SmartLess Presents ClueLess! 145 - Do Not Pass Go! (w/ Scotty Icenogle)

Hey Smarties, it's Sean Hayes here.

You may remember that we launched a new bite-sized game show last year called Clueless.

And every episode, our hilarious host, Elliot Kalin, takes me and a friend of mine through a different game, and sometimes they're word puzzles or chains of common phrases or robots singing songs we have to guess.

It's a whole lot of fun.

Here's a special monopoly-themed episode that came out today, sponsored by our friends at Hasbro, where my husband, oh, I want to say Steve

Scotty.

That's it.

My husband, Scotty, Isenokel, and I play a special monopoly-themed game called Do Not Pass Go.

Clueless.

Today's episode of Clueless is sponsored by Monopoly, and there are three brand new expansions which you can add onto your classic Monopoly board to add new ways to play and to make the game shorter.

All three are available now.

Monopoly is a trademark of Hasbro.

Smart.

Congratulations, you have won second prize in a beauty contest.

It's even better than first prize because now you've got a goal to work towards.

This is Clueless.

I'm Clueless.

Very nice.

Welcome to Smartless Presents Clueless, the puzzle podcast that only asks 15 minutes of your time and offers you so much in return.

I'm your host, Elliot Kalen, or at least that's what my parents told me.

Now please welcome the man who thinks community chest means everyone wants to see him take his shirt off, Sean Hayes.

Believe me, that you talk about horror films.

That would be a horror film.

Not that you were talking about horror films.

Guys, thank you, Elliot.

Thank you for having me again.

This is so, so much fun.

I look forward to this every single time we do it because I love games.

I love you.

I love this show.

I love everything about it, but I love even more than all of those things.

Is that possible?

There's something you love more than those things?

Uh-huh.

Chocolate cake.

And my husband, Scotty Ice Snogl, who's here as well.

Scotty,

where are you right now?

Scottie.

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

Yes.

What part of the city and the town are you in?

And where are you exactly right now?

I'm actually in the next room.

Oh, that's spooky.

That's very spooky.

All right.

Well,

the idea of him being in the same house as you is offset.

Very creepy and weird.

Very upsetting.

Yeah, yeah.

This is why we have a couple houses.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

You know, when you said love more than anything else, I thought you were going to say Pop-Tarts.

But

chocolate cakes,

Snickers too, and paydays and stuff like that.

Well, Scotty is quickly getting knocked out of the top five.

That's 100%.

Yep.

Today's episode is about the world of Monopoly.

Ooh, it's our special Monopoly episode.

That's right, Monopoly, the game of wheeling and dealing and stealing from the bank when your friends are in the bathroom.

So let's take the BNO Railroad over to wherever...

B and O are for today's first cliffhanger puzzle.

Now, without the make you wait for the answer feature.

That's right.

We're going to give you today's cliffhanger puzzles, and then you'll get the answers today.

Thanks to the fine people at Monopoly.

Now, to add even more Monopoly to this Monopoly episode, we have a selection of possible Monopoly trivia questions at our disposal.

One each for each of the three new Monopoly expansion packs.

Free parking, go to jail, and buy everything.

And also, a question about the Monopoly tokens themselves and one about all the special edition boards that have been made over the years for Monopoly.

To To decide which of those various trivia question categories we'll be asking, I will have Sean spin the spinner from the free parking expansion set.

Sean,

set that spinner spinning.

I haven't done this since college.

There we go.

Oh, and it landed on Monopoly tokens.

That'll be the category for today's trivia question.

Excellent spinning.

Great spinning, Sean.

Thank you.

Well done.

It's well done.

It's all in the wrist.

Well spun.

So today's first puzzle is a trivia question that goes thusly: which of these has never been a token in the standard monopoly game set?

And your choices are T-Rex, the T stands for Tyrannosaurus, Canon,

Goose, or Sack of Money.

Which of these has never been a token in the standard Monopoly set?

Again, your choices are T-Rex, the dinosaur, not the band.

Cannon, goose, or sack of money?

Over the years, because, you know, I grew up playing it when they didn't have any of those.

But I know.

You had to make your own pieces out of corn cobs and

acorns, things like that.

And we actually had to purchase property with our own money.

It was really, yeah, it was really put us out.

With the legal script that came to us.

It was very real.

Yeah.

Wait, Scotty,

I'm not going to say T-Rex because that's so absurd that it sounds like it is a real thing.

It is a real thing, right?

I'm going to say goose.

Goose.

Yeah, that was my instinct.

That was mine.

All right, let's see.

By order of Milburn Rich Uncle Pennybags, which, yes, is the Monopoly man's legal name.

If you don't believe me, look up his birth certificate.

It's on file.

I shall reveal to you that you are correct.

Yes, the answer is the goose.

Monopoly has never had a goose-shaped token.

The canon was in the original 1935 set.

The sack of money was voted for by the public and appeared in sets from the late 90s to 2007, kind of on the nose.

The public choose sack of money for Monopoly.

And T-Rex was briefly introduced in 2017.

I assume it's extinct now.

Nice work.

All right.

Nice.

Nice.

That's interesting.

That's really, I love that kind of stuff.

Yeah.

Well, get ready.

You're going to learn more Monopoly stuff later in this episode.

Thank you to Monopoly for supporting today's episode.

Clueless listeners, Monopoly has created three new ways to play with expansions you add on to your classic Monopoly set.

If you want to own the whole board, the buy everything expansion lets you do just that.

That's right.

Every space on the board is up for grabs.

Go to jail, buy it.

Free parking.

Yep, that too.

And with the buy die, you get even more ways to win fast.

If you're the kind of person who likes to press their luck, like Elliot, the free parking jackpot expansion is your jam.

Land on free parking, spin the wheel, and boom, cash in big.

But don't get too comfortable because it's risky.

One spin could have you rolling in money or losing it all.

It's high stakes, fast, and definitely for the competitive players.

And if you're a mastermind who loves a little chaos, like Sean, the go-to-jail expansion is a game changer.

Jail isn't a punishment, it's strategic.

Bribe, steal, and collect corruption cards to mess with your opponents.

Turns out, crime does pay, pay, at least in Monopoly.

So, whether you're a risk-taker, rule breaker, or money maker, Monopoly has three new expansion packs for you to explore.

Pick your pack or grab all three and let the game get a whole lot more exciting.

Available now on Amazon, all is fair in Monopoly expansions.

Monopoly is a trademark of Hasbro.

Listeners, did you get the answer right?

If so, I give you permission to win money when you land on free parking.

The rules say you can't, but you've earned it.

Like, just go for it.

Why not?

Nobody's watching.

But before you spend your ill-gotten gains, let's play today's main game, which is called Do Not Pass Go.

I can't wait.

I can't wait for the Clueless album.

Yeah.

Oh, it's going to be great.

I know.

I love every song.

The show gets longer and longer.

Yeah.

There's no better song than the song that has copyright information in the song, just to have any questions about it.

Well, any Monopoly player knows that passing Go is essential to staying alive in the game and possibly in real life too.

So naturally, Clueless is here to make that a little difficult, to make sure that neither of you pass go.

I'm going to give you clues to guess a series of words and phrases that end with the letters G-O.

Remember, they always end in G-O.

You're not passing go because there's no letters after G-O.

There's no beginnings passing.

I understand.

You're never passing Go.

The letters end in G-O, the ones that you're going to guess.

So you don't have to go to the Google.

So it's before Go.

Other letters go before Go.

And then stop or go.

During the instructions, you pass a kidney stone.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, then I'll know from the scream.

So, for instance, if the clue was Latin American ballroom dance, the answer would be

tango.

Yes, tango.

Very good.

You didn't say tangos, which is good because you've got to stop the window past.

You can't go past the GO.

That's correct.

Guys, I cannot make this clear.

You can't go past GO.

Just don't even do it.

The player at the end with the most points wins.

The player with the least points will go to Super Jail from the Go to Jail expansion pack, now on store shelves for Monopoly.

Do not pass Go.

The first question: A company's symbol is its

logo.

Yes, logo.

Very good.

Number two, the windy city is

Chicago.

Chicago.

Chicago.

Very good.

Scotty.

Another word for jargon is.

Lingo.

Oh, great.

It's close to blue on the spectrum.

And Diego.

Very good.

Sean got that one.

It's just right at the top.

Okay.

A pink waterfowl is a.

Flamingo.

A flamingo.

Ah, Scotty got it.

Your buddy in Spanish is your.

Amigo.

Amigo.

Lottery-style game with numbered balls is.

Bingo.

Oh, very good.

A crime comedy film by the Cohen brothers.

Fargo.

Oh, shoot.

I'm right on the tip of my tongue.

Plastic building bricks to be mastered.

Lego.

That was, I think Sean got that first, which I should hope since he has a close friend who's involved in all the Lego things.

He would actually hit me if I didn't.

He'd throw Legos at you.

Yeah.

He'd make something out of Legos.

I'd hit you with it.

Yeah.

And this is number 10 for the end of the first round, because we're doing multiple multiple rounds.

Number 10, the villain in Shakespeare's Othello.

Oh,

I know it.

I know it.

I can give you a follow-up clue if you need a follow-up clue.

Yes, of course.

Okay.

He's the sidekick bird in Aladdin.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

I saw that in 1928.

I can't remember.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I'm never going to get this.

Hugo.

No, Hugo is a good guess because it ends in Geo, but it's wrong.

The answer is Iago.

Iago.

Yeah, Iago.

All right, Iago.

Although, I guess you could say the real villain of Othello is jealousy.

Hey, oh, nice.

Write that down, Elliot.

But it doesn't end in Geo.

Jealousy go.

You're right.

I'm ruining my own game.

Okay, so tallying up after 10 clues, the score is Sean has one, two, three, four.

Scotty has one, two, three, four, five, six.

So Scotty is in the lead.

Amazing.

I mean, I don't need to sound as amazed.

I'm sorry, Scotty.

I shouldn't be surprisedly amazed for that.

I'm in the haunted hallway section of our apartment and I'm getting, you know,

underestimated.

Yeah.

No, no, but that's even better.

It means that means that this is more of an exciting, dramatic comeback.

Okay, moving back to round two.

The rules are the same.

Go, don't go past it.

The words end in go.

The questions, slightly trickier.

Each answer is now worth two points.

So

the lead is only two points for Scotty from that last round.

So Sean could easily erase it and move forward.

Or Scotty could take an even further lead.

Let's see what happens.

Okay.

Question number 11.

Dizziness.

Ferdinando.

Oh, boy, that was so close.

That was neck and neck.

I'm going to give each of you two on that one.

We have to go to the

tail of the tape, but we don't have it.

So

number 12, a chain of islands is an.

Oh, God.

A chain of islands.

I'm never going to have it.

I can hear the audience screaming at us right now.

They're screaming at you.

The only clue I have for you is probably not going to be that helpful.

What is it?

The word that's missing from the title of Alexander Solzhenitsyn's The Gulag.

What?

Good lord.

Oh, sure.

It's the only association I have with that word.

No, I have no idea.

Should we move on to the next one?

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

The answer was archipelago.

Oh, yes.

I didn't know there was a string of islands, but yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's what it is: a string of islands.

Question number 13.

You guys will get this.

A kind of ship or a kind of shorts?

Cargo.

Very good.

A milk cheese similar to Parmesan.

Oh.

Brie, go.

Cheddar, go.

I'm going to know it.

I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know either.

Okay, the answer is Asiago.

Asiago cheese.

These are the tough ones.

These are the two-point ones, but you'll get this one.

Fair enough.

Manufacturer of camper vans.

Winnebago.

Oh, that's great.

I feel like Scotty started first, but Sean finished the word first.

And then Scotty took longer to say the word, but Sean finished it.

we must have a delay because I feel like I'm getting all of these.

Okay, go ahead.

Number 16, island that forms a country with Trinidad.

Do we know it?

I'm going through my world knowledge.

You'll think about it.

They're often referred to as Trinidad and...

Trinigo.

Trinidad and Trinamom.

No, I don't know.

Geography, not my strong suit.

Okay.

You want me to tell you what it is?

Yes.

Tobago or Tobago.

Trinidad and Tobago.

Wouldn't I want it?

Wouldn't I like it?

Okay, well, how about this one?

Question 17.

Tree whose extract is often used as a memory supplement.

Seems like you guys could use

Previgeno.

Oh, no, that's from jellyfish, Previgen.

Yeah, I was thinking that too, yeah.

A tree whose supplements often use a memory thing.

Well, no, we're never going to forget this answer.

Never.

I don't remember it.

It's forever.

It's a fan.

Ancient tree.

You see a lot of them in New York City.

Would you like me to tell you the answer?

Yes, please.

Ginkgo.

Ginkgo.

Oh, Ginkgo, Baloba.

Ginkgo, Baloba.

Yes.

You know what you were thinking?

Baloba Go.

Balobo.

That was quite difficult.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

A trade ban is an embargo.

Embargo.

Yes.

God, you're fast.

You might order movie tickets from

the beginning.

I may have pooped in my pants a little bit on that one.

I've never seen two people verbally scramble over each other that way.

Question 20, the final one for this round.

Freud said that this part of the mind acts as our conscience.

Ego.

Ego.

You're both wrong.

I apologize.

Would you like another try at it?

Because you're almost there.

Ego, go?

If it's not just an ego, if it's even bigger and more powerful than an ego, it would be.

Superego.

Yeah, superego.

There's the id, the ego, and the superego.

Very easy to confuse them because they've got almost the same name.

I was thinking of id, too.

I was like, ido, id go.

No, okay.

Right, after round two, let's tally up the score again.

Well, we don't have to do it.

Scotty won.

Oh, here we go.

Let's go.

Let's hear it.

Let's hear it.

Just to say it officially, Sean has seven, and Scotty has, let's see, seven, nine, 48, 17.

48.

I'll tell you.

17.

I'll tell you.

But just in case you think we passed go, I've got a rude awakening for you.

We did not pass go because it's time for the mega clue.

Mega clue question,

which is going to be the hardest words and phrases ending in G-O yet.

So there are fewer of them.

Each one is worth five points.

Get ready to give me some mega answers for the mega clue as we mega don't pass mego.

So let's go for it.

Okay, question 21.

Russian novel made into a film starring Omar Sharif.

You got this one.

I can see someone.

Oh my God, I know it.

Literally, my brain is on fire.

That's where the answer would be.

Yep.

Don't look in the other organs.

It's not in your lungs.

Or the frozen turkey section.

Dr.

Zhivago.

Yes, Dr.

Zhivago.

Very good.

Wow.

Very good.

Question 22.

He's one of opera's famous three tenors.

I'm Domingo.

Yes, Domingo.

Very good.

Very good.

Okay, 23.

New wave band founded by Danny Elfman, who wrote the theme to Weird Science.

Bongo, Bongo.

Bingo, ofo.

Very good, Sean.

Yep.

24.

A huge round of applause as at the end of a play.

This is a tricky one.

It's like a standing O.

You got it, Sean.

Standing O.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

All right.

I'm going to.

I heard you say it not as the answer, but just as thinking.

But yeah, that's what it was.

Standing O.

And 25, finally, a fictional thief who, quote, sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina.

Carmen San Diego.

Yes, Carmen San Diego.

Scotty, how did you get that?

That's one 90s kids will know.

That's right.

That is the end of the game.

That was fast and furious.

After three rounds, the final score is, let's take a look.

Let me add it up.

27.

Scotty is 27 to Sean's 22.

That's only one final round question away from, you know,

that's a close game.

That was, it turned very close.

That was close, yeah.

So the winner is Scotty.

Scotty, I hope, I hope, I hope it's something you can lured over Sean for at least an hour.

I think it's already started.

Good.

Good.

I'm happy for you.

Listeners at home, do you do as well as Sean and Scotty?

If not, then in the spirit of the sale cards from the Buy Everything expansion pack, I give you permission to purchase all of Scotty's correct answers.

Now you're the winner of the game.

Congratulations.

Sorry, Scotty.

They bought it from you.

Wow.

Of course, the great thing about Monopoly is it brings so many people together: friends and relatives, cars and thimbles, top hats and little dogs.

So why not snuggle up close for today's final cliffhanger puzzle?

Of course, today's cliffhanger puzzle is the anti-cliffhanger because we're going to give you the answer today.

So let's call it an In No Danger of Falling puzzle.

That's what we're doing today.

An in no danger of falling puzzle.

I love that.

Sean, you got to spin last time.

So Scotty, you get to spin the free parking expansion pack spinner to see what kind of trivia question I'll be asking you for this In No Danger of Falling non-cliffhanger puzzle.

Okay, Scotty, ready to give a spin?

Yes, let's go.

Let's go.

Here we go.

And it's spinning.

Let the record show that the spinner landed on Monopoly Special Editions as the category.

So I'm going to ask you a question about Monopoly Special Editions.

That question goes thusly.

Monopoly is licensed in 103 countries, printed in 37 languages, and there are an estimated 2,500 plus special edition boards themed to locations, franchises, or notable individuals.

Which of these pop culture figures have never had their own themed Monopoly Special Edition?

And your choices are Deadpool, Ted Lasso, Paris Hilton, or The Beatles, which have never had their own Monopoly Special Edition themed set.

I'm going to say The Beatles, Scotty.

I was going to say Ted Lasso.

Okay.

You are both incorrect.

No, the answer is Paris Hilton.

Oh, wow.

The Beatles have had several editions.

Deadpool has had two.

Ted Lasso had one.

But Paris Hilton, despite having family in the hotel business, has not had a single Monopoly set to her own.

So

how do you feel about misjudging that one?

Doing okay?

I'm going to be all right.

Okay, cool.

We're going to get through this.

It's going to be a real roller coaster episode for you.

Just

give me a minute.

Okay, I'm good.

Sean needs a minute.

I need to go rub his shoulders.

Yeah, right back.

Okay.

Unfortunately, we just landed on Go Directly to the end of show.

But before we go, I'd like to thank Scotty Ice Noble for advancing to the nearest utility and, if owned, buying it from the bank.

I'd like to thank Sean Hayes for remembering it's not pronounced monopoly.

I really appreciate that you weren't talking about that.

But most of all, I'd like to thank you, the listener, for letting us have a monopoly on your ears.

Until next time, this has been Smartless Presents Clueless.

I've been your host, Ellie Kalen, and I'm playing my get out of this episode free card.

See you, suckers.

Clueless.

You have been listening to Smartless Presents Clueless, a Smartless Media production in association with SiriusXM.

Your host is Elliot Kalen, who also writes our scripts.

Your constant contestant is Sean Hayes, who does like candy.

Your producer, editor, and engineer is Devin Torrey Bryant, who is me.

I also write all the music and sound effects.

Assistant Engineer, Kyle McGraw.

Today's puzzles were written by Josh Richmond and Jason Reich.

Talent producer is Ann Harris.

Associate producer Maddie McCann.

Social media producer Tommy Galgano.

Executive producers are Elliot Kalen, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman.

Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky.

Remember to follow, subscribe, rate, and review the show.

It really helps.

That's all for now.

We will see you again for more.

Clueless.

Clueless.

Thank you to our partner Monopoly for supporting today's special episode of Clueless.

Because we all have a Monopoly board lying around, Monopoly has introduced three new expansions that you can buy to add on to your Monopoly board to have new ways to play.

We are loving playing with these new expansion packs.

We are going to have to take turns switching between the free parking jackpot, buy everything, and go to jail for our next few game nights.

It's going to be super fun.

These expansions are available now on Amazon, so go out and get yours today.

Monopoly is a trademark of Hasbro.