Little Fish: Steam Exploded Donkey Bone Powder

Speaker 1 Get ready for Malice, a twisted new drama starring Jack Whitehall, David DeCovney, and Carice Van Houten.

Speaker 1 Jack Whitehall plays Adam, a charming manny infiltrates the wealthy Tanner family with a hidden motive to destroy them.

Speaker 1 This edge-of-your-seat revenge thriller unravels a deliciously dark mystery in a world full of wealth, secrets, and betrayal. Malice will constantly keep you on your toes.

Speaker 1 Why is Adam after the Tanner family? What lengths will he go to? One thing's for sure, the past never stays buried, so keep your enemies close.

Speaker 1 Watch Malice, all episodes now streaming exclusively on Prime Video.

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Speaker 2 Hey, everyone, welcome to the very first episode of Little Fish.

Speaker 2 This is the show where instead of talking about our four favorite facts from the last seven days, we have gone through the podcast at qi.com inbox and selected your best facts.

Speaker 2 We're going to be doing this every Monday. So if you want to join and be part of this extra special Monday bonus episode, just send in your best facts and we'll be reading them out each week.

Speaker 2 So let's get into it. I'm sat here with James Harkin and Andrew Hunter Murray.
Hello. And in no particular order, here we go.
This is from Dav Lee.

Speaker 2 It's about an executive leaving a job at McDonald's UK after 18 months in post. Okay.

Speaker 2 And the reason it's a great fact is because her name is Zoe Hamburger.

Speaker 2 She, in fact, she was promoted within the McDonald's structure. She's gone off to run McDonald's Netherlands.
She said, Hamburger has been my name my entire life.

Speaker 2 So as you can imagine, it has always made people do a bit of a double take. I've never heard of anyone else with that

Speaker 2 surname. There's a comedian called Neil Hamburger.
Is it his real name? That feels like it's not. No, it's not his real name at all.
It's not called Neil.

Speaker 2 I found a report on this from the Metro,

Speaker 2 which I just want to read a line from it. Despite her name being the beefy snack item.

Speaker 2 That is the best thing about journalism, isn't it? There's a name for it, I think. Second Mentions.
Second Mentions, where it's like a duck crossed the road. The waddling.

Speaker 2 Despite her name being the beefy snack item, she said her favourite menu McDonald's item is the double cheeseburger. Believe it or not, I do believe it.
I absolutely believe it.

Speaker 2 Anyway.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, that's really good.
I know. So I guess her relatives or her ancestors came from Hamburg.
Exactly. That's what it is.
And we don't really have names like that, do we?

Speaker 2 We don't have sort of like Tony Skouser. Do we? Oh, we do, yeah.
No, we absolutely do. Like Michael Bolton.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 But that's not, because his real name's Bolleton. He changed his name.
What? Michael Bolton's real name is Michael Bolleton. Is it? Yeah.
There's been a news Bolleton. Is that it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he changed it.

Speaker 2 But there are many people whose surnames is the name of a town. Yes.
Jack London. Sydney Sweeney.
Sweeney's not a place.

Speaker 2 But Sydney is. And you can put it.
Yeah, but it's a first.

Speaker 2 Her relatives were in that 1970s cop show.

Speaker 2 I'm struggling to think of many UK place names. Jack London, you're absolutely right.

Speaker 2 The Earl of Bristol.

Speaker 2 Of course.

Speaker 2 I'm just actually struggling to think of place names at the moment. But 100%,

Speaker 2 there are some surnames where it's where you came from. Like someone English, Harris English, the golfer, for instance.

Speaker 2 Sarah Brighton. She's a person.
Ah, okay, isn't she? Sarah Brightman?

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.
Okay, Dan. Keep going.
Throw out the episode and maybe we'll get one. Brooklyn Beckham.
Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Anyway, just

Speaker 2 a little extra report on this from BM magazine, which actually stands for Business Matters and not, as I thought, Bowel Movement.

Speaker 2 Do you get that? You get that on charts. Hospital charts and things will say BM 3 p.m.
or whatever.

Speaker 2 It's a very regular publication, that one, isn't it?

Speaker 2 Really worrying if you haven't had an issue for two or three days of BM magazine and you need to to buy prunes, prunes, prunes quarterly.

Speaker 2 But just they found a lovely extra detail, which is just Hamburger has been succeeded as chief, as UK chief restaurant officer by Patrick Gerber, who takes over responsibility for restaurant operations across the country.

Speaker 2 It is good that Gerber has no responsibility for the operations in France, as his surname in French means to vomit or to puke in a slang context. Interesting.
How good is that?

Speaker 2 That's BM magazine delivering the goods there. That's really good.
Here's another thing about Gerber, I think.

Speaker 2 We might have to cut this because I might be wrong, but I think it's a baby food company, Gerber, or an old one. They might not be around anymore.
Right.

Speaker 2 And there was a famous thing where they issued some baby food in a country where...

Speaker 2 Everyone in that country, if you ever saw a picture on a packet of food, you would think that's what's inside the food. And the baby food had a picture of a baby on it.

Speaker 2 And everyone in the country thought that this baby food was actually food made of babies. That's very good.
I think that's very years ago.

Speaker 2 I bought a bike for my son for Christmas, and it had a picture of a baby riding the bike on the front, and on the box, it did say baby not included. No, yeah,

Speaker 2 that's funny. Um, should we move on to our next bike? James, you got something? Okay, this one is from Wayne Hoyt, H-O-I-T, it looks like, although it looks like a misspelling of HALT.
No, it's Hoyt.

Speaker 2 Seems like the inbox. Some like it, Hoyt.

Speaker 2 Wayne says, Spiral staircases are not spirals.

Speaker 2 Okay. Oh, okay.
Point of information. Yeah.
Surely they are. Well, he says that although they are called spiral, they are actually helical.
They are helixes.

Speaker 2 A real spiral twists with an increasing or decreasing radius. For example, a spiral on, or he doesn't say this, but for instance, on a snail shell, you know,

Speaker 2 kind of goes out like that. But a staircase always has the same radius.
Like, it's not getting wider as you go up. No.
Is it?

Speaker 2 It's always going to be about the same width at the bottom as it is at the top. Right.

Speaker 2 And if you, a helix is basically something, a line which you draw around a cylinder. Right.

Speaker 2 And he says, I guess they're called spiral because, unfortunately, most people have no idea what a helix is.

Speaker 2 Well, I think people know what, like double helix. That's famous.
Yeah. From DNA fame.
So are there any actually spiral staircases where the building gets wider and wider and wider?

Speaker 2 Here's the interesting or probably not very interesting point.

Speaker 2 Some people say that a helix is a type of spiral. Other people say no, they're completely different things.

Speaker 2 And there doesn't seem to be an international body that decides on what a spiral and a helix is. Wow.
I think we have run this on QI actually many, many, maybe in the H series.

Speaker 2 I think we might have done it under helixes.

Speaker 2 But yeah, we have discussed it before and almost come to blows in the QI office. Well, James, you're the mathematician.
I think out of the three of us, you get to make the call.

Speaker 2 I actually, you know, at QI, we have a much better mathematician than I am, who's Will Bowen. And I think he landed on the side of a helix and spiral being different.

Speaker 2 So I think that's why we ran with it. Nice.
But the other thing that we found when we were researching that was a place called Chateau du Chambourg in France, and they have a double helix staircase.

Speaker 2 Okay, so it's two helixes, two separate staircases. And what that means is you can go up one staircase while someone else is coming down the other staircase.

Speaker 2 So you don't use up any more space because it's still on the same cylinder. But actually two people can go.

Speaker 2 And according to the people who run that house, that stately home, it was designed by Leonardo da Vinci, although we're not quite sure if it was.

Speaker 2 Wouldn't it be great if you met the love of your life while you were going down and she was coming up?

Speaker 2 You don't meet her. Oh, you would never.
That's the point about this. That's the whole point of the staircase, isn't it? There's one helix going up and another one coming down.
You'd never meet.

Speaker 2 You'd never meet. You wake up.
It was all a dream. Your whole life, Den.
Your lovely wife and your family. Oh, my God.
They're not tunnels, though.

Speaker 2 You can see each other going down the steps and going up. No, you can't.
You can't. Okay.
There was actually one.

Speaker 2 Do you remember there was some Duke or something who had a load of tunnels made in his house so that he never saw his staff? Yes. Yes.

Speaker 2 He was nicknamed the Tunnelling Duke, which is a is a good, it's a good and a bad nickname, isn't it?

Speaker 2 I've always wanted to go to to Cambridge. There's a very specific pub that serves a double helix beer or ale.
Oh, is it a Spread Eagle? Yeah, it must be.

Speaker 2 So it's because it's where the two of them came in. Watson and Crick announced that they'd found the secret to life.
Imagine walking into a pub.

Speaker 2 Imagine I walk into the Beaumont Arms in Bolton and I just walk in and I go, I've discovered the secret of life. Yeah.
People would, I mean, they give me short shrift anyway in that pub.

Speaker 2 Also, it's pronounced Bulletin, by the way.

Speaker 2 Shall shall we move on to another fact all right this comes from charlie wakefield uh can i just say wakefield in yorkshire well there we go great there we go oh damn that was right there for you and james snuck in there and got it i am a fellow tv person who has been working in development for over a decade so i've discovered hundreds of fishworthy facts but there's one that has always stayed with me astronauts in space still get morning wood Sadly, I found this years and years ago in a paper by NASA, I think, but clearly

Speaker 2 I was a much better researcher back in the day because I've been unable to find it again.

Speaker 2 And we all have that problem as we go.

Speaker 2 But that's NASA suppressing the truth, isn't it? Well, no, I mean, there is stuff that you can see out there.

Speaker 2 They've done, this is an interesting thing that they actually have to work on because we're planning voyages to Mars and so on. And what does it do to you?

Speaker 2 Hang on, don't astronauts go through 17 mornings a day because you're spinning around the world really fast. Isn't that

Speaker 2 like a confident?

Speaker 2 Yeah, so basically

Speaker 2 there's lots of things that they're looking into. For example, cosmic rays,

Speaker 2 what happens to your body in microgravity. So when you're in the ISS, from what I've been reading, it says that the blood will often travel sort of to where your chest area is.

Speaker 2 So you don't have much blood down in that area to begin with. So would you be getting

Speaker 2 sort of random morning wood is the question. And because we don't know if anyone's had sex up there, we don't know if anyone has had a little fiddle up up there.

Speaker 2 We don't know what's been going on up there.

Speaker 2 There is a rumor that a couple went up there, isn't there? Yeah, exactly. But the thing is, like, you don't get an erection when your penis is the lowest part of your body.

Speaker 2 It's not like the blood rushes down there with no vasculatory system to push it around. Yeah.
You know, it's like gravity shouldn't make that much of a difference. I see.

Speaker 2 I don't think they think it's a massive influence, but they think it has some influence. Right.
Is that why your penis is so far down?

Speaker 2 Do you think as we evolve, our penis is going to get lower and lower and lower?

Speaker 2 Just to

Speaker 2 use the gravity to get the blood down there. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it'll be end up being one of our toes.

Speaker 2 So I was trying to find if there was any evidence of an astronaut having mentioned this, and I did manage to find one.

Speaker 2 Astronaut Mike Malane in 2014, in an interview with Men's Health, said a couple of times I would wake up from sleep periods and I had a boner that could have drilled through kryptonite.

Speaker 2 Wow, that's NASA astronaut. That's a lot of Superman 4, isn't it?

Speaker 2 They're very confident astronauts, aren't they? That's stunning. Yeah.
So that's the one. That's the one.
Maybe that's what you read, Charlie Wake. It's like basically Superman is in a cage,

Speaker 2 which is made of kryptonite. I think that even happens in the latest one.
Oh, really? That came out this year. But what you need is this guy to drill through the kryptonite cage to free him.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Mike Malane, the human bore.

Speaker 2 Which is better than the human bar nickname that I have.

Speaker 1 Get Ready for Malice, a twisted new drama starring Jack Whitehall, David DeCovney, and Carice Van Houten. Jack Whitehall plays Adam, a charming manny infiltrates the wealthy Tanner family.

Speaker 1 with a hidden motive to destroy them. This edge-of-your-seat revenge thriller unravels a deliciously dark mystery in a world full of wealth, secrets, and betrayal.

Speaker 1 Malice will constantly keep you on your toes. Why is Adam after the Tanner family? What lengths will he go to? One thing's for sure, the past never stays buried, so keep your enemies close.

Speaker 1 Watch Malice, all episodes now streaming exclusively on Prime Video.

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Speaker 2 I promise you, this is a coincidence, but my next one is by by Lindy Hardstaff.

Speaker 2 And Lindy says, My fact is, you can hear a Rafflesia flower bloom before you can smell it.

Speaker 2 So you know the Rafflesia is the big corpse flower that you get in Southeast Asia and it kind of flowers once every few years maybe.

Speaker 2 But apparently the petals are so big and thick and leathery that each one makes an audible thwack noise as they crack open.

Speaker 2 And Lindy Hardstaff discovered this when doing an an overnight shift monitoring a blooming event at the

Speaker 2 Bogor, not Bogna, I assume, Bogor Botanic Gardens in 2012. I've never heard of Bogar.
That's so cool. So cool.

Speaker 2 I was nearly, I nearly got to see one of those flowers blooming when we were on tour in Melbourne. Oh.

Speaker 2 There was a museum, and it was about a two-hour drive out of Melbourne, I think. And it had one on display, one of these amazing corpse flowers that opens up once every 10 years or whatever it is.

Speaker 2 And it was was just flowering that day. How long did you miss it by? Oh, I could have got to it.
Oh, so you okay? I comfortably could have got to it. I chose not to.
Oh, wow. I was busy.

Speaker 2 I was in Melbourne with my friend. That reminds me of the World Laziness Championships that I was supposed to go to this year and decided that the weather wasn't very good, so I'd go the next day.

Speaker 2 And when I got there, it had finished. Everyone was stood up by the time you got there.
Yeah, everyone.

Speaker 2 I can't tell if you're there. That really happened.
That really happened.

Speaker 2 Who could lay down the longest? Is this Montenegro?

Speaker 2 It's in montenegro it's called the world lazy citizen competition and i missed the end of it because i couldn't be bothered leaving but the weather was bad yeah that's in a weird way i feel like you should have won the competition i feel like i'm going to write to the organizers and ask for a special award yeah yeah that's a good idea someone traveled all the way over from the uk only to miss it out of laziness well i'm quite annoyed because i did email them saying can i come along and they said yes and i told them what day i'd come and they didn't email me to say it had finished right what were you expecting james what were you expecting from the world laziness people?

Speaker 2 A four-hour drive

Speaker 2 into the mountains. I couldn't be bothered to reply.
That's all. Didn't you also go to a church once that you drove out of your way? Forced Paulina to come with you too.

Speaker 2 I went, there are two rugby union-themed churches in France.

Speaker 2 And I'd been to one of them, and the other one was only a three and a half an hour drive away.

Speaker 2 And when we got there, it was closed. Yeah, unbelievable.

Speaker 2 A rugby union-themed church?

Speaker 2 What's that?

Speaker 2 Small chapel where people who are rugby union fans can go and they put some of their shirts there and pray for their team to do well. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 And also, actually, one of the stained glass windows is themed on rugby union as well. And the priest throws the communion wafer backwards into your mouth.
Very good. Yep.

Speaker 2 And when you go and get the wafer, everyone puts their head in between the person in front's legs.

Speaker 2 And you haven't been back, presumably. No, I can't imagine I ever will.
It's such a shame. I had that same experience.
I went down to Yeovil Junction train station to go see a haunted buffet.

Speaker 2 Supposedly the sausages levitate and so on.

Speaker 2 I did. And I went on a Sunday.
It was my only chance. And I had to explain to Fenella and the kids, like, daddy's got to go off.
I've got to do this thing. It's a long journey.
I was in London.

Speaker 2 Got there. London to Yeovil.

Speaker 2 Did you know where Yeoville was at the time? Oh, I did have a brief look at it. Yeah,

Speaker 2 it's a distance. It's a distance.
Anyway, cafe was shut. Couldn't get in.
Looked through the the windows, couldn't see anything.

Speaker 2 You imagine if you'd look through the windows only to see a levitating sausage, you couldn't get any further towards it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe that would have been worse. Yeah, no.
The sausages weren't even out. Too levitating.

Speaker 2 Okay, Andy. Okay, here's one from David Morgan from Sydney.
This is about Sir Henry Parks, Premier of New South Wales in the 19th century.

Speaker 2 Australia's father of federation who got the ball rolling on the six British colonies in Australia joining together to form a country. So he campaigned for this.

Speaker 2 Anyway,

Speaker 2 that's sort of

Speaker 2 personal.

Speaker 2 That's the business end of his life. But David Morgan is writing to tell us that he was also, in the Australian parliaments, a mad keen rooter.
Oh, no.

Speaker 2 He was married three times, fathering 12 children with the First Lady Parks, and after a 22-year gap, five more with the Second Lady Parks. Wow.
17 children. 17.

Speaker 2 The first three were born out of wedlock while the First Lady Parks was still alive. She had been his housemaid.

Speaker 2 At dinner in the 1890s, when Parks was nearly 80, the editor of the Sydney Morning Herald innocently remarked, These oysters are good. Parks replied, I don't need these adventitious aids.

Speaker 2 Lady Parks and I, until quite recently, have been in the habit of having connection 17 or 18 times every night, and we now have connection 10 or 11 times. Parks and recreation.

Speaker 2 Superb.

Speaker 2 Kernow was very quiet, the editor for the rest of the dinner. Parks later made a splendid speech full of elevated thought and moving language.
There you go.

Speaker 2 I've got to say, all cultures around the world, I completely appreciate, and I think people should be able to do whatever they want, wherever they're from.

Speaker 2 And I would never take the piss out of anyone or say that anyone around the world is wrong in any way for what they do. But the word root to mean have sex does not sit well with me.
Oh, really?

Speaker 2 Interesting. Well, maybe you'd like what Parks did as his first job, because I did a little bit of extra digging on him.

Speaker 2 He was born in Warwickshire, actually, in England, and his first job was as a bone turner.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Witches.

Speaker 2 Kind of someone who, I think, chisels and chips and shapes bone and ivory. Oh.
I think it's that. Right.
Did you use root in UK to mean sex? No, that would not mean that. It would not mean it here.

Speaker 2 Okay, good. The rooter is something you use to connect to the internet.
Yes. Yeah, or Joe Roots, the English cricketer.
Right.

Speaker 2 Okay, so. Who has never scored a century in Australia at time of recording? He's busy, isn't he?

Speaker 2 Probably so many misunderstandings whenever he says his name anywhere. Yeah.
James, when we go to you. James, yes, that's the name of the person who wrote in.

Speaker 2 They didn't put their surname, just James. And they wrote, long time listener, first time caller.
Hopefully you haven't heard this fact before.

Speaker 2 The last piece of Nazi architecture in Berlin is a 12,650 ton concrete cylinder. Nice.

Speaker 2 Okay, so this is the Schwerbellaststung Schoerpe,

Speaker 2 meaning heavy load exerting body. And it was used to test whether the ground would be strong enough for all the amazing projects that they wanted to build in Berlin.

Speaker 2 So they wanted to do like a big arch, like to celebrate their glorious victory in World War II.

Speaker 2 And they thought we can only do this arch if we have strong enough ground. So they built this big cylinder that was really, really heavy to see if it would, the ground was strong enough to hold it.

Speaker 2 And it turns out that Berlin is a massive swamp. And really, you couldn't put a big arch there.
But then they also couldn't move it because it was too big. So it's still there.
It's still there.

Speaker 2 So they, I mean, that's bad planning in two ways. Firstly, you should know that you're on a swamp.
And secondly, you should not put anything in without having a plan to take it out again.

Speaker 2 I think nobody accuses the Nazis of being 100% in their plans.

Speaker 2 They've had one or two flubs in their time. Yeah, true.
yeah attacking russia

Speaker 2 but yeah and the thing is that they've never been able to get rid of it because it's so big but it's also next to a load of train tracks and apartment buildings so they can't blow it up oh wow so it's kind of just stuck there as a memory 12 000 ton cylinder 12 650 tons concrete cylinder feels big i think

Speaker 2 i think it's empty on the inside because i think you can go and visit it and have a look inside we should do a podcast there that do you think the acoustics will be echoey, eh? I think.

Speaker 2 Yes, that's the reason why we shouldn't go and do a podcast in the last piece of Nazi architecture. Obviously, otherwise.
Obviously, reasons of taste. Obviously, reasons of taste.

Speaker 2 Do you remember the last time we played? Well, the only time we played Berlin

Speaker 2 was in that big hall, and it was used as a rock and roll hall. And

Speaker 2 they hadn't had anyone do a speaking gig in there. So all the chairs were set up, and I was talking to the guy and saying,

Speaker 2 Sound guy or something wasn't that funny. Yeah, so you don't do what this like we're a new concept here as a speaking thing as opposed to a gig? And he went, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I said, so when's the last time you had someone do a talk here? And he went, Goebbels.

Speaker 2 I remember that. We followed Goebbels.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I love that. Why is it so silent in the last one? I love that.
Sorry.

Speaker 2 I love that.

Speaker 2 Oh, gosh. I've got one last one.
Okay, cool.

Speaker 2 This is from Josh Smith, who I don't know why I picked this as my last fact to read out because it's quite obstrue. It's about steam-exploded donkey bone powder.
Oh.

Speaker 2 This is just a mad thing that you can make donkeys into. Basically, donkey bone is about a tenth of the donkey, but most people don't use it for anything, right? Okay.
A tenth of a donkey is bone.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's a pretty amazing fact.

Speaker 2 It's about 15% if they're in space and it's not.

Speaker 2 How much of us are bone? Oh, probably about 10%. Really? Well, I don't don't know.
Amazing. I don't know.
You're right. Yeah, yeah.
But I mean, maybe they got thick, thick bones.

Speaker 2 I feel like mine's less than 10%.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Do you bone? I do think that, yeah. Maybe a bit.
Maybe a bit better. I think let's round up my weight to 100 kilos.
I don't weigh 100 kilos, but let's round it up.

Speaker 2 If I take all my bones out, are they going to be too heavy to take as hand luggage on Ryanair? Oh, that is a very...

Speaker 2 Let's test it out. I think we have to hear.
Don't write in. I don't know what the level of Ryanair is.
Welcome to Mythbusters, where we are going.

Speaker 2 We haven't checked the stuff, but James has taken out almost all his bones. And now we're at Gatwick.
James's will reading is going to be amazing.

Speaker 2 And my bones, I leave too.

Speaker 2 Along with two tickets to Lanzarote. To visit the other rugby union-based chapel in France.

Speaker 2 So ends the will of the human bore.

Speaker 2 So basically, anyway, yeah, 10% of donkey is bone, and it's good stuff. There's a lot of good stuff in there, nutritious, but it's very hard to get to because it's very dense, very strong.

Speaker 2 There's a donkey around there. There's a donkey for all sorts of reasons.

Speaker 2 That's why you were fired as a taskmaster challenge rider.

Speaker 2 Deep own this donkey. And you've got 30 minutes to do it.

Speaker 2 But basically, to use it, you know, if you are going to kill an animal, you may as well use absolutely everything in it. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, it's an important thing to do.

Speaker 2 You need to crush crush it to a powder and um one thing you can do is do steam explosion where you basically use high pressure steam to kind of reduce it to a powder you sort of blast it uh this is a chinese study because china gets through a lot of donkeys as i think we did in a podcast a few months ago didn't we yeah they're running out right they're running out you know they're running in fact they're using up everyone else's donkeys and they're running out of them this is a problem wow not helped by the use of steam exploded donkey bone powder but it turns out that when you bake cookies using steam exploded donkey bone powder instead of flour,

Speaker 2 they're rated very highly by participants. Like people tasting these cookies, which are one-third donkey bone powder instead of flour, say, oh, that's delicious.
Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And does it maybe contain like bone marrow stuff? So it might be okay for you. It might, it might, I mean, it sounds like in terms of flavor, odor, and overall acceptability.

Speaker 2 This was a Chinese study, so it might be culturally specific, but

Speaker 2 turns out that might be what you're missing in your next bake is a little bit of the old steam-exploded donkey bone powder. Give that a miss, I think.

Speaker 2 Thanks though. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, before we wrap up this first episode of Little Fish, we are now going to do something that is going to be appearing at the end of every single episode, which is, if you were part of the friend of the podcast here on Club Fish, as part of your membership, you are going to become the custodian.

Speaker 2 of one of the facts, one of the headline facts from the 600 plus episodes of No Such Thing as a Fish. And we will give you a shout out to let you know what your fact is.

Speaker 2 And we'll also be sending you a digital certificate to acknowledge it in writing forever on. You can put it on the wall.
You can do whatever you want.

Speaker 2 And this is an honor that cannot be stripped away, right? This isn't like a...

Speaker 2 I don't know. I think if you do something really bad, like really, really bad, if you're a knight of the realm and you do something really awful, they can take it off you.
Okay.

Speaker 2 This digital certificate is now your moral compass.

Speaker 2 You need to behave like a person with a digital certificate would,

Speaker 2 which is a good person, a good human. I don't want the police like knocking down someone's door because they've done some terrible deed.

Speaker 2 And the first thing the police see on the wall is a custodian of episode 453 of no such thing as a fish. That's the last thing we need.

Speaker 2 Because then they'll ask us questions and they'll see how does this go all the way to the top of no such thing as a fish. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I think we should say as well, a little bit of the theory behind it, which is that these facts, they're endangered.
Some of them. they need support.

Speaker 2 Many of them are true. Some of them are

Speaker 2 all of Dan's, James's and Anna's are true, and mine are occasionally like the largest kettle in Hamburg is called Caroline, which turns out not to be a kettle.

Speaker 2 Imagine if the police are trying to arrest a murderer, they bang down the door, they open the door, they look on the wall, they go, Oh, did you know that the largest funicular railway in Swaziland is called Derek?

Speaker 2 And then, while they're doing that, someone's run away.

Speaker 2 Okay, so use us as a decoy.

Speaker 2 Do what you want with it. It's a lovely certificate.

Speaker 2 And so, yeah, why don't we, because we haven't actually launched the tiers yet, why not give ourselves an honorary fact each that we will be the custodians of?

Speaker 2 And we should say, please join Clubfish at the Friend of the Podcast tier, because if nobody has joined Friend of the Podcast, we're going to have to do that again.

Speaker 2 And we're going to look really stupid.

Speaker 2 Okay, so the way we're going to do it is we're going to be allocating members in sequence, in a very particular order. So the first fact is now going to be allocated to Mr.
James Harkin.

Speaker 2 Thank you. James, please read us your fact.
Sorry, first I'd like to say a few words.

Speaker 2 I have an alibi for that night on the third. I was...

Speaker 2 Okay, so I am a custodian of fact number one in episode number one of No Such Things a Fish,

Speaker 2 which was that the large Hadron Collider had to be turned off because a bird dropped a bit of baguette into it. Stunning.
And what did I eat just before we came on air today? Baguette. A bird.

Speaker 2 A large hadron.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, I'm really honored to be the custodian of that. I promise to look after it well.
How does it feel?

Speaker 2 It feels good because it's a fact that can't be proven wrong because it's a historical fact. It's happened

Speaker 2 unless someone goes back in time, of course. But you would need some sort of enormous physical laboratory to go back in time.
It's impossible.

Speaker 2 Okay, so that's James's. Congratulations, James.
Thank you. That's a very exciting fact.
And your digital certificate is on its way. Woohoo.
All right.

Speaker 2 So Anna's not with us today, but obviously Anna is getting her own fact. And the second fact of the show was her fact.
So for Anna, we will be allocating.

Speaker 2 what is almost the classic fact of no such thing as a fish. Weird that it's the second one that we think is the classic.
Almost like the first one was a bit rubbish.

Speaker 2 It's like the Star Wars films in that respect. Yeah.
Carry on. Yeah, we want to be custodian of that first fact.

Speaker 2 So this was Anna's fact. For the last month of his life, U.S.
President James Garfield ate everything through his anus.

Speaker 2 What a fact. Congratulations, Anna.
What a fact. Your digital certificate will be on its way.
Dan, what about you? Are you going to get a fact from this?

Speaker 2 I am going to get a fact, but if we're going to go sequential, we should should assign each of our own facts i think for this first episode to each other so andy you're you're next and um

Speaker 2 your fact comes from james horrickin yeah didn't manage to get a fact into the episode one of no such thing as a fish try my best but you're welcome

Speaker 2 james just had two good facts this i think it's because it was a franken show right it wasn't it wasn't deliberate it wasn't deliberate it wasn't deliberate right uh

Speaker 2 hard to say So, yeah, so it's a good point. Like, we made a few shows, and then in the edit, we edited, again, it was a pilot.
Like, that episode was never meant to go out.

Speaker 2 I'll happily take one of James's facts. All right, so what is it? It's that, in 2013, six people in the USA named their child mushroom.
Very nice. Good fact.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't want to be associated with that fact anyway. Exactly.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Did you hate mushrooms as much then as you do now? It's been a whole life thing.
Right. Wow.
From as young as I remember being, I did not like mushrooms.

Speaker 2 Maybe if you'd been named mushroom, you wouldn't now have that phobia. I probably would hate it more because I can imagine the bullying I would have had.
Number of people saying you're a fun guy.

Speaker 2 Which you are. Yeah, but I feel like I would have become less and less fun over the years as people made that joke to me.
That's true. Yeah, that's understandable.
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 Well, those six people in the USA who were named mushroom will now be 12. Oh, yeah.
Yes. Years old.
I mean, they won't have doubled in size.

Speaker 2 They may reproduce with sports. We don't know.
That's actually the age that a lot of people who come to our shows who are like kids, that's when they start listening usually around 12, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, if you're in the USA and you are named Mushroom and you were born in 2013, do write in to podcast at QI.com.

Speaker 2 I wonder if it's gone up, you know, over the years.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, it'll be a popular name by now. Do you think so? Yeah, yeah.
Nice popular name in the States soon. Okay.
Well, there you go, Andy. Thank you very much.
You official custodian. I love it.

Speaker 2 The mushroom fans. Probably in a few years, there will be lots of people named Mushroom after the cloud.
Good gosh.

Speaker 2 All right, should we assign mine?

Speaker 2 So my fact, this was the fourth fact of the very first episode, is that Philippa Langley, who found Richard III's bones, was an amateur, but nonetheless saw him at a car park beneath a huge R, and the bones were beneath there.

Speaker 2 Could have done with an edit. Yeah.
Apologies for anyone who is custodian of Dan's facts because we won't be able to fit them on the certificate.

Speaker 2 I think at the time when I was typing up these episodes, I hadn't yet found my scrupulous methodology of writing the headline facts up in a really concise way.

Speaker 2 I don't think I would have said it like that. Yeah.
I think you might have said it like that.

Speaker 2 Well, okay. Well,

Speaker 2 that's how it goes. We're going to be doing this every week.
So join Friend of the Podcast. You will become the official custodian of one of our facts.

Speaker 2 and as of next week we'll be going from episode two onwards yes so if you want to find out how to do that and how to claim your fact uh then just go to patreon.com slash no such thing as a fish and even if you don't join at the friend of the podcast there are two other tiers available all of them contain all sorts of goodies whether that's ad-free stuff or merch or extra content every fortnight or little videos of us doing very very stupid stuff it's all so much fun and we're very excited to be making it.

Speaker 2 Just go to patreon.com slash no such thingasafish and check it out. And of course, if you want to get your fact on Little Fish, our new show here, thank you so much for listening.
Podcast at QI.com.

Speaker 2 And he goes through all the emails. He's going to be cherry-picking the best of them.
And we're going to bring more of them next Monday. Until then, goodbye.

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