Geoff's Kerfuffle & A Half // Engaging in the Doggery [61]

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Yeah.

Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Regulation Podcast.

This is number 61.

My name is Jeff.

And with me, as always, Andrew, Eric, Nick, and Gavin.

Almost forgot that one.

Decided to go first names only.

I'll be honest with you guys.

I may not be 100% here today.

I'm going to do my goddamnedest, but

I had a bit of a day yesterday.

You had a kerfuffle?

You had a kerfuffle?

Yesterday was a kerfuffle and a half.

Shit.

There should be like a progress bar to unlock for full kerfuffle.

Like at what point does it is it just cur and then you move into the fuffle and then it becomes a definitive full kerfuffle.

I can tell you when it became a fuffle.

Oh, let me explain the fuffle.

Yeah, we can get there.

So just to catch up,

I went out of town, what's today, Thursday?

I went to town on Tuesday because I hadn't seen my mother in person in a little bit since Christmas.

And I wanted to make sure, you know, I want to go poke her with a stick and make sure she was still alive and stuff.

And she is totally is.

And but no, she was having like, she was having some health issues and she wanted to see me.

So I flew out.

Just, unfortunately, I could only fly out for about 28 hours because

of some stuff we have and then travel.

And, you know, we're trying to cram another couple of weeks worth of content in for some more summer travel.

And there's just a lot going on.

And so I basically like.

jumped on a plane as soon as I could, took Millie as a surprise, and we flew out there, had a lovely day in Alabama with her and my

aunt at the farm where they all live now and uh got up to leave on Wednesday and because my mom moved to into my aunt's house she uh she's on the other side of Mobile now which means I no longer fly into the Mobile Airport which is a gotta say dog shit airport

but always empty which is nice you know like there's never been a line in history in the Mobile airport uh they also don't have stuff like TSA precheck because why who would they need it who would need it there right you serious now well they do the thing where you go through and there's no separate line.

You just, if they see the TSA precheck on your, uh, on your ticket, they give you a laminated card that's a hundred years old that's been folded and crinkled 37 times.

And then you just hand it to a guy and he goes, all right, you don't have to take your shoes off.

And that's it.

There's no like separate line to go through to get faster or anything.

You're in the same line and everything.

You just don't take your shoes off when other people do if you have the blue card in your hand.

Anyway, so because she's on the other side, like on the east side of Mobile now, I flew into Pensacola, Pensacola, Florida for the first time because

I don't know, it was a little bit closer and the flights worked out.

So I rented a car.

I got kind of, I got curred a little bit renting the car because I had the car for 25 hours, which meant they charged me for a second day, which I was a little annoyed by because that made the car cost like an extra hundred bucks

for one fucking hour.

But it is what it is.

What are you going to do?

My flight out is at 3.50 p.m.

So I get to the airport at about 2.30 and it's fucking slammed.

And Millie doesn't have TSA Precheck or global entry.

So I was a little nervous because I assumed the Pensacola airport would be just as empty as the Mobile Airport because they're like sister dog shit cities.

But it wasn't.

It was fucking packed.

A lot of people like to go to Pensacola, apparently, or leave Pensacola, apparently.

And so we had some stress getting through it all without TSA PreCheck.

And then, of course, they have the same system where

you just get the fucking laminated card and you don't have have to get shoes off, whatever.

Go through, sitting there waiting.

We're about 15 minutes before we're about to board.

Lightning strikes visibly in front of us, looking out the window.

And I'm like, ah, fuck,

they're not going to let us take off if there's lightning striking.

And

so they didn't.

They didn't let us take off.

And I'm looking at my connecting flight.

I have about 45 minutes before the connecting flight starts boarding after I land.

This is plenty of time in DFW to get from the A terminal to to the C terminal.

Millie and I only had about 15 minutes on the way out, and we still made it with like four minutes to spare.

So I'm not super concerned.

I know we've got some padding there, and I know they always try to make up time in the air as well.

You know how that goes.

And they're usually able to make up 15 or 20 minutes.

And I'm looking at it and I'm like, this is nothing too concerning.

Then I notice that the flight that I'm going to be taking from Dallas to Austin is late as well, coming in from Detroit.

And I'm like, even better.

It took off 15 minutes late.

So we really have some time to play with.

And I'm just watching the

DFW gets shut down for a little while.

And so I'm just watching on my phone, trying to, trying to figure out if we're going to make this connecting flight, you know, and we're just sitting in Florida and we're sitting in Florida and we're sitting in Florida.

And then they board us at about 4.45, a full hour after we were supposed to take off.

And my

grace period in DFW has disintegrated.

And now we're going to land two minutes before the other flight takes off.

And I'm like, we're probably not going to make this flight.

So I hop over to

see about switch into a later flight.

All the later flights are booked for American Airlines for the rest of the night.

And I go, well, that sucks.

And so I thought, you know what?

This is something we Austinites deal with.

I'm sure it's affected, Eric, maybe you haven't lived here long enough, but I'm sure it's affected the others of you.

Every once in a great while,

we have to land at DFW as Austinites, rent a car and drive it one way to Austin to get home.

Because every, because you don't want to be, because it's, it's, here's the thing.

It's about three hours and five five minutes from DFW to my house, right?

There's nothing worse than landing in Dallas at 8 p.m.

and not being able to leave until 8 a.m.

the next morning because all the flights got canceled.

And you have 12 hours and you're like, it's a fucking three hour drive.

I'm so close to home.

So every once in a while, you rent a car one way and drive it home.

And that's just, you just deal with it.

Well, and pro tip as well, the last flight from Dallas to Austin is often a fake flight.

Is often a fake flight.

It just, sometimes it just gets canceled, never goes.

Yeah, exactly.

And so I'm not hyper-concerned because worst case scenario, we're just going to drive home.

But while we're on the, we get on the plane, we're sitting on the runway, we sit on the runway for 45 minutes before we take off.

As soon as we take off, we have now definitely missed this other flight.

I'm thinking, you know?

And so there are no other flights for the rest of the day.

I look for, I think, not a big deal.

Like I said, not a big deal.

I'll just rent a car once we get in the air.

Get in the air,

turn the internet on.

The first thing that happens is I get an alert from American Airlines that says, your connecting flight has been canceled.

Aka Katherine was saying.

There are no more flights for you to take today.

Please call this number.

Our app is down right now.

Please call this number

to schedule your next flight.

And I'm like, I'm in the fucking air somewhere over Alabama.

How am I going to call American Airlines and change my fucking flight?

So I'm like, I'm kind of stuck, but I'm also looking and there's no other flights for the rest of the day.

As a matter of fact, I look at all airlines just for the hell of it.

The only flight going out is a southwest flight at a Love Field, which is a different airport a half an hour away from DFW.

And I'm not going to land in DFW, get in an Uber, drive to another airport to get in a fucking Southwest flight of all things to fly back to Alabama, right?

So I'm like, we are definitely taking the car.

So I load up Hertz and I go to rent a car and they're like, I'm sorry, there's no cars at this airport.

And I go, oh, that's weird.

So I load up Orbits that has, or Kayak, that has all of the different car rental companies.

And they're like, we're sorry, there are no cars in the DFW airport at all.

So I have Emily check, no cars at all.

So then I go, all right, well, worst case scenario, worst case scenario, we land, I Uber to a different location, like a different Hertz or Enterprise rent-a-car off airport, rent one of those cars, take it back.

No, no, there's not a car in Dallas for rent within 40 miles of the DFW airport.

It's the first time in my life I have ever seen that.

Emily doesn't believe it.

She's incredulous.

She looks, it's true.

And of course, I've got shitty plain internet, right?

So everything is hyper slow and it keeps disconnecting and I have to like re, like, I have to keep reinitializing the American Airlines website.

That makes it work again.

And so it's a fucking nightmare.

It's like, you know.

I don't know, trying to research a term paper on a modem from 1989.

It's,

I'm getting like 11K throughput.

It's fucking brutal.

And

does it do that thing where if you want to look at a picture of a woman with her tits out it just loads line by line and takes forever yeah and then you like at some point you're like that's enough tits i can draft up to you uh i don't need that lower half uh so i uh look like i got all the almost to her belly button that's good uh

so i'm a little nervous now because i'm landing in dallas at 7 30 p.m now

And there's no flights out of DFW.

I check that Southwest flight.

It's booked now.

So that can't even take that if I want to.

Emily's like, there's a bus you can take, like a super speed bus that you can take from Dallas to Austin.

Oh, hell yeah.

I'm like, fuck it.

We'll take the super speed bus.

Go to get that.

Can't because it takes off from Dallas Love Field, the other airport that's 30 minutes away.

And it takes off sharp at 8 p.m.

I end up not landing till like 7.40, I think.

And so there's literally impossible for me to get to that one.

So then I go, I'm going to, maybe I'll rent like a black car service.

Right.

And so I start looking at that.

I can't find one for under like a grand.

So I go to Emily and I'm like, I've given up.

I give up.

We're stuck in Dallas for the night.

Like, I can't fucking believe I'm three hours away from my front door and you, my beautiful wife, who I miss dearly, because we are so codependent that even 24 hours apart is becoming difficult.

I don't know what to do.

And she goes, I'll take care of it.

You're not spending the night in Dallas.

Text me back and she goes, a car is going to pick you up at Baggage Claim.

Look for your name.

She rented us a car service and a guy at 8 p.m.

last night in a black

Chevy Tahoe or a black suburban drove Millie and I from the airport home.

We didn't get home till almost midnight.

That's nuts.

Yeah.

That's insane.

You got your own speed bus.

Absolutely.

And I would never have done it because of how much it cost.

It was brutal.

But I'm so glad she did because I had so, you know, I had threaded that trip so tightly because we have so much to do over the next couple of days.

Like we're recording nine videos, I think, and streams over in Thursday and Friday.

So I couldn't miss any of that, obviously, because, you know, people start to go out of town again real soon.

And so I was kind of stuck.

Like I had to get home.

And so I did something I didn't, I didn't think I'd ever do in my life.

I took a private car from Dallas to Austin.

uh because my wife booked it for me well even if you flew very early this morning you probably would have been here in time for stuff but you would have been knackered you'd have to wake up at like four or something i would have gotten home at like 10 15 i probably would have landed at like 9 45 so i'd probably got home like 10 10 15 yeah and then basically turned on my computer and sat down and got ready to go and with no you know and i didn't have any more changes of clothes or anything because i'd only was only at my mom's for a night so i had been dirty and gross and i'm i don't do well in those situations So I would have not have, I'm already not all here today because for some reason, after all that, I slept like dog shit last night.

just adrenaline something about being overtired makes you unable to sleep yeah it's like your body gives you half of a second wind yeah exactly and so i'm i'm not all uh i'm not a hundred percent today but i'm way better than i would be if i'd had to go from a double tree to dfw to home this morning and uh i gotta say that's up there with some of the shittiest customer service I've experienced in that fuck American Airlines just was like, no.

And then the app just wouldn't load for the rest of the night.

They're like, we're having app problems.

And it just crashed and crashed.

I never heard from American Airlines again.

Nobody called me.

They just sent me one email that said, your flight's been canceled.

Call us.

Like, just didn't seem to give much of a shit at all.

No attempt to reschedule us by anybody.

And it's like, start, it makes you wonder, like, what the fuck am I executive platinum for?

You know, you know what that email was?

What?

It was the fuffle.

That was the email.

I was going to say, that's the moment I felt the fuffle is when I was in the air and I got the email telling me me that my only course of action was to call them while I was airborne.

I have a question.

Were all of the other flights cancelled or were they just full?

Cancelled, full, canceled, and full.

It was a mixture of them.

I guess there was some weather in Dallas yesterday.

They stopped the airport, shut the airport down for a little while.

And so they just canceled a bunch of flights.

Did you try standby on any of those?

Of the remaining ones?

No, I didn't try standby.

I didn't think it was.

I had Millie with me, and

I would have done that a couple of years ago when executive platinum used to have a little bit more weight to it.

But now it's nothing.

And I don't think, I think if I tried to standby, then I would have made it home at two in the morning instead of midnight because I would have taken the car later.

I've been having good standby luck recently, though, because I often land in Dallas and I know that the last flight is nine times out of 10, just not going to go.

So I always stand by to an earlier flight.

And so many people miss their flights or miss their connections in Dallas that I I almost always get on.

Stand by for an earlier flight almost always works.

Standing by for a later flight never works.

That's a universal thing.

I don't know why, but stand by for a later flight never works for me.

I agree with you.

Sometimes you get lucky, you land a DFW and you're like, there's a flight going to Austin in nine minutes.

I bet I can get to that gate.

I feel like 9-11 ruined all travel innovation for fun.

Everything's serious.

Like,

I'm trying to think of alternate methods of a world in which travel is unlimited where we luxury travel becomes actual luxury and not like your perk is you get to keep your shoes on

like I feel like because of events it has pivoted innovation into everything has to be taken super seriously at all times like what if there is a plane you know because like if you get on a bus A bus will take you several places, right?

Like it's going here to there and you can get off when you want want to if you have a parachute license you should be able to just jump out of planes as they fly over just like dump out at any point just dump out yeah like why i'm trying to think about like if you flew over austin or were within parachuting distance of austin as a side solution potentially that'd be a hefty waiver i think that you'd have to sign yeah you like open you you opened my eyes to this i never even considered this you're totally right like the perk is keeping your shoes on when the perk should be parachute parachute because you're close.

It should be like there should be fun stuff that like they're expanding on it.

Instead, it's like, oh, our innovation is we're making standable seats so more people can be in the plane.

That sucks.

Let me jump out of the plane if I'm qualified and I have my license.

I'm, oh, where are you headed?

I'm on the flight to Hawaii, but really I'm not, I'm hopping off over here.

I'm not going there.

That's we're all, we're all there.

We're all there.

Where are we dropping, boys?

And we just kick the door open and get out.

Well, you can't kick the door open because other people are like drinking their sodas and it's going to make a that.

That's a kerfuffle, right?

Yeah, there's a drop shop.

Maybe if there was

a drop shop, a room in the back that's got like a movie, exactly.

Yeah, Jeff, that's the that's the travel innovation fund that Andrew is requesting.

I'm all for the ring door.

Yeah, can you jump out of a movie or a plane and skydive?

Is that too fast?

At what point are you going too fast to skydive?

Wait, what are you?

Hang on.

What are you?

What are you asking at the first part of what you just asked?

Because

I feel like,

you know, like in Maverick 2, or Top Gun 2, it's not Maverick 2.

It's he's Maverick in the second run.

He's like flying through space or something in the beginning and he's going super fast.

I feel like there's a speed in which you can't hop out of a plane.

I was just curious if airlines...

Do they hit that?

I feel like you can jump, right?

Because DB Cooper jumped.

So

it says

the plane you're traveling at is flying at about roughly 100 miles an hour when you're skydiving.

So a flight at 33,000 feet, like a commercial airliner, is probably flying at about 300 or 350 miles an hour.

So it'd be zippy.

It'd be zippy.

I think the thing that might be more dangerous would be the temperature outside the plane at the height that that plane is flying.

See, but we're, you guys are still within the confines of where we're at now.

Andrew's saying, what if there was innovation for fun?

And I'm on board.

We probably would get skin suits that keep you warm at 33,000 feet, going 350 miles an hour that let us cut through the air no problem.

That's what would have been innovated.

I'm okay with that.

I'm totally on board with that.

I'm just throwing out what the problem

is to overcome would be.

Yeah, we got to solve them.

But I do.

I love the idea of a plane that instead of just landing at DFW, it does a couple of zigzags over Austin for anybody that wants to jump out and just go straight home and just fucking cut the airport off.

We need to go here.

You guys close here?

We good with this?

What are you doing with your luggage?

You figure it out.

There's got to be some kind of innovation for luggage.

I only had a backpack.

I've only got a backpack.

Where's your parachute?

What about a little backpack parachute?

We'll strap it on.

It shoots down with you.

Wear your backpack on the front.

Parachute backpack on the back.

There you go.

There well i think it would be a thing clearly where you can't just land wherever you want from the thing there there'd be like a landing zone oh that takes away most of the benefit no i want to land on my front door no that's crazy we can't be having that because that then you just got people fucking parachuting in from all over the city like it's just complete chaos there needs to be a landing area and in movies and like military movies they have those things where they like wrap up all of the the packages and then shoot them at the plane and they have a parachute do do that what like a like a loadout drop yeah you check it and it's like a loadout box and they know okay the people that are dropping here need their shit pushed out at this point

it's that that is what a direct flight is a direct flight is no jumpers you're just going there as fast as possible I'd be so down in the dumps if I dived out of a commercial airliner and then had to get on a bus.

Yeah.

I want to land right in my front lawn.

I agree.

See, and this is this is the problem with innovation, Eric, is we just introduced this idea that you can fucking jump from a plane to save.

And Gavin's upset about the bus ride after he lands.

We just created this whole new thing, and now he's mad that he has to take a bus.

You're jumping out of a plane.

How's that any quicker?

I might as well just land in the airport, get my luggage, and just get in a car there.

The plane's not landing there.

The plane's landing in a DFW.

You just have to get get out.

You're not getting anyone over the age of 40 to jump out of this plane.

That's fine.

Oh, I'm Jeff's jumping.

Well, we'll see.

Well, you need to have a license.

You can't just jump.

My jumping out of the plane is contingent upon how much of a kerfuffle the day has been up to that point.

I just like the idea of you're on a regular flight, your flight gets cancelled.

You're like, oh, I'll stand by on an earlier one.

And they're like, okay, but this is a non-lander.

And you're like,

Let me suit up.

I guess what would you do if, let's say, you slept through your drop, your drop point and then you have to let you just I guess jump out at the next city that they're flying over to get as well that's on that's on you you gotta figure out

that's definitely on you I'm just it's the funny problem to have just stay on the plane at that point

oh but every time like the longer you stay the further away you're getting from where you're supposed to get

if I'm above Houston I'm already astronomically too far away Is Austin your landing zone in this hypothetical?

Yeah, I live in Austin.

Yeah, I'm just curious.

I mean, we're talking about jumping in the planes.

Yeah.

I'm just saying, the country's so damn big that the next city over doesn't mean anything.

I might as well be in Pensacola.

Don't go there.

Yeah, I've been hearing some negative stuff about that.

Yeah.

Nah, it's fine.

When you're starting a business, it's insanely stressful.

It feels like you're spinning 16 plates at once, and as you proceed, they only multiply.

It's why I'm so thankful for an incredible service like Shopify.

Shopify, in my opinion, is the best at what it does.

And knowing that we have all of the support and tools it provides is the best feeling.

Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses worldwide and 10% of all e-commerce in the US.

It ranges from giants like Mattel or Gymshark to brands just getting started.

So no matter where you are in the evolution of your business, you are covered.

With Shopify, you have access to their design studio.

providing you with hundreds of ready-to-use templates to build your online store.

Shopify is loaded with helpful AI tools, allowing you to accelerate the process of things like product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography.

Shopify allows you to easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are.

It's like you have a full marketing team behind you.

And on top of all that, Shopify is your commerce expert with world-class expertise from managing inventory to international shipping, the processing returns, and beyond.

As a business owner who uses Shopify, I don't want to imagine navigating those things without it.

If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify.

What I love about Shopify is: no matter how big you want to grow, Shopify gives you everything you need to take control and take your business to the next level.

Or even if you're happy at the level you're at, it's just a relief as a business owner to know you are in great hands.

Turn your big business idea into with Shopify on your side.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com/slash face.

Go to shopify.com/slash face.

Shopify.com/slash face.

Hey, it's Eric.

Summer's here, and you want to spend less time cooking and more time doing a fun summer activity.

You know, kind of getting out, going to a ball game, hanging out with friends, just doing something different.

Why spend so much time cooking when you can use Factor and have more time to do the stuff that you want?

Factor's chef-crafted, dietician-approved meals are ready in just two minutes, taking the hassle out of eating well.

I've been eating the garlic herb chicken with vegetable risotto and roasted green beans.

That's that's like its official name.

I've just been saying really good chicken with this rice and the green beans.

Dude, it's so good.

It's unbeatable and it's unbeatable because of factor.

Factor powers your day all day with breakfasts, lunches, premium dinners, and even snacks and desserts.

Factor has your whole day covered.

Head over to factormeals.com/slash regulation50 off

and use code regulation50Off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.

Factor meals arrive fresh and are ready to eat.

I mean, you heat them, you go.

I can't say enough the convenience, how good it is.

I really appreciate it.

And with 45 weekly menu options, you can pick gourmet meals that fit your summer gains and your summer goals.

Get that summer body that you want with the calorie smart option.

Protein plus, you should really, do you know you should be eating like around your body weight, like one gram of protein per?

It's just something that you need to know.

And Factor can help you do that.

So get started at factormeals.com/slash regulation50 off and use code regulation50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.

That's code regulation50off at factormeals.com/slash regulation50off for 50% off plus free shipping.

How am I supposed to remember?

Regulation 5-0 off.

Easy.

It's like 100% eat, but regulation 5-0 off.

Hey, snuck that one in.

Today I learned that Alabama borders Florida.

That's crazy.

There's a bam.

There's a band called the Florabama line, I think, isn't there?

That shouldn't be.

Florida, Georgia line, but yeah, there's a Florida Georgia line.

I'm sorry, there's a bar called the Flora Bama that my dad used to go to all the time right there.

That must be, I'm conflating those two things, but yeah.

What

state borders would have the best name combination?

Like Florida is pretty cool.

Florida's not bad.

I like Kentucky and Tennessee would be fun because you can call it Kennessey, which is pretty close to tennessee that's exciting for me it's close to hennessee as well

oh

what about north and south dakota oh you just i mean that would just be dakota

you could do arkansas and oklahoma could be arklahoma oh i like that i like arklahoma nebraskansus

oh i like that

i like that a lot

yeah And that's what these flights are called because you can jump in either of these states.

Where am I flying?

Nebraskans.

That's where this plane's gone.

I would take that.

Do you guys remember way back in episode, I believe, 59 when I read an email that I got to saw right from an Amazon employee who was telling us about

how our podcast is affecting the metrics?

Yeah, I believe it was episode 60, but yeah, go ahead.

I just, just so we don't get comments on it, I believe.

Are you sure?

I thought it was episode 59 because people have been talking about it to me.

Already.

Already?

Yeah, I've had people mention it.

Like this email I just received.

Whoa.

There's been a second email, which is why I thought it was episode 59 because somebody must have heard it to send the second email.

Yeah, I guess it was in 59 then.

I have it marked to 60, but all right.

Hi, Jeff.

My name is Taylor, and I work for Amazon and can attest to the podcast messing with our inventory.

I thought it was crazy because it would be the same items talked about on the podcast.

Glad to know there are other Amazonians out there.

Current hot dog count 82.

So Taylor is Amazonians.

Fucking boss, first of all.

82 hot dogs.

Jesus Christ.

That's crazy.

That's it.

That's only 30 hot dogs more than I have.

Like, is he all right?

I need to know when they started.

Yeah, right.

I assume when everybody says their hot dog count, they started on August 1st when we did, but who knows?

How much would you pay for to find out your total count lifetime?

Zero.

You wouldn't want to pay 20 bucks to learn that you'd had X amount of hot dogs?

No, I don't care.

I'd pay $200 for that information.

I'd be more interested in paying for your information in that regard.

Well, that's confidential.

Oh, shit.

That's a HIPAA violation.

It's a HIPAA violation, yeah, unfortunately.

Between you and your doctor, how many hot dogs you've eaten?

It's a hot dog violation.

Because I feel like you've probably had less than 50.

I bet you've had less than the yearly average lifetime.

Oh, wow.

Oh.

Under 70, for sure.

I don't like that you might be right.

I'm definitely right.

I think he's probably right.

I think so.

I would say that this is the most hot dogs you've ever had in a year, probably.

And you're at like five or six.

Yeah.

Well, there was that year of DHD.

I had a few.

Yeah.

I feel like

I would just assume that you were in the hot dog atmosphere, but weren't engaging in the doggery.

Like, I think there was a lot of dog happening around you, but I don't think you were actually taking part.

I would assume, knowing you.

Yeah, you don't have that dog in you.

You just have it adjacent to you.

Yeah, you're dog.

I have that dog near me.

You've got that dog near you.

What?

Why?

Why is hot dog such a popular food in the U.S.

that nobody sells?

What's with that?

Nobody sells?

It feels like it's a special occasion food because you get it at like barbecues or you have to like go out of your way for it.

Like hamburger everywhere.

Hot dog, few hot dog.

It's true.

There's no hot dog fast food restaurants in Austin that you just drive through.

There's not a hot dog drive-through in Austin.

No, there's like you go to like Sonic Burger and that's it.

You know what I mean?

The best you can hope for is that a hot dog is attached to a hamburger at a burger restaurant.

Like Fire Guys has a hot dog.

Has a hot dog, but I think it's not on the menu anymore.

Canada.

There is a Canadian chain called New York Fries that's the only fast food hot dog I can think of.

Yeah, that's like

Sonic Burger does the hot dog.

I don't know who else.

Wiener Schnitzel.

Wiener Schnitzel, I guess.

There's one.

I think there's one Wiener Schnitzel in Austin.

Huh.

That's it.

But like, it is odd.

In Austin, it's bar food.

Like, most bars have a good hot dog.

Like, that place that Eric and I went to and had hot dogs not that long ago,

Frasier's, Long and Low.

Yeah.

If you have, if you have like a lot of time to watch a waitress flirt with a guy at the other end of the longest bar you've ever sat at, then Joe.

Jesus Christ, man.

There's fucking eight people in this whole bar.

I just want to order my fucking hot dog, lady.

God, I think it has to be because you don't prep hot dogs in the same way, right?

I guess Costco, another, like, if you want to call it fast food,

cafeteria.

It's another dog.

But it's not, it's like it needs a unique cooking system as opposed to a burger.

Although, I wonder if you could do Smash Dogs.

I wonder what that would be.

That's what I'm doing.

That's probably gross.

It's probably terrible.

No, I think you, I think we're about to invent Smash Dogs, dogs andrew smash burgers are so popular right now we're gonna smash dog

it would just look like

oh we're gonna smash dog write this down we're gonna become smash dog millionaires because we're gonna invent something new

oh my god smash dogs smash dog might be a secret mayo for me Where if you didn't tell me it was the Smash Dog and I just ate it not knowing what had occurred, I could see myself really liking it.

But going into it knowing.

is Smash Dog a thing where you cut it in half and then smash it down, or are you just smashing the dog down?

You know what?

I think cutting it in half is probably the way to go, but I was just imagining just smashing it down.

But I think you're right.

I think it's a cut.

I just think you need a mallet.

You can do it.

Why would you need a mallet?

Yeah, I think a mallet seems a little excessive.

I think you just press down really hard if it's on like a griddle.

I mean, if you don't want to use a sweet smashing mallet while it's on the griddle, a mallet isn't going to smash a hot dog.

It's going to obliterate it.

Gavin isn't worried about the end result.

He just wants to hit meat.

Yeah, he just wants to hit hot dog with a mallet.

You could go for it just to press with it.

I just think I want a special tool for it.

I don't want to be using a spatula or whatever.

I have a special tool as a mallet.

I feel like Gavin is trying to get into cock and ball torture, and this is as close as it's going to get to smashing.

It's just a hot dog with a mallet.

It's nothing to do with bull.

Oh, no.

Nothing to do with bull.

And when you say mallet, do you mean like a metal, like a meat hammer?

Or are we talking like a croquet?

Like...

Hey, talking wooden stick, wooden silver.

So you're going full itchy and scratchy.

You want to fucking looney tune this thing.

I think if the mallet width is wider than the total smash diameter of the dog, it's great.

It'll be real nice and even.

Can I pitch you this if you want?

Because you're talking about actually wanting like a tool, a special tool for this.

What if it was like a mallet that could heat up at the end of it?

So it's like a double grill.

It's like a heat mallet.

It's like a skillet on the circular flat part that you would smash into it.

You grill it.

You cook it from double grill.

Should we

get a little grilled, little griddle top for the office and then make these?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't think that's a...

I don't think that's a good one.

I have a blackstone at home.

We could do do it at my house, but it feels, I would feel really backwards if we filmed at my house after paying for the office.

So we'll just have to make it work there.

I'm trying to think like the sketchiest way to do it.

You could get, I have a mini, it's essentially a mini waffle maker, but it is just like a mini skillet.

You could probably like tape that to a wooden mallet.

And then

you know what, you know what already exists that does everything we want to do?

What's that?

An iron.

Oh, you just get heat up an iron and drop it on to smash it on top of the hot dog.

And then instead of spraying water out the front, mustard and ketchup.

I don't.

What do you guys think?

What are you talking about?

How do you think?

Oh!

No, I don't.

No, that's an idea.

Here's the thing, though.

I like your mustard and ketchup.

But, you know, like the way to melt cheese is you throw a little water down and then you like put a container over the thing.

Maybe you still need the water and it's just for like cheese melting.

He's right.

We'll have to do some experiment.

How do you guys think a smash smash burger is you think there's like an iron on a smash burger that's pressing you down?

No, it's just like I have a I have a burger press.

No, there's like a metal there's like a yeah, like a big fat metal disc with a handle on it that smashes down on burnt.

An iron does the same thing.

The iron does the same thing because it's long and hot dog shaped, whereas the the griddle smasher is round and won't work for a hot dog because it's wiener shaped.

So we need to get something wiener shaped.

And the only thing I can think of that's heavy and does the same job, it already exists.

It's an iron.

An iron is a really good thought.

Okay, then I guess an iron it is.

I have a,

I have like a spatula, cast iron like flat top that I can bring to, like I just put it like on the stove top.

I can bring it to it.

Let's do it.

Oh, yeah.

Please do.

Thank you.

And then we eye it on the top.

I'm pretty into this idea.

I would like to see what cutting them in half and then smashing them down would be versus just smashing them down with an iron because I think one way would work maybe better than the other.

But let me ask you this.

Are they so smashed that they're going, like, are they going to fit in a hot dog bun?

That's exactly what I was about to say is I think we need to consider about the bun.

Yeah, I think you would spread what's what the result over the top of the open bun and then just kind of like use

spread the result.

I think it would be like everybody watch a TikTok on how to make a smash burger.

I think the process is much the same.

You probably take the bun and heat it up and then stick it on top of the smash dog, which is probably covered in cheese and onions and stuff.

Right.

Right.

And then slide a spatula under it and flip it over and then fold it into a spot.

Right.

But I'm, but I'm asking, is it a hot dog bun or a hamburger bun?

Because I think it's my Smash Dog going to get so wide.

Let's go up.

I think it'll be too wide.

It's a fucking hot dog bun.

It's going to be a bunch of people.

I'm asking.

I'm not trying to go for one or the other.

I want to make sure that we're all on the same page.

Are you trying to make a Smash Dog or a pulverized dog burger?

What?

Davin's right.

That would be a pulverized dog burger.

Yeah.

I don't think so.

Here's the thing.

I agree that it feels wrong, but I just don't think it's going to fit in a hot dog button.

I think it'll get too healthy.

It's the same mouse.

I don't think so.

It'll fit.

But it's the wrong shape.

Foldable.

It's going to be moldable, though.

You can shape it however you want to.

I don't want it to be moldable.

I don't want my Smash Dog to be moldable.

I want it to be very crispy and rigid.

It's going to be crispy and rigid and foldable.

It's going to be fine.

I've got an additional question about it.

What would happen if we shucked the dog?

dog?

Shucked?

What does that mean?

Take the skin off?

Yeah.

Oh, like the casing.

Oh,

that's part of it.

That is, it's textural.

I think that's the thing that'll really like, like, sizzle off.

That's what's going to crisp up.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I don't think we get rid of that.

I think that'd be a terrible.

I think it's a bad thing.

Yeah.

Keep it.

I just, I don't like, I agree.

I don't like the optics of it in a hamburger bun, but I do think it works better in a hamburger bun.

We're just going to have to, we'll try both ways and we'll just have to see.

Well, that's what the experimentation is.

I think we'll know pretty quick what it's going to fit in.

I'm feeling pretty good about this.

It might need its own bun.

It might need a Smash Dog bun.

A smash.

Interesting.

Interesting.

Like a Smash Bun.

I'm trying to think what that would be.

Well, I hit the bun with a mallet.

That's what makes Smash Buns unique is you personally hit.

It's just a bun factory with you with a mallet at the end of the conveyor.

Essentially stamping them.

I'm sometimes worried at how much Tom and Jerry has just infected the core beam of my brain.

Inspiration for slumo, guys.

Yeah.

While we're on the subject of food, I have a serial killer update.

Oh!

A couple days ago, I think on Monday, went outside, Emily found a dead bird over by the bird feeder, and she asked me to remove it.

And it was missing its eyes and something had broken

something had cracked its brain open and eaten its brain oh and so the bird was fully intact it was just missing two eyeballs and then it had like a drill area or like a cracked area where something had sucked its brain out so uh it's getting it's getting it's getting real dark over here in my front yard i mean it's terrible the eyes are attached to the brain do you think they just came out it's possible back it's possible the eyes are attached to the brain is everything attached to the brain?

Not my leaner.

Yeah, not

after Dalek smashes it with a mallet.

Well, the toilet suit did that.

Oh, yeah.

That's true.

That's true.

Jeff, are you just glad to be home?

Does it feel good just to be in your space?

Yeah, and I feel bad too because I had such a nice time visiting my mom and I love the farm over there where they are.

And I got to hang out with my aunt.

And I really did have a good time.

But man, it's amazing how a shitty day of travel can spoil everything that's happened in your life up to that moment travel is dread to me i am just so fucking relieved to be home and especially after i threw such a stink about how i was never going to travel again and this is the second trip i've taken since my you know well yeah but at least there's no one on the horizon disgusting airport airplane puke saga

Traveling is just like creating a list of things to go wrong.

Like there's no, it's the ultimate when it goes right.

It's not like, it's not exciting.

It's just relief.

It's not exciting when you land in Austin and see all your friends?

Exciting to me.

What?

Huh?

What?

Huh?

Like, is the end result not exciting to you?

No, not really.

I guess like I'm happy to be there.

You sound it.

It's, it's...

If I go somewhere.

If you've been in the airport, have you been there

to the airport?

Yeah, no, like the state.

If you've traveled, if you've only been in an airport of a place, is that enough to count visiting that place?

Or do you have to leave the airport?

I mean, if you're really struggling for conversation topics, I'd say you've been there.

What do you mean, like socially?

Like if I'm trying to talk to somebody, and I was like, yeah, I mean, if I feel like

I'm bragging about being in Detroit,

but I only went to the airport.

Okay, but you wouldn't conventionally consider that.

I was trying to figure out if I'd been to Minnesota.

I think I might have been.

Okay.

Well, what, what, when?

Okay.

Paint a picture.

I think the first time I visited Austin,

I think I had a connecting flight in Minnesota, but I don't know if that makes sense.

I don't know.

Coming from Vancouver Island, maybe.

Oh, yeah, it could.

It could.

Like, I don't.

I definitely was in an airport that I've only only ever been in once and i just can't remember what airport that was pretty inefficient route basically flying under canada the whole way and then going down i mean it was an un it was nothing about the flight was ideal it was just what essentially i was able to book i came in late it was just yeah terrible but i was just thinking about there's an airport or port i've been in that i don't know where it is i think it's minnesota I think I've been in the Minnesota.

Probably Minneapolis airport.

Oh, fuck.

It could be Minneapolis.

That's also.

I mean, name another city in Minnesota.

St.

Paul, obviously.

St.

Apollo.

Twin cities.

Yeah.

It was definitely an M, I'm thinking.

I was just curious if I'd been there.

I'm just thinking, I've connected to a lot of airports that I've never visited anything beyond it.

Yeah, I've been to Charlotte so many times.

I don't think I've ever set foot elsewhere in that state.

Just sat in those rocking chairs in the Charlotte airport.

I've definitely been in more airports

in states than I have visited states outside of it, if that makes sense.

That's like when I was like 19, I felt like I had been to Ireland because I had a layover in the Dublin airport for an hour and a half.

I tell people, like, oh, yeah, I've been to Ireland.

If you had a Guinness there, I'd say you've been to Ireland.

I had a coffee, I believe.

I was underage.

Oh, right.

You can be in the army and underage.

You guys keep this going.

I think something that we want in an auction is being delivered to my house right now.

So I got to go away for like 10 or 15 minutes.

I'll be back.

Finally.

No worries, dude.

No worries.

Hey, Gavin, I have a question for you.

You asked earlier how much you would pay to find out how many hot dogs you've eaten in your life.

How much would you pay to see how many airports you've been to and how many times you've been to each airport and which airports you've been to the most in your lifetime?

I wouldn't pay anything because I'm sure it's all in my emails.

It's not, well, you got to think like all the way back to when you were a kid.

I didn't go to America when I was a kid there.

But you went to other airports, assholes.

Not just America.

I'm I'm talking about the fucking world here.

Tenerife.

Heathrow, Tenerife.

Oh, no, I guess it was Luton.

No, I didn't really go much places.

That's sad.

That's kind of nice travel as a child.

Because I know I've been places, but I don't remember the travel part of it at all.

That's great.

It's an ideal way of experiencing that.

I wonder how many times I've been in DFW.

Oh, God.

Like, surely not as many times as Austin, but close, I would think.

I've certainly been to Dallas over 100 times.

I mean, I used to, when I was in the Army at Fort Hood, we would fly, we would connect through Dallas, not Austin.

So I'd probably been to, I'd probably have 20 Dallas trips under my belt that never touched Austin even.

But it still can't

hold a candle to Austin.

I don't know.

We have smashed dogs that we're looking at.

Is there any other food that should be smashed?

That'd be better?

Like, I think the smash burger is an innovation over the base burger.

You've got smashed burgers, you've got smashed avocados, an egg.

You got schnitzer bags.

I was just thinking egg, but I don't know if egg would work.

Smashed egg.

That's like a smashed boiled egg.

Chicken fried steak.

Ooh.

What else could you smash that's not smashed?

It has to be like a meat thing, right?

Because you're putting it on a grill.

Smashed potatoes are delicious.

I've had smashed potatoes.

They're pretty good.

They're pretty good.

They're really good.

What about...

How do you think a drop burger would taste?

A drop burger.

Like you just drop it onto the skillet from a high

drop it from like 60 stories up.

So it's definitely like a terminal velocity burger.

Hold on, move it up.

A terminal velocity burger?

Yeah.

Terminal velocity.

I was thinking.

A terminal velocity drop burger.

We're definitely going to film that too.

Okay, got it.

What is the terminal velocity of an average patty?

Can't be that fast.

No, I would imagine so.

I don't even know how to search that.

Terminal velocity of an average.

You're not going to find the answer.

I wouldn't bother.

When you said drop burger, I was thinking about in movies where a character jumps off a building and falls through multiple awnings to safely land.

If there was like a cooking method of that,

where like you could get the exact duneness you wanted based on how many things it fell through.

Like how many heat zones.

Yeah.

Or like, I don't know.

You can't really, there's no way to like heat those.

And then they break.

It would be a terrible product.

Where would you get one of those to replace?

What an annoying thing to have indiana jones break seven of those in the apartment complex that you own or whatever

i don't know where you'd get one of those where do you get one of those ebay

ebay ebay you want a secondhand awning insane way to get an awning never know i don't think i've ever seen an awning in the wild my cousin used to work for an awning company that would install awnings at like restaurants and commercial buildings and stuff.

I could ask him.

Do you think there's a company that sells awnings and mattresses and it's called awnings and and yawnings?

Awnings and yawnings?

Oh,

man, that's funny.

Yeah.

If we ever had, and I've thought about this a few times,

a subdivision of regulation where we just make merch of all the fake companies and ideas that we, I would love an awnings and yawnings t-shirt

for the fake awnings and yawnings company.

These like uniform owned companies that no one's heard of.

That don't exist.

Exist only in t-shirt

Make your next move with American Express Business Platinum.

Earn five times membership rewards points on flights and prepaid hotels booked on amextravel.com.

And with a welcome offer of 150,000 points, after you spend $20,000 on purchases on the card within your first three months of membership, your business can soar to new heights.

Terms apply.

Learn more at AmericanExpress.com/slash business dash platinum.

Amex Business Platinum.

Built for business by American Express.

I'm Scott Hansen, host of NFL Red Zone.

Lowe's knows Sundays hit different when you earn them.

We've got you covered with outdoor power equipment from Cobalt and everything you need to weatherproof your deck with Trex decking.

Plus, with lawn care from Scotts, and of course, pit boss grills and accessories, you can get a home field advantage all season long.

So get to Lowe's, get it done, and earn your Sunday.

Lowe's, official partner of the NFL.

I had something happen to me in my car a couple days ago, two days ago, three days ago now, that made me think I was losing my fucking mind.

Can I share that?

Can I share that with you?

Yeah, of course.

I got into my car the other day, which I know very well because it's been my car.

Sorry, Gavin's car for a very long time.

Thank you.

It's not new to me or anything.

But I got in my car and I looked down to change the temperature on the

look down to change the temperature.

And I'm going to show you.

That's the dashboard where you can see the temperature gauge, right?

Nice.

And I noticed that next to me on mine, where it says 69, it's blue.

And then over on the other side, it was orange and said 69.

And it's always been white the entire time I've owned my car.

And so when I sat in and I went, I was driving and I looked down and I go, why the fuck is this side blue and this side red?

And then I thought, oh, is it like, do I have the heat on one side and the cool on the other side?

But it's no, because it's the same temperature dialed in.

And I'm thinking, did my car,

we'll get there.

Did my car, I'd love to know it if you do know.

did my car update in some way?

And I got some sort of a firmware update.

And

but then I thought, no, because that's never happened before.

I've had this car for like five years and it's never had an auto update through like the dashboard firmware or anything without me taking it into the dealer.

And so I thought.

When next time I stopped, I sat in the car and I like looked through the settings and it's like, is this something I accidentally enabled?

I was losing my fucking mind.

Well, what is going on here?

I'm looking at the settings.

I can't find anything that's changed.

There's no setting to change like the color palette of the temperature controls.

And I was fucking stumped.

And I couldn't figure out why one side was orange and one side was blue.

And I was literally thinking I was going crazy.

And I was like, did somebody, is somebody fucking with me?

Because that's not,

that's not how it works.

And then I figured it out.

Can I?

And I got it to look like that.

Gavin, would you like to guess?

You were wearing sunglasses.

I was wearing polarizing sunglasses.

Apparently, my wife got me a pair of polarizing sunglasses for my birthday.

And I swear to God, I have owned polarizing sunglasses before,

but never have they changed the colors of stuff I look at.

And then I realized everything looks like that with those sunglasses.

And I just hadn't noticed it because I wasn't staring at something that was pure white that close before.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

It was my sunglasses.

But for about seven minutes, I thought I was losing my fucking mind.

I had the same exact thing i had i is it was right when i started wearing shady ray sunglasses which

i uh i was setting up two phantoms on a shoot it was it was a shoot with adam savage and i just couldn't get one of the freaking monitors to work and i was like rummaging around i was looking i was like replacing cables i was like checking the battery i was like powering it with a different cable and then my sunglasses just slipped down and it was on the whole time And I've been troubleshooting a monitor that was on.

I just couldn't see that particular screen.

But the other one, it didn't do that one.

It was just like one of my screens.

I couldn't see through my sunglasses.

We're

losing.

So stupid.

Apparently, I was just reading the comments.

The comments on 59, apparently we're all the dumbest people on earth for our pasta takes.

And people can't believe how stupid we are.

Wait, what was the how are we dumb for pesta?

I don't think we are, but everybody read the comments.

Everybody's like, that was the hardest,

dumbest thing I've ever listened to.

They're all stupid.

I thought, I convinced myself for like six months that I was, I became colorblind because of Sea of Thieves.

You have diggable maps with a red X on them.

And then one day it just turned to white.

And I thought, that's weird.

And then it was always like that.

And you can show people

your map in that game.

And I showed someone.

I said, what color is that X?

Do you see that?

And they're like, oh, it's red.

And I just didn't want to, I don't know, like, I was nervous about it.

So I I didn't want to say what I was seeing.

So, I spent a period of time thinking, like, did I, do I just see a certain shade of red as white now?

Did something happen to my eyes?

And then I realized it was a setting that I had accidentally turned on in accessibility.

It was just a colorblind thing.

Yeah, like a colorblind type thing.

So, I just had shifted the color and I had no idea that I did it.

But I was quietly freaking out for several months that I could no longer see that certain shade of red as red.

Jesus.

We're all color dumb.

No.

Spaghetti is not a dish and doesn't require tomato sauce.

Spaghetti is just a pasta type.

Isn't that what we said though?

No, that's what I was asking.

Yeah.

I was very confused about it because I thought baked spaghetti is the dish and not just you're baking the noodle.

I still am kind of confused.

And then people were upset that we called spaghetti sauce or marinara red sauce.

And they're like, stop doing that.

That nobody else cut.

That's just a dumb American thing.

And I'm like,

I wasn't using this.

I don't think that's the official fucking term or anything.

Just having a colloquial conversation.

Damn.

Is marinara the same as the spaghetti sauce?

Are those different?

I always thought they were different.

I thought, I view marinara as like the pizza dipping sauce.

Well, there's marinara and tomato sauce.

Okay.

Spaghetti sauce isn't a thing.

I think that's what people are saying.

Oh.

Yeah.

Spaghetti is the pati is the...

is the multiple spaghetto.

Yes.

What's weird, though, is I don't have that sauce in anything anything outside of spaghetti.

Where's that sauce going?

All I'm saying is that when you order spaghetti on a menu in America, you get spaghetti and red sauce.

Call it whatever the fuck you want to, bolognese, whatever.

You get spaghetti and a red sauce on it.

Sometimes it has meat, sometimes it doesn't.

And that's what we in America call spaghetti.

I feel like red sauce can be called gravy too, can't it?

Absolutely.

People on the East Coast call it gravy.

Italians call it gravy.

American Italians.

I feel like I've heard like East Coast chefs be like,

I do great great gravy.

All the sopranos called it gravy.

All the Goodfellows dudes called it gravy.

But calling it spaghetti sauce because you

because on your spaghetti.

Like, wouldn't that be like calling

cereal sauce in your coffee?

I need to hear a thing you said because you did the thing where you tried to

process the question.

What's you okay, Eric?

Yeah, it's fine.

I've just been running up and down, but I got really excited to come back and hear about cereal sauce for my coffee.

That's pretty good.

What?

Huh?

What?

What do you call spaghetti sauce?

I'm just saying what Gavin said.

It's tomato sauce.

Tomato sauce?

Yeah.

Polonaise?

I'm looking at pasta sauce, chunky tomato and garlic sauce, traditional pasta sauce.

spaghetti sauce.

It's called a million different things.

I'm looking at ragu.

Look at...

It's, listen, it's called a million different things.

Look at a fucking label.

Yeah, I think ragu is just like meat and sauce, right?

Meat and ragu.

But like, here's some

organic.

Yeah.

All right.

I don't want to talk about spaghetti anymore.

There's different pasta terminology around the world.

Like, I've never called spaghetti a noodle before, but that's a common American thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I still don't know about a chow mein.

The noodle.

It's a noodle, right?

The chow mein noodle.

No, it's an egg noodle.

We don't need to do this again.

We did this.

We already did this.

We recently had an

Major League Sam Jack.

Yes, thank you.

I've been having to wait.

So you guys met with Jack and you said that there is a photo that

I need to react to or like, I don't know.

I guess you have it.

I don't think.

Do you have it, Eric?

I don't have it.

Was I guessing what the photo is?

I think Eric is still doing...

yeah he's doing he's doing his prop stuff

uh

no could i text jack could ask him to send it yeah ask him to send it ask him to send it so for context i heard that i'm assuming it was part of your birthday jeff that that everyone was hanging out jack was there and then jack showed a photo to someone or eric i believe and eric immediately had you come look at it

And then it just became a thing that I don't

I've been trying to guess like what would jack show eric that would then turn into everybody ripping jack in some sense or getting under his skin with it i can't i have no idea i wouldn't have brought this up if i had if i didn't think eric was back because he he he was back and talking should we wait for eric so maybe we should wait for eric because this is kind of it's this the story kind of started with him and it was his incredulity that kind of fueled the whole thing But it was, yeah, it was, we, we had a birthday party.

Uh, Emily threw a birthday party for me at the house and

we were hanging out with Jack, and like the truck boys were there, and Trev and Barb and a bunch of people, Eric, of course.

And Nick said, fuck off.

I'm not coming, which is cool.

It's whatever.

No, you were fine.

It's totally fine.

You were very sweet.

But yeah, and it was good to see everybody.

It was really good to hang out with Jack.

And then five minutes into hanging out with Jack, he looked at me and he goes, I remember this.

And I realized I had gotten under his skin and he was legit annoyed with me.

And

unfortunately, I can't stop when that happens.

You know what I mean?

And so I, I just, I, uh, I, I, I, I just, I couldn't, I couldn't let it go.

Huh.

I said, can you send the picture?

He said, sure, and sent me something that wasn't the picture as an F you.

Yeah, so should we just wait for Eric?

Yeah, he said to be right back.

Okay.

Anybody else got any notes?

I was going to say, while we wait for him, the polarized sunglasses reared their head again in Vegas.

Did they?

They did for Gavin.

Did they?

What did you do?

Remember?

So we were in the clubhouse, and because we'd been coming in and out, we were all wearing our sunglasses except for Eric.

Eric had stopped at a monitor and was just staring at it.

He was just staring and staring, like with his arms crossed, just kind of like scratching his chin or whatever.

And Gavin walked up and goes, you idiot.

And he's like, what are you talking about?

And then Gavin took off his sunglasses.

And

it had been a menu for what the everything was in the area.

And Gavin's like, oh, I'm the idiot.

Yeah, I thought he was just looking at a buddy that was off.

I was like, you all right?

I got a quick life hack I stumbled on too for you guys.

You have a life hack?

Yeah.

I do.

I have a dude.

I do.

Let's say you're the kind of person who has

a

fairly recent car, a car built in the last like five or six years, and you're thinking about upgrading and getting a new car.

I'm referring to my wife.

My wife wants a new SUV with a third row because we're going to be making lots of trips back and forth from Austin to Michigan

after the summer.

Hopefully if we buy a house.

Drive?

Well, we got the dog.

Albert can't fly.

And so he's a little too big to fly.

And I cannot imagine.

Albert in an airport trying

to lick and attack every single person in the airport.

Like it would be be a fucking nightmare.

He'd be over, he'd explode.

He would just, he would, he wouldn't know what he would vibrate until he exploded.

And it would just be an explosion of slobber and piss.

So we've been looking at new cars lately.

We've been looking at new SUVs.

And let me tell you something.

SUVs are fucking expensive in 2025.

They have gotten...

And I recognize people are like, yeah, no shit, dumbass.

Everything's expensive in 2025.

I get it.

I just haven't bought a car since like 2019, 2020.

And so it's my first experience going, I guess that's not true.

I bought Millie's car, but it was very used and it was a different experience.

So we're looking at new SUVs.

She's looking at maybe Leeson one and trading her Mercedes in.

And

they're fucking expensive.

And

honestly, I haven't been impressed with a lot.

I was really excited to look at a Rivian.

We test drove one.

I got to be honest with you.

The experience of going to the Rivian dealership in Austin was kind of dog shit.

And the people that worked there were kind of like unenthused and are trying to sell you an 80 to 110,000 fucking car and can't be bothered to give a shit.

And they had a Nike fitness running event in their fucking showroom on a Sunday.

It was like a special party.

And so I couldn't go to the showroom.

They had to make me meet them three blocks down in a fucking parking lot.

Like I'm buying weed when I'm 19 years old at a groove.

You know what I mean?

Like at the back of a Walmart.

And so, and then they like, you test drive it, and it's like, whatever.

The car was fine.

I wasn't super blown away by it.

And then they, then they had us like, well, if you want to see some information about it, let's walk over to the dealer.

And you're like, okay.

And they walk you three blocks, 110 degrees in Austin.

And then you got to walk through all the fitness people who all look impossibly fit.

And you're like, God, I'm a piece of shit.

Thanks for reminding me.

And then, like, there's nowhere to sit because it's cool.

It's not functional.

They're dealing, you know, their showroom.

And so they're like talking to you a little bit.

I was leaning against a thing and then some fitness lady came over and took it away from me because it was a a part of their set.

And the whole thing just sucked.

And I'm like, I don't want to fucking Rivium now because of this experience.

And so we've been looking at Chevy, a bunch of different places.

We were in Emily's car the other day and she was just going through her menu and realized you could change like the color palette of your heads up display.

Oh.

So we changed hers from like whatever the default was to like sport.

And it felt like a new car.

So here's my life.

Here's my life hack for you.

If you want to get a new car, but they're too expensive, see if you can change your HUD to a different color like from blue to yellow because it'll make you feel like you're driving a brand new fucking car for at least a month you'll buy yourself at least another 30 days if you can't just pop on some shady ray sunglasses

or or just wear polarized sunglasses if you don't have that option in your car that'll give you a really trippy new new heads up display

all

both you can have so many cars

The shades and the ability to change the display.

I think there are five default settings that you can choose from in her car.

So, uh, we bet have like five more months of this car before we get frustrated again.

I used to do that in Fallout.

I would change the pit boy color if the if the game was starting to get samey.

Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, what's your favorite pit boy color?

Uh, probably the blue, that's what I like too.

Yeah, is there like a weird orange?

I feel like I was a big New Vegas, the New Vegas amber is the

favorite one.

Boys,

we got it.

Probably

amazing, very exciting.

We got a thing that we'll talk about at some point.

So

tall.

Well, yeah.

It has to be laid down to get in my garage.

Have we talked about this prop?

No.

So this hasn't been discussed publicly.

We recorded that video of the auction and everything.

That never came out.

No.

Okay.

All right.

We do want to put that out because we have it.

We do.

I feel like we could do more than that.

I feel

the

andrew has a vision for it potentially yeah it just it was like the least i'm so happy we got it so exciting i can't wait to reveal it and do stuff with it uh but i feel like the actual acquiring part was like the least eventful thing because nobody else wanted it yeah it's crazy i had to so the guy the truckers came and just brought it to my house also

To get this thing to my house has been a fiasco because Andrew set up all the shipping.

So the guy who called me from LA was like, hey, what's going on, Andrew?

Where are we shipping this thing?

And I was like, that's me.

I'm Andrew.

So for the last week, I've been Andrew on like

a bunch of dozen different calls.

I just didn't, because it feels like it's going to be one of those things where they're like, yeah, but the paperwork says Andrew.

Why even bother?

But it shouldn't, which is weird.

Like everything is listed as you.

Beats me.

Beats me.

So he just, he called me Andrew.

I said, absolutely.

So I've been Andrew a dozen times with three different companies.

The truckers came today and they're like, hey, what's going going on, Andrew?

Where are we putting this thing?

And I'm like, Oh, right here in the garage.

And they wheel it in.

They're like, Oh, help us move this.

We tilt it.

We put it in whatever.

It's a big thing.

And they're like, What is this?

And I explained it to them.

And one guy just went, For real?

Like, really?

Really?

And I went, Yeah.

And he's like, I don't,

I didn't know that that's something like that they were selling or getting rid of.

And I went, I'm like, I don't, you're, this is it, man.

This is the thing.

And

it's like, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yep.

Yeah, we should have set it up and used it.

Charge people 50 bucks to use it once.

Yep, but it's there.

It's fully intact.

It's tall as shit, but it is on a palette.

So, you know, there's six inches or whatever.

We'll see.

It's a lot.

Did we get the other stuff too?

I have not seen or received the other thing yet.

This is the only thing that I've received.

Okay.

Because

we got two separate items.

We did.

I'm not really sweating the other thing so much.

There are two things we can't talk about.

Yeah, two things we can't talk about.

But one thing we can talk about is, Eric, while you were intercepting and dealing with that very important package, we teed you up for the ultimate Jack Photo story.

Oh, did you guys not talk about it?

We didn't want to talk about it without you because it began with you.

Boys, this is what a way to end this podcast.

This is great.

We were at Jeff's and we're celebrating.

The drinks are flowing and everyone's having such a gay old time, regaling each other with stories.

I'm hanging out with Nick Saldania, Jason Saldana.

Everyone's there.

It's incredible.

Truckboys are there.

Everyone's having a great time.

And then I see Jack, and he comes over and he starts talking to me.

And I'm saying, yes, nice to see you.

Very good.

And we talk for a while.

And then he goes, Well, hey, what kind of bird do you think?

Hey, Jeff knows birds, right?

And I went, Yeah.

And he's like, What kind of bird do you think this is?

And he shows me a picture.

I don't answer him.

I,

it was like my soul leaped out of my body trying to get to Jeff as fast as possible to go, Jeff, Jack has a question about what kind of bird this is.

Needs a bird identified.

He goes, Yeah, it's within our bird.

I've never seen anything like it before.

Strange, exotic bird.

He's never seen anything

like it.

And then he shows us a picture.

Shall I post it?

Yeah.

Do you have it?

Yeah, that has the photo.

Gabby.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

This is the picture that he shows us of the strange exotic bird.

If you can't see this picture, you got to look on the YouTube or Patreon PC to see it.

Andrew,

50% in it, like I've never seen anything.

For the audience, the photo is of the most bog standard pigeon you will ever see in your entire life.

It is like the picture in the Webster's dictionary of pigeon.

Well,

we make fun of Jack for like 25 minutes.

He got so frustrated so fast.

But Eric was like, every time, every single person at the party, Eric right went, hey, Emily, come here.

Come here.

Jack Shelton.

Hey, Jeremy and Megan, come over here.

Jack Shelton.

I went through and then Eric was like, oh, Gavin, real quick,

what's this and uh jack just shows it to me and i go pigeon and he's just like god damn it

but in fairness to him in fairness to him it does have a bit of a weird face it does and he just went well it has like such a long neck and i went okay it can't be a pigeon its neck is too long i think it's just a jerk pigeon i think it's a pigeon that flew into a window he just he showed us it's just a party full of people looking at jack's phone and going that's a pigeon.

And he gets more and more upset and then looks at Jeff and he goes, oh, I remember this.

I felt so bad.

But you can't just roll up at a party where everybody's having a good time and then say you've got a picture of an exotic bird you need identified on your phone and then show everybody a crow.

It was, it was, oh my God, I couldn't stop calling people.

Every time I made half a second of eye contact with someone, I went, you got, you got to see this bird.

Check out this exotic bird.

I would like to officially thank Jack for sending me the picture and allowing us to retail this stuff.

For being the best sport in the world.

And for fucking

up with me for so many years.

I love him so much.

What kind of bird do you think this is?

Imagine somebody walking up to you at a party.

What kind of bird do you think this is?

The fuck are you talking about?

Hey, you're a bird guy, right?

We need to get the experts.

Can we just have a shirt with this picture on it?

It's...

It's just, it's so crazy how it's just.

Yeah, his face looks a little weird, but I think it's because of the picture that he took and not the bird.

Can we make a picture?

Can we put this on a shirt and sell it?

And just under it, right?

What bird?

Question mark?

I googled a pigeon because I wanted to see how many pigeons.

Just to quickly get it.

I'll check in on the revenue.

Yeah, we'll split the revenue with them.

We'll split the revenue with them.

And it just, it immediately, it defaults typical pigeons.

It's just that.

It's just.

I wonder if it flew into a window, smashed its beak up, and it probably can't eat good.

And that's why it's maybe a bit skinnier than a normal pigeon.

I think its beak is fine.

I think that's just like the coloring above it.

Yeah.

It's so funny to avoid all of the other indicators.

Like

the typical pigeon has that coloring too.

Just small.

It just looks like it's got like a toenail for a beak.

I can't remember the last time I've laughed that hard.

You and every single person at that party.

For so long.

I just, without skipping a beak, said pigeon.

And then his reaction, I almost fell on the floor laughing.

I was like, that was it?

That was the bird you didn't know?

And just Jack getting more frustrated and annoyed with every person just made it.

It really sealed it.

That was a top five moment for me.

Yeah, it was pretty good.

We should wrap this one up, but boy, that was, oh, man.

There's so much excitement on that one.

I loved it.

God, I loved it.

That would make a great thumbnail for this episode, but I feel like it kind of gives away what would

be so different.

Yeah, I'll do something.

We do need a thumbnail for the episode, though.

What do we?

Oh, like, oh, what if it's the it's this picture, but with the pitching cut out?

It's just white weather.

Okay.

Who's that Pokemon?

Yeah.

I saw a fucking YouTube comment on episode 59 that was like, I'm not watching this because of how dog shit this thumbnail is.

I said it was just that picture of Shin Lim with all the cards looking like a loon thing.

Somebody's like, nope, not watching.

Not listening yeah really okay thank you i thought shin shin lim as the thumbnail was so funny just terrible i love how the internet the world went from never judge a book by its cover to the internet becoming only judge a book by its cover yep

that's it that's great yep all right we should wrap this one All right.

Well, thank you very much for listening to another episode of the Regulation Podcast.

We got a bit spaghetti into it.

I apologize for that.

Didn't mean to.

Probably won't hit the spaghette up next week, but you do want to tune in for episode 62 of the Regulation Podcast next week because we want to talk with you about a product that we may or may not be making.

We want to get some, we want to get your feedback on it.

So we'll probably talk about that kind of early in the podcast.

And I'm sure we'll have a bunch of other dumb stories and stupid things to regale you with.

Thank you for listening.

Regulation out.

Bye.

Bye.

Olivia loves a challenge.

It's why she lifts heavy weights

and likes complicated recipes.

But for booking her trip to Paris, Olivia chose the easy way with Expedia.

She bundled her flight with a hotel to save more.

Of course, she still climbed all 674 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

You were made to take the easy route.

We were made to easily package your trip.

Expedia, made to travel.

Flight-inclusive packages are at all protected.