We Blind Smell-Tested the Best (and Worst) Celebrity and Athlete Fragrances (PTFO Vault)

Okay, so hello, it is me, Pablo, entering, invading even your ears, because I have done something I have not done before,

which is take the advice of someone who once told me that if people wish to support you financially, if they wish to support your journalism, your very strange future of journalism, meaning your newsroom, your ambitions, your desire to investigate things people don't want you to investigate, you should let them.

And so I am am.

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Click the link in the show notes.

Help support us, please.

Thank you, thank you, thank you on that front.

And this, this episode today is a hand-picked episode from deep inside the PTFO vault that we sincerely hope you enjoy.

Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds Out.

I am Pablo Torre, and today we're going to find out what this sound is.

It's fruity in the back.

You get that like apple.

What do you say?

It's fruity in the back.

Fruity in the back.

It is.

Guys, grow up.

It's fruity in the back.

Right after this ad.

If you're looking to add something special to your next celebration, try Remy Martin 1738 Accord Royale.

This smooth, flavorful cognac is crafted from the finest grapes and aged to perfection, giving you rich notes of oak and caramel with every sip.

Whether you're celebrating a big win or simply enjoying some cocktails with family and friends, Remy Martin 1738 is the perfect spirit to elevate any occasion.

So go ahead, treat yourself to a little luxury, and try Remy Martin 1738 Accord Royale.

Learn more at remymartin.com.

Remy Martin Cognac, Feen Champion, African Alcohol by Volume 40 by Remy Control, USA Incorporated, New York, New York, 1738, Centaur Design.

Please drink responsibly.

Now, when we did the drinking-based podcast, we had a drinks expert.

Do you smell for a living?

No.

Okay.

Well, I don't know about cologne.

Well, I know about Jeremy Fragrance.

That's not true.

Lawrence is underselling his credentials.

I'm a men's lifestyle expert.

Oh, my God.

Are you familiar with men or lifestyle?

Both vaguely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that's what you're.

That's my whole life.

It's men and lifestyle.

Wow.

I have a podcast that talks about that kind of stuff.

Lawrence is doing

a broadcast.

Throwing Fitz is one of my favorite non-sports podcasts.

I feel like I've heard of this podcast.

It's a nice little meme account on Instagram.

For me, is it?

It's not a girl podcast.

There's like we have a 1% women listenership.

Yeah, I mean,

same working at sports.

Congrats on your podcast announcements.

Thank you.

I mean, the number five podcast on the sports Apple chart.

It's just because it's based on new subscribers.

Oh, for you.

We don't even have an episode.

It doesn't matter.

Don't even have an episode yet.

Are we wrong on various episodes?

One last thing before we start, you guys, the Invisalign's done.

Oh my God.

Look at that.

Katie's hot now.

Katie's hot now.

I'm now unapproachable.

Please don't approach me.

I'm too hot to talk to you.

This is the third episode in a trilogy that I want to catch Lawrence up on.

Please do.

Katie and I have tested athlete alcohol and we declared, what sucked in your memory?

Oh, I think it was.

Oh, Michael Jordan's

tequila was terrible.

So bad.

Did you have the LeBron Henney?

No, we had LeBron tequila.

The Lobos, right?

We were eventually very drunk.

You got fancy.

Very drunk.

We got pretty drunk, yeah.

Yeah.

Charles Woodson's, we didn't like.

It was basically as much athlete alcohol as we could get.

Yeah.

C.J.

McCollum's wine was pretty good.

Yeah, I think it was.

I think vaguely that I remember that it was.

I don't, it was one of the first things we drank.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

So we'll have to go to the tape.

It feels like it's in enveloping my tongue.

Does that make sense?

It is.

I feel it on like all sides of my tongue.

This is good stuff.

Relatedly, Katie Nolan hasn't dumped any of the wine that she's been tasting.

Cheese.

Not a bit.

When I puked it all up, I didn't even taste that.

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

That was part one.

Yeah.

Part two was athlete weed.

Right.

With my fiancé, Dan Soder, who is a weed expert.

Yeah.

Very funny man.

all right thank you i'll let him know and thank you i made him this way thank you for bringing all this great

how much of it stays would you say because you don't want to get caught carrying this much you get in some real trouble

typical dealer comes over smokes some of it eats some of your food plays your video

this is a story records everything you do and publishes on as a podcast guy's probably wearing a wire

Gary Payton.

Yeah, was the best, which we, I mean, that we knew.

Smoking that glove pack, dude.

And Dan cannot smell.

Has no sense of smell.

Was very upset today when I was leaving.

Physically cannot smell.

Tell Pablo, I said, hi.

COVID knocked it out completely.

So now it's like gone.

But he also insists his taste is untouched.

And I'm like, how does that work?

Not possible.

Right.

What I know is that I trust his agency on his own senses.

And he tells me he can't smell, so he's not here today.

Useless.

And so I was like, who in the world can fill this third share?

And I said, okay, who hosts a show that I love?

thank you

check who was able to convince me using the word uh master perfumer oh yeah yeah that uh he has some knowledge of cologne perfumier I don't know

you did say that in the kitchen is that a word perfumier I don't know he was referencing a guy what was the guy you do know his name is Rodrigo I don't know his last name you met a perfumier named Rodrigo and I was like that's plenty what else could a man named Rodrigo do for a living that's the nose nose got a smell i believe you also said a quote in a text i know what I like and have gotten a lot of expensive shit for free.

Yes.

Okay.

That is a fact.

100%.

All right.

Katie, what do you know about cologne?

Nothing.

Yeah.

Don't wear it.

I don't wear perfume.

I guess girl cologne.

Cologne for girls.

But then again, like, I get, I'm, I, the man, the object of my affection can't smell.

So what am I wasting my time smelling all nice for?

Just farting with impunity.

Yeah, exactly.

But I think I like know if I like the way something smells.

Yeah.

Not afraid to say it.

So we have in this corner of the room 11 different

athletes slash celebrity colognes slash perfumes.

They've created a whole system.

We're going to blind smell this.

Okay.

Can we not call it fragrance?

Fragrances is what I'm being told in my ear by Rob, who collected all of this stuff.

Not to a denigrate.

Are we doing it like they do at a counter where they spray it on a little thing and then they waft it in front of your nose?

You will see.

We have testers pre-sprayed.

Great.

Each individually bagged.

And we have reveals in which we will find out what it was.

Comes on plastic.

Some notes, literal and fingers.

The notes of plastic.

Yeah, I wonder if this is how, like, this is not an official method.

Doesn't feel it.

Okay, I'm being told to defend the method.

There's a whole method.

Sorry, boys.

Long before the athlete weed strain and celebrity tequila brands, famous people were selling vanity fragrances.

And so I figured with about a month before Valentine's Day that we might do everybody out there a service.

So if you're listening to this instead of watching it on YouTube, what you should know about our method here is that Katie Nolan, Lawrence Schlossman, and I are going into this whole exercise completely blind.

That means we're going to start by taking these pre-sprayed paper strips of the vanity fragrance in question out of a Ziploc bag, at which point we will give our unbiased review of it using only our sense of smell, and we're not going to find out which celebrity it even is until the end of that segment when we open a sealed paper bag to reveal the bottle our producers bought for us inside.

But if you are in fact watching this on YouTube or the DraftKings Network, our producers are also going to try something a little bit different for you.

Because they are going to show you the celebrity behind each fragrance early and completely silently, just on screen, while we're doing our smell test, so you can know and see how powerful or not our noses are before we do.

This is apparently the experience our producers had while watching us tape this episode.

And this episode, by the way, will keep escalating as we get deeper and deeper into this list of 11 mystery fragrances about which we know absolutely nothing.

And that is for better and also, spoiler alert, for worse.

We begin with fragrance number one.

Oh, this smells like my dad 36.

This is bright.

Sorry?

Bright.

Okay.

Meaning it like perks you up almost?

No, just fresh, bright.

Smells like dad.

It smells like aftershave, dad.

It smells like a bunch of dads rolling around in a field.

Smells like dad camp.

Get a little barbershop.

Okay.

Smells like suppressed emotional accessibility.

but it does unrequited love and affection.

But there is like an after-shave aspect to this.

This smells like a

family function that I have to go to and give a lot of hugs at when I'm

hugs with men?

Yes.

Does it smell expensive to you?

Honestly, kind of.

A little bit.

A little because it has this, like, here we go.

New money.

New money.

It has this like depth in the back end of it.

Oh, wow.

It like dips down in a way that you're like, oh, there's dipping.

There's more to this.

Yeah.

There's more to this than meets the eye, nose,

ear, or throat.

Yeah, that's nice.

It's nice.

I came in expecting, like, I'm going to get all over this.

And then I'm like, ah, this feels like kind of like the man that I once imagined I would be one day.

Is it time to reveal?

Should we put these back in the one bag?

Lock them up.

Or do we need to keep them for content?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Put them in the bag so that we can isolate them.

Oh, let's get some ASMR there, Pablo.

It's like lunch.

This is, and I don't know the answer to this either until right now.

Michael Jordan's column.

Did not do a small dead dad.

Vap potty sad.

Did you say it smelled like dead dad?

No, we're talking about like male relatives.

I said unrequited love and affection.

Oh, wow.

I mean, murdered father.

That's right.

Smells like longing.

Hold on.

Listen, guy sucks at tequila, but

look at this packaging here.

Look at this.

Yeah, exactly.

Come hold that.

Describe it for the bad.

There's a debossed basketball in the glass.

Yeah, that you could put your thumb in.

That's actually quite nice.

I would definitely be holding it that way while spraying it.

It has a flask aspect.

This might pair well with like cigar smoke and

beer pong and rumor.

Taking things personally.

Gambling debt.

Yeah.

Michael Jordan by Michael Jordan is

an aromatic fragrance for men.

So we nailed that.

The nose behind this fragrance is Steve DeMercado.

That I believe is a term of art for the nose.

Perfume.

For the perfumier.

Top notes are cypress, grapefruit, lemon, cognac,

geranium, cedar needles, Brazilian rosewood.

CD Needy.

That's fun to say.

Middle notes, fir, juniper berries, fir, lavender,

F-IR.

Like that.

No, I lose my mind and what I was like.

Bear.

Pelt.

Incense, green tea, clary, sage, and cloves.

Base notes are sandalwood, musk, and patchouli.

That's all I smell.

I'm learning.

All I get are the base notes because the musk.

I got some of that bright shit up top, though.

I can see that.

That citrus.

I know no one said that, but I kind of.

I think he did.

Did you describe what top, middle, and

broken skirt?

But I will describe that for you now.

Thanks.

Because a top note, according to the increasingly terrible AI overview on Google.

Is when you eat rocks.

I love that as a dead.

I'm so lazy.

I love that AI overview.

It's so much worse.

It's not right.

It's so much worse.

Nothing I say is right anyway.

Top notes.

The first scents you smell when you apply a fragrance, also known as head notes or opening notes.

They're the most volatile of the three fragrance notes and are made up of small, light molecules that evaporate quickly.

Top notes, usually compose of citrus and fruity ingredients, but can also include fresh herbs.

Some light top.

That is a fragrance that costs, what do you think?

$55.

$50

over under.

Oh, so you can price.

It's $21.36.

What is it?

It's so cheap.

It smells like a bunch of the greatest

athlete in all time.

Good.

I don't, that smelled awful.

Honestly, though, once you know it's a $20 cologne, it smells like shit.

Smells like shit.

Does the silhouette of his bald head,

unmistakably his bald head

embossed and also like some red foil?

Does that do anything for you?

That's cheap.

That's like you buy this at a grocery store.

That sounded cheap.

Zacrogus cologne.

Damn.

Now, I'm told that between these scents, we should be

palate cleansing by sniffing some coffee or your elbow.

Is this like Maxwell House?

And we confirm that this is an old wives' tale, right?

I'm being told to remind you guys that we have no idea if this actually works, but they also advise you to smell yourself.

Is that what you were doing just then?

I thought you were like sneezing in a weird way.

They say smell your own elbow.

Number two.

Yeah, number two.

Oh, this one smells very different.

This is very different.

Is this sprayed one second ago?

These are sprayed two hours ago, for the record.

It's very sweet.

By our lab full of scientists.

Aquatic.

Definitely sweeter.

Katie's right.

Yeah.

So it might be, does that mean it's perfume, do you think?

Maybe.

This is striking me as much more feminine

than MJ's Musk.

Right, right, right.

You wear this to your quinceanera.

This is, that's what I'm getting, 100%.

This is a sweet treat.

This is like I'm reading a Red Book magazine and one of the pages is stuck together because of a perfume ad and I peel it off and it rips it open and I'm like, ooh.

Yeah, this is like a magazine where the pages are stuck together for different reasons.

Okay.

All right, Pablo.

Shout out Victoria's Secret.

It almost smells like a perfume that is by a celebrity that I know of, but I don't think it's that.

Like a Jessica Simpson Walmart.

Yeah.

Sweet.

I said sweet.

You said sweet.

You just said it loud.

There aren't a lot of base notes to this is what I would say.

This is like the antithesis of patchouli.

This is not a barbershop.

This is...

It's florally, but like not really.

It's like lightly, it's almost like a gardenia.

Like sophomore semi-formal.

Like this is the scent that sticks in my mind years later when I'm trying to remember in my personal

memory bank.

Sense memory.

That's right.

It's a this is feminine.

This is distinctly feminine.

Whereas I felt the first was distinctly masculine.

I agree.

All right.

So I think we're on the same page.

This is a perfect.

So let's let's find out.

All right, this should be interesting.

We're judging a cologne by its cover.

Whoa.

Ooh.

Excuse me.

A there for boys.

There are no words on this.

Can you describe this?

This may be for boys.

It's green.

This is Seahawks perfume.

The color of the liquid is green, unless that's the glass.

Nope, it's the liquid.

It is mountain dew-colored.

And the ecto-cooler.

That's right.

It looks delicious.

This is for boys.

This is a product known as Avon Untouchable.

Okay.

by chris paul wow

i do regret my previous description how much do you think this costs why is there no branding there's

good also good question did this drop when he was on the pelicans what is happening here right it's so crooked too it's like every part of it is leading sit right it sits and then also this so it's like if you're gonna do that then at least make that flush with the i don't know man i hate it twelve dollars oh okay what did you guys pay you guys paid $1,537.

Probably $78.

We paid $28.99.

Wow.

And you got fleeced.

If you're looking to add something special to your next celebration, try Remy Martin 1738 Accord Royale.

This smooth, flavorful cognac is crafted from the finest grapes and aged to perfection, giving you rich notes of oak and caramel with every sip.

Whether you're celebrating a big win or simply enjoying some cocktails with family and friends, Remy Martin 1738 is the perfect spirit to elevate any occasion.

So go ahead, treat yourself to a little luxury, and try Remy Martin 1738 Accord Royale.

Learn more at remymartin.com.

Remy Martin Cogg Feene Champagne and Fortune Alcoholic Volume recorded by Remy Control, USA Incorporated in York, New York, 1738.

Centaur design.

Please drink responsibly.

All right, gals, here we go.

These are wet.

These are all wet.

I don't know where to touch these because they're all wet.

Oh,

that's now that's different.

This is very different.

This is very different.

We are redefining the spectrum of femininity, I dare say.

That is a scented marker from

elementary school.

You get high off this.

Did you get too close to the blue or purple marker?

I'm going to briefly huff the Ziploc bag as you would.

With

yeah.

I got to be careful.

I got an addictive personality.

Lauren's going to take the Ziploc bag next week.

You just don't galaxy.

Color marker.

I love that because I'm getting like it's, I think it's like the almost like maybe the brown.

Remember the brown one was always like, what is this?

I'm not like a fan.

Could you picture it on someone?

Because to me, even though it's making me think of a marker, if I'm picturing it on someone, it's a very older woman.

This is a great aunt.

A very older woman.

The person who wears this fragrance has a padded toilet seat.

And a small dog.

I love a padded toilet seat.

I hate it.

Like, not to have, and obviously, the bacteria of it, but remember how nice it was when you had seen it.

No, it's the worst.

It's like s into a pillow.

Yeah.

Which

kind of nice.

I'm not here to yuck your yum.

If this is a cologne, I'll eat my hat.

I am getting the sense, though, why people are into galaxy gas, though, which I have discovered as a team in kids and possibly adults.

I've heard it's good, allegedly.

Don't use it.

It puts holes in your brain, okay?

You're going to whip it?

No, because it puts holes in your brain.

Remember when we visited?

uh we can bleep this institution out yes yes and then they moved a pillow and a billion carton shell casings shell casings of um of little co2 cartons katie and i went to a party because someone else brought us to this mina mina at

there you go and the floor was like a shooting arrow

where they were just like hell yeah

gatling gunning i was like you're our future you're our brightest you're our best and our brightest

So this is galaxy gas for your great aunt.

Which she probably prescribed.

Do not like.

Do not like.

Back in the bag it goes.

Let's get this.

Someone is wearing this.

I am.

I am not into it.

No pun intended.

All right.

Let's see what it is.

Katie Nolan.

No, it's not Britney Spears.

No, it's not Britney Spears.

That's not Curious.

I've worn Curious.

You thought.

I thought.

Why is it in the full box, you guys?

No.

Am I thinking of a different Britney Spears fragrance?

So apparently.

How many are there?

There are two different types of Britney Spears fragrances, Curious and Curious Love.

Whoa.

Wait, is the Curious Love in a pink round bottle with little green dots on it?

It is.

That's the one I love.

So they're both inquisitive fragrances, but one is romance-driven.

This is a little low.

I love

Katie wore a version of this perfume.

I loved Britney Spears.

I love Britney Spears.

The Curious Woman, and this is capital C, the Curious Woman is romantic.

Check.

Independent.

Check.

Mischievous.

You're talking about me?

Katie not a bad person.

A romantic?

Romantic, independent, and mischievous.

Okay.

One who's not afraid of risk.

This is such a small bottle.

Like, you're getting so little actual product.

I wonder what the price then, the damage on this for getting so little seemingly.

I would say this is

40 bucks.

Best bottle, though.

45 bucks.

Best bottle.

Grab the bottle, please.

A genie bottle, but it's which, you know, Christina Guiller, but it's very like angular on the ends.

It's like almost like a clamshell.

It's blue, like blue.

30 milliliters.

30 milliliters, tiny little guys.

Would this be like a diamond?

Maybe.

It kind of does look like a cartoon diamond.

All right.

Well, this is definitely a Walmart thing.

So I'm going to go

15.

This is definitely a Walmart thing.

What do you mean by that?

Because British Spears has to deal with Walmart.

Launch in 04.

It became an instant hit with the public.

Composition is based on the notes of white flowers, surrounded with vanilla and musk nuances.

It opens with fresh lotus, mouth-watering pear and magnolia, the intensive floral heart.

Pear is there for sure.

The intensive floral heart.

Like me.

It's composed of tuber rose, tuberose,

jasmine, and pink cyclamin.

Cyclamin?

Those are my three favorite Disney princesses.

That's what the

wise men brought in Britney Spears.

Yes.

Frankincense and pink psilocybin.

The sensual base is composed of musk, vanilla, and precious woods.

Sensual base.

Precious woods.

Yeah, that's a lot, Britt.

It is the kind of scent that

makes your parents want to control control your finances.

Oh, I was going to say get divorced.

Katie,

Lauren said, $15.

I'm going to say

$30.

Britney Spears,

Curious.

Yeah.

$16.74.

Wow.

Wow.

This man knows what Real America wants to smell.

Finger on the scent pulse.

Yeah, dude.

I know they want lotus flower for 16 bones.

Precious wood.

Number four.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wow.

You guys spray these and put them right in the bag.

Holy shit.

Oh, my God.

Whoa.

Yo, dude.

You are waiting online to get in the club.

This is.

Oh, my God.

You are talking to me about something I don't care about.

This is gasoline.

Oh, my God.

You won't shut up.

I just got roofied by this fragrance.

Oh, my God.

Crypto?

This smells like crypto.

Oh, my God.

It's tough to put near your nose.

He still owns NFTs.

Like, this is so bad.

This guy had caught one of those, those apes.

This fragrance owns multiple board apes.

Says diamond hands unironically.

This is a rough one.

It's really alcohol-y.

I might have to tap out.

That's really, really heinous.

That's not good.

Yeah, you hate to see this fragrance at a college reunion.

It's just too much.

It's too much.

I want to say European, but that might be too derogatory.

It's a coked-up business pitch.

It's a like, dude, I think

we should

talk about investments.

I cannot wait to find out what this is.

I know.

I hope it's like,

oh, I just hope it's an athlete I don't like.

Yes, CR7, dude.

Yes.

Cristiano Ronaldo popping out of this paper bag could not have been more perfect.

You're missing the operative word, origins.

Origins?

Holy please describe what the packaging this is like.

I'm so happy right now.

Our nose is just.

You would think that he would just go shirtless, right?

But he's wearing a shirt completely unbuttoned with the kind of come hither look that an absolute moron is going to snatch right off the shelf.

This is.

Look at that expression.

At the top where you push.

where you inflict damage upon says CR7, but it kind of looks like it says cry.

And I love that.

Oh my God, that's fing brutal.

That is fragrance imitating life.

This is a new fragrance.

You guys have an Origins was launched in 2022.

Top notes are bay leaf, Mandarin Orange.

Bay leaf.

What is this, a soup?

Send this perfume yet to the Hague, dude.

This is terrible.

Middle notes are Clary Sage, Lavender, and Geranium.

Base notes are patchouli and ass.

Dog.

And cheeks.

Spread cheeks.

How much?

What are you guys saying?

I said $50.

I said $68.

$68.

$25.

Thank God.

Thank God.

Thank God.

Okay, Cristiano, you win this time.

Oh, get it out.

Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Container.

Where's the bag?

Container.

Where's the bag?

I don't know.

We have a breach.

It breached.

Oh, God.

How do you get it off our fingers?

Oh, my God.

It is on my fingers.

It lingers.

Oh, don't smell my finger.

Number five.

Oh, it's cinnamon.

Oh, it's spice.

Oh.

Oh, it's all spice.

It's

old spice.

It's it's pungent.

Five spice.

It is like in your spice cabinet or rack where all the spices have been and they all kind of voltron to be, you know, it's like every all spices.

Yeah, this is the bottom of your grinder if you smoked spices.

Oh, it's settling in.

At a certain point, the spiciness begins to wear a suit.

I'm kind of fing with it now.

Okay, but then on the back, it's like sweet and almost floral.

In the back, it's like.

Yeah, this back, there's a lot going on.

Baby got it.

It settles in tenderly.

Yes.

Yes, it holds you nicely.

We've been on a run of three straight ass

fragrances.

This is gross.

This is nice.

This smells expensive.

Yeah.

This feels like a chance that you're taking.

You're going out and you're like, I'm going to try to be this guy.

And I'm kind of intrigued by what this guy's life is like.

Yeah, maybe some type of performative accessory, you know, a new hat.

Try a hat, but you might take it off halfway through because you're crushing the news.

This is crushed under the weight of it.

This is the new hat.

Ordering a drink that you never order because you're like, this kind of feels right tonight.

This is Cristiano Ronaldo's friend, who in comparison

is the guy you want to spend

your night out with.

This is Cristiano Ronaldo with his shirt buttoned up.

Yeah, just

being normal.

I think I quite like it.

I reserve the right to say I hate it once I see whose it is.

Very good.

Let's find out.

I'll put it in the bag because we cannot have another voice.

It's Robert Downey Jr.

as Sherlock Holmes in the Guy Richie movies.

I do think that's nice.

Guys, no, let's go.

What is it?

Yes!

You said

we nailed it.

I think so too.

Nailed it.

No, David Beckham nailed it.

Yeah.

That's a really good fragrance, David.

I quite like that.

Instinct.

Spice.

What did the first thing I said when I I smelled it a bunch?

Spice.

Rewind the tape.

Posh spice, I said.

Wow.

This is posh spice.

And it is a posh smelling.

Oh, my God.

I do love this.

Should we take a look at the bottle?

Are you really good at this?

Do you think we should do this for our living?

I'm canceling my podcast, and I'm starting.

I mean, that just looks like cologne.

Right.

That was like a possibility.

But even the box, a classy box.

Classy box.

The posh spice box.

This is

this is like his version of Tom Ford cologne branding, almost like

even nicer in the bottle, if I may say.

Oh, yeah.

Notes.

We're back to the vetiver.

Bergamot or bergamot?

I think it's bergamot, but don't quote me.

Which is like a yellow fruit, an orange, some are saying.

Amandarin orange is another one.

Star Anise.

Pimento.

Okay.

Patchouli.

Yeah.

Cardamom.

Cardamom.

White amber.

I think we're missing the biggest thing, the juxtaposition between David Beckham and Christiano Ronablo.

When it comes down to having taste or no taste.

This is a tasteful guy.

Yeah.

It's a tasteful phrase.

True.

Yeah.

Cristiano Ronaldo, no taste, and gasoline.

The scene in the David Beckham dock, which I did not watch all of, but just have seen that.

Yeah, exactly.

We're very working, working class.

Being honest.

I am being honest.

I am being honest.

Where did your dad drive you to school in?

So my dad.

No,

my dad, what?

What car was it?

All right, it's not a simple answer because.

what did you get your dent to drop?

It depends.

No, no, no, no, no.

Okay, in the 80s, my dad had a Rolls-Royce.

Thank you.

So, on that note, what do you think this runs?

Yeah, that's a floral note.

I'm going to say this is a

$60 to $70 bottle of Perfect.

Yeah, I'm thinking $75.

Guys.

Yeah.

This is $19.20.

Come on.

Go buy it.

The best $19 you've ever watched.

Stock is stuffer.

$75 million.

Are we way wrong?

Is this

a deal?

It's a deal.

Is that a bad thing?

It's a good fragrance.

That's legit.

This is currently the leader.

Yeah.

Oh, without it.

There's not even close, dude.

Number six.

Oh.

Yowzah.

All right, this needs to be.

Which is wet.

This is very wet.

Wetter than Beck's got you?

Oh, boy.

This is

something else.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's cinnamon.

That's.

Oh, I hate this.

That's heavy musk.

That is Elon as f.

My reaction to smelling this is like a meer cat popping out of a burrow, and I'm deciding whether to pop back down.

And I think I'm...

I think I'm back in the burrow.

This is dirty to me.

You got to pop out and smell fragrances.

This is a little filthy.

Okay, that is really not getting less strong.

This is a turn for the worse.

It's becoming more.

It smells like a woman wearing a suit for the first time.

It feels like the first time a lady ever was like, women can wear suits as well.

That woman wore this perfume.

It smells like shoulder pads.

Right.

It smells like a shoulder pad, a big gold button.

This smells like she can have it all.

She can.

Let's see it.

If it's for a man, I'll be surprised.

Gob smacked.

This is a big package.

Okay.

Gobsmacked.

Oh, fuck.

Brady.

Oh, my God.

Tom Brady.

I thought it was Chris Pratt.

I don't have my glasses on.

How light-skinned is Chris Brown?

No, Chris Pratt.

Oh.

I don't think it's Chris.

I don't say that person's name.

Tom Brady.

First of all, Stetson.

So collab with the hat company?

Yeah.

Damn.

You got your cologne at the hat company.

That's where my friend went to college, Stetson.

Oh.

To learn.

is a term original.

Stetson.

The legendary fragrance of the American West.

A rich, masculine blend

of rugged woods and spice.

This is a miss.

Baby, baby, baby, no.

Incomplete.

Bass notes.

Musk, vanilla, honey, tonka bean.

Tonka bean?

What's that?

Tonka trucks also make beans.

Much like Stetson also wears.

At Tonka Bell.

That's right.

What do you think it costs?

$12.99.

$55.

$30.47.

This is the most expensive cologne so far.

Really?

Correct.

We've done a lot of patriarchal scouting of these fragrances.

This.

This is the first lady.

This is a lady that we should respect.

This is Dr.

Jill Biden.

God rest her soul.

What?

Dr.

Jill.

Still with us.

Imagine you found out that's how she died right now.

That would be hilarious, right?

Sorry.

Not Dr.

Jill.

Really?

This is soft and delicate.

I would like my laundry to kind of smell like this.

You know?

Yeah, or my bed sheets, you know?

Yeah.

Wow.

Sexist again.

I want this to make me a delicious sandwich.

I want this to cook for me.

I guess I can still be sexist even though I'm married.

Bear my children.

There's a subtlety here.

This smells like how I remember that Britney Spears perfume smelling.

Is this the romance version?

I don't think they would do both.

These diabolical monsters?

It's fruity in the back.

You get that like apple.

What do you say?

It's fruity in the back.

Fruity in the back.

It is.

Guys, grow up.

It's fruity in the back.

I like this.

I like this.

I like this.

I like this.

All right, guys, marry it.

Why don't you?

Jesus.

Simps.

This is for sure perfume.

It's not going to sleep with you.

So I'm just being people on the internet when you're nice to a lady.

Hope she sees this.

Yeah, you can't just be polite.

No.

I mean, they're still correct, probably.

This is nice.

Yeah.

This is a winner for the moment.

I'm not saying mean, it's like

light.

It's but also feminine enough to satisfy, again, my most

aspirational alpha desires.

Yeah.

Okay.

Papa's.

Alpha.

Oh, alpha.

I like it.

I like it a lot.

Papa's not.

I can't make eye contact with Papa while he's taking it.

Everybody.

It's making me very uncomfortable.

Look at me.

No.

It's nice.

It's light.

It's floral.

It's fruity.

This is wonderful.

It's like almost like a peach or like a.

This is like the drink you order at dinner, and your friends are like beginning to make fun of you.

And then you're like, try it.

They're like, is that elderflower in there?

And you're like, just take a sip.

Bet you regret making fun of me now.

Soft.

Let's do what number seven is.

Soft.

Soft as baby.

Wow.

General.

This is me now.

This is us now.

Still.

She did it again.

She did it again.

That J-Lo.

She is still doing that.

What still can she do?

What can't she do?

That's tracks.

Be still my heart.

The block.

Katie and I have made fun of J-Lo in the past.

I apologize.

She popped out recently.

I want to say it was something political in a brown outfit that my jaw was on the floor.

This is what a celebrity smells like.

Yeah.

It's called still.

That's good.

That's nice.

Maybe she's contemplating making this her daily driver.

$17.99.

My daily driver.

$17.99.

This is my Adam driver, $17.99.

I bet it, because I guarantee you, she's moving bricks of this.

$20.

$26.23.

And worth every penny, I think.

Very beautiful.

Very beautiful.

Very delicate.

That's why you can't make eye contact with her.

This is aspirational for a certain type of J-Lo head, for sure.

J-Lo, you did it again.

Feed my kids tonight or fing smell like J-Lo.

I get that J-Lo.

This next fragrance needs to earn it.

They can't coast on it.

So many have.

They cannot coast on the legacy of Jennifer Lopez.

Huh.

This literally smells like the standard hotel in Miami.

Pablo and I were talking about this earlier.

This just smells like their lobby scent.

Which is definitely something way more expensive and better than whatever this is, but

this is soapy.

in a bad way.

Yeah, it smells um

very soapy.

I like a luxury hotel lobby.

Yeah,

we all know this about you.

I like this.

There is restraint.

I credit this for its restraint.

Are you getting perfume or cologne?

I don't, it's unisex, it feels.

Yeah, right.

I'm a fan.

And if this is cheap enough, straight to cart.

Let's open up the bag.

I'm really curious about this one.

Wow.

Why does Will Levis have a fragrance?

Excuse me.

Why is it so good?

And why isn't it called Will Levis?

Read it more closely.

Will Levis number eight, Hellman's Parfum de Mayonnaise.

Yo, they killed it.

That's so

funny.

So here's in the commercials, right?

Yes.

It's so funny that you guys thought it was incredible.

Can you buy this or is it?

Do you get it when you order a jar of package?

It doesn't smell like mayonnaise.

It wasn't supposed to, was it?

Like, I don't.

So it is to Lawrence's

taste and appreciation for the finer things in life.

This is impossible to find now.

It's all sold out.

Can't get it.

Ah, there you go.

You should take it.

Can't add to carte.

But it, but they smells more like mayonnaise up close.

And now that I

know that is it supposed to smell like jay?

Will Levis, number eight, parfume de mayonnaise, opens opens the bright burst of tart lemon that provides a refreshing and clean introduction.

At the heart of the fragrance lies a creamy, daring mayonnaise accord.

What?

Daring?

Daring?

Creamy and daring?

Creamy, daring mayonnaise accord.

Like it's the Geneva ones.

Yep.

Offering a smooth and complex heart.

We're describing Lawrence so far, by the way.

I am creamy and delightful.

Yeah.

And a complex heart.

Okay.

Parsley adds a fresh herbal element, reminiscent of of a well-prepared dish.

And of course, his fragrance would not be complete without subtle coffee undertones reminiscent of Will's signature mayonnaise-infused caffeine beverage.

Apparently,

Will Levis's drinks mayo.

He has a signature mayonnaise-infused caffeine beverage.

Oh, this is a thing, right?

He puts mayonnaise in his coffee.

Wait, really?

That's that, and that's why they signed him?

Will Levis, quarterback at the University of Kentucky, and I have been known to put mayonnaise in my coffee sometimes.

A sensual musk base weaves through the composition, evoking physicality and charisma.

Finally, we finish off with a comforting, creamy vanilla finish that is equal parts inviting and intriguing.

The vanilla was there.

No.

That's the hotel lobby.

I hesitate to say that Katie comes out looking great.

Yes, for sure.

Test.

But it shouldn't be that good for what I think.

They had no business trying as hard as it did.

Yeah, they put their whole

into that.

They're mussy.

Yeah.

They're mayusy.

I mean,

it is creamy and daring.

No, absolutely not.

Number nine.

Very nice, very delicate.

This feels like a lady to me.

This smells generic to me.

Like a platonic ideal of perfume.

It's almost evasive to me.

In a world in which people are screaming, I'm not even sure what gender this is, honestly.

Enigma.

A riddle.

It's like a woodsy.

I have such a headache from this.

Yeah.

Just a beak.

Is it possible to be drunk off of smelling fragrances?

When you picture perfume, you picture this smell.

This is what you, yeah, you smell.

Dare I say that it almost feels feels like it's like an algorithmic.

I liked it more at first than I do now.

This is a centrist,

admittedly, I'm a little gun-shy, also, because I was just praising the mayo fragrance.

Yeah, dude, the mayo is better than this.

I don't care what comes out of the bag, the mayo is better than this.

We can only find a sample of this.

Oh, broke.

Oh my god.

What is it?

Driven

by

Derek Jeter.

What?

Yo, that's kind of nailed him.

Is this kind of

going in the gift bag for the, for the ladies?

Driven away from my home.

No, it's an Avon.

It's another Avon jam.

Autograph baseball.

It's a sample of Derek Jeter driven.

That's captain.

Boring.

And I love.

I grew up adoring this man.

Because he got ass.

Man.

He was clutch.

Yeah.

And he's a snooze fest.

If you are a Yankee fan from Staten Island and you buy the driven cologne and you put that on, you're going to be upset.

You're going to be disappointed.

It's not

a hate crime.

Still a Hall of Famer, to be clear.

Unambiguous.

We can't take that away.

They won't let us.

Thank you for clarifying.

They won't let us.

But if we could, we'd revoke it because of that

perfume.

Jeez.

That's not.

Not good.

Just really boring.

Not my cup of tea.

Like Jeets.

Yeah, Jeets.

Yeah, Jeets.

Number 10.

Oh, this is juicy.

This is juicy.

Jeez.

That'll get you.

Oh, that's what the Brady Spirit smells like to me.

Yeah.

This is bubblegum.

This is Bath and Body Works.

This is Jessica Simpson written all over it.

Something like that.

It's one of those for sure.

This is fruity.

This is David La Chapelle.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is those Steve Madden ads where they used to make their heads really big and their bodies really small.

This is a brat's doll.

Yeah.

This is no one over the age of 14.

This is youthful.

This is exhausting me just to smell it.

If you are wearing this

and you are not a 14 year old, you should be arrested.

You're on a watch.

I'm telling you this is Britney.

This smells like the Britney Spears.

I know I'm going to keep saying this.

Chris Hansen should walk in the door

now that we've broken this out of the Ziploc.

It's not as bad as they're making it sound.

It's just very bright, very sweet.

For me, good instincts for you both to be repulsed by the scent of a child girl.

For the record love that good job doing a great job.

I hate this.

You hate it.

I never

gross.

I can picture it bullying me.

Oh.

I am scared of it.

Mean girl.

This fragrance is the reason why Katie got Invisalott.

It ends really, really sweet.

Like, the more I'm sitting with it, the more it's like, wow, right.

Cotton candy.

Get it.

You're 12.

This is.

Taylor Swift Wonderstruck.

Just nailed it.

That tracks.

Nailed it.

That tracks.

And I like T-Suiz, but yeah, this is preying on the parents of young girls who don't have the money to spend.

Wonder Strack!

You big.

Thunderstruck Taylor's version.

Also, no, is this the real.

Is this the real bottle?

Just zero effort.

It's a travel size.

Yeah.

It's a travel size.

Travel-size.

You know, you want to smell like Taylor Swift.

Travel with someone.

It smells like a Taylor Swift concert.

This is exactly right.

Do you think that Taylor Swift smells like this?

Hell no.

Wonderstruck Wonderstruck is the first fragrance from the young American pop country singer Taylor Swift launched in cooperation with the cosmetic company Elizabeth Arden.

Wonderstruck is named after the lyrics from the song Enchanted.

Quote, I'm Wonderstruck, comma, and blushing all the way home.

Cool portmanteau.

Which tell about the feeling and the impression you get when you first meet someone you like.

Taylor hopes that her fragrance will be an essential part of many impressions in first meetings.

What do you think

Wonderstruck

Swift costs?

It tracks, but I thought it would, this is

fragrant, so I don't think she's low end.

I don't think she was a full-blown capitalist yet.

Yeah.

How much she would sell it for, I will say that size bottle,

$17.99.

The travel size bottle is $9.99.

$59.99.

What the f?

How dare you underestimate it?

She's been a full-blown capitalist the whole time.

Wonderstruck.

$59.99 for the travel size.

Damn, we've been wonderstruck.

That's that's crazy town.

Egregious.

Man, they delivered to your house on a private jet.

That's bad.

That's interesting.

That's the worst.

That being the most expensive and the smallest size, other than the jeter one, and with the least appeal.

That is only for little girls.

The last fragrance.

Oh, good.

Number 11.

Jesus Christ.

What is that?

Is that spearament?

Wow.

This is potent.

This is the most.

I feel like this is hell.

Besides Christiana.

I have not smelled this since origin.

This sits outside in a folding chair and whistles at me.

Man, I'm afraid of this.

This is an elks club.

A VFW hall.

Oh, this one has seen some things and done some things.

As I'm sitting with it, I don't dislike it

necessarily.

Yeah, I'm getting Vietnam vet for sure.

Man.

Maybe it'll settle a bit.

Yeah,

it really does come on strong.

It's kind of like deep.

It's kind of like

the back of my nose.

I feel that.

I feel that actually.

And it's like earthy and woodsy.

Let it be known.

It's going to be like John Madden or like some old Terry Bradshaw.

Oh, I hope it's Terry Bradshaw.

You know, something like an old guy.

I see this being a Terry Bradshaw.

Me too, actually.

Almost medicinal.

Yeah,

this is a guy rolls into your one-horse town.

He's got a

briefcase full of whatever.

Yes.

And this is one of those.

Yeah.

A polio.

Here you go, dog.

But it doesn't smell cheap.

Like this kind of smell.

No, no, no, no.

It's like...

But like homebrewed.

I think I'm giving it credit for being different.

It's very different than what we've smelled today.

This is alluring.

This is the work of an old man.

Is it snake oil?

Is it penicillin?

Who's the cares?

He's got stories

and his own bottle of whiskey.

Our last fragrance is.

Drum roll.

Oh,

wow.

Damn.

We're going to cut that.

We got God.

We're going to cut that.

We got God.

We got God.

Snake oil salesman.

No.

I think we nailed that.

This is fight, fight, fight.

Donald Donald Trump.

Oh, the bottle's brutal.

What a tacky fuck.

Just a sticker.

Sat on a f ⁇ ing figure.

That's perfect, though.

Limited edition, 2024.

Made in France.

I hate how made in France.

Yeah, I thought he was in America.

I thought America first.

We got the SIG on the side.

This is 2024.

This must have been

like a cigar.

This is that new.

This is that new, new.

It is an all-black, heavy-ass bottle.

Fight, fight, fight is a bold fragrance from Trump fragrances designed for for men who embody strength and resilience.

This limited-edition cologne is crafted to leave a lasting impression with its rich and robust notes.

The fragrances commemorate President Trump's moment of personal courage and the strength of the

Americans being shot at in Butler, Pennsylvania.

Instead of the potential horrific moment of Trump's assassination, every camera on the mainstream media captured the most iconic photograph and video of his political career.

Oh my gosh, the amount of money I was looking for the profile notes.

Lawrence, what do you think this costs?

Well, based on that reaction.

Oh, my God.

So this is $100.

Mine says $200.

Whoa, let's

go.

We pay.

I don't actually.

The most embarrassing thing might be.

It's $200.

That we spent $216.67.

$199.

The retail is $199 a bottle.

We gave, I presume, to be the alleged shell company.

That's something that's not going to be a good thing.

I can't believe it doesn't smell worse.

Now, let's go.

Is anybody here really good at math and conversion?

I don't want to end the show.

This, if you took the amount that Taylor Swift had in hers and you scaled it up to this size, is that more, does she charge more per drop than he does?

Mathematically speaking, Taylor Swift's cologne fragrance perfume would cost at this rate $400.

Jesus

Christ.

Shout out to T-Suiz.

I hope that

the rest of the year works out

in a way in which we're all like, you know what, that wasn't as bad as I thought.

Happy January 6th, by the way.

Yeah.

Belated.

Happy, belated January 6th.

At the end of every episode of Holiday Finds Out, a show where we find stuff out, we say what we found out today.

And I guess,

I guess, Katie.

I found out Taylor Swift charges more per drop of her perfume, or did, I don't know, than

45.47.

Is that what we call them now?

Is it 45.47?

How do you even do you get both numbers?

Did that did Grover Cleveland get it?

Yeah,

get you get both yeah you get both cool you get both what was your favorite it's between

beckham and i and j-lo

i think

i'm still shook what did you learn today what did you find out today found out that i'm updating my hall pass with my wife to david beckham nice that wasn't on there no I also found out that I want to try Manny's in my coffee.

The Will Levis, whatever's happening there.

Yeah, you were into that.

that.

It lost it.

Pressing all the right buttons for your boy.

I don't know.

I'm not going to start rooting for the Titans, but no, that'd be nuts.

That, I mean, he's figured something out.

So I think if I may collectively summarize our thoughts, I'll find you that picture every in the afternoon.

The big winner, I think, is David Beck.

At the price point, too.

At that price point.

That's crazy.

1925.

The best deal, the best man, dare I say.

On the metal stand, though, we concur that JLo is there, yeah,

if we're being honest with ourselves,

I don't know.

The scientists behind the glass are telling me that uh, it was pretty clear that we all agreed that the Trump one was pretty good.

Damn, really?

What I found out today is that I should never trust the producer ever.

Why would you ever do that?

No,

god, no, don't lie,

Trump got one.

This has been Pablo Torre finds out a Metalark media production,

and I'll talk to you next time.