#48 Ben

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hey, what are you going to say at my funeral?

Speaker 2 Oh, shut up.

Speaker 1 Here, let me set you up. And now, coming to the podium, Dr.
Jackie Cohen.

Speaker 2 I'm not doing this. I can give you notes.

Speaker 1 Speak from the heart.

Speaker 3 I can't do it.

Speaker 1 It makes you too sad.

Speaker 3 It makes me feel too annoyed.

Speaker 1 So, you're going to be too annoyed to give me a eulogy at my funeral?

Speaker 3 I might listen. I might jot down a few words.

Speaker 1 Would the word genius be in there?

Speaker 3 God, no.

Speaker 2 Saint?

Speaker 1 Saintly.

Speaker 3 Try, young, keep going.

Speaker 2 Generous.

Speaker 1 Generous to a fault. Generous.
Wise.

Speaker 3 I give you warm.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 Caring.

Speaker 2 It's nice. Belligerent.

Speaker 1 You would use the word belligerent in my eulogy.

Speaker 3 I'm having to look up the word belligerent because I'm not even sure what that means. Oh, yeah, hostile and aggressive.
Actually, you know what? That would be me. I'm belligerent.

Speaker 3 Dude, it's hostile and aggressive.

Speaker 1 From Gimlet Media, I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight.

Speaker 1 Today's episode, Ben.

Speaker 1 Right after the break.

Speaker 4 This is an iHeart podcast.

Speaker 5 In today's super competitive business environment, the edge goes to those who push harder, move faster, and level up every tool in their arsenal. T-Mobile knows all about that.

Speaker 5 They're now the best network, according to the experts at OCLA Speed Test, and they're using that network to launch SuperMobile, the first and only business plan to combine intelligent performance, built-in security, and seamless satellite coverage.

Speaker 5 That's your business, Supercharged. Learn more at supermobile.com.
Seamless coverage with compatible devices in most outdoor areas in the U.S. where you can see the sky.

Speaker 5 Best business plan based on a combination of advanced network performance, coverage layers, and security features. Best network based on analysis by OOCLA of Speed Test Intelligence Data 1H 2025.

Speaker 6 And now, Superhuman Shack.

Speaker 7 I keep telling them not to say that. I'm no superhuman.
Believe it or not, I struggle with moderate obstructive sleep apnea, or OSA.

Speaker 7 In adults with obesity, moderate to severe OSA is a condition where breathing is interrupted during sleep with loud snoring, choking, gasping for air, and even daytime fatigue.

Speaker 7 Let's just say it can sound a lot like this.

Speaker 7 Sound familiar? Learn more at don'tsleeponOSA.com.

Speaker 6 This information is provided by Lilly, a medicine company.

Speaker 5 This is Malcolm Glaubel from Medal of Honor Stories of Courage. This message is brought to you by Navy Federal Credit Union.

Speaker 5 As a credit union dedicated to serving all veterans, active duty, and their families, Navy Federal knows that during the holiday season, every little bit counts.

Speaker 5 That's why, for a limited time, you could earn a $250 cash bonus when you spend $2,500 on the cash rewards and cash rewards plus cards in the first 90 days. Give joy, get joy.

Speaker 5 Join now at NavyFederal.org. Navy Federal Credit Union.
Navy Federal is insured by NCUA. Visit NavyFederal.org slash rewards for details.
Cashback terms and conditions apply.

Speaker 5 Offer ends January 1st, 2026.

Speaker 8 Hi, Jonathan.

Speaker 1 Hi, Ben. How are you?

Speaker 2 I'm doing okay.

Speaker 1 This is Ben. He's speaking to me from his office, which is also his baby's room.

Speaker 9 He doesn't actually sleep in this room.

Speaker 11 He actually sleeps in the bathroom.

Speaker 9 At some point, he's going to demand.

Speaker 1 A room without a toilet.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Maybe it has to do with becoming a dad. But lately, Ben's been reconsidering his own childhood.

Speaker 1 Whereas my childhood was marked by shenanigans, tomfoolery, and a generous helping of Hokey Pokey, Ben's was not.

Speaker 1 When he wasn't much older than his son is now, barely a toilet-free tot fresh out of the toilet room, Ben possessed the seriousness and determination to have already mapped out his life's goal.

Speaker 9 I had this this purpose where I was gonna grow up, I was gonna get good grades, I was gonna to get into a good college, get into a good med school, and become a physician.

Speaker 1 Ben's purpose was so all-consuming that even in elementary school, he devised his own homework and TV schedule. And in high school, Ben didn't go out and party.

Speaker 1 Instead, he split his free time between playing piano and golf and volunteering at a local hospital, activities designed to look good on a college application.

Speaker 1 To my ears, Ben's description of his childhood sounds like a cross between Doogie Hauser and Casperhauser.

Speaker 1 But eventually, his hard work paid off. Ben became a doctor, but it wasn't without a cost.

Speaker 1 Looking back, Ben doesn't regret the parties he missed, the cheap booze he might have drank, or the parking lot donuts he might have donutted. He regrets something else entirely.

Speaker 12 Now that I'm older, I can reflect and

Speaker 1 I had blinders on

Speaker 2 so much that I was not aware of people who were hurting near me.

Speaker 1 When Ben says people, what he really means is one person in particular.

Speaker 1 In keeping his head down, focused as he was on success, for all those years, Ben fears he might have ignored someone who really needed him.

Speaker 10 My cousin, Shihan.

Speaker 1 Sheehan.

Speaker 1 A boy Ben hasn't seen in 20 years.

Speaker 1 To explain, Ben takes me back to his childhood in Anchorage, Alaska. He was 14 years old on the golf course one day when he saw his mom walking towards him.

Speaker 1 Beside her was a boy, maybe a couple years older than Ben. And like Ben, he was Korean.
His mother introduced him as his cousin, Shihan.

Speaker 1 Shi-han, Ben's mom said, had just arrived from Korea and was now going to be living with them.

Speaker 9 And I didn't think twice about it, and I just started calling him my cousin.

Speaker 1 You didn't know the backstory. You didn't know whether he was going to be staying with you forever.
No,

Speaker 16 this story is full of question marks for me.

Speaker 1 Ben says he eventually learned Xi'an wasn't really his cousin. They weren't related at all.
But he didn't learn a whole lot more. Back then, Ben didn't ask a lot of questions.

Speaker 1 In the evening, Ben's parents worked at a deli they owned. This meant that Ben, an only child, spent a lot of time alone.

Speaker 1 But now with Sheehan in the house, he found reasons to go a little easier on his homework TV schedule. Reasons to just be a kid for a while.

Speaker 1 In the process, Ben and Sheehan grew to become best friends, in spite of their differences. While Ben was always so serious and studious, Sheehan had a lightness about him.

Speaker 1 While Ben's ambition was to become a doctor, the most parent-approved of career paths, Sheehan wanted to be a film critic, the most, I promise if it doesn't work out, I'll go to law school, of career paths.

Speaker 1 On Sunday nights, they watched WWE SmackDown, the dulcet tones of Creed pouring through the air as the Undertaker soared free from off the ring post.

Speaker 1 And it wasn't just watching wrestling on TV, Ben says, but wrestling for real.

Speaker 1 As soon as his parents left for the deli, Ben, taking his lead from the rock, would turn up his boombox, kick open Shihan's bedroom door, and with that, it was go time.

Speaker 9 My parents don't even know this, and I'm sure if they ever hear this, it's come to the light of day, they'll be mortified, but we would take the camcorder,

Speaker 11 and there's these huge armoires, probably like eight feet tall.

Speaker 9 And we would climb up to the top and we would jump all the way down to the other person who's laying.

Speaker 1 Holy cow.

Speaker 1 Like the top rope in the wrestling rink. Oh my God.

Speaker 9 And we broke every bed in the house.

Speaker 9 And oh man, I loved doing that with my cousin.

Speaker 1 Ben still has a video of Sheehan practicing one of his signature moves outside in the Alaskan snow.

Speaker 1 Outside the house, everything is blindingly white.

Speaker 1 Ben counts Sheehan down.

Speaker 1 Six,

Speaker 1 four.

Speaker 1 Sheehan climbs onto the balcony's top railing.

Speaker 1 And then, Sheehan does a full front flip off the porch, landing onto his back in a foot of snow.

Speaker 1 And that's where the video stops.

Speaker 1 But it isn't where the night would end. Eventually, Ben's parents would return from the deli, and his mom would check in with the boys about their schoolwork.

Speaker 1 Ben's mom took Sheehan's success as personally as she did Ben's.

Speaker 9 I'm probably going to rehash many stereotypes of Korean mothers, but she definitely fit the mold in the sense that she instilled in me a very strong work ethic and expectations that were sometimes never able to be reached.

Speaker 1 And Ben's mom held Sheehan to the same high bar as she did her own son. This meant that for Sheehan, who'd been dropped into an American high school with almost no English, every day was a struggle.

Speaker 10 Here's somebody who's similar to my age, plucked out of their country, now has to speak a different language, held to this bar that's even tough for me to meet.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 11 And like,

Speaker 9 if I knew he was going to get a C in something, they're going to get into it for like an hour downstairs.

Speaker 10 Like, I'm going to to my room.

Speaker 9 I'm shutting the door. I don't want to hear it.

Speaker 1 Shutting the door was Ben's go-to, what he needed to do to stay focused. But in doing so, he was also shutting out his friend.

Speaker 1 And aside from his mom's pressure, Ben says Sheehan's life was hard in other ways. Drunk guys yelling, go back to your country.
Kids at school making fun of his English. Ben was born in Alaska.

Speaker 1 His mom was Korean, but his dad was white. He says he was able to camouflage more than Sheehan could.
Sheehan could never escape the daily grind of being an outsider.

Speaker 1 When high school ended, Ben went off to college in Washington, while Sheehan, whose grades weren't as good, remained in Anchorage with Ben's parents and attended a local school.

Speaker 1 The boys kept in touch, but as college life grew busier, they spoke less and less. And then, at the end of his second year, Ben received a phone call from home.

Speaker 1 His parents told him that after two two years of struggling in school, Shihan was calling it quits and going back to Korea.

Speaker 9 It was just like how he came.

Speaker 11 Same way he left.

Speaker 1 After six years together, six years of being a family, Ben and Shihan never even got to say goodbye. And once again, Ben didn't ask any questions.

Speaker 1 Ben says that until recently, his recollections of Shihan were largely fun fun and silly ones, kids wrestling on a bed kind of things.

Speaker 1 But now as a dad, perhaps imagining his own kid alone in a faraway place, he finds himself recalling different memories, ones that are causing him a lot of guilt.

Speaker 9 I can more clearly think about the times where I would go to the restroom and I would see him just kind of at his desk and he wasn't really doing anything.

Speaker 1 As a kid, Ben couldn't understand what Shihan was going through. But now he can.
And he regrets that all those years ago, he never tried to put himself in Shihan's shoes.

Speaker 14 I never took the time to truly ask him how he was doing.

Speaker 1 Back then, Ben didn't ask Shihan any questions. But now that he's older, is in fact a grown-ass doctor with a baby living in his toilet, he's full of them.
And he wants answers. Who was Sheehan?

Speaker 1 And how did he come to live with them? And perhaps most importantly.

Speaker 14 I want to know that he's safe and he's happy.

Speaker 10 I just want to know that Shian's doing okay.

Speaker 1 But that hasn't been easy to find out. The last time Ben heard from Sheehan was when he emailed him an invitation to his wedding over 10 years ago.
Sheehan wrote back saying he couldn't make the trip.

Speaker 1 Ben continued to send emails over the years, but they went went unanswered. Maybe Shihan was holding a grudge, upset Ben had never been there for him.
But Ben didn't give up.

Speaker 1 At one point, he took to Reddit looking for tips on how to find his friend. One of the commenters was able to use an old screen name of Shihan's to place him at a movie preview in Seoul.

Speaker 1 They sent Ben a video of the event, but Shihan was nowhere to be found. In a last-ditch effort, Ben even tried to find Shihan physically.

Speaker 1 On vacation with his wife in China, China, he took a detour through Korea.

Speaker 10 The mission was to find my cousin.

Speaker 1 But the mission was a failure. At this point, Ben doesn't even know if Shihan is alive or dead.
And that's why he's come to me.

Speaker 1 What can I do?

Speaker 1 Is it a common name?

Speaker 9 Shihan, that's not a super common first name. So this is going to be more like a Gerald Smith.

Speaker 1 Let's Google Gerald Smith and see what that comes up with.

Speaker 1 A lot of Gerald Smiths, I'll tell you.

Speaker 1 The first one who comes up was the clergyman, politician, and Nazi sympathizer.

Speaker 1 To be clear, I'm journalist enough to track down a hundred Korean Gerald Smiths. But I wonder if it wouldn't be easier to just ask Ben's mom for Xian's whereabouts.
Ben balks at the idea, though.

Speaker 1 Since Xi'an's departure in 2006, it's like he never existed at all. Ben says that over the years, he and his parents have hardly ever talked about Shihan.

Speaker 1 For his mom, especially, the subject of Shihan and her failure to help him succeed is forbidden territory.

Speaker 9 If something is not

Speaker 9 a success in her life,

Speaker 14 I stay very far away from those because I imagine in my interpretation is my mom experiences those memories as pure pain.

Speaker 1 Like the deli, for instance. Once it folded in 2010, his mom could never bring herself to even set foot in the mall it was in.
Have you considered talking with your father?

Speaker 11 I haven't. Honestly, that's...

Speaker 8 Me and my parents, we don't talk about deep things ever.

Speaker 1 Deep things like, who was that boy who lived in our house for six years that none of us ever talk about? Ben and his dad usually stick to the weather, or at most fishing.

Speaker 1 But Ben does think that his dad might have information. So together, we phone him up.

Speaker 2 Hello.

Speaker 17 Hey, dad.

Speaker 8 Can you hear me?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 18 Hi, son. How are you doing?

Speaker 2 Hey.

Speaker 17 Doing good.

Speaker 16 So the reason why I'm calling...

Speaker 1 Ben gets his dad up to speed, explaining how he's been carrying around a lot of guilt about Sheehan and wants to find him. I asked Ben's dad if he knows how they first came to meet Sheehan.

Speaker 18 No,

Speaker 18 there's no real family relationship. It was something to this.

Speaker 18 I think there was some kind of connection over there in Korea.

Speaker 1 Though Ben's dad doesn't remember how they met Sheehan, he was happy to have him around. He thought Sheehan's playful personality was good for Ben.

Speaker 18 He was

Speaker 18 more of a social person. She was really a nice guy.
He had a very mellow personality, you know, happy-go-lucky. He liked to interact

Speaker 18 more than be an achiever. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 18 And I tried to talk to mom about that and tell me, you know, that's his personality. He's different.

Speaker 18 But she just had this feeling that she had to help him to get up there and achieve and get good results for his parents, you know. And I think they had a lot of high expectations.

Speaker 1 And I think that was part of the reason mom might have been a little tough on him because they were kind of tough on her what they expected ben always assumed his mom was pressuring sheehan to get perfect grades because she took his success so personally it hadn't occurred to him that maybe it wasn't just that it seems his mom had been under pressure too

Speaker 1 Do you remember the moment when you said goodbye to him when you saw him? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 18 Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 18 It was kind of sad. You know, we we gave him a hug and and uh told him to take care of himself and keep in touch you know that kind of stuff and he was he was kind of sad too

Speaker 15 did it seem like he wanted to leave was he

Speaker 18 he seemed resigned to it i think that's the best way to describe it

Speaker 1 ben's dad doesn't have a clue about how to get in touch with sheehan But he does have tips for how Ben might go about asking his mom for information.

Speaker 18 You know, I think if you, if you was to approach that

Speaker 18 with her just one-on-one, you, you and her.

Speaker 1 That is, not you and her and him, your weird new best friend with the microphone.

Speaker 18 And just tell her, wonder how he's doing. Do you know how I can get a hold of him? I really want to talk to him.

Speaker 18 She would be more receptive to that, I think.

Speaker 16 Well, thanks, Dad.

Speaker 16 Yeah, I just appreciate you.

Speaker 18 Man, I love doing stuff with you. And don't do anything.
Matter of fact, I'm looking forward to going going fishing with you when you come back down here.

Speaker 1 A few weeks later, Ben does as his dad advises and phones his mom without your humble narrator. But sadly, she doesn't know how to contact Shihan either.
However, she does have a story for Ben.

Speaker 1 A surprising one.

Speaker 2 So it's, I guess it's more complicated.

Speaker 1 It turns out that the story of how Shihan entered their lives began well before Ben was born.

Speaker 1 One day in 1985, Ben's mom and dad were out for a drive when they spied an uncommon sight for Anchorage at the time. Walking down the street was an elderly Korean couple.

Speaker 1 Ben's parents slowed down and offered them a ride. The women bonded that day over the hardships they'd been through in Alaska.
And over the months to follow, they continued to visit one another.

Speaker 1 and eventually became close. Soon after that,

Speaker 1 Ben was born.

Speaker 16 And so, my mom had a really complicated postpartum course, a lot of medical complications. She was sick and kind of laid up for several months.

Speaker 16 And the grandma would take care of me during this time when I was a newborn.

Speaker 1 This woman, this older woman who took care of you was...

Speaker 2 Sheon's grandmother. Huh.

Speaker 16 His mother's mother.

Speaker 1 In talking to his mom, Ben learned that as babies, he and Sheehan had both been cared for by the same same person, held by the same arms.

Speaker 1 The grandmother's kindness would be repaid some 14 years later, with her grandson Shihan being accepted into Ben's family's home. Ben had never heard any of this.

Speaker 1 And why?

Speaker 16 My mom said she didn't want to distract me from all the studying I was doing.

Speaker 16 Classic.

Speaker 1 Going through Ben's family to find Sheehan seems to have hit a dead end. It's time for a new approach.

Speaker 1 And so, I gird my loins and reach into the deepest recesses of my people-finding strategic nugget satchel and withdraw the choicest strategic nugget and choicest strategic nugget dipping sauce my desperate mind fingers can grasp.

Speaker 1 Um, maybe try shooting an email to that address again.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Ben. Jonathan.
Hello. Yes.
Hi.

Speaker 1 Hey. I came as quickly as I could when you sent up the heavyweight signal into the sky.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's going on?

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 13 So, you remember?

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 16 Last time

Speaker 16 we chatted, which was less than a day ago, we decided I would send one final email.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 12 And then

Speaker 2 he replied.

Speaker 5 In today's super competitive business environment, the edge goes to those who push harder, move faster, and level up every tool in their arsenal. T-Mobile knows all about that.

Speaker 5 They're now the best network, according to the experts at OOCLA Speed Test, and they're using that network to launch Supermobile, the first and only business plan to combine intelligent performance, built-in security, and seamless satellite coverage.

Speaker 5 With Supermobile, your performance, security, and coverage are supercharged. With a network that adapts in real time, your business stays operating at peak capacity even in times of high demand.

Speaker 5 With built-in security on the first nationwide 5G advanced network, you keep private data private for you, your team, your clients.

Speaker 5 And with seamless coverage from the world's largest satellite-to-mobile constellation, your whole team can text and stay updated even when they're off the grid. That's your business, supercharged.

Speaker 5 Learn more at supermobile.com. Seamless coverage with compatible devices in most outdoor areas in the U.S.
where you can see the sky.

Speaker 5 Best business plan based on a combination of advanced network performance, coverage layers, and security features. Best network based on analysis by OOCLA of Speed Test Intelligence Data 1H 2025.

Speaker 6 Everybody knows Shaq, but off camera, he's just a regular guy.

Speaker 7 People never believe me when I say I'm just like them. I take out the trash, do dishes, and I struggle with moderate obstructive sleep apnea or OSA.

Speaker 7 And a lot of adults with obesity also struggle with moderate to severe OSA. You know those scary breathing interruptions during sleep, the loud snoring, choking, and daytime fatigue?

Speaker 7 I knew I had to talk to my doctor. Don't sleep on the symptoms.
Learn more at don't sleeponosa.com.

Speaker 6 This information is provided by Lilly, a medicine company.

Speaker 5 This message is brought to you by Apple Card. It's a great time to apply for an Apple Card.
You'll love earning unlimited daily cash on every purchase.

Speaker 5 That includes 3% daily cash when you buy the latest iPhone, AirPods, and Apple Watch at Apple. Through this special referral offer, when you get a new Apple Card, you can earn bonus daily cash.

Speaker 5 To qualify, you must apply at apple.co slash get daily cash. Apple card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City Branch, offer may not be available elsewhere.
Terms and limitations apply.

Speaker 1 After 10 years of unanswered emails, Ben finally receives a response.

Speaker 16 Yeah, so he says, hey, Ben, wow, so long time.

Speaker 15 First of all, thank you for not forgetting about me and trying to email me again.

Speaker 13 I'm so glad to talk to you again and miss you, your mom, and your dad so much.

Speaker 16 God bless you always, bro.

Speaker 2 That's it.

Speaker 1 And so, we roll up our sleeves and tackle the mathematical equations necessary for converting American time to Korean time.

Speaker 1 And then we get into a video call and wait.

Speaker 15 I'm sure he's going to look at me and be like, what the hell happened to you, man?

Speaker 16 Where'd all your hair go? I don't even know what he's going to look like.

Speaker 15 He could look completely different too.

Speaker 16 I mean, it's been 20 years.

Speaker 1 And since it has been so long, Ben isn't sure what Xian's English will be like. So I've hired a Korean interpreter named Max to join us just in case.

Speaker 2 Hello.

Speaker 1 Max lives in Seoul, but spent his childhood in the U.S. Like Ben, he went to Korean school as a kid.

Speaker 19 I remember just like thinking, I don't need this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you know, but it turns out I did. Yeah.
Led up to this moment.

Speaker 1 And by this moment, Max means this moment. Here we go.

Speaker 2 Sean!

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 Sheon raises his arms in triumph. Ben is downright giggly.

Speaker 20 Actually, I was waiting, sitting on my laptop was like an hour ago.

Speaker 2 You

Speaker 2 I look so old now, huh? No, dude, I look old. Are you kidding me? Monica, pada.

Speaker 1 I have no hair, Ben says.

Speaker 2 Dude, you look the same.

Speaker 2 It's really good to see you.

Speaker 20 Almost 20 years.

Speaker 8 Almost 20 years.

Speaker 20 First of all, first of all, anyways, Ben, I want to ask your dad and mom is still right, everything

Speaker 2 yeah,

Speaker 15 they're doing good.

Speaker 8 Still in Alaska.

Speaker 20 Mom's still annoying, right?

Speaker 1 Mom's still annoying, right? It's the kind of thing only a son or daughter could say.

Speaker 20 Ben's mom is like almost like my second mom.

Speaker 13 So if I see your mom, probably I will cry right away, I guess.

Speaker 15 Even though all the all all the arguments and all the yelling

Speaker 20 you know what

Speaker 20 just

Speaker 20 any kind of country is bomb is all single you know even my mom in Korea wow

Speaker 13 I think if she saw your face she would also cry too yeah

Speaker 2 oh okay

Speaker 17 where do we begin um

Speaker 1 Ben and Xian catch up She's still lives in Seoul and works in sales. They tell each other about their families, but soon enough, they're reminiscing about old times.

Speaker 12 Oh, I totally remember that now.

Speaker 2 We were so much

Speaker 2 the first time ever I saw your dad yelling.

Speaker 1 Replaying their finest moments in professional wrestling.

Speaker 13 We would watch SmackDown.

Speaker 2 Yeah, SmackDown.

Speaker 1 Laughing about the movies they watched as kids.

Speaker 15 Do you remember if we watch American Pie?

Speaker 20 Actually, it's American Pie 2.

Speaker 1 And revisiting the American Pie 2-like New Year's Eve they spent together, where Sheehan infamously projectile vomited onto a passerby.

Speaker 10 All over her shirt and chasm.

Speaker 1 Once Ben and Sheehan have settled in with each other, I try to steer things towards the bigger conversation that I know Ben wants to have. What was it like when you first showed up?

Speaker 1 What was your feeling?

Speaker 20 Oh, scared.

Speaker 20 Yeah, yeah i missed my parents i missed my korean friends

Speaker 20 yeah actually i cried every single night you know

Speaker 1 after just a short time in america and with very limited english sheehan was placed in ben's class sheehan remembers ben as the perfect student me was uh just first time you know I had to study really really a lot

Speaker 20 Even I was doing the homework, you know, I was to use the dictionary, every single word. I took like two hours just to finish

Speaker 20 a few sentences, you know.

Speaker 1 Ben is listening carefully. And when Shianna's finished speaking, he says the thing he's been wanting to say for a while now.

Speaker 13 I felt guilty because

Speaker 8 I thought about how you left all of a sudden and

Speaker 15 and how I felt like how maybe I didn't support you.

Speaker 15 I know it was like tough because,

Speaker 15 you know, coming to the United States and English is a second language.

Speaker 8 And I

Speaker 13 don't know. I just thought about us a lot and I felt really bad.
Like, I could have supported you better.

Speaker 1 She on cuts Ben off.

Speaker 20 You are a teenager. I'm the teenager, too.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 20 What can I say?

Speaker 1 She on is grasping for the right words.

Speaker 20 Ah, Max, okay.

Speaker 21 Yeah.

Speaker 1 For the first time during our conversation, Shein reverts to Korean and makes use of our interpreter, Max. He wants to get the wording of what he's about to say just right.

Speaker 19 Ben, so Shein

Speaker 19 said that don't feel too guilty about not having been more supportive of him.

Speaker 19 He noticed that you used the word guilt and said, you know, specifically, don't feel guilt.

Speaker 1 Guilt is for when we've done something wrong and want to make amends. But Shean assures Ben that he has done nothing to make amends for.

Speaker 1 Your parents took me in even though I was a stranger, Shean says. They took me on their vacations, made sure I had Christmas presents.

Speaker 1 They made me feel like one of the family.

Speaker 20 Ben and Ben's parents helped me a lot. In high school, Ben was like right behind me, right with me.

Speaker 1 Then, through Max, Shean lays out the story of why he had to go back to Korea, which, as it turns out, wasn't quite so all of a sudden. In fact, it wasn't anything like the story Ben had been told.

Speaker 19 You know, his family was sending him, you know, money when he was in Alaska,

Speaker 19 and then his father's company went bankrupt, went under.

Speaker 1 She's family could no longer afford to keep him in America, so there was nothing Ben, his mother, or even Shean could have done. Xi'an's return to Korea was inevitable.

Speaker 19 You know, thinking back, he feels like all the help, all the support was enough.

Speaker 19 Like you guys did enough.

Speaker 19 And even if,

Speaker 19 you know, this sort of collective goal, in a way, wasn't achieved,

Speaker 19 he doesn't think back on that with this great regret.

Speaker 15 No, thank you for that.

Speaker 1 For years, Ben had seen himself as having failed Sheehan.

Speaker 1 But to hear Sheehan tell it, that isn't the case. He returned home with stories to tell about his Alaskan adventures and the friends he made.
For Sheehan, those are the real memories that remain.

Speaker 1 To quote Ben's dad, maybe that's just Sheehan's personality.

Speaker 1 In In spite of counseling against them, it seems like Shihan has a couple of regrets of his own.

Speaker 1 Bennett told me he'd invited Shihan to his wedding, but this is the first I'm hearing of the role he'd been asked to play.

Speaker 1 Shan, remembering correctly, that you were asking him to be your best man?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 8 I actually didn't have a best man after Shian said he couldn't come.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 13 I didn't maybe fully recognize it at the time, but I think as time went on,

Speaker 15 going to college, I didn't have like any friends that I was like super, super close with.

Speaker 13 And so I still look back to be like, who was I closest with?

Speaker 10 And that was Shion.

Speaker 20 Funny things, I have lots of friends, close friends, I have lots of best friends, but I think as Ben is not as friend,

Speaker 20 as brother, you know?

Speaker 1 A brother is someone who's seen your mild-mannered dad yell at you, someone who's comfortable telling you how annoying your mom is, because not only do you both know it's true, but it's also being said with love.

Speaker 1 Ben still has one more question, the one he first came to me with, that he worried about most.

Speaker 15 I guess my next question

Speaker 16 is,

Speaker 16 are you happy?

Speaker 1 Are you happy can be lumped into the how-you-do-in category of conversation.

Speaker 1 But knowing how much this question has occupied Ben through the years, it doesn't feel like small talk, nor does Shihan's response.

Speaker 2 Oh, of course.

Speaker 1 Of course, there's no hesitation. Xion says that he and his extended family all live in the same neighborhood and see each other often.
He has a job he likes and is good at.

Speaker 1 He's had the same group of friends since his 20s, friends he loves. And perhaps most importantly, he's a new dad.

Speaker 10 Just second, just second.

Speaker 1 Ben wants to see Xi'an's son, and Xi'an wants to see Ben's son. They both run to get their kids, in Ben's case, from the toilet.

Speaker 2 Oh, hello, see, look.

Speaker 1 Ben and Sheehan hold their babies up to the camera. Just as you might expect, Ben's baby has hair parted to the side like a baby anchorman, and Sheehan's son has hair like a lit matchstick.

Speaker 2 Look at that hair. He just got up.

Speaker 15 He's so angry, right here.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 he's got it.

Speaker 17 Yeah, yeah, yeah, no.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 12 Say goodnight, everybody.

Speaker 1 As much as Ben has worried about Shihan over the years, about being there or not being there, they're together now, and they both seem happy.

Speaker 15 I think we need to get some flights.

Speaker 17 We got to do it proper.

Speaker 1 You know how in those American Pie style movies, there's always that guy who's got a plan that's going to lead to everyone's most epic night ever?

Speaker 15 Jonathan, you got to book us some flights.

Speaker 13 We got to go to Korea.

Speaker 1 It turns out that under all the lab coats and stethoscopes, Ben's that guy.

Speaker 12 And then we're going to do some karaoke together.

Speaker 1 And then Shannon vomits on my chest.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 But since I'm not the guy in the movie who charters a private jet and flies everyone to Korea, have you guys ever tried to do online karaoke?

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 Since I'm not taking them to the Korean karaoke bar, I bring the karaoke bar to us.

Speaker 2 And with it, a little creed. Oh, creed.

Speaker 21 Wow.

Speaker 1 Sure, it's 11 a.m. in Korea.
Not exactly cocktail hour. And sure, I'm paying our interpreter Max by the hour.

Speaker 17 Do you remember Creed? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But Ben doesn't care. Today, he's the happy-go-lucky one.
He kicks in the door, opens his arms and lungs, and sings.

Speaker 2 I just heard.

Speaker 1 She

Speaker 17 knew today.

Speaker 12 You remember Shannon?

Speaker 2 It seems my life.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 17 It's gonna change.

Speaker 2 I'm I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 Close my eyes.

Speaker 2 Begin to pray.

Speaker 1 Max, can you translate?

Speaker 2 And tears of joy

Speaker 8 stream down my face.

Speaker 2 Ready with arms wide open.

Speaker 2 Sun's sleeping right now. Under the sunlight,

Speaker 2 welcome to

Speaker 2 the brutes.

Speaker 2 Now that the furniture's returning to its goodwill home

Speaker 2 Now that the last month's rent is scheming with the damaged deposit

Speaker 2 Take this moment to decide

Speaker 2 if we meant it if we tried

Speaker 2 But felt around for far too

Speaker 1 This episode was produced by Mohini McGowker and me, Jonathan Goldstein. Our senior producer is Khalila Holt.
Our supervising producer is Stevie Lane. Production help from Damiano Marchetti.

Speaker 1 Special thanks to Emily Condon, Brendan Klinkenberg, Lisa Wang, Alex Bloomberg, Christopher Eibeling, and Jackie Cohen. Bobby Lorde mixed the episode with original music by Christine Fellows, John K.

Speaker 1 Sampson, Ben Alleman, and Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be found on our website, gimletmedia.com/slash heavyweight.
Our theme song is by The Weaker Thans, courtesy of Epitaph Records.

Speaker 1 Follow us on Twitter at heavyweight or email us at heavyweight at gimletmedia.com. We'll be back with a new episode next week.

Speaker 6 And now, Superhuman Shaq.

Speaker 7 I keep telling them not to say that. I'm no superhuman.
Believe it or not, I struggle with moderate obstructive sleep apnea, or OSA.

Speaker 7 In adults with obesity, moderate to severe OSA is a condition where breathing is interrupted during sleep with loud snoring, choking, gasping for air, and even daytime fatigue.

Speaker 7 Let's just say it can sound a lot like this.

Speaker 7 Sound familiar? Learn more at don't sleep on OSA.com.

Speaker 6 This information is provided by Lilly, a medicine company.

Speaker 22 Honestly, honestly, honestly, no one wants to think about HIV, but there are things that everyone can do to help prevent it. Things like PrEP.

Speaker 22 PrEP stands for Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, and it means routinely taking prescription medicine before you're exposed to HIV to help reduce your chances of getting it.

Speaker 22 PrEP can be about 99% effective when taken as prescribed. It doesn't protect against other STIs though, so be sure to use condoms and other healthy sex practices.

Speaker 2 Ask a healthcare provider about all your prevention options and visit findoutaboutprep.com to learn more. Sponsored by Gilead.

Speaker 4 You've probably heard me say this. Connection is one of the biggest keys to happiness.
And one of my favorite ways to build that? Scruffy hospitality.

Speaker 4 Inviting people over even when things aren't perfect. Because just being together, laughing, chatting, cooking, makes you feel good.
That's why I love Bosch.

Speaker 4 Bosch fridges with VitaFresh technology keep ingredients fresher longer, so you're always ready to whip up a meal and share a special moment.

Speaker 4 Fresh foods show you care, and it shows the people you love that they matter. Learn more, visit Bosch HomeUS.com.
This is an iHeart podcast.