2025.08.12: Don't Talk Back In Anger

I don't want to go with the clown.

Hey, we're recording the podcast.

Join the club.

Good morning to you wherever you are because

it is Morning Somewhere for August 12th, 2025.

My name is Bernie Burns.

Sitting right over there, her Rotten Tomato score dropped by 20% overnight.

It's Ashley Burns a hi to Ashley, everybody.

It's all because of the pronunciation, too.

Couldn't keep that 100% forever.

I got very poor reviews on my tomato meter.

Man,

I don't like talking about ratings for stuff that we do because I learned a lesson really early on that people are fucking weird when it comes to that.

And as an experiment one time on the Rushith podcast,

I said, watch this to everybody else on the podcast.

And I said, on the podcast, I talked about how Red versus Blue on IMDb had like a 9.1 or a 9.2 which put it in the top 100 movies and that was awesome on imdb yeah right yeah but it had been there for like two or three years and it is what it was like there's a lot of times you have like a marketing thing you think is a big deal and over time you're like who cares like that's not that's not driving anything but your own ego right that that's for us not for the people right it's like it's no one's gonna stop and go like at the grocery store you don't have a top 100 movie on imdb to be like your groceries are free you know that's not

nothing nothing comes of that.

Sir, sir, I'd like you to have this medal.

But I said in the podcast that it had that, and I was really proud of that.

And overnight, it dropped like half a point.

Right.

So this is people.

And it was all ones.

People just went and hit one.

This is people who

like you or hate you enough to listen to you.

Right.

I don't think anybody hate listens to our podcast.

I really don't.

Probably not.

I mean, look, look, you're no what's his name?

What's his name?

Howard Stern.

Howard Stern.

There we go.

No.

Well,

the thing with hate listening and like Howard Stern and stuff is that like even talk about the War of the Worlds thing.

You kind of got to go out of your way to go find it and see what's on.

I think it's on Netflix, right?

No, it's on Amazon Program.

Oh, is it really?

See it going?

I've seen this discussion like five times.

That's how little you care about it.

It won't even stick in your head what platform it's on.

And radio with Howard Stern, this is so weird to think about this.

There was a point in time where you would say, like, well, just don't tune into K-Rock or whatever Howard Stern is on.

There was a point in time when radio was the only kind of entertainment you had outside of your home.

Like, if you went out in public, radio was all there was.

Right.

Like, if you were in a car, I mean, I guess you could try to listen to the cassette deck.

Right.

But those, those always went on the fritz anyway.

And then in the mid-80s, they got a Walkman, which was a big deal, but nobody walked around with like portable phonographs.

You know, I always heard a rumor.

Speak for yourself, buddy.

I always heard a rumor that what's what's the famous brand of uh phonograph

begins with a v uh uh

v in you're close victrolla vitrolla thank you so another company that sounds like victrola is motorola which is now a massive company which makes a billion things are now are they still a massive company i assumed that they were probably a bigger company before we had like three phones to choose from what do you most associate motorola with on a tech level uh

like what just comes to mind when i say walkie talkies walkie talkies really?

I mean like Motorola phones?

I mean I would have said Motorola phones.

Didn't they make the flip?

15 years ago?

Did they flip?

Did they make the flip?

Wait, the Motorola.

Wait, you don't mean the sign kick.

No, I mean the one that flips.

The flip.

It was a flip.

Did it flip?

Flip.

That's what it would do.

Try to imagine me guys.

I'm going to throw my hand outward to my side while I make this noise.

Ready?

Flip, flip.

That's what it did.

I associate them, Motorola, with they were the chips that ran Macs.

Like you had

the Motorola chipset, yeah, versus the Intel chipset.

But I feel like Apple being Apple, they wouldn't promote the fact that somebody else was making their chips.

Sure.

Yeah.

But there was always a rumor, or maybe it was an urban legend.

Rumor is probably not the best thing.

Like, people are like whispering inside rooms and stuff.

It was an urban legend that Motorola got its name because they made a

phonograph

for your car.

So they took the name Victrola.

Victorola Motorola.

Motor Victrolla.

And they were trying to like kind of siphon some goodwill off that big brand name of Victrola.

So Motorola.

They were just kind of stealing it, going, oh, we're the motor version of that.

And Victrolla was over there going, why you, Mr.

How dare you?

And so I engaged in fisticuffs.

So I have to assume at that point that this

motor-based phonograph, was it just like with that flower petal looking thing just popping out of the dashboard?

How old do you think I am that I would actually know what one of these things looks like?

What you're talking about actually is I think, because I learned about this here because like we, people are figuring out we live in a really old place.

And so I thought, I'll get a fucking super old record player.

I didn't know there was different formats.

Apparently a phonograph is different than a gramophone.

And those are like...

Like the ones you see like that sit in some like library somewhere with the big megaphone coming off the top of it.

Yeah, that's what I'm picturing.

It's got specifically like a round bit with a needle on it.

I'm not sure why that's what, and you like hinge it down to the record.

That's a different format.

That's gramophone, not phonograph.

Okay.

Good luck getting those.

So, was there ever, in that case, a motogram?

I have no idea if there was

a gramma motor or whatever.

But yeah, I don't think Fiona Apple is going to be releasing title on gramophone anytime soon.

Well, then she's losing out on a major market.

Do you remember that old,

was it a tech TV thing

where the guy had the wax cylinders?

That there was some other, maybe that's the gramophone format.

I don't know, but he had one.

He was like, This one is from 1880, and it smashes in his hands.

He's so nervous, he's like this like historian curator type guy with like a cardio.

I'm used to, I imagine, like handling one of these like very rare, very exciting things and breaks it.

And then he goes, ah, fuck.

It might have been a staged bit for all I know.

What was that?

Um, there was a video or a story about someone who pretended to drop something

and it was like, ha ha.

And then they accidentally really dropped it.

That is your.

I don't know why I associate this with you.

Did you even watch the IT crowd?

I did, yes.

Okay.

It's the Irish guy on that.

Okay.

And he's with the guy who's not the Irish guy on that, Richard

Iowate.

Yeah, that's how you say his name.

So he's, he's, well, we just saw him in something else recently, and I was thinking, I'm glad this guy's in other stuff besides what he normally here's the question did you did you see him or did you see superman and he kind of had the same hair he was in superman when he was that's what he was saying yeah he's he uh as his like clark kent persona i felt like really channeled richard iowade no no he's in the movie he's the rebel leader oh no wait he's the one no no he's the rebel leader no i was thinking about the country that superman has to go save no he was in the phoenician scheme he was you haven't seen that so that's why you didn't see it he's in the phoenician scheme as the rebel leader which i was confusing with the country that's yeah the fictional country Superman that they're invading.

I saw those things too close to each other.

Yeah, he's in the Phoenician scheme.

And I was like, cool.

I'm glad to see him in something else.

But what's the name of the Irish guy?

James O'Dowd.

Is that his name?

They were doing something with the guy with snow globes, and he was showing them his, this dude was showing the two of them.

They had like one of these reality go-around shows, I guess, because the agent pitched

somebody.

Chris O'Dowd.

And he's handling some snow globe, and the guy is telling him how expensive it is.

And he does this bit where he's like, oh, I'm going to drop it.

And then two seconds later, he drops it.

Devastating.

And Richard goes, just like literally lowers his head and turns away in shame for the guy.

It's horrifying.

Of course, the curator is like, it's okay.

While he was in the middle of explaining to these guys, I'm like, museum curators are built different.

You remember there was the news thing from

a year ago, maybe a little bit more, where a kid accidentally smashed some priceless vase.

Oh, yeah.

Because it was one of those do not touch things, and he touched.

He's a kid.

And it, of course, it like falls over and breaks into a bunch of pieces.

And they're like, it's okay.

We think we can repair it.

And we'd actually love him to come back and see what that process looks like.

I swear to God, like as a...

As a parent, I'd be like, look, you.

Right.

And the curators are just like, they're chill.

They're handling it.

They're like, yes, that was a priceless piece of history.

We've never seen another one like it, but it's going to be okay

what are you gonna do i mean i mean you can't replace it what what are you gonna do find the kid you know at this point what's done is done i know i know but it's like the the mentality like that's hard to just take right so that's what i'm saying they're built different they got the the patience of eons it's kind of that thing too like when you hear about there's some like ancient carving and some jackass tourist like leaned over the railing and carved him and his girlfriend's initials in it oh yeah like there's like so so and so like so-and-so, heart, so-and-so on the Coliseum.

And you're like,

you're like, please don't be American.

Every single time, every single time.

Please, please, please, please.

Chinese, Chinese, Chinese, please.

It's like, please be some other terror, be some other superpower.

Be British.

Be some other terribly behaved tourist.

Please, not this time.

Brits are just drunks, right?

I know

when I said, please be Chinese, I got borderline racists.

Let's go full on here.

Brits are fucking drunks.

They go everywhere and they are just like a mess.

A mess.

And it's weird because as Americans, we have a horrible reputation.

And when we go to other countries, you think we could feel like, oh, we're actually from Scotland.

I would totally wouldn't do that because I'd be like, you drunk, fucking drunk mess.

Right.

Like, they're like, you're not making it any better.

But there was

an Oasis concert recently at Wembley, and it broke a record for beer drinking.

They did the same thing with Oktoberfest, wasn't it last year?

And And we did the math on it and it didn't seem like that much beer.

So did they have a listing of...

So this is Oasis fans smashed the Wembley beer record by drinking 250,000 pints each night.

250.

See, if you do the math on that, how many people went to the Oasis concert?

Let's see.

20, 30 people were there.

Oh my God, a pint costs $8,

20.

Fucking amateur hour.

You know what I was paying for a beer at the minor league stadium in Round Rock when I was there?

How much do you think a beer costs, Ash?

20 bucks.

You're 16 bucks, dude.

God, that's so much.

And you can't even like, they give you these goddamn aluminum cups and you're like, can I hand it back to you?

Like, no.

No.

The aluminum is the most recyclable thing ever, which is great, but it still feels wasteful to do it that way.

Right.

To put this in perspective,

Taylor Swift fans drink 40,000 pints.

40, so they're like, this is more like six times as many pints.

Wow, go fucking figure out.

As the Taylor Swift.

I remember hearing about this too, that like all the like pub owners in the, in the, like, Wembley were really annoyed at the Taylor Swift concerts because they, the, like, all the Taylor Swift fans weren't big drinkers.

You ever see Bull Durham, the movie?

Probably, but I don't remember anything about it, so I'm going to say no.

We have a Bull Durham moment going on right now.

This all ties into Oasis and the baseball thing I was just talking about.

Does it?

That's a nice book.

Let me take you on a journey here, if I may, actually.

So Oasis is coming to America, apparently, as part of their reunion tour.

Assuming they stay reunioned.

Do you you say a reunion doesn't even sound right for them?

It's like they're just in the same place at the same time.

There's no word for that.

But they're going to America.

And somebody, and this became a headline now, somebody took them aside and said, like, pull them in.

But they put away their flip phone.

Flipped it and flipped it back in the pocket.

And they said, hey, guys, you're going to America.

Things are kind of weird there.

They don't even have gramophones there.

Maybe shut the fuck up while you're there.

Just don't say anything.

Shut the fuck up.

And now it's a headline.

Oasis.

If they were told to shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up while they're in America.

I have a strong feeling, Ashley, that this might be one of the biggest tee-ups of all time.

I don't think Oasis is going to shut the fuck up.

I get the feeling they won't.

When they go to America.

So this is like in Bull Durham when the pitcher...

Pissed off the catcher and tells the batter, it's coming right down the middle.

Here comes the heat.

And the guy just blasted out of the park.

This is going to, this is one of those moments.

This is a major tee-up right now, telling Oasis to shut the fuck up while they're touring in America.

There's like, you have to to feel like there's situations where you just go, is this going to work the way we think it's going to work?

When the Gestapo descends on them, they will sell each other out in a heartbeat.

Those two brothers, they're like, no, no, he's the one who said that.

Go after him.

It was definitely him.

Here, I'll give you his address.

If you had to, if you go to jail and you, you got one person you can call to bail you out,

who do you call?

Well, you.

You call me.

Let's assume I'm not around.

Who are you calling?

Oh, okay, hold on.

No, I need to.

let's say i'm in another cell with you i mean let's be honest we probably did whatever it was together we're in cahoots look i'm gonna keep this on theme greg miller

you're gonna call greg miller he would like come with cameras and like film it and everything he he would but here's the thing he's a talker right the dude can talk he can talk right so if i need someone who's just gonna like talk them into submission and let me go it's gonna be greg miller no i wouldn't do that here's why because it because it makes the situation worse because he is a talker but he is a very natural performer as well if you call greg miller you will be in the cell and he will burst through like the Kool-Aid man going, oh, yeah, that's how he's going to get you out of jail.

That's how he would do it.

But do you think the Oasis brothers, you think they would call each other if they were in jail?

Oh, God, no.

No, right?

Because that would be like,

this was your one phone call.

Me?

Fuck off.

God, click.

Idiot, click.

No, I feel like they, like, they are.

Like, they're not even like on each other's like hospital, like next of kin, power of attorney, whatever.

Like, if, if I am in the the hospital in a coma, they are not even allowed in the room.

Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yep.

Keep them far away.

Just they can watch through the window and tap every now and then.

I'm totally good.

Mine is super easy if you're there with me.

Okay.

Mine is Jeff Ramsey.

Okay.

Formerly of Rooster Teeth, currently of the regulation podcast.

Mine would be Jeff Ramsey, not for any reason other than the fact that he's the only phone number that I have memorized for some time.

Right.

That's it.

And I told him this.

I go, I'm calling.

So keep like, what is it, like 400 bucks to get out of jail right i mean

it depends on what your bail set is was your bail set at 400 bucks last time you were in i think it's 400 bucks to get out of jail right isn't that what it is i have no i've never been arrested you think i've been booked no i don't know how do you know what's this 400 isn't this like isn't it a variable amount depending on what they set bail at look who knows so much about bail over there

don't tell me everyone has a price for everything in their head like a baseline price right say a thousand dollars you think thousand bucks to get out of jail look i know there's a lot of of people who are only in jail because they can't afford to get out of jail.

Right, but that's a lot.

That's 200 bucks can be that line for a lot of people, right?

Yeah.

We had a thing one time where I had to carry something like back from a convention, $8,000.

And I was talking to my old boss about it.

And he's like, hey, man, that's like,

he doesn't say, hey, man, that's not the way he said that.

He goes, buddy, that's.

That's enough money where somebody will kill you for that amount of money.

I said, no one's going to kill anybody for $8,000.

I thought about it.

He goes, yeah, there absolutely people would kill you for $8,000 if you had that.

Right, right there in the airport terminal.

Yeah, and it was like, I had never had that much money on me at any point.

And I told him that, and he was like, that's like, don't, don't do that ever again.

Don't carry that much money around.

It is a weird feeling because you think everybody around you knows that you've got it somehow.

Right.

And then you're probably acting really cagey because you think everyone is looking at you.

And so you act cagey.

And so everyone is looking at you because they're like, look at that shady guy.

He looks like he could open for oasis.

What's cagey, man?

I've got Liam Gallagher on speed dial for bail.

See, that's a problem, too.

If you want your phone, like you've got to,

you're not supposed to talk to the cops.

I've learned this from those guys in the YouTube videos who tell me not to talk to cops.

Is that the lawyers or the cops?

It's a lawyer guy, right?

You lawyer guys, but they tell you not to talk to cops.

Okay.

Shut the fuck up, guys.

Yeah, shut the fuck up.

If you're in jail.

And they've got your phone and you need your phone in order to make the call.

If you unlock your phone, is that like a honeypot?

Can they then go?

Now your phone's unlocked because of you.

Can that happen?

I don't know.

I mean, maybe technically you've unlocked it by choice, right?

Do you have the ability to then do a voice command like call Oasis?

Like, hey, Siri, call Oasis.

And then, and then that's, does that count?

Can you do that without unlocking it?

You just say, hey, Siri, play Wonder Wall.

Greg Miller comes bashing through the Wonder Wall like the Kool-Aid man.

Man.

Oh, yeah.

Patreon.com, so that's kind of funny.

I love those guys.

We were talking about

weird curation museum stuff.

I was reminded recently, so an article about something that happened years ago where

some dude who was one of these types,

he was watching.

The Kool-Aid Man type?

No, no, he was

a museum curator type.

And he was watching the British mouse that makes friends with a kid.

Stuart Little.

Is that Stuart Little?

Yeah, okay.

He's watching that with his kids.

And in one of the scenes, he's like,

looking in the background, he goes, that painting that's on the set in this movie looks like a painting that's been missing for like a hundred years.

And guess what?

It was.

And they found it.

It was in like just the prop bin at the studio.

You remembered that really accurately.

In 2009, a Hungarian art historian spotted the long-lost painting, Sleeping Lady with Black Vase, Vase by Robert Barony while watching Stuart Little.

It was missing for 90 years and was being used as a prop.

How did you remember that with such precision?

Like I said, it was.

So you only know Jeff Ramsey's phone number.

I know, right?

Yeah, I should Stuart Little would be a much better phone call to bail me out of jail.

Or this dude, he's got like 90-year-old art on lock that he can recognize it in the background of a scene where there's a cartoon mouse like jumping around.

Which, as we know, is an important step to getting out of jail.

They send you through a quiz.

It's like, recognize this famous art.

And if you pass, then you're allowed out because people who know the art don't commit crimes.

We're at 20 minutes.

We've talked about nothing.

Nothing.

Okay.

This is a Tuesday.

This is a Tuesday one.

Happy Tuesday, everybody.

We have some.

We talked about Oasis and drinking a lot of beer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They did, and they are headed to the U.S.

and they're told to shut up.

There's your current event.

Oasis told, shut the fuck up.

You get one current event today.

Whose job was it to tell them to shut up?

Who's who's where?

And they clearly don't work there anymore, right?

That's the first person they fire.

Well, here's the thing: is that sounds very much like something that your PR person, your publicist advises you.

They're like, look, the climate in the U.S.

is wild right now.

Okay.

You may be like,

they're looking to deport anybody for any reason.

It might be best if you want the concerts to actually happen, if you just don't talk.

Just go shh.

Just instead of talking.

All instrumental.

Just don't,

right?

Just, you know, when you think about it, when you open your mouth and you think, like, I'm going to talk now, just back off that.

Just don't.

Change your mind.

Speaking of just don't and all this like beer records and everything, we were recently at a festival with friends here locally where somebody had one of those machines where it fills the beer up from the bottom of the cup.

Those are cool.

It's pretty cool.

And the way it works is they put it down.

There's like a magnetic disc on the bottom of the cup, a little black disc, which they can print print like advertising stuff on, of course.

Of course.

And then they push it down, and then the disc goes up and it fills up from the bottom.

And it's really cool.

It almost looks like a Harry Potter thing, right?

It does.

It looks like magic.

Like Doctor Strange, and he fills like Thor's mug again.

And then I said, look, how, this is so cool.

This is the great way to do it.

And they go, no, no, no, look, look, it's awful.

Watch this.

And a guy takes his hand, he holds it, his beer in one hand, takes his other hand, puts away his flip-flop, flip.

He takes his other hand, and he takes his finger, and he pokes the disc up from the bottom.

Yeah,

of course.

Exactly.

i was like of course if you it up it's gonna go bad watch this turn the cup upside down all the liquid

all the liquid falls out of the top of the goddamn cup it's like what a shitty device to drink out of like it's stupid cup yeah he was like no look at this is crap and then he pokes he pokes the bottom of it it's like it's so protected it's like in a little recessed area hit a reach in there to pop it out it's like come on dude come on he had to like get a screwdriver because his fingers are too big it's like one of those things you have to like put a lot of effort into it up and then blaming it right yeah right

the thing up intentionally and then blame Rubber.

Meanwhile, the cup's like, I'm just sitting here.

Look, I didn't say anything.

I followed my PR person's guidance.

I said nothing.

Why am I taking the heat?

What are the chances I'm one out of 250,000 pints?

And I got this fucking asshole

sticking his finger up my ass.

All right, Ashley, who do we have to thank for joining us in our 250,000 pints today?

All right.

Big thank you to those doing the heavy lifting.

It's Anthony Stoker and Samuel Robertson.

Thank you both so much for sponsoring this episode of our show at patreon.com.

So, two solid names, I gotta say, those are great names.

They sound like pine drinkers.

They do, they sound like pine drinkers.

We don't know anything about you, but we're just gonna make decisions about your drinking habits.

All right, that does it for us today, August 12th, 2025.

We will be bailed out to talk to you tomorrow.

We hope you will be here as well.

Bye, everybody.