Share & Bang & Tell with Dan Soder and Katie Nolan

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I'm Pablo Torre, and this episode of Pablo Torre finds out is brought to you by Remy Martin 1738 Accord Royale.

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Please drink responsibly because today we're going to find out what this sound is.

What were you doing out there?

We put you in the human body for once and you screwed it up.

The water goes on the inside.

Right after this ad.

we left the house and we went both of us are gonna wear brown because we both feel tan

so we went to our friend's pool

we saw that I have discovered the sun

it's good stuff and vitamin D people out there all the time I am I had to last year I got um prescribed like weapons grade vitamin D me too they were like Tate you need to take this every day for a week you are low.

You guys are, they're going to find this clip in like 75 years when we're all mole people.

We have to live underground.

And they go, could you imagine embracing the sun?

Yeah.

Well, it feels good.

I've been out there and I've been using my SPF.

Don't yell at me.

Can I share a secret?

Just here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I started using this right before I got the sun, right before I discovered that the sun will make your skin browner.

I got this lotion and it's supposed to be self-tanning gradually because I'm afraid of self-tanner because if you do it wrong, your skin is dyed.

Your Italian heritage.

It's crazy.

It's just like

it's scary.

So I like dipped my toe in of like,

this says if I use it like lotion, every day I'll get a little bit darker, which is how it's felt safe to me.

I put this shit on one time.

Look at my elbows.

What the hell is that?

No, I didn't crazy.

You need to push in on kitties.

I don't know.

I was like, what This thing lied to me.

I used it once.

And I was like, don't have to worry about how I'm applying it.

It's a tiny, gradual tan.

Lies.

We're a WWE house, so there's no judgment.

She's just like a pro wrestler.

My mom is a dermatologist.

I do not, this is something that she will call me about.

She will be mad to hear that I actually just don't use suntan lotion because I'm of the opinion that I have God's natural pigmentation.

You know, wait, you don't use, you don't use

blocker at all.

At all.

You never at all.

You're not going to have to do that.

Oh, certainly my mom has forced it upon me.

I have a makeup removal routine, which Katie has witnessed.

Okay, yeah.

By the way, the C port's closed.

The ESPN CDOs.

Shut up.

I definitely still had stuff.

Yeah, I was going to say, I don't know if you...

You really do.

I don't think I ever cleaned out that locker I had.

Katie's possessions are now the subject of a storage ward episode, I've seen it.

Oh, that's cool.

That's how that happens.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wait, so they shut shut it all down?

Yeah, they moved to a place not far from here.

Where they have to pretend you can see the outside?

Katie Nolan's possessions, though, will they be CGI replicated

on the new virtual set?

What did you have in your locker?

Yeah, I don't remember.

Gunchucks?

Do not remember.

This has happened.

Did you have a cut-out picture of Mario Lopez on the inside of your locker door?

And I

gave it a smooch every day.

I feel like you had something super shady in your life.

Yeah, why did you just fall back by a screen?

I was remembering, I was having a memory.

Okay.

I was thinking back to my time when we worked there.

It was the building where I found out that Pablo was having a baby.

He like ran out of work and was like, I need you to do high noon.

Goodbye.

I'm having a baby right now.

That's a fact.

That is a factual.

And I was like, I don't, I don't.

You did break out into song.

I did.

And you remember Ben Affleck just ripping Sigs.

That's the other one.

That is exactly what I was thinking of.

How my lockout was right next to when Ben Affleck came in and ripped Sigs in the ESPN office.

Boston women immediately, their second thought is either Matt Damon or Ben Affleck.

It just immediately is like.

The pheromone.

He's always right here.

He's right here.

He's right at the tip of your head.

We're thinking of you, Ben.

Yeah, but he was just.

Oh, I forgot to put my contacts in in the Uber.

Smoking cigarettes.

Well, now you're flying blind.

I can't see anything.

Do I look okay?

Yeah.

Should I put the sunglasses back on?

Every clip I see of a woman going viral now, she's got sunglasses on.

Outside of your elbows being racially profiled, everything looks totally normal.

Oh, God, how do I get rid of this?

What do I dip them in?

They're trying to deport your elbows.

They wouldn't tell us at Sirius.

There was a celebrity coming in and they were like, you have to go the back way out of the thing.

And, you know, immediately on the show, we're like, we work here every day.

Why do we have to go a different way?

And they're like, no, you have to leave through the back door.

You have to go like the long way and leave through the elevator bank on the backside.

And we're like, who is coming?

And they're like, we can't tell you.

It was Madonna.

That was it.

I mean, that was, it is crazy.

I don't know.

She's Madonna.

Listen, I'm going to go with Katie on this.

I know that she didn't.

That protocol feels appropriate.

Is it because she didn't she show up at the cellar or something?

She tried stand-up comedy.

She stand-up at the comedy cell.

She has dropped what she knew, but she is still Madonna.

She's done it more than once.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I didn't know that.

She's done it twice.

She's done stand-up at the comedy cellar.

I haven't been there for either.

I was there the first time

and didn't watch.

Because why would I?

He protested.

Actually, I don't know.

I did try.

I'm not going to lie.

I tried to get the video from Liz, but Lizzie was a video of this.

I love Liz, and Liz is, you know, she's a real one to her job.

And she's like, I'm not going to give you Madonna's set.

Come on.

Give me Madonna's set.

I go, come on, I want to.

I want to comment if we can.

Because I heard the second one, she bombed for 30 minutes.

First of all, no shit.

I was going to say, right?

Wait, she was there for 30 minutes?

Yeah, that's also.

That's ego.

She can't tell her she can have a bad thing.

I was going to say, that's

tight six.

That's in the category of we don't typically let random people.

This has been athletic smoking in the building.

The seller, especially, is like a, you have to get past to get up on stage there.

But you're not going to say, Madonna, sorry.

No.

Try the stand.

But to her, it's just like a thing.

It's to her, it's just like, I know.

Oh, it's just a room.

Oh, it's a comedy go about.

Okay.

She didn't give a shit.

She was like, I just want to do this.

I want to scratch this itch.

And then she did it.

And then the thing that I heard was that when she was like, wasn't doing well, she was doing the thing where she was going, you guys hate me.

And they'd go, yeah, no, we love you.

And then she just bomb again.

And then she'd be like, you guys are mad at me.

So I've adopted that.

So if you see me live,

if a joke does not hit, I go,

I go, oh, you guys are mad at me.

On tour, you can see Dan.

Golden Retriever tour kicking off in September.

Let's go.

Unveiling.

Sorry to wave my elbow at you.

No, do it, dude.

I love it.

I'm a wrestling fan.

You're not upsetting me.

I watch people in Bronzer every Monday.

I'm just saying the tour thing.

No, it's just dansoater.com and Madonna might be opening.

And Dan might be unveiling his

baby voice.

Do you guys hate me?

Just bombing and saying that?

It's pretty cool.

Man, somebody's got to try it.

Pretty good way out.

Somebody has to try it how how often does it happen where someone shows up being like i famous person feel like i should be able to try my hand at this and you should enjoy it rarely if ever i think it's like madonna is obviously madonna even though i tried to act like they kicked us out of his ears for madonna and it was only madon because i thought it was going to be prince oh i thought that's who it was the whole time oh because you got hyped on it being somebody and then you were like yeah and i was upset that it was madong

but no the seller doesn't like

celebrities as go-to stand-up.

I think that was like a unique case.

I like Madonna just doing like observational comedy.

She's like, what's the deal with, why do I have cones on my breasts?

My breasts aren't cones.

You go, Madonna, that's brilliant.

Someone has that style already.

That's already, you're not going to believe this.

Someone does that.

What's the deal with sex books?

I put one out in the 90s.

I don't even know.

That's not even a joke.

These are good books.

Her book was

facts.

Wild.

Wait, her book?

Her sex book that she got in trouble for hold on i gotta this is this is something that i'm unfortunately not as familiar with oh it's titled sex oh yeah oh yeah

i believe it's called sex book it's called sex book look it up i think i just acquired a pdf of it oh good free might be pixelated i think i'm pirating madonna's sex book okay

um

i'll teach you how to if you don't read it out loud i don't know maybe i was gonna say is this madonna's sex book and page eight is

oh

that.

Madonna's nipples.

That's Madonna, right?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Okay, I mean, she gets blindfolded.

She does have the...

Is it a blindfold?

Yeah, it is.

Back when people were still actively using...

Public thanks.

He's circling her nipple with his cursor like I don't see it.

And this, you'll see right here, this is a nipple.

This is not something that

struggles to know that I was doing.

No, you could save the tipping.

It sounds worse than it.

You could save the tab.

Hey, this isn't a snuff film.

We don't have to do it.

This is a book that was released.

Yeah.

You can buy this.

black and white and very tasteful yeah it's that was the thing they were like oh it's a it's art yeah get over it get over it squares just so what i'm sucking my finger looking at my nipple whatever that was like a big deal though i was obviously hitting puberty around the time that thing was coming out obviously yeah so it was like formative so so i made it look like what is this the book oh that that is sex me now i gotta go back to the bathroom i'm peeing a lot peeing a lot it's taking a long time i drink a lot of water i just want hydration is very important to me at 12 years old.

I'm currently reading the New York Times Review.

Oh.

What'd they give it?

The title is The Empress Has No Clothes.

So I'm guessing this is going to lean a bit negative.

Oh.

Now that, kids, is called context clues.

What Pablo's doing there would be taught in a class called reading comprehension.

Do they do that anymore?

I don't think.

It doesn't appear that way.

Here's the kicker.

Some people think Madonna never did have talent or humor or appeal, but I am not one of them.

Okay, that's a weird way to say that.

Have you ever seen her at the cellar?

Oh my God.

She always had a witty edge to her act that suggested she was not taking herself too seriously.

Maybe sex can be a warning about what happens when pop icons become bloated one way or another.

Think of Elvis in Las Vegas, and you'll have an idea of where Madonna is heading if she doesn't watch out, period, 1992, page seven of the National Edition of the New York Times.

Whoa.

So,

okay.

You know.

Yeah.

I do appreciate, though, the

amount of the amount of nipple.

You're still looking at it while we sit here looking at you?

This is your podcast.

You invited us here to watch you look at Madonna's dicks.

Just him go like this.

Okay.

Okay.

I am.

And oh, I got a lip, a lower lip.

Anyways, Dan, how are the Giants doing?

Whoa.

86.

Tab that.

We'll re-tab that one.

Anyways, Katie, what's up with your orange elbows?

Double-click.

Save as.

I'm going to pin this.

All right, all right, gonna do some white reading after the show.

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Do you guys pin any tabs on your browser?

I have a bunch pinned, and then once they're that bookmarks tab on my browser is full, like the ones I can see.

You do

you'll go to like tiny dot level.

Yeah, I usually just keep tabs open.

I have to keep deleting tabs on my phone because I'm at 500 for the browsing group.

No.

yes.

No, and I'll go back through them and then I'll go like, I do still want to read that article.

Not right now,

but later.

500?

Yeah.

Your phone must be extraordinarily slow.

No.

If you go back 500, if you go to like post like,

let's break this thing out.

If you go to post like 50, how long ago is it?

Now we're podcasting.

Is that like 2021?

You are a tab hoarder.

Yes.

I've seen

this video.

This is like going into your house house and seeing a bunch of magazine stacks.

This is from when we moved into the apartment.

Great.

So a couple of years ago.

Two years ago.

Yeah.

Two and a half years ago.

I have a tab for custom neon sign because I was going to make us one that said Sky Palace.

I was going to hang it up in the middle.

I do love that.

Sky Palace.

You guys do have a Sky Palace.

That's what we call it.

I think that's the best.

That's why you called it that.

Yeah.

Reference to something else.

Yeah, yeah, it's because it's a Sky Palace.

Then we get high and get scared.

Then I have an Atlantic article called Pixar's talking blobs are becoming more and more unsatisfying all right someone hating on pixar don't love to see that this is in 2023 june of 2023 the fantastical world of elemental masks a lack of imagination for

me to get back to that at some point yeah i still am yeah that's why it's there do you want to go

good headline i do want that just not i don't have a reason to need it now and then later i'll try to remember that it exists won't be able to find it and we'll be frustrated this isn't advice on how to live your life it's me showing my mental illness to you do you feel like any urge when you see that, you go, I don't need to know that now.

This is.

If I do, I delete it.

Yeah.

So that, yeah.

I don't feel that on that.

I would still like to know that

you still need to know about this.

The audience needs to know Katie has kept that tab.

Yes.

And I'm keeping it choosing again right now to keep it.

I just want to let everyone know, I'm currently 42 years old.

That was when I was still in my 30s.

That's crazy.

That tab was when I was still in my 30s.

And while we're doing this, I just want everyone to know I am still in my 30s.

Was Jeffrey FC in the live when that tab was open?

I don't know what you're talking about, dude.

He did nothing wrong.

Can we move forward?

We don't even have a list.

Why do you guys keep bringing up a list?

Oh my God, you guys are obsessed with JE.

Oh, my God.

Big J-E.

Big A.

It's very normal to have footage in one minute.

What are Jail?

The reason I want that Pixar thing is because as we plunge towards our AI slop future,

I have imagined that

it would be very easy sooner to AI generate an entire Pixar movie than to like AI generate one that is supposed to look like it's really people.

Yeah.

And I just feel like,

I don't know, I feel like there's something there.

We got to look closer.

Yeah.

So I keep that article.

I keep thinking about how AI now, we always thought it was going to be like computer, it might get there, like computers talking and being like aware, aware of their existence.

Yeah.

But we've just reached the stage where it's like

where they do the side panels on porn websites where it's like Peter having sex with Lois.

Like that's just where we're at with AI.

We're like, I don't want to watch Homer bang Marge.

I want to, like, recreate my dead father so I can have a conversation with him.

I don't want to do that.

I was going to ask you about this actually in the realm of like one of your great gifts, Dan, which is like, are you worried that AI is going to get good at impression?

They already are.

It's like impressive.

It's like crazy.

They do like, and I, and I eat some of the slop.

I'm acting like I don't know.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What slop are you?

What are you doing?

Hank Hill trap wrapping.

I don't know if you've seen that.

I don't know if you've seen Hank Hill busting it out, dude.

Katie's fishing through

200 tabs at the moment.

Oh, I can find that tab

in about two seconds.

But I don't know if it's a bad thing.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Wait, this is Trap King of the Hill.

Yeah, it just cracks me up.

And wait, this is.

Okay, I have one after this that I do want to play for you guys.

But this is

just having a slop off.

Yeah, slop off.

Smooth, you're sharing Atlantic articles.

You do it.

Check out my slop.

It's July.

I know.

It is July.

You need slop.

But they're doing like full songs.

And I didn't know that they did like kind of cut a full album with Hank Hill.

And I'm like, all right, well, this is too much.

I told all the ops to eat and get cancer, too.

Bobby got that cell phone stick.

You better answer, dude.

My wife got a body on that.

They talking about a money sprint.

I cannot hold it.

It's a large amount.

I need AI Boomhauer to add Lib over this.

So they got the whole album.

You guys peep the album.

Go follow them.

I love it.

I know it's gross,

but that's that's that's that's I'm gonna

have to allow ourselves to do little like okay, that was stupid.

It's so like if I slow down and I watch one video of AI cutting glass fruit, you love that!

Just one.

Oh, God.

You are the one because she loves it.

It scratches her itch.

The way the knife.

What about it?

It's the sound the knife makes as it cuts through the glass fruit.

It's the fact that my brain goes, that doesn't, it doesn't matter.

Yeah.

As soon as it starts to go, you couldn't possibly, it goes, shh.

There's a reason, listen, all of this is coming to fruition.

This was MK Ultra, and it's all coming to fruition now where they're finding ways to scratch our brains like dogs.

Yeah.

Where it scratches a certain thing because

everything feels feels bad.

So we're all just going, can I feel good for a second?

But like, Katie hates ASMR, but that is kind of a form of ASMR because you're hearing that.

Who said that?

I thought you didn't like ASMR.

It doesn't do for me what it does for the people it does it for.

Sorry, you're a fan of the fire.

You found a way.

Knife cutting glass.

Yeah, those are ASMR.

Those are ASMR.

But they found a way.

That's what I'm saying.

They like found a way to, where you go, I don't need that scratched.

And you go, except if you scratch it like that, that's exactly what I do.

That is nice.

I do like that.

As you got it, you have to go.

And now we're done with it.

I'm just tapping on the ground rapidly.

watching.

And now we're done with it.

And then you're going to shut the door.

And I love videos of guys with dreads, like big dreads.

We were talking about AI.

Getting there.

I know, but I'm talking about scratching the ear.

You're talking, that's again, that's in the Dr.

Pimple Popper coaching.

Yes.

Yes, that's right.

That's exactly.

Everybody's got their pimple dread shape.

Whatever it makes you feel relief when it happens to you.

We just got to go.

Like people with a ton of hair, and then they cut it and they're like, oh, look at all that.

That water hitting their scalp.

So

like washing a dog.

Yeah.

This is the AI.

This could could be anything.

This is Homer Simpson.

Yeah, bang.

In front of

this is this is

this is him romancing Marge by performing at a concert

that is populated by AI generated cartoon characters.

But this is Homer singing

so elaborate starlight by Muse.

Beautiful.

Homer's got a lovely voice.

Shrek is into it.

Big muse guy.

Also, Shrek loves muse, too.

Shrek loves muse.

We'll come out of the forest for it.

In other words, Dan, you are not worried.

You are mostly kind of.

It's inevitable.

But I also think, if I may, my favorite thing about your ability to do voices isn't just that you do voices, it's that you then apply it to make whatever joke you've made funnier.

Yeah.

It's always been my issue with people that do voices that everyone's like, oh, you're offended.

I'm like, no, it just didn't serve the joke.

It was the joke itself was you doing the voice.

Whereas I'd rather you use the voice to tell a joke.

And Dan does that.

Let me finish complimenting you.

AI

will never be.

I think the last thing AI is going to be good at is humor.

I don't think AI is funny.

Oh, I agree.

I agree with that.

It's like too hard for it to get, it tries too hard in a way that you're like, you don't get it.

Because humor is fundamentally social,

implicit context clues.

Right.

And that's like the deepest layer.

That's so true.

is that that's so true.

Humans, we're very emotional.

We're like the most emotional animal ever.

So I don't think AI will be able to replicate that because like, especially with music, when you hear AI music now, you're like, it is, it misses something.

Yeah.

It misses like soul to it.

Yeah.

There's no like, you, you can, they can make it sound pleasing or whatever.

And I know with music, especially, you can trick it by like the counts and stuff that you're like, it is somewhat mathematical, but I just think AI will never be able to replicate like the human soul.

If you read something written by Chat GPT or like, what's the Twitter one?

Grock.

So you go speaking by the way.

Smarmy humor.

Grock at this moment has been like

actually deactivated.

He's going.

Oh, he's there off.

They turned it off.

People are trying to ask Grok and Grok is not responding.

Grock's going to be the first Netflix doc about AI where he was like, I was mistreated.

If Elon ever sells off Grok and someone else buys it, they do the Netflix doc where they were like, were you abused?

He told me to be liberal, then conservative, and then liberal again.

Grok is being managed like a boy band, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Elon's his Lou Pearlman.

I think the problem with humans is we're starting to give like kids Ozampic and shit.

We're like losing our funny and lonely kids.

Like doing voices was a thing out of pure loneliness.

Just like being funny for myself.

And then fat kids, you need fat kids.

Right, right.

AI macho man doesn't have the trauma that.

No, he's got to be alone learning how to cut promos on his roommate.

roommate because, you know, AI didn't have to clean a sink full of dishes and get mad about it.

Here's a question.

I was thinking about this yesterday.

Sometimes I, in this current climate, hesitate to say something I think because someone's going to ascribe me a political party and then say that that's what I, and so I, but what political party is this?

If I feel like in terms of wealth, if you reach a certain amount, like let's say however much Peter Thiel has, We should be able to find you when you say in an interview something along the lines of, I don't know if humanity should exist forever and continue you would prefer the human race to endure right

uh

you're hesitant well I yes I don't know I I would

I would um

this is a long hesitation

it's a long hesitation there's so many questions in place should the human race survive

we should be able to find you the way that the NBA would find a player when they disparage the refs oh when they go like that call is bullshit and then they go like you got to give us $25,000.

You can't do that.

Peter Deal.

It undermines the game.

Peter Thiel would feel like you're trying to wipe out humanity.

You got to give us $2 billion.

It should be replay review.

Yes.

And we should go, show that.

First of all, stop doing interviews.

That guy can't.

So this video,

this video, Katie's description is not in any way an exaggeration.

No, he goes, Do you think humanity should?

The guy asks it pretty much.

Well, and then he adjusts, and he's like, it's sounding like you're having a title.

No, like,

this is Ross Duthat, who's like the New York Times conservative columnist, who's just like, kind of like putting a question on a T.

Yeah.

And hey, humans are, you still like humans, right?

And he goes, no, Peter Thiel is just like Nomar Garcia Para Ng.

Just like verbal.

Yes.

Like verbal,

you know, wristband adjustment

for 30 seconds.

It's the way every interview I see of this guy, he's wet in a wrong way.

Something is moist that isn't in its in its wrong.

And he's like breathing funny.

And he takes these long pauses that, like, I'm trying to teach myself to slow down and allow some silence.

He is the worst case.

You leave so much silence.

And then he does the like, well, and I, um, and I, and he seems so nervous that you're like.

A lot of buffering.

A lot of physical buffering.

I don't like you.

I know you're full of boy blood, but I don't like somebody that nervous.

Alleged blood boys.

That nervous to have that much money and to be running our upcoming human experiments known as the whatever Olympics that he's doing.

Oh, he's doing the Reid One.

He's funding the Reut Olympics.

I think that's so nervous.

I think he goes back to the spaceship and they go, like, what were you doing out there?

We put you in the human body for once and you screwed it up.

The water goes on the inside.

And he goes, like, why?

I don't know.

I was stressed out.

They asked me about humans.

I was, you want me to tell them that they're supposed to live?

Ross Duthat is a very skilled interviewer.

Oh, come on.

We set it up.

We knew

the liberals go too much off emotion.

The conservatives off just stuff.

Peter Teal.

Peter Thial needs a Jordan.

Wow.

To jump in and go.

To be mommaged.

We're not talking about that.

Oh, yeah.

To be mommaged so badly.

Yeah, just go get a, you know.

I don't know, dude.

Just what are you doing?

You make me so uncomfortable.

I'm just

going to have a Jordan Hudson.

It's just the way that.

I really would help.

We don't talk about that.

I mean, he could afford one.

He could afford like the biggest king out there.

Just pay a lady like, you know, $100 million.

The biggest king.

Yeah, just to go like man or woman, just to go non-derogatory.

Non-derogatory.

We're just going like, hey, we're not talking about that.

I'll do it.

Hey, he doesn't answer questions about humans, you stupid.

And then Peter goes,

Thank you, Dan.

And I go, you're welcome.

I'll be eating my crap.

When he throws a treat.

It does feel like by the way, I'm buying a compound on New Zealand because this thing's about to get fried.

Peter Thiel does have men in black.

Yes, cockroach guy.

Yes, what's his funding?

Got any deal.

Got any sugar.

What's his deal?

More.

Oh, yeah.

As I'm saying that, should I?

He's gay, right?

I didn't mean to say that he needs to short on and that's what I'm saying.

That's the reason that he needs to.

Yeah, that's the part that he'll be offended.

I didn't mean to.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to do that.

I forgot for a second.

That's the reason you shut down Gawker.

Yeah, that's the whole thing.

You funded Hogan.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What you're going to do when I get funded by a billionaire?

I just think we should be able to say, you have to pay us money.

You can't do that.

I'm going to go, ugh, why are you wet?

That's what I was sorry.

Ugh, you dewy ass.

Shut your dewy ass up.

He's like, ow, um,

I need more sugar.

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wish we had like a cool villain all the villains we got are like yeah bond villains were they got no taste no style no where is the volcano with the opening platform so i think i have the Bell's wedding was like, what is this?

So the Bezos wedding.

But hold on, hold on, hold on.

The Bezos wedding would have been a Bon Villain wedding if it was like on

an inaccessible island.

That's what they should have done.

It was instead in

the square.

It was an Italian time square.

It should have been on like Dead Man's Island.

Off, wasn't it?

Skull Island.

Wasn't it right off of Venice?

Like, it wasn't on the main Venice.

No, they were all staying in hotels in Venice, and then there was like a thing that was

slightly more removed.

But it was very photographable.

I think the people who are doing the villain stuff that you guys are describing.

So this is, I will anonymize this story because

legal reasons.

But I was just talking to somebody who inadvertently wound up on a boat that he claims involved

another boat following it.

And that boat was full of, and this is, again, this is not something I've reported, just just a story I was just told, was full of prostitutes and it like docked inside the bigger boat.

Okay.

A little preview of things to come.

And it went to a Caribbean island, and the owner of the boat was revealed to be,

I think this is general enough for me to say, a Russian billionaire who also owns a very prominent soccer team.

No way.

So I'm like, when I heard that story, this was

two days ago.

Guys live in Grand Theft Auto in real life.

Whole bolt of hookers into bigger boat.

And then we do Hooker Island.

Like, that's the party you want to go to.

Not Bezos's where they're all giving like

people are asking.

Like,

why can't American billionaires?

He's like, I bet.

I'll tell you what.

I know we've been on the boy.

I know we've been on old Peter Thiel, but this steroid Olympics.

People are going to die.

Well, we're reaching the part of society where that running man is like, there's a new one coming out, which doesn't look that good.

There is?

Glenn Jacobs is Arnold's role in.

Glenn Jacobs?

Is that his name?

No, who's the guy that was in.

Oh, Glenn Powell.

Glenn Powell.

Who's in everything?

Glenn Jacobs.

I do recognize that name.

Who is that?

Was that my old boss at ESPN?

I think it is.

I think so.

Glenn Jacobs.

Was there for the

ESPN film?

Was recently named vice president of production for MMA.

Shout out, Glenn Jacobs.

He was my first boss at ESPN before they moved him around and reorged and reorged and reorged.

And then, I think, laid him off.

Is that Kane's name from WWE?

Maybe.

Can you check if that's Kane from WWE?

Now the mayor of Italy.

Glenn Thomas Jacobs, also known by his ring name Kane.

Son of a, that's Kane.

I wish you could hit the red effects.

Did he do that when in 2018 he became the mayor of Knox County, Tennessee?

Oh, yeah.

Damn, Knox County feels like a popular county in Tennessee.

I feel like I've

could that be where Knoxville is?

Katie, its county seat is Knoxville.

Back to this this steroid Olympics.

You're excited for it?

It's just, and no, I'm not.

I feel the same way about it as I do about a Paul Brother boxing.

If it hits me on the right Saturday, I just think someone's going to die.

I just think they're going to

put too much stuff in.

Their heart's going to explode.

It's going to be like a big wax dog that looks like it can't walk.

Yeah, they'll.

When you get those pipples that you're like, it's like

giant yoked kangaroos.

I think they want to compete.

So I think they're going to be pushing their whatever sport they're doing.

Yeah, it could end up in death, but I don't think they're going to be like, do you think they're going to be like hot dog balls of money?

I don't know.

I think they're going to try.

The way they're marketing it now, and it has changed over the years since they've had this idea, but the current angle they're taking, which seems to be working, is that they want to test the limits of human capability.

And so they're like, you're holding us back by saying we can't use these drugs to enhance our bodies to achieve more.

So in fact, to

unite

some stray threads we've been dangling here, uh, the idea is the brainchild of Dr.

Aaron D'Souza, the Australian lawyer who helped mastermind Teal's proxy war against news media organization Gawker, which led to Gawker's bankruptcy in 2016.

Furthermore, in a recent interview with The Independent, D'Souza was defiant and outlined how he hoped the enhanced games would not only shake up the world of sport, but would provide a public platform for life-extending science to thrive.

Quote, this is the route towards eternal life.

Yes, yes,

That's never gone wrong.

Anyone that's ever sought that out has never, nothing bad has ever happened.

I only good can come from this.

Can't relate to the desire to want to live forever.

Well, my love, that's because you have depression.

Many people are out here going, this, but always.

Katie, I will say,

not me.

I'm going, how much longer do we have to do this?

What is left on the clock?

When do I get to go to sleep?

i will say your internet search history suggests that you plan on living forever well let me go back because we really did only get to one article there and there's a lot of what if i told you you could live forever how to reheat chicken palm always important how does he want to do that right i'm going to step in as your uh you know future husband and tell you to keep that tab i do that's good yeah what's wrong wait what's what's i'm thinking of you all i saw you go to that ex what's the strategy

ronnie lot signature it was your birthday i was gonna to say, either you're

trying to steal Ronnie Lott's identity or getting Dan a great birthday gift.

Yep.

Which is it?

What's wrong with normal chicken parm reheating?

With chicken parm, you have the chicken.

It's real teal-like.

You have the chicken that, you know, a microwave heats from the inside out.

So that's something to keep in mind.

So you have the chicken that you need to get warm.

You have the breading that you need to get crispy.

That could get soggy pretty easily.

You don't want that.

And then you have cheese that you don't want.

I don't, are we having a contest of how to do it?

I can click on the tab and tell you what it's like.

As someone who often reheats chicken parm, now I'm like, this is a bit of news I can use.

Yeah, we got to find out what you want everything to be reheated in a way that makes the best place to heat up the dish is in the oven.

The dry heat will make sure the breaded chicken has a perfectly crisp texture and that your pasta doesn't get too soft.

Oh, well, this is assuming you have pasta in there too.

I would do that separately.

So that's crazy.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Maybe this is a bad link to

instant pots.

I don't know what that is.

I don't know what an instant pot is.

This is a choose your own adventure stovetop that tells you how to do it in all all the different ways, to do it in the skillet if you want.

It's basically, yes, choose your own adventure.

I know we were talking about your locker earlier at ESPN, but this does feel like the end of the school year cleaning out your locker and being like, oh, I found this.

I was supposed to turn this assignment in, and I didn't.

That's what it feels like.

The New Yorker 100, The Case Against Travel by Agnes Collard.

It turns us into the worst version of ourselves while convincing us that we're at our best.

Huh.

Interesting.

Save that.

And as a lady who likes to sit, I was like, I love when somebody advocates loudly for just sitting.

Back to the Reut Olympics.

Do they have a date?

Do they have like anything?

So it's going to next summer?

It's in Vegas and it's, I think, next, or October.

Of course, it's Vegas.

Something's telling me October, but May 2026, the Enhanced Games.

And it is in Las Vegas.

And is it like track and field?

They are scheduled to include track and field, swimming, weightlifting, gymnastics.

That's going to be crazy.

Combat sports.

Combat sports is the dangerous.

But man, man i'm not gonna be able to turn away i know i mean i i admittedly we've been like we've been talking about this on our show a lot like should we in terms of like should we do this on our show uh and at every turn i'm just kind of like yeah again i kind of get it but now now that i hear about this eternal life thing i'm like

it's so funny that that's

it's like not a good commercial for that where they go and we think it's a good commercial for eternal life you should go just start with extending it start with extending it if it's you and me and we're still around i would live with you forever.

But, like, if I, if you if anything happens,

if anything happens to you, and then I, they figure out eternal life, and I'm like, well, no, yeah, guys, we already covered this.

It's called Dracula.

Yeah.

Damn.

Guys, we've already, Ann Rice and Bram Stoker have covered this topic.

Can I tell you guys about one tab that I've been meaning to show both of you?

Yeah.

Unless it's the sex book again, Pablo.

I know what a nipple looks like.

Yeah.

Like, I minimized that.

I have three of them.

Some of us were there when the book came out.

Okay.

The thing I wanted to show you actually

is this.

Drive the f up there or you're gonna get put it the f out of here.

Have you guys seen this?

Dan, have you seen this?

Hurry up.

I fucking promise you that.

Hurry up.

We're on a golf course.

No, he's not.

Not that he's not.

They sound Canadian.

This is Canada.

You're not tough.

You're not tough.

Let's get going.

Get going.

Smaller guy in like a very loud Dan Flashes shirt.

Sunglasses shorts.

You can't even.

This is golf.

This is golf now.

He's not teeing it up.

He's standing.

God, they're Canadian.

No, we don't need police.

We're not fine.

Okay, then let's get it.

Huh?

You need me to go get a guy, bud?

We're what?

I'm going to throw him in this fucking mage.

This guy's just casually lining up a shot.

No, fucking bullet.

This is fucking bullet.

This guy doesn't know how to film the action.

You're still mad.

23 minutes.

I'll cry about it.

That is crazy.

So that's the dispute at the core of this.

And this short guy-ish with the shirt, the loud shirt, and the glove

and the shorts.

I love a guy hitting a cry about it.

About it.

And he has the high ground.

Oh, glasses are off.

Still got the golf glove.

Golf head.

Nice.

Take the golf off.

Gloveless.

He's de-gloved.

No.

He's a boot.

Pack up.

Go now.

Cameraman's on whose side hard to tell so far.

This guy clapping like a snow.

This guy's doing a hockey dance.

Suck up.

Come on, man.

Hey.

Is he going to light?

Yeah.

Split splash taking a bath.

I told you.

Man, leave him alone.

You want to know what you want?

I got it all.

He's coming out of the water.

Swamp thing.

Jesus.

I got it.

Swamp thing.

Boop him.

Got it all on real.

Boop, boop.

He's a big boy, too.

Hey, leave him alone, man.

I wouldn't even go back to the bottom.

Stop, guy.

Bang!

Oh, my God.

He's saying bang.

He's saying bang.

Enough!

Dude, this guy is just like, no, you know what?

He won't stop.

That's a big brother toss.

Please get up.

It's red.

Come back over.

Come back, come back, Ramor.

He's the best.

My shirts are falling off.

Stop looking like an idiot.

Smashing someone's face and saying bang is objective.

Just like greening him as you're

reveal that we, that who they are.

So

when you said this is going to live forever,

the guy who is the,

he's not the aggressor, actually, but he is the guy.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, banging that guy's face.

I texted a phone number we acquired for him because we identified him, and the internet has now identified him as a gentleman by the name of Nick Tarnasky,

who you may vaguely recall from his previous life as NHL enforcer.

I mean,

he played for the Tampa Bay Lightning, National Predators, and Florida Panthers.

According to data from hockeyfights.com, his professional fight record

totals 167 fights.

Which explains the, I tried to tell you to shut up energy.

Like, I warned you.

Also makes the guy, when he's going, whoo, woo, you're like, buddy, you have no idea what the tree you're barking up right now is absolutely...

You have to listen to me.

You do not want this.

That's the coolest moment where he goes.

I do not want this.

I'm trying to give you my Liamese.

Please, please, please, please.

I have required

a certain amount of CTE in the NHL.

I'm about to unleash this.

Once I start, it's not going to stop.

I'll make it a lot.

I will put you in the swamp.

You will come back out.

I will say bang, bang, bang.

I like that he's calling bang.

And also,

he's like Emerald Lagasse.

He's like, bang!

Boom!

We're going to make this spicy.

Ababash.

Yeah, that's the coolest shit.

If I could fight, I would absolutely be saying bang as I rang a dude's bell.

I'd sound out of breath embarrassed.

I'd be like, bang.

Please, someone.

Bang.

Bang it.

This is a lot of activity.

I want you to ring my bell.

Ring my bell.

Bang, bang.

I'd be singing that if I were.

Steel roof rusty.

Danny's a...

That's his nickname?

Tin.

Tin?

Tin

Roof.

Rusty.

That is great.

That's really good.

Thanks.

My dad loves the B-52s.

My dad loves the B-52s.

To the point where they said they were going on their

goodbye tour or whatever.

They did the share thing.

And then they're back now.

And you're like, my dad.

They opened for share.

All that money to go.

Oh, no, I was saying share does that.

Share, like,

back in the day would go like, I'm retiring.

Good luck finding me.

How dare you?

How

did it move down her?

She's like, I'm back, motherfuckers.

And then it was like, you said you were dying.

She's like, hold on.

Anyways, shout out, Fresno.

Were we supposed to talk about your hair at some point?

Don't cut it.

I'm in the don't cut camp.

I do think that if I wore like a

three ninjas headband, it would look cool.

Man, three ninjas really had us out here thinking we could beat up grown men.

Tum-tum vibes.

Yeah, tum-tum.

I mean, I had a crush on one of them.

Which ninja did I have a crush on?

Colt, absolutely Colt.

You wouldn't go Rocky.

I know you.

Rocky was the alpha.

Colt was the second best.

Thank you.

It's the JC Chase

thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You would have liked Colt.

And I would say, if anybody, I would be Colt.

Right.

No, it's the N Sync, the home improvement.

Yeah.

Three ninjas.

Like, you have a Goldilocks zone of

hands.

Obviously, everyone wants JTT.

Obviously, everyone wants Brock Robin.

I had a photo of Apollo Anton Ono hanging up in my bedroom.

Shout out to the Soul Patch.

But Three Ninjas really had a generation of little boys believing

with a small amount of mini mall taekwondo, we could beat up grown men that are criminals.

Yes.

I hope no one ever tested.

Help hardened FBI agents in their investigations.

Yeah.

Their father was an FBI agent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You would think that, like, the bang, bang, bang video we watched, like a grown man watches a kid go to a karate stance and he goes, you don't want to do this, kid.

I'm a man.

You're a little boy.

And he's like, I just watched the three ninjas ten times in a row.

I got you.

And he goes to kick and he just grabs it and he goes, like, uh, like you, then it's like being in the water with an alligator.

They also make you think that you can put, there's like a, an abundance of stuff you can put in someone's drink that'll make them sh right away.

Or they'll go, ooh,

like they won't.

Like kids' movies made you think like quicksand, I feel like, and that were going to be more prominent.

They also made you think by taking someone's hand as a little child, you could flip a grown.

Yeah.

You just go like this.

Just like, you got to get it at the right.

Do it.

I say a little kid voice.

You got to go with it.

I am one of those kids, incidentally.

Like, I took karate classes,

kiddo classes.

Those commercials were very intimidating.

I was never a Tiger Sheldon dojo.

That's great.

I never did that.

How long did you do karate for?

What belt did you get to do?

The most embarrassing thing is that I never even got a blue belt.

I was just like a series of like off-white.

Just and an occasional stripe?

Did you got to yellow?

I got a no, I got a stripe, but it was just like, I was, you know, what's the equivalent of this?

It's like being on the

freshman team.

Yeah.

Not even JV.

Were you inspired by Three Ninjas?

Yes.

That was what got you in there?

I mean, that was definitely a radicalizing movie for me.

Yeah.

It got, you were like, mom, I need to take karate.

Yes.

But it was also surf ninjas.

There was an era by the way.

Yeah, ninjas were kind of big.

Yeah.

Yeah.

80s turtles.

80s and 90s.

Ninja was massive.

Yeah.

It really was.

You could put ninja on anything.

It was like bacon in 08.

Like you could just like put ninja on anything and everyone's like, I love it.

I absolutely love it.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're an American ninja.

We're children ninjas.

They just watch it in boardrooms and they went, kid ninjas.

And they went, oh my God.

Oh, my God.

Here's $3 million.

How many of them are there going to be?

Three of them.

It's perfect.

Oh, my God.

I'm

in my pants.

And then that's the problem with Hollywood.

Mike Ryan Ruiz Hellmans commercial.

I want to find that so bad.

Mike Ryan was in a Hellman's commercial.

I don't know.

Mike Ryan kind of has the hair that I would ostensibly be trying to grow.

With the long, he's got good long hair, huh?

He has some good bang.

The full over?

Some bang, bang.

Some bang for his buck.

Oh, this is when I was going on Jeopardy because it's all random.

Like, who is Spinoza?

Oh, here comes the tab queen.

500.

How to learn everything.

And then 500.

Wait, that's a tab you have?

Well, yeah, because it's a YouTube video by somebody named CW called How to Study for Jeopardy, Win at Trivia, and Appreciate Urinal Art.

Okay.

I never watched it, so take that.

You know, I didn't win.

I won twice, but I didn't win the whole thing.

Oh my God, do I have a gray three AC joint separation?

I know what that's from.

I know what that's from.

I didn't think I'd still have that.

I like that you still have that.

Did you?

No, someone else did.

Somebody else did, and they were pretending to not be hurt.

And

she mentioned what they said that it was that a hospital told her, and I wrote it down so that I could Google it later so I wouldn't get caught.

And you saved it.

And I say, and I saved it.

I love that.

That was when we were up in Colorado.

It says that it's one of the more painful things you could do to your body.

You just have a picture of a fast food sandwich?

Sonic cheeseburger.

It's not a picture.

I was looking up the Sonic menu because I think somebody was going there.

Yeah, that was what I was doing in the Boulder Theater and I went and you had Sonic for the first time.

That's right.

She just closed that window.

Okay, I close because I don't need that.

You're right.

And you were disappointed in Sonic.

Remember Recondoing your phone right now.

Remember full of Sonic cheeseburgers.

Thank you.

I have to thank the Sonic cheeseburger.

Thank you for the menu.

Carol O'Connor.

I wanted to know his name.

Damn, dude, you really keep every tab open.

Then I have the Tom Holland umbrella gift.

I always like to have that on hand.

That's a great video.

Chekhov's gun.

I googled what that was because people were saying it a lot.

Honestly, you keeping the tab for Chekhov's gun and only opening it now feels like a violation or maybe the ultimate fulfillment of the Chekhov's gun.

That is it.

And I don't get it, so let me read

it.

Checkoff's tab.

A narrative principle emphasizing that every element in a story be necessary,

while irrelevant elements should be removed, and this is not irrelevant.

For example, if a gun features in a story, there must be a reason for it, such as being fired at some later point.

It's a principle that all elements must eventually come and to create the through line through this whole episode.

Bang.

Bang.

There it is.

That's podcasting.

That's how you podcast.

That's how you podcast.

Keep them all open.

Never shut your tabs, Katie.

Wedding dresses.

Hey.

I'll get to it.

Pablo Torre Finds Out is produced by Walter Aberoma, Maxwell Carney, Ryan Cortez, Sam Dawig, Juan Galindo, Patrick Kim, Neely Lohman, Rob McRae, Matt Sullivan, Claire Taylor, and Chris Tumanello.

Our studio engineering by RG Systems, sound design by NGW Post, theme song, as always, by John Bravo, and we will talk to you next time.

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