PREVIEW: Rob Ford, Part III ?

I was on a podcast yesterday, and the way they did it was that one host counted 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

And we all had to say 4 and 5 together, which was very hard.

And I didn't like it.

That's some shit that they do to you in like boot camp.

Yeah, they're making us do a zip zap zop on the

I thought it was weird that to like synchronize the podcast, I have to do an entire reading of that

Richard Kepling poem about boots.

Oh, yeah.

I thought it was weird that to synchronize the podcast, I had to climb a rope and do 10 push-ups.

I thought it was weird to synchronize the podcast, I had to get welded into an oil barrel.

Like

a guy just like kicked the shit out of the outside of it.

No, you, you just got, you had to just get into a barrel.

They put my barrel over Niagara Falls.

That's what I had to do.

I mean, I hear that some podcasts, when you go on the first time, they like break one of your bones, but like not like a major one, just so you can like know what it feels like.

In order to synchronize the audio on a podcast I went on the other day, they chopped off a small amount of my pinky finger.

Yeah, I

hate that to go on Pod Save America, they have to beat you in.

Yeah.

While I'm naming cereals.

White boy getting a small amount chopped off his finger.

I know this food about to be fire.

If you go on Pod Save America,

all the Johns,

they beat you with soap and socks, like in full metal jacket.

Who's mayor for this one because it's a we wheel the tv in front of us another tv sort of episode

guess who guess who's back it's it's rob ford again robert robert ford

baby fold no we can't we can't just do this but here's the thing we're gonna we're gonna find out about all the ways in which uh robert uh bob ford is like

yeah yeah is like donald trump right

because he is sort of um and in order to determine that, we watched the Netflix documentary about him, which is part of a series of documentaries they're doing called, well, there's your called Train Wreck.

You'll note that I'm not on it, and I don't receive any money from it.

And it's not affiliated with me in any way when it fucking could have been.

It's also not the Amy Schumer film from 10 years ago.

I made the mistake.

I was like, all right, let's learn about Rob Ford.

LeBron James.

When's he coming on?

Yeah, it's weird.

And Bill Hayden.

When's he coming on?

Yeah,

it's part of a series of documentaries, and they're apparently all bad.

Apparently, the Penn Cruise one is also very bad.

Yeah.

I'm going to tell you something.

My experience.

We have some municipal roundups,

mayoral information corners to get to.

And actually, before I tell you about my experience watching the movie, I wanted to say another thing, which is we had a call to action in a recent show, and our call to action was:

we want to hear some songs.

We wanted to hear a song, and it really came through for us.

I am so, so pleased to announce to say thank you to listener Vic Melter

for making The Last Mayor standing, which I can now tell you I have listened to maybe 10 times.

Yeah, it really is.

Can we just like play in the whole thing as a kind of like the weather situation, just mid-podcast, except it's five minutes in?

Yeah, 100%.

I don't see why not.

It's only like a minute and a half long.

Let's fucking go.

What if we make that the outro music?

Oh, that also works.

We're going to make you wait for it.

You've got to listen to the whole episode.

Yeah.

We know that you can't fast forward.

You've disabled it.

That's right.

We have gone around individually to all of your phones, and we have jimmied out the little part of the touch screen that the flat map forward button is on.

And also when you turn it,

it's really hard to do when you're missing part of a finger.

It's hard to do.

And also now I can't type the letters J, K, and L because you've also got a bunch of things.

The thing is, right,

in many ways, No Gods, No Mares is a lot like the

Assassins from Assassin's Creed, in that you are losing some finger tissue in order to do what we do.

Yeah, you're, and, but also, it means that

our, our future descendants in 20 generations are going to be able to relive all of these episodes.

That's true.

That is true.

Treasure of genetic memory.

But I want to say, Vic Melter, thank you so much for making us a great song.

We've all loved listening to it.

Yeah.

More.

We love hearing all of this said to me.

We're

more, more face.

Yeah, I was also going to say we're a lot like the assassins from the musical assassins because I'm always singing about what I did to William McKinley.

You know what you do?

Do it again.

I feel like I'm more of a kind of Charlie guitar vibe.

So I'll tell you that.

And promote the sales of my book.

I'll tell you something.

Promote the sales of my book while we're at it.

Please.

Who do I got to?

I got to drive here to get people to buy my fucking book.

Nova, apparently.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm musing myself because I'm busy dying.

But, but, but.

The name Charles Gatteau like cursed me.

He tried to like steal my breath like a cat in the night.

He reached out from beyond the veil and stole away your lungs for a moment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Charlie Cake.

I was going to the Lordie for a minute there.

It was bad.

You saw the light.

Going to the lordy.

So I'll say, just before we do the roundups, my experience of like these kinds of Netflix documentaries is like they set up something that could be cool, which is there's a million clips of Rob Ford running and stumbling and getting stuff dumped on him and stuff like this.

They do begin with a kind of Rob Ford sizzle reel.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I don't think it's too much of a spoiler to say that it promises more than it can deliver, which is a sad and tawdry thing to say about a movie about Rob Ford.

Yeah.

So that's that was that.

But that was my experience of like the whole thing as a little preview.

But do we want to do some roundups?

Some items?

I would love to do the Chronicle of Mayors, I think it's called.

There has been so much, like the, it's the stars, the sky was dark because all of the stars of the New Gods No Mayors show were having life events occur to them,

which we are now going to report on.

I have three in front of me.

I know that, you know, Maddie, you've been watching, we've been watching Eric Adams.

We've been watching the skies.

There's lots of mayor stuff swirling around in our brains, but I have three.

I have Francis Suarez, John Fetterman, and Randy Weddell.

How do we want to start?

Let's get the oath out of the way first.

I want to hear about some Federman.

Okay.

So

this is actually something people have been tagging us into when they talk about it.

They're like, oh, God.

So Fetterman's just always been like this.

Yeah.

Because in the votes, in the vote in the U.S.

Senate for the one big, beautiful bill.

You mean the one big, beautiful disaster?

Because they had to, because Chuck Schumer renamed it or something.

Yeah, that's right.

And

then he was king.

And he was king.

So we have one big, beautiful, one big dangerous bill, actually, we like to call it.

Whoa.

John Fetterman, when he was sort of,

you know, spoken to by reporters after the vote, said, oh my God, I just want to go home.

You've made me miss the entire trip to the beach.

I'm going to vote no when there's no drama, but I want to go to the beach.

This fucking baby.

Like,

do your job.

You get paid infinity trillion dollars a second.

Fuck off.

Yeah.

Do you think when John Fetterman goes to the beach, he wears the like 1920s like singlet with the stripes?

Yeah, I believe that.

With the bathing cap as well.

And he comes out of like the old bathing tent, like the tents that they used to put to change on the beach that they don't have anymore.

He just comes out of one of those.

He's he's like often pranked in some way by like a skinnier, shorter man.

And then when he does, he does the whole pantomiming like, oh, I'm about to fight you, rolling up his sleeves, forgetting he doesn't have any sleeves.

And that's a good like visual gag.

And the audience goes nuts.

He puts his arms out like 90 degrees and stomps.

Yeah.

I have two options here for Federman.

Number one, I think we can all agree that he's still wearing a bowler hat that's way too small for him.

Of course.

Obviously.

It's also just like crushed and like fucked up.

Sorry, I think you're just imagining Wimby from Popeye.

Is that what you're doing?

Yes, I think

there's John Federman with his characteristic corncob pipe that he goes everywhere with.

Oh, why do I have to vote on the bill?

It's so boring and stupid.

I love the beach.

Fuck, I'm sorry.

Oh, God.

I'd rather be eating a giant pyramid of hamburgers.

I want to go back to my kind of 24-7 antagonistic relationship with a sailor.

Or the other thing.

How many of them?

It's a 24-7 DS relationship.

Basically.

It's really It's a 24-7 PW relationship.

So

the other thing I'm imagining, of course, is when John Fetterman first walks out of the

old time.

You still got it with the Popeye statement.

The spinach is part of it, right?

That's part of it.

Well, the Popeye play?

I mean, that is going to be represented at.

I mean, it wasn't represented at Pride this year, but we hope next year.

I actually think it's disgusting, and I think it's bad for our respectability in the eyes of the cis hit world if you're doing stuff like popping open a big can of spinach at Pride and chugging it and getting your arms all beefy and then getting in a fight with your wimpy.

See, I think I think this respectability politics is a bad idea, right?

Because we never know our own history, right?

And like people don't even remember that that's why poppers are called that.

I mean, you know that olive oil threw the first brick at Stonewall.

I mean, she's a little clocky.

She's a very lubricated woman.

Yeah.