Tiffany Henyard

The Cohens broke up.

Like, how do you break up brothers?

That's uh, that's

they started directing different movies.

One of them, it's very funny.

It's like a fun little experiment where the Cohens, instead of making movies together, uh, have now been making movies apart, and you now know which Cohens were doing what things in the Cohen brothers movies.

So, you know, like, there's always like, oh, like, really, really goofy, slapstick stuff, and then there's like deadly, serious,

uh, like, morality tale stuff yeah so which one is joel and which one is ethan and so um joel i believe i'm just double checking i'm getting these right uh yeah uh uh uh

ethan is the goof he directed driveway ethan is the goof married to a lesbian who is now writing like a trio of like lesbian crime movies that he's directing like driveway dollars you gotta respect being married to a lesbian because there's two ways of doing that you are either an egg or my ex-husband right it's it's legitimate either way

um so he directed the driveway dolls, and then Joel did like the tragedy of Macbeth with Denzel, which was great.

Like, it's like a German expressionist Macbeth, which is

very, it's like, oh, but it's like, oh, great.

We've uh, we've actually conducted this the experiment.

We now know which Cohen does what, and we can put them back together.

Good job, everybody.

Please, we know which one slept through the entirety of the production of No Country for Old Men, then

needing, needing very much to see

both Cohen brothers in the Criterion closet.

That dynamic would interest me a lot.

Although, I'd like to see the cut scenes from No Country for Old Men, you know?

Well, like Anton Shira just walks into a door.

Yeah.

Like his cattle, his cow killer thing

ricochets off a doorknob and hits him in the nuts and his eyes cross.

His nuts are obliterating.

So we know which one of them was asleep for

No Country for Old Men and which one of them was asleep for Hale Caesar.

Yeah, that's right.

Maybe it's like I get one, you get one.

Yeah, one for me, one for them, and them is my brother.

Um, so I want to get into this because we got a lot to get through today.

It is no gods, no mayors.

I am your mayor for this episode, Maddie.

I'm joined as ever by my deputy mayors, Riley, and November.

Hi, my audio sounds better this time.

Uh,

because we all do different podcasts, you can work out what each of us does in the mix in this one,

except we can't, but I do the notes one-third of the time.

Well, that's confusing, isn't it?

Yeah.

So I,

you know, we were talking a lot last episode in the bonus about the sort of like cosmology of the order of mayors, because we will do every mayor in order.

And sometimes the order presents it to us, you know, we can't say.

Ordo mayoris.

The order mayoris

sort of presents itself in mysterious ways to us, the sort of cosmic dance of the orbs in the heavens.

And just sort of miraculously, this mayor that just got uh put out of office is next up in the order which is crazy uh-huh let's get into it i think the or the ordo mayoris knows

like it's it's its sublime geometry is not even necessarily always interpretable by us we always just trust it yes yeah you know like like like like the loom from wanted yeah like the loom from wanted or the mental health from the series man the two movies that everybody has seen on earth yeah like george garner the the mayor who was killed in the high-speed chase with the cops like yeah he was just there

yeah we just turned we turned the page on the loop it reveals it reveals its own sort of internal logic and brief glimpses

we we we as the priests uh could only uh try to interpret it but um like any good story you could ask all three of us and we would have a nice little argument about it that's about judaism yeah a serious man He goes and asks three podcasters what the meaning of municipal power truly is.

I'm the last one.

I'm just there.

I'm like really old.

I cop.

You're the Rabbi Nachner.

Yeah, yeah.

He's thinking.

I'm the young one that just says the parking lot because of a simple time.

I guess that leaves me with the middle one who tells the long story about teeth, and I'm like

not drinking a cup of tea the whole time.

So I want to do a little cold open here.

We all love a serious man.

We all love a serious man.

It's a really, it's a really good movie.

It's a really good movie.

He doesn't look busy so i love that line okay so

it's january it is it is january 28th 2025 take your minds back about a month and a half okay that's so difficult that would be more difficult than if you'd said 10 years to be honest yeah i remember bankers were celebrating getting to say mild slurs again that's right yeah so that's that's in the air wait a second now i know something about riley This person judges time, like marks time in the world by trash future notes.

You thought back, and you thought, what was I writing notes about at the time for the podcast Trash Future?

Scientists find man with world's stupidest memory palace.

It's like this, this memory palace is built out of fucking idiot bricks.

It's all wrong.

It's not wrong.

It's just weird.

No, it's just sent your mind back to

January 25th.

It's, it's, it's coming to me.

It's the free one.

Okay.

All right.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Local Fox affiliate headline here.

Tiffany Henyard, Thornton Township, sued over a fight at a meeting.

This was where she first came to our attention because I posted this.

I gave us this, I believe.

You did.

And it was also sent in, I think, like 70 times.

Yep, I take precedence over all of those.

You know, you found it and put it in the chat.

And we were like, this deserves its own episode.

But a local activist, Jedi Brown, is seeking compensatory and punitive damages according to the lawsuit, although he did not give a specific amount of money.

Brown claimed one of the defendants named in the lawsuit battered him by pushing, choking, grabbing, kicking, and punching him without justification.

Yeah, he did.

He did like Gabrielle D'Anuncio style martial arts on him.

Yeah.

He also claimed that Dalton Mayer and Thornton Township supervisor Tiffany Henyard hit him in the back of the head with a microphone and choked him.

So you might be asking yourself, why would the mayor be hitting a guy with a microphone?

It's an unusual mayoral career trajectory.

I'll say that.

Yeah.

I want to, I would like to find out.

I thought to myself, let's find out together.

Really, really quick before we move forward, I was reading a lot and I was going nuts thinking about like what the fuck do these words mean, but just very quickly, a township in Illinois is the subdivision of a county.

Like this all takes place in Thornton Township, which is a subdivision of Cook County, Illinois, which is like the south suburbs of Chicago.

That's interesting to me because I have also mulled a township of Cook County, Illinois as a subject of the show, because there is one that runs the exact same thing as Vernon, California.

So

we're dealing with some interesting local politics here in Cook County.

And by interesting, I mean famously corrupt.

Yeah.

And a township is like 100,000 people in this instance.

And they manage services like the road and the bridges, property assessments, social services.

People might say town when they're talking about these, which is confusing to me, Maddie Lepchansky personally.

Villages means a town.

In Illinois, you can be a village or a city.

A village means you've got a board of trustees.

A city means you have aldermen, which, you know, if you're familiar with like Chicago politics, it's all aldermen all the way down.

Okay.

Yeah.

Alderman.

Alderman.

So we're all set up.

Who is Tiffany Henyard?

She's born in 1983 in Dalton, Illinois.

She's a

millennial.

Elder millennial.

An elder millennial is a million.

You see the time passing as the mayors you're talking about become kind of like the same age or younger than you?

Yeah,

when I tune into a mayor game and all the mayors are younger than me and the coaches are my age, it's when I get really freaked out.

Yeah, when you see a mayor walking around and you're like, that guy's like fucking 18 or whatever, you know.

Yeah.

Everyone's a boy mayor when you're my age.

So

she's born in this town, Dalton, which is like a population 20,000.

It's a village technically.

And that's the end of what I could find 100% for sure.

She claims to have a degree in business administration from Robert Morris College, but this cannot be substantiated later by investigators.

Oh, that's bad when they're trying to substantiate your like college degree.

No one, yeah, no one's ever in my life tried to substantiate my degree.

Ever.

Yeah, like, I don't think once you start trying to substantiate a degree, you might as well not have it.

Yeah, if someone's calling the college asking to find me on the rolls, I know I have goofed up immensely.

Yes.

Also, I like that she, she didn't aim to be like, yeah, I was at Northwestern.

No, yeah, like just some like local college.

She claims that she decided to get into politics while attending a block party and hearing some residents complaining.

Silent Alarm, great album still holds up.

What do you want from me?

That's just true.

That's just factually true.

That's the news you can use.

Silent Alarm still holds up.

That's actually, can I just, can I just

personally, if not for the podcast, personally, that is a precept that is graven across my heart the words, silent alarm still holds up.

Yeah.

that one Interpol album from the same time.

Sorry, November.

I'm afraid you goofed.

You had one goof, which is that of news reviews and things you can use, that is clearly a review.

It's all the news that's fit to print in the sense that it's news that the album still holds up.

It's not a review.

That's right.

It's not even a retrospective.

It is a news event.

It's a fact.

It's a news event that the album still holds up because I went back and I substantiated that shit.

Yeah.

Dateline March 7th, 2025.

Scientists.

Silent alarm, still good.

Yeah, still hold up.

Scientists.

Walter Krockite is like turning to the camera, putting out a cigarette.

We interrupt this broadcast.

So

she runs for trustee, which is like the town council in 2013 and wins.

It's like a six-person council.

She is re-elected as trustee in 2017.

I'm relying on a lot of like scattered and very local small news sources.

So the best I can piece together here, this is where the trouble starts and things become very municipal.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Don't play it.

So the current mayor at this point in 2017 is a guy named Riley Rogers.

What a fucking name, first of all.

Yeah, great name as far as all of us on the podcast are concerned because it works for a girl or a boy.

The definitionally non-binary mayor.

Riley Rogers has an X instead of an E.

So what happens in 2017 is the budget for the 2018, 2019 fiscal years is put forward by the board.

It's like very austere.

It would lay off 10 village employees, which is like a significant reduction for a town of 20,000.

Yeah, you've got to figure that's a decent chunk of the workforce.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Riley takes issue with this.

Yeah.

Fucking says the jobs are essential and he vetoes it.

Sorry, they veto it.

And the board overrides the veto four to two.

And our girl Tiffany is one of the votes against the override of the veto, means she sides with the mayor.

However, this leads Rogers to the mayor to put forward two ballot initiatives for November 2018.

This is Riley in November in this sentence.

Yeah, I put forward those ballot initiatives for November in 2018 as a favor to her.

Yeah.

Not confusing.

Yeah.

They seek to eliminate the village's primary election and reduce the number of trustees from six to four.

And they prevent, and the ballot initiative also prevents trustees, but not the mayor or clerk.

from serving more than two consecutive terms.

That's great maneuvering because that's an altogolpe.

That's like a self-coup to be like,

okay, so this isn't working the way we want it.

So everybody who's not our crony gets fired and the people who are our cronies just have jobs for life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, he he claims it's like to get rid of the uncooperative and disrespectful board.

And he's like, we'll let the residents speak on this one.

I think this is a classic example of what we've encountered many times on this show, which is someone runs up against what they perceive as cronyism and they'll say, this is bad.

I will replace it with cronyism parentheses, me.

Yeah, it gets brainwashed of that thing.

Sure.

Yeah.

This is just a classic

Wasilla aerobics class situation.

Like I'm wondering what these people are all friends via.

That phrase that we all know and love, a classic Wasilla Aerobics situation.

We're playing the Wasilla Aerobics drop now?

I didn't expect this podcast to only take however many episodes we've done to become completely like interne sign references.

Yeah.

Because you know what I mean.

I mean, if you're listening and my co-hosts, you know exactly what I mean.

I had someone, I had someone say to me about the Kill Jones one thing, what do you mean crisp and potato snacks?

This being a bit referencing a meme involving the use of the phrase crisp and potato snacks that they had just been confused about the whole time.

And I'm just like, I'm not communicating.

effectively with people anymore.

This is, this has hived me off into my own thing.

And

great story, November, was the ski dude thing.

It was the group there.

Yeah.

So, and so now, apparently, as a result of this, I talk in a way that is confusing to normal people, but I get rewarded for this with money in my bank account every month.

Yeah, and then you go to the bank every month, and then they ask you if you're feeling grinted, and then you sigh and say yes, and then you pay your rent, and everybody in the bank cheers.

The strange kind of gyrations of my kind of idiolect have led me to this point where people find it amusing that I say things that they don't necessarily understand.

That's right.

Yeah, as a job.

Yeah, that's that's my that's my career.

That's my profession, my vocation.

So the Otto Golpe pisses off the board really badly, obviously, but Henryard specifically, despite her agreeing with the mayor on the veto thing, because then she would have had to like run for office again.

Yeah, she's she's busy.

Getting sent to the like Chicago suburban lulag, effectively.

yeah so she she leads a bunch of the board members to file a petition to get this thing off the ballot a judge disagrees but the initiatives fail anyways i'm reading from the chicago tribune here because i think this is her her like super villain origin story a little bit interesting so yeah as the current uh two-term trustee the only one hanyard would be prevented from running again for trustee if the residents approve the term limit question uh were that to happen she said rogers should expect a stiff mayoral challenge from her in 2021 i'm spending every little dime to defeat Riley Rogers.

I guarantee you that, Henyard said.

I will be running for his seat for mayor, which is something I did not want if I am term limited because I can no longer run for trustee.

So I'm going to show him how popular I am.

Every little time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Every little time.

I'm a fighter.

I'm not going to let somebody take something from me.

That's never been me.

I fight for others when stuff is taken from them, their houses, issues, anything.

So I'm going to do the same for myself.

I hate when my issues are taken from me.

My issues of Mad Magazine that I get in my house.

This is, this is, this woman talks like a Facebook post.

It's fascinating.

Yeah, very much so.

That's, that's really good.

That's like, I, I'm imagining like being held back by three of my staff physically as I'm screaming this into the microphone.

I'm a fighter.

I'm a fighter.

That's never been me.

I fight for others.

So she's.

She's screaming not to talk about her family.

Yeah.

Crucially.

Crucially, she is not, she does not get terminal limited out.

The initiatives fail, but she still now is mad forever at Riley Rogers.

Revenge, you know, because she like, you know, when at last he settles upon that indignity of making her like run for re-election.

Yeah.

Revenge is a best, is a dish best served municipally.

Municipally and extremely, like violently quickly

with a microphone to the back of the head.

Good work, 47.

Now find an exit.

So while her like political career is heating up from 2017 to 2019 or so, there are also some problems at home, which is not to say her home, but a home she owns and is a landlord of.

Oh, no.

Another, an NBC CBS, sorry, News Chicago headline from August 2019.

Dalton Woman says mold is growing out of control at house she rents owned by village trustee.

And in it, a resident in Section 8 housing, which is like subsidized housing that Henyard owned, claimed that she had been ignoring her reaching out for two full years about leaks and mold.

Yep.

Landlords and leaving you on reds, name a better combination.

It is really funny for that landlord to then be like in public, like, I'm a fighter.

When people have houses, I'm going to do issues to them or whatever.

Well, mold was their issue, and I didn't want to take that from them.

That's true.

That's true.

She's never taken an issue from anybody.

She's, she's right there.

So

Henyard responded to the report saying the building had just passed inspection.

So I think that's a good insight into the sort of very cool person we're dealing with here.

A legally, can we say slumlord?

A legally we can say slumlord kind of person.

I'm putting legally we can say slumlord in quotes.

Yeah.

So like

meanwhile, all of their

tenants are just kind of getting more and more mold in their houses until they become transphobic.

That's right.

So back to the politics.

Despite keeping her seat as trustee, she jumps into the mayor's race in October 2020.

Yeah, to punish Riley specifically.

Yes.

For the February 2021 primaries.

I found a contemporaneous article from a very small local news site.

So excuse the very insane and bad pros here.

Interesting.

Yeah.

So she goes, I am not afraid to speak out.

I am not afraid of the current administration.

I've always gone to bat for my people and continue to do so.

And that's why I've been coined the people's trustee.

Oh, yeah, I saw that.

She said.

Can you be coined?

I thought you coined a phrase.

You don't coin a person as a phrase.

She's been coined.

She's been coined.

She's been coined.

She's been like impressed with

the name, the people's trustee.

Yeah.

And then she says a bunch of stuff about how she like, the next town over is, the next village over is dry and is like, maybe we'll look into that.

Like, I won't do it, but we'll look into it.

And maybe like, that's a cool idea to not have any more liquor licenses.

This is a fascinating two sentences.

Yeah.

She says, I would love to incorporate that in Dalton.

No, I'm not stating I would cancel liquor licenses.

I'm saying I would not allow any more as your mayor.

And I would

and I would do this as a great team.

You need a team.

You need a team.

There's no I in team.

This is cheerleader brain.

This is

the brain that

has gotten a CTE from like too many flips rather than impacts and is just like,

I don't know what I'm doing, doing but i'm gonna talk and like figure it out at the same time yeah and in like incorporate a bunch of kind of motivation yeah she speaks like a woman that's been jostled

because if you read the rest of it it says there's you need a team there's no ion team unity is where it's at if you can unify the people and your teammates you'll make a great leader so she started with that she says she starts with saying the next county over is dry i'd love if we became a dry county but with some liquor licenses still and i would do this as a great team.

And here's what it takes to make a good team, which is why I'd be a good leader, which is the best, the best string of thoughts anyone has ever had.

Yeah, see, because ordinarily, maybe I'm doing kind of like sexist gender binary here.

Maybe like I'm wrong about this, but in an American context, in a man, I would describe this as football brain, right?

And in a woman, I would tend to describe this as cheerleader brain, right?

Similarly, exertional, heavily motivation, bullshit-based things

that really do a number on your ability to like communicate ideas.

Yeah.

Also, I love that she's like, what if we were the first dry county that sold alcohol?

Yeah, kind of moist, a moist county.

A moist and county.

Perfect conditions for growing mold.

We have, what if we,

what if she's just like a pro-mold mayor, just in the abstract?

You know, like mold in your apartment, mold in the city, mold in the county.

Tiffany Henyard is the first cordyceps that's ever been elected to local office

i think the first pocket of big mold the first kind of like hive mind mold spore that gained the ability to speak would say things like and i would do this as a great team you need a team there's no int

unity and where it's at unity is where it's at is one of the lines they're whispering in your ear and fucking control right like

this is this is this is part of a uh sort of like a collective consciousness going on here

oh my god um she does yeah she does refer refer to her Canada, the slate running with her as the Dream Team, which is two trustees and a village clerk.

That comes back later.

A note about her calling herself the people's trustee, which later becomes the people's mayor.

I can only ever see it in her quotes about herself, but she keeps saying, People call me this.

Look, she's a person.

She is a person.

I'm the people's mayor and the person who's a man.

Maybe she's like, if you want the mold out of your apartment, call me the people's mayor.

Like, change my contact name in your phone and take a screenshot and show me.

That's basically what she does for the rest of her career.

First name of the people's surname, Mayor.

Yeah.

So that November, she jumps into the mayor's race and immediately gives away thousands of dollars of gasoline.

People say she was like a ridge racer at that point.

Like that game Ridge Racer.

Okay, she gives away thousands of dollars of gasoline to people that come by.

Okay, that's really funny.

It's like a kind of, that's a

like Caucasian in the sense of Dagestan and itchkaria kind of political move, right?

Is I have pulled up this fuel truck and I'm just not going to look at it for 20 minutes.

And then you guys vote however you want.

But remember who parked the fuel truck there and then didn't look in its direction.

I was like, was she giving it out in like jerry cans?

Sorry, it's in paper cards.

She's giving it out at a.

It was at a fucking gas station.

Just like, what, fill up courtesy of Tiffany Henya?

Yes.

At the Food for Less gas station.

I thought it was weird that she did this campaign event and then she just started teaching us how to siphon gas out of cars.

Saying it was free gas.

She brought a bunch of siphons with her.

Look,

teach a man, get enough money to a man to fill his car and

he'll drive for a day.

Teach a man how to siphon gas.

Also, it's like, yeah, he'll drive for life.

Yeah, that's true.

That is true.

Also, a line in like Mad Max, I'm pretty sure, the first one.

Yeah.

I found a CBS, another local CBS article about this.

Some legal experts told the CBS2 political investigator Dana Kozlov at the time that if the gas giveaway didn't cross the legal line, it definitely stood right on it.

A spokesperson for Hanyard said at the time that the gas giveaway was not an attempt to buy votes.

So that's that.

She's just introducing herself to the people by letting them know that there's free gas.

Yeah.

That's it.

Yeah.

just a generous person.

There's no expectation there.

Your honor, am I not allowed to give things away to people I love?

Yeah.

Your honor, I actually love my family and friends.

Yeah,

I'm actually in a kind of like parasocial relationship with the entire township.

Yeah, and I have to convince them that we're friends.

I'm in a collective consciousness with everyone in the township.

These are my drones.

Technically, it's more like I'm giving the gasoline to myself.

Yeah, I'm just filling up all of my cars.

These are all my cars because I'm touching them.

So Rogers, the incumbent, has a stroke in January 2021, but remains on the ballot.

And she wins the primary by like less than 150 votes.

Out of how many do we know?

Like out of like 3,000 in the primary total, it's only a town of 22-ish thousand people.

That's reasonably close then.

It's extremely close.

People are having some doubts maybe about this woman who says she wants to like moisten their township.

But she did give me free gas and say things are going to change.

And she did have some interesting stuff to say about Unity.

Yeah, she said it in a really interesting voice.

It sounded like it was like a bunch of different voices mixed in in stereo, like the master in Fallout 2.

Yeah, did you guys hear that?

Oh, what she said?

I heard it like in my teeth.

It was interesting.

I'm really enjoying the kind of eldritch direction we're taking this one.

Yeah, this is, you never know where the bits will take you.

No, no, no.

We've ended up with the fungal man.

eric adams raising a spore-laden flag and saying that the new york city is is is in many ways the rhizome of america

um

he may do this in like a week's time if we're in mayoral roundup and eric adams is just looking like a big fungal spore in a suit then you'll know Then you'll know we predicted it.

There's a mushroom growing out of his eye socket.

So she says,

losing Gatari.

Sorry, go on.

Yeah, you're good.

So after she wins the primary, she gives a pretty portentious speech in which she says, change has come to Dalton.

Today you have voted to end corruption.

Is there corruption?

I don't think so.

I mean, there was like a vindictive mayor that didn't like the city council.

Sorry, the village

change has come to Dalton.

She tries to create a new flash.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Today you have voted for inclusion, comma, and no exclusion.

So I'm glad that she got that straight.

People will be included in the unity.

And if you think that that's ominous, just know that whether you think it's ominous or not, you too will be included in the unity.

Your excluders become your includers when you win the mayoral primary of success.

She defeats an independent candidate for mayor pretty handily in April.

That independent candidate is like the one sentient human alive left in the like B movie.

She defeats the woman at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers by like pointing and screaming at her horribly.

It says here that she was elected not on a paper ballot, but everybody in the town said yes in one

voice in the center of town.

So I'm not sure what happened there,

but she wins pretty handily.

So I found immediately when she gets into office, what she does immediately is put a bunch of more cops on the street

and have people like have the cops like knocking on people's doors and stuff.

It's their

spore carriers.

Um,

this is the thing, like

if they pull you over, they just have to cough in the car, and then that's like one between one and five more people who have been included in the unity.

That's how the that's how you get more officers on the beach.

Yeah, it's like, excuse me, officer, did you just say, uh, did you know how spore you're going?

I didn't quite understand what you meant by that, and then you coughed directly into my face.

Anybody else?

itch

how come how come hey how come the new field sobriety test is i have to take a really big smell of the officer's neck

oh boy anyways almost immediately in july the police do kill somebody

which is less funny yeah at a fast food drive-through uh there's like a 19 year old who is clearly you know not uh doing well mentally, refused to leave, is acting threatening at the drive-through.

One worker says that she has a gun.

They call the cops.

The cops shoot at her immediately.

She drives off and crashes her minivan into a building and dies.

If you will hire more cops, this is the kind of thing that's going to happen.

Yeah, it happens.

It happens like immediately.

Yeah.

The cops kill somebody.

And this is, you know, adding five cops to the force, but the force was, you know, 10.

We've added five cops to the force, but we've given them kind of a like sort of forced together in a very ungainly way, motivational speech, but it's just like five different voices overlaid on each other telling them, Yeah, there's no IN team, go out and kill.

Yeah, we've added five cops, but they only have uh it looks like three legs altogether because they're kind of like yeah, fucking five cops shamble towards you, shooting in every direction.

It's like, yeah, what are you?

Some kind of a freak cop.

He reached for his badge, but it was fused to his leg.

Are you still going for the freak cop service weapon?

Because you must

go for like any number of the freak cop service weapons, you know?

Yeah,

It was the entire police force of McColl, South Carolina.

They were like, look,

there's a police department up in Illinois that's paying suspiciously well.

Let's pack up sticks.

Fuck that George Garner guy.

Let's go up there.

I bet we won't get assimilated in Danny.

When a bunch of cops get their

duty belts hooked together and form a cop king?

Yeah, I hate when the cop king rolls at me very slowly.

In September of that year, Henyard holds a quote-unquote mandatory meeting for homeowners in town.

It is not mandatory because how do you do that?

Yeah,

if you hold an actually mandatory meeting for homeowners, that's the lottery.

That's Shirley Jackson's the lottery.

Yeah, and then we're mixing our metaphors between the lottery and the fungus.

So

I don't want that to happen.

Some protesters interrupt her meeting and she has them arrested.

Officers, shamble at these men.

Officers, these men believe there is an I and team.

Correct them.

So, you know, at this point, she has been

wet.

Med environment and warm.

This is the grossest town in the entire universe.

There's a line at the end of Inside Man that I didn't really get into about how insane it is when we did it for Kill James Bond, where the cops, secret cop girlfriend says,

baby, come on, like the handcuffs are getting cold or whatever.

And I've been thinking about the relative temperature normalcy of handcuffs for a while because of that.

And I think a warm handcuff, like an unpleasantly warm handcuff is like a deeply distressing thing.

That's

the name of the film about Dalton is the warm handcuff.

It's also a bar that I'm pretty certain I've been to.

Yeah.

So

this is like September.

She's sworn in in May.

So it's like she has not been there for long and is already things begin to fray a little bit.

But I've got here in the notes, it says, enough table setting, Maddie, you classically beautiful moron.

Here comes the famous back half of an episode of No Gods, No Mayor's Insane Cascade of Wacky shit.

I love the Insane Cascade.

It's my favorite part of every episode.

Yeah, I mean, and honestly, I tied this perfectly.

So yeah, things start fraying with the council almost immediately.

She tries to hire some like $3,000 a month media consultant, which the board vetoes.

Well, because the thing is, every, every

news network in America has to know about the unity.

They have to know about the kind of unity that's possible in Dalton.

If you just come to Dalton and you just breathe the air.

You breathe the air, you touch a lot of surfaces, maybe like rub your eyes idly in a moment.

What people don't understand is that it's easy.

It's like getting into a warm bath.

You just relax.

It's not surrender.

It's relaxing.

It feels completely natural.

More natural, maybe, than anything that you'll do in your sort of like so-called life.

It's bliss.

Feels incredible.

I love the Tiffany Henyard's new slogan for the village of Dalton, which is Dalton, surrender to the inevitability.

But the board vetoes her weird media consultant and she retaliates,

which

then they start accusing her of locking them out of the village hall and blocking their efforts to like put items on meeting agendas.

Wait, hold on.

She said no exclusion, but that looks like exclusion to me.

What the hell?

Yeah, no exclusion, but I am not letting you into the building.

The The true inclusion is, you know, as one, right?

That's the, that's the I and team, right?

And if you're not included in that,

yeah, you've chosen to exclude yourself.

Imagine what this episode would be like if I didn't mention the moles.

It's so cool that we started running a call of Cthulhu game in the middle of

that podcast recording.

So, but like at this point, the board, the board already has, like, it's her first year of being mayor.

The board has already hired their own legal counsel to represent them against her because things are getting so touchy.

That's not a great sign in your relationship with anyone when you're like, we collectively need to hire a lawyer about this.

Yeah.

So April 2022, the board is suing her for all sorts of conflicts of interest.

They start holding meetings without her.

Well, so they think.

But, you know, if you look inside the walls, there's a lot of kind of like presence there.

Yeah, she's always with you.

You know, you can't forget.

It's all a mandatory meeting, right?

It's all a mandatory meeting.

Yeah, we're all meeting sort of like in the third place beyond the mind.

In a kind of plane, you know,

it looks like a kind of very lush, very verdant environment, right?

Lots of, again, lots of spores, you know?

Yeah, that gym, third space.

Uh-huh.

In October of 2022, she is censored or censured.

Sorry.

And they try to get her to pay the city back for all the overtime.

She is requiring 24-hour police protection.

I'm kind of

talking myself around to the horror of this, right?

Because

I get that that's a, if we suspend the bit for a second, that's a perk, right?

You have the cops drive you around.

You get to hang out with the cops.

There's guys with guns, so they can't bother you.

But like, if you're the mayor of like a town of 20,000 people, there's not a non-eldrich reason to be doing that.

Right?

Like maybe you get like one cop like chauffeuring you, but you don't get like a like a detail.

You don't have the cop king.

Unless what you're doing is you're essentially doing the

mayoral or municipal version of showing up to court in a neck brace and just like

gigantically exaggerating the amount of threat you're under.

Well, like Elon Musk, just like carrying your son everywhere around you.

Yeah, you're in the Drake bullet hole vest

with the spoke coming out of it.

Anyways, so by 2023, a bunch of businesses and other residents in the town are suing her as well, claiming that she's been using the police force to intimidate residents for not supporting her.

I'm reading from a local TV station, WGN.

Have you ever noticed how all the cops have the same badge number?

And when you try and read it, your eyes start hurting.

And they say, look closer.

So I'm reading here from a local news.

It's like, well, it was a car with lights on the top, and I assume it was the police, but it doesn't say police on the side.

It says something.

A local truckyard owner claims he's been repeatedly harassed for not supporting Mayor Tiffany Henyard.

I'm suffering, he said.

They destroyed my trucking company.

They shut my store down.

For what it's worth, this guy was accused of throwing illegal parties in there.

So it's a little unclear.

Do you want to go to an illegal party in a truckyard in suburban Charlotte?

Okay, yes, yes, yes, I do.

I do want to do that.

Right.

Yeah.

A deputy clerk also claims the board increased her pay to $60,000, but Henyard ordered her not to implement the raise because Montgomery is not among her supporters.

This is this is really funny, like all mold aside, right?

As a tale of despotism on the smallest possible scale.

Like, you're like purging your enemies.

You're sort of like insulating yourself with your secret police.

It's like you're doing like Stalin Ceausescu shit, but with like 20,000 people.

That's really fun in and of itself.

I mean, I was, I, you know, start small.

Yeah.

Like, how do you get to Carnegie Hall?

You practice.

You practice.

You practice, practice.

You dress for the job you want, dictator, and then you, you kind of, you take that to the city hall that you're, you're locking the city council out of.

Yeah, it's so funny to lock them out, like to do all this retaliatory stuff where you were locking people out of a building called Village Hall.

Yeah.

It's all and all because like they were against you getting a media consultant.

Let me let me look up the village hall of Dalton, Illinois.

Yeah.

For some reason, she also, in terms of like purging enemies, she doesn't let some church renovate a building they purchased in an area zoned for religious institutions.

They sue her.

So she had like some beef with a church.

So the village of Dalton municipal building.

is

once again i for some reason i'm thinking about the federal bureau of control again it looks like if you took a like um a one-by-one tile version of the

like research facility from season one of Stranger Things.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, sure.

It looks real ominous.

Well, it's because that's where they control the fungus.

Which is a yes.

Well, if I can tell you, as the only person here who is from the Great Lakes.

Does this building exist?

As the only person here is from the Great Lakes, I can tell you for 100% certain that this is the most usual kind of Great Lakes building that there is.

I have seen 1 million versions of this this in towns in like the Niagara region outside of Toronto.

It could be called something like

beige modernism.

It appears to be windowless, and by looking at it, you know exactly what it smells like.

I don't know why.

I don't know why the Great Lakes loves sort of beige boxes more than anywhere else, but this is instantly familiar to me is like, oh yeah, that's where like the clinic in Niagara on the lake would be or whatever.

Yeah, that's where I got the fungus out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or the fungus in, depending on which part of the story you're in.

It's like one wing fungus out, one wing fungus in.

Yeah.

So somehow during all this in 2022, she's appointed the supervisor of Thornton Township, which is again, that sort of like subdivision of Cook County.

You expand your empire, right?

Just as you say, you start small and you build out ones.

Yes.

I mean, basically.

So the process is basically insane.

And it's clear she was appointed because they had like 15 minutes before a deadline expired after this previous supervisor died.

And the other people on the township board-related illness, yeah.

Um, the they like, if they had not gotten someone before this deadline that they beat by 15 minutes, it would have gone to a town hall meeting where literally anybody from the whole township could become the supervisor, and the board didn't want that.

So, disappointed,

that's incredible.

Institute that immediately, that's my conclave.

Yeah, um, so the position uh makes uh $224,000 a year.

Uh, but at Henyard's urging, they adopt a policy that the supervisor should only make $22,000 a year.

Sure, but of course, Henyard would be grandfathered in, and the change would only apply if someone challenged her and won.

That's so, it's so smart.

That's a large mindset.

That's genius.

Well, it's so

smart to be able to do like say, just say a bunch of stuff really fast and be like, oh, but and by the way, I also don't miss 22k of the BB and like have that actually take.

I still make a quarter of a little like heads I win, tails you lose kind of scam.

She just bursts in and is like, I'm supervisor now.

Next guy makes 22K.

I'll keep the quarter mil.

Everybody agree with that?

If you don't agree with it, I'm walking out your supervisor list.

I hold all the cards.

Checkmate, Henyard.

So she gets into the supervisor position and immediately starts doing the same shit there.

One of her critics of spending as Doldemare was a township assessor, this woman named Cassandra Elston.

Sorry, allegedly.

One of her critics was named named Cassandra.

Oh, this is a heavy-handed horror movie now, huh?

Yeah.

Henyard allegedly locks her out of her office and then spreads her files around a common area, including files that have taxpayers' names, addresses, telephone numbers, and even some social security numbers.

What just like spreads them out in a kind of like yellow king-like diorama type situation?

Just like all over a common area, just like through everything, like through these bankers' boxes, just sort of like all over the place.

Your constituents are going to get identity thefted and now you're gonna have to deal with that i maybe she was just going through all of the files just to like figure out some things and she forgot to put them away yeah not in a creepy order she wanted to see who was susceptible to what yeah yeah yeah she just so wanted to see look who's the like if if there says in the file who's the moistest she wanted to know because she's in a new area with a bunch of new victims i mean constituents yeah so while while she's becoming south shore chichescu the the the township board uh or the the the the village board um of trustees uh puts forward two ballot measures one saying that the town can recall a mayor and two to recall her so they're trying to do like a one-two punch where it's like

pass this to give us the power to recall mayors and then pass this to give to to recall this one specifically Yeah, so she is recalled, like both pass, but it's a judge throws it out because

he was he was assimilated.

Yeah.

He was assimilated.

I think it's more just like you're trying to take too many terms like in a magic the gathering game you know you can't do both those things on the same turn you have to do like one can i recall two you're recall like you can't do both um you used your movement it does seem a little like bullshit to me yes yes so they throw it out and then 2022 also the board led by uh dream teamers uh jason house and allison keys which is a funny combination of names to me yeah yeah house and keys well look here's the thing when you assimilate a whole town and you find there's a one person named House and one person named Keys, you make them walk around together.

You put them in charge.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Also, the fact that we keep saying the board is not helping with the control thing.

I'm thinking it more and more.

Yeah.

Jason House and Allison Keys were levitating, bouncing off the ceiling of the fucking Dalton Village Hall.

They were two former members of the Dream Team Slate, or should I say Traitors?

They put forward a resolution that a three-fifths majority of the board can can remove any appointee uh which is clearly targeted at her and the guy she appointed as village supervisor but was already also hired as quote senior advisor for an undisclosed amount of money

this is like eric adams just making up jobs and giving them to friends yeah

chief vibes consultant 220 000 a year the next chief vibe consultants only makes five dollars a year by the way

Yeah, they

call an emergency meeting to remove her as like the signatory on city checks because her spending is getting out of skin control and there's a lot of transparency issues.

I know you've put some of this in, but I have just found a local news article that I've put in the group chat, which of which, thanks to GDPR, I can only read the headline.

But the headline is, Illinois Village spent $43,000 on Amazon purchases in a single day.

Yeah.

Pretty good.

It's that kind of stuff.

Well, she's buying the movies rather than renting them.

Who still buys stuff off Amazon?

It's all like no-name brands now.

It's shit.

Well, no, she's not wanting to rent Green Book.

She wants to buy it because she might want to watch it again.

Uh-huh.

Or the Hours or the other Oscar Bate movies of yesteryear.

Instead of subscribing to Amazon Prime, what you do is you go through and you go to Prime Video and you buy every movie you might conceivably want to watch.

She's buying physical copies of the boys?

It's crazy.

DVD box set of the crown.

She's buying the unrated version of

Euro Trip.

Well, that's the director's vision.

So

she's buying it.

She's buying every copy.

If you watch the companion documentary by Les Blank, you actually find out that the shooting of Euro Trip was this kind of existential nightmare.

Yeah.

You know, it's kind of,

it's really, it's a companion piece.

You need to watch both.

Apparently, the

native Slovenians offered to kill Klazkitsky.

Thank you for picking up the burden of dreams there.

We got there.

My favorite part of Euro Trip is when they cut the bus in half and have to transport it over a mountain bike.

So,

you know, they do this thing where they figure out the signature of the checks.

And

I wish I knew any of the actors in Euro Trip's names.

The guy who looks like a sort of like a Quaid brother knockoff in the murder.

to, I can't try to fucking squeeze any more Euro trip Fitz Coraldo shit out of my brain.

Tiffany Henyot, mayor of the useless.

Oh my lord.

Okay.

So she, after this, she's removed his signature on the checks, she claims that it's because she says about the city council, their beef is that I won't hire their friends or give contracts to their buddies.

I won't play bowl.

She's like claiming everybody else is corrupt.

She was spending, she was buying, she was going to Amazon, ordering like 43 DVD box sets of the crown, and then paying with a check from the city.

Checks in the mail, Jeff.

She's paying travelers checks to Amazon.

So she's, yeah, she's spending like a maniac.

The board votes five to one to pay the town's bills, except for nearly two dozen vendors.

The trustees say Henryard is recklessly spending money without prior approval on lavish parties and pet projects designed to woo voters while the town faces a $3 million budget deficit, which is a lot for a small town.

Between the illegal parties in the truckyard and the mayoral sanctioned parties, this is a really like party town.

Well, they want to get people together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

And cough on each other and kind of like breathe along.

No residents refuse.

It's weird that this was one of the first towns to like ban masking after COVID.

She's also spending a lot of money with billboards of her own face,

reminding them about district services.

Not small town Ceaușescu, small town Bashar al-Assad.

No, Colin, it's small town Mussolini.

It's Henyard.

C, C, C, C.

C, C, C, C.

It's her giant plaster face.

So we're now encountering also a running no-gods, no mares theme, which is, of course, trips.

Yeah, you don't want to stay in the South Shore.

No.

So at this point, she's making close to 300 grand a year from her two positions.

The credit card records from the township show that she and some other officials spent nearly 67 grand on trips to Portland, Austin, Atlanta, New York City.

That's a weird combination of that.

That's a like indie band tour.

Yeah.

Yep.

They were following pavement.

Yeah.

Like they racked up an almost 10 grand bill at the Atlanta four seasons alone.

In New York, 13 grand staying at a Marriott in Times Square.

I am the American town supervisor.

Yeah.

Airline records show everyone in the group frequently flies first class.

You know, Atlanta is always the first stop.

Get doing like Turkish Airlines corruption, but it's for like a regional subsidiary of like American or whatever.

Yeah, I mean, they're spending 23 grand on restaurants just in Illinois, like going to a winery and a steakhouse and like I mean,

I mean, okay, all right.

In rural Illinois.

I mean, it probably, it sounds like it actually probably would be pretty good.

Well, a winery in rural Illinois?

Never mind.

Hold on.

Yeah, it was somewhere between Dalton and Springfield because they were on a charity bike ride when that happened.

Cooper's Hawk Winery, if you want to look that up, Bradley.

I like that Jerry Jones is one of her allies who's with her, because I guess

running the Cowboys just wasn't enough for him.

Yeah, I think it might be a different Jerry Jones.

But, oh, one of her chief of staff at this time, Nikita Cloud, said, quote, she likes the good stuff.

so we salute you Tiffany yeah I mean absolutely I

do I certainly do her explanation of the travels is like it's important to note these expenditures often involve a larger group of officials these trips play a crucial role in building relationships I have to tell you right now uh the cooper's cooper's hawk winery and restaurant yeah

If you go to their site right now, they are promoting an event with magician Azzi Wind.

Wait, no, I saw him in New York.

He's He's incredible, Riley.

He does close-up magic, and you get in a really small room, and it was the most incredible magic show I've ever seen in my entire life.

Magic is cool.

Ozzy Wind was good at doing magic.

And you can get a bottle of the barrel-fermented Chardonnay.

That's right.

I saw his performance of The Inner Circle underneath Judson Church, and it was great.

Riley.

Sorry.

Magic is cool.

I love it.

It's fun to watch.

I clap like a little seal because I don't know what happened to the car.

I'm not willing to put that on the precepts.

I will say that.

That's fine.

I'm magic ambivalent.

I'm anti-I saw the prestige.

I thought it was fun.

Yeah, it rips.

I haven't seen the other magician

movie that they've put out the same.

Musie?

Musie, yeah.

The illusionist.

I'm using that.

I would love to see a magician musical, actually.

Put that one down.

Yeah, we're all going to make that together.

That's what we're going to do.

We're going to hang out now and do that.

Patent.

Patting

Is this your card?

Jesus.

Sorry.

Please, please continue.

Was the it snag there?

The it snag.

Yeah, he was with the ski dude.

So regarding the changes.

Oh, yeah, we already got through there.

But she claims that the trips are for like building relationships and attracting investment, which sounds like she's trying to find new hosts for her spores.

Yeah, Absolutely.

Every mayor who does some crazy shit is like, this is to promote the town.

Yeah.

It's like, yeah, trying to get people to travel to Dalton, Illinois.

Yeah.

One of the, one, on one of the trips, an aide anonymously reported that one of the trustees on the trip sexually harassed her.

It was the details of which are really gnarly.

I don't want to get into it on the air.

She claimed she was then retaliated against by Henyard.

This led to future guest of the show, Laurie Lightfoot, being asked by the village to investigate Henyard.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

That's bad when you're like, who can we get to investigate this mayor?

The only person who can stop a bad mayor is

also a bad mayor.

A worse mayor.

Yeah.

Illinois's most normal woman, Lori Lightfoot, is called in.

Mayors are like cops.

They investigate themselves.

Yeah, well, Lori Lightfoot is also a cop is why.

Okay, sure, yeah.

So at this point in 2023, Henyard has

allegedly 40 lawsuits pending against her.

Yeah, she's including everybody.

So much paperwork.

Yeah.

I mean, the thing is, right, I thought it was a weird idea to get everybody to like sue her on the same day and then get like all into the same court building.

Well, they can only speak with one voice.

In like close proximity and then really kind of like, they've really hashed this all out, you know?

It's going to be a big event, so the public gallery should also be as full as possible.

Full as possible.

No masks, by the way.

She also has a charity called Tiffany Henyard Cares, which is cancer and remission empowering survivors,

which is a sentence that I had to read seven times.

Cancer and remission empowering.

Yeah, they both survived the survivors equally, right?

Because you have the challenge and then also the kind of like victory, right?

I feel like your backronym should make sense.

Cancer and remission empowering survivors.

Well, I think this makes sense.

You get empowered first with the cancer and then a second time more strongly with the remission, right?

Like this is

your power increases.

increases yeah more importantly the charity spent thousands of taxpayer dollars for a group bicycle ride to springfield in support of a breast cancer bill uh henyard said in videos i mean if it's if it's kind of like if we're suggesting cancer empowering and all of the spore stuff maybe this is kind of an echopraxia type situation

yes yeah

yeah it's a she she is a a hive mind of hyper intelligent tumors it's i mean listen we don't know yeah it's possible most more importantly though, about this bike ride, the bill was never formally filed and state lawmakers were not in session when this happened.

Doing a charity bike ride to the state capitol when it's in recess.

Yeah.

And spending $23,000 on steakhouses and

magic wine.

The slowest, drunkest bicycle rides.

Taxpayers were on the hook for $17,000 in t-shirts and eight grand in travel expenses for a toasting restaurant.

$17,000 in t-shirts.

We've done podcast t-shirts before.

We've never spent that much.

Yeah, November, November.

I hear they went to the Rick Owens store.

I hope they recovered both the t-shirts.

Pretty good.

Pretty good.

Pretty good.

Pretty good.

At a village board meeting in 2023, Henyard got a DJ to punctuate her political points with musical cues, including Rihanna's hit single, Bitch Better Have My Money, where she demanded trustees approve the bill for a village ice rink.

That is one of two ice rinks trustees say they never authorized spending money on.

Oh, she's Michael Applebaum pilled as well.

Yeah, she loves skasing.

I like that she's invented drops independently.

I think she has a podcaster's soul.

Possibly that's been assimilated at some point when one of us went to the township.

Yeah.

I'm so excited for us to hang out in person in New York, by the way.

Become the cutis of Dalton.

Fuck off.

She fires her first ever appointment, which is the police chief, allegedly because his wife was friends with some local critics of her.

He responded by exposing that she had been spending even more taxpayer money on hundreds of hours of overtime since her ascensure in 2021, so she could at all times have two to three police officers escorting her wherever she goes.

It's not two to three police officers in the sense that the number varies.

It's that it's hard to tell looking at them how many police officers it is.

Your mind kind of slips off of them.

It depends which of the cop kings is escorting her that day.

The little one or the big one?

It's possible that there's a third badge badge inside there that's just currently being subsumed and will be expressed later.

Yeah, like the FBI says it's the number of heads, but like the National Guard says it's the number of hands, is what you're supposed to do.

After the kind of situation, after the crisis, it was a whole issue as they were burning all of the bodies.

Yeah.

What do you write down for this?

I think FEMA had a separate thing for it as well.

Yeah.

So, yeah, during all this, the village report has like taken away her, her, like, just her ability to like hire and fire people, but she just does it anyways

so she's really bad 2023 uh and 2024 uh is also bad so right off the bat uh a reporter is denied entrance into a township uh black history month event unless they sign an nda uh-huh which i can't could they imagine possibly could they possibly be saying in there no i mean it's probably it's probably fungal business

does the fungus celebrate black history month is blackness still a distinct quality to the hive mind

Is it a woke fungus?

Does it have DEI policies?

Is it like the diversity enriches the collective consciousness?

Or is it like, you know, will it be assimilated or is it just kind of like a-is it easier to

assimilate a homogeneous population?

That's a great question.

This is a great question in like advanced fungal studies.

Yeah.

You should actually just ask a fungus that one.

Yeah.

Riley, I'm not thrilled how, as it gets darker in your room, the webcam has a kind of greenish tint surrounding you.

It really does.

The angle is also very extreme on you, and I'm becoming terrified of it.

So, and then in a sort of like echo, you've got to do that.

You've added the Denny Villeneuve Dune part two, like sunlight behind yourself.

Yeah, that's Denny Villeneuve's anxiety noise.

They just left it in, like Tina Belcher.

Anytime he thought he was doing a bad job during the movie and he had imposter syndrome, that's when they just have a

town overrides her veto of them cutting the budget because like the police cars are up for repossession in the town and they're in the huge budgetary hole.

You're not going to get much for them because you're going to scrape off like a solid four inches of mold off of every surface in them.

She gave away all the gas.

And then they they had to cut, then when there was no more gas in the town, she gave it all away.

They had to cut the bottoms out of the cop cars and run them like Flintstones.

It's the second time in three weeks we've talked about Flintstone cars.

Won't be the last.

Meetings become very contentious.

She's screaming things at meetings like, you all forget I'm the leader.

They want to hear from the mayor.

You all ain't learned that yet.

This is like Gaddafi's last words.

Yeah, she vetoes vetoes an investigation into her own spending by the board.

So yeah, a little speedaround of more 2023 stuff.

A group of former village and township employees are suing her in separate suits for wrongful termination, including an HR manager who refused to make a list of dirt on other employees and then taking family leave was locked out of the township building and made to work out of her car for months.

Jesus.

A building permits director.

who said she was fired for withholding, refusing to withhold permits to business owners who did not make donations to her.

So far, so good.

Yep.

An employee of Public Works who claimed she was retaliated against for refusing to work on Henyard's campaign while on the clock during the recall effort and said it happened after she was seen reading a negative article about Henyard at work.

Yeah, not seen by like human eyes though, crucially.

No, see, like seen without seeing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would say.

Yeah, well, you don't need eyes to see in Dalton County.

But we're going the south shore of Chicago.

A report comes out that her phony cancer charity's funding is coming almost entirely by township and village taxpayer money, and she begins to distance herself from it publicly.

It's got her name on it.

Look, that could be

that could be Eddie Tiffany Henyard.

Yeah.

In this town of 20,000 people.

Yeah.

And then, you know, so things are kind of falling apart around her.

In December, the Thornton Township Democrats opt for a caucus in lieu of a primary for the nomination of the next supervisor in an obvious move to oust her and replace her with former NFL linebacker Napoleon Harris.

What?

Who is getting now like a $22,000 salary?

That's right.

She complains about the process, but remember she's only there because they didn't want some random guy from the town winning.

So she's like, hey, it was cool when you got me in via some like sneaky dealings, but now you're sneakily dealing me out.

For Napoleon Harris.

Again, dictator having their shit ended by someone named Napoleon, not unprecedented, right?

But But like,

also, I do love that she was like, well, I guess that rules out anyone who isn't independently wealthy.

I hope no, uh, no former professional athletes decide they want to be the township like governor.

Are they considered charming?

Yeah.

So, and that's, that's how 2024 ends.

And then 2025 is even worse.

Um, in January of this year, Laurie Lightfit returned somehow and released her 70-plus page report about Henyard, basically confirming all the worst allegations about about her.

Henyard's attorney, who's named Bo Brindley, which I like.

Maddie, how do you keep that from us this whole time?

Bo Brindley, he sounds like an adorable dog.

Yeah.

I'm looking here.

It says that he's an adorable dog with mushrooms growing out of his ear holes.

This is a kind of like, if the mushrooms all got together to imitate the form of an Australian cattle dog wearing a little bandana.

Yeah,

they're wearing the crocodile Dundee hat.

Good day.

It's me, Bo Brindley.

Anyways, Bo Brindley said, Lori Lightfoot is a failed mayor whose fiscal irresponsibility was overwhelming.

That's real.

That's true.

Really funny to be like, no, you're a fucking terrible mayor.

Yeah, but it's true.

It's like, yeah, the idea that any credibility could be given to her findings about another mayor's financial decisions is preposterous.

This is an effort by a failed political figure desperately seeking the limelight to which she's no longer entitled.

And it's like, yeah, village, maybe dump it.

I love it.

You're seeking the limelight by coming for a henyard.

Yeah.

And if you're the village, why are you getting Lori fucking lightfoot?

It's bizarre.

It's stupid.

Everyone in this town is dumb because they have a mushroom instead of a brain.

Also in late January is that fight I mentioned up top of the episode.

It's the culmination.

A detail about the fight that I didn't mention, which is the guy who's being sued besides her for battery is, I believe, her boyfriend.

And

he got into a fight defending her like from the stage, from the podium.

And I really like the concept of like first boyfriend, like mayoral boyfriend being a kind of like cabinet level position.

Yeah, whose job is to get into fights for you.

Yes.

The village boyfriend.

You're lucky the first boyfriend isn't here.

Yeah.

I mean, that fight is.

That fight's like the culmination of three years of like increasingly rowdy village meetings where she's yelling and getting DJs and stuff.

But this one ended with like people standing.

I watched the video of it.

People like standing on desks.

They're ripping TVs off the walls.

And there's the one fateful microphone strike and joking.

And she's being sued by two others involved in the fight.

Where the hell were the two to three cops?

Well, their car got repossessed.

They were getting there as fast as they could.

They're trying to hail a cab.

They're outside fighting with the repo, man.

So

the final insult, about 10 days ago at the time of recording.

Jason House, the former Dream Team Slate member, demolished her in the primary with 88% of the vote.

You know what they say?

The House always wins.

The House always wins.

The 12% of the people who did still vote for her were like, what, directly employed?

Directly controlled.

Sort of like Mass Effect 2 style.

Yeah, I think at some point the town must have been like dusted by the U.S.

Army with some sort of fungicide.

Lost my shit to Mr.

House when he got access to that platinum chip.

Yeah.

And I just, I want to just set a scene for how embarrassing it was that she lost and how she lost.

And I'm quoting here from an article

in the trib.

Nope.

Sorry, the Chicago Sun-Times.

House and the rest of his, quote, clean house slates.

Oh, that's good.

Walked out to a recording of Kendrick Lamar's Super Bowl performance of Not Like Us dancing their way up to the podium before declaring victory.

What is the, is he calling her a pedophile?

What?

I truly don't know.

But just what an insulting way to declare victory.

Just like, I need to be imbued by the spirit of a bigger hater than me.

So I'm going to go to Kendrick Lamar for that.

Like,

that's beautiful.

So

she is still in office, but she will be out of office very soon.

And it appears that her reign of terror is over.

It does also seem like the FBI and like many other law enforcement agencies are like poking around the terrifying village hall.

So.

Oh, yeah.

Like right now she's being trailed by like thousands of cop cars at all times, but not the ones that she paid for.

She's like having the experience of like the last 20 minutes of Goodfellas where she's like looking out of the windshield and there's like, you know, the helicopter keeps following her.

All she watches was a larger police escort she did not have to spend money on.

If you commit enough crimes, allegedly, you get a free police escort anywhere you go.

Yeah.

That's that's hype tips.

Hashtag hype tips.

What a mayor.

What a mayor.

And that's Tiffany Henyard, who was voted the worst mayor in America by some publication.

I'm bringing Time Magazine's Worst Mayor of America 2005, Kwame Kilpatrick, for our next

one.

And that'll be on the bonus feed.

Thank you so much for bringing us Tiffany Henyard.

This is

a beautiful mayoralty.

This is rise, fall.

It's got everything.

It's incredible.

It's got fungus.

It's got moistness.

It's got warmth.

Like slipping into a pair of warm handcuffs.

Oh, thank you, Matty.

That was delightful.

And thank you all for listening.

You can catch Mayor Riley taking us through Kwame Kilpatrick's mayoralty next week on the bonus feed at no gods, no mayors.com.

And this is really just a perfect encapsulation of everything we talk about here because it really seems like this is a woman who became mayor by accident, basically, and things kind of got out of control.

Yeah.

i this is yeah a perfect story of like what someone just going absolutely psycho crazy with power so immediately like her her rise and fall was so fast like by the end of her first year as mayor everybody already hated her so much and it was just a matter of time um but i wanted to get us back on track with a mayor that was a mayor

crazy idea

sorry sorry i misspoke I didn't want to get us anywhere.

The order spoke to me through the through the dance of the heavens and the planets.

Oh well,

yeah, we are but psychopomps for the order's whims.

Anyways, thank you for listening.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.