Share & F*ck Around & Tell with Michael Cruz Kayne and Katie Nolan

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i'm pablo tore and this episode of pablo tore finds out is brought to you by remy martin 1738 accord royale exceptionally smooth cognac for all your game day festivities please drink responsibly because today we're going to find out what this sound is.

Right after this ad.

I'm fixating on an old song that I've rediscovered.

I can't stop listening to it.

I mean, what is that?

Uh-huh.

Something about you by level 42, which I am fading out for legal reasons.

Come on.

I would just want to vibe to that.

It's so good.

It's such a vibe.

What's it called?

Level 42.

That's the band.

I was going to let it get to the chorus so people could know they've heard it before because I promise you both.

We can skip to the chorus.

That bass is filthy.

We love a bass.

We love a bass on this.

Is that a Sharentell or is that just a snack for you?

Is this a Sharent Tell?

It is a literal snack.

I was told to

open it.

Okay, I'm jumping in here to say that if you watch PTFO on YouTube, YouTube, you probably know that the Nintendo adjacent style sound effect, the doot doot

that you just heard, visually triggers an actual role-playing game style menu with a little animated version of me who explains stuff.

Which is why, internally, the PTFO staff calls these voiceovers that I do RPGs.

Anyway, I say all of this because Katie Nolan's question today,

What is going on?

is a good one.

Numerous Pablo Torrey Finds Out observers have observed that we have always chosen the Pablo Explains menu option, but I have never actually selected the second option that is shown right beneath Pablo Explains, which is simply fuck around.

But after repeatedly forcing Share and Tell Regulars Katie Nolan and Michael Cruz Cain to be guinea pigs in what some critics have called the future of journalism, and still others have called your stupid Bill Belichick Jordan Hudson episodes, I realized something.

I realized that it was probably time

to just f around.

I've somehow explained less about what we're doing here today than I have in previous episodes, in which I also explain nothing.

Right.

Which is not just crazy.

I have been reflecting.

Okay.

And I think I owe you guys

an episode where we just get to chill.

Yes.

Surprises in the center of the table.

No.

I sent a group chat to you guys, and it was just hello.

And Katie's response was, uh-oh.

And I was like,

we need to reestablish our friendship.

Anytime I hear in this group text,

I go, oh, Jesus Christ, what'd she do now?

Yeah.

But this wasn't about, it's not about her.

Well, so technically, oh, no.

It has been now 50 days since our many, many, many, many, many public records requests were filed and not fulfilled.

Oh, no.

So, that's that is happening in a parallel track alongside this.

North Carolina administrators, if you're listening to this, and come on and raise up,

raise up, take your shirt off.

Heels up.

What do they say?

They must have a thing.

Oh, look, what's their

slogan?

Heels up.

Click your heels.

What is North Carolina tar heels slogan?

Go, go blue.

They have a song called I'm a Tar Heel Born.

Do you want to listen to what that sounds like for a second?

I do.

And it's not as good as Something About You.

Oh, it doesn't have the lyrics spoken.

Maybe you could sing them.

You get the gist.

I'm a Tarheel born, I'm a Tar Heel bred, and when I die, I'm a Tar Heel dead.

Dead.

Nice.

Wow.

It's Tarheel because they wouldn't run, right?

Like they were they were brave.

I think that's why they're called.

I just figured they made tar.

I thought it was because like they were

cigarettes and they made those.

I ain't gonna flee.

My heels are stuck right here.

Did you Google it at all?

Or that was just all you put in there.

That's just all rattling around in here.

Instead of like, you know, information that I need, that's what I got.

Tar Heel State.

Okay.

There you go.

In its early years as a colony, North Carolina became an important source of the naval stores of tar

and turpentine.

Nope.

Which they then put in the cigarettes.

Didn't I?

I'm not seeing that quite yet.

Well,

what about heel, though?

What about

heel?

The troops from other states call us tar heels.

I am proud of the name as tar is a sticky substance, and the tar heel stuck up like a sick kitten to a hot brick, while many others from a more oily state

and left the tar heels to stick it out.

This is

from an 1863 article in a rally newspaper in which a Confederate soldier from North Carolina is quoted saying

what he just said: the tar heels stick it out.

Sick kitten to a hot brick.

Sick kitten to a hot brick.

That's bars right there.

Yeah.

He was dropping, as they said at that time, some bars.

You are praising a Confederate soldier's bars.

Whoa, not me.

I'm distancing myself from anything he just said.

Look, I don't agree with stuff that they say, but the rappers from the Confederacy were incredible.

I don't think that's true, actually.

So I have a snack pack.

We have a container of something that Katie does not know, but I know, and Michael knows.

I barely know.

I just thought it was a,

what's the one everybody?

Pickleball?

Yeah.

It's not a pickleball hitter.

It's a violin.

Nope.

Okay.

It is what it says, but that's not going to explain.

That's not going to help you.

It says

Omnicord.

Omnicord.

Ooh, is it a ukulele?

Nope.

Okay, sure.

What are we doing here?

So far, so good.

What's the purpose today?

That meat's not going to open, is it?

Honestly, I'll eat a gusto pack.

I'm not afraid of gusto.

So much of my diet is gusto packs.

Small batch, artisanal meats.

Oh, gross.

Smooth Vantina cheese, artisanal crackers.

Genoa, mild salami.

Gross.

Snack pack.

Keep refrigerator.

That's the one with the chocolate.

Oh, it's got a little fruit bar.

It's got a fruit bar.

There's no fruit bar.

It's just cheese meat.

Or just crackers.

Oh, crap.

Straight protein and dairy and some artisanal crackers.

No.

Yeah.

This is the adult lunchable.

Yes.

Very true.

We have a lot of those in my home.

Probably much more expensive.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of salt in there, baby.

Oh, yeah.

I don't want to.

Let me forget I'm putting this on the ground.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll try.

That's a great question.

I'll try to reach a resting place to rest your lollipops.

There's no trash in here.

We've never been to trash in here.

We're just crazy.

Where are the receptacles?

Thank you.

We're like Japan in here.

Yes.

You know what I'm talking about?

No.

No trash cans.

No trash cans.

But I believe that's what I'm saying.

We're like New York City during a marathon.

Just pee in our pants.

Yeah.

Walking your dog, and then you realize, like, oh, something must be going on publicly this weekend because because there's no garbage can anywhere.

Is the whole episode going to be what we're doing right now?

Because honestly, I'm great with that.

I guess so.

I didn't get high.

I'm hyped.

Yeah.

I didn't get high at all.

Damn, that sucks.

I don't usually get high.

I don't really get, I don't really get high.

I'll tell you what, the littlest, and I'm so far gone.

Great.

I'm absolutely obliterated.

That's economical.

But I don't, I never, it's very hard for me to find a place where it's like, I'm glad that I did this.

Just take one hit.

Start there.

Okay.

Okay.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

What happens to you?

What happens to me?

Yeah, I kind of, well, what happened?

I often become like so far gone often, I hardly ever do it, but like so far gone that I'm like paralyzed.

You know what I mean?

The very first time that I accidentally used a marijuana product,

I was at a party and there were brownies and never even occurred to me that there would be weed in the brownies.

So I ate like a few brownies.

I'm the type of guy who'll go to a party and I'll eat a lot of your brownies.

It's to be

conscientious towards the chef.

Yeah, right.

You made all these brownies.

I'm going to let them sit here.

You're the guy that walks in like the third time in the room and goes, oh, brownies.

That's exactly right.

Well, I got to eat them, even though it's your, it's your

fake shopping cart.

Yeah.

I make a big show out of it.

And yeah, I'll eat, I'll eat a few.

So I ate a few brownies and it was by a pool.

And I was sitting by the pool and I was like, I feel a little bit weird.

And then people were like, you guys want to get in the pool?

And I was like, yeah, I would love to get in the pool.

And then my arms and legs would not move.

And I was like, I guess I'm here for a while.

So that's kind of, I don't sound bad.

I rarely get to the place where you're like, oh, I'm just a little bit happier than I was.

I don't think eating a couple brownies was taking it easy.

Like, that's like, if I ate a couple brownies, I would also be comatose.

Like I said, I'm not good at, I feel like you seem like someone who's really, you're a connoisseur.

No.

No, Dan is.

I just, whatever he gets, I go, nice.

And then I take a hit or two of it.

And then I go, I'm good for three hours.

I got you.

Yeah.

See, I just don't know what, I don't know what I'm doing.

Maybe, maybe I need like a weed weed sommelier to

show me how to.

Pablo could help.

I'll be your Sherpa.

He brought a bunch of weed to my house with athlete names on it.

Athlete names?

Oh, you didn't watch the episode, Michael.

You would have been.

Well, I did.

Gary Peyotian.

I mean, that's the pun it could have been.

It wasn't that pun, but yeah, that's close.

It's just Gary Payton.

It's just called Gary Payton.

It's not.

Is that a pun?

Gary Payton.

Peyotian was a pun.

No, but I thought, okay, but there wasn't one.

No.

Good.

But what about

the amount of times I come here and I forget to put my engagement ring back on is too many.

Methinks the fiancé doth protest too much.

Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't wear my writing ring.

I'll wear redding, and it's called a redding wing, and I don't wear it very much.

Why?

Because I have what is called

eczema.

Oh.

And so I get a cool little ring of eczema right around my, right around my hand, and it's not fun to have that.

Sure, sure, sure.

As long as I, if, if I don't sweat at all, it's fine.

But if I do sweat, then it starts to accumulate under the ring.

Yo.

And this is also, this is like, how do you track metrics for this podcast?

This is the kind of thing that makes it.

It's going great.

Yeah, numbers are going through the roof.

Yeah, so I give myself a shot.

Let's describe your finger eczema more.

No, no.

I want to get to what Michael brought us.

Okay.

Is it food?

No.

And I was told to bring it.

What?

You didn't tell me to bring anything.

Yeah, I assumed

it was a pack.

I honestly, I assumed you'd be bringing like some kind of obscure instrument also.

I brought the funk.

I thought you'd bring like a wood block or something.

See, I brought the funk.

You did.

That's true.

But people don't even know that.

That's the

zooped out of the city.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

We deleted that.

Okay, sorry.

It might be free.

It's fair use.

That's an old.

We'll fair use sound alike for the fun.

It's not going to be the same.

We can do the three of us can do an a cappella on whatever this is.

Well, yeah, but it's not a cappella if we use this.

Can you use is the problem?

You can't even license.

You can't sing the song, right?

No.

Yeah, you can't do anything.

Well.

Is level 42 litigious?

I don't even remember them as a band.

Well, they're gonna be litigious now that you said that.

That was nice.

They're coming for her.

Is level 42 really gonna sue us?

Right.

I dare you.

Level 42.

Bill Simmons said, What are you gonna do?

Fire me?

And then they very much did.

Bill Simmons said that, and then next week, level 42 sued him.

I am sorry, by the way, to Katie Nolan for getting you sucked into a larger internet happening in which you were asked questions like, which side are you on?

i've sucked it up and handled it so i need simmons to do the same it's it's it's weird pablo's investigating it he's doing a fantastic job um so i'm team pablo and i assume you are as well oh yeah i but i picked you it wasn't like it there was no hesitation i noticed it was he didn't even listen to the episode i listened back and i was like bro come on

pablo got into a media fight with another with another member of the meeting his name's bill simmons i believe we just talked about him he uh bill simmons took issue with pablo's reporting and then we don't you can can cut it out, but Pablo went to LA for his.

Did you win the?

No.

He went for the, what's it calleds?

The Peabody's.

Peabody's.

What a Boston way to pronounce that.

Yeah, that is sorry how that's it.

The Peabody's.

Sorry.

It's a Ph.D.: Peabody, Massachusetts.

And he was out there in LA, so he did Simmons' podcast, like refuting Simmons, saying that it was like whatever, shorting or whatever.

And basically during the episode, he was like, have you listened to any of the episodes that the aggregated clips are coming from from that you're referring to?

And Simmons was like, Well, what I'd like to talk about instead is a skillful move by Bill.

No, it wasn't a skillful move by Bill.

You could see right through it.

I was like, So, no, then, Bill.

I didn't realize that Peabody's the Peabody's had

nominations.

I thought you just won.

Oh, no, there are nominations now.

Oh, I know because I

didn't win it.

I do.

I have one.

We noticed in your house.

Brother.

Yeah.

Dan was like, You know, he's a somebody.

And I did the thing that Connor McDavid did that everyone got mad at him for.

I touched it.

Oh.

Oh, that might have been jinxed it.

That he touched the cup.

You should neither touch nor hoist the conference trophies when those series have been won because the players, according to this footnoted Wikipedia page, feel that the Stanley Cup is a true championship trophy and only it should be hoisted.

Yeah, it's we're kind of pretentious hockey fans that way.

But it is what it is.

It's a known thing.

I'm just trying to guess further and further away from the fact that Michael has the thing that I eczema on his hands.

Yeah.

By the way, I don't have it right now.

Don't give it to a cup.

Right now, I don't have it.

Right.

Where is it?

The eczema?

Where are you keeping it?

I don't have the eczema anywhere.

Who's on?

Who's on the egg?

No, guys, I take a shot.

I take a shot every two weeks.

I'm a pharma.

Really?

Oh, you do?

Which one?

Wait, let me guess.

Let me guess.

It's

because it's nothing is everything.

Now is the time to ask your dermatologist about about Skyrizzy.

Which is

Skyrizzy.

Skyrizi.

Oh, it's not that.

It's not Skyrizi.

Damn, that is Skyrizzi, though.

Have you seen the one who's like, wait, we did an episode about this?

With DuPixon.

Yes, I must have it.

I talked about it all the time.

I love Duke.

I love Du Pixix.

I did not do more with DuPixon.

That's right.

How do you know all of the jingles?

Because I watch TV

all day.

I watch TV all day.

There's a commercial where they have baseball fans in a stadium chanting Farsega.

Farsega, Farsiga, Farsega.

Ask your doctor about Farsega.

Farsega.

Now, there is one from a commercial that I noticed.

Was I with you?

I must not have been with you guys, but there is a pharmaceutical drug that is supposed to address a bent penis.

Oh, yeah, for that's called

Peyronis.

The disease is called Peyronis.

I cannot stress enough how this was unprepared by everybody.

I believe it's called Peyroni's disease.

I mean,

the level of quickness with you.

Oh, yeah.

There's a good one and a bad one.

Spandura, yeah, I got that.

It is made it up.

I don't know.

Absolutely called Peyroni's.

Thank you.

That is the disease when a fibrous scar tissue inside the penis causes curved, painful erections.

That's got to be such a bummer for Doug Peyroni.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

For the doctor to be like, actually, you're going to be famous on this.

And he's like, wait, why?

Please don't.

Don't do that.

Name it after anything else.

Can't you call it just Benny penis disease?

No, Doug, we're naming this after you.

They need to understand how fibrous this scar tissue is.

Oh, my goodness, fibrous.

I'm looking for the for the for the for the pharmaceutical um what the what the what what tritus disease yeah yeah it's not like just a splint xiaflex i think it's xiaflex damn

otherwise known as collagenase clostridium

histolysitum

what are we doing

what are the rails what are the rails where we're trying to

are you saying that you're trying to straighten the rails no absolutely not are you saying that there's no fibrous tissue perhaps in the middle of the if it hurts you should have it medicated but i will say if it doesn't hurt and it curves a certain way you could just leave it okay and that's just advice but just think about how

that's a freebie that's just free advice as long as it doesn't hurt, you can just leave it.

Doug Peroni, why don't you call in, buddy?

If it's going side to side, probably take the

Zykaflex.

Zygaxley, but if it's up

to you, you can leave it.

My main reaction was like, wow, this must be a common affliction in order for this commercial to be aired during the sporting event.

They do a lot of dick-centered stuff during sports.

Yeah, this is like, this is what we're going to do.

Remember baseball playoffs used to always be,

what's the one that's not Viagra?

The one that starts with maybe a C.

Seattle.

Seattle.

See Alice.

That's right.

Remember when there was somebody wanted to make that a big deal, but you knew that right away.

Took me a second because I almost said Sky Alice, but I knew that wasn't right.

Sky Rizzy.

That would be embarrassing.

Sky Rizzi.

That's when you put them, when you take them together.

That's when you're doing it.

That's when you think everything is hard as

hey, you want to get

Sky Rizzy.

Sky Rizzy.

What is

Retaceous Bird?

Yeah.

A razor.

Yeah, you're right.

We got it.

Yeah, we got it.

Sky creature.

When does the podcast know?

So

Mr.

Peyroni.

Yeah.

Francois Gigot de la Peironi.

No.

Okay.

A French surgeon.

Oh, it was the surgeon.

Oh, wow.

And this is, I think,

a real problem for the other Peyronis in this lineage because, yeah, he's the guy who discovered,

as it is described here,

induration of the corpora cavernosa of the penis.

Cavernosa.

Oh, wow.

You guys want to see a diagram?

Probably not.

Yeah.

But yeah.

I do.

I do want to see the diagram.

I do.

Wait, where are we?

Where are we?

What are we looking at?

We're looking at the constituent cavernous cylinders of the penis.

I'm sorry.

What's the, where are we looking at?

Is that the mushroom at the top?

I'm looking at the mushroom.

The glands.

The glands.

This is like an old illustration.

I don't know what that is, and I don't like it.

Like, my dad is a urologist.

This is totally exactly what he would want me doing.

Totally, exactly.

Wikipedia-ing

medical illustrations.

Red Sox traded Raffy Devers.

How is that?

Fing miserable.

That must have been a real kick to the dorsal vein.

It's miserable.

Let me close out some windows and open that one up.

Close up some of my penis tabs.

It has made me so miserable, and yet I brought it up because I don't want to talk about curved d anymore on this podcast.

Looking for a way out, she brought up her own deepest pain.

And that is.

Sounds like there should be a pharmaceutical product for what you're dealing with.

I know.

I think there's a lot of honor.

I I think they have

to take them all at once.

Well, let's not do that.

What if that feels a little severe?

What if instead we unzipped something else?

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Sacramento.

Michael, I believe, has been spending his days when he's not around us doing something that we should enjoy now that he's here with us.

Okay, so a friend of mine, a comedian, had an Omnicord in her office.

Supposed to know what that is?

So, and I started playing it and I thought, oh, this is so fun.

And then I bought one.

How much?

price point?

It's like $750.

Okay.

It's kind of interesting.

I love this.

Below a thousand.

And I got it like a week ago.

Okay.

And I also,

I think since the last time I saw you guys, I broke my elbow.

Did you know that?

No, you seem like you're fine.

I don't even know which one.

My left elbow.

So I've got some limited motions.

How did you break it?

I was playing b-ball with the youths.

Oh, man.

And I'll tell you guys, I was fucking saucing these kids.

I bet.

So I've watched.

I was actually ruining that.

I've been grinding some Michael Cruz Kane game tape.

Yeah.

What I love about Michael Cruz Kane playing basketball is that he wears sweatpants.

Okay.

I do sometimes.

I do sometimes.

I'm not afraid to do that.

Well, it's just whatever's clean.

Okay.

It doesn't have to be that clean.

Whatever's around.

Basketball pants.

Yeah.

Common.

But he's got a J.

I was absolutely.

Wait, what are you even talking about?

Where have you seen me play basketball?

The same place on Instagram.

That I saw you play an Omnicord.

I was

your window.

Let me tell you this.

Let me tell you this story because it's worth it for this podcast.

Okay.

I was saucing these kids up, absolutely ruining some towards them.

You're sky-raizing them.

I'm feeling so good.

So, you know what I do?

Something I haven't done in 10 years.

I sprint from one end of the court to the other end of the court, and I'm calling for the ball.

I'm saying, I'm telling the guy,

I'm going.

I'm like, send it.

I'm driving to the hoop.

I see that, I'm tracking the ball with my eyes.

I go to catch it.

I'm fully extended.

Oh, no.

A much bigger, stronger, faster, younger man is doing the same thing I'm doing.

Not a good idea.

I leap off the ground.

Must have been one, maybe 0.5 inches off the ground, get absolutely mauled by this younger man.

My legs go over my head,

and I catch myself with my arm extended, fracturing the radial head of my elbow.

I'm kind of rolling around the ground for a little while.

Everyone's like, Are you okay?

And you know, you don't really know how injured you are right away.

I was like, I think I'm fine.

So, I play one more play.

No, we're down by two, Katie.

Damn, your boy gets played Thompson situation.

Your boy gets the ball on the wing.

Wet game's over.

And I go, You guys, I think I gotta go.

I think my radial head is and then I left.

I think honestly,

I think I've changed those kids' lives.

Yeah.

Anyway, I've been spending a lot of time not playing basketball, trying to learn how to play the OmniCorps.

Great.

My God.

So this is it.

It's right here.

So you said, you said, okay, computer.

Nice.

Nice.

Nice.

I don't know.

You called the Karma Police.

That's good.

These are the, that's radio head.

Radial head.

You see that?

Oh, I know.

I'm not the radial head of your album.

That guy either.

I knew that it was radio head, of course.

But I didn't get radial head.

Right.

But you guys.

Because they sound sound so different.

Why it took so long?

I thought we just left you high and dry.

Whoa, I don't even know what that is.

That I know.

Of course.

Man, well, anywho.

I'm feeling like a real creep.

That's too much.

Too easy.

No, that's good stuff.

Those are all the ones that I'm doing.

That's the best stuff.

TV, talk show host on mute.

Talk show on mute.

Are you stroking out?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, and of course, talk show on mute.

That's a radio head.

We're doing radiohead songs.

Is that radio song?

I think so, but I can't remember the order of the words.

Alexa, tell me if Talk Show on Mute is a song.

This is the talk on mute.

Thank you.

Is incubus.

Oh, f.

Wait, then what's the one I'm thinking of?

TV?

On the radio.

No, that's a baby.

Video killed the radio, sorry.

Sorry, can you do this?

No.

What did it do?

Hold on, we gotta do it.

We gotta describe for an audio audience as a visual thing.

Okay.

So, Katie, can you describe actually what this is?

She's Googling

radio hotels.

She's called it talk show host, talk show host, talk show host.

That was the song I was trying to think of.

You said it like you were trying to make Jay Leno appear.

I don't think that's who shows up.

I don't think that's the one.

Candyman Rules.

Omnicord by Suzuki.

Yeah.

It's a motorcycle.

By the way, I didn't know this, but the motorcycle company also makes all that other stuff.

Yeah.

Yes.

It's truly, truly wild.

What a company.

Yamaha, I think, is also the same.

Doesn't Yamaha make motorcycles and pianos?

Yes.

Yes.

And like water skis, water jet skis?

Water jet skis?

Ski waters?

Maybe.

Well, I just think like it's shaped like a bean.

It's a little bean-like.

Yeah.

It's almost like the outline of a whistle.

One side, on the right side, the smaller, the tapered end, we have what appears to be a speaker.

Yeah, that's right.

I don't know what this ribbed.

That's called a strum plate.

Okay, there's a strum plate.

And then we have a couple.

Well, that says that's the strum plate.

No, these are the controls for the strumple.

You know what?

Can I tell you?

I'd say strumplet is what I would have said.

Strumplet.

There are like a zillion buttons.

Rhythm, chord, keyboard, strumplet, voice pattern.

And then we have major, minor, the seventh, and all the different chords across the top.

Sure do.

Okay, so this is a push button.

This is like a keyboard, but different.

It's like a keyboard.

I mean, honestly, you know,

now you know as much about it as I do, pretty much.

So, so, so, this also has an aesthetic of like, what year do you think this was made?

72.

I think it definitely has the look of that, and I think it is modeled after some version of itself that was released around that time.

But I think this is a relatively new instrument.

Are you sure the money you paid for it?

It better be at least.

Yeah, so you bought this on the internet?

I used the internet to buy it.

I said Omnicord buy, and I went to shopping and then I bought it.

And here it is.

Wow.

Okay.

And this is the OM108 model.

OM18.

OM-108.

Yeah.

So my daughter and my wife went to El Paso to see Cold Play with my brother and his girlfriend.

Okay.

And you were not invited.

I was neither there nor was I invited.

Okay.

So I was at home and I taught myself to play the beginning of one Cold Play song on here.

Oh, I think I watched you doing this on the internet and I couldn't watch it.

So I changed.

I think I scrolled past it.

I couldn't watch it because it's like so cringe.

Yeah.

No, no, no.

It's because it was so good and I was like, I'm not ready for for this.

I think I had just

had a little bit of drugs and was like, I don't think he needs to look in my eyes and sing.

I don't think I need to have him look me in the eye and sing, personally.

And then I guess Pablo saw this video, which I think,

having looked at, I think maybe a hundred people have seen.

Nice.

It's been shadow banned by Instagram, rightfully.

People can't see this kind of stuff.

Too hot for TV.

I made immediate direct eye contact with it.

Yeah, sick.

But I.

And then you want him to do it live?

And then for some reason, you had me bring it here.

What you did.

But what I wasn't sure about is that.

Hold on.

Just in my defense,

you're saying if, I don't know, some other trio of friends you hung out with, one of them bought a musical instrument and displayed a proficiency with it, you wouldn't have follow-ups?

No, I sure would.

I would.

I would.

If Katie bought a theremin,

bring that in.

That's what I thought would happen.

What I thought would make sense to me is you were like, Michael, you bring your Omnicord.

Katie's going to bring her theremin.

I've got, you know,

a glass kazoo.

A pan flute.

A pan flute.

And I will play it like Zomfir, the master of the pan flute.

And together we'll play.

Together.

I don't even get a Zoogle.

Zoogle.

Look that up on Zoogle.

Let me just replay Katie dismissibly.

Zooglet.

How are you ever going to Zoogle?

Zoogle.

Zoogalist.

Zamfear?

How are you spelling it?

Zamfir.

George Zamfir.

Oh, it's exactly how you would have spelled it.

My God.

Wow.

Master of Zamfir.

I guess I did.

Hello, Darkness.

My old friend.

Zamphir, man.

Jesus.

Romanian

and alive.

84 years young.

Capital of Romania.

And he's known as.

Yeah.

He's from Gaiesti.

That is it.

Sorry.

Play your thing.

Let's go.

The master of the pan flute is Zamfir.

The master of the Omnicord.

Well, it's not.

I'm not even good at it.

I'm about to hear it.

I've had it for a week.

I've had it for a week.

I'm better at the piano than I am at this, and I suck shit at the piano.

Yeah.

Woo!

Am I bad on the piano?

Did you ever take piano lessons?

No.

But I had a boyfriend who was super into Billy Joel who once taught me

a Billy Joel.

The scenes from Italian restaurant.

It might have been a lot of fun.

Good night, Saigon.

No, no, no.

I think it was

a doodle-doo-doo, doodle-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.

I think that is

the doodle-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

I used to be able to do that.

I could not do that now.

It feels like a relatively complicated thing.

It was incredibly complicated.

This guy sounds like he rules so far.

I knew how to do that.

That boyfriend, Billy Joel.

Yeah.

Yes.

He was a big Billy Joel fan, and his name was Billy Joel.

No relation.

None.

Try as he might.

He's really QAnon now, that ex of mine.

I recently saw him reposting News Max, and I was like, Jesus, I got it.

Oh, boy.

What's his name?

We can Zoogle it.

Look him up on Zoogle.

My internet search history is whacked out.

It's

on a terror alert list of some kind now.

So, no, I never took any piano lessons.

I played clarinet.

Really?

Middle school?

What was your go-to song?

Oh, I don't know.

Whatever we were playing that week, but I was second clarinet.

I was like, that's pretty good.

Yeah, it was decent.

How many clarinets were there?

I don't know, five, two, four, maybe two.

I had to sit in the second clarinet seat.

I had solos.

Did you

think of going pro with it?

No, I don't even, I couldn't even tell you why I chose clarinet.

I don't remember at all.

I just loved it.

It's a beautiful instrument.

It's like a girly oboe.

Yeah.

A she-obo.

Yeah.

I took piano lessons.

Nice.

I can play one song.

Chopsticks.

No, I can play, well, yes, two songs: songs uh chopsticks and fur elise nice by an artist you may have heard of before sting

no the police it's actually the police yeah i can release it's who it's mozart it's uh i think it's a beethoven i think beethoven beethoven

beetho we go into a beatho

crazy from the beethoven crazy i had a yama i had a little yamaha a little white yamaha keyboard i wanted to play piano um and i remember once I saw it when I saw Home Alone.

Somewhere in my memory.

Remember that song?

Nope.

Oh, yes.

I went upstairs and taught myself that on my little, but it wasn't knowing piano.

It wasn't like making it sound good.

It was going do, do, do.

But even that,

but that's pretty sophisticated to be able to hear it and be like, I can play that.

I don't think it is.

A lot of people can't do that.

A lot of people can't hear a song and go, I can match it to this.

Is that perfect pitch?

yeah are we finding out right now that you're a musical savant are you

beethoven yes so that's my that's

the sink of my music

and then i tried to play uh guitar when i was in college and my hands are too small what are you trying to play really drill uh no john mayer that was when i was in my john mayer phase

and so my the song i could play again to start way too difficult than like easy chords um there's a john mayer song called comfortable and the beginning of it is like this very beautiful, complicated, and I could play that.

I couldn't now,

but I could then.

I feel like we're learning you're secretly really good at instruments.

Yeah, I don't think that I am.

She can

start them and then I stop them.

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Now, tell me how this works.

I don't understand it.

Okay, well, I don't understand it either, so we're going to find out.

Let's do this thing where we point your microphone, Katie, at it.

Okay.

And we'll point this microphone at us.

People who actually know how to use this instrument are going to be sad about this.

Oh, there it is.

Okay.

And then, well, I mean, I'm just going to play it.

So, like, cool.

It does like.

I feel like we're your backup fan.

It's very lovely.

Oh.

I love this instrument already.

But check it out.

What?

I mean, is it just fun?

And the thing is that

a dog could play it.

Nothing.

Change nothing.

This is like if Chris Martin was in Zelda.

How do I make it funk?

That was basically the chords that fix you.

Thank you so much.

So

that comes, that happens.

He's twisting knobs.

Ooh, yeah, the dance remix.

And then, if you want, you know, other rhythms in the background.

This is the same rhythm.

I didn't change.

Oh.

That's rock too.

This is just an ad for the Omni chord.

But you need the chords to be playing.

So I think.

Booja bass?

Oh, Bossa Nova.

Booyah bass.

Activate boo ya bass mode.

And that, my friends, is everything I know about the Omnicord.

Now you know everything I know.

There are other things you can do on it.

See this button that says keyboard here?

Yeah.

What does that do?

What does that do?

Great.

Great.

That's a great question to ask.

I haven't had it long enough to know.

They're yelling at me that I need to take my mic back.

Okay, you have it.

That was cool.

I don't feel like I know it any better.

This is, I like this button the most.

Can we do that more?

And what's the little one for?

Oh, the little one.

The little one.

Okay, wait.

the little one

it's like whatever's happening the little one goes stop oh but it makes it all stop

okay and you know that

this instrument was designed by someone who had a child because then at some point they had to put a button on it to be like it makes it it makes it just

brilliant what are your oh so have you unveiled this to your kids um i all saw the instagram i would say that my children uh approached it with apprehension but have taken kind of taken an interest in it because it is a thing where like you go to a song that you like and you see the chords and you're like, and now I can play every single one.

I just push the button.

You don't have to figure out how to make your fingers do that.

You just go boop.

It's a really great intro to playing music.

Yeah.

There's a whole subreddit.

R slash Omnicord.

Cool.

Did they post you in it?

I hope not.

They go, check out this guy.

Because it's going to be people.

It's going to be people in cool bands.

Do cool bands use these?

I don't know, maybe.

Who uses these?

I think the Gorillas is Gorillas.

That's a band, right?

I think

they have to do that.

I think they have a song.

I couldn't name a song the Gorillas does.

Yes, you could.

I could.

Yeah.

Feel good, Inc.

How's that good?

Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, feel good.

Do, do, do, do, do.

I don't think I did.

Oh, maybe I did.

When you went down, I knew it.

Thank you.

But I think they have a song that they made on the Omnicord.

Cut that out, by the way.

Tell me somebody wailing out on the.

Gorillas.

Clint Eastwood is an Omnicord.

Oh, Clint Eastwood.

I ain't happy.

I'm feeling glad I got sunshine.

Oh, I know that's on.

That's them.

Oh, yeah.

You can make that do that.

You have that?

I don't know what chords they are.

Okay, well, I'll show you the screenshot.

Oh, my God, this is crazy.

That looks different than yours.

Yeah, this is like an old one.

He's got four lit up buttons.

Yeah, that's probably the OG Omnicord.

But if you put it on auto mode, it will go through chord progressions on its own.

And so this is the podcast.

Just you wait until we reveal our Jordan Hudson's mystery guest.

She's here.

Man, I...

Okay, so I'm going to buy an Omnicord.

Oh, my God, really?

Are we all going to buy them and then we'll have an Omnicord?

Yes, guys, we're starting a band.

Three Omnicord band where nobody plays anything different.

We all play the same extra music.

This is crazy.

Press the button together.

Oh man, this is rules.

Okay.

I would like to have Michael though perform the song using his voice.

Wait, why?

You're going to make him sing for us?

Mid-yon.

Wait, really?

You're going to make him do the thing what I couldn't even stomach

on my phone?

Yes.

I to look at him while he sings.

Can I turn my back?

It's no offense.

I just like the voice.

Really?

Yes.

And I'll spin around if I like it.

But I really don't.

We can do the voice style.

I really don't like looking at people directly while they sing.

It makes me so uncomfortable.

I'm sorry about it.

Don't you need to clear?

Don't you need to clear it?

Can't I even sing the song on here?

Yeah, that's a really good point.

I'm turning my chair just in case, but he's making a really good song.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

We are going to.

I don't want to be sued by Chris Martin for singing this song and also be singing it badly.

But what if we're journalistically analyzing it such that we are going to fair use?

We're going to fair use your rendition

of this song.

Is it fix you?

Uh-huh.

I think I know somebody who was one of the producers on that album.

Oh, maybe it's so.

So maybe we could call him.

Maybe they'll hire me.

We got a new audience.

I'll make them more or less likely to literally.

Hey, you know that sound you've been looking for?

Well, this is not it.

I would like for you to play it, and then we can figure out if this is a thing we can air or not.

But why?

Because

as Katie Nolan has turned her chair around, this is the voice.

I need to journalistically establish that we are going to discuss this, its contents, its lyrical value, its musical execution through the lens, of course, of how I intend this, which is as a dedication to Bill Belichick and Jordan Hudson.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed.

Oh, you got it.

You sing it.

You sing it.

I don't even know that.

Honest to God, I don't know all the words.

Look them up.

But don't look at me, you know?

Do you want me to

hold the lyrics on my computer in front of you?

I can't believe this happened.

A physical karaoke machine.

People, my Filipino destiny.

People listen to this podcast.

More than ever, actually.

Oh, my God.

This is a big moment for you.

This for you.

This is your way of going.

We got too many people listening to this.

Yeah.

We were like, what if you jet skied over the shark?

Cull the herd.

Let's have singing happen.

Too many people here.

Let's clear the room out.

Michael?

This is true.

It really is that.

It's like, it's me bringing my guitar to a party of this.

Except in this case, the host of the party will not let you leave until he gets his dose.

And girls are turning their backs.

It's actually doing the opposite.

I feel like the rats that are being driven out of the city.

Listen.

Do you really want me to do this?

I think it has to happen.

I could not.

Do you want me to open the snack pack?

That's the backup plan.

I can give you backup.

You've got a snack up backup.

That's all I got.

So, again,

this has a lot of like um long-term humiliation potential, yes, it does, but this is not about you, it's about the music, Bill, and Jordan.

Now, that I'm not understanding for whom I think

because I believe, because journalistically speaking, I believe that this is a song that we can discuss in the context of journalism that allows us to use it for free use.

Okay, and this

contents of this, I think,

are,

I would say, this is um but he tried his best and he did succeed

or

well, maybe we should let the song decide.

You're right, you're so right.

Are we doing it or not?

Because I'm gonna throw is this really

King?

He's gonna look that way.

I'm gonna look directly at Michael.

I'm uh, I am vibrating with anxiety, sure, just thinking about all the ways that people will be able to make fun of me forever for doing.

I mean, I already posted a video of myself doing this on Instagram,

which was a kind of a cringe thing to do from the outset.

No, that wasn't cringe.

It was bold and brave.

Just not for me.

It just wasn't for me.

This is going to be the last time we see each other.

Probably.

This is it.

I've had so much fun.

This is it.

We've had a good run.

This is it for us.

We really did.

We really did.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Oh, my God.

I don't.

Why are there more microphones?

Okay, let's just.

We're really going to do it.

Fast.

Yeah, let's just do it really fast.

Do it at the the pace that the artist intended.

What the hell is this show?

It's also not, it's not a good key for me.

I should probably learn how to play in a different key.

It's too high.

Also, I haven't warmed up my voice.

I haven't had any tea today.

When you

okay, let's just start over.

When you

when you try, okay,

fuck me.

All right,

when you try your best and you don't succeed,

when you get what you want, but not what you need.

Well, that was a nice little run.

I'm not turning around yet.

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep.

Yeah!

Stuck in a river.

This has been Pablo Torre finds out a Metalark media production.

And I'll talk to you next time.

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