SmartLess

"John Krasinski"

January 09, 2023 53m Episode 131
We spend a fortnight in the future with our dear friend, John Krasinski. Baby weight record-holder a.k.a. ‘Kras’ schools us on Call Of Duty, Sean auditions for an Esurance ad, and we all get burritos at Sharky’s. Come join us for a listen– we’re serving cardboard and almonds! Please support us by supporting our sponsors!

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Full Transcript

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Hey guys,

I'm coming at you a little early

and I,

excuse me,

I'm super excited

for you to hear the show.

So, let's rock and roll. It's smartless.

Smart.

Less.

Smart.

Less.

Smart.

Less.

I did sweat, then I showered.

You sweat? I did sweat, then I showered.

You sweat and then you showered.

So your hair is mixed with sweat and sweat. No, no, no.

I showered all the sweat out.

You have just shampooed hair that you're enjoying.

Can I now tell well my next story or no?

I want to get into your next story, but hang on a second, Jason. Did you, God, so many questions.
Did you, do you shampoo every day? I don't. Actually, I just lied to you.
I did not shampoo today. Wow.
Yeah, you sweaty. That's all sweat.
I will not shampoo but once a week because, you know, as most smart, well-groomed listeners will attest to you uh you will get uh fluffy flyaway hair if you shampoo every day um you gotta you gotta keep a little you think most of our listeners will get it but then the opposite is oily gross and that that gives you a handsome clumping okay It's the name of my new autobiography.

New autobiography.

Sean, do you... Handsome clumping.

Not to be confused with handsome humping.

Sean's three-part...

Yeah, three-part series.

Only three parts.

Did you, Sean, did you...

How often do you sham?

I sham every other day.

Really?

Every other day.

Do you condition to?

Oh, wait, I can answer that.

Never, ever.

Oh.

Never.

How come you don't use any hair product? Me? Yes, you. Fly away, uncontrollable, 1983 feathered.
Match my personality, just fly away. Why don't you put like a little bit of even moose? Even i see you guys the old moose no when i see you guys on sunday a lot of times i'll i'll throw some some poopy stuff in there i don't i don't see it you need more why didn't you try gen stuff that jason did the commercial for i did lola v you're talking about lola v that commercial where you had all that food stuff in your mouth that you did amanda shot it intended to be a commercial.
Unlike Sean's, Sean tried to come over the top with his, and he succeeded. Have you enjoyed that yet, Will? No.
Did he do one for her, too? Did you not see Sean's shower masterpiece? No. Oh, for Jim's products? Yeah, and Scotty shot it and cut it together.
In two seconds. It's probably online somewhere.
No, I don't think it went anywhere. Sean, don't pull it up.
Please don it up please don't pull it up why probably have a respectable guest that is doubting or questioning their decision at this point why don't you just air it on the tv behind you you know so that because you've already seen it where is it who knows you know i mean i guess we'll find it one day. Sean.
Shoot, I'm looking for it. Obviously.

All right, so.

Sean, what have you done with your break?

Listener, we did an earlier record. I don't feel good.

And now we're doing a later record.

And it's been a lunch window here in Los Angeles.

No, don't tell.

We'll tell you what you ate.

I ate three donuts.

Did you really?

And a glass of milk.

And that's what I had for lunch.

I didn't eat anything.

Specialty donuts or just whatever the fuck happens to be on the plate? Yum-yums from Yum-yums. Hello? Don't.
Hello? Don't say from Yum-yums as if we're supposed to know that. Yum-yums.
You're talking about the spot up the street on the corner of Vine and Melrose where dudes score die bags? How do you know that? How do you know that? Wow. I went in my pajamas.
I was still in my pajamas and slippers. I walked right in there.

Sean, why do you eat donuts? Especially for lunch. For lunch.
So good. So good.
I was really hungry because I didn't have a big breakfast. And so I was like, you know when you crave carbs? But you did have breakfast.
No, I had like a cup of tea and like a muffin. Okay, so just keeping score today.
Muffin and three donuts.

Does your colon ever jump up through your esophagus,

out your mouth, and just square up,

look you in the eye and say,

what is your fucking problem?

What are you doing to me?

No, it climbs up, comes out of my mouth,

looks me in the eye and says, thank you.

Do you just roll into a chin-chin now and you go down table level with your mouth

at the end of the table

and they just shovel food into it? You must be busy this time with all the Santa work you're doing, right? How many callbacks did you have for The Grove this year? By the way, we can say, because it's on the air obviously already, that Sean playing Santa in the Murderville holiday special was tremendous. Oh, that's right.
You did go show up for that. Sean was so happy because he was like, I don't have to memorize any lines.
I can just sit there. It's just dead.
It was really funny, actually. I am hearing some folks are enjoying that trailer, that teaser, Will.
Well, we got a new trailer. Well, this show's, you know.
It's already aired. As you know, it's already out.
Yes. Now with the airing of this podcast.
But I tell you what, it's going to be timeless just like our guest today. Yeah, speaking of your guest, I have something caught in my teeth and I have floss with me and I'm wondering if this is a guest that I have to work.
So go ahead and floss. Go ahead and floss.
Can I floss during the intro? Because when you see,

because they're going to give you shit for it.

They will?

Go ahead, Sean.

Yeah, go ahead, Sean.

What were you saying?

I was going to say,

I have to tell you my neck nerve.

You've been talking about the neck story

across two episodes.

It better be good.

Go.

Okay, Sean, go quickly to the neck.

Let's go.

And I'm going to floss during it.

No, no, it's too long.

I'll tell it.

Well, maybe our guest wants to hear it, you know. Okay.
Because this person likes stories. They like telling stories.
Okay. Ew, Jason.
I'm going to let you listen to the floss. No, but the camera's on your crotch.
I love that we're not watching and then we're just listening. God, this is like a nightmare.
This is just what I do when I floss. That is so disgusting.
Our guest is somebody gyrating. What an intro.
Our guest is somebody who is not your run on the mill. This is somebody who does a lot of different things.
Somebody that we all know. Some of us better than others.
We've been friends with for a long time. This person is, gets to do all sorts of different stuff.
They're not just stuck in an office. Although there was a time when he was stuck in an office for many years on TV.
I can't say too much because you know who it's going to be because it's Krasinski. It's time to get it.
Yes! Yay. Yes! Oh, finally.
And you're in the bedroom. You're in your own bedroom.
This is my own. Oh, sorry about that.
Yeah, I mean, check out Frank. That's gone.
John, let's get into it here. Whose fault is this? By the way, when we had...
I'm just happy to be here before the bicentennial. You know what I mean? Just before the 200th guest.
It's outrageous that Emily was here before you, Will. Well, there were supposed to be back-to-back days,

and it got moved a few times because of schedule of everybody,

a bunch of you, because John one time and you and blah, blah, blah.

So it was supposed to be, so literally when Emily was on,

and we were like, we've got to get John on,

and I was like, just keep a straight face,

because he was supposed to be on the next day.

Oh, what happened? Well, I was holding the boom for her, so I heard the whole thing.

So he was there the entire time. Were you really there when we were interviewing? Yeah, I was just...
And he had a bounce card, too. Hollywood had a bounce card.
Wow. He was just Hollywood-ing.
Boom's in. Boom's in.
Hollywood myself. John.
Hollywood. All right.
Listen, I apologize up top, listener. For you, you're going to have to listen to us just do a bunch of catching up now.
It's going to be a lot of memory lane. A lot of memory lane.
All right, so you were talking to us from a beautifully appointed room. Children's room.
Beautifully wallpapered listener, I'll have you know. Is that a children's room or is it a guest room? It's a child's room.
Which child? I don't know. I was taking a walk and just ducked into the first house I could find.
Wow. And they were all set up for the podcast.

Good for them that they had the microphone and everything.

Now, John, how many kids now?

Six.

Two kids.

Seven.

Two kids.

Still the two.

Two.

Oh, sorry.

I mean, in total, not just with Emily.

Oh, sorry.

I thought you meant just with Emily.

Six.

Yeah, it's six.

Good for you.

Wait, Johnny.

So tell us, how old are the girls now?

Eight and six.

Eight and six.

God.

How are you, by the way?

I'm good. It's good to see you.
It's so nice to see you. Jason, when you hear him talk about his two daughters, eight and six, are you like, do you look back fondly on not remembering your daughters when they were that age? Do I have daughters? Yeah.
Oh, shit. Yeah.
Jay, I think I met your daughters when they were around eight and six. Yeah.
Yeah, well, they're now 16 and 11. No, they were older.
They were older. I mean, younger.
They were younger. Yeah, they were.
Yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure, for sure.
So you're back east. You live east.
No, right now I am down under. I'm talking to you from the future.
I'm in Australia because Emily's shooting in Australia. Oh, sure.
Fall guy. Fall guy.
Yeah, fall guy. So if you guys want to know how yesterday went, it went great.
So you're in for a little fun time. How were the hot costs yesterday? Did they go over, under, what the...
That guy, Leach, right?

Leach. He's, that guy knows how to direct a movie.

Man, Bullet Train.

He sure does, right?

I love that.

Dave Leach.

I love Dave Leach.

He's a great guy.

I love Bullet Train.

That was real fun.

Real good.

Wait, are you there involved in the same movie or just support?

No, I keep going every day, but they keep saying no, not today.

Thanks anyway, though.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You just keep getting in background line for wardrobe? Yeah, just like on the waterfront style, just at the gate, you know, just waiting. But did you, you just finished a movie though, right? Did you just finish? I did.
I just wrapped this movie that I wrote and directed called If with Ryan Reynolds and a unbelievable actress named Kaylee Fleming who is really the lead of the movie. She's incredible.
That's so exciting. No more incredible actress than Ryan Reynolds, though.
He's good times. He was speaking highly of all you guys.
I love him. I've listened to every single one of your shows.
No, that's not true. I have.
No. Every single one.
You know why? Because it feels like we're all hanging out again. That's what it feels like.
Yeah, so I was texting with John, and I was texting with John last night, my last night, his two weeks ago, or two weeks in the future, I don't know. A fortnight.
I forget how it works, but he, yeah, it was at least a fortnight in the future. And he says to me, mate, he says, I'm really excited to do the, yeah, because he really gets right in there.
He says, I I really I'm looking forward to it because it's going to feel like hanging out again, and I was like oh yeah, it's been a fucking minute since we I've been busy crushing it as a director I know congratulations on that, Johnny thank you so much, guys you and I have had some conversations since I've been absolutely stunned by all your stuff. Oh, nice.
Thank you. Ozark was so great.
Tell us, thank you. Tell us, what is If? Is If in the same genre as Quiet Place? It's not.
I took a whole left turn there. Is it comedic? It's not.
I mean, it is. It is comedic.
It's basically, it's my movie that I wrote for my kids. So it's about imaginary friends and the power of these adorable things.
Aren't just adorable. They're time capsules for all our hopes, dreams, and ambitions.
So what if we could tap back into that? What if we could tap back into it? I smell tears. There's probably a nice moment in there.
Ryan can get you to cry. So can you.
Oh, boy. Ryan can do it real well.
Well, one of the things I love about Kraz, and I always have, Take it down. Make it.
is that he's an emotional guy. He wears his heart on his sleeve.
I don't know if I know anybody who is so open about it. And it's a real superpower.
Yeah, he got his cleanix ready and he will and he has like I can't tell you how many times over the years Kraz has like grabbed my arm or my shoulder and been like can you fucking believe this dinner we had or whatever it is and then he'll be and he'll be well enough it makes me sound like a psychopath no it's I need help not at all I love because it's so, it's because you get so passionate about stuff and you really, and it goes to everything. You're passionate about the people you love, you're passionate about your wife, your kids, your work, all of it.
You don't do anything. There are zero half measure.
I don't think I've ever seen you do anything in a half measure including playing a video game. Oh my god, do you remember that? Do you guys not play Call of Duty anymore with your headsets? Before we got into Call of Duty, we headed over to Tweeter or HMV or something and bought three systems, three cheap TVs and set them up in the same room, like Minority Report.
Me and Kraz and Thoreau at the hotel. At the hotel three-day weekend in LA playing these video games.
Usually there's crystal meth involved in something like that. It was so weird that at one point, you remember Janine was staying there, Garofalo, and she came over and she was making bracelets and she was there and we weren't even talking.
Eventually she was like, well, I'm going to leave. You guys aren't even talking because we were all like, go get the thing.
We were in a hotel. We went down to dinner, Will, and she told us she was there and we said we had no recollection she was there.
We said that we didn't know she was in, and then she told us she was making bracelets with beads. Go ahead, Sean.
No, no, you go. I was going to talk about what's going on down there in Australia.
Tell me, what's your average day now down there? As sort of a planned dad, you're bringing the girls to the set to coordinate with lunchtime? Well, the girls are in school here. We always throw the girls in school immediately wherever we set up but we're uh i'm here for another eight weeks and then i'm editing a little bit but then i go back to new york to edit but the girls will stay here i think for 10 weeks and then emily's here for 12 more weeks wow that's a long time wow i've never been here by the way have you will you've been here drew form just told me that you guys flew together yeah we.
I've been there twice with Drew. Yeah.
And not only that, I don't look around, but I actually, I'm like Mr. Australia.
I just did it with Rose Byrne. I just did a big campaign for Tourism Australia.
So I'm kind of like represent. Yes.
Yes. I've seen it now.
Is it out yet? Is that crazy? It's awesome. Yeah.
Boy, what? So what? That's incredible. How many pages down on the list do you think they were? Why would they go? What about Will Arnett just screams, oh fuck, we gotta get Will Arnett to sell Australia to the world.
When I think of the Outback. You know what's funny about that? I get Rose Byrne at least is Australian.
Go ahead, Kraz. Yeah, you know what's funny about that? Do you remember when we were at Margarita Mix? I've only had one voice campaign in my life because they heard what I had and they said thanks anyway.
It's a voiceover studio here in town. It was for e-surance.
Thank you. Yeah, clicker call.
Anyway, but I was in the booth. I was in the booth doing the script.
And in walks Will. And he's like, Crarez, what's going on? And they were like, Will, the guys in Chicago were like, Will, is that you? He gets on the mic and he's like, hey, who is it? And they were like, it's Andy and Dave.
And he was like, Andy, Dave, what's going on? And you could hear these dudes going, you think he might take a pass? And I went, hey man, get out of the booth. This is all I've got right now.
Will, give us a clicker call right now. I'm such a clicker call.
E-surance. Oh, no.
Man, they can't afford that. Oh, God, they're going to revive it.
They can't afford it. Hang on a second.
Yeah. Oh, shit, is this going to wreck the audio, the beeping of the Brinkstruck? This guy.
Hey, do you mind if I give it a go once? Yeah, let's hear it, Shani.

Okay.

What's the line?

Clicker call.

Clicker call.

Okay, ready?

Yep.

Clicker call.

E-insurance.

Yeah, it's just e-surance.

Oh, e-surance.

It's just e-surance.

But it's crazy because I remember, Will, you said into the microphone,

do you guys need it truckier?

And I was like, come on, man.

Truckier.

Come on.

It's just.

Craz, one of my favorite.

We have so many memories.

I mean, we, fuck, man, holy shit,

how much time have we spent over the years?

And I was thinking about one time,

I don't even know how long ago this was,

but we were down at,

do you remember this?

We had the Grey Dog,

the one on Carmine Street in New York.

Oh, yeah.

We were having coffee.

It was like a,

I don't know,

it was like a Wednesday morning

or something.

You know where I'm going with this.

And we're sitting there

and people were walking by

and we're like,

look at this guy.

We had the comments

for everybody.

We're like,

look at this freaking loser.

Hey, nice fucking jeans.

We're like,

just to each other,

make each other laugh.

And then we're kind of

quiet for a second

and we just go, God, Bateman would love this. Just tossing shit bombs.
By the way, I think the biggest regret of leaving, definitely the biggest regret of leaving LA was leaving you guys. And Emily said that the thing she'll miss most is seeing the three of us in a corner just doing doing bits, just completely isolated from the rest of the group, just serving up bits.
Entertaining to only us three, just pathetic and obnoxious. Oh, God.
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And now, back to the show.

Johnny, I actually have a real

question for you. Okay.

I'll bet you don't.

First of all, is...

Believe me,

if you have any, I'm all ears.

They're the best stories. Hey, John, what's the

craziest... I can't even get it out.
Go ahead. By the way, you know what? You guys make fun of me asking people for theater stories, and they always end up being hilarious stories.
They always have. It's true.
And I find from people who listen to the show that they fucking love them, too. And actually, John is a legitimate theater guy.
So if you have any awful, horrible stories. No, okay, great.
But I really have a real question. I got them written down right here.
Sean, I'll get to them at the end. Yeah, only did one play.
It was all a nightmare. No, for real? But you wrote? Yeah.
Oh, tell them. Didn't you study playwriting at Brown? Playwriting, yeah, not play performing.
That was, I did a couple plays

at school,

but no,

I basically went

to a theater school

after I graduated.

I was a mid-year

at Brown,

so everybody graduated

in May.

I still had a semester.

And that's what,

just for home births?

You just help

with home births?

I'm thinking of

something else for sure.

I'm definitely

thinking of something else.

I knew there was

something there.

Are there any funny

theater writing stories?

I'd love to hear

a theater writing story

I think that's of something else. I knew there was something there.
Are there any funny theater writing stories? I'd love to hear a theater writing story funny thing. No, that's just, that was all just torturous.
Well, because you're alone in a room writing. What's funny about that? There he is.
He knows it. Okay, so wait.
But do I have a question? So A Quiet Place, was that your first directing gig or no? No. It wasn't.
in my directorial debut that's right which was what was in it it was a it was an adaptation of a david foster wallace book called brief interviews with hideous men and will was in it probably starring in it one of the one of the hideous yeah one of the hideous probably headlining name above title um and uh no he was so nice to jump in he came in and did this small part it was amazing it was amazing so my my my serious question is dumb which is what made you go from being an actor to wanting to be a director was there a person a moment or something were you on the set of the office and go like i don't kind of want to do this like this is i'd rather i'm more interested in how it's made than being in it. I think there was something happening in the back of my head, but I'd never thought I'd have the confidence to direct.
And I was actually sitting at a burrito place. What's it called in LA? Chipotle.
Sharky's. Sharky's.
Oh yeah. I was sitting with Mr.
Rainn Wilson and he saw that I was a bit perplexed. And he said, what's going on? I said, I'm trying to get somebody to direct this movie I wrote called Brief Interviews with Hideous Men.
He goes, why don't you do it? And my brain shut off. And I went, what are you talking about? And he was like, you should just do it.
And so I did. And he encouraged me to direct it.
And then in between then, the people at the office heard that I was going to direct a film. So they said, why don't you direct a couple episodes to get your feet wet? And the office was my entire film school.
Everything I could ever dream of, I got in the purest form on that show from, I mean, the unbelievable writer's room that we had to these unbelievable editors. And you were a writer before even an actor, before even a director? Were you a writer first? Sort of.
I was an English major in college and in my senior year I took a course which I got into the honors playwright program. What college? Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island.
Okay, great. Got it.
Okay, Sean. I'm done.
We can wrap it up if you want. He's a fucking third degree over here like he's a criminal.
Is he on trial?

What's going on?

Why is Kraz being persecuted right now?

By the way, it just feels so good to be called Kraz again.

Nobody has called me Kraz.

Does nobody else call you Krazzy?

No?

Nobody. God, all my phones throughout the years, it's all Kraz on my thing.

And so I'm just like, so when your name, anytime it comes up, I was.

Well, you know how you come up on my phone. You know how can yeah no keep it clean keep it clean carrie russell's the popped eye in mission impossible 3 that's right by the way i know exactly what you're talking about john tell them why tell them why tell them's one of my favorite movies.
Will and I were obsessed with Mission Impossible. Of course.
Born, all that stuff. We would literally go sit front row.
I mean, before any other humans were in the theater, we were there and we were prepared for all the movies. And we saw them.
And when we saw Mission Impossible 3 and Keri Russell has a bomb go off in her head and her eye twisted, We hit each other and laughed so hard. I mean, just shaking each other.
And I made it the picture so that when Will calls, it's just this. And by the way, he'll do it to me sometimes.
He'll just like, we'll be out and some people are talking and he'll turn to me and just go, like, do the, I think. And the other thing we do to each other, I think I mentioned this to JJ when he was on the show, Abrams, the little brown dot that they never explained that they just put on the arm.
And when they, like, in the movie, at some point, the guy just walks up and just goes, puts this brown dot, and the person just slumps. And we're like, what is the brown dot? It's the deadly freckle.
It's a poison dart. And also Billy Crudup's character mouths to Tom.
He goes, yeah. And they have a conversation just mouthing.
Right. But Will, do you remember we were at a party and JJ had just directed The Office.
And he goes, I can't believe I remember this. And I'm so embarrassed to say this story.
JJ goes, hey man, you want to meet Tom Cruise? And I went, what? And I was like 24, 25 or something. And he's like, come on over.
And I go up and Tom's coming down the stairs with like four bodyguards. And I don't know how, Will's watching me and I don't know how I had the guts to do this.
I went up and pretended to put a brown dot on his wrist, a poison dart on his wrist. And the four bodyguards moved on me and were going to kill me before I started mouthing to Tom.
And he went, ha, ha, ha, ha. And he started laughing and gave me like a hug and was like, this guy's okay.
But for a second, they thought I was going to murder him. That's awesome.
Because he geeked out. We used to go down to my old apartment on the west side in New York.
And we used to go watch movies downtown. And then we'd see like, we saw all those movies down in those theaters and we saw the the mission impossible and all the born movies and then we remember we'd like run up and we'd be all gacked out on like m&ms and popcorn or whatever and we'd run up the west side highway just fucking like kids who were so stoked running as if we're like this like we'd run like By the way, I'm in my like mid to late 30s.

Oh my God.

Mid to late 20s.

We used to yell,

take the shot with holding our ears.

I love that.

To people on the street.

And then we found out Frank Marshall,

our buddy,

was one of the producers

and we made him tell us stories.

We apprehended him

and then he ended up sending us rap gifts

from the latest Bourne movie.

He sent one.

He sent a metal case

with like t-shirts and stuff to my house.

And Will was so funny because

I went, look, look, what do you got? And he goes,

but I didn't get one. And I was like,

no, I know. And he goes, so

what do we do?

We had to split up. We had to split up the stuff.

Did you get invited

to Conan's Christmas party, John?

Ask him, did you get invited to Conan's Christmas party? I bet you a million bucks you did. No? No.
How about Emily? Conan O'Brien? Yeah. That's right.
Yeah. No, I didn't.
And now I'm really sad. I'm really sad about that.
But he knows that they live in New York. And by the way, Kraz used to work at Conan when he was in LA.
And he does. You live in LA.
He was an intern there. That was his intern, yeah.
For real? It was his script intern. Yeah, so my job, all the other interns, I got the writing script intern.
And the greatest part of the job, I couldn't believe it, was everybody gave him hair and makeup and all the producers are telling him all these notes of the guests and stuff. And then they all would clear out for 30 seconds as Max Weinberg would hit the drums.
And I would have 30 seconds alone with

Conan where he rehearsed the monologue just to me. And I would cry laughing every single day.
And at the end of the summer, what was my favorite joke? He's like, yeah, you think these jokes are funny? And I said, yeah. And he goes, really? I thought kids your age just went home, smoked weed and listen to Pearl Jam.

That's what he said.

And I was like, well, you're not far off.

But then at the end he brought me into his office the last

day we were all leaving he brought me into his office gave me a sam adams said i know you're

from boston here's a sam adams i just wanted to say thank you for uh laughing every night you

have no idea what it means to have laughter be the last thing you see before you go on stage and i

cried oh he's you know i burst into tears of course you did i'm bursting into tears here Thank you. Laughing every night.
You have no idea what it means to have laughter be the last thing you see before you go on stage. And I cried.

Oh, he's the greatest.

I burst into tears.

Of course you did.

Conan is the greatest.

I'm bursting into tears hearing this.

Wait, that's how old I was.

And by the way, later, he was my first talk show.

So the first talk show I ever did was Conan.

Wow.

So when I went back to do Conan, it was, again, I cried.

But I was walking through the hallways and all these people I used to work for were like,

hey, this is great.

We love the office.

We're so proud of you.

And I was like, it was so intense.

And then the guy pulling the curtain

was the nicest guy ever.

And he was like, we're all so proud of you.

Go out there and have a great time.

And I blacked out.

Literally don't remember anything

until I was standing in the seat

and Conan was already shaking my hand

and he saw that I was having a panic attack. And he was like, don't worry, buddy, it's going to be great.
And pushed me into the chair. And that's how I, wow.
And cut to, cut to Kimmel says repeatedly that you and Arnett are two of the best, if not the best, uh, talk show guests in the history of, uh, Oh, that's very nice. Showbiz.
Yeah. No, it's just, I think it's just i'm i'm so happy to be humiliated for kimmel anytime he wants i think the the lowest was i dressed as a shrimp for something and i don't know what it was but i was a shrimp i dressed as a shrimp on his show yeah i was in a skin tight spider-man outfit once out in the hollywood out on the out in front of the man's chinese yeah on hollywood boulevard yeah that's oh he loved well you guys were you guys i mean those are pretty heady days especially back then when you guys when you moved up there and you and uh kimmel lived directly across the street from each other for a number of years that was uh that was some fun times oh my god the absolute best honestly it's the thing we miss most about la it was it was the hardest decision because leaving those guys, leaving you guys, it was really, really hard.
Now, speaking of traveling around and stuff, it's got to be so tough that you and Emily being as busy as two people could ever be. I mean, if you wanted to be working nonstop, you both could be.
But you seem to both decide not to be working at the same time as much as you can avoid it so that you can be with the kids uh and play mom or dad on the other person's set you just kind of take turns is that right yeah we do the best we can to take turns it's been um it was going pretty well until covid because that just pushed everything back so we had this whole plan she was going to do this this amazing show that out, The English. It's one of the best things I've seen in a long, long time if you haven't seen it.
And she shot that in Spain. And I was doing Jack Ryan for two years straight because we shot two seasons back to back.
Which is also incredible. I mean, that's got to be such a difficult shoot.
No kidding. I mean, Jesus, God.
That's a lot. Yeah, exhausting.
It was crazy. I mean, definitely shooting, I think we were the second production back after COVID.
I think it was Mission Impossible and us. And so, you know, you have 350 people showing up very courageously to work and saying we're going to get back to work.
And we were in nine countries in season three during COVID and all that travel. And then season four, I think we were in five more countries.
And so it was nuts. I mean, it's so much fun, and I have such a great time playing the role.
But yeah, I mean, shooting that, it's a whole different thing from being behind a desk for 10 years. Yeah, I mean, don't you miss that? A nice, predictable air-conditioned sitcom on a stage in Burbank? Oh, yeah.
Just LED lights, nothing changes. Yeah.
Granddad, fucking cool your slippers for a second. We're talking to people who are out in the world.
Craft service table over there. Get you.
Dressing room in the stage. Like you go to craft service.
Unless they've served cardboard and almonds, you're not going there. Hey, Krazy, it was such a departure, though, for you truly, actually, kind of on what Jason was saying.
Like of all, I got to say, one of the great things about spending, you know, the last couple of years about being at home a lot and whatever, one of the good things was catching up on a lot of things. And there were so many big pockets of The Office that I didn't see at the time.
And I talked about it with Carell when we had him on. I never fully appreciated.
And I watched it with my kids. My older uh my older kids archie and abel just wanted to watch that's all they wanted to watch all of it every single episode we watched all the way through and i never i feel like i never really got a chance to say back then when you were doing it and we talked a lot at that time you know when you were doing the show we spent so much time together i never got a chance to say how fucking great you were on that show how funny how in the zone you were how for sure for sure dialed in you were man honestly it was it's really really really good and it lives forever so nice super small and subtle too like and that was like what you hadn't done a ton of shit before that right no i was gonna say tell us how you got it yeah i know that guys that coming from you guys that means so much to me really it really does and i don't think sean really really agreed i just said it should come should mean a lot um john tell me how you got the part for people that don't know like me like what was that like was it offered did you have to read for i love, I definitely had to read for it.
I was, um... Oh, really? I thought you were saying my question.
No, no, no, no. No, I really was waiting tables.
I hadn't done hardly anything. And I had done a couple commercials and I got a manager.
Jason, you played a waiter once, right? Sorry. Sorry.
Paid a waiter. Paid a waiter once.
Had you seen the British office before you read for it? Oh, yeah. I was a huge fan.
Huge fan of that. And so I'm waiting tables.
I'm watching the black DVD of The Office when it came to America. I remember it came in that black case.
It was just, it was amazing. Went to a record store and picked it up.
No, so I was such a huge fan of that. And they called.
I'll never forget, actually. They called and said, would you ever come in to read for this show? And I said, great.
And I had actually been out in LA testing for things that I didn't get. And I met Alison Jones who- The great Alison Jones.
Cast your show, Arrested. Yeah.
And cast our show. And she said, it's so nice to meet you.
I have something coming called The Office. Look out for it.
And I said, okay, great. And they called me and they said, will you come in for the part of Dwight? And I remember like, yeah, I'm waiting tables.
Yeah, I'm coming in. No, I said, no, I literally knew the show so well.
I said, and my manager think, no, he thought I was insane. And I said, if I'm going to do it, I want to put my best foot forward.
And he said, you know, they're not very happy about this. They might not call again.
I said, I would just rather not ruin my chance by doing that role. And then like six weeks later, they called and they said, can you come in for the role of Jim? And I said, sure.
So I read for that. And then I remember I tested in New York first at 30 Rock.
I was terrified. I was literally shaking.
And there were seven dudes that looked exactly like me, like all Jim's just sitting on a bench. And each one after one went in and auditioned and probably had a great time, heard tons of laughter.
It was just me. It was just me waiting.
And the casting director came out and goes, so we're just going to take a quick lunch for an hour. So we'll come, we'll get to you when we're back.
And I said, oh, just one more. Oh, one more, one more.
No. Okay.
Waiting is so nerve wracking. So everybody leaves.
Everybody came back with whatever the sweet greens was back then. And I watched everybody come in and out, like hundreds of people.
And then this guy sat across from me and he said, are you nervous? And I said, no, you either get these things or you don't. But what I'm really nervous for is whoever is making this show because it is such a perfect show.
And Americans have a way of just ruining every good show that comes out of the UK. And he goes, well, I'm Greg Daniels.
I'll sure as hell try not to do that. And I went, oh, God.
And Greg Daniels created the American office for people who don't know. Created the show.
Oh, my God. The good news is he claims that it was one of the reasons I got the part because when I walked into the room, not out, they were laughing.
It's a real Jim thing to say, by the way. That's what I'm talking about.
It's perfect. No, when no when i walked in everyone was laughing and it wasn't laughing with you it was laughing at just pointing and laughing at how stupid i was oh my god and when i when i did it greg said you got the part because uh honesty is the best policy and i remember that i remember that i was like uh sure man oh great did they give it to you in the room no I then went to LA and tested.
I remember I flew with Jim Gaffigan. Yeah.
Bob Odenkirk. They were both testing for Michael Scott.
And I remember they split up the New York kids and the LA kids. And so the New York kids went first and everybody left.
And I was the last person in the New York group. And I didn't know what to do.
And all these LA kids were going in and they were testing. And I'd been there probably five or six left and I was the last person in the New York group and I didn't know what to do and all these LA kids were going in and they were testing and I'd been there probably five or six hours and I finally just said oh my god they forgot to send me home oh so I walked onto the set the producers they actually shot on the set of the show they had already built a version of the set up in the valley there yeah it was well we we moved to Chandler Valley we started in um Culver City there was like a Culver City thing.
Wow. But I went up and I said, I think you forgot to send me home.
I'm going to leave now. And from behind like a wall, you heard somebody go, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't do that. Don't do that.
Give us 30 more minutes. And I said, okay.
And in walked this girl. And I literally took one look at this girl and I said, ah, that's the person who gets the part.
If I could ever read with her, I'd have one shot at this show, and it was Jenna Fisher. I knew she was going to get the role as soon as she walked in the room.
Wow. And then they said, we just want you to read with one other person.
And I said, who? And they were like, Jenna Fisher. And I went, yes, because I thought if I at least get to read with her, I'll have a shot.
That's great. And we read together, and I remember it was as we walked out, I I turned to her and I said to her, you're going to get this part.
And she goes, oh my God, I thought you would get this part. And it's very sweet.
When we both got the part, as we both tell the story, it's true. The first thing I did was jump on my couch and scream.
And then the second thing I said was, who's playing Pam? And they said, this girl named Jenna Fisher. And I said, yes.
Wow, isn't that great? What a story. That's amazing.
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And I go, oh, Peter. Yeah, and they kept going, I know, sweet Pete.
And they go, you got to sign your thing. And he's like, they keep calling.
And I go, hey, man, if they're so excited about me calling, why don't you renegotiate? Because they obviously want me to do it. So I said that at first, and I was kind of joking.
But I fly out. It was me and Tony Hale.
And Tony and go out and I read for, I was there all weekend and we worked with the Russo brothers who are now of Marvel fame and then, and with Mitch Hurwitz, whom I just spoke to about an hour ago and they go, you got to go in and read. It was me and Rainn Wilson and God God, who was the other? Do you remember? Brent Stewart? No, he had already done it.
But somebody, they had a bunch of like good guys and guys who had been working. But Rainn was still, you went in before Rainn.
So yeah, but a bunch of guys, Rainn had already done Six Feet Under. Like he had a real career going and I was a fucking zero.
And so we go in and I read and I come back out. And then the other guy came out and then Mitch followed him out.
And he goes, you got the part, you got the part. And I look over and I see Rain still in the waiting room right there.
Still running his sides. And I've been that guy.
That's why, that's why, you know, John, when you're talking about being and waiting and then going to lunch or whatever, it's such a, already, it's such a vulnerable position when you go out and you're putting it all out of the line

and you want it.

And I see him there and I've been in that position

so many times and I just went to the manager.

I went, oh, no, no, please.

And I go, please, shh, shh, shh, shh,

please, please, that guy's, Rainn Wilson is right over there.

Hasn't even read yet.

Hasn't even read.

They didn't even.

You were like, sorry, did my manager get to you

about the renegotiation?

Is it more?

Did you talk to Peter Principato? Yeah, everybody followed out of the room, walked right past Rain. They were done.
But the good news is, about a month later, he reads for the office. It was like a year later, he reads for the office.
And would have been unavailable. Just so you know, I personally believe that Arrested is, I think, my favorite show.
I think it's my favorite show. No, it's true.
Stop, Sean. No, I remember.
Sean's never seen it. Yeah, I know.
I know, Sean. You've seen two, Sean.
I've seen two episodes, yeah. It's the best show I've ever seen.
Those were great ones. No, but I remember when that show came on, it was such a big deal because The Office had come out, the British one, and that level of comedy was untouched and then you guys came out with this whole other lane that was so good and I just remember thinking if I could be on a show that good that has the confidence to, my favorite thing was how you guys brought jokes back at the end of an episode that you had barely touched on at the beginning.
But you guys were that good if not better and people were actually watching your show. It stayed on for, what, 10 years? You guys were a big hit.
And we, I remember, you know what's weird? I just mentioned Janine Gruffalo. She was, she had sent, she had sent Amy these, she had these tapes of The Office that she brought her before, like right around the time they were about to start airing them on BBC America when Jason and I started watching.
And I'd seen these tapes and I was like, holy fuck, we'd already done the pilot, but I was talking to, I was like, this show is fucking, I'd seen like one. And then we started watching all these episodes and we were obsessed with it.
And then it was like, I remember, I remember them saying at the time, actually, we thought that we were going to maybe get canceled, Arrested Development, the entire time we were on the air and Yeah, us two. Week to week.
Us two. The first two years.
And we had been on the air for six months or something, and they were starting to put together The Office, and Peter Principato, my manager, said, hey, Allison Jones wants to know, if Arrested falls apart, would you ever consider going in for The Office? I don't know if I ever told you that. For Jim.
For the part of Jim and Pam. Oh my God.
They were going to make them into one character. Oh my God.
Just to save a little money, just to wig away. And they were going to call them Jam.
Yeah, they were going to call them Jam. Well, there goes my spinoff.
And I said, yeah, anyway, we made that pilot. Jam.
Wow. Yeah, we made that pilot.
That's why they won't do a reunion, because my idea was jammed, and they had already done it. Hey, John, I have another question.
We'll be right back. Yeah, I have another question, coming right back from the rest of the development rewatch podcast.
Get us back on track, Sean. I want to know, of all the stuff that you're doing, because you are so now prolific as a director, and everybody is celebrating you in that way, way and rightfully so because you just are incredible.
Do you have a goal of a film or a type of film that you really want to conquer that you haven't conquered yet? Either like a genre or a specific story? Meanwhile, Sean's head right now is going, please say musical, please say musical, musical, musical, musical, musical, 7, seven, eight. You know, the truth is, like I said, I never knew that I would have the opportunity to be a director.
Right. Just listen to the question, now that you are.
Okay. Copy.
Fuck me. Sorry.
Let me just redo that. Sorry.
Let me throw this tissue away. No more tears.
No more tears. I think you should remake the producers and put Sean in there as Gene Wilder.
And I'll play Zero Mostel. There you go.
By the way, Sean, I can't wait to see Good Night Oscar. Can't wait.
Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you.
I can't wait. Look, he knows it's April.
Look at this. We'll all go together.
At the Barbarasco Theater. What is it? The Barbarasco.
Yes! The Vinnie Barbarino. The Vinnie Barbarino Theater.
Has any show received more consistent press on a lead-in than this fucking Good Night Oscar? This thing better open. Let me tell you something.
It better be fucking good now. You shit the bed during previews.
No, so no specific like, oh my God, I have this in my back pocket. I don't care if it takes 20 years to make.
I have this passionate story I want to tell. No, the way it goes for me is I fall in love with something, an idea that, and I just do exactly that.
So this idea that I had for Imaginary Friends, I never thought I would do sort of a, you know, a comparable movie would be like E.T. or it's sort of a it's sort of a and i never thought i'd do something like that certainly never thought i'd do genre at all didn't think i i could never watch horror movies ever i was so scared to watch horror movies and so when i directed a movie that was terrible remember when we went to see i am legend you mean oh my Dark Knight came on.
Oh, my God. Oh, no.
What happened? Poor John. We just kept doing it over and over and over.
Because that guy was the star of the show. That guy.
No, but Will, do you remember we sat in this IMAX, and all of a sudden Will and I, again, were in this tear of just, you know, big action movies. You guys just burning afternoons? Is that what it was? I mean...
Just trying to get to dinner somehow? Oh, my God. No, but Will, do you remember they played the first 10 minutes of The Dark Knight? I was about to say that! And we went, oh, my God, oh, my God, we've heard about this where they, like, switch a movie to test the audience.
We're a test audience! and then it stopped after 10 minutes of The Dark Knight. I was about to say that.
And we went, oh my God, oh my God, we've heard about this where they like switch a movie

to test the audience.

We're a test audience.

And then it stopped after 10 minutes.

And it went.

I don't, man, that was fucking crazy.

What do you mean they stopped the movie after 10 minutes?

They stopped the actual.

They literally showed the opening of The Dark Knight,

the whole thing as like a special thing

tied to I Am Legend.

That's weird.

But it didn't even say like this preview.

It just started.

Oh, that just started. It was so weird.
We were like, oh my god, we're in a test. We're in a test.
At first we didn't even know it was Dark Knight because you don't know it and we're like, what the fuck is going on? And then we're like, holy shit, they're gonna show the fucking movie. And then the Joker came on screen and we were like, oh my god.
It was wild. And then, and we would do that for fucking months to each other out of the blue.

Just,

I like that.

I remember Amy hating it well.

Do you remember?

She'd go, guys, stop.

Oh, she's fucking.

And we were like,

you're starting to sniff out any talent there

with the eight and the six-year-olds? They want to act or direct or sing or anything like that, like mom and dad? They went through phases of it, but I don't think either of them right now are wanting to do it. Would you let them if they said they wanted to? I don't think they know that I'm an actor, so they think I'm going to count.
Do you think they're going to be tall? yeah hazel's very tall but i was not so tall

but yeah hazel's very tall just you know john john's family his parents are both really tall his brothers are the shortest he's the shortest his family he's six four everybody is huge if if you ever want to like anytime i spend time around john's family i'm always like fuck man i feel short and i usually feel tall especially around you two idiots i feel like a you know really a person of substance

and then

because tall people are better

and so then, and I know I'm going to get a lot of pushback on that. But then, but John, as it turns out, was at the time for many years, John, what's the stat about your birth weight? Oh, I was the biggest baby in Boston, I think for, I was 11 pounds, 12 ounces.
Good God, that's three children. Yeah, it was three children.
And you were the last one. Yeah, I was the last one.
I'll never forget this story. Will loves this story.
My mom went to a doctor's appointment and was with a doctor, and a nurse walked by, a gentleman walked by, and it literally looked like he was in a horror movie. And he said to my mom goes i was there and she goes excuse me and he goes i was there when you gave birth to that baby and my mom goes well i i have three kids and he went no the big one but this guy was scarred for life

and then he went

and then he went

that's fucking good

I love that story

I can't get over how crazy

I probably wasn't the biggest baby in Boston

I was probably the biggest baby at that hospital for a while

but yeah

that's really funny

that baby

I was there

I'm going to be in new york and then i'll be in New York indefinitely. You know what that'll time out to? It'll time out to carpooling to Sean Hayes' Broadway show playing at The Belasco.
By the way, if you guys come for opening night, let's all go together. Let's all go together.
Done. Let's.
Done. Done.
Done. Let's all go together.
I can't wait. I would love that.
That'll be really fun. And honestly, Sean, congratulations.
That's amazing. Thanks, man.
Thanks. All the great reviews and everything.
It's been about 15 years in the making. Wow.
The reviews are off the chart. And this is going to take everybody.
This is going to be a smash hit, obviously. Well, thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Okay. But anyway, Johnny, it's so good to see you.
I haven't seen you in so long. Please, let's get together when you come back.
Yeah. I would love it.
And thank you, guys. This was wonderful to hang out again.
It's been too long. Miss you guys.
John, love you, buddy. Miss you too.
Love you, man. Have fun down under.
All right, guys. Thanks.
Guess the lane. Bye, Johnny.
Aluminium. Oh, nice.
He knows how to slam it. He knew.
He couldn't wait to slam it. He knew he was a listener.
He couldn't wait to slam it. That's such a, he's a true listener.
I mean, he is a listener, as you know. He's texted.
Jason, he's texted you too how much he likes listening to the show. And I tried to put it together for a while.
Obviously knew he was coming on for a while. And we were just trying to time it out for a couple months.
That was a good surprise. Wait, he was really supposed to go on the day of or after Emily? I'm pretty sure it was the day after or two days after.

Wow, that would have been wild.

And that's why you guys, and you guys were after,

we had Emily on the show after the recording and she left the show.

We were talking about it and you guys were like,

we gotta get John on.

And I was like, Jesus fucking Christ.

I know, I know.

I kept going, I know, I know.

And you knew it.

You knew it the whole time. What a great guy.
It really sucks he doesn't live in L.A. anymore.
I know it does suck. What is the problem? God damn it.
It changed everything. Why don't we just move to New York? I know.
He lives in New York though, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
But anyway, we've talked about, the three of us, about, and fantasize about all of us just living there full time in New York. Full time again.
I know I used to live there for over 20 years. I know, I know.
Do you miss it, Will? I do. You know, when I first sold my apartment, it was like five, God, coming up on six years ago.
And I was like, no, I'm just like so L.A. Now I really, I really miss it.
I do. It's hard to.
What about even about even just for friendships like it'd be like guys are terrible about maintaining friendships right well I will speak for myself I'm I just feel like well it'll just we'll just pick it up right where we left off when we and and for the most part that's true but I mean maybe in our last third half quarter of our lives we'll just throw it throw it all away and just friendships. No career.
We'll do that with the retirement. Oh, for sure.
Yeah, but that's one of the great things about when you are in New York. And, you know, obviously, Kras and I talked so much back then in the day.
We would, yeah, we would burn afternoons and go to see movies and stuff. But when you're in New York, you kind of do that more than we do in L.A.
We're so sequestered in Los Angeles. And the three of us,, obviously because the weekends we spend time together and whatever, and Jason, we play golf.
Like if it wasn't for that, we wouldn't see each other. You know, it's funny.
It reminds me of, you know, you guys know Mike O'Malley and you're friends with him and my old friend. And I remember him once saying like, when you, people getting mad, like that you don't hang out anymore.
And he used to always say, yeah, life happens. And then when you see each other, you pick back up and you don't go like, hey, why don't we hang out? You don't get into that shit.
You just go, hey, I love you. And like, here we go.
You pick it back up. But here's the thing.
Like a marriage, friendships are also work. Yeah.
Right? You have to put the effort in in order to receive it back. So I think if you think of it that way, that's how I think of it.
Yeah. You think of our friendship as a lot of work.
Too much. Good to know.
Good to know. I feel like you guys are staring at my box here.
Well, we were when you were flossing your teeth. Hi.
Hi, girl. But Johnny, we love him.
We do love him. And it was great.
I'm so happy that we've now had, I was thinking also, two of our friends, but certainly two guys that I used to spend, you know, a lot of time with and still do in various, you know, because like we were just saying, life kind of happens.

But two guys who at different times in my life I've considered to be,

it almost sounds patronizing to say little brothers,

just because they're younger than me.

Kraz and Bradley have gone on

to become these great directors.

And so is this other guy we're looking at,

Jason Bateman.

And so is Jason, yeah.

Also younger than you. Please.
Looking. Sorry, let me finish.
Oh, that's true. Go ahead.
I guess that's fair. That's, that's because you have all that dirty hair.
You know, that was great to talk to John. Uh, very, very difficult for the, uh, interview to be over because, uh, you know, at the end of it, you got to say bye, you know? Yeah.

Bye.

Bye.

So let's just make it real this time, you know?

God, that was a very real bye.

It's hard to say bye to John.

Bye.

I'm trying to make it real and also bye.

So bye.

Give your best crying bye right now.

Soft, soft bye.

Soft cry bye.

Cry bye.

Bye.

Bye. Will? Sean, what's your best cry-by? That was it.
Oh. Will? Bye.
Here's mine. Ready? Yeah.
What? Oh, God. Oh, God.
It had a little bit of vomit in it, too.

So I guess they'll let us know.

They'll let us know which one they want to go with.

My availability is... Thank you.

You swallowed that bite.

Fuck.

That was a good one.

Smart.

Less.

Smart. Less.
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