No Such Thing As The iSausage

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Hi everyone, welcome to this week's bonus compilation episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, some of the best bits that I couldn't quite fit in the edit of all the shows that we've done over the last three or four months.

Yes, this is an extra special treat for all of you because you've listened so loyally for so long.

You're getting this episode and you're getting it with no adverts.

We're not going to ask you to order home-delivered meals or delicious international beer or clothes perfectly sculptured to your figure.

Hannah, this is now an advert stickler.

Oh god, I've turned it into an advert.

I can't help it.

Well, there is one thing we are actually going to ask people to do because this bonus episode comes with one little tiny string attached to it, and that's that it is for charity.

This is raising money this episode for a charity called the Care Workers Charity.

We'll be telling you a bit more about them in a bit, but it's a fantastic and very worthy cause.

And so you're listening is being co-opted in the name of that cause.

That's right.

This episode is absolutely free.

It is completely free.

You don't have to donate if you don't want to, but if you do have a few quid to spare, we would really, really appreciate it.

Just to stress how really important it is that we're all giving money to charity at the moment, it's obviously a time when a lot of charities need huge amounts of money because of COVID, and it's coinciding with a time where people are not giving money to charity.

So, the charity sector has lost billions and billions of pounds over the last few months because of COVID, because people are just really struggling.

And so, there's no more vital time to be able to donate any money that you can spare.

All you have to do is go to qi.com/slash/donate or justgiving.com/slash nstaf, and either one will take you to the place you need.

Okay, on with the podcast.

Sorry, just on ancient sausages,

I was looking at who invented the hot dog, which is quite hard to find, but I found where the first sausages were supposedly invented.

This is an article from BBC History.

And they said that the Emperor Nero had a cook called Gaius.

And in Roman times, you would starve your pigs for one week before you slaughtered them.

But Gaius was watching over his kitchen and realised that one of his pigs had not been properly cleaned.

So he stuck a knife into the belly of the pig to see if the roast was edible and out popped an intestine.

Okay, and because the pig had been starved, it had puffed up because of the heat.

And Gaius explained, I have discovered something of great importance.

And it was the sausage.

Wow.

Cool.

It's a great story, eh?

You don't believe that story.

Well, no, it's history.

BBC history.

BBC history, mate.

Well, no, but it's an account.

Well, who made up the account?

I think it's.

I don't know who wrote it.

Who wrote about Nero Deo Casio or someone like that?

Oh, yeah, maybe.

Probably.

Wow.

So that was, because they did have sausages, didn't they?

They did have sausages, the Romans, yeah.

Who's to think it hasn't come from this great discovery of great importance?

And when you do discover something like that, you're going to write about it.

It seems weird to us these days.

Why would you write about the first sausage?

Back then, that's like the iPod coming out.

Nero's on stage at the forum.

Turtleneck, the eye sausage.

One.

One group who are interested in earthworms is the ERG.

The RG.

European Research Group, the Brexity

Jacob Reese Moggy Group.

No, it's the Earthworm Research group

who work in Britain they're one of the main groups of earthworm researchers in the country and ironically considering they have the same name as the ERG Brexiters

they mostly deal with overseas projects with people like Finland France Ireland Italy Poland and Spain Wow so for them Brexit is really bad this ERG yeah

wow so is this like an ERG versus ERG debate right now I want to see that fight yeah between Jacob Reesmog and this head of the Earthworm research group.

I'd back anyone who's on the other end against Jacob Reesmog, although he does have that cane a lot of the time.

Because he's a pimp.

Pimps have cane.

So I don't think he carries a cane, does he?

He doesn't carry a cane.

He's not a Victorian master.

I think I'm accidentally thinking of a caricature of a Victorian gentleman because that's how people portray him, aren't I?

Or you're thinking of where's Wally, who he does have a similar look to,

barring the clothes.

Where's glasses?

Yeah, he has a cane.

He walks around with a cane.

Yeah, he does.

It's a walking stick, but yeah.

That's a cane.

Does he have a

cane?

He's walking a lot.

Yeah, because he has to get to all the different parts of the page.

Yeah.

It's a walking stick like someone up a mountain, not someone who...

Oh, okay.

He can't take a cane for an old person, for example.

No, no.

Okay.

Because he's middle-aged.

Where's Wally?

Young to middle-aged.

I think young.

I mean, I am quite old.

It's a young man's game.

There was a place that I read about which was called Loudoun County.

I think I'm pronouncing that right.

It's in America.

And supposedly, so it's in Virginia.

Supposedly, 70% of the world's online traffic passes through this one county.

What?

Yeah, so they have all the storage units there and so on.

Yeah,

this was an article that I was reading.

So it's the largest concentration, this article says, of computing power.

And according to Greenpeace, in 2017, 1% of the electricity company that runs all of the electricity in this one place,

only 1% of it is renewable sources.

So it's incredibly unhealthy.

So if we're talking about online carbon footprint...

If I go to this tank and I find everyone's emails, is that what you're saying to me?

But they're whishing through so fast.

You need a net.

Oh, you need a net.

Yeah.

Is that what the net is?

That's what the net is.

Have you heard of eel houses?

No.

There are two of these things in the UK, two only.

And it's where you build build a house over a river and you have sluice gates which are designed to trap eels.

So they were built in the Middle Ages.

And you just, you know, trap all the eels as they head down the river once they feel the call.

They're quite good at getting past obstacles, aren't they?

So, you know, you've got to build a good gate.

So they're really good at slithering along the ground and they can climb up dams and climb over them and stuff like that.

And I think people, when eels get obstructed by slightly too big dams, if you've got like a Hoover situation, then people have built little eel ladders so you can knit together reeds and stuff and they can climb up bushes that's very like snakes and ladders isn't it eels and ladders

yeah the snakes are climbing the ladders oh my god the game has changed

I was watching the cartoon Cars the other day, you know, the Pixar.

So they're NASCAR cars in cars.

And one of the things is that he goes into the wild and he gets lost at night because he doesn't have headlights.

And I thought, oh, okay, that's interesting.

And I was reading into this.

So NASCARs don't have headlights for their cars.

But when you look at them, they do, right?

They're stickers.

The headlights that you see on a NASCAR are stickers that are just put on there to look like they have real headlights.

How do they light up?

I don't think they, well, there's new technology where they do actually just have little beams that come out, but they don't need the function.

That's a headlight.

No, but still the sticker.

So it's

not a functioning headlight.

Why do they because presumably the races are at daytime or they're floodlit if they're later on in the day, so they don't need headlights to function in the race.

Exactly.

So, why do they do it?

It's all to do with the manufacturers in getting it past.

They need the shape of the body to have the headlight spot.

So, apparently, it's to do with stock, but then they're not functional, so they just put stickers over the top because otherwise, it wouldn't be identified as a car or something.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Can I just check?

In the film Cars, when the car goes into the wild, presumably he goes into the wild to the extent that there are well-tarmac surfaces in the wild.

Yes.

Okay, fine.

So, he just stays on roads, does he?

He stays on roads.

He goes into the wild west of America.

He goes off track.

He goes, yeah.

But not literally off track.

He goes literally off track in the sense of he goes on races in the sort of the dirty outback.

But there's always a track there.

No?

Yeah, sometimes when he goes off the track.

The dirty outback is a horrible phrase.

Can we just log that?

Which probably is of you referring to.

The world record for cycling backwards

is 333 kilometers in a day.

And this this is done by an Australian guy called Helinga.

And he sits on top of his handlebars and faces backwards and then cycles

forward.

He cycles the bike is going forward, but he's facing backwards.

Yes.

And he's sitting on his handlebars.

Whoa.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah.

He said, I first started riding backwards when I was a teenager to impress the girls.

He's still single.

Ladies,

he's married.

He's married.

Oh, great.

That's so impressive.

I mean, where was he doing this?

Was it on roads?

It was on Rhodes, yeah.

Was it on the island of Rhodes?

It was in Australia.

On Rhodes.

Oh, okay.

Because they've got a lot of, I guess, quite quiet roads.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A lot of long roads.

Yeah.

Dirty back passengers.

Oh, my God.

Do you know who you can make pie out of hot dogs?

And do you want to know the recipe?

Do you just do you make the pastry and then put the whole hot dog in?

Do you put the bread in the pastry?

No, this is, I'm going to tell you the recipe and tell me when you know what joke I'm making.

So the recipe is

you drop frozen hot dogs onto a grid where the lines are further apart in length than the length of the hot dog.

So that, you know, none of the lines are closer together than the length of the hot dog.

All right, I've got it.

He's got it!

It's James Harkin for the win.

What are we doing?

You're working out the mathematical number pie.

It's the mathematical number pie.

If you don't want to do it the normal normal way, which is remembering that it's 3.14 like we all know, you can.

You do this.

So it's really cool.

So you basically toss a bunch of hot dogs, let's say 100 hot dogs, onto this grid.

And then you multiply the dog length by the number of dogs tossed, and then you times that by two.

So that's on the top of the equation.

And then you divide that by the distance between the lines and the number of dogs that have crossed over the lines.

And then you will get the answer to what pi is.

That's how it was originally worked out, as well, wasn't it?

Yeah,

it was Aristosthenes, wasn't it?

He had a load of hot dogs.

Yeah, yeah, he did.

He had cholesterol issues, but he was a great mathematician.

People do know why I don't

because I had limited time, but I still think that's really cool.

I found something out this weekend that was spooky.

You know, Andy Murray, the tennis player, the objectively much more famous Andy Murray.

So I found out that he and I, as children, both owned hamsters called whiskey.

Really?

Yeah.

Really?

That's an amazing fact.

That is weird, isn't it?

That's incredibly weird.

Were you playing tennis before you knew he played tennis?

Well, yeah, at school, yeah.

But not like, not as a weekend kind of you had training and stuff.

No, no, no.

Okay.

That would have been a connection as well.

You can't discount the tennis.

I did play tennis.

You played tennis.

The fact that you won't.

That's a slam.

The fact that you won 6-1 does not mean I do not play tennis.

It just means...

I just think it's playing in pretty fast and loses with with the word play.

Do you think there was just a hamster salesman going around

with not very good imagination for names?

Well, you don't.

You name your own hamster.

You don't have the pet shop owner name you a hamster for you when they sell it.

We don't know that, though.

We don't know that he wasn't subtly brilliant.

You didn't name whiskey the stamps.

I went to Big Larry's Hamster Emporium in Glasgow and in Dunplane.

You were told here's whiskey the hamster, of course, and his siblings

why did you call it whiskey?

Because at that age, you probably weren't drinking whiskey.

Well, funny thing, no, it was because of the colour.

Yeah, it was whiskey-coloured.

Okay.

Yeah, and it's not my password for anything online, guys, so nice try.

The word Alcatraz means gannet in Spanish, but when the island was named in 1775, it actually meant pelicans.

But the Spanish word for pelicans, Alcatraz, actually came from the Arabic word for sea eagle.

Oh my god, I'm so confused.

But basically, the bird man of Alcatraz is correct.

Not really, because there weren't any birds there.

He was the bird man of another prison.

They just gave him that name.

They kept the first bit of his name when he got there.

I thought he kept birds in Alcatraz.

No, he kept birds in the previous prison.

They didn't have birds for him on Alcatraz.

Well, it sounds like there are a lot of birds on Alcatraz.

So, sorry, I'm coming back to this.

The Spanish changed the meaning of their word for pelican to mean gannet.

When was this law passed?

It wasn't a law.

But it was sometime between...

I'm saying it's not a law.

Wow.

For all I know, it was a law, but it was sometime between 1775 and the pot of the money.

Imagine if you woke up tomorrow and someone was like, you know, eagle, that now refers to a magpie.

Do you know that there are seaweed bladders?

So there are three bits of a seaweed plant.

There's the holdfast, which is basically the root, and then there's the stipe, which is the stem, and then there are the blades.

So it's very all analogous to a land plant.

But some of them have these air-filled bladders, and the purpose is to hold them upright so they get more sunlight, which I didn't know.

But the really big ones, they can get up to six inches wide, these bladders, which I looked it up, is as wide as a human bladder.

Is it?

Yeah.

And are they looking into potential transplants?

That's a human bladder of full stretch.

Your bladder doesn't get much bigger than that.

Wow.

Bladders don't get bigger than this.

When they had the first cars, they were all hand-painted and the paint wasn't very good.

And so after every year, all the paint will flake off your car.

And so you had to take it back and get it repainted every single year.

And it would take about 40 days to complete painting the whole car.

40 days?

No, that is a garage ripping you off.

Because you had to paint it by hand, but then you had to let it dry and do another coat.

And it took ages for the cars to dry.

Wow.

That's so funny.

Isn't that amazing?

Was this...

Because this they had electricity at this point.

You could get a hair dryer or something, couldn't you?

Yeah, I see.

You would.

Yeah, no, you probably could.

Well, you know, when you go through a car wash, they dry it at the end, don't they?

Yeah.

But you'd wash off the paint in the process of getting it to the dryer.

Oh, God, that would be awful.

You'd have to do it all over again.

That's why it took 40 days.

On the 39th, they're like, hang on, hang on guys.

You don't get a lot of flummery these days.

Flummery.

Did you notice that?

Yeah, you know, flummery, the old school jelly.

So So, again, in the olden days, there was just a greater variety of jelly.

They were like apples.

It was before, you know, we went mass marketing.

I always thought it was like blancmange flummery, is it?

It is.

It's blanmange's blancmange's jelly, really, isn't it?

And so, flummery was extremely popular, 17th to 19th century.

So it's made by apparently steeping oatmeal in water overnight and then boiling the strained thing you've got in the morning, and you add sugar, and it eventually turns into a kind of wobbly thing.

And if you're wealthy, you had to have a huge array of flummery molds because they'd present flummery in different shapes on their tables.

And it was really popular to have flummery disguised as proper food.

So flummery, eggs, and bacon was quite a common thing.

So there are lots of, you know, moulds where you'd look like you were about to eat eggs and bacon.

It's classic.

And then you'd bite into it.

And it's flummery.

It's flummery.

It's the best word I've heard in a long time.

It's a great word, isn't it?

And I wonder if that's where flummery comes from.

You know, when you'd say someone's like flummery, it's sort of false flattery.

I think so.

It must be.

But I wonder if that comes from the fact that it's false because flummery often disguised itself as these different delicious foods.

Have you guys heard of Frozen Dead Guy Days?

No.

No.

Doesn't sound like a thing.

It's a real thing.

This is an annual celebration that's held in the town of Nederland, Colorado.

And it's basically in 1989.

This is where the story begins.

A man passed away.

He was Norwegian, and his grandson brought him over to America to have him frozen.

And so they had him on ice.

They brought him over.

And after a few years, they moved to Nederland.

And they built, along with his mother, this big in their house, basically a shed that could just keep him going and keep him frozen.

And then the son got deported, the grandson got deported.

So the mum had to look after it.

And the authorities saw what was going on in the house.

And she didn't have a few things like electricity and so on.

And it was a bit illegal.

And they discovered.

How was she keeping her full cryonics chamber going?

She had one bit of electricity for that bit, but not for the rest of the house.

Anyway, her house.

I'm just going to turn the TV on.

No!

Okay, you can turn the TV on for a bit, but once his ankles are thawed out, we have to put it back on.

But basically, the house was in violation of local laws of what you need a house to be.

So

she was going to be kicked out.

And then they discovered that she was keeping her father frozen in the back.

And they said, hang on, this is very illegal.

So they wanted to get him out.

And as a result, it had a lot of hoo-ha from the community saying, no, we can't have him thawed out.

He'll die.

This is, they want to keep him going.

So it worked out in their favor, and this man is still there.

He's been moved to a different bit of the town, but as a result, they celebrate every year Frozen Dead Guy Day.

And it's a thing, the last one was in 2019 that they had it.

They have look-alike contests.

They have

coffins.

They're not getting less and less flattering, presumably.

They have coffin races, and this is a thing where they build a fake coffin.

There's an obstacle course, and they carry, it's teams of seven, and one of the seven is in the coffin, and they have to race around.

They have frozen t-shirt competitions.

It's a very cold area this place.

They have ice cream that's made specifically for it which has crushed Oreos and sour gummy worms inside.

That's a bit yummy.

Yeah and it's been going on for all these years.

So the last one was held March 8th to 10th, 2019 and it looks as if they're going to keep going.

Especially soon.

When you're listening to this podcast, you might have just missed it.

Yeah, exactly.

Wow.

I mean, do you think there's any moment where she's going to think, is this slightly tasteless what I've done here?

If.

And obviously it's the biggest if ever.

If he wakes up at some point, he will be a local hero.

Yeah, imagine that day.

That's so exciting, yeah.

But he's gonna wake up having passed away in Norway.

Oh, he's gonna wake up in Colorado with a language he probably doesn't speak with all these guys serving him ice creams.

It's gonna be weird.

Um, do you want to know some Orkney language?

Okay, I'll teach you some.

Um,

boys, oh, boys

means unbelievable, boys oh boys boys oh boys

B-E-U-Y-S.

So I think it's boys.

To dilder

means to walk around aimlessly and slowly.

Oh yeah.

I think is a nice word that we can all take.

Just dildering around.

And my favourite one is beer.

The word beer means to complain or moan, which means it also means to whine.

So the word beer means whine.

Oh, wonderful.

extremely confusing in the plethora of pubs, I'm sure they have.

So grizzly bears can do one thing that I can't do, and that is use a comb.

They have been found

using a comb, the only other species other than humans to do so.

Cool.

They're working their combs.

Well, they're.

They have bear peddlers going around their dens.

This was in the Glacier Bay National Park in Alaska, and

there was someone called Volcker Decker from the University of St.

Andrews, and

Volcker found this grizzly bear picking up a rock from the water, looking at it, sort of turning it over, putting it back, picking another one up, looking at that one, and then with that, sort of combing his fur with it around his muzzle.

And then he would put it down and he would pick it up and do it again.

And then Volcker went to have a look at these rocks and found that they had barnacles on them and worked out that what the bear was doing was looking for the right one.

And the fact that he picked up the first one and then threw it away again means that he can discriminate between what's a good comb and what's a bad comb, which basically shows that he understands the fact that it's a tool.

That's so cool.

Isn't that amazing?

I don't think of any rocks as being a good comb.

Do they have sort of prongs on them?

These rocks?

Well, they have barnacles on them.

Yeah, okay.

No, that does.

Yeah, it'll do

the job.

You're a bear.

You don't care.

Yeah.

You've got a meeting to be smart at or something.

It is legal to eat a dog.

Yeah.

Yes.

If not in all countries.

True, but in this country, in the UK, and in the USA, in 44 states of the USA and here.

You probably can't sell dog meat, can you?

You can't sell it, but if it's your dog and you kill it humanely, you can do it.

Yeah.

People often associate South Korea, don't they, with eating dogs?

And it is...

There are no legal consequences for selling dog meat in South Korea, although it's officially classified as detestable.

A lot of my behaviour is not illegal, but it is clearly detestable.

There was a survey of worldwide sperm banks to see how common various different traits are.

And so, statistically, if you get sperm from a sperm bank, your donor is most likely to be a Christian accountant with brown hair, brown eyes, and white skin.

And it's least likely to be a dark-skinned gingerbread.

least likely to be a dark-skinned gingerbuddist with black eyes

they're very easy to sex alms yeah because they have translucent skin so you can see their genitals through their skin wow oh that's great what like just an aerial view you can see right through to the yeah that's so great amazing but they do and the skin this is so weird so they're they're blind, which is, or they're nearly blind,

which makes sense because they live in very, very dark caves most of the time.

But for the first four months, they do have eyes, and for the first four months of their life, their eyes are out on the outside, and then gradually skin grows over their eyes,

meaning that they find it quite difficult to see.

But thankfully, they can detect light with their skin.

So it's kind of a happy story.

Yeah.

It's weird, though, isn't it, to have functioning eyes that just get

overgrown.

Yeah, overgrown by the thing that can also see.

Yeah.

It's weird.

It's nuts.

What's the point?

Yeah.

Hard to say.

There is no point, James.

Well, let's not look at this from a religious perspective.

Stop the podcast.

Stop the podcast.

Hi, everyone.

We'd like to let you know that we are not sponsored by anyone, but we are asking you to donate to the Care Workers Charity.

Yes, so the Care Workers Charity is a charity that exists to support care workers who are having a hell of a time right now, as you can imagine.

So, A, they're very low paid anyway.

Over 43% of care workers are paid below the real living wage.

And at the moment, with COVID, a lot of them are having to take a lot of time off work and losing even that wage.

And so, the Care Workers Charity is setting up a fund where they're giving grants to people who are really suffering.

Yes, lots of care workers have lost their income as a result of the crisis.

There are so many care workers in the UK, two million of them, and many of those guys are on a low income.

So, anything that can be done to alleviate that pressure on them at this time is greatly appreciated.

That's right, the care workers, they're at the absolute front of the coronavirus crisis at the moment.

They're looking after the most vulnerable and the most susceptible people in society.

And if there's anything you could do to help, we would really, really appreciate it.

And the thing that you can do specifically to help is you can go to qi.com/slash donate or justgiving.com/slash n-st-t-a-a-f, and you'll find the page where you can give money to this fantastic charity in exchange for listening to our weirdo facts.

That's the deal.

Is that a fair deal?

Okay, on with the weirdo facts.

And another thing that you could get door-to-door was HP sauce.

That was originally only sold door-to-door.

No.

If you wanted HP sauce in 1905, the only way you could get it was from a daughter-to-door salesman.

It was invented by Edwin Sanson Moore, who had a door-to-door vinegar and pickle company.

So you just have to wait.

You just had to wait.

If the daughter door guy came around yesterday and you suddenly needed it, it's like he won't be back for another three months.

If you make a bacon sandwich, you better make it at the right time.

Did he?

I just.

That sounds terrifying, the HP sauce man coming down the street with his huge.

Did he have like a backpack full of HP sauce?

He'd just squirt it into your home.

What do you mean, like a milkman does today?

Why is that where your brain went with that?

I don't understand.

I'm just picturing him in the costume, which is a bottle of HP sauce and then he sort of leans his head forward and squeezes his sides and squirts at you.

It's disgusting.

It's disgusting.

It's disgusting.

No, he didn't do that.

You've had your peddling license revoked.

You know how you're saying that a lemon can mean like a bad car.

You know the Le Monne rally.

Yes.

Have you heard of the Lemon?

No.

No.

So this is a real thing.

It's in America.

And the rules are that you have to drive a car that is valued at less than $500.

So you have to drive a really terrible car.

And

before you turn up, they look at all the cars and they put you into three categories.

Either shit car, really shit car, or probably not going to finish the race car.

And the prizes are better for the worst cars.

So you get more dollars if you're driving a really, really shit car.

And the way that they work it out that you can't cheat is because at the end of the race, according to the rules, they're allowed to purchase any vehicle for $500.

So if you turn up with a Bugatti or something,

then they, by law, have to be able to buy it off you for $500.

That's twice in their history.

They've looked at it and gone, you know what, that's worth more than $500.

I want to buy it off you.

That's so funny.

Isn't that cool?

That was great.

Is that in America, did you say?

In America, yeah.

And there's a load of, I mean, it's a bit silly, but there's a load of rules.

So if you kind of break some laws, laws you might have to get out of your car and run around the track singing I'm a little teapot

it's a bit of a silly thing but it's kind of cool you have to do the gestures as well I think you do you would have to as part of the song yeah yeah you're right does anyone have any more on the manchineal specifically um well what I can say is so the manchineal belongs to a genus called euphorbia and there's a more famous plant that comes from that genus and that is the poinsettia so it's basically the same thing the christmas thing those light red Christmas plants, and they're also a little bit kind of poisonous.

There's a myth that they kill dogs, isn't there, and stuff like that, I think.

But they're not quite that poisonous, but they are quite poisonous.

And the reason I find this really interesting, the reason we have poinsettias at Christmas is because there was a family called the Eek family.

E-C-K-E, I don't know if that's how you pronounce it.

And they found a way to make the poinsettia bloom in the winter because it's actually a summer plant.

And when they did that, they wanted to sell it, but they didn't know how to do this.

And so they sent it to loads of TV studios around Christmas time in the hope that the TV studios who just wanted to put something in the background would put this poinsettia in the background.

And it just so happened that this was just when color television had started.

And so all the producers were like, wow, look at this red plant, this is going to show up really well on the new color TV.

And so all of the TV shows around that time started putting poinsettias in their Christmas shows.

And then that's why today you might have these in your house at Christmas.

That's really cool.

Isn't mistletoe a bit poisonous as well?

Yeah.

So we're just surrounding ourselves in poisons during the Christmas period.

Yeah.

That's exciting.

Just don't eat it.

Don't eat mistletoe.

Yeah.

And don't eat holly as well.

That's going to sting on the way down.

And the way out.

Don't eat the plants.

Don't eat my plants.

Okay, I get it.

I get it.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I won't do it again.

See the food.

I actually did this once.

Sorry, which thing?

The miniaturization thing.

I'll explain better.

At the end of university, sometimes they take a photo of all of you, you know, and your graduation, on your graduation day, in your gowns and things.

And they, to get you to buy the photo of your whole year at university, they send you a tiny, like a two-inch by three-inch photo of your whole year at university.

And you can't really see it.

You can't see who anyone is, no, but it's just to encourage you to splash out on the main thing.

I just kept the miniature one and framed that.

Amazing.

So now in my home, I've got a tiny photo of my whole year at university.

I can't tell where I am.

Wow.

Do you have a memory of where you were on the day?

No, I don't, not anymore.

No, it's been too long.

So I'm in there.

I'm in there, though.

That's the main thing.

Are you sure?

Is what actually happened?

You didn't graduate and you said to your parents, oh, look, I'm in this picture.

That's me,

the little blob in the cross.

You're still wearing the same clothes.

You really can't tell.

That's kind of like a caricature of some sort of Dickensian, parsimonious, you you know, stingy bastard.

Well, I've saved it.

Did you see that on the wall?

I've saved about £25 by doing that.

Thank you very much.

And 10 years later, when I can't see myself in my own graduation, it's worth it.

I can't ring up now and say, have you got that photo?

I've decided, I'm willing to buy it.

I've made a decision.

Do you know that before they had bumper stickers?

So bumper stickers were invented by this guy called Forrest Gill.

And it was in the 50s, I think, late 50s.

But before that, drivers would have handmade placards that they tie to their cards with pieces of twine.

So, if you wanted to say who you're going to vote for in the election, you would just get a placard and tie it to your car.

Isn't that cool?

You just tie a bit of card to your car.

Really cool.

I'm trying to figure out where you'd tie it.

Maybe onto the sort of roof rack bars, if you've got those.

I think where your bumper is, maybe.

You would just have a small placard, wouldn't you?

The size of a sticker almost.

What do you tie it around?

The bumper.

I'm going to have to see it.

I forgot what Carl looks like.

I saw this amazing tweet by this guy called Frank Paul, who's like a quizzer in the UK.

And he found this Wikipedia article about a movie called OK Connery.

Have you heard about this?

So this was like a spoof of James Bond made in Italy.

And the way it started is Neil Connery, who is Sean Connery's brother, was working as a plasterer in Scotland.

And he was sacked for losing his tools.

Okay,

and then this got into the tablite newspapers.

This is all real.

Oh, I thought you meant they'd made all this up.

No, no, no.

So, this Neil Connery is real.

He was working as a plasterer.

He lost his tools and he got fired.

And so it was in all the newspapers that Sean Connery's brother's just been fired for losing his tools.

And when this guy who was making a movie.

I mean, that must have been a Slow News Day.

And then these people in Italy kind of heard about this and they saw him in interviews on the local news and he sounded just like Sean Connery.

And so they thought, why don't we make a movie with Neil Connery where he's pretending to be James Bond?

And they made this movie called Okay Connery, which is apparently terrible.

Which is

why does it sound incredible?

And apparently also it was filmed without any live sound.

Neil Connery had appendicitis when they were filming it and he was really sick and he couldn't really speak properly.

So they got shown in to dub it.

But they added all the voices in later in the film.

So everyone's lick sinking and they added all the voices later on.

And apparently it's one of the worst films ever made.

That does sound amazing.

That's incredible.

I was looking on Reddit

and there is a bit on Reddit called TIFU, which means today I fucked up.

And someone posted T-I-F-U,

Today I fucked up by putting I voted stickers on my nipples for the sake of of getting in my husband's pants.

It was painful to remove.

Do not do this, no matter how sexy.

And just goes into a load of details about how they got stuck on her nipples and she couldn't remove them no matter what she did.

But it's so sexy.

No, no matter how sexy it is, Anna, you mustn't do it.

I've got to do it.

They're already there.

She said, when I...

When I pulled on it, my nipple is stretched sideways, almost bringing me to tears.

Oh, gosh.

Wow.

said, weirdly, a thing I remember from a while ago, Reddit, they've never done really any advertising properly, except for one thing, which is they spent $500, and I think this is in the whole history of Reddit, they spent $500 on promotional stickers.

Okay.

It's the only advertising they've ever done.

Okay.

And put them sort of around

the world just on people's nipples.

And they're still there to this day.

So it's very well spent advertising money, actually.

If you want to get sperm from a bee, it's really difficult, right?

Because they're quite small.

They don't make much sperm.

And presumably, if you are trying to force them out of a bee, it will try to sting you.

Probably will.

Yeah.

So what you do is you pick up your little drone bee and then you squeeze its abdominal muscles to mimic a natural mating event.

And then the pressure exposes the bee's penis.

The penis.

And the little speck of semen comes out.

And you have to do it loads of times because obviously you need

lots of of semen, right?

If you're going to use it, you don't just want one little spec, you need lots of specs.

But the problem is that just like in real life, if a drone has sex, it immediately dies.

And this is what happens to these bees as well.

They basically go to the sperm donor's bank and never come back.

Oh, no.

That's an even worse environment than the normal human donation places.

If you have to go into a room full of corpses of previous donors.

i'm sorry sir is this not what you're into

so i i read a whole thing about sort of toy logistics these days and it's a nightmare for toy shop owners who

as soon as a craze comes in they have to basically buy quick and sell quick and then they don't know what the next thing's going to be so you can't stock up you can't really pre-plan it so it's um it's it's it's a real pain yeah they have like a toy fair every year don't they or they have a few of them where everyone says this is going to be the the next big thing, this is going to be the next big thing, but who knows what it's going to be?

It's

quite exciting, really.

Yeah, but it's the opposite of what the Beanie Baby people did.

Oh, yeah, where do you remember they deliberately restricted supply?

Um, did they, yeah, they, yeah, that was that was our fidget spinner, really, wasn't it?

The beanie baby, that was our crazy spinner.

I was too old for that.

Oh, no, you were the spinning top, obviously.

But um,

I was the

wheel and a stick.

I used to run down those streets in Lancashire, rolling my wheel.

So they basically had loads of beanie babies, but they said we're only going to sell this many of them so that they worth more of them.

This toy shop owner, she said that

normally toy sales reps come into your store and they try and sell you as they say, please buy as many units as you can.

The beanie babies reps would come in and you'd say, please, I need a beanie baby elephant to sell to my clients.

And they'd say, no.

And it was really

basically like the diamond cartel.

They were just driving up demand as much as they could, and it really worked.

That's ballsy, isn't it?

Yeah,

yeah.

So clever.

It was the early days of kind of using technology to spy on these shopkeepers, basically, because the beanie baby makers would keep exact records of precisely what beanie babies they'd been selling and how well they'd been doing it.

And they would confiscate various beanie babies from them if they weren't doing it very well.

And they wouldn't let big shops like Toys R Us or Walmart stock them because they didn't want to invalidate the brand.

And it sounded bizarre.

And the only way that you could get them was to call a sales rep and then have a conversation with the sales rep and sort of reveal secrets about what the kids in your shop were saying about what beanie babies they liked and stuff so that they could get the inside scoop.

Wow.

It's no wonder you millennials are so fucked up.

There was a 1904 carousel up for auction.

Very beautiful.

There was a park in Cleethorpe's selling at Pleasure Island, it was called.

And there were no bids, and the reserve price was £180,000 because obviously it's a huge, you know, complicated, beautiful bit of machinery.

And then just before bidding closed, there was one bid for £180,000.

And it was sold.

And the owners must have thought, oh, thank goodness we've managed to sell this carousel.

And it turns out it was from a Lincolnshire man who had been trying to close the window and accidentally pressed bid.

He'd be looking at it.

And he had legally bought it.

No.

And he was in the hole with fees for £245,000.

Is there no safety net for that kind of thing?

Well,

as they pointed out, the bid button is in the middle of the screen, not the top corner, where they hadn't put bid next to the X or anything like that.

Eventually, they let him off the hook and they did not force him to spend his entire life savings

on a carousel thing.

I think that's fair enough.

Given that I get, you know, if I'm on the most irrelevant website and try to leave it, it'll say, Are you sure you want to leave this site?

I think at the very least they should have that box pop up.

Are you sure you want to spend a quarter of a million pounds on an old carousel?

Actually, no.

So funny.

I was trying to find out how you fit that many clowns in a car.

It turns out it's very simple.

You just get a car and you remove everything, literally everything from it.

You know, seats and

what else is in a car?

Ashtray.

The steering wheel.

Ashtray.

I think you keep the steering wheel.

You keep one or two things.

But then the record, oh, and you have to fortify the springs as well, because it's normally a reasonably small car for comedy purposes.

And the record for the number of clowns in a car is 31 in a Citroen 2 CV, which is quite small.

That is not socially distancing.

No, it's the opposite.

No.

Were they children or were they?

They were, I believe, human adult clowns.

It feels like that's too many.

As in, if I had to guess how many clowns you could get in a Citroen, I would have gone way under.

Like, way, way, way under.

Well, I think that's why it's a world record.

I think.

No, I do see that, but it's.

I would have thought that the world record would be just a little bit more than I could possibly imagine, but this is a lot more than I could possibly imagine.

Very thin clowns.

Have you guys heard of the Great Corncob fire?

No.

1958 oh the 1950 no no yeah of course yeah okay this was in memphis tennessee and um the quakers quakers quaker oats the firm they used corn cobs at the time to get a particular chemical um

and they had a stockpile at their plant of 70 000 tons of corn cobs okay imagine the size of that it was six stories high um and people noticed in 1958 oh the the pile of corn cobs is really smoldering a lot.

And it burst into flames.

It spontaneously combusted because the heat had been generated inside it.

And so this huge, massive corncob fire, and even worse, as it burned, it formed a kind of shell over its surface.

It kind of crusted over with this chemical which could not, which reflected the water back onto the firefighters, basically.

They had to use bulldozers to crash into this massive pile of corn.

Just to inject the water through this weird surface that it formed.

Syringe it through.

Basically, yeah.

I know.

I want to see the TV, but you know, the TV show Chernobyl, very good show.

I want to see the sequel, which is about this.

Because it seems like it's almost as exciting, right?

Cornobble.

Corncobble.

Corncobble.

Corncobble.

There you go.

It's good that you showed us you're working for that joke, yeah, folks.

I have a historical use of loofahs, which may have changed the course of the Second World War.

Wow.

So a loofah was used in the Second World War to convince Churchill of a point.

Okay?

So he was in a boat in 1943.

He was sailing to America to discuss war strategy with President Roosevelt, right?

And this was in the planning of D-Day.

And there was one thing they used in D-Day, which were called these Mulberry Harbours.

And they basically were large floating platforms that were slightly out at sea.

And if you had those out at sea, then inns, you know, closer to shore, the waters would be calm.

So that was incredibly useful for landing troops because it means you don't have to have choppy waters while you're trying to get troops on shore so Churchill was in the bath on this ship in the Atlantic and his scientific advisor Professor John Bernall was trying to teach him about these mulberry harbours and he used a loofah as an example he put some paper boats in Churchill's bath with Churchill in it and then he stirred the water around and he used the loofah to say look this is if we had a giant loofah this is how we'd protect our ships and that was how the loofah helped to win the war basically wow and that's why at D-Day, they also had those massive rubber ducks on either side of it as well, didn't they?

But I would hope, as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, you could have a bath in peace.

Churchill, you know.

Churchill was famous for it, wasn't he?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's interesting because now I think it would be like now it's a charming eccentricity to look back on Churchill having a bath and having scientific advice in the bath.

But if we heard that Boris Johnson or Donald Trump were having meetings in in the bath, we would be completely unsurprised.

You know,

drafts.

Yes.

Yeah.

Drafts, it turns out, has been solved.

Okay.

There is now no point in playing drafts because there is a correct way to play it.

Oh, okay.

And this was worked out by a computer games expert called Jonathan Schaefer at the University of Alberta.

He set computers, he set a number of computers playing it.

At the peak of his work, there were 200 desktop computers which he had playing drafts full time to work out the combinations how to play.

Wow, boy.

Imagine how annoying that would be if you were trying to get a computer at the University of Alberta and all of Jonathan's 200 machines were playing drafts.

And it's not like you saved your lives, is it?

You know, when he explains to you why you can't use it.

You're trying to solve drafts.

But it turns out that there are are 10 to the 20, sorry, there are 10 to the power of 20 different positions for the game.

And even if there are fewer than 10 pieces on the board at the end, there are still 39 trillion endgame positions which are possible.

So there's quite a lot of numbers to crush.

Yeah, exactly.

So you say that it's solved, Andy, but unless you and I are playing and we both have 50 computers telling us what to do each time and we're willing to wait for about six hours between each move, then presumably.

That's how I play all my games.

It's a game of attrition.

Earwigs do have this really unfortunate,

not predator, parasite, really, that I was reading about.

And it's the, I found this out because there's a guy called Ryan Herbertson, who's a researcher, who collected 1,300 earwigs to investigate it, which I think it must be so weird.

He was just wandering along a beach collecting earwigs, and he's looking out for these things called myrmithids.

And they're just one of those parasites that takes over your brain.

We've talked about this kind of thing before but I always find them incredible.

So he collected all these earwigs, opened up their brains and found myrmithids inside lots of them and what they do is they make them hydrotoxic as in they make them want to go to water they want to go to get wet or they make them act really erratically so they hop around until they see a pond and then jump in it and they can't swim so they immediately drown and then that's perfect because this parasite's little babies are aquatic and so then they can swim but they turn them into water lovers.

I just find it amazing that these things exist that control the minds of so many animals.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's wicked.

They also do this really cool thing where they can stop predators from getting a taste for them and their family by

when they're being eaten, let's say, by a lizard, they vomit inside them as they're being eaten.

So they vomit inside the lizard, into the lizard's mouth, and they release a smell which is like rotting flesh, which the lizard hates because I usually, when I think of animals, I just think they don't care about the taste of things, right?

They just, it's about food.

It's all yucky, like they don't have taste buds,

but apparently they do

have a whole series of weird revelations there about your preconceptions, but sure.

I just think a lizard will just eat whatever, right?

But this will actively, once they release this vile-smelling toxic into the mouth of the lizard, the lizard will not only spit them out, but it will spend time afterwards going

and trying to wipe away this thing from their mouth.

And the idea is that I'm not sure if the earwig will survive, the one that's been chewed, or if that's, I think it's more about passing on the distaste to never want to eat an earwig again for the future lizards or that one lizard.

So sacrificing yourself for the sake of the clan, like Bruce Willis and Armageddon sort of thing.

Exactly.

Yeah.

It's a lot.

Oh, Anna, that's spoiling films for James.

Sorry.

Don't listen, James.

I wasn't.

I wasn't.

That's.

Wow, that is amazing.

Do you, you know, Dan, you live with a dog at the moment?

No, not anymore.

Oh, really?

Because I was going to say, when you give it dog food, do you just think, fuck it, it'll eat any old shit?

Does it have any taste buds?

I was thinking more like lizards rather than.

I don't think like when I feed my son, I think, he's young.

Fuck it.

He hasn't got taste buds yet.

It's more.

He's got more.

Dan, he's got three times as many as you.

Well stop feeding him dog food.

Okay, just while we're talking about Spain, Spain obviously has that big Christmas lottery, which is El Gordo, the fat one, and it's the big, big prize.

Did you guys read that in 2011 it was won and it's you know people win it but this one town in Spain called Sodeto

Every single resident there, the 70 households won this lottery

and the thing is is that the way they do it is sometimes these towns club together and they buy this big, they buy the one lottery ticket and then they go around to each house and they say, do you want to be a participant in this?

So you get a participation ticket.

So this entire town did it of 70 households, which was over 200 people.

They all won the lottery except one guy.

because they forgot to knock on his door.

Oh, wow.

Surely they shared it with him.

They didn't.

No, they didn't.

And

he had moved to the town because he was in love with this girl.

It didn't work out, so he decided to stay.

So he was renovating in this new place.

And the people who went around selling the tickets just didn't think to go and sell him a ticket.

So he remembers waking up on the day, and he's a cinematographer.

He does a lot of filming, and everyone was on the streets running around.

He had no idea why.

They were in their socks running out of cafes because they'd all just heard the news.

And he filmed it all.

He filmed the joy.

But behind that camera is the one man who didn't get any of the benefits from it.

That is

and they want a huge amount.

Like if you if you paid in lower amounts, the least that was earned by someone who got some money was around a hundred thousand American dollars.

That was like the lowest on it.

So as a result,

once the news came out, all of these business people descended on the town trying to sell them BNW cars.

Business managers came in and the whole town now, there's people on the way home having to hide as they leave the cafe because they can see that really persistent bank manager sitting in his bar and looking for more residents to sign up.

So it's kind of turned into a hellhole for a lot of them.

So really the one guy who didn't win is laughing in everyone else's faces because he can just say to those hasslers, mate, I'm the one that didn't win it.

I've got nothing for you.

Just one more thing on hangovers.

I found a survey

by, I think it was a rehab website, it was a survey of a thousand drinkers about what they would do to avoid a hangover, like what sacrifices they would make to never have a hangover again.

Okay.

So I just want to run these past you and see if you'd agree.

So, a third of people said they would pay more for their drinks if it meant they would never have a hangover.

Fair, okay, yeah, okay, depends how much more, but yeah, if you can afford it

about a third said they would give up watching sports forever.

Oh, gosh, no.

I'm finding the last few weeks quite hard, so

probably wouldn't do that.

Okay,

it was it was way more women than men said they would give up watching sports forever.

Um

So 2% of women said they would give up sex for the rest of their lives.

0% of men said they would give up sex forever to avoid a hangover.

Some of them get a bit dark.

So

sacrificing a stranger's life,

9% of men said yes, 9%.

Giving up a fingertip, 6% of men, 3% of women.

Allegedly, 6% of men and 1% of women would kill their pet to avoid hangovers for the rest of your life.

If you've got pet crickets or something, then that actually is.

Yeah, I wouldn't give up cricket, but I would give up crickets.

Hey!

Do you guys know the first reference to Hair of the Dog?

I was really surprised by this.

No, no.

The Bible?

It's actually from even pre-Bible.

It's 400 BC.

Whoa.

It's in a recommendation by a guy called Antiphones, who was recommending basically homeopathic treatments, which is sort of what hair of the dog is.

It's sort of like a little bit of the thing that makes you ill.

And he says, take the hair.

So this is translated from the Greek and made nice and poetic, but take the hair, it is well written, of the dog by which you're bitten.

Work off one wine with his brother, work off one labour with another.

It works to an extent, actually, hair of the dog.

First of all, it obviously makes you feel better because you're getting a bit drunk again.

So we all know that kind of works.

But they think now it works because of something we've discussed before.

Dan, do you remember that fact you had where they cured that guy of alcohol poisoning by feeding him beer?

Yeah, so

it's because of the methanol.

So, all alcoholic drinks contain tiny amounts of methanol, and they think that might be a large part of what's making you feel bad with a hangover.

And if you drink more alcohol, then the ethanol in that actually is

digested before the methanol, so the methanol stops making you feel bad.

So, keep it up.

Okay,

is that what I was saying?

Is that our official advice?

That's um, um

yeah, please don't sue me when you get liver failure.

I was looking at some other museums in Croatia.

We've spoken before, I think, about the Museum of Broken Relationships.

That's quite a famous one, but I'd never seen this one.

It's called Froggy Land, and it's in split.

This is a collection of 507 stuffed frogs that were made by a very, very skilled taxidermist from Croatia called Ferenc Mere.

and he used a very clever system where he goes through the animal's mouth rather than cutting it open so you don't end up with any scars on the taxidermied animal

and then he got the frogs and he put them in sort of like settings So there's one in a blacksmith's shop, there's one in a carpenter's shop, there's one in a school, there's some in the circus, like lots of different modes of life just recreated with stuffed frogs.

So cool.

Wow.

It's funny, because it feels like he might also be a candidate for the Museum of Broken Relationships.

But yeah, Froggyland,

it gets 4.5 stars on TripAdvisor.

Lots of reviews, lots of good reviews.

I only read the bad ones, of course.

The frogs were very small and not very appealing.

said one person.

Another person, this place is an abomination for frog lovers.

Don't go here.

If you love frogs like me, I love frogs.

You should have seen that coming.

Surely if you're a frog lover, going to a place full of dead frogs isn't what you don't like.

And another person said, okay,

okay.

This guy gave a lot of time and effort to make these frogs.

But still, it is weird and creepy.

Yeah.

But then the people who made the museum replied with Anna's exact point.

We don't understand why someone who has that kind of opinion would even decide to come in here.

It's like you're doing it deliberately so you can complain, guys.

If you don't like dead frogs, don't go to the dead frogs museum.

Anyway, it's in split.

Do you think someone tested the temperature of Cleopatra's milk bath by dipping their elbow into it?

Now that is a joke about how you test the temperature of a baby's

milk, isn't it?

Oh, no, it's how you test a baby's bath water, sorry.

How do you test the milk, though?

It's hard to get your elbow into the bottle, isn't it?

Do you have it yourself?

I think you drip little bits from the bottle on the back of your hand, don't you?

I think you just, presumably, you just trust that the milk you're producing from your breasts is not either boiling hot or freezing cold.

That's, yeah, I mean, some mothers are like Yellowstone National Park out there just firing up 120-degree milk.

It can be very damaging.

They had sacred blades, which, and this is a slight content warning here, sacred obsidian blades, which the kings would use to cut their penises with.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Yeah,

is that so they could bleed them?

Yeah, what were they doing?

Which bit they cut, they're not cutting the whole thing off, were they?

Not, they weren't cutting the whole thing off, great news, but they were cutting I mean, it's all sensitive.

It's all precision, it's all sensitive.

No, they were just sort of, well, they did a bit on their fallskins, yeah, but a bit on other other parts.

Do you know what the Victorians had special like mini sods that they used to cut corn off corn on the cubs?

It just I don't know what made me think of that.

I think it was bleeding, wasn't it?

As in, they used to sacrifice their blood.

So this was a ritual thing that they had to do, is they would have to cut their tongues and ears and genitals and stuff and then pour lots of blood out of them to give to the gods.

I think I got it.

But then you would leave the blade somewhere.

And so researchers have found a load of these obsidian blades and it's very hard to tell which of the blades there were sacrificial because as they put it the degree of wear imposed on a blade used only on one occasion to slice open a penis is very little indeed.

The knife is much less damaged.

So the researchers again had to have a go at this and they studied multiple blades.

Well they didn't

get their own cocks.

They tried it on some chicken instead.

They tried other people's cocks.

And they studied multiple blades and they think that is giving them a sign of which blades were used.

That's really interesting because like exactly what you're saying, the way you work out how a blade was used is by looking at the dents in it, don't you?

Like there was a recent study about some Bronze Age swords about whether they were purely decorative or whether they're used in fighting and they can tell by how they hit each other and how they dent.

But if you're only using it for one-off slicing of a penis, then you're not going to get that information.

Yeah.

The wear and tear on the penis is definitely more, isn't it?

Yes.

Than the knife.

Just to go back to their gods, some other fun gods.

Oh, yeah.

They were quite into flatulent and smelling.

Sorry, Anna,

this is a terrible joke that I'm just about to make.

and see if we can put it in.

But you say that

the damage on the penis is worse, but then, of course, the penis mightier than the sword.

Oh, wow.

Jesus.

Oh, wow.

I'm so glad.

So glad that I interrupted you for that.

I'm glad you got it out.

Definitely worth it.

It's going in, isn't it?

It's going in.

I can't wait to hear it.

Mightier than the sword.

We've got our end of section now, so sorry to not hear what you've got to say, Anna.

Okay, that's it.

That's all of our facts.

Thank you so much for listening.

What does Dan usually say here?

Oh, it doesn't matter because it's not a normal show.

All we want to do is remind you that to give some money to the Care Workers Charity, they would really, really appreciate it if you could spare anything, and so would we.

And to donate, go to qi.com slash donate or justgiving.com slash nst

AAF.

Off with the show.

I've always wanted to say that that I've never had a chance before.

It feels like I can now dance away.

Wow, if that doesn't make you want to donate to this charity, I don't know what will.

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Sucks!

The new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be home!

Winner, best score!

We demand to be seen!

Winner, best book!

We

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs!

Playing the Orpheum Theater October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.