Share & Tell & Twins with Katie Nolan and Michael Cruz Kayne

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Hey.

Look at you.

Oh.

Hey.

I know your wives now.

Everyone's wearing real clothes today.

I know we have like the same.

Except my pants have buttons on the sides.

I'm wearing snap pants.

Can you rip them off?

Yes.

I'm not asking you like I want you to.

Would you kindly

ask the third segment of today's show?

Great.

Had you not met his wife before?

No, I had, but I was actually telling Dan on the way there.

I was like, we have spent woefully little time together.

So I've spent about as much time with Liz as I now have with Carrie, who both are lovely and wonderful.

And your kids whose names I don't remember.

You said, say your names, and neither of them did.

And then, like, you over-talked each other when you said Willa.

So I missed it.

Okay, let's go.

Truman, I just forgot out of respect for Willa.

Thank you.

And that's very sweet of you.

Thank you.

We should explain what we did as a show.

We did a non-we did an off-camera content meeting, which I think other people would just call a dinner.

We just had a dinner.

We all went over to Michael's and we had dinner.

Not the craft store, Michael's house.

Michael and Carrie hosted us at their lovely home.

Thank you so much.

Really lovely.

Provided a fully cooked menu.

Yes, pork.

Multi-course.

No offense.

Pork-centric.

No offense.

No offense.

You cooked the thing that I immediately discerned to be the thing you cook for people who visit.

That is the thing.

And you've got it down to

really well done.

Yeah, it's really good.

It's your pal David Chang of Family Feud.

Funny.

That's right.

Co-champion.

It's his recipe on the New York Times recipes.

Momo Fuku's Bo Sam.

My favorite moment beyond us getting to know each other and our respective respective partners and Willa and Truman was when Willa and Truman totally owned Dan.

Oh my god.

And I didn't help.

Dan was telling a story and he used to- Well, we all even sit there together, by the way.

The kids are integrated into a table in a way that I was just so impressed by the way.

They could hang.

Yeah, they sat there.

They were like, we'll pretend we like these people.

And Dan was telling a story and he used the word low-key.

Now, he used it the way that we grew up using it, which I believe our generation uses it as an adjective.

That hang was pretty low key.

The generation, your kids' generation uses it as what I believe is an adverb.

Yeah.

It was low key pretty crazy.

It was, and so at one point he said blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, low key.

And I saw them both turn to each other and like nudge each other under the table and like laugh.

And I couldn't, and I just looked over and I was like, are you laughing?

Cause he said low-key.

And they were like, yeah, that's exactly.

And then Dan got very insecure about him saying it wrong.

And I was like, no, you said it right.

They're just recognizing a, it was a little moment of generational crossover

that I felt bad for calling out in the first place.

He didn't really recover great from it.

No.

Because then he became aware of the children and how he was not connecting with them.

And then I don't know if anyone else noticed, but they started clearing dishes and then so did he.

And I think he really wanted to connect with the kids.

We all noticed that Dan was overcompensating by the end of the day.

I thought Dan did great.

Reviews on Dan and Liz from the evening were all as A A-plus is all around.

Fantastic.

What about me?

Ooh.

Do we want to talk about Detective Stabler?

I just want to throw that out there, K-Nemesis.

No nemesis of mine.

Are you caught up on

the feud?

Here's what I know there's there was a uncomfortable interaction between you and Mr.

Maloney on Celebrity Jeopardy.

Is that right?

Yeah.

And then beyond that, I know that there's like a little will they won't they.

Well, not with you, but no, with us.

No, with us.

There's a big will they, won't they, with us?

It is worth reliving that part.

Is it?

Oh, is it?

Oh.

Tell us about your charity, Katie.

Oh, yeah.

I'm playing for the Association of Women in Sports Media, which, you know, I am a woman in sports media, but we need more.

Sports media is still like 80% male.

So AWSM has campus chapters.

They have scholarship program, mentorship,

networking events, just to try to bring more women and more unique voices into sports media.

That's fantastic.

Absolutely.

Applaud, applaud, applaud.

No.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Again, Dan.

Go slow on his face.

He's got no time.

He doesn't look like he wants women in sports media.

Detective Stabler during your Celebrity Jeopardy.

What round was that?

Do you remember?

Oh, no, but if it was, I think that was the first interview.

So that must have been right at the beginning.

Yeah.

And I came out the gate hot in that episode.

So I think he was just like, who the

right?

And that's fair, you know, totally fair.

Stabler, though, in this episode for Michael's edification, thank you.

Did figure in

it?

Did figure in at the very end.

Christopher Maloney was in second place with A.D.

Hodge.

He wrote a screwed up.

What is Remember the Alamo?

Yes, that's the slogan.

Your wager?

Wagered it all.

Did you hear me go?

You have $17,600.

Now, Katie Nolan had that big lead.

Did she have Remember the Alamo?

I just spit.

I did.

She did.

Now, math, not your favorite part of the game.

You just had to wager more than $3,500.

Right.

And you're a targeted.

And I wagered $3,500.

You wagered exactly $300.

Oh, my God.

My friend Katie

wages that 25.

There's never in the middle and just belated by it.

No!

Come on!

Katie, Christopher, pick up your signaling devices.

I'm going to read a single category and clue.

The first one of you to buzz in with the correct response is our winner and our semifinalist.

But I do need a correct response.

Your category is

French history.

And here's the clue.

Drink up.

A famous New Orleans street is named after this dynasty that ruled France for most of the 17th and 18th centuries.

Katie.

What is bourbon?

It is bourbon!

Yes.

Yes.

In your face.

Desperately trying to buzz in

to the point that it looks like he's actively masturbating.

Oh my God, Pablo.

That's true.

Watching a clip of us watching a clip of me is making me feel

really bad.

I don't like

I feel like I'm incepting myself.

I apologize.

He like obliterated that buzzer.

They had to get a whole new podium after that.

I would have been embarrassed.

If he won, I would have been, if I were him, I would have been like, well, you clearly smoked me.

Why would I

wouldn't have felt good about winning, but I guess he's different.

I guess he's just built different.

Christopher Maloney.

I'm so sorry.

Law and Order.

SVU.

And who all of my friends, specifically my dear friend Kayla, when she found out, she was like, please tell him how badly I want to have sex with him.

And I was like, we'll do.

And then after the show, I was like,

I'm so sorry.

Can we take a, can we take a picture?

And then while we were taking the picture, I just awkwardly said, my friend Kayla, we're like,

with you.

Ah,

it was not my best.

It wasn't my best.

But I felt like I would be betraying my dear friend if I didn't let him know.

And it was like way past the point where it was okay to let him know, which you could argue it was never okay to let him know.

And so I just was like, whatever, dude.

I won Jeopardy.

You were just like, in the name of friendship, I have to sexually harass this person.

Yes, I have to.

She asked me.

I'm a girl's girl, you know?

Yeah, and that's beautiful.

But I feel like the thing about Christopher Maloney, every time I encounter like a headline by Christopher Maloney, is along the lines of people being like, Christopher Maloney, get to the f ⁇ ing already.

Because this was to bring sports very clearly into this on the sports show that you all know for the sports of it.

Right.

Christopher Maloney and Marisca Hargate, Mrs.

Stabler and Benson, the partners on Lone Order SVU, were spotted courtside at Madison Square Garden.

Holding hands.

Holding hands.

What's that?

I don't hold hands when I'm sitting

ever inside his inner thigh.

Yeah, I don't like holding hand.

Maybe I'm just an anti-hand holder.

I don't know if that's a me thing.

Most of the time, it's like I feel like if we were spotted courtside, if any any combination of us yeah were spotted courtside in that pose our actual spouses would be like what

is happening i guess it's different for actors right like i already am not built in the way that you know people who date actors can just watch them have sex scenes with like super hot other actors and they're like that's the job i don't think i would have that in me but this isn't this is not that this is this is not the acting part this is the this is i mean unless this is like just bait for, well, for are they still on the show together?

So, this is the thing.

The baiting of this, the method, will they, won't they, of this?

Uh-huh.

For those not versed in Law and Order Cinematic Universe, as I am, there was a scene that made lots of SVU news because

things did get a bit steamy on the show for the very first time.

Are we going to look at it?

We are.

Yes.

Oh.

She's so so beautiful.

I oh.

Elliot.

Elliot.

Elliot, I want to.

I want to, but I can't.

Oh.

Why not?

Because

what if it doesn't work out?

So that was January 2023.

God, that's so Katie and Dan-coated.

God, that's so us.

What if it doesn't work out?

And the fans, the subreddits, were very, very, of course, energized by this.

Sure.

But it never, it has not to date paid off.

And this is the entire conversation is that were we just baited by them in that circumstance?

How long ago was that in relation to the handhold?

So that was about two years ago.

Right.

That's what I thought.

And people keep demanding because they keep on holding hands and doing all this stuff.

Yeah.

To the point where Christopher Maloney was then interviewed recently and he addressed the fan reaction.

Video?

Yes.

We're doing the best we can to make it

honest, not make it bait.

If we do bait, at least for me, I always do it with a wink.

I think it's good natured, but maybe you guys are over that.

So, you know, and that's valid.

But, you know, you give us

too much credit for the power that we might have, will will they, won't they, and all that stuff.

I don't 100% know what the f he's saying right there.

I think he was trying to say it's not up to them, it's up to the writers and or producers or whoever's in charge, and that when he baits in the public eye, he tries to do it like, I know you really want us to bang, like we're holding hands.

I got you.

Thank you for translating.

But I don't think that he

didn't see a wig in that photo.

There was no wig in that photo.

But he also, he does say it's valid if people are sick of it.

So it sounds like he has heard people are like, better get off the pot, essentially.

This is, I think, the larger conversation around like what we all demand from television.

So, shipping is like a thing, right?

This is now an ancient art, ancient tradition in which people are putting characters together.

You're familiar, yes, yes, of course.

Like, everybody shipped your severance character, yes, obviously.

Yes, yeah, with his co-worker, I, or no, the lady that with the lady that was debating him, yeah, exactly,

to baiting.

Wow, really good,

really, really good.

Embrace the bait, okay, anyone Diminishing returns, but slipping their hair back and forth very proudly.

The point being, though, that like this is

it's it's sort of what you want, right?

Because oh my god, people are so invested in the authenticity, the friendship, the real life, like will they, won't they, that they demand and create fan fiction.

Only for, I guess, in this case, us to have to wonder, like, are you guys actually going to pay this off?

Or is there no end game here?

And all you have is the juice of them almost kissing and then holding hands in real life.

Well, Well, because we're getting to the point now where like, yeah, you're not in control of the scripted show,

but you could certainly leave your spouses and have a fling.

You're in control of that.

And don't get us to the point where we start demanding that of like, well,

if you're going to hold hands in a Knicks game, I don't know.

I think that's kind of wild, but I don't want this to be colored by the fact that you think I have some sort of long-standing beef with him.

I have nothing but respect for Elliot Stabler.

I've watched so much SVU.

I only

watched the reruns.

I'm not like up to date on the new stuff, but so much SVU.

And I truly

would love to see them hook up in the show.

But I do want to say I think I'm done with the holding of the hands outside in the room.

I don't think I don't need that.

I don't want those two characters to get together on the show unless it's like, this is the last episode of the show and it's over now.

Damn.

Then it's like about them.

You know what I mean?

And that's not what it's about.

It's about all these insane crimes.

It's about the corruption within the police force.

That's exactly.

You watch it through that lens.

Why are you thinking they're supposed to be doing this?

I think it's about Christopher Maloney fundamentally edging.

So you think you're diagnosing his kink.

Yeah.

Now, I need to make sure you're not shaming him for that kink because we don't do that.

Never.

Great.

But we are, again, implying that maybe he should break up with his wife in real life and, you know, get with.

First of all, I'm not saying that.

I'm in full support of their marriages.

I do think the acting thing you were saying before, which is that actors are built differently.

It's not an excuse.

It's just like

how it is.

It's like you come up, you know, you're in an acting school and you're all like giving each other massages and shit, and that's just normal.

That doesn't happen anymore.

I was going to use Sidney Sweeney and Glenn

as Powell as an example, but she just broke up with her fiancé.

So maybe that's not a good example.

Maybe it's exactly the example.

She's going to start dating Christopher Maloney.

I will say, Christopher Maloney also has,

any roles I've seen him in outside of SVU have been pretty sexually charged.

I feel like he was Selena Meyer's little fling on Veep.

Oh, yes.

He was like a, I don't know, like a life coach or some sort of a personal trainer or something.

People are disturbed by your role.

Yeah, they think folks who are physical can't be cerebral.

They think those two things are separate, that they're not symbiotic.

He was also in...

Oh, I forget the name of that show.

Isn't he in Wet Hot American Summer?

He is.

And is he sexed up in that?

Nothing, old man.

mind.

I have some unfinished business to attend to.

He's not ashamed of his physical form, that's for sure.

And God bless him.

What is the name of that show that was on Hulu?

I think it was a tiny little cameo part.

Max?

The three X's?

Wow, folks.

That's a real show he's also on that was on Hulu.

This part of the show is called Googling Things.

It's where we're

talking.

Oh, difficult people.

Difficult people.

What I remember is him doing the splits.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's doing a split.

I'm so far from being able to do a split, I can barely stand.

Yeah.

And he has his index finger under his chin.

Yeah.

Being a zaddy.

Yep.

So I guess what we're we're saying is...

What are we saying?

Kayla, Christopher Maloney.

No, she's married now.

What?

She got married.

Wait, who's Kayla?

Oh, Kayla.

Another will they, won't they?

I know, I've been saying it.

And I think they, I think they're still, they still could.

Wow, I think this is actually, it's a really inopportune time for Christopher Maloney to have this thought then re-entered into his consciousness.

What?

Because the idea that he needs to sleep with your friend, especially now that she's married, because

that's the number one thing he's into.

He could go on a quest of some kind.

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This smooth, flavorful cognac is crafted from the finest grapes and aged to perfection, giving you rich notes of oak and caramel with every sip.

Whether you're celebrating a big win or simply enjoying some cocktails with family and friends, Remy Martin 1738 is the perfect spirit to elevate any occasion.

So go ahead, treat yourself to a little luxury, and try Remy Martin 1738 Accord Royale.

Learn more at remymartin.com.

Remy Martin Conyak, Feene Champagne, Force and Alcoholic Volume 40 by Remy Control, USA Incorporated in Europe, New York, 1738, Centaur Design.

Please drink responsibly.

Do we want to talk about those

Australians in that video?

Okay, so listen, when when you put in the dock, Pablo put in the doc a thing about two twins in Australia, and I thought it was the two from Extreme Sisters on TLC.

I'm Anna, and I'm Lucy.

We're the world's most identical twins, and we're from Perth.

And they do everything together.

Yep, they share a boyfriend.

They're from Perth,

which is in Australia.

And so this means they're sharing.

Did they share a boyfriend?

Yes.

The same boyfriend,

not twins.

Is it this guy who's wearing a gold chain and a black shirt sitting in between them?

It sure is.

Their clothes are also custom-made.

They always wear the same thing.

They had a difficult time finding a job because they needed to work together.

Who's actually going for the position?

Both of us.

In the past, we've shared a job and we've shared a wage.

You're kind of getting like two for the price of one.

You're getting four hands instead of two.

We're willing to share the job.

Okay.

We're a package deal.

We always come together.

We're never apart.

But they do the same thing from your clip.

They finish each other's sentences and they talk together.

And they're always at the end of that sentence.

And it's like very funny.

And I'd never seen anyone do it.

And then I watched the clip you sent, and those women do it as well.

Witnesses are recounting some of the drama that unfolded on the Sunshine Coast this afternoon.

Two sisters have told how their mother and man raced to help when the carjacked SUV rolled on Steve Irwin Way, only to find the gun-wielding car thief emerging from the wreck.

Here's some of what they had to say.

And one guy, he was up there with our mum, and he

went up there and he was coming back down towards us.

And he goes, Run, he's got a gun.

It reminds me of a bit that

Kristen Wigg and Fred Armison used to do on SNL.

And it's called

every time for mothers, but there's no time for the mothers.

Because I got a good feeling about anything they say.

But no one's going to tell you the difference.

So, two things.

Apologies for laughing at their traumatic memory of hijacking.

Of course.

However.

They seem fine.

They do.

Can you give the visuals, people not watching?

Well, they do also seem to be nurses, I will say.

Just based on their outfits, they did seem to be nurses.

They were wearing

bunny rabbits.

Patterned scrubs.

Yeah.

They're wearing the exact same outfit.

They have the exact same hairstyle.

And face.

Yeah.

So I think like you could be twins, even identical twins, and yet differentiate yourself in some way.

But they don't seem to want to.

Those people seem to have no interest in being unique individuals in any way.

Correct.

So my main instinct when I get a viral video like this passing across my timeline is always to figure out like,

how old is this?

Did this just happen?

Where is it from?

What what you learn is that these two twins are not nurses oh for people okay uh oh they're nurses dogs try again cats try again birds kangaroos

bird nurse are they bird nurses they're burses guys

meet these two identical burses

oh Bridget and Paula.

It was very hard to sleep at night, too.

Why, Mr.

Percival.

We thought our dream was never going to come true for the birds.

Got more birds in there.

This sanctuary is home to the Twinnies, Paula and Bridget Powers.

So these are some of the birds outside here.

They're famous around the world

for speaking in unison, but also the incredible work they've dedicated their lives to.

Relying on donations, they save injured birds, rehabilitate them before releasing the feathered friends back into the wild.

Couldn't be more normal.

Yeah.

What a country.

I think that's great.

Look, it's me and my sister who's also me.

And what do we do?

We go to nursing school for what?

Birds.

And that's great.

Why not?

If that's what brings you joy, you know?

There's a lot in the, in, in the, what was their names again?

Paula, Paula, and Bridget.

Bridget and Paula Powers.

Actually, Kenny's little sisters.

Yep.

This is the spin-off.

This is in the Kenny Bowers cinematic universe.

Bridget and Paula are,

it seems, extraordinarily famous in Australia for being twinnies, which is either a thing that all Australians call twins or just them.

That's a good point.

We don't know.

Hard to know.

How could we?

Twinnies.

No way to look at twinnies.

Twinnies.

Never going to successfully Google that result.

And twins.

Remember that?

Remember when Coors Light?

Was that Coors Light?

Um, yeah,

I remember the out of that.

And twins.

I love burritos at 4 a.m.

Drinking with my friends and twins.

I love football on TV.

Shots of Gina Lee.

Hanging with my friends and twins.

I

love burritos at 4 a.m.

Parties that never end.

Talks that love chats and twins.

They're related.

Yeah.

So it's like, I don't think I want to be a part of it.

I'm an accessory to something.

Yeah, I don't, maybe for, I mean, I guess maybe for looking, because it's it to a man, I guess a simple-minded core is like man and the one that they're portraying in that commercial.

I guess it's too of a good thing.

Yeah.

But it's like, wouldn't you rather just an unrelated other hot lady?

Yeah.

I don't think we need to have

two sisters that can't kiss.

Hear me out.

And friends.

I guess two women who are friends.

Maybe that.

Right.

That's a pitch.

If I could go back and talk to that guy.

Yeah.

Now that I think about it, like the entire

subplot of the season of the White Lotus was essentially like...

Not watch it.

So look at him instead.

I didn't know.

It's like, what if two siblings, you know?

There's a lot.

There's some Herky jerky between siblings.

Spoiler, if you haven't seen it.

No.

It's emphasis on.

Disturbing.

Jerky?

Yeah.

So a hand job happens.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sure does.

Is there more stuff about the twins with the birds?

So now that we've established that we don't think they should be making out with each other.

Yeah, thank you.

I'm glad we did cover that.

Doing anything like that.

Right.

I do want to point out that these twins have said in the Australian press that they have never had a boyfriend, either of them,

because

they do everything together.

And that would be...

My girls have solved that.

Extreme sisters have solved that.

They think it's weird.

The twinnies think it's weird.

Your twins.

They had the same boyfriend and they wanted to marry him, but they couldn't find anywhere where the Darn laws would allow it.

That sounds right.

We're thinking we want to start a family soon.

Soon.

We want to know our options.

And you have partners?

We share our partner.

And we see us having a child with him.

Well, both of us, not just one child, two babies.

So

she needs to be pregnant and I need to be pregnant at exactly the same time.

In the meantime, let's contemplate the unfortunate circumstance that our 20s in Australia found themselves in.

Oh, good.

There's more.

Which is that their bird sanctuary

was running out of money.

Oh, no.

Holy shit.

How's that happen?

Well, they needed a solution.

Okay.

Enter a gentleman named Peter.

Are they going to date him?

I'm scared of this.

We felt like tapping in the town in many times, but when we look into the bird's eyes, no, we can't.

We knew in our hearts that Peter was a lovely man.

We should call him St.

Peter.

I'm going to hate getting old

because

we're going to still be worrying about the birds.

We just hope we get the younger generation coming through and have the passion what we have.

It's not a princess's job whatsoever of the morning.

We love getting our hands dirty.

We're still pinching ourselves.

He should be called St.

Peter.

The good doctor's donation securing the future of the Twinnies operation.

When we first met Peter, we knew that he had a heart.

Didn't it seem like the one almost kissed Peter that one day?

I didn't see that.

Like some birds can be in care.

Accidental hug almost became a

three months or up to a couple of years,

but they end up going back to the wild.

Nobody gets frustrated.

They can't finish it.

That's not what I was going to say.

Nobody ever goes like, that's not actually not where I was going with that.

Because I'll tell you, that's Dan and I think that's how we talk.

We would love to both tell the same story, but we're both saying different things.

I will say, in that context specifically, the idea of someone telling your story with you who tells it the way you want it told is really beautiful.

Have you ever been at a meal where the other member of the couple wants to tell the story slightly differently?

Which we all just were.

Tortured.

Yeah, it is.

Whoever starts the story, it's their story.

Yeah.

Lay off.

We should recognize that

Bridget or Paula definitely almost kissed Peter.

Yeah.

Accidentally.

Can I play that part again?

And if we're still pinching ourselves, he should be called St.

Peter.

You already did that, Joe.

A good doctor's donation.

So,

Biauser, the sparks flew.

Absolutely crackling.

Wow.

Just some real Benson Stabler energy.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Will they?

Won't they?

Can they?

Legally?

Maloney and Hargate.

Whoa.

Look at that.

Look at that.

These two are so lovable.

These are such lovable twinnies.

Yeah.

I will say.

I would say relatively adorable, but still vaguely, there's something unnerving.

Absolutely.

Have you opened your Instagram messages within the last week?

No.

I got a prompt that was like, chat with AI, you know, when it's like new feature.

And it said, chat with AI.

And I was like, no.

And when you hit X, it still took me to the like landing page of like, these are some AIs you could chat with if you wanted to.

And like, there was one named Kendrick Lamar.

There was one called Emo Boy.

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It's like, what?

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like, it's not even up to, it's not your step.

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What is this?

Uh,

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Well, Well, this Filipino Pope.

There could be a Filipino Pope.

There really is.

She could be.

That's so important to you.

Did you see Conclave?

I didn't see it.

I haven't seen it yet.

Guys?

The Pope is dead.

The throne

is vacant.

To me, what Conclave is, and I'm sure I'm wrong, is it's a bunch of popes.

Yeah.

It's a bunch of wannabe popes.

Yeah.

To me, what was so interesting about it, great actors, great cast.

Rafe Fiennes.

That's right.

Who turned out to be, he's like kind of a dingus in real life, right?

But he's didn't he do something annoying.

Didn't he do something annoying at the

I only know that he's ripped.

Is he the one who threw his gum at his wife and was like

Ray Fiennes is jacked?

Ray Fienz is did you say he's yoked?

Yeah, I think so.

Absolutely.

What is going on?

You think he doesn't get naked as the Pope in the Pope movie?

You don't think I see that in the Pope movie?

Wait, Conclave?

No, you don't.

You don't see that.

Sam.

But here's what I liked about Conclave.

It's basically war, right?

It's a bunch of people from different countries all over the world wanting to seize the highest power in the church, the papacy.

Papacy.

Papacy.

Damn.

I say it like the smear.

I say it like the smear.

So it's a war, but it can't be violent, right?

You can't actually be violent, and you're supposed to stay moral.

If you want to defeat

it, this is a conclave, Aldo.

It's not a war.

It is a war.

And you have to commit to a side.

And so, like, you see people try to like cheat their way into winning, and they get caught.

And then, like, the head, whoever's running the conclave has to, like, figure out how God would want us to deal with this.

So, it's like a moral compass.

It's a heavily moral war acted by great actors.

And it's good.

So, it's really good.

Yeah.

I like that.

But it made me really interested for this now because now, but I don't think it happens right away.

I don't think it's going to happen till May.

Yeah, we got weeks, I was told, by

May is soon.

And by Google search.

Yeah.

Well, Frontrunner, as I'm told, on the betting markets, and I'm glad that there are betting markets on this.

Really wrong.

The homie is Filipino.

That's right.

His name is, say it with me three, two, one.

Cardinal Luis Antonio.

I can't pronounce his last name.

Say it with me.

I don't know what a Tagle is.

Tagle.

Luis Antonio Tagle.

Well, that wouldn't be his name if he became Pope, to be clear.

They changed

right, right, right.

What is he doing?

What should he call himself?

Pius.

Pius is a great.

What's the other good pope name that's a word?

Pope Jeff.

Pope Jeff.

first.

There's like a Pope.

Pope John.

It's like something.

No, but it's a word.

It's like pious is a word.

There's another one that's like a word.

Oh, this is a good one.

Let's do some.

But pious, they don't do it the English way.

They do it the Latin way, right?

P-I-O-U-S, I thought.

Oh, I thought it was a bit.

Oh, is it P-I-U-S?

It might be.

All right, here we go.

Popular papal names.

Yes.

John.

Papular.

Paul.

Papular.

Did everybody hear that?

Yeah.

Benedict.

Uh-huh.

Gregory, Clement, Leo, Innocent.

Innocent.

That's a good name.

Stephen, Celestine,

Anacletus, Marcellus, Sixtus, Paul, Urban, Boniface, Alexander, Victor, Damascus, Evaristus, Hilarious.

Are there this many popes that these can all be considered popular pope names?

Yeah, I think so.

I do think so.

How many popes have there been?

Lots.

Like, like 10.

You know, very

100.

How many?

Two?

120.

That's a great question.

Three, two, one.

98.

98 popes.

The number of all popes to the present.

I'm going 126.

264.

I started up.

Hi, I should have stayed there.

Wow.

I wasn't even at 50%.

Now imagine this is to the lyrics and the songbook of Mambo number five.

Yes.

Avaristus, Hilarious, Hyginus, Linus, Epharinus,

Calixtus, and Felix, Anastasius, and Valentinus, and Constantinus, and Dionysus.

Dionysus.

Too close to the sun.

Damn.

Right?

No.

That's Icarus.

His dad was Daedalus.

That's who I was thinking of.

Yeah, Daidalus.

What did Dionysus do?

God of wine.

Ah.

Wow, I like that pope.

That's a Bacchanal god.

That's a cool pope.

That's a fun pope.

Hey, that's a fun pope.

I wouldn't think you would do a pope named after a Roman god.

That would seem like

a conflict of godliness.

They didn't really care about the conflict, right, didn't they?

Because didn't they?

Oh, Dionysus.

Didn't they adapt the symbol of the thing that they did?

I have absolutely no idea.

Three people who don't know what they're talking about.

Okay.

Antoine.

But wait, so the Filipino guy could be the Pope.

That's right.

What I'm reading in Newsweek is we could have a Filipino Pope.

Yeah.

Has there been a Filipino Pope before?

I assume not.

We're talking Hondo P white Popes, right?

Check them out.

Luis Antonio Tagle.

They've all been white?

I assume so.

Have all the popes been white?

Show me

Indian Pope.

Well, we got an Argentinian Pope.

He gets really into the

world.

He was born in Argentina.

He should be Argentinian and still be white, right?

Yes, absolutely.

I think that guy's white.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not going to say anything in this discussion.

I don't.

100%

white.

Wow.

Hundo P.

White.

So it's time.

The time has come.

I think it's time for a Filipino Pope.

Look, what I'm reading about this guy is he's relatively progressive.

You're not going to get it.

You're not going to get it all the way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You are never going to get it.

A progressive ecclesiological vision.

And you know that vision's got to to be ecclesiological.

No question.

What does it mean?

You know, sure.

But if I didn't, well, I think ecclesiological means like of or pertaining to the study of the church.

Oh, and then, and then progress.

So progressive.

So he's progressive then.

Yeah, yeah.

He also is known for celebrating Mass in a folksy and casual manner.

Love that.

Love Jesus.

Absolutely love that.

Absolutely love it.

Before coming here, I asked the Holy Father if he had a message for you.

He said,

conversion to the Eucharist.

Then he turned to me and said, behave well.

I love that.

A priest who starts every service with, listen up, y'all.

Flip the chair around.

Sit down.

Low-key, we're going to heaven.

We're in low-key.

You need to talk about it.

He's wearing a tank top.

The papacy.

The papacy.

You know how it happens?

They take a vote, the initial vote.

They count the votes.

You have to have some percentage of the votes.

All the cardinals are the ones that vote.

They all get called into a college of cardinals.

They all get called into a conference.

You got your Albert Pooh Holes.

Nice.

Star Rollin'.

Good.

That's it.

Can't name any others.

Those are the two.

Lock them basically up.

They lock them up in like a stake cache with all the cardinals.

And then every day, I think sometimes there's two votes.

They do a vote.

They pull the names.

They give you you like, okay, so those are our top names.

Now we discuss.

Now we figure out where the votes are going.

And then like they do a second vote.

And it doesn't end until somebody gets, I want to say, 80%

of the vote.

And then that's the new pope.

And then the smoke is what's going on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A two-thirds majority is what you need.

Okay.

So 80 votes if there are 120 voting cardinals present.

Which shouldn't there be?

Don't we live in a world?

We can all agree.

They all got to be there, right?

It's not you can be like, oh, I can't, dude.

I'm in.

You're not zooming in.

I'm in Cabo or whatever.

Well, there's one who comes late.

Pope Dionysius is.

Yeah, Pope Hilarious is like, I can't.

I got two shows at the Chuckle Hut.

Kind of married to Alec Baldwin.

Nice.

Wow.

Another bleak reality show about families if you were looking for one.

Another person who is actually white and not Latin American.

Yes, that's true.

Ilaria.

Ilaria.

How you say cucumber.

How you say.

How you say.

How you say.

But I mean, that's going to be, just, I'm just saying for Filipinos, that's going to be huge.

Oh my God.

It's going to be huge.

It's going to be huge.

Oh my God.

And every,

you guys aren't going to shut up about it.

You're right.

We're not going to.

I'm going to.

It's going to be super religious.

I'm going to get to church.

Yeah, you guys are going to be super religious all of a sudden.

Going to mass every day.

I'm in a pop-hat 24-7 with my mom telling everybody, that's your cousin.

She's going to be telling everybody that.

I promise you, my mom's like, we know him.

That's our friend.

I did already Google like Luis Antonio Tagle family tree.

I'm like, come on.

I got to be on here.

I got to be on.

Ancestry.com, Brisbane.

Check up on your ancestry.

See if you became more Pope-y.

Damn.

That is true, though.

I'm going to be so Catholic.

I'm going to be more Catholic than anybody.

I'm going to go all the way.

I don't even know what that means.

You're coming to Mass.

Oh, yeah.

You coming over to Mass?

Going to Mass every day.

I'm having that

the incense.

this thing when you swing around i'm going to have that

i don't think we're supposed to do that i think that's for them to do filipinos get to do do that?

They're saying we can do it.

Because your cousin's the Pope.

They're saying we can do it.

If you're cousins with the Pope, you can swing the incense around.

Swing the thing around?

Like a last one.

Can I do the bell?

Yes.

I'm empowering you to do that.

Absolutely.

Yeah, if you podcast with a Filipino, you also get to

ring the honorary.

The Nepho bell ringer.

What I found out today on this episode of Polytory Finds Out of Show about finding out some stuff is that you're not going to hear out there one of the segments we taped.

Thank God.

And what I learned today is to shut my mouth sometimes.

We talked about too many things and most of them bad.

And I won't be participating in any discourse around this episode.

I probably won't even cross-post any clips.

I apologize to your lovely, wonderful production staff.

They're all asleep.

They haven't been there for hours.

I learned today that some twins are really twinning it.

Yeah.

They're really going all the way.

And the others are lazy.

And the other, you know what?

Try harder.

Step it up.

I always say.

Step it up, Dan and Jeffrey Bloom

from my middle school.

That's and I also think high school.

You're going after me, which is actually just an annoying echo.

So I feel like you need to work a little bit more.

Is it that I talk too fast?

Yours is more of a

really quick parrot.

You know what I mean?

A parrot who's like, I got this.

you know a good parrot did i say what i learned you did okay good yeah do you want did you learn a second thing you can learn you can say anything you learned no i think i'm in charge now right yeah yeah yeah we're gonna edit this into a coors light musical number love 4 a.m is too late for a burrito 3 a.m is dicey yeah 2 a.m fine burritos at 4 a.m i love burritos at 4 a.m is like i love having diarrhea at seven ayam yeah i love pizza at 4 a.m i'm not burritos at 4 a.m.

is like it's more involved.

You go home, you drunk order a burrito.

I don't know.

At 4 a.m.

I have a burrito because what I like is gastrointestinal distress.

Yeah.

I want to be in constant pain.

I become a burrito.

Uh-huh.

I roll up in my blanket.

Maybe that's what he means.

Maybe he's kind of with cheese.

With cheese and beans.

And twins.

And twins.

Pablo Torre Finds Out is produced by Walter Aberoma, Ryan Cortez, Sam Dawig, Juan Galindo, Patrick Kim, Neely Lohman, Rob McRae, Rachel Miller-Howard, Carl Scott, Matt Sullivan, Claire Taylor, Chris Tumanello, and Juliet Warren.

Our studio engineering by RG Systems, our sound design by NGW Post, our theme song, as always, is by John Bravo.

We will talk to you next time.