‘I Went from Lonely to Dating Like Crazy!’ How Kyle Attracted His First Girlfriend in Years, and How You Can Too (Live Coaching)

You have to offer some value, right?

You have to add some value. What? You're saying women don't want to see your resume and treat it like a job interview? What? I know.
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Conal Barrett.
I'm your dating coach, on the podcast anyway. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get a lot more dates and get an incredible girlfriend in your life and to attract her by being authentic.
No sketchy, weird, pickup artist moves needed. This is about being an authentic, confident gentleman.
That's what women want. And today you're going to meet a very special client of mine.
You're going to meet Kyle. Kyle has an incredible success story that I want to share with you.
And he also has a new goal in his dating life. So Kyle came to me last year.
And by the way, Kyle's in his mid-30s. He's a veteran.
He served our country. And he came to me because he was really down on his dating confidence.
He was afraid to approach women. He came to me because he said, Connell, I've seen 250 beautiful girls walk by me in the last year, and I haven't talked to any of them.
And that was really bothering him. So he wanted my help with his approaching anxiety.
And he was also just not getting any good leads on the dating apps. So we worked on his online dating profile, and we worked on his approaching confidence.
And basically, he had an issue feeling like he just wasn't enough for women. In his mind, he said, I have a blue collar job.
I'm not some rich, fancy New York City penthouse guy. I'm not some Wall Street master of the universe.
I'm just Kyle. I'm just a regular guy.
Why would a woman want me? And over the course of working together, Kyle went on lots of dates. I helped him start approaching women, showed him how to do it, but also how to do it comfortably and confidently.
And by the time we were done working together, he had an incredible girlfriend, a woman, I don't want to identify her for privacy reasons, but a woman who had a high ranking job in the New York City government. Let's say that.
A public important job. He was dating a very high profile quality attractive woman who works in New York City government.
And so all of a sudden Kyle had gone from a scarcity of options to a lot of good dating options and a lot of confidence.

And he had this wonderful girlfriend in his life.

And that's where I had left him until recently when he reached back out to me and said,

Connell, we broke up.

It ended.

We had a tough conversation.

We just looked at our lives and realized that there were some big picture things that we

both didn't want.

So they decided to end their relationship. And that was painful for Kyle.
Breakups are hard. Even when you've got a new and improved sense of confidence and you've got lots of dating leads, if you end it with somebody or if somebody ends it with you, a woman ends it, and you cared for her, that's going to hurt.
It's going to really be painful. And so Kyle has just recently come back to me saying, Connell, time to get back to it.
Let's go get some more dating options. So he came back to me for a little bit of, to restart, reboot his dating life.
And essentially what we mainly looked at today is his online dating profile. And I think you're going to get a lot of value from today's episode.
First of all, I think you're going to be really inspired by Kyle and just realize, wow, if he can succeed and date some incredible women, then I can too. That's what I would love for you to feel.
And also pay special attention to when I go through a checklist.

I'm going to go through a checklist today of what I call the 12 essentials of online dating success. And there are 12 core essential things that a man needs to have handled correctly on his online dating profile to make sure we get him, you, good matches and good online dating results.
so if you're not getting matches on the dating apps, if you don't get good matches anyway, or not very many of them, chances are that you don't have many or most of these 12 essentials handled. So I'm also going to be speaking with Kyle about that too.
So get ready to meet Kyle. I think you're really going to like him.
He's a great guy. It was my pleasure to serve him and help him as his coach and help him find a relationship, albeit temporarily.
And now we're going to get back at it and help him find the one he's going to be with long term. So you're going to enjoy meeting Kyle and also learning some online dating secrets as well.
And by the way, so obviously, so today is a is 80% coaching session, 20% success story. That's, that's what today's episode is about.
And by the way, if you are interested in working with me, if you want to know more about like, what is dating coaching? How does it work? How does Connell help guys? How do we go out and get dates? Then what you're welcome to do is you can go to my website, datingtransformation.com. And I do one-on-one personalized coaching with men.
I only do one-on-one coaching. I don't do large groups.
I only do one-on-one because personalized, is what works best. And if you want to know more about how online or sorry, how my coaching works, then you can do a free call with me.
Go to datingtransformation.com and click the book a call button and you can book a call with me. Talk for free and I'll help you identify some of the dating problems that are holding you back.
I'll look at what confidence improvements we can make, what improvements we can make on your profile, and then we'll figure out if we might want to work together. So it's a free call.
There's absolutely no pressure. You can go to datingtransformation.com to do that.
Okay, let's get to my coaching session with my good buddy, my former and now current client, amazing guy named Kyle. Here we go.
Kyle, long time no chat, man. How you been? What's up, brother? Just living life, man.
You know, trying to get some success in online and in-person dating. Okay.
Very cool. I love it when a former client comes back and says, hey, I'm out of a new, I'm out of a relationship and let's do what we can to take things to the next level and find you an even better dating option and the girlfriend you're going to settle down with.
Before we do that, I wanted to ask you a couple of quick questions in terms of the coaching that you and I did together where you came to me with some some problems. Can you talk a little bit about what progress we were able to make in our time together?

Maybe some problems. Can you talk a little bit about

what progress we were able to make in our time together? Maybe some lessons you learned, things that helped you? Yeah, absolutely. We definitely revamped the entire online dating profile in a way I just didn't understand the algorithms of the different apps and how they worked and stuff like that, how to be successful on them.
And between you and Rhian, we definitely were able to make all the necessary changes. I saw the results almost immediately.
Right. Yeah.
What from the pictures and the order, which again, didn't realize that mattered, but it does. Right.
Then the prompts, and, of course, the openers, you know what I mean? What should they be? Are they personalized? And, you know, you see the results. So whether it's generically changing it based on the modules, which helped a lot.
Yep. Or even on a coaching call, you know, sending a screenshot, you know, what should I do here? You know? Right.
And it really helped me out. I exercised those muscles to the point where I didn't, every time I was launching into it, I just went with what felt natural because I had practiced it so much.
And I didn't need to rely on you as much anymore. You know what I mean? Okay.
What about approaching approaching girls and we're going to talk mainly about online dating today okay and i know that the photos you got definitely helped you get more better matches online it sounds like at the same time i know you were also out meeting women in real life and it sounds like we had a couple of nice funnels of dating leads coming into your dating funnel. What was the biggest thing that you learned about approaching women that you could share that maybe the guy listening to this doesn't realize he needs to know? Well, everything that you thought you knew, you have to forget, which if you realize it was wrong, that shouldn't be too hard right but uh we're analyzing it um you know based on uh like trying to solve a traditional problem you have to just kind of throw that away right so let's talk about approaching briefly you said you said a few minutes ago to me that you got to forget everything you know what is it that you thought you knew about approaching that I helped you with and that maybe the guy listening to this needs to know? Yeah, so approaching is not like, you know, conducting a business transaction at the DMV or something like that, right? It's not like going to the social security office.
Hey, next up, I'm Kyle. How you doing? This is what I bring to the table, right? A lot of times she's just tuning that out.
You have to offer some value, right? You have to add some value. What? You're saying women don't want to see your resume and treat it like a job interview? What? I know.
And if we thought that that was the case, even if we didn't actually think that, but if that's the way we acted, right?

Right.

It wasn't going to work out too well, right?

He's looking for you to add value.

And there's, you know, definitely enough regular business transactions in the course of everybody's life, right?

We want to feel good when we're approaching, right?

Whether we're being approached or the one doing the approaching.

So we have to figure out how to add some value. Yeah that's how I reframed it in my mind.
You know what I mean? And what was adding value for you? Because I remember early on in our coaching, you told me a story about meeting a woman. I want to say it was a pool hall or a bar with a pool table.
But my memory is you approached, it went okay at first, but then you could sort of see her starting to really like you, Kyle, the guy. And then you ended up going out that night and love happened in the night.
Do you remember what helped you that night with her? Yeah, I tried to like read how she was feeling about the entire situation. and, you know, I assessed that she wasn't particularly enjoying it, right? So I said what seemed to be the most authentic thing that I could think of, which was, hey, this doesn't really seem like it's floating your boat, you know what I mean? Let's talk about that, right? And she said something to the effect, well, everybody's just standing around here not talking to each other.
Maybe, you know, I was like, well, how about an activity? Why don't we like play pool or something like that? And that really worked well. And it kind of spearheaded the rest of the evening or into the early hours of the morning, you know? I loved it.
Yeah. Just leading with genuine and real.
and real right right and noticing how she's feeling it's to me it's about dating from from what you're offering it's that authentic value while at the same time noticing how she's feeling and being really kind and empathetic and trying to figure out hey you know i can i can take off you don't want to talk to me and it wasn't about you it was more she just wasn't yet comfortable in the social situation. But started playing pool.
She felt a lot better around you. Yeah, exactly.
And every situation is different, of course. And of course, when we're first approaching, we may not have the ability to assess how she's feeling about what.
So after we do our authentic approach, if there's a follow-up, if we're there long enough, right? Yeah. Then we can stop and kind of go back to our whole problem-solving thing that we do as men and say, okay, like, you know, now I've added some value, right? Now I can take a step back and assess, you know, how do I think she's feeling and what could I do about that? You know? And then that'll have the rebound effect of adding even more value.
And I think it's going to work out pretty well for you. Well, I just want to say how proud of you I am.
I remember the first night I met you, you came out with me in New York City. I do in-person one-on-one coaching in New York.
You came out and I saw you were in your head and I saw you were not super comfortable socially and to think of all the dates and successful approaches and a girlfriend you ended up dating for a while I'm just so impressed I'm not surprised but I'm impressed by the incredible progress you made so I appreciate that well done and now you're back because you recently had a relationship end and that is totally normal. Usually a guy might cycle through a few women he's seeing and dating, one or two girlfriends, before he finds the person who's the right fit long term.
And I know you're back single after having recently ended a relationship with the woman you dated. And let's get back to you on that path to abundance and great options.
And how can I serve you today? What can I help you with? Well, as a condition of this relationship that I was in, right, we had both deleted our dating profiles, right? Okay. So now essentially I'm reverting back to the training that we had done before, and I'm just in the process of rebuilding it and re-exercising those muscles that we talked about.

You know what I mean?

So that's pretty much where we're at.

Okay.

And what would you like my specific help with?

Should we start by looking at your profile together, or is there something you want to ask me?

That sounds good.

I think there might be some modifications that we could make, so let's take a look at it. Okay, great.
Let me check out your profile. So what I did is I sent you something right before we hopped on this call.
I sent you a list of what I call the 12 essentials. 12 essentials of an irresistible dating profile.

And I'm going to post this also on my Instagram for you listening to this.

If you want to be able to see a screenshot of these, but these 12 essentials,

let's go through them real quick. Number one, a magnetic first photo.
Number two,

irresistible portraits. And number three, a masculine or action shot let me stop there so matt magnetic first photo i'm looking at your profile and you've got really good portraits so i think you're good there right yeah it's tested on a photo feeler and uh that first one is the one that did the best.
So, yeah. Great.
And you've got really good portraits taken by Rhianne, my online dating portrait slash photographer. She obviously helped you out a lot, and these are great photos.
You look really handsome. I'm not surprised.
You got some really good matches and leads. Number two is irresistible portraits after, in addition to that first portrait.
And I'm seeing some really good photos here. So photo number one, we have you, seated, white t-shirt.
You're sitting next to some water, great, natural, authentic smile. Your second photo, another great portrait.
Different shirt. Different backdrop backdrop um you're smiling but you're not looking like it's fake it's just you just look real chill and confident and comfortable with that second portrait all right and the third photo if you go to that list that i sent you of what i call these 12 essentials by the way way, these 12 essentials, it's a good checklist.

It's a way for a guy, if you're struggling with getting matches, if you're struggling with online

dating success, it's probably because you have many or at least multiple numbers of these 12

essentials not handled. So you're good on number one and two.
And number three, a masculine slash

action photo, a photo that shows strength and confidence in action, basically bold, active, taking action out in the world. I think you're good there too, because you've got the third photo of you is you playing basketball, right? Oh, baseball.
I'm sorry, baseball. Yeah.
Okay, cool. And then we get to number four.
So here's where I think you can improve things, Kyle. Number four on the list is, let me just read number four.
These are of the 12 essentials is a social proof photo. A photo that shows you out in the world engaging with other people, socially engaged, connected, and fun.
And when I look at your profile, I see six photos, all of which are pretty high quality photos, but every single one of them is a solo shot of just you. There's nothing that shows you sort of out engaged in the world other than the baseball photo, but that's not a social engagement.
That's a physical sport activity. So what I'm seeing in terms of the fastest way to improve your profile photographically is adding a photo of you out with friends.
You're interacting, you're having cocktails at a cool lounge or a bar, or you're at a party, clowning around, enjoying other people. The social proof photo I have on my latest profile, it's actually on karaoke night, and I'm singing a duet with a friend I used to do improv with.
And he and I, my old friend Billy, are doing improv, or sorry, doing a karaoke duet together because it shows women, oh, this guy in the world socializing he's got a social life uh what are your thoughts about this feedback so far no i think that's really uh constructive right it's something i'm gonna i'm gonna add to my to-do list to uh improve the profile and i understand why uh it would be uh you know on the list Because, again, just like you said, you know, she would want to see that you're out in the world doing normal things. You know, you hang out with your friends, stuff like that.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Do you have anything? I don't have anything right now.
But I'm going to, I don't want to say curate it because then it sounds like you don't really have a social life, but you're going to create one for the purpose of this. No, you know, the next time I'm in that situation, right, then I'm going to get a pick, you know what I mean? And it doesn't have to be by, you know, Rianne or anything like that, you know what I mean? It just has to be me in my authentically social mode.
I think it's important that I will take that at my first available opportunity. Okay.
Yeah, a good social proof photo. The most important piece of real estate on any guy's profile are those good quality portraits where you're well-dressed, smiling, an authentic smile in a natural environment that looks real world.
But close second, I would say, is arguably a social proof photo because it just conveys all the right signals to a woman. It just says, oh yeah, this guy's out in the world.
He's at a cool restaurant talking, laughing with friends. Or he's at a party and maybe dancing on the dance floor at a wedding or holding court, laughing, having fun at a party.
So I would definitely encourage you to get a social proof photo. Here's a couple of do's and don'ts on the way to execute it.
You want to avoid just you're out with three people and the three of you are staring at the camera and smiling like a group photo where everybody's looking at the camera those are pretty cliche yeah and that doesn't have the social proof effect that we wanted to have on women who are looking at your profile at least not as much as something more candid so ideally it would be a social proof shot where you're not even looking at the camera. It's almost like you're just somebody just happened to catch you in a moment of Kyle living as fun, enjoyable, high, you know, attractive, high status, or at least fun social life.
So that could be, yeah, you're on the dance floor, dancing with somebody or just you and two or three well-dressed friends at a cool lounge or at a cool restaurant having a cocktail, talking, or I don't think you drink, but you don't have to have alcohol. It can just be you at a social event.
So one way you might go about it is make it organic, you know, make it as authentic as possible.

Or keep your antenna open for future fun events,

especially now that it's spring here in New York.

And there might be more opportunities to go out to the cool patio spot

to meet up with some friends.

Or come out with me.

The next night I do a program

where my girlfriend comes out

and we're out chatting and socializing. We can get some photos of you that way that might do the trick too.
But another, some do's and don'ts would be don't just have photos of you staring at the camera with three other people. Do have you engaged.
If possible, have you the one in the photo who's getting other people responding to you. If possible.
Like if you're the one in the photo who's talking and sort of holding court and two or three people are reacting to you responding to you laughing with you that can take the signal up an even higher level yeah because women see oh not only is he out enjoying a fun social life but he's he's getting other people sort of responding to his energy, which can be really attractive.

It makes you seem like the catalyst.

Exactly.

You're the one who's getting other people responding to you.

You're giving that value.

You're that high status person or higher status than most guys in their photos.

So photographically, I think that would be one thing that would take things to the next level. All right.
Before I go further, did you have any specific questions about any other photo-related questions for your – in this case, we're looking at Hinge, but I know you're on several apps. Nothing photo-related.
Okay. Okay okay okay so the fourth photo we have you in uniform because you served that's cool by the way i know you are i'm looking at your hinge profile are there of the photos i'm looking at do you recall which of these photos did and which did not get you hearts and likes from women on Hinge? Do you recall? I don't off the top of my head.
I'm back on it now. So like when you go to your matches, it doesn't tell you which photo they liked, correct? It does if they liked you first, yeah.
Oh, but if they didn't like you first, then it doesn't, right? Well, right. If you reached out to them, if you matched with them and they matched back, then it wouldn't tell you.
Yeah, so based on the fact that the normal situation was that I liked it first, and I really couldn't tell you off the top of my head. Okay.
One thing you might do is, now that you're back in the game on Hinge, is do a couple of boosts. I was just going to ask you that.
I didn't ask you that yet because it wasn't photo related, but I remember some great info that I had success with from the modules, right? Was boosting is important, just like you said, but additionally, when to boost, right?

It makes a great deal of difference when you do it.

So can you just remind me, I think it was like Monday morning or something or Sunday afternoon.

When was the ideal time to boost on Hinge?

Well, the best time to boost is going to be when it's prime time, which would be Sundays through Wednesdays or Thursdays. Okay.
And roughly from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.
Roughly. That's when you're going to get the most traffic on a dating app, on pretty much any dating app.
So that's when I like to boost. So what you could do is do one or two boosts for an hour here, an hour there, Choose a couple of time slots in the next few days.
And notice, obviously, and be online as well while you're boosting for that hour, half hour, however long Hinge does it. I believe it's an hour.
They also do a 24 hour boost. So it's cost extra, but it's more bang for the buck.
And however long you boost, you want to be on the app swiping, sending at least some openers, hearting or liking other women's profiles to show the app, hey, now this guy's engaging and he's paying for the boost. The dating app wants to make you happy.
The dating app wants you to get matches because it wants you to have a good experience. And it wants women to like you and heart you.
And so obviously just boosting and hearting gives you the best chance to sort of, it's almost like we're putting crash pads on your hinge profile to bring it back to life from being dormant for a while. Just because you've been dating, having a girlfriend.
And so, but the added benefit of boosting is we're going to get some quick data on how compelling and magnetic your profile is to women. Because if your profile is reasonably magnetic and attractive to a reasonable number of women, you're going to get some leads.
Or sorry, you're going to get some likes, some hearts. Women will respond.
And that's what I love about Hinge. What I love about Hinge is that you are able to get some real data on what women are reaching out to you and liking.
They're going to like that photo of you. They either are or aren't going to like that photo of you playing baseball.
And if they like it, you know it's working. So, of course, we keep anything that's working.

And I would assume, looking at your profile,

that the best two performing photos

are probably going to be those first two portraits.

That's typically what does the best to get women hearting you.

Well, I oriented it that way

because those are the best two performing ones on PhotoFeeler.

There you go.

And great job.

You also went on PhotoFeeler to find out what Photofeeler.com is a really good website where you pay a few bucks for little focus group tests where women will judge your photo on attractiveness, intelligence, and trustworthiness. Three things that women are looking for before they match with a guy in a profile.
So good job doing some tests on Photofeeler. But anyway, the reason I love Hinge so much is it's the only app that I know of where every single solitary part of your profile is an individual opportunity to get a heart and a like from women.
And you find out what women are liking. So if a woman likes you on Bumble or Tinder, you don't know what she liked.
You just know she likes you, which is better than not getting the match, but you're not sure why she liked it. So anyway, one of the benefits of boosting is you'll start to get some data, and you'll know which photos or prompts get women responding and which don't.
And, of course, keep the ones that get the responses. And for the ones that don't, we can at least consider, do we, could we do better than these? We consider what we might want to swap out.
And then whatever you know is working on Hinge, guess what? You're also gonna wanna put that on Bumble. Because odds are it'll work on Bumble as well, just as well as it's working on Hinge.
Yeah, Hinge is definitely the best for feedback, and you can use that feedback on the other apps. Absolutely.
And I have a thought or two about your prompts. Before I give you some feedback, any questions for me about anything that you've written on your Hinge? No, I came up with those prompts on my own after watching the modules and stuff like that.
You're talking about my training modules. Yeah, correct.
And I think that we could modify, just like you said, bring the data, not the drama. So we're going to see how these things actually work.
You know what I mean? And again, consider, could we do better? So based on your initial consult, uh, you know, looking at it, I'm going to, I'll just ask you, what, what do you think in the prompts department? Could I do better with? Well, let's talk about what you're already already doing really well. Okay.
So going back over these, this list of what I call the 12 essentials, it's the 12 essentials of an irresistible online dating profile.

You've got number five of the 12 is tug the heartstrings. A warm, either some kind of warm emotional photo or prompt that signals kindness and connection because part of what women want a guy is a kind sweet guy guy.
And I like that you have, where was it here? Oh, yeah, I love this. Monthly Chinatown trips with your mom.
Super cute. I love that.
That's adorable. And authentic as well.
Yeah, I'm sure. Of course it is.
Of course it is. So that handles the heart tug element.
Other heart tug elements could be photo driven. It could be a photo of you with mom having an adorable mom-son brunch if you want to.
Or it could be you with your dog or cat, you at the zoo. Anyway, so yeah, it's good to have one element of your profile that tugs at the old heartstrings.
Because, hey, that's is we want women want to be with a kind man who's got a heart he's not just got good photos sure and let's see here um so you're in good you're in good shape there with the tugging at the heart strings and then essential number six here's what here's one more thing you doing great. And then I'm going to give you something to take things up at least a half level on your prompts.
The sixth essential of an irresistible dating profile, flirty vibes and date energy. And you've also got number 10 is make her laugh.

So we've got humor as one essential,

and we've got, hey, let's flirt a little bit because it's a dating app.

Why wouldn't we flirt?

And what I love about your profile is,

I don't know if you came up with this.

This is great, or I don't know if I helped you.

I don't remember, but I love this.

We'll get along if you like your men like your coffee strong sweet and waking you up in the morning winky face uh that hits flirty obviously and funny if you can combine in one prompt something flirtatious and something funny that's definitely worth testing to see how women respond to it and i really like that you've got two birds with one stone here. So for the time being, I like that one a lot.
I'd like to see if that gets you responses, gets you hearts, see what women say about it. Okay.
A lot of men are afraid to flirt on their profile. And then they get stuck in the online dating friend zone like hey he seems fine but you know just seems too friendly um in terms of taking things to a new level or one more level here's something that i don't see that you can you might want to experiment with one of the essentials is is showing that you're relationship ready.
A signal, usually through a prompt, that lets women know that this guy has grown. He's a guy who's lived a life, he's grown, he's open to a relationship, he's got some depth and self-awareness.
Because I'm a big fan of flirt, flirtiness, playfulness, and fun. And I think those should be the core elements of a profile.
At the same time, if you are looking for a long-term great girlfriend relationship, then it's good to have a prompt that conveys something that shows kind of growth and shows a self-awareness. What are your thoughts about that, at least in theory? Yeah, it sounds great.
Yeah. And this is a tip I got from a really wonderful dating expert named Sabrina Zohar.
Sabrina was on my podcast a few months ago, and she talked about how women, and she really knows women. And she's the one who sort of opened my eyes to this and talked about the importance of showing women that hey you're not a frat boy you're not a guy just looking to get lucky or just looking to hit it and quit it or just here to flirt you're looking for something deeper and you have some real depth so here's a couple thoughts on how you might do that um here's a good little a good fill in the blank prompt and you fill in the blank that works with you you make a prompt read this way i used to think love was blank but now i know it's about blank now what those blanks might be again i want them to be authentic i want them to be from your heart from something you something you've actually learned.
On my profile, if I was single looking to get matches, I would say something like, I used to think love was all about chemistry and fireworks. And now I know it's all about trust and empathy and mutual support.
Something like that. And I've learned that.
I learned that for sure. Or I like this one.
And again, I'm not suggesting any of you listening to this copy and paste exactly. I do want this to be genuine to you.
I'm just giving you starting points here. Or I used to think love was all about fireworks and butterflies.
Now I know it's about trust, friendship, and choosing each other every day. Think about the message that would send to a woman who reads that.
Yeah, it's pretty powerful. Right? I mean, what's every other guy writing on his profile? I like The Office and shrimp and sushi.
Right, exactly. Very surface level.
You have to differentiate yourself. Yeah.
So this is a way to signal that, hey, we're all human. We're all flawed.
We're all growing in our way. Hopefully we're growing.
We're evolving one step at a time, one day at a time. Or it could be something as simple as, and this is true for me, I used to think love was about impressing her.
And now I realize that love is about two people being vulnerable and learning how to trust each other. That's good.
Cheesy, maybe, but I really believe that. And there's really no perfect answer to this.
I do want you to make this prompt genuine and real, whatever it means to you. It doesn't really matter exactly the syntax as long as it's from your heart.
And wow, if you're really looking for a great relationship, know that by putting this on your profile, this prompt that shows that you're ready for somebody special, you're giving women something that they really want in a potential partner, which is, is this guy grown up enough? Has he evolved? Is he ready for a real relationship? And this is a nice way to signal that in a way that's honest and real. Yeah.
So since we think pretty decent about the existing written prompts, would it be helpful to do that one as a video prompt or not? Ooh, not a bad idea. I was actually, you know, I think it'd be best as a audio prompt.
Oh, okay. because that hearing your voice you have a great voice a voice that is sincere and trustworthy and hearing your voice say something like that the the your vocal tonality and the words you would say i think would really click connect with a woman right in her heart all right awesome a video prompt i think is better to play up the fun fun vibe the social aspect yeah maybe a social shot of you at a bar or or if you're going to do something sort maybe actually a video is really good for obvious reasons for because it's a video visual aspect something that's very visually arresting and exciting.
You're on a boat and you take a quick scan of the water and then pan it back to you and just with a big smile showing that you're enjoying your boat ride or you're doing something adventurous, something fun, something visually powerful. I remember I matched with a girl once because she had these two sparklers.
She was at a beach party, like dancing with these sparklers. Couldn't take my eyes off her.
Not just because she was pretty, but because sparklers, beach. Oh my God, I wanted to be there so much with her.
So the video prompt is best used almost like a, Hey, look at my, look at my fun, cool, adventurous life. Well, want in? That's how I would use the video.
Yeah, it's offering some value. Exactly.
I see there's a new feature that I don't think it was there the last time I was on Hinge. It's called Match Note.
What do you think about that? What's it called? It's called Match Note. Match Note? Yeah, so apparently the way this works, I wasn't aware of it.
I believe it's new. Okay.
Is that any person you do match with, it automatically sends you this note. Have you heard of this? I have not.
I have not used that yet. I have not been on Hinge in a couple months myself.
All right, so maybe you can check it out and get back to me as to how guys would utilize that the best on their profile.

Okay.

Because to be honest with you, I'm a little confused by it.

I don't know how to apply it the best way.

Okay.

Great.

No, I'll definitely check that out.

The other thing I was going to mention on your profile is I really like how you have,

and this is a good tip that probably 95% of the guys listening to this aren't doing,

is you have a very fun, light way that you're doing the poll prompt.

Your prompt poll is, would you rather A, eat Mr. Peanut and feel his pain?

B, be Mr. Peanut?

Or C, none of the above?

And I don't know how that's working for you yet,

but I do like that you're using the poll prompt

in a very light, fun, playful way.

I haven't tracked how it's working for me,

but there is some, I will just say,

like sexy confusion, which is the intended effect,

as to what's wrong with Mr. Peanut

or why would I eat him? And that's really

what we were going for, you know? Any response is a win. Exactly.
It's not supposed to make sense. It doesn't make sense.
And now you're talking. So there you go.
Right. You know, I like it.
I would probably, here's what I would do. You might consider changing that prompt into a regular written prompt?

Mm-hmm.

Where you write out, would you rather eat Mr. Peanut and feel his pain or be Mr.
Peanut? And then you could use the pull prompt this way, which I've tested a lot and had some good success, is you could use the pull prompt to check off another thing from the list of the 12 essentials. One of my 12 essentials to getting matches and having an irresistible profile is painting a picture for what a first date with you might be.
It's kind of puts a little bait on the hook, so to speak. And a really good prompt would be basically ABC.
And you make, and the poll prompt is you select the option that reads basically, together we could, or our first date could be, and then A, you write something specific and enticing, like together we could, A, see a stand-up comedy show.

B, then for B, you write out something else that you would like to do.

Get the best cheesecake in town.

And then C, you make a total joke.

You make something so absurd that it's just absurd.

So it might be, C, meet my parents. Parentheses.
What, too soon? Yeah, off the wall. Yeah, something off the wall.
Or I had a really good success with this back when Kanye West was going crazy in the media a couple years ago. He was having dinner with fascists and just acting out in really bizarre ways.
He was trending. My prompt, I got so many matches with this.
My prompt was, together we could A, go out for coffee. B, grab drinks at my favorite bar.
C, taser Kanye. Just made a woman laugh.
I also had good success with, I would choose two very normal first date ideas, and then the third one was get matching tram stamps. Yeah.
Or double date with Taylor and Travis, because they were trending a lot of the time. So anyway, you can make that third one fun.
So a good way to do the poll prompt is you have two genuinely good first date ideas for A and B, and you make the one completely off the wall and bizarre and what this does is it gives you three chances to get a match with one prompt because some women will be like oh i want to go to a comedy show and they'll match with you other women might say oh drinks at a classy rooftop bar i'm into that and then some women might just laugh at the third absurd one that you throw in there and that shows more humor

So you kind of you're getting two bites at the apple here. You're painting the picture of a fun first date and you're also

Showing her that you have a sense of humor which lets her know oh gosh

No matter what happens with this guy

I'll probably have a good time with him and that makes the match even more likely

Definitely good bang for your buck with that strategy. Yeah, exactly.
No, but let me just run through these 12 essentials because I didn't finish them earlier. And I'll put this on my Instagram if you're listening to this and want to see a visual representation of these.
I'll also put them in the show notes. But basically, here are the 12 essentials of an irresistible dating profile number one a magnetic first photo number two one or two more irresistible portraits number three a masculine slash action shot just like your baseball shot you're standing up at a plate ready to crush a home run number four social proof.
That's what you're missing. Number five, tugging at the heartstrings.
You're good there. Number six, flirty vibes and date energy.
You got that handled nicely. Number seven, hooking her interest fast.
That's more for Bumble or Tinder. Not as relevant on Hinge, but basically having one funny or clever prompt that makes her want to keep reading.
I think you have that handled. Number eight, show, don't tell.
In other words, don't say you're funny or kind. Show her.
Crack a joke. Or show her that you're kind.
You're doing that nicely because you mentioned, for example, you're showing that kindness with

Chinatown brunch with mom. Number nine, stand out with specifics.
Specifics, make your profile come

to life, what you're doing. Number 10, make her laugh.
Good job there. Number 11, show that you're

relationship ready. That's the one that you're also missing that could take things up a notch.

And the number 12 is no red flags. So what that means is, and you're good there, Kyle, no sunglasses, no shirtless bathroom selfies, no angry rants or just creepy vibes, which you're good there.
So really, you're really in a really good place with 10 out of 12 of these. It's about getting to 12 out of 12, and then just maybe experimenting, mixing up things every now and then, doing some boosting, seeing what combination works the best.
And I think you'll be very much back in the game with a lot of good leads coming in. Yeah, that sounds good.
Thank you. Of course.
What else can I help you with, Kyle? Well, I'm also going to utilize the other avenue of meeting women in person. And I haven't really done too much of that yet.
But, you know, next time you guys go out, I'll definitely join in if I can. Let me ask you this.
What worked for you in the past in terms of how you broke the ice with women, approaching strategies that worked? Maybe share some successes or insights you had from our time together. Yeah, just a radical authenticity angle.
What's the first thing that comes to my mind? Don't wait, right? Because if you want to do it, just go up and do it now, because really your mind's just going to convince you to avoid it the longer you wait. So one particular instance, I saw a group of women all wearing orange, right? So the first thing I thought to myself is like, this seemed like some kind of a carrot top convention or something.
Okay. I,

uh,

I was really only interested in one of the women there,

but I,

I have to approach them the way they are.

Right.

You know,

they're together.

So I did the little group approach and I,

I said,

I walked up and I said,

uh,

what is this like a carrot top convention here?

And,

uh,

it went over really well.

Nice.

Yeah. Kyle trademark, the carrot top opener i did i did yeah you know and it's for anybody else unless they're not wearing orange then you got to come up with something else well let me let me underscore how great your opener was and why it worked and also give you a a simple three-part multiple choice so you can start doing that again as soon as you want to, like today if you want to.
Here's what you were doing. So here's the way I like to teach men to approach women.
I mean, the philosophy, of course, is authenticity and doing it with something real and genuine and trying to make a woman's day or night better. That's big picture.
But the mechanics of it, think of it this way. I call this the natural,

authentic approaching method. A lot of guys say to me, Connell, what do I say? What the hell do

you say when you want to approach a woman? Well, it depends on the situation, depends on what you

observe. So here's a way to think about it.
Here's what you did that night, which is so great.

Basically, give yourself options A, B, C. You see a woman, or in this case, a group of women, and option A is ask yourself, what's a G-rated compliment I could give them? Or option B would be, what's a question I could ask them that makes sense, given where I am and what's going on? And option C is, what is an observation I make about her or them that's a little bit unusual that I could use that as my way in? And you, of course, went with option C.
They were all wearing orange, right? So you just noticed something unusual. You said, oh, all these women are wearing orange? Well, what can I do with that? And you came up with something super spontaneous in in the moment.
And it was about your carrot top convention opener, which is great. And you can't really, you can't practice that.
I should say you can practice the method. You can't practice the copy and paste one size fits all approach.
It's intimidating, but when it comes to the stuff, I think you really do have to jump into the deep end of the pool. Yeah.
You know what I mean? You can watch all the modules you want, and they're good to watch, definitely. Right.
But until you get out there and fuck up, right? Yes. Or maybe you're going to be successful immediately.
I don't know. Probably both.
Yeah, a little bit of everything, right? Until you go out there and stub your toe a little bit. And I guess same thing would be said with online dating like you can curate something great but then you gotta take the feedback you know what i mean then you know maybe you did one approach sit back down take a couple notes drink some coffee and try something different yeah or try the same thing because it could be that uh it didn't work with her but it couldn't work with the next one.
You know what I mean? Sometimes it's totally random. Well, you show a lot of courage.
At least at first it took courage. I don't know if it took you courage as you continued going on, but the first few times you really dove in and started approaching women, did that take some courage on your part? Absolutely.
Yeah. Absolutely.
So a lot of guys say, well, I'll approach a woman if I'm confident. And I say, well, no, approach a woman using courage and then you will become confident.
Correct. But approach her unconfidently.
Just commit to it. Just approach.
Exactly. And commit to it.
Dive in all the way. And you're a baseball lover, right? Oh, yeah.
And what I like about using a baseball analogy here is, as you know, the best baseball players in the world are going to fail seven out of ten times to get a base hit, right? Mm-hmm. Yep.
That'll probably get you in the Hall of Fame if you get a base hit seven out of ten times for your whole career. But in approaching women, a lot of men make the mistake of thinking, oh, well, if I approach and she doesn't like me, doesn't go well, I did it wrong.
It's like, no, once you get good at this, once you get really good at this, three out of 10 is an awesome batting average. And that gives you permission to not get a result, to get quote rejected, or at least not have it go well, seven out of 10 times.
Of course, to see those kinds of of results you actually have to get out there ten times you know totally and uh you know uh you you can't say to yourself well i'll do it when i'm ready because you're not going to be ready yeah exactly uh my girlfriend and i went to see the yankees recently and uh aaron aaron judge struck out but man why does he hit so many home runs because Because he's willing to strike out. Yeah, it's definitely an exercise in failure, just like baseball.
Right. That's okay, because the more you go, the failures are also humorous and fun.
Yeah. You know what I mean? Absolutely.
Embrace the quote failure, and then in time you'll realize, hey, wait, I'm not even failing is how this is the rules of the game these are the numbers that i'm supposed to be producing right like yeah aaron judge's job is to swing for the fences with with the best to the best of his ability and of course striking out is going to come become part of that but that's also how he hits 60 home runs a year or whatever he averages some insane number yeah exactly exactly So so yeah but if you don't swing you're never gonna you know if you don't even go up to the plate you're never even going to get a chance to strike out or hit home runs yeah and that first uh round of 10 is going to be more painful than the next round and the next round of course you're going to get better as far as the you know the numerator goes right uh you're going to get better as far as your success rates, but the failures that you do experience are going to be less dramatic for you as you go along. Exactly.
And is it even a failure? There was a recent episode where I talked about a client back in the day. We went out together.
I approached a woman right with him. She rejected me pretty instantly right in front of him.
An hour later on the dance floor, she comes up to me, starts grinding on me, and all of a sudden we're making out. Same girl who rejected me.
So did I even fail the first time? Yeah. It was just her way of saying, eh, not right now.
Maybe later. That's a good point.
Maybe later.

Anyway.

Amazing.

You're definitely going to be surprised every time you do this in the way things happen, right?

Yeah.

They're never going to happen the way you think they're going to happen, right?

You know?

Yeah.

Something's going to go different.

That's what makes it fun.

Yeah. And now, look, I know your relationship didn't last.

That's okay.

You have proven to yourself you can create a lot of sparks and connections with a lot of different women online, on dates, approaching, you've had a girlfriend, and now it's just about, hey, let's find an even better fit for you. It's just about who she is and when and how you meet her.
Absolutely. And this program, right, as you fail, it kind of insulates you from maybe things that don't

work out in the future, right?

So I would have been taking this breakup a lot harder had I not gone through the program

and failed so many different times.

It just seems like another roadblock, another speed bump in the road of life, which is the way it really should be. And it'll teach you that kind of resilience as you go through.
You know what I mean? Well, when a relationship ends, it can and should hurt. I'm not saying I want it to hurt, but it's normal.
It's healthy to feel pain, to feel the loss, and to feel, however it ended, to feel either rejected or just sad that you've lost something. But there's a great, great tip I got from another self-development coach who basically said, you know, when something happens to you that's not what you want, something painful, you can turn this into something that happened to you or for you.
You can say, oh, did this breakup happen to me, which makes me a victim and makes me bitter and sad, or did it happen for me? And I would suggest to you, Kyle, that in XYZ number of weeks or months from now, when you're dating the perfect girl for you and you're in the happy relationship and things are wonderful you'll look back on the recent relationship that ended and say all right it's done that sucked for a while but you know what it happened for me look who i'm with now look at the wins i've had since then and i think i i know you'll feel that way it's just a matter of who she is and when and how you need her, but she's going to love you. Yeah, man.
The emotions are natural. The whole, uh, you know, what, what, what now is essentially, what do we do now? You know what I mean? Right.
That's, that's what matters. That's what we actually have control over.
Right. Yeah.
So the emotions are real, but they will fade and then you'll have a choice to make. Yeah.
And the other thing that always helped me when I had a relationship end, especially when I was in your phase of growing into an even better, more confident, attractive dater, is I reminded myself, hey, wait a minute. It wasn't meant to be with her, but there are literally a million more women out there, and I have an abundance of options and I have an abundance to give.
And that's something that maybe we can end on that, which is, Kyle, you have, I know you know this, but I'll say it anyway, more for the listener, but also for you. You have an abundance of love, of worth, of value to give the world and to give women.
And there's also an abundance of women out there for you, as you've already proven by having a lot of success. And basically, it's just a matter of who you're going to end up with.
But you have so much. There's a lot more women out there, and I can't wait for you to find the right one for you.
Thanks, bro. Of course, man.
And I'm here to help you get there. All right.
All right. Anything else I can help you with? Nah, man.
I'm going to take a look at our things we talked about and try to implement them and see what happens, right? All right. Cool.
Stick around for 10 more seconds. I'm going to chat with you after I wrap this up.
And thank you so much for listening. By the way, if you would like to talk with me one-on-one about finding out if one-on-one dating coaching is right for you, just like Kyle and I work together, all you need to do is go to datingtransformation.com.

You can book a free call with me to talk about coaching

and what your biggest dating problems are

and how I can potentially help you.

It's a free call.

Just go to datingtransformation.com and do it that way.

Thank you for listening.

And remember, your dream girlfriend, she's out there.

And she's going to love you, but she's out there and she's gonna love you but

she's gonna have to meet the real authentic you so until next time