606: No Such Thing As A Litter Box In The Sahara

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News, news, news.

Stop the presses.

If you're driving, pull over the car.

If you're in space, just park the space station temporarily.

We have big news.

We've got two bits of news.

First bit of news, brand new show.

Every week on a Monday, we are going to be doing an audience facts special.

It's the amazing facts that you guys send into podcast at qi.com.

And that is a slightly shorter than normal episode.

It's called Little Fish.

yeah we're so excited about this you guys have been sending in amazing facts for 11 years we've been using maybe i'd say 0.5 of the stuff you guys have been sending in there is such good stuff in the fishing box and we're going to be turning it into a brand new show we're very excited but andy you said there were two bits of news what's the second bit we have a thing some of you will know about it already it's called clubfish it's like our private members club where you can get extra bits of content you can get ad-free episodes of the show and we have decided to up the ante there and we've decided to launch mega new amounts of stuff on Clubfish.

So, those of you who are already on Clubfish, don't worry, everything's going to stay the same for you.

But there is an opportunity to get more, more, more.

So, there will be full unedited episodes of fish.

There's going to be merch, there's going to be chances to sponsor facts.

Yes, you can get a shout-out on the main show.

There are going to be video versions of things.

It's just there's so much stuff we can't even go into it all now.

But if you want to check out Clubfish, it's so much fun.

Just go to patreon.com/slash no such thing as a fish.

brilliant anything else to do let's just do an episode of the show with our good friend jamie morton host of my dad rotor borno let's do it now on with the podcast on with the show

Hello and welcome to another episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, a weekly podcast this week coming to you live from the London Podcast Festival.

My name is Dan Schreiber.

I am sitting here with Andrew Hunter Murray, James Harkin, and Jamie Morton.

And once again, we have gathered around the microphones with our four favorite facts from the last seven days and in no particular order.

Here we go.

Starting with fact number one, and that is Jamie.

Iconic thespian Beer Bohm had a walk-on part in every single production at the Gilgood Theatre in London's West End for 20 years and fittingly had a front-page obituary in the stage newspaper.

He was also a cat.

I know.

What a hag.

I'm sorry.

That is a thespian cat.

That is.

Yeah.

For people listening on the podcast next week or whenever it goes out, can you describe the cat?

Who was Jamie?

We've got a tabby cat, he's male, and he's lounging on stage at the Gilgood,

looking very happy with himself, beautifully lit.

It's black and white.

It's very, it's almost like a head shot, but it's a full body

of

chaise-long kind of look.

That little, is that a foot or a tail?

He's like saying, paint me like one of your French cats.

It's giving that energy.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Same opulence as well around it in terms of the architecture.

Yeah, I mean, I love this cat.

I'm not going to lie.

I fall in love with him this week.

Never heard of him before, but now I love him.

so when you say walk on roll in all the plays yeah was that official like was he was he written into no no he was so he was the resident um is it like mouser is that yeah mouser name that they caught the mice uh and he just would like randomly walk on stage during productions which being a theater director i find chilling because you work so hard to kind of make a show good then some fucking cats just like wandering in front of everyone and what did the actors think of it Were they well the actors like loved this cat like almost uniformly.

I think there wasn't a single actor who didn't love Bearbohm because he is as I said a total hag.

I mean look at him.

But

yeah, he was loved and people got very attached to him.

So much so that he had this obituary on the front page of the stage newspaper.

And people like Penelope Keith wrote obituaries for him.

Like loads of actors kind of got involved.

The stage, I hadn't heard of the stage.

Is that like the main, main thing that you can get on?

The Bible.

Dan, honestly.

Come on, man.

No, I had actually heard of it.

I was just being them for a second.

Yeah.

Them.

Them.

They've heard of it too.

Oh, so it is just being them.

It's a great newspaper, yeah.

No, it is.

It's a great newspaper.

It's behind a paywall, but it's great.

Okay,

a lot of people did love Beer Bomb, but Beer Bomb would arrive on stage at moments that weren't necessarily good for a scene.

You know,

there was one play that was on, which was called The House of Bernard Alber, which had a lot of sand all over the stage oh no which to beer bomb was the ultimate pooing ground it was

so that that was not good right those moments

not good for who he loved it it adds realism yeah to the play oh yeah depends where it's set if it's set in the in the pitiless desert of the saara it actually i would say kills the mood a bit to have a house cat fair enough some people think it's good luck for a cat to be on stage and in america at least there there was a superstition that if a black cat came into the theater, that was really good luck.

And if it came on the first night, that was really, really good luck.

And the whole show was going to be amazing.

Right.

And so the Fifth Avenue Theater in New York used to keep a black cat backstage.

And then on the first show of every run, they would throw it out there

so that it was on stage.

And that was good luck.

And the reason you said mouser a second ago, Jamie, the reason that cats used to be very, very important in theater is because back in the day, food being thrown on stage to show your displeasure or pleasure in a play was a massive thing.

So at the end of every night, food was just everywhere, all over the stage, which brought in the mice, and mice were a huge, huge problem.

So theaters would have sometimes up to 20 cats roaming around catching mice if they had problems.

But a lot of those cats will lie on their C Vs.

You know,

you've put down here you also do birds.

Is that true?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, because actually Bearboe was on the payroll I read.

He was officially listed on the Gilgood payroll, which, as a former accountant, I think brings up a whole host of problems.

Like, who pays the national insurance on that?

Yep.

I wonder who his agent was.

I don't know, someone bloody good.

15% of a cat.

And apparently, he would disappear from time to time.

According to Dame Hilda Brackett, he would dash off to see a particular friend at the lyric theatre.

His girlfriend.

Yep, she said, we used to hear lots of meows.

This was Soho, after all.

I love it.

Do you think all of, because most West End theatres have cats, as you said.

Do you think they're all mates?

Do you think they just all meet up at like that's a cute after each show?

They're like, God, you should have seen the performance.

Well, lots of theatres did have cats, didn't they?

So the Noel Coward Theatre had two cats, imaginative, called Girl Cat and Boy Cat.

And I think Boy Cat only ever distinguished himself once when he ate Princess Margaret's bouquet.

Is that a euphemism?

No, it's not.

It's a bloody good one, isn't it?

Yeah, apparently he also escaped off stage during a performance of a musical Five Guys Named Mo.

And he would go under the stage and he would only come out when someone tap-danced over him.

Right.

There was a cat called Ambrose at the Theatre Royal Dury Lane, which I think you've performed at.

Oh, yeah, we have.

And this cat...

got into a beef with Michael Crawford.

He kept upstaging Michael Crawford.

And Michael Crawford had no sense of humour about this.

Allegedly.

Is Michael Crawford the original?

Phantom?

Yes.

Yes.

But was he also Frank Spencer?

Yeah, Frank Spencer.

Oh, BT.

That guy.

Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.

A varied career, I think.

I was going to say, yeah, like.

But then, and so Michael Crawford was like kicking off about this cat.

But every single person in the theater took the cat's side.

What does that say?

Wow.

Yeah.

I read about one that was at the Saddler's Wells.

It was called Sadler, the Cat.

And Sadler in 1956 just suddenly disappeared.

But unlike the other cats who would come on unprompted, Sadler actually had a role in a play.

So in the stage magazine, they had an advert to audition for a new cat for the show.

And I found the advert.

It said, owing to the dramatic disappearance of Sadler, official theater cat at the wells, the important feline role in the forthcoming production of School of Fathers falls vacant.

Auditions will be held.

Applicants must be fully grown and capable of maintaining dignity and poise atop a 10-foot-high wall, despite the distractions of a full operatic orchestra and audience laughter and applause, the chosen artiste will receive for her service one sardine and two complimentary tickets per performance.

Wow.

And did you see who got the part?

It was a cat called Keats.

And according to the Daily Telegraph, he beat off tough composition from cats called Fantasia, Nimbus, Klot and Mr.

Woodbury Bentley.

And they had two auditions.

In the second audition, he jumped off the wall that he was sitting on and then walked over to the bar and started knocking down bottles and they decided this was a perfect cat for the theater.

You know, this is exactly what the old actors would do.

Fucking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So good.

How can you cast a cat in a play?

They just famously don't play ball.

Well, they play with balls, but you know what I mean?

Yeah, I know.

They're hard to direct, I would imagine.

Yeah, dogs, I think, do get a look in sometimes on the West End.

I was trying to find other animals that have been in West End productions.

Yeah,

so there was a Guardian report in 2001 that there was a production of The Taming of the True, which had had an entire cast of chickens.

And I cannot find out whether it was like a whole flock of chickens and a human cast or whether it was an entire cast of chickens.

But weren't they all fired, I think?

They were sacked, yes, apparently for being too hysterical.

Again, I don't know what the...

Hysterical chicken.

I can't imagine how hysterical they got when they were told they were fired.

Big in a room, guys, we're going to have to let you go.

By the way, Beer Bomb, the cat,

do you guys know why it's called Beer Bomb?

There was a famous actor called Beerbaum, but I don't know anything about it.

Yeah, he was a theater manager.

He was an actor as well.

His name was Sir Herbert Bierbaum Tree, and he founded Rada, the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art.

Yeah, and he's a pretty amazing character.

He released a few records.

He did Hamlet's To Be or Not To Be on vinyl.

That's pretty cool.

Just releasing his own stuff.

And also, randomly in the play Cats, there is a reference which is said to Gus from Jellyrum.

Is that the name of the cat in it?

The line is he's acted with Irving, he's acted with tree.

Cats, I'm so glad we're on cats.

So thing one, when you think about it, cats is an anagram of cast.

Okay.

And?

Voice just makes you think, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's also an anagram of acts.

Oh my God.

I was so pleased with myself.

Cast.

I then got to stack, but without the cage.

Nah.

And the thought there, oh, that's brilliant.

Is that it?

That was the fact.

That was the fact.

He messaged us saying, I've got some amazing stuff on cats that I need to say on stage.

I spent six hours reading about the musical cats because I knew you had a cat's fact, and that was it.

Well, I just wanted to introduce yours.

Yeah, go on, go on.

Okay, well, I have quite a good one about cats, the musical.

Do you?

Okay, yeah.

On for its Broadway run, they used over 49,000 condoms.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, can we guess why?

Dench,

Sadly, Dench ruptured her Achilles, so couldn't perform in cats.

Although she was originally cast.

She was meant to be.

She was originally cast in cast.

Yeah, why do you think they use so many condoms?

To stop things from getting wet, is my first thought.

Well, what sort of thing?

Who smuggled drugs for the cast?

No, you're on the right lines, James.

Yeah, but to protect something.

Okay.

Oh, is it to is it for so

a lot of preppers will use condoms to store water because a condom like a water balloon can hold gallons of water.

Absolutely not.

If you ever go to Dan's for dinner, he offers still sparkling or

tasting of spermicide.

Sorry, Andy.

Cats have claws, don't they?

Yes.

So it's to protect the claws in transit, and they had 49,000.

Well, real cats have claws.

This is a show with people.

all right put us out of mirror it was basically you were right Jay it was to protect their microphone packs because they were sweating so much because it's a dance show right they're dancing so much they would put their mic packs in condoms 49,000 yeah so after each show they would just like tip loads of condoms in the bin outside the pitch

while we're on Andrew Lloyd Webber There's another cat connection, which is the fact that Phantom of the Opera now has a sequel.

Many, many years ago, Lloyd Weber was working working on that sequel and he was writing it with Frederick Forsyth, the author.

Day of the Jackal, that kind of thing.

Exactly.

So they were writing it.

He'd written all the music and he had it on his electric piano.

And then one day he sat down to write a new song and his kitten called Otto stepped on the keyboard and erased the entire score.

And so we never got it.

The main thing about Cat Shawley is the movie, the amazing movie that came out a few years ago.

Oh, yeah.

That was really the start of the pandemic, I think.

It was right at the start of the pandemic.

Yeah, wasn't it?

It was about were claiming it caused the pandemic.

I don't know.

No, but it made it seem a lot longer.

We knew something bad was in the air when cats came out.

And the big thing about that is the CGI bum holes that all the cats had.

Wow.

Oh, what's that?

Well,

there is.

Is it true or not?

Because that is urban myth.

Is it true?

It's urban myth.

So someone tweeted a guy called Jack Waz.

I think, I mean, that sounds like an honest man, doesn't it?

Jack Waz.

The thing is, James, you go to such impeccable lengths to source all of your facts.

Like James goes deep into newspaper archives from 200 years ago, but he will also sometimes throw in like at Jack Waz as a source.

At Jack Waz is the New York Times of our day.

Yeah, yeah.

He said that a VFX producer, friend of a friend, was hired

to get rid of the bum holes, right?

But then the Daily Beast online magazine found a VFX person and they said it was true.

And they were definitely someone who worked on the show.

And they said what had happened was actually the way the visual effects worked is they had a very special way of the fur being made, and the fur would go in little like holes like your hair does, you know, you have walls in your hair.

And so they had them on all the cats, and it just so happened that if you got them any of them from a certain angle, it looked like they had female genitalia or an anus.

And they had to employ one person who basically it was their job to go through looking for the bum holes and then getting rid of them.

Right.

That's insane.

That's such a high-pressure job as well.

You've got to catch every single one.

You know?

It's true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Pokemon.

Yeah.

I love it.

They could catch all of the bum holes, but not Judy Dentia's wedding ring, which is on throughout the fucking film.

Oh, is it?

As like an old cat.

That's a good thing.

So he got all of the rings, but one.

Exactly.

This episode of No Such Things as a Fish is brought to you by Airbnb.

James, summer holidays.

Oh, yeah.

I haven't seen you for so long.

I I know, I've been away.

How do you?

I went to all sorts of different places.

Went to Herefordshire, went to Somerset, going to Montenegro soon.

I just love to get away.

Most interesting thing you saw while you were away?

I saw a street which was an illusion.

So from one side of the street, it looked really short and the other side it looked really long.

Oh, no.

If you followed me on social media, you would have seen that.

And what a great site you have on Instagram.

Yeah, I absolutely love it.

It was on TikTok.

Okay.

Well, I went away as well.

Thank you for asking.

And

stayed in numerous places.

But one thing I failed to do was do something that I've done in the past, which was put my house up on Airbnb.

Oh, yeah.

How's that go in the past?

So in the past, surprisingly, for someone as incompetent as myself, it does actually work.

So it's a great way to earn a little extra money and it's also flexible.

So I can fit around when it works for me and my family.

I mean, I've got to say, I must be the best poster boy for Airbnb.

If I can make Airbnb work, you can too.

I've always loved it.

It's always made so much sense.

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Okay, on with the show.

On with the podcast.

Stop the podcast.

Stop the podcast.

Hey, everyone, this week's episode of Fish is sponsored by Babel.

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Okay, on with the show.

On with the podcast.

So it's time for fact number two.

And that is my fact.

My fact this week is that at one of the oldest bathhouses in Japan, visitors have the option of soaking in hot water, cold water, electric water, or condom water?

We need to call them and suggest that.

No, the final one, there are many others, but the other one is radioactive water.

Yeah.

People also drink this water.

So it turns out I thought this was going to be unique to this one place in Japan, which is radium onsen.

And onsen is a word that means bathhouses in Japan that use hot spring water and they take natural source water and they use that.

There's something like 25,000 hot spring sources in Japan that are used.

They're everywhere.

Yeah, and 3,000 onsen establishments all over Japan.

So it's a real big thing there.

And so like the electric water that you would sit in, that actually sends mild electric currents through the water as you're sitting in it.

And people describe it as like being tickled by lightning as you're trying to relax.

How relaxing.

Yeah, well, yeah.

Well, they see these baths not as necessarily completely relaxing.

It's all about rejuvenation, it's all about health and so on.

And so, radioactive water, radium water, is a thing.

It's not bad for you, is it?

Like, the quantities are really, really small.

The quantities are less than you would get if you were on a flight, for example.

But that's

flight.

You know, we get hit by radioactive

flares from space as you're on a flight.

So, James, quick, jump in.

There is radiation that comes from space, and the closer you are to it, the less.

Space to flight.

Not Katy Perry, but it means.

There's less of the atmosphere to block it out when you're further up.

It's the basics.

But

if you're on a plane all the time, it'd be bad for you.

Like a air hostess or a pilot, for example.

Yeah, yeah.

And it's bad for you.

It's bad for it a bit more.

What the hell are you talking about?

They said that it's the safest way to travel.

No?

But if you live in Cornwall, there's radiation there, too.

Is there anything?

But here's some good.

Here's some lead box at the end of this.

So there is radiation in Cornwall.

Like Cornwall has more background radiation than anywhere else, but we all have a little bit.

And a normal person would get two to three millisieverts of radiation in a year.

But there's a place called Ramsar in Iran that has the highest radiation anywhere in the world.

It's because they have hot springs and radiation underground and it comes up.

And they get 260 millisieverts per year, which is more than 100 times what a normal person would get.

But actually, the cancer incidence there is lower than any of their neighbors.

And what people think is the people who live there, they have a higher proportion of what's called T cells.

Remember, in COVID, they said T cells, it's like helps your immune system.

Well, it turns out that people there have got a higher proportion of T cells, and it's a thing called hormesis, which is the idea that very small, low doses of something that would otherwise be harmful can actually make you stronger.

And it is really, I mean, I'm not saying everyone should go out now and get as much radiation as possible, but it is

genuinely having a great time.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

That really is amazing.

It's very cool.

So, as I say a second ago, these are massive in Japan.

And I was trying to find more information about this very specific one in the Osaka.

And the best place I could find out about it was a website called tattoofriendlyonson.com.

And this is so interesting because

in Japan, when you go to an onsen, largely it's separated.

So men will go into one place, woman will go to one place.

You have to be naked.

You've got to be completely naked.

And the problem is in Japan, if you have tattoos, you're not allowed to go and show your tattoos in these places because of the yakuza.

So a lot of foreigners arrive trying to...

The Yakuza are the gangsters.

Yeah, the mafia, basically.

Yeah, who are tattoos typically.

Yeah, exactly.

And so if you arrive and you've got, like, you know, like, eternity, I love chariot, you know, whatever on your face.

I love it's so revealing knowing what you would have gone for then

I don't want to talk about my actual tattoos okay I will so thug life across your Yatami

they won't let you in because because of the yakuza thing so this website basically lists all of the onsens that you can go to and that will allow you in do you think the pork broth uh onsen would be one of those tattoo friendly ones i think it might be yeah this is amazing this is there's a place uh well it's the pork broth hot tub it's the unison spa and um they have a massive ramen bath basically and it's just slightly porky hot water it sounds amazing it's the noodles in there well they dangle above you a huge sculpture that looks like a pair of chopsticks holding noodles so it looks like you're about to be

it's like you're a soft-boiled egg it's like you're a soft yeah it's like you're and if you've seen my physique that i am like a soft-boiled egg basically but they've got a green tea bath they've got a sake bath which is like very slightly sake it's obviously not all sake because that would be hugely expensive They've got a coffee bath, which does not look appetizing.

It looks really gross.

It's enemies.

It's safe if you have the runs, isn't it?

Oh, yes.

That sounds amazing.

I'd love to go there.

It does look cool.

It sounds awesome.

I have been to an onsen, a few in fact, in Japan.

Really?

There's a thing in Japan called Hadaka no Tsukiyai,

which means naked camaraderie.

And the idea is everyone gets naked, you're all together in a big sort sort of jacuzzi with no bubbles and it means you're all emotionally together open honest that's the idea behind it and I must admit I went in ran in had a bath came out and went back to my room as quickly as I could

you didn't have any communal for you then I don't speak Japanese but there's that there are other ways of communicating yeah but naked charades at the best of times is difficult

um just to hark us back to the last fact do you know that andrew Lloyd Weber has a 30-person hot tub that's disgusting.

Does he?

So is a 30-person hot tub meaning everyone gets a slot on the outer wall?

What's the alternative?

Like

a dual bus format where it's like

six by four.

Like, what's the...

Yeah.

There's an aisle down the middle.

Tickets, please?

Chicken and fish?

Nuts?

No, we don't have any.

I can just conceive yours.

No,

I don't know what.

Yeah, I don't know.

I think it must be that everyone gets a bit of wool.

Otherwise, you're just bobbing about in the middle feeling like a lemon.

I hate that bit, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Bobbing.

There is a spa in the southern island of Japan, Kyushu, and it opened up, I think, in 2017.

They'd announced it with big fanfare the year before.

They said this is going to be a, actually, it wasn't a spa, it was a spa-themed amusement park, and they released some images of basically a roller coaster that's full of

a bath roller coaster.

Okay.

In a little bath, and that's your yeah look you know you get in the carriage yeah and it's a bath and you're in a you're in a spa you're in an old sounds fun they were they were not sure at the time if it could be done if it was like beyond the the ken of humanity but they they did it so you're in a compartment that is a jacuzzi basically i think they didn't quite crack the full roller coaster bath

yeah because that would have been very heavy obviously spill a lot it would spill a lot it's like an opposite log flume the water's in

if you're really unlucky you'll be be dry at the end of it.

All the people waiting on the side, go,

yeah,

that's very interesting.

There's another one which I wonder if that's there as well, where you have an option of arriving and they bury you up to your neck in sand and it's quite hot sand so that you can get whatever you know holistic therapies.

Have you ever done any sort of odd pampering things like this?

That you're willing to admit to?

I was quite intrigued by the beer baths that you can do.

You know, in Europe, in like the Czech Republic, like there's a lot, they're quite popular now.

You just like bathe in like hoppy water, a bit like your ramen.

Right, right, right.

I wonder if you'd be interested in this.

This is a thing in Japan.

It's the nightingale feces facial.

Now, it's not what it sounds like.

It's feces from the Japanese bush warbler, which is not a true nightingale.

Oh,

thank God.

In Japanese, it's brilliantly called Uguisu no fun.

Anyone around you could use to think of shit.

Apparently, Victoria Beckham is a proponent of it.

Oh, really?

Wow.

Okay.

That's extreme power.

I read about the crying therapy rooms, which seems really nice.

But your whole idea is to make you as sad as you could possibly be.

So you go in and you sit down and there's just sad movies playing on the screen and someone sits next to you just going, oh, it's really sad, isn't it?

And then they hand you tissues as you're crying.

Just asked me okay

what else have i got that sounds nice sort of get have a good cry yeah yeah yeah yeah i'd buy that just going back to onsen so these baths would you eat an onsen tamago which is a traditional japanese egg which is cooked in a onsen you put your egg in a rope net you put it in the onsen and the water's about 70 degrees and you leave it in for 30 to 40 minutes and then it's done question Question?

Yeah.

Because there are two ways of cooking eggs in water:

shell on and shell off.

So

are we poaching this, bad boy?

This is, I believe it's shell on, I think.

Oh, then fine.

Shell on.

Wow.

There you go.

The audience has spoken about it.

The people in it, it can be in a bath.

It's not just a water bath like a Ban Marie.

It's an actual ones.

And also, the eggs have a unique silky custard texture.

I bet they do.

Yeah?

I would eat that.

I would absolutely eat that.

I'm sorry, can can I just ask the person?

Was it a lady in the audience who said, Shell on?

Have you had one of these?

I really eat it.

They're really good.

They're really good.

There you go.

Can't you?

Like, a poached egg.

There's that bit of white that never gets cooked and it's almost like phlegmed on your plate.

Oh, that's the front.

Yeah, yeah.

It looks like a dementor in the water as it's pouring.

I've like never seen a poached egg that hasn't got it.

Why do we put order this?

It's foul.

Oh, I love a poached egg.

You do.

Yeah.

Okay.

But they're just like, if it's in its wrapper, I don't mind where it's been.

Okay,

I'd have a I'd have a.

If there was a banana, a banana in at the same time pop that in the net i don't mind yeah because it's been up a upper chicken's bum hasn't it really right let's not get fussy you know

i wish i hadn't brought it up i'll be honest

but just one other weird spa thing there was that bull semen hair treatment right did you hear it read about this in chelsea no in chelsea yeah okay it was a hair mask basically uh in like 2008 2009 hair mask yeah yeah it was this place called harry's salon in uh chelsea and it offered a 45 minute aberdeen organic hair treatment which was aberdeen angus like good quality um

bull cum stuff uh which women would like and men i guess would pay like a lot of money to have like lathered over their hair yep and would just like sit with it for 45 minutes and apparently it was amazing really and it made the hair silky and smooth and i

head and shoulders two-in-one shampoo and conditioner and that makes my hair silky and smooth.

Andy, are there levels of silkiness and smoothness that I've not matched yet?

You haven't lived.

I can imagine one of these women from Chelsea going into the countryside afterwards and walking through a field and all the female cows are like, do you smell something?

Well, it's funny you say that because

the people that ran this

salon told the Metro, sorry, these pervert fraudsters,

these quacks,

said to the Metro that the semen is refrigerated before use and doesn't smell.

I mean, it is come, but it's but it's not, you know.

It's not going to stay refrigerated.

That's the problem.

The body heat is going to cause that to warm up.

Yeah, but it's 45 minutes.

You can eat an egg from a bond of people.

Like, what do you mean?

Like, don't get all.

We do need to move on to our next fact.

Should we do this?

No.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, radium.

We didn't even know.

I've gotten streams of engineering stuff about how the Fukushima reactor dealt with its water after the terrible incident incident there.

But I'll save it.

I'll save it.

It's fascinating.

They built an underground wall.

Oh, he's going for it.

We're moving on.

Okay, we do need to move on.

So it is time for fact number three, and that is...

Oh, it's Andy.

So

after the terrible incident at Fukushima,

The engineers there pulled off a miracle, a miracle of preventing the radioactive.

So they've got, imagine a 1.5 kilometer radius circle.

Oh, 30 meters underground, filled with frozen brine.

Get off your phone, come on.

Get off your phone.

Alcara is about to start against Djokovic.

Two seconds.

Okay.

Anyway,

sorry.

My fact is, the first named man who sent a letter bomb only invented it to get back at people who had rejected all his other ideas for inventions.

So

this is...

I love this guy.

He's a very interesting historical figure.

His name was Martin Eckenberg, and I was on the website of the Clapham Society, which is a great website all about Clapham, which is the part of South London where I used to live.

And

he was a Swedish scientist, Martin Eckenberg, born in 1870.

He was kind of a...

He was a gifted inventor in some ways.

His ideas were decent, but the other problem that he had personally was that he was a liar, he was a cheat, he claimed qualifications he didn't have.

He'd been kicked out of Sweden's Royal Institute of Technology specifically for cheating.

He was a baden.

He was a badden.

He was a bad.

Fucking legend.

Free thinker.

A free thinker.

Outside the box kind of guy.

But still, this didn't hold him back that much because he moved to one of the nicest houses in Clapham.

It was this beautiful mansion he moved to.

That's not the point of the fact.

It's been replaced by flats now, so you can't go and visit it.

But if you would, that's weird and you should be on a terror list.

And then in 1905, he thought, right, I'm going to get revenge on everyone who's turned down my ideas along the way, who turned me down for finance.

I am going to get back at you.

And so he basically started making his own letter bombs.

And there were packages sent through the post to harm people before, but I think he's the first named sort of, you know, like

I think it was a bit unfair.

So like the first person that he really sent it to was a guy called London who ran this company.

It was like an engineering company.

And Eckenberg had invented something that could turn fish oil into engine oil.

And he thought it was going to make us millions, but it failed.

And so he thought, well, I'm going to get this guy London.

But the reason it failed is because the oil still smelled of fish.

So like if people put it in their cars, the cars smelled of fish.

I suppose the people that Harry isn't get that scent removed, like the pool seaman.

Well, no, the and ships that was going to be used on ships, which have fish, obviously.

That's true.

Hence the phrase, fish and ships.

But yeah,

and then this guy, London, opens the packet and it said, I read an article in the newspaper that said it rumbled and shook like thunder.

The director felt as if he had been hit by lightning or tickled by lightning.

An intense flame burst out of the box and burned his hands, arms, chest and face terribly.

And his clothes went on fire.

And the next day he got a postcard saying, a former employee has decided that you're ripe for the picking.

Yes.

What's interesting is it's not as if he sent it from the post in the UK, which would be more traceable.

He went by boat back to Sweden.

He assembled it there, sent it there, and then went back home.

So he really covered up his tracks.

But then he still sent a postcard with his writing identifiable on it to the person he just.

Yeah.

I mean, and he was caught for various quite stupid things like that.

Yeah.

Actually, can I just rescind that I thought he was good?

No, no.

Here's another thing as well, Jamie, to see if you still think he's good.

So when he was arrested, he claimed innocence, and then he, according to the New York Times, he lost his reason and was taken to an asylum.

He died two months later after his his arrest of what they said was apoplexy.

But the head of the Swedish detective service said that if he'd been sent back to Sweden, he would have also been tried for murdering his two wives.

Oh,

right.

Yeah, yeah, no, how you feel?

Sorry about that.

Let's get a live reaction from Jamie Morden sitting right here.

Sounds fine.

Yeah.

Not too sure.

So apparently what appears to have happened is he poisoned his first two wives and then he bribed the prison guards to get him the same poison, which he then took himself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Unique thinker.

And interestingly today if you go to the police museum in Stockholm there's a giant wax work like a replica human-sized wax replica of him standing there and not only that they have a bunch of things that were to do with the case.

So one of the bombings which was sent to the Swedish Export Society was opened up by a man called John Hammer and John Hammer's thumb was blown off as part of opening the sink.

And if you go to the police museum in Stockholm, you can see the wax work of Martin Eckenberg and then you can see the actual thumb of John Hammer.

Thumbs up or thumbs down.

Yeah, he wasn't happy.

It's a definite thumbs down for you.

Yeah, yeah.

So he's a very, very grim guy.

But he was an innovator of sorts.

And as I say, people had been sending devices designed to hurt other people through the post for ages, you know.

So the very first one was a thing called the bandbox plot.

People were very worried about the Whig party in the, I think, 18th century.

And supposedly that party were involved in some attempts to assassinate people.

Get this.

The very first ever thing sent through the post design to harm someone, this bandbox plot, was a box full of, I think it was three pistols.

When you open it, they all go off at you.

Wow.

I know.

And it was.

Oh my gosh.

This is the story that it was thwarted by Jonathan Swift

of Gulliver's Travels.

Yeah.

Because he was a political figure as well, and he supposedly noticed a thread on the box and cut it before opening it.

So he's the first red wire, blue wire cut moment that we've ever had for a bomb.

Yeah.

Pretty cool.

And we talk about his books instead.

Yeah.

But Eckenberg was the first of a kind of new wave where gunpowder had been invented, post had improved, things like that.

And so there were anarchists.

People were very, very worried about anarchists with their kind of cartoon-style bombs that they'd be throwing.

And he also invented a way to freeze dry milk, which is kind of similar to what we have today.

So like, you know, instant custard, we wouldn't have it without him.

Really?

Eckenberg?

Yeah.

Wow.

Jamie, you want to change your...

Because you've gone off him, but I know you don't mind custard, do you like?

I love a bit of custard.

I mean, I'm 50-50.

The guy's pretty cool.

I'll tell you why I think he's not a complete villain.

It's so interesting which hills people choose to die on.

I find that really fascinating.

I just kind of love the fact that, like, through revenge, he invented something that was actually, I mean, not a good thing, but was

like...

Was like a thing.

This silver lining is slimming down all the time, I gotta say.

So it was for revenge, but he did invent something really bad.

Well, I mean, maybe this is how my mind worked.

Because, I mean, I got quite heavily into revenge during my researching of this.

Because I was like, what else has revenge kind of created?

And the rotary telephone is one thing that revenge has created.

Yeah.

Because there was a guy called Alman Strouger, and he was an undertaker in the late 19th century in Kansas City.

They were all manual switchboards at that point, obviously.

And he thought that the switchboard operators were deliberately fiddling with his connections because

you would call up and say, patch me through to this person.

Right.

And he was convinced that this was being meddled with because the other undertakers across the town, I think their wife worked at the phone company.

So like if someone dies, you put put them through to

the rival.

And yeah, exactly.

So they were getting all the work.

He was like,

you know, what's going on here?

And so he invented the Rotary telephone

to cut out the

one where you dial with yourself.

Yeah, so you could dial it yourself.

That is amazing.

Isn't that amazing?

Right.

Revenge.

It's not all bad.

Okay.

It's like those spite houses, you know, spite houses.

And it's just so cool that something that you build to like screw someone over ends up being worth more than the house that you're

exactly.

I just love stuff like that.

Just jumping back to Letterbonds for a second, I've discovered that the former Prime Minister, well, a very long former Prime Minister, Anthony Eden,

so Prime Minister of England, he was almost killed by a letter bomb.

Yeah, and this was prior to him being Prime Minister.

It was when he was foreign secretary, and someone had hand-delivered a letter bomb.

He took it, but he thought, oh, this looks a bit boring.

So he put it in his briefcase and he had it for 24 hours.

He went home, he didn't open it.

He just had a whole day of not opening it.

And then Scott.

And And the letter looked boring.

Yeah, he thought it looked like a circular.

Like it looked like something that might have been dropped off and it was a generic thing.

Oh, right, okay.

Yeah, and so then Scotland Yard got in contact and said, we're worried that something might have been sent to you that is a bomb.

And he still didn't look at it.

And it was his secretary who eventually went,

that might be a bomb.

And then, and it was.

And so it was just purely his absolute boredom towards this letter that

most interesting letter he ever received, actually.

Well, that's the thing is, like, they're designed to go off when you open them, aren't they?

So, you can carry them around, yeah, and it's fine.

So, like, for instance, you're told that if you work in like a you know, a government office and they might happen, a lot of people, when they get a letter that they're not sure about, they put it in water because they think that's what you're supposed to do with a bomb, but you're absolutely not supposed to put it in water because some of the explosives will explode if you put them in a big is that so?

Yeah, also renders the letter completely illegible.

Exactly.

What a stupid idea.

There are some tips, there are some useful tips, actually.

So, warning signs include excess postage.

Like, why is someone spending so much money on their parcel?

Because you don't want to risk it getting returned to you.

Right.

No return address.

So, the really clever bombers will leave the return address off.

I think I would put the return address as my number two nemesis.

Yeah,

such a good idea.

Yeah.

Such a good idea.

Number two.

It's a long old list.

Bad spelling.

Oh.

Because

a lot of people sending these things are not the maybe.

I'm going to slag off letter bombers.

They're not the brightest buttons.

Really?

Yeah, bad spelling.

Because they've just constructed a bomb.

It feels like you've got a basic intelligence.

What are you doing?

They might have studied the sciences and not the humanities.

Yes, that's the point.

There are so many kinds of intelligence.

Addressed personal, confidential, or do not x-ray.

Spelled wrong.

And the final one, just for any of you that have slipped through those many holes in the Swiss cheese, ticking sounds.

Protruding wires.

Okay, yeah.

Or aluminium foil.

Or if it says ACME Bob on the front.

If it's dropped off by a coyote who looks pleased with himself, that's another.

Another one.

I did read there was a, what's the name of the journalist, Slavoj Žižek?

Slavoj Žižek.

Yeah, so he wrote this piece, and the opening anecdote of the piece said the top winner in the contest for the greatest blunder of 1998 was a Latin American patriotic terrorist who sent a letter bomb to a U.S.

consulate in order to protest against America interfering local politics.

As a conscientious citizen, he wrote his return address on the envelope.

However, he did not put enough stamps on it, so that post was returned to him.

Forgetting he'd put it in, he opened it and blew himself up.

He literally did what Jabe said.

Yeah.

Now, Now, who knows if that's apocryphal, but it's

all the fingerprints of Jack Waz anywhere near this.

I tell you what, that's the first time Jack Waz and Slavoj Žižek have been mentioned in the same sentence together.

That's the sound of James adding long-lasting gain scent boosters to his laundry this morning.

Several hours later, James sniffs the irresistible scent of gain on his shirt.

Ah, gain.

Several hours later, James has even caught the attention of his mother-in-law, and she never gives him attention.

Ooh, you smell amazing, James.

Oh, thanks, mom.

I love you, too.

I never said that.

Add gain scent boosters to your laundry.

Add joy to your day.

Stop the podcast.

Stop the podcast.

Hello, everybody.

Just wanted to let you know we are sponsored this week by...

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Okay, come on.

Let's get back to the podcast.

On with the show.

Lovely.

On with the podcast.

It is time for our final fact of the show, and that is James.

Okay, my fact this week is that there is currently a scandal in Thailand after at least a dozen supposedly celibate monks admitted to having sex with a woman called Mrs.

Golf.

James, you're a keen golfer.

That's how I found this.

I was Googling golf.

No, I just read this in the news and I thought it's very amusing.

It is a lot of senior monks, I mean, not amusing if you're a monk, because obviously a lot of them have lost their livelihoods, including some as high-ranking as Fra Dep, which means angelic level.

So this goes to the very, very top.

And it turns out they've been having relationships with this woman who's called Mrs.

Golf, and they've been transferring money to her.

And they found this lady and they found over 80,000 photos of naked monks on her phone.

How do they know they're monks?

Sorry to quibble.

I reckon there's a way.

You reckon there's a way.

Yeah, there's probably a way, isn't it?

I reckon there's a way.

Probably it's the hairstyle down there.

It's like

a tonsure.

80,000's a lot.

Not necessarily all different mugs.

They could have been 80,000.

So still, I don't even know if I have that amount of storage on my phone for 80,000.

Yes, what was her data plan like?

This is really interesting.

Is she in the cloud?

She's using the cloud.

So, yeah, and the reason she's called Mrs.

Golf is because this is quite common in Thailand for people to have little short nicknames.

And you're kind of given them as a child by your parents.

And they don't really mean mean anything.

Like it might be that this person's parents love golf, but more likely they just take like a Western word that kind of sounds fun or trendy or whatever and they just called that.

The most famous Thai person in the world probably is Lisa from Blackpink and her nickname is Pock Pak.

So they're just mostly just sounds or they might be little words from other languages, but it's just like a little nickname.

But people go by it in real life.

Like as adults, you might still be known as that nickname.

Yeah, right.

But so this is an unbelievably unbelievably fascinating story.

This one woman went around so many of these different monasteries and managed to talk in what were effectively, I'm assuming, celibate monks into engaging not only in sex, but also having photos taken.

And the top monks, some of them have fled the country.

We don't know quite where they are and they haven't said why they've done that.

They're now investigating 300,000 other Buddhist monks in Thailand off the back of this to see whether or not they're involved.

And she got a lot of money off the back of this.

Was her aim extortion sort of I'll release the photos.

So the photos would be shown back to them and then they would have to pay money and a lot of the monks have been acquitted where the police have decided that actually you just gave her money because she was pleading for the money and didn't engage in sexual activity.

But do you know how much money allegedly she has netted the equivalent of $11.9 million

from this?

There's a lot of money in monking, isn't there?

Isn't there?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a bigger career than I thought.

Yeah.

like no my careers advisor did did not say

have you considered becoming a monk and i think it's like quite a big deal in thailand because um if you're a buddhist you think that if someone becomes a monk then they kind of automatically sort of develop this strong resistance to temptation and that kind of thing and so to find out that they haven't was quite a big deal for a lot of people yeah I think this is very interesting because I started reading about

by the way James is a very hard fact to Google like naughty monks.

And naughty nuns is actually even worse.

It's an even harder, legit Google.

But basically, there was a lot of this in the 16th century in England

because monks and nuns and monasteries and nunneries were seen as hotbeds of sin.

And the idea was they're all on the take, they're all selling pardoning for sins, that kind of thing.

And they're all shacking up, and there were some institutions.

Hence the Reformation, like.

Hence the Reformation.

Right.

But I think we've all been conned into thinking that monks and nuns are inherently sort of naughty figures because they're absolutely not.

And I think we've fallen for Henry VIII era propaganda.

And I'm blowing the lid off this.

Not enough people talk about it, but I'm not afraid to.

I'd just like to reference the paper by Christian Knudsen, Sodomitic Monks and Other Dissolution Myths: The Late Medieval Monastic Decline Narrative Revisited.

And it is a belting read.

It's really good.

Can you tell us more about the Fukushima disaster?

But, like, Henry VIII wanted to dissolve the monasteries

because they owned a huge proportion of English land, right?

They were so wealthy.

And Henry VIII thought, I'm going to discredit ecclesiastical institutions any way I can.

And every monastery in England in 1535 and 6 got a visit from bureaucrats who were trying to record every dubious incidence of behavior by a monk or a nun they could.

And there were some cases, absolutely, there were some cases where monks have been playing the field or whatever it is, but they also had to come up with new crimes.

So they found dozens of instances recorded of voluntary pollution, which is just sort of playing with yourself.

But it's not.

In one priory, Westacre, 76% of the monks were labelled incontinent, by which they mean romantically incontinent.

But 10 of those 13 were for just enjoying some sort of cowl billiards.

And so it's not.

Sorry, not cowl.

The cow goes on your head, doesn't it?

You know what I mean?

Hardly ever.

I just think it's really interesting, and I think we shouldn't fall for it.

Okay, we won't.

But also, like, I'm a Catholic, I mean, you know, lapsed Catholic, but like, you can do anything if you say sorry.

That's like the point.

Yeah.

But actually,

the penance was quite severe, or it could be.

So Richard Gray, one man called Richard Gray in medieval England, he was found guilty of having sex with a nun, and he was sentenced to being flogged while walking around Stamford Church on four Sundays in a row, carrying a candle while dressed only in linen garments.

And then he had to make a barefoot pilgrimage to Lincoln Cathedral.

From where?

Wherever he lived.

Well, that's a movable feast of a punishment, isn't it?

Just what if you thought, right, I'm going to get a flat just outside Lincoln?

Yeah, that was quite a miss for me to not say where he actually lived in my notes.

he, and then after that, he didn't do what he was supposed to do, and they've excommunicated him.

But in those days, being excommunicated was a big old deal.

Right.

Because it means you can't go to heaven, but it also means you can't be baptized, it means you can't get married, you can't do all sorts of different things.

Yeah, and actually, quite often, the women were punished more than the men.

So, two that happened quite close to each other.

A guy called Nicholas Plymouth was a monk who was committing adultery with a tanner's wife, and he was ordered to remain silent for one week.

And around the same time, someone called Alice Longspray was sentenced to a year of strict confinement after an affair with a priest.

That is double standards.

So it is double standards, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

James, you've spent time in Bhutan.

I have.

Did you ever hear of the thunderbolt of flaming wisdom while you were out there?

That's what they still call me that.

I wonder when the thunderbolt of flaming wisdom is going to return.

It's referring to a monk's penis, but

so I question who your real friends were out there, but

it was strange that they yelled at me in the streets.

Is that right?

There was this guy, Drukpa Cunley, and he was in the 1400s.

Yeah, I've been to his church.

You've been to his church?

So he was interesting because he was known as the saint of 5 000 women he was a fertility saint uh the idea was he thought sex should be incorporated into reaching enlightenment and so oh right yeah so classic oh yeah yeah you would meet the thunderbolt of flaming wisdom as part of your hello to him basically and but he was he was liked but mad as fuck like people genuinely thought he was and known as like the holy madman or something like that

and he introduced this idea which still goes on in various bits of bhutan today, which is that if you're setting up a new house and you need it to be blessed, you would basically graffiti phallus, put dig pics all over, like draw a penis all over the walls.

Did you see any while you were there?

Oh, yeah, yeah, they're on every house has them.

Yeah.

In this particular town where he was from.

And also, if you go into his church, a priest comes up to you with a giant phallus and sort of touches you as if you're being knighted by the queen.

Wow, right.

Did you have that?

Yeah.

Wow.

Cool.

Arise.

If it's on every house, can you put it on a semi?

Sorry.

Go on.

Do you want to know something cool about the first century Saint Thecla?

Yes, please.

This was sent in by a listener, actually.

Listener Kat Brinker.

So thanks, Kat, for this.

This is the first century Saint Thecla.

She is the unofficial patron saint of computers and the internet.

Can you work out why?

It's going to be sex connected, presumably.

Nope.

But you said it was to do with the internet.

No, I know, I know.

What could a first-century monk have to do with computers and the internet?

She liked cats.

That's a really good one.

That's very close.

She was very racist all the time.

It's because her name, CECLA, sounds like the Spanish word for a key on a keyboard.

CECLA.

I've not just wasted their time.

Unbelievable.

Would you like to know some anagrams of the word CECLA?

I've got loads.

That is it.

That is all of our facts.

Thank you so much for listening.

Thank you for everyone who has joined us around the world on the live stream.

We are all found on our online accounts.

You can get us on Instagram.

I'm there.

I'm on at Schreiberland.

James.

I'm on TikTok.

No such thing as James Harkin.

Andy.

Instagram at Mrs.

Golf.

80,000 photos on his grid.

It's insane.

It's too much, mate.

It's too much.

And Jamie?

Uncle Eagle, it's weird.

Don't worry.

Okay.

Yeah.

And if you want to send us any of your facts, you can do that as well by going to podcast at QI.com.

So send us facts, send us anything that you heard in this episode that you want to talk about.

We take it all and we bring it to our special secret room, which is part of Clubfish.

We got any Clubfish members here?

Six, Okay.

Everybody?

But we will read them out there as part of our mailbag special.

So do do that.

Go online.

Find out if we're coming to a town near you with more live shows.

But otherwise, come back here next week for more of our actual show.

It's all free.

Come and do that.

Thank you so much, everyone, for being here tonight.

London Podcast Festival.

That was awesome.

We will see you again.

Goodbye.

All right, remember, the machine knows if you're lying.

First statement, Carvana will give you a real offer on your car all online.

False.

True, actually.

You can sell your car in minutes.

False?

That's gotta be.

True again.

Carvana will pick up your car from your door, or you can drop it off at one of their car vending machines.

Sounds too good to be true, so true.

Finally caught on.

Nice job.

Honesty isn't just their policy.

It's their entire model.

Sell your car today, too.

Carvana.

Pickup fees may apply.

Oh, the car from Carvana's here.

Well, will you look at that?

It's exactly what I ordered.

Like, precisely.

It would be crazy if there were any catches.

But there aren't, right?

Right.

Because that's how car buying should be.

With Carvana, you get the car you want.

Choose delivery or pickup and a week to love it or return it.

Buy your car today with Carvana.

Delivery or pickup fees may apply.

Limitations and exclusions may apply.

See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com.