Share & Hamburger & Tell with Michael Cruz Kayne and Katie Nolan

Why does every recipe I try need 18 ingredients, including a jar of something paste I'll never use again, but will sit in my fridge for nine months?

I just want dinner in the oven fast.

That's why I love Blue Apron's new one-pan assemble and bake meals.

They send you fresh ingredients that are already chopped.

All you do is put it all together and bake.

That's it.

No chopping, no weird leftovers, just delicious, easy-to-make meals.

Get 20% off your first two orders with code APRAN20.

Terms and conditions apply.

Visit blueapron.com/slash terms for more.

High interest debt is one of the toughest opponents you'll face.

Unless you power up with a SoFi personal loan.

A SoFi personal loan could repackage your bad debt into one low fixed rate monthly payment.

It's even got super speed since you could get the funds as soon as the same day you sign.

Visit sofi.com/slash power to learn more.

That's SOFI.com/slash P-O-W-E-R.

Loans originated by SoFi Bank NA, member FDIC.

Terms and Conditions Apply, NMLS 696891.

At LinkedIn, we know hiring is a big deal for your small business.

Sometimes it can feel a little, ah, overwhelming.

LinkedIn uses data that you can't find anywhere else to give you the best candidates.

Also, you can feel confident you're hiring the best person for the job.

And even a little,

hiring bliss.

See why 86% of small businesses who post a job on LinkedIn get a qualified candidate within a day.

Post a job for free at linkedin.com/slash Pandora.

LinkedIn, your next great hire is here.

I'm Pablo Torre, and this episode of Pablo Torre finds out is brought to you by Remy Martin 1738 Accord Royale.

Exceptionally smooth cognac for all your game day festivities.

Please drink responsibly because today we're going to find out what this sound is.

Hail burger

right after this ad.

Are you just hanging out with the crew?

You're just hanging out.

Hey, what's up?

Something deep.

Oh, yeah, you interrupted some heavy.

I was hoping it would be cold in here.

It's not?

It's not hot.

Yeah, but I planned that it would be cold, so I brought like a little sweater, but I'm not ready to.

It's none of this matters.

I'm just not ready to be full cropped tank top on camera yet.

Right.

Right?

So I brought a little sweater.

Now I'm going to sweat through it.

Because it's not that cold in here.

It's so hot outside.

For people who aren't in New York, I don't know if they appreciate

as much as I should have, and I know that now?

Hair and makeup departments.

Because those are gone here.

And now I have to...

Now I have to do it myself and then get on the subway and come here.

And sweat it off.

I look crazy now.

I'm not dewy.

I'm hot.

It's so hot.

And someone used to fix that for me.

And I said thank you.

I know I always did, but I should have given her a little kiss.

That's how grateful I should have been.

Because now it's all my responsibility.

I could never make myself look better.

There's nothing that, there's nothing that happens in the morning or that I see that is wrong that I have any aptitude to correct in any way at all.

And I envy stuff like this.

I wish I didn't constantly have forced in my face how I could be improving my face.

Because then on days where I'm like, I need to improve myself.

Let me go ahead and learn how to do.

And then you show someone and they do their 17-step concealer routine and you're like, i just wanted it to be

it's like this is what i did all this to like look at my natural look and it's like 12 000 different layers of something yeah i just am bad at it and i never had to be good at it and suddenly i do and i'm older what is what is the ideal level of moisture is it dewy i'd like to be soaking wet isn't i think the ideal level for me Good job, both of you.

They just made eye contact with each other.

I'm leaving it.

I think I'd like to just be drenched.

Isn't there like a glass?

Isn't glass?

Glass skin is a thing?

Glass skin.

I believe that was origins of that are Korean skincare.

Ah, of course.

Of course.

Okay.

Are you about to do a little

TED talk for us?

No.

But I could is the point.

And shouldn't I not have to?

Yeah.

You know what?

You're right.

Thank you.

We're not going to talk about this anymore for women.

You guys, what were you talking about?

Something serious?

Can we explain what we did?

Because I feel like this is an important.

Why is this chair like this?

Every time I come here, it's different.

What's wrong?

What's funny about that is before you got here, Pablo's chair was reclining too much.

Is that correct?

And my chair was reclining hardly at all.

And I was perfectly happy with it.

Pablo went around Goldilocksing all the chairs, and I told him the chair that I was in was the most erect of all the chairs.

So he made a big show of shuffling.

three card Monty style all the chairs until he got the one he wanted.

You are sitting in a fire.

This is like the last lady to show up to the house on the reality show.

I get whatever bedroom is left.

That's right.

So the chair that nobody wanted.

Wendy Wetface showed up 20 minutes late and now she's in the laydown chair.

And Noah, in none of these steps did anyone go, how do we fix the chair?

I said to Pablo, there must be a way.

You guys are looking at that.

There must be.

And you f ⁇ ed it up in the first place.

This isn't like you share this with that many people.

What?

Well, I can't be on my mark because then when I go to sit.

I think this is, this is actually kind of, your attitude is reflective of like the makeup thing too, where you're like, I should try and fix this.

Whereas both of us are like, it can't be done.

I don't want to learn.

I'm trying to fix everything.

What would you rather?

I sit and try to sit straight up the whole time.

Like, that's what I'm doing.

Wow.

Wow.

I take it offensively.

We're being told a chair isn't the problem by Nadir behind the glass.

Okay, I'll sit in the chair then, as intended.

How's this?

Is this audio good?

Trimble knows that for the work we all depend on, where speed counts, there's no room for mistakes.

Every turn matters.

Trimble is the technology company that connects your physical and digital worlds across industries like construction, transportation, geospatial, and beyond.

So you can get hard work done faster than you ever thought possible.

You can check them out at Trimble.com.

With Trimble on your team, you're in command of connected solutions to overcome unknowns and keep work flowing.

See what's coming.

Take intelligent action.

Stay on time and budget time after time with confidence at every step, every decision, every turn, because work doesn't move in a straight line.

Keeping it going requires the agility to adjust in the field, at the office, on the road, everywhere.

When you're ready to turn data into decisions, turn deadlines into finish lines, and turn possibilities into profits, it's time to turn to tremble.

Tremble, confidence, at every turn.

High interest debt is one of the toughest opponents you'll face, unless you power up with a SoFi personal loan.

A SoFi personal loan could repackage your bad debt into one low-fixed rate monthly payment.

It's even got super speed, since you could get the funds as soon as the same day you sign.

Visit sofi.com slash power to learn more.

That's SOFI.com slash P-O-W-E-R.

Loans originated by SoFi Bank NA, member FDIC.

Terms and conditions apply, NMLS 696891.

I'm Scott Hanson, host of NFL Red Zone.

Lowe's knows Sundays hit different when you earn them.

We've got you covered with outdoor power equipment from Cobalt and everything you need to weatherproof your deck with Trex decking.

Plus, with lawn care from Scotts, and of course, pit boss grills and accessories, you can get a home field advantage all season long.

So get to Lowe's, get it done, and earn your Sunday.

Lowe's, official partner of the NFL.

We are one of the top 100 podcasts of all time.

And I think it's because of stuff like this.

Yes, and as Pablo pointed out last night to me, people forget that means not only all time back, it means all time in the future.

So we are one of the best and no one can

be put out by time magazines, right?

Is that what it was?

Time magazines?

So if anyone has a concept of like time magazine, future time magazine, past time magazine, as well as present time magazine,

multiverse magazines win all of them on every time we have these episodes

is what they wrote.

Yeah, definitely.

In a description.

Yeah, basically.

That Katie Nolan.

They definitely did not throw shade at these episodes.

No, they didn't say like he.

It's crazy how dumb he can be sometimes with his dumb friends.

The two idiots should sometimes.

And then be brilliant.

We were equally dumb on something last night, but I can't remember what it was now to call you out.

We were.

Oh, it was.

It was.

Is there.

I remember what it was, actually.

I don't know if I want to say it.

Don't say it because I don't think it's that.

I'm thinking of something else.

It's not, are there female urologists?

No, it might have been that.

Or are there urologists for women?

Right.

Is urologists what you guys go to when we go to the gynecologist?

I don't know when your dad's urologist.

Do you go to a penis doctor every year?

I do not go to a penis doctor every year.

You guys don't have to get your junk checked.

I have been to a urologist.

By an extra doctor, boy, we are being robbed by the system.

Sometimes science is like we just got to check in with the greatest of all time.

And so they do annually make me come in, but other than that,

it's just amazing.

I have been to a urologist

to get a say it with me vasectomy.

Okay.

But I have not been to a urologist for any other reason.

Was it scary?

It was scary, but the actual thing itself was not.

It was, I mean, it didn't feel good.

I didn't like how it was.

I didn't think it felt good.

And I was scared for it to happen.

I didn't know if it was one of those things that you got really scared for.

And then when it happened, you were like, it really wasn't that bad.

I wasn't that scared for it until I was going there.

And then you're like, well, everyone's saying all this stuff.

But on your way there, you're like, they could fully, like, you know, anything could happen.

Sure.

I'm basically, I'm paying someone to bring it.

you could be yes i could be sure that we tie this is my lasic yeah concern that's why i'm not doing it because if they're screwed i need my they're doing lasic but on your penis right yes and you don't really need them yeah exactly kind of what the

so you go you go to the thing and um uh they have for no good reason a hot woman do the do the maybe that's just you

maybe you just had a hot woman no i think it's everybody legally like a hooters they go this is what we hired the hippocratic oath Because they're like, this is why you're doing this.

Like, you want to, yeah.

And so, and then

they, they, they do it.

They do it.

You're awake when they do it.

I don't think you have to be awake, but I remember.

You chose.

You said, please, I like to watch.

Actually, I didn't know until I spoke to another friend that I could have been asleep.

That's like.

So, were you watching it?

I was not watching it.

That was

so careful.

I like that part.

Give me the mirror.

Give me the mirror.

How do they, they go in it?

They go in through the front?

They go.

No,

it's all in the down.

None of it's happening in the tube.

and go what oh in the in the what's happening down

to say the balls it's happening someplace

happening someplace near the balls

it's happening around there you know okay and there's there's like a there's a snipping and a can you hold this it's like that kind of thing you had to hold something did i i don't think so no the doctor and the and the woman he's like you know do this i'm sure she's also got a title the doctor and the doctor and the lady just not the doctor whatever she is

i don't think she's a nurse i don't think she was a nurse the answer to a very famous riddle is that the doctor is the mother.

I think she's like a

fuzz on here.

I think she's like a penile assistant or something.

I don't know what she is.

I bet she's not.

In fact, you're probably correct that she's not.

She's not a penile assistant.

So that's that.

And then you have it.

And then it's not that it's uncomfortable for a little for a while, but not that big a deal.

I didn't think.

I would like I walked out and went home.

I wasn't like.

Did you drive yourself home?

I took the subway home.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

And I had a you know, some bag of frozen peas that I would put by my peas in.

Frozen peas.

Come on.

And

you were just walking around with frozen peas.

Well, I was at home for the first time.

Oh, post-Subway.

Yes, that's right.

When I got home, I had frozen peas at the ready, and then I put them onto my balls.

And that's

you start.

You made me say it.

I didn't make you look at me.

That is how you pronounce it, though.

And then.

And then that's what it was for however long.

Not that long.

There is a female urology.

Oh, so another doctor I'm supposed to be going to all the the time?

Yeah.

How about that button?

You should get that checked out, I think.

My Euro?

My Euro?

Wait, so there is a urologist.

Women do also.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's just a specialist you get sent to.

It's not your you guys don't have a yearly check-in.

That's crazy.

A female urologist can be referred to as a Euro gynecologist or specifically be called.

And that's like a gynecologist from Europe.

Come on.

Right, right, right.

She's got a funny accent.

What's the conversion, right?

It's when Manu Ginobili decided to import

overseas style to urology, they said.

Whatever's happening with my chair is upsetting.

You're doing a good job.

No, this is definitely a natural posture.

I'm having a hard time adjusting to the inability to sit back, but the need to sit up perfectly straight the whole time.

Top one.

It's like doing it on a stool.

I'm having a hard time.

And I was always told you should speak up for your feelings.

That's brave.

And that's my feeling.

And I'm going to, here's what I'm going to try.

What if I sit forward on the chair like that?

Is that okay?

That's kind of what I'm doing.

I'm kind of scared.

Because sitting back there makes me want to lean back and then I'm if you cross a certain like tropic of whatever here you're going, you're all the way right exactly.

Yeah, but I'm up.

I'm up.

Can cut this out.

Here's the other thing.

Sometimes I assume this all's getting cut out and then I check back and then someone will write it in the comments and I go, that's it?

I didn't think that was the podcast.

I thought that was us talking about the podcast.

Oh, no.

No, this is it up.

Most of the podcast is this.

Yeah.

And it's great.

I'm having a time in my life.

And so are you here?

The viewer viewer and listener.

And what were we to talk?

What were we meant to talk about?

Oh, your show.

That's where we were there.

We were there.

We were there.

And then I took it.

Is that my water?

It's not mine.

Well, it's mine.

I'm ready.

Okay, we can three, two, one, and the show.

This show, I meant.

I want to establish that Katie and I had an outing.

We showed up on a line.

It was very long.

It was a long line.

Way to big up everybody you know.

I do like that there was a long line and you had to wait outside in like a thousand degrees.

A thousand degrees.

And if you went up and you said, I might, I don't mean to imply I'm special, but I might be on like a friend and family.

And they go, friend and family line right here.

The inner circle friend and family one.

I was like, no, no,

the next tier, I think, where we get to go inside.

Favorites.

Where is the favorites?

You know, like where his kids are.

I think where that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They did come to me before the show with a list of all the people who were attending and they were like, and I was like, I just don't have time to like to go through who everybody is.

So I just wish you the best.

Oh, yeah.

And then I think they let my parents in and my wife's parents in, and they might have been like,

all y'all

were holding up the Bill Belichick episodes, and I was like, right, right, right.

What about 100?

What about?

And I kept going, I don't know, Pablo Torre, but I bet you're going to find out.

No one, no one.

Nothing.

It was very, nothing was found out.

Nobody cared

at all.

At all.

But the line for Michael Cruz Kane's special, which taped

in New York City.

That's right.

Amid the thickness of

this air and the hot, hot heat.

Peace soup.

It was a thing that I want to take people inside of, not from the perspective of like spoiling your show, which is.

Okay, okay.

How would you want to?

What should we say about the show without having to dive into the specific because we have already done, you have, you and I have done a full episode about this show.

So, here's the setup.

Michael came into the studio to do an episode about his show

last year, not maybe something

year ago.

Yeah.

Katie had never seen it.

And so, part of my excitement was for Katie to get to experience it.

But I also think it's a conversation around what it's actually like at a momentous sort of moment when you are needing to get this on tape for the world.

Because taping a special, as Katie also has experience with a secondhand again, still both times.

Well, here and there.

I've never taped a special.

Well, it doesn't mean you don't have yet, not kidding.

The process, I can see you, I can see you taping a special, absolutely.

Everything I tape is special.

I don't know which camera to look at, so I'm quickly looking between the two cameras.

Let's go, split the difference.

Ensuring neither of them get a good shot.

I think it's this one.

I want to establish that our emotional sort of like valence was super amped for you.

I felt that.

Did you imagine the house where it was whooped a lot?

I love a whoop.

I'm screaming.

So, so briefly, can you say what your show is about?

And then we can, and then we can.

You're doing just yeah?

Yeah.

Isn't that weird?

It's nice.

Yeah.

It's very nice.

I appreciate a yeah.

But I mean, I feel like a good whoop.

Yeah.

When someone's coming out.

You gotta stay in my register.

Yeah.

You know what it is?

I think he's right.

You gotta be true to yourself.

You can't step outside of your own register.

I was actually saying stuff to be noticed by me later later on the rewatch when it gets

you were shouting your own name really loudly.

Yeah, Pablo heckled him during the show.

It was crazy.

I was like, this is a tape.

It's me.

There was one point.

I mean, I almost threw up at that moment.

I was like, why is this happening?

There was a moment also in the show where someone loudly shouted, what?

Do you remember that?

Yes.

It was my sister.

I was going to say it was perfect.

And she has seen the show a thousand times.

That's crazy.

A thousand times.

But it did play perfect.

It was literally nuts for her to be like, wait, what?

It's like, you, you know, I've talked to you about this.

I've had to tell you this.

You've surely seen this before.

There was a moment outside before we got inside when someone who was not in line was like, what are you guys waiting for?

Yeah.

I'm socially awkward sometimes, okay?

And I'm sitting with my friend Pablo.

We're doing a podcast, no record.

So it's just a hanging out.

We're just

a third party, and there's no one to put a show on for.

We're talking to each other.

It's going fine.

And a woman's like, well, hey, what are you all in line for?

And I went, a show?

And that's it.

That's all I said.

Daring, daring them to follow.

A show.

Why did I say that?

Why wasn't I like, oh, our friend Michael has this show?

It's called, instead, I just went, a show?

And she went,

okay, which show?

Yeah, expectantly.

She was waiting for more info.

And I went and I

pointed at Poplar.

I dove in front of Katie like a Secret Service agent in front of the president.

And I was like, is it's what michael cruise candy is a friend of ours and it is a show about

grief grief we're allowed to say you can say that they will you're allowed to say that on the isn't that like the subtechno we all know i feel like you've got to know people know everyone has to know

whoever whoever would want to know knows yeah have you ever given the little speech sorry to call it a little speech

you ever have your little speech

have you ever done the thing where you say like if you if you didn't realize this is what the show was you can go now has anyone ever gone no one has ever gone.

But what I will say is that I've had people like, especially early versions of the show, I had people straight fall asleep.

So just like someone close to the front, like absolutely, I mean,

not even into the show.

I'm like, I've just started.

I'm out there.

I just get there, sound asleep.

Oh, that feels normal.

At least you're not taking offense.

I also had one time, and this is not really relevant to your question.

Wait, so that's just the general sleepiness.

That's a narcissist.

That person was tired.

Exactly.

That person could have a condition.

But it's possible that I like come out and immediately they're like, don't want this.

I'm sound asleep.

And we're out.

Yeah.

Right away, I'm kind of getting a look.

I'm tired from seeing him.

And then also vaguely related to this one time a guy farted so loud for a long time

during like a part of the show.

So the show is like Scotty Schuffler, as we all know.

Yeah, exactly.

The show is, you know, so funny, but also like there's a lot of sad shit.

And in the part where you're like, please don't fart now, if you could, if there could be a part of the show where you'd be like, if you have to fart, fart before, after this part, this dude is ripping it.

One long fart or a bunch of little farts.

I mean, I didn't mean to sing that, but it is like, it was a rhythmic, extended amount of

ripping.

A lot of people do call that your soda down there.

Wait, what you're suggesting, though, is that he was trying to stop.

He might have been.

The cheeks were closing, but the air couldn't be stopped.

He was farting his third eye blind.

That's right.

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

And so, and so,

what is your response?

Man, with that, you just got to keep going.

No acknowledgement.

I can't get it.

No acknowledgement because I also don't know.

You don't know who, how long you'll hear it in the room.

You know what I mean?

So then it's like, am I going to make this thing that's only happening to like six people and me happen to everybody in here?

Especially in a time of the show where it's like, it's really going to take us out of it.

Right.

And they may be embarrassed, and this could be a whole thing.

How do I pivot from you?

You need to stay focused in this moment.

Instead of like drawing focus to this guy's IBS, I'm just going to like keep on rocking.

Because you look forward to the line where you have to go.

Now back to thing that I had just said that was heavy.

Yeah.

I did have also one time a guy passed out.

in the show during us during a quite sad part and we had to stop the show.

We had to stop the show and to leave the stage.

And you're responsible for that.

And they had to call 911 and have like the guy go, got an ambulance and went to the hospital.

Oh, my God.

And I had to come out and be like, so

how you guys doing?

And then just kind of pick right back up.

But the audience was there for it and it went great.

I think honestly, when it's stuff like that that you absolutely can't control, for me, because I came up maybe doing improv, the chaos of it is actually kind of cool.

I like it when somebody's going to be able to do it.

You like it when people are actively dying in your audience.

Yes.

That's the goal.

My goal is to murder one person at every show.

Right.

Well, he murdered.

Oh.

When did you notice us?

Oh, God.

What a fucking thing.

I did not notice until.

So there's a part of the show where I do like a I want to know what Michael can see from his vantage point.

I do.

I do the very smallest amount of crowd work in the show.

And I looked at the front row and the front row was all, the front row was all people that I personally like who lived on the street from me.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

And I don't want to do crowd work with like people that I know.

It feels like not cool.

Of course.

But I'm like looking down the row and every person is another person that I know.

They seated your friends and family in the front.

It was a wild choice.

I was like, why are we doing this?

Put those in the back.

It's also like, I also, on the other hand, I can't take an hour to find someone that I don't know.

So I'm just like, you.

And I pointed right at you.

And I was like, oh, I know him too.

I also know him.

So I didn't, I did not know until I pointed out.

Oh, my God.

But it was perfect because he said, what's your name?

And Pablo said, Pablo.

And I'm just looking at Pablo going, oh, oh, I'm so glad this is happening to you, not me.

And then Michael goes, Pablo?

Am I saying that right?

Which was perfect.

Katie and I had the vantage point that was like right up.

It was like whatever angle the vasectomy doctor had on you, we had that.

Absolutely.

That's what the seats were called.

Middle, straight up from below.

Yeah.

Those are the urology seats right there.

Yeah, so I didn't know it was you until it was you.

And then typically in the show, there are a couple of other times where I refer back to the audience to ask them questions.

And I usually go back to that person.

But he chose to do that.

But because I accidentally picked you, that's when I was like, I'm going to

move around.

But just the, this is probably cut out.

But the moment with the girl that you asked the spontaneous question to and the way she panicked and was like, I don't know.

And then you were like, and that's actually so okay.

That's actually me love you.

There's a moment in the taping where I don't want to blow the, I don't want to blow the

nice moment in a taping.

I don't think you should blow it.

But I I just, I wanted you to know funny.

It was perfectly handled.

Oh, God.

Her brain.

Her brain was just like, I cannot

short-circuited a lot.

I know.

And I, and I can, it's just like, you literally ask her, say anything, and she can't say anything.

It's Billy on the street for a dollar, name a woman.

And they go like,

it is that.

She absolutely,

the whole system completely shut down for her.

And bless her.

She was there.

She didn't know she was going to have to do that.

And she did her best, which was none.

And that's, I love her.

Luckily, you didn't need any more.

You made up for it.

You went to her.

I just wanted her to try, and she did.

And she got absolutely not far at all.

And that's the best she could do.

And that's okay.

Sometimes that's the best you can do.

Yes.

What's the mental state?

Are you a boxer before a fight?

Are you before you go out on stage and all of this is starting?

What are you, what, how Katie and I were like deciding: are we nervous for you?

Are we thinking that this is

harvest for me?

I was there.

So I did two tapings that day.

Did when Dan?

You guys are the second.

Yeah.

When, like when Dan recorded special, he did two in a day.

So the first taping, everyone had told, I'd never done the show twice in a day before.

And I was like, I'm a little scared to do it twice in a day.

I'd rather do it on two separate nights.

And everyone who was involved with this, who has done these before, was like, you definitely want to do it twice in a day.

The second one is always going to be the one.

So I did the first one.

And the first one, the audience was just like

good,

but

I don't know what it was.

It just wasn't, it wasn't as good.

So the second one.

They hadn't gotten lightly stoned in this very long line outside.

Exactly.

At the very last minute.

We were sitting in the line the whole time.

Just as the cameras came out to tape the line and be like,

yeah, exactly.

They weren't grateful to suddenly be in air conditioning as much as you guys were.

And so

between shows, I was very like,

the second one's got to be it.

You know what I mean?

So there was a lot of like pressure on me.

I think of seven.

The first show i felt like i personally was incredible but for whatever reason the crowd just wasn't like as i think people liked it as much but they weren't as emotive and part of that is also because at the first show the guy who did the warm-up like right before and my sister did it for the second show and her energy is complete chaos like you just don't know what she's going to say at any time you replaced you replaced the warm-up we did we we we well we just like you can go back to doing all the hundred other things you have to do which he did have to do.

And then my sister did it instead.

And I think she had also a better energy and the whole thing just kind of,

the crowd for that show was on fire.

It was totally packed, except for like the seats that they had to kill for the cameras.

And the vibes were just really good.

So immediately, I immediately, I was at ease a second out onto that stage.

Your sister's also kind of a pro.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, she's a, she's an actress.

She's been in like, you know, in Barbie and stuff.

She's tremendous.

Specifically doing that exact thing.

Just Barbie and stuff.

Just Barbie and stuff.

The other guy was in opposite.

So she's she's incredible, but she's a little bit of a loose cannon, which is also what makes her perfect for that thing.

Like it's like

she kept being, I was told not to make any jokes.

Exactly.

And then right as soon as she did, she's like, I'm joking.

I'm already joking.

I'm already doing it.

I'm doing it.

And I knew that was going to happen.

Yeah.

But you need the crowd, though.

The crowd is important because at home, when the audience sees it, that's not in the room.

Right.

You need them to hear it.

Or tell them how to feel, basically.

We also realized because we were in in the second row that we were on at least one of the crowd reaction cameras you guys have.

So I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ, Pablo.

It was here.

And then as soon as it was right to our left.

And

as soon as I mentioned it to Pablo, the rest of the night, I kept seeing Pablo go like,

just sucking in my cheekbones.

He was like, what's it called when you...

What do they call that?

Mewing?

Yes.

Mewing.

That's what they call it.

My kids know about that.

M-E-W.

It's like, oh, man.

It's to make your lip technique involving resting the tongue against the roof of the mouth.

I'm not

jawline definition.

That's right.

Jaw maxing.

I was jaw maxing.

You were jaw maxing.

I do that.

Where he kept making his reactions and being like, ah,

and then I

there was a moment where the person, I will throw this person under the largest bus available.

Absolutely do.

To my left, there is a person who was checking their phone.

Yeah.

And there was a moment, find this on tape, where I am looking at her and then looking right into the camera and looking at her again and looking right into the camera.

Either I checked.

I looked to be like, maybe.

I almost,

I almost gently elbowed.

That's his friend or his family.

It's probably one of my reps.

So, like, you know, you know how reps be.

You know how reps be.

Reps always.

Reps are looking at stuff all the time.

Reps are Adam Schefter.

They cannot put their phones down.

Even on live TV, you have to let them have their phone.

And I love reps.

I love reps.

My reps are great.

And they're always, they're scrolling, you know, because maybe they're getting.

So it could have been a rep.

Yeah.

That's what I'm saying.

I don't think it was a rep.

You walk in tired and hungry, one bad dinner away from losing it.

You don't like to cook.

You don't want more takeout.

You just want something good.

That's why there's Dish by Blue Apron.

Pre-made meals with at least 20 grams of protein and no artificial flavors or colors from fridge to fork in five minutes or less.

Keep the flavor.

Ditch the subscription.

Get 20% off your first two orders with code APRAN20.

Terms and conditions apply.

Visit blueapron.com/slash terms for more.

High interest debt is one of the toughest opponents you'll face.

Unless you power up with a SoFi personal loan.

A SoFi personal loan could repackage your bad debt into one low-fixed rate monthly payment.

It's even got super speed, since you could get the funds as soon as the same day you sign.

Visit sofi.com/slash power to learn more.

That's SOFI.com/slash P-O-W-E-R.

Loans originated by SoFi Bank NA, member FDIC.

Terms and conditions apply, NMLS 696891.

Mazda crafts cars for those who choose to do more.

And the Mazda CX-50 hybrid will take you farther.

What you choose to do with all those extra miles is up to you.

Mazda, move and be moved.

I'm just a girl with a crush on you.

Yes, that was a perfect Britney Spears.

It was a perfect Britney Spears.

I know which song that is.

I don't even remember what it's called.

Probably Girl with a Crush on You.

Oh, wait, I know that.

Girl with a Crush on You.

Pretty good, actually.

It's not bad.

It's not great.

It's in the words.

Can't make you love me.

Oh, God, I haven't listened to it in so long, but what a jam.

My wife, Carrie, is a crazy Britney Spears.

Britney Spears was the greatest.

I didn't know that, and I love that.

Let me tell you what level she is.

She,

one time, years ago, we went to see a friend in the musical Nine on Broadway.

And we were coming out, and Britney Spears was out of the sunroof of like a Yukon Denali or one of these things on the street.

Has the prophecy foretold?

She was just like,

she was coming out of the thing just like dancing and maybe she was a little feeling herself.

My wife runs into traffic

in front of the car, points up at Britney Spears and goes, Brittany, you're the s.

And Brittany is singing to my wife.

There's a picture of it the next day, like in the post.

We're going to find that my wife's cut out.

It's just Brittany.

It's just Britney in the car.

It's Britney.

Who when was this?

The musical nine.

Whenever the musical nine was on Broadway.

So we're talking like probably 2003 or something.

Where is this in her lore?

Pre.

This is before Britney had

whatever, whatever.

Whatever we did, whatever word you would describe the

whatever's happened, it's before that happened.

Okay.

I'm looking for this for Brittany.

Nobody did it like Britney.

Nobody's doing it like Britney.

There are a lot of images for Britney Spears' sunroof.

So we're going to have to

keep keep thinking you're probably going to find it.

If anyone can find it, it's one of the top 100.

Just like the number of photos of Britney Spears through a windshield,

I'm like, I'm never going to find this one.

Right.

That's what I'm saying when I say we did it.

It's like they should be allowed to get in a car.

Like, is this a little cozy?

Do you think this is without us all freaking out?

I don't think so.

I would guess no.

That's what we're learning.

What I found out today is that Britney Spears loves a sunroof.

Or that paparazzi is not afraid to stand in front of a moving vehicle to take a picture of Britney Spears at a time.

Is it roofs or roofs?

Something to think about.

Roofs.

Roofs.

Roofs.

Roofs.

Roofs.

Roofs.

It's got to be roofs.

Roofs.

I don't know why I said that.

Rooves.

Wait, he's saying roofs.

It is.

I know.

That's why I was just beating myself up for being wrong.

Couldn't it be roofs?

I don't think so.

No.

No.

I think that's a thing you're going to want to cut out of this episode.

It's never FS.

It's never.

Never?

Is it?

I don't know.

Wolfs.

No.

Wolves.

Yeah, you're right.

Boofs.

What's a boof?

A boof has multiple meanings, primarily in slang and white water kayaking.

Poofs are both.

In slang, it can refer to anal sex.

Come on, dude.

Or the reckless administration of drugs are.

Why are we here?

But one of you said boof.

That's it.

Oh, you said.

Oh, because who did the

Brett Kavanaugh?

And now we're back into politics.

No, didn't he?

Wasn't there boofing?

Wasn't that something?

Yes.

I can't remember.

Brett Kavanaugh's yearbook, colon, the boof joke, comma, explained.

There you go.

Fox.com.

October 3rd, 2003.

Okay.

Britney Spears cruising on 49th Street pops out of the sunroof to the surprise of a street full of tourists.

Could be that.

It could be that.

Damn, the teacher wasn't tourists.

You're pretty good.

It could be that.

Guys weren't tourists.

Yeah.

Can you find out what theater the Broadway Musical 9 was on?

Yes.

Broadway Musical.

Was in and what street that was on?

Nine.

Trying to fix my prepositions.

Here we go.

They'll edit.

They'll fix that.

Do you want to know anything about these guys?

2003 Broadway Revival.

Okay.

This is probably it.

Hold on, on, hold on, hold on.

Nope, I clicked on the Wikipedia entry for the word revival.

They have to say

Broadway revival.

Oh, I found out something great on Wikipedia today.

Broadway revival.

That's too so far.

Have you seen the clip of the little kid?

You need to be in the real theater.

Okay,

show me 49th Street.

Show me 49th Street.

West 49.

This is why we do journalism.

God damn.

Shout out to my friend Elena Elena Shadow, who was in the musical nine.

Great name.

Now,

puppets.

What is nine nuppes?

Nine is not puppets.

Nine is about,

is it Fellini, maybe?

Because you know how this Aiden has.

I thought it was puppets.

So I don't think whatever next is.

What's great?

What is puppets?

There's a big one.

Maybe like a movie or something like that.

Widow Contini, who was dreading his imminent 40th birthday and facing a midlife crisis.

Oh, man.

I'm dreading my imminent 40th birthday.

Oh, my gosh.

This is really good.

while I read this entry, facing a midlife crisis.

Sure, what's the next line of which is blocking his creative impulses, chef?

Oh, no.

And entangling him in a web of romantic difficulties in early 1960s Venice.

Okay, that's not you then.

Good.

Thank God.

At first, I was like, this podcast.

But he loves to podcast.

What the fuck?

Oh, my God.

Raul Julia.

Yes.

Okay.

A gifted man.

Oh, man.

So we found out that that is the picture of her.

Definitely.

Show it again.

i mean i'm trying she's wearing a trucker hat post oh trucker hat was right before maybe it's right before then

well um wait can i say something that i found that i saw on wikipedia today someone referenced to me looking is that they're not even listening

is that the top of her head talking myself i'm by myself is that the top of her head does this resemble the top of your wife's head

I mean, it's not impossible that it is.

I know.

It really is not impossible that it is.

Okay, for those not watching on YouTube, it's clearly a photo that is focusing on Britney Spears, white trucker hat, hoodie thing.

And in front of the windshield is the back of a blonde

head of hair.

It is very possible that that is.

Very possible.

You got to send me a link to that so I can

confirm.

This is like when they found, when they exonerated that guy because he was at the Mets game or in the back of an episode of a Seinfeld or something like that.

What is the story?

Maybe it was Curb Your Enthusiasm?

Wasn't there a guy who used to be a bad person?

You're telling me the plot of an episode of Tell Vision?

Are you literally profiling a genre of sitcoms?

No, I'm saying a guy used as an alibi because he was at a baseball game the day that they were filming an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

And so on the camera, you see that he's there.

So this is a real life.

He caught him off from the side, yes.

Sorry, I was just making a thing that I thought everybody knew as a quick little punchline reference to that.

Thought we'd all go, Tee Hee Hee, it's just like that, Katie.

And then we'd move on.

I do not know.

I do not know about that.

Photos.

And the whole documentary about about it and everything.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, it's like a true crime situation.

Yeah,

it was a cool thing that happened.

Okay, while you're doing this, I tell you something that I learned on Wikipedia today.

And I could say every name wrong in this.

Great.

There is a television program or possibly a movie called Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp.

What?

And what it is.

Lancelot Link.

I learned a lot of cool things actually.

I have a whole list today.

Lancelot Link's Secret Chimp.

I think that might be the name of it.

And it is.

Oh, my God.

It's a common, not a colon.

It's a video of the whole movie is chimps.

It's footage of

footage of chimps like in costumes.

Yeah.

And okay.

No people?

So far, I can tell you, Katie is not seeing my computer screen.

This is checking out.

There are no people in it.

Anyway, I was just like, so they someone showed it to me, and then I was looking into like the voice actors.

And one of them, I think, is a woman named Joan possibly Gerber.

I think is the last name.

And the only thing I want to say about her is that in her Wikipedia article, like maybe the first sentence is, her most challenging role as a voice actor was playing the voice of a busload of Japanese students being attacked by Godzilla.

Is that basically correct?

Her most challenging, this is Joan Gerber.

Yeah.

Her most challenging voice role was, quote, all the children in a Japanese train wreck, end quote, for a Godzilla television episode.

All the children.

Who do I play in this episode?

Oh, you're all the children in the Japanese train wreck.

Yeah, you're going to need to be all.

Does that count as like 20 credits.

Maybe.

She's probably rich off that one episode, whatever that is, that one.

The residuals on being all of the Japanese children in the chat.

And don't forget, I was also Japanese student number five.

Thank you.

And then also, number six.

Who played Japanese student number nine?

That was it.

No way.

That's right.

Okay, can I say one other thing I learned today?

Yes, please.

Okay.

So, what else are we here for?

Nothing?

Oh, okay.

I learned about a comedian whose name I think is Alonso Hamburger.

Okay.

Do you guys know this guy?

Well, I'll tell you the big thing about Alonzo Hamburger is that he says hamburger a lot.

He says hamburger all the time.

He says it all the time.

In his set, he'll just, instead of saying like,

instead of saying, instead of saying like shit or whatever.

I mean, why?

Maybe he's either.

Oh my God.

Alonzo Hamburger Jones is an American writer and catchphrase comedian.

Yes.

Best known for his cowboy hat and frequent use of the word hamburger.

I would say, to me personally, only having learned about him this morning, I would say best known for his cowboy hat is an insane thing to wear.

Wait, yes, starting.

Because he says the word hamburger in his

word

dang.

As if it's like,

you won't believe it.

He just said, he says hamburger all the time.

Did you watch video of his set?

I watched his whole set from, I don't know if it might have been Comic View or like Deaf Comedy Jam.

Martin Lawrence was hosting it.

Deaf Comedy Jam, HBO, two television appearances.

He comes out, he does his set.

Oh, man, I bet Dan would have something really funny to say here.

I bet he would.

I bet he really would.

Nothing.

I mean, I got nothing for you.

It is, it is so just purely delightful to me to watch Alonzo Hamburger.

And now let's enjoy some Alonzo Hamburger.

Absolutely.

Please say Jones.

You guys are skipping his last name.

I think we're getting the most important part.

Look at this big joker here.

Same don't want to stand in front of YMC talking about, oh, look, they don't spell Macy's wrong.

Ham Bergen, I ain't gonna have it.

Who else won't play?

Happy Halloween, baby.

How Bergen.

Check out my man here, Rico Suave.

Y'all looking good out here now.

Ham burgers, y'all are.

There we go.

Ham burger.

And then just moves on the next thing.

Does the word hamburger have anything to do with what's been happening?

No, Dadsky's way of going like, and

that is what I have said.

It's so much a part of his lexicon that sometimes he'll like, you know, he's like, he'll start a sentence like hamburger.

He was walking down the street.

Like, you don't even get the whole hamburger.

He does it.

And he does it.

In that set, I would guess he says the word hamburger.

It's like how intuitive people have many words for, I guess, the opposite of that.

It's as if snow has many words, but it's just hamburger.

It is the opposite.

It's the word f ⁇ .

Yes.

Exactly.

I think he does say at some point he says hamburger instead of swearing.

Instead, okay, so hamburger, this is back to Wikipedia page.

Hamburger tries not to use profanity.

Like gentlemen of the old west, who does not

know this is

you know how in the old west, they'd always say,

who don't swear in front of the ladies?

Instead, comedian Alonzo Jones has substituted profanity with one word, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, in all caps, hamburger.

Okay, so every time he wants to say,

he says hamburger.

Yeah, and he's like, boom, I got it.

Don't worry, I got a hamburger right here.

But I think if it got hamburger heavy, I feel, I fear I would be out on it.

I actually liked it.

You say that, but I'm just telling you.

He uses it.

You can actually absorb quite a lot of hamburgers.

It's more than you think you can.

Actually, what Jordan Peterson said.

And he was wrong.

He wasn't right.

Alonzo Hamburger Jones.

That's something we learned today.

Are we at that part?

What did I learn?

It's done already.

Possibly we had that part, but I've also not checked the clock in a lot.

I'm just checking.

Let me check.

Oh, it's midnight.

Oh, no.

One of the things I loved when

watching your show was looking at Katie.

Just like literally side-eyeing her as she was sobbing,

suffering.

And here's the thing, I am crying, legitimately.

It's not like you can go like wipe it off.

So I just like let it sit there and then it dried.

Yeah,

I was leaving like this.

Yeah, yeah.

I was like, well, just hop right on the subway.

There are some parts of the show that are very sad and I say it up top.

So we just kind of, we just kind of do that.

And one of the things that,

maybe I talked about this last time, but one of the things in like pitching it to places to put it on their air

was people coming back and being like, it's like there are parts of it that are too sad for us to think of this as a comedy.

Would you think about like, you know, maybe putting more jokes in those parts?

And for me, I was like, I don't really want to.

So we'll just wait.

And then this other company came around and they were like, we love it how it is.

So we'll, we'll make it.

So part of what I didn't know, because I had seen the show again

somewhere between a year and 10 years ago,

I didn't know how different it would be because last time I talked to you, you had some amount of frustration because this show is

for my money, conflicted as I am, it's so

hamburger good.

Thank you.

And I just hoped that it would be the version that I had seen.

And that's what I was excited to show Katie was like, cause I was like, I didn't want to tell her too much.

I didn't want to like, you know, whatever.

I didn't want to taint the jury pool.

But he did ask before we did any drugs.

He said, no, this is a sad show.

Would you like to do a little bit of drugs?

i said yeah that's very thoughtful yes i do i think i'm ready for it as her as her weed concierge i think we nailed it yeah totally while you were hopped up on caffeine

oh yeah was that real you really did it was real i was so funny i was so tired after the first show and i hadn't slept really well the night before of course so i took these gummy caffeine bolt I think was the name of the thing.

Are you looking at us like we would ever eat any of that?

If it's not drugs, I mean, caffeine, I guess, technically a drug.

Was it, was it, you had a couple of pro-bar bolt shoes?

That seems, that seems right.

And where'd you get those?

At gas stations?

I got them at a bodega.

I was like at a bodega buying gum, and I was like, maybe I'll need to do that.

There's a woman standing in a sunroof who was just

in 2000.

Like a Red Bull rep in college.

Like Donald Trump throwing toilet paper.

He was throwing pro-bar bolt shoes.

So I just chowed.

I just chowed down on him.

And it really, it got me.

They hit you.

Yeah, you did the classic edible thing where you take one and you go, I'm not feeling this.

So you take more and then you go, I'm feeling it now.

I've seen a Pablo before.

I don't know how much caffeine was in them.

And it's possible that it's like a very small amount.

But it's also possible that it was like more than you should have taken.

I'm a delicate baby.

Like any kind of medicine immediately has a heavy effect on me, no matter what amount I take.

And so this, I think, was no different.

Can you, can you, can you

text or call Carrie and ask her if that's her head?

Oh, wow.

She's at work.

You want to close the loop?

I mean, there's absolutely no.

That job's way too important for you to make her do that.

Can you also tell her that I love her?

Can you tell her Katie says hello and that she loves her?

That we loved

the scene.

I'm going to text her.

Wait, hang on.

I'm going to take a picture.

I'm taking a picture of you guys.

Yeah.

I'm sending it to her.

I think I put my tongue out at a weird time, so I think the picture's going to be me going like this.

Starting to put it out.

This isn't a podcast, is the thing.

Time magazine disagrees.

I just sent you a screenshot just to give the visual of what Carrie is doing probably right now in real life.

So she is.

She's probably helping a child coming out of a major surgery.

And she's going to look at her phone and she's going to be like, I absolutely cannot believe that this is what I'm being texted about.

Listen.

No, you know what?

She's chill.

She won't be like that.

She'll just chill.

Awesome credit.

I'm going to have to answer this later.

Right.

But it is.

She's going to go like the difference between

the difference between our two lives is stark, that it's like she's doing something like that.

She is, she is a does it ever smack you in the face?

Do you ever go like smacks me in the face every day?

Yeah, hey, how was your day?

And then I'll say, you know, whatever.

Couldn't crack this joke about a Chinese dinosaur.

And then she'll say what her day was.

And it's like, I honestly wish I hadn't asked.

It's like you're talking about the person who voiced

all the Japanese children in Iraq, and she is helping.

She's like, you say, guess what I learned today?

She goes, and guess what I learned?

That she says, yes,

she totally is.

That is the pic that I was cut out of.

Hail Payer!

This has been Pablo Torre finds out a Meadowlark media production.

And I'll talk to you next time.

You're juggling a lot, full-time job, side hustle, maybe a family, and now you're thinking about grad school?

That's not crazy.

That's ambitious.

At American Public University, we respect the hustle and we're built for it.

Our flexible online master's programs are made for real life because big dreams deserve a real path.

At APU, the bigger your ambition, the better we fit.

Learn more about our 40-plus career-relevant master's degrees and certificates at apu.apus.edu.

High interest debt is one of the toughest opponents you'll face, unless you power up with a SoFi personal loan.

A SoFi personal loan could repackage your bad debt into one low-fixed-rate monthly payment.

It's even got super speed, since you can get the funds as soon as the same day you sign.

Visit sofi.com/slash power to learn more.

That's SOFI.com/slash P-O-W-E-R.

Loans originated by SoFi Bank NA, member FDIC.

Terms and conditions apply, NMLS 696891.

At LinkedIn, we know hiring is a big deal for your small business.

Sometimes it can feel a little, ah, overwhelming.

LinkedIn uses data that you can't find anywhere else to give you the best candidates.

Also, you can feel confident you're hiring the best person for the job.

And even a little,

hiring bliss.

See why 86% of small businesses who post a job on LinkedIn get a qualified candidate within a day.

Post a job for free at linkedin.com/slash Pandora.

LinkedIn, your next great hire is here.