BFFs: The Best of Kara and Scott 2021

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It's been an amazing year in the Cara Swisher Scott Galloway multiverse.

Come with us on a trip down memory lane as we take a look back at 2021.

The best of Cara and Scott.

Beyond the brilliant commentary and visionary analysis, if we don't say so ourselves, just the wittiest moments from our aspirational friendship.

The past 52 weeks have brought us everything from an insurrection to record inflation.

And in the same exact amount of time, we've seen everything from Scott's first COVID vaccine to my fourth baby.

Last week, we brought you our predictions for 2022.

This week, we're bringing you the best of what makes this podcast great.

And Scott, what is that?

Us.

Us.

Us.

Who won iHeartRadio's best business and finance podcast?

Us.

That's right.

We'll kick it off the way we start every show with some really classy utterances from my co-host, which of course means things he should keep to himself.

I like to share.

I like to share.

I'm Scott Galloway, and I just have one question, Kara.

Yeah.

What?

What the actual fuck?

I've been cleared by my urologist.

I'm going to be the backup quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers next season.

And I am one split end away from cutting my own bangs, Kara.

And I am the first person in the history of our economy to figure out a way to lose money on crypto.

And I would like to seriously explore a relationship with Bill Gates.

And I'm here to announce that I am the first musical guest on SNL that has erectile dysfunction.

And I'm a competitor in the Olympic sport of sunbathing and I'm proud to announce I brought home bronze.

This is Megan Markle.

I'm Tim Cook.

This is Pri Perarara.

This is Piers Morgan.

And I am so clearly your side piece.

Why am I so aggressive in such a bad mood today?

Is it my T therapy?

I'm on T therapy.

I'm on T therapy.

Our marketing department tells us that the reason so many of you guys keep coming back each week is that you like our chemistry.

That's right.

Nitro and glycerin, Darian Dean.

Wait, Darian Dean?

Cher and Sonny.

I am so Cher, by the way.

You are

down to my hips.

What do you think the key element of our relationship is?

What do you think it is?

I think we come from different backgrounds, but we share

a pursuit of the truth and a reverence.

Yeah, and we like each other.

I think that comes through.

And as it says in the script, respect.

We do have a lot of respect for each other, but what you probably get to hear more of is Scott's incessant jealousy and envy of my fantastic life.

It bothers me.

I am jealous that you get to say I'm jealous, and I don't get to say that about you.

Because I'm not jealous in any way.

But you are not just jealous of me.

You're jealous of a lot of people.

Let's roll the clips.

You'd think at my age, I'd be more secure.

You'd think.

And you'd be wrong.

You'd be wrong.

What if you do if I told you I have Anderson Cooper to come on Sway?

I'd feel jealous because I'm the one that's supposed to reach out to him.

I'm building up to that.

I'm building up to it.

I'm sorry to tell you.

He's coming on fucking Sway?

Don't even say that.

Don't even go there.

Seriously, don't even go there.

If he shows up.

Actually, I have Don Lemon coming on with this book.

Don Lemon.

Yeah, I'm not going to ask.

I wasn't.

I'm not going to.

Anderson is a bridge too far, though.

I certainly would love to have him on Sway, but I won't do it.

I got you, didn't I?

I got you.

You thought for a minute because you thought I could get him, right?

Correct?

Did I get you?

You know know better than to go there.

I know, but it was a good April Fools, wasn't it?

I didn't, that's right.

It's April Fool's.

You did.

You could see your face.

Nobody can see his face, but he was like, has she betrayed me?

The final betrayal.

Who else would be a betrayal?

Anderson Cooper?

I don't know.

We've had Farid Zakari.

If you got Angela Merkel, she's another hero of mine.

That would be very upsetting.

Well, that might happen.

That I'm not going to give you Angela, but I will give you Ando.

Ando is yours and forever.

I'm yours.

You know what?

I'm emailing him today or texting him because we have each other's phone number.

And we use emojis.

That works.

That was good.

That's so exciting.

That was good.

But the fact of the matter is, you should listen to the interview.

Sasha Baron Cohen was doing.

Yes, we all should.

We all should.

We should all listen to your podcast.

You like it.

Let me get right on.

Then listen to the dog lady.

Let me get right on.

I'm getting a great day and listen to the dog lady.

No.

I'm going to listen with my favorite lesbian, Senator Lindsey Graham, and I are going to listen to Sasha Baron Cohen on Sway.

That's my day.

He was in with Trump all weekend calling up and threatening senators.

That was nice.

That's my day.

Let me get this.

Seriously, on your other podcast, you bring in on Bill Gates.

What do we get?

We get some like Joanna Baga Donuts, Assistant Commissioner that you kissed in college on our podcast.

You've got to start investing in this relationship.

By the way, I just want to point out that Representative Khanna goes on to Twitter and says, it was great being on Pivot with the inimitable, incredibly thoughtful Kira Swisher.

And then you know, he said, and Scott, too.

And Scott too.

That's our new thing.

Thanks for the

thanks for the big wet kiss there, Representative.

It was literally like his press agent said, oh, wait.

You have to mention that guy, too.

You have to mention that guy.

Actually,

you

seriously, you play me like a fucking fiddle.

You're like, you're like, okay,

I've smacked him a little too hard.

You're like, oh, I heard you going, I'm Del Mar.

You literally played.

I'm so happy for you.

You'll enjoy it.

I think you'll be great.

And more people should have a little Scott.

Two things.

Two things.

The first is I feel very manipulated.

And second, I like it.

I like it.

Thank you.

I like it.

The whole world will get to see

the world of HBO Max, at least, will get to see the Scott Galloway.

We all know.

We all know.

So let's be clear.

At no point does Kara ever, ever let me or anybody else forget that she is, I don't know, better than me?

Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I am better than you.

Is that bothering me that I'm freakishly remarkable and you're unremarkable?

That's my question.

I'm used to it.

I think the thing, I trust the thing that makes you happiest in the world is your little girl.

A close second is when you trigger me, be honest.

She's always reminding us that she hangs out with the most important people.

You never listen to my other things because you

ignore me completely.

But I interviewed Spike Lee today and we had a long discussion about basketball.

He did not talk about Scott Galloway, though.

Kara, of course, knows all the famous billionaires.

Everybody wants to be Mark Cuban.

Everyone wants to be like the

podcast with him today, which he made lately.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And will you be watching?

Elon Musk will be on Saturday Night Live this weekend.

You know him.

I don't.

You like him.

You know, one time he showed up at a meeting with a stuffed monkey and he made me laugh.

It just made me in front of a very important person.

It was was a Herembe or whatever.

And he kept playing with the monkey during this interview with this very important person.

And I just thought it was hysterical.

He's a, he's an, he's a quirky man, I would say.

I just think he might be funny.

I think it's incredible that Warren Buffett has been as,

you know, he's just very incredible.

He's not only an impressive man, what's incredible is how impressive he is in 90.

I had dinner with him a couple of years ago, two years ago, and he was very lively.

Although you could just see, you know, I was like, I wonder how, you know, he was elderly.

I just don't know, you know, I mean, he was definitely slower.

But then he ate, you know, a plate of meat as big as my

head, and then ate the stuff on my plate.

She also knows politicians.

Stacey Abrams is the most significant thing to happen regarding the regulation of big tech in the last year.

I guess I shouldn't tell you, I'll ask her when I talk to her.

Literally, I expose my feelings to you, and you know what you do?

You jab.

You jab.

You know who you would love?

What?

The new mayor of Miami.

I have talked to him.

He texts me all the time.

I did a little column.

I quoted him in.

He's good.

Francisco Suarez, right?

Suarez, Mayor Suarez.

And don't forget, Chuck Todd.

I'm going to go for drinks at Chuck Todd and send you a picture from there.

But go ahead, keep going.

She's even hung out with Patrick Stewart, also known as Jean-Luc Picard.

My Halloween costume is Jean-Luc has not called Starship Commander Jean-Luc Picard, which, by the way, is my Halloween outfit every year.

Huge crowdfunder.

Huge crowd user.

You know, I met him once at a dinner at the Shakespeare.

He's lovely, right?

Tell me, he's lovely.

Oh my God, he was so, like, so dreamy.

He was dreamy and smart and erudite, the whole thing.

He was exactly what you do.

He was not like, I would have been sad if he was like, hey, how you doing?

He was totally classy.

And if I get too cocky, Kara is quick to remind us and me that she was way more popular than I was in high school.

Pretty low bar.

Six foot two, 140 pounds with bad acne.

Virgin until you're 19.

There you go.

Do you see my prom photo?

Yeah, I did.

You looked handsome.

I have one that I'm going to send you.

I'm going to put it up of me in college.

I looked it down.

So the true story, true story.

I didn't think I had a prom date.

And I, you know, 12th grade, six foot one, 130 pounds.

And this is a nice story.

And it's about me.

Okay.

Prettiest girl in the school.

Yeah.

Prettiest girl in the school.

Yeah.

Asked me to prom.

Wow, why?

And I was not the most popular.

I was not the most handsome, but I made her laugh.

That was such,

and I posted that picture.

Yeah.

And me and the other guy who's in the photo is still my closest friend, Anna Markman.

I feel like I'm in a John Hughes movie right now, but go ahead.

I found that photo, and

it brought back so many memories anyways.

I posted online, and

everyone's been really kind and nice.

Yeah, especially about the hair.

I was like, whoa, that's a lot of hair you've got going on.

That's what everyone talked about, the hair.

Well, there's a lot of hair going on.

I went to all four proms.

All four?

There's four proms.

Oh, you went went to a private school.

We could only afford one.

No, there was four private.

I went in 9th grade, 10th grade, 11th grade, and 12th grade.

I had a boyfriend who was in 11th grade when I was a freshman.

I had a boyfriend who was in class, 11th grade, a different one when I was in 10th grade, same boyfriend in 11th grade.

And then I went with a friend of mine in 12th grade.

I went to all the proms.

Yeah,

that's nice.

Yeah, I had a lot of boyfriends.

Karis Fisher had a lot of boyfriends.

You little, you saucy.

I am.

Saucy little Minks.

Saucy little minks.

I was an easy girlfriend to have.

I was.

I was like, I never really was like clingy, and I would have sex with them.

That's pretty much why I was a great girlfriend.

Anyway,

that's a cocktail every young man likes to hear.

Lesbians make great girlfriends to straight men.

I was like, they're like, oh, or you're not very clingy.

I'm like, no, I'd like you to leave.

All right, Scott, let's go unexpected.

Can I get you an Uber?

Can I get you an Uber?

Are you done?

Can I get you an Uber?

Out of here.

Even worse, Kara is constantly winning awards and getting on fancy lists, and this year was no exception.

Jesus Christ, I'm going to be sick.

I'm Kara Swisher,

and I'm Scott Galloway.

So, just one question.

Yeah.

Queer 50 question mark.

I get it every year.

It's not like queer 50?

Yeah, that's right.

There are 50 important queer people, and I'm one of them.

There's 51 of them, actually.

We always throw one at them.

50.

And I want to know the methodology.

You're number eight.

Why are you not number seven or number nine?

I have no idea.

I get on these lists.

I like literally never.

When I was married to my ex-wife, who was the CTO of America, we were always on the couples list, right?

Like there's only, they have to always have a bunch of paralesbians in there.

So these are just these lists.

I think they're fine, whatever.

You wanted to be part of the queer 50, didn't you?

Well, I'm part of the hot 50.

I was 51.

But I heard I was very close to making the hot, straight, erectile dysfunction 50.

It's not like Scott is shy about his own successes.

You want to talk about a strong move?

The other day, I explained crypto to a rival dad in front of his family.

That's a strong move.

That's a strong move.

What is this, crypto, Scott?

And then I pulled out my, and then I pulled out my leaf blower.

Boom.

2021 was actually a very big year for the dog.

He caught Oprah's eye.

Every once in a while, the dog gets a boom.

But let me just say, someone famous was mentioning you.

Everybody made a big deal of it because I'm such a name dropper and actually know all the names.

But

you were named by two people.

Explain for the people what happened with your book.

I am generally very in touch with anyone who says anything nice about me, but I don't know.

Brian Williams?

I really don't know who you're talking about.

No, it was Oprah was talking about.

Oprah.

They picked up your book.

Oh, and James Cordon.

That's right.

James Cordon.

He brought my book.

Yeah, he talked about my book.

What is that?

Why?

What happened?

What is with that?

I don't know.

Well, occasionally, I know this is a shocker, but occasionally I do something outside of this podcast that gets some positive.

How did he get the book?

I know that.

My guess is he did.

He bought it, Kira.

Some people actually buy books.

Okay.

And believe it or not, occasionally someone actually reads my book.

Not that you've ever read one of my books.

As usual, you're triggered because you're a triggered kind of person.

The fact of the matter is, I'm thrilled that he bought your book and I just wanted to know how he got it.

And that was great.

That was just Amazon.

I'm going to go out and go.

I know, but I wouldn't go James Cordon and post-Corona.

I just wouldn't.

That would not be a comedy.

He is a very thoughtful guy.

I've interviewed him.

He's great.

He's very funny.

He's very funny.

But I was sort of surprised it was him, but it was interesting.

And then they talked about it.

Oprah and him.

It was a big deal.

It was a big big deal.

Oprah.

One of the most forgetting Oprah.

One of the most inspiring women of the last forgetting Oprah.

Century.

I actually said that.

One of the most inspiring people.

I can't believe you just said that.

I can't believe you just said that.

No, no, but

we're going to get the head of the Texas Health Commission to come talk about animal rights.

You know what?

Despite all its issues, New York Times, you say it and they show up.

I'm sorry.

It's just the way it works.

No, I'm kidding.

I did fine on Rico.

It's so true.

If I call Bill Gates' office, like they call security.

They literally, they're like,

and they should.

Scott even went a little Hollywood this year.

He was in Hulu's WeWork documentary.

WeWork was the most overvalued company in the world.

For God's sakes, they're running desks.

And he even took a quick spin on the late-night talk show circuit.

After working my ass off for 30 years, I'm an overnight success.

Thanks, Bill Maher.

I predict you're going to be on Bill Maher's show.

Go on.

I hear you.

Go on.

I don't know what you're talking about.

What did you say?

You've been invited finally to the Bill Maher Show.

Tell me about how you feel about that.

What are you going to talk about?

I think I'm, at the end of the day, I think I'm like Lyle Lovett, and that is they bring me on a talk show hoping that Julia Roberts will come on.

I think that they're using me to get to you, but I don't care.

I'm not a Max Show.

I know.

I think I'm watching back on.

Anyways, anytime I meet someone who's nice to me, I'm like, does this person want me on their podcast or are they just trying to get to Kara?

Anyway,

you're my gator.

You're the gating mechanism for Kara, Swisher.

Anyway, tell me what you're going to talk about.

What do you think your themes are?

I don't know.

My guess is we're going to talk about Megan and Harry, and there's a one-in-three chance I'll be canceled.

Oh, yeah.

And we're going to talk about

Pierce Morgan before you nailed off about him, but go ahead.

Go ahead.

The honest truth is I don't know what we're going to talk about.

I imagine we'll talk about my book, Post-Corona, from Crisis to Opportunity.

It's tomorrow.

I got to be honest, it's a dream of mine.

I love Bill Maher.

I think he's courageous.

He's truly spark.

You're of the same mind in many ways, I have to say.

You have all the grieved, angry old guys.

No, but I think you'll both feel like you'll bond.

I think you'll bond.

I think you'll bond rather well.

That was an amazing thing.

I have to say, I have to hand it to you.

They had never gotten a dose of Scott Galloway, and you decided to go full on Scott Galloway.

It was amazing.

You went nuts.

So rather than me going on about you, let's listen to you.

You have capitalism on the way up, and you have socialism on the way down.

I'm not done yet.

And then you have socialism on the way down.

That's not capitalism or socialism.

It is cronyism.

It is the worst of all worlds.

Capitalism, capitalism is full-body contact violence at a corporate level so we can create prosperity and progress that rests on a bed of empathy.

We have flipped the script here.

We need to be more loving and empathetic with people and more harsh on companies.

Capitalism, we are protecting.

We should be protecting people, not companies.

Fucking delta burn baby burn

yelled a little bit you were emotional the whole thing it was it was a perfect it was i thought i was gonna throw up great job

your sweater was nice you were dressed well you looked good you looked smart i have to say go on the whole thing go on thank you very i was very impressed because it could have been a friggin disaster i was expecting a possible disaster i'll be honest oh there was a non-zero probability this was all going to come to an end on hbo i was literally like oh shoot you were nervous You were more nervous than me.

A little bit.

I'll be honest.

I'm like, what did he say?

Was he going to cancel us?

He's going to cancel us a little bit.

And I'm like attached to him like at the hip.

Oh, God, I'm going down like the titanic.

Except, you know, it'll be like, you know, when Leonard DiCaprio was hanging on

that thing

on the door that Kate Winslet was on?

Remember that scene at the end?

Of course that.

On the door.

But that Titanic at the end, when they're at the end.

Yeah,

when he's about to drown and she just lets him go.

She lets him go.

Oh, no, you're going down with me, by the way.

Oh, no.

I'm staying on the door.

It's like,

how do I stay on the door?

So just two words, Kara.

Two words.

Go on.

First word, suicide, second word, pact.

We are in this together.

Oh, no.

You ride with the dog, you die with the dog.

No, I am Caitlin's on the door.

After that triumph on Bill Maher, the dog even dabbled in a little acting.

Okay, so I did start.

Thank you for asking.

It's Father's Day.

I'm giving you all this.

No, I do.

I appreciate it.

A lot of softball's coming coming my way i did on friday i recorded i had i kicked off my career as a voiceover actor i'm the voice of kingston who is the tooth the grand tooth man the grand tooth fairy instructor yeah in a tooth fairy tale and do you want to hear the opening line yeah sure go ahead go for it okay hold on magic has always existed oh my god a star is really bad acting a star is born did you try that again that was how you read it a star is born oh my god And speaking of stardom, he went and got a third or fourth or fifth job at CNN Pleu.

Yeah, we'll see if Daddy makes it to the first episode.

We'll see.

One word.

One word.

Midriff.

Doubtful.

Midriff.

Oh, God.

Break the news, Cara.

Break it.

The dog is getting a show on CNN Pleu.

Pleu?

Sorry.

Pleu.

It's Canal.

Yeah, Canal.

It's French.

It's going to be in France only.

CNN France.

The new show will focus on news and conversations where business and technology collide.

I think they've told me to kind of lean into my irreverence.

I've said, have you seen my content?

You know, are you worried at all?

Are they ready for you?

They claim they're into the, you know, the crazy.

So

I really like that.

And they've hit the jackpot.

Anyway, CNN Plus got a show.

Thank you.

I think this show and you discovering me and making me an overnight success success after working my ass off for 30 years is a big part of the reason I got this show.

So thank you.

And let's be honest.

I'm so glad I turned down their offer.

Oh, no, I didn't.

I didn't get an offer.

Let's be honest, I've outgrown you.

I'm Hillary Swank leaving that other guy who didn't get more movies.

Whatever it is.

I've outgrown you.

I'm sad.

I've outgrown you.

No, you haven't.

You'll be back.

Don't you worry.

I've outgrown you.

I'm McClain Stevenson going on to a big world.

This is like a rubber band relationship.

I'm Shelly Long.

I'm too big for cheers.

I should be doing

a little bit.

Yeah, well,

Shelly Long.

I'm Shelly Long.

I'm due for movies.

I'm due for much bigger things.

Money Pit and Troop Beverly Hill.

Definitely.

Let me just give you a piece of advice.

It's a very good quote that I love.

I want you to like, you should be you.

You absolutely should be you.

But there's a quote by Dorothy Salisbury Davis.

I just looked it up.

Don't sell your soul to buy peanuts for the monkeys.

Don't sell your soul to buy peanuts for the monkeys.

Hmm.

You don't have to do antics.

You're very smart.

You have a lot of insight.

I deserve insight.

You don't think I do.

I think you, I like your antics, but I'm saying two things that you want to do, right?

Two things that you want to do.

Not things that are crowd-pleasing.

Right.

That's what the peanuts are to the monkeys.

Two things that you want to do.

Don't sell the sell your soul for the peanuts for the monkey man.

So you be you in any way you can.

Just what you're doing should be insightful and bring bring people back.

Daddy with a capital D.

D to the A double D wise.

After our conversation that day, people thought Scott was leaving me as if.

Never.

Never.

Can you make it clear?

You're not leaving.

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

No, you're stuck with me.

Yeah, I know.

I'm writing this shit out.

I am writing this shit out.

I'm Daniel Craig.

I'm not leaving this franchise.

No, not at all.

There's no way.

Wheel me out.

I know, exactly.

I'm Adam West from Batman.

I don't want to leave.

They didn't even call me for the batman movie said adam west they didn't even call me death before divorce time for a quick break when we come back the dog and the jungle cat go on vacation together jesus christ that's a scary thought

trip planner by expedia you were made to outdo your holiday

your hammocking

and your pooling

We were made to help organize the competition.

Expedia, made to travel.

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welcome back to our very special episode of pivot as we look back at a year of friendship insults and triggers mostly the latter mostly the latter as much as scott and i bicker we do like to spend time together in april we took our relationship to the next level when i decided to take my entire family to visit him in miami

I'm Kara Swisher, and I'm packing right now my teeny weenie bikini.

I'm not going to touch that with a 10-foot ball.

And I am.

I am Airbnb dog.

Okay, so this is what it means to be

professional friends with Cara.

And then we decide to make the bridge into friendship after knowing each other for 11 years.

We're not really friends.

Okay, so

that hurts my feelings.

So, okay, first it's like, hey,

let's meet in Miami

to go check out some venues.

Then it's like, you know, I'll bring Amanda.

She's bored.

And then it's like, oh, you know, we have a kid.

She goes everywhere with us.

And then all of a sudden.

What do you want to leave it here with like a cracker and the cat?

and then and then oh wait our 16 year old son is bored bored can he come with us he's coming it is literally a harem coming over here i i'm thinking do i need a bigger house no i i heard your house is big what can the swishers expect the clampets when they get there i'm not bringing louis wanted to come suddenly but i gotta be honest you are my you are such my liberal progressive cred i'm inviting all my friends over to meet kara and amanda they're lesbians

and then i'm gonna turn on Christiana Amanpour and wear my Berkeley sweatshirt and boom, I'm fucking Alan Alda.

What can I explain?

Don't question my purpose.

Do I need to bring my own sheets?

What's your name?

Nice house.

I got a beer fridge.

Right, okay.

I got like a big fat flat screen TV.

I got video games.

Good, okay.

You have a basketball.

It's a total man cave and a basketball hoop.

Alex is going to dunk on you.

He's very excited.

Well, that's what his mother does every week.

He's really good at it, actually.

He's really, really good at it.

So this is going to be really fun.

We're going to take pictures.

Then we're going down to Miami.

I'm still trying to schedule our meeting with the mayor because you keep saying you can't do things.

So the mayor of Miami is going to meet us.

We're going to visit all kinds of things.

What?

Mayor Suarez.

Who is already a vice presidential contender, right?

He is.

He was meeting with Nikki Haley.

He's a very handsome man.

And so we're going to meet with him and we're going to go see some venues.

We're coming to Miami.

We're coming to Miami.

Miami is coming to us, let's be honest.

That is fair.

That is

coming.

This is very exciting.

We're going to take pictures everywhere.

Our spouses are going to be horrified with us.

And we're going to make a lot of fun.

So that's called a weekday.

What do you mean?

We will make it all about us, our whole thing.

Okay.

It's going to be.

Yeah, it's going to be fun.

We're going to have a good time in Miami.

Anyway, I'm not bringing a bikini.

I don't wear bikinis.

That happens.

Oh, I got a banana hammock.

I got a speedo.

No.

N to the O.

I got a little kilt for Big Ed McFlynn's called a speedo.

That's right.

I like to scare people off the beach.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to be wearing sunscreen.

That's all I have to say.

Anyway, we've got to get to what we're doing.

This is going to be really fun.

We're going to do our whole episode on Rooney About Art.

Very excited.

All right.

Me too.

I'm kind of excited.

I'm really excited.

It's going to be great.

All right.

Listen, it's been a year since we've seen each other, really.

It has been a year.

So a couple of stories we have to talk about.

It must have been rough on you.

Rough on you.

No, it hasn't been.

That's right.

So, listen, leaning on.

Hugger.

Leaning in.

I'm a hugger.

Don't hug me.

Don't even try.

What's amazing is that after a full weekend together, we were still friends, despite the fact that Scott took me to a MAGA boat rally.

We did.

In Boca.

Emboca.

DeSantis.

Make America, Florida.

Who is the hostess with the mostest?

Good gal.

Let's be honest.

Over and over

was your family who came and visited mine.

Over and over, let's be honest, where you're constantly asking yourself,

how can someone so masculine be so lovely?

How can he be so lovely?

No, I was thinking is your wife is amazing, and now I understand the whole equation of how it works out for Scott Galloway.

That's what I'm thinking.

Oh, my God.

Okay, so some key moments, key highlights from the weekend.

Key moments.

Got to give the fans what they want.

Okay, good.

Got to feed the ducks here.

Yeah.

From momentum.

I wear a lot of makeup, but go ahead.

The Swisser family comes in, and in walks the golden child, like little 18 pounds of magic.

That is the most beautiful little girl.

I know.

Happy,

no idea how you had anything to do with that.

Don't understand the mechanics.

Don't need to

tell me.

I created her from sand of the beach, but go ahead.

And then in contrast, in walks this Clydesdale white LeBron, who is also your son.

I mean, he's the most enormous human I have ever.

We had to wax his arms to get him through the door.

I'm like, we're going to need a bigger house.

Yeah.

This kid is enormous, enormous.

And my favorite moment, my favorite moment.

Him falling asleep on the cat and the entire couch.

My favorite moment.

We all decide after a lovely day on Friday.

A lovely day.

By the way, who takes you to the Boca Bash for a Trump rally?

The dog.

I know.

Thank you so much.

The Confederate flags were something to say.

I have to say.

He's so Florida.

It's so Florida.

Oh, you kept saying it was.

was, I'm not going in the water.

Is that a QAnon flag?

Anyways,

I'm not going in the water.

Anyway, anyways,

we decide after a lovely night, a lovely day, we decide to watch something on Netflix.

Yeah.

In Palm Beach, where you guys wouldn't take off your masks.

That was very comforting.

Anyways,

we're back at

Chateau Dog.

Yeah.

And we decide, and I'm like, all right,

I trust you, and I like you guys enough, I'll let you pick the Netflix program.

Yeah.

We're all sitting down watching netflix right and then all of a sudden your son comes and sits down and we all pop into the air about a foot i mean jesus christ that's a big fucking human he is and we can't see over his size 45 sneakers i'm like dude can you get your sneakers out of the way and what is what is the what do the swishers pick

by the way but go ahead what are the swishers pick what the great boston art heists and then i realize i'm drinking tea and suddenly i came to this really weird realization

i'm like oh my God, I'm a lesbian.

You're a lesbian.

I'm the second most famous male lesbian right behind Lindsey Graham.

I'm going for number one.

And I started thinking, I couldn't focus on this woke shit we were watching.

I'm like, am I Meredith or Baxter Bernie or am I Kelly McGillis?

Who am I?

Let me take you my side of the picture.

Scott's wife is superb.

His kids are lovely.

It's kind of shocking.

A lot of us kept saying of the family as we had meetings when you were not there.

We were like, how does he get such a nice group of people to hang out with him?

First of all, money.

Mostly money.

It's a beautiful home.

They're very, like, the refrigerator is full of healthy foods.

It's crazy.

There was not a junk food nary in sight.

None of his counters.

Is that you or your wife?

The counters have nothing on them.

They're beautiful.

What was going on there with that?

The counters?

No appliances anywhere.

Everything's hidden.

I like that Northern European kind of OCD look.

It was aesthetic.

He has a beautiful house.

It's very healthy.

It feels, it doesn't, it's not a party.

You'd imagine it to be a party zone, but it's not.

I'm very uncomfortable with this.

I'd rather be known as a faculty member living in faculty house.

Okay, newspapers piling up everywhere.

No, you have a very lovely, woke life.

You are more woke.

It was a very San Francisco experience, actually.

Oh, that hurts.

I'm just saying.

That hurts.

It is also beautiful.

And it is also,

it was a very, you were an excellent host.

You were the hostess with the mostest, I have to say.

I wanted to impress Amanda.

You, not so much.

No, I know what that you were giant boy jesus christ they worked out together too seriously venmo me about 11 million dollars for the crap that that guy ate oh my god he didn't stop eating he didn't stop eating it's really crazy isn't it that's crazy

he ate all your food like he kept getting thirds but your wife is also a beautiful cook

Okay, we'll have all the swishers all over your life, Scott.

You've now joined the swishers.

Swish your town.

My mom sat in your house and said you might be gay.

Lucky.

Lucky, who kept saying, like, over and over.

So I thought you were gay.

I see.

And I'd be like, oh, we'd all laugh uncomfortably.

And then we'd say, so you drew down from Veryl Beach.

And she'd go, literally, she'd go, yeah, it took us about an hour.

I thought you were gay.

And then she called your wife a model.

She called your wife a model.

That was nice.

That's the story of our life.

Story of our life.

You're a model, aren't you?

I still think he's gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with him.

Gay, that's his wife.

Oh, my God.

Scott is actually so secure in our relationship that he actually felt safe enough to take the entire month of August off.

You know, daddy's going European.

They get it.

They get it.

We're going to be dead soon.

Scott, you're going to be gone for August.

Explain people why you're doing this and abrogating our responsibility and our work.

Well, you know why I take August off?

No.

Because I can, Kara.

Okay.

Because I can.

Okay.

All right.

And?

And?

I've decided I'm going to take August off for the rest of my life.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Fine.

Well, I'm going to to get guest hosts as many as I can.

And, of course, I'm bringing back Andrew Ross Sorkin.

The Canadian.

Yes, the Canadian.

I'm bringing in Ben Smith from

the New York Times.

He's the media writer.

I have Baratun Day Thurston.

Baratunde.

I've got Stephanie.

I'm on his podcast this week.

I've got the ruler.

World ruler.

I've got her.

I'm going to call her and just

get all over for anything she says on the podcast.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then I have Katie Couric coming.

Katie.

Yes, I do.

Yes, indeed.

Katie Courric.

Yes.

Don't make fun of Katie Curric.

She'll rip your face off.

No, I like her.

She looks nice.

Katie.

She's very nice.

All right.

I got a lot of people coming.

By the way, she's made the same deal with the devil that Tom Cruise.

She looked 30 when she was 20.

Now she looks 30, and she's older than that now.

I'm just something's going on there.

That's a deal with the devil.

That woman doesn't have a chance.

You know what?

For her, for her ceremony.

Do you find out what face cream she uses?

No, I will not.

You can't afford it.

You can't afford it.

Anyway, and then lastly, I'm going to have to give you the news.

I have Preet coming on.

Freak coming on.

That's a joke, right?

No.

Preet's going to happen.

That's a joke.

No, I got to do a legal thing.

He's the legal guy.

I got to do a legal show.

There's a lot of legal things happening.

Why would you abuse our friendship like that?

Is this you lashing out?

Is this you acting out?

No, it's not me acting out.

He's part of the Vox Media Podcast Network.

We have to be pushing our shows here.

You know what I mean?

What does Preet think?

Preet, what do you think?

Before he left, Scott made a helpful instructional video for the fill-in team.

Hello, Pivot co-hosts or the dogs at the dog park trying to take my ball.

I wanted to give you some tips.

First off, most importantly, when you are addressing Kara, she really likes it.

If you start everything with, honey, let me explain to you what's really going on here.

That will go really well.

But let's be honest, if I can't do pivot with Scott for a whole month, the next best thing is to make him jealous and insecure.

Scott Galloway is out the entire month of August.

So today I'm joined by our very good friend, NBC News Senior Business Correspondent, MSNBC anchor, Stephanie Ruhl.

Welcome, Stephanie.

Thank you so much.

Good to be here.

And like Scott, a month off, are you kidding me?

I know, I know.

He's a European.

He thinks he's European or something like that.

I'm not sure what's going on.

He's Plaridian.

This week, I'm happy to be joined by Preet Barara, Scott's favorite person.

Okay, Preet, what are the three reasons people should check out this episode?

Number one,

find out why Andrew Cuomo is obsessed with me.

Number two,

learn,

learn from a true American patriot, Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Vinman,

about what courage is.

And three,

I'm a heck of a lot better than Scott Galloway.

We are lucky to be joined by author, commentator, and podcaster Barratundi Thurston.

Baratundi, how you doing?

I'm doing great, Kara.

I am not an Ibiza.

I am not on drugs.

I am.

Abiza.

I have chosen to be with you like a responsible co-host.

Scott Galloway is still somewhere tweeting and missing me.

So I'm joined by his favorite Canadian, Andrew Ross Sorkin of The Good Hair, also New York Times columnist and editor, co-anchor of Squawkbox and author of Too Big to Fail.

Andrew, how are you?

I'm great, but we still have never gotten to the bottom of this whole Canadian thing.

Do we even know?

Do we know where that's from?

It was probably some ayahuasca moment, and he just decided.

He has a massive crush on you.

Like

kind of creepy.

It's honestly.

It's mutual, by the way.

I'm a big fan.

Don't worry.

I am.

Okay.

He knows his, you know, I'm a big fan.

I'm just happy to sit in

his seat and keep it warm.

Scott Galloway is somewhere watching Anderson Cooper.

So I'm joined by journalist, author of the daily newsletter, wake up call, and founder of Katie Couric Media, Katie Couric herself, who is also a badass.

Hi, Katie.

Hi, Kara.

How are you?

Big fan, Kara.

Yeah, I'm

testing out.

I'm testing out co-hosts.

So, you know, if I have to kill Scott at some point, which is obviously inevitable.

No, I won't, but you understand he's going to cancel himself at one moment in his life.

So therefore.

I think he already has a million times, but somehow he's able to live to do another podcast.

That's true.

I don't understand it, but nonetheless, I have to be, you know, be prepared.

Scott Galloway is taking in a performance of his favorite play, Mama Mia, so I'm joined by George Hahn, actor, writer, satirist, and according to the New York Times, urban raconteur.

George.

Kara.

I'm so excited to have you here.

Not as excited as I am to be here.

Well, this is this.

You are the final guest host.

But Scott can never stay away too long.

George, we're going to pivot to a listener question.

Roll the tape.

Bonjour, Kiera.

My name is Betrand.

I live in the border between France, Beljon, and Albania.

What is it like to work with such a formidable genius

that is the hound, that is the dog, the expression of masculinity?

It's just strong like both.

Love this show.

Again, this is Betrande.

Definitely Betrande.

Big fan.

Scott.

Scott, get back in here.

He's in the other room.

No.

He's in the other room.

That was last night.

And he managed to get

those non-champs off and get over here.

That's not an accent.

He's trying to talk through a gag ball.

Scott, knock it off.

Water later.

We're going to take another quick break.

And when we come back, a few notes on parenting, Twitter, and all of our very best insults from 2021.

And there are so many.

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Yeah.

Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

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Welcome back.

If there's one thing Kara and I do well, it's multitask, which Kara also proved by running two other podcasts, writing tons of columns, and having a fourth child at the age of 89.

Super impressive.

She also had a cold for what seemed like an entire season.

Do you know it's the year of the cold for Kara Swisher, but fortunately, she also had the dog to cheer her on.

We have such

really

big news here, and I'm very serious.

Scott is getting a vasectomy no no no that's not what's going on it's related

it's related it's you want to break the news or should I

I shall because it is not about you oh everything's about me come on go ahead now bring it back to man trust me I'll be able to do this because you love my children so much and because you always talk about how I'm a perfect parent which I am I've decided that it's a good idea and of course I had nothing to do with it that we have yet another child.

My lovely wife and I, Amanda, are having another baby due in December.

So we are four kids.

That's what we're doing.

We're being very inappropriate.

Are we allowed to talk about the sex of the kid?

Sure.

Yes.

Yes, I guess.

It's a boy.

So I will have three boys and one golden child girl.

And the two of us will.

And I'm very excited.

I'm very excited.

I feel like only lesbians and evangelicals are having that many children, and except ours are getting vaccinated.

I am so excited.

And by the way, of course, like every piece of good news, I have a nice emotional response.

I I think people like you and Amanda should have kids.

I think that's good for the world.

Yes, we have good kids.

And I'm not bothered by your age because you're rich.

And the fact that when this kid's going to college, you'll be, let me see, dead.

You'll be dead.

That's the only thing.

That is the, I thought, you know, my oldest son turned to me and he said, you are almost out, mom.

You mean Bain?

Almost out.

Yeah, Bane, my 19-year-old, lovely son.

Louis, literally, and you'll see him at Code next week.

He turned to me and he was literally like, you are this close to me.

I think you lean in.

There's a Sultan of Brunei with 45 kids.

You're the Sultan of Wokestan.

I think you go for like a dozen kids.

Yeah, my other son was saying that some men had, he was telling me about, I think it was a Genghis Khan.

I can't remember which one he is.

He had like 300 kids.

So I feel okay.

I feel okay.

I cannot have 300 kids.

So you know there's a decent chance I'm the father, right?

No.

100% not.

Okay, so this is how.

This is a true story.

Okay.

True story.

And again, because of your voice, I'm

taking over the family.

There was an item when my first son was born that Jeff Bezos might be the father.

So that's got as much accuracy as this.

But go ahead.

Please avail yourself.

Okay, so true story, because I was an athlete for seven months, I had something called access to the athlete job board at UCLA.

Yeah.

And one of the jobs is I, you know, people say, follow your passion, the money will follow.

Well, I found that for nine months, and that is no joke, I became a sperm donor.

Yes, I remember this.

So if your son, when you go to get its driver's license, is 5'10, 120 with bad acne, angry, but funny, but funny, and really good on a skateboard,

chances are I'm

your baby daddy.

It's too old.

Your sperm is too old.

And it was unregulated.

No, you are not the father at all.

Let me just disabuse everybody.

Wouldn't that be nice?

No.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Except I could sue you for a lot of money.

No.

So now

four children.

Okay, let's get back to Amanda and me and the children.

No, I want to finish where I started.

I think that the reason we're here is to create a better world through happy, loving, secure children.

And I think the two of you are outstanding at that.

I think all your kids share those qualities.

So well done.

It's a good service.

Kara, I'm okay with you having kids at the age of 78.

You and Tony Randall, I'm fine with it.

I'm fine with it.

All right.

I'm very excited.

I think four is my limit.

That's great news.

If not, I turn into like an Appalachian story.

So I am very excited.

And Amanda is the best parent.

And my other kids are great.

great and I co-parent my kids with a very wonderful person too.

So I'm a very lucky lady with all these children.

I agree with you.

And my fifth child who is always Scott Galloway.

Anyway, who is the most difficult?

Who is literally like the golden child is so much easier than you are in every aspect, just so you know.

That's right.

Yeah.

That's right.

Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, thank you, Scott.

I'm very excited.

And I asked Amanda's permission to say this, but we're super excited.

So I may take a few weeks off during that time period, but probably not.

I'll probably be.

Unacceptable.

Unacceptable.

And by the way, the reason you are in this relationship with someone younger, cooler, and hotter than you is because you make the cabbage and the Benjamins.

Let me give you a little inside track on what it means to be a daddy.

It means you bring home the cabbage.

That is true.

So no time off.

No time off.

No time off.

And speaking of daddies, Scott took his shirt off a lot this year, unfortunately.

It'd be fair.

It would be unfair to keep that to myself.

Hi, everybody.

This is Pivot from New York Magazine and the Vox Media Podcast Network.

I don't know what to say, but I'm Kara Swisher.

Scott, are you there?

Let's just call out the elephant in the room.

You are questioning.

You are questioning your sexuality.

No.

You know what's going on?

No, in fact.

You saw my photo and you're thinking, I don't know.

Maybe I'll give this whole outdoor plumbing thing, this hooking up with

guys with Nick's sweatshirts and baseball caps on backwards.

Maybe I made a mistake.

Look at the note.

No.

It's It's actually solidified my commitment to lesbianism.

I have to say, I am now a there is no way I'm going back at this point in my life.

Listen, for those who aren't following everything Scott Galloway does, he posted a photo of himself with the caption on waxed and backed, and he was he was showing off his gun show.

Gun shows in town.

Boom.

I'm too sexy for my shirt.

Too sexy for my shirt.

So sexy.

I need you to explain yourself because I got pummeled last night by people.

Rebecca did.

You're so embarrassing.

So embarrassing.

My 13-year-old boy refused to go to school this morning.

Okay.

All right.

Thank you.

Everybody is like, what is the what the fuck?

Explain yourself, Scott Galloway.

I don't use the term lesbian.

I just say ex-girlfriend.

Okay, excellent.

Excellent.

Listen, Kim Kardashian.

I don't know where to begin.

Jeff Bezos shows off his pecs.

Who else shows it?

You know, Christopher Maloney, Chris Maloney, who's in this new SVU version of whatever.

That guy's in great shape.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He is in good shape.

He shows his butt off a lot.

You have yet to do that.

And if that happens, I'm not, I think we're going to need to have a divorce.

But explain yourself.

What, what possessed you?

Because literally I was slammed.

My texts were slammed.

The Twitter was gone nuts.

Explain what you were doing in that.

moment.

So this may come as a shock to you, but like many of my tweets, I didn't put a ton of thought into this.

No, like zero, with less than, less than.

No, but honestly, Kara, honestly, I think it's important to raise awareness around the role that exercise plays in mental health and how important it is to stay fit during COVID.

That all is a lie.

That all is a lie.

So you want to really know what it is.

I thought it was.

I was meditating then, but okay.

Well, first off, first off, what's amazing is no one's noticed that in everything I do, I'm constantly in a state of undress.

I love to wear drag.

I constantly wear women's clothing.

Yeah, you do.

I'm constantly taking off my shirt.

You are.

I did it on Vice TV.

I love physicality.

I love

being profane.

And let me ask you this.

Let me ask you this.

So, first off, I did the tweet, and immediately Stephanie Rule kicks things off with, I just threw up in my mouth.

Yes, I know that because she also tweeted and texted me.

But go ahead.

My women's group went crazy.

Oh, my.

There's not enough bleach in the world.

That was one of my favorites, but my favorite was definitely raising a spack.

Yeah.

That was a good one.

But here's the thing.

She just wrote insane as she texted it to me.

Why comma, Kama Black?

And then someone someone else was, Amanda was it's a lot.

Hillary Rosen was Bill Mayer influence, question mark.

That's right.

You know, what, what is happening here?

Well, hold on.

Before we deep into it, so let's be honest.

Okay.

I'll break it down for you.

51% vanity.

All right.

40% insecurity.

Actually, it slipped.

51% insecurity, 40% vanity.

And I've been working out four times a week for 40 years.

I like to signal my fitness.

I like to say to people I'm a fucking monster.

It makes me feel feel masculine and it's totally vain.

Right.

The question I have, though.

You know, Chamoth did this, FYI, Chamoth polyhopaj.

Yeah, that's everyone was comparing me to him.

Yeah, they were.

And then Bezos, sure, with the shirt off kind of thing.

I don't mind.

I don't mind either of those comparisons.

Anyway, so let me ask you this, though, and I'm being serious.

What if I had the exact same thing?

Yeah.

But I posted the same picture, but I was a 56-year-old woman.

How would the response have been different?

I know.

Then I began to think about it.

How would the response be different?

Hot, hot, hot.

You're a queen.

Okay.

All right.

But you just put it up because you think you look good, right?

Is that really pretty much it?

Pretty much.

Pretty much.

Full stop.

Full stop.

You did look good.

I got to say.

You look good.

Little dog, little half of the dog, little dog in this pound.

Little dog in his pound.

Give me a bone, baby.

Give me a bone.

You just, I don't, what are you going to do next?

Is this going to be a little bit more?

I'm 56 years old.

Do you know how fucking crazy terrible I'm going to look in 10 years?

Probably.

When I'm on my deathbed, and this is how I make every decision, I'm going to look back and I go, yeah, that was stupid and I'm glad I did it.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Embrace the slothy, vain part of yourself.

That's what I say.

Okay.

You know what?

If Kim Kardashing can do it, me and Kim.

Me and Kim.

I appreciate it.

I appreciate your defense of my vanity.

I did.

I defended it to everyone who said, what the fuck, Scott?

You need to, you need to dump his ass immediately.

I was like, no.

You need to dump his ass immediately.

It's true.

I know.

I was like, no, not today.

Thank you for joining us each week as we exchange bold ideas, smart takes, civil disagreements, and articulate arguments.

We look forward to bringing you more of that in 2022.

Double that.

But don't worry, there'll be plenty of bickering, triggering, dunking, Twitter shaming, and world-class insults.

B-League, bad news bears, Peter Navarro, like Joey Bagadona's team.

I call him Uncle Satan because he's so affable.

He's kind of a representative gaslight.

He's a reductive nincom pooper.

That sellout, that lipstick on cancer, that gas station posing as an economy called Russia.

Republican douchebaggery.

Baby boomer, encephalitic.

the mother of all star fuckers.

Stupid windmill.

It's mendacious fox.

Mendacious fucks.

It's mendacious fox.

These people have to stop.

They need to shut the fuck up.

Thank you.

That's a wrap on 2021 for the jungle cat and the dog.

Happy New Year.

Now I'm absolutely going back to Tuluma doing a bunch of molly just for the good of the world.

Don't hug me.

Don't do it in front of me because you'll try to hug me and that will end badly for you.

You so badly want to hug the dog.

I really don't.

Do you pretend to be aware of Twitter knows you love me?

Twitter knows you love me.

There's not even a moment that I think about hugging you.

Your sausage mcmuffin with egg didn't change.

Your receipt did.

The sausage mcmuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just five dollars.

Only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Prices and participation may vary.