467: No Such Thing As Free Laundry

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Hello, and welcome to another episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, a weekly podcast coming to you from the QI offices in Covent Garden.

My name is Dan Schreiber.

I am sitting here with Andrew Hunter Murray, Anna Tashinsky, and James Harkin.

And once again, we have gathered around the microphones, but this time for a very special, somewhat sad episode.

Poignant.

Poignant episode.

A very sad announcement that we have to make is that...

A happy announcement, no?

I think it's a happy announcement.

Is it?

It's very confusing.

Well, Anna Tashinsky is leaving the show.

So it's a...

I'm delighted.

Yeah.

I'm delighted.

Yeah, for nine months.

Temporarily.

Temporarily.

So, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's going away for a while to think about what she's done, and and then

she can come back.

And what specifically she's done

has created a baby.

She has.

She's been collaborating on another project with another person.

Very low effort, so much less work than the podcast.

And I hope that it continues that way.

That it does.

Anyway, we thought we would commemorate this tragedy.

I think it's a tragedy that she's going.

That she's going.

Joyful news.

That's obviously happy stuff, yeah.

But not for us, not for the listener.

Not for them.

Not for me.

I honestly feel like like I am secretly dying, and no one's told me.

Leaving drinks tonight, people use the anna's leaving thing.

As someone who's been in this situation or a similar situation 12 months ago, metaphorically, it's the end.

I'm gonna be dead inside from now on, aren't I?

I'm afraid so.

Yeah, you were gone for two weeks, though, on paternity.

Should we have done a missing chainsaw?

Do best of.

We should say that's what we're here to do.

We're here to commemorate our wonderful buddy.

a very dappy word

so can we say celebrate you know it's not sad occasional eulogy well yeah so we thought what we'd do is we would present our three favorite facts this time not four it's sort of get used to the idea that she's not here and uh share with you some of the greatest moments that she's had over the last nine years of fish nine years we've been doing this

coming up to it in march of this year so yeah we're on the brink so thank god i'm going out um you are coming back.

You're coming back in nine months and there's a very exciting roster of guests actually presenting lined up to replace you.

So you know.

Wow.

Let's not use the word replace.

Would you jump into a grave that quickly?

Sarah Pascal?

If you jump into someone's grave, is that what you do?

Wait.

I don't think if you're replacing them, you climb into their coffin with them.

All right.

What's the process?

Dance on their grave.

Yeah, maybe.

Jump into their bed.

No.

Jump into their bed.

Pick up their shoes.

Pick up a shoes.

Fill the dead man's shoes.

I wouldn't piss on their shoes if they were dead.

That's the phrase.

Is it?

No.

It's like...

I think it's maternity cover.

I think that's the more real cover.

They haven't even cleaned up the funeral meats yet.

She's not even cold.

She's not even cold.

I'm sorry, they haven't cleaned up her funeral meats.

I think that's actually.

I think that's from Hamlet.

Oh no, they...

Yeah, no, it is.

There's a thing about funeral meats.

In the wedding, they reuse the stuff for Hamlet's dad's funeral for the wedding to have fun.

Have you heard of cheesy funeral potatoes?

Sounds yummy, though.

It's the thing they do in Utah, I think.

And

it's basically potatoes, cream, cheese, and cornflakes all together.

And it's what you have in funerals.

And the idea is that it's the kind of thing that a typical Utah family, a typical Mormon family, would have in the larder.

And everyone would have these four or five different things.

I think chicken soup is one of them as well.

But you put them all together and it's like the meal that you have at a funeral.

Really?

Hold on, you don't mix the chicken soup with the

potato.

You just put it in the chicken soup.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So then you put cornflakes on top.

We're here basically to have your cheesy funeral potato meats.

Lovely.

I think chicken soup's quite an incentive thing to have because that traditionally makes you better.

But of course, at a funeral, it's too late for that to make.

Absolutely right.

Sorry, we've broken the format.

We're going to do our three favourite favourite facts about Anna Toshinsky, each one of us presenting it.

And why don't we start with you, James?

Okay.

Well, my fact this week is that in order to get into the United States, Anna Toshinsky had to tell a fact about a dead president.

I'm never allowed there again.

They let you in, surprisingly, despite it.

Customs.

It was.

Or border control.

Yeah, I actually can't remember the context, but they made me say it.

Well, we'd landed, haven't we?

We'd landed.

So originally, we had to get a visa as something like talented.

People of exceptional talent or something like that.

Yeah, it was like we were Julia Roberts or something.

She wouldn't need one, of course, because she is American.

So we went to the American embassy and we had to prove to them that we had exceptional talent or they were exceptionally famous or something.

And the woman at the window just said, no such thing as a fish.

I never heard of you.

That's right.

Yeah.

And immediately we were on the back foot.

But anyway, eventually we managed to convince them that we should go to America and get a visa to work there so that we could do our show.

But when we got to the passport control, the visa said that we were a comedy podcast.

And the guy said to you, Anna, as you walked up, he said, well, what do you do?

And you said, well, it's kind of about facts.

And he said, well, tell me a fact then.

And the only thing you could think about was something about the murder of a president.

Yeah.

The only thing I can usually think about is President Garfield's anus, but all the more so when you're landing in the home of President Garfield.

So yeah, I told him that when President Garfield was assassinated,

it was a slow process and he spent the last month of his life eating through his anus, which I'm sure you're all familiar with if you remember episode one.

Yeah.

Second ever fact on the show.

How did he react?

The border control.

President Garfield, yeah.

Oh wait.

There were a lot of funeral potatoes that weekend.

I think he did what most border control people do, which is be very unimpressed and slightly threatening.

I think it was like, okay,

go on ahead then, ma'am.

Wow.

Which is the reaction I've always wanted to all of our podcast facts.

Do you know, weirdly, this fact about President Garfield was I remember the exact moment that you told me that fact.

I can remember the exact spot of the office.

Yeah, because we were trying, we were getting ready to do what was still a run-through of the show.

And we used that segment in the very first episode.

But I remember you had sent around your facts, and your fact was about President Garfield.

And it was to do with the fact that he spent three months on his deathbed and they tried to cure him.

I can't remember your wording, but it wasn't great.

It was sort of like,

we need that.

Just a quick note, Anna.

That's what this is going to be.

This is an intervention.

What to think about over the next nine months?

Dan's been holding that in for nine years.

Yeah.

I've got a big list of everyone from episode one.

We're starting.

Let's start episode one.

We'll be here.

Tell me what I should have said.

I can't remember what you said to me at the time, but that I said to you, I love the story is there any other way of expressing it and you literally in a beat said you went oh what about this for the last three months of his life he ate everything through his anus and i remember genuinely it was a bit of a thunderbolt kind of like oh my god we're gonna have a hit on our hands it was just so beautifully crafted yeah i really felt it i'm just telling the origin story here what a strange inspirational moment i don't think a lot of great inventors could empathize with that moment being the one

and that's why we were so nearly called the president garfield anus cast well such a shame that we changed the name to be honest when we were thinking of our first book, James and I, when we were brainstorming ideas for the title, The President's Anus.

I remember The President's Anus coming up quite a bit, being tossed about.

It feels like the President's cast.

It feels like the beginning of a title, The President's Anus.

It feels like it should be The President's Anus is missing.

Or some.

Oh, we like that.

Yeah, yeah.

One of my favourite things of that tour.

So we did a big American tour, it was our first ever American tour.

Our first and only American tour.

Hold yourself back from saying a big American tour because it was five days.

Well, for us, it was super exciting.

We were up on

Times Square.

We got to play New York.

We played Washington.

We stayed in the

Watergate Hotel where they had, like, remember they had the pencils, like, please steal this pencil.

Oh, the room keys.

And the room keys.

They said, I was stolen from the Wasketa House.

Yeah, that's right, yeah.

And all the light bulbs and pillows I brought home, my suitcase.

The same thing, weirdly.

And those documents from the White House.

Yeah.

But my favorite thing of all was when we were staying in New York, and I just remember seeing Anna one morning and her looking unbelievably amused because she was holding a bill in her hand for a basic bit of laundry that she had sent to the hotel.

My God.

Which came to $240.

It was more than that.

I think it was like $400.

Oh my gosh.

And I thought it was complimentary.

I just,

I don't know.

They just put a bag outside your door, didn't they?

With laundry written on it.

You just shove it in.

You just put stuff in.

I don't know.

We always then premiere ins when we're in the UK.

Not used to this.

So, yeah, tossed all my clothes from the whole tour in.

You had enough clothes.

You didn't really need it all done.

I absolutely knew we were going home the next day.

Sometimes it's lovely to get home with a fresh case of clothes.

It feels incredible.

Anyway, so we made a loss on that tour, didn't we?

Yeah, we did.

I know, I should say, just to make you think kindly of these people you're stuck with for the next nine months, that they agreed that that could be split, that loss, over the whole tour group, rather than just me taking the group.

Could be.

Yeah, yeah.

And I think

the tour pretty much dead on broke even.

Yeah, right.

We would have been in the black if it had

to be.

I owe you all £100.

Yeah, yeah.

I think, no, I think I didn't pipe up because when I went back to England, I'd bought so many books that my overweight money allowance was something like $1,000 or something.

It was ridiculous.

We didn't take the hit for that, though, did we?

I think you might have.

I think we might have done, yeah.

Oh, if I'm going to take the laundry hit, I thought, Andy, we should should have gone for the hawkers and cocaine like we said.

I only ate one meal a day in America because I was so concerned about making a loss.

We made him walk all the way from Boston to New York.

I took one pair of pants and I wore it inside, outside, back to front, upside down.

No, no, I was on tour with, you know, Elton John.

Yeah, so sorry about that.

Wow.

But yeah, didn't get evicted from the country.

No, what's it called when you get evicted?

Deported.

Deported.

Didn't get deported for talking about presidential assassination.

So actually helped us get in.

So if you are trying to get into America, give it a go.

Okay.

Well, the point of this show, I think, is that we're going to play some of Anna's best bits.

And so let's...

It's a very short show.

It should be a very short show.

So let's do a little bit now, beginning with President Garfield's Anus.

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Okay, fact number two.

Anna, this one's yours.

Yep, so for the last month of his life, US President James Garfield ate everything through his anus.

Big claim, Anna.

We will get letters from a lot of people.

Yeah, I mean, I wasn't there, but this is what the doctors tell me.

No, so James Garfield was, as everyone obviously knows, shot in July 1881, and he lived for a further 80 days.

He was shot in the small, in the like small of his back and once in the arm.

So doctors now say he would have been been out of hospital about two or three days later.

But obviously, because

medicine was not as quite as advanced as it is now, in 1881, they just invited like dozens of doctors to his bedside who all prodded around trying to find this bullet.

They didn't know where the bullet had gone in his body.

So, they gathered round, prodded about, made him worse and worse.

He stopped being able to eat.

And obviously, if you stopped being able to consume food in those days, they just shoved it up your ass.

And so, that's what they did.

So, does that work?

It does not work, no.

It was widely discredited in the early thirties.

I think you get about an eighth of nu the nutrition from some of the food.

But there's some food that you can't absorb at all.

What I love is the list of foods that he was fed and as well as

beef, bouillon, egg yolks, milk, egg yolks, egg yolks,

guys.

Um egg yolks it was only true for a while because I was reading the uh the doctor at the time, his report on it.

So yeah, he was fed egg yolks for a bit of time and then all the surgeons complained that it was causing annoying and offensive pleatus.

And so they ceased feeding him egg yolks.

That did the pleatus.

So they stopped it because it was annoying them,

not the other way around.

Guys, I'd be quite happy

with my mouth.

That's all right, by you guys.

Apparently, it's illegal to move sheep in Wales until they've been checked to see whether they carry traces of the fallout from Chernobyl as well.

Really?

Yeah.

On this particular subject, I've got a question for you guys.

Oh, yeah.

Why shouldn't you buy trousers from the northern Ukraine?

I don't know.

Why shouldn't you buy trousers from the northern Ukraine?

Chernobyl fallout.

Ladies and gentlemen, that is the joke.

Yeah, just so you know, just as a little inside bit of behind-the-scenes information here, Anna has consistently for the last, what, 14 podcasts, said that same joke, and we've cut it out every single time.

Jay has refused to have it in the podcast.

This is the day.

And you will not hear it in this one either, unless someone else said it.

It's the best joke ever.

Ambrose Parre, who was a famous doctor in the 15th century, saw a beggar in Paris who was begging him for money and who did so by...

I don't actually know if I can put this out.

It's so gross.

We'll say it anyway.

Who did so by

lifting her skirts to reveal a prolapsed rectum?

It was a horrid sight, he says.

It was over half a foot long, leaking plastic fluid over her legs and garments.

But his companion then attacked the woman and said, you're a big faker.

You don't look sick enough to have a prolax rectum.

You have to be pretty confident that you're right in that situation.

I know prolax rectums, and that, madame.

But he beat this woman to the ground, and eventually she was forced to reveal that it was actually the prolax rectum of an ox that she put inside her eyes.

So it was actually a prolapse rectum.

It was, and it wasn't prolax rectum.

Well, I bet he felt pretty silly then, didn't he?

That's not a human prolapse rectum.

It was the prolapse rectum of an ox.

Yeah, she'd put up her own bum, though.

I think if you've...

If you've gone to the trouble of doing that, I really think you've earned your 50 cents or whatever.

Definitely.

But the lifting of her skirts as well.

She could just have a sign saying, prolapse rectum, please help.

Wait, so if you saw someone with a sign that said,

that's probably how she started.

She's She's like, no one is buying this at all.

Except Andy.

And I can show it to you.

No need.

Absolutely believe you.

The thing is, though,

I would pay 50p not to see a pronounced director.

That is a fair point.

She should have done that.

We should move on.

When they were building the New York subway, the guys who were building it were called sand hogs because they dug through lots of sand.

And I was reading a newspaper report from 1916, and it was about this guy called Marshall Maby, who was working in the tunnel to dig the subway, and there was a pocket of compressed air, which suddenly kind of escaped.

So he's like got this big shield up in the tunnel in front of him, and they're using this shield to push forward and make the tunnel bigger.

And he said he saw an 18-inch pocket of air suddenly.

appear and it sucked him towards it.

Whoa.

He was sucked into it.

He was blasted up through the ground.

So he was blasted up through 12 feet of riverbed and then blasted up through the river itself and then hurled up 25 feet in the air above the river.

He wasn't grinding through earth, 12 feet of earth, was he?

Yeah, that's what riverbed's made of.

It's less plausible.

It's more plausible for him to be blasted through 12 feet of earth than 12 feet of concrete or steel or whatever.

No, no, no, I was thinking, was it just a tunnel?

Like it was a hole that he was blasted through.

It just happened to be going.

I don't believe it, Anna.

So here we go.

Let me...

There's a whole interview with him and everything.

There's a nice interview with his wife saying, it's okay, he's fine.

He's looking forward to going back to work.

This is what the New York Times said at the time.

There's a pocket of compressed air to prevent the river's bottom from caving in.

So they have some, I don't know how that works,

but somehow.

It happened, guys, and this compressed air got loose and he saw an 18-inch hole and before he knew it, he was being sucked towards it.

Two of his colleagues actually also got sucked in and they did perish.

And

he survived by blasting up, putting his arm out in front of him, and blasting up through the riverbed.

12 feet of riverbed

and then got shot through and then out in the air.

Then there's enough force left over, shot through the river itself, and then yeah, 25 feet in the air.

25 feet.

The New York Times is a very reputable thing.

What year is it?

Yeah, what date was this?

February 1916, all right, not April.

Yeah, it was a little bit insane.

But there you go, there's a picture of the guy.

Pictures don't lie.

What, mid-flight or mid-flight?

That's extraordinary.

Did you say that was in New York?

Yeah, it was soft ground, so that's why they were called soft ground.

Oh, well, if it was soft ground, I see.

Yeah, it was still a river, but 25 feet after 12 beds of

river.

And a river.

I don't know how it possibly happened.

So there was a woman in uh South Korea recently who was eating squid.

So we all eat squid.

We call it calamari for reasons I don't understand.

Um but she was eating some boiled squid in a restaurant and uh she suddenly felt a pain in her tongue and it turned out the squid wasn't quite dead and it was a male squid and it had deposited its sperm packet into her tongue.

So she felt horrible pain in her tongue and then felt lots of stuff crawling around inside her tongue and had to go to hospital and they took took out a whole bunch of sperm.

And apparently, this does happen a bit.

Like, there's been reports in Japan of it happening.

That's so fucked up.

I will never fucking eat that shit again.

Oh, my God.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

That's

shit.

Vegetarianism, here you come.

I don't think we've mentioned this before.

This year, KFC have released a novel for the first time.

What?

It's a novel starring the Colonel.

and it's a Mills and Boone style romance and it's called Tender Wings of Desire.

He is a sexy man.

Well we ascertained before we started recording this podcast that you quite fancy Richard Nixon.

Oh yeah.

So you're talking about that.

How did we miss that when we got to that?

We didn't ascertain that.

That's warping of the truth.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I find him not unattractive given that there was an interview.

Well, for Randy, that's pretty much someone saying you're attractive.

That's the best I can hope for these days.

I'm not physically repulsed by him.

Great, Dave?

He said in an interview that something like, I know how I look.

I'm under no illusions about my appearance, so I'll have to be good in other ways.

And I read that interview and I thought, well, he's good in other ways, isn't he?

Lots of ways.

Richard Nixon is a very good man.

What would you say?

What are your top five ways?

Which is a great guy.

When British author William Hazlitt died, His landlady was so keen to re-let his room that she hid his body under the bed while she showed new tenants around.

And he's still there under that bed, isn't he?

He's still there.

But he was a big deal and people used to go just to the Hazlitt Hotel just because that's where he lived.

Seamus Heaney used to go there, obsessed with him, and they would have meetups there just to be able to be in the sort of presence of the location of this great person who everyone seems to have forgotten, except it turns out, you, Anna Trump.

People know who William Hazlet is, but I did happen to take a a book of his essays on my gap here, which I know is, I just told these guys backstage.

One of those guys was going to mention it, so I thought I'd get in there.

Which drug were you taking when you were reading it?

The essays themselves were my drugs, James.

What am I on?

I'm on chapter three.

I mean, they didn't come in chapters, but whatever.

You know in shopping centers where the fish eat your dead skin.

I've had that once and all I could think while I was having it was reincarnation and just looking at the going, what the fuck did you do in your last life that you have come back to eat my feet?

I had it once and I think I've told you guys this but I had it once in Cambodia and they had to ask me to take my feet out of the pond because you put your feet in with like five other people and my feet are so disgusting that they were all coming to my feet and

no one else was getting their money's worth.

It's a real real actually low point

pride-wise for me.

Okay it's time for fact number two about Anna Toshinsky and that is Andy.

Well my fact is a crowdsourced fact.

Yeah.

So, as you know, there's a Discord.

If you don't know Discord, it's a website where you chat about stuff.

is that what it is

why did you bother explaining if you have no idea it's a forum it's a forum

there is a fish discord the fish cord and uh as part of anna's commemoration episode

morning morning episode i think yeah morning sickness

uh uh dan i think you

Dan, you asked for some for some of Anna's best bits.

Yeah.

And asked what what the listeners, you know, fish fans want wanted wanted to hear again.

Um, I mean various bits.

A compilation of Anna saying her own surname correctly.

When do you say your own surname?

Yeah, I don't know if you can make a compilation out of that.

You can certainly make a compilation of the evolution of my pronunciation of your surname.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A lot of people got quite sad when you evolved from pronouncing it, well, as some people said wrongly, Trasinski, to Toshinsky.

Well, yeah, and I always say that it was a bit of a it was a bit unfair on me because you were right here to tell me I was saying it wrong for about six years and no one did no one did your dad didn't your mom didn't anytime any of your family came to our show no one would say by the way do you think you might be able to pronounce the surname correctly no one said anything and yours was a surname that i specifically if i would say uh like next fact is james next fact is andy i would say next fact chaczinski i would always say your surname so it was always coming up but i think um do you remember dermat o'leari really liked it because then he had the schreiber and chaczinski cops maybe who are trying to find the president's ainas.

New York cops, yeah.

We got to get to the bottom of this big laundry bill, Czechinsky.

Oh,

nice, yeah.

What's your pronunciation?

I say Taszynski, but you can also say Taczinski, or a lot of people do say Czechinsky, and it's weird that people assume that's the way you could say it.

It's quite different starting with a Chu.

Yeah, you don't call it a pterodactyl, do you?

You don't, I don't know.

Or a charmigan.

But I should say for actual Polish listeners that it's Tazinski.

So you're supposed to to say the P.

So I don't pronounce it right either.

There we go.

And I sort of should also be Tazinska because I'm a girl.

Oh, no way.

So weird.

Oh, yeah, I am.

What?

I don't remember this suggestion for a clip to play.

Episode 342, no such thing as a presidential fight club.

Anna refers to a child as a wimp because he had asthma.

And that child, ladies and gentlemen, grew up to be podcaster Andrew Hutson.

There's probably some context that I haven't seen the reports of that myself, and

I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation, but I'm going to refer it to a committee who will

investigate.

And you end up being suspended for nine months.

It's perfect.

It's a perfect crime.

It's so funny what people remember.

Like, one person wrote, I can't remember which episode.

So, this is them.

Like, they've literally banked this in their head.

I can't remember which episode, but Anna calling Mutunnus Tutanus Muti Tuti

lives red-free in my brain.

Mootie Tutti.

Do we know who that is?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't remember this bit at all, and neither does the person who said it.

I don't remember the episode, but it was about some female animal drinking semen, and Anna was like, Yeah, relatable.

Sometimes the tap is just too far away.

Don't recall that.

Just a few times at uni, and terrible hangovers.

There's a cup by the bed.

What are you going to do?

Fill me up, love, before you go.

But then do go

yeah you I mean you've had a lot of uh you've had a lot of feedback about your kind of quite dirty-ish uh potty mouth I would say I feel like I'm the least potty I think people just notice it more when you do it yeah yeah I think that's it's everyday sex as I think well there's a bit of actually there's a bit of a debate even on the discord about you Anna so what one person says if you go back and listen to the first year's episodes Anna's so restrained and polite in comparison and then she gets comfortable and the sarcasm starts to flow.

Okay.

Now, someone has replied to that saying, I'm on episode 39.

She has never been polite.

I think there is one episode, I remember editing it, where you're polite for about two-thirds of the episode, and then for the final third of the episode, you just go completely off the rails.

Really?

And it was the episode when you drank a pint of champagne before the show.

No, that was an early one, one of our first live shows.

I think it might have been our actual first live show, or maybe our second.

It was a Christmas one, and it was an Ace as an Ace.

Ace is an AIDS.

In North London.

That's right.

And you can really, you can pinpoint the exact second that the champagne hits.

What's confusing is that I'm sure Dan and I drunk pints of champagne for that.

And I also am sure that Dan is more of a lightweight than I am.

But the difference is that Dan is never coherent.

You can't tell.

Yes.

Exactly.

I'm bulletproof.

I'm drunk now.

No one's noticed.

Episode 261.

Oh, yeah.

Dan's talking about Scott of the Antarctic taking two gramophones with him.

Anna, he was a fucking idiot, wasn't he?

You've got to stand by that.

It's not surprising he died.

You know, didn't take two gramophones.

Amundsen.

Admundson.

Actually, I don't.

I hate saying that name so much.

I could never say it.

I know.

Amundsen.

Amundsen.

Yeah.

Amundsen.

Amundsen.

I don't know why I see it coming up in my head.

Is this how you feel down with all words?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I do.

I see them coming up on the page, and you've got to make a decision.

You're either going to try and pronounce it correctly, get it wrong, or chicken out and get it wrong just for that, or you just got to run through it.

You just got to.

It reminds me, and I know this is a podcast about Anna,

but it does remind me of the first audiobook that we did,

which was just after you'd had your first baby and were very short on sleep.

And Dan kept pronouncing the word January, February.

Like six times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We were like, Dan, you said February.

Can you just do it again?

Okay, here we go.

February.

It was remarkable.

It was really so sick.

And we had to change the whole ask at the end, didn't we?

To something that happened in February.

I used to love those books because they were the books of the year.

And it was like things that had happened between January and December that year.

Obviously, the book came out in November, so it's usually January to September.

September, yeah.

October.

But Andy used to always come in with things that had happened the previous year.

And Anna would be like, no, this was last year.

And he's like, yeah, but it was late 20.

Come on, it was December.

My reasoning here is that you're doing one of these books a year.

Yeah.

Each book has to have a 12-month catchment area.

Yeah.

It's the book of, not the calendar year, not the calendar year, but the,

like the school year or the

financial year.

That's right, the school year.

You start in September.

Everyone understands.

Otherwise, you're knocking out a third of your own material.

Why didn't we name it the book of the school year, actually?

Book of the financial year would have really set those sales rocketing.

Have we got one last one, Andy?

Anna is among the 10% of people who can lick their own nose.

What?

We did it.

She's doing it.

We did a fact about Buddha and how Buddha could stick his tongue through into his ear.

That was it.

Yeah.

And then you showed us that.

Yeah.

had lots of other stuff that I don't have, though.

Weird body part anomalies.

I also actually have a lot, but they're less sort of magical than Buddha's.

And more like get medical help.

That's good, though, touching your nose.

I can't do that.

Your tongue barely gets out of your mouth.

I think I'm tongue-tied.

Oh, really?

And that's why you're so bad at breastfeeding, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I'm still trying.

Yeah.

Good on you.

Tears will get you there.

Oh.

That's a

bristly experience, Dan.

You're very bearded.

That's a rough.

Yeah, it's not good for the

breast rush happening,

sanded boobs.

The nipple's almost gone altogether.

It's just a

flat

potato.

Flat potato.

Can we have some more of Anna, please?

The classic Jasinski.

Okay, well,

I'll have a look on the archives.

Let's see if we can find some of the things that you've mentioned in the next little Anna compilation.

My fact is that the way to recognize the Buddha is to look out for his webbed feet, a tongue that can reach his ears, and withdrawn genitalia.

That's a good excuse on a date.

No, no, no, it's not small.

I'm just, I'm the Buddha.

I'm the reincarnated Buddha.

Oh, yeah, then show me your tongue because I can get on board with this.

I read that female beetles they quench their thirst through sex, and it's because of the semen and the fluids in the semen, because they get very dehydrated.

And so when they have sex, it's actually just like having a drink for them.

That's the reason we all do it, Dan.

Sometimes the tap is too far away.

A few people who were farmers farmers who were involved in castrating lambs when they were born got very ill very quickly and it was 12 people who got ill.

But they worked out that two of them got ill because they were castrating with an old method that still goes on these days, not completely, but in the 1800s all the time.

They castrate using their teeth.

So these are...

Yeah, these are humans who go...

And two of these guys were castrating these lambs with their teeth and they got very ill.

I mean, one of my best friends has done that in Australia.

In Western Australia.

Yep.

Did they get ill?

Well, he's pretty insane, but he's not sick.

I think he is sick.

And they go by on a conveyor belt, right?

And you lie underneath them and you just whip them off one by one.

What?

Yeah.

Where you come up like jaws?

Like you just

bite off their bulls.

Is your friend Australian?

He lived in Australia for a year.

Well, he was British.

Yeah.

Feels like they kind of saw him come in, didn't they?

Yeah, we all do this, mate.

This guy looks like he'll bite the balls off anything.

I just don't get wrestling.

It doesn't make any sense to me.

We've covered it before in this podcast, and I find it impossible to research because everything you read about it, you're like...

Is this real?

Did this really happen?

The confusion of real sport and fake acting is bewildering.

Like, there's this fight between him and Hulk Hogan, which was this really famous fight.

And apparently it was super controversial.

It was in 1988, and

there was a referee, a famous referee called Dave Hebner, who refereed wrestling matches.

And he happened to have an identical twin.

Oh, yes.

Who they tracked down for this match.

The referee?

And yeah, the referee had an identical twin.

He didn't really, I think.

No,

he did, really.

I've seen the actual pictures.

Either he did, or there's some amazing photoshopping going on.

But he had this identical twin.

And so, right, Andre the Giant's agent got Dave, who was supposed to referee the match, locked him in a cupboard, and then bribed Earl, his identical twin, to referee the game instead.

And he did.

And then he made Andre the Giant one, and then Dave broke out of his closet, and then him and his identical twin brother had a big fight afterwards in front of the crowd.

This is the weirdest conversation.

I really want to hear Anna doing the commentary of WWF.

I don't understand any of this.

Is that real?

Oh my god.

But there's storylines.

There's storylines.

you go to the theater all the time are you standing up going what the fuck is going on here no no no no because in the write-ups of the theatre it doesn't say and there was an incredibly controversial moment when hamlet's mother remarried hamlet's uncle and the audience can you're like oh okay this is a story there was in the wikipedia page

was it controversial or was it all made up

is it doesn't it's all made up it's all made up then why is it controversial it's controversial in the world of wrestling which is a fake world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Now you're getting it.

No, it is it is weird how it's presented as true.

You know, normally in those plays there is a synopsis.

Normally when you go out of the play the thing doesn't keep happening outside.

No, but I just think it's amazing that we found the edge of Anna's comfort zone.

Yeah.

I never thought we'd get there.

Who would know it was pro wrestling is fake.

The town crier championships.

I just think this is so amazing that these these kind of things have the budget for this.

I've been there once.

What?

Did not place.

What?

Do you know where they were held, the last ones?

The one I went to was in either Lancashire or Yorkshire, I can't remember.

Cool, the last one was in Bermuda, so I feel like...

Do you ever get the feeling you chose the wrong year?

I mean, who was paying for Town Cry?

Screen?

Anyway, this year, it's the first time a Brit has won the Town Cry Championship, which is very exciting.

Mark Wiley beat off 24 other contestants.

And they were like, oh, yay!

It's one of the requirements these days.

He actually said.

For legal reasons, we have to correct that.

Sorry.

So, this guy

won over and above 24 other contestants.

What he won was an awful lot of rum, he said,

which I needed for medicinal purposes, he explained, which is understandable after the trauma he'd undergone.

Okay, it's time for fact number three, and that is my fact.

My fact this week is that we're sitting here in the Covent Garden office.

This is an important room to us, and it's the last time the four of us are ever going to be in this room together doing the podcast because Anna's going off and the officers are moving.

But it's also important for another reason because in 2022, Anna and I set a Guinness World Record right here in this room.

We became the world record holders of the longest anyone has ever played Keep the Balloon in the Air tennis game between two people.

That was amazing.

In history.

I remember that three weeks when you were doing that.

It was just because we would come in and we'd have to work around you.

Record the podcast?

Oh my god, it was so hard.

It was tough, wasn't it?

And not sleeping for that long.

I mean, the amount of Red Bull that we had to

wow through.

By the third week, I just was really surprised you were still doing it.

Yeah, so

that was the rehearsal.

When we actually did it, it was 80 minutes we last did it.

80 minutes for keeping a balloon in the middle.

And do you still have that record?

We've been beaten.

Oh, no.

Yep, we've been beaten.

Someone beat us by eight seconds.

With, I would argue, an unfair advantage.

They had a giant balloon.

It was like the size of a beach ball.

There should be a restriction on balloon size.

Well, you should have read the small print.

I should have read the small print.

Yeah.

But one thing we did manage to do is make it into a physical Guinness World Record book.

So there's a picture of me and Anna in the Guinness World Records 2023.

Oh, that's not us.

What?

That's...

Oh, there.

Sorry.

I wasn't getting that bloke below.

Who was the chicken in your mind when I was

a man holding a chicken?

What about is that Irving Finkel above you?

That is Irving Finkel.

And what does it say?

Oldest depiction of a ghost.

Oldest depiction of a ghost.

You're really on the best page here, right?

Well, what you'll notice as well is I'm responsible for that ghost getting the Guinness World Record.

Yeah.

Tell us how.

I took Craig Glenday, who's the Guinness World Records editor-in-chief, to the British Museum to meet the world's oldest ghost to give it a a Guinness World Records?

I wonder if you're the only person in that book, Dan, who's got two world records.

That's possible.

So you same bolting.

You've got to find the same world record as Irving Finkel.

You didn't find the oldest ghost.

No, that's the guy with the oldest record.

I just, you know.

I'm sorry, Dan.

Can I just check this book?

Can I just have a quick look at it?

So this is

Guinness World Records 2023.

Yeah.

And it's about an event that happened in 2022.

Yeah.

Oh.

And this is maybe the most successful book in history.

Oh,

okay.

Maybe it's all right sometimes.

Yeah, but so we did that.

We did that here in this room.

This ghost was depicted 2,500 years ago.

Yes, yes, the world's oldest ghost is not going to have appeared in 2023.

But yeah, it's

and Anna, that's for you, because I know you don't have a copy.

So I want you to have...

Because obviously you don't have a copy.

You're not interested in this kind of stuff.

So yeah, so that we're forcing a copy onto you.

I mean, we did, we cheated, didn't we?

We didn't cheat.

We didn't cheat.

Oh, what what are you talking about?

We didn't cheat.

Well, we're friends with Craig, who's fantastic, who organizes all the Guinness stuff.

And he gave us a tip-off that no one's tried to break this category, but it is a category.

So as long as you get over an hour.

So actually, we went for 20 minutes more than we needed to, which showed a lot of commitment because it was pub time by then.

It's right, yeah.

And Anna drank the whole way through.

This big glass of wine in her hand.

I think I had a beer, but it was, I can't quite remember now.

It was, it was daunting.

It was very scary.

It's very scary keeping a balloon in the air, wasn't it?

Do you remember the like the

what is riding on it, really?

I mean, if you...

There was a bomb inside.

If it touches the ground.

You literally could have just tried again the next day, or the next hour.

Do you know how tedious it is?

Sign that with just Dan Schreiber for almost two hours.

The record should have been the person who spent the most time with Dan Schreiber.

Even the ghost pissed off after 20 minutes.

I'll tell you what, there's been a lot of adventures where Anna has been the kind of

the butt of the story, I would say, to an extent.

Like little adventures.

And we will be missing the ass.

What are you talking about?

I just,

I get a bit upset because I wasn't there for some of my favourite ones, and James was.

James, you two have had quite a few adventures.

Well, there was the time that Anna flipped over her bike by canal, knocked her teeth out, and you had to rescue her outside a pub.

I wouldn't say I rescued her.

I took her to the hospital.

Yeah, that was very nice of you because I didn't have a phone on me or anything.

And so I had to wait for a passerby to come who do you think knock you off the bike

but then also well can i just say on that because it was quite funny because we're in a e uh and we were just sat there waiting for you to be seen and you'd just come back from ireland you'd been on holiday in ireland

yeah and you were telling me a story about what had happened and for some reason you'd upset someone who ran a shop oh my god and you upset this woman so much that she started shouting at you saying who the hell do you think you are?

Yeah, right.

And when you told me the story, you said it in a really thick Irish accent.

I could jump, I could do it now.

Well, let's not do that.

But you said it just as the doctor was coming from behind you to say, Anna Toshinsky, where are you?

And so, all he saw was me and you, you with your face covered in blood, and you yelling at me, who the hell do you think you are?

And we just look like some kind of domestic abuse couple.

Oh, God.

Yes, we're working on our issues.

Just fix my jaw.

Let's get out of here.

He would have heard then you go to an English accent and think, okay, she's seriously wobbly, something's happening.

We need to keep her in.

She's got to have foreign accents in

the president.

Or the T-Sock, you know.

But the best story, and I don't know if you're going to say it, I just want to tee it up and say, I hope you'll say it.

And it's the regret of my life I wasn't there for it, is when James and Anna went to a university in order to tell

students Canterbury and you stayed the night in a hotel and Anna got a bit drunk.

I don't think I should tell the story.

Nor should I.

I don't know.

I'll tell you what I remember of it, which is that James and I went and,

yeah, Alan Davies was doing a show at Canterbury.

We went to...

I think he just got like an honorary degree or something.

Yes, he had.

So he was being interviewed and it was great.

And so we went for some moral support.

Me, James, Alan and

John Lloyd.

Alan went to support himself.

Do you know what?

I'm going to come along for moral support.

Afterwards, we had quite a lot to drink in some hotel bar, and we were staying in this place that was actually next to the cathedral, which was awesome.

It was almost like part of the cathedral, wasn't it?

It was kind of appended to it.

It was certainly a place where I wouldn't do anything

that God might judge adversely.

So, great night.

I guess it's about three o'clock.

We sort of went to, retired to bed, and I have this thing of.

In the morning,

bloody hell.

I couldn't hear that.

I thought this all happened around 11 p.m., 11:30.

3.

So Andy's always stopped at that bit of the story.

Just jaw and jaw.

Can't hear anything else.

Okay, go on, go on.

So I really love looking round places and sneaking into places that maybe I'm not supposed to be in, and like disuse rooms and buildings, and sometimes used buildings, whatever.

And so I wasn't really tired, and I thought I'd I'd go for a wander.

So, I remember, first of all, pushing open a lot of doors in my hotel corridor to see what opened,

managing to get into a sort of weird garden out of a fire escape, and then climbing over a fence into the cathedral

kind of air, where the cathedral,

then wandering around there.

And then, what happens often with me is you're drunk and you're in this place, you're not allowed to be in, and you're like, Well, I guess I'll go back now.

So, climbed back over the fence, went back upstairs, and I pushed another door in the hotel, and ended up in this lecture theatre where I sort of fannied around for a bit, looked in all the cupboards, try and

see what I could see really.

You found a lot of candy, didn't you?

I found a lot of sweets.

I found a massive bag of different coloured sweets.

And I thought what would be so amusing would be if I took these all back to my room and I just took all the green ones out.

And then I just put it back in the room and that's going to freak the shit out of whoever comes

to get the sweets next time.

And also, green's my my favourite colour of sweet.

So I spent about half an hour in my room because it was a huge bag taking out all the green sweets.

And then I went to put the bag of sweets back because I don't want to just steal people's sweets,

and then as I was leaving the room, having replaced the bag of sweets, I just saw this massive whiteboard at the front of the room.

And so I thought, okay, I'll just grab a marker pen.

I grabbed a marker pen and I wrote in big letters, Yippie Kai, motherfuckers,

in capitals on this whiteboard.

And then that was actually ideal timing because I heard someone coming down the corridor and do a bit of a oi, and what are you doing?

And so then I legged it and it was a member of staff.

So I legged it back to my room and so you sort of chased me.

So then you went to bed, right?

I've been asleep this whole time.

You're done.

I woke up the next morning to check out, and you were like a naughty schoolgirl sat in the corner of the reception being bollocked by someone.

Yeah,

it transpired, it was actually very unlucky because it hadn't been a whiteboard, it had been a built-in white screen that was part of the wall.

I'd written on it in indelible, unremovable ink, in large letters, Yippika, motherfuckers.

A die-hard quote.

Oh, I do remember that from the night before when I was chased by the security guard.

I was going, it's a quote from Die Hard.

To excuse it, like, I'm not saying Yibika motherfuckers.

It's a quote.

It's a quote.

Anyway, the push comes to shove.

The next morning at 9am, there was a church group who had booked that room.

That did seem to be the truth of the matter.

And they walked in.

Someone desperately scrubbing off.

They couldn't scrub it off.

They had to cover it up.

They had to cover it up with a curtain.

And I was charged a small amount of money for the repairs to the room.

Less, in fact, probably than your one small bag of laundry in New York was.

Pretty good going.

It was the funniest thing that I've ever experienced.

Being on the train, coming back, and you having to ring up our boss to tell them because I think it had come off the company credit cards or something.

So you knew that they were going to find out.

No, they'd told our accountant at work.

So actually the first thing I knew was, just empathise for a minute with me, please.

I'd gone to bed incredibly drunk about four in the morning.

My phone rang at 8 a.m.

and I saw it was Liz, our lovely accountant.

And imagine the heart sinking when I saw Liz's name come up.

I thought, I know what's happening.

I've been rumbled.

And yeah, I picked up and the hotel had indeed called her.

Yeah.

It was tough.

I thought I was going to be fired, actually.

We laugh now, guys.

This could have been the end of the podcast.

Because I remember pretty much all the way from, like, let's say, well, for about half an hour on the train back, you were like, I'm going to get fired.

What are we going to do?

Yeah.

There'll be no more podcasts because I won't be able to do this anymore.

Yeah, yeah, I'm probably going to prison

and to hell.

Let's not forget the cathedral's right next door.

Yeah, it's the greatest story ever told.

Anyway, good luck getting those stories out of these so-called guests you're having on right now.

Is Sarah Pasco gonna do that?

Yeah, she probably would.

She would have been up for it.

Oh, well, let's let's have why don't we do one more batch of best of Anna and just hear a bit more from the greatest hits from the last nine years.

Anna Duszynski.

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I was having a look at the Reverend Richard Coles' autobiography, autobiography, and

he was saying, it was just a throwaway line that I then looked into.

He was saying that a lot of vicars have funny names, and he was saying he knew someone who insisted on everyone, even bishops, calling them the Reverend Gaz.

And so then I thought, I wonder what funny names there have been in the church over the years.

There's this blog, the blog of St.

Chrysostom's Church in Manchester.

and it's really good.

You know, when people put proper effort into quite an obscure thing, and there's a piece on funny names of church leaders throughout history, and there are some such good ones.

So, I like this anecdote, which is Henry Joy Fiennes Clinton, who was a rector in the early 20th century, who went to see the Bishop of London.

And the bishop said, Take a chair, Clinton, to which he replied, It's Fiennes Clinton.

And the bishop said, In that case, take two.

And so it's just, I thought that was funny from a bishop.

But okay, come on.

It's so bar.

It's bishop humour.

It's bishop humour.

Okay, we won't get him on the podcast.

I was just, this was his audition tape.

Anna thought.

Oh, no, come on, give us more zingers.

Right.

Okay.

Okay, what about this?

The very reverend Gonville Obi French Betag, but French is spelt with a small F and two of them.

Is that important for the addict?

Oh, there's no anecdote.

That's not an addict.

The word French spells slightly differently.

No, Anna, we want you to tell us every single one you found.

This is literally all I've got now.

Listen, not very amusing names.

Okay, Father John, Brabazon, Brabazon, Louther?

Come on.

It's two Brabazons.

Brabazon, Brabazon?

Oh my god, I'm just picturing Jimmy Carr at the Hammersmith Apollo.

Your next act is a fucking killer act.

She's got some amazing anecdotes.

Anna Toshinsky, everybody.

Woo!

We've got Father Paige Turner.

We've got Father Pickles.

Paige Turner.

Open with Paige Turner.

That's great.

Father Pickles is funny as well.

I'll reorder the set.

Father Careful.

Father Christmas.

Okay, there we go.

So that's the one I should stick with.

Father Christmas.

I don't think stick with any of it.

Okay.

Have you guys heard of St.

Andrew Undershaft?

I can't believe you just said a name way funnier than Anna's 20 little stuff.

Just on the stage the full day of work I've been

delving into church architecture.

I'm so sorry.

This is right under your nose the whole time.

On the subject of people being allergic to things, I went on to...

I continued my search.

And I went to Yahoo Answers because people often ask questions.

The best site on on the internet.

This was the

question.

So my girlfriend is allergic to almost every animal you'd find in a petting zoo.

If she inhales air that is around a horse, she can be hospitalized.

Now, she loves giraffes.

Does anyone think she'd be allergic to them too?

I was thinking of surprising her on her birthday with a trip to the local zoo to pet a giraffe.

And the reply, the top-rated reply, because that's how it works on Yahoo Answers, the most votes for reply, If she's allergic to almost every animal, I guarantee you the zoo will contain more than just her ass.

Why don't you do something less stupid?

So where did you take her in the end, then?

I don't know.

Britain's leading female table tennis player is this woman, this girl called Tin Tin Ho.

And do you guys, Can you guess why she's called that?

She's got a quiff, Tintin.

That's why I was.

She's got a small dog called Snowy.

Confusingly, it's not related to the character of Tintin Ho.

Wait, she hangs out with an old fisherman called Captain Haddock.

It's not like a shit.

She has a pair of twins that she hangs out with called the Thompson twins.

You can't just stop us making Tintin jokes, Anna, immediately.

You've got to live with me.

Her father is called Hergé.

Right.

As I have made quite clear, it's not related to Tintin.

And there must be other avenues you can pursue.

She's Belgian tin.

Shit, right, Belgian.

I'm just going to tell you, okay?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I feel like we're close.

She's made of tin.

Yeah.

Hey, he's found something different.

But incorrect.

No, it's because her dad is obsessed with table tennis.

And it actually sounds kind of weird.

Sorry.

Yeah,

it's coming.

It's coming.

I was so sure you were going to say her dad is obsessed with Tintin.

I wish I had brought this up.

He's obsessed with table tennis.

And the initials of table tennis are T T.

So he called her Tintin.

And in fact, her brother is called Ping.

And she said there was, it was between her being called Tintin and her being called Pong when she was born.

And so she says that she is delighted that she didn't get belonged.

You can't have two kids and call them Ping and Pong.

The social services will get involved.

You would think.

Abba.

Oh, yeah.

In 1976, they had the number one spot for 39 weeks.

And after 12 weeks of it, their version of Top of the Pops just stopped showing the music video.

Because you've seen it for 12 weeks, guys.

In Australia, that was.

Yes, fans absolutely rioted.

And that was on the Australian version of Top of the Pops, which was called Countdown.

Yeah.

Well, when you say fans rioted...

Did I say rioted?

Yeah.

I meant were furious.

One complaint was registered with the ABC.

No, but genuinely, look, when they toured, one mother ran and she put her baby down on the road so that their tour caravan would stop and she could get an autograph.

There was a hotel which cut up their bed sheets after they'd left and they sold it via newspaper.

Oh, they do that all the time, yeah.

They did that with the Beatles as well.

I've got that.

It's not the baby thing, though.

I just want you to know: we will not succumb to that kind of blackmail.

If there's a baby in front of our tour bus, we're going straight over it.

I think that's fish policy, right?

Yeah.

It's pretty important to get that clear from the outset.

That's good.

It's very controversial the way they vote in the Grammys.

Oh, yeah.

Because it's, well, until this year, it was super secret.

It sounds quite exciting.

And I think

what used to happen was winners were decided by this like 12,000 strong Recording Academy bunch of voters.

But then I think partly because the awards just kept going so wrong and they just kept giving it to weird people.

They had to change the rules and I think the straw that broke the camel's back came in the early 90s when over at Album of the Year was up and Bruce Springsteen's Born in the USA was released and Princess Purple Reign was released and Lionel Ritchie's Can't Slow Down won and everyone said, We don't like that.

That's not as good as the other two.

And so they formed a secret committee which basically goes through all the 12,000 votes and takes out the duds.

Because actually you would think that having a larger group, 12,000, would be more likely to give you a democratic answer, right?

Yeah.

But a democratic answer isn't necessarily the best answer, James.

Is that not right?

Okay.

That's my view.

My one-way ticket to Russia has just come through.

Anyway, people got quite pissed off by the secret committee because no one knew how they voted or why they voted.

And there's someone called The Weakened, I think.

Oh, The Weekend.

The weekend.

Oh, right.

Well,

it's spelled The Weakened.

Yeah, yeah.

This show has certainly weakened over the years, hasn't it?

Yeah, so it spelled like weekend.

Anyway, but without an E.

So he...

With two E's.

But not three.

Anyway, The Weekend got annoyed that he hadn't got a nomination.

He just pronounced the weekend.

Ladies and gentlemen, The Weekend.

I just, I want a new podcast where we give Anna the name of all the bands that are in the chats and see if she can pronounce them.

They've asked me to read out the nominations next year.

I'm quite nervous now.

Lil Naz the Temp?

I didn't know there were nine other Lil Nazes.

I know how to artificially inseminate a cow based on researching for this podcast.

Cool.

So I think 75% of dairy cows in this country,

when they have to be inseminated, they get inseminated just by semen rather than the actual bull.

And for some reason, I found myself reading this this really in-depth farmer's guide to how to do it.

And what I didn't realise was, so you get a semen gun, which you put the semen in.

Imagine you bring your semen gun to a gun fight.

Damn it.

You bring your semen gun to the insemination fight, and but what you do is you have to.

So there are two entries into a cow.

So as much as you're humans.

Yeah.

You've got the.

Oh, sorry.

There are three.

Oh, sorry, there are three.

We're in Devon.

Something tells me you're not the biggest expert in this room on the number of ways into a cow.

I know the people at Devon know all these secret ways, but there are two entries.

There were two entries into the back of a cow, officially.

And so, you know, one is the rectum,

as we all have.

Professor, let me write this down.

Children, will you be quiet?

You've got the rexum, and then you've got the sex tubes, and they're different.

All right, the cervix.

But what you do is, amazingly, when you're inseminating a cow, you obviously have to stick the gun in the cervix.

But the way you navigate the gun into

the uterine horns, as they're called,

is you have to put your other arm that's not holding the gun into the rectum.

So you, it's so amazing.

And they say you shove your arm into the rectum, insert your arm into the rectum,

get someone else to hold the cow's tail aside while you do this.

That would be a bold farmer who tried using one foot

to pin the cow's tail.

This is the worst game of Twister I've ever played.

It says left-hand sex tube.

Anyway, look,

it just feels like this lesson isn't going to end.

So

you essentially use your rectum arm to navigate your semen gun, which is in the vaginal canal, and you push it through.

So

you've got your arm in the rectum and it's pushing against the other canal so that it gets into the uterus.

And it's called recto-vaginal insemination.

And that's lesson over.

Enjoy.

well there we go there it is some of the best of anna tashinsky's best bits um i was trying to think you know is there some way that we could keep a bit of you here you know oh god keep

is there some way

we want us to give us the finger give us the finger just in spirit you know just in spirit she's been metaphorically giving everyone the finger for the last nine years i'll tell you what though, I thought hard about it.

I thought, how do we keep a bit of Anna here?

And I worked it out.

I suddenly remembered the weirdest story I have ever heard involving Anna Tashinsky.

And it is this.

There was a Christmas party that Anna once went to.

And part of the party, they said, we're going to do a really fun thing.

We're going to do a raffle.

You're each going to take a ticket and you're going to get a present.

So everyone bring a present so you can give it to someone.

So I was talking to the friend today who I bumped into.

She gave a scarf, for example.

Right.

Yeah, normal things.

Normal things were handed around.

This person, whose name is Lenny, received her number and received her prize in the raffle.

I'd never met Lenny.

And this is the prize

that Anna had donated.

It is her teeth.

Oh my god.

That fell out of her mouth.

Lenny, Lenny hasn't treasured and kept the teeth.

WTF.

She has.

They're in her home.

I went to her home today to pick it up.

This is, Lenny didn't know who Anna was.

She opens up her present, and there are teeth from one of the other party members there.

Were these the teeth that got knocked out when James went to get you from...

Yeah.

Yeah, so these are the teeth.

They got removed.

So the ones that got knocked out.

I thought they were in the canal.

They're in the canal.

We went looking for them.

We did.

The fully knocked out ones were in the canal and they were the ones that had to get taken out later.

Bloody hell.

Yeah, so Anna thought it'd be normal to give...

Inner Raffle Prize her teeth away.

Now, Polly, who is the partner of Lenny, tried to get rid of Anna's teeth to begin with because she has a fear of teeth.

She literally hates the tapping of teeth.

It's the worst present that could have arrived into the house.

But as a result, for the last couple of years since they've had these teeth, Lenny hides your teeth all over the house to surprise Polly.

If she goes to sleep, she'll put it under her pillow.

If she's opening a pencil case, the teeth will be inside the pencil case.

Reverse tooth fairy.

And then they almost got given away in another raffle very recently, but Lenny decided to keep them because she was having too much time.

How much did you pay for those?

And have you told your wife?

But so now while you're gone you are here.

There will be a bit of Anna's.

What we're going to do is we're going to make Sarah Pasco put some of those.

Every time there's a guest, we're going to make them shove them into their face.

It's going to make the bogot sound very weird, isn't it?

But it's worth it to get a bit of me.

Oh, well, I'm so honoured that my teeth have had such a life beyond me, actually.

It's really exciting.

It would also be a weird story, Dan.

That's a weird story.

I think you're responsible too, Anna.

James is the only one who gets off scot for it.

No, actually, you were involved in the losing of the teeth.

What?

I was not.

I'm the only one here who doesn't have any involvement with this mad batshit teeth raffle story.

You will.

I won't.

Andy, I'm not.

Until the next chapter.

Anyway, let's wrap up.

That is it.

That is all of our facts.

Thank you so much for listening.

If you want to get in contact with any of us about the weird ass stories that we've said over the course of this podcast, we can all be found on our Twitter accounts.

I'm on at Schreiberland.

Andy.

At Andrew Hunter M.

James.

At James Harkin.

And Anna.

No, you don't say anything.

You're gone.

Yeah, I mean, you can email podcast.acqi.com, but good luck me ever seeing it.

Yeah.

And Andy will see it and do a good impersonation with me when he replies, right?

Yeah, that's right.

You'll be wearing the teeth every time you reply to an email.

I'll time the emails all to go out between 3 and 5 a.m.

And then everyone will end your PKA motherfucker.

Yeah, we'll go to our group account at No Such Thing.

And we'll be back again next week with a really exciting guest as part of our big rotation of awesome guests, starting with Sarah Pascoe.

And we'll be back with that episode next week.

We'll see you then.

Goodbye.

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