able to have it be healing, to have it be transformative. Whether that's a consciousness within you that is present outside of this rage or this story, because that's, again, where essence embraces ego.
That's where it it transforms if in the partnership or that conversation with two people if what i do with my husband is we'll sometimes consciously complain so i'll ask him can you hold and he'll say consciously and complain go in the same sentence yeah so it's like you get to ham up the victim the victim is part of the one it's allowed to be here so it gets to just say like you're i ask first can you hold so that there he has a higher level of knowing this has nothing to do with me because whatever got activated in you is in your house i just knocked on the door so it's activated so i'm here in loving partnership to support you in transforming that so that's one way of relating and so sometimes i'll just ham up the door. So it's activated.
So I'm here in loving partnership to support you in transforming that. So that's one way of relating.
And so sometimes I'll just ham up the complainer, the victim, and then we start laughing because it's so not personal. It's just something that wants to just be let out and everything is looking to be accepted.
And so as I accept that within me, I can have more space for you to consciously complain to, or to play out when it blame whatever the story is. And so, but if there's one person or one level of consciousness that is outside of that dynamic, then it can heal.
But if you're both caught in an egoic blame game, there's no point in having that conversation. Come back to a time where you feel more resourced.
Otherwise it's just caught in illusion. And so I don't continue conversations with my husband if we're not both, or at least one of us has a higher level of presence on board.
Cause when we're caught, then it's just passing it back and forth. There's just like, and so in community, it's the same experience.
If there's not one presence that is above all of it, watching it, it's just more collusion and it's not going to be helpful and important. And so I would personally probably take space, look at what is this being triggered inside of me? What's the core theme? What's my opportunity? Maybe there's a past memory that comes up from when I was younger and I work with it directly inside myself to say, oh, that was when I was believing this story, or this is my worldview that got created.
And then it becomes a gift here to show me how I can open my worldview or my experience so that I do feel more aligned with life instead of being so caught in, you know, sometimes, and sometimes we've got these unconscious stories like, you know, you can't trust people because that was the family narrative. And so sometimes when we start trusting people in our friend circle, then, then it may hit up against an unconscious narrative that I, um, I'm going to be, I'm not loyal to my family if I'm starting to trust people.
And so sometimes it's somatic and it's unconscious and we can't quite see it until life shows us the particular situation so i don't know if that answers your question but in terms yeah it covers so many different pieces what i'm getting is the theme of this is that no matter right you can't drag someone to the altar you can't yeah you can lead a horse to water you can't make him drink it's it's a recognition of the only thing that we have the power over is how we respond and ultimately if we're seeing everything as curriculum we're seeing everything as an opportunity we're recognizing that there's some sort of part of ourselves that is vibrationally allowing this into our field and therefore there is a deeper inquiry of asking the necessary questions like you presented that allows us to take us beyond the the maze of the experience and actually see it from a bird's eye perspective and that is the main piece that is required yeah that transcends the blame game because there's no blame game then we're going back and forth like a ping pong match and then this is essentially where we're doing the same thing and expecting different results sort of thing um and it's a stressful way to live and then people then that creates that escapism that isolation or i'm trying to we feel very anxious because we can't control what's out there right so but when we change that from inside out from that empowered way oh i can develop the tools and awareness of how do i use this for my growth and so rather rather than focusing on the person, focus on the pattern. It's like, what is this pattern that's getting triggered inside of me? Where did it come from? How do I meet it? How do I question the misunderstandings that it created in my life so that I can wake up to what's actually true beyond my story of it and live that in a really, because there's, there's knowing mentally, then there's knowing and there's really living it.
I think sometimes people are like, I knew better, but you knew mentally, but you didn't, it's like watering a plant. It's just seeps, the water sleeps in deeper, a deeper level of knowing.
And if we really knew differently, we would have done differently. And so in this earth school, we just are each other's mirrors to help teach us how to accept that part of ourselves and embrace ourselves more through fully through them.
And as a result, we have just embraced the entire universe, the truth of what we are reflected it as everyone. And so understanding it's like, okay, what's the pattern not getting stuck in the drama of the person? What is what is looking to be healed inside of me and how do i how do i really go at the root directly inside myself to clear it is really the path so then once one has identified the narrative the belief system whatever it is it's presenting itself and then there's like a deeper level of ownership that is being taken now within that little pocket i have noticed in my own personal experience and other people's experience when something has been brought forward into that level of consciousness from a blind spot into their um their awareness is that then in comes shame and guilt yes right so i think there's nothing worse than already uh feeling um feeling or detecting an unconscious pattern than to play shame and guilt on top of that yes so once we get to that crossroads if we've uncovered the peace how do we effectively navigate to go down the path of genuine healing and to be able to actually in that fork in the road to not choose the path of shaming and guilty ourselves on top of it? I think it takes a level of vigilance to watch the story and that unconscious programming kick in around, I did something wrong.
I'm not good enough. I'm bad.
And so I think any, any type of a stillness practice is really helpful meditation to observe the mind and see what the themes are. So you're not so unconsciously seduced into them.
You're not absorbed by the mind. I think it's a beautiful practice, really helpful.
And so, you know, it's like, Oh, shame is here. I'm not shameful, but shame is here.
It's a completely, that's a very subtle distinction, but completely, it's like, oh, shame's allowed to be in my experience. Shame's allowed to be present, but, or like knowing that who you are is not what you do.
So I didn't, I, I, my behavior was off and I could take responsibility for that, but it doesn't mean that I'm bad.

What I did wasn't in alignment and there's choices and consequences that go with that. So really detaching our identity with our thoughts, our feelings, our behaviors is huge.
And that can be conceptual until it's really embodied. And then ultimately, also ironically, just being willing to feel unworthy or shameful, when you open to the experience somatically,

shame evaporates in the truth of your being. When your essence just allows it, it does transform.
But again, there needs to be a level of presence that is on board for that to happen. Otherwise, it's you know sometimes we can even use healing work to avoid feeling something versus like love just welcomes everything without an agenda.
And so when you, when you know yourself as love, it's like, okay, how do I just be with this? And you, you move it into your heart and that's what it, that's what transforms. And so as we do that, we have more more capacity that we have stretched that range to be with our experience and not be so scared of it because we know that we're as we're residing in our center we've it transforms and we just feel a deeper level of truth that we're untouched by so it's it takes courage to there, but it also takes presence and having somebody that can hold when we're just kind of a friend, a coach, a therapist that can hold presence.
So we don't get diluted in our own unconscious programming and be like, not only energetically witnessing us, seeing us, but also guiding us to ask the questions so that we can come back to what's true and not go down the rabbit hole of our past conditioning in this conversation i'm just really deeply being reminded of the importance of trained individuals that are trauma trained um psychologically trained that not just like oh this is what i'm feeling like yes that's also powerful within you know certain people that we trust however there's a level of being a being able to identify the root issue based off of a training of how the mind works how emotions work how the body somatically absorbs where it sits how to release in a safe way without blaming but taking full ownership but then without going into the shame cycle and there there is such an importance to this level of work and and essentially in the presence of you my experience is like you're the illusion slayer like you come in with like double swords on your back and like like this is what we're going to do to the illusion and one thing i have noticed is a theme with individuals that have a level of emotional intelligence and a level of leadership born as a byproduct because of that integrity and that emotional intelligence have support have coaches yes have therapists yes have individuals that are willing to reflect back to them without blaming that's right from a level of training that creates a safe space to fully feel all of it in the stories um and so i'm familiar that you have trained thousands of people to in coaching you have a coaching program um that allows individuals to become informed of how to hold these spaces and i think that the one thing that we really need more of on this planet is safe places to feel all of it. Right.
Yeah, I think our greatest gift back to humanity is doing our own work first. And so as we have the community, we have the tools, we have the guidance to really go there inside of ourselves, that is an offering back to the planet, even if we do

nothing with it, just our sheer presence and to truly witness somebody, to truly see them. I think

that's what we deeply desire. And I don't know that a lot of us had that as children.
And when

we are witnessed as children in our essence, in the truth of our being, something stays awake

and we no longer have to play out some of the unconscious patterns of looking for, you know, safety through what we achieve or how many people we help or the perfectionism or, you know, all the different ways that the ego looks for safety in the world. We, we come back to a deeper safety.
We insource safety rather than outsource it through achievement or through all the ways that we look for it in the world. And a hundred percent, I mean, I'm biased.
For me, the psychological and spiritual work, I never want to end because it enhances my life. I can give back to others.
It's like I've been doing this this for 20 years. So I'm biased towards it.
And my life is beautiful as a result because of it. I don't know how most people navigate life.
I think, I guess I do through addiction or through self-medicating, nothing wrong with it. But when I was becoming a therapist, I'm like, why don't people know these tools? Why don't we learn these things in school because as we do it's like we don't have

to play it unconsciously in the world and it's okay to dance our dance too you know and we're all ready when we're ready and yet having the tools having the perspective having the community that really holds us in that is a gift that is sacred i went through a alter state of consciousness It's almost like I had taken some medicine when I did a session with you.

Like, remember?

Yeah. grade i went through a alter state of consciousness almost like i had um taken some medicine when i

did a session with you like remember i lost my vision on my left eye and everything was like super blurry and i had to lay down after our session um it's it's a recognition that we can access these states ultimately without self-medicating to be able to see if we can get to this space but just it was like a psychic surgery that like the the the metaphorical scalpel came out and was just like i was like i can't see in my left eye which is my feminine which was like a whole deeper relationship with the feminine in my life and and it was like a opening and an activation of the piece that hadn't had awareness in for god knows how long that then the light that the light got shone into it and all of a sudden i'm going through an altered state of consciousness i'm like i can't see i'm going down um and this is just i'm sharing this experience because of the importance and the power of this work through words through presence and through educated guidance yes that can really support so I know that you've uh you've been in a relationship you're married to your husband for 15 years yeah 14 years 14 years yeah so this is this is um something that I've noticed some feedback from the podcast is like yeah you know you talk about your beloved or whatever but y'all have been together for two years like i want to have i want to talk to someone that's been on in a relationship for like a long time that has gone through at least two versions of ourselves right 14 years is two seven year cycles we literally are a different human after seven years and so to experience a relationship that has lasted as strong and is is so connected as the two of you and there's still so much eros and beauty. And this to me is the embodiment of two seven-year cycles have made it through the wilderness and continue to come back to the altar of each other's hearts in a place where the eros is still alive.
Girl, what you've been learning and implying is working. I've been watching, I've been taking notes.
I'm like, mm-hmm, all right, got it. There's been a time where i was in the field of the two of you and you were connecting and i shared with you afterwards i was like i was so amazed by the that's coming off of the unwavering attention that you gifted each other in that moment and it was such medicine for me to witness and so i would love for you to share um from the place of embodiment and actualized results yeah of how you implement this these techniques these guidance or certain tools that you have implemented into your relationship that has allowed it to stay like a fresh bouquet of flowers that other people get to go smells great i would I would say doing the work.
I mean, everything we're sharing about applied to relationship. And so understanding what our partner's wounds are and what our wounds are and how they are puzzle pieces for each other is a great first step.
So to understand, okay, I'm unconsciously attracted to you so I can heal these things and taking personal responsibility and using it so that I can open my heart, even when I'm scared and I can move into the parts of myself that I, you know, am scared of being vulnerable and exposing and to do that in a safe container and to consistently be witnessed. A big part of my journey before I met my husband was an inquiry about what is love.
And I've recently wrote an article around the four stages of love based on consciousness. So just to give it a frame before we sort of dive into more of my personal life, I would say that the first stage is I need love, aka I need you, right? And so it's this like you complete me, very much mainstream society.

A lot of the love songs are based in this level of consciousness.

So many songs.

So many songs.

I'm so excited for artists to have more awakenings.

I listened to some songs that I listened to growing up,

and I was like, oh, I can see where I went west

when I was meant to go north.

Yeah.

Like some Sam Smith songs.

Yeah.

I'm like, great tune. Yeah.
Lyrics are guiding me in a little bit of a naughty direction and then and if we're attracted to that that just tells us that there's healing on that level there's healing because there's medicine and gifts to each of the four levels that i'll share and think of it like kindergarten going into graduate school we have to go through kindergarten to get to the higher tones and frequencies of love. Right.
And so it's all perfect. It all has wisdom and medicine.
And if we use it with whoever we're with or not with, we use the lessons of the moment, we can evolve in consciousness and discovering a deeper source of love. So there's the, I need love, AKA need you.
And then there's, I choose you or choose love. And that's's essentially that second stage is using and this is where I think more of the conscious community is right now which is using everything that triggers us in that relationship as a vehicle for our awakening so it's like oh you remind me my dad that was emotionally unavailable let me look at that little girl inside of me to heal that part that didn't then let me be emotionally available to her.
If, and if my partner's available, I can heal it with my partner. They can learn that that's what triggers me.
It's not bad. They're not doing it to me, but they are playing a role to help me look at these parts that I've not seen so that I can heal them.
And I think that's a really important piece. It's like, and I have a love quiz I'm happy to share with your audience it takes 15 minutes but it helps see what are those wounds and how do I heal them inside of myself is it the work uh no no it's something yeah it's something else so so understanding so this like I choose love where it's like I'm choosing to use this in service to my evolution to growing as a a, as a loving individual human being.
Right. And so understanding that, and once your partner sees that, and it doesn't even, you don't need a partner to play this out.
You can be single and you're going to project onto your friends, onto your team, onto whoever's in your field, because it's unconscious. That's the way life helps us see it.
And so we get to use those triggers to say what's inside of me, how do I heal it? And that's beautiful. And there's also, we attract also the great qualities of our parents as well, because what unconsciously the mind thinks is that what's familiar is safe, even if it's not.
And so understanding our childhood is really important at this stage. The third stage is I am love.
And this is a big part of my journey where when I was dating myself, I was with this beautiful tantric man. And when his presence, this was the man I was with before my husband.
In his presence, I didn't eat. I didn't sleep much.
I was just high, like vibrationally high. And I kind of got addicted to that.
And I felt intuitively something was off. He was kind of hanging out in the absolute and not quite fully embodied in his humanity.
And he was also showing up in ways in a practical human way that wasn't working for me. And so I chose to leave that relationship.
And that took a lot for me to do because I felt so in love in his presence. And I realized I was laying on the couch one night and I, I had this story of him.
I thought of him and I watched my body like, like get all tingly and excited. And the next thought, because I was so present and mindful, the next thought I watched, I said, he's not here.
And then I deflated and I got curious. I was like, well, before the thought that he's not here, I just felt everything I feel in his presence without him.
And so I, that helped me to see and start waking up to that. I'm the source of love that he also evoked it within me, but he didn't give it to me.
It is what I am. It is who I am.
I should say. So that was a really beautiful teaching and helped me leave that partnership because he wasn't showing up in the physical ways that, and there was also something deeper intuitively that I could see that wasn't an alignment.
So it moves in from the, I am love, which is still, it's so beautiful. It's so empowering to know because you love in a freer way.
You know that nothing can take that away from you because it is who you are. And then the fourth stage is just love.
It's not, I love you. There's no I, there's no you.
It's just love. It is what I am.
And at that level of consciousness, it's the most intimate experience with all of life that I've ever embodied where the trash can, everything is an emanation. It's the fabric of life itself, a deep state of oneness.
And so those four stages help give kind of a map to, I think, where we're evolving as a society. And I think most of us have been trying to survive like psychologically.
So any, the, not too long ago, people were in relationship for survival purposes. And I think this fight, flight, fawn response can, most of us are evolving now internally.
We're like, we're not so much evolving externally. Most of us are safe in a modern day life.
And so as we're evolving, it, that kind of the physical survival went more towards psychological survival. And so now it's like, Oh, knowing that I'm safe, even in the parts, because sometimes there's, you know, in terms of relationships and I'll speak more to the, I choose love stage.
Cause I think that's where most people are evolving into. There are people that are like, as soon as one person is a turtle, they close down when they get scared.
Their partner usually is the opposite and they tiger, they get a lot louder. And so part of the work is to the tiger to quiet a bit, to create that safety and for the turtle to come out.
And so you can have common ground, but understanding how to fight consciously when you're not just taken over by the safety survival mechanisms. I want to unpack that.
Okay. But I want to finish your foot.
Yeah. When we get taken out, when there's a part of us that doesn't feel safe, and I think most of us on a nervous system level are looking for safety in the world and don't feel safe.
And that's why I think somatic work is great for people that have been in the work for a long time. They know all the things, but they're not shifting it or they have an avoidance to feeling.
So this is like a backdoor in, but as we start to feel safe in our nervous systems, we can flower, we can use that relationship for choosing to show up to heal each other. And you know, you can define how you want to fight when you're not in this primitive state and you have your prefrontal cortex on board so you don't go to unconscious habits I mean there's a lot of hacks people can do and I think that's you tell me I think that's where most people are where it might be more helpful um but I'm happy to serve and share wherever you think it would yeah I mean I definitely agree with you in the stages.
If you think that we are collectively moving out of I need love or even an identification of like my other half, I think it's almost a little bit problematic language from my perspective because it's saying that I'm not whole. It's an unconscious or conscious narrative that says until you are here i don't have access to this part of myself which ultimately can feed some sort of codependence on that person's role whether they text back if they don't text back if they show up on time or if they don't show up on time it's like creating this like neurosis around like the relationship with another um i do believe just in my own personal experience i can only speak on behalf of what my lenses see yeah in my reality in the conversation i'm having with the people around me is that um i choose this and that does seem to be the piece that we're stepping into so i think that you're accurate within within that diagnosis of where we're at from my perspective and then within that focus the how to have an argument consciously because there's i guess for me it's like how does conscious anger oh play a role sacred in an argument okay that has a resolution.
So I had the good girl upbringing as well. And

when I started learning, when I was getting licensed as a clinical somatic psychotherapist,

I was learning about feeling all of it in my body. And I remember my boyfriend, now husband

at the time, did something that angered me. And I just felt this fuel of power really in my body.

And I was like,

Thank you. boyfriend, now husband at the time, did something that angered me.
And I just felt this fuel of power really in my body. And I let myself embody anger consciously.
And it was the most invigorating experience. I understood why a lot of people hang out in anger because anger is just a little higher than sadness.
And my go-to was to go to sadness because I was trying to be the good girl as well. So I'd skip anger and I'd feel sadness, but there's sacredness in anger and embodying that consciously.
So it's saying yes to that human emotion. So when I got angry, I just stood there in the kitchen with my husband.
I was like, oh, I'm feeling this. And I let myself consciously feel it.
And I loved that experience because it was higher up than sadness. But it was also just permission for this octave that we want to sing in our human expression.
It's all tones are welcomed. So when I let myself feel the anger consciously in my body, I didn't express unconsciously in violence.
I just felt it for a few moments. And I shared, I'm extremely angry and I'm, and I was feeling it fully.
It opened something inside of me that helped me actually access some of my power as well. Instead of going into a deflated, contracted, I'm not good enough.
Something's wrong with me. You know, sometimes people either go inward or they express outward.
Mine tended to be internal. And so then I went towards sadness and collapse.
And so for me feeling anger felt important. And I really got to consciously feel that.
Now I didn't, I still could share the boundary with my husband. What that, what he did wasn't okay with me.
And I didn't tell him, you need to be different. I just said, that's not going to work for me in relationship.
And so I shared, this is what works for me and this is what doesn't. And it wasn't from, you need to be different.
It was like, this is just what I'm available for. And so it came from, but the willingness to feel the anger somatically fully was a gift and helped me access more of my full range, full potential.
So do you feel like the ability to access the rage is also the ability to be in one's power? No, I think that power is really from love. And I think love says yes to all the emotions, but it's beyond an emotion.
So power is just a yes to what is. The most sacred thing is what is.
And so this would be the transcending of the binary experience that says there's a right and a wrong based off of how we label our emotions. That's recognizing oh sadness is wrong yes but joy is right and then we cling and avoid right and that just sets up the pendulum when we see that actually without beyond the labels of sadness or anger being bad what is the experience if you were to describe this to a child for the first time or an alien that came down how would you embody this and and express or experience it in words? How would you translate that? And then as you fully feel it, it says yes to more of your online capacities.
You're available for more of life. And ironically, when you feel more of the sadness, it opens you to more joy, but you're not attached to any of it because you're sourced as all of it.
It's allowed to come and go. And we notice what doesn't come and go, which is real power.
So it's almost like sitting next to a river and watching in comes sadness. There goes sadness.
Yeah. In comes rage.
Yes. There goes rage.
And it's not I'm sad or I'm rageful. Which is a sticky language.
That's sticky. It's an identification with, which therefore then in comes a shame monster.
That's right. How could I be feeling this way? Because that's bad.
That's right. And I always tell people two things.
If they want to get stuck with something, identify with it and judge it. And so therefore the opposite is true.
If you want to be free, don't identify and don't judge. And when we don't, we're not judgment of the anger and we embody it.

We whatever the gift of that is revealed to us.

Yeah, because last night I really like I felt the rage for the first time.

And I really resonate with you saying like the sadness, like, oh, I've been sad for like a that was like one of the pieces that that you and i connected over a few months ago um and i didn't ever i've never even given it the context that sadness is just one level like because there are there are levels to the emotional range i'm sure people have seen the chart of like the the different frequencies that that operate from different emotions so sadness is below anger and then

anger right is right above it however i've not had access to that energy for a really long time yeah and so to feel it last night i was in the presence of liz my roommate um their sister and we're standing in the in the in the kitchen and i was expressing the rage and she means she was like nice yes, she is. She was kind of like turned on by it.
She was like, eh, I like this. Like she liked that version of me.
Yeah. And I recognize, like you said, it's power in the sense of it's life or synergy.
It's tea. It's running through the body.
It's hot. It's fiery.
And what I noticed the difference, I was chatting with the dear brother, Aubrey marcus today on the phone this morning and and what we differentiated the difference between there's a healthy expression of it which is the fire like the bonfire like let it roar let the flames go high yeah but the second that you start forging a weapon is the second it becomes problematic that's's right. So if the fire is, but then inside the fire, you're forging a spear.
And the spear during that emotion, that actually sticks inside someone, which then can create shards that then when you even pull it out, the shards are still in there that actually perpetuates trauma. So the differentiation between the fire blazes and actually burns away anything that's not integrity also brings warmth to those that are around it when the fire can just blaze in the sky but the second it's forging a spear is then actually perpetuating the very thing that we're actually trying to move away from ultimately or like not not necessarily move away from, but integrate into a level of wholeness.
Yeah. So what would you say is your perspective on that analogy? Yeah.
I mean, it's similar to anger being a feeling and violence being a behavior. So the spear is like getting into it, being, throwing it, right.
And life is a mirror. So anytime we, whatever word, if we have hate towards towards somebody we feel that they may or may not feel it but we feel it and so that to allow our human experience to feel the anger consciously helps us develop our full range and doesn't mean that we're going to unconsciously act from it but it does have more on board and then we can use anger in a sacred way to speak our no or to set a boundary or to

to stand up for ourselves when we don't feel like we have a voice like there's an important an important part of using anger at the right time right we're doing it consciously rather than being in reactivity to it we're really responding using it when it's needed however it's needed this this this comes down to a deep-seated sense of self-awareness because it's easy it's easy to navigate one's emotions around this joy in this place and i did my morning practice and i did my breath work and i went in the sauna and i did my cold plant and i'm feeling real lit and then a clean conversation comes up and it's like oh okay i can address this like when the rage or the anger or the feeling of unjust yeah or the um the deeper wounds are being tapped into and then to have emotional awareness like it's almost like the the lens gets fucked oh yeah you're in in a different part of your brain your higher functioning is not on board and so we do and we emotionally are young most of us I used to be a couples therapist and so I didn't really want to work with kids when I got started and yet I'd have two six-year-olds in the room because they were emotionally at that age no judgment but it was like that's where they's where they're at. And we get to grow up different.
And they're going to be different triggers that, that point to, that's why I say life is the real coach because different parts of our life are going to be activated. And I love that Liz was just celebrating your anger because when we have community, it, it rewires a part of us that we didn't think was appropriate, not the good girl.
And it's like, oh, that's acceptable. That's okay.
And we get to really develop more of ourself, but it's to have compassion with the parts of ourselves that were younger, that didn't have that mirrored when we were, when we were growing up and to be in community to help us become more wise and integrated and whole. Uh, there, I mean, there's a conversation on being and becoming, yes, and the paradox of.
And so in our humanity, we are always becoming and we are using everything. And in our being, we already are.
In our presence, in the truth of our being, we are. And so having, and so holding that presence of our beingness, not getting so lost in our humanity, but then also having an outlet for a safe space to express the anger, whether that's hitting a punching bag, whether that's just journal writing and getting it out of your system, whether it's a clearing conversation.
Sometimes if it's really unconscious, I would recommend people just get the energy out. So you can do free form writing.
You can speak from the anger. Again, you're not're not you're speaking from it but you're not totally lost in identity around it so that it does come up and out so it's allowed a full expression full permission and as we do that it takes the charge off right and when the charge off then it's easier to have that conversation with somebody that's right in the discernment of okay how is the the healthy outlet of this emotion as opposed to this the spears that are just like coming in from every direction yeah and that's what most people i think have learned it's like anger and then spears and so being and doing our own work and then being an example for another way people people pay attention that oh you're happy i've even noticed like it comes down to like instagram comments for example right there's this the outright like mean which just makes myself just like want to yeah and then there's the compassionate feedback yes which i'm so much more inclined to lean in and then become a more refined individual in the way that i share my message as a storyteller yeah because that actually really allows me to put the defenses down that's right and to actually lean in so the same thing you know sort of applies to relationships of even just from my how i navigate from this point forward is recognizing what's effective and what's not that's right it's not's not good or bad.
It's just what's effective. What's effective.
And what's the end goal here? And when we defend, it actually adds fuel to the fire. And so when we, when we can find what's true about it inside of ourselves or just presence it with somebody else, knowing that that's their experience without taking it on, we have more of that capacity.
And, and I think the, the bigger we are in terms of our presence and our leadership in the world, the bigger, the mirror we are both for people's shadow and light. And I think that's part of an initiation of being a stand in the world of a different way that we can give people permission to be exactly as they are.
That has been a big spiritual path of mine, you know, the part that wants to be liked and also to say, and I'm free, even if you don't like me and that's okay. And that was a big lesson I learned from my husband's ex-wife, you know, for a long time, you know, I'm a step-mom of three and really wanting her to like me was, or at least get along because we were co-parenting.
We were going to be in this dynamic for a while. And I felt like I was plugged into her socket, into her third, her third, uh, her solar plexus.
And I was trying to get her to be different so that I was okay. And that took me a few years to work through because she was unwavering and her did not liking me.
And I knew because she didn't know me. I knew it was her story about me.
And so, but it still didn't make the young little girl in me sad and want things to be different. So I had to really be with that part of myself.
And over time, it just kept chipping away like an ice, ice berg. And it just cleared at one point where I literally took my, my plug out of her socket

and I plugged it back into myself. And I was like, that's power.
I can allow you to be exactly as you

are and I'm okay. And I did that and I didn't need her to be different.
And she wasn't for a few more

years. And then the moment she's like, okay, I think I'm ready to incorporate you into the family.

I was already free for a few years, but it took me time to really be honest with my process of

Thank you. okay, I think I'm ready to incorporate you into the family.
I was already free for a few years, but it took me time to really be honest with my process of untangling the parts, wanting her to be different. So I used that as an, and out, like, this is a good story of using that to get free.
And so it makes it easier to hold space for people to have their opinions about me. I said, there's still a part of me that wants people to like me or, you know, but I now have a reference point for a way out.
And so then I get to actively use that to, you know, be with those parts to be like, no, that's not what I really want. What I really want is my own acceptance of myself and these parts of me included.
Right. So that I don't like, then I give people permission and then i feel my my freedom and then how has that relationship evolved since that piece got replugged back into your own solar plexus really beautifully yeah and it was it was quite a few years it was maybe six years of her like blatantly not liking me and then it was maybe three years of me being like and that's okay and I And I'm free.
And I'm free. And still choosing not for a little while to be in the same room unless she was willing to have an honest, heartfelt conversation.
And at one point she was. And we, her and I both do the work.
And so we had an honest conversation and we embraced each other. And there's still an integration for the last few years.
There's been, know doing holidays together like really been on holidays we've been on holidays just this last well you co-created at least yes yes and it really was like this like modern day family experience where it was my husband the kids his ex-wife his mom dad his dad's wife now and the um and the and the kids, kids. So his dad has a new wife of like 20 years and their kids.
And so it was this like adventure of modern day family. And when my humanity gets triggered, I have the tools to come back to my center because when I love, that's a gift to me.
But when I close my heart, I hurt a hundred percent of the time. And so anytime I, I judge somebody, I feel that they don't, you know, and it's, and I really got to start inquiring into this like idea that I wanted them to like me.
I was like, no, I don't know if somebody judges me or not. And so it's not their judgment that hurts me.
It's my interpretation of their judgment that hurts me. And that's mine.
That's my power. And if I give them permission to have their experience of me, I instantly feel a sense of well-being.
I feel myself. It's very liberating.
You know, I can almost hear the people watching the scribbling notes all over their night pad and like folding it up and putting it away and really being able to A, eat a slice of humble pie. Actually, it's quite delicious because it also, that pie holds your own personal power to do anything about it.
The second that we're like, oh yeah, oh yeah, no, I feel very seen. Oh, okay.
That one hurt a little bit, but like but like i hear you i'm like incorporating that and um it's also the key to freedom yeah yeah reframing is the key to freedom and reframing from a different perspective to allow us to uh to recognize that we do have the power to shift our experience and it is an inside job and there requires a certain framework understanding support system and education that allows us to actually navigate a world where we were never taught how to navigate this stuff like some of the shit that i was taught in school swear to god why i know why don't use this ever, but it did cost a fuck ton of money to learn it. And actually, the stuff like emotional intelligence, conscious relating, how to navigate an argument so that actual genuine healing can happen.
Yo, hell, teach me how to do taxes. But anything but this random subject that I'm never going to use and it's going to put me in debt.
And I was like, it's so needed and yet it's never too late. Yeah, I felt the exact same way.
And that's part of the calling of why I do this work, to help empower people with tools and community to feel held, to feel safe, to navigate. Because otherwise I think we just look for, you know, the parents, we would just follow their path or we use addiction and we look for, you know, that medicine in all the wrong places when really there's a different way.
And I love that. I think we're both a stand for that to say there is another way.
I mean, that's the greatest gift. And I think there's like a deep core part of us that wants to be seen in the world.
And we also fear it at the same time. Like we want to be, there's this push pull, like gas on the brakes and the gas.
So it's like, we, but we want to be seen in our essence and we want, we think we want to be accepted, but it's our egoic looking for acceptance in the world to feel safe. And ironically, what's only ever worked for me is to, from my essence, just embrace the parts of me that want to be seen and let them know that that's okay.
They want to be seen. And to smother them, to love them.
And as I feel that, then I give more permission for people to play out. They're looking to be seen or like push-pull, being scared of it because they don't want to be judged you know aka fear of rejection it's like it's all welcome all of it in the heart it's all welcome and it's all just looking for love and you are that liberating presence that sets it free and knowing that is a game changer knowing that and then living that something i've noticed even just through being a presence on social media or like with the podcast is that it's my weird and my goofy and my silly that actually liberates people the most yes it's like a lot of wisdom that's cultivated on the podcast however the the piece that goes like oh i can be self-aware and spiritual and also like ridiculous at the same time and it doesn't discredit my knowledge or my wisdom or my embodiment actually what it does is it recognizes like plugs us into the deeper why in all of this as well and i think that on this path of self-inquiry um radical ownership all of the good stuff the work if we can't laugh at it at the same in the same breath oh yeah i did thaties.
All right, cool. Well, moving on.
Then it can actually be like we're treading such deep waters that the water closes in over a herd and we're like, I'm drowning. I can't get away with my own shit anymore.
I've become too self-aware, but also it's a lot. Totally.
Yeah, it can be a lot sometimes too. And just to give people like a framework, just because I find this helpful.
And by the way, I just love your play because it is medicine and it's medicine for me. I think it's medicine for humanity.
I don't know how we forgot to play. I was just looking at animals and children, though there's this innate playfulness in our way of being that somehow we got conditioned out of.
And so thank you for being that and being a reminder for me in my life i love this it's like this you know this is that this is for me sisterhood this is also just being around inspiring being doesn't necessarily need to be sisterhood but this in this case it is is the code swap that happens in each other's presence that's right and it's like oh you have something that's the default in your being that is something that I'm still training in in my being. But in your presence, I recognize that part of me.
And for me personally, what I receive from you is your relationship to the earth element and your ability to not only be able to speak the non-physical, but be able to create containers that are consistent and solid that allows the magic to be birthed into this physical form in a way that actually holds it as opposed to pouring the glass of water over the countertop and be like yeah hey we've got a slip and slide it's like not everyone can relate to a slip and slide you know like we need some sort of thing to hold the container so we can actually drink the water and therefore be nourished by the water itself and so that's a huge piece of the medicine i received from you is your level of mastery and excellence and the containers in which you've cultivated to allow it to share it with others

so that others can actually receive it in a way that they have been taught how to fish

and so that they know how to actually create their own food

and their sustenance to nourish themselves.

And so thanks for that one.

Yes.

I deeply appreciate it.

And I am learning to make love to my own inner masculine. I a to-do list today you'll be proud of me um so if you had one final message to just share um with with the world and and just what you feel like is on the altar of your prayer for the planet yeah um what would would that message be to kind of wrap it up yeah just that you are more than enough and that as you embrace the parts of your humanity that are looking for love and attention in the world as you embrace that within you you feel more of your wholeness but that doesn't make you any more whole you are ready more than worthy that's the's the medicine.
That's it. That's the core wound.
Is that like, I ain't enough in a world that literally is profiting from your unworthiness. Unworthiness is like a multi-trillion dollar business.
Literally. It would be such a sacred, rebellious act as the deviant in us that actually says you know what i am enough fuck him and i'm worthy just by being alive that's right and more songs from that truth it's kind of what i want to live in because if we're living in this perpetual projection of our internal state that just kind of continues to reinforce or like reaffirm what it is that we believe about ourselves if we start believing that we're living in this perpetual projection of our internal state that just can't continue to reaffirm what it is that we believe about ourselves, if we start believing that we're worthy, what kind of world are we going to start living in? And if that starts to pop out for everybody, then what kind of collective experience are we going to start living into? That's right.
That's the inquiry. Let's find out.
And this is why your work is so deeply important. and thank you thank you thank you for being so courageous to excavate from the inside out and

and recognizing that you've turned your greatest challenge into your greatest gift. And not only have you created it for yourself, but you've now served hundreds of thousands of people around the world to be able to recognize there are divinity within themselves too.
So thank you, sister, for everything that you do. My favorite thing in the world to hold those containers and watch that transformation that is what lights me up thank you so much for being on the podcast and for being able to hide your voice when Rachel put around for an hour I was like how is that already an hour I was like what just happened you opened the portal it is such a gift to be in your presence blue truly and you are such a priestess and a light being that is just radiating on this planet i'm blessed to know you and i'm grateful for your playfulness and your sisterhood i'm pretty sure i have a cat inside of me because anytime that i feel like that like i just purr thank you i put it in my little heart pocket i I'll save it for later.
And then when I'm doing my taxes, I'll be like. Yeah.
Let's get some juice in here. I love you.
I appreciate you. I'm so grateful.
Thank you so much for doing this work that changes the world starting with yourself. It truly does make a difference.
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I'm at Alyssa Nobriga. Thank you again

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