PREVIEW: Tony Wu

Instead of normally at my desk like I normally am, I'm reclining like I'm on the Theo Vaughan show.

Oh, that's that's pleasing, actually.

Yeah, we should do that.

We should we should get into like reclining.

Yeah, I'm sort of couchbound.

Like, um, yeah, like it's Passover.

I am reclining, okay.

But it's not Passover, it's actually Rosh Hashanah, to which I mean

and multiple.

And I realize that our podcast is on the rhythms of the Hebrew calendar because it's a new year for our podcast and it is Rosh Hashanah to which I say Shanatova both to the mayors of the world

and to my fellow Jews and also, I guess, to you,

my beloved boys

and boys.

We have to sync the recordings.

We actually don't have to do that.

It's actually on the high holidays.

You don't have to sync the recording.

Hashem will take care of it for you.

My Jewish podcast, despite the fact that two-thirds of the hosts aren't the podcast is

the podcast is jewish we keep covering jews i'm i've not covered a jew yet you two keep doing it sorry i no no it's fine it's totally fine and here's the thing is i just want everyone to notice that i've got a sort of relaxed beachy vibe this week because i am literally i think about 100 yards from the ocean as we record this i'm in a cottage um hey what's your favorite number to count down from and then clap

i gotta say three i think uh

hey why don't we do that okay so so the hit points bit i have to get into is because but by way of explaining why this isn't my episode and my mayor again i am so sorry riley thank you for covering for me i'm a sickly woman i'm a i'm a sort of like regularly ill woman and when i am i often tend to say uh when i'm sort of like on the brink of death due to my agonies that i'm working on like one hit point like a video game enemy might be where you have one hit point that's the difference between you know like life and death death and riley you said i'm you know that you were on sort of like 99 to 100 hit points um actually maddie can i get a hit point check from you what kind of what number of hit points do you think i'm i'm rocking with i mean out of what's my total i don't know i think of myself as kind of like a warlock so my hit points are like robust but not great maybe i've cast ghost armor

because i'm cautious they're going for d and d hit points there well i don't know how many what's are there other kinds of hit points i don't know i did it's just like maybe it's on a scale from like zero to a hundred but okay if we're at 0 to 100, I'm going to say I'm at about, I'd say 80.

I'm being replenished here on the Jersey Shore.

Okay.

Well, so here's, here's the thing.

I was told by my partner, and this may be apocryphal, but since I was told it by my partner, I have to believe it to be true.

It's a hitchable because we're going to say it on the podcast.

That's right.

That the concept of a hit point, the concept of like health being measured in that way, belongs to...

uh British naval war games because anything else, any kind of previous war game, anything hits you, you're dead because that's how it works, right?

But like then you started having armored battleships that could withstand fire.

And so a hit point measures the impact of one 14-inch naval shell.

So when you say that you have a hundred hit points, what you are suggesting is that you could withstand a hundred of those fired at your position.

I, so I have one hit point, it's true, but so does everything.

So does every, almost everything.

I will say, though, this actually accounts for something interesting that I've never noticed is that British destroyer ships

begin a second phase when they're very low in health.

Yeah, I've played Azure Light and I believe that to be true, yes.

And they start strafing.

I think I

think.

Okay, low.

I don't think I have more than one hit point in that case.

I think I have just the one.

Just really boosty and be like, I think I've got two.

Yeah, I was going to say, I think I've got two or three.

And that's because

I ate some pork roll and I'm feeling very strong.

Yeah.

So, yeah, like, well, welcome, welcome to No Gods, No Mayors.

The podcast with one hit point.

The podcast with three hit points.

Yeah.

Because our locations are disparate.

Oh, yeah.

That's true.

You wouldn't need, unless we're all gathered together, right?

If at the live show, we have one hit point, because it would only take, I imagine, one 14-inch shell fired at us to kill all of us.

That's right.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Well, I guess it depends on if we do the live show in like a bunker.

You know,

we do we want to see about hiring HMS Belfast as a venue.

It would be very funny.

We could all dress.

Like, I'd love to dress as a captain.

Wait, I've got an idea.

I would just be doing that ordinarily.

Girls, girls, I have an idea.

What if we do the live show on the SS Richard Montgomery and then we explode it to see what happens at the end?

Each of us hanging off a mast, trying not to move move too much just just like the most we urge everybody if you find this funny please keep it to yourself don't laugh or clap

please turn away if you clap the first technically like 27 000 rows will get wet

with blood with blood we mean Yes, and water, because it is, you know, underwater.

Oh, yeah, but water in the mix.

Yeah.

So that's like, how many hit hit points does the SS Richard Montgomery have?

Like 0.0000001.

Yeah, if you work, does it work like a Richter scale where it's logarithmic and you use smaller and smaller naval shells until eventually you have, you're firing a little navel shell the size of a paperclip at it, definitely.

Firing an actual seashell at it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What I've done is I've taken all of the weapons from the ice cream barge, which is ice cream, and I have turned them on the SS Richard Montgomery.

I'll be whipping ice cream at the SS Richard Montgomery until it explodes.

All right.

All right.

Okay.

Welcome to No Gods, No Mayors, yet again, the podcast where we talk about mayors.

The Mayor Capitalist has given November a sick note

and has instead spoken through me.

And what we're going to do is we're going to talk about the mayor of West Covina, California, Tony Wu.

This was sent in by a listener.

West Covina, I I love the hidden caverns under there.

Yeah.

I have to now say West Covina, California.

I can't just say West Covina because, of course, of the musical comedy Crazy X-Girlfriend, which is set in West Covina, California.

And they sing that series of words a lot.

But before we go to West Covina, if you want to, by the way, get a sense of where West Covina is in California, it is like...

It's a Chino, isn't it?

It is, I believe it is as far away

from like,

it's as close to the Central Valley as you can get while still being in the Los Angeles conurbation.

So it's like kind of a bit of a cursed place, a little.

Yeah, a lot of most, every, everything in California that you, the listener, have not heard of tends to be quite cursed.

Yeah.

Like if it's, if it's a place in California that is not the Bay or LA or surrounding environs or Disneyland.

And that's pretty cursed also.

But if you're like in like the, the setting of the film Ken Park,

you're having a problem.

Oh, yeah.

We've we've plumbed the depths of California.

I mean, I'm going to go back.

I'm going to plumb more.

We've talked about

Vernon, but I want to talk about industry and commerce, California.

I want to talk about Azusa, California.

It's got everything from A to Z in the USA.

I'm excited to talk about

lots of bad California places.

So if you want to get some context, it takes 35 minutes driving, not at rush hour, along primarily the 60, and then it dumps you off at the 605.

Um, and then you just join up with the um

with the 10, okay, and then you're in Wescovina from Vernon.

Okay, so if you want to know how to get from Vernon to Wescovina, that's how you would do that.

Yeah, it's the podcast that gives you driving advice, yeah.

Yeah, thank you for saying the thus, the thus localizing it for broadcast in California.

Uh-huh.

Sorry, what I should have said is, and then it just dumps you out in the 10.

Oh, boy.

Oh, God.

I should have said that.

Oh, God.

Anyway, yes, that's right.

Am I referencing my favorite SNL sketch ever, the Californians?

Yes, I am.

Okay, we need to talk about the mayors because I have so many to get through before we go to Wescovina, California.

Okay, Maddie, you wished us a happy,

a happy Rosh Hashanah earlier on.

I was checking.

You were checking to see if that's one of the happy ones, weren't you?

Yeah, it's

happy new year.

Oh, my God.

You were looking it up in the mental Rolodex being like, happy holiday, sad holiday.

Yeah.

I wish everyone a happy Yom Kippur, the day of atonement.

Hey, do you want to introduce the segment, Riley?

Oh, right, of course.

This is the thing.

You know what, Matty?

I'm going to do this just for you.

This just for you.

Welcome to a little segment we call Municipal Roundup.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

God, it's inspiring.

We didn't do any jokes about the name.

None.

We could just do it wow and then i want to now introduce you to another sub-segment of municipal roundup the new york minute

uh yeah brackets new york i don't i don't have a come on i got it i got it i got it i got it i'm walking here yeah there we go magnificent okay that's why that's why that's why they pay you the big bucks except you get paid the same bucks as all of us

so

So Eric Adams has committed the, I would say, greatest act of Jewish allyship possibly in history.

I think maybe

by wearing what I can only describe as

a very festooned outfit for the Rosh Hashanah celebration in New York in an image that I would say has been sent to all three of us collectively 40 million times.

I have to say about, I have some background on this item of clothing, on this item of clothing, in that I don't know if he's specifically at a Bukharan synagogue here, but that is a caftan often, it looks very much to me like the caftans often worn by Bukharin or other Orthodox Jews at home on Shabbat.

And I remember years and years and years ago, it was like way before I was out or anything, me and a friend of mine, who was another Jew, and we were both men at the time.

We're both like, let's go get some of these caftans because he lived in a neighborhood with a lot of Orthodox Jews in it.