PSA Presents: The 2023 Pundies

December 21, 2023 54m Episode 806

Welcome to the only award that really matters: The Pundies. Jon, Jon, Tommy, and Dan are joined by Halle Kiefer to decide the worst takes of 2023 (including their own). Then they react to their 2023 new year’s resolutions and make some new ones for 2024. Happy Holidays!

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Welcome to Pod Save America.

I'm Jon Favreau.

I'm Jon Lovett.

I'm Dan Pfeiffer. Tommy Vitor.
The gang is all here. Look at us.
It's time for our year-end tradition, the Pundies, where we relive the year's hottest takes and get angry all over again. Plus, we set our New Year's resolutions and see how well we kept last year's.
It's always fun. I truly don't remember.
I'm so happy I'm not on tape for that. Yeah, well.
Suckers. Let's start with the Pundees.
And here to present this year's nominees in six exciting categories, Pod Save America writer Hallie Kiefer. Hello, gentlemen.
How are you feeling? Very good. Festive.
So festive. Good, because we're here today with the actual start of the awards season.
Yes, I said it. The SAG Awards, more like the HAG Awards.
Golden Gloves, more like this shit blows. The Oscars, the Oscars get burned in hell.
All of which is to say, it is an honor and a pleasure to join you in handing out these. The most coveted award in Hollyweird, the Pundies.
I'd like to apologize last year for when I opened the wrong envelope and gave Best Picture to La La Land. That was all on me.
That wasn't even a category, and the envelope was my cable bill. Anyways, Best Picture goes to Moonlight, and Best Punditry goes to the winner of this year's categories.
Let us begin. Our first category, Worst Beltway Brain.
Cutting. From misguided predictions to baffling analyses, Beltway Media was full of memorable missteps that sparked debates, raised eyebrows, and perhaps even shaped the discourse.
A word that makes me want to turn my back on the English language. Here are the moments that made us cringe, chuckle, and really contemplate

the world around us.

Alright, first off, you know how money rules

every facet of American politics and rich

people basically get their way 100% of the time?

Cream. Have you ever taken the time to

truly ponder whether that's a good or bad

thing? Obviously not, you

fools. Luckily, Washington Post columnist

Dan, I'm going to say Balls?

Yeah, Balls is correct. Well, there you have it.
How else would you pronounce it? I don't know. I was hoping there was another option.
My eyes hid and I thought there's got to be somebody else. Luckily, he addressed that very thing in an article titled, The Mega Rich Are the New Political Bosses.
Is that bad for democracy? The demise of political party bosses and the smoke-filled rooms in which they operated was heralded a long time ago as an important step towards handing more power over the section of presidential nominees to ordinary citizens. Who would have thought then that billionaires would seek to become the new bosses of American politics? Had you guys thought about that? You guys thought about that for a second? I guess you're making a good point.
I think historically speaking, billionaires have often sought to be the bosses of politics and a lot of other things. I hadn't thought of it.
Is this my only in one chance to defend Dan Balls? Yeah. Do it.
At least in this game. Okay, perfect.
Dan Balls, best political reporter of his generation. Wow.
Nicest guy on the planet. Funny his name.
Yes. Great name.
Great name. Great name.
I think he was poorly served by his headline writer here. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
So many reporters are. So many.
He is a man from a generation that predates clickbait headlines for the Washington Post. And so we're going to talk.
There are going to be a lot of bad people who are terrible, who know nothing about politics in this segment. Dan Balls is not one of those people.
Yeah. There's some Elijah working at the Washington Post that made Dan Balls have an SEO.

We are all Dan Balls to Elijah's Washington Post.

An SEO-neurism.

And today we celebrate those Elijahs.

Up next.

You slap an apostrophe on that name too?

It's even funnier.

It is. You know what I'm saying?

In the possessive.

Something that he may have owned.

Do you ever wonder if Dan Balls and Dan Zak did a co-byline?

Wow.

That's real good.

Like a Ball Zach.

Yeah.

Something for 2024, gentlemen.

Up next, this year, Bidenomics could have really swayed public opinion if we just took the time to rebrand.

Take out the Biden, replace it with Beyonce, Barbie, or even Taylor Swift.

Now we're talking, that's right, we're talking about Exio's article, Bay, Barbie, and Swift saved the economy. Just to read a quote, the blowout success of Taylor Swift's heiress tour, combined with the record box office juice of the Barbie movie, is helping to buoy the economy and prevent a recession.
Thanks, Barbie, for saving the economy and also letting me chew on your shoes as a kid just me on to the next i would swap their heads with ken my sister would get very mad just you were ahead of the time though you were thinking ahead that's avant-garde our third nominee john john tommy congratulations pod save america has finally influenced a bad beltway take finally give yourself a pat on the back as you delve into the playbook's read of Obama saying nobody's hands are clean.

While talking about violence in Gaza during a recent PSA interview.

In an article playbook titled, Nobody's Hands Are Clean.

Really thinking there, guys.

And under their coveted Why This Matters section, they wrote,

an embrace of a two-state solution recognizing a free Palestinian state based on 1967 borders,

which, by the way, was also George W. Bush's position, though now it seems like almost a pipe dream for the Palestinian cause.
But on the other hand, Obama's remarks were a jaw-dropper for about a million reasons. And finally, our fourth option, would I want good quality of dating advice? But I don't.
The first place I go isn't my friends or my family or even that one couple who's still going strong with their pandemic relationship. No, it's the Washington Post again, whose editorial appears to have realized just how badly our toxic politics is upsetting the domestic sphere.
This, of course, is the headline. If attitudes don't shift, a political dating mismatch will threaten marriage.
And finally, to read a quote, the problem with polarization, though, is that it's effects. It the political realm, and that can be difficult to dissipate.
What example is the collapse of American marriage? That's tough stuff. So I just want to add a little something, because I do think the political playbook conversation about Barack Obama's comments on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict included the line about his nobody's hands are clean comment.
They may even be quickly lumped into those notorious evocative phrases politicians used in moments of passion, such as Bush's notorious mission accomplished. So Obama saying, hey, you know what? We all made mistakes.
We're all culpable for this horrifying situation we see overseas. Let's not just point fingers at each other.
Let's work together to try to solve something. It's the same as hanging a banner on a fucking aircraft carrier a month into a war that went on for, what, another decade? That is not only the worst take in that category.
Lifetime Achievement Award. For Playbook, which has had some real doozies over the years.
Real humdingers. Even though I read it every morning and oftentimes it's very good.
That is maybe one of the top five worst playbook takes of all time. Yeah.
Well, it's already not lived. The take is already, it's already a brown banana because it has not captured the amount, you know, it's like we're, it's not, it isn't mission impossible, mission impossible.
It isn't mission accomplished. Like we're not, it didn't carry that meaning.
It just was a kind of subtle and nuanced and well-made point that through that phrase captured people's attention. And then one of the many reasons it wasn't like mission accomplished is because he wasn't president when he said it.
Right. So, of course, it didn't matter beyond that.
i thought the foundation's decision to put it on

a banner behind us was a mistake but other than that i also had multiple politico reporters that i was talking to say yeah that was absolutely terrible it's rare when tommy dishes the tea original reporter dylan byers in the house I'm getting booed

You're getting booed

I was saying

Booed

Booze and booze

Can sound pretty similar. But they're different.
A lot of things sound similar but are different. Remember when the Bruins had a goalie named Andy Moog and everyone should say boo and it sounded like boo? You remember that one.
Lived up the street from me. Do I remember a Bruins goalie? A Bruin? Well, next category.
It seems like we're- Wait, don't wait. We're calling out the winners.
Well, I want to say, unless it's- Oh. Do we want to read them again? No, no, no.
It's playbook. Playbook.
Also, there's a lot of evidence that Barbie and Taylor Swift and Beyonce did- Did have a big influence. It was a great take.
And then the dating thing was just sort of funny and silly. I think that I did not, I did not enjoy the take of the dating article because it's a little bit like, you know, every once in a while the New York Times will do a story about how like somebody, a progressive will win like a small town mayorship and then some MAGA people will like, you know, throw rocks at their house and then the headline of the article will be like, a nation divided.
Can it come together? I got that article is a little bit like that. Cause it's like, Hey, a group of men have made themselves undateable freaks.
Will marriage survive? Probably not for them, but for the rest of us. Yeah.
Bad news, gentlemen. Great.
So it sounds like it is a universal playbook. Congratulations.
You've won the Pundi for the Worst Beltway Brain Award this year. You stink.
Next category. Dumbest conservative outrage.
We've got some good ones. Excited for this.
2023 was quite a year. What a statement for the outrage machines in right-wing media.
Trump's multiple indictments led to multiple continued calls for civil war. Fox News settled with Dominion over a $700 million deal for lying about the 2020 election.
Rupert Murdoch lived out a succession dream and handed his son Lachlan the keys to his media empire. And lest we forget, let's take a moment of silence for Tucker Carlson's acrimonious exit from Fox News to X.
What a fool. Now, presenting the nominees for Pundi for Dumbest Conservative Media Outrage.
Remember just a little over a month ago when Trump, very casually, very chill, started referring to human beings as vermin? I do remember. Including us, specifically us and everyone listening.
Vermin, just vermin all the way down. The Vermin line prompted an entire media cycle saying that Trump was chanting the spirit and tenor of a well-known historical figure, as Reid put it in this document, Adolf Hitler.
Remember him, gentlemen? Those Hitler comparisons were then prompted. An entire counter-news cycle about the right denying Trump's word recalled the Nazi leader.
One of the best, of course, being Newsmax's Greg Kelly. And let's take a listen.
We have a clip. Now, they say that Donald Trump is like Hitler.
He's using the same words that Hitler used. Well, Hitler used the word chair.
OK, I sit in a chair. That doesn't make me right, you see.
But they don't stop, do they?

Yeah.

Is this a problem?

I guess it is.

So good.

Hitler used conjunctions.

The?

Just a dumb fucking, just think of the people that worked on.

What a good point.

I like that you could even hear him go, uh, like in the middle of it he's like i don't just about to bail but he can't um up next almost nothing riles the right like reproductive freedom but as abortion has become an achilles heel for republicans in elections right-wing pundits have started to get creative with the ways they argue that abortion shouldn't be banned because they're liars of course here. Here's Fox's Greg Gutfeld making the, I guess, transcendent case against abortion.
Abortion is based on a fear that is greater than the actual reality. And if you don't believe me, talk to somebody who had a baby and then think about how they were before they had the baby.
That's called a transformational change, right? It's the best anti-abortion argument out there, and no one is making it. People do have their reasons for abortions.
But underneath all that is a fear of this transformational change. What? Jesus Christ.
I don't understand the take. I think the idea is that if you scream at a woman and say, you'll be happy after you have a baby, then you're like, I guess I'll put aside all the other considerations.
Right. Like life-ending.
You don't know what's good for you. Exactly.
You're going to be so psyched once you have a baby. You might have a life-threatening complication with your pregnancy and could die.
But you might be psyched. But if you let Greg Gutfeld into your hospital room to scream at you, maybe.
You'll be good. Yeah.
Put on the five. Up next, we hear the Pundies.
We don't want to just celebrate mainstream right-wing media outlets like Fox or Newsmax. No, we know there is a great big cesspool of far-right commentators swimming in the vast ocean of the internet that are well worth being made fun of.
And that ocean, of course, is a toilet. One such reliable candidate is white supremacist and, of course, Holocaust denier Nick Fuentes, most well known to the listener for that infamous dinner between Fuentes, Kanye West and Donald Trump, the once and future president.
If we don't do something about it, people. Not since Jefferson dined alone.
Here's what Fuentes had to say about, of course. So a topic that we all want to hear weigh in, the birds and the bees.
You should not seek sex because if you seek sex, you will become gay because sex is a gay act. The straightest thing you could do is to never have sex.
And everyone knows that's true. Want to know why? Because you retain your semen and you sublimate your sexual desire to creating things that's why celibacy is the straightest thing because who who are the celibates monks priests soldiers not a good track record okay famously straight what the that was wild i never heard that i want to hear the remaining contenders, but I kind of know what's going to happen here.
Finally, here in California, we love overpriced smoothies, wearing shorts year-round. Love it.
I'm talking to you. And of course, a great workout, especially yoga.
But Candace Owens has her own ideas about a different kind of yoga that we all should be doing. Let's hear a clip.

So let me tell you why I like conspiracy theories. I like conspiracy theories because I view them as mind yoga.
It's very important to bend your mind like a pretzel sometimes to make sure that you

actually have a mind. You know what I'm saying? I actually do believe that if you don't use it,

you lose it. You know, when it comes to conspiracy theories, I always say this.
I say that

I find the people that don't believe

in any conspiracy theories to be out of their minds.

They're out of their minds.

They're absolutely crazy.

How?

That's a tough one, too.

What was the first one again?

Well, I'm happy to recap.

Thank you.

We, of course, have Newsmax's Greg Kelly.

Hitler also said chair.

Oh, yeah.

We have Greg Gutfeld, the transformational change of forcing women to have children. All sex is gay.
Really at all times if you ask me. And, of course, conspiracies are mind yoga.
Actually, if you don't believe in conspiracies, theories, you're crazy. I will say for that last point, I do think you've got to have one.
You've got to have one. What's yours? You've got to have one.
What's yours? You gotta have fucking one. You gotta have one that you believe.
I, for one, personally believe that Fidel Castro is the father of Justin Trudeau. Yeah, we do know that.
We all need one. That is yours? Yes.
Yeah. I do.
I do. The timelines.
The timelines add up. This is another episode if you want to go check it out.
Oh, we did this once, didn't we? Yeah, we did. We certainly did.
And I know, i anyway i'm sure there are votes for fuentes but i i personally think the gut felt take is the more kind of fulsome terrible i think i'm with you yeah i just think this idea that like a guy hosting a fucking low rent fallon for conservatives telling women that they know they don't understand what's good for them is um the story of america in 2023 some truth to that okay i do think the the fuentes thing is instructive in a similar way and just it's a reminder that a lot of the worst people in politics in the united states and all over the country are just sad pathetic men who can't get girls to talk to them and And it leads them to this place where you're an actual Nazi.

Right.

Just have like just very confused and untouched.

Incel culture. Well, on that note, congratulations, Greg Gutfeld, for winning the Pundi for Dumbest conservative outrage.
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soundtrack to your life. Category three, the Jesse Waters bonus award, or as I'm calling the Jesse Waters golden hairline award.
2023 wasn't just a big year for Trump indictments. It was also a big year for Jesse Waters, a.k.a.
Diet Tucker Carlson, who took over Fox's primetime slot and he came out swinging, just of course like the January 6th protesters had planned for Mike Pence. Producers, let's roll that beautiful bean footage up front.
We have the holidays are a time for giving gifts, spreading love and joy, and if you're Jesse Waters, being aggressively upset about looting. Let's play the clip.
Allowing Americans to loot, allowing Americans

to shoplift up to $900,

not prosecuting street-level theft.

Is this the establishment's

way of paying reparations

without admitting it?

Wow.

Off to a great start.

Wow.

Up next, we have, speaking of the holidays,

Jesse Waters has thoughts about the Nutcracker

and Santa Claus. Of course he does.
Let's play the clip. Gay Nutcracker.
Complete with a rainbow hat, trans flag, full price, $12. But right now it's on sale for eight.
I, of course, have two of them here with me. So that's the Gay Nutcracker.
But do we have the other one I think is, oh no, are we going to play the Santa one? No, but there is, they also have come out against black Santa in a wheelchair. So as part of the war on Christmas, Target, and this is part of that clip, is that they're selling a Santa who is black and uses a wheelchair.
And that is part of their war on Christmas coverage. But of course, it's not anti-Christmas.
Right. Because it is Santa.
It's just anti-wheelchair. Well, but Megyn Kelly famously told us that Santa is white.
So it's a war on Christmas because you're changing. With your DNA.
Right, right, right. Just, okay.
Sorry, pal. I get it.
Anyway, reparations is still in the lead for me. I don't know if we have another.
No. Up next again in July, the world was eagerly awaiting the start of the Women's World Cup and Jesse Waters unfortunately was too.
Some people have told me that I have actually done more for women's sports than Megan Rapinoe has done, that maybe she's a traitor in the war on women and I have fought valiantly in that war, obviously on the women's side. That's not me saying that.
And I actually disagree with that. I'm just saying it's something that's being said.
That's funny. I'm sorry, but that was funny.
That is funny. He's not saying it, and he also does disagree with it.
Just a quick reminder that Jesse Waters flattened his now wife's tires so that he could do a damsel in distress thing and give her a ride home. Oh, I forgot about that.
She was an intern at the time. Yeah.
What a good guy. He left the air out of her tires.
He told the story on television. He told the story on television.
They were like, but it's okay because we're married now. And everyone was like, is it? Yes.
You're a serial killer. And finally, Jesse isn't just an advocate for women's sports.
He's also a paragon of masculinity with a lot of thoughts about how men should drink liquids. Let's hear that clip.
Joe Biden used a straw. Now, if you've seen me on The Five or on Prime Time, you know I recommend that all men refrain from using straws.
It's unbecoming. The way a man's lips purse.
The size of the straw is just too dainty. The way your fingers clasp on it.
No, come on. Straws are for women and little kids.
Straws are just baby dicks. It sounds like he looked at a big straw.
He said they're too dainty. If he had a big, fat straw, it sounds like he'd be more okay with it.
Like a PVC pipe. Some real circumference on that straw.
Here's the thing. Here's the thing that is very frustrating to me about this.
It can't be that the woke liberals are taking away our straws and straws are just for fags and kids. It can't be that.
You have to just pick one. Good point.
Well, she didn't play the second part of the clip where he said the only thing gayer than a plastic straw is a paper straw. Oh, he doesn't? No, no.
It says it's true. I was going to say that is pretty, very believable.
Here's the thing. I just think it may not come up in the polling, but just underneath some of Biden's challenges related to age are every time you're handed a paper straw, a little part of you is like, I could vote for Trump.
Like, I don't know if it'll stop this, but it couldn't hurt. And with don't give you a straw at all.
How am I supposed to drink this thing? Yeah, in Los Angeles, you have to ask for the straw. I think it's a city ordinance, right? Yeah, it is a city ordinance.
You bet it is. Welcome to LA.
Yeah, thanks, Garcetti. Where are you now? Is he in Mumbai or not? He's taking all their straws away.
He took away our straws, one to fucking Mumbai adios man get out of here every time I go to Starbucks I gotta ask for a straw my dentist told me to it's like when Shane Gillis says learning too much about World War 2 is early onset republicanism it's a very similar vibe so gentlemen just to recap we have is looting reparations uh gay nutcracker bad some people have told me i have actually done more for women's sports than megan rapinoe and of course biden using a straw it's more than a little gay which of these should win the illustrious jesse waters bonus award for me it's reparations by a mile. It's not often you just get

pure, uncut racism like that.

If that was said at a group dinner,

jaws would drop, shocked,

people would leave.

There's no debate over that one.

It's just right there.

Yeah, just a racist comment.

Congratulations, Jesse Waters.

Congrats, Jesse.

You stink.

You suck.

Category four,

worst take by a pod safe American host. That's you guys.
There we go. I think I know what mine is this year.
Oh, God. You guys aren't doing the prediction business.
Again, read. Come on.
Which is funny because you made a lot of predictions this year. Okay? Here are the nominees for worst take by a pod safe American host.
And P.U., did you guys have some duds? This year was filled with Republican Speaker chaos after they booted out McCarthy and couldn't coalesce around a new leader. Dan waited, tweeting, one, I'm skeptical Mike Johnson is a real person.
Two, it's so damn funny these members think that a guy who lost to the guy who couldn't get 217 votes is the one who can get 217 votes. Of course, Mike Johnson was elected speaker immediately after that tweet.
You have blown it, Daniel. Up next.
Unfortunately, and I did not order these. Unfortunately, Dan is also next.
Dan was on a prediction streak this year. Senator Tommy Tuberville pulled a great big stinky stunt this year, holding up all the military promotions and protests of military reproductive health care policies.
Dan predicted in July that Tuberville would quickly fold on his military promotions holdup, but Tuberville held strong for most of the year. Dan was only off by five months.
I was using the long span of history. Right, yes.
The long arc of justice. This is one oof.
Dan taken down

for having too much faith

in Tommy.

It was short

for a baobab treat.

Up next,

while Love It got a lot of heat

for supporting Tim Scott,

our very own Jon Favreau

made an even bolder prediction

back in June.

What?

I don't know what this is.

Vivek Ramaswamy

would beat at least

Ron DeSantis.

I didn't say that. Obviously, Vivek Starr has since fallen rapidly fallen rapidly hey the votes have not been i was gonna say there's still plenty of time remains to be seen oh i think it's just so he he could smile and you're like well one of them could smile it's gonna be that one but then he when he opens his mouth it's all it's all bad and finally love it spent all summer focused on the issues that matter the gwyneth paltrow ski trial.
On the day Trump was indicted, he tweeted, Trump indicted, Gwyneth innocent. God bless this country.
And I'm saying this now, Gwyneth did hit that man. I believe it.
I am a Gwyneth tweeter. She absolutely hit that man.
That's ridiculous. I'm not saying anything else is true about what he said.
I'm saying if she did do it. If she did it.
That's my bad take. I've had so many worse takes than that.
Gwyneth was innocent. In a court of law.
Can you just confine a worse love it take than that? Oh, all of a sudden we believe in the court system. Okay.
I didn't pick these up. I think we're going to have to pretty soon.
Oh, shit. Much like how Warren Beatty didn't write all the envelopes, I am simply hosting the Pundys.
I was given this, and I am posting. Gentlemen, who's taking home the award for worst take? We don't have a Tommy take? We have an entire Tommy round.
It's a surprise. You shall let me say something obnoxious first.
set myself up. Damn it.
He was so close.

It was on the tip of his tongue.

I will nominate myself for Mike Johnson.

Okay.

Ugh.

That's fun. And the lesson which made...

He cares too much.

I made this fucking fag.

So, gentlemen, who is taking home the award for worst take by a Pod Save America host

sans Tommy Round?

Yeah, it's definitely Fifer and Mike Johnson. I do think that was tough.
That was tough. I mean, we'll see what the Vivek thing.
Yeah, exactly. Plenty of time.
It's also, you have two takes from me that are clearly wrong. One from John that is likely wrong, but not yet wrong.
So he can hang on to that. And then one where you're just disavowing the American justice system.
That's true. Would you say mental yoga right now? I believe very much in mental yoga.
Actually, if you don't, you're the one who's crazy, Dan. Anyways, Category 5, up next.
Now you might all be wondering, not a single bad take from Tommy all year. And that's true, he was on an absolute heater.
John, John, and Dan, you could learn a thing about discipline and consistency from Tommy. Strong arms, winning smile.
If anyone were to run, well, it'd be a no-brainer, but not so fast. We did find a lot of bizarre nonsense on Tommy's Twitter, inspiring a new category called, What Was Tommy Up To? Here are your nominees for the, What Was Tommy Up To Award.
award first tweet at gavin newsome off to a great start put politics aside and name ben shapiro your emergency flood coordinator he'll have this place bone dry in no time that's good i mean you take that's just funny that's good that's just a good joke that's just a good take up next being over 40 means you will never understand why everyone is tweeting Kevin James photos. That's okay.
This is my Twitter serenity prayer. That meme made no sense.
I still don't understand that. Kevin James everywhere.
Even the people tweeting Kevin James didn't know why they were tweeting Kevin James. I know you mean it.
I don't know either. Look at her.
Does anyone know here? I'm sorry, but I do know. Can you explain it? Well, it's because he's making a real funny face.
And it's like, what if he's the DJ? What if he's the DJ? The idea is who put that terrible song on? And then you cut to Kevin James being like, oops, it was me, Kevin James. America's Sweetheart.
I don't think you need to overthink it. That's the lesson that Lovett wants to impart to all of us.
Don't overthink it. Don't overthink it.
Up next, this might be the least relatable article ever written. You gorged on your European vacation but lost weight.
I also saw that. I didn't understand it.
I think it was in the New York Times. Could that possibly be true? It was some bullshit about preservatives, I think.
Oh, yeah. Our food's bad.
I think it was the kind of point. It was insufferable.
Oh, the idea that you can go to Europe, gorge for a week, and not gain weight because in America we have xanthan gum in our fucking food? What a bunch of fucking bullshit. Does that ever happen? I think that might be my one conspiracy theory.
It's because you walk through the cities the whole time. Oh, that's your cerebral cortex cacao over there.
Oh, yeah. I feel it working out.
Doing the Donwood dog up in here thinking about all that bread. And finally, just got a phone burner auto-generated email message that started, Happy New Year to you and your family.
Get your shit together, people. It's September.
And no, I will never take the call. Gentlemen, which Tommy tweet should walk home in their cariubas with the coveted what's Tommy up to award? I think the last one, maybe.
Yeah. I think, is the award for what is...
Yeah, they've all got a real like over 40 I'm on the line. The first one's the funniest.
A lot of like rare where's my schnippers deli. I didn't talk about schnippers in a while.
That is referencing an infamous but famous also John Podhoretz tweet where he yelled at a hamburger place and he drove himself off Twitter. And then came back and then went off again.
And then drove himself off again. I think the broader point here is in the year in which many Americans took Twitter off their phone,

tweeted less, Tommy leaned in.

He really leaned in.

He did, didn't I?

Sheryl Sandberg, that shit.

So again, tweeting at Gavin Newsom

about Ben Shapiro's WAP opinions,

saying that he's too old to understand

the Kevin James beef that Lovett

then tried to explain,

and boy, that was a tough walk and then European bread makes you thin and of course finally just yelling at an auto generated email message he received there's some holes in this that's a pretty that's yelling I think the auto generated message that's the one that embarrasses me that's away from being like, Southwest, you technically didn't board the B group in order. Postmates, stop with the robots.
I hate the robots. I do too.
Tommy, great job. Thank you.
Keep them coming. And finally, this is the last category.
And we've had a lot of fun. I could go all day, you know.
And finally, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. Takes come and go, but only one will be remembered as 2023's take of the year.
Gentlemen, I'm shaking with anticipation and also thinking about that queer nutcracker thing. These are my children.
Leave them alone. Here are your nominees.
Ben Terrace. Terrace? Ben Terrace in the Washington Post with this headline, Awkward Americans See Themself in Ron DeSantis.
That's one of the best stories of the year. That's a very self-aware story.
At least the Pulitzers or the Pundys. Well, let me just read a quick quote.
He is, of course, interviewing the Twitter clothes reviewer, menswear guy. I love that guy.
And the quote is, when Guy, the menswear writer, watched a a video of desantis cycling through four different facial expressions in about three seconds during a news

conference which we've all seen before he said something disturbing what he said was oh god

he remembers saying to himself that's me that's more about that guy though yeah that's chilling

yeah but that's that man's journey that's that's complicated should have got dan's balls in that

byline straighten that story out

at the very

I've

the

the the the the the the the the the That's chilling. Yeah.
But that's that man's journey. That's complicated.
You should have got Dan's balls in that byline.

Straighten that story out.

At the very beginning, as we're recording this, there was a Republican debate last night.

And if you just watch the first 15 seconds of the debate, when they go to a wide shot and you see Ron DeSantis, his hands are at a side.

So awkward.

Vibrating and touching.

So awkward.

It wasn't just the first. They went back a couple times during the debate, and every single time he was doing it.
It's really, it's really, he's nervous, he's nervous and he's like, he's trying to get the energy out of his body. It's like very, very relatable.
He's so awkward. I'm still pulling for Vivek.
The jaw is dancing like he's been at Studio 54 for a couple hours. A lot of teeth grinding.
That's all I'm saying. A lot of teeth grinding.
Another timely reference. I'm not here to give News Nation advice, but they were trying to make a little extra income on top of the 55,000 viewers a night they get.
Premium DeSantis cam. Yeah.
Buy an extra buck, you get DeSantis the whole time. Never leaves them.
That's good. Dan just saved the news business.
I love that. Five more dollars just the feet.
Just Santa's feet. Yeah.
Up next, we have Peter Baker in the New York Times with an article titled Trump flourishes in the glare of his indictment. I remember this story.
This is one of the worst stories of the year. And I'm going to say, I'm assuming he needs the flourish of his hand after he backhands a maintenance man for not ruining his boxes of confidential documents with pool water.
Here's an excerpt from the article. He has spent the days since a grand jury called him a potential criminal milking the moment for all it's worth, savoring the attention as no one else in modern American politics would.
That's not good. Pretty good.
Up next, we harry enton on cnn in may de santis has a chance at winning the nom and here's an excerpt still de santis remains by far the best hope for anti-trump forces within the gop and a few recent historical examples indicate he has a real chance to be his party's nominee and then finally, Henry Olson in a Washington Post op-ed, Republicans saved democracy in 2020. And an excerpt for that.
I remember that one too. Yeah, me too.
Former Vice President Mike Pence has received some credit for his courage in resisting Trump's entreaties, but not nearly enough. The same is true of Republican leaders at every level of government who put country over party.
A swing and a miss for Henry Olsen and a missed swing for Mike Pence. Gentlemen, who has earned this year's take of the year? So I do think we need to say, I think the Harry Engine take was just a fine look at the data.
It was just trying to find an argument. I think that this is, and the Ben Terras story I thought was good.
It's just a great piece. One of the best pieces of the year.
So I think this is very clearly between the Republicans save the Republic and the Peter Baker Trump flourishes under indictment. I think those are the two, the Alpha and Omega of this category.
Because we're basically in the take approach zone, which means any take I make right now isn't eligible for next year's take and funding of the year.

Very smart, Dan.

So the take I'm going to offer is

Harry Enten right then,

still correct right now.

Wow.

Damn, Daniel.

All right.

Tommy Bittar, what does that mean?

Doesn't get a current Kevin James meme,

but damn Daniel's the fucking...

Tommy's like,

what if my vine isn't working? Is anyone else having problems getting their new vines? Ben Terrace famously smoked out Tim Scott's girlfriend too. He did.
And wrote that amazing piece on the Conway marriage where they like let him into his house. Oh my God.
I was, by the way, so confused. I was like, Ben Terrace smoked weed with Tim Sedat's girlfriend.

Now I read that article. So I do want to like there is something about like there is a kind of like handshake between the Peter Baker.
Trump flourishes under indictment stories and the Trump is a dictator standing astride history because indictments can't stop him and normal politics can't stop him. which is that like this idea of like Trump as a magical figure who hangs above everything like a fucking fart.
And I just sort of, I just think that there's something that unites the anti-Trump and non-partisan media in how they sometimes talk about Trump. That's just an observation I wanted to make.
That's a good observation. Well, and no one embodies that better than Peter Baker.
Absolutely. Nobody.
His stories are all bangers in that regard. I got to go with Henry Olson just because, yeah, it's the Republicans.
The Republican Party, the elected leaders of that party, just famously backing away from Trump at all the right moments. Well, it's just sort of like, here's the thing.
If a person, I don't know, jumps on a trampoline for a while, nobody's like, wow, great job. If a bear does it, everyone's like, wow, that bear's smart and cool.
Republicans protecting democracy are like bears on a trampoline. Everyone's like, look at that.
This is the Axis dancing bear thing. Axis dancing bear thing.
Yeah, he leveled it up with a trampoline. Wait, what? Have you even heard Axelrod say that? Dancing bear On a trampoline? No, when a bear is dancing, you don't critique the bear's dancing.
You just say, what the fuck's the bear dancing for? Oh. Yeah.
Well, cool. Great minds.
I also think Joe Biden's too old. Also a prick.
Wow. I feel like that's the take of the air, gentlemen.
Shots fired. Holy shit.
Oh, my God. Holy shit.
Unbelievable. I'm going to get the Kevlar.
What the fuck? Well, congratulations. It's a holiday.
I didn't know what I love you. It's a fucking holiday.
I love it. Jesus.
First night. Congratulations to Peter Baker, Henry Olsen, of course, Jon Favreau for those takes.
Gentlemen, this was this year's Pundies. Thank you for having me.
Alley Keeper, everybody. Thank you so much for having me.
Alley Keeper. Crushed it.
All right. A few quick housekeeping notes.
2024 is a huge, super high stakes election year, and there's so much to keep track of. You got important voting deadlines, volunteer shifts, emergency therapy, and apparently you still have to go to work and stuff.
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That's cool. I didn't know we were selling that.
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USAA. All right.
It's our last segment of the year, which means it is time to set our New Year's resolutions. Love it? We're going to start with you.
Well, don't we start with the previous year's religions? Okay. So let's, I want to, don't I get to hear what my end?

Oh, you're just doing it.

Well, I thought you turned to me to talk.

You turned to me and said, I thought, sorry.

My mouth was open to say another song.

Well, I didn't seem like it.

Didn't seem like it.

Love it.

Let's start with you.

Here's what you said last year.

Thank you.

I want to, here's, I want to start more books.

I don't need to finish them. No, no, no a specific it's specific i want to start more books because i feel like there's this pressure to fit abdul made this resolution about finishing more books no no that's wrong you should start if you're not it's like if you if you're making every flight you're going to the airport too early if you're finishing every book you're not taking enough chances out there I want to start stuff and just know that if I don't finish it, it's okay.
You know, so I want to start more books. Nerd.
How'd you do? I fucking crushed. My Audible is a graveyard of first chapters.
I did it. I did it.
Like, remember early in the year, I was talking about how I was reading that book, Rise and Kill First, about the early days of Israel and the Mossad. It gets up to 2012.
Yeah, but once it got morally ambivalent, I got out. When they were hunting Nazis, I was fucking in.
But by the time it got to the part where, oh, this is a deeply, deeply troubling situation, I was like, fuck it. It's time for some fiction.
You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't remember that that was your resolution, but I did the same thing this year.
Good. I'm proud of you.
I started my Kindle. Just a ton of books where there's like, you know, 10% done, 8% done.
Anyway. Big Amazon over here.
Really cool. All right.
Love it. What's your resolution for this year? So I was thinking a lot about where my resolution was going to be.
And here's what my resolution is. Because, look, as everyone listening knows, I have discovered a new kind of emotional and psychological discipline around diet and exercise called experimental pancreas medicine.
And because of that, what I realized is for the first time, as far back as I can remember, I've always had a diet and exercise resolution. I've always had a resolution that was, that was tied to the fact that I feel bad about how I eat and I feel guilty whenever I eat too much.
And that like, I'm always spending a huge part of my brain on that project. And for the first time, I don't have that.
I really don't. And it's really cool.
Forget, forget the fact that like, it helps you this way. Like it helped my helps me free myself from a really unhealthy relationship with food.
And so my resolution is to not spend the year worrying about food and diet. Like for the first time to go into this year without any kind of like emotionally unhealthy relationship with food and diet and exercise.
That's my resolution and to keep that going. Great.
Good luck. Thanks.
As long as they can keep this, as long as Novo Nordisk can keep this shit rolling off the fucking assembly line i think i'll be fine next up is dan sometimes sometimes the diabetics get all the medicine i gotta wait oh my god i'm just kidding i'm just kidding i waited for the shortages to be over people i don't stay stay out of my threads next up is dan dan here's your resolution from last year dan what, you got one for 2023? In 2023, my resolution is to not mail in the year's resolution section of this podcast, which I do every year. Yeah, we really do come up with them in real time.
Okay, well, that's it, huh? That's it. Well, you know what? The playback next year is not going to be as weird.
Debatable. I'm going to set some context, which is two years ago, I went first.
And my resolution was something very basic, is that I was going to start playing pickup basketball again. Then, right after we went Lovett, who gave a very extensive, vulnerable take on how he's improved his mental health and how he wanted to focus on it.
It was post-pandemic. That was post-pandemic.
Coming out of the pandemic, it was very thoughtful. Then we get to our show last year, and they played Love It's First, and then mine, which did not age well.
Mine was to find joy and meaning in the small things, and Dan's like, dribble, dribble, dribble. I want to shoot more.
But then I will admit that 90 minutes ago.

I'm so glad.

Here we go.

First, I asked John if he would tell me what my resolution was because, like the nerdy is, he prepped for this by listening to last year's pod on the way to the studio. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And 89 minutes before that, I texted my wife to say say i need a new year's resolution for this year and i was about to tell dan but then he's like because i just i can't do it last minute again and then i was like you know what i can't tell you you already have done it last minute i have i already failed i already failed i think this is going great yeah so next year i'm not gonna do that one again because i will fail it again got to say something. I have at least a slightly greater chance.
This is the most like meta resolution I've ever heard in my life. Just like looking through mirrors.
Yes. The thing I really want to work on this year is regaining some semblance of my attention span.
Oh, that's a great. Yeah.
Because I really have felt. Trust me.
I looked at the order in the script. Mine's close.
Like in the Republican debate, when they ask which president is your role model, you have to make sure you're not last on the Republican debate because you can't do Reagan. Yeah, if you're going to do attention span, you got to come before Jon Favreau here.
And so I do feel post-pandemic, post-two kids, my attention really has shortened and that I'm not reading enough stuff. I have spent too much time with podcasts in my ears.
I don't listen to the same number of podcasts, to be very clear. Just not like I'm going to try to find more time when I'm not like do it in the car, not like walking around, doing the dishes.
I want to spend less time on social media i want to thank elon musk for making that somewhat easier but i really like i talk about all the time but i really do need to turn the notifications for a lot of stuff off my phone or at least the non-sports notifications off my phone that's great i like that resolution i like that one all right here's what i said last year resolution for me um you're going to roll your eyes. I'm going to volunteer more.
I know, I know. But I feel like by saying it out loud like this, I'm going to be held accountable.
And it's one of those things you always want to do. But I got to actually go out and do it on a regular basis.
If you have a nonprofit organization, a charity, whatever. It's not like donate either.
You got to show up. I want to go show up.
If you need Jon Favreau's time, message him on social media. Hey, everybody, can you just hear that silence? That's the sound of soup not being ladled.
I just want you all to know, I have never whiffed on a New Year's resolution as hard as I whiffed on that one. I did zero volunteering.
Oh, buddy. Oh, that is not true.
I never saw you. I didn't cut that as volunteer.
That's why I was wondering I never saw you. Yeah, I was the set of footprints next to you.
We did the Taste of Home thing with Emily and Hannah. I thought about that.
Was that last year? That was two years ago. That was for their birthday two years ago.
So, because I had the same thought, Tommy. And we did obviously knock on doors in Louisville and that.
But that I'm not counting because that's like political. If you film it for social media, it doesn't count.
Yeah, exactly. So I just fucked up.
And I did donate a lot, which is exactly what I told myself I couldn't do. But like that is the thing.
You're like, oh, I don't have the time. So I'm just going to donate money instead.
It's not a good substitute. it's a fine substitute it's better than nothing but i fucked it up so maybe i'll volunteer this year but that's not my resolution my resolution's about me look i well there's one thing i learned myself in 2020 is i can't help others maybe i can help myself yeah well that's where you have to start yeah how are you gonna love somebody else if you can't love yourself, as RuPaul would say? Part of my resolution is similar to Dan's, which is my attention span's gone.
I have a strategy, which is I want to take a walk 20 to 30 minutes a day, maybe a couple days a week, realistically, where I don't bring my phone and I don't listen to anything. It's big on TikTok, the silent walk.
Yeah, the silent walk. Because I've done it a few times over the last year.
Yeah. And it actually does clear out your head, makes you feel better, slows everything down.
And I think next year, especially with the election and about to have two kids, could use the time. So I'm going to hope to take just a little time for myself to just walk around with my thoughts.
Can I ask you one question just so we put safety into this? Sure. Do you remember the time you went for the walk and you fell and broke your shoulder? Yeah.
No, I'm still dealing with that. Did you limp home or did you call for help? I limped home.
Okay. All right.
Can I ask, can I add something to your resolution? I'd like to issue a challenge right now. And here's my challenge.
Can you promise to us right now that in your 2024... I'll volunteer once? No, I don't care.
You will... That's not what this is about.
This is about you. I want you to promise to the listeners that you will not use your phone at the urinal.
I want you to make a promise. Don't make that promise.
Do not, you're not going to. You can.
That is time that can be just for you. I was going to say, I've walked into the bathroom and have seen you use your phone at the urinal.
What's the opportunity cost there? Like a little gander at your own dick? Like what are we missing out on? Yeah. Thoughts in your own head.
Thoughts. Thoughts.
I think it's a perfect time to look at your phone. It's not a perfect time to look at your phone.
Perfect time to look at your phone. So, no, you're not in.

No, I'm not in for that.

Okay.

No, I'm not in for that.

All right.

I have, I did the, this is all from offline challenge, but then once in a while I just

go to the bathroom without the phone.

It is nice to just go without the phone to the bathroom.

Yeah, a little treat.

Because if it's there.

It's just you and your penis.

Hey, old friend.

Sorry I've been so distracted.

I should be more present with you.

Anyway. All right.
Walks alone. From volunteering to walks alone.
Basically, yeah. You want to do the part where you're not on your phone all the time, but you wanted to help anybody.
As I listened to my resolution from last year and knew what I was going to do for this year, I was just like, oh, I'm an asshole. But anyway, finally, Tommy, you were out during our resolutions episode last year.
So we thought we'd try something different and let the Discord members submit one for you to react to it. Come on.
Don't worry. It's not a funny one.
This is just it's genuine. This is I know you're going to hate it even more.
This is from Erica. A few years ago when the Republicans here in North Carolina did some fuckery with a bunch of constitutional amendments, I used my socials to cover an amendment each week, and it felt like I was just shouting into a vacuum.
But then a co-worker came up to me in late October and asked where my amendment update was. So I want to use this year whatever platform I do have to make sure people know that I can and will tell them what's at stake.
Tommy, what do you think? Does that feel doable, using your platforms to tell people what's at stake? I mean, that's very nice. I feel like I do a lot of that.
Yeah, what the fuck else are we doing? You're doing this whole podcast? I don't think she's challenged. You're not being chastised.
Is it a challenge? This is about her, I think. Yeah.
I feel like this is supposed to be adversarial. That's what we do.
No, no, no, no, no. Not with the listeners, with each other.
Hey, interesting. Why do you feel that way? What a funny reaction.
Do I get to talk or does Discord get to talk for me? You get to talk. Okay, great.
I do want to, again, say to John, Gen Z thinks they invented walking without headphones. So I just do think that's important and funny.
Which is wild. Silent walk.
I have a few because I'm the anti-Dan in this. Next year, I want to skip this recording again so that I cannot be held accountable once again.
Two, I somehow got on a list that has led me to get dozens of cold emails from random tech consultants. I want to find that list, destroy it, and destroy whoever created it.
Do you not get these? I do. The resolution is to do to not do something and the second resolution is to unsubscribe from something do you get them for no no no do you get them it's to murder someone yes tommy do you get them from people trying to solicit crooked yes specifically it's like hey john love to talk to you about your blah blah blah and then i and then i don't respond because i'm not going to respond to fucking people who email me who i don't know just out of the blue to solicit me so i don't respond and then a week later you get hey john just following up would love to do with a link for you to click for their own calendar and then sometimes you get like the fourth or fifth email it's like hey john if you don't want to talk to me or there's someone better at the company to talk to just let me know it's like no fuck you well that's it this is right hey stop bothering me if you're coming to directly to ask about business, I already know you're not the kind of person that I should be doing business with.

That's exactly right.

That's what I'm talking about. If you're coming to me, you've made a mistake.

Learn better.

Good resolution, Tommy.

Apparently, I need to tweet younger.

That's a problem for me.

I think trying to tweet younger is going to be a problem for you.

I would try to thread contemporary.

Okay.

Brutal. Hey, Hey, toot your age.
Tweet younger. I think that's what Jared Leto got.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
I want to finally convince you guys that January 6th was an inside job. Okay.
I've been running, pushing this boulder up the hill. I want to force myself to stay in bed until 5.30 in the morning, no matter what.
Oh, God. Wow.
This is an insomnia thing. Between John wanting to take walks outside and you wanting to sleep till 5.30, you might as well get a comfortable pair of shoes and go to the mall.
It's not even about sleeping. It's about training your body that you don't get a reward if you get up at 4.15, you fucking psycho.
I think you do. You get to text us about the news.
I have said at least three really bad polls by 500. I know, and it just sends me.
I'm not on this chain. I'm sleeping for all of it.
I want to win elections. Jesus fucking Christ.
Oh, you like that one? I want to hang out with my daughter more. You have a problem with that? Why don't you take it up with her? One years old.
One year. One year.
I guess it's a year and change now. A year and a day.
That's a good resolution. Sweet.
What a great way to end. I feel like you did a bunch of resolutions.
Not one of them showed a shred of vulnerability or desire to change.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Eating better.

Taking a shot to eat better.

We were joking earlier about the time Tommy did the resolution that was like,

I'm going to work out less.

Work out less and eat more fat.

I've never triggered you harder. That was the all-time most frustrating fucking resolution.

I want to work out less and eat more junk food.

Fuck you.

And then I had to come back to you later and say, failed. Failed.
Failed. I still look like this.
Maybe I will get the sweet sauce with my salmon. Fucking unbelievable.
Unbelievable. Alright.
That's our show for today and this year. Those are the Pundies.
Those were our resolutions. Make sure to hold each other accountable.
Everyone have a fantastic holiday, fantastic New Year's. We'll see you in 2025.
Oh, no. No, probably not.
Leave that in. Leave that in.
Boy, would that be awesome. Yeah, wake me up.
I guess. Wake me up before September ends.
We'll see you in 2024. Bye.
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