"Kate McKinnon"

It's getting cold outside, so you know what that means. Tis the season, the season for roast beef in.

There's nothing like unwrapping an Arby's classic roast beef or beef and cheddar sandwich, especially when the weather's turning cold and Arby's tender, warm roast beef hits just right.

Even better, make that sandwich a double because double the meat is exactly what you deserve this holiday season. You know you want it.

Get an Arby's double roast beef or double beef and cheddar in store or door dashed today.

This message comes from the International Rescue Committee.

The IRC has spent over 90 years helping people whose lives have been upended by crisis, often in responding within just 72 hours when emergencies strike.

Every day, IRC teams support recovery efforts in places like Gaza, Sudan, and Ukraine, helping displaced children and families find safety, rebuild their communities, and recover hope for the future.

Donate today by visiting rescue.org slash rebuild.

You know how you get into those conversations that start simple, but suddenly you're three hours deep researching something wild?

That's exactly when to use CLAD,

the AI for deeper thinking.

Like when you're fact-checking a random claim, Claude can help you actually figure it out instead of just giving you the quick answer.

It matches that energy when you can't stop until you've gotten to the bottom of something.

Try Claude for free at claude.ai/slash smartless.

Hey guys, now is like the perfect time for me to do some vocal warm-ups because nobody's around. So

hey, pingy pingy pingy pingy, popcorn peanuts, get them if you want them.

Hey, I got some Twizzlers over here and I got a little payday if you want a payday.

Hey!

Woo!

Welcome to Smartless!

Smart.

Smart

Less.

Smart

Less.

Let me tell you something. This is why we don't have a video component on this show.
What's going on today on the show?

Don't you dare.

You look gorgeous. See, I have to.

You know who you look like? You look like the star of that very successful news streaming show called Black Rabbit that we all love.

That show's amazing. You look like the star of Black Rabbit.
Black Rabbit streaming now on

Netflix. Netflix.

Wait, it's not out yet, is it? Well, no, by the time this airs,

what's the date, Jay? When does it come out, Jay? September 18th.

Wait, Jason, that's really exciting. It's already.
Oh, my God. The show is going to be so good.

I'm very happy with it. We don't need to talk about that.
We don't need to talk about that. That's exciting.

I do think it's enough with the London thing and the Long Island thing. Los Angeles and me, my heart, my mind, my eyes, my ears, my chest misses the feeling of your chest against it.
I know.

Please come to me. Were you at dinner last night? I was going to FaceTime you.
Did you go to the next one? No, there was no Sunday Fun Day last night.

I was going to FaceTime you out of the blue because I know you love it. When's the last time there was a Sunday Fun Day?

Two Sundays ago? Two weeks ago, maybe three weeks ago? Man, because we were in the middle of the day. I do miss that a lot.
Hot fudge fun day.

Well, it's more time still rolling. Hot fudge fun day.
Hot fudge fun. Oh, you did say it right.
Because you would have a hot fudge there. Yeah.

Oh, you brought it together. Hey, thanks.
Yes. But you brought your own fudge.
Isn't that correct? Oh, yeah. Well, around the corner, that's where it's made.
I mean, that's a shun.

Remember, I brought my own fudge to my birthday party. You did.
Bless your heart. Yes.
You were out of town. No idea.
Yes, you brought your caramel toppings. Yeah.

I brought my own caramel to my birthday party because we went to this place and they were like, oh, they don't have the full arsenal of Sunday toppings on Sunday nights. Whatever.
That was nice.

Luckily, our friend Sean organized it very sweetly. JB, you were in Atlanta.

No, and then I show up with my, I had it in my pocket and I did it a little bit for effect because I knew I was going to get shit for it. I pull it out.
Sean, actually, you didn't really give me shit.

You kind of laughed. Kimmel gave me a lot of shit.
And then sure as shit, when the ice cream came out, everybody said, hey, could you

pass it to their caramel sauce? Kimmel was first. Was it caramel sauce? Yeah, it was caramel sauce.
And I was like, oh, do you want some now, Kimmel? Yeah. You know.

Wait, Sean, how do you say that word? Caramel.

I say

caramel ice cream or caramel swirl, right? I mean, I kind of toggle between the two. How's it spelt? How many A's are there? Spelt.
Spelt. Spelt.
C-A-H's spelled. A-M-E-L.
There's two A's, right?

I said spelled. I said spelled.
You said spelt? I didn't.

It came out as that. I meant

Sean. I know this guy.
Please.

Wait, spelled it. It's from the guy who says caramel.

Are you fucking joking? He's still, I still can't believe he was shocked that beat. What are you saying that is? You're getting thrown out of a moving car.

Caramel.

Wait, I have a crazy story. I'd love a a new dad jokes.
Well, we could save it.

I've worn out my haze can. I can do a lot.
I have lots of dad jokes ready. Okay, hurry up because our guest is probably falling asleep.
All right, you want a long story or a short dad joke?

Short dad joke. Yeah.

Amal and Juan are identical twins, and their mom only carries one photo in her wallet. Because if you've seen Juan,

you've seen Amal. Boy, that's a long way to go for shit.
Yeah.

I laughed out loud when I heard that. Uh-huh.
All right.

All right, we're going to get to our guests, but real first, I just want to say, you know,

I saw Will's film second time the other day. I'm still

not waiting to see it. A little fucking starstruck when I'm looking at this guy now.
He's kind of ruined things.

It's kind of like when I saw you doing your Tony Award-winning play that you're now doing in London.

It's you guys, you guys, you've got real talent. You know, you really dumb it down on this show, but you both have a little something special in there.
Yeah.

Ouch. Boy, that compliment hurts.

Well, yeah, I like to balance it out, but fuck me, Arnett.

Listen, listener, it's called Is This Thing On? Triple Dot.

Some people say ellipses.

But it's a great film. It's coming your way, I think, towards the end of the year.
Wait, so Black Rabbit comes out in September. Is This Thing On? comes out in November.
December. It's like December.

December. This is like a big deal.
But if you're at the New York Film Festival, you can see it there in October. That's true.
That's true.

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.

And if you're in London right now, still, even now, if you're in London, you can go to the Delacorte. At the Delacourt Theater,

you can go. How about Oscar? At the

Chimichurri sauce.

At the Chimichurri Stage.

At the Delacorte

Barbicane. What about Oscar? What about that Oscar? What about Oscar? What about Oscar?

Oh, forgot about Oscar.

It's called, what is it called? Leave it to Oscar?

Here comes Oscar.

Hey, what do you know about Oscar?

Leave it to you.

All right, listen to me. Guys, guys, quick, quick reminder before the guests, I just want to say tickets go on sale Friday, September 12th for our Hollywood Bowl.
Night that we're doing right now.

Very, very excited about that. Very, very excited.

Saturday, November 15th, right? Is our show date? Saturday, November 15th. Yeah.
It's going to be incredible.

Come enjoy the chat and giggle under the stars in a very refined setting there in the hills of Los Angeles.

There won't be any fireworks,

but except on stage, huh, guys? There'll be a lot of fireworks.

All right, let's get into the show, please. Yeah.
For your listening pleasure today, we have for you a woman with a real handle on how to make you laugh. But she's not a joke teller.

She's an actor of the highest level. Her ability to play characters that are so odd and eccentric.

It's something you end up watching with amazement and shock as you dab the laugh tears from your eyes. It's why she's been nominated for every single year she was on Saturday Night Live.

I think I've got that right. I could not be a bigger fan of her talent and for just being around her.
Very cool of her to come hang out with us today.

Please welcome one of the greats, Miss Kate the Great McKinnis. Yes!

Willie got it. Yes.
She was still awake there.

Oh, wait, she's in the Criterion closet. Oh,

she's got the Criterion collection behind her.

Are those DVDs behind you or just a bunch of one-axis? No, no, they're books.

I'm in a... Hi.
Hi.

Oh, hello.

No,

I'm in the

offices of the publisher

of

their books that I'm here to promote. Okay, let's start right off with it.

But we don't have to talk about

it right away, but we should.

Let's pretend like we're not let's let it come up organic the name of the new book is purple purple pearl it's about a deep sea diver tell me take it a second that's her volume okay this is the second oh she's putting her glasses on that means she no i just these are fake glasses that i wear to feel more comfortable

they um they provide a barrier between me and the world and my interlocutors

that i need in order to feel safe yeah um i can see you but you can't come close to me. Wait, are you reading from the book right now?

Is this the first chapter of the book? Wow.

Wow. I have never been on a podcast before.
No, truly? Are you serious? This is your first podcast before? I have never been. Yes.
No way. And I'm afraid.
And I'm not afraid of you. No, don't be.

We're super safe. We're just hanging out.
It's a safe place. And no one can see you.
They can just hear you. No, it you

look incredible. Even though I have these glasses on to protect it.
Are you literally in a closet? Is that why you're whispering? No, no. No, this is.
I speak in dulcet tones. This is my real voice.

And

the presence of the microphone in my mouth is also making it easier for me to speak in my most dulcet tones. You just have a deep, damn, powerful.

You know what's really powerful, Kate, is when you can bring it down and you can bring, you control the tone and the volume like that. That's real power.
They lean in. Yeah.
They come to you.

They pulled over. They pulled the car over.
Or they leave. No.
They could leave. But if they can't see you,

if they can't see you in the glasses, at least they can hear you now.

Yeah. Hey, listen.
Purple pearl

is about somebody who dives for pearls that they're only purple if they're super deep. So this is a diver that is particularly talented

at diving deep. I think I've got it right.

It's a diver. It's a diver named Natalie.
Okay, and she has lost her costume jewelry and she gets in trouble because it's her mother's costume jewelry.

what a kitchen this really is and um no it's not but i think i've just plotted my my new series so i am gonna go because i'm inspired by the way if you opened a show with somebody losing costume jewelry i'm always

you too

have you ever lost something

Have I ever really weren't supposed to lose?

My phone?

My dad. That's the worst.
That is about the worst thing. That was about the worst.
You know what you lost a few years ago, Jason?

But you found? Dignity? Yep. Go.

Go. And I just hit my head on the wall behind me.

Hey, listen, I want to get right to- Kate McKinnon. Can I just say

one of the funniest ever lived? I think you're so

funny. No, you are so great.
No, this is part of the podcast. You have to put up with this on the podcast.
Yeah, you have to be able to

sit here and crazy for an hour. You're so funny and you're so

original and cool. I just, I don't know you at all.

Really?

No. And I've never met her.

Kate, we've never met her.

I feel like we have been

a lifelong fan.

Sean, you never met our guest?

In passing, we've said hello. Yes.
But never like that.

On the road? Yes.

Yes.

I was driving the rest of the day. I was at a red light.
Yeah. I was at a red light.

I was driving an 88 Volvo station wagon, right?

That's me. But Kate, I remember the first time I was doing

the Maya Rudolph show. It was like, it was going to be a thing.
It was only one episode. Under-egged.
Oh, daddy, under aged. There it comes.

And it was your first year, I think, of Saturday Night Live. And Lauren was at this shoot that I was doing with Maya.
And I turned to Lauren. Lauren Michael.

And I said, hey, that new girl, Kate McKinnon. And he said, he goes, isn't she special? I go, she is such a superstar.
And And he's like, I know,

we all know, we all feel it. And I was just like, so everybody knew it right when you came on.
Lauren said that? Myself. Lauren Michael said that, yeah.
That's beautiful.

Thank you for saying that. But now, Kate,

when was the first time you heard that?

Like, how old were you when

you privately, because you're a very humble person, you didn't like go out and say, hey, everybody thinks I'm great. You just internally, you thought, hey, you know what?

I think I can make people laugh and I like the feeling and I want to do a little bit more of it. How old were you? Were you like

ASMR episode?

Were you like 20?

When did it start happening? Wow.

Oh, my God. This is the most intimate smart list ever.

Is it? Okay. Yeah.
Well, and no, I,

gosh, you know, what it was, okay. I was in a Chris, I was in a pageant at church, a play.
Really? I was

Methodist. Okay.

But like Northern Methodist. So like everyone is like just gray and of like Dutch descent.

And

has,

you know, chalky skin. And we

were doing a play, Daniel in the Lion's Den. Sure.
And I believe I was playing Cyrus, King of Persia. This one I don't know so well.

So you're playing Cyrus, that's the choice part. I forget that's, yeah, no, it's really good part.
And I decided to do it in a British accent to make myself feel more comfortable. And

those Methodists, they got to kick it up. They thought it was a hilarious choice, yes? Yeah.
They weren't offended. Because he's the king of Persia.
Why would he have a British accent?

No, no, I, well, I know, I was doing a British accent and they were laughing and I

just always liked to do different voices other than my own because my own you know you're hearing it it's like

so it was a choice it was it was a choice it was a way what I'm saying is there was a methodist to your madness

but did you might think but but did you but did you did you think it was going to be funny or were you doing it for to like kind of protect yourself and then the the laughter was a bit of a surprise or were you doing that what you just said really so it was a surprise you were like oh if i kind of bend things uh a bit, A, it protects me and B, I get laughter.

And that could be nice social capital. Yes, exactly.
Yes. Yes.
And how old were we?

I want to say 10. 10.

And, but there were always, you know, growing up in my family, there were, everyone was doing voices. You had to do voices or you got kicked out.

No, wait, no. The family.
You got kicked out of the kitchen. You guys had a brother around the dinner table.
Kicked out. Yeah.
No, I didn't have a brother.

Around the dinner table, table, you know, waking up, going to bed, just the voices, voices, Long Island. People were funny people.

What part of Long Island?

You know. The North Shore.
The North Shore. Yeah.
Like, we're talking about a word of shit. Suffolk.
We're talking about Suffolk. We're talking about Suffolk Cat.
Nassau. Nassau.

Yeah, people are watching. Oh, Nassau.
No, Nassau.

Yeah.

Very good. What about you?

Oh, he's all like, are we talking like Douglaston? What are we talking about? No, not quite Douglaston.

Did you see that documentary about that guy who killed all those people?

Hey, Kate, hold on one second. Yeah, what are you doing? What else, Sean?

The Gilgo Beach guy? Yes, yes. I just

killed him. It was crazy.
Quick hot take from Sean on the documentary True Crime Series. It was unbelievable.

Why'd you mention the mass murderer?

Anything else from

2022 you want to hit the audience to?

How about Barbie? Have you seen Barbie?

Hey, that Ted Bundy.

How about Barbie?

What about that weird Barbie? I'd love to be. By the way, Kate was in Barbie.
She wasn't. Wait, what?

Did she play Weird Barbie? Stupid ass. Back to you, Kate.
Wait.

We growing up, you know, our big

thing. No, no, sorry.
Gosh. The big thing growing up.
I mean, the microphone's microphone. No, no, it's right there.
You don't need to throw. I'm licking the microphone.

I feel like I don't need to project. You don't know.

The big thing growing up was

the Amy Fisher Joey Butta Fuco

incident. That was a good incident.
Joey Butta Fuco was my grandfather's auto mechanic. No way.

And it was exciting because it was ours.

It was Long Island.

It was Long Island to a T.

And you know what? Was your grandfather deposed? Was he deposed? Was your grandfather deposed? I suppose

not.

He would have said, but

we

it was just we you know and

my friends and i we would play we would play that we would play

we would enact the saga oh really you know and i didn't realize at the time that amy fisher was being trafficked oh amy fisher was being trafficked oh yeah you know you didn't know that i didn't know of course not i didn't know that either she was 17 he was 35 it was you know yeah she was being trafficked from suffolk to nassau well there's a ton of traffic yeah especially especially as you get into great Neck.

If you're on the Northern Parkway, forget it. Will,

you know, your stuff. Yeah, I do.
I'm showing you. You've been on the Meadowbrook, man.

What is this? Of course I've been on the Meadowbrook.

You're from there? What is this?

I'm on Long Island right now. Yep.
Wow.

We'll be right back.

I just want to entertain people and make a living from Focus Features. They had a dream.
I want to sing. I want to dance.
I want a garden, I want a cat. All they needed was each other.

We should call ourselves lightning and thunder. A neil diamond experience.
This Christmas, based on a true story.

You've ever had a shop, pal, this is it.

Hugh Jackman, Kate Hudson. It's good.
So look.

Songs on Blue, rated PG-13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13.
Only in theaters this Christmas.

It's getting cold outside, so you know what that means. Tis the season, the season for roast beef in.

There's nothing like unwrapping an Arby's classic roast beef or beef and cheddar sandwich, especially when the weather's turning cold and Arby's tender, warm roast beef hits just right.

Even better, make that sandwich a double because double the meat is exactly what you deserve this holiday season. You know you want it.

Get an Arby's double roast beef or double beef and cheddar in-store or DoorDashed today.

This message is brought to you by Apple Card. Apple Card members can earn unlimited daily cash back on everyday purchases wherever they shop.

This means you could be earning daily cash on just about anything like a slice of pizza from your local pizza place or a latte from the corner coffee shop.

Apply for Apple Card in the Wallet app to see your credit limit offer in minutes.

Subject to credit approval, AppleCard issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City Branch, terms, and more at applecard.com.

And now back to the show.

So

you did the play. What happened? Did you start doing sketch comments? Like you don't automatically go from Daniel and the magic lion to playing Cedric.

It's playing Cedric the Entertainer, and then all of a sudden you

stand up and you're in Lauren Michaels thinks you're the great next. Like, what happens? There you are.
You're You're done playing the cello. Uh-huh.
Right?

You've played Amy Fisher. You played Mary Joe.
You played.

No, I was Joey. Oh, you were Joey.
You were Joey.

Okay. So

who was trafficking?

She was trafficking. Okay.

So then, what did you do? You go to NYU. What'd you do? How'd you, what'd you do? Columbia.
She's a smarty.

I went there, but I, you know, I did, I did the plays in high school. Sure.
And I did sketch at Columbia. And then

I auditioned. I went to an open call

for a show, The Big Gay Sketch Show, which was on the now-defunct logo network.

Groundbreaking.

This is an Italian critic we have stuck in the back of the theater that's been in the process of getting thrown out for

it. Never gets older, never gets funny.

Wait, so so Big K Sketch Show, was that the...

So that was the first thing I ever auditioned for. And I got it.
You got it.

How old were you? I was 22. And I thought, well, this will be easy.
Sure. And then

I learned, it became clear that it was a difficult career. And so then I did UCB in New York, the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater for many years.

Yes, exactly.

And then I auditioned for what? Say again.

I just want to stop for one second here at UCB. We're on 26th.

We've got people coming in and out. Will probably was that you didn't meet her there, Willie? I didn't see Willie there.
I was there every Sunday night at AskCat for about 12 years.

I was so afraid to even go to AskCat.

What's the difference between AskCat and UCB? No, but you know Ask Cat. This is the Sunday night show that we used to go to.
It's like an impro for Tracy. It's an improv show.

And Ian Roberts used to do it. What is the difference between that and UCB? UCB's the theater.
Ask it was the Sunday night show, which was like a big long herald. The name of the show.

Anyway, so you were too afraid to go to Ask It, but who were you on? Were you in

a comedy team or like with a

I did sketch and I did a lot of one woman shows. Oh, and I had

no, never.

And I,

but that involved a lot of like, I would have, I did one where I had to, it had a cake in it and a full rotisserie chicken

and seven wigs. And so I would have to bring all the wigs, and then I would stop at the Gristidi's grocery store above and buy a cake and a full rotisserie chicken and bring them down.

And so I was lugging those days of those days, were exciting days, and just lugging a lot of props and wigs.

I had amassed a collection of 45 or so wigs

that were gross and had chicken juice in them.

They got all chickeny and they got all cakey. Uh-huh.

But when you went back, really quick, sidebar, I had an audition for In Living Color when I was like 21 years old.

I had an audition for In Living Color when I was 21 years old to replace, quote, the white guy, right? It was Jim Carrey.

And I go in with a bag of tons of wigs, and I sit down, and the woman, the cast director, sitting right across from me, and I go through all these characters that I put together in like 24 hours.

And at the end of it, not one laugh, not one laugh. And she goes, wigs are fun, aren't they? Oh, fuck.
And that's it. Oh, Shawnee.

Wait a second. I had to know.
How did I not know this? I had no idea that you had a bag of characters to match a bag of wigs. I was just thinking we need one.
Yeah,

give us your best one, Shawnee. Sorry, Kate, one sec.
This is going to be a good one.

I want this too. Give us your bag.

I made them up in 24 hours. I don't even remember what the shit you done.
Hello. What's your game?

There he is. There he is.
Hello, Mate.

That guy's probably got severe bangs.

Right? Yeah.

All right.

Back to you, Kate. Back to Kate.
So, Kate, you said when you were in Big Gay's sketch show or something, you said, oh, boy,

this is really hard. It's not what I thought it would be.
What did you mean by that? What was hard? Oh, just get it, just, just, you know,

being a comedian, being an actor. I mean, you know, auditioning, stuff,

getting jobs, you know, very, very difficult,

and finding your voice and developing material. You know, this is a ton of work.

This is a lifelong craft, you know, practicing the craft. I thought

I was naive and

it turned out to be a whole thing. Yeah.
But glad. It's hard.

It's not easy to navigate.

It's harder to navigate than the Van Wick between four and six. Am I right? Hell yeah.

Hey,

are we talking about the Ved Rick or what? Oh,

Kate. You take the southern state all the way? What do you do?

I'm not a maniac, but I will sometimes take the Belt Parkway. I'm not lying.
From JFK, I'll take the Belt. Oh, the Belt's great, but

you can't put a semi-truck on the belt. You can't put a semi-truck on the belt, and then I'll take the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel.

Oh, my God. No, but really, you take the LIE all the way out.
Obviously, I take the LIE. I'm not a fucking maniac.

Well, I don't know. I don't know you.
At some point, you're switching. Kate, the plan going going to Columbia, the plan going to Columbia since you majored, graduated with the degree in theater was

to be an actor as your living, correct?

This was how you're going to feed yourself. No, I did not.
I never in my wildest dreams imagined that that was possible.

I can't believe that. You're a smart person by virtue of going to Columbia.
You major in theater. You come out with a degree there.
How were you planning?

You were going to tack to a completely different industry to feed yourself and

find shelter?

The summer I graduated from college, my plan was that I was going to dress up as Pippi Longstocking and sell

popsicles in Union Square.

And my gimmick would be that I would be dressed as Pippi Longstocking. And so everyone would buy my popsicles.
So that was my professional plan. Great market.

I also was really wanting to teach English in Romania or

one of the Balkan states. Or Romanian in England.

Yes.

Wait. Wait, so you didn't imagine it? I find that so...
I mean, you must have known that.

Even Sean Hayes thought he could make it in show business. You know what I mean?

With his wigs. Yeah.

I got one on now.

Never did I ever,

ever think that that was possible. No.

Okay, so how did the audition for SNL happen then? You were at UCB, you did, like Lindsay Schukos came down and saw you. What happened?

I was doing a showcase in LA, and

they invited me to audition, and then I did.

And how did that audition go?

You were very nervous, I would imagine. I was horrifically nervous.
I was going to.

The restroom often. The restroom often.

No, I was horrendously nervous, but then Bobby Moynihan,

I guess, maybe had seen me at UCB doing a one-woman show, and he came up to me and he said, Hey, you're funny. And I,

and then I could breathe, and that was it. So I do credit him with everything.
Well, that's giving you a little prop up right beforehand.

No, but seriously, like that, you know, just when someone reaches out to you in the dark. Here she comes.
You know, and some, all it takes is one. Get it.

Because when someone has the, has the kindness

to

see you, preach it, then you get a little bit taller

and you, and you can fly. Yep, we're going to be ready.
When I flew,

no, but no, if he had not done that, honestly, I would be in Romania. And they received you well?

Was there generous laughter and warmth from the people people in the dark?

I heard some titters, mild titters, which was so encouraging because I had heard that there would be dead silence. So I was prepared for dead silence.

And then when I got a single titter, I thought, okay,

I'm flying.

But I had also practiced it a lot. Like I like to wing stuff.
I don't know about you guys.

But that I thought.

Have you noticed

we heard

I'm all out of questions.

Now,

they don't let you know on the spot there, right?

Do they call you? Does your agent call you? Are we represented at that moment by an agent?

How did it happen? I don't think I did at that point have represent.

I think I had a no, that's not true.

I did have an agent and a manager at that point.

Blessed. And so you get the call, you're elated, you're nervous, you go to, you go, what was the first day like over there at SNL? Was it what you thought it might be?

Guys, I just was really, really nervous.

I'm sure they all were.

Oh, well,

so the thing was, it was just me. I was hired alone

at the last five episodes of a season.

So I just, it was like,

here's your computer. And

bless them, I had known a few folks there from UCB who rescued me from the choppy, choppy waters

of my own nervousness and really helped me out. Were you a writer or performer? Performer.
Performer, right out of the gate.

I just want to say, like, with like with that, with that audition, like, I practiced so many times.

I must have said that out loud 50,000 times and I felt okay about it because I had done that. But usually I'm winging it.

I feel like the performers that really stand out, I mean, you tell me because I only hosted once, I've never been a cast member, but from what I see, is the people that really stand out on Saturday Night Live

really do their homework and really work on characters or the dialogue. Because a lot of the times I can't see you reading the cards.
Like you're so in it. I don't see you reading the cards.

And a lot of people, I do see reading cards. And both, you know, everybody does both.
But is any of that true? That you memorize a lot of the stuff as opposed to rely on the cards, you personally?

I cannot memorize dialogue.

Whatever ability I ever had

left with my reliance on those cute cards. And now I cannot memorize.
And I forget, I'm just, I can't remember stuff anymore. I'm not going to give another shout out to Wally.

We've done it too many times on this show, so I'm not going to do it.

But he is an incredible code artist. He

artist. Love you.

Do you miss it, Kate, at all?

I do.

I miss the people. I miss Wally.
I miss Jenna and Chris, the stage managers, so much.

I miss all of my friends. I miss

Lorne Michaels. And yes, I miss it.
And

I miss being able to participate in commenting on

current events,

but I also am so happy to be going to bed at 10.30, which is when I would normally go to bed.

Right, right, right. Did it get harder or easier as your

talent,

confidence, popularity increased? Did it, did you think it would get easier, but maybe it gets harder because of the, you know, people are watching you. Expectation.

It was always hard and always fun. Yeah.

Anyway, it's the way people often describe Sean. You know that, right?

Yeah.

Often hard.

Always hard and always fun.

That's me. That was

a scandal in high school, I think.

I mean, yeah.

Sorry. I know.
Sorry. It's just like,

it's just a fucking crapshoot over here, Kate.

Look, we don't want to take you down memory lane, but we have to because we want to get to know you. We want to know let's shuttle all the way through SNL now.

Let's get to the end of SNL and we bundle it. We make the decision to move on.

Frightening, but great success right out the door. And

now you're flying high.

But I bet it was

a little nerve-wracking at the beginning, right?

Oh, just

I don't, I don't, I don't like change. And so it was

just terrible. I just I hate I hate goodbyes.
I hate change and so

it was

not a decision made lightly and I was just so sad. I just was so sad and

really do miss everybody that I worked with because

it's it's a beautiful, it's such a family and it's

It's wonderful.

It's like Olive Guard in that place, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then I wanted to,

when you're there,

you are eating

breadsticks.

Plus, they do have also like unlimited bread.

What about,

were you writing books while you were doing this?

Where does the writing come from?

Oh,

that was just, that was something that I started doing

when I wasn't at SNL. I just, I always loved, you know,

I love characters.

I love big hair and I love

funny names. Sashimi.
Sashimi. Sashimi.

And we will be right back.

Amazon Five-Star Theater presents real customer reviews performed by me, Sean Hayes. Today's review, a brown leather wallet.

As someone who seeks to embody the the essence of the alpha, I was drawn to this wallet not only for its durability and craftsmanship, but also for the way it unleashed my inner bull energy.

Yet the true magic lies in its ability to tap into my primal instincts. As I run my fingers over its smooth surface, I am reminded of the raw power of the bull.
Fearless, dominant.

With each transaction, I assert my dominance with confidence. knowing that I carry the spirit of the bull within me.
Five stars, Rick Zero.

And seen, this has been another episode of Amazon's Five Star Theater. Whatever you're looking for this holiday, find the perfect gift on Amazon.

Life is full of choices like deciding whether to try that new food trend, which celebrity story to believe, or if the latest show is worth a stream or a skip.

At State Farm, their goal is to help you make decisions that you feel good about. And when it comes to choosing coverage, you can feel the same.

The State farm personal price plan can help you create an affordable price when you choose to bundle home and auto insurance you have options to choose from to help best fit your needs it's about giving flexibility offering coverage that makes sense and supporting smart decisions for both today and tomorrow so planning ahead feels easier and empowering talk to a state farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the personal price plan like a good neighbor state farm is there prices are based on rating plans that vary by state coverage options are selected by the customer.

Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state.

This is an ad by BetterHelp. Hey guys, the holidays are coming, right? A lot of balancing of family expectations, travel, trying to make everything perfect.
I know how it is.

That's why BetterHelp is encouraging you to rewrite your traditions this season by making time for you.

Incorporating therapy into your new or existing traditions can help you slow down and take care of yourself during what can be a joyful but sometimes hectic and lonely time of year.

The holidays look different for everyone. Maybe it's baking your great aunt's sweet potato pie or starting something new like a quiet night in with friends.

Therapy can be one of those new traditions too. BetterHelp gives you space to pause, reflect, and feel more grounded.
They match you with a qualified therapist based on your goals and preferences.

And if it's not the right fit, you can switch anytime. With over 30,000 therapists worldwide and more than 5 million people served, BetterHelp helps people close the air with clarity instead of chaos.

This December start a new tradition by taking care of you. Our listeners get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash smartless.
That's betterhelp.com slash smartless.

And now back to the show.

Can I ask you a serious question? Yeah, what about

yeah, I got to come in. I got to get

the big gay sketch show, you were obviously gay and out because you were on a show called The Big Gay Sketch Show. But then when you went into Saturday Night Live, did you have,

were you out and proud or was it something you struggled with keeping a secret? Or am I an idiot and you were out and I just didn't know? Or did that play anyway? Bless your heart. Bless your heart.

No, I was out.

It was on the internet. Okay, great.
So it must be true. It was on the internet in 2006.
So there it was. And

I'm glad. I'm glad it was because.

No pun? No pun on the GLAD thing?

Crazy GLAD as a LGBTQ organization.

Because

it was already done. And

so I,

you know, I am a coward and

I don't know if I would have had the courage to do it if

I had not already done it.

I would have had to. But then did you you conf did you is my Wikipedia research accurate? Did you you confirmed all when you gave Ellen an award and thanked her for

blazing the trail of kicking the door down?

Question? I did. I think it was pretty obvious the whole time.

I did give Ellen that award, yes. Okay.
And

Wiki really framed that as a pivotal moment. Wow, okay.

Okay. I thought I was

gay before that, but that's cool. No, that's interesting.
No, they're trying to claim it. Beyonce was at my table that night.
Beyonce? She was? Yes, and she was wearing a dress that was so

that the shoulders were so tall.

And I don't know how she saw to her left or to her right. Oh, wow.
I guess she didn't need to.

It was so resplendent. She was so, I couldn't look at her.
Well, the confidence to just know that you only need to look forward, that really speaks to a level of confidence.

And you're not worried about what's on either side. It's all smooth sailing.

Everything's wide open,

wider than the Grand Central Parkway at Monday at 10 p.m. Just nothing.

It's great. It's great.
These callbacks, you got to keep your knees bent, Kate. He'll keep coming.

Do you think

this is... It's so stupid.
I mean, before it turns into the northern state, sure.

Obvious. Obviously.
Obviously.

Now, do you think that... The Triborough is my favorite bridge.
I don't know about you. I do.
I do really. I like the Tri-Borough.
Not the GWB. No.
Tap and Z. Trash.

That's way too far away. Wait, what's in that called Cuomo? Hey, you know what's kind of underrated? It's the Queensborough.

I also love the Queensborough. The Queensborough Bridge is pretty good.
Also referred to as the Midtown Bridge or the 52nd Street Bridge? No.

No? Never referred to as as that. So, Kate, you know,

it is up in Midtown. It is up in

the middle of the day. Parkways with you all day, Will.
I really could. This is fun stuff.
Oh, you love the

Cross Bronx

Expressway? Yeah.

Oh, I do like the Cross Bronx. And what is the name of the Polish bridge, Kayanowski?

Polaski. Koskusko.
Polaski Bridge that's on the BQE.

Yeah. That's the way.

She's got the first one. Oh, is that right? Yeah.
She's got the first name you have. Oh, I'm sorry.
This Koskuzko is into Greenpoint. Am I thinking of the wrong bridge?

No, I think it's the first time. Where's the Kushkuzzco?

Say it one more time. Koshkuzhko?

Will. You know what I'm talking about?

It's all lit up now. They got nice colored lights.
Reach in and rescue me. Oh, oh, oh.
Is it not a bridge?

It is a bridge.

But it's an inter-Brooklyn bridge, though, right? It's chaos. Yes.
Yes. Yes.
We're in a four-wheel slide here on the Koskuzco. This is chaos.

This is pure chaos, you guys.

You know, you know, Kate, here on the screen,

it's the Kazisco Bridge. No, that's on the BQE.
Sure. Right? That's the Kazisco.
That's the one that's on the BQE, the Kazisco Bridge. Thank you, because I thought

it was my marble. You're right.
When you come off, anyway. All right.
So, guys, I'm on the Pulaski.

Let's take a look at the live track traffic if we could. We got some screws chopper up in there.

You know, by the way, a little sidebar here. I'd like to start

a side

something.

I'd like to see Will Arnett host Sarah Night Live.

We get that momentum. Did you ever have Will?

Wouldn't you love to see Arnold? Jesus. I thought that would be perfect.
What about for the movie coming out? Yes, for the movie coming out. It's been too long.
It's been too long.

Who's running things over there now?

Lindsay

is she still there? No. No?

Well, whoever is in there, let's get Arnett over there, at least as a musical guest.

There's too much. The history is too storied.
You don't know. No, they love that over there.
It makes it for a great story. Anyway.
Bring your bongos, Will, and just apply them to me.

Kate, if you couldn't get it. Who told you about the bongos?

I gave you those.

You did get me those. Kate, if you weren't a New York Times best-selling author or America's sweetheart on the TV,

or film, let's not forget about the film jobs. What would you be doing?

Carpentry. Truly? Truly.
You and Nick Offerman. Yeah.

Really? And Jon Stewart, they say.

No, it's a thing that,

yeah, folks are doing carpentry and so am I. And I'm doing it.
And that's what... But I always said, I have always said

that I would make cabinets, that I would want to make cabinets. It's true.

And you threatened the world with that. No, it started with the whole wiki page that I had.
I said that, and

now I have made a cabinet. Is that true? A real cabinet? Yes, I have.
Do you do an Amish style with no nails? No.

Not that good. I'm not a carpenter.
It sounds like we're upstate when we're making cabinetry. Sure thing.
Sure.

So you got like a handsome old farm, like a barn up there that you've kind of refurbished. It's fine.
Sure, and I'll bet it's fine. I've got a garage and I got a bunch of stuff in there.
Tools?

A bunch of stuff going on. Yeah.
So that's my new...

You got a workshop in the garden. Yeah, I got a workshop.
Yeah. Wait, truly.

You've got a bench,

you got a bunch of power tools and things like that. I bet this is fun to buy.
I have. I have.
You love a Home Depot?

I go to Lowe's. I have a local Lowe's.

And yeah, that's what I, so when I left SNL, I needed to know that I was jumping to

something,

which was making cabinets. And that's what I have done in my spare time.
And you've just done the one so far? I've done a bunch of stuff. Okay.
You don't need to scream.

What's your favorite?

Are you most proud of the gang?

We nailed it. Sorry, go ahead.

That was just a quick word from the gang over at Lowe's that just came through on my text. I'm so sorry.
I'm fucking shameless, guys. I'm sorry.
I just made 4,200 bucks.

Oh, wait. Kate,

do you have a certain thing

in woodworking that you feel like you're best at you know trim

molding

keeping clean please

okay sorry different sorry okay

hey kate by the way this book so so i have a five-year-old um yeah is this book going to be appropriate for my five-year-old okay so the books okay so we you know i was joking before about the book being about a diver named natalie that's not true the book is the second in a it's the second book in a series of books called the millicent Millicent Quibbs School of Etiquette for Young Ladies of Math Science.

Okay.

And it's a middle grade novel, which is for ages, you know, 8 to 14.

Harry Potter is a middle grade novel. Heard of it? Okay.
Anyway,

Rawl Dahl was a middle grade author. Heard of them? Yeah.
Any course.

So this, no, so I started writing this book.

I came up with this idea with these characters like 10 years ago. And whenever I wasn't at SNL, I would be writing this thing.
And then, so when I finished at SNL, finally, I had time to

see what happens when she starts talking fast, you guys? No. Leave her alone.
And so this, so the Secrets of the Purple Pearl is the second in the Millicent Quibb series.

And it's about a mad scientist who starts a school for girls in a repressive turn-of-the-century town.

And then in the second one, the purple pearl, you know, they're at a hotel and they're having an adventure and they're looking for a purple pearl. No, I do like those.
I do like those

books are what? The middle, what's it called? Middle grade. Middle grade.
Middle grade. Middle grade books.

I still read them.

I read Harry Potter when it first came out of the 90s because I was like,

what's going on? On the hub of this. I want to kind of know.
In between your Holocaust books? In between. In between.
This guy. You have any questions on World War II? Bring them to Willie A.

That's a true story. You know what? I'm not reading World War II stuff anymore.
Oh, what have you moved on to? Some sort of.

He knows the ending.

I do.

I just read this book about the siege of Mecca. That was a couple weeks ago.
And then I read Freedom by Jonathan Frenzen. That was really good.

It's older, but I just read it recently.

That's fiction, though, yeah, Frenzen? Yeah, yeah. So it's really sort of

a wide horizon recently. Thank you.

Were you writing when you were at SNL and stuff? stuff, or did you have designs on writing literature in this way?

Yes, I wanted to. I really, I wanted to be a YA, no, a middle-grade novelist.
Y.

Okay, so middle grade. So the thing about YA is it's like monsters and making out.
Love that. Middle grade is fantasy.

It's discovering your identity.

It's grappling with questions of do you want to be,

how do you want to appear in the world? Who are you? What are you for? Right. What are you fighting for? What are you willing to sacrifice to fight for it? These are the questions of middle grade.

And so I'm very drawn to the genre. Also,

these books can be really funny. And

people, characters can have really good funny names. And I think names and hair

and

funny voice are the most important

that that does a character make. Now, what about the illustrations then in these books? How involved with that are you?

I would say that I was involved. The illustrator is a beautiful artist named Alfredo Caceres and he did such beautiful art.
I did have like ideas of what the stuff, you know, because it's imagination

and

I could see it in my mind. So I made little doodles and then he made beautiful art.
Right. So you had some notes and was Alfredo amenable amenable to your notes?

Or was that an interesting creative negotiation? It was a beautiful collaborative process. And

it was wonderful.

I described, and he created.

Kate McKinnon, it's a Monday, and you have to talk to us donkeys. And then you hang up,

you leave the publisher's house.

Kate,

you're some of my favorite comedians. Yeah,

what's the recipe? Why are your eyes closed? You keep closing your eyes when you say that.

Kate,

When you leave the publisher's office, where do you go? What do you do on a Monday like today? Had you not been doing this? What are you doing? Well, it's hot in New York.

She's going to Union Square to sling popsicles, right? No, but I mean, are you going to the movies? Are you going to a bookstore? Are you going for lunch? Are you watching reality TV?

What are you doing? This is the thing we want to know about Kim McKinnon, okay?

Let's get inside the mind. What are you doing?

I do, I do. Well,

I'm going to be doing some stonemasonry later, but that's another story. I do watch a lot of reality television.
Oh, what's your favorite? Wait, are you a Love Island girl or are you an alone girl?

I have done all of that. Try Outlast on Netflix.
Outlast. Jason Chow.
Yeah, listen, I mean, you know, I'm totally. Oh, you did that? Yeah, it's fun.
It's like a combo between alone and survivor.

I really don't know. That's an aggregate show.
Yeah, that's

an aggregate joint. Yeah, yeah.
We got a new one. Wow, you got your hands in a lot of pies.
Yeah, that got him in so much trouble, obviously, back in the day.

So you're licking cherries off your stuff.

Wow. So wait, so we're driving back upstate in your Volvo Stage.
In the Volvo Stage. Prius.
And the Prius. Prius hybrid.
Okay. Good for you.
And you'll be there by, you'll be there

at 4.35. Well before dinner.

It depends on the traffic on the GW.

Are you a cooker or do you like to order in? I cook every day

three times a a day. This is an honest podcast.
That's true. I cook every day three times a day.
I must.

What's the thing that you cook the most? You go to for yourself? Yeah, you go to. What you go to? I cook.

I've become a gardener, big gardener.

You got veggies. You got veggies.
So I make, I just chop up whatever I've got.

You're

doing it.

A plant Parmigian. Yeah.
Yeah. That's what I do.
Oh, my God. A melange, a vegetable melange over White Stone.
Listen,

I got a question for you, and I want you to be honest with me. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Okay.

Whitestone or Throg's Neck Bridge?

If you're going to West Point. To get off Long Island? I'm just saying, yeah, to get off Long Island.

Fucking on. No, be on.
Frog's neck. Frog's neck.
Frog's neck. Throg's neck.
Frog's neck.

Oh,

shit. It'll landslide.

Hey, you know what? We're going to take it out on a high note right there. Whitestone.
Kate McKinnon, you're one of the all-time greats.

You're a fucking comedy fucking heavyweight. I swear to God.

You know your way around

the tri-state area. Oh, my God.
You can coax a laugh out of people. She can hammer a nail.
She can pick a carrot. You know how to coax a laugh.

You're the best. I can pick a carrot.
Yeah.

And I think you could too. By the way, you just buy yourself a little discount next time you go into Lowe's.
That's guaranteed. Yeah, they nailed it.
Lowe's, we nailed it. And you know what else?

Kate, you nailed it today, huh? You did nail it. Oh, thank you, boys.
And I know you don't like goodbyes.

So

when you're done, you can just slam that laptop

and just blow us a little kiss. And we'll pretend it's not over.
And we love you.

I love you all. Can't wait to see you again.

Did you get the script yet for Office Christmas Party 2? Just check your inbox. Okay.
We'll see you on Sunday. I will.
I thank you. I thank you.
I'd like to play a different character. No, no, no.

Yeah, we're all going to run. I'd like to play a desk.
Oh, so you two knew each other from that? A little bit. Oh, we.
Yeah, we go so much.

Bury the lead much?

No, I don't like to talk about my own stuff. It's Black Rabbit, September 18th, you're on Netflix or Outlast if you like reality.
Do you guys shoot that in Hiram, Georgia?

Is that where you shot Office Christmas Party? Well, all I know is a lot of night shoots on a sound stage.

Thanks, everybody.

Love you. Mean it.
Thank you so much.

We'll see you soon, Kate McKinnon.

Everybody, read the Purple Pearl. The Purple Pearl

and get ready for the next bit of acting from our miss here because she's the tip-top. Thank you so much.

The great Kate McKinnon, guys. Thank you for doing the show, Kate.
All right. Catch you later.
Bye-bye. Okay, bye.
Bye. Slam it.
Or you just leave it. There it is.
Yeah.

Well, now that is, she's just a nice person there with incredible levels of talent and creativity, all packed into one brain.

She's made so many people laugh. Yep.
You know, on that wiki page, they've got all of her impressions listed

that she did on Saturday Night Live. Incredible.
It must be like 50 or 60 names there. And I didn't even start clicking on them because I would have been late for the record.
But good Christ.

Yeah. Do you guys do any impressions?

True.

No. Hey, Arnett, stop trying to Google a good

buy. I'm not.
I got one.

Do you really? All right. Keep it.
Keep it warm. Any impressions from either one of you? Or actually, Sean, we've heard your British cab driver, was it? Yeah, something like that.
Okay.

Wait,

what's an impression? An impression of like a famous person.

Like, what about like... Oh, remember, did you ever see that show?

Take your time.

Did you ever see that show? The night of? Did you ever see that show in HBO? The night of? Yeah, sure. And the woman who,

the older woman who played the prosecutor. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What is her name? What's her name? She's such an incredible actor. Yeah, she's so good.

I used to imitate her. That's very good all the time.

Boy,

I have it all on my shoulder here.

By the way, you just reminded me of something.

I saw over the weekend, Amy Madigan plays a character in a movie called Weapons. Oh, I want to see that movie.
This movie is so goddamn good. This guy, Zach Kreger, writer-director.

Holy shit, is he talented? I just want to understand it Josh Brolin's in it. This movie is so freaking good, you guys.

I'm serious.

No, I heard. It's got a hundred names on it.

Amy Madigan plays somebody very disturbing and has got wigs and teeth and a voice. I'm all in.
Oh, my God. Is it good? Wigs and a teeth.
Oh my God. I love wigs and teeth.

It's no, is this thing on, but it'll do until it comes out.

Okay. Yeah.
And

Oscar's keeping things, what is it, keep it, keeping it tight, keeping it right with Oscar?

Let's ask Oscar. Is that what it's like? Let's ask Oscar

and give it to Oscar.

Oh, the Lord help us. Cue the music.
Smart.

Let us.

Smart

Less

Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armcharve, and Bennett Barbico.

Smart Less

This episode of Smartless is brought to you by McDonald's. Every year in my family and my extended family, there's always just that one person who kind of like ruins the vibe of everything.

You know what I mean? Turns out the Grinch has taken over McDonald's with a full meal of mischief. Even the fries aren't safe.
He's hit them with dill pickle Grinch salt.

The collectible socks, marked property of the Grinch, and the Grinch mealbox, gift-wrapped with pure mischief.

So if you're ready to let the Grinch ruin your season, grab a Grinch meal for yourself before he heads back to Mount Grumpet.

Only at McDonald's, at Participating McDonald's for a limited time while supplies last.

New Balance. You see them everywhere.
And if you don't already own a pair, you've probably wondered, do I need some? The answer is yes.

And start with the New Balance 1080, the ultimate running shoe that combines comfort, performance, and style. They're versatile whether you're race training or running errands.

They're extremely breathable and keep your feet cool, and they are truly so comfortable. Cushioned, supportive, lightweight, and secure.
What more could you ask for? Shop the 1080 at newbalance.com.