“Jimmy Kimmel: LIVE in Los Angeles”

Speaker 1 The family that vacations together stays together. At least, that was the plan.
Except now, the dastardly desk clerk is saying he can't confirm your connecting rooms. Wait, what?

Speaker 2 That's right, ma'am. You have rooms 201 and 709.

Speaker 1 No, we cannot be five floors away from our kids.

Speaker 2 Uh, the doors have double locks, they'll be fine.

Speaker 1 When you want connecting rooms confirmed before you arrive, it matters where you stay.

Speaker 2 Welcome to Hilton.

Speaker 1 I see your connecting rooms are already confirmed. Hilton, for this day.

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Speaker 2 Testing.

Speaker 2 Testing, testing, testing. Testing.

Speaker 2 Testing.

Speaker 2 Is this my hot? Is it a hot? Are we hot? Are we hot?

Speaker 2 Testing one, two.

Speaker 4 Testing, testing, one, two.

Speaker 2 Discussing all two.

Speaker 2 Okay, wait, so wait.

Speaker 4 I got a really quick game. It's called quick, it's called quick, quick, quick.
And I'm going to say quick, quick, quick, and I'm going to say name three something, right? Okay.

Speaker 4 So for you, so quick, quick, quick, name three brands of soap.

Speaker 2 Dove, ivory, and

Speaker 2 I understand. Quick, okay.

Speaker 4 So, quick, quick, quick, name, name three problems with dental problems.

Speaker 2 Go, name three dental problems with you. Oh, you've got a pretty

Speaker 2 cavity, and you've got a punch in the mouth.

Speaker 2 Okay, what about you? Quick, quick, quick.

Speaker 2 Three great

Speaker 2 sports teams.

Speaker 4 Quick, the birds, the dinosaurs, and the.

Speaker 2 Okay. Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Dinosaurs.

Speaker 2 Listen, let's just forget this. Let's just get down to what we came here to do.
The last last show of

Speaker 2 Smart Bud

Speaker 2 Lis.

Speaker 2 Smart

Speaker 2 Less.

Speaker 2 Oh, Melanie.

Speaker 2 Look!

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Look at this. So nice.

Speaker 2 You guys, it's our last

Speaker 2 relax. Relax.

Speaker 2 This guy owns a place. Dirty CS.
This guy owns a place. He's looking to bust some heads.

Speaker 2 It's our last show of this show. Wow.

Speaker 2 This is it.

Speaker 2 We're so excited that you guys wasted your money to come here tonight. It's a lot of money.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 We're going to try to put full dollar value in it.

Speaker 2 We've got a a pretty good guest.

Speaker 2 Not great.

Speaker 2 Not great.

Speaker 2 Pretty good.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 we've been on the road for the last couple weeks, and we went all over the country. We started in D.C.

Speaker 2 And then we went to Boston, and we went to New York and Chicago and Madison, Wisconsin.

Speaker 2 We had an incredible special appearance

Speaker 2 by my sister Tracy. Tracy.

Speaker 2 And I think that Tracy got a warmer reception than we did. Yeah, for sure.
Anyway, thank you for coming here. We're going to sit in the center of the show.
You get there because it's your guest.

Speaker 2 I don't care.

Speaker 4 Oh, boy.

Speaker 2 You haven't sat in the center since

Speaker 2 Conan.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. So all the way back to Boston.
Yeah, thank you. This is a great interview, by the way.
Thank you. No.

Speaker 2 How did you get started in the show business? That's a great question. I wasn't expecting it out of you.

Speaker 2 Sorry, just before I... Green.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 4 What's your favorite color?

Speaker 2 Oh, they know.

Speaker 4 They know.

Speaker 2 All right, so wait,

Speaker 4 I, you know, people are so nice to come backstage and they say nice things all through this whole tour.

Speaker 4 Sometimes I do think I have a little bit of face blindness, of undiagnosed face blindness, because sometimes I really, truly don't recognize people and I make an ass out of myself and so wait quick story I was remodeling my house and I came outside thank you thank you

Speaker 4 oh it doesn't get any gayer than remodeling your house and

Speaker 4 so the and I walk outside and this woman's walking down the sidewalk and she says she goes oh I love what you did with the house I would love to see the inside of it sometime and I'm like who are you

Speaker 4 I was like okay like what am I supposed to do and the conversation kind of went on. I was feeling very awkward.
And I go, I'm sorry, do we know each other?

Speaker 4 She goes, it's Julio, your next-door neighbor of 20 years.

Speaker 4 And yeah, and then I, and then the worst comeback you could ever come up with, I go, did you change your hair?

Speaker 2 You look so good. That's gayer.
That's gayer.

Speaker 2 That's definitely gayer.

Speaker 4 Oh, and another one, this is why I think I have it because another one, during Will and Grace, remember Tracy Lord's the porn star?

Speaker 2 Sure? No.

Speaker 2 Did I say sure? You did really quickly. I said it pretty fast.

Speaker 2 I was a little fast. Are we still rolling? Can we go back?

Speaker 4 So she ventured into

Speaker 4 talking parts in acting, you know?

Speaker 2 She talked quite a bit, actually.

Speaker 2 So she, you know,

Speaker 4 I didn't notice. Anyway, so she came on as a guest star in Will and Grace.
And I'm such an idiot. She sat down.
I literally said, oh my God, I loved you in the hand that rocks the cradle.

Speaker 4 I thought she was Rebecca DeMornay.

Speaker 4 And she looked at me like, excuse me. And all I didn't even say anything, I'm like, I'm going to be right back.
I got to get some water.

Speaker 4 And I just, because somebody's like, that's not Rebecca DeMornay.

Speaker 2 What else? Are you happy to be done with the tour, both of you? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Well, I'm happy and sad. Huh? I'm happy and sad.

Speaker 2 What's the happy part?

Speaker 4 The happy part is that of the happy part is the

Speaker 2 researching for the happy part. No, no, no.
Because he's going,

Speaker 2 Sean is about to go on the road for seven months to go do a play like tomorrow. And he's been doing all of this for his final week before.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Thank you.
That's very nice. Anybody here see promises? Promises?

Speaker 4 No, that's very nice of you to say. It's called Good Night, Oscar.
It opens at the Goodman Theater in Chicago and then Broadway after that.

Speaker 2 So, but

Speaker 4 that's nice of you to say, no, I'm happy because I feel like it was a success. I had a great time with you guys.
I feel very happy that we did it, but sad because it'll be gone.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it could have really been a shit show, right? I mean,

Speaker 2 we didn't know what, we still don't know what the hell we're doing. And

Speaker 2 to think that people would be engaged and entertained for a half hour or a full hour with us talking

Speaker 2 is stunning. And we might be blowing it right now, right?

Speaker 2 We were doing so good up to here.

Speaker 2 I know. It went really.
Did you black out? Did you black out for a second? I'm still out. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 I think we may have pulled it off without a real stinker.

Speaker 4 I have one more embarrassing faceliness story. Can I just share?

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 I went to the premiere screening of Transparent. Remember that TV show?

Speaker 2 Sure, sure.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 it was before it was on TV. It was a special event.
You could watch the first two episodes. I was like, oh, my God.
I walk up to,

Speaker 4 what's his name?

Speaker 2 Take your time.

Speaker 4 Jay Duplas. Jay Duplas, who's an amazing actor, right? Sure.
And I walk up to him, I'm like, oh my God, you were so great.

Speaker 4 You were so amazing. And he's like, and I'm like, no, no, no, that was such an incredible show.
I can't believe nobody's ever tackled this subject. I just went on and on and on.

Speaker 4 And I was like, you're so great. And Scotty, my husband, grabs my arm.
And I was like, oh, okay, well, I'll see you later. He's like, okay.
He goes, that's Molly Shannon's husband, Fritz.

Speaker 2 And I was like, oh, and I know Fritz very well. So

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 4 And then I was like, do I say something to Molly and Fritz or do I not? Oh my God, it's going to be so embarrassing because every time I see her, then it's going to be in the back of my head.

Speaker 4 You know what? I'm going to email her. I was like, oh my God, Molly, I can't believe I thought Fritz was J2 Plus.
And she emailed me back. She's like, we cannot stop laughing on the car ride home.

Speaker 4 It was pretty bad.

Speaker 2 We're getting old. We're getting old, and the brain starts to go.
You guys are, I don't have any, yeah. You still play, you still.

Speaker 2 You You still play like 35 to 30 seconds. Right, you really do.

Speaker 2 I don't make the rules, dude.

Speaker 2 Do you have no socks on, or do you have those weird sort of hide

Speaker 2 the socks that just hide in the bottom of the shoe? No, or no seams? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right? No.

Speaker 2 Prove it to me right now. Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, uh-oh. Oh,

Speaker 2 oh.

Speaker 2 So, because those are not a good look, those little things. Isn't that what when

Speaker 2 a woman goes to try on shoes at a shoe store, high heels, they've got those little things in there?

Speaker 2 Men too, dude. Well, look at

Speaker 2 high heels. It looks like a high well, but they have those little like temporary socks for everybody.
And it's not a good look for men. You either got to go without socks or put on.

Speaker 2 Who likes the no-socks look? Anyone?

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 That was like 20 people.

Speaker 2 Good for you. I can't pull that off.
Good for you. It's just, it's a, yeah, it's a very unique look.

Speaker 4 It looks like a pump. It feels like a sneaker.

Speaker 2 I don't know the reference.

Speaker 4 It was a commercial where women are playing basketball on their high heels.

Speaker 2 But what was that from?

Speaker 4 It was some shoe company. I don't know.

Speaker 2 We have a lot of fun. We have a lot of fun together.
We have a lot of fun with you guys, knowing that you guys are having fun with us. That's a true story.
Thanks for listening to our garbage. Truly.

Speaker 2 Truly,

Speaker 2 we really mean it when we say we can't believe it. We're truly humbled and that you want to get involved with us and laugh at all the stupid shit we talk about.
Because that's what we do all the time.

Speaker 2 And we're really happy to be back here with you guys, with our family and friends, a lot of whom are here tonight. And so we wanted, yeah, and we wanted to do a show back here in our hometown.

Speaker 2 We wanted to do a show that really was representative of how great we feel and how grateful we are for you guys and for our friends.

Speaker 2 So with that in mind, our guest tonight is someone that we all hold dear to our hearts and we love very much. He's just the funniest.
He's such a good friend of ours. We just love him to death.

Speaker 2 And these guys, for the first time, we all know who the guest is because we're at at the end of the tour and we've invited our really good friend, our pal, the hilarious, the kind, the generous, the amazing Mr.

Speaker 2 Jimmy Kimmel.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 How sweet. Thank you, thank you.
Oh, oh, hey now. Yeah, thanks.
Jimmy Kimmel.

Speaker 2 I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 Hi, guys. You know, I mean, this guy knows how to do it.

Speaker 2 We got to get some point in here. I feel like that, I mean, that was a really nice intro.
And don't think I don't appreciate it.

Speaker 2 I do appreciate it, but it did feel a little bit like when somebody's inviting their cousin to your house, and you're like, oh, he's such a great guy. You're going to love him so much.

Speaker 2 Don't be an asshole.

Speaker 2 The truth is,

Speaker 2 is that we mean it. Oh, thank you.

Speaker 2 We love you, and you're just a bad person. Oh, I love you guys, too.
And I have to say, this is very exciting for me because I've never seen Jason up this late.

Speaker 2 And by the way, if at some point during the podcast he just gets up and leaves, don't be surprised. Yeah,

Speaker 2 every single time.

Speaker 2 He makes no bones about it, too, right? He'll just get up and leave. And he and Amanda will often come to dinner or whatever, we all know, in separate cars.
Yeah. So that he's got an

Speaker 2 escape pod. Last night.
He lies. He's also a liar.
Yeah. Sure.
He lied to me last night. By the way, it's funny that this is the big surprise.
I saw you guys last night.

Speaker 2 I'm going to see you again tomorrow. I know.
This is like really another day.

Speaker 2 Great merch, by the way.

Speaker 2 So great. This stuff, right?

Speaker 2 Which mall kiosk did you get this made of?

Speaker 2 And I have to say, I made fun of the hats, but I didn't know Zazzle was making motel keychains.

Speaker 2 I don't, listen.

Speaker 2 The keychains, by the way, guess whose idea? The keychains were. Shit, that was the.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 They were.

Speaker 2 Was it used there? No, no, no. Hang on a second.
I may have said, now it's coming back to me. I may have said key fob.
That's like a Mocha. I'm not even better.
What key fob?

Speaker 2 You're like, oh, I have a Toyota Highlander. I need a 2018 key fob.

Speaker 2 Key fob to somebody's gym?

Speaker 2 I'm going to destroy my marriage and cheat on my wife key fob. Like, what is that? Wait, wait, what's happening?

Speaker 2 Well, but that's like terrible. There we go.

Speaker 2 There's a key fob for the audience. A key fob is decorative.
So last night,

Speaker 2 Jason, I left before. I left you.

Speaker 4 I pulled a Bateman, so I missed you.

Speaker 2 I got to be surprised.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I was surprised that you guys weren't there, and I thought, wow, this is really shitty of Jimmy and Molly not to be here. Yes, he took off before even I started.
We came late.

Speaker 4 It was a dinner thing.

Speaker 2 So did you.

Speaker 2 But Jason, when you were, I was walking in, and then moments later you were leaving. And I heard you were there.

Speaker 2 You said, and correct me if I misunderstood this because I was trying to figure this out with my wife. You said, I said, you're leaving, obviously.

Speaker 2 And you said, yeah, I said, is Amanda, your wife, going with you? And you said, yeah, we rode together. And then you left.
And then about 45 minutes later, there was Amanda.

Speaker 2 And I said,

Speaker 2 Jason,

Speaker 2 she's like, no, we came in separate cars.

Speaker 2 I don't remember saying that. I'm not saying that I didn't.
Well, but

Speaker 2 you never know what stage of the gummy that you're getting.

Speaker 2 Is that what happened? It was deep into the gummies. No, I just, I don't know what I'm saying when I'm leaving because I'm just trying to get the hell out of there.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And not be like the dick that's saying goodbye and wrecking the thing.

Speaker 4 I learned that from you, though. By the way, what time did you get there last night? Late.

Speaker 2 I got to be there. Sorry, guys, we'll be right with you.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Jimmy, I got. Oh, you have mugs, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Buy all the shit you want. So, Jimmy, you were one of, you were on our show quite early on, not as early as you should have been,

Speaker 2 which was a big bone of contention.

Speaker 2 But as you explained when you were on the show, the three of us, nobody knew who to add, and it became one of those, like, well, when are we going to, well, who's going to have Jimmy on the so it was quite late.

Speaker 2 But you were on early and you were an early. It's called being taken for granted.
Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 We can always get Jimmy. Let's take a swing at something.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 you were an early listener, and you were somebody who had a lot of notes. I did, yeah.

Speaker 2 I did. I still have to do it.
Now,

Speaker 2 this interview, you were out here tonight. We are interviewing you, but we really want to know what you think about our podcast.
How are we doing? So it's kind of about us.

Speaker 2 Well, I will be happy to share my notes. And first of all, I love the podcast.
Honestly, no kidding around. I love listening to it.
It's great because

Speaker 2 I have to say, I don't think you need guests. I don't think that

Speaker 2 you need me here. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 Everybody, Jimmy. Thank you, you, Camille.
Exactly. Good night, everybody.

Speaker 2 I love hearing you guys bust each other's balls. I love hearing the stories.
I love, oh, I love when you guys pretend to use the products in the commercials.

Speaker 2 I love that.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 you know, wait,

Speaker 2 wait,

Speaker 2 are you guys? You guys know Will's designing his own couch at home.

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course, with all four of them. Don't be a dick.

Speaker 2 Did you know they make mattresses now? Yes.

Speaker 2 It's so crazy, right? They're so comfortable. Wait, which one do

Speaker 2 I have? I've got the organic hemp stuffed with hay or something in it.

Speaker 2 You fight with your daughter over the fake chicken McNuggets. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did I say that? Yeah, oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Listen, The checks are clearing, you guys.

Speaker 2 Do you? Jimmy, I. You know what? The truth is.
Sorry, go ahead, John. Oh, yeah, no.

Speaker 4 I was going to ask a real question.

Speaker 2 Well, I just want to just,

Speaker 2 before we finish the commercial thing, it should be noted that we actually do legit use. I'm not trying to buy back for the advertisement.

Speaker 2 I'm really not, but we weirdly, legitimately do use a bunch of. Well, three quarters of them, I think it's fair.
Yeah, we won't say which ones we do. Of course you do.

Speaker 2 Of course you you do. Thank you.

Speaker 2 We'll design these shoes

Speaker 2 on allform.com. Enter SmartList20 for a 20% discount.

Speaker 2 Hey.

Speaker 2 Hey, they like our ad reads. Let me go through the rest of the show, and this is not something we have planned, but I do have some thoughts on it.
Okay.

Speaker 2 One of my favorite moments in the show is right at the beginning. One of you introduces his guest, and the guest is sometimes fantastic, and sometimes, I mean, they're usually pretty good.

Speaker 2 You know, they're at least usually pretty good. Sometimes not so great.

Speaker 2 But there is a moment where the person who brought the guest is all on board, and then the other two are decided, there's two things going through the other two's minds, which is, number one, if the guest is interesting, oh, oh, oh, what were they in?

Speaker 2 What am I going to say to this person? And then the other one is trying to mask your disappointment.

Speaker 2 So there's always like a moment of. There's a lot of attention.
And there's also, if you listen carefully, there's a Google search going on.

Speaker 4 Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Speaker 2 For sure. I mean, sure.
You know, what are you going to do?

Speaker 4 Well, Will had the formula, what is it? Formula 41, Formula 1?

Speaker 2 Just one. Just one.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Daniel Ricardo, which is a great episode, yeah.

Speaker 4 It's just like, yeah, and

Speaker 2 I was like, oh, oh my God, Daniel Ricardo.

Speaker 2 This is a freaky Ricardo.

Speaker 2 Oh, he races cars. Oh,

Speaker 2 it was something like that. The word car was right in his name the whole time.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I also believe that there's more that can be done.

Speaker 2 And I know you guys are all very busy, but I think I would love to see a segment at the end of the show where you just take, you read emails from your listeners. Yes, we talked about that.

Speaker 2 And then we talked about that. Great.
Done. Yeah, done.
We talked about that.

Speaker 2 No, not necessarily. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But have you met people?

Speaker 2 These are good people here. I mean, look at this.
These people.

Speaker 2 No, these people are good.

Speaker 2 Good save. Well, I think that was a good save.

Speaker 2 I remember when you guys started this podcast and you were talking about it, and the big thing was most of the discussion was Bateman complaining about. having to pay an editor to do this.

Speaker 2 And he's like, you know, we got, we're doing this on our own. You know, we're funding this whole thing.
And I'm thinking, what are they funding? Zoom is free.

Speaker 2 Microphones are $400.

Speaker 2 And how much could you be paying the editor? I mean,

Speaker 2 I will say, you brought up a very good point.

Speaker 2 The fellas that make this thing fly, and you should thank right now.

Speaker 2 Rob Armyard,

Speaker 4 Bennett Barbicoe, and Michael Granteri. Stand up.

Speaker 2 Where are you?

Speaker 2 you? Where are they?

Speaker 2 You can't see them. You can't see them.
They're here, though. They're here somewhere.
Without them, we'd have nothing. I like that we're like, put the houselights up together.
Fuck you. Yes.

Speaker 2 And we will be right back.

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Speaker 5 All right, back to the show.

Speaker 4 But what about a podcast that you're on? Are you sick of talking to people?

Speaker 2 No, I don't need a podcast, but

Speaker 2 this is enough. Wouldn't you like a show where you can talk to people, though, and interview them and stuff?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? It would be fun. It would be nice to, you know, what I really like to do is to plug people's projects.
Okay.

Speaker 2 That's my

Speaker 2 passion.

Speaker 2 Imagine, seriously. Like when you were a kid, when you were a kid, you're like, God, I just wish I could get to plug it in.
I wish, you know what? I wish I could tell.

Speaker 2 I know there's no such thing as a Netflix yet, but if there is one, one day.

Speaker 2 Would you, would you,

Speaker 2 would you guest host this?

Speaker 2 Oh, this is the best. This is my favorite part of the show.
Yeah. The very, the longest questions in the world,

Speaker 2 but not just the longest questions in the world,

Speaker 2 but also they're multiple choice.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 sometimes they're answered within within the question. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 And the multiple choices are not A, B, C, and D. They are just A and B.

Speaker 2 But what if

Speaker 2 about if

Speaker 2 I hosted your show for a week while you did this for a week, then he did your show for a week, you did this. Like, would you do this for three weeks and we took turns? 100%, of course.

Speaker 2 Are you sick of this already?

Speaker 2 Nothing would make me happier than hosting your show for a week.

Speaker 2 To me, you have the best job in the world. Oh, really? We'll get you a week right now if you'll commit to it.
I think

Speaker 2 why don't we do Smartless Month? Yeah, right? Why not?

Speaker 2 I would love. I just.

Speaker 2 You just look like you're always having so much fun. You really.

Speaker 2 Look at this face. Does this look like I'm having fun?

Speaker 2 Is he not like so comfortable up there and it's so nice to like sit there in bed late at night. You just kind of rock us to sleep and we're out.

Speaker 2 And they're not.

Speaker 2 It's a compliment. It's a compliment.
I know. I know it's a compliment.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I would take it as a, I would feel very touched if I didn't know for a fact that you are sound asleep at 9.45 every night. I got one of those Ti-Vos.
You're right, he is a liar. Yeah, he's a liar.

Speaker 2 And yeah, and we should have known this from when you were a child actor. We really should have known it.

Speaker 4 Now, now you've been doing it for so you've been doing your show for so long, and obviously.

Speaker 2 Are you talking about Bateman or me? No, you. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 I've heard rumors that you're going to be done in a year. I've heard other rumors that you're going to do for seven more years.
Like,

Speaker 2 what are you feeling? How are you?

Speaker 2 You know, it is funny how interested people in

Speaker 2 on like when I'm going to leave already. Because the three of us are.
No, because we hope you'd never leave.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what people say, but I think it's like, if we were at just a party right now and you guys kept asking me when I was going to leave. Right, yeah.

Speaker 2 It would be weird.

Speaker 2 And I feel like that all the time. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Is this something you want to do forever?

Speaker 2 What, forever?

Speaker 2 Your show, would you do it for another, for the same amount of time you've been doing it?

Speaker 2 I want to

Speaker 2 die.

Speaker 2 I want to You want to die on stage.

Speaker 2 On stage. You want to die on live stream.
Wouldn't that be the best?

Speaker 2 I mean, the ratings would be tremendous. The show,

Speaker 2 I mean, the show itself is pre-taped, right? So what does ABC do if I die during the show? Do they air? Do they run that nice show? Of course. Sure.
And they see when they're running.

Speaker 2 We want to see that. Yeah, they want to skee the hell out of it.
Wait, wait, how are you dying?

Speaker 2 Massive heart attack. Sure.
Yeah. Because your chest just explodes at the desk.
Yeah. Right.

Speaker 2 I think that if you can do it during sweeps, it'd be fantastic. Oh, that would be great.
Yeah, at the end of sweeps, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, what do they do? I mean, I should probably set this up like a will where I tell them what my wishes are. Right.
As if I were to die on the show.

Speaker 2 I once had an overdose of Advil on the show where my head, I know it sounds ridiculous, but it is possible. What's that look like? It looks like a pumpkin head.
It looks like your head expands.

Speaker 2 Why were you taking it?

Speaker 2 Because it's delicious. Have you had an animal?

Speaker 2 They're like MMs, you know? They're curious. There's a sweetness to them.
Yes. And they have a magic power that makes you forget how many you've already taken.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did you really have a bad reaction to it too much? I had a very bad reaction, and the show was live at the time, and so I started losing my voice. I might be having it now.

Speaker 2 I started losing my voice, and then my head started to swell up, and by the end of the show, my head was really big. Come on.
And I was introducing Rick Springfield.

Speaker 2 This was some time ago.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I've been on a long time now that I think of it.

Speaker 2 Tracy doesn't even need to fill in on that, right? She's got it. Exactly.
I did it. And then I went directly to senior Sinai, to the hospital, to the ER.

Speaker 2 And they were like, what did you do? And I said, yeah. You saw Sean there.
I did. By the way,

Speaker 2 we did. I have seen Sean at the ER.
Have you really? Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah. This is, no, you didn't know that? No.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 I took a friend of mine.

Speaker 2 I took a friend of mine too. Exactly.
Sometimes we have a little double date. We go to the ER with our friends.

Speaker 4 The cafeteria is delicious. But yeah, I was like sitting in a corner with my friend who was sick, and you were standing up there, and I was like, Jimmy? And you're like, Sean?

Speaker 4 And we're like, what's going on?

Speaker 2 You're like, oh, I got to go.

Speaker 4 I'm getting called in through your warm-up guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 My warm-up guy was having a panic attack and thought he was having a heart attack. So So I had to take him to the warmer.
So you took Advil. And you had a friend there who was a famous person.

Speaker 2 We shouldn't mention who it was.

Speaker 2 And they were like, you will anyway.

Speaker 2 They paid a lot of good money, Sean.

Speaker 4 Let's do it. This person was staying with me and I took her to the ER because she was having diverticulitis.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right, right.

Speaker 2 And I had a chat with the nurse and I got you guys in. Yes, you did.
You know what the great thing is? That's true.

Speaker 2 The nurse cut, let you cut ahead of some people who were very, were bleeding. And

Speaker 2 I just, you know,

Speaker 2 I looked at the room, I sized it up, I saw these bleeding guys, I was like, what are they going to really contribute to society?

Speaker 2 It's Thursday night at one o'clock in the morning. I mean, they're bleeding.
They were probably up to no good.

Speaker 2 Let's get this

Speaker 2 situation. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sean, how well do you know your way around CV? Oh, like the the back of my hand. You do? Absolutely.

Speaker 4 Yeah, because I get, here we go. I get AFib, right? So, you know what atrial fibrillation is, right? Where your heart goes like this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. You don't know where we're going.

Speaker 4 It goes like this. And so I'm like Norm from Cheers.
I just go in there, like, hey, Sean, come on right in.

Speaker 4 And they put propofol in, which is fantastic. And then they chikonk, they knock my heart back, and I go home.
And it happens all the time.

Speaker 2 They do that. They really do.

Speaker 4 Yeah, they do that.

Speaker 4 Yeah, one time it happened in New York, and they put me out, and I don't think they gave me enough. And I'm not kidding, they went to Kong, and I woke up and I go, this is amazing.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 4 I thought it was the most incredible feeling in that moment.

Speaker 2 Sean, do you have a nickname?

Speaker 2 Sean, do you know what a nickname be?

Speaker 2 Well, because I feel like I just came up with a great nickname for Sean.

Speaker 2 Is it paddles? It's paddles.

Speaker 2 It's paddles.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 Do they say clear like they do?

Speaker 2 I'm out.

Speaker 4 I'm out.

Speaker 2 You had a set of paddles at home. No, no.

Speaker 4 But I did say, maybe you said this on the podcast. I don't know.
But I, I,

Speaker 2 you know, so I,

Speaker 4 yeah, so I, but the last time I went, this is fascinating. Forgive me if I already told you this.
I went in there and this is unbelievable. Never happened to me before.

Speaker 4 I'm there and my heart is pounding and I go, I'm getting ready to go under and the doctor says, okay, it's going into your veins. And I was like, oh my God.

Speaker 4 And I start shaking, which is a whole other story because I have a side effect. So I'm going like this.
Like it'd be paddles shakes or something. And so he's like, just try to relax.
I was like, okay.

Speaker 4 And then the nurse goes, did you feel it? And I go, what? She goes,

Speaker 4 the procedure.

Speaker 2 I'm like, what?

Speaker 4 She goes, yeah, we already did it. I'm like, what are you talking about? I like transport, I time traveled.
It was like 20 minutes. It was

Speaker 4 I've never experienced that.

Speaker 2 That's paddles for you. Wow.

Speaker 2 Fucking paddles. That's classic paddles.

Speaker 2 I was trying to work on a joke like the first time Bateman got laid, that she was either like, what, it already happened? You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But I'm not.

Speaker 2 I'm not doing that. Speaking of Bateman, I'm not going to be a venue tonight.
Bateman getting laid. I just want to say this.

Speaker 2 Jason Bateman might be the most interesting person I know.

Speaker 2 I'm not joking.

Speaker 2 First of all,

Speaker 2 I think my wife would disagree with that.

Speaker 2 You hear little bits and pieces of the tales of the old days, which I was not around to witness, but it's like, you know, it's like you did play Teen Wolf, and it's like there was a...

Speaker 2 Two.

Speaker 2 Also, also.

Speaker 2 Also.

Speaker 2 Teen Wolf. Also.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was Toulou. It wasn't TWO.
It was also.

Speaker 2 In a way, you are Teen Wolf because, you know, you appear to be normal, and then there's this other guy who's this raging maniac right

Speaker 2 right

Speaker 2 yes right you

Speaker 2 never met the maniac I did meet the maniac but I didn't know the maniac the maniac may have been doing something illegal backstage on the oh you did meet the maniac yeah I met the maniac yeah

Speaker 2 I just didn't know why the maniac was the maniac you understand what I'm saying I think so

Speaker 2 we got paddles and maybe Coke wolf will be the character

Speaker 2 Will be the character from now on

Speaker 2 But that aside, I mean that's a whole thing just right there, but oh I remember that I was there that night too with Andy Dick. Were you there that night? Yeah

Speaker 2 Wait a second

Speaker 2 With you dude

Speaker 2 Wait, are you being serious on my kids light? Yeah we went there together sure we did we must

Speaker 2 We must dig up that clip

Speaker 2 of your interview on the show that night and watch it together and perhaps do it on the podcast so others can enjoy as well. It reminds me of the other time.

Speaker 2 I think we've already told us on the podcast.

Speaker 2 So did we talk about the first time that I met Jason? And he said, no, second, we were doing arrested development. He's like, man, I wish we just, this is when he was still partying.

Speaker 2 He was like, I wish we had just... partied together once now because you don't party.
I wish we just partied together. Because Will had shut it down.
I was still a year or two ago.

Speaker 2 It would have been awesome we parted. I go, we did.

Speaker 2 And he's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, like five years ago, we went out, we had a big night, and you were with a friend of a friend, and he had done this show.

Speaker 2 We had a big night, and I remember he was so cool because we went to this bar, we got all hammered, and then he liked

Speaker 2 not cool, but he got in his car and he sped away. And I was like, this guy's a badass, you know?

Speaker 2 He doesn't give a shit. He had a candle on his dashboard.

Speaker 2 So he had a lit candle on his fucking dashboard. Yeah, wait a minute.
What?

Speaker 2 Wait. I swear.
I know. Wait a minute.
Ask any questions you want. Go ahead.
Why?

Speaker 2 Yeah, why?

Speaker 4 Why did you light a candle on your dashboard?

Speaker 2 Were your headlights out?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I was driving a vehicle that had a dashboard that had a little cutout on top of it that just screamed, put a Rigaud candle on me

Speaker 2 that was just my Roadie candle the fucking idiot and I would light that thing and it would be blazing on my dashboard while I'm driving when I shouldn't so that the cops can see this dick's got a candle I gotta pull it so stupid

Speaker 2 every night

Speaker 2 by the way instead of mugs instead of keychains maybe dashboard candles That's the smartless.

Speaker 2 There you go. That's great.
Sell a lot of those. You're right.
That's a great idea. So

Speaker 2 even the drugs aside,

Speaker 2 whenever I mention some weird random celebrity to Jason, it's become like a game that I don't know that he knows I'm playing. It's like a Bateman roulette.
He has a great story about everyone.

Speaker 2 All the time. And actually right before the show, we were upstairs and somebody mentioned that Jason right now, because he's, look, he's so handsome.
We love him.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 with his haircut right now, he's about to get a cut that he looks like Christy McNichol. So

Speaker 2 we said...

Speaker 2 And so, of course, the obvious question is, as we're all laughing, is, oh, by the way, hey, Babin,

Speaker 2 do you know Christy McNichol? That's a legitimate question. He did it, but he admitted that he had a huge crush on her.
Yeah. He was huge.
And then he had a dream about it. to get this.

Speaker 2 He had a dream about her, and then he went jogging with his dad that morning after his dream, and he let his dad go ahead because as he was jogging, he was weeping.

Speaker 2 Like sixth grade. Yeah, because I had it bad.

Speaker 2 Crying. Anyway, I don't know.
So now I grill my hair out like her. So.

Speaker 2 You went jogging with your dad? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I was.

Speaker 4 I love that's your takeaway instead of the crying.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I'm trying to imagine myself jogging with my dad and and I'm not seeing anything.
By the way, me too. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wait, your dad? Yeah. Your dad did go jogging.
He just went in a straight line.

Speaker 2 Still jogging. Still jogging.

Speaker 2 Still running away.

Speaker 2 And I can't catch up to him.

Speaker 2 So, anyway, so he's got all these random people. So I wrote down some names and I just figured I'd throw somebody in.

Speaker 2 You didn't know any of them.

Speaker 2 mr. T

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 knew him pretty good

Speaker 2 wait a minute

Speaker 2 I don't know that you did

Speaker 2 he knew him pretty good

Speaker 2 no one knows him pretty good

Speaker 4 well not great not great well my the first place my head goes to child adult why hanging out

Speaker 2 My mom

Speaker 2 became friends with

Speaker 2 Mrs. T.

Speaker 2 She knew Mary was really good to choose type with Mrs. T.
Sure, go ahead.

Speaker 2 My mother became friends with some personal trainer she met on a plane. She was a flight attendant, and he was Mr.
T's trainer. And then Mr.

Speaker 2 T and I met, and then we rekindled when he was guesting on different strokes, which I was filming next door to. And that was sort of

Speaker 2 you know, so that's that qualifies. You know,

Speaker 2 I once saw Mr. T,

Speaker 2 I was getting on a plane in New York to come here years ago, and there was like a jam up at the front door, and it was because Mr. T and Flavor Flavor were talking in the aisle really loudly.

Speaker 2 It was an incredible time. That's true.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It was an incredible truth. He probably wanted to know what time it was.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 he pitied the fool. He didn't know what time it was.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 All right. Bill Cosby.

Speaker 2 Be careful.

Speaker 2 Pass.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 I knew him only from when he was starting the Cosby show, and we were in New York doing all the upfront sales for stuff.

Speaker 2 I was on a show that was on NBC. Cosby Show was on NBC.
We were at the same table together and we talked and we had a good time.

Speaker 4 These are boring stories.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I don't have any dirty. I didn't say they're good stories, I said he knows these people.
Okay.

Speaker 4 Wait, so did you know him for a long time?

Speaker 2 No, no. No, no.
Okay.

Speaker 2 One conversation, one table, a professional event. Okay.
Next question.

Speaker 2 What about OJ?

Speaker 2 Simpson, specifically.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 but we were at, I was at that Buffalo Bills game where he was on the sideline doing the reporting with the, when he was wearing the shoes that they zoomed in on.

Speaker 2 And I was there because I was buddies with Jim Kelly at the time. And he was playing quarterback for the Buffalo.
Buddies with Jim Kelly. This is back for the Buffalo Bills.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's a good story there, but we don't have time.

Speaker 2 Ronald Reagan, you you ever meet Ronald Reagan? I did not. Oh, okay.
I was going to go wild. I know.
All right. Janet Jackson.
Oh, yeah. I went to school with Janet Jackson.

Speaker 4 Are you serious?

Speaker 2 We went to...

Speaker 2 We went to... We're on the Universal Lot? Close.

Speaker 2 I went to

Speaker 2 this poor excuse for a school called Valley Professional School

Speaker 2 where kids who are trying to make it in business, in show business, go because it's only from 8 to 12, so you can go do auditions after 12.

Speaker 2 And it was like in a mini mall deep in the North Valley, and she went to school there.

Speaker 2 Some ice skaters went there,

Speaker 2 and that was just before the following year. I went to a school called Heartlight, where Neil Diamond School.
Turn on your heartlight.

Speaker 2 And this school, this had had nothing to do with Janice Axon, but it's a good story. This school was very progressive, such that there were city days and country days.

Speaker 2 In the country days, you went to this dude's house in Calabasas.

Speaker 2 I had the greatest parents in the world, you guys.

Speaker 2 So you go to this dude's house Monday, Wednesday, Friday out in Calabasas, and you do some scores. There's only like six kids in the whole school.

Speaker 2 And on city days, you get onto this bus, a full school bus, that the back half was converted into school desks, and the front half are regular seats because you would go and you'd visit all the cultural sites in Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 But because we're in Calabas and the traffic is so bad, you can do schoolwork in the back of the bus on the way to these fucking things.

Speaker 2 I think we paid, my parents paid, my mom, they didn't know, I'd paid, for

Speaker 2 this,

Speaker 2 this

Speaker 2 shitty experimental school that wasn't accredited. And so this is why I'm so stupid.
Listen to the schools I go to.

Speaker 4 Wow, so did you and Janet hang out? Like, were you friends?

Speaker 2 We were pretty friendly. That's nice.
She's great. Like, if you were to call her now, she would answer.
We'd have funny stories about valley professionals. We would.

Speaker 2 When was the last time you spoke to Janet Jackson? It was sixth grade. No way, really?

Speaker 4 I think so.

Speaker 2 Sean and I did a I did an episode of Will and Grace with Sean and I played one of her back her background dances. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, but Sean and I, Sean and I had a dance-off. Yeah,

Speaker 2 had that go.

Speaker 4 Let's go. No, God, no.

Speaker 4 I don't remember. I don't remember.

Speaker 2 Let's go.

Speaker 2 I don't remember it, Sean.

Speaker 2 5, 6, 7, 8.

Speaker 4 But you know what?

Speaker 4 That was right after Nipplegate, right?

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 so that was nice of her to come on because she was, you know, it wasn't the best time for her.

Speaker 2 We'll be right back.

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Speaker 3 And now, back to the show.

Speaker 2 Lucille Ball. Oh,

Speaker 4 did you meet Lucy?

Speaker 2 I did not. Oh.

Speaker 2 I did. How old do you think I am?

Speaker 2 And then you were suggesting you were in school bus school together.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 School bus school.

Speaker 2 Never met Lucy.

Speaker 2 Never met Lucy.

Speaker 2 All right, one more. Yeah.
Hulk Hogan.

Speaker 2 Never.

Speaker 2 Never. Wow.
Never. Well, you've disappointed everyone.
Sorry.

Speaker 2 Let me just toss in the same area, Lou Ferrigno.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 I have a story about Lou Farigno when you're playing. I played

Speaker 2 the Dodgers, the greatest baseball team in the history of sports.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. Why wouldn't they be the greatest baseball team in the history of sports? Wouldn't it be they'd just be the greatest team in the history? You haven't got a great education, Jimmy.

Speaker 2 Oh, all right.

Speaker 2 So the Dodgers have this great celebrity baseball game every year, and I was lucky enough to play in it one year, and I somehow closed my eyes and put the bat on the ball and hit a gapper into right center field.

Speaker 2 Lou Lou Farigno was playing right field, and I hit it right past the sprinting Lou Farigno. It hit the wall.
I hit it off Tony Danza, by the way.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 Lou threw a seed back into the infield. There was a play at the plate.
I got an inside the park home run at Dodger Stadium. It was pretty good.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow. But that's a legit Lou Farigno story.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're telling me you hit a line drive into right field and managed to get all the way home and there were no errors committed? No, Lou had real skills.

Speaker 2 Now, Jonathan Silverman may have overthrown the whole plate, but did we give you that hat and that motel keychain? I don't know if he gave it to me.

Speaker 2 It was sitting in a pile in the room in the prison cell you had me in

Speaker 2 before

Speaker 2 I came out here. Oh, everyone's so like, they can't see you.
If they see you, they cannot see you. But meanwhile, back to the critiquing of the podcast,

Speaker 2 there's this big mystery of who the guest is going to be. And, you know, it's like, oh, there's so much mystery.
Meanwhile, when we're listening, the name's right there on the phone. I know, but

Speaker 2 it's only a mystery to you guys. It's not a mystery to us.
But that's kind of the fun. There's no mystery for us.

Speaker 2 Oh, there's no mystery for them. For us,

Speaker 2 right, for the listener, right, right. Oh, yeah.
For the people listening, there's nothing. But for you guys,

Speaker 2 there's a real rough. That's a really good point.

Speaker 4 Okay, okay. Except I'm sorry.
It's something that we've...

Speaker 2 I've thought about that, but what do you want us to say? We can just take the name off. Do you guys want us to take the name off so you don't know who? No, no, no, no, no.
Fight it out.

Speaker 2 Fight it, guys. Now, wait a minute.
But

Speaker 2 it was an idea born of laziness. And Will and I were trying to remember whose idea it was.
And you're saying it's yours. I can't remember who it was, but it was basically like...

Speaker 2 It was yours.

Speaker 2 Because we didn't want to do any prep. You know, we just like, look, just like, if I don't know who it is, then I'm going to ask really organic questions.
And then real time,

Speaker 2 thinking them through. Organic is a great word for it.
What does it mean? I hear it all the time.

Speaker 2 No, wait a minute. You didn't learn that at a snapshot.
You guys.

Speaker 4 You guys.

Speaker 2 Hey guys, this is a long light. So

Speaker 2 in World War II,

Speaker 4 you guys vacation a lot together, or not a lot, but sometimes you guys vacation a lot. We do.
Do you have any kind of crazy Jason Bateman stories from vacation?

Speaker 2 Crazy. I mean, all he does is.
He looks like a lot of fire. What about some funny stories about this guy on the bottom?

Speaker 2 He's normal. I'm normal.
He's pretty normal. Well, I mean, yeah.
I mean, there are certain things that, I mean, it's interesting that you can be so tan in

Speaker 2 December.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's February. In England.
In England under an umbrella, and then you say you're not using any kind of a tanning cream. And to prove it, and this is the best thing, he makes us look at his feet.

Speaker 2 You know what I feel like right now? We're gonna find some weird sex thing up about you that you like you're really into like showing women your feet or something.

Speaker 2 Like, yeah, and like we'll go, oh, yeah, he used to do that with the tanning thing.

Speaker 2 And then, even when we did the smartless podcast at the Orpheum, he took off his shoe and he quickly showed his foot to everyone.

Speaker 2 He can't stop. I legitimately don't do anything weird, and And I'm probably very sort of boring in that way.

Speaker 2 And yes, you show the feet because people who get spray tan, and I know some people who have had it done,

Speaker 2 I'm not going to say Justin Thoreau on the stage.

Speaker 2 Why would I fucking spray?

Speaker 2 And then he's going to get to hear about it and he's going to be mad. So I'm just like, not going to say it, not on the show.
And you can see streaks on the show. Yeah, like Fole Giuliani.

Speaker 2 He's got to say, you'll never catch Justin Thoreau in the rain. You'll never see a photo of him in the rain.

Speaker 2 Can't do it.

Speaker 2 But I've gotten to the point now where people say you're tan and I just say thank you. Oh, but I have like a real farmer's tan now.
It's like a golfer. Oh, yeah, you're a real farmer.
I know.

Speaker 2 Like a gentleman farmer.

Speaker 2 I was thinking of, what was I thinking about, you said

Speaker 2 one of your stories. Did I tell you Rick Springfield? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did I tell you guys, did I tell the story on the show about,

Speaker 2 made me think of Bruce Springsteen. Did I tell you about meeting Bruce Springsteen.

Speaker 4 Now, everybody confused me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he even made a song about it.

Speaker 2 So this is years ago,

Speaker 2 I was in New York

Speaker 2 at Barney's on like a Wednesday, this old clothing store on the Upper East Side of New York, at like 11 o'clock on a Wednesday. There was nobody up there.

Speaker 2 And I see Bruce Springsteen in there clothes shopping. And he's not obviously going to try stuff on in the change room.
He's just got like a pile on the counter.

Speaker 2 And he's just going to take it all home with him. And then, I guess, send back whatever he doesn't like or doesn't fit or whatever, right?

Speaker 2 So, legitimately, just the two of us. So, he puts it on there, and then there's a guy working at the counter and sees, and

Speaker 2 Bruce Springsteen says, Hey, can I just,

Speaker 2 I just want to put this on my account. That's a great Bruce Springsteen.
Thanks, man. Thank you.

Speaker 4 If I close my eyes, it's like I'm at the store with you.

Speaker 2 He says,

Speaker 2 And the guy goes, and the guy goes, No problem. And he grabs the phone and he goes,

Speaker 2 and he goes, I've got Rick Springfield here.

Speaker 2 True story.

Speaker 2 And I was just behind Springsteen as this happens. And he goes, Rick Springfield, you want to? And to his credit, Springsteen goes, it's Bruce Springsteen.

Speaker 2 And the guy's like, I mean Bruce Springsteen, and then hangs up. And then he was, and he kind of laughed and he turned to me and he just said, my kids would love it.
It's fine.

Speaker 2 The guy was so fucking mortified. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Got all the clothes for free. It was a great moment.
great moment that's pretty good yeah and that's what closed barney's yeah

Speaker 2 that set it down

Speaker 2 that story closed barney's yeah

Speaker 2 um now you're having us over tomorrow for uh super bowl very nice of you thank you

Speaker 2 um you used to have a lot of super or football gatherings every weekend why did that stop did molly get pissed off No, no, actually my cousin Sal,

Speaker 2 who kind of organized the whole thing, took took mercy on me because I was spending the whole day Saturday preparing for the Sunday.

Speaker 4 Meaning you cook, because Jimmy Cook everything.

Speaker 2 Most incredible cook ever seen. And then Sunday would be me feeding those animals.

Speaker 2 And this went on for like 11 years, and finally he's like, this is enough. This is too much for me.

Speaker 4 So you like cooking for that many people? Don't you like maybe taking a break and having somebody cook for you? Like, do you always do that?

Speaker 2 Oh, yes. Sometimes I go to restaurants even.

Speaker 2 What do we got tomorrow? What are you cooking up tomorrow? Tomorrow,

Speaker 2 smoked pastrami, smoked chicken wings. My mother's making a vegan chili.
The greatest mother. I'm making a

Speaker 2 big sandwich that has grilled zucchini and melted cheese and arugula on it.

Speaker 2 Ribs. Can we do part of that with no zucchini? Yeah, can you take the zucchini off?

Speaker 2 Just if I can make a request. Yeah.
No problem. Just on a quarter of it? Yeah.
Now, is half of of that marinating right now? Like, did you prep today? I grilled the zucchini today, yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 Let me toss it out.

Speaker 2 I learned.

Speaker 2 Wait, but why?

Speaker 2 Who makes a...

Speaker 2 I'd have never even heard of a zucchini. Why so mad you are? Why are you so mad? Because who's hearing of a zucchini sandwich?

Speaker 2 He's hungry.

Speaker 2 He needs popcorn. What? He's hungry.
Who's ever heard of a zucchini sandwich? That's terrible. But you know how? Look, look, he gets it.
He hasn't had anything to eat for like 45 minutes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 My blood sugar is dropping. First of all, we got to get him some food.
Great, because I made it for you, number one, because you eat like a princess. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go outside my conference room. So I'm going to get you some popcorn.
No, I had a bunch of, I'm not going to crap for a week. Let's get some popcorn.
Can we get some popcorn?

Speaker 4 Can we get some pops?

Speaker 2 Maybe some popcorn. Let's get some popcorn.
Thanks, man. Thank you, honey.
This is great. Thanks so much.

Speaker 2 Thank you. That's a good friend of ours.
Hold Hold on, who's that? Wait, wait, come on.

Speaker 4 Jennifer Anniston!

Speaker 4 Go this way.

Speaker 2 Looking a little snacky, JB.

Speaker 2 And Will. Yeah, he's looking snacky.
Give me your shoes right now. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 You want my shoes? I can't. No, because they don't have to be

Speaker 2 shoeless. Yeah.
No streaks. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But there's zero tan on those feet. Zero tan on the feet.

Speaker 2 Okay, yeah, I don't need to. Jennifer Anderson.
Jennifer Anderson. Oh, my God, Jay.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I thought you heard that laugh backstage. Jen, would you grab me a sparkling water, please?

Speaker 2 By the way, it's so funny because it was very nice when you guys applauded when I came out, when these guys came out, it felt like real enthusiasm. It definitely made me feel good.

Speaker 2 And then Jennifer Anderson comes out, and you're like, oh,

Speaker 2 oh, we're a bunch of fucking slugs.

Speaker 2 It's like, ah!

Speaker 2 The best. The best.

Speaker 2 There you go, buddy. All right, so I'm going to go outside my comfort zone tomorrow.
I'm going to have ribs. Yeah.
I'm going to have what else? What else is this? You don't have any of these things.

Speaker 2 Let's be honest. You're going to sit there and pretend to be eating.
No, no.

Speaker 2 So you can imagine. To be fair, what about last night? I mean, I was just a shit pig last night.

Speaker 2 I put everything in me last night.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 If you're videoing this illegally, please put that just that clip on the internet.

Speaker 2 I put everything in me last night.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Thank you in advance.
And then follow it with, do I have 2B? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hey, you want to know what? Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is true. We told some other people before.
Tubi,

Speaker 2 since December, this is not a joke, has gone up 40%. Yeah.

Speaker 4 it's true.

Speaker 2 It's true. But what's 40% on 2B? Like eight people?

Speaker 2 Who's going to win the game tomorrow, Jimmy?

Speaker 2 Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait.

Speaker 2 Do you know who's playing tomorrow? Of course I know who's playing. Who?

Speaker 2 Well, the Bengals and the Rams.

Speaker 2 Or as everyone says all the time, the Bengs and the Rams, as if Susannah Hoff's in the game

Speaker 2 are taking on Matt Stafford. I mean,

Speaker 2 it's ridiculous. Bangles and jaguars.
Those are the two things that just make every hair on my body stand up when I'm watching football. I want to get back to Bateman's Eating for One Second.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And that is the title of his new book, Jason Bateman, Eating for One Second.

Speaker 2 When we were on the road, the food shame was off the charts. Oh, really? Oh.
Constantly gauging. What are you having? What are you eating?

Speaker 2 I'm not going to have that now. It's way too late.
It was crazy. crazy.
Yeah, right, John? Yeah, and then and then. Well, I get nightmares if I have it too late.

Speaker 2 You eat too late,

Speaker 2 the demons come.

Speaker 4 He's the king of like, hey, I'm gonna order some dessert. I'm not eating any dessert, three, two, one.
What do you got there? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You started, I finished. He just used that term.
He said he was doing the ordering for the room service. We all stayed in the same room on tour at every city.
It was such a mistake. And

Speaker 2 every night, and so Jason's ordering dinner one night, and he's taking the order from all of us.

Speaker 2 And then he goes, he's got the person on the line, and then he goes, and he turns to Sean and goes, What do you want, shit pig?

Speaker 2 And the person, like, imagine, is like, what the fuck is going on?

Speaker 4 And I'm like, I said, I'll have the spare ribs. And he goes, yeah, the pig will have some spare ribs.

Speaker 2 It's all good fun. It is all good fun.
fun.

Speaker 2 See, you couldn't resist the popcorn.

Speaker 2 I love it so much.

Speaker 2 Skinny Pop, the best popcorn in the world. No.
Where's the camera? Where's the camera? Not a sponsor.

Speaker 2 Speaking of fun, Jimmy, it's been so fun having you. Thank you for

Speaker 2 coming back to me. It's over.
Thank you for the hour.

Speaker 2 No, no, I'm

Speaker 2 fine. I'd like to watch the rest of the show.

Speaker 2 We love you. We thank you.
You're the best. Well, thanks.
I know. You know

Speaker 2 Thank you for doing this. I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 I appreciate all of you for coming here tonight. And

Speaker 2 I also want to make one more comment about the show. Yeah, go ahead.
Go ahead. Thank you, Jen.

Speaker 2 You can't do the rest of the world. You can't do the rest without shoes? Go ahead, Jimmy.
Yeah. No, I love the show.

Speaker 2 I'm glad that I feel like it's so exciting to see all these people come to see you guys do this, which really came out of just a very private conversation between the three of you and then sometimes really good and sometimes not so good guests.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it is, I'm so happy for you. And I hope you guys are appreciative of

Speaker 2 the magic that this is because it is a wonderful thing.

Speaker 2 These people are here.

Speaker 2 And to hear the way, the dismissive way you talk about them off the air is just,

Speaker 2 I just find it offensive. I know, me too, and I tell them all all the time I find it very offensive I'm with you

Speaker 2 but these are the best yeah these are the best

Speaker 2 thank you buddy thanks guys thank you for having me thank you everybody

Speaker 2 keep it going

Speaker 2 well nice going really nice going right we just wanted to it it was so fun having somebody who's important to us out here up for the last night. You guys are here at the last show of the tour.

Speaker 2 Yes, thank you.

Speaker 4 Thank you for being here. I've said it to Jimmy's face

Speaker 4 on his show. I said it all the time that he's one of the kindest, he really is everything you think he is.
He's one of the kindest, most generous people in the business. We all love him.

Speaker 2 And something, you should know, he said,

Speaker 2 If any of our guests dropped out on this tour all over the country over this last week, week and and a half. He says, I will get on a plane and I will fly there and I will sit down.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, true story.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 yeah, he jokes around a lot, but he does really have, he's just got such a squishy sort of center, and he's always the first. Yeah, he really does.

Speaker 2 He's like the guy who will just always offer to help or do what it's amazing on top of being incredibly hilarious and just super cool. And a gorgeous hard candy shell on the outside.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Back to food. So,

Speaker 2 yeah. You've got to get that looked at.

Speaker 2 But anyway, so thank you guys so much. I mean, it's just been incredible.
Not no.

Speaker 2 I feel Sean thinking right now. There's a fucking smoke coming out of his ears.
Trying to work on you know what he's trying to do.

Speaker 4 No, he's.

Speaker 4 I just wish, you know, I just wish we could have spent more time with Jen.

Speaker 2 You know.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 4 it feels so nice to

Speaker 4 be here

Speaker 2 Get out here get out here

Speaker 2 everybody and thank you for coming hi hi everybody, thank you for coming

Speaker 2 Okay, I think this has been really a lovely, lovely evening. And I wish I could just come up with something, something sort of like something to say simple.
Something like what

Speaker 2 something.

Speaker 2 Oh, you like, like, goodbye.

Speaker 2 Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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