Heavyweight Short: Jesse & Tori

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Stevie Lane.

Hello.

It's fair to say that you know me as something of a storyteller.

I would say that's fair.

You know, spin yarns, but,

you know, I have to say, sometimes I get a little tired of it.

What gets tired?

Is it just your mouth?

Sometimes this storyteller longs to be a story listener.

Now I understand you have a story for me to listen to.

I do.

You just have to open up those ears.

And shut my big fat, yeah.

Yeah.

We're going to give your mouth a rest.

Today's heavyweight short, Jesse and Tori, right after the break.

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Hello.

Hello.

Our story today begins with a man, a man named Jesse James.

Yes, this is he.

Right off the bat, Jesse James and I have something in common.

I appreciate the this is he, but every time I say it, like to my friends, like, this is she, they're always like, you're an asshole.

Yeah.

Which, you know, know, I hope you don't think I'm calling you an asshole.

No, of course not, but I am an attorney, so I am, in fact, an asshole.

Jesse, not in fact an asshole, is here to tell me the story of his first love.

He was in middle school, 22 years ago, in West Virginia.

As a kid, Jesse had a big personality, was always kind of the class clown.

But in sixth grade, he was going through a hard time.

My dad

had got deployed in Afghanistan in the wake of 9-11.

And my best friend, Keith, had moved away.

I was kind of

looking for stuff to grab on to.

I was kind of rootless, didn't have any real close friends.

Then, one December day, a new girl showed up in his science class.

She had a particular smile that was really great.

It was more like a smirk, like she knew something that you didn't.

Her name was Tori.

She was from Ohio, tall with long dark hair.

Jesse had a crush immediately.

So to get her attention, he devised an elaborate plan.

Since his best friend Keith had just moved away, I declare that I need a new best friend.

So I hold a contest.

I ask for written applications.

Okay.

But not really.

No, I did.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I'll set up a contest.

I'll rig it so she wins.

And we'll ride off into the sunset.

Wow.

Are you impressed with the brilliance of this plan?

Brilliance wasn't necessarily the word I would have chosen, but...

I think there may have been a talent portion.

No, I'm certain there was a talent portion.

There's no way there wouldn't have been.

Jesse made a questionnaire.

Tori took one home and filled it out.

Jesse says she really aced one particular question.

If I was hanging off the side of a cliff with one hand, you know, slipping, what would you do?

Wow, high stakes.

Yeah, and I remember that she wrote

nothing.

It was like she saw through the ridiculousness of it and

it was like a

wink.

It was like, you can do better than that.

Jesse's plan worked.

He and Tori became best friends.

For the next few years, they sat together every day at lunch and on the bus ride home.

After school, from their separate houses, they'd call each other up on the phone and watch movies like Misery and 16 Candles all night long.

Jesse would show off for Tori, play piano, entertain her with his impression of Sean Connery.

Tori didn't even know who Sean Connery was, but she laughed anyway.

Jesse was in love.

On the day of Tori's 13th birthday, Jesse decided to make his big move.

They were going to the movies to celebrate.

Do you remember the movie?

Oh, yeah, I could never forget it.

It was the day after tomorrow.

It was.

There's bad movies, but it's bad in in a special way, but whatever.

I wasn't even watching the movie half the time.

I was more looking at Tori, thinking about what do I need to do to be able to put my arm around her.

I did the old classic yawn.

But to his surprise, Tori shrugged him off.

And I thought, hmm.

Maybe I've misread some of this.

Jesse was confused.

He'd been trying to show Tori, in many small ways, how he felt about her.

And she seemed to like him, but she kept shooting him down.

Jesse recalls one day, in school, when he saw Tori carrying a big bouquet of balloons, balloons from some other admirer.

He thought of all the other guys who might actually be putting their arms around her at the movies.

He was jealous, wounded, and afraid of being hurt.

So, he pulled away.

No more watching movies over the phone, no more sitting on the bus together.

Jesse began treating Tori like any other girl in his science class.

To fill the Tori-sized hole in his life, Jesse, now in eighth grade, threw himself into the school musical.

He was playing the lead in the music man.

and rehearsals were a welcome distraction from Tori with a capital T and that rhymed with B and that stood for brokenhearted.

On the night of the show, everything went great and Jesse was riding high until he came out to take his bow.

From center stage, Jesse saw Tori sitting smack in the middle of the front row, beaming at him.

And then she held something up for him and all the school to see.

She had

made a sign on

a large piece of poster paper.

And it said, Jesse, will you go out with me?

In the romantic comedy version of his life, this would be the moment when Jesse would leap from the stage and swoop Tori into his arms.

But instead,

I was so embarrassed.

Jesse froze.

It was everything he'd wanted, but all he felt was fear.

Everyone in the auditorium was looking at him expectantly.

and he had no idea what to say.

He was just 13 years old, an age when even a kiss on the cheek from your aunt might make you blush.

Was he really supposed to profess his love for Tori for all his friends, family, and classmates to see?

The applause died down and the lights came up.

The audience filed out and the rest of the cast went backstage.

In Jesse's memory, it felt like he and Tori were the last two people left in the auditorium, all alone.

Tori was still holding the sign, Jesse, will you go out with me?

But Jesse couldn't even meet her gaze.

He walked off stage and left.

I couldn't face my fear.

I couldn't be honest with myself about how I felt.

The

I

very, very, very much loved her.

I didn't even understand the full scope.

After the music man, Jesse and Tori didn't talk about the sign.

In fact, through the end of middle school, then high school, they didn't talk at all.

They were in separate classes and avoided each other in the halls.

Until four years later, at the end of senior year, Jesse recalls it was right around graduation.

Tori's younger sister was a friend of a friend of Jesse's, and so one day, by chance, he found himself hanging out with a bunch of people at Tori's house.

He walked by Tori's room and, seeing her, stopped in the doorway to say hi.

They began chatting casually and Jesse sat down on the carpet.

It was bizarre after years of no contact to suddenly find himself right outside her bedroom.

They weren't talking about anything serious, but to Jesse, it felt sacred.

It suddenly hit him.

He was still in love with Tori.

It didn't really make any sense to me.

Why?

Because

it's over.

He shouldn't still feel anything like that.

But I did.

Jesse resolved to tell Tori how he felt, to finally rectify the mistake he made in ignoring her after the music man.

And with high school coming to a close, it was now or never.

The night of graduation, he went over to her house.

But before he even got to the front steps, he saw Tori and her boyfriend at the time standing outside on the lawn, yelling in the middle of a big fight.

There was no opening.

For the second time, Jesse said nothing and left.

It's not unusual for your first love to make an impact, but for Jesse, his first love left a crater.

It's been 20 years since the music man.

Jesse's dated other people, was even engaged for a while, but he's never stopped thinking about Tori.

I tried to convince myself that, you know, kids think that they're in love all the time.

It's no big deal.

But subsequently, I never felt the same.

Jesse has a scar in his palm that Tori gave him with her fingernail by accident.

He looks at it sometimes, grateful to have proof, he says, that he and Tori were ever close.

In 2019, I was in West Virginia talking to my best friend over

a can of Coors Light or two, and I had had narrowed down exactly one regret.

Only one.

If you could go back in time and change one thing,

I knew what it was.

Don't freeze

after the Music Man performance.

Tell Tori how you felt.

Tell her yes.

Just tell her something.

He was so dear to me.

He was

was my best friend.

This is Tori.

She's an artist now, living out west.

I call her to ask how she felt about Jesse.

But he meant more to me than that.

Also, he was really my first love.

And so Tori remembers all the same moments of their relationship that Jesse does.

Science class, the long late-night phone calls, the balloons, which, as it turns out, were not from some middle school Casanova, but from her dad.

And of course, she remembers going to see the day after tomorrow.

For the record, I did not hate it.

Tori says that when Jesse put his arm around her, she might have shrugged him off, but secretly, she was thrilled.

In my mind, it was like I was going to have more chances somehow.

Like he had made a move, and I confirmed that he likes me, and then we could go forward from here.

It never occurred to Tori that she was sending Jesse mixed signals until it was too late.

I had been too reserved with my feelings.

I had held them too close and I lost him.

And I felt like if only I could show him the extent of my feelings, he would come right back.

And I think to myself, this needs a grand gesture.

And so Tori made a sign.

It was all caps

and black Sharpie on a white poster board.

You know, it had to catch attention.

Which it did from everyone, it seemed, except the person she wanted it to.

Other students, all my classmates see me, and Jesse won't look at me.

I thought, wow, I fucked up.

And from that day, Jesse and I did not speak.

Tori moved on.

She made other friends, dated other people.

like her boyfriend, senior year.

Tori remembers the argument they were having on her front lawn the night of graduation.

And who shows up but Jesse?

And he's standing there on the driveway.

I don't know what he wanted to say.

After graduation, I move all over the United States and I get married.

It was devastating to find out that she was married.

Hmm.

Why?

Is it because, like, on some level, you still had hope?

It was even

more complicated than that.

It was that

I didn't feel like I was good enough for her.

But this guy definitely wasn't.

Over the years, Jesse and Tori would occasionally exchange messages on social media.

They talk about jobs and moves and relationships, two old friends catching up.

Jesse tried not to think about what might have been.

Are you confident that if you'd had the chance that night, graduation night, to talk with her, things would have been different?

Yes.

Timing is everything.

When Tori was ready to declare her love for Jesse, Jesse felt ambushed.

When Jesse was ready to be honest with Tori, she had moved on.

It's like Tori and Jesse have been playing a decades-long game of phone tag.

Last December, Jesse and Tori were both home in West Virginia at the same time.

By this point, they were in their early 30s.

Tori was divorced and Jesse's engagement had ended.

Jesse suggested they meet up.

They spent the whole evening together, Jesse playing songs for Tori on his guitar, making her laugh the way he used to.

There was a feeling of expectation in the air, a subtext to everything said.

And yet, still, the whole night, Jesse couldn't bring himself to confess his feelings.

Never mentioned the music man.

When it got late, Tori went home.

Once again, they'd missed their moment.

This is the point in a normal heavyweight story where I'd step in to create that moment.

I'd get Tori and Jesse together and awkwardly nudge them into a conversation 20 years overdue.

They'd say the things they didn't have the words for when they were kids, and I'd say something stupid like, Jesse, can you do your Sean Connery impression for us?

But in this story, I don't have to do any of that.

Because at midnight that night, back in December, after Tori got home, her cell phone rang.

I told her everything

that I had meant to for the past 22 years.

Which was what?

That was really shitty of me to do what I did to you in eighth grade.

I apologize for that.

I don't know if this is obvious, but

I love you.

it was one of the best moments of my life

to catch you up to speed for what's happening now um we are getting married in December this year it will be our 20th anniversary of when we met oh my god

Is there something that's almost frustrating that it had to take this long?

Yes.

We had many conversations about

why did we play this game?

And I think we both had a lot of growing to do.

And I think if we had stayed together, I think we would have had a whirlwind relationship.

It would have been crazy highs and lows, maybe.

But I don't think we could have stood the test of time.

This is our time.

The wedding date is set, but there's not yet been an official proposal.

Tori says she's going to make Jesse a sign on white poster board with big black letters written in black sharpie that says, Jesse, will you marry me?

And this time, Jesse won't freeze.

This time,

he's going to tell her yes.

Jesse, can you do your Sean Connery impression for us?

Well, it's cleared up.

Not much rain at the moment.

Yes, it's quite lovely.

Did you eat anything for breakfast?

French toast.

Nice brandy.

This heavyweight short was produced by Mohini McGowker and me, Stevie Lane, along with Jonathan Goldstein.

Our senior producer is Kalila Holt.

Production help from Damiana Marchetti.

Special thanks to Emily Condon, Alex Bloomberg, and Sonia Dasani.

Bobby Lord mixed the episode with original music by Christine Fellows, John K.

Sampson, Ben Elleman, and Bobby Lord.

Additional music credits can be found on our website, gimletmedia.com/slash heavyweight.

Follow us on Twitter at heavyweight or email us at heavyweight at gimletmedia.com.

We'll be back with a new episode next week.

This heavyweight short was produced by Mohini Medgauker and me, Jonathan.

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And we're best friends and and journalists with a new podcast called No Such Thing, where we get to the bottom of questions like that.

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