“I Went from Zero to 83 Matches in a Week!” The 6 Essential Photos You Need for Dating App Success

It's not you. It's the halibut you're holding.
That's your problem on the apps.

Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett.
I am here to help you flirt with confidence, get dates, and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic.

No sketchy, weird, toxic pickup artist moves needed. Not here.
And let me ask you a question. I think I know the answer to this.
But I'll ask you anyway. Are the dating apps just not working for you? They don't work for most guys.
At least not very well. Chances are you swipe and you swipe and you swipe and you're really struggling to get good matches, good dates.
If you're struggling with online dating, if you've got carpal tunnel because you swipe so much with no results, we want to fix that. And it can lead to a lot of other problems, right? It can lead to anger, frustration, giving up on the apps.
And worst case scenario, you end up moving to a monastery in Myanmar, becoming a monk, swearing off women, and just meditating on a mountain. Hey, that's not going to work for most guys.
Well, today's episode, I've got some really good tips for you. Today's episode, I want to give you six essential photos that pretty much every guy needs in order to get matches and dates on any dating platform.
And most men, if you're struggling on the apps, it's because your photos just aren't good enough. It's not that you're not good enough.
It's that your photos aren't making women feel the way we want them to feel. And that's simply about understanding that online dating isn't really dating, not until you meet a woman or at least have a phone date with her.
Online dating isn't dating, it's marketing. You're marketing a product.
The product is you. The product is you as a great boyfriend.

The product is you as a great guy.

A guy with so much to offer, and I know you have so much to offer.

So understand if you would that if you're struggling on the dating apps,

the good news is it's not you.

It's the fish photos you're showing women.

It's not you. It's the halibut you're holding.
That's your problem on the apps. And I've been a dating coach now for 13 years.
I've helped thousands of guys get literally tens and tens and tens of thousands of matches on the dating apps. And I want to help you have the same kind of results.
So today's episode, I'm going to give you six essential photos that you need in order, in order. I'm going to tell you exactly what six photos to use.
I'll tell you how to take the photos and what order to put them in. And these are going to help you so much.
I have a client named Ben. Ben did these six photos and he was literally getting zero good matches a week.
He was getting okay matches, but women he just wasn't attracted to. And he did these six photos.
And all of a sudden, he was like, Connell, you're killing me. I'm so upset.
He's like, I got 83 matches this week. And I just don't have time to go on all these dates.
And so I want you to have, that's called a first world problem. I want you to have first world problems like that.
So here we go. Here are the six game changing photos that are going to really help you change the game for you on Tinder, on Bumble, on Hinge and stick around to the very end.
In about 15, 20 minutes at the end of today's episode, I'm going to give you the five photos not to use on dating apps. The photos that are going to get you swiped left, swipe left, swipe, swiped left on.
So stick around to the very end and I'll talk about those too. Okay, here we go.
Game-changing photo number one. Essential photo number one is you want a portrait what I call a radically authentic portrait you want your first photo to be a portrait of you that makes a really good first impression and that sucks a woman in and just makes you say wow this guy is well dressed and I would love to learn more about him most guys don't have good portraits most guys just have a couple selfies on their online dating profile.
Or if they do have a portrait, if you do have a portrait, it might be a studio shot or it looks too much like a LinkedIn photo. And that first photo, the first essential photo, I call this a radically authentic photo.
Here are the core components to it. Number one is you should be well-dressed.
You should be dressed first date great. Number two is you should be looking at the camera.
You should be making eye contact with the camera. In other words, with that woman is looking at you.
And you should be smiling an authentic, genuine smile, not a fake say cheese photo. And don't do a Zoolander mean mugging, trying to look sexy smile.
I want you to do a real genuine, authentic smile. There's something about the authentic, real smile that just makes a woman want to swipe right.
And Oh, by the way, I should have mentioned this at the top.

Obviously, this is a podcast.

So this is not the perfect medium for me to be talking about photos because you can't see anything here on the podcast.

So in the show notes, I'm going to link to a YouTube video I made

where you can see all six of these essential photos on my online dating profile.

You'll be able to see myself and some clients exactly what these will look like. So feel free to go to the show notes and make sure you check out that YouTube video.
Okay, back to essential photo number one. Eye contact, well dressed, basically however you would dress for a first date, dress that way in this photo.
Also, I want this photo taken in a natural setting. There should be some kind of context that makes sense to her.

Natural light would be good.

Maybe you're sitting on a park bench.

Maybe you're sitting in your home, but you're on your couch with real light coming in through

the window.

Don't do a studio photo for the first photo.

Make sure it is in a real world setting that allows a woman to get a sense where, oh, this is what this guy looks like. This is his vibe in the real world.
Studio photos. Leave studio photos for your LinkedIn or for your little kid's fifth grade class photo.
All right? And here is a really important part of that first essential photo, that authentic, real smile. There's something about an authentic, genuine smile that just makes a woman feel the feels.
And here's how you can do that when you have this photo taken. Whoever takes your photos, whether you hire a professional photographer, which I certainly recommend if they're good, or if you have just somebody taking photos, somebody who you know who's good with a camera, have them take photos of you while you're laughing, while you're genuinely legitimately laughing, cracking jokes about something.
My photographer, Rianne, Rianne does all the photos of my clients in New York City where I live and where she lives. My last photo shoot with Rianne, I said, okay, Rianne, make me laugh as you're taking these photos.
And she starts cracking jokes. She tells dirty jokes, telling me knock-knock jokes.
We're laughing. We're having fun.
As I'm smiling, as I'm laughing, she's snapping photos. And it just so happens that the single best photo I've ever had on any dating profile of me, it's a photo that she took while I'm in the middle of laughing.
I can't, because the thing is I can't fake a real authentic smile. I'm not a good enough of an actor.
If I'm, if I smile trying to look sexy, I just, or trying to look cool I look like I have constipation. It doesn't work.

So make sure that that photo, a good little tip here is make sure you're laughing and joking with your photographer and have them literally snap, snap, snap, snap, snapping as you're laughing and joking with each other. Odds are the best photo that's going to do the best for you is going to be a shot that they snap while you're laughing, while you're joking.
The reason is because, and I'm no doctor, I'm no expert on physiology, but according to what I've read, when you laugh and smile from a real place inside of you, an authentic place, it activates your eye muscles. Your eyes essentially light up in a sense.
Your whole face lights up basically. And that makes women feel what they want to feel to swipe right on you.
If you just go say cheese, then only your smile, only your mouth smiles, but your eyes don't smile. And you look like the Joker from Batman.
And hey, look, I love Batman. I love me that movie, but we don't want you looking like an evil Batman villain.
We want you looking awesomely, authentically attractive. So that's essential photo number one.
And again, go to my Instagram or go to that YouTube video to see these photos in action. Because here's the thing.
A really good opening portrait is going to get you probably 25% to 35% of your matches. All right.
So that's essential photo number one. It's the most important one, which is why I'm spending the most time on it.
Essential photo number two, that secondary portrait, secondary photo, I should say. I call this an intriguing photo.
What does that mean? The second photo should be another portrait that makes her want to learn more about you. It's another portrait, but it looks different than that first one, that radically authentic one.
So make the second photo another portrait, but you want to be wearing different clothes, a different backdrop, and just have a different vibe. What makes it intriguing is you're showing her a second side of you, a different side of you.
For example, my photo, my opening photo, essential photo number one, I'm wearing a nice dark blue blazer and a tie, and I'm smiling a big warm smile. My second photo, I have a leather jacket and I'm looking away from the camera.
I'm not making eye contact. I'm wearing a leather jacket and I just look a little bit edgier.
It's also taken outside. My first photo is indoors with natural light, jacket, tie, looking very successful, very stylish, very cover of GQ.
My second photo, leather jacket, Henley shirt taken outside. I'm looking a little bit off at an angle.
It's a different vibe and that intrigues women because I'm showing complexity. So your second photo should be another portrait.
It should just look different than the first. We don't want the second to look as the same as the first.
Women like variety. They want to see a different side of you.
So maybe that first photo of you in the jacket and tie, that might attract some women. But maybe women like a guy with some edge, a little bit of bad boy edge.
Maybe you're wearing a leather jacket in the second photo, and you're looking away from the camera instead of looking at the camera. Now, you should still be smiling in both, in my opinion, for most guys.
An authentic, real smile. But it's that second photo that might essentially attract a woman who might not be into the first photo.
So yeah, a lot of women say, most women match with me because they love that first photo of me. But every so often I get a woman who might not be into the first photo.
So yeah, a lot of women say, a lot, most women match with me because they love that first photo of me. But every so often I get a woman saying, hey, I like that jacket.
Or, ooh, you look like, you look like, you look like badass in that second photo. They're basically saying, I like that second vibe.
So again, recapping the second photo should be a different outfit, different setting, different clothes, but still a really good portrait.

Okay?

And here's your third photo.

By the way, I'm leading towards something here.

Basically, you should be hooking a woman's interest and matching with you by the, I call

it the one-two punch.

The first two photos, good portraits, I call it the one-two punch because you give her these two different looks of you. They're both authentic.
They're both genuine, but they're different. And that is going to draw so many women in.
I call that the one-two punch. And here is how you really seal the deal for so many of your matches.
The third photo, the third essential photo, is what I call the awe photo. As in awe, he has a heart.
Basically, it's a photo that tugs at her heartstrings. Women don't just want a well-dressed guy smiling at the camera.
They want basically saying, hey, look at my good portraits. They want a photo that shows a snapshot of you in the real world, conveying some relatability and warmth and heart.
And that's what the third photo should be. So the third photo should not be a portrait.
It should not be a portrait. It's a photo of you tugging at heartstrings.
I call these awe photos. So think you with your puppy dog.
You dog is licking your face and you're smiling and going gross, but it's so cute. Or it's you dancing with your grandma at a wedding.
Or you're at the zoo and an elephant throws its trunk over and all of a sudden the elephant's interacting with you at the zoo. Or some kind of warm, fuzzy family photo.
Basically, this should be a candid photo. So the first two photos, portraits.
The third photo is a heart-tugging, heart-melting awe photo that should be candid. We don't want three straight portraits.
If you have three straight portraits, even if they're good, that takes women out of the moment of getting a glimpse into your life and just makes her feel like she's looking at editorial. We don't want her to feel like, oh, this is his editorial photo shoot.
That's the problem that can happen when you take photos. You can have too many portraits and then it just looks like a celebrity photo shoot.

We want those first two portraits to really get her feeling like, ooh, I like his style. Ooh, he looks edgy in the second one.
And the third one, we go, oh my God, it's so cute. He's got a heart.
So my heart-tugging photo, there's a great picture. It's actually a selfie of myself and my niece at her wedding.
Even though selfies typically are not good form to use on profiles, this one happens to be a quality selfie. And it's not the quality of the photo that women like though.
It just shows me as loving uncle with my adorable niece at her wedding. And she's in her wedding dress and I'm smiling and it just makes women go, aw.
And I also make it clear it's my niece so that they don't think it's me on my wedding day. And another great heart tugging photo is I have a shot of me with a dog, not my dog, because I don't have a dog, but it's a great photo of me and my friend's dog.
And the dog is licking my face. It's a closeup shot and we're interacting together.
So if you have a dog, don't just have a picture of you and your dog looking at the camera. Have you and your dog interacting, playing.
Make it candid. Make it feel like the photo was just taken as part of your normal life.
Don't make it feel like this was taken for your online dating profile. Okay.
So those first three photos are going to get you so many matches because you're going to be showing her how well-dressed you are, good style, authentic smile, two different sides of you in those first two photos. And the third photo is, hey, look, he's got a heart.
Aw, that's so cute. He's dancing with his grandma at the wedding.
Aw, that's what we want. We want to tug at those heartstrings.
You struggle with dating, right? Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating.
Hey, I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone.
I owned real estate there. But I escaped.
Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.
And radical authenticity is why psychology today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.
So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.
No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.
Game-changing photo number four, essential photo number four, is an adventure shot. This is the kind of photo that can really turn a woman on, in a sense.
Not sexually so much, but just turning her on because women love men of action. Women love men out in the world having adventures, being a man of action.
So a man of action shot or an adventure shot is a great thing to put in your fourth slot on your online dating profile. A photo that shows you out in the world.
Women love masculine active men. And this proves that you're a man who's of adventure, who's up for fun.
So it could be you doing axe throwing. If you do martial arts, a shot of you at class doing kickboxing, a shot of you at boxing class.
If you're taking a boxing class, I once worked with a boxing trainer. I've got some really good photos of me in boxing class.
Uh, it could be, um, playing a sport, shooting hoops. Uh, for me it's playing tennis.
I'm not even super rugged or masculine. I'm not the most masculine guy in the world, but I look pretty good.
I have good tennis form. So I'm swinging and hitting a really strong, powerful forehand that shows women that I'm active, engaged in my life.
So think of this fourth slot. Fourth photo is action, adventure.
This is where a travel photo could also work really well. But again, don't just have a photo of you looking at the camera and smiling that, hey, look, I'm in London.
Have you doing, be doing something in London, be doing something in your travel photo. In other words, be engaged, show that man of action side in photo number four that turns women on, uh, at least in the sense of, Hey, I'm a woman.
I want to be with a man who's leading an active, interesting life.

And that's what photo number four achieves.

Now, quick little tip on this one.

Avoid action, avoid shots of you at the gym unless you're doing something really unusual at the gym.

So I don't want to see you just bench pressing.

That looks lame.

And I don't want to see you just doing Pilates.

Now, if you take a yoga class, that's a little bit different. Or if you're taking a class where it's like kickboxing class or a boxing class, that's pretty cool.
And one more pro tip about how to take this action photo. One thing you could do is take a video of yourself doing the thing that you're doing and then literally scroll to the best part of the video where you look the best and it captures that moment.
So for example, that tennis photo I told you about, it actually wasn't a photo. I had my tennis instructor take about 10 minutes of me hitting tennis shots from an actual lesson.
And then I went to the best frame that showed a close-up of me forehand crushing the tennis ball. I get a lot of matches on my tennis photo.
It's just because it's a good photo, it also lets women know that I'm a fit, active guy out in the world. Okay, two more.
Essential photo number five, the social proof photo. Women are attracted to men who have a good social life, reasonably good.
And this is a photo that essentially shows that you are out in the world being a social man. I call this the social man pick.
It projects an attractive, somewhat interesting social life. You don't need a million Instagram followers.
You just need photos that show you out in the world. So here are some really good options.
You singing karaoke with friends, or you dancing at the wedding with friends, or clicking martini glasses at the bar, at a cool bar, toasting cocktails together at a stylish bar, laughing at dinner with friends. Ideally, this will also be a candid photo.
And by candid, I mean it doesn't look like you took it for the profile. It looks like it just happened as part of your life.
Even if it didn't, even if you posed it, that's okay. We just don't want it to look posed.
Okay. Candid shots are going to work best for this.
So yeah, think cool cocktail bar. You're dancing at a wedding.
I have a really good photo of me doing karaoke, singing a duet on karaoke night. But I'm well-dressed and it's a good photo.
And it just says to women, oh, this guy's out in the world doing something. Okay, that's photo number five, the social proof photo.
And this is powerful. Social proof is very powerful.
That's what Instagram is built on. Instagram is built on, oh my God, look at this cool, amazing life this person's leading.
I want to be there. So think of any photos that would get a lot of likes and hearts on your Instagram.
If you're on Instagram, think of that as photo number five, essential photo number five. Don't fast forward.
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Go get your flirty30. And essential photo number six, I call this the wildcard photo.
Number six, this could be almost anything, as long as it's unexpected. For this one, we want to break the pattern.
We want to show women something they have not seen in any of the other five photos. This is the cherry on top of your online dating profile.
Something unexpected that's going to make her go, oh, wow, I love this guy. This guy is different.
This will seal the deal if she's definitely leaning towards swiping on you.

And if she's on the fence, it'll push her over to the swipe right side of the fence. So here's some examples of wildcard photos.
One of my best ones is a Halloween costume, Halloween outfit I wore a couple of years ago. I was a hot cop.
I was a hot cop, basically like a stripper cop basically basically. Sergeant Dick Utopia was my Halloween costume.
And that gets me a lot of likes and hearts online. A really cool travel photo that's visually arresting and different.
I have a client who took some photos in the Redwood Forest of somewhere in Washington

or Oregon, forget where it was, but he's in this really compelling forest that's a travel photo,

but what makes it work is not that he's traveling, it's that it's visually so different.

I have another, this is hard to tell on an audio platform, but one of my clients, John, took a great photo

of him. He's just standing out in the street in New York City.
And he's standing there as if he's on the phone, but instead of holding his phone, he's holding a banana up to his ear. But he's got a very serious look on his face, like an important businessman on a call, but he's talking into a banana.
So dumb. I know.
Another client, the photo that worked for him for his wildcard game-changing photo was his nickname is The Gooch. G-O-O-C-H.
And he has a photo of him wearing a leather jacket and on the back of of his leather jacket is his nickname. Like bright gold letters, the Gooch.
And the photo is just a shot of him from the back. It doesn't even show his face.
But his thumbs are pointing to the back of his photo, the Gooch. It's just so different.
It just makes women go, well, that's different. So think of anything that's just different.
It's about making her laugh or smile. So think different and breaking patterns, but in an unexpected way.
So again, I know this one's a hard thing to convey on a podcast. Please check out the YouTube video and the show notes, or go to my Instagram and you'll see some, you'll see examples of me doing what I call these, these, these sixth essential photo is the cherry topper, the pattern interrupter, the photo that basically it's something that's going to make her smile.
It's a wild card. Think of it as what is something that she has never seen on an online dating profile, but that's in an attractive way or in a way that will make her smile.
Okay? Okay. Those are the six essential photos in this crash course about the photos to use.
Now, here are five photos never, ever, ever to use. Okay? Number one, no holding a fish photos.
No photos of you holding a fish. Women don't want to date the captain from Jaws.
They want to date the coolest, most charming version of you. If you're a guy who's into fish, great.
Good for you. I have no problem with fishing.
It's just that those are very common and they just come off as try hard and cliched. No photos of you being drunk or seemingly drunk.
Okay. So beware of

alcohol photos. It's okay to be holding a drink at a cool, high status, fun venue, but no photos of you clearly drunk.
That comes off as low status, unattractive. Avoid photos of you wearing sunglasses or covering your face.

Women need to see your eyes.

Women need to see your eyes. Women need to see that sense of connection.
Okay. Um, the fourth photo to never use is a shirtless photo.
No bathroom selfies. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever have a bathroom shirtless selfie.
If you have guns, if you look good shirtless, great, do it. My client, Ben, the one who got those 83 matches, the photo that really worked for him was a shot of him on the beach.
He's a surfer. So we took a great portrait of him at the beach.
That falls into those two essential portraits I talked about. And so he looked great shirtless.
So I'm like, cool, man, let's get you on the beach looking shirtless, but in a context where somebody would be shirtless. So no shirtless photos, unless you're in a context where you should be shirtless, like the beach or in a jacuzzi, or, um, I don't know.
Um, I have a client who took a really cool hiking photo and he wasless because it was a hot day, and it kind of made sense for him being shirtless. Plus he has the body and the guns.
So that's the fourth kind of photo to never, ever, ever use. And I would say another photo that you never want to use is a photo where you're poorly dressed, where you're looking sort of negative.
Bottom line is women are drawn to positivity, to warmth, to good mojo and good vibes. So avoid photos where you look too intense, too serious, too angry.
You might think you look sexy, but chances are you just look kind of angry. And that's okay.
There is an art to getting your emotions in a place where you convey those good vibes, those good emotions to women. And of course, here's a bonus photo never to use.
Never, if you're into hunting, never use a photo of you hunting, like showing the animal that you bagged. I won't

get into my feelings about hunting, no judgment here, but a lot of women are turned off by it. So we don't want to show those kinds of photos.
Okay. Thank you so much for listening.
Those are the six essential photos. Put these on your profile.
Well, I should say first get these taken, then put them on your profile. And the right

photos are basically 75 to 80% responsible for online dating success. So put these to use.
And

until the next episode, and don't forget your future girlfriend, she is out there and she is

going to love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you.

Until next time.