Share & Adobo & Tell with Alonzo “Hamburger” Jones and Michael Cruz Kayne

I'm Pablo Torre, and this episode of Pablo Torre Finds Out is brought to you by Remy Martin 1738, Accord Royale.

Exceptionally smooth cognac for all your game day festivities.

Please drink responsibly because today we're going to find out what this sound is.

You're laughing, but I was mad because for years I've been teased and laughed at for wearing a cowboy hat.

Over 30 years.

Beyonce makes one song, comes out wearing a cowboy hat, and the whole world wears it.

You were laughing at me last week, but now you're wearing it.

Where can I get a cowboy hat?

Right after this app.

As you've probably heard by now, we've teamed up with BetMGM this season.

We'll be using BetMGM Lines to make all of our picks, and we'll have special offers for our listeners each week.

If you haven't signed up for BedMGM yet, use bonus code The Athletic and you'll get a one-year subscription to the athletic, plus up to a $1,500 first bet offer on your first wager with BetMGM.

Here's how it works.

Download the BetMGM app and sign up using bonus code TheAthletic.

Make your first deposit of at least $10.

Place your first bet on any game and claim your voucher for a one-year subscription to the Athletic.

See BetMGM.com for terms, U.S.

promotional offers not available in D.C., Mississippi, New York, Nevada, Ontario, or Puerto Rico.

Gambling problem?

Call 1-800-GAMBLBRER available in the U.S.

Call 877-8-HOPENY or text Hope NY 467-369 in New York.

Call 1-800-NEXTEP in Arizona.

1-800-327-5050 in Massachusetts.

1-800-BETS Off in Iowa.

1-800-270-7117 for confidential help in Michigan, 1-800-981-0023 in Puerto Rico, first bet offer for new customers only in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

Don't forget, if you haven't signed up for Bet MGM yet, use bonus code The Athletic and you'll get a one-year subscription to the athletic, plus up to a $1,500 first-bed offer on your first wager.

Today, we'll attempt a feat once thought impossible: overcoming high-interest credit card debt.

It requires merely one thing, a SoFi personal loan.

With it, you could save big on interest charges by consolidating into one low fixed rate monthly payment.

Defy high-interest debt with a SoFi personal loan.

Visit sofi.com/slash stunt to learn more.

Loans originated by SoFi Bank NA, member FDIC.

Terms and conditions apply.

NMLS 696891.

At the University of Arizona Online, we bring a top-ranked education to you.

We offer 150-plus programs, 100% online.

Expand your career opportunities by earning a degree that meets you right where you are.

Learn from the same faculty and earn the same degree as on-campus students.

Build your future with Arizona Online.

Classes start every seven and a half weeks.

Apply today and make your tomorrow amazing.

I just need to say thank you for coming in.

Thank you, man.

I appreciate it.

It was an honor, and I'm flattered.

Can I ask you a question that is very self-serving, but I think we'll establish some of the ground rules for what's about to happen here?

Oh, okay.

Hamburger, do you have any idea like what this show does

normally?

To what extent is this a thing that you're familiar with in any way?

And if the answer is I know nothing, that is my default expectation.

So please just.

I know nothing.

What do I have to sign?

Perfect.

That's great.

Oh, I need to sign something soon.

In truth, like the whole origin of this with me and Michael Cruz Kane, who's sitting to my right, and you,

Alonzo Hamburger-Jones, sitting across from us in a way that is so exciting is that as of a couple weeks ago, months ago, depending on how long ago that was that we talked about you.

You walking in here would have meant very little to me relative to what it means today.

Can can i just clarify something up top do you prefer to be addressed as hamburger you can call me hamburger if it's really okay great i sort of executively you just went for it i wasn't sure if that was the i didn't i i i i it crossed my mind but then you signed one of your texts i think or messages hamburger okay and i was like i'm just gonna pretend like i can be familiar as well but a bold move we talked about how we didn't know you right and then what i did was i got extraordinarily familiar with you okay

watching all the game film.

Not much of a life, huh?

You have nothing else to do?

Just bored.

Pablo's mostly Googling.

If he's not here, even when he is here, he's just Googling stuff.

And Michael, by contrast, what have you done to prepare for this?

I have done nothing.

I have done nothing to prepare for, except I have watched and re-watched the clip from Deaf Comedy Jam, which I've seen, which I've seen.

Now I've probably seen like 20 times.

Wow.

Okay.

I got it.

It's 20 new views.

Thank you.

So if you're new to Pablo Torre, Finds Out because you just subscribed for our ongoing investigative series about the Clippers and Steve Ballmer and Kawhi Leonard.

Thank you.

Thank you for the views.

We very sincerely appreciate that.

You should also know that our show, which comes out three times a week, investigates lots of other stuff pretty much all the time.

And exactly one month ago, we dropped an episode with Michael Cruz Kane and our friend Katie Nolan,

where we found out something else.

I learned about a comedian whose name I think is Alonzo Hamburger.

Do you guys know this guy?

Well, I'll tell you the big thing about Alonzo Hamburger is that he says hamburger a lot.

He says hamburger all the time.

Look at this big joker here.

The same don't stand in front of YMC talking about, oh, look, they don't spell Macy's wrong.

bergen ain't gonna have him who off on plate

then once other people heard us say all of that

it began to dawn on me that this was someone that lots of other people friends of mine extremely vividly remember specifically from DEF COM AJA in the 1990s.

And they were horrified, almost offended, that we did not.

So I thought that it was only right that I find this catchphrase comedy legend and invite him into our studio to sit with us.

And we somehow started talking about the thing that every other sports podcast has been talking about this month,

the NFL.

I want to visually describe what you're wearing because it's one of my favorite things about what's happening right now.

You're wearing a Daniel Jones Giants jersey.

Jones.

That's Jones.

That's for the Jones.

I assumed it was for the Jones.

So the Daniel part of it is very, it's irrelevant to the jersey that you're wearing.

Well, I'm a big Giants fan.

Okay.

I wanted him to do much better when he came to the team.

I thought

that, you know, first year he was good.

In my opinion, I thought he was good, but he didn't have a good offensive line, and I don't think he got a fair shot.

And you know how New York fans are.

You got about 30 seconds to show and prove if not you're out.

But I just think that Daniel Jones never had a good offensive line.

He could run.

He can run, but he can't get to the goal line.

Remember the seven-yard run or something he got?

And he got the fifth.

Fell down.

From the 12, Jones Keeps.

Gets a block, takes off, and he is gone.

Trying to stay upright, and he trips.

Can you imagine announcing that play?

He's at the 50, the 45, the 40.

He's going 30.

He might go.

No, he ain't going all the way.

Look at this.

So, just because I want to establish how often in real life you say your catchphrase, does it happen a lot?

Mostly on stage.

It's a word of excitement.

It's a word to prevent me from using profanity.

But when you get me on stage, you're going to get it eight times a minute.

Thank God.

Hamberg.

I was going to say, you just did

the game call of Daniel Jones Jones as Alonzo, but what if it was, you know, Ham.

Oh, he would have got a hat at the end.

It would have been Ham Berger.

What just happened here?

Ham Bergen, I can't believe this.

He tripped over the ground

and he has

fallen.

It's also like that's that is to talk about what you were just saying.

It is a very New York fan to go.

He ran 70 yards.

Fucking right.

But now it's a great play.

You used to go to Jetshead with the butt fumble.

Yeah, Mark Sanchez.

coordinate, you're going to bust the play here.

And then

Sanchez gets hit.

The ball is loose, and it's alive.

I have never seen this before in my life.

Watch this.

Vince Wilfort is going to throw Brandon Moore back into his quarterback.

He's going to fumble the football.

Mark Sanchez not expecting it, and it was the backside of Brandon Moore that knocked the ball out.

So which one is worse?

Which one would you take?

The butt fumble branding is hard to be worse than.

Yeah, butt fumble is worse for sure, I think.

Daniel Dones doesn't have a nickname for when he just sort of like steps on a rake that no one else sees and then he collapses.

Adrenaline should have taken him from that far.

You get that far, man.

You just dive.

You don't, that's everybody's dream to get that far in the NFL.

I mean, you ran 70 yards and now you're going to just drop.

That's embarrassing.

Daniel Jones.

Who NFL?

2025.

Daniel Jones found out.

Who would wear his jersey after that?

That's embarrassing.

What kind of guy?

What kind of

idiot, which hamburger more.

Daniel Jones?

I'm giving him come NFL comeback player of the year this year.

That's what I'm calling it right now.

Daniel Jones, Michael Pittman, Jonathan Taylor.

That's a

Colts big three.

They're back.

They're back, baby.

AI is transforming customer service.

It's real and it works.

And with Finn, we've built the number one AI agent for customer service.

We're seeing lots of cases where it's solving up to 90% of real queries for real businesses.

This includes the real-world, complex stuff like issuing a refund or canceling an order.

And we also see it when Finn goes up against competitors.

It's top of all the performance benchmarks, top of the G2 leaderboard.

And if you're not happy, we'll refund you up to a million dollars, which I think says it all.

Check it out for yourself at fin.ai.

Confronting high credit card debt can feel scary.

But the good news is, if you owe $10,000 or more in credit card debt, financial relief options are now available.

National Debt Relief is currently offering debt relief designed to reduce what you owe, fast-tracking your way to being debt-free.

If you qualify for debt relief, you may be able to pay back significantly less than what you owe and save thousands of dollars.

Imagine only paying one low monthly program payment you can afford and saving money as you become debt-free.

National Debt Relief has already helped bring debt relief to over 550,000 U.S.

consumers, earning thousands of five-star reviews and an A-plus rating with the Better Business Bureau.

You're stronger than your credit card debt.

Take the first step and visit NationalDebtRelief.com to see what debt relief you qualify for.

That's NationalDebtRelief.com.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game Day Scratches from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question: play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

Can I ask about hamburger?

Ask anything you want, man.

When was the first time did you like it?

It doesn't strike me as something that someone would plan before they get out on stage, but did you, or was it something you just happened to say on stage?

You're like, oh, this kind of is fun.

So we're going back to 1988 to start a comedy, and we'll jump forward to about 1990.

Whereas I'm starting to realize what comedy is all about.

And I'm realizing, even somebody would say, who was on the show last night?

I don't remember.

remember.

And I said, I don't want to be someone in the crowd.

I have to be different, separate myself.

So one night I'm in a room with some guys from New York and they're trying to tell me who I am on stage.

And they told me I'm country.

And I said, I am not country.

And they said, yeah, everybody from Jersey is country.

And it got a little ugly and it was about to get physical until they said everybody in Jersey is country.

So I said, I'll show you what country is.

And I do my uncle, who's from North Carolina, and he says hamburger instead of cursing because they wanted me to wear overalls and get a pig.

And I said, that's not me.

Whoa.

So I came in a suit with the cowboy hat and I said, hamburger, hamburger.

So I said, that's it.

I'm not going to do that again.

So the next night, everybody's like, yo, Tex, where's your hat?

Where's your hat, Tex?

I said, I'm not wearing a cat.

I'm like 26 at the time.

It's a hip-hop era.

Everybody's into a whole different look.

I'm walking in with a cowboy hat and I stick out like a sore thumb down.

That was my wish, but you be careful what you ask for.

So now I'm saying ham burger.

And it's becoming catchy and people like it.

And I'm like, okay.

Then they tell me you're going to tape television.

I'm like, why do you say hamburger?

Hmm.

I say hamburger because I don't curse, but I was cursing at the time.

So now I have to

retrofit a whole story for this phrase.

So, you know, I grew up in a neighborhood.

My mother was in church and everything.

I grew up in Jersey.

Yeah.

Okay.

Is there something wrong with that?

No, no, no.

Okay.

All right.

Just a little country.

Jersey's not country.

But so.

In my area.

In my area, it's not country, but if you're going down to South Jersey, yeah, you might get it there.

So now I have to realize I say hamburger because I don't curse.

So now all the profanity comes out the act, and I'm a clean comic now.

And I'm saying ham burger.

Now I have to have my point of view.

What is hamburger about?

The things I don't like in life.

At the time, I didn't, you know, I was a big R ⁇ B fan in the 70s.

I didn't like the new music.

So now I'm talking about the music, the way the kids dress and this, that, and the other.

And it just stuck and it grew on and on.

So now it's hamburger.

Hamburger, I ain't going to have it.

Hamburger don't make sense.

And I'll just let you know, ham burger.

The number of things that I want to just say aloud right now,

I want to start with number one.

You are, in fact, currently, for those not watching on YouTube, wearing a black cowboy hat.

Yes.

And it's glorious.

Thank you.

The integration of the hat that you kept from the country premise.

Right.

But really you became hamburger-centric.

centric yes because that was really the distinguishing aspect

and the cleanliness of your language you're saying you weren't a clean comic no initially no are you a guy who curses in life no so people ask me do i have a filter how do i do it you know how do i go through every day i just

i thought you had to go on stage and curse i didn't curse But when I started doing stand-up, I thought you had to curse to be a stand-up comic, not realizing it's just about being creative and being funny.

So now I'm after the Death Jam thing, I'm following guys and girls who are just cursing up the world.

And now I got to write my jokes a notch harder to compete with this because I'm not cursing.

When did you realize that the number of things you could substitute hamburger for was apparently infinite?

It just happened.

It just happened because

Hamburger.

And then people come to me after a show or whatever and say, How burger?

I say this instead of this.

I use your hamburger when that happened.

I was about to discipline my kids the other day.

Instead, I said, Ham, burger.

Somebody cut me off a road rage.

Ham, burger.

My boss got, I didn't get fired thanks to you because I said, ham, burger.

My boss just paused and said, what?

You can't get in trouble.

What's the worst thing that happened to somebody served you some food?

That's the worst thing that happened.

So you good.

Say, how burger.

So

have you two ever been to a comedy show?

Yes.

Yeah.

I mean, so Michael is.

I do stand up.

I write

for a TV show, a comedy show.

When was the last time you did a show?

The last time I did a show?

Was I there?

A week ago, maybe?

Oh, no.

Do you remember everyone on the show?

No.

See, that's my point.

We're comics, and we can't tell you who's on the show with us.

That's not good.

So people say, you did a show last night.

Who was on the show?

Oh, I don't remember.

So I said, you know what?

I have to find a way to erase that problem.

And that's when I started doing hamburger.

So going back, I'm wearing a cowboy hat before a deaf comedy jam.

And this is the hip-hop era.

This is showtime at Apollo.

So people want to boo and heckle comedians.

You try walking on stage with a cowboy hat and people are like, I was going to say, night after night, I had to fight, had to fight for my life every night on stage.

And it's like, where's your horse?

Hey, Roy Roger.

And I'm sitting there every night.

So it was a tour they had out.

Laugh went out.

I forgot the name of the tour, but they didn't want me on there because I wasn't hip-hop enough.

But all their comics went on stage and got booed off one night.

I went on after them, crushed the crowd, demolished them.

And they're like, yo, we want you on a tour.

So now I'm on the tour.

It was a tour with some of the local comics and they had comics from Living Color and other comics who was popular at the time hosting the show.

So Mark Curry was the host.

We're in Boston.

Everybody gets booted off.

And the promoter says, I'm not paying you.

That sounds terrifying.

Right.

But this is the norm back then.

So I said, look, I said to myself, my phone bill is due.

I need this money.

I said, I'm going out there and you're going to pay me.

He said, we only had to do 10 minutes.

He said, if you do 20 minutes, I'll give you double.

I'm going to do it.

So Mark Carrie said, I don't advise you to go out there.

That's a brutal cry.

I said, bring me up there.

So from the time I took the first step on stage, what the?

Get out of here with this hat.

Oh, my God.

Where's your horse?

Five minutes later, I had them in the power of my hand, left with a stand ovation, got my money, kept my phone on.

Hell, bird.

So it was like that every night, night after night, people just didn't believe in me because I had a cowboy hat.

So after I did the Deaf Comedy Jam segment, Russell Simmons comes running on stage after the show and grabs me.

And he's frantic.

I'm like, oh, what did I do wrong?

That was brilliant.

That was the greatest set of marketing ever seen in my life.

That was

brilliant.

I said, what?

And it didn't catch on at the time, but he said, you know, that was great marketing and some of the greatest ever seen on stage.

So I'm just like, what does it mean by that?

And then little by little, it started to happen.

I saw where people were saying,

you are memorable.

You, we remember you.

And now some people love it.

or some people hate it.

I've read some of the reviews where it's a hacky comic, this, that, and the other.

But then people who've come to see me live and saw me in person say, this guy's funny.

He's good.

Well, that's what I want to tell you is that admittedly, like when I, when I discover you and the pitch from Michael is over the weekend, I discovered a comic who says the word hamburger instead of many normal words that you would say, I'm like, what the hamburger are you talking about?

And then I'm like, going through your tape and like the deaf comedy, like when you get on stage, you're also like, I mean, dude, you're going at the audience.

Happy Halloween, baby.

You're on your feet.

You are so quick.

Check out my man here.

Rico Suave.

Y'all looking good out here now.

How burgers y'all are.

Look at it.

So one guy said, you're a different dude with that mic in your hand.

And I said, what?

And then it clicked.

But that night, there's a backstory to the Def Jam taping.

So, Def Jam, I was a little upset because maybe two or three tapings, I'm not on the show.

All my friends are taping, but I'm not being included in the episodes.

So, I said, What's wrong?

You know, what am I doing wrong?

But finally, they put me on the show.

Here I am, and the first guy goes up, Chris Tucker, Mr.

Rush Hour,

pissed off, man.

Just got me a new place, man.

Hate my neighbors, man.

I got neighbors that borrow shit all the time.

You ever had a neighbor that borrowed your shit

and keep it so long,

you have to borrow it back.

So he goes out and gets a stand-in ovation.

So as a comic, you know, the show should go up and up.

Yeah.

Right.

If the first guy gets a stand-in ovation, you have to follow.

Exactly.

So the next guy goes up, he gets booted off.

Never in the history of Def Jam did anyone get booed off.

And this is around the time that Showtime with Apollo is the hype show.

So people think that's how our audience is to be.

No, we're taping for HBO.

We're doing a different thing.

Booing is not here.

Heckling is not here.

But this crowd happens to think we are going to boo.

So the second guy is booed off.

Now the next girl go on, they heckle her, she drops the mic and runs off stage.

So now if you watch the show, at the end of the show, they have these dancers that come on.

But right there at that point, the dancers on.

It's almost like an intermission.

I don't know if they're changing, filming the cameras or what.

But I'm backstage with Bernie Mac, who's going at it with Martin Lawrence, saying, Hey, you got to do something.

This is not showtime to Power.

Let them know they can't boo.

Deuce, our career is online.

Martin turns around and said, If you can't handle it, you shouldn't be here.

And I was like, Oh, wow.

And now Bernie says to me, You're from New York, you do something.

I said, Bernie, to be honest with you, I'm not from New York.

I'm from Jersey.

So we got a bigger problem.

I'm paranoid now because I don't want to get booed.

Everybody else is getting booed.

You know, after Chris, boo, boo, I'm like, I can't get booed.

So what do I do?

I go out there and mess with the audience.

Look at it.

Big roundaway girl.

Lightsman sitting on a bus stop sucking on pork chops.

Ham, bury.

Ham, bury.

You know I'm telling the truth.

It's a time where I'm saying this is going to make it or break it.

I'm just winging it, going at the audience, and the jokes are working.

I'm thinking I just crushed, just killed, because I'm like, who else want to play?

I ain't scared.

Come on, who else wants to play?

I might as well drop the mic or walk off stage.

How did that?

And Bernie's on the same show, right?

Bernie comes after me.

Crazy show.

Because Bernie, I think I remember that set.

That's it.

I'd heard about before, where that's where he's like, I'm not scared of you, motherfuckers.

That's that set.

I ain't scared of you, motherfuckers.

I'm going to tell you something, Shelve, the motherfucking press.

I ain't coming for no foolishness.

And New York, goddammit, y'all motherfucking women look good.

Y'all like a bigger thing selfish.

Look good.

Bernie goes on stage and takes the crowd and picks him up and throw him across the river.

I said, in seven minutes, this guy demolished that audience, had him in the palm of his hand from, I ain't scared of you.

Come on.

And kick it.

And the place went crazy.

Never in the history of Def Jam has anyone, he probably had one of the greatest, if not the greatest sets ever in the history of Def Jam.

And I think we had the greatest show ever on the history of Def Jam.

And, you know, they came back years later and did the Def Jam DVDs and the Def Jam VHF tapes, which brought a second life to us.

So, how burger I'm back and how burger, we've been kicking it ever since.

And that's where I started feeling stupid because when I go back and I see your legend,

it originates from something that so many people, so many of my friends, knew you from.

Really?

Tell them I said hello, man.

I appreciate that.

They're listening to everyone.

They're listening right now.

Yeah, my hand.

Absolutely.

And in that way,

they remembered you because of all of the things you said about your origin story.

So when you went out in all these shows, you're talking about you're going up against these hostile audiences on Def Jam, for example, you open that with crowd work, right?

Yes.

How often would you start doing crowd work?

Because that can be doing stand-up.

I know, like, if the crowd is hostile, it is nice to sometimes get into the crowd because then they know that what's happening is spontaneous.

They feel like it's real as opposed to, I wrote this script.

I'm going to come out and say these lines.

So if they boo you and knock you off your horse, so to speak,

they could scare you out, but if you engage with them right away.

Did you just make it up to knock them off the horse?

That was it.

Yeah, I didn't mean to do it.

I'm going to write that down, though.

That's good.

Two pros.

But so my question is, how often were you doing crowd work?

Or did you only do it when you were walking into hell?

Well, it got to the point every night I was walking into hell.

I can say hell.

Hell's not a curse.

I was going to ask.

Yeah.

And

because people sit there, no, that's not, that's appropriate.

You're not H-E-double hockey stick sing.

So you watch watch Happy Days?

Of course.

That's my favorite.

Yeah, I'm elbowing jukeboxes and everything.

Okay, we're going to get back to that.

So imagine every night you walk on stage and people are heckling you, but then some nights they're not.

So now I'm in the frame of mind that every night I'm coming for the audience first just to make sure we know there's a new sheriff in town.

We're not going to have this tonight.

So it got to the point where people wouldn't even mess with me.

but I'm just in the frame of mind that I'm going after the audience first.

And it's been nice, innocent people.

And I walk on stage and just tear up the audience for no reason.

I'm like, you know what?

They didn't deserve that.

So now I'm less brutal on the audience.

Nobody's knocking me off my horse anymore.

I got a saddle.

I learned how to ride.

It's good.

But it's ahead of its time.

I mean, look, a lot of what you're describing, right?

The marketing strategy of like, I got to stick out, and also like crowd work.

These are things that are very modern in the internet era now.

A lot of this is stuff that is so as a matter of just like a strategy.

I didn't have a manager, so I had to create my own marketing campaign.

Where is this going?

What's my plan?

And I used to tell friends of mine, they were very physical on stage.

This is cool now.

You're in your 20s, but what's going to happen when you hit 60?

You can't roll up and down.

J.B.

Smooth, a good friend of mine.

And I used to tease him, like, you're very physical.

When you're 60, you're not going to be able to slide across the stage and dive.

Me, I'm 26 acting like an old man.

And that was another thing because when I finished Death Jam, everybody thought I was 40, 50 years old.

And I was 26, 28 at the time.

Don't laugh.

Here's the thing I used to really bother me.

So after the show, girls would walk up.

Oh my God, you're so funny.

And you're handsome.

Are you single?

And I'm like, hell, Burger.

Yeah, I'm single.

My mother wants to meet you.

I'm like, your mother?

So they go off and they bring.

I'm like, oh, my God.

So that was the negative part of it because everybody thought I was old.

When I tried to get into some acting, they would cast me for roles that Sherman Hemsley from

the Jeffersons.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Moving on up.

Right.

But people in that age group, they would say, if Sherman turns this part down, it's for you.

And I'm like, I'm not that old.

28.

So it got to the point where I had to walk into a casting agent's office and have someone call him and say, is there anyone in your office right now?

I said, yeah, how old is he?

A young guy, about 26, 28.

That's Hamburger.

And they was like, no way.

I'm like, Hamburger, that's me.

So they would send me down to the casting office.

I get scripts that were made for younger people.

People just thought I was an older person, so it didn't work for me.

So well, this is a lot about you so far kind of figuring out who am I on stage as the audience and the world and casting agents are sort of responding.

Right.

And you're kind of adjusting and remaking yourself based on that.

But the era, and this is something that I underrated and I also didn't realize, the era of the catchphrase comic.

Were you aware that there were catchphrase comics when you became hamburger?

So it's funny you said it because I had no clue Catchphrase comics.

Who's catchphrase comics?

Who were back in the 80s with some of the catchphrase comics that you remember?

I can't do it.

You know, like Larry the cable guy?

That might be a little later.

Get her done.

I guess I should do this.

Get her done.

All those came after.

But the guy, the guy who was, again, I'm learning about all of them.

I'm finding out in real time as I'm watching this stuff.

Shucky Ducky.

Shucky Ducky, quack, quack.

Let me tell you what shucky ducky is.

See, shucky ducky is this phrase that I created that means disappointment or excitement.

For example, instead of cursing, when you stomp your toe, you say, Shucky Ducky.

Now, if you see a fine girl or a guy you like, you say, oh, shucky ducky.

Now, if you get the girl pregnant, you say, dang.

Don't you say shucky ducky.

Because you done shuck your ducky too long.

That's when you should have been in your rubber ducky.

Now your ass is fa dug.

And that's a good friend of mine.

He came, I'm going to say, either the same time, a little bit after, but he's from Dallas, Texas.

And a lot of people, believe it or not, get us confused.

But just to clarify for people who don't know Shucky Ducky, they should now because, of course, but Shucky Ducky, quack, quack.

Quack.

Had you ever sort of like

bonded with him about catchphrase comedy?

We've been on shows together and we tried to...

I guess you don't know about

SNL Saturday Night Live.

Yeah.

They did the

Kings of Catchphrase Comedy.

It's the original Kings of Catchphrase Comedy Tour.

The four kings of catchphrase are back and they're going absolutely crazy.

And they did a spoof on myself, Shucky Ducky, Bernie Mac, and others.

And Kenan played me.

Now here's the scary part.

I did comic view.

I wore a purple suit with a tie.

He had the same exact suit and tie.

I don't know how they did that.

And I held shout out to the wardrobe department.

Exactly.

They researched very well.

And I don't know how they found a material fabric, whatever, but they reincarnated me.

And he came out and said, Beef jelly with David.

Beef jelly winfield.

So my buddy Jimmy said, Hey, man, you want to go to the Whopper house?

And I looked at him and was like, Hey, I ain't going to no house made from no whoppers.

Beef jelly.

Beef jelly.

And they're dusting off all your old favorite bits, like eating dookie.

Jimmy will come home and catch your wife eating dookie?

Talking about,

who put this dookie in my hand?

You did, you nasty ass.

Be

jelly.

And people say, were you offended?

No.

I go on there and everybody's treating me like I'm king.

Like, he's here.

He's here.

There he is.

And I'm like, SNL knows me and Jay Farrell.

Yeah.

So Jay Farrell brings me on the show.

And everybody's, and the guy comes, I wrote the script.

I said, he's good.

I said, no, I wrote it.

Everybody's shaking my hand.

I'm like, nice to meet you.

You're not mad.

I'm like, no, can I take a picture?

I'm like, yeah.

But they would treat me the way I felt about them.

And it was an honor.

I'm like, here I am.

And they did a part two, King's the Catchphrase Comedy Part two.

So that was well.

And then Jimmy Fallon on tonight's show, he and

Jerry Seinfeld sitting there talking.

And he asked Jerry Seinfeld, did you ever have a catchphrase, you know, like hamburger?

And Seinfeld said, no, he said, no, I'm like, yeah, hamburger.

And they start talking about me.

I'm like, Seinfeld knows about me.

And then every now and then, Jimmy Fallon would do a skit and say hamburger.

And then he did the 12 Days of Christmas.

Hamburger, hamburger.

And I'm like, this is ridiculous.

The legend lives on.

Right.

But people calling me and texting me, like, yo, you're on this, you're on that.

Different shows throughout,

I'm on television.

Somebody would make a catchphrase, you know, I'm not saying nothing to you, but hamburger.

And I'm like, this is amazing.

But no one calls me to do a hamburger commercial.

No one calls me to be on the show.

Drop, drop, hint, hint.

But that's who should be saying hamburger.

Football is upon us.

Saturday college kickoffs.

Sundays, of course, it's the pros.

Surfside iced teas and lemonades plus vodka.

They got you covered.

And it is not a seltzer.

How dare you suggest that?

It's surfside.

It's 100 calories, two grams of sugar, no bubbles.

So just ask for surf side wherever you stock up for tailgates or watch parties or post-game hangs.

You got to be 21 plus, obviously, but please, please drink responsibly.

How have you not had a hamburger related endorsement?

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

And I've, when I came off the stage and after Russell said what he said, I was sitting by my phone and I said, any day now, someone's going to call me to do it.

And I'm like, idiot, they don't have your phone number listed.

So how are they going to call you?

But I thought through some way, somehow, some close to new york somebody's going to find me and say we need you to endorse our hamburger just say ham berg then they did a movie called posse with marion van peebles it's a western i wasn't in it i'm like i don't have to go to wardrobe or anything i just walked out i got my own hat How are you going to make Western movies and not include Ham Berg?

Get out of bed and be right there.

Exactly.

So I don't need a script.

I know what to say.

I know how to say howdy and other country words.

So let me have it.

Ham Berg.

So you've been waiting, because Dev Comedy Jam was 92.

Yes.

You've been waiting 33 years for that phone call.

Now you feel my pain.

Yeah.

If this show does anything,

I want Carl's Jr.

people.

Well, what's what's what are hamburgers' top five hamburgers?

Great question.

Top five hamburgers from hamburger himself.

Don't get me in trouble now.

Somebody will say, Well, we wanted you, but you didn't pick.

You got McDonald's.

Okay.

This is in reverse order.

McDonald's.

I think it's in, sounds like it's in no particular order.

No, no, no.

We got to have a particular.

You're a sports fan.

You're wearing a Daniel Jones jersey.

Okay, McDonald's number one.

Wow, number one for McDonald's.

Wendy's number two.

Okay, the square burger.

I'm not forgetting nobody.

And then Burger King.

Burger King.

And that's all we have in this area, right?

That's it.

Well, I mean, there's also lots of stuff.

You got Shake Shack.

You got like,

those are like the fast food places.

What I've discovered.

What I've discovered is that, and this is startling to me, it doesn't sound like hamburger likes hamburgers that much.

I do, but that's only three.

I mean, White Castle was it, and

they're kind of.

Is there still a White Castle in New York City?

Yes.

There is White Castle.

There's like three where I live at in the area, but there's White Castle.

That was my go-to as a kid.

Oh, I love those.

It used to be one in my neighborhood, but they tore it down.

As of

esteemed hamburger.

We were telling the kids how it used to be a nickel, then a dime.

And I googled it.

I think it's like $1.19 for a burger now.

at White Castle.

That's crazy.

It can't cost more than a dime.

Same size.

Can't cost more than a a dime to make that burger.

Same size, but now it's $1.19.

So

burger, that's a lot.

What's your order of McDonald's?

I get the quarter pounder.

Fillet of fish.

I love the filet of fish.

See, wait, you're going to, in the same visit, will you do quarter pounder and fillet of fish at once?

In high school, yes.

Okay.

A little surfing turf.

I once set the record to have five quarter pounders in one sitting.

That was the record.

Hell yeah.

I would do that same shit.

I would go to McDonald's.

I'd be like, let me get four number twos super size.

Let's ride.

So I was in the marching band.

They used to tease me, but I always wanted to be the crazy guy who would challenge the football players.

So we went toe to toe so you could eat the most.

I ate five quarter pounders at the sitting.

You ate one and a quarter pounds of quarter pounders.

No, I ate five consecutive quarter pounders.

He's saying four quarter pounds.

Yeah, that's one pound.

That's

over a pound of hamburger.

For the record, my first job, I worked at McDonald's.

I was a chef.

How was that job as

as an experience for you?

Well, it was good because

you got to work at the counter and see the girls when they came in.

That was a good thing.

Yes.

And, you know, my first job, you learned discipline and it was a lot of fun.

You know, working at McDonald's, it was an honor because that was prestigious.

Oh, I used to have birthday parties.

Yeah.

You know, in like the basement of McDonald's, you get that was growing up.

I'm from Manhattan.

Okay.

Like, that's, yes.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, I, and I grew up in Connecticut, but being in the ballpet of McDonald's

as a child child was like

being in heaven.

It was like, it would be like going to Beyonce concert now.

I took a lot of pride in how to place the burgers on the bun, made sure I had the proper amount of onions.

You're an artist.

Yes, and serve them because.

I am a Big Mac loyalist.

Okay.

I just had one two days ago.

You had a special sauce, let's cheese, pickles, and stuff.

That's me.

Yeah, absolutely.

The sauce is perfect.

It's a scientific instrument that I have found delivers every single time.

But now I'm looking back at the lineup for Deaf Comedy Jam 92.

Yeah.

And you're telling me, and this is, this is, I want the madman theme music to rise under us.

Okay.

Out comes hamburger, followed by

Bernie Mac.

I ain't scared of you.

And you're telling me between hamburger Jones and Bernie Mac, there's not a Big Mac and quarter pounder advertisement that McDonald's.

Somebody missed.

Somebody, somebody.

We got to go back in time and fire somebody.

Oh, fuck.

Excuse me.

Oh, no, no.

I feel the same way, but I i can't say it say it for me what the hamburger hamburger what the helly that's a missed opportunity yes so hopefully someone in the and also stetson hats they should have called me by now you're laughing but i was mad because for years i've been teased and laughed at for wearing a cowboy hat over 30 years beyonce makes one song comes out wearing a cowboy hat and the whole world wears you was laughing at me last week but now you're wearing it where can i get a cowboy hat people i want to be a cowboy so they go out and get the boots not knowing you can't wear cowboy boots for eight hours straight dancing and whatever and then try to walk back to your car your feet hurt now you are a cowboy because you're limping and staggering so how merch gets you on tour with beyonce beyonc's come up a couple times i feel like she probably listens to the show yeah yeah

gotta get hamburger you gotta get hamburger on stage part of the beehive yeah wait can i ask a question about comedy again so you've been saying hamburger in your set since 1992 before since before 92 since 88 you said you started But you started doing hamburger like in 1990, a couple of years later?

About 90 and then by 92, I had perfected it to a point I can take it on stage.

Okay, so now you've been doing it for 30 plus years since then.

True.

Is there any part of you that's like, I'm locked into this hamburger shit?

I wish I could stop doing this, but now I kind of, now people are like, people are coming to see that.

So have you made a prison for yourself?

Yes and no.

I've tried to stop it.

I saw Chris Rock one day.

I said, I'm ready to get rid of this hat.

No, don't do it.

I said, why not?

He said, that's what makes you special.

Keep the hat.

You'll be like everybody else.

I said, you're right.

So I kept kept the hat one night i showed up to show without the hat promoter say he's not going to pay me without the hat so it's to the point now i've branded myself to have to have the hat so

i'm a little nervous now to go on stage without the hat because i don't know how it would work so this thing is like glued to my head right mentally so i'm i'm gonna keep wearing the hat but you know what okay

i don't mean to cut you off talk i just wanted to say that because you're so locked into the hat you're so identified with the hat you're so identified with saying hamburger.

You could kind of do like a Clark Kent Superman situation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go to some city where they don't like know you as well, no hat, no hamburger, and just do totally different stand-up.

You call yourself filet of fish, you go by filet of fish.

That's why I say filet of fish like I said, filet of

the same rate.

Wait, wait, wait, hold on.

Feel it out.

Yeah, you try.

How does it?

We might be able to.

Filet of fish.

I like it.

It's like watching.

Tortoise, no.

It's like watching,

it's like watching

the reference that comes to mind, no one is going to know.

It's like watching James Galloway pick up the flute.

You know what I mean?

Just like, what is he going to do with filet of fish?

And here I am trying to do it for him like an idiot.

Can you help Michael, fellow comedian, develop a catchphrase?

Oh, yeah.

Do you have any extra catchphrases lying around?

I just got one with a bad phrase.

Under your hat, I know, is a list of catchphrases.

So I have to watch his act and see what he talks about, what's his background, what's

and tie it into that because it has to go into your act because it's not going to make sense for him to say something that daffodils and he doesn't talk about flowers or anything.

He's an artist.

He's not just cranking out

nonsense.

How would you describe your act that hamburger can stop?

I mean, I guess I do.

If I talk about any sort of culture, it's probably being Filipino.

I'm half Filipino.

Okay.

Pablo's full.

So we're kind of arranged in order of how Filipino we are.

We're like

a pound and a quarter of Filipino.

Okay.

We're five quarter pounders of Filipino right here.

So you're Filipino.

So I guess if I were going to shout a word, it would be adobo or something.

That maybe would be a catchphrase then.

Yeah.

So far, I'm offended.

So scratch it.

You've been canceled already.

Now that I'm saying this, I might try it.

I might try just for one second

saying adobo every time I would naturally swear.

But you know what's this the painful part is watching a comic really try a catchphrase that doesn't work and it doesn't make sense.

It doesn't fit their act.

And they go up there and say something over and over.

And you're sitting there like, give it up, dude.

It's not for you.

And, you know, sometimes, and this is a secret, when comics are bombing, they're going to say, crazy, man.

Crazy, crazy, man.

It's crazy.

Have you ever seen that?

Yeah, absolutely.

Of course.

And I watch comics and like, that's their catchphrase.

Crazy, man.

It's crazy.

It's crazy.

And I'm like, no.

Give it up.

Just give it up.

Catchphrase is not for everybody.

I think I may have said this to you before, but it's like,

ironically, like the word that you won't say, the word f

is inflected and used in as many ways as you use the word hamburger.

It can be a noun.

It can be an adjective.

You take it and make it what you want.

Right.

And so your comfort with inflecting it is what makes, to me, the whole thing work.

And look, the whole criticism underneath the SNL sketch, if you wanted to see it not as a comic who's supposed to laugh at himself and everything, but as a sensitive person, which it sounds like you did not react this way.

No, I loved it.

But the whole idea is this is hack.

Right, exactly.

And how do you feel about that general criticism?

I know that it's not hack because it's funny.

I'm funny.

And once people see me live and in person, they have a whole different point of view of what hamburger is and hamburger is funny because it's not just like I'll come on stage, hamburger, hamburger, hamburger, hamburger, hamburger.

There's jokes in between.

And sometimes you don't even catch the fact that I'm saying hamburger because it just slides in there.

Yeah, you're saying it as if you would say a normal word.

But people, by the time they leave, they walk up to me after the serve, ham burger, ham.

Now I have the whole entire audience saying ham burger.

How did that happen?

So I just left Canada and I was shocked because here's 200 people waiting in the line to shake my hand and say, ham burger.

I always want to meet you, ham burger.

And I'm like, how did people overseas know about this thing?

So it's a worldwide effect.

It's unbelievable because the jokes have changed, but ham burger is the same.

I mean, to that end, there are certainly like on

clips of this show where we talk about you, there's definitely people in the comments being like, How is it possible that you have not heard of Alonzo Hamburger Jones?

And where I work with a bunch of comedians, there's one comedian who like introduced me to you.

It's a wide range of people who go all the way from, oh my God, I've seen everything he's ever done, to wait, I can't wait to see it.

And it's, you have a way on stage that is like very low-key, but very joyful.

I think that is fun to watch.

Vibes are good.

It's never stopped.

The sort of like virality of the clip we posted is part of, I mean, I'm now using hamburger for views.

Absolutely.

I mean, I'm definitely loosely saying hamburger in my life just from time to time.

Just don't say it on stage.

Yeah, okay.

Has anyone tried to

copy your literal same catchphrase?

No, no one said hamburger, but one guy went on stage saying pork chop.

And when he came off stage, you know, the comics were like, that's too close.

Give it up.

Get out of here.

Get the out of here.

Get the out of here.

Sue you into oblivion.

I was like, really, dude?

Come on.

So, and then early on, people were like, you know, Shucky Ducky still.

I said, Shucky Ducky and I, we never saw one another.

So it's just a coincidence that two guys came through the same era.

Right.

So that's about it.

But can I shout out my Instagram or no?

Of course.

Comedian Hamburger on Instagram.

As you've probably heard by now, we've teamed up with BedMGM this season.

We'll be using BetMGM Lines to make all of our picks, and we'll have special offers for our listeners each week.

If you haven't signed up for BetMGM yet, use bonus code The Athletic and you'll get a one-year subscription to The Athletic, plus up to a $1,500 first bet offer on your first wager with BetMGM.

Here's how it works: download the BedMGM app and sign up using bonus code TheAthletic.

Make your first deposit of at least $10.

Place your first bet on any game and claim your voucher for a one-year subscription to The Athletic.

See BetMGM.com for terms, U.S.

promotional offers not available in DC, Mississippi, New York, Nevada, Ontario, or Puerto Rico.

Gambling problem?

Call 1-800-GAMBLBLER available in the U.S.

Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HopeNY-467-369 in New York.

Call 1-800-NECSTEP in Arizona.

1-800-327-5050 in Massachusetts.

1-800-BETS OFF in Iowa.

1-800-270-7117 for confidential help in Michigan.

1-800-981-0023 in Puerto Rico, first bet offer for new customers only in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

Don't forget, if you haven't signed up for BET MGM yet, use bonus code The Athletic and you'll get a one-year subscription to the athletic, plus up to a $1,500 first bet offer on your first wager.

At LinkedIn, we know hiring is a big deal for your small business.

Sometimes it can feel a little, ah,

overwhelming.

LinkedIn uses data that you can't find anywhere else to give you the best candidates.

Also, you can feel confident you're hiring the best person for the job.

And even a little,

hiring bliss.

See why 86% of small businesses who post a job on LinkedIn get a qualified candidate within a day.

Post a job for free at linkedin.com slash Pandora.

LinkedIn, your next great hire is here.

Do Crohn's disease symptoms keep coming back?

Tremphaya gazelcomab may help.

At 12 weeks, rapid symptom remission was achieved in most patients taking Tremphaya, and some experienced visible improvement of their intestinal lining at 12 weeks and one year.

Individual results may vary.

Tremphaya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease.

Serious allergic reactions and increased risk of infections and liver problems may occur.

Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and TB.

Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, or if you need a vaccine.

Explore what's possible and ask your doctor about tremphaya today.

Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit Tremfayaradio.com.

Taped the Chappelle show, but it never aired.

Wait, what did you tape for a Chappelle show that never aired?

So we did a skit.

It was supposed to be Deaf Comedy Jam meets Deaf Poetry.

Dave is going to be the host of the Deaf Jam meets deaf poetry.

It was Joe Tori, myself, Samore,

and Chuck E.

Ducky, and Most Deaf.

Most Def hosted, didn't he host Deaf Poetry Jam?

Did he?

But he was on a skit with us.

Okay.

I thought he immediately hosted that show, but maybe I'm remembering that.

We made it to the bloopers of Dave Chappelle's show.

And that's the one he comes on.

He said, well, this skit, we supposed to have hamburger come out and Chuck E.

Ducky, but this didn't happen.

Let me show you what I wanted to be.

And he just shows himself playing a bongo.

And I was so happy.

I tape Chappelle, tape Chappelle, but that's it.

I just tape Chappelle.

So it never aired.

So somewhere out there, there's a video of this Deaf poetry meets Deaf Comedy jam.

And you're in it.

And I saved the phone call when they called me back.

It's on my phone.

Oh, really?

That's great.

You still have it?

Yeah.

I don't know how much time we have.

Oh, we got time to play.

I love a saved voicemail.

Hey, hamburger, how you doing, man?

Hey, Hamburger, how you doing, man?

It's YouSeth giving you a buzz from Chappelle Show.

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you, man.

Um but just want to let you know that the episode that you shot will be airing next Wednesday, um the 31st.

Next Wednesday the thirty-first will be the episode that you shot.

Um it is uh gonna look a little significantly different because they chopped up a whole bunch of different sketches and and put them into this one particular episode.

So um

from what I saw, um it looked like it was just you know Dave's portion uh and a little bit like Most Death.

Um But that's because it's like normally there's only about three or four sketches in a show, and we're going like six in that particular one, so they chopped it up.

But it will be airing next Wednesday, the 31st.

All right.

Thanks again.

And of course, we'll keep you in mind for all kinds of other stuff for season three.

As season two has come to an end, so we will definitely keep you in mind for good things happening for season three.

And thank you so much again for joining us that one time and helping it make, you know, helping make season two what it has become.

So, all right, take care now.

We'll talk soon.

End of message.

When you hear that, you're anticipating what?

So I'm anticipating that.

I am now about to go to a different level.

First of all, I'm thinking about all the people in my neighborhood are going to be like, oh my God, you're on Chappelle.

You're in Chappelle.

Really, I just want the kids in my neighborhood because they talk about Chappelle show every day.

So I'm like, they're going to be like, how did you get to go on a Chappelle show?

Right, right.

And, you know, that would do a lot for your career, being a skid on a Chappelle

And I got to play myself,

so I'm thinking it's going to help launch me into comedy clubs, launch me across the country, launch me across the world.

But it never aired.

So

that call sounds like he's trying to tell you, like, that you're not, he's not, he's not saying it, but he's kind of telling you

you've been cut out of it.

Yeah, just like it's different.

So when you go on to the episode, you just weren't in it at all.

So, which happens, by the way, like in

the biz in Hobby.

Oh, Oh, yeah.

I've been cut out of, I've been cut out of several things.

I was in severance, by the way.

I wasn't cut out of severance, but I basically was.

But I also like, I think I had a line maybe in the pilot of succession or something that got cut out.

I had a scene in a different show.

Like, I'm accustomed to that, but it sounds like your thing was more substantial.

My lines were, I mean, even if I had been in the show, it's like I was cut out of the show.

That's how small my parts were.

But the feeling of like I sat there for a whole day and worked on all this shit,

all these people I respect and all this stuff, and it ends up not airing, that sucks well i was just happy because i still say on my resume taped chappelle show yeah hey did not say it aired but i say i taped chappelle and now you can say taped do you know what the name of the show is

um there's two yeah you have two segments which one am i on am i right yeah well it's a

investig finding it's probably effectively the answer probably not gonna go on your resume now no

wow it will you have a large following all my friends are like, yo, go on the show.

Oh, no, no, no.

The show is called Michael Cruz Cain Finds Out.

Not Michael.

It's called Pablo Torre Finds Out.

That's the show that you're on.

And currently, there are a lot of NBA fans who are expecting a development in a massive scandal in the league around Kawhi Leonard and the Clippers and this fraudulent company.

And what they're going to get is the life and times of Alonzo Hamburger Jones.

And so, this is where I just got to jump in to very quickly say that I, of course, did text friend of Pablo Torre finds out, a previous guest on our show, Neil Brennan, who co-created and co-wrote Chappelle's show.

And what I asked Neil was to remember the life and times of Alonso Hamburger Jones.

Quote,

Do you remember a sketch from Chappelle's show that got cut at some point in the run that involved hamburger?

Parentheses, as in Alonzo Jones.

Close parentheses.

Question mark, end quote.

And what Neil wrote back immediately

was, quote,

of course.

End quote.

So I should explain this show at the very end of the episode to you.

Like we're a show that uses journalism.

You know what this show is.

This is a show that uses journalism to solve mysteries and has been lately investigating a relatively large scandal involving the sixth or seventh richest man in the world, Steve Bommer, the owner of the Clippers.

Well,

can I interrupt you?

Just say one thing.

You may not know this.

It's his show.

I'm like, oh, I'm on it sometimes.

But you're like the guy who discovered me and turned me on to himself.

Yeah, that's right.

I am the conjugate.

Michael Cruz Kane finds out was how I, however,

I don't know when it aired, but two people sent me a text saying, they're saying your name hamburger.

Look at this.

Look at you gotta, I'm like, inbox one, what?

Just inbox.

So I did it, but thank you, I mean, it's amazing.

It's a great thing, but hamburger will go on forever.

But like I said, I write new jokes daily.

You know, I often say the folks in Beverly Hills, those big, big shot comedians, they don't know what's going on in the world.

They don't interact with normal people.

But for myself, I happen to talk to people every day.

So I can take the stuff that I hear normally and just bring it on stage.

People like, how do you know about that?

That's the latest slang.

What do you know about that?

You're too old.

No, I'm still living.

I'm in Jersey.

I know everybody.

Yeah.

Hamburger Jones finds out.

There you go.

That's right.

At the end of every show, a publitori finds out.

We go around the table.

And Katie Nolan, who usually sits in your seat.

So Katie,

I like the chair.

Katie, it's.

Katie, we're sorry that you're not here, but Hamburger needed the chair.

Yeah, we just, there wasn't, there wasn't room.

And Hamburger, I think, is going to actually enjoy potentially how we end the show, which Katie never does, because I go around and say, what did we all find out today?

Yeah.

So, Michael, do you want to start off with what we found out?

Sure.

I found out that people would accuse Jersey of being country, which is a thing I've never heard in my entire life.

The word country, I've never heard associated with Jersey before, but that was just a different era, I guess.

You've spoken like a true person who's from Connecticut.

Yeah, that's right.

Is Connecticut country?

People from Connecticut do not think of themselves as country.

They think of them as country.

We have country houses,

but not country.

So the people living in the country house are not country.

I don't think they would would say so.

They would think of themselves as.

Don't compare yourself to New York.

You can't compete with New York.

Oh, I love

God.

Hamburger, what did you find out today?

That I'm not as popular as I thought I was.

There's two guys.

That's your takeaway.

There's two guys who didn't know me.

We're in the hamburger renaissance.

We're now in the hamburger cinematic universe.

We don't know very much.

You know what I mean?

So I would don't take our ignorance as a personal slight.

What I found out today.

Yes, Pablo, what did you find out?

Is that hamburger is a great hang,

legitimately.

And also,

deep down,

you just want to enjoy a fillet of fish.

There you go, with some tartar

and cheese.

That's it.

That's what life is all about, man.

All these wars and people carrying on.

Just everybody sit down and have a hamburger or a fillet of fish and that would solve all the problems.

We ended on a life lesson.

Yeah, we can go to Ukraine right now, put a hamburger in a fillet

and solve all the world problems right there.

Inflation, talk about just eat a hamburger.

Zelensky, if you're listening.

Yeah, that's all you need.

If Zelensky, Beyonce, and McDonald's are listening.

This is not a turn I expected this show to take.

And Bernie Mac.

Yeah.

Yes.

Rest in peace.

Definitely.

The Big Mac.

That's good.

The Big Mac.

The biggest.

The biggest Mac.

The biggest Mac of all.

Thank you for your time.

No, thank you for having me, man.

My pleasure.

Hamburg.

Hamburger.

Or, as I say, a Dobo.

Adobo.

Practice that.

No, I think it sounds good.

Adobo.

Uh, no.

Oh, boy.

My wife was late to pick up the kids today.

Adobo.

Does it sound

like you're not going to give me any competition?

Pablo Torre Finds Out is produced by Walter Averoma, Maxwell Carney, Ryan Cortez, Juan Galindo, Patrick Kim, Neely Lohman, Rob McRae, Matt Sullivan, Claire Taylor, and Chris Tumanello.

Our studio engineering by RG Systems, sound design by Andrew Bersik and NGW Post, theme song, as always, by John Bravo, and we will talk to you next time.

Trimble knows that for the work we all depend on, where speed counts, there's no room for mistakes.

Every turn matters.

Trimble is the technology company that connects your physical and digital worlds across industries like construction, transportation, geospatial, and beyond.

So you can get hard work done faster than you ever thought possible.

You can check them out at Trimble.com.

With Trimble on your team, you're in command of connected solutions to overcome unknowns and keep work flowing.

See what's coming.

Take intelligent action.

Stay on time and budget time after time with confidence at every step, every decision, every turn.

Because work doesn't move in a straight line.

Keeping it going requires the agility to adjust in the field, at the office, on the road, everywhere.

When you're ready to turn data into decisions, turn deadlines into finish lines, and turn possibilities into profits, it's time to turn to tremble.

Tremble, confidence at every turn.

AI is transforming customer service.

It's real and it works.

And with Finn, we've built the number one AI agent for customer service.

We're seeing lots of cases where it's solving up to 90% of real queries for real businesses.

This includes the real-world complex stuff like issuing a refund or canceling an order.

And we also see it when Finn goes up against competitors.

It's top of all the performance benchmarks, top of the G2 leaderboard.

And if you're not happy, we'll refund you up up to a million dollars, which I think says it all.

Check it out for yourself at fin.ai.

High interest debt is one of the toughest opponents you'll face, unless you power up with a SoFi personal loan.

A SoFi personal loan could repackage your bad debt into one low-fixed rate monthly payment.

It's even got super speed, since you could get the funds as soon as the same day you sign.

Visit sofi.com slash power to learn more.

That's sofi.com slash p-o-w-e-r.

Loans originated by SoFi Bank NA, member FDIC, terms and conditions apply, NMLS 696891.