The Norwood Builder - Part Four

Speaker 1 Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

Speaker 2 I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

Speaker 3 He's going the distance.

Speaker 4 He was the highest paid TV star of all time. When it started to change, it was quick.

Speaker 1 He kept saying, No, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show. Now, Charlie's sober.

Speaker 4 He's gonna tell you the truth.

Speaker 2 How do I present this with any class?

Speaker 4 I think we're past that, Charlie.

Speaker 2 We're past that, yeah.

Speaker 3 Somebody call action.

Speaker 5 AKA Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

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Speaker 7 Yes, hello. Um, right.

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Speaker 7 Your handwriting is terrible.

Speaker 16 And

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Speaker 17 Previously on Sherlock and Co. Hector, we're gonna get this food delivery over to you, okay? You're gonna let Miss Myers answer the door to the driver.

Speaker 3 now get a bloody move on or somebody dies

Speaker 7 gwen i couldn't help overhear the interactions of your negotiator just now you couldn't help could you hector is requesting to speak to myself and the doctor

Speaker 20 your silence is very telling it's telling you that we want information from you not the other way round why did he ask for us because we foolishly allowed him a call to his wife and she told him that we're re-examining the case it's not your case to examine nor re-examine Dr.

Speaker 7 Watson. She almost certainly did, Watson, and now Hector in there sees us as his only salvation.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't that be right, Dame Lestrade?

Speaker 7 Are we involved in this case or not?

Speaker 20 There's ground rules.

Speaker 7 There always are with you.

Speaker 12 Welcome again to Madame Two Swords.

Speaker 11 Mr. Holmes!

Speaker 24 Hector!

Speaker 25 Oh, you've changed your mind then, have you?

Speaker 7 I have indeed, sir.

Speaker 25 It wouldn't have anything to do with me taking your gun, would it?

Speaker 24 Certainly not.

Speaker 27 Hector, are you okay? That was a sniper.

Speaker 27 It wasn't us. Get away from the window, Hector.

Speaker 26 Hector, I promise you, that was the police.

Speaker 27 Good on Hector.

Speaker 28 No, stop.

Speaker 18 Truth or dare, Dr.

Speaker 29 Watson.

Speaker 27 If you don't want the truth, I do want it, Hector.

Speaker 3 Then you get the dare. George, to cover.

Speaker 3 I hear footsteps.

Speaker 30 He's closing us down, Watson.

Speaker 23 Hold on.

Speaker 9 I've got an idea.

Speaker 30 This Nazi uniform is itchy.

Speaker 9 Well, we must remain perfectly still.

Speaker 31 Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Speaker 32 The great detective, eh?

Speaker 34 Frozen with fear.

Speaker 5 Quite literally petrified.

Speaker 5 Oh,

Speaker 10 Do you know what I've gotta be honest?

Speaker 36 I didn't think I'd ever have to give trigger warnings about me being dressed as a Nazi, but um

Speaker 36 here it is.

Speaker 37 Welcome to the final part of the Norwood Builder.

Speaker 10 Hi, I'm John. John Hitler.

Speaker 36 No, that's um that's that I'm I'm John Watson.

Speaker 13 Hi, hi, uh are you here to to save us?

Speaker 38 I was, yeah, but uh, now I'm a hostage, part of the gang now.

Speaker 19 I had a notification on my phone and it uh, yeah, it gave it gave us away, and now here we are.

Speaker 38 Oh.

Speaker 11 Right.

Speaker 22 Um, Hector, sorry, mate. What?

Speaker 28 Can I change out with a Nazi unit? No!

Speaker 12 Great.

Speaker 12 Great.

Speaker 34 So, how long are you visiting the UK for?

Speaker 14 Uh ten days.

Speaker 39 Oh, cool, great.

Speaker 18 Seven days in in London, then

Speaker 17 I'm gonna do a uh a couple of cities, uh Liverpool,

Speaker 13 Manchester, sure, and Macclesfield.

Speaker 31 What? People said I should go see Macclesfield.

Speaker 38 Who said that?

Speaker 18 Some guys I met.

Speaker 11 Right.

Speaker 9 Yeah, well.

Speaker 10 Good luck with that.

Speaker 7 Watson?

Speaker 21 Yes, mate. Have you

Speaker 18 have you observed an escape route?

Speaker 28 Have you deduced something about our surroundings that would get us out of here?

Speaker 13 Is there a loose wall panel?

Speaker 9 Who called you?

Speaker 30 Was the food delivery?

Speaker 7 No, your phone was ringing when Hector took us in here.

Speaker 38 Oh, it was Mariana, but Hector wouldn't let me answer.

Speaker 9 Oh.

Speaker 7 What did she want?

Speaker 22 I don't know, Sherlock.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 40 Is that...

Speaker 40 Is that it?

Speaker 7 You should have answered, really.

Speaker 39 Sherlock?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 21 You know, Mussolini was shot.

Speaker 9 Do you know what happened then? No. What?

Speaker 21 He was so annoying that people just, like, beat up his body in the town square for a whole afternoon.

Speaker 22 That's how annoying he was.

Speaker 7 I see.

Speaker 41 Ghastly.

Speaker 34 Something to think about.

Speaker 7 You want to beat up my corpse. Should Hector shoot me?

Speaker 28 I am keeping my options open.

Speaker 7 Would be difficult with your broken and bloody finger.

Speaker 10 Oh, what, this one?

Speaker 7 You're swearing at me again.

Speaker 13 Nah, mate, just showing you my broken and bloody finger.

Speaker 28 How very clever. Yeah, well, instead of stealing rodent bombs, did you ever consider maybe preventing your own dangerous items from getting stolen?

Speaker 7 And what of your cheeseburger, Watson? Was that worth it? To get us caught? To turn us into hostages?

Speaker 36 I have literally spent the last 20 minutes apologising.

Speaker 23 What more do you want?

Speaker 12 I'll tell you what.

Speaker 38 When Hector shoots me, I'll make sure my tombstone says, Sorry, Sherlock, my bad.

Speaker 7 You don't think for one moment that Hector MacFarlane would actually kill us, do you?

Speaker 18 Have you seen what the media says about this guy?

Speaker 11 He's a psycho.

Speaker 17 They say he killed a dude and ate his body.

Speaker 10 Right, yeah, I don't.

Speaker 16 We don't know if that's true. It's true.

Speaker 42 I saw a newspaper in my hotel.

Speaker 38 What happened to your hand?

Speaker 20 I caught it running off the stairs when he brought us up here.

Speaker 7 Have you shown him? What? Has Hector seen your wound?

Speaker 10 What did I say about scheming?

Speaker 4 No scheming.

Speaker 38 We're not scheming.

Speaker 36 I'm a doctor, and I'm checking her hand.

Speaker 7 You see, Hector? This bloody cut on her palm. Oh, good lord.

Speaker 30 Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 7 Some of the blood is still oozing. Stop! Will that be alright, Doctor? The ooziness.

Speaker 34 Well, I may have to stitch it in case the wound opens up and spews out more.

Speaker 11 Enough!

Speaker 24 Do what you've got to do!

Speaker 7 And there you have it.

Speaker 17 Now, what exactly?

Speaker 7 A plot hole in the media narrative.

Speaker 14 What are you talking about?

Speaker 7 Hector, the morning you left, you touched the club hammer and the angle grinder. I.

Speaker 11 Yes.

Speaker 10 Yes, I did.

Speaker 7 They were planted in your path.

Speaker 13 Jonas, he.

Speaker 21 He framed me.

Speaker 21 He framed me for a murder I didn't commit.

Speaker 5 There is no murder.

Speaker 17 He's alive.

Speaker 7 He's alive.

Speaker 10 Why would he do this to me?

Speaker 5 I'm aware I'm dressed as a Nazi, so to try and separate what I'm saying from how I look, but

Speaker 28 you can be a bit mean, Hector, and I think you treated Jonas badly, and

Speaker 5 you really can't go through life being so unkind.

Speaker 5 I deserve this, do I?

Speaker 22 No, no, that's not what I said.

Speaker 10 Well, that sounds a lot like you said I deserve it.

Speaker 36 He's not saying you deserved it.

Speaker 35 He's saying you provoked it.

Speaker 24 Exactly.

Speaker 29 And not everything is a fight.

Speaker 22 Life isn't a courtroom where there's winners or losers.

Speaker 21 Just...

Speaker 28 you know, just tone it down.

Speaker 35 I'm just giving you the truth.

Speaker 35 Thank you. And now it is time for a dare.

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 38 Giving a gunman the middle finger.

Speaker 11 That's pretty daring, don't you?

Speaker 12 Yeah, it is a bit on the bloody side, isn't it? It's definitely broken.

Speaker 22 In two places, possibly.

Speaker 3 And he's down.

Speaker 7 Well done, Watson.

Speaker 22 Well done, you, mate.

Speaker 16 We're heroes.

Speaker 5 We're bloody heroes.

Speaker 1 And now, the communication from the Met Police has been quite clear that any moment now,

Speaker 1 we will see the hostages emerge with no doubt their rescuers. That's not too strong a word.

Speaker 15 Absolutely, Peter. I think, given everything we know about the siege and the role of these two armies.

Speaker 1 The door is opening, the door of the eastern entrance to Manakusaurs is opening.

Speaker 15 And oh, oh my god.

Speaker 32 and

Speaker 1 the the two gentlemen appear to be dressed in somewhat

Speaker 1 problematic attire

Speaker 1 I don't think the enthusiastic waving is is helping

Speaker 1 nor the moustache from the gentleman there on the on the right on the far right I should say Helen I don't know if you've got any thoughts look it's it's a significant moment Peter we can't forget that despite

Speaker 15 everything we're seeing right now

Speaker 7 with our army.

Speaker 1 Absolutely significant moment, incredible moment for those hostages, the families concerned, and everybody, in fact,

Speaker 1 involved

Speaker 1 in this siege. We're going to go.
I'm told my producer is telling me we need to go to. We need to come off these pictures.
These are awful.

Speaker 44 Hector McFarlane arrived at his pre-trial hearing today with a very simple and clear message.

Speaker 9 I am innocent.

Speaker 45 He received a raucous response from those that stood outside from the middle of the morning.

Speaker 24 Sherlock Hancoma, I'm speaking to the solicitor from Blackheath, who's

Speaker 24 murdered.

Speaker 9 Turn it down.

Speaker 9 Sure.

Speaker 46 Uh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's no problem.
We should have some availability next week.

Speaker 24 Sure,

Speaker 9 great.

Speaker 24 Okay, take care.

Speaker 29 Bye.

Speaker 42 Um

Speaker 22 not that I was eavesdropping.

Speaker 24 You can, it is your business, too.

Speaker 40 But you said we have availability next week.

Speaker 24 Yeah, we do, right?

Speaker 22 We do, yes.

Speaker 42 But some of us are transfixed on this case.

Speaker 39 Right.

Speaker 46 But um

Speaker 16 we can't solve it.

Speaker 19 You know, preaching to the choir

Speaker 23 boy

Speaker 37 the 35-year-old choir boy who's good at podcasting.

Speaker 28 Sure, I'm just saying, look at him.

Speaker 28 Yeah,

Speaker 46 hey, Sherlock, yes,

Speaker 46 I think it's maybe time to let this case go.

Speaker 7 They're convicting an innocent man.

Speaker 31 That's the jury's job, not yours.

Speaker 7 He hired us, did he not?

Speaker 24 Well, he hasn't paid anything, so

Speaker 39 I was so sure.

Speaker 10 I know mate.

Speaker 7 I was so sure that Jonas Oldacre would turn up, reveal himself or

Speaker 33 or

Speaker 7 miscalculate.

Speaker 9 But yeah

Speaker 5 sorry Sharles, I

Speaker 38 I d I don't know what to tell you.

Speaker 7 But this isn't how it should work. We revealed faulty evidence, we we poked holes in their narrative.

Speaker 34 Sherlock, some things in life

Speaker 48 they should work and they should be straightforward and they're not, mate.

Speaker 13 You know, it's like washer dryers or

Speaker 21 peel and reseal.

Speaker 38 Yeah, it never bloody works, does it?

Speaker 22 You open a bag or something, oh, look at this, a little sticker so I can close it up, keep it fresh.

Speaker 38 Oh, wait, no, it doesn't fucking work. It doesn't stick.

Speaker 13 It keeps popping back open.

Speaker 28 Little crumbs get stuck to it. John.

Speaker 23 What?

Speaker 39 I'm trying to help.

Speaker 46 You are not helping.

Speaker 46 I know what will help. Now I know.

Speaker 5 A case. Ariana.
That's not how his brain works.

Speaker 46 I think I know how his brain works.

Speaker 22 No, I think I do.

Speaker 37 He's systematic. Solve a problem, move on.

Speaker 10 Solve a problem, move on.

Speaker 34 He doesn't introduce new problems until.

Speaker 46 That is not how it works.

Speaker 47 That is how it works, right, Sherlock?

Speaker 34 See, he won't even listen to this conversation until the previous thing is resolved.

Speaker 46 You're making him sound narrow-minded.

Speaker 10 I'm not.

Speaker 28 I'm just, I'm saying, you can't chuck 27 problems at him and expect that.

Speaker 5 What? 27.

Speaker 29 See?

Speaker 15 He wants other cases.

Speaker 11 Cases?

Speaker 7 Other cases?

Speaker 5 27.

Speaker 7 SE 27.

Speaker 7 SE 270DT.

Speaker 46 Okay, maybe I broke him a little.

Speaker 5 There was...

Speaker 7 When this whole thing started, you were listing off cases to distract me from the mouse.

Speaker 39 Wait, I... I was?

Speaker 5 There was.

Speaker 4 A vicar.

Speaker 7 He was in SE270 DT. Food was being stolen from the church.

Speaker 5 So...

Speaker 7 SE27-0-DT,

Speaker 39 Watson. What?

Speaker 10 What does that mean?

Speaker 27 I'm not a sat-nav.

Speaker 11 Norwood.

Speaker 7 That is a Norwood postcode. Cornelius Kitchens is registered there.
That's his business name. And it.

Speaker 7 Jonas Aldacre lived there.

Speaker 46 The police have searched his home a thousand times.

Speaker 1 The email from the vicar, where is it?

Speaker 46 Uh, okay, let me find it.

Speaker 3 Um.

Speaker 11 Uh, okay, here we go.

Speaker 9 Um,

Speaker 49 there.

Speaker 7 What? This has been going on since

Speaker 35 Tuesday, the 14th.

Speaker 36 Well, wait, when Jonas went missing,

Speaker 3 where are you going? We have to find answers, Watson.

Speaker 43 And I believe that the answers are in the church.

Speaker 20 Found God now, have you? Never thought I'd see the day.

Speaker 39 Gwen, Sherlock.

Speaker 23 Uh, hi, Dame Gwendolyn.

Speaker 11 Oh, uh, hi.

Speaker 7 I'm quite busy, Gwen.

Speaker 1 So am I.

Speaker 4 You don't look it.

Speaker 7 You look like you're lingering outside my front door.

Speaker 20 I I was in the courtroom today, for the pre-hearing.

Speaker 7 Okay, lovely.

Speaker 13 Can I just get past you? No. Oh,

Speaker 20 please. Listen to me.
I was in the courtroom today.

Speaker 39 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 20 And a security officer I know, Krishan, last week had his ear scratched at by a previous appointment.

Speaker 20 She was pretty pissed off after a manslaughter judgment didn't go the way she wanted, so she took it out on Krishan. With these big, fake vinyl nails clawing at his head over and over.

Speaker 20 Anyway, he was back today. I saw him.

Speaker 23 We caught up.

Speaker 10 Had a good laugh about it.

Speaker 34 He's a good guy, Krishan.

Speaker 20 But it didn't go so well today. A stitch broke as he was escorting Hector to the hearing.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 Send Krisham my regards.

Speaker 20 It was rather bloody.

Speaker 7 Well, I hope he got the medical attention he deserved. Excuse me now.
Bye-bye.

Speaker 20 He didn't, actually.

Speaker 12 Why not?

Speaker 10 Because Hector did.

Speaker 46 Why did Hector get medical attention?

Speaker 20 Because when Hector saw what happened, he vomited and collapsed.

Speaker 22 What are you saying? I'm not saying.

Speaker 10 I'm asking.

Speaker 7 What are you asking?

Speaker 20 Can I give you a lift?

Speaker 7 Yes, you can.

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Speaker 3 Okay, this is it. St.
Luke's Church.

Speaker 7 Let's go. Just wait, let her park.

Speaker 3 I can leave it here.

Speaker 20 Oh, pick her the job.

Speaker 3 Yeah, fair enough. Come on.
Eat it.

Speaker 46 Just don't, um.

Speaker 46 This is a holy place, Sherlock, okay? So be uh

Speaker 14 respectful. Hold it right right there, Sherlock.

Speaker 28 That's a vicar.

Speaker 20 Excuse me, Vicar. My name is Gwen Lestrade.

Speaker 32 Yes, I know who you are.

Speaker 32 Welcome to St. Luke's, Dame Gwen Lestrade.

Speaker 20 Thank you. I'm here to help you, actually.

Speaker 45 Help?

Speaker 9 With what?

Speaker 20 Your case. Crime reference number B8864209.
Filed on Tuesday, the 14th.

Speaker 34 Ah.

Speaker 46 And you made a request to us as well. Uh, this.

Speaker 46 Well, we're Sherlock and Co.

Speaker 32 Like London buses.

Speaker 3 Yes, I guess it's

Speaker 39 not yet.

Speaker 32 Um, if if you could just remind us the food the food, yes, it's kindly donated by local businesses. It gets posted through our parcel door, you see.
Come through

Speaker 9 here.

Speaker 32 This is where it comes through. The usually the cafes that don't sell all their pastries or what have you, it it comes into here.

Speaker 46 And it's gone missing.

Speaker 32 Yes, well, I've thought that perhaps people had stopped donating, you see.

Speaker 41 Tough times, all that sort of thing.

Speaker 38 Of course, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 32 But I checked around to see if the church could help.

Speaker 32 And it wasn't that. They they they very much had been donating,

Speaker 41 as far as they were aware.

Speaker 32 So I thought

Speaker 32 it was most likely a mouse, you know.

Speaker 3 A mouse?

Speaker 9 Silly, really.

Speaker 32 I th the amount would be enormous, uh, and And it was all packaged, so it must be, regrettably, a person.

Speaker 9 So it...

Speaker 32 I'm not the you know that the church is not looking to press charges.

Speaker 33 I want to help them.

Speaker 32 They must be so desperate to do such a thing.

Speaker 20 Could we take a look around, Vicar?

Speaker 32 Absolutely.

Speaker 43 These scenes earlier today from outside the pre-trial hearing for Hector MacFarlane, and there is an atmosphere of what I can only describe as growing rage.

Speaker 43 Many believe, including incredibly the United States President himself, that Metropolitan Police armed units should have eliminated McFarlane during the Marin Tussaud siege.

Speaker 43 The Prime Minister, however, is very clear that diplomacy is one thing,

Speaker 43 justice is another.

Speaker 24 How's the finger?

Speaker 32 Don't do that.

Speaker 34 Keep listening to Sherlock and go.

Speaker 5 Spread the word.

Speaker 3 Thanks.

Speaker 10 How's your search going?

Speaker 11 Uh, not great.

Speaker 46 Just a lot of Bibles and empty seats. Yep.

Speaker 24 Not looking good, huh? No, I've.

Speaker 12 Do you think maybe there's a crypt under here or something?

Speaker 46 Don't know.

Speaker 36 Maybe.

Speaker 34 Feels more like a Catholic thing, though, doesn't it?

Speaker 46 Yeah.

Speaker 20 I think we can perhaps keep in touch with St. Luke's, and I can arrange for a patrol car to just ward off potential thieves.

Speaker 32 Oh, that really won't be necessary.

Speaker 20 I admire your empathy, but whoever is taking this food is not the intended recipient.

Speaker 33 If they need it, they absolutely are.

Speaker 20 I should probably

Speaker 46 has our verdict been reached?

Speaker 20 Possibly. Not sure right now.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 20 Good to see you again.

Speaker 14 Yeah, you too.

Speaker 20 And to meet you, Mariana.

Speaker 20 And give my best to Sherlock.

Speaker 10 Oh, w where is he?

Speaker 20 You haven't seen him.

Speaker 23 No. Oh.

Speaker 46 Sherlock? Sherlock?

Speaker 21 Oh, sorry. Is it alright if I shout?

Speaker 14 Certainly.

Speaker 39 Sherlock!

Speaker 11 Sherlock! Sherlock!

Speaker 45 What?

Speaker 21 Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing up there?

Speaker 13 So can I take back all of that?

Speaker 5 Or does God not do take backs? He is much more forgiving than you'd think.

Speaker 46 Sherlock,

Speaker 46 can you get down, please?

Speaker 13 Yes, I shall.

Speaker 26 There's a handy spiral staircase right here.

Speaker 4 It leads up to the clock tower.

Speaker 33 Yes, it did.

Speaker 7 Once.

Speaker 26 Righto!

Speaker 4 You all right?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 49 Vicar, I may well have found your mouse.

Speaker 41 You have? You...

Speaker 9 Have?

Speaker 3 I have.

Speaker 7 From the outside, your clock tower is 55 feet.

Speaker 32 I'll take your word for that one, I think.

Speaker 7 Yet, that staircase is forty-four feet.

Speaker 32 It's been some time since I've had the wherewithal to bound up those stairs, I'm afraid.

Speaker 4 Yes, well, if you did, you'd see a ceiling with a hatch.

Speaker 35 Rise, right?

Speaker 32 Is that a problem?

Speaker 49 Um, for a couple of reasons.

Speaker 7 The builder you used is in violation of the Planning Act. This is Grade 2 listed.
He can't use that plasterboard on his little ceiling. Well, floor, in his case.

Speaker 7 And the second reason is why you contacted us in the first place.

Speaker 11 Oh.

Speaker 14 Oh.

Speaker 46 Do we think he's

Speaker 3 up there?

Speaker 1 Well, we can always test, can't we?

Speaker 10 What is that?

Speaker 7 It's a rodent smoke bomb.

Speaker 33 Oh, God.

Speaker 11 What?

Speaker 22 Yeah, I forgot to mention this.

Speaker 20 I can have half a dozen units here in literally three minutes, Sherlock.

Speaker 7 Yes, but that's not as fun.

Speaker 14 Sherlock.

Speaker 7 there is an opening in the wall here, you see, that tracks with the stairs. And this little tunnel, almost like a laundry chute or a chimney, heads all the way up to the bell tower.

Speaker 7 It's a turret clock mechanism, one of its first in the UK, however. So the building was fitted with this route up the tower to run a bell rope, should the church need to ring their bell manually.

Speaker 7 But we can use it for a different purpose.

Speaker 36 Let's just hold on a second.

Speaker 4 It's twelve fifty-nine.

Speaker 7 I'd like to get my timing just right.

Speaker 16 Just right for what?

Speaker 23 Hickory

Speaker 7 Dickory

Speaker 7 Doc.

Speaker 7 Oh, you're kidding me.

Speaker 33 The mouse ran up the clock.

Speaker 7 The clock struck

Speaker 11 one.

Speaker 11 The mouse

Speaker 11 ran

Speaker 11 down

Speaker 9 Hickory

Speaker 9 Dickory

Speaker 3 Catch him on the stairs, John.

Speaker 3 Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, there we go.

Speaker 3 Yeah, get down. Few more steps.

Speaker 3 In my throat.

Speaker 3 Oh, Oh, I need some water.

Speaker 3 Here,

Speaker 4 Jonas. Oh, oh, thank you.

Speaker 30 Thank you.

Speaker 30 Oh, thank you.

Speaker 7 Thank you. Um,

Speaker 10 Gwen.

Speaker 27 Gwen.

Speaker 20 Lestrade, Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police.

Speaker 23 Uh,

Speaker 49 yeah, um, no, no, I was just I was just doing some repairs for what was it, wasn't I?

Speaker 29 For the church, the bell tower.

Speaker 3 Don't lie, young man

Speaker 3 hold on a moment you you

Speaker 3 came here to quote me for some repair work yes on tuesday the fourteenth i bet

Speaker 7 and he's rather outstayed his welcome unbeknownst to you vicar

Speaker 30 you're having me on here

Speaker 7 you let go of me no no i don't think i can rather nifty little compartment you built yourself there jonas you're quite a talented builder to put such a thing together without drawing attention to yourself oh Oh, and the kitchen at the MacFarlane's house in Blackheath.

Speaker 7 Oh, very much so.

Speaker 7 The MacFarlane's, your client. They did, however, have a couple of complaints.
There was the one about the tools.

Speaker 14 Yeah, you'd leave tools lying around, they said.

Speaker 30 Come on, guys. Look at it.

Speaker 14 Like a club hammer and an angle grinder.

Speaker 7 And then, of course, there was the framing of Hector MacFarlane. For the gruesome murder of one Jonas Oldacre, the Norwood builder.

Speaker 33 That one?

Speaker 11 Hmm.

Speaker 7 That may well get you a rather bad review online.

Speaker 30 Come on, though.

Speaker 30 It was a joke, right?

Speaker 30 I was just pissing about, wasn't I? It was a joke.

Speaker 3 Come on.

Speaker 46 Well, at least you made yourself laugh, Jonas.

Speaker 20 It's a joke, is it?

Speaker 30 Yes, I was winding him up. Look, I'm trolling.

Speaker 30 You're all like, look, look at your faces. It was a joke.
Come on.

Speaker 28 Hey?

Speaker 3 Come on.

Speaker 20 It's actually not a bad joke.

Speaker 36 It's not.

Speaker 20 I think the punchline could do the tweak, though.

Speaker 16 Don't you?

Speaker 45 What?

Speaker 3 Look, I cut myself.

Speaker 30 Alright, I put my blood on the hammer.

Speaker 22 And it.

Speaker 29 The bloody angle grinder on a bit coming too far.

Speaker 3 Oh, please. This way?

Speaker 3 Alright, just let go a sec. Actually, I think it's right here.

Speaker 3 Bloody hell.

Speaker 27 There's police on the door.

Speaker 3 Lovely. Oh, this is assault.

Speaker 30 This is police brutality. Are you in?

Speaker 20 Come in, gentlemen. Police ma'am,

Speaker 3 police brutality.

Speaker 20 Yes, you can, Christian.

Speaker 14 Yes, ma'am.

Speaker 9 Oh, look at the job.

Speaker 9 Very handy.

Speaker 18 That the defendant then proceeded to.

Speaker 10 Your honour

Speaker 20 a little piece of evidence to take into account.

Speaker 3 Oh, please, please,

Speaker 49 I just...

Speaker 31 I accept it.

Speaker 30 Yeah, I took the joke too far.

Speaker 3 All right, please. Orter!

Speaker 3 Please. Orter, I will have order in this court.
Please!

Speaker 17 Ladies and gentlemen of

Speaker 17 the media,

Speaker 17 over the past few weeks, my life has been subject to ridicule, to torment,

Speaker 17 to persecution, whether that be by the press, by law enforcement, even by the British justice system, and sadly, by my family and friends.

Speaker 17 There was a time only a matter of days ago where I'd lost everything.

Speaker 36 Everything.

Speaker 17 And I,

Speaker 17 perhaps foolishly, took it upon myself to

Speaker 17 regain control. In doing so,

Speaker 17 I

Speaker 17 endangered eight totally innocent people and that is unforgivable. Unforgivable.

Speaker 17 But what I ask in these circumstances, and I will ask the same of the next jury that I face,

Speaker 17 my actions may well have been unforgivable, but were they at least understandable?

Speaker 17 And I have full faith that a jury of my peers will know that that if the powerful forces of this nation, its media, its police were turned against them, they too would follow in my footsteps and take up arms in defiance.

Speaker 17 My wife, Shireen, and I would like to kindly request that we are allowed to return to our life in private, in peace.

Speaker 11 Thank you.

Speaker 51 Those words there from Hector MacFarlane. Acquitted, of course, for the murder of Jonas Oldacre.
But now facing

Speaker 28 a legal precedent has been established.

Speaker 22 Yes, it has.

Speaker 21 It is not illegal to be a prick.

Speaker 37 Which is joyous news for pricks across the nation.

Speaker 37 Jonas, of course, not so much.

Speaker 37 Sorry, I'm talking to the listeners now, Arch. You don't have to keep staring at me.

Speaker 37 Although I do appreciate it.

Speaker 35 The finger is fine, mate.

Speaker 37 Stop trying to lick it.

Speaker 37 Yeah, Jonas, of course, is locked up.

Speaker 19 He stuck with the whole it was a joke shtick always is when you get caught, isn't it?

Speaker 34 But ultimately, it seemed that he was framing Hector and was planning to run away, judging by some funds he had set aside.

Speaker 34 The revenge against his client, threatening to take him to court over a kitchen, obviously backfired spectacularly.

Speaker 38 But, you know, F-A-F-O, as they say.

Speaker 35 Not sure what that means?

Speaker 48 Google it.

Speaker 34 Right, I'm going to...

Speaker 9 What was I going to do?

Speaker 14 I've forgotten.

Speaker 9 Well, that's good.

Speaker 37 Well, here's a shout-out.

Speaker 29 Well, I think. Shout-out to

Speaker 21 Jenny with the cello from Catford.

Speaker 47 Hello, Jenny with the cello from Catford.

Speaker 29 Shout-out to Madiha. No idea if that pronunciation is doing that lovely name justice.
Sorry, shout-out, Madiha.

Speaker 34 Making some lovely art, too. Thanks to your sister Inaya for showing it to me.

Speaker 34 Hello, Mr. Josh.

Speaker 29 Podcast shout-out, my good friend Taper Fade.

Speaker 47 Great, thanks a lot.

Speaker 27 Egg in New Zealand.

Speaker 34 Sorry, I missed your birthday. Happy birthday.

Speaker 29 Shout out to Valentine, to Spencer and Noah. Shout out to Diane.

Speaker 37 Well done on painting the stairwell.

Speaker 35 Looks fab.

Speaker 48 Right, there's loads of shout-outs.

Speaker 47 Sorry, everyone.

Speaker 12 But it is time to head downstairs and say thanks.

Speaker 48 Oh, forgot to say.

Speaker 48 Got this card from Shireen and Hector.

Speaker 34 I'm on Cloud Wine, thanks to your help.

Speaker 38 And it's a picture of

Speaker 34 a wine glass. Inside it says toasting to you with extra bubbles.

Speaker 35 Then thanks for everything from Hector and Shireen.

Speaker 22 Could do with paying us, really, but glad they're knocking it back.

Speaker 29 Right, let's head downstairs and say thanks to those other two crime-solving

Speaker 24 people

Speaker 13 that I work with.

Speaker 22 Come on, Arch.

Speaker 48 Let's go and see.

Speaker 9 What's on?

Speaker 22 What is all that noise?

Speaker 45 Oh, he should be locked up, Sherlock.

Speaker 17 Well, I happen to believe otherwise.

Speaker 45 Why exactly?

Speaker 7 He is an animal.

Speaker 20 We are all animals.

Speaker 46 He should be in a cage.

Speaker 17 That's punitive and humiliating. He's done nothing wrong.

Speaker 39 That's that's not the point.

Speaker 27 Uh, what the hell is going on in here?

Speaker 10 Uh-huh, what the? There's a mouse.

Speaker 5 This is Graham.

Speaker 7 What do you mean? I named him after the pest-controlled man.

Speaker 3 Sherlock, you can't keep a mouse. No, no, no, no, no, no, he touched my foot.

Speaker 38 Graham, just back off me.

Speaker 14 Graham, back off.

Speaker 22 Why does he have to do this stuff?

Speaker 23 Why?

Speaker 34 We solve an amazing case.

Speaker 40 We've got the head of bloody police praising us.

Speaker 34 We've got the media blown away. Hostages rescued.

Speaker 39 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 19 He cares more about rescuing the mouse.

Speaker 5 Great.

Speaker 36 Graham, is that you?

Speaker 35 Graham?

Speaker 29 Stop the recording. This is pathetic.

Speaker 34 Join the Patreon, please.

Speaker 29 There's lots of stuff coming up, Graham.