NSTAAF International Factball: Germany v Portugal

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Hello, and welcome to another episode of No Such Thing as a Fish presents the World Cup of Facts.

This is the only World Cup podcast out there that makes absolutely no mention of football whatsoever.

Brought to you by the QI Elves in association with VisitEngland.com.

My name is Dan Schreiber.

I'm sitting here with James Harkin, Anna Chaczynski, and Andy Murray.

And today's match is Germany versus Portugal.

Okay, I have some German words to kick off.

Okay, there's Hanschuschne Balwefe, which is someone who uses gloves to throw snowballs.

Why would you need to use that word?

It's like a weed, basically.

Another word for a weed is a Waumdusche, which is someone who has warm showers as opposed to icy cold showers in a Bavarian waterfall or something.

Right.

That's hot.

That's really good.

Do you know the word Schattenparker?

No.

It's someone who parks their card in the shade.

What else could it be?

Yeah, that's so good.

Actually, the Germans occasionally take English words into their language, and they have an Anglicism of the Year competition.

A couple of years ago, the best English word to go into German was shitstorm.

And last year, it was gate.

Gate?

What?

Wow.

To me,

as in watergate.

Yeah, I think it means like a media storm, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

That's brilliant.

While they're taking in new words from different countries, they're actually eliminating words as well.

One specifically, which is the longest word in the German language, and a regional parliament has officially eliminated it.

What is that word, Doug?

I can't wait to hear you say it.

It is.

And there goes the rest of the podcast.

Reint Fleischlichtierung Schuber, Wachenschaals,

it's 63 letters long.

It's something about meat.

Something about meat?

Yeah, it is.

It's pertaining to the testing and labeling of beef.

Nice.

But it's gone now.

It's out.

They're done.

But what about all the times you need to use the word word that means pertaining to the testing and labelling of beef in everyday conversation?

Well, what happened was that it was a law because of the BSE crisis.

And so they didn't want the English beef to go in there.

So they came up with this word that will explain about the testing of it.

And then they repealed that law, so they don't need it anymore.

That's definitely a way to guarantee that BSE returns.

Well, thank God that's all over.

We don't need that word anymore.

Let's get rid of the word Ebola as well.

It's asking for trouble.

Moving a bit away from language.

In 2008, I really like this.

The German poet Friedrich Schiller was sent reminders that he should pay his TV and radio license fee, which is fine, except that he's been dead for 200 years.

I was just about to say that.

I was really a TV watcher, was he?

Was Schiller the one who kept rotten fruit in his desk to help him write?

Oh, wow.

Oh, that's cool.

Eating it helped him, right?

No, it was the smell of it, I think.

Or if he didn't write any, he had to eat some of the rotten fruit.

It might not be Schiller, Schiller, I'm not sure, but yeah.

That's a great fact, if so, yeah.

Germany invented the cuckoo clock.

Which you would have always thought was invented in Switzerland.

Yeah, the first cuckoo clocks throughout the 17th century, all of the mentions of them are in Germany.

There's a very famous quote in a movie that

all that Switzerland did was invented the cuckoo clock.

That's it, it's in the third man.

The third man.

And they didn't even do that?

Didn't even do that.

What have you done, Switzerland?

We'll find out if you're in the World Cup, are you?

Yes, they are.

Yes, they are.

I'm sure you've done a lot of other great stuff.

We'll get to you.

What I like about about Germany is how they like to get naked.

Yes, they do.

They're real naturists, aren't they?

Even right in the center of Berlin and Munich, you find nudists.

I think it's the Tiergarten in Berlin.

Well, one of the leaders of the naked culture movement in the 1920s was called Adolf Koch.

And he hadn't changed his name as a publicity, as a PR thing.

It sounds like I made that up, didn't it?

Yeah, now he's called Adolf Koch.

Nominative determinism.

It comes back and back.

How would you guys tell the difference between East and West Berlin from space?

I would.

Well, because the most easterly of the area will be East Berlin.

Oh, we smart.

What if you're disoriented in space and you need to orient yourself?

So Chris Hadfield took a picture from space.

Chris Hadfield being the former captain of the International Space Station.

Indeed, so he's on the International Space Station.

He took a picture.

And in East Berlin, it's yellow.

It's got a yellow hue.

And in West Berlin, it's got a white hue.

Wow.

Um, when it was um, back when it was separated from West Berlin, then they could only afford sodium, it was more budget-friendly to have these sodium lights, and they gave up a yellow light.

So, that is really cool.

That is a good fact.

It is quite cool if you look at the picture.

If I'm ever disoriented in space and can only see Berlin,

it's a foggy day in the rest of the day.

You need to know which

East.

It's going to come in handy, I'm telling you.

You'll thank me one day.

Yeah.

Remember the thing that they did when they had hyperinflation in Germany in the 1920s?

Money and wheelbarrows, that kind of thing.

Yeah, the amount that money was going up.

And they had like 10 million mark notes and things like this.

And it caused a problem called zero stroke.

And people would, because they were seeing so many zeros and all their money, and when they were paying bills, it was trillions and trillions of pounds.

They became really confused when they were referring to numbers.

And so people would say that they were 10 billion years old or they had 40 trillion children.

That's great.

That's very funny.

I think it was started by birthday cundle manufacturers.

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And Juliet, the new hit Broadway musical and the most fun you'll have in a theater.

I got the I am the time created by the Emmy-winning writer from Schitt's Creek and pop music's number one hit maker.

And Juliet is exactly what we need right now.

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Okay, that's the halftime whistle there.

Germany putting in a stellar performance.

And now it's time for our halftime show, which comes in the form of a quiz brought to you by visitingland.com.

So, we're going to start with James for the first question of this QI quiz.

Okay, my question is: what could you not do in Frinton on Sea until the year 2000?

Frinton on Sea.

Frinton on Sea.

All right,

Andy.

My question is: which Disney character is buried in Gravesend in Kent?

What?

What?

Will it be Ariel?

Will it be the genie?

Will it be Mickey Mouse?

No guessing.

No guessing.

Is it one of Monsters Inc?

No.

Is it Simba?

Ah, is it Bobba Fett?

Is it Lassie?

No guessing.

I'll tell you at the end.

Okay, I reckon I know who it is.

Do you know it, Dan?

I think I got it.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're busted, mate.

Okay, question number three, Anna.

Why did the first Oxford University students not study the Aztec Empire?

Dan's looking like he might know that one as well.

Is it Balou?

Okay, well, if you want to find out the answers to these quiz questions, I certainly know that I do.

The Disney character, I think, I know it.

Stay tuned to the end of the episode where we're going to reveal the answers.

But now it's back to the match.

Second half, Portugal.

What if Juliet got a second chance at life after Romeo?

And Juliet, the new hit Broadway musical, and the most fun you'll have in a theater.

I got the I know the top!

Created by the Emmy-winning writer from Schiff's Creek and pop music's number one hit hitmaker.

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So what have we got, Portugal?

Well, Portugal, biggest country in the world, pretty much in the 16th century.

They owned so much of the planet they were like the USA of their day.

Wow.

Was that because of Brazil?

Yeah, well, they had bits, they had places in Africa and places in Asia and also in Brazil as well.

And they were were just an absolute world superpower.

And they invent a lot of the food, which we think of as being from that part of the world is not.

So, for example, you'd think tempura is Japanese.

It's not.

It's Portuguese.

It's Portuguese.

Yes, yeah.

Portuguese missionaries took it there in the 16th century.

And then, you know, everyone now thinks it's a Japanese invention.

Also, Vindalu is Portuguese.

Is it?

Yeah.

Comes from the Portuguese dish cane da vinha dalos, which is a dish of meats, usually pork with wine and garlic.

So was that, that was in the 16th century that it was was the biggest country in the world?

I would say so.

I've got a football fact, which I know.

Yeah, I know, I know.

I think it's quite interesting.

The Portuguese team this year for the World Cup

have six bodyguards.

Four of them are for Ronaldo.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

The two are for the rest.

And the other two are just reserves.

In the last couple of days, they've called him the most marketable footballer in the world.

Above Beckham.

Yeah.

Well, Beckham doesn't play anymore.

Hey, guys, this is not the football podcast.

Oh, sorry, Andrew.

Sorry.

Sorry.

So, Andy, why don't you bring us back to something non-football related?

Okay, in 1974, Portugal's entry to the Eurovision Song Contest was used as the signal to start a revolution.

Whoa.

Which is probably the most significant Eurovision song of all time.

The song was called E Depoi do Adeus, and it was used as the signal to start the Carnation Revolution.

It was basically, Let's Go, Let's Start Fighting.

Yeah, was that when they overthrew Salazar?

Yep.

It's bizarre.

Between 1910 and 1926, Portugal had 44 governments, 20 military takeovers, and 12 presidents.

I read a thing about a Christmas tradition of theirs, and it's not only done in Portugal, it's a few other places.

During Christmas time, they like to build a model village of Bethlehem.

Like a nativity scene.

A nativity scene.

So they have a model village, basically, of the nativity scene, but there's an extra character who joins in into this scene.

So you have Mary Joseph, baby Jesus, and a guy who's called a Cagana, which roughly translates in English as shitter.

And the shitter is a little figurine that he's, it's traditionally a man that's placed into the scene, and he's in the act of defecating.

His pants are around his knees, he's bending over with a pile of feces at his heels, and he's usually placed in the corner.

probably because he needs privacy.

But if anyone wants to Google that, hang on, no, why is he there?

I'm not sure.

They do that in the Basque country as well, I think, and in Spain.

And in Spain.

And sometimes they will get a famous person's face for the little boy.

So they might have David Beckham or Cristiano Ronaldo or someone.

What, for baby Jesus?

That would be terrible.

For the Cagano.

And terrifying as well.

If it was Ronaldo, they would have four bodyguards around.

What do you think?

Three wise men aren't allowed to approach the three henchmen.

Just very quickly, because you're saying they do this in Spain as well.

One way of getting into Spain from Portugal is by zipline.

It's the only country in the world where you can cross the border via Zipline.

It takes less than a minute to travel the whole thing.

It's 20 feet.

Exactly, including the stop for your passport check along the way.

There's another guy on the zipline next to you who's checking your passport as you go.

And it's, yeah, it's 2,300 feet long.

And you zipline into a new country.

It is fantastic.

Does anyone want to include anything else?

The film Forgetting Sarah Marshall in Portugal was renamed A Nice Pair of Dot dot dot roller skates.

I don't know why I haven't seen the film.

That is the worst name for a film I have ever heard.

Or the worst euphemism for rests I've ever heard.

Oh, I have one more tiny nugget fact, if that's helpful.

The most important Portuguese export is cork.

It accounts for its exports, account for 70% of the world's cork, and cork sales represent 16% of its trade income, which is a lot.

It's worrying because of all the synthetic cork sales.

I know, they're really in trouble.

Okay, that's it.

That's full time.

That's the end of our match.

But before we find out who has won today's bout, we're going to get the answers to our visitingland.com QI quiz questions that were at the halftime match.

So we're going to start with James.

Okay, the thing that you couldn't do in Frinton on Sea until the year 2000 was visit a pub.

Their charter explicitly forbade the opening of pubs in Frinton because they didn't want to attract the wrong sort of residents.

Okay, question number two, Andy.

Do you want to have a guess?

Yeah, I do.

Have a guess.

But can you repeat the question for for us?

Yes.

It's, which Disney character is buried in Gravesend in Kent?

Okay, so I have two options that I want to throw up.

Go on.

The first one is John Smith.

Nope.

The second one is Pocahontas.

Yes, it's Pocahontas.

Is it Pocahontas?

Yes.

Ah, because she came back, didn't she?

They ended the movie as if she just stuck out there waving goodbye.

I don't know.

No, she went back.

No, someone obviously hasn't seen Pocahontas 2, where she comes back and marries the man who she actually did marry rather than John Smith.

That's true, she didn't end up with John Smith.

Yeah, but it's all in Pocahontas 2.

Watch the sequel.

I didn't even know there was Pocahontas 2.

Yeah.

Pocahontas 3 is a bit dull.

It's just her rotting in the ground.

Yeah.

Okay.

Question number three, and that is Anna Chasinski.

Yeah, the reason that the first Oxford University students didn't study the Aztec Empire was because the Aztec Empire wouldn't exist for more than another 300 years.

That is a great fact.

Okay, well, there we go.

Those are our three answers.

If you were playing but thought, damn it, that would have been good if there was a prize, I got some of those right, why don't you head over to visitingland.com where there is an actual prize that you can win qi goodies signed books by the elves and so on and uh yeah have a bash you might win something anyway we're gonna find out who the winner now of our match today was and that was germany versus portugal and we're gonna go to james to make the decision okay uh i am going to vote with my stomach and go with portugal because of the vindaloo and tempura okay so that's it for this match uh hope you enjoyed it We're gonna be back again tomorrow with another brilliant bout between two nations, and they are James?

They will be Belgium and Algeria.

Belgium and Algeria, nice.

Okay, if you want to ask us anything about the things that we were talking about in this podcast, maybe dispute James's stomach,

you can get us on our Twitter handles.

I'm on at Shryberland, James, at Egg Shaped, Andy, at Andrew Hunter M.

Adder.

You can get me on at Wikipedia.

At Quikipedia.

Okay,

and we'll see you again tomorrow for the next match.

Goodbye.

Let's be real.

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