“Will Ferrell”

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Speaker 2 Hey there, Will Arnett here. Welcome to Smartlist, our podcast where Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and I, each week, one of us brings a guest that the other two don't know about.

Speaker 2 And this week is no exception. We get real into it.
Most of the time, we just mess around with each other, and then the guest has to be embarrassed. So let's get right to the podcast.
Smart

Speaker 2 Hayes.

Speaker 2 Smart.

Speaker 2 Smart.

Speaker 2 Hi. Hi.
How are you?

Speaker 1 Good, good. Should we go around the room and just say our names and our roles?

Speaker 3 Introduce yourself.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm Sean Hayes.

Speaker 2 People have been listening to the podcast for a minute now.

Speaker 1 Sorry, so we just skipped that.

Speaker 3 Same three idiots.

Speaker 2 Okay. In the role of Sean Hayes is Sean Hayes.
Should we switch parts today? Oh, we could switch parts. Ooh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'll play Will.

Speaker 2 I want to play Will. I want to play Will.
You guys are assholes. You both want to play me?

Speaker 2 Let me just ask you a question.

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm going to be, I'm going to be Jason. So, I was, you know, so

Speaker 2 now listen,

Speaker 2 it's hard for me, though. So, when I look back and I think about all the things that you've done, let's start at the beginning.
Okay, so America was founded in 1492.

Speaker 3 But what if I want to really be understood?

Speaker 3 No one understands me in my house.

Speaker 2 You know, I've got a wife and two girls.

Speaker 3 It just, I start talking, they glaze over.

Speaker 2 So I really have to fight for attention.

Speaker 2 I get on this thing.

Speaker 3 I feel like I can't, I've got to stop describing my question, right? We've spoken about this before, and I just need to ask the question.

Speaker 2 And then Sean, and then Sean's like a golden, Sean comes on and he's like, Do you like whipped cream?

Speaker 2 The golden rich reef. The golden retrieval.

Speaker 2 What's your favorite color?

Speaker 3 If Will was a dog, what kind of dog would Will be on this podcast?

Speaker 1 Oh, God, that's a good question. Will's probably like an untrained German shepherd.

Speaker 2 But messy, matted.

Speaker 1 Yeah, with just drool coming out on the sides.

Speaker 3 Bad hips, like the German Shepherds get.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dysplasia. Yeah.
Jesus.

Speaker 2 Baby would be like a full-size, standard, but shaved poodle.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 cold yet fancy.

Speaker 1 And very proud. Walks very proud.

Speaker 2 Very proud.

Speaker 1 Oh, Lord. Anyway, let's get to our guests, please.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's do it.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to tell you, you guys actually know this person, but we're going to find out stuff that we don't know about this person.

Speaker 3 If it's my mom, I'm in trouble because I haven't called her for a while.

Speaker 2 Can I just say, if it's your mom, what? Careful. This would be such a...
Careful. No, I'm just going to say it would be such a mitzvah if it was your mom because we could really get into

Speaker 2 there's so much stuff about you and we've known each other a long time that I want to know you know whose mom is not going to come on mine because she's dead

Speaker 2 so that's our first commercial break we're going to go to a florist commercial break right now Sean by the way I will say your mom is dead but imagine if my surprise guess was your mom

Speaker 2 that would really

Speaker 2 That would be more surprising than me being pale.

Speaker 1 Paler than me, my God. Guys, our guest today is from Irvine, California.
His mom was a teacher, and his father played Sacks and keyboard for the Righteous Brothers.

Speaker 3 Do we get a chance to guess at any point?

Speaker 2 No. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 No, don't guess.

Speaker 1 He studied sports journalism at USC, but ultimately went on to join the Groundlings. And the rest is history.
He's got like a million movies under his belt. And I'm sure that's not the only thing.

Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen, William Farrell. Oh, my God.
Wow. Jason.

Speaker 2 There's his headshot.

Speaker 2 Jason.

Speaker 2 Hi, Jason. Jason, answer the belly.
Jason, it's your mother.

Speaker 1 First of all,

Speaker 3 she's British.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. Sorry.

Speaker 3 But let me guess, let me yes. Let me essay on that.
Oh, what a great booking, Sean. Congratulations.

Speaker 2 Guys, can I just, can I start by saying I'm so excited to be on the Gong Show podcast. All things you want to know about the new Gong Show.

Speaker 2 And it is just, I mean, it's sweeping the country. Both countries, Canada and U.S.

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 3 aren't that taking fire.

Speaker 2 It's unbelievable.

Speaker 2 Are you just drinking? Is that just medicine out of the bottle? That's what it looks like.

Speaker 3 That's a kombucha. I know that because my wife drinks those.

Speaker 2 But it does look like a tonic from old-time tonic. Yeah, old-time tonic.
Yeah, and I just, I drink it as a prophylactic. Sure.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Will Farrell, thank you so much for coming on our little show.

Speaker 2 My pleasure.

Speaker 1 And we're all obviously such gigantic fans of yours. And one question, you know, you know, you're one of the rare.

Speaker 1 people in this business and I think I can speak on behalf of everybody that's you know it's really hard to find people like you.

Speaker 2 Hold on one second.

Speaker 3 Will Farrell's got a phone call. Yep.
Tight five everybody.

Speaker 2 everybody uh

Speaker 2 okay that's a large pepperoni right uh oh

Speaker 2 do you want to do you want chicken fingers with that as okay i thought he was ordering he's taking orders okay

Speaker 2 can i get the oh all right okay all right todd we'll be there in 35 minutes he asked for the address and then he knew the guy so he didn't need the address

Speaker 2 hey

Speaker 2 Hey, keep your landlines, folks. Keep your landlines.

Speaker 3 It is pretty strong. That looks like a lot of people.

Speaker 2 When the banking system collapse, you're going to want to have a landline.

Speaker 2 What I was going to say, William, was, Ferrell, was,

Speaker 1 I always wanted to know what is that one thing or that one event or that one person that made you want to get in the business and pursue comedy? What was Barack Obama?

Speaker 2 Correct.

Speaker 1 But before that, before that.

Speaker 3 Great answer.

Speaker 2 Just like a week before that.

Speaker 2 The one, the one thing, the one person?

Speaker 1 Yeah, was there like a show or a person or an event or something in your family?

Speaker 2 Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 2 This is supposed to be things you don't know. Here come the waterworks.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And we are losing light. We're losing light.

Speaker 2 I said I wouldn't cry. You said you wouldn't try to get me to cry, Sean, but right out of the gate.

Speaker 2 Here's the real answer to your question. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I enjoyed being funny as a child,

Speaker 2 but I was actually diametrically opposed to going into entertainment because

Speaker 2 I watched my father, the musician, go from job to job and be fired at the drop of a hat. And I thought, that's not, who would want to do that?

Speaker 2 I'm going to have a job where I carry a briefcase to work.

Speaker 3 I can relate to that. I had some of the same fears myself, yet I still went into this non-meritocracy and fickle sort of industry.

Speaker 2 You went in early.

Speaker 3 early you were early you were early child right but you you you were young as well but i mean not a child but i mean you still had a you had an opportunity to take a different path yet you didn't you still you couldn't resist the allure of

Speaker 2 uh the pancake makeup yeah so what so what what about that though floor lights after seeing your dad are there still floor lights yeah

Speaker 1 they're scoop lights scoop lights yeah yeah scoop scoop yeah scoops no okay listen will but you're seeing your dad do that over and over again and not like, you know, travel, not hold down, you know,

Speaker 1 secure kind of jump. So, what, if that discouraged you, what encouraged you?

Speaker 2 I just kind of slowly started incorporating the messing around with my friends, which I'm sure we all did.

Speaker 3 Keep it clean.

Speaker 2 Okay, yep, yeah, okay, you're right. Um,

Speaker 2 entertainment of my friend, ooh, that sounds weird. Yeah, uh, the massage.
No. No.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 3 Tickle giggle.

Speaker 2 Tickle giggle. You know,

Speaker 2 we'd love to have a good gang tickle giggle. That's it.

Speaker 3 We got it. We're back on.

Speaker 2 No, I just had

Speaker 2 high school was kind of the moment, even though I wasn't like a theater kid or anything. And I found myself writing what were essentially skits.

Speaker 1 But was there like a comedy person that you were like, God, I wish I could do what that guy does?

Speaker 2 Who did you think was funny when you were a teenager?

Speaker 1 I kind of the typical interesting that Will Arnett asks at once and gets a response.

Speaker 2 The pipes. Yeah, that's the pipes.
Exactly. I just got down to it.
I didn't dress it up with a bunch of BS, Hayes.

Speaker 2 I was a member of the Columbia House Record and Tape Club, and

Speaker 2 one of the items... Oh, you're being serious.
I'm being serious. For $1

Speaker 2 plus

Speaker 2 postage and handling, which really comes out to about $1.89, that's where they get you.

Speaker 2 I got to choose 13.

Speaker 2 Still seething.

Speaker 2 Well, it's supposed to be for a penny. You've got 13 albums, and it's not a penny.
It's a buck 89.

Speaker 2 Okay?

Speaker 3 It's the handling that's exciting.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, we don't work there. It's the postage and the shipping and handling.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Not to mention, if

Speaker 2 you get one record a month, if you don't send it back within 14 days, you're charged for it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is that how you still use Netflix?

Speaker 2 i'm doing it the original way yeah i never i still get the discs i'm not streaming

Speaker 2 will drives by ted serano's house and throws discs at his front door here's your fucking movies

Speaker 2 i'm done with these ted

Speaker 2 um one of my items one of my was the cast album of saturday night live and okay great so you always aspired to to be on the show that you were on i guess quietly yes quietly I did.

Speaker 2 But that's so, Will, so you wanted to.

Speaker 2 And hold on, I'm not done.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 2 Will, can I talk to you privately real quick? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, Arnett. Sorry.
Listen. Yeah, listen, Arnett.
When the guest is responding to a question, especially one that you asked me. Cut him for Christ's sake.
No. Cut him.
No.

Speaker 2 Wait until there's a lot of people.

Speaker 3 Because silence follows a completion of the fucking answer.

Speaker 2 Here we go. Okay.
Steve Martin. Steve Martin.
Yep.

Speaker 2 And then I was also a tonight show weirdo. I'd stay up and wait to see who the comedian was.
If there was a comedian on that night, I'd watch. If there wasn't, I'd turn it off.
Wow.

Speaker 2 So I was kind of, that's how I. So those are the guys.
Steve Martin, also an idol of mine, too, comedy-wise. I just thought

Speaker 2 so dry and brilliant. But what was that moment? So you grew up in Orange County, you go to USC, and then you go to Groundlings.

Speaker 2 What is that gap between when you, I never knew this, like from when you finished USC to Groundlings, what was that gap? Like, how did you.

Speaker 2 So I graduate USC with a degree in sports journalism. So in my mind's eye, I'm going to go work on ESPN.
You know, I'm going to be a

Speaker 2 sportscaster.

Speaker 3 Oh, that would have been great.

Speaker 2 I, I know, I blew it. And

Speaker 2 missed it. In fact,

Speaker 2 Craig Kilbourne brings that up to me every day.

Speaker 2 Do you guys, you remember Craig Kilbourne? I sure do.

Speaker 3 Do you have an ongoing friendship with Craig Kilbourne?

Speaker 2 I haven't seen him in probably 15 years. No.

Speaker 1 Well, he's on next.

Speaker 2 He's coming on next. Come on out, Craig.
You'll see him in the green room on your way out. Come on out, Craig.

Speaker 2 If you were quarantining with Craig Kilbourne, that would be it for me.

Speaker 2 It'd be the greatest.

Speaker 2 So you finish. So, yeah, so I have this, I finish, and then I start doing my, I mean, there wasn't really a job placement program coming out of college.
And so you kind of have to figure out a way.

Speaker 2 And I found like a local Orange County cable access news station I started working at and I was trying to put together a tape which I wish we could cut to that now that

Speaker 2 in which yeah I just you know started doing some field reporting and you would you would anchor the news you'd also work the camera you would do everything and there was a light bulb moment in that even though it was this small rinky-dink local cable access they had legitimate press credentials to all the major sports teams in LA and at that time, the Rams, the LA Rams football team, were playing down at Anaheim Stadium.

Speaker 2 And the editor of the show, which was actually a teacher of the class, he was actually run out of a junior college, he said, Hey, we need someone to go interview John Robinson, the head coach of the Rams

Speaker 2 at the stadium after this weekend's game.

Speaker 2 And 40 hands shot up, except for mine.

Speaker 3 But you knew him from SC, yeah?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, I'd never met him, but

Speaker 2 the point was, here were, I'm surrounded by these hungry people who were like, I need that interview on my reel. And my first thought was like, I'm going to have to check out a camera.

Speaker 2 Parking. I got to ask someone, yeah, parking.
I got to pay for it. I got to ask one of my classmates if they'll run sound for me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And you don't have a lot of money from, you don't have a lot of money left over from that subscription to all those from Columbia.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, I'm in debt from Columbia House Records and Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 He's in the middle of a major lawsuit against Columbia.

Speaker 2 We are on the five-yard line, guys. And please have me on next when we finally come to terms.

Speaker 2 But I'm giving all the money to charity, but God, we're going to hammer them.

Speaker 2 But I had no...

Speaker 2 I had no, I said, this is not a good sign.

Speaker 2 I should be leaping out of my chair to go and actually get a legit interview with a head football coach from the NFL on my reel so that I can get hired at a station in Yuma, Arizona. And

Speaker 2 I said, if I don't really have that drive, then this other thing that's kind of still gnawing away at me

Speaker 2 is I should really be looking into this comedy thing. So that's when I signed up for my first class at the Groundlings.
Really? Yeah.

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Speaker 3 I'm not trying to prod you into doing it. How soon after that did you kind of braid the two things by working on your Harry Carey?

Speaker 2 Oh, that was, yeah, that was kind of midway. That was a couple years later during the baseball strike.
And just kills me. Oh, that was a character you did at Gramlings? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 There was, it was the baseball strike. And I used to, I had a, I had a job, the art auction house that my then-friend, now wife Vivica, used to work at.

Speaker 2 I was the appraisal coordinator at the auction house, which was basically

Speaker 2 I answered the phones and coordinated appraisals and typed up appraisals

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 was was threatened to be fired on several occasions.

Speaker 2 But I lived close enough home to drive home for lunch, and I would turn the Cubs games on during the day. And I had never heard of Harry Carey, and I was like, who is this? Who is this guy?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I grew up in Chicago, so he was part of our lives.

Speaker 2 A fixture, right? And so I'm just, I would be listening. And

Speaker 2 the thing that struck me was listening to a game and listening to this announcer say on syndicated national television: television,

Speaker 2 if that ball's a strike, I'm a Chinaman.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I literally did like a spit take and was like, did he just say Chinaman? And wait, wait, wait, wait, this is like a guy who's paid to do this? He's like,

Speaker 2 and so

Speaker 2 I just thought, no, this has got to be a sketch somehow. And

Speaker 2 so I somehow, even though it was a Southern California audience, I wrote a sketch where it was during the baseball strike. So Harry Carey didn't have games to announce.
And

Speaker 2 he had somehow gotten involved in a play reading

Speaker 2 in a local theater.

Speaker 2 And it was

Speaker 2 this melodramatic play.

Speaker 2 And they were just sitting around, you know, let's take it from Act One. And it was, you know, Perry had lines like, God damn it, Carol.

Speaker 2 Why Why don't you ever look at me when we make love?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 by the end of the sketch, the audience was like doubling over in laughter, even though they had no idea that Harry Carey was a real person.

Speaker 2 This is something that's transcending, you know.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 By the way,

Speaker 2 never knowing that, of course, seeing you do the Harry Carey character so many times, but the idea of him doing something, it was always in the baseball context, but seeing him doing something that's completely out of oh, yeah, and and we had all these other actors in our, we had a really good troop, and everyone was just playing it perfectly straight.

Speaker 2 And like, this one actress, Maggie Baird, was literally getting herself to cry while she read it. And

Speaker 2 it was just

Speaker 2 like, Your tears mean nothing to me.

Speaker 2 This marriage has been broken since the day we crossed the altar, you know, and uh

Speaker 1 always kind of drunk, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, and just and then and quaking a little, and then my friend Roy was the director, like, okay, let's stop there.

Speaker 2 Harry, I don't know if I'm feeling you know, just giving the cliche acting notes and like, Harry, I really want to feel it from you this time, and you're speaking to no one but Carol right now in the scene, okay?

Speaker 2 Let's take it again, and just the starting and stopping of that.

Speaker 3 And uh, did you do Harry when you did your SNL audition?

Speaker 2 I did, which was,

Speaker 2 in fact, I tried to do an augmented version of of that, and it was so surreal because, you know,

Speaker 2 you're just in a void.

Speaker 2 You're in 8H in the studio there.

Speaker 3 God, you must have been so nervous. I would have

Speaker 2 just a mess. I just remember listening, waiting in the way.

Speaker 2 So you guys all know that setup there, waiting by the page desk outside the doors of the studio and hearing the person ahead of you go through their audition while you're on deck.

Speaker 2 And just looking at all the famous pictures of everyone who had just hosted and being in the spot uh and the place that you dreamed of being and now you're and then walking out to a studio that's pitch black except for a spotlight and a camera and a boom operator and lauren sitting in the shadows and then you just have to do comedy or standing in a void possibly um so yeah that was very surreal i tried doing it i i don't know um will

Speaker 1 farrell i also want to know: like, have you ever desired to do anything?

Speaker 1 I know you wanted to be a sports announcer, right, or sportscaster, but has if you weren't doing the thing that you're doing, not quarantining, but the entertainment business, what would you be doing

Speaker 1 if you had to pick a blue-collar job?

Speaker 2 You had to pick, what would it be? Oh, blue-collar. I was because I was gonna say, I've always wanted to do finance.

Speaker 2 I just know it seems

Speaker 2 so interesting to you.

Speaker 2 I love finance.

Speaker 2 I love

Speaker 2 figuring out like a second more, you know.

Speaker 2 I can't even do the bit because I don't even know the terms.

Speaker 2 Right, refi.

Speaker 2 Refi

Speaker 2 low. Will comes alive.
When you mention private equity, it's like.

Speaker 2 Who said?

Speaker 2 Are you

Speaker 2 subprime?

Speaker 2 Is that still a thing?

Speaker 2 I actually could be a I could actually be a postperson, to be quite honest.

Speaker 1 To deliver the mail.

Speaker 2 Because I like the idea of a route and you get to have some contact with people and the idea of finishing a task every day.

Speaker 3 Would you be on foot armed with the dog spray or would you be in the buggy?

Speaker 2 I would go foot with the trolley. I'd push the trolley.
Nice.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Nice.

Speaker 3 Those are sneaky tricky, those three wheels thing. They will go over on you.

Speaker 2 I'm sure they, yeah, in a high wind. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Or if you don't take the letters out, you don't go in a clockwise or counterclockwise rotation. If you take too many out of the left side, it's going to tip over on the right, and vice versa.

Speaker 2 Did you used to do it? Hey, how often did you look out the window masturbating at the postman? A lot or a little?

Speaker 3 Only in the summer months when they wear the shorts.

Speaker 2 Look at that card.

Speaker 2 There's David. There's David.

Speaker 2 David, our postman's here. Yeah? David, it's going to topple.
David, it's going to topple. Okay, the mail.
Hey, guys, David's here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, or what?

Speaker 2 Wait. Cut to the reverse is nobody's there.

Speaker 2 Nobody's there.

Speaker 2 He's alone. Hey, Bateman, quick question.
Because you did, we mentioned before you grew up in show business. We all know that.

Speaker 2 We've seen the great things, and people who are listening can right now Google up like Little House in the Prairie and see cute little Jason Bateman. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did you ever have a real, did you ever have like an outside show business job? Have you ever had like a.

Speaker 3 I didn't, and I genuinely hate that. I'd love to have had

Speaker 3 a paper route similar to Dave's route with his three-wheeler.

Speaker 2 But you were working all the time as a kid.

Speaker 3 I started at 10, yeah. So there was no chance to.
But I've always legitimately fantasized about waiting tables or bartending. There's something about working for a tip,

Speaker 3 which is sort of like the same thing as I want them to like me. I want this table might need something different than that table.

Speaker 3 Just sort of like being able to morph into whatever they need me to be.

Speaker 2 I have,

Speaker 2 I will say this: all my quote-unquote civilian jobs, I've been pretty terrible at.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 because you didn't like authority, or you were just disinterested, no, like slow, yeah, just like slow on the uptake.

Speaker 2 I had a lot of patient managers and supervisors who did you have a lot of jobs, like do you have weird jobs in high school that you did?

Speaker 2 I, I never, I was doing sports all the time, so I, but I had, you know, I had like the uh, uh, I worked as a bank teller, um, I was a valet parker of cars, um,

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 how are you taking direction?

Speaker 2 Well, you know, bank teller, you know, there's certain protocols and procedures you have to follow and this and that. And it just took me a while.

Speaker 2 I mean, the fact that I was handling numbers and money was, it just, I was like, euphoric. What am I doing? The finance.
Yeah, I mean, that's that led to my love of finance.

Speaker 2 But I once had a regular customer stop me in the middle of a transaction and say, can you call your manager over? And I said, Sure.

Speaker 2 And I brought her over, and he's and in front of me, he said,

Speaker 2 This guy is your worst teller. Okay, and I just want you to know this.
And he did it in a very calm way. And he was like, Look, look at him right now.
He's sweating. And I literally was.

Speaker 2 I was sweating. He's like, he's terrible.
He takes forever.

Speaker 2 And the manager to her defense was like, please, that's not true. And I was like, no, he's kind of right.
And

Speaker 2 I just want you to know, like, I hate when I have to go to his window. And then he just walked away.

Speaker 2 And she was like, I'm sorry about that. And I was like, you know what? I can't really argue with him.
There's,

Speaker 2 I'm not that great a teller.

Speaker 3 This was counting bills,

Speaker 3 counting out cash?

Speaker 2 You know, everything, cashing a chat, yeah, doing it all.

Speaker 2 So that guy did you a favor in the long run, right? In a lot of ways.

Speaker 2 Sounds like you need to pen someone a letter.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 every time I go, every time I put the pancake makeup on, and I picture that guy, and

Speaker 2 I say, who's laughing now?

Speaker 2 So, you still do all your own makeup?

Speaker 2 I insist on it. It's crazy.
Well, there's allergies, especially in the

Speaker 2 post-COVID-19 world we're all about to step into. I will definitely be doing all my own makeup.

Speaker 1 So, Will Farrell, you are one of the funniest people on the planet, if not the funniest person on the planet.

Speaker 1 And everybody kind of, do you get sick of like, because now you're a parent and you have to show up to like school things and parent things for your kids. Do people expect that from you all the time?

Speaker 1 And what is your reaction?

Speaker 2 There is

Speaker 2 a certain level of underwhelmment. Is that a word? Sure.
Yes. Yeah.
It is now. I can tell.

Speaker 2 I can tell there are a lot of letdown people continually. But Will, I will say this.
You know, Will, I I don't even remember this a couple of years ago, maybe last year we were having dinner. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I was having dinner with Richter and Pete Giles and

Speaker 2 you and Viv came in from a school event and with a couple other parents and Will was wearing his name tag.

Speaker 2 They're all wearing name tags and Will says, hello, my name is Will on the thing, which is which is great. And that's such a testament to what a great guy you are.

Speaker 2 And it's like, yeah, man, I'm not here. I'm just here because my kids are at school here and I'm interested in my kids and their lives and their school.
Um, but I'm sure you guys face the same thing.

Speaker 2 I find more that there are some parents who literally won't say hi because they go so far the other way, yeah, I don't want to bother them. So then you're like, hey, how you doing?

Speaker 2 And they walk right by and you're like, gosh, what did I say something wrong? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 And then do you feel on the opposite of that, do you feel that you have to sometimes lead with sort of a vibe that is less than sort of

Speaker 3 friendly or less than sort of solicitous of conversation because you're afraid that if you seem too friendly, they're really going to lean in.

Speaker 2 And like, how do you kind of say, no, I would say that, I would say, at least in the school setting, most everyone is

Speaker 2 relatively normal.

Speaker 2 I would say that posture, that's my game face for when I'm on a commercial flight.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 3 Just sour. Don't come near me.

Speaker 2 I will rip your head off. I will.

Speaker 2 Not here.

Speaker 2 Not here for fun and games.

Speaker 2 Let's get to flying. Eye mask and headphones.

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Speaker 4 The family that vacations together stays together. At least, that was the plan.
Except now, the dastardly desk clerk is saying he can't confirm your connecting rooms. Wait, what?

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No, we cannot be five floors away from our kids.

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Speaker 1 Will, is there anything that you've haven't done that you want to do?

Speaker 1 Either a role that you want to play or

Speaker 2 nope.

Speaker 2 Talk to you later. Totally satisfied.

Speaker 2 How do I turn this camera off? How do I get out of it?

Speaker 2 How do I

Speaker 2 do it?

Speaker 2 How do I

Speaker 2 know there isn't? Because everybody thinks you can do anything. I don't know.
But how do you, how do you, you can't give that answer without sounding like a jackass. Right.

Speaker 3 Yeah, what would you, what would you do if, like, let's say, let's say Ridley Scott came to you and he wanted to do

Speaker 2 King Lear

Speaker 3 and he just thought he sees something in you that would just be like an incredibly, it's off-brand and studio is excited and all of those terms and all of that stuff. And the money's just like

Speaker 3 you've never, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Does your douche meter go off and say, even though you could do it, do you feel like the audience will never accept it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think that would be a

Speaker 2 that would be a tough one to try to convince yourself that you could pull that one off. Having said that, you have you have

Speaker 2 King Lear?

Speaker 2 Are you about to?

Speaker 2 No. Jason, are you dire? Are you doing it?

Speaker 3 No, but you have, but what about what in all sincerity?

Speaker 3 I think you've taken what you do and you've pushed it into so many realistic, dramatic, melancholy things that truly nobody else could do, just like no one else could do what you do in comedy.

Speaker 3 I really think it's admirable how you are so aware of how you come across, what sort of your goalposts are, and what you're asking the audience to accept you as. I think that's a lot of discipline.

Speaker 2 I appreciate that. But yeah, I mean,

Speaker 2 it's fun to do that other stuff, but there are times where

Speaker 2 I am

Speaker 2 always

Speaker 2 on those sets of more serious things going this is this is very hard

Speaker 2 and this is hard to not look like you're trying to

Speaker 2 be the actor who everyone needs to take serious so it's a it's a drama face yeah it's so it's so tough which is so funny because doing doing what you do specifically what you do will is so is so hard and when i say not many people like nobody nobody could do it.

Speaker 2 And it's so

Speaker 2 working out, you mean? Yeah, yeah, just the way I work out. Well, just lats, the way you do arms and legs.
Yeah. Nobody does legs like you.
And you've always said that.

Speaker 1 And look at the posts. You always post them, too.

Speaker 2 Not a lot of people know that Will trained Reggie Bush when he came through SC.

Speaker 2 I'm a fairly modest person. I think you guys, I think that comes across here.

Speaker 2 But I will not hold back. No one does legs the way I do.
You know?

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 leg day is a holiday in the Farrell household.

Speaker 2 Leg day is, yeah, it's just. Now, here's the other thing, Will Farrell.

Speaker 1 You know, you're also known not only as the funniest person in the world, but one of the kindest people. Everybody in this business always just raves about what a great human being you are.

Speaker 2 That's the hard part. I can attest to that.

Speaker 3 That's what they pay you for.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's the part they pay you for.

Speaker 1 Very, very sweet. And, but so that said, I think the thing I always wanted to know, what really pisses you off?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Here we go.

Speaker 3 This is where we start the interview.

Speaker 3 He's all kombucha up.

Speaker 2 Now, do you mean

Speaker 2 I'm full of names? No, we just want names. We just want names.

Speaker 3 Yeah. When's the last time you just screamed your head off and let somebody had it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because I can't picture you angry.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 I don't get, I'm trying to think of the last, I mean, I have screamed before.

Speaker 2 I have screamed in a professional manner.

Speaker 1 Or, like in life, or like at home, or like with in people and human beings. What business?

Speaker 2 I mean, yeah, home, it's you know, the typical frustrations you have with your children.

Speaker 2 Uh, and for some reason, I'm always checking myself because I'm holding them to some standard that I don't think I was held to.

Speaker 2 Like, I wasn't, I was, I mean, I did well in school, but I still had, you know,

Speaker 2 my room was a mess, and I've never emptied the dishwasher and but for some reason I'm just like

Speaker 2 you guys yeah you it's not that hard we're asking you to empty the trash see if I was your child I would laugh at that and put the liner back in

Speaker 2 put the liner back in reline the trash can you're not done it's a two-step process right

Speaker 2 but that for some reason that I get crazy and then I'm like who is this person? Yeah. But I was going to say about holding them to that standard.

Speaker 2 During these weird times we had the other day, Archie, our 11-year-old, was on his Zoom class. Yeah.
And it turned out he was,

Speaker 2 he had his camera off and on the side he was on his iPad playing a video game. So I said to Amy, I said to my ex, I was like,

Speaker 2 I was like, what are we, he's on the thing and blah, blah, blah. And as I was saying to her, like, he's on the, he's on the Zoom class, but he's on pause and he's playing a video game.

Speaker 2 Beat, beat, beat. I was looking at her and I go, which I probably would have done if given a chance, and you probably would have, too.
And she's like, yeah, I totally would. I know.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 It was crazy.

Speaker 2 I don't know why.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know why I go there. But

Speaker 2 I have one other thing. I don't, in a work experience kind of bugaboo,

Speaker 2 I don't love the unit publicist experience on a set. Right.

Speaker 2 And for those listeners who are wondering, there's a lot of times on a production, there's a publicist assigned from the studio and this and that.

Speaker 2 And they're always playing the game of like, so-and-so's willing to do it if you are, and then

Speaker 1 guilting you. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. And they do these wide circles, right? They just do little drive-bys every once in a while to gauge whether you're in a good mood or a bad mood to just want to kind of run something by you.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I'm always amazed at

Speaker 2 we want to have 20 journalists visit the set and do a three-hour interview while you guys are filming. And

Speaker 2 I'm always like, but wait, isn't the movie the first priority? And

Speaker 2 I'm always like,

Speaker 2 absolutely, if we have time.

Speaker 2 Okay, but when do you think it'll be a good time? You'll have to check with the first AD. Okay, but is there a window? I have no idea.

Speaker 2 So you're up for it? Yes, if we have time. Okay.

Speaker 3 Great. So you've signed off.

Speaker 2 If we have time. Right.

Speaker 2 And then I love those days when there's no time. You just walk by and you go, I'm sorry.
There was no time. Will, what was the thing?

Speaker 2 I remember you telling me once about, it kind of felt like the same thing. Somebody said to you, hey, we're going to do a golf tournament.
Tiger Woods is going to come if you're in.

Speaker 2 And like, you felt like someone then.

Speaker 2 Somebody had told Tiger that you were going to play.

Speaker 2 And it was like. Yes.
Yes. Somehow my dad, my dad became a middleman.

Speaker 2 My dad somehow became a middleman. He was asking me, he had some friend of his down in Newport Beach who came to listen to him play music, was like, hey, so

Speaker 2 he's talked to Tiger Woods, and Tiger Woods is in for it. If you and Tiger Woods play golf together, and they'll raise

Speaker 2 a bunch of money for charity for another twosome, so you're a foursome together, and these two, whoever, you know, it goes to the highest bidder to play golf with Will Farrell and Tiger Woods.

Speaker 2 And that he's already reached out to Tiger and good to go. And I was like, well, Dad, who is this friend again? And how well do you know him? And

Speaker 2 he seems like a good guy. And

Speaker 2 I go, well, you know, a lot of times they'll ask one party before they ask the other.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 so maybe I'll check, let me do some research. And for some way, I had some way to check to see if the Tiger camp had ever heard of this special charity golf.

Speaker 2 Dr. Miller got involved.

Speaker 2 James Miller. And it turns out, of course, Tiger,

Speaker 2 I said, Dad, guess what? Your buddy, Tiger Woods, apparently, his team has never heard anything of this.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 your friend's lying to you.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 he was like,

Speaker 2 how could that be?

Speaker 2 And I said, I know. That's the way the world sometimes works

Speaker 2 what kind of music what kind of music does he play he's a he's like an old-time rock and roll really yeah

Speaker 2 guitarist no he's piano sax

Speaker 2 hammond b3 organ wow

Speaker 2 wow oh yep let's hear it for the hammond b3 that's amazing um but yeah that was my tiger woods story i i just i always love that idea though i've thought about that so many times the idea of like so many, when they go, like, hey, we want you to do this thing, and so-and-so and so-and-so are doing it.

Speaker 2 And I always think back to that story of like, and then I'll go,

Speaker 2 why don't you make sure that so-and-so

Speaker 2 and so-and-so. That's how I found myself on an island with Marie Osmond and Kurt Cameron, you know.
Oh, boy. I got asked to

Speaker 2 play in another charity golf tournament by a friend, assuming that I was going to play with the person I know.

Speaker 2 Right. Only to show up and be placed with four strangers,

Speaker 2 and these guys were like in it to win it. And they're like,

Speaker 2 hey, hope you're pretty good.

Speaker 2 Did you end up playing? Yeah, I had to play this entire 18 holes with these four guys. And they wanted to show you how good they were, right? A hundred percent.

Speaker 2 They're like, we hope you're good because we win this thing every year.

Speaker 3 And you better be funny.

Speaker 2 And you're well, and it was early SNL days, so they kind of had heard of me, maybe not. And they're like, is that show still on the air? I didn't even know people watched it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sweet.

Speaker 1 He sounds sweet.

Speaker 2 And then I literally, we, there was supposed to be a banquet afterwards. And

Speaker 2 I said, guys, I'm going to go put my clubs in my car and I'll meet you back inside. Just

Speaker 2 drove home.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 did we win? Yes, we won.

Speaker 3 Even despite you really, you didn't stick around for the trophy.

Speaker 2 I didn't stick around.

Speaker 3 That's strong.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So as we say goodbye to you on this pandemic day,

Speaker 3 what do you do the rest of the day?

Speaker 2 Let's see. It's three in the afternoon.
I'm going to go.

Speaker 2 I might go walk our dogs, Peanut and Cosmo, right?

Speaker 3 So that's with a mask.

Speaker 2 They'll be with a mask.

Speaker 2 I'm going to do a sweep through the house to find where all the devices have been hidden

Speaker 2 because these kids are liars and thieves. And

Speaker 2 so I'll do a sweep. And

Speaker 2 then Viv and we'll start talking about,

Speaker 2 we start talking about what we're making for dinner at around noon every day. So we'll have to start.

Speaker 3 You got to build a day around that. And then it's sleep by eight.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Jason, have you done, or Will or

Speaker 2 Sean,

Speaker 2 well, not to your kids, but maybe to Scotty, have you ever done a thing where you go, you're so had it with the devices?

Speaker 2 I've threatened during this pandemic a minimum 100 times to to throw the devices in the pool. Yes.
I said, this iPad is going in the bottom of the pool if I see it on one more time. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but then you quickly realize all that means is more work for you.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 True. I did throw my 13-year-old

Speaker 2 Matthias's phone out the window. You did? Driving, all of us driving.
But it was a real slow crawl. And I picked a target area where I knew we could find it later.

Speaker 2 And I just just chucked it out the window and hit this bush.

Speaker 2 And he literally was like, what is wrong with you? And

Speaker 2 he was so shocked that I actually did it.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 typical true to form, we pulled over. He's like, I can't believe it.
Burst into tears, went back to look for the phone. He's like, I can't find it.
I can't find it. I walked right up to the bush.

Speaker 2 I'm like, here it is. It's right here.
And so that was a great little shot across the bow.

Speaker 3 What you're capable of, right? Don't mess.

Speaker 2 What I'm capable of, but it hasn't been much of a deterrent.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So.

Speaker 1 Well, Will Farrell, thank you for being here with us. We love you.
You're our comedy.

Speaker 2 Thanks, you guys. So much for you.

Speaker 3 Can't thank you enough. Very, very nice of you.
Oh, Willie.

Speaker 2 Bye, guys. Love you, buddy.
Bye, Will.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Guys, that was so fun. How awesome is he?

Speaker 3 He literally is one of my favorite people in the whole world. And I was a little starstruck there for the first few minutes.
But, God, he puts you at ease, doesn't he? What a nice guy.

Speaker 1 You were starstruck when I came on or when he was on?

Speaker 3 Oh, sorry. Arnett.

Speaker 2 Oh. Oh, sorry.
When Arnett was. Yeah.
Sure. Good for you, dude.
Good for you. Dude, I'm just like, I'm a regular guy.
I'm very approachable. Farrell is the best, isn't he?

Speaker 2 I had the honor and pleasure and good fortune to work on a couple of things with him. And they were...
some of my fondest memories because most of the time we just screwed around.

Speaker 1 And he's one one of those guys who you go, oh, no wonder you're a superstar because everybody wants to work with you because you're one of the nicest people in the business and incredibly talented, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's got that, as you know, you guys know, he's got that sort of that natural timing that you cannot learn. You just have it or you don't.
And he has got it in spades in ways that are.

Speaker 2 He's got that thing that makes him he's so surprising too. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He just surprises you with stuff. It's just awesome.

Speaker 2 is there anything you guys uh learned about him that you didn't know certainly about his dad yeah isn't that interesting and all the sports journalism stuff that he was excited about early on right it's crazy i've i've met his dad a few times and i guess i didn't really realize his dad was a musician i don't know how for the righteous brothers i mean that's crazy yeah

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 i did not know he was on saturday night live oh yeah that was you didn't know that wow my yeah no you got to go back and look at some of those but you were you hosted a couple of times while he was on the show, Sean.

Speaker 1 I don't look behind me. I don't look behind me.
I just look forward.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 I don't know how that's applicable in this case.

Speaker 3 Sean, I'm very proud of you that

Speaker 3 you got Will Farrell to say yes. Do you have any sort of incriminating photos or does he owe you money? Yeah,

Speaker 3 how'd you do that?

Speaker 1 I have a couple.

Speaker 1 No, I don't have anything. I can't think of anything.

Speaker 2 Okay. All right, guys.
Love you guys.

Speaker 3 I love you.

Speaker 2 Hey guys, I just want to say

Speaker 2 smart.

Speaker 2 Smart.

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