Boris Johnson, Part 2 (PREVIEW)

Hello and fuck.

Oh,

okay.

Good morning.

Yeah, the Atlantic Ocean, everybody.

This is such a good business idea to record this across dying internet cables that are being eaten by sharks and like blown up by intelligence agents from like five different countries at once.

to be like, Yeah, I'm going to talk with my friends across this in a way that requires a lot of like very low-latency data transfer in order to get jokes to you, the listener.

Hello, and welcome to a bonus

episode.

What?

Oh, like,

okay.

How do you wind up a podcast after like four episodes?

Is it possible to do this?

Um, welcome to a bonus episode.

We've covered every mayor and we're done

Of

no gods, no mayors, very little patience.

And thank you for subscribing to the Patreon in order to receive the second half of a beautiful British journey.

In many ways, a kind of a classical story, right?

And the anabasis of Alexander Boris defeffel Johnson.

Because when we left off, he had finished his first term as mayor, and then we extracted some money from you.

Thank you very much for that.

And now we're prepared to dive into his second.

And now you can extract podcasts from us.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm hoping you know who we are already, but if not, I am November Kelly.

I am joined, as always, by my fellow mayors, Matthew Lubchansky and Riley Quinn.

Ahoy.

Hello.

I'm always proud to alderman for you.

Yes,

my two deputy mayors.

And when last we left off, Boris was facing a sort of climactic showdown with Ken Livingston, this kind of like aged, new loving,

like old guard socialist for the 2012 London mayoral election.

And in the end, this turned out to be surprisingly close.

This was kind of Ken's last stand, right?

To be like, hey, you like me, right?

And the thing with Ken Livingston, we talked about last time, is he's kind of Everett Claire, which is fun for a while.

He had been in like this job or something like it for like 40 years at this point.

Like no word of exaggeration.

As you said, Ken Livingston is London.

London was Ken Livingston.

Yeah.

And now like London is kind of sick of him.

And so in this election where there's this like pretty big swing away from the Tories towards Labour, he makes this effort to like kind of woo back the outer boroughs full of like suburban Hitlers.

And on the day, the voting on the day, it works, but Boris finds another like 3% or so entirely in postal votes.

This is a weird kind of like phenomenon in Britain where you can like, you can do your vote by post and just send it in.

And that overwhelmingly favors the Conservatives every time, which is weird because they also keep trying to ban them, I guess, just to like increase the kind of difficulty level.

Having tapped out all the suburban Hitlers, they've found some sort of cobham gerbils and they've used that.

The silence you heard from Maddie Zen just now was them going on Google Maps and looking for some

outer London places.

Motherfucker, no.

You've been to Cobham.

I've spent a week in Cobham as a child because

my uncle and aunt and cousins lived there for two years.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

That's such a specific place.

I mean, I guess everywhere someone lives is a specific place.

This is kind of a philosophical quandary I've led myself into here.

Yeah, like, no, I don't think anybody has ever...

Well, no, no, actually, I think like...

You live in quite a vague location.

Yeah, I live, I guess, if I'm trying to think of a general place, I think of like Markham, Ontario.

Like a place that is sort of close enough to the city to be a city, not so country to be a country, to be countryside, and with enough downtown amenities that it is, that you can sort of live there, but you also could look up and be anywhere.

They put that on the signs, you know, you can arguably live here.

I'm currently, I'm broadcasting from an undisclosed location hiding from the Eric Adams administration who is trying to kill me for saying the truth.

I meant to open the show by saying we are very strongly aware of the Eric.

This is recorded on the 2nd of October.

We are very strongly aware of the Eric Adams situation.

We are monitoring it closely and there will we will respond.

to the Eric Adams things at a time and place of our choosing, but that time and place will be here and soon.

Yeah, it will be, or more specifically, it will be here and next.

Yeah, we will respond to this at a time and place of our choosing

next bonus episode.

Yeah, like as soon as possible.

Yeah.

I also would like to take this opportunity to make you aware, Patreon commenters, specifically the person who brought to my attention the Rob Ford cameo on the reality, the mockumentary show of the wing restaurant owner, Rick Smicklis.

Oh, the Rick Smicklis clip?

Yeah, the Rick Smickliss clip is

in effect.

And we will be doing a part three on Rob Ford at some point in the future where we will discuss his cameo on

the show Tirana, made by his friend who owns a Wild Wing restaurant, not Buffalo Wild Wings, because it's in Canada.

It's called Wild Wings.

No.

Rick Smickliss.

The Smickless, chickless, kickless sort of triad, you know?

The Owen Sound, Ontario Wild Wings, not the Buffalo.

Time is a flat triangle, and the points of those triangles are named Smickless, Chickless, and Kickless.

And we're just going around it, you know?

And they're asking if you've been hurt at work.

Yeah, so like we will do every mayor.

We will revisit some of the mayors that we've done already, I'm sure.

But yes, meantime, Boris.

Right.