Share & Salmon & Tell with Katie Nolan and Michael Cruz Kayne

Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds Out.

I am Pablo Torre, and today we're going to find out what this sound is.

It's not like every month I have to go,

you know,

I got to get a money shot from a salmon.

Right after this ad.

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I want to establish how it is outside, because I've been in here where it is minus 20 degrees.

I'm wearing this very thick

sweater that you always wear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because this room is 90% Freon and 10% oxygen.

That's a thick shirt for the day.

No, that's okay.

So you're roasting people?

No, I just like, he was just saying how hot it is.

I'm like, that's like a towel.

But I think it's absorbent.

Oh, wow.

That's what I was going to say.

It took me a second.

But I'm with you now.

I see the vision.

Yeah, it was hot outside.

And then the worst part of it, I think, is the hope that you have when you walk into the lobby.

And you're like, oh, well, when I get through this door, it's going to be, yeah, there's going to feel like a little frosty.

yeah

and then you get inside and it's the philippines in there it's what i think of the philippines as well because when i would uh visit the philippines as a kid i would leave a car wearing my glasses

and that would fog up immediately like a cartoon yeah and so too did my sunglasses today talk it's a hot one it's a man it's a hot one but you're sure it is perfectly suited because i feel like there is um an absorbent quality that that I will not have when I leave this place.

My thesis for the day was as little as possible.

It was just as lit.

But this I get.

I do get.

Thank you.

I'm glad you turned it around.

I'm not sure.

This isn't going to absorb.

Well, because I first looked at it, if I may, and I was just like, it's thick.

It didn't even wait for a response.

Yeah, if I may.

I didn't even make eye contact to see if I got the okay.

It's fully objectified.

It's like when your parents knock on your door and then just open it.

You're like, well, that was not.

Yeah.

I live with my parents.

Are we going to do a podcast?

I think we are

Already.

Oh.

What?

Fun.

Surprise.

Fun.

Everyone's going to know your parents walked in on you masturbated.

Why was it that?

Maybe it wasn't that.

Maybe she was reading a book.

What was it?

Katie.

What was it, if not that?

I was reading a book.

A book that she didn't want her parents to know.

No.

I wanted to tell you guys about a person who sort of saw where all of this was headed and all of this being

American civilization.

So there was a guy named Robert Putnam.

And Robert Putnam in 2000 published a groundbreaking book.

Groundbreaking is the word the New York Times used to describe this book.

The title of the book is Bowling Alone, The Collapse and Revival of American Community.

And this dude, Robert Putnam, basically predicted everything that was going to happen when it comes to how

America has become not just lonelier, but also disconnected.

And the way that he

saw it happen was at bowling alleys.

He detected that since 1980, league bowling had dropped 40%.

meaning that people were now literally bowling by themselves as opposed to in groups.

And so too, when he did the research and he did sociological study, where people going to church less, joining clubs less, losing trust in Americans, our fellow Americans and our institutions.

And so Bill Clinton invited him to the White House to talk.

And he was this guy who said in 2000, we have a problem.

And so Robert Putnam now is back to say,

I was right.

And the problem is even worse.

And so he's been compared to, and I think Katie Nolan will appreciate this as somebody who's been reading the Bible.

Are you done with the Bible?

No.

It's long.

Yeah,

I took an extended.

Are you done with the Bible?

I'm bored, Pablo.

I'll be back.

When did you lose?

What's

your problem?

I just, I got, it's just a lot.

I think I was, just a quick aside.

Yeah.

I think I was focused too much on taking notes while also reading the Bible.

Sure.

And it felt too much like homework when the whole point was I was just going to read it as if it were a novel.

And so I have to just like divorce myself from the scholarly aspect and just and just read it.

That's got to be tough for the authors of the Bible to hear, too.

Because I know when they were writing, they were like, at base, it's got to be fun.

We got to keep them entertained.

It's a tough summer read, the Bible.

You signed yourself up for a Bible study and then dropped out of it.

I did.

Absolutely crushing for Samuel.

Right.

I also was calling it one Samuel the whole time until somebody who knows the Bible was like, you mean first Samuel?

And I was like, two Samuel, too furious.

Wait till you get there.

Those donkeys go so fast.

Anywho.

So people going to church less made Robert Putnam feel like he was an Old Testament prophet, but with charts.

This was his thing.

He prophesied all of this and is back.

He's back with a new book called The Upswing.

And he's like, hey, guys, let's join clubs.

Can we all join clubs again?

And so I just want to get into this conversation before I get into even more of his data and research by pointing out that it is something that I associate with my childhood, like club joining.

I wonder what clubs you guys were a part of when you were growing up, or were you always lone, were you always lone wolves to be, to be watched?

I mean, Little League, is that a club?

I think that's absolutely a club.

Yeah, Little League.

That comes to mind.

How about that?

Were you good at?

Were you good at Little Leaguing?

Of course I was.

Yeah?

Don't factor me.

What level of confidence has made me uncomfortable?

Compare yourself to a player?

What player were you?

Who were you most like, would you say?

What was your scouting report?

I was good.

I was fast.

I was strong.

I wasn't strong.

I was good.

I was a leadoff hitter.

Not a great scouting report.

Like, if the scout came with that, you'd be like, let's go back and let's say a couple more details.

You could argue the best scouting report.

Okay, maybe.

Good, great,

fast.

Ricky Henderson.

What else do you need to know?

I got on base, okay?

I got on base one way or another in that tiny little league.

Did everybody's call theirs the little big league or was that just ours?

I wasn't, I didn't do little league.

What did you do?

I did a thing called Manhattan Kickers.

Oh my God, I always forget.

A youth soccer kicker

in Manhattan.

Which is just a wild experience.

You were in SOG sports at two years old?

Yeah, we were.

I was in an urban professionals league at age six with investment bankers.

We played in the shadow of Con Ed, the power plant.

Oh, beautiful.

Which explains my own personal mutations.

Poetic.

I only saw the club that was Little League in movies and television.

I was mostly a soccer player.

I'll use scare quotes there.

But I think Little League is like very much a club.

And it's even more a club, I would imagine, for your parents who now have to fraternize with a bunch of parents.

At some point, was the commissioner of our little league.

Whoa.

Bud Selig of Framingham.

Framinghom?

Framingham?

Framing Ham.

I'm going to say Ham.

We call it the Ham.

Like my son plays soccer, and so now we are in, like, you know, I know a bunch of parents that I wouldn't know were it not for soccer.

And so we do not bowl alone, as it were.

Ah, you bowl in a big group.

In a big group of people.

You bowl.

I don't actually bowl.

Yeah.

See, that's the thing that the flaw in the study to me is the league enrollment might be down because people aren't bowling.

I don't know that it's that they're bowling along.

A confounding variable.

Bowl means they must be bowling alone.

No, or they're not bowling.

i try to justify why i'm in sports in a way that makes it feel profound but i think it's actually real what i say which is that sports is kind of the only monoculture we have left yeah it's kind of the only place where next to you at a soccer game for your kids or a little league thing or uh any game you might attend, the person next to you might not vote the same way, might not listen to the same music, might not watch the same TV shows, may have zero else in common with you, except for the fact that you're here to do this thing.

And so Robert Putnam has a phrase for this, bonding social capital and bridging social capital.

Bonding social capital is people who already are like each other connecting.

This.

Us here.

We're here.

We three.

Three kings.

Virtually identical.

Right.

In all these ways.

Right.

Frankincense.

Yeah.

Myrrh.

Gold?

Great.

What's the third thing?

I really wanted to be myrrh.

You double myrrh.

You jumped up for myrrh.

Because what is myrrh?

It sounds like they died before they finished the sentence.

Before they finished the word.

I brought you some myrrh.

It's got to be like an herb or something.

I'll tell you what.

What's even true?

Trying to Google what myrrh is

without knowing how to spell it.

H-R-R.

I'd put it in my.

M-Y-R-R-H.

Wow.

Nailed it.

One of my clubs.

You should have been myrrh.

That's wild.

One of my clubs as a child was the Trinity Choir of Men and Boys.

Wow.

So I spent a lot of time listening to people read the Bible.

Okay.

All right.

How were you as a choir boy?

You probably know.

Dog, I was off the chain as a choir boy.

I was insane.

I was.

Yeah, Scott and we got a sample.

Good and fast.

Nice.

A sample of singing.

Young Michael Cruz Kane, choir boy.

What's up?

He could have been one of the men.

He might not have been the boys.

But

I was indeed one of the boys.

One of the big three.

You want me to sing some a choir song?

Yeah, just like a stanza, just a myrrh.

Yeah, we're narrowing it.

We started with myrrh.

What's a myrrh-like song?

The holly and the ivy, when they are both full grown of all the

leaves that are in the crown, the holly bears the throne.

That's not right.

But spiritually it was.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's definitely

the gist is all that matters.

Who knows the words to all the church songs?

All the songs.

My goodness.

A fragrant gum resin.

Okay.

Obtained from certain trees and used especially in the Near East in perfumery medicines and incense.

That's right.

Anyhow.

Well, incense is part of you.

You're frankincense.

So now myrrh is just more incense.

The gold.

Frankincense, myrrh incense.

It's the doctor.

And gold incense.

The doctor who created frankincense.

The guy who

was very nice.

I was going to say the guy who brought gold had to be like, are you guys kidding me?

Are you serious with this?

I thought.

I should have brought grass, I guess.

Was there a limit?

Was there a dollar limit I didn't know about?

Bridge you trying to talk about?

Bridging social capital.

So the idea here is that bonding is among like-minded, already previously demographically similar people.

Bridging social capital is when you, I guess, reach across the aisle, so to speak, and are in some club, team, organizational context with someone that you otherwise would not be.

And so certainly sports feels like a...

foremost place to do it.

But I think about all of the ways in which, yeah, again, like the internet promised to connect us.

And instead, of course, we are less, uh, less bridged to each other than ever.

And so, yeah, um, Robert Putnam is like, we need to join clubs again.

We need people to do stuff together again.

And

I'm trying to figure out like what the closest thing that is for me.

And I think it's my fantasy football league.

That feels like not bridging.

That feels like bonding.

You might be bonding, bro.

Who are we bridging to in the fantasy football league?

Touche.

Okay.

Friends from high school that I've known for 20 years, but who are people in my all-boys Catholic high school context who are not at all politically on the same page as me.

And so we sort of bridged early and we've stayed in there.

No, I think that this bonding.

Sorry.

I'm trying to save

2080.

You're not doing a good job.

I think maybe 2080.

Some bridging.

Right.

A lot of bonding.

You don't talk to these people outside of that league.

You wouldn't be talking to them if it weren't for this league.

It's our main way of staying in touch.

It feels like a hedge.

This is bonding, not bridging.

Why am I

on bridging social capital shark tank right now?

I don't know.

But for those reasons, I'm out.

Do you guys have anything that feels like I am in a club?

I am fulfilling the dream of a sociologist who said, you guys got to get better at bridging social capital.

I think for me, it is, I've already said it, but it is my son's soccer team where like a lot of us out, a lot of us are, have the same politics.

And then there's like some people who like secretly, you can feel that they're not quite loud and proud about their conservatism.

And then one guy who wears a shirt that says like to the games that says like everything Joe Biden touches turns to and you're like, is it one of those t-shirts that has like nine different fonts?

Every font.

You have to like slow down to read.

Like that font is too small and then way too big.

Yeah.

It's like at the font store, they give out free samples.

It's only enough to make it.

You got to use them all.

Yeah.

But that's, that's the closest thing we have to that social experiment.

And I will say, I get along very well with this person who, if I only saw him wearing this t-shirt on the street, I would think, let me do everything I can to have no contact with this man.

And so that's where I'm at.

That's where I'm not in a, I'm not in a social group at all.

But don't you all the time.

I don't leave my, I really, Pablo, this is sad.

I just want a watch list first off.

This is a sad topic for me because I didn't even have to scan my brain when you started.

I just immediately immediately was like, no, I'm not in any group.

But aren't you perpetually playing video games with strangers?

No.

Okay.

I don't talk to the strangers.

I'm in a private chat.

Bonding social capital.

Bonding social capital.

And then I don't,

as a woman, it's hard to be in that public chat because as soon as they hear you are a woman, it sort of becomes the focus.

Yeah, the burn the bridge.

For better or for worse, and both or for worse, if you get what I'm saying.

So I appreciate you trying there to make me feel like

I am socially participating.

But no,

I am the isolated American.

You are who Robert Putnam fears.

He's worried about me.

He's mailing you bowling ball.

He should be.

And this is a quote from him.

He got interviewed by the New York Times.

He said, doing democracy doesn't just mean, of course it means voting or it means organizing, but it doesn't just mean, you know, explicitly going out to save democracy.

It means just creating connections to people such that we trust each other more and we don't just trust each other, but we engender this notion of trustworthiness, right?

And he says it's not about pure blind trust.

It's just, can we all feel like we're doing stuff together anymore?

And so I guess I'm wondering, because the history of social capital in America is kind of like an upside down you.

So 1965 was the peak of it, apparently.

It was the most connected.

He connects this to the civil rights movement and all that stuff.

But before and after, and we're now in the after part, it's like, like, oh, we're really, we're, we're, we're, we're solo bowling.

And so what I am thinking back on is just like in school, Katie Nolan, were you a part of any clubs?

I was on dance team.

That's a club.

Yeah.

It's captain of the dance team.

Oh,

out.

Captain of the dance team.

I only backed into.

Remember when I had to do the singing of the song?

Yeah, I do.

Well, and I was like, wow, that would be embarrassing.

A little sample?

Absolutely not.

What's a big hit for dance team?

What do you mean?

I mean, like, what's what's a song where it's like, all this is good, but when we get out there and do this song.

Also, the first thing I ever choreographed for our dance team was to the Aaliyah song, the like the Aaliyah song.

Googling the Aaliyah song.

Tell me you're that somebody.

Are you that somebody?

Are you that somebody?

Are you that somebody?

That was the

general.

Sounded just like that.

So if you must know, that was a real hit.

Were all the things on the dance team choreographed by members of the dance team?

I think so.

I don't really remember.

Oh, God, that's awesome.

I thought you were going to say awful.

No, that's incredible.

Why?

Maybe I'm wrong, but it's probably, it says high school.

Yeah.

It's probably like girls who like, don't know like all that much about dance.

Wow.

So it's like

we had dry-ups.

It wasn't just like

the fight of the Freemanham.

That's right.

High school.

High school dance team.

Was there like, do you have a name or just the dance team?

No, we were just the dance team.

There was like other clubs that did like more specific.

There was obviously cheerleaders right which we were seen as knockoff cheerleaders because we didn't do stunts we just moved we just let the rhythm move us you know sure sure um and and we also did uh at football games the cheerleaders would do all the time but then we would do halftime we'd come out and do a kick line

damn to the band that's the america that we've lost that's what i'm saying like but i think there's like a real purity to like when i go see my daughter and and stuff like at her school there's like something about the horribleness of it that is

so beautiful we were so good

but that's what I mean that's what's so great about

Naomi thinks the unchecked confidence of like or test too much when like a professional choreographer comes in and is like oh you know you has you you need to get better at this that and the other thing yeah it changes who you are forever totally but if no one has ever told you that you might not be good at this one thing there's a purity to that, even if, especially actually, if it's horrendous, yeah, that is so beautiful.

It's true because when you, it's like when you go to college and realize you're not as good at the thing that you did in high school as you thought you were.

Like, you know, when a, when an athlete finds out they're like, oh, I was good at my school.

I'm not good.

Yeah.

That was kind of the realization with the dance team.

Meaning that did you try to be on the dance team in college?

Oh, okay.

No, dance team in college was just, it didn't, it didn't appeal to me.

You started to dance alone.

Yeah, I was bowling by myself.

Which I've never, has anyone ever bowled alone?

It's a sad sight that I've never personally witnessed.

Me neither.

I've never seen anybody.

It feels like something that like

men of yesteryear.

I'm talking like 1800s would have advocated doing.

Was there even bowling then?

1800s.

The earliest known forms of bowling date back to ancient Egypt.

Wow.

Wow.

You got it.

So King Tutkenham was probably out there bowling, bowling up a storm all by himself.

Alone.

Buried with his pins.

I don't know.

So, so, Pablo, what are you suggesting?

That we all join a club?

What

clubs are there to join?

I feel like work.

Does he ever mention workplaces?

Because I do feel like those are places where you're forced to interact with people that maybe you don't align with politically.

Well, what he says fundamentally is that it's really three things that are responsible for

the disconnection and for the lack of bridging social capital.

One is political polarization.

So thank you, Michael Cruz Kane, for befriending that dude with the zap dingbats Biden shirt.

Wingdings.

Wingdings.

Inequality, which is, of course, a broad problem that has come back around since the Gilded Age, the beginning of that U-shaped curve, upside down U-shaped curve.

And then he calls it culture, which I think is what we're really talking about here, which is a cop-out, but also the extent to which we think we're all in this together.

I took like improv classes.

That's it, That counts.

Yeah, that counts.

Why did you wait till now to reveal that you are in?

Why's everybody's so mad at me?

How dare you?

I took improv classes and that, but I will say that it's certainly a bunt.

I think it's what this guy's hoping for, but it's not a lot of bridging in the improv.

Like pretty much everyone has the almost exact same policy.

Well, that's because one person says their politics and then the next person says yes, and incredible.

What clubs are there for me, the lonely lady who lives at home?

Do subreddits not count?

I feel like Lonely Ladies Club is probably a club.

That sounds like a club.

Yeah, you're right.

He mentions women's reading groups.

So maybe...

Reading's not a group activity.

Well, maybe that explains why you stopped reading the Bible before the second Saturday.

Now, why are we bringing up old shit?

In fact, the oldest shit that there is.

Tell that to King Chut.

He was bowling.

A non-judgmental, short attention span, lonely women's reading group.

Where we only barely talk about the book.

We could put that on on a sign.

I love that.

It's awesome.

I love that.

That's what I need.

What groups are you going to join?

No, I'm groupless.

Groupless.

And just fine with it.

Brought this to us, evangelizing, giving us the good words.

Proselytizing bullets.

Yes, and then just

a lone wolf.

If you're looking to add something special to your next celebration, try Remy Martin 1738 Accord Royale.

This smooth, flavorful cognac is crafted from the finest grapes and aged to perfection, giving you rich notes of oak and caramel with every sip.

Whether you're celebrating a big win or simply enjoying some cocktails with family and friends, Remy Martin 1738 is the perfect spirit to elevate any occasion.

So go ahead.

Treat yourself to a little luxury and try Remy Martin 1738 Accord Royale.

Learn more at remymartin.com.

Remy Martin Cognac, Veen Champain, 14 Alcohol alcoholic volume, 40 by Remy Control, USA Incorporated, New York New York, 1738.

Centaur Design.

Please drink responsibly.

Katie?

Yeah.

What did you bring today?

Okay, a sign of the end.

They are using

I almost always do bring a sign of the end.

Anytime Pablo sends out the doc where he's like, what do you want to talk about?

I always highlight the one that's like, is the world over?

You know, the all-star game is this week.

It will have happened when this airs, but it has not happened yet.

In case something crazy happens involving

we didn't miss the callback.

No.

Hadn't happened yet.

Hadn't happened.

Also, we've recorded a number of wild lines to edit in about what did happen, and you'll hear those throughout the pod.

But at the All-Star Game this week, which is in Texas, in Arlington, they have robot bartenders

serving the patrons.

Adam not only

makes drinks, he also dances too.

I mean, there are so many functions that Adam can do.

Yes, ma'am.

We can get him to dance.

We've got to do it manually.

He'll say hi to you when you walk by.

He's an interactive robot.

I mean, I think he's doing the YMCA right now.

So you never know what he's going to do.

For a second, I thought, because the two are in the foreground, I thought that guy was the robot.

Just for a second.

A West World scenario.

He didn't disagree with it.

In AL West Worlds.

I love Westworld, by the way.

Season one was like so good.

Jeffrey Wright, get out of here.

I so in on seasons one and two.

Yeah.

And then in season three at one point, I noticed a sign in the background that was like, we are people, not code.

And I was like, oh, the prop people are just not even trying anymore.

Adam the robot here.

He is one of the Rangers' newest additions to Globe Lightfield.

He is a bartender.

You walk up to him.

He says, hey, how's it going?

What can I get you to drink?

He puts the ice in the cup.

He puts the tequila in the cup.

And he just really gets the party starting.

People enjoy it.

You know, some people may be a little nervous of it from the AI's perspective,

but I don't think there's anything to be worried about.

We were told they're coming for our jobs.

Do you feel threatened?

No.

As a former bartender, based on that clip, no.

Because I didn't see a single drink produced by the drink-making robot.

A lot of ice going in there to that drink.

And then the dancing.

He didn't even get up on the bar.

What would be hardest to replicate, given your experience personally as a bartender, for that robot, Adam, the robot, to to try and i've yet to see somebody say if it stands for something automated drinks are

made made

just right to the point uh what would be the hardest to replicate uh i think

getting uh

like getting string ordered by a bunch of people so like if you're very busy and i know he's at a ballpark so it's like not really a bar like string ordered what's that if a person comes up to you right it's like you and your six friends and you've been appointed the point person and you're like, can I get a vodka soda?

What do you want?

And they turn and you're, it's busy and you're just standing there like waiting for the next drink.

So you have to go make the vodka soda while trying to hear what the next drinks are.

And then they give you one drink at a time.

A robot's not going to be able to handle that.

It's a tough gig.

Oh, see, to me,

to me, I would think, and I might be wrong.

I would think the robot would be most able to handle that.

Like to me, because a robot can just be like, boop, and then the drink is.

They have to manually make them dance i think in terms of ordering a drink unless it's happening on an ipad it's probably happening on an ipad i don't know i don't i didn't see an ipad in that a thing that uh i think about this it relates to bowling alone actually so now look we did and this happens every time does it

is

That it removes an inefficiency that's like one of the cool things.

Like going to the bar and you have to wait and like the pretty girl gets her drink before you and the you know the guy who looks like he's in finance gets his drinks before you.

All those inefficiencies are like part of what it is to be alive.

Yes.

It's cool that the bar that you asked for this and you got this other thing because that's your whole night.

Your whole night is, oh my God, Jeff.

Do you think this bartender is into me?

Yeah, that's it.

But now it's just like a vending machine.

Adam gave me eyes that I was like, what's up, dude?

Guys, I'm dating Adam.

I left my wife and family for Adam, the bartender.

Robots are objectively hotter behind a bar.

There's just, I I don't know what it is.

They're much more attractive and I'm into them.

But that exact thing, you'll miss that.

You'll miss the like.

It's like bumping into each other.

It's the like something to talk about.

It's the and at a ballpark, first of all, who's drinking booze at a ballpark?

I know.

$23.99 for a drink from Adam.

What is that?

Is that true?

Yeah, yeah.

There's an up charge on it.

I don't know.

My article.

I clearly didn't read it.

Tell me more.

It is.

It's just what it costs.

I'm not going to blame Adam for the pricing.

Yeah, I mean, booze at a ballpark, probably expensive.

I don't know that I've ever had like a hard cocktail at a ballpark, but I would imagine $24 is probably around what they charge.

The reason the ballparks and the suits are going to love it is because they're never going to overpour.

I've seen this in bars in like Vegas.

And when they do it in, I think it was in Vegas, they keep the bottles on the ceiling.

So it's kind of cool.

You see the like robot go over and like take the bottle and pour it out.

This Adam's setup is not conducive to moving quickly.

And like, it's not, they didn't make it look cool.

It's literally just like we put a robot back there.

There's an erector set aspect,

a very 1.0 sort of vibe to Adam.

Yeah.

He's beta.

He's

alpha.

But you, Katie, I imagine you as

an alpha bartender.

I don't know what you were like.

as a bartender.

Never ordered a drink from you, but I'm curious, what was your scouting report as a bartender?

Stressed.

It depends on where I was working.

If we go with the White Horse Tavern in Alston, rest in peace, it's done now.

That was like a volume college bar.

It was between like BU, BC.

Sometimes we got Harvard kids, but I don't know what they were doing there.

And it was like a lot of people.

So like a Friday or Saturday night, it's like three or four people deep at the bar.

So you are constantly taking orders and moving.

And then a service bar, which is the hardest part of bartending when you have to serve the people that are at the bar, but also hear like,

and that means a ticket is printing.

And that means that a waitress needs three

martinis.

And you're like, I have to make three martinis while I'm, and nobody, when you're bartending, I'm like immediately back in the stress as I'm sweating.

It's been so long.

They think you're just not taking their order because they've seen you not take anybody's order, but you're like, I have to make, I have to smash, I have to make mojitos.

You got a muddle.

Oh my God, the worst.

What was the worst drink for somebody to order that menu?

Yeah, okay.

When it's busy and somebody's like, can I get three whiskey smashes?

I was like, no, you can't.

Get out.

When people would order a lemon drop, you know, there's like all different ways to do this shot, but basically,

most of them, you'll like sugar the rim, you make the lemon drop shot itself, and then you give them a lemon.

Sometimes you'll sugar the lemon, sometimes you would.

I would give them the shot, a plate of lemons, and a pile of sugar packets.

It was like, do it yourself

because it's just too busy.

And so when people would order stuff or anything that required you to use like a spoon to pour it over to layer the,

those were difficult.

I bartended, I mean, so, so briefly.

I don't drink and I was extremely, very terrified to do it.

And it was in a restaurant that no longer exists called Pietro Santa in Hell's Kitchen.

And the first waiter comes over and says, I need two rum and Cokes.

And what I swear to God I said back to him was,

what is in that?

Oh, no.

But I was also a terrible waiter i was a very bad waiter and when the restaurant became overrun instead of like rising to meet the challenge i would often just kind of be like well it's over this is over so far what i'm getting is that uh adam the robot has a lot of a lot of advantages if he can do this job right because you guys sound like you were both not that great at your job i was great at my job yeah sounds like you were great just stressed out i was stressed out no i was fine i wasn't the best but what i'm what i lacked in skill i made up for in personality.

The face he immediately made.

Didn't love.

He went, okay.

She made a strong doubt it face.

But can I also, while we're here, bring up another robot all-star week-related story?

Please.

So did you see,

did you see the national anthem?

Oh, I sure did.

Now to perform the national anthem.

Please welcome four-time Grammy-nominated country singer-songwriter Ingrid Andrus.

So, I'm just going to jump in here to notify you of a development on this story that we did not get to cover when we taped this episode, which is that Ingrid Andres later posted an explanation for why her version of the national anthem wound up sounding like this.

Here we go.

Buckle up.

And the rock gets red glare,

the bones bursting in there.

I mean that our flag was

still

there

quote I'm not gonna bullshit y'all.

I was drunk last night.

I'm checking myself into a facility today to get the help I need.

That was not me last night.

I apologize to MLB, all the fans, and this country I love so much for that rendition.

I'll let y'all know how rehab is.

I hear hear it's super fun.

Period.

Exo,

Ingrid.

First thought.

First thought is, I love this country.

God bless this nation.

Second thought was like, I hope she's off socials.

I just, I immediately was like, no,

you poor thing.

This isn't.

Because if you've never, if you've never heard of her before, which most

people I think that aren't country fans, like it was an introduction to a broader audience,

this being her like debut on like this bigger state, it's tough.

It's tough to not.

I saw a couple people fighting for her life in the comments being like, She is very good.

This is not like her.

But there weren't that many because not that many people knew who she was.

And I just fear that her name will be associated with this.

I always feel bad.

This is like, um, not the same, but similar to like college kicker, Mrs.

Big Kick.

And you're like, I hate this feeling.

People are going to be very mean at the same time.

Like you, you were supposed to do something and you didn't really do it.

So I was confused by this girl because it sounded like she maybe is a singer that doesn't.

belt and she was belting here.

I was very confused.

And then I saw a TikTok today.

Did either of you, were either of you go through an emo phase in your life?

This podcast that we're recording feels fairly emo, but I'm not sure.

So, this is bonding social.

No, this is.

I like wrote sad poems.

Is that emo?

Yes.

Okay, then I think I did.

You didn't like taking back Sunday.

No.

No.

Do you have the same reaction to this as Katie did?

I immediately have, I have.

That has nothing to do.

I'm not at the reason why I brought up emo yet.

That has nothing to do with this.

But it does bring up for me the

tremendous anxiety by association where like the second it starts, when someone starts giving a wedding toast,

Father of the Bride, and the toast is like, you can feel that first step where it's like, uh-oh, I leave.

Yeah.

I'm like, I can't be in here.

And I have my wife text me when it's over.

It's like, I can't, I don't have, I can't feel all these emotions for this person.

I'll die from it.

I get that immediately when this starts to happen.

Yeah, that's the same.

But anyway, the reason I brought up Taking Back Sunday is because Fred, Masharino, I think it is, Mascherino.

I don't know.

He put out a TikTok explaining that she was auto-tuned.

She was being auto-tuned at this show.

It was a cappella.

That's dangerous enough because if you don't have a reference note in your ear,

you could get off, you know, between the echo of the crowd and just your own voice echoing throughout the stadium.

You know, if you were to get lost and there's no reference note,

you could find yourself in a lot of trouble trying to find your way back to the key that this auto tune is stuck in.

The problem with the anthem is that it does not, once you do it in like, let's say you, I don't know, they picked a key and it can only do the seven notes of that key.

So when she would hit a note that she was trying to hit, it was nudging her to like a completely different note because they were trying to get her into the key that they set the auto tune for.

So it does not entirely explain why it was bad, but it does, it is

not entirely on her.

The music director or whoever was in charge of manning the auto tune really screwed her.

And I don't know if it's because like in rehearsals, she wasn't hitting the notes and so she wanted the extra boost.

I don't know why it went as badly as it went, but it at least explained for me the like,

like

the part where it sounds like she's like, what was that sound effect?

The part where it sounds like she's like, ew, ew, like trying to get the way that it people were, and I think they were not wrong, comparing it to like a cat scream.

Like it did sound struggly.

And I think it's because it was the, what you're hearing is the computer trying to bend her voice to reach a note.

That never even, that explanation never even occurred to me.

Me neither.

He is saying that he knows that she was auto-tuned.

He doesn't say he got it from a source journalistically, but he speaks about it as if it's definitely what happened, which leads me to think.

I mean, this guy's been in music for a really long time.

I think he is probably right.

Got it, got it, got it.

Okay.

Exonerated.

It was bad, but why was it so bad?

Robots.

I think it's robots.

And that's, and they're making our drinks and they're taking our jobs and they're screwing up our national song.

Are you?

Are you soft-launching a Trump impression?

Many people.

Michael?

Yes.

Would you bring

Kim Kardashian?

I read an article in Vogue.

I'm always reading Vogue.

I love it.

Kim Kardashian

says that she got a facial.

I wish I hadn't said it that way now.

She got an injection.

This is maybe better or worse, of salmon sperm into her face as a treatment.

It does track.

It was recommended to her by Jennifer Annison, or maybe she saw Jennifer Anison talk about it at some point.

Once she heard about it, she immediately said, How do I get the salmon sperm?

I mean, once you hear about it, how do you turn it to you?

How can you not?

And since then, she has had an injection of salmon sperm into her face.

One.

Single, singular injection?

I don't know how many, but I know she's at least one.

Jennifer Anniston told the Wall Street Journal Magazine in 2023, relaying a conversation she had with an anesthetician.

But an esthetician?

I think that.

I think it has to be an esthetician.

There's no chance it was an anesthetician.

But that's all right.

You're going to be in a lot of pain.

Here's what's going to help.

You're going to inject a bunch of salmon sperm into you.

Listen, we don't know what it is.

It makes you numb.

So just go with it yeah she got she got the salmon sperm okay in 2023 yeah and then kim kardashian read about that read about it or heard about it and then told her well because kim kardashian's always reading the wall street journal magazine she's on that and she's on the cutting edge of whatever all of it all she's on the cutting edge of everything she's dating adam she's

she's dating adam she's getting the salmon sperm smoothies the salmon sperm facial according to vogue it does brutal phrasing they shouldn't call it that is marketed under a number of other names because of the aforementioned issue.

The Reguron, R-E-G, R-E-J, U-R-A-N, Reguron, Skin Booster.

Great.

Is its alternate street leader?

I would have tossed an eye in there, Regurion, but that's just me.

An average of $500 per session in case you are interested in an injection of...

Just b the salmon yourself.

What are we doing?

Find that salmon and blow it.

Get out there and put in the f ⁇ ing work.

I'm not.

Look, I would never, just to elevate this conversation.

Are you a lobbyist for the salmon sperm?

I would only say that you have to imagine how much time it takes to feature salmon.

That's a lot.

That's a lot of time.

So it's really $500, honestly, is on the low end.

It's just the labor.

It's not even parts.

The injection includes polynucleotides derived from MILT.

M-I-L-T, the fourth gift the Mage I brought.

Hope not.

But MILT is the salmon, is the sperm, right?

Is

the fish semen.

I know that.

Because I remember someone telling me there's like a,

I'm going to get this wrong, but there's like a

super high-end, I want to say Japanese restaurant in the city where like one of the things they have that's like, oh, dude,

you gotta, you absolutely gotta get the cod sperm there, bro.

Cod sperm at this place is

unbelievable.

I think it was called milt.

I don't know if they call it cod sperm.

Yeah, they don't call it cod sperm on the menu.

Also known as shirako.

Okay.

Now that's beautiful.

This is what it sounds like, though, when Kim Kardashian is soft-launching this new procedure to America.

I just don't think I have it in me to survive.

I think I'd crumble and just would rather die.

But I got salmon sperm.

Facial with salmon sperm injected into my face.

I'd love to see Kylie survive.

They moved real quick past it.

What are we talking about?

She's like, I think I'd rather die than survive.

Yeah, someone's just come to sell her a bunker or something.

And she's like, BT Dubs, remind me to tell you about the salmon sperm I got.

About the skin regeneration and new collagen production that was stimulated by the

MILT.

I mean, like, what it got me thinking, what got me wondering about lead us to a topic of conversation.

Sure.

It's like, what would you do or not do in the name of vanity?

Like, to me, I think it, I think truly, if someone said to me, the salmon sperm is

awesome.

It works so well, I'd be like, dude, light it up.

I would be with you if, because it's natural, right?

It's natural, naturally occurring, probably not naturally extracted.

But imagine the weight.

Let's not get into it.

Did this, if you're asking, was this humanely extracted?

It had to be.

I'm sure it is.

They probably got the salmon in there with some magazines or whatever.

Those salmon were loving it.

But

being natural

is a plus for me.

I don't love putting in something that you don't, it doesn't naturally occur.

But I would also need it to be one and done.

I'm not going back and re-sperming myself.

You need six treatments or it doesn't work.

Yeah.

I need it to be like, yeah, you do it this many times and then it's, it's the damage.

It's not like every month I have to go,

you know,

I got to get a money shot from a salmon.

It's just not, um,

that's not for me.

But I also am afraid of needles.

Your producers are mortified by what's happening in this podcast.

Um, they're all a lot of heads and hands.

They've all left.

The lights are out.

Um,

I don't, I'm afraid of needles, and I don't, I know I will reach a point where I'm like, man, I wish I injected something into my face five years ago.

Um, but until I get to that point, we're going all au naturale.

So, um,

I just slather my face up with good old regular lotion

all the time.

I feel like I would do, I mean, pretty much anything.

There was definitely a time in my life, like when I was a young lad, where I was like, if I go bald, let's just go bald, dude.

Who cares?

But then I was like,

hotter than I am now.

Now.

Once you reach the mountaintop.

Yeah.

Now I'm like, dude, staple that hair.

Whatever it takes to make it grow more, I'll do anything.

You can't fly coach after you've been first exactly right so and when you're like oh it has to be natural i don't give a bro i do not care just put it in whatever whatever it takes i i have um extremely bad eczema jealous sick and where do you get it because i get it on my eyelids eyelids we're talking oh we're talking the worst wait wait wait we could talk after because worse what you guys what are you guys doing with to solve that problem i just put goop on it i got two i got two special goop with steroids what's your goop i don't know what it's called is it tobradex no

because I'm a pharmaceutical boy through and through.

Tobradex, if you're out there hitting with the sponsorship, I had synthetic salmons.

Exactly.

I had what they call blepharitis all over this mother here.

Oh, yeah.

So I'd use Tobradex, but then I started another pharmaceutical company.

I'm going to plug.

I don't know what company it is, but I use a product called DuPixin, which is detection.

DuPixint.

And I was like ground floor that

with DuPixint.

I watch a lot of TV.

So if you've got a pharma ad out there, I know your song or your tag.

Yes.

And I started taking DuPixon.

You have it injected into you.

No, I inject it myself.

You self-du Pixix.

I self-inject it.

And I would say it's like pretty viscous.

So like it's not like the flu shot, it's like, boom, it's in and it's in.

DuPixon, I'm like,

you are, you are,

you're pushing that.

plunger down for a little while.

Remember when I said I was afraid of needles?

And you're like, maybe I'm not doing it right, but my skin kind of has like a a little bubble.

It's like my dog when she comes back from the vet and they're like, we gave her juice and she's going to be hydrated.

I'm getting juiced by your dog's vet.

But that shit works, Dupixin.

And I was...

Your eyes look unlikely.

Let me say your lids are clear.

I'm having my, I've got eczema right now.

Yeah, starting.

But I would get the eczema every place.

And like when I started getting it on my face, it was...

You were like, get out of here.

I'm a hottie.

My dermatologist was the lady who did, who came up with this Dupixin.

Huh?

So she, and so she.

Dr.

DuPixon.

Yeah, Dr.

Barbara DuPixon.

You need to put the acoustic, like, legal disclaimer guitar strum underneath everything that Michael has been saying.

What was the point of this?

The legal display.

It was your justice you would go to.

It was your total-to.

Desperation.

Yeah.

Yes.

And I don't.

To be pretty.

I do not, I hate injections.

Like whenever I have my blood drawn or have needles, I mean, but my blood drawn or an injection, I look away.

So I I see it happening.

Look away.

I faint.

I had my physical recently.

I faint.

I had a physical recently and I have gotten lightheaded previously, but I've been okay other times, not as fainty, I think, as Katie is describing.

But the nurse, she was like, do you, do you, are you afraid?

Do we get lightheaded?

And I was like, well, I have in the past.

And she was like, you got to lie down.

That's what they make me do that.

I am a giant coward.

No, it's not a coward.

For me, at least, maybe yours is because you're scared.

But for me, it's a, I don't know how to pronounce it, but it's like a vaso-vagal, vaso-vagal.

I've heard people say that before.

It's a real reaction.

Thank you for confirming my reality.

It's a, my body has a reaction.

So it's like the fear, I can talk myself off a ledge.

My body goes, it's like fight or flight.

My body goes away.

It's like, get us, something's happening.

Right.

Your brain, your mind is telling you yes, but your body.

Exactly.

No.

And we don't, but a, but a cover version of that.

Yeah, yeah.

Because we don't with that guy anymore.

Definitely not.

Right.

My mom is a big reveal, is a dermatologist.

Oh.

And she's here today

with salmon.

To show us how it's done.

Get ready to off some salmon with my mom.

Come on, Pablo.

So, what did we find out today, guys?

Absolutely nothing.

As you know, I haven't learned a single thing.

I learned that somebody wants me to join a club.

I was not given any

help on what clubs found a

lonely women.

Yeah.

A lonely women reading club.

Yeah.

I'm not lonely.

Short attention span.

What was the phrase?

We have a whole thing printed out.

I have a fiancé.

We live in a game.

Engaged, lonely woman.

There you go.

Short attention span, non-judgmental it can be like lonely parentheses in a way in a way yeah lonely in a way isolated yeah there you go yeah depressed ladies reading books that aren't the bible okay so i just join i just email and say hello you put up a thing on um craigslist or something

anybody else want to pop in this craigslist yeah craigslist Only the diehards are on there now.

Yeah, I didn't think, and I don't think it's safe.

I don't think it's safe for me.

I don't think I'm finding any parentheses, maybe lonely women that are real.

But that's what I learned today: I'm alone, and it's because I'm not in any clubs or have any kids that are in clubs that I can then pretend is my club.

Yeah, sorry.

Again, not with that attitude.

Michael, what did you find out today?

Oh, we do like a sum up.

Oh,

you found out that we do a sum-up at the end of this episode.

What did I learn?

I learned that the peak of social cohesion, according to this guy, was 1965.

Yeah.

that doesn't seem true to me that seems major but i wasn't alive i trust a guy who wrote a book

he wrote a book yeah i wouldn't be born until 50 years later

the it doesn't seem possible to me that that would be right it feels like the war world war ii would be like then that feels like social cohesion time are you running for office right now are you sending us back i'm running for office and i'm i'm advocating war i that that's but i i'm surprised by that fact and i'm going to look further into it when i go home he doesn't believe he's calling bullshit i'm glad that my article is

questioning vigorously.

We both learned only from you though.

Based on actual

shape, I learned how to spell myrrh today.

Okay, that's who was that from, technically?

That was from Michael.

M-Y-R-R.

No, I mean, like, why were we talking about it?

I don't remember.

I don't either.

Nobody learned anything from it.

Bible, Bible.

Your non-biblical, lonely, short attention span women's reading club that we're trying to launch.

Also, that all of us totally fine with some salmon sperm.

Absolutely would.

Absolutely would.

Would

yeah, wood of whatever.

Don't inject it.

Just rub it real hard.

Oh, Pablo!

This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out, a Metalark Media production.

And I'll talk to you next time.