Why The Ultra-Successful Self-Destruct - Tim Shurr

Welcome to the Proven Podcast, where it doesn't matter what you think, only what you can prove.

Today's guest is Tim Scher.

This is an individual who I have loved talking to, who I think I've spoken to more than any other guest.

We share common beliefs, common goals, and we understand how to pivot the human mind.

He spent over 36 years doing over 16,000 sessions, helping ultra-high achievers the breakthroughs that they need in order to pivot their entire lives from previous traumas to things that are going on in their lives, gifts across the board.

I can't wait to share some of this with you.

This is the stuff that's been proven for over three decades.

The show starts now.

All right, everybody, welcome back to the show.

Tim, thank you so much for joining me.

Oh, it's a pleasure.

Always exciting to hang out with you, Charles.

I appreciate it.

To walk me through this, for the few people in the world who don't know who you are, can you explain who you are and what you do?

Well, I help high achievers get unstuck.

I just,

you know, there's people who are doing incredibly well, but no matter what level you reach, there's always something else that you want more of.

Maybe you put all your energy into your business and now you're very successful financially, but your marriage is on the rocks, or you've been married three times and you're about to go through your fourth divorce.

Or maybe to have all that energy and focus, you picked up some bad habits and now all of a sudden you can't kick them, right?

And all that work that you put into it, now you're struggling and you're feeling stuck and you're not sure how you're going to get out of this, right?

So, you know, I've been called many things, a celebrity hypnotist, a high-performing executive coach, but really, I'm just like the geek squad for your brain.

I spent my whole life trying to figure out what drives people at a deep unconscious level because a lot of times we are focused on trying to change our self-talk or we're trying to change our mindset.

And I find that a lot of what keeps people stuck isn't a mindset issue.

You've got an amazing mindset.

It's why you are so successful and why you're you, right?

But there's something still holding you back.

There might be a hidden parking break that's in your mind and you're not sure what it is.

And I figure out what those parking breaks are and I release them very quickly so that you can go out there and do you, do what you do best.

So it's interesting because you and I have spent a lot of time on the phone talking back and forth.

And it was like this kindred spirit because you work with extremely high performers and everyone thinks, oh, you're a multimillionaire, you're a decamilla, you're a centimilla, you're a billionaire.

Life must be perfect.

It must be amazing and simple and just clean.

And the reality is we're not even remotely close to that.

We get into situations where things just break and it doesn't connect and we run into hurdles.

And you're one of the few people out there that I got to talk to and said, okay, hey, this is a different dynamic.

This is a different struggle.

So we get to go rock and roll through that.

So can you tell me your experience on what things you've run into?

You know, you've met with some very high-end performers and you've helped them out with what they're doing.

And people, again, think billionaires have it all.

No, they have their own struggles.

What are some of the things that you've run into with these high performers that you've coached?

Well, yeah, I mean, if you take the money away, you're still just a human being, right?

And so many high performers, you know, you don't, you see the

wealth, you see the external success, but you don't see the internal pressure, right?

The sacrifices, what people have had to do to get to where they're at.

And there's a lot of struggle there.

And especially if you weren't born wealthy and you built yourself up,

usually you have a lot of issues when it comes to money, right?

So I remember working with a client, very successful, obviously,

financially successful.

And on the outside, it looked like a dream life.

But on the inside, he had dealt with so much trauma.

He told me me a story one time about, and I always have to change these stories a little bit just to protect confidentiality.

One thing that high performers have a big fear of is of what they might call dumping their poison, right?

Or getting really vulnerable and sharing what's going on, and then somebody leaks it out.

So, you know, I can't even leave a voicemail without it getting deleted by somebody, you know, because the security around them, you know, if so if you need someone that's that knows how to keep their mouth shut, you know, it's my my Midwest upbringing.

You know, you got to talk to somebody who will have your back more than anybody else.

And so this guy was able to tell me that, you know, when he was growing up, if he wasn't winning, his father would sometimes not even talk to him for months.

He would like pretend that he wasn't there.

He would just get mad at him.

And then they'd be sitting at the kitchen table and his father would pretend like he wasn't even at the table.

And so you can imagine what that would do to a child.

And so this kid believed that you have to to win at all costs or you don't even exist, right?

You don't even, you don't matter.

And so he was succeeding at the highest level and he could never take his foot off the gas because in his brain, it literally was life or death.

If he wasn't winning, it's something.

So it made him super competitive and super stressed out because he couldn't go on family vacations.

He couldn't take a break and go play golf.

If he had to play golf, he had to be winning.

So people respected what he had accomplished, but they didn't really like him because it was always about him.

And so he had zero life balance.

And even when we first met, he was going to be my most successful client because he was even going to compete in therapy.

You know, even though we don't do therapy because, you know, that's like cutting the top off of weeds.

You know, we want to pull them out at the root.

And a lot of talk therapy is just kind of, you know, sometimes it can be incredibly valuable.

But for a lot of people, you know, it's not what's going to to get you the results you're looking for.

So, you know, of course, I've helped people that were addicted to everything that there is, you know, from smoking and sugar.

And,

you know, I've worked with cardiologists that were 300 pounds, you know, world-renowned heart surgeons and,

you know, but they couldn't get their eating under control.

Right.

Or they were smoking two or three packs a day.

And, or people that were making a lot of money in the stock market and then they were just snorting it all up their nose.

Right.

And so there was just a lot of musicians that don't believe they can be creative unless they are high, right?

And or so wasted that they can't function and they're canceling shows.

And so, or people that have so much stage fright because they're still trying to prove that they're good enough, even though they have awards, right?

Big time awards.

And so just because you have the stuff, it doesn't change you from being human.

And so that's what I found that, you know, because I used to be intimidated.

You know, I would meet some famous celebrity or someone someone that was a hero and, and, uh, and then all of a sudden I meet them and I'm like, oh my gosh, you're kind of a train wreck on the inside and like everybody else, right?

And, and that's when I started realizing that a lot of this is hype and you got to take care of the soul.

You got to take care of that body, that, that person that lives in the body and

treat them with the same kind of love and care and kindness that everybody else deserves.

And because you can have a lot of wealth and still be suffering inside.

I think, you know, this is not going to be one of those regular episodes where we're going to sit there and get to the real truth behind this.

And for those of you listening to it as a home, this might dig a little bit deeper because as Tim said, you know, we go at the roots.

And very similar to you, I've sat there and seen the extremely high performers, be them special force operators or anything else that's been in between,

ridiculous trauma.

Everything from name the assault they've had.

physical, emotional, sexual, all that.

It's just, they've had this and they're trying to run away from whatever had happened.

And it's rooted down to, am I enough?

And the equation, we were talking about this before, is you know, people believe that if I do this one thing, if I accomplish, I'll be enough.

And I'll be, if I accomplish enough, then I'll be worthy of love.

And that is just a broken equation across the board.

You don't have to do anything to be enough.

But the coping mechanisms, as you were mentioning,

people who were ignored by their father or by their parent or abused or have to do drugs in order to feel like it, we look at their results, but we don't look at the things and the processes on both sides, the good and

negative that hurts them.

What are some of the things when people get stuck in like anxiety loops or depression loops?

What are some of the causes that you've run into that are like, hey, this is what really is going on in the core of it.

You're not actually afraid of spiders.

There's actually something else that's going on.

What are some of the things that you have with that?

Yeah.

So this is it because I've been doing this for 36 years and did 16,000 sessions because I was obsessed with trying to figure out how do you answer that question?

What really is it, Charles, that is driving people at the deepest level?

Because if you could resolve it, there wouldn't be as much relapse, right?

So many people were spending $30,000 for a 30-day rehab program and then they come out and they go right back to what they were doing.

How is that possible?

And I did group therapy programs when I worked in inpatient hospitals, outpatient programs,

things like that.

And I was obsessed with how do you keep people from relapsing.

And so I kept digging and digging.

And through all those sessions, I realized that you can trace it all back to unconscious beliefs that are formed when we go through these upsetting experiences.

So everybody's focusing on changing the upsetting experience.

I'm focused on changing the belief that was formed at an unconscious level without your permission, without your consent, without you even knowing that your brain was doing it because your brain is always trying to figure out what the heck is going on.

And so it makes up these beliefs, these life rules at a deep unconscious level when those traumas are experienced.

And then it becomes a life rule that governs your behavior from behind the scenes for the rest of your life.

And so things that happened to you when you were five years old are affecting you when you're 55 years old.

And you can't figure out why because it's too far apart.

You know, you can't connect the dots.

You just feel like you can't all of a sudden get your mojo back or you're in a slump or all of a sudden you are procrastinating or you've lost your drive and people are freaking out because when that happens, you feel like you're losing your identity, which feels like an existential crisis.

It feels like I'm literally going to die because this is who I am.

And I don't know what's happening right now.

And I don't know how to change it because you can't fix what you're unaware of.

And so it comes back to unconscious beliefs.

And the core unconscious beliefs or fears that people have is that I'm not good enough.

And that.

That's the core one.

I'm not enough.

And because I'm not enough, I won't be loved.

And if I'm not loved, right?

Because we will try to be successful.

why?

Because we want power and we want control, but we also want to be loved.

And we feel if we have power and control, we could at least make people love us.

And so

that fear of being abandoned, right?

I call it achiever syndrome.

The reason that you can't stop no matter how hard you're trying, or the reason that you lose the energy because you've accomplished everything on your bucket list and now you're like, is that all there is?

Now what?

Right.

And all of a sudden you feel lost again is because

the idea is you've got to always be having momentum or you don't matter.

You will be abandoned.

You will be rejected.

And people, especially high achievers, we've got a mindset.

We know better, right?

But this isn't an intellectual mindset.

This is an analytical reasoning issue.

This is a deep emotional unconscious issue.

You know, it's like a nerve that keeps stepping on this nerve at a deep subconscious level.

And it doesn't matter how positive of an attitude you are.

It doesn't matter how much of a warrior you are

because you step on that nerve and it's going to feel like it's debilitating you.

And so that's what it is, Charles.

It comes up.

It's these deep unconscious beliefs.

And even when people say, nope, that's not what it is, it's always what it is.

It's always what it is.

It's interesting because you're talking about the conscious versus the subconscious part of your minds.

And, you know, you and I have both been around extremely high performers.

I remember one of my clients was, you know, this is a billionaire.

You know, they were cheating on his wife.

The wife was cheating on him.

There was drugs.

But there was also walls of success.

He had awards and he had won all these things and he was very well known and he was on magazines, but he just didn't want to live anymore.

And he couldn't, you know, she was like, well, if I earn more, if I make more, if I'm more successful, then I'm not going to want to unalive myself.

And then they show up.

And because most of the clients that I run into, very similar to what you're into, is like, hey, I want to make more money.

It's like, no, that's adorable.

What do you really want?

What's really going on?

What is the thing?

Because your brain, and correct me if I'm wrong on this, your brain only cares about three things.

Can I eat it?

Can I fornicate with it?

Is it going to kill me?

That's the only three things, right?

It goes through that process all the time.

It's a survival mechanism.

And what we don't get is that love and connection is part of that survival mechanism.

And if you've had the best meal in your life and you're having amazing, naughty naked time, and butterflies are flying out of your tuchas, and it's great, but someone has a shotgun that goes off outside while that's happening.

everything stops and you focus on that.

And people don't understand that their trauma isn't permanent.

You just have to rewrite the story.

I mean, you were telling me about

there was someone you were working with that had an insect hurdle.

I don't know if we can move that around, but there was an insect hurdle that she was running into that it fed something else.

So I know we're going to have to redesign the story a little bit here so that we don't get anybody in trouble.

But can you share what happened with that?

Cause I thought it was just a great example of what you do.

Yeah.

Let me, let me just.

Go back real quick to what you said because it was so powerful.

You know, in essence, our brain is trying to avoid pain and gain pleasure all the time.

100%.

All the time.

Always trying to avoid pain or the threat of potential pain.

And then how do I increase my pleasure?

And we are willing to take that short-term pleasure for the long-term pain.

So we're in a real horrible habit of trying to avoid pain by doing things that create more of it.

And so

if you take a baby and you put a million dollars in a crib and you lay that baby on a million dollars, right?

And then you never talk to that baby again, that baby's going to die.

It's not about the money.

It's about the love and the connection.

We want the money because it makes us feel safe.

If we can't feel safe through human relationships, if we feel like we can't connect with other humans in the way that we want to, we will try to substitute it and make the idol of money, you know, our God.

And that's why it's never enough and it's never fulfilling because that won't do it, right?

So, you know, the love of money is what causes, you know, what they say, the root of evil, right?

Not money, but the love of money, because now you've made it the goal and it, your purpose, and it will always leave you empty because money's not going to hug you back.

You can buy people that'll hug you, but they're not loving you.

They're not there because of you and we know it, right?

And so you can go and have many affairs and you can do all kinds of things like that and you're going to end up empty inside.

It happens constantly.

So because it's just repeating this message in your unconscious mind that you're not enough to have it on your own.

So you have to pay for it, right?

Or you have to do all these other things for it because you're not enough to just be loved.

Let me jump on that.

It's interesting because a very dear friend of mine, he was a client that became a friend.

He had massive insecurity issues.

And I think we all do.

We have, you know, we have this, again, this not enough loop that we talk about.

And we got together and we hung out.

One of the first times we hung out, he drove me around and he's like, hey, look at this car.

It was assigned a Shelby Mustang thing.

It's one point something million dollars.

And there was this Mercedes and there's this and there's that.

And he's showing me this and it's like $2 million on this.

And he's driving the Rolls-Royce which is a half a million dollar car and he's got a three million dollar watch on and he does all the things and I'm not a watch guy and I'm not a car guy and I'm not a sports guy and I don't drink so all these things that he normally would throw up to like hey look I'm enough look at me I matter I just didn't care and he's like dude and I was like I just want to kind of know you and that brought his I'm not enough right up front and he's like I'm just insecure and this is an individual who is unbelievably successful he's got a loving family and his wife adores him but because of deep-rooted psychological things and subconscious things when he was a kid where he didn't get that he's like wait um i don't want you to see me because i don't feel like me as a person is enough so look at my cool stuff look at my watch look at my car look at my business owner yeah look at this image i've created of who i think you want me to be so that i can get love

and i know we can't violate nda so i'm not asking you to but you and i both know this is if the people we've been with these high performers every single magazine cover every single movie every single high level These are the people that, you know, this is what people don't understand.

That yes, money is wonderful.

My last name is Schwartz.

Trust me, it's beat into me.

Money's wonderful.

It buys me the ability to do things, but it'll never buy me peace.

It'll buy me comfort, but peace is something completely different.

It's something you've done really well for, God, 20, 30 years at this point.

So how do you do that?

How do you, you know, if you've got these people, and again, I'm down in Florida most of the time, you've got these crypto.

guys, these crypto bros who have more money than God.

And most of them come to me because I say entrepreneurs don't have bad days.

They have days where they don't have any more days.

And that's when they show up to my world.

And you've been doing it longer than I have.

So what do you do?

And how do you handle that when someone comes in and they're having that level of pain?

Yeah.

Well, we start to go find the root of it, right?

Right away.

Instead of them talking about it for months and months and months or going to a row, you know, a rehab program where they're just talking about their feelings for months and months and months.

We go and we find the core belief.

It's like the domino that pushes all the other dominoes over.

It makes sense not to start in the middle, you know, and then take all these individual dominoes.

Doesn't it make sense to go find the original one, push that over, it knocks all the other ones over, and it starts to lift your whole life up at the same time, right?

And then when it comes to like addiction or something where people are using things to try to change how they feel, what if we could give them a new way to feel that way?

So one of the problems with

treating people that are having issues with drugs, for example, or alcohol or food, is that it's like they're in the middle of the ocean and they feel like they're drowning and that substance is their life jacket.

And they feel like it's what's keeping them afloat.

And now someone wants to take their life jacket away.

And that's why their brain is fighting them.

They're like, hell no, this is life or death here, right?

This is how I'm surviving.

And you're going to take my one vice, my one pleasure, or whatever they might think in their head.

So I show up in a boat, right?

And I'm like, get in the boat, right?

We're going to upgrade that belief that's driving these feelings, that's driving that behavior.

And then we're going to give you a new way to relax that's way more effective than trying to meditate or do yoga, right?

Or journaling or affirmations, right?

That doesn't fix it.

That pop psychology stuff is not going to cut it.

When you have bullets flying over you, you're not going to do downward dog, right?

And people don't get that because they've ramped up on that.

They've had such high success.

And again, this doesn't matter if you're making a billion dollars a year, if you're making $10 a year.

It doesn't matter.

It's the same

thing in your brain.

It's the same thing, right?

But normally what I have found is the extremely high performers have amplified the pain so much that when you or I show up, mostly you, when you show up, all of a sudden they're inches away from and just completely blowing up.

And you're like, hey, listen, I'm not going to teach you how to swim by taking away your life wrap.

I'm first going to grab you and stick you in the boat.

I'm like, okay, let's get you to breathe.

I always talk about let's, if you can sing happy birthday, please don't.

You could probably do it.

You've got a little one.

They've got, you know, he's getting his license soon, mazzle tough to him.

But if I put a live grenade in your hand and I say, here's your grenade, now sing happy birthday.

You're not going to sing happy birthday.

You've always been, in my mind, that pin that you put in the grenade that immediately says, okay, it's not going to blow up right now.

I got you.

Let me hold your hand for a second.

Let's get to that next step.

And there's tactics you use and it's very, very systematic.

So how do you, if someone's listening to this and they might not have the gift of being able to get in contact with you, because I know you're really busy, but if someone says, okay, what can I do right now to maybe find my root of this?

What are some of the things that you do to walk them through that?

All right.

So I'm going to answer that because you've asked me three three questions I haven't answered yet because we keep talking about this.

So I'm going to get right into it right after this.

So the

grenade, right?

The grenade,

let's talk about something just real quick and then I'm going to come back.

I'm going to give you the exact strategies of what you can do right now to unlock your brain.

Okay.

And then we'll go back and I'll tell you about the bug story.

So

but when you have that grenade, there is also a group of very high performers that have something that people don't talk about, which is OCD and

then also, you know, have some bipolar challenges.

And when you are super OCD, like you can do incredible things.

Some of the most successful people I've ever met

were incredibly successful because they didn't sleep, right?

They slept three hours a night.

They were constantly ruminating.

They were always thinking about what was going on.

And it makes you very successful in business and it destroys you internally.

Your teeth start to fall out.

You know, you lose your hair.

You don't, you know, when you're not sleeping at night, you can't have real functional relationships because you just feel like you're all over the place.

You're constantly battling everything in your brain all the time.

And people don't get any help for that because the only thing people want to give them is drugs to try to dull them down or slow them down.

And then they're like, you can't slow me down.

This is my brain.

This is what makes me successful.

And you're trying to turn that off.

Tony Robbins talked about that where he had something wrong with his brain.

And, you you know, and because why he's so big and, and his, you know, if some doctor said they want to cut open his brain and work on him, and he's like, no way, you know, I need my brain.

It's who I am.

It's how I've created all this success, right?

And Tony had a huge driving belief of not being enough, you know, with having all the dads in his life and all the abandonment issues and all the stuff he dealt with with his mom.

And so, you know, and look how he channeled that, right?

And why he loves everybody so much now because he wants that love back.

And so,

yeah, so there's a whole other level of intensity when it's not just emotional, it's also brainwiring.

And most people don't have very good solutions for that.

I figured out some very good ones because I had to, because so many of my clients were struggling with that.

So it doesn't have to be a mental illness.

It can be a superpower, right?

And a lot of our high-achieving clients have turned it into a superpower, right?

So ADD, ADHD, what are you talking about?

This is just the juice that gets me to go out there and conquer and destroy and kick ass, right?

And so, and you want to make me tired and give me drugs to dumb that down?

No way, right?

So, all right.

So, I just wanted to get that out there because I'm thinking of so many people that

are struggling with that piece of it and nobody really talks about it.

So, yes.

Okay.

So, as far as helping people specifically, so I had somebody came in.

I've had lots of people that come in for phobias, right?

Lots of people that come in for intense irrational fears.

I had a woman that was afraid of frogs one time, cute little frogs, right?

Just freaked her out.

I have a lot of clients in New York that are afraid of cockroaches, you know, and they're like, I can't go anywhere because they're everywhere.

So it's not like I can just move,

right?

And so

you'd think that, all right, well, we're going to do, we're going to collapse that fear and then they're going to be okay.

But it turns out that a lot of times it's deeper than that, right?

So I was working with somebody one time that had this intense fear of a bug, like you said.

And when we started working with them,

I'll have them go back to the event or situation that's most responsible for that.

Find that first domino, go to the root of the weed, right?

And so I'll have them go back and their mind will take them to that initial sensitizing event.

You don't have to guess.

See, with traditional therapy or even therapy from, you know, 50 years ago, where you just did free association on a therapist's couch for an hour every week for the other 30 years, right?

So where you're hoping that it might unconsciously come up some kind of nugget that's going to be like, oh, this is it, right?

Well, we go and we do that in the first 20 minutes.

So we just saved you 30 years, right?

We'll get it done in 20 minutes and we'll figure out exactly what the issue is.

She went back to something where it had nothing to do with the bug itself.

It was the situation around it, right?

There was a lack of love.

There was

a shock to the nervous system.

Something was happening that freaked them out as a child.

And that bug happened to be in in the environment.

So they're feeling this heightened fight-or-flight response.

Their heart is pounding.

They're feeling sweaty.

They feel scared.

They feel like they're going to die.

And then their brain sees a bug over there.

And their brain says, Oh, maybe it's that bug.

And then it gets linked in your brain.

It's like an anchor, a trigger, a button.

And now, every time they see that bug, it pushes that old button inside.

It hits that nerve that makes them feel all those feelings of being scared again, not because of the bug.

The bug was just hanging out.

Happy to be a bug.

More scared of them.

There's a giant over there that might try to step on me.

The bug was way more afraid, but we were in our mind making up this situation and it was happening subconsciously.

And so then it gets reinforced.

And so now you have this connection.

And now every time you see a bug, your heart starts pounding and it reinforces it.

And now you do that for 10, 20 years.

And now you got a full-blown panic attack every time you see that stimuli, right?

That little bug.

And all of a sudden, you're freaking out.

So what we do is we go back to that moment when it was created and we unlock it.

We give you the resources that if you had those resources at the time, it wouldn't have been so traumatic, right?

You could have looked at it in a different way.

And so many people, if we would have had those resources, so if that kid would have realized that, you know, my dad ignoring me right now is because my dad probably got treated like that when he was a kid.

He does love me, but he doesn't know how to show it because he doesn't love himself.

And

so he's trying to teach me he has a best interest.

He thinks that if he gives me enough punishment, he's going to help me grow into somebody who can handle the real world because his dad believes the real world is a nightmare.

And so he's trying to prepare me for it.

And the only way that he knows how, he's trying to love me.

He's trying to show me how to survive.

He's not trying to tell me that I don't matter.

But when you're five, you don't have that intellectual capacity to do that.

You just think, dad hates my guts.

I shouldn't even be alive right now.

And then we develop what they call a crime of existence.

So it's the idea that dad hates my guts.

And then you correlate this idea of only, he only likes me if I succeed.

Hence, I have to succeed or I'm going to die.

It's this, it's the concept post hoc, ergo, proctor hockey, which is of, therefore, because of it.

So in other words, if you're whatever, driving down the road and you see a car accident and you see someone die, but in that same side, you look to your right and you see a blanket, all of a sudden, blankets are going to be this triggering thing that your mind holds on to.

And you're like, oh my God, I saw a blanket.

Therefore, I'm going to die.

I think the only thing I will say.

That's going with stuffed animals.

Yeah.

Be afraid of stuffed animals.

Yeah, but it's correlation.

It's that post-you know, again, it's of, therefore, because of it, which means this thing happened, therefore this thing happened, and this caused this, but it's almost never, it's almost never true.

The only thing I will fix there is you said something called OCD.

It is not OCD.

It's CDO, because at least it's in the damn right order in that part.

So for those of us who have that CDO, it's in the right order.

Leave us alone.

But that's wonderful.

Yeah, that's right.

Cause the compulsions make you obsessed.

That's exactly right.

My uncle told me that very early on.

I was like, I think I have OCD.

He's like, you don't.

He goes, you have CDO.

And I was like, wait, what?

He goes, at least it's in the right order.

And I was like, motherfucker.

And so now every time someone says it, it makes me in a positive way think about my uncle.

But there are people who have ADHD and OCD and anxiety, who are also on spectrum, who are phenomenally successful, just phenomenally successful here, but they don't realize there's other places they can be successful because society says, oh, you're on spectrum, therefore you're not enough.

Or society judges us.

And it's so, I'm like, I've had friends who are on spectrum who are just gifts, but they've learned how to by doing the work with people like you who get into the subconscious and say, okay, it's great for me to be autistic or OCD in this arena.

But I get to leave it alone.

Just like I'm one version of myself when I'm at the gym.

It's intense and I'm really aggressive in the gym.

But when I'm with my partner, I'm not going to have that same level of intensity.

And learning on the subconscious how to turn it on and turn it off, if you don't have someone like you, Tim, that can do that, they're completely SOL because then they spin out and have breakdowns and some of them unalive themselves, which is not the right answer.

There is a way to do that differently.

Yes, yes.

I have a military friend.

We both have worked a lot with veterans and active duty and retired.

And so,

you know, one of the veterans that I worked with, Joshua, he said that he doesn't even keep guns in his house because he didn't want to make a permanent decision in a temporary situation.

Very good.

Very well said.

Yeah, because he did several tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, and he said most of the people that he lost were after the war because they came home and committed suicide.

It's a huge pandemic, pandemic.

It's a huge epidemic of people who are taking their own life because they don't have the resources.

They don't feel like they're good enough.

And they have a belief.

Not everybody, obviously, we don't want to generalize, but certain people have a belief that when they went over there, they had issues before they went over there.

You'd think that when I'm working with someone, a veteran, they might go back to something they did when they were in active combat, but they don't.

They go back to something when they were seven.

Yes.

Way before they ever became evil.

All the time.

Yeah,

got in the military.

And so, which I always thought was fascinating.

I thought, no, it was these things that happened during war.

But there was another belief as I got to hang out with more of these guys.

And they were like, you know, another thing we battle with that nobody talks about is that, you know, you got to become evil to fight evil.

And then you come home and then you got to deal with that evil.

Yes.

Right.

That evil that was inside of you.

And he said, that is what really throws most of us off because we had to do what we had to do, but then we come home and we carry the shame and we don't want anybody to know that.

So we have to hide and distance ourselves.

Plus, we feel like we have to shame ourselves for some reason, even though we were taught and trained to do this because because the military does a horrible job of untraining you, right?

So once they brainwash you to go do what you need to do in combat situations, they don't do anything else afterwards, right?

To bring that back down.

And so they're, and then they don't feel like they're even worthy enough of, you know, that's where survivor guilt comes from.

Yes.

They're not even.

Yeah, so they're not even worthy enough of having their wife and kids or their husband and kids or their partner and, you know, them anymore.

And I think survivor guild's a great example.

Yeah, I think survivor guild's a great example of this where they're trying to apply logic where in an environment that doesn't have logic.

Some of the people that I've worked with are like, hey, why did I come home versus my buddy Billy or whoever else it was?

Why did I come home?

And they have this logical idea that the combat, whoever their enemy was, woke up and said, okay, I'm going to go and I'm going to kill Billy today.

So let me go find Billy and I'm going to go find Billy.

Oh, there's Billy.

Poof, shoot him.

And they think that's the logic of it.

And that's not combat.

That's not how it worked.

That's applying logic or your conscious mind to something that only your subconscious mind can get into.

And for those who are in this environment, especially for veterans, please reach out to us as much as you can, please.

But in that dynamic,

people understand that you can't just go up to a veteran and have a conversation.

You need to break through and understand that they feel safe in their world.

So I remember this one guy, he was a Marine.

We were talking and he just couldn't.

no one he couldn't listen to anyone i say pass me the inkstick and he immediately lit up he's like ink stick because that's what marines call pens.

They call them ink sticks.

So a minute I called it an inkstick, he was like, oh, you know who I am.

You speak my language.

Let's say, what do you got?

Let's talk.

And being able to get in there, because their subconscious is running constantly.

And our military does a phenomenal job of taking very innocent kids and turning them into what they need to turn them into.

But to your point, we don't get untrained.

And I think this is what happens on our subconscious level.

And please correct me if I'm wrong.

Our subconscious, our traumas very early on train us to be a certain way.

But there aren't people like you out there that help us to go, okay, this is what that really is.

Let's untrain that mechanism.

Let's get that out of there.

And we can still use this superpower you have, but let's do it in a healthy way, like a light switch when you can turn it on and off versus being controlled by it all the time.

Yeah, yeah.

There are people out there like me.

They're using tools like neuro-linguistic programming and hypnotherapy.

And most people are looking at those tools and going, ah, dad, that's Airy Fairy crap.

That's new age stuff, right?

And so they're not understanding

that they're missing out on a huge toolbox of effective tools that have been very proven for a long time and uh and but our society keeps making these movies you know like hypnotic with ben affleck you know where the bad guy is just hypnotizing people to jump off buildings and rob banks and people believe that crap right or they see the vegas stage shows and they see the entertainment side of it and they're like you're not doing that to me or you know i've lost guys that were high up in the dod and and a high-level security situations and they're like i can't work with you anymore because someone found out you're a hypnotist.

Right.

And so I lost that because of one of the tools that I was using in my bag.

And

so even though we helped them a lot, but

that, you know, so there's so many myths that,

and that's what caused people to suffer as well.

So the tools are available.

It's just people don't know what they don't know.

Right.

And that's why your show is saving lives literally because you have these conversations with people that are on the brink and they listen to your podcast, Charles, and all of a sudden they're like, I never thought of it that way before because I started listening to your program and all your interviews, and now I'm addicted to it.

I love it,

right?

Because

of you and the conversations that you have with people, because you really get to the heart of neither one of us like fluff, you know, and neither do our high performers, right?

Let's get to it.

I always am told we're going to get results, and I want an easy button.

I got both.

So do you.

Because what you do, you have both.

Like one of the things we talk about, thank you for that, by the way.

But when we talk about hypnosis or all these ideas, there's a very famous individual named Darren Brown who's a mentalist and is all of this.

You know, I've met Darren.

Darren's wonderful.

It is the most embarrassing business story.

I will not tell it online.

But one of the things that he does is something called a rapid induction, which you can walk up to someone and a lot of people do it.

They go, they walk up and they say, okay, hi, shake my hand.

Nope, sleep.

And the person lays out and sleep.

And people are like, wow, that's what he's going to do to me.

I'm like, okay, very small part of the population.

Can you even do that too?

So let's start.

The power of editing.

Yes.

The power of editing.

Power of editing.

There is, there is something called pre-show when you're doing this.

So I'm not giving anything away in the mentalist and magic world.

There is pre-show.

There's a lot of work you do beforehand when you do this thing.

So the stuff you're seeing when you get.

you know, 50 people in a room and the Darren Browns of the planet are there.

Those people have been filtered because some people are like, I don't like spicy food.

So if you give me spicy food, it's going to hurt my tongue intensely.

Well, if you're trying to show that you can have people like, this is the spiciest thing in the world, you want a room full of mees because they're like, oh my God, because vanilla ice cream is too spicy for me.

Versus you won't want the people who love and eat ghost peppers like it's going out of style.

So understand in that a lot of the stuff you're seeing, they've pre-showed it.

They've done a lot of filtering.

But for the average person, they believe some myths about NLP and hypnosis and therapy because a lot of people won't even go to therapy until it's almost too late, or regrettably, it is too late.

And they decide to do something that is the, I'm not going to say that online, is something I don't approve of.

If some of the myths that you run into that people say, hey, well, you're going to do hypnosis or you're going to do therapy or you're going to do NLP or you're going to do these things that are not

mainstream 60 years ago, but are just proven now that are tactics.

What are some of the myths that you run into and how you can kind of negate that and say, no, that's just not true?

Well, the good news is that,

well, I remember one time there was a,

I would say it's probably the, well, it is for sure now, the biggest hypnotherapy association in the world.

And they were doing interviews with what they felt were their top hypnotists, right?

And so somebody couldn't make it, so they invited me in.

And

so they interviewed me and they're like, is hypnosis mainstream these days?

And I'm like, yes, it is.

And then afterwards, the interviewer said, you know what?

Out of everybody, you're the only one who said yes.

And I was, you know, I was surprised by that.

I'm like, aren't we supposed to speak what we want into existence?

Right.

And I believe that hypnosis is is more mainstream and showing people how to use the power of their unconscious mind is more accepted today than ever before.

But the myths are the same, right?

I can't do it.

Not everybody can be hypnotized.

What if I don't come out of it?

Am I going to tell you all my secrets?

Right.

Stuff like that.

But I find that the performers that I'm working with, they don't really care what the tool is.

They just care that it works.

Right.

And so they're like, you got degrees.

I'm like, I got a PhD in getting results.

Right.

That's what I get, you know, results.

And so

then we're not even talking about hypnosis or anything.

In fact, I don't even bring it up a lot of times just because people have that, you know, oh, what is that?

I'm like, oh, we're just going to unlock your brain.

Right.

That's what we're going to do.

Cause that's ultimately what we're going to do.

That's all it is.

All we're doing is we're getting out of the way of your subconscious.

That's all we're doing.

We're like, hey, people say, oh, you're a coach or you're a strategist.

No, I'm a strategic mirror.

I'm going to ask you questions that is going to make you pop.

And you're like, oh, and then your subconscious will pop in because your conscious mind will let go.

And like, okay, what I'm doing is killing me.

I have to let go of this.

Let me out.

And then the subconscious spits out that little nugget.

And you're like, there it is.

And now you've got access to that root.

You can move things around.

I think so many people have an idea about hypnosis.

Like I've went through and I'm like, hey, I want to go because therapy is the gift you give yourself.

Please understand anybody who's listening to this, therapy is the gift you give yourself.

I don't care who you are, if it's hypnosis, if it's NLP, if it's laying on a couch, if it's talking to a friend, if it's talking to a stranger, I don't care what it is.

Please do it.

And people are like, oh, well, it's it's not manly.

I can introduce you to an entire wall of special force operators that you can go tell are not manly that are sitting and doing this.

So shut it.

Yeah, that's a yeah, that is a that's a ridiculous idea now that is not manly.

You're you're not a man if you can't do it.

100%.

So step up.

Absolutely.

I remember it's like, oh, real men don't cry.

I was like, really?

This is an IDF operator who's got 35 years in combat and has saved a bunch of people and he's crying.

So I dare you to tell him he's not a man.

Good luck with that.

It's going to hurt.

It's going to hurt.

There are straight up killers in my office.

A thousand percent.

You know, and they are misting up because they're human.

Yeah.

Right.

They're human.

So, yeah.

Let me spill my secrets.

Because how about that?

You mind?

Or do you have a question?

No, no, no.

I was going to ask you a question, but I do want to get to the secrets.

I believe sometimes in the midst, because I've been told this, they're like, okay, Charles, you are not.

prone to hypnotherapy as other people are.

And you're like, no, everybody is.

And walk me through that because I've always been told the opposite.

No, no, you just got to find the right path, right?

Now, some people are more open to suggestion and so they get more relaxed.

And you can tell in the first couple of minutes, right?

Because I'll have people with induction.

You're doing a little power breathing.

You're activating the relaxation response.

Maybe you're imagining some sunshine flowing through your body.

And most people are going to respond, right?

And then I'll test because I'm doing most of my sessions over the phone these days because my clients are traveling and all over the country or all over the world.

And so we're doing telephone sessions,

you know, 99% of the time, unless I get flown to somebody's home or office, but you know, usually it's over the phone.

So

when we're doing this, they are,

you know, we'll go through a little bit of the relaxation and then I'll ask them a question because I want to hear how they answer, right?

So I'll say,

you know, when you're feeling more peaceful and at ease, say, okay.

And then some people will be like, okay.

And other people are like, Okay, Tim.

I'm like, Okay, well, now I know where you're at.

Yeah, you know, some people are sitting here going, you know, thinking this is wasting my time.

I should be doing something else.

And other people are like totally into it and loving life right now.

And so I just know that I need to switch gears.

So for that person, I need to start talking a little faster, right?

So if I was working with you, Charles, and I started talking like this, you're going to come out of that chair pretty soon, right?

So, but if I start speeding it up and I'm like, all right, now I want you to imagine this and we're going to feel this and we're going to get into this.

Now I want you to take this, put your spin on the way that you know you can, right?

And then I set up the situation and then I let you go and then your mind's going to just run with it, right?

So we just got to figure out the personality and then we've got to use the tools that are going to fit the person.

And when you do that, then the puzzle unlocks.

But if you're trying to use the same set of tools with everybody, then you're just going to blame it on them and say, well, you just can't be hypnotized.

That is the fault of the practitioner, not the client.

That was 30 years of experience just talking there.

That's what that was Tim.

That was like, I've run into this problem many, many, many times because I think that's what I run into because I run at different speeds and mirroring is so important, mirroring breath and tone and cadence and all that.

So you were talking about your secrets.

And people are going to kill me if I don't get out of your way and let you actually say the secrets.

So go.

Well, because, you know, I don't want to move over.

We just have so many fun stories and so much that we want to share, right?

Because we love our clients.

We love the people that are listening to your show.

We really do.

And so,

and that's why we do this, right?

That's why we keep showing up.

So,

all right.

So, one of the things that we do is we go back in session one, I call it the awakening.

And what we do is we go back and we find that core belief, right?

What happened right after the trauma, or sometimes we'll stop right before the trauma, so nobody has to relive anything.

You don't have to go through all these horrible experiences.

Now, I went to school for psychology, right?

I went to school to be a psychotherapist.

I walked out more psycho than therapist, and I found that, you know, when you, when you keep asking people to go back and tell you about all the worst stuff that they ever went through, it like re-traumatizes them.

People don't want to do that.

It's the number one reason why people don't want to go to therapy.

You know, they don't want to have to relive that.

Or they're like, I relive it in my head every day.

Now I got to go talk about it out loud to a stranger.

Right.

So they don't want to do that.

And if you're in a high power situation, you're like, I don't want anybody.

You know, like one of the Kardashians recently, I guess, went to a therapist, was sharing what was going on, and then went to a grocery store.

And they said that the next day or something, she was reading the tabloids and that therapist had spilled their conversation and she was reading it there.

So now you can't trust anybody, right?

It just gets reinforced.

You can't trust anybody.

And when you look at their relationships and all their marriages and everything and what happened with their stepdad, right?

You can't trust anybody.

And so it just keeps getting reinforced.

Especially with people who are very successful, because it seems like someone always wants something from them, even if it's a selfie, right?

A lot of A-listeners are just so, you know, you don't have privacy anymore.

So anyway, so we go back and we upgrade the beliefs.

And it's very difficult.

I could tell you exactly what to do.

In fact, it's in my One Belief Away book.

The scripts are in there.

You can just go buy the book, right?

And the scripts are in there.

The challenge is that you can't see your own blind spots, right?

You can't see the label when you're in the bottle.

And so it's very difficult to spot this on your own, which is why you need someone who's trained at finding unconscious beliefs and helping you figure it out.

But in session one, we go find the belief.

We give you the new tools, the new resources.

We help you define what the belief is that you want to have, what belief is going to serve you instead of it making you whatever it wants you to be, right?

So it gives you a deep sense of inner peace.

But what I found is that next week, some people were feeling great and other people were feeling angry and stressed.

Some people were crying all, you know, all week.

And they're like, what is happening to me?

I am unedged, right?

What is, I'm unhinged.

What's going on?

And

I said, well, you know, you opened up that door that you had pushed all that stuff down and now it's coming up.

So I realize you've got to then upgrade the feelings.

So in session two, we do the releasing and i found a very uh simple set of tools that if you put them together it unlocks that safe right you can have two of the three combination numbers but if you don't have the third one you can't get to the treasure but if you do have the third number oh that door swings right open right and so So in session two, we do the releasing and we naturally and comfortably upgrade the feelings and the emotions.

We get rid of the guilt, the hurt, the shame, the anger, the self-righteousness, the self-pity, right?

All the feelings that we feel guilty about feeling and having and we release that in a very gentle empowering way and those two first sessions are life-changing you know I've got a thousand testimonials and when people say that this was you know what they went through they're like they're not saying Tim's a nice guy This was really good.

I recommend it.

They're saying this literally changed my life.

I've been going to therapy for 30 years.

And in the first two sessions, we were able to unlock something and release it that has been a habit or a pain of mine, you know, my whole life.

And people say, I just never felt like I could get deep enough.

That's why we're talking about the difference between conscious and unconscious.

So in session two, we start to upgrade the feelings and that's incredible.

And of course, along the way, I'm giving them new tools, new mind tools, right?

So that when they use it in this combination, they're using their power breathing, they're using their power questions, they're using their imagination in a new way that's more effective.

Super high achievers, one of the reasons they're high achievers is because they think totally different than everybody else.

Totally different.

different when it comes to achieving at least not when it comes to their marriage not when it comes to their health you know unless they own a gym you know then perhaps or they feel like they've got to have six pack abs for people to love them you know then they're going to be into that so

um uh and again this is in general this isn't everybody but this is just some people that get caught up in it right so there's a lot of people that are very healthy and very happy i just haven't met a lot of them i'm sure they're out there somewhere

They're out there.

I've met a few and then I hired them to teach me.

Yes.

How do I teach you

me?

I'm always just like you.

It's interesting you were talking about gym owners and these guys want to be in really good shape because these guys want to be performers.

This manifests and shows up in everybody in different flavors.

Like none of us are the same, yet all of us have these same patterns.

But it shows up differently.

How it manifests, how you deal with that trauma, that coping mechanism, it's just a totally different wall game.

And I love that you said this happens quickly.

This isn't something that takes 30 years.

And I learned this from, there's a SEAL operator.

His name is Mark Devine.

Mark talked about it.

He goes, whatever you're afraid of, that's your shoreline.

Run to that with everything you can.

And if you've got something that's been pushing on you really hard, understand that you're going to run into people.

Find a Tim, be it Tim or whomever else is out there, find a Tim.

I mean, Tim's speciality is that he's done this with, you've done this with extremely high performers for a very long time.

The people out there who are, you would never think are broken and all that.

These are the CEOs.

These are the Fortune 500 people.

These are the powerhouses of the planet.

They run in and they're just like everybody else.

And just understand that this works no matter if you're a bazillionaire or if you're all the way on the lower end on the side of these things.

It just, it really doesn't matter.

So when people come.

That's just one measurement, right?

You know, the financial success is one measurement.

And that doesn't make you a success.

It makes you rich, but you're only wealthy when you're happy, when you have all of that, right?

When other people love you because of who you are, not because what you can do for them.

That's what real wealth is.

When you have a relationship where you love your spouse, right?

And you love your kids and your kids love you back.

You know, that's real wealth.

A lot of rich people out there, but so the money is just one measurement of it.

I met people that didn't have a lot of money, but they were super wealthy because of the love, the connection, the relationships, things like that.

And so it's really important.

It doesn't matter how much you have, you know, it's how much you love yourself, right?

And how much you love others.

That's why Tony Robbins, with all the success that he has, and he's the number one trainer in the world, you know, when it comes to this, because of his reputation, he's had access to all these people who come to him.

And,

you know, so he's a high achiever who trains high achievers.

And he was a mentor of mine, you know, for a long time, reading his programs, going through his materials, stuff like that, because he had a background in hypnosis and NLP.

And he didn't have the psych degrees, but now he's more effective than most psychologists out there.

So

Tony's great.

He's a great guy.

He has a great thing.

But I love that you pulled it out because I was in Fiji with Tony and you talked about, you know, he still, because of his background, he's like, I need to get, you know, I didn't have love growing up.

Therefore, if I do this, if I'm in service enough, I'll be loved.

And you sit there and you'll fill up a room with 10,000 people and you still seem looking externally for what only will be found within.

And some of us find it in different ways.

And again, I love what you said.

You know, there's people out there who are unbelievably rich, but they're not wealthy.

And it's a different conversation.

And this doesn't come from, you know, just hoopla and rubbing crystals against a tree and let me find my magic vibration aura.

I learned this from eight years in hospice watching people die.

Some of the richest people in the world, because I was a book at Book of Raton.

I was watching unbelievably wealthy people being extremely unhappy and realizing at the end of their days, they didn't.

do the work.

They didn't do the things that could do this.

And they were begging for five more minutes to do what we're doing, what you can resolve in a very short period of time.

So how long does this normally take when someone, when a client comes to you?

And again, I know everybody's different, but normally what does the life cycle look like when someone comes in there and this level of pain and they contact you?

People start getting results in the first 30 minutes.

And then in the first four sessions, people have significant breakthroughs.

And then many of them just keep going.

Because when you finally find someone you can trust and you finally find someone that you can have in your corner, you know, the highest achievers, you know, they keep you around.

And so if you find something that works, use it, right?

There was an old sales joke.

If I find something that works, I'm going to quit using it, you know, because that's what a lot of sales guys would do.

And so,

but for most people, like the average person who maybe couldn't afford to do something like that, they usually go through either a 30-day program, which is four sessions once a week for four weeks in a row, or they'll go through a three-month program, you know, so it's that 30-day program and then four more sessions that we just spread out.

So it's very short term, you know, because people are like, how long do I got to do this?

You know, rehab is like a full month.

I disappear from the face of the earth.

I can't afford to do that.

Right.

Or, or, hey, I get a,

I'm going on stage tomorrow and I need to get rid of this stage fright because every time I think about it, I start gagging like I'm going to throw up.

Right.

And I need to be able to be ready for tomorrow.

Right.

And I love situations like that because I know what we can do in just a session.

So I always admired those people that you would see on TV that, you know, there'd be someone who's afraid of dolls for some reason.

And then they go backstage.

And then it seems like five minutes later, they come back and the person's got an armful of dolls.

And they're like, what did they do in that five minutes?

And so I made it my mission to figure it out.

And

so, and then I became that guy that was going on the shows and doing that.

You know, I had a guy who was, you had mentioned earlier, a guy who was a weatherman who was afraid of spiders.

And they had a tarantula bit after the weather report.

And he saw the spider across the room and and he ran out of the studio in the middle of doing the weather.

And of course, you know, he was humiliated.

So I said, I'll make you a hero.

I'll put that spider on your arm.

And the producer almost hung up on me because she thought I was full of beans.

But they brought me in months later, and I was supposed to have an hour with them.

They gave me 10 minutes.

And in 10 minutes, I had that spider on his arm.

And so what I did was I found the beliefs and I found the way his brain was structuring it.

In his mind, he was making it.

Remember those old 50s scary movies where the spiders are bigger than the houses?

Yes.

Right.

In the black and white movies, you know, and so

that's what he was imagining in his mind, that these little animals were going to jump up on his face.

They were, they was making them really big.

You know, if you want to intensify emotion, emotion, you make it bigger, closer, brighter, louder.

If you want to turn it down, you make it farther away, smaller, quieter, distant, faded, right?

And it detensifies, it lowers the intensity of the feeling.

And so we started doing that.

And I only had 10 minutes and I wanted it to work because this was live television.

So

I hit him with every tool I had.

But we just changed the way that he was processing it.

And we upgraded the belief real quick so that he felt now that he was in charge of making sure that that animal felt safe because it was a mom spider.

It was just trying to get home to her kids.

She was really scared and freaking out.

And he was a nurturing father.

And so all of a sudden, he had a different feeling.

He still didn't like the spiders, but we got it on his arm.

And he was telling me afterwards that I just wanted to make sure that she was okay.

And it just rewiring the brain.

Yeah, we rewired the brain.

You know, we shifted the perception of it.

We changed not only the feeling, but the story because we go through our lives every day narrating our lives.

And that story you're telling yourself is causing you to feel the way you're feeling, not the situation itself.

But what's driving the story?

I always wanted to go deeper.

Right.

And what was driving the story are those unconscious beliefs that we've been talking about this whole time.

So

what beliefs and what things don't apply here?

I mean, again, you and I work with high performers.

Has there ever been something, because yeah, it works with drugs, it works with people who are suicidal, it works with people who are unbelievably suppressed or OCD or CDO, and then have hyperactive or on spectrum.

We get it.

It covers this very

long list.

I haven't discovered anything that this doesn't apply to,

but you've been doing this longer and you do it at a higher level than I do.

What are the the things that you do that you run and say, you know what?

I can't fix that.

That's beyond.

It cannot help.

If you're someone who thinks that mint ice cream is good and you like Indian food,

I can't.

That's just me picking on people who like Indian food.

I'm like, it's too spicy.

What are you doing?

I love it.

I love Indian food.

It's on yours.

You can have

a hold of one.

I like none.

So is there anything that you've run into that this is like, I just can't help you.

That, you know what?

Sorry, that you're just outside my realm, be it race religion I always take the shot yes I you know they're like what's your success rate I'm like 95% because I don't believe anything's 100% right I just don't uh I don't maybe faith right but other than that I don't believe that we have as humans have those kind of tools any individual human and so

the things that I always take the shot and I will tell people sometimes, you know, I'm not sure if this is going to work, but let's go for it, right?

If somebody has phantom pain or somebody all of a sudden is paralyzed or somebody has, um, maybe they have a lower IQ, right?

And, uh, and so, but they're having temper tantrums.

And the parent who is like in their 50s is like, you know, I've got this 35-year-old, but has a, you know, still thinks that she's 16 and she's throwing tantrums all the time and playing the music all the way up, you know, at two in the morning.

And, uh, and I was able to help her get results where she was being more patient and she was turning the music down.

And it was amazing, right?

So I always take the shot because you miss 100% of the shots you never take, Wayne Gretzky, right?

So,

yeah, so but there have been situations where I couldn't help.

A few of them that really bothered me the most were a couple of women that I was working with.

Their fathers were very successful, but they

had anorexia and they literally were like 80 pounds.

And but they their OCD was or their COD was so off the charts that it really wasn't an emotional thing.

It was their brain wiring.

And I can't change brain wiring at least at least

I mean, I don't want to put a limit out there.

We want to have a zero limit kind of attitude, right?

I was just in this movie with Joe Vitale called Zero Limit.

So we want to have a zero limit attitude.

But I haven't had as much success as I would like when it comes to certain brain wiring issues.

So let me bring that up.

Because the times where I've misfired, because there's only been one where I couldn't get her, this one individual, I just couldn't get that to unlock.

You talked about unlocking it.

it and it was day one of the event and I was working on a couple things and I couldn't get her unlock and I was like I'm like timeout what drugs do you take and she's like oh I'm on this this this this this this this this I was like fuck off I was like I can't get through the fog that you've ingested you've you've put all these chemicals in the most amazing chemical in your brain your brain this amazing machine I can't get through that I'm like could you Tomorrow, could you come and not have all the drugs in your system?

We might have a better shot.

And we did.

We did better with it.

But if you're taking all these chemically induced state changes across the board, drugs, alcohol, drinking, sugar, whatever it is, um, which I wish sugar wasn't bad because I love sugar so much, but not allowed to have it all the time, it'll kill you, it's cancer.

So, um,

it's the other white powder, it really is.

It's those two white powders, you got to be careful of them.

It's so bad.

I jokingly say when people want to get in shape, I'm like, you got to get racist.

If it's white, don't put it in your mouth.

Flour, sugar, rice, just don't put it in your mouth.

It's really, really simple.

Don't eat that shit.

So, um, but yeah, that's, I think that's the times where I've struggled, uh, is, is when then there's chemicals in there.

If you're doing, if you're, you know, again, doing a line of special powder and then you come in, you try and do stuff.

I'm like, I, I, I can't compete against that.

I'm like, I'm sorry.

I need you to access your subconscious.

This isn't a me gift.

This is a you gift.

And so I think the other, the other case, though, is then, don't you, what do you think about this?

Because I've been able to turn some people around, but the other person you can't help is someone that doesn't want to be helped.

A thousand percent.

If you're not

pushing,

so I'm curious.

I have a theory of why, what makes people actually get to the point where like, okay, I'm ready for help.

What is yours?

Because I have a theory on this.

What is your point where people are like, thank you.

There it is.

When your pain exceeds your comfort, that's it.

You're open for it.

But if you're still comfortable and the pain, because we can endure a lot of pain, you mean, you get this.

You've seen this with your people.

As they go through this, if you haven't reached the point where your pain has somehow exceeded your comfort, you're SOL.

It is not going to happen in any way, shape, or form.

Or what's worse sometimes is when your pain is what you know, so you refuse to let it go.

Your pain is your comfort.

Yeah, your pain is your comfort.

Yeah.

And so you're always in pain.

Or some, you know, like the Hulk said, you know, my secret is that I'm always angry.

Right.

And they don't answer them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so when that becomes, you'll see that with a lot of competitors, you know, they're, they're always, Michael Jordan used to say that.

He says, I don't have a gambling problem.

I have a competition problem because I can't let it go.

I'm always competing and I can't not.

You know, it doesn't matter what it is.

And even if I know I shouldn't do it to somebody, I will take their money because I have to win, right?

It was a deep, you know, competition challenge that he had.

And so he wasn't going to let that go.

And I find that a lot of top guys, you know, I have so many guys where they brought me into their company and they want me to build their team.

And I'm like, dude, you're the problem.

And they don't want to hear it.

They're like, no, I'm the money guy.

I make things happen.

I'm like, I know, but you make your team feel worthless.

And then, you know, so they're always relying on you and you micromanage them so much, they can't make decisions.

So you hired really talented people to do nothing because you're bottlenecking their growth, which is bottlenecking your growth, right?

And they're either going to go, oh, yeah, but you can't trust people, right?

And so then there's the other layers, right?

And so you're either going to, you know, you're going to work through that or they're not.

You know, I was so excited to work with this billion dollar company.

And, you know, half the team, I was having amazing breakthroughs.

And the other half of the team, including the guy that owned the company, had so many trust issues.

And so, of course, half his executive team had major trust issues because he hired people like him.

And

they shut it down.

Right.

And they were, people were making million dollar deals and they didn't care

because, you know, we were pushing buttons and they didn't want to, they didn't want to look underneath the

carpet.

And, you know, sadly, one of the people said, success covers a lot of sins, Tim.

Yes, it really does.

And I think high performers

that you work with,

I think a lot of high performers have that mentality that they don't understand and they don't like hearing this and they hear it from people like you.

It's like, you're, you're the problem.

You're also the solution, but understand you're, you're the problem right now.

Which is great.

Right.

You know, we're high achievers.

Yeah, okay.

I'm a problem.

How am I going to fix it?

Right.

100%.

It's feedback.

Now let's rock and roll.

We figured out what it is.

Let's go.

100%.

You got to have a level of security instead of machismo puffing out the chest.

You know, there are, there are some, the term gets thrown out way too much now, right?

But there are plenty of narcissists out there, like clinical narcissists, who you're not going to change them.

And it's just very difficult.

Cause again, I think a lot of it is more brainwiring and then psycho, you know, emotional conditioning.

I could be wrong on that.

I'm wrong on lots of things.

Ask my wife.

But

so, yeah, you got to be open.

Yeah, when people come in and they're like, okay, I, this person's a narcissist or this person has OCD or this person has ADHD or and it's thrown around with people who have never been trained and they self-diagnose because something on Instagram gave them three checklists.

It's it's kind of like when you go on Wikipedia and you're like, oh, like I go on like, am I sick?

I'm like, okay.

you know, if you have this, you are this disease, some of the symptoms are breathing, blinking, going to sleep.

I'm like, I have this.

I have my uterus blew up.

I'm like, what the hell?

Cause that's what happens.

They get these little things.

How many of those situations where you're like okay no you're you have narcissistic tendencies or ocd tendencies or these things but you're not it's a coping mechanism more than anything else that's right that's not who you are when you break your arm you're not a broken arm even though that's what you'll call they'll call you in the er

but that's not who you are right

so what is if someone goes through and they and they need to do this and or they want to do this when they're finally at the point of hey my pain is exceeding my comfort enough to me i'm at that tipping point because i think for you and I, because of the networks that we're running and the circles we're in, we don't get called when it just goes over.

We get called when the pain exceeds exponentially and the person

in the mouth.

I just lost $100 million.

I just, I want to end it right now.

I'm like, can I finish my lunch?

I just got sushi.

So it's like, that's normally what happens.

So for the people who hopefully, you know, come into our worlds.

What can we do before they get to that point?

How do they reach out?

How do they get a hold of you?

What are the things they could do right now?

Yes, because we both know you want to take them out for sushi, you take them out for noodles.

Right?

See, yeah, I'm a student of your podcast.

I'm loving your episodes.

You take out for folk.

Yeah, absolutely.

You got to pre-frame it.

Yeah, you reframed it.

Okay.

Wow.

Darn it.

My stuff's coming back at me.

That's cheating.

That's what I get for football.

It's a compliment.

So, so what did you ask me?

Because you asked me how would they get a hold of me?

Is that what you mean?

So if someone wants to do this, what's the way that they can start getting, you know, start the process?

They can get a hold of you.

How is the way that they start this process so that they go, hey, Tim, I'm ready.

I understand that this is real.

And this is why people who make billions of dollars hire you.

And this is why the high achievers of the world are like, give me a Tim.

Because when they run over and they pull that fire alarm, that fire alarm is you.

And that's, you know, it just, it is what it is.

How do people get to the point and start preparing and going, okay, I need a Tim in my life.

What do they do?

How do they get a hold of you?

Yeah.

Well, it depends on the high achiever.

Most people just call me.

Right.

They just call up.

They do a quick call.

You know, we do a little 10-minute consultation.

I figure out where they're at, what they need.

I share what I can do to help them if I think I can, which usually I do.

And

then I put together a couple of options and we go.

If it's somebody that is not all in,

not a super higher achiever, higher achiever, that's funny.

Then

you just start watching the videos.

People get to know me.

I've got on-demand videos.

I've got resources in there.

We've got a free gift

that we can give them where they get access to my secret training vault, which just has a whole bunch of training programs that I put in one place.

So you can go in there and try to solve the problem on your own first.

We both believe in tremendous value up front.

And then if you still need the help, then reach out.

And you can go to, I have many sites.

Timshure.com, indiehypnosis.com are probably the two that people go to the most.

So just reach out.

You know, I still do, I know you probably give me grief about this, but I still do a lot of my own phone calls because I just like talking to people and it's easier for me.

I know that

I should probably pre-frame people, but I started out not having any money.

And so, you know, I feel like if I was calling up when I was 20 years old, 30 years old, and I didn't have money, but I needed help, I mean, I would find the money, right?

That's why I'm where I am right now.

But

I would hire the coaches that I couldn't afford.

That's why I can hire any coach I want now.

So

I

but I wouldn't have even gotten the opportunity, right?

And so I don't want to be that guy.

I give everybody an opportunity.

And so, but if you need some help, reach out.

I think it's one of the things I love about you, Tim.

You authentically love people.

You want to help.

I mean, I do this because it's fun.

It's like a puzzle for me.

I'm like, okay, this is really interesting and this is an exciting thing.

But what drives you is this deep love for human beings.

And I think you said about it really interestingly.

You're like, the people who really want in life get radical results,

they take that massive action.

They're like, I don't, I don't care.

I know I can't afford it.

I can't, I don't have the time for it.

I don't have the energy.

I'm like, they don't care.

Like, let's just get it done.

And they rock and roll.

And I love that for the other ones out there.

You've got the books and you've got the videos and you have all that.

So just thank you for being in service to others and coming on the show.

I really, really appreciate it.

I always love spending time with you.

And thank you so much for creating this space for us to have this conversation so that the people that need to hear it, you know, we both love ending needless emotional suffering.

And if people are looking for, you know, how do you take it to the next level?

Because there's a lot of crap out there.

Everybody's an expert and a coach all of a sudden online.

And

so,

you know, for people that are like, you know what, life's actually very good.

I'm just looking for that next level.

You know, I had like the Olympic coach for the wrestling team, right?

Olympic wrestlers.

You know, this guy's like, they're already the best in the world.

If you could get an extra quarter percent out of them, that would be a huge victory, right?

And so, you know, if people are looking for that next level, what else is out there to help me grow, conquer, expand, right?

You know, that's a part of this game as well.

It's not about just being broken or having a bad day.

If you're doing great and you want to keep the momentum going, this is an option.

You reach out to either one of us.

There's too many of us for

you and me both to take care of everybody.

It goes to what's proven, right?

You You know, there's a lot of people you're talking about where there's this idea of, oh, everyone's a coach now, but have they got to 30 years and the thousands of reviews that you have?

You're here.

And the reason I'm talking to you about this is because you've proven this over and over again.

And you just get the results, which is one of the things that, you know, one of the reasons I love talking to you because every time I talk to you, I'm like, oh, I'm going to go do this now.

Because it's these proven tactics and these proven toolboxes that you've done for so long.

I just, I love it.

We could talk forever.

We have to bring you back on.

This is a lot of fun.

Okay.

Yes.

All right.

It's been a pleasure.

Thank you so much, Charles.

We'll talk soon.

Sounds good.

That's our episode.

You found out that highest performers aren't unique.

They're not different.

They just found a way to get through it and they found things that actually work.

They went through and pivoted their misconceptions, tacked it into their subconscious, and even more.

I'm excited for you guys for this one.

There's a ton that I wanted to share.

I'm so glad Tim was able to join us.

I'll see you guys in the next one.