PREVIEW: Sal Bonaccorso

Your favorite way of saying a performer did a good job is to mark them?

Yeah, I mark them with a little like um like a lydia ta?

No, I was gonna say I mark them like with a laser pointer to point them out for a leak a nearby mortar team.

Using using like a kind of knuckle sandwich type uh as uh etymology to be like, yeah, I'm gonna give you a lydia tar round of applause, you know.

Yeah, if you if you sit close close enough at a show and you'd like what the performer is doing, you're actually allowed to go on stage with a marker and

put a mark on the performer you like the most.

You just write, you just do some body writing, you just write good job somewhere on them.

Yeah, you can't start every show with a bit about us singing the audio.

Are you sure?

Because every single time it's been something new.

I listened back to an episode of this, or rather my partner did, and I was in the room and we began with our usual 20 minutes of nonsense.

And I was like affably with the best will in the world this is wonderful this is a wonderful series of memories of a conversation i had with my dear friends unlistenable what are we doing

so on that basis hello and welcome i guess to yeah welcome to no got so mayors i'm your mayor for this episode maddie i'm joined as ever by my deputy mayors november and riley

hello fantastic i'm clearing my throat for some reason yeah i'm like look at this mute button for nothing sorry can i give my idea for marker applause just quickly before we go on?

Sure.

Which is that every theater audience, thank you, thank you for

allowing me to contribute after the bit has ended.

Every theater audience member should develop a tag like a graffiti writer.

And then you can know, you go up and if your favorite performer, you tag, and then they know who liked them.

I see.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's a good bit.

That's a huge bit.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Okay, it's a good addition to the bit.

We're starting the show with a little segment I like to call municipal roundup.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I think to start us off,

Riley, you had an update from the Lusophone world for us.

I do.

I do.

Okay.

So we know how Isha Devi is doing.

We know when Lucifone, you know,

collapsed and killed all those people.

The guy who built it was like, I don't need to think about safety standards.

I feel like we should have some lucifone music because I'm bringing in a lot of lusophado music.

We just sort of like guitar riffs.

Or we can get really confused with it and just play like a sousaphone.

Well, the problem with doing some fado is that then the audience are going to be wistful and sad and experiencing sadad for the rest of the episode, which we don't want to do.

Anyways, reach for your porto and tonic and have a listen.

Oh, God, I'd love a porto and tonic right now.

But no, I have to work.

Here's the thing.

Ishotino Murai.

You have such a

adventure game protagonist internal monologue of like, I can't drink that right now.

I'm working.

These items don't go together.

I just walk around looking through a keyhole.

I just you can hear me say to myself, I'll never fit through there.

No, I shouldn't go there yet.

I don't think I've finished here.

I think I need a, I think I need a red key.

Once I've run out of future creative projects, I've got like six going at the moment.

Once I finish with all of those, super lucifone RPG.

It's a text adventure in which you have to sort of commission some intricate tile work.

Gao, Naur.

No.

So here's the thing.

I'm so good at this.

So here's the thing.

Ishotino Moraesh, mayor of Weresh, has won his 11th election to be mayor of Weres.

That's the, he steals, but he works, right?

Yeah, that guy.

Yeah.

And here's the crazy thing.

The crazy thing is he had a majority like of 52 last time, 62 this time.

He steals, but he wins.

Yeah, he steals, but he wins.

And what I like is that it was pitched as an election of him against Chega, which is like, for those of you who don't know, the audience is like the Portuguese version of like the far right.

Oh, vote for the crook, not the Nazi.

Yeah, and everyone voted for the crook.

And Moraes' whole campaign, it was two things.

Number one, he stuck cardboard standies of himself all around Werash and encouraged people to take selfies with him in a campaign called Where is Ishaltino?

He made himself a collectible.

Fantastic.

Yeah, he made himself a little laboo-boo.

And whoever finds the most Isaltinos and posts them on Instagram with the hashtag, Where is Ishaltino wins lunch with him, which is really funny because he got famous.

Why weren't we on that?

I need to know why we didn't just send at least one of us out there for a week with the explicit brief to do nothing but find Standies and then get lunch with him.

I would love to have lunch with him so much.

I think it would be a very rewarding experience.

Is a bribe to a lucifone mayor for purposes of content recording a tax-deductible expense for a podcast?

I think so.

I would love to see the court case that decides whether or not we bribed a foreign public official.

Yeah, well, the good news is that what we can do is make sure that the court case goes to Italy or Portugal, so it takes like 12 years to get resolved.

And by then we're all dead, probably.

Your Honor, would you like to come to dinner with me?

You know, and it's dinner.

You just keep working your way up.

Yeah.

You've forced every lawyer to recuse themselves because you've just...

The entire state bar of Portugal, the Portuguese Supreme Court, we're all going out to dinner.

I'm taking a selfie down the length of the table, me and the lads, having a fantastic time.

It's doing the Joe Pesci bit from Casino about how you you got to dig the hole before you kill a guy.

Otherwise, you got to dig more holes and you're there all night.

It's that, but it's dinners.

But this is funny because he was like, there was a whole scandal, if you remember, about how he had like hundreds of thousands of dollars, Euros worth of dinners.

And so he just started a restaurant review website.

Well, in this case, so he was like, yeah, I'll take you to lunch, wink, wink.

And everyone's like, oh, you corrupt old fool.

We love you.

And then Chega was like, this guy breaks the law.

He went to jail for tax evasion, blah, blah, blah.

And Isiltino Maresh's only response to Chega was, you're all cowards.

Everybody hates you.

And they got 8% of the vote.

Oh, my God.

Well, they tried to dangerous Donald, and it didn't work.

Yeah.

And he was just like, fuck you.

You're all pussies and I hate all of you.

And everyone was like, fuck you, Chega.

We love youseltino Mares.

Inexplicable victory for the real European values, stealing.

So he said, before I'll move on, we went through deserted streets, we talked to people, and asked them not to abstain.

And I have a guess that Weresh had the lowest abstention rate at the national level, said Moraes.

This shows we are an enlightened community, and you could not fail to be one either.

We have a strong middle class.

I wonder if that was a translation thing.

A territory that cares about poverty and social justice.

It's a practice of our daily life.

We care about social rise.

And that's why I waited until the last moment until I had the numbers.

I wanted to be sure, but it's like this.

I just won my 11th election.

King scoreboard.

Absolute legend.

So

here's my action item to the listeners.

If any of you who are good with editing, please do one of those hip-hop edits of Isaltino Moraes, like set to

Freddie Miles.

Look at the fan cam?

Yeah.

Do me a Moraes hip-hop fan cam, please.

Okay.

Okay, that's all I have.

That's great.

Thank you.

Thank you, Riley.

So next up in the roundup, we've got some Adenda and Arrata.

So we all remember our Leonis C.

Mahlberg episode that's Vernon, California, over the battery warehouse.

Oh, yes.

Are you suggesting that my research for that was anything other than exquisitely correct?

No, and I will say, if you're listening and you're not listening to that episode, I think it's like episode 25 or so.

We talked very briefly about Mr.

Mahlberg's great-grandfather, Miguel Leonis.

We got a letter from a listener here that I'd just like to read into the record.

Okay.

It's from

Reader.

Fuck.

I'm going to leave that one in, I guess.

I'm going to

go.

It's fine.

No, we go again.

Some listener becks.

It's from Listener Bex.

Hi.

This is like eight months late, but I need you to know that J.B.

Leonis' ruthless kinsman, the king of Calabasis, Miguel Leonis, who was squished by his own wagon, built a residence, the Leonis Adobe, that is still standing and frequently touted as the most haunted residence in Los Angeles County.

You could theoretically smell his aggressively applied soap or be shoved down the stairs by Miguel and then saved from falling down said stairs by his ghostwife, Spiritiu Chihuya.

She was an indigenous woman who Leonis married to get access to her land and then later denied ever having married her, naming her as his housekeeper in his will and leaving her almost nothing.

This creature was a good idea.

I'm very nice to stick around saving you from falling down the stairs.

Yeah.

Maybe it's just for spite.

She's like, I will never let him kill who he wants.

This kicked off a 16-year court battle during which she continued to live in the Adobe and even at the age of 65, moved her 18-year-old husband in there.

I can't.

I'm sorry.

She ultimately won the court case and died a year later.

The Adobe is a working farm and you can go there and say hi to their Texas longhorns and their enormous horses and a $5 donation will get you a paper bag of hay that will make you the instant target of about 50 avaricious goats.

I think this is really good.

Field trip.

Field trip right now.

Let's go.

Okay, look, we missed the field trip to the outskirts of Lisbon.

And I have to hold my hands up and say, as the official Portugal watcher of the show, that was like my, I'm on the Portugal desk and No Gods, No Mayors.

I missed that one.

Yes.

It doesn't mean we have to miss this one.

Basically, the goal is to transition No Gods No Mares out of being a podcast and into a kind of like global news empire that exists largely to service the bits of the podcast.

Yes, correct.

Like we want to kind of like, we have, we want to have our man in Portugal, whoever that is, be able to like alert us in order to get the standees.

And we want to be be able to like go to Miguel Leonis's Adobe, you know?

Yeah.