878. Q&AF: Is It Too Late For My Purpose, Feeling Aimless & Siblings Holding You Back

Yeah, when we're sleeping on the floor, now my jury pox froze.

Fuck up bowl, fuck a stove.

Counted millions in a cold.

Bad bitch, booted swole.

Got her own bank rope.

Can't fold, just a no.

Headshot, case clothes, close, close.

What is up, guys?

It's Andy for selling.

This is the show for the realists.

Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society.

And welcome

to darn reality.

Yeah.

As always, I am joined by my co-host.

Brownie points right there.

Sexual chocolate.

What's going on over there?

Oh, you know, another day on the internet.

Yeah, all right.

We got QAF today, as always.

Starting out the week with some good information to help you guys win.

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But

yeah, so that's Q ⁇ A F now.

We have shows within the show.

Tomorrow we're going to have CTI.

That's Dance for Cruise the Internet.

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We speculate on what's true, on what's not true.

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It's more of a comedy show, to be honest, but

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So check it out.

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Real talk is five to twenty minutes of me giving you some real talk.

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If you're unfamiliar with 75 Hard, it is the initial phase of the Live Hard program.

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You can find that at episode 208.

on the audio feed is not on youtube we weren't we're new to youtube still comparatively so uh episode 208

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It is free, but there's also a book and there's a book on andyforsella.com called The Book on Mental Toughness.

It outlines the entire Live Hard program plus a bunch of extra chapters on

what mental toughness is, why it's important and how to cultivate it to build your life.

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And the last thing is we have a fee.

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Send us money like every other fee.

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you could also You can also

look for these amazing first form energy drinks, which are available and and will be available nearly everywhere very soon.

I wonder what people's favorite flavor is.

Well, they're going to, you know, I can't say, I can't say, I want to say, but I can't say, but they're going to be excited real soon.

Real soon.

Yeah.

Within like

a few weeks.

I feel like there's a lot of excitement coming soon.

You know, you've been

in the laboratory.

I've been keeping a secret.

You have a little secret.

Yeah, I've been keeping a secret.

It's, you know, I'm a little embarrassed, but it's time to, you know, come out of the closet.

Yep.

You know what I'm saying?

There's a reason, an actual reason, I haven't been posting on Instagram for the last number of years.

And you're going to find out really soon.

I may have

been writing, I don't know,

25 books.

And I may be releasing them very soon

in five book sets.

So

I'm excited about it.

I'm finally getting to the end.

You've been grinding.

Yeah, we're finally getting to the end.

We also have the new MFCO project launching literally within weeks.

So it's very exciting.

Yeah.

Very, very exciting.

There's a lot going on, man.

Yeah, you know, it's hard to

do it all.

You know, and sometimes things gotta,

you gotta let it go.

It's like an orchestra.

Sort of.

Yeah.

you got the trombones going and the violins and yeah yeah that's definitely what my life is like there's no doubt about that um but you know it is what it is and uh i go home every day and

you know i come here every day and i'm very thankful to be around really dude the honest truth is the older i get the more thankful i am to be around the people that i am every day like I get to come in here.

I'm around a bunch of fucking savages who kick ass and want to win and are good people who treat people right.

And it just, you know, when I talk about America and why it's important to me, it's because I think every place should be like this is.

You know what I mean?

I think it could be too.

And

I don't know.

At the very least, I feel very fortunate to live in that environment.

Yeah.

You know, and

yeah, it's, it's awesome.

And we have a lot of good things coming up.

You know, the projects that we've been working on here are, I believe, the most important projects projects that I've ever worked on

that you guys haven't seen yet.

And I believe, you know, they're as big as 75 hard or maybe even bigger.

So very, very excited.

Yeah, and that's it, man.

Like, it's sick.

It's awesome.

It's going to be freaking sick.

It's going to be freaking awesome.

What the flip, dude?

It's going to be great.

Gosh, durn it.

It's going to be Gersh dang awesome.

Yeah, right, right.

Yeah, man.

All right.

Well, sweet.

It is Monday, ladies and gentlemen.

Let's make some people better.

Let's do it.

We got some good ones for you.

All right.

This first question, let's get to it.

This first question.

Andy,

I'm 36, married, two kids, mortgage, steady job.

From the outside, life looks normal, even good.

But sometimes...

In the quiet moments, I ask myself, is this really it?

I'm not miserable, but I'm not fulfilled either.

It's like I built a life around expectations instead of passion.

Is it too late to rediscover purpose?

Or does this feeling mean I never truly had it to begin with?

No.

Man, that's deep.

No, it is, dude.

But you have to, I'll be real, man.

You got to be like older than that to really understand that question because

I think this happens.

All of my friends that are my age, Joe and I have talked about this before.

You know, you get to a point in life where where you start to really audit what you've done and where you've come from and what you've built.

And even when it's amazing, even when you're happy, you look at it and you say, man, what could I have done?

Or how could this have went?

Or am I doing enough?

And those are natural feelings.

You know, we've all heard of the midlife crisis.

Is that what this is right here?

It's sort of that.

I think it's just a natural time where we're going through into a different season of life.

And, you know,

we're no longer in the, in the spring of life.

Now we're sort of in the midsummer, you know what I'm saying?

And winter's coming.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The fall is coming, man.

And, you know, we start to really audit what we've created out of ourselves.

And if you're an ambitious person, especially,

that can be incredibly difficult because

What you know now is not what you knew when you were 20.

It's not what you knew when you were 30.

So your mind kind of plays tricks on you, man.

You know all this new shit that you didn't know when you were younger.

And you're at a certain age.

And so you kind of like think, well, I could do all this and this and this, but dude, you really couldn't have done that because you didn't know that shit then.

It only came through the experience.

So we end up getting in this really, this kind of like mind fuck space.

And everybody I know that is

around that age, you know, I would say 30, after 35 to 45 has gone through this, and sometimes it lasts a couple years.

I went through it.

Real talk.

I mean, dude, and I've, I've, I've really built what most people would consider like the ultimate dream life.

If, you know, they're an ambitious person, a business person.

I realize not everybody wants the same thing, but, you know.

I've created what most people consider the American dream from an entrepreneur standpoint.

And even with all that, dude, I have, I've had to go through times where I was like, is this really my life?

Like, is this all it is?

I'm going to wake up every day.

I'm going to go here and I'm going to do this.

And that's what it's going to be.

And I'll tell you what, man,

you sort of hit on it in your question.

You said

purpose.

Is it too late for a different purpose?

And I don't know that you have to think of it as a, first of all, it's not too late for a different purpose.

It's not.

All right.

You were still very young.

But

for me, it wasn't about finding a different purpose.

It was about expanding my purpose, okay?

And growing a bigger purpose, a bigger mission, a bigger project to work on.

And

we get in these times where we're sort of stale.

And we think, you know, like he's saying, oh, we did really good.

Is this what it is?

Well, the reason that you're feeling the way you feel, man, is because you're no longer building.

You're no longer creating.

You're no longer becoming the way that you should be or the way that you did in the past.

And you can have all the prizes.

You can have a nice bank account.

You can have a great house and a great family and a great life.

But the minute you stop building, you start to feel depressed.

You start to question it.

You start to lose interest in life because it becomes repetitive, monotonous, and not very much fun.

And a lot of people, that's a pivot point in their life, right?

Some people,

they go down the road of heavy drugs heavy alcohol destroying their life because they think it's not what they wanted and other people they say okay i did good so far but let me do better let me do bigger let me use the tools and the knowledge and the resources that i have now to create something even bigger and

When they create that bigger mission and that bigger purpose, the juice comes back, dude.

It's like the mojo.

Yeah, dude.

It's like you plugged your finger in the electrical socket of the mystery force.

Don't try that at home.

Yeah, don't do that.

Sorry.

But, you know, and it just

rejuvenates you.

And I think we have to remember that we are always fighting against a cultural norm.

And the cultural norm is celebrating the weekend, celebrating the vacation.

You're not normal if you work all the time.

Well, motherfucker, some people ain't wired like that.

And to be real, like, if I lived like those people live, I would kill myself.

That is the honest to God's truth.

And I'm not, I'm not paraphrasing.

I'm not exaggerating.

I would literally commit suicide because I would be so depressed and so sad and so unfulfilled.

And then society makes you think you're weird for being wired as a builder.

Anything outside of that.

Right.

And I just made a post about this today.

We're recording this on Friday.

You know, you can't explain

this fire, this intensity, this drive that you have to build, create, and become to someone who didn't get that gift.

They're never going to understand it.

They're never going to make sense of it.

And they are typically heavily bought into the regular culture.

And the regular culture at the bottom level is do the least amount of shit that you can do.

All right.

Watch as much TV as you can watch.

Relax as much as you can.

And dude, that's just not a fulfilling life for someone who got the gift.

Okay.

I got the gift.

This person here, they got the gift.

And if you have the gift, you should embrace that.

And you should say, hey, I'm not like those people.

And the truth is, they're never going to understand.

So fuck what they think and do what's going to make you feel fulfilled and happy and energized.

For me, and for most ambitious people, and not most, every single one that I've ever met in my life, they have to constantly be building.

And we constantly see this in examples of this in life.

How many athletes get done playing sports and are super depressed?

Okay.

How many people people sell their businesses and are completely miserable?

You know, like it's it's not like and and and the regular person will say, well, see, all the money doesn't make you happy.

It they're actually right.

It's not the money, bro.

It's the process of creating.

It's the it's the artistic process of building and becoming and doing things that are hard.

And that gives us respect and gives us fulfillment in ourselves.

It's the reason it's one of the biggest reasons why 75 Hard is so transformative.

It teaches people that the value that you have in yourself is directly linked to how hard you work.

Okay.

So

that's the long answer.

The short answer, I could talk about this forever.

The short answer is this.

No, it's not too late.

No, it's not too late to change your entire purpose if you want, but don't think that you have to change your entire purpose.

You know, you don't have to burn your house down.

You don't have to burn your life down.

You could just expand it.

You could say, hey, okay, I'm going to take this to the next level.

I'm going to do this.

And you have to to do that you have to remove the guide rails of your own thought process to think bigger than you thought and you know and realize that the the dream that you're living now was the dream of your younger self and you are no longer that younger self now you have new skills and you're able to think bigger and accomplish more and then there's something to that too when you know you have more skills and you know you can accomplish more but you're still living in the same dream that the 20 year old of you created it's not going to be fulfilling, bro.

And so, you know,

all of these things play into this mental game that we get caught up into.

And if we don't understand how to break out of it, the feeling that he's feeling is very natural.

So

come up with a bigger purpose, bro.

That's the answer.

Get a bigger mission, get a bigger purpose, dream, take a weekend and dream as big as you fucking can and then go do that.

And you're going to, all that magic and all that feeling and all those things, that's going to come back.

That's such a

weird thing to get sucked into, man.

And like, there's more to the younger guys because we got a lot of young, young, ambitious people that are going out there.

36 is young, bro.

36 is young, but I mean, I'm talking like the young, young bucks, like the 20s, the 20s, the 19s, right?

And it's like, you know, we go all of our life and we, we, we feel like there is this like, you know, path that we're supposed to be on, right?

You're supposed to go to school, you're supposed to go to a nine-to-five, have a good career, make the family, be get the house.

And it's like, it's like hindsight, bro.

Like, it's such small-minded thinking,

you know what I'm saying?

And, like, I'm, I remember that one of the first lessons you really told me, bro.

You got to think bigger.

Yeah, whatever your goals are, scratch them and make big ones, man.

Yeah, because, like, that's the only way to get out of that.

Yeah, it's the only way to get out of it.

I love that, man.

Um, we got calling.

Let's do a call.

All right, let's uh, we got let's go to Cameron.

Uh, let's give Cameron a ring.

Hello,

This is Cameron.

Cameron, what's up, dude?

Hey, DJ.

Hey, Andy.

Cam, what's up, bro?

How are you?

For picking me.

Yeah, man.

Of course.

Doing well.

Thank you

so much for picking me and everything you guys do for us.

What are you doing right now?

Just in the office.

I'm in San Diego.

Oh, sweet.

All right.

All right.

A little San Diego action.

That's what's up, man.

All right.

Well, what do we got?

My question is, how do you leverage dark energy from mistakes you've made yourself?

I've heard you share leveraging it from others, but curious if you do and how you do

turn that negative into a positive.

Really appreciate it.

Can you give me an example of what you're talking about?

Having to get the last word in

and damaging relationships

or

and

just succumbing to

succumbing to things, to those types of shortcomings, personally, that can negatively impact relationships.

Let me ask you this.

Let me ask you this, brother.

If you and I were best friends, okay, and we're friends, right?

You listen to me, we're friends.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

If I said to you, hey, Cam, bro.

I'm really struggling with this, man.

You know, I'm kind of, I got a big mouth.

I got kind of a bad temper.

I

have to always get the last word in.

And, you know, it's ruined some friendships, a few relationships.

And I can't get over it, man.

Like, fuck.

And I can't stop thinking about it.

What would you say to me?

As a friend,

that you'd really need to work on yourself so that you're

not

and build confidence and self-esteem so that you're not, you don't feel the need to do that.

And you're more

compassionate in those situations and don't even think about having to get the last word in and instead just handle it with grace.

Well,

I mean, dude, I can't stop thinking about it, man.

I feel super guilty.

It's where it's eating me alive on the inside, man.

Like,

I just can't get over it.

What would you say?

Just stop.

Stop what?

Stop getting the last word in.

Okay.

Here's what I'm getting at, brother.

You need to talk to yourself like you're your own friend.

Okay?

Every single person in the history of the world has done shit that you're talking about right now that you feel bad about.

And you got to forgive yourself, bro.

You got to say, hey, I made those mistakes.

I'm conscious of those mistakes now.

I'm aware of how they affect my life.

And I'm going to work on it.

But

I can't dwell on it, man.

And if you were my friend, Cam, which you are, you support the show.

I'm going to say this to you, man.

Give yourself a little grace.

You're learning.

You're growing.

That's the point of life.

And it's not not about harnessing the dark side energy that we have in situations like this.

It's about giving ourselves grace and saying, fuck, I'm a human being, bro.

And

if you were, if DJ was telling me the same shit that you're telling me, I'd say, hey, dude, what would I say?

So, what, one, stop being a pussy, get it together, and just go fucking do it.

That was you fucking years ago.

Yeah.

And what would I say if you were saying, if you, if you were dwelling on it, would I not say what I just told him?

100%.

I'd say, hey, bro, it's all good.

It's all good.

We all go through this.

And you need to talk to yourself like that, man.

You know, when you're an ambitious young man, especially,

we can talk to ourselves really, really harshly.

And dude, I'm guilty of that, right?

High standards demand a harsh internal dialogue.

And sometimes that becomes

counterproductive because it destroys ourselves from the inside when we make mistakes.

But we always have to remember, man, there's only been one person ever that's lived in the history of the world that was perfect.

And his name was Jesus.

So it wasn't Cam and it wasn't Andy and it wasn't DJ.

Okay.

So we have to remember, man, to give ourselves grace, to be aware of our shortcomings, and then to work on those things.

And the next thing, the next time they come up, we're going to make a better decision.

And we might not get it all the way right, but the next time it comes up again, we'll get it a little more right and then a little more and then a little more.

And then eventually, you're not even that same person anymore.

I can tell you this, dude.

This is real shit.

When I was coming up in business,

like, and I was desperate, I was the harshest,

most savage

motherfucker on the face of the planet to everybody around me.

I did not take shit from anybody, and I still don't, but I did not tolerate any fucking excuses to the point where I was mean sometimes.

okay i i was excessive

and it's hard to argue that because it got us where we are but i have guilt about it yeah okay

lost a lot of friends during that time yes absolutely bro and so i've had to i've had to develop the understanding that like hey man i was doing what i knew best at that time and then i've adjusted my behavior so much so that most of the people that work for us now have no perception that i used to be that way.

No clue.

Yeah, like they don't understand that there's a literal fucking animal one inch underneath the skin.

You know what I'm saying?

So it's, but dude, I've had to work on that.

And

the first thing that allowed me to work on that was becoming aware of it.

And you're already to that point, brother.

The next thing I had to do was give myself some grace and say, okay, you did what

you knew to do at the time.

And the third thing I did was I had to start working on changing the behavior.

And when I started to move out out of that phase,

I still had those situations happen, but they happened less and less frequently.

And then eventually they got to the point where they rarely happen.

And, you know, it's not who I am anymore.

It's just not who I am.

So it's there.

I can use it when I want to.

It's kind of like what Peterson says, what Jordan Peterson said, you got to be a fucking savage monster and then learn how to control it.

But

yeah, man, it's part of life, brother.

And I'm I'm going to tell you this right now.

I can hear it in your voice that you're struggling with this and you feel guilty about it.

And I'm just going to tell you, dude,

that's life, man.

And give yourself some grace, work on the behavior, and after time passes, you won't even be that person anymore, bro.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, it definitely does.

All right, brother.

How old are you?

How old are you?

34.

Oh, fuck, dude.

You got plenty of time to learn.

Trust me.

At 34, I was ripping motherfuckers' throats out.

So you're good, dude.

Just, you know, give yourself a little grace, acknowledge the behavior, work on the behavior, and

it'll be a memory before you know it.

All right, brother?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Thank you so much for this and all you guys do.

Thanks, Cam.

Appreciate you, bro.

Yeah.

All right.

See you.

Thanks, Andy.

Thanks, DJ.

See you, brother.

I think that's a,

I think I want to ask you this, right?

Because I feel like, you know, we all heard that saying, like, you know, you are your biggest critic.

Should you be?

Should you be your biggest critic?

Of course.

Of course, you should.

Bro, no one's going to hold you to the standard that you should hold yourself to.

You should always be holding yourself to a high.

This is what high performers do, Marlow.

High performers hold themselves to a higher standard than the external standards that they have to live in.

Okay.

So this is what this is a big deal to understand this.

Kobe Bryant worked harder than what he was demanded of by the Lakers.

Okay.

Every successful person,

Tom Brady worked harder than what he was demanded of by the Patriots.

So your standards, if you want to be a high-level performer, have to be higher than any of the external standards that you live in.

That's just the math of doing it,

which can be very difficult, right?

And when you work in a high-standard environment and then you got to have higher standards than that sometimes we get pretty harsh on ourselves to where we forget like

there's still going to be mistakes sometimes you know what i'm saying so um

but you gotta so you're saying you gotta have really short almost short memory with those when those downfalls come yeah and get right back to it yeah yeah that's it man yeah i love it man i love it well look guys let's get our next question um our next question is uh andy thank you so much for all you guys do huge fan um i make sure to share the show so I ain't a hoe.

To tell the truth, I feel like a desperate bitch for emailing in today, but I need some help.

I'm 23 years old, and I've been in sales for the past five years or so while I was in college and after graduation.

I'm constantly improving my professional skills, and I've done all right in my sales career.

It seems like I can never get ahead of bills, and being financially successful sounds very far in the future.

I know I'm young, but I feel aimless.

I've always wanted to start my own business and grind at something I'm actually passionate about.

Anytime I think of going off on my own, I always run into the same problem.

Where the hell do I start?

What the hell can I start a business off of?

I know this is the problem I must solve on my own, but I'm curious as to how you decided on your business idea and how you knew that that is the solution that you're going to pursue.

Anything helps?

Thanks, guys.

Yeah.

I'll give you the exact truth.

I wanted to be rich as fuck.

Okay.

This is reality.

All right.

We were going to open.

I had a guy that I knew.

I had two entrepreneurs that I had seen in real life and actually met.

All right.

One of them was making a ton of money in a tanning business.

Okay.

The other one was making

what I thought was a ton of money in retail supplement stores.

So the guy who had the tanning business was making way more money.

And so I wanted to start a tanning salon.

All right.

I swear to God, this is how it happened.

Okay.

I couldn't afford, Chris and I were saying, fuck it, we're going to start a business.

We're going to open a tanning salon.

Couldn't afford a tanning bed because we only had 12 grand.

All right.

So then we said, well, can we start selling supplements?

And we could.

So what we did was we took the, nobody would rent to us because

we didn't didn't have any credit.

We found a guy, his name was Mark Tharp in Springfield, Missouri, who rented to us, but with the agreement that we would pay a year upfront in rent and rent was a thousand bucks a month.

And that was all the money we had.

So then we went and we got resourceful.

We went to campus.

And back then they used to have these little tables that you could fill out an application and get a credit card.

And they were like 500 bucks.

So we went to campus and we filled out every motherfucking credit card we would get and then we used those to build out the store which we went to home depot and literally bought the material to build the store out we we built it with plywood and roofing tin and uh if you go to the springfield s2 on the on the uh north side 1709 south campbell you'll see the counter that we built still there yeah it's yeah we built it right

we built it with my buddy mark pottest and um

and we painted the store i mean dude like, when I say we started at nothing, like, I don't think people understand what that means.

Like, we fucking financed the motherfucking bill out on a credit card.

And then our first order of supplements was $10,000.

Okay.

And I promise you, that's very little inventory.

So that's how we started.

We didn't start.

Yes, we worked out.

Yes, we...

took supplements, but we were not knowledgeable about supplements.

And we were kind of casual about about working out we were just we were just athletes

we wanted to make money and

this

really kind of

that the mentality was a very

uh

not knowing it at the time but it really cost us a lot of time because our goal was to make money all right so the first

day we sold seven dollars to a buddy of mine his name was nick vespa

the next day we didn't sell any the day after that we sold $23.

Took us six months or eight months to have a day over 200 bucks.

I think it was eight months.

And then it took us five and a half years to open our second store.

So first three years, we didn't make any money.

And we lived in the back of the store on and off.

And the next seven years, we made $695 a month for a grand total of $58,380.

for the entire first 10 years that we were in business, not per year.

Could have made more money working at McDonald's.

and the reason that things changed was because over that course of time

we had situations

where

people would come in and they would lose a lot of weight or they would get themselves together and it would change their lives and it was awesome okay but we were too young and too motivated by money to really understand

that that's how we should be operating the business.

We just didn't get it.

And what I mean by that is our intent was on ourselves and it was not on the customer.

And the minute that we figured that out, and there's a whole long story about how we figured that out,

things changed.

Everything changed.

Okay.

Our intent went, how do we deliver the best results for these people?

How do we make sure that we can replicate the result on our end, which is to get them where they want to go as much as possible?

And when we flip that switch over, we grew 100% for five years in a row.

And this is post-2008 economy, which was one of the worst ever.

And it was a simple

mindset flip of putting the intent on what we're trying to deliver, not on how much money we're going to make.

And when you do that, then the money comes.

And

this is a problem I see in a lot of people.

A lot of people are able to make a little bit of money running a business, but it never really takes off because the intent is on how much can I take from other people instead of how much can I give, how much value can I bring.

And they hear these buzzwords on the internet of people saying, oh, deliver value, you get paid, or you get paid in terms of the value you provide.

And they're like, oh, this fucking, they think it's buzzword bullshit.

It's not.

It's real shit.

And

so that's how we started.

Okay.

We just thought we could make money.

And so we went and we did make money, but it took us a long time how to make money, which was to put the intent on the result that the customer was after, which I know, I know for a fact we do that better than anybody now.

We do it better than anybody.

There's not another company that does what we do that cares more about their fucking customers.

Say whatever the fuck you want.

It's just not true.

That's the truth.

And I can say that very confidently.

And I don't think there's another company on the planet that's changed more lives than ours.

And I say that very confidently.

When you throw in the transformations that we do, 75 Hard and how we take care of people, it's just facts.

No one could fucking, no one could even,

I don't even think it's even close.

That's the truth.

And I don't say that to brag.

I say that because I'm proud of it.

You flipped that intent and stuck with it.

Correct.

And it's created a very successful existence for myself, the people around me.

It's created tons of better, higher quality people in the world who are happier and healthier and setting a better example.

And it's allowed me to create income and careers for thousands of people all off of that one intent switch.

So

if I were a young person and I didn't know what I was going to do, I would ask myself,

what do I care about?

What do I care about serving other?

How can I serve other people in a way that makes me proud of what I just did?

I would answer that question first.

Then Then I would answer a second question, which is, what do I know how to do?

Okay.

And if you don't know how to do what you thought of first, then you can learn it.

That's, that's okay.

But if they align, it's really good.

All right.

And then the third thing that has to happen is, can I make money doing this?

Can I do this at scale?

What are my dreams and how can I get there?

Because there are things that we care about and we do well that can't scale.

All right.

Most things can scale because there's niche markets that you can do very well in.

But depending on how far you want to go, like if you want to make 200 grand a year, that's a different conversation because you have more flexibility to do the thing that you love because that's a lower income.

If you want to make 20 million a year or 30 million a year, motherfucker has to be able to scale.

Okay.

So there's nuance in this formula.

It's

what do I love?

How can I serve?

What value can I provide?

Well, do I have the skills to do it?

And can it scale?

And you need to find the right mix of those things that's going to get you where you want to go.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, 100%.

100%.

I think, don't they call that like,

I've heard it like passion projects, things like that?

I mean, dude, people call shit all kinds of different things.

I mean,

passion projects, in my understanding, are more just like people do things because they love to do them, not because they want to make money at all.

Right.

Right.

They don't care.

Um, that would be like what we do for Haiti or what we do for North St.

Louis and things like that.

You know what I'm saying?

Um, but

yeah, bro.

I mean, if you want to turn, not every passion can be turned into a hundred million dollar business or even a ten million dollar business.

But if your goals aren't that big, which is okay,

like, bro, I got to say this too.

You don't have to be

a fucking hundred million dollar company.

Okay.

You need to figure out what the fuck, how you want to to live your life and then design it around that.

All right.

So not everybody has to go out and try to build Nike, right?

That's just what I want to do.

And I want to do more than that.

I don't even, I've got bigger goals than that, believe it or not.

You just don't know about them yet.

So, yeah, man, that's, it's an equation.

It's a thought-out plan.

Uh, you know, and the more money you want to make and the bigger your life is,

the less flexible you can be with what you care about.

And it has to line up with where you want to go.

But you still have to care about it enough to love serving it.

Does that make sense?

Absolutely, bro.

So

it's just a thought process.

Okay, what do I love?

What are my skills?

What do I want to make?

And then it's turning the dials to figure out what's going to work.

What do you also say, too?

Because I feel like this is also another young buck problem where like because the internet can be so inundated with people oh i made you know three million dollars in two hours right well first of all remember they're full of right 100 right but it's like you know people people don't know people don't understand wealth scale okay

someone who doesn't know who's 20 years old or 30 years old and they've never had anything nice in their life they see someone with a fucking lamborghini and they think oh my god they're so rich no dude that's not true okay you can you can do all kinds of things you You can rent those.

You can, bro, there's private jet sets that

influencers go and take fake private photos, private jet photos.

You cannot believe any of this shit.

This is why I tell you guys.

You have to look at what they've actually done.

You can't look at what they present online.

It's not 90% of the time, it's not true.

And really, dude, I'm sort of an anomaly in the fact that like I'm one of the dudes who's actually built a bunch of real shit that shows their life.

Most of these motherfuckers who built real shit don't show their life because they think that if they do, it's going to demoralize their employees or their customers when in reality, dude, it would inspire them.

And that was something that I had to learn as well.

For sure.

But the truth of the matter is, dude, like

these fuckers are so full of shit.

None of them have really done anything.

They're good at marketing a fake lifestyle.

And because you don't know what real wealth looks like, you think it's you think it's real.

And, you know, people that are on the other end of that mountain,

like I can look at that or someone's like and be like,

fuck out of here, dude.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, it's, it's, it's,

we have a lot of dudes taking advantage of people.

And it makes people,

it makes people demoralized because they think they're doing it wrong.

Well, I think my point, too, was getting to that.

It's like,

you know, you're at 23, bro, you couldn't, like, are you even able, would you even be able to manage millions of dollars in your bank bank account right then?

You know what I'm saying?

Like, what's the wealth timeline?

Like, are there not schools that you should have?

There's 23-year-olds that have made billions of dollars.

So we got to be careful about

that.

But to answer your question, if you don't have experience managing money, no, you're not going to know how to manage it.

This is why we see all the athletes lose all their money.

This is why we see the lottery winners lose all their money because

They don't know anything about money, right?

They don't know how to make it work for They don't know where to invest it.

They don't know how to run a business.

You know, they think it's just going to be there forever because they don't have the perspective,

you know, and you can't blame them because no one ever taught them, you know.

But no, I mean, managing money is a fucking skill in itself.

And it's going to take for most people, it takes making money, losing money, making money, losing money.

And then finally, you make it again.

You're like, fuck, I'm not losing it.

Yeah, I mean, dude, look, that's the reality.

So,

yeah, no, it's a real thing.

You know, you,

the process of building will teach you responsibility, right?

Because you'll manage cash flow and profitability.

And, you know, you'll start to realize what you can't afford, what you can't afford.

But getting it overnight is, you wouldn't even want that, bro.

And I'm going to tell you this, too, because

the hungry days, the lean days, the hard days,

the days of pain and struggle and hopelessness and frustration.

When you look back

on those days, those are the days you're going to value the most because those are the days that taught you everything you actually need.

The grit, the endurance, the mental toughness, all the skills, how to be resourceful.

And if you take someone and allow them to skip that process,

and then then that person who had to learn all the shit the hard way has to compete with that person at some point in time.

The person who had to struggle is going to kick the fuck out of the person that got it quick.

That's the reality.

Because like, bro, I don't care who I go up against.

I could go up against CEOs of the biggest companies in the world.

I'm going to fucking beat their ass because I fucking started with nothing and I know all the skills all the way up to the top.

No one ever invested.

No one ever gave us a big check.

I didn't graduate from fucking Brown and get a role of CEO.

My skill set is much more in depth than any of those people could possibly have.

It doesn't matter how many hours they spent in a boardroom or a classroom.

It's a different skill set.

So

I actually have way more respect and admiration for the people who literally started at nothing.

I think they're the best entrepreneurs in the world because dude, how do you fucking create something out of nothing?

That's hard.

Okay.

So, if you're running a business that you created from nothing, even if it's doing, you know,

not doing as good as you want it to, just remember you're learning skills that these big-time dudes are never going to have.

You know what I'm saying?

And eventually, you're going to compete against people who were who had investors or got placed in these, and dude, you're going to beat them because you know more.

So,

that's real.

We got one more question.

Let's uh let's get one more call in here.

Final, uh, final question for the day.

Let's get Mandel on the line.

Here we go.

Hello, it's Mandel.

This is Mandel?

Yeah.

Yo, what's up?

Here's DJ.

Yeah, this is DJ.

How'd you get

Mandel?

What's up, bro?

What's going on, Andy?

How are you doing, man?

I'm doing good.

How are you?

Man, I'm doing great.

Yeah, nah, man, this is no doubt one of the best days of my life.

I mean it.

Well, we're going to make it better, bro.

Where are you calling in from?

Yeah,

Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

Sioux Falls, Sioux Falls.

That's a beautiful country up here.

It's nice up here, though.

It's a good state.

All right.

All right, brother.

Well, hey, what can we help you with today, man?

Yeah.

So I want to be as objective about this as possible without putting emotions into it.

But my question is, is it a moral and ethical thing to cut your siblings out of your life when you believe they are the reasons for holding you back?

They come with good intentions, but do not believe in the path of being what Tim Grover calls a cleaner in life.

For, you know, me, you, I'm sure DJ and the rest of the RelayF team that have read the book Relentless by Tim Grover.

So.

All right, man.

Well, that's a real question, dude.

And a lot of people struggle with this a lot.

I mean, this is one of the most asked questions that I've gotten in my 15 years of doing personal development work.

It depends.

Okay.

It just depends.

Here's the reality of it, man.

And I'm going to speak objectively as well.

You only have so much energy dude okay you only have

so much energy and to compete if you're ambitious it's going to take all of it if you are spending 40 of your time arguing with anyone okay whether it be a friend somebody you don't know that well your mom your dad your siblings your ability to succeed is going to be less because you are going to be competing against someone who has more available energy to create.

That's the truth.

Now,

you as an individual, this is the part I can't answer, you have to decide how much energy you want to free up while maintaining relationships that you have.

So my recommendation for you would be to audit how important it is to get where you want to go and Then make a decision about where the boundary needs to be for you you to have the most available energy to move forward.

It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to cut them all the way out.

It can mean you just have to sort of keep them at arm's length.

All right.

It can also mean you just have to learn how to have selective hearing.

You know, when I was building my company, dude,

This is just the truth.

I would show up at places where I had friends and family and I'd get made fun of, dude.

And I would get joked about, you know, and I'd have people that would say, hey, that's cool as well.

So I don't want to make it sound like it was all bad.

But I definitely had people in my family tell me, like,

like that little saying that I say all the time, like, or do you still own that little vitamin shop?

That came from people I'm related to.

So,

you know, I just had to decide.

And, and, you know what I did?

I stopped.

I sort of stopped showing up.

I kept it at length.

I kept it real far away.

And I was able to do what I wanted to do.

And I don't have regrets about that because now when I look at my life,

I

see all these people around me who are young and hungry and supporting their families and building their communities and doing all of these good things.

And that's, I feel good about that.

So for me, that was worth it.

But for you, it may not be worth it.

So you have to decide what it is that you want.

But I can tell you this, if your goal is to be a cleaner,

you're probably going to have to create some very, very strong boundaries and learn selective hearing.

Okay.

And when you do hear what they say, you're going to have to have a chip on your shoulder and say, hey, fuck that.

I'm going to shove it down these motherfuckers' throats.

And all of those things

I've developed.

That's the truth.

The worst thing that someone could say to me if they want me to lose is to tell me that I can't do something

because I will fucking burn my own life down to win.

And

people say that's not healthy.

Well, it's probably not, but it's the truth.

So, yeah, I mean, just being real.

So like, that's the decision, man.

It's, it's auditing how important it is to you and,

you know, how you want to handle it.

And there's always nuance and there's dials that you can turn to get where you need to go.

But the bigger the goal, the less, the less energy you're going to have available for people that aren't going to push you forward.

And when it comes to friends and when it comes to the people you surround yourself with,

it's not enough just to have them be neutral.

You have to find people that are going to push with you and fight with you and build with you.

And

so

you have to take those drags or anchors, as I call them, and replace them with propellers so that you can go fast enough to compete.

So

does that, first of all, does that make sense?

100%.

Okay.

No, literally, that was straight facts.

Like, it's just nice to hear it from somebody for the first time in my life that gets what the show is, real AF.

And yeah, you know, it's something where, like, I'm truly trying to do something incredible with my life.

I know people laugh at me when I say it.

I know they're like, oh, you're trying to do something like Steve Jobs.

No, I am.

I really am.

And I say it with humility.

And you get laughed at, you know, and it's like.

you get to a point, like you said, it's like you love them and you're proud of your siblings.

They're your blood siblings, you know, you grew up with them, but you realize that they are anchors.

And it's like, you know, just from these short couple of months of closing these relationships with them, because I have, I've achieved like literally a year of progress because of the focus that I've been able to put on all this energy towards my goals.

So it's just, it just sucks.

It's a sucky situation because like you said, you know, it's easy to do with friends because they're friends, you know, like you talk about your blood siblings, you know, Sal for you, Andy, your brother.

You know, you grew up with these guys, you know, you love them, you know, but you realize that they just, they, they call you high at cheating and all this, and it's just not the right energy.

Like you said, you need people there that are going to fight with you, not just be neutral with you when you're having these conversations.

Bro, it's just the way it is, man.

Like,

you know, I wish it was different.

I wish you could have relationships with everybody.

And,

you know, even if they didn't want you, you could still be cool.

And dude, if they were mature, they would just keep their fucking mouth shut.

Yeah.

And if they were really mature, they'd support the fuck out of you.

But the problem is human nature is just the way it is.

And people that come from the same household or the same neighborhood or the same school that you came from, when you're trying to create greatness, you are a constant reminder of what they could have done.

And that doesn't feel good to them.

So, you know, I always tell young entrepreneurs, one of the greatest things that you can do to be successful and maintain your family relationships is to move the fuck to a new city and do it there.

Because then the distance sort of creates the buffer and you're able to do your shit without the distraction.

I don't know if that's an option for you, but that's a way to do it.

But here's the good news, brother.

All that same shit happened to me.

All of it.

When I first started writing, because that's kind of where, you you know, if my personal development career started, I was writing literal posts on Facebook.

I would have people in my family fucking comment, what do you think?

You're Tony Robbins?

And, you know, like, that's the shit they would say.

And it's like, here I am, you know, so, and Tony's the GOAT.

I'm just going to say that.

I don't say I'm better than him, but, you know, like, I'm doing my own thing.

And

so, yeah, dude.

And, and, and eventually those people that doubted you and they grow the fuck up

and they come back around, dude.

And so it's not ever a goodbye.

It's, it's more like a, I'll see you in a few years.

You know what I mean?

And right, right.

Yeah.

So, so, dude, you know,

I would start with a conversation, a real conversation, like, like with them.

Like, I'd sit them the fuck down and I'd say, hey, man, look, here's the deal.

I love you.

I respect you.

You're my fucking blood.

If you were my real blood,

you would support me in this.

And if you can't support me, at least be quiet.

And if you can't be quiet, I can't associate with you because I'm doing this no matter what the fuck you have to say about it.

And sort of set that boundary and then let them decide what they want to do.

And then you, you, you react appropriately.

But this is, go ahead.

I want to ask this while you got Mandela while you're on the phone too, because I feel like there is a flip side of this.

I just want to get your takes on it.

Is it almost coming from like a selfish thing like why don't you believe in me

like if there's nothing there yet though oh yeah that's also a good point you know what i'm saying yeah sometimes we

look i don't think that's what he's saying i think what he's saying is they're discouraging for sure but there is another side to that to that talk which is people who are just starting demand support and when they don't get you know the out of this world support, they say, oh, everybody fucking, nobody believes in me.

Well, motherfucker, you didn't give them anything to believe in.

What the fuck have you done?

You said you're gonna lose weight 700 times.

You didn't lose weight.

You said you were gonna do this, it didn't work.

You said you were gonna do that, it didn't work.

People have a right to not believe you if you have displayed that you are not worthy of belief.

Like, that's reality.

So, so you know, that is a trap that people fall into.

We have to accept reality.

Nobody's going to believe until you've done it.

Okay.

And if they can support you, great.

If they can't, they should be quiet and at the very least, not be a drag.

But we got to be, you know, I don't think that's what he's saying, but that's a good point to bring up because there is, I see that a lot.

Well, I mean, because we expect it from fans.

Yeah, but bro, like

they're people too.

Like if they've seen you like say, oh, I'm going to lose weight 700 times and you say it the next time, why the fuck would they believe you?

You know, so you can't, they're, they're people.

They're not going to, just because they have the same blood and they love you, you might get a little extra grace.

But I mean, eventually you're showing them that you're not going to follow through and they're not going to believe in you.

So that's when you have to make them believers through the results that you produce.

Nobody owes us shit.

Okay.

We have to understand that.

Nobody owes us fucking anything.

Okay.

They don't owe us help.

They don't owe us belief.

They don't owe us support.

And the reason that most of these people don't support us is because we've never never shown them anything to support or believe in.

Once you show them and you build something and they look at it and they say, oh, he's actually doing it.

I'm always believing you, man, Dale.

The belief starts to come.

You see what I'm saying?

So,

yeah, man.

But brother, you know, look, dude, how old are you?

25.

All right.

You got to fucking take care of your own life, bro.

That's the reality.

And this is a hard transition for young men and young people in general when they're 25, because you're on the path of your own life.

You've gone through this shit.

Oh, yeah.

You're on the came out of it.

Yeah.

You're on the path of your own life now.

And your whole, the rest, the, the life that you've known up until this point has been with your brothers and your sisters and your family.

But now you're out on your own, man.

And there's this weird transition that happens where we have to like.

realize, hey, nobody's coming to fucking make this for me.

So, and I think you're there and I think you're thinking about it the right way, bro.

And it sounds like you have super high ambition and drive and you want to do big things.

And just realize to do those big things, right or wrong, no matter what anybody thinks of it, you're going to have to dedicate most of your energy to it.

There's going to be people that don't approve.

There's going to be people that say that's wrong.

They're going to be people that guilt you for it.

But I would tell you this.

All of that shit is not worth not getting where you want to go.

It's just the truth.

Right.

So

would that's what i would do bro just audit it out build it out think about it and uh you know have that conversation and you're gonna be good bro i promise you everybody goes through this

yeah man i appreciate it yeah no um yeah no it's to the point where like you said turning 25 you know going into that you know transitionary phase um you know i want to win so bad that like it's coming at all costs now like to where like

it's I'm having this question with you guys today bro let me tell you but no I

but sorry about that let me let me tell you something dude

it fucking takes everything

anybody who tells you it doesn't take everything is fucking lying they've never done it or they had some sort of benefit they had some sort of benefit that you don't have like somebody to give them money or an investment or a loan or they had anybody who's come from

fucking base level and built anything relevant,

this is just reality.

I don't really give a fuck what anybody has to say about it because none of them have done it.

I've done it.

It takes fucking everything.

Fucking everything.

And here's the problem that you're going to have later in life because I'm just going to tell you, I'm 20 years older than you.

You're going to build the habit of giving everything for so long that you find it really hard later to give it your energy to anything else.

So

it's a different life.

It's just a different fucking life

that most people will never understand.

So get comfortable with that.

Get used to it.

Understand it's going to come with its unique challenges.

But from someone who has been in your shoes, I wouldn't trade it.

Period.

Yeah.

No doubt.

All right, brother.

No, man.

I mean, I don't want to take any more of you guys' time.

I mean, this is really

the best days of my life.

Yeah.

No, I like, seriously, the wisdom I just got is going to propel me.

I can't wait to see what 20 years from now my life's going to look like.

I just want to thank you guys, the Real AF team on First Form and all of everybody and the entire teams that put out the stuff you guys do.

You guys are literally doing God's work.

Like, I mean, you guys are actually speaking God's word into the world.

Like, it's amazing.

I've been listening for five years, and I just can't thank you guys enough.

This show truly means a lot to me.

Well, listen, brother,

we appreciate that.

And if you really want to repay us, go out and do what the fuck you're supposed to do.

All right.

And remember, you have an obligation to do this, bro, because

you could see it in your family.

Your family doesn't believe it's possible.

Think of the perspective switch that it's going to create in them for you to go out and do this.

It's going to change their entire lives, even if they're resistant to it now.

So your story matters.

It's important that you go do this and it's not just about you, even though it feels like it is right now.

All right, bro.

So keep that in mind whenever it gets hard.

Yeah, man.

No, no, last thing I want to say is, you know, my mom, she's eight months sober because she was so inspired

at how hard I work every single day

at my goals and

everything.

And it's just, you know,

yeah, it's little things like that that you, you just, you have to be grateful for.

Bro.

But yeah, no, I don't, I don't want to take any more of you guys' time seriously.

I know, you know, you guys got the episode laid out and everything.

I already appreciate this call like just so much.

Brother.

You are the episode.

Hey, don't be afraid to call us back in, man.

I will check in from time to time.

I want to hear what's going on.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, no, definitely.

Definitely got some, you know, other questions.

uh for the future uh but yeah i'll definitely um keep sharing the show um you know don't be a hoe all y'all out there And yeah, you know, I'm just going to keep following like I've always done.

You guys have always impacted my life in tremendous ways already.

So.

All right, brother.

Well, listen, go do it.

Go make it happen.

And we'll see you at the fucking top.

Yes, sir.

I can't wait.

All right.

See you, brother.

All right.

We'll see you, DJ and Andy.

Bye.

Fucking awesome.

Dude, that's sick.

It's fucking awesome.

That's such a hard thing to deal with.

It is, man.

But fuck, dude, I can hear it in his voice, bro.

Dude, it's hard.

He he gets it he gets it yeah it's real it's right around that time it's like all right well i mean yeah dj gotta go it is what it is man like yeah it is what it is dude and and it's hard because you care about people but

you know you got when you start wearing you know when you start weighing out okay well What if I don't become what it is I want to become?

What if I don't do this?

How am I going to feel about it?

It's, it's really not worth anything else.

And I know people are going to say, well, that's selfish.

Well, sometimes you got to be selfish to be selfless.

That's the truth.

You have to be.

Yeah, that's right.

You have to.

So, um,

man, I really love that question in that call.

And I can just hear in his voice that he's fucking all about it.

That's refreshing, dude.

That shit gives me hope.

I really like these call-ins, man.

Like, this is way cooler for us than just reading someone's question.

You know what I'm saying?

For sure.

It's cool.

No doubt about it.

Well, guys,

Andy, that was four.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Share the dern show.

Yeah, share the dern show.

All right.

Yeah.

Remember sleeping on the floor.

Now my druid box froze.

Fuck up bowl, fuck up stove.

Counted millions in a cold.

Bad bitch, booted swole.

Got her on bank rope.

Can't fold, just a no.

Headshot, case close.